Latest / Alpha Men Podcast / Alpha Men Podcast Season 5 Ep. 16 Finale

Transcript

Alpha Men Podcast Season 5 Ep. 16 Finale · Alpha Men Podcast

0:00
SPEAKER_04: Ladies and gentlemen, TJ Michaels and John Stacy invite you on a roller coaster ride of Machismo on the Alpha Men Podcast.
10:31
SPEAKER_08: Too much red light, couple of beers on a wild late night.
10:37
SPEAKER_08: They record, get the door, laughing yes, they push the floor.
10:42
SPEAKER_08: No script, just truth, talking like a radio living room.
10:48
SPEAKER_08: Straight from the chest.
12:18
SPEAKER_05: To the uh Alpha Men podcast from the uh granted capital of the world.
12:21
SPEAKER_05: My name is TJ Michaels, and my partner in crime from Trinity, North Carolina is old Four Eyes himself, John Stacy.
12:30
SPEAKER_09: I took them off.
12:31
SPEAKER_05: Oh, you put yours off, I put mine on.
12:34
SPEAKER_09: I said, Well, if you're gonna wear them, I'll wear mine.
12:37
SPEAKER_05: Mine are for distance.
12:38
SPEAKER_05: If I put them on now, I'm not gonna see anything that's right in front of me, so uh that's the way that it is.
12:42
SPEAKER_05: Uh, aka Bobby Huey, how are you?
12:45
SPEAKER_09: Doing alright.
12:47
SPEAKER_05: I'm cracking the beer right out of the gate.
12:49
SPEAKER_09: Yeah, I forgot my beer.
12:51
SPEAKER_05: I guess I'll uh season five finale, and you forget your beer.
12:56
SPEAKER_09: Oh look.
12:57
SPEAKER_09: I'll just drink that.
12:58
SPEAKER_09: I'll drink this.
12:59
SPEAKER_09: I'll subject.
13:01
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
13:02
SPEAKER_09: That'll be my beer for the night.
13:05
SPEAKER_05: I'm doing the PBR man can tonight.
13:07
SPEAKER_05: That's what I'm doing.
13:08
SPEAKER_05: How was the long weekend?
13:09
SPEAKER_05: Was it good?
13:11
SPEAKER_09: I did absolutely nothing besides uh reflect on uh bush.
13:16
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
13:16
SPEAKER_05: Uh very, very difficult week in the uh NASCAR world.
13:19
SPEAKER_05: We're gonna get into that uh tonight.
13:20
SPEAKER_05: Before we get going tonight, and we get into what this holiday weekend has become, we do want to remember what it is, and our thoughts and uh and prayers and our reverence go out to those who pay the ultimate price and and lost their lives in the service of our country.
13:36
SPEAKER_09: My best friend Dexter.
13:41
SPEAKER_09: That was for him as well.
13:43
SPEAKER_05: They um uh deserve more than a passing thought, they deserve our pause, our gratitude, and our promise really to never forget their sacrifice.
13:51
SPEAKER_05: So uh that's what Memorial Day is is all about, and we do remember.
13:56
SPEAKER_05: And uh having said that now what uh Memorial Day has become is kind of the unofficial kickoff of summer.
14:04
SPEAKER_05: And after a long Memorial Day weekend, everybody's dragging back to work today.
14:08
SPEAKER_05: I gotta be honest, I'm I'm a bit under the weather tonight.
14:11
SPEAKER_05: I'm gonna I'm gonna power through it, run through it.
14:14
SPEAKER_05: We've got a great show, but uh today was funny.
14:16
SPEAKER_05: Everybody trying to be productive, you know.
14:19
SPEAKER_05: Half the country is sunburned, overfed, running on three hours of sleep, a leftover potato salad, and um, you know.
14:28
SPEAKER_05: Uh did you do a cookout this weekend at all or anything?
14:31
SPEAKER_09: Uh last n yeah, last night.
14:33
SPEAKER_09: Uh just me and my kids and pink had some steak and do a steak.
14:36
SPEAKER_09: So we did a cookout.
14:38
SPEAKER_05: See, sometimes you get invited to that cookout that you really don't want to go to.
14:42
SPEAKER_05: You know what I'm saying?
14:43
SPEAKER_05: Like you get there and you're like, crap, not this family.
14:49
SPEAKER_05: Those things probably usually happen at my house.
14:52
SPEAKER_05: Um but nonetheless, uh, we we do tonight have the top five Memorial Day barbecue conversation starters guaranteed to get you uninvited next year.
15:05
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
15:07
SPEAKER_05: So if you say these things next time you're at a Memorial Day uh barbecue that you don't really want to be at, I guarantee you you won't be coming back.
15:16
SPEAKER_05: Like, honestly, you know, this is getting too cheap.
15:19
SPEAKER_05: I miss the thrill of taking out a small load to fill my truck.
15:25
SPEAKER_05: I won't play back next year, probably.
15:28
SPEAKER_05: I know the cooking right now! A guy with an acoustic guitar who only knows how to play Wonderwall by Oasis.
15:48
SPEAKER_05: Can we all agree that potato salad is better when someone argues politics here?
15:56
SPEAKER_05: And finally, number one, guaranteed to get you not invited back to next year's Memorial Day barbecue.
16:10
SPEAKER_05: You won't be back.
16:16
SPEAKER_05: Listen, we got a great show for you tonight.
16:20
SPEAKER_05: Mancourt is back, the Red Foreman Awards, the Married Man Survival Guide, along with real or fake news, and uh a really kind of an emotional send-off for one of the greatest ever.
16:30
SPEAKER_05: Strap into a race car, Kyle Bush.
16:32
SPEAKER_05: Tell us where you're watching from tonight.
16:34
SPEAKER_05: You can join the show anytime by commenting because this shooting matches live right now.
16:39
SPEAKER_05: Give us a like, turn on the notifications bell, subscribe, do all that jazz.
16:43
SPEAKER_05: Welcome to the season five finale.
16:45
SPEAKER_05: This, my friends, is the Alpha Men Podcast Season 5, episode 16.
16:53
SPEAKER_03: And now, men's plaining the news.
16:56
SPEAKER_03: Tuesday night update.
16:59
SPEAKER_05: And good evening.
17:00
SPEAKER_05: Here's what happened this week.
17:01
SPEAKER_05: The unofficial kickoff of summer was yesterday, Memorial Day.
17:05
SPEAKER_05: Americans ate over 55 million pounds of beef over the three-day weekend.
17:11
SPEAKER_05: Uh, enjoy the overtime, plumbers.
17:15
SPEAKER_05: Cuba has run out of oil, according to reports.
17:19
SPEAKER_05: President Trump promised that in return for installing pro-democracy leaders, he'll let him tap Gavin Newsom's hair.
17:28
SPEAKER_05: President Trump also this week endorsing Spencer Pratt for LA mayor.
17:32
SPEAKER_05: Have you seen this guy from the hills?
17:34
SPEAKER_05: He's on that uh.
17:38
SPEAKER_05: Finally, somebody who understands reality TV.
17:41
SPEAKER_05: Perfect training to run for LA mayor.
17:43
SPEAKER_05: Because the city's already been a dumpster fire for years, so that's just the way that it goes.
17:48
SPEAKER_05: The uh the director of the U.S.
17:50
SPEAKER_05: Border Patrol announced his retirement this week.
17:53
SPEAKER_05: He's gonna be replaced by fire now.
21:39
SPEAKER_05: You know what?
21:40
SPEAKER_05: Just thinking about Amy Schooter Schumer.
21:43
SPEAKER_05: I can't even deliver it.
21:47
SPEAKER_05: Hold on a color.
21:48
SPEAKER_09: Same with the colonoscopy.
21:55
SPEAKER_09: It's apocalypse time here.
21:57
SPEAKER_05: You know what?
21:57
SPEAKER_05: Just thinking about Amy Schumer having a colon.
22:01
SPEAKER_05: Has ruined my sex drive.
22:03
SPEAKER_05: So uh yeah, there you go.
22:06
SPEAKER_05: Not not as impactful if I would have got it right the first time.
22:09
SPEAKER_05: Uh Aqua broke up this week.
22:12
SPEAKER_05: You know them as the band who sang Barbie Girl.
22:16
SPEAKER_05: And uh also uh no, that's really it.
22:19
SPEAKER_05: That's that's that's all they really really did.
22:24
SPEAKER_05: Sydney Sweeney says she once considered getting breast reduction surgery in an interview this week, which is kind of like President Trump shaving his head, isn't it?
22:34
SPEAKER_05: I mean it's it's not right.
22:38
SPEAKER_05: It's just not right.
22:41
SPEAKER_05: It works.
22:43
SPEAKER_05: I don't think so.
22:45
SPEAKER_05: Tom Cruise reportedly dating Pam Anderson.
22:51
SPEAKER_05: He feels the need to I don't know.
22:57
SPEAKER_05: Feel pain when he pees, I guess, huh?
23:02
SPEAKER_05: Uh auditions have begun for the next James Bond film.
23:07
SPEAKER_05: Producers say their first move was eliminating Rob Schneider from contention.
23:12
SPEAKER_05: So, yeah, I'm not gonna beat James Bond.
23:14
SPEAKER_05: Brittany Spears, spotted this week screaming, barking, and clutching a knife at an LA restaurant.
23:21
SPEAKER_05: Uh in her defense, she was making an Instagram video, so yeah.
23:26
SPEAKER_05: Just saying.
23:28
SPEAKER_05: And finally, Pete Davidson and his girlfriend have split.
23:31
SPEAKER_05: They were together for a year and a half, uh, which is uh 30 years in Pete Davidson years.
23:37
SPEAKER_05: I mean, it's it's a long time.
23:39
SPEAKER_05: That is Mansplaining the News tonight on the Alpha Men podcast.
24:03
SPEAKER_09: What were you saying in the background?
24:05
SPEAKER_05: Colonoscopy.
24:07
SPEAKER_09: I thought so.
24:07
SPEAKER_09: That's like just didn't come out.
24:10
SPEAKER_05: I don't, you know.
24:12
SPEAKER_05: My colonoscopy came out better than that word.
24:15
SPEAKER_05: I'm glad for that, but whatever.
24:18
SPEAKER_09: So I thought you were saying that.
24:19
SPEAKER_09: I'm like, I can hear the music.
24:20
SPEAKER_09: I'm like, you say colonoscopy?
24:22
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
24:24
SPEAKER_09: Alright.
24:24
SPEAKER_09: So five facts.
24:29
SPEAKER_09: Um I should put I see what I wrote down.
24:35
SPEAKER_09: Hold on.
24:37
SPEAKER_09: There you go.
24:38
SPEAKER_09: Sorry.
24:38
SPEAKER_09: I didn't have a script up on my screen, so I was just staring at you.
24:44
SPEAKER_09: All right.
24:45
SPEAKER_05: We got time.
24:45
SPEAKER_05: You want to take a break?
24:46
SPEAKER_09: Yeah, let's take a break.
24:49
SPEAKER_05: Anyway, go ahead.
24:50
SPEAKER_09: I'm all set.
24:51
SPEAKER_09: All right.
24:51
SPEAKER_09: So the word moron.
24:53
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
24:54
SPEAKER_09: What's going on right now?
24:56
SPEAKER_09: Was originally a medical term for a person.
25:02
SPEAKER_09: It was a medical term, okay?
25:04
SPEAKER_09: For a person with the intellect of an eight to twelve year old.
25:08
SPEAKER_09: Uh-huh.
25:09
SPEAKER_09: Is that crazy?
25:10
SPEAKER_09: So, yeah.
25:12
SPEAKER_09: Moron.
25:13
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, look at the picture.
25:16
SPEAKER_05: Oh, I guess it's really long.
25:24
SPEAKER_05: You know, ding.
25:25
SPEAKER_05: If you're listening to our audio only version, it's a picture of him.
25:29
SPEAKER_05: Go ahead.
25:29
unknown: Go ahead.
25:30
SPEAKER_09: Point the ukulele.
25:33
SPEAKER_05: Go ahead.
25:34
SPEAKER_09: Alright, now fact number two.
25:36
SPEAKER_09: The oldest known tattoo was found on an Egyptian mummy of a woman about 5,000 years ago.
25:46
SPEAKER_05: Wow.
25:47
unknown: Yeah.
25:49
SPEAKER_09: I want to tell I'll see.
25:50
SPEAKER_09: I never got further into it.
25:51
SPEAKER_09: I want to see how what the tattoo was, but I I kind of just like trying to find five facts.
25:55
SPEAKER_05: It's on the screen there.
25:57
SPEAKER_05: You can't really tell what it is because it's 5,000 years old.
26:00
SPEAKER_05: But it is a tattoo of some sort.
26:03
SPEAKER_09: Oh it's it's just a butterfly.
26:05
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
26:06
SPEAKER_09: No, it's a heart with the arrow through it.
26:08
SPEAKER_05: I don't know what it is.
26:10
SPEAKER_05: It says I love mom on it or something.
26:12
SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
26:13
SPEAKER_05: Anyway.
26:14
SPEAKER_09: Alright.
26:14
SPEAKER_09: Ethel Getty played uh B uh Bay Arthur's mother on the Golden Girls.
26:19
SPEAKER_09: Remember the show?
26:20
SPEAKER_07: Mm-hmm.
26:22
SPEAKER_09: We threw Estel Getty was actually one year younger than Bay Arthur.
26:26
SPEAKER_05: So the the old lady So Estelle Getty, who played the old lady, was a year younger than B Arthur, who played her daughter.
26:34
SPEAKER_09: Yeah.
26:34
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
26:35
SPEAKER_05: That's crazy.
26:36
SPEAKER_05: I I didn't know that.
26:37
SPEAKER_09: Yeah, that's a pretty good one.
26:39
SPEAKER_05: It tells you what Hollywood makeup will do, man.
26:43
SPEAKER_05: Anyway.
26:44
SPEAKER_09: So fact fact number four, priceline.com.
26:48
SPEAKER_09: You know, the show or the show, the website we all use forever.
26:51
SPEAKER_07: Yep.
26:52
SPEAKER_09: Um, before, you know, a million other websites came out with better deals.
26:56
SPEAKER_07: Right.
26:57
SPEAKER_09: Once tried to let people bid on gas and groceries.
27:00
SPEAKER_09: Like you can legitly go on their website and bid on gas and groceries.
27:04
SPEAKER_05: That would be horrible today.
27:06
SPEAKER_09: It collapsed in 2000 after running through 200 million to 300 million dollars.
27:12
SPEAKER_05: Wow.
27:13
SPEAKER_09: Yeah.
27:13
SPEAKER_09: The stock fell from$104 to$5 anyone's cents under a year because of this.
27:18
SPEAKER_05: Bet you William Shatner was pissed.
27:22
SPEAKER_09: That's right.
27:22
SPEAKER_09: He was a spokesman for that.
27:24
SPEAKER_05: Well, you know how he got to you know how he got the job as spokesman for Priceline?
27:29
SPEAKER_09: No.
27:29
SPEAKER_05: They couldn't afford to hire anybody.
27:32
SPEAKER_05: So they just said we'll give you 25% of the company if you endorse endorse it.
27:36
SPEAKER_05: If you do do our commercials, we'll give you 25% of the company.
27:40
SPEAKER_05: So overnight, William Shatner became 25% owner in Priceline just for doing those commercials.
27:47
SPEAKER_09: Oh wicked.
27:48
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
27:49
SPEAKER_05: So anyway.
27:50
SPEAKER_09: I wonder if it gets a deal.
27:51
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
27:53
SPEAKER_09: So okay, final fact.
27:55
SPEAKER_09: Up till 2018, stores in Oklahoma were required to sell craft beer at room temperature.
28:01
SPEAKER_09: It could not be rich refrigerated.
28:04
SPEAKER_05: Wow, I wonder why that is.
28:07
SPEAKER_09: I'm thinking it has to do with uh like some kind of blue law there, you know, those little laws.
28:13
SPEAKER_09: It's gotta be like saying because it's not a national.
28:17
SPEAKER_05: Because most most um most craft beer needs to be chilled, like right from the factory.
28:24
SPEAKER_05: Not all of it, but a lot of it.
28:26
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
28:27
SPEAKER_05: Um, that sucks.
28:28
SPEAKER_05: Alrighty, five random facts.
28:30
SPEAKER_05: There you go.
28:31
SPEAKER_05: Got them through your thick skull tonight, and we hope you learned something.
28:55
SPEAKER_05: Alright, brothers, welcome back uh to the part of the show we call Founding Fathers Would Not Agree, where we take modern political nonsense and slap a powdered wig on it and uh ask what would George, Thomas, Ben, and the boys think if they time traveled to today about what is currently going on in the country?
29:15
SPEAKER_05: And um, you know, this week the boys who gathered 250 years ago in Philadelphia would be doing backflips in their tombs.
29:24
SPEAKER_05: All right?
29:25
SPEAKER_05: President Trump just took um Biden's ridiculous refrigeration rules, balled them up, and used them to light a victory cigar.
29:35
SPEAKER_05: Here's the deal.
29:37
SPEAKER_05: No longer can government bureaucrats tell you what kind of coolant you're allowed to put in your fridge or your air conditioner or any of that stuff.
29:45
SPEAKER_05: The same geniuses who wanted to ban your stove and the wood pellets and uh the gas stove in your in your in your kitchen, all of that stuff, were behind this whole refrigerant thing.
29:58
SPEAKER_05: And um they're the same geniuses who can't keep the lights on in California.
30:03
SPEAKER_05: They decided your kitchen appliances were a national emergency.
30:09
SPEAKER_05: And, you know, the founding fathers would be like, we fought the greatest empire on earth, they taxed our tea, and now these people are regulating the temperature of my ale.
30:19
SPEAKER_05: Tyranny by thermostat.
30:22
SPEAKER_05: You know, we dumped an entire shipment into the harbor over unfair taxes, and now they want to regulate the very air we breathe.
30:32
SPEAKER_05: And George Washington would look at a 400-page EPA regulation and say, I didn't sleep in the snow at Valley Forge for this.
30:41
SPEAKER_05: Here's the best part.
30:42
SPEAKER_05: It wasn't science.
30:44
SPEAKER_05: This was the Church of Climate Change.
30:46
SPEAKER_05: That holy roller religion where the high priests fly private jets to conferences and places like Davos while telling you to live like a medieval peasant.
30:59
SPEAKER_05: These little climate ponds are something else.
31:02
SPEAKER_05: They lecture you about your evil air conditioner while they crank their mansions down to 68 degrees and sip$18 oat milk, lattes, out of plastic straws they banned for everybody else.
31:16
SPEAKER_05: You know, Al Gore's been predicting the end of the world for 30 years now.
31:21
SPEAKER_05: Manhattan will be underwater.
31:25
SPEAKER_05: Every single prediction has missed.
31:27
SPEAKER_05: Ice caps, still here.
31:30
SPEAKER_05: Polar bears, not only still here, fat and happy, in fact, too many of them now.
31:37
SPEAKER_05: And yet these people still want you sweating like a sinner in church every July just to own the oil companies.
31:46
SPEAKER_05: One liberal climate pawn on TV actually said, We need to feel the discomfort of climate reality.
31:54
SPEAKER_05: How about you feel the discomfort of living in Arizona without AC in August?
32:00
SPEAKER_05: You absolute fraud.
32:03
SPEAKER_05: Meanwhile, little Timmy in Ohio can't sleep because it's 88 degrees in his bedroom, but that's fine.
32:09
SPEAKER_05: As long as we're saving the planet by making fridges that don't actually keep food cold.
32:17
SPEAKER_05: Brilliant.
32:19
SPEAKER_05: No, Trump just said not on our watch.
32:22
SPEAKER_05: It's the beginning of summer, baby.
32:24
SPEAKER_05: Time for backyard barbecues and fireworks, cold beer that stays cold and AC so strong it'll freeze your hair off your legs.
32:33
SPEAKER_05: We're not apologizing for wanting to be comfortable in a country our ancestors built by conquering nature and not surrendering to it.
32:42
SPEAKER_05: Founded fathers didn't cross the Delaware so future Americans could cook in their own homes like it's 1776 at Constitution Hall.
32:52
SPEAKER_05: They wanted us to thrive, invent, and yes, stay cool while doing it.
32:59
SPEAKER_05: So thank you, Mr.
33:00
SPEAKER_05: President.
33:01
SPEAKER_05: For telling the climate cult and their useful liberal ponds that you can take your sacred refrigerants, your carbon offsets, your guilt trips, and shove them where the sun don't shine.
33:13
SPEAKER_05: Preferably in a big, beautiful, American-made, fully powered air conditioner.
33:19
SPEAKER_05: The founding fathers would raise a frosty mug to that.
33:23
SPEAKER_05: God bless real science.
33:26
SPEAKER_05: God bless human comfort.
33:28
SPEAKER_05: God bless the United States of America.
34:15
SPEAKER_02: Step forward and plead your case.
34:17
SPEAKER_02: Just know the verdict was probably decided before you started talking.
34:26
SPEAKER_09: All right, man court's back in session.
34:29
SPEAKER_09: Sometimes definitely questionable.
34:32
SPEAKER_09: Honorable TJ Michaels is presiding.
34:34
SPEAKER_05: Thank you, Bear to Justice.
34:36
SPEAKER_05: Bailey Baby Huey.
34:37
SPEAKER_05: Uh you can send your domestic disputes uh to us.
34:40
SPEAKER_05: We haul them into mancourt for a ruling that'll hold up in any bar in America.
34:44
SPEAKER_05: If you've got a problem that needs solving, you can visit any of our social media pages and drop us a DM there, your mancourt to lumina.
34:50
SPEAKER_05: Just put it rolling in there and uh we'll get on top of it.
34:53
SPEAKER_05: All right.
34:53
SPEAKER_09: Yeah, you can also join with the the pre joke can also join by commenting and wherever you may be watching tonight.
35:00
SPEAKER_09: Give our plaintiff your advice and just hit the comment button.
35:03
SPEAKER_05: All right, let's dive into tonight's case and see if we can hand out some stone-cold, hairy-chested justice.
35:09
SPEAKER_05: Do we have a docket number?
35:11
SPEAKER_09: Yep, 052706.
35:14
SPEAKER_09: Our plaintiff is Brent from Spartanburg, South Carolina.
35:18
SPEAKER_09: The case of the recliner squatter.
35:21
SPEAKER_05: All righty.
35:23
SPEAKER_05: Brent writes, dear Judge TJ, bailiff baby Huey, and you magnificent degenerates on the freak jury.
35:32
SPEAKER_05: He got everybody in there, didn't he?
35:33
SPEAKER_05: My name is Brett from Spartanburg, South Carolina, and I'm writing you from the couch.
35:38
SPEAKER_05: A sad, lumpy purgatory I now call home.
35:44
SPEAKER_05: I'm writing because I'd like to hear my petition this court for emergency relief in the matter of my recliner squatter.
35:53
SPEAKER_05: Your honor, I purchased my lazy boy back in 2018.
35:58
SPEAKER_05: It is my sole and exclusive marital asset.
36:04
SPEAKER_05: Good God.
36:06
SPEAKER_05: Uh duly broken in over 24 hours of lawful, God given occupancy.
36:13
SPEAKER_05: Your Honor, this is not just a chair.
36:16
SPEAKER_05: It's a lifestyle.
36:17
SPEAKER_05: It has cup holders, a USB port, massage settings, and it reclies so far back I can see my ancestors in it.
36:26
SPEAKER_05: I've broken it in perfectly.
36:28
SPEAKER_05: It knows my body like a good woman should.
36:35
SPEAKER_05: Pretty descriptive.
36:37
SPEAKER_05: And it has a built-in cooler in the armrest.
36:41
SPEAKER_05: This chair is my kingdom, my fortress, my emotional support throne.
36:46
SPEAKER_05: Enter my wife Nancy.
36:49
SPEAKER_05: Your honor, she has willfully, maliciously, and with extreme precedence prejudice, engaged in an illegal campaign of adverse possession, squatters rice, rights abuse, and throne your surprise.
37:07
SPEAKER_05: I think Brett's an attorney.
37:12
SPEAKER_05: In short, it's a hostile takeover.
37:16
SPEAKER_05: Exhibit A for the record, Your Honor.
37:19
SPEAKER_05: A few months back she started with I'm just sitting in it for a minute.
37:24
SPEAKER_05: Then it became I'm more comfortable here.
37:28
SPEAKER_05: Now she's fully moved in.
37:30
SPEAKER_05: There are blankets, snacks, her phone charger, three decorative pillows permanently stationed in my chair.
37:38
SPEAKER_05: The defendant has continuously occupied the recliner for nineteen consecutive days, establishing what she claims is adverse possession by butt.
37:51
SPEAKER_05: She has fortified her position with her knitting stuff, created an unlawful mom spot settlement.
37:58
SPEAKER_05: Exhibit B Last weekend I tried to sit in it during the NASCAR race.
38:03
SPEAKER_05: She looked at me like I'd lost my mind and said, I've been in here all day, babe.
38:09
SPEAKER_05: You could sit on the couch.
38:11
SPEAKER_05: The couch like I'm in the company of my own like I'm company in my own living room.
38:17
SPEAKER_05: I'm writing to you from the couch right now, like a second class citizen in my own damn house.
38:24
SPEAKER_05: When I served verbal notice to vacate, she responded with a legally baseless defense, citing the fraudulent precedent of quote, I live here too.
38:36
SPEAKER_05: And finally exhibit C.
38:39
SPEAKER_05: She now refers to it as quote, the big chair, and has started saying things like Don't bother Brett, he's on the couch tonight.
38:48
SPEAKER_05: I feel like a divorced man who still lives in the house.
38:52
SPEAKER_05: She has now posted a handwritten cease and desist notice on the chair reading Mom's spot, do not enter, constituting emotional terrorism and illegally easement on my ass.
39:08
SPEAKER_05: Relief requested, immediate writ of eviction and permanent injunction barring the defendant from any further trespass on the sacred recliner.
39:19
SPEAKER_05: Declaratory judgment that emotional attachment and my butt was here first do not constitute as a valid color of title.
39:28
SPEAKER_05: Emotional damages, one month of exclusive undisturbed occupancy rights, plus full remote control sovereignty, punitive damages.
39:38
SPEAKER_05: For every unauthorized occupancy, the defendant shall be sentenced to watch a minimum of three consecutive NFL games with no phone, no sighing, and mandatory enthusiastic commentary.
39:52
SPEAKER_09: I like it.
40:08
SPEAKER_05: That is a doozy, man.
40:13
SPEAKER_09: I mean, get a chair back.
40:15
SPEAKER_09: So yeah, freak Jerry.
40:17
SPEAKER_09: Um if you gotta if you got an opinion or thought, give us a comment, we'll uh we'll share it on the screen and and uh and uh help get this verdict on the out of the way for him because this sounds like Clay Call.
40:31
unknown: Go ahead.
40:32
SPEAKER_05: Michelle chiming in.
40:33
SPEAKER_05: Uh make her get her own.
40:34
SPEAKER_05: Everyone needs everyone uh needs more than one recliner in the living room.
40:39
SPEAKER_05: True, yeah, true, very true.
40:41
SPEAKER_05: Very, very true.
40:42
SPEAKER_05: Um and uh that's true, Michelle.
40:46
SPEAKER_05: Uh either you got a comment or some advice for Brett.
40:49
SPEAKER_05: Uh just comment now.
40:50
SPEAKER_05: But um man, this is two weeks in a row where it's pretty cut and dry, man.
40:55
SPEAKER_05: There's not a lot of I don't think you're gonna find any argument from anyone, okay?
41:00
SPEAKER_09: No.
41:00
SPEAKER_09: I agree, Brett, totally.
41:02
SPEAKER_05: I mean, uh I I think I'm ready for a verdict here.
41:08
SPEAKER_05: I mean, I I don't even really uh listen, Brett.
41:12
SPEAKER_05: Uh careful review.
41:15
SPEAKER_05: And your your your testimony was heartbreaking.
41:19
SPEAKER_05: Um we're gonna find your wife, Nancy, guilty of torturous interference with recliner enjoyment, adverse possession by butt, emotional trespass, and general crimes against man cave sovereignty.
41:36
SPEAKER_05: That's it.
41:37
SPEAKER_05: That's what we're gonna do.
41:39
SPEAKER_05: Court hereby issues permanent injunction of and writ of eviction.
41:44
SPEAKER_05: Squatter's rights are null and void when it comes to a properly broken in lazy boy.
41:50
SPEAKER_05: And you're right, I've been sitting here all day is not a valid legal defense.
41:56
unknown: No.
41:57
SPEAKER_05: The uh plaintiff hereby is granted exclusive use and enjoyment of the recliner for the next 30 days.
42:05
SPEAKER_05: Any future violations will result in mandatory punitive damages in the form of watching Monday night football while pretending to enjoy it.
42:15
SPEAKER_05: Brett, go reclaim your throne, and uh may your butt find peace once again.
42:26
SPEAKER_05: That's a court.
42:27
SPEAKER_05: Mancourt is adjourned.
42:30
SPEAKER_02: On this week's episode of Armchair Legend, we break down sports like we're on the payroll without ever leaving the couch.
42:37
SPEAKER_02: We've got bold takes, zero coaching credentials, and just enough confidence to tell the pros exactly what they did wrong.
42:49
SPEAKER_05: Alright, Kansas City Chiefs wide receiver, Rasheed Rice.
42:54
SPEAKER_05: This week ordered to serve 30 days in jail after testing positive for marijuana.
43:00
SPEAKER_05: Sounds like he should play for the Kansas City Splefs or something.
43:03
SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
43:06
SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
43:07
SPEAKER_05: There you go.
43:08
SPEAKER_05: We fixed it for you.
43:10
SPEAKER_05: Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Aaron Rodgers says this will be his final season.
43:17
SPEAKER_05: Well, his mouth didn't say that, his hamstring did, but um nonetheless, um, it is a sad day for the NFL responding diehard Aaron Rodgers fan.
43:30
SPEAKER_05: Aaron Rodgers.
43:31
SPEAKER_05: Um Jack got his degree from LSU this week.
43:37
SPEAKER_05: Another one.
43:40
SPEAKER_05: You can add college graduate to a resume that includes athlete and based on his free throws, bricklair.
43:49
SPEAKER_09: Bricklair.
43:51
SPEAKER_05: Uh WWE wrestler John Cena announced this week uh he has been diagnosed with a rare eye condition.
44:00
SPEAKER_05: Uh so now he can't see you either.
44:02
SPEAKER_05: Just saying.
44:08
SPEAKER_09: You can't see me.
44:11
SPEAKER_09: That's good.
44:12
SPEAKER_05: Johnny Manzel won his MMA debut this past weekend.
44:16
SPEAKER_09: Call that a fight.
44:18
SPEAKER_05: Pretty sure in Johnny's case, MMA now stands for uh mixed martial alcoholics.
44:24
SPEAKER_09: That was horrible.
44:26
SPEAKER_05: It was awful.
44:27
SPEAKER_05: It was the it was it I don't know how to explain it.
44:33
SPEAKER_05: It was so bad.
44:36
SPEAKER_05: It was like watching, it was like watching a car accident.
44:40
SPEAKER_05: Like you didn't want to see it, but you couldn't turn away.
44:42
SPEAKER_05: You know what I mean?
44:44
SPEAKER_09: I watched the other rails in the moment.
44:45
SPEAKER_05: Oh awful.
44:46
SPEAKER_05: Just awful.
44:48
SPEAKER_05: Alright, in the NBA, New York Knicks just pulled off something.
44:52
SPEAKER_05: Hasn't happened in this century.
44:54
SPEAKER_05: They're going to the finals.
44:56
SPEAKER_05: Knicks swept the Cleveland Cavaliers, four-to-nothing, punched their ticket to the Big Tents for the first time since 1999.
45:02
SPEAKER_05: Jalen Brunson walked away with the Larry Bird trophy as uh the Eastern Conference Finals MVP.
45:09
SPEAKER_05: Proving once again good things come in uh small, exclude, extremely clutch packages.
45:14
SPEAKER_05: Um excuse me.
45:17
SPEAKER_05: It was so bad.
45:20
SPEAKER_05: The last game, the Cavs actually pulled their starters with eight minutes left.
45:25
SPEAKER_05: They like eight minutes left in the game, they pulled the start.
45:28
SPEAKER_05: It was over.
45:29
SPEAKER_05: It was over.
45:30
SPEAKER_05: It appears like the Danhausen curse is is real.
45:36
SPEAKER_05: Danhausen is uh everywhere now.
45:39
SPEAKER_05: He cursed the Cleveland Cavs, and now his Knicks are uh going going to the finals.
45:47
SPEAKER_05: New York has won 11 straight.
45:49
SPEAKER_05: Uh that's longer than most celebrity marriages.
45:52
SPEAKER_05: And twice as entertaining.
45:54
SPEAKER_05: Uh while the Knicks celebrate like they just discovered electricity, the Western Conference stole a bloodbath.
46:00
SPEAKER_05: Oklahoma City Thunder and San Antonio tied at two games apiece, headed into game five tonight.
46:05
SPEAKER_05: Uh the Thunder look like the best team in basketball all year.
46:08
SPEAKER_05: Spurs keep reminding them that uh, you know, uh the youth and veteran savvy is kind of dangerous at times.
46:16
SPEAKER_05: So uh expect fireworks, uh quite questionable fouls, and uh at least one tic-tac of a celebrity crying in the stance.
46:24
SPEAKER_05: Major League Baseball, Tampa Bay Rays.
46:26
SPEAKER_05: Who'd have thought that?
46:27
SPEAKER_05: Holy crap.
46:28
SPEAKER_05: Flexing in the NL, best record in the league.
46:32
SPEAKER_05: Uh more comeback wins than a bad rom-com.
46:36
SPEAKER_05: If you're a Yankees fan or a Red Sox fan, sorry.
46:40
SPEAKER_05: Uh they're hanging tough, but they're the Yankees anyway, the Red Sox are horrible.
46:45
SPEAKER_05: But uh Yankees are 3-5 back.
46:49
SPEAKER_05: Uh at least you still have that World Series from like a while ago.
46:53
SPEAKER_05: Like, you know, to talk about at Thanksgiving.
46:56
SPEAKER_05: Yankees fans are like Cowboys fans.
46:58
SPEAKER_05: They're like the same thing.
47:00
SPEAKER_05: Anyway, uh Hockeys fans Stanley Cup playoffs uh delivering uh chaos as usual in the east.
47:08
SPEAKER_05: The Carolina Hurricanes lead the Montreal Canadians uh two to one in the uh conference finals.
47:13
SPEAKER_05: So uh uh your your hurricanes, John, they they could go all the way still.
47:23
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
47:24
SPEAKER_05: Anyway, thanks.
47:26
SPEAKER_05: Oh.
47:27
SPEAKER_05: In the uh West Vegas Golden Knights, looking strong against Colorado.
47:32
SPEAKER_05: Uh that series is is so tense that even the Zamboni drivers look stressed.
47:37
SPEAKER_05: Uh one wrong bounce, and your season ends faster than your motivation on a Monday morning.
47:42
SPEAKER_05: So uh meanwhile, the uh French Open underway, where the clay is redder than Baby Huey's face after being asked to leave an all-you-can-eat buffet.
47:51
SPEAKER_05: And uh finally the What Are We Even Doing department chiming in tonight.
47:56
SPEAKER_05: Major League Baseball clubhouses are apparently in the middle of a full-blown Pokemon card resistance.
48:07
SPEAKER_05: Grown millionaires trading Charizards between at bats.
48:17
SPEAKER_09: It's stupid.
48:18
SPEAKER_05: Somewhere a scout is evaluating a prospect, not just on his uh fastball, but on whether he has a stronger binder, I guess.
48:27
SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
48:28
SPEAKER_05: We've officially reached Peak Sports Nerd.
48:30
SPEAKER_05: I it I it's just the way that it is.
48:32
SPEAKER_05: Tonight's action, uh, keep an eye on the Thunder Spurs game five.
48:36
SPEAKER_05: Winner takes the uh massive step towards uh facing the Knicks in the finals, and uh that's it.
48:41
SPEAKER_05: Armchair Legends tonight on the Alpha Men podcast.
48:45
SPEAKER_02: Go next And now the Red Foreman Awards, where you make dumb choices, you will win dumbass awards.
48:51
SPEAKER_02: Dumbass.
48:52
SPEAKER_02: You dumbass.
49:01
unknown: I go.
49:02
SPEAKER_05: It's the uh only awards show where the uh trophy is a 12 size size 12 uh steel-toed boot delivered straight to your rear end, brought to you by Point Place's patron saint of dumbass justice himself, uh Red Foreman.
49:14
SPEAKER_05: Welcome to the uh Red Foreman Awards.
49:16
SPEAKER_05: We're handing out golden formants tonight to some of the most impressively stupid criminals walking the planet.
49:21
SPEAKER_05: These people didn't just break the law, they set it on fire, danced on it, and then asked for a participation trophy on top of it.
49:28
SPEAKER_05: So uh we hand out uh award number one tonight, the firework felony fiasco award.
49:34
SPEAKER_05: And the uh envelope, please, the winner is 36-year-old Anthony Rhodes of New Jersey.
49:43
SPEAKER_05: Now, Anthony, as you see there, had a brilliant plan.
49:47
SPEAKER_05: He wanted to steal some jewelry from the local Walmart.
49:51
SPEAKER_05: So naturally, he decided the best distraction was to light an entire grocery cart full of fireworks in the children's clothing section.
50:01
SPEAKER_05: You know, create a diversion, scoot with the loot.
50:07
SPEAKER_05: Well, he caused nearly ten million dollars in damages.
50:11
SPEAKER_05: Fire and smoke destroyed the inventory, the works, all to steal jewelry worth about ten grand.
50:20
SPEAKER_05: Anthony now facing multiple charges, including first degree arson, manufacturing, an explosive device.
50:27
SPEAKER_05: Thankfully no one was injured.
50:30
SPEAKER_05: But what an absolute walnut.
50:33
SPEAKER_05: He turned Walmart into a Fourth of July war zone just to steal some shiny crap.
50:39
SPEAKER_05: That's not a uh that's not a heist, that's an insurance adjuster's nightmare.
50:44
SPEAKER_05: So, uh yeah.
50:46
SPEAKER_05: He committed an act of domestic terrorism with Roman candles.
50:50
SPEAKER_05: So uh award number two tonight.
50:54
SPEAKER_05: The turtle trotting twit.
50:57
SPEAKER_05: And we don't have a name on this guy.
51:01
SPEAKER_05: We just call him the methed up turtle guy from Indiana.
51:05
SPEAKER_05: Because he was methed up.
51:08
SPEAKER_05: Arrested after police found him dancing in the middle of the road, holding an eastern box turtle, which by the way is illegal to have.
51:17
SPEAKER_05: And wait for it, wait for it.
51:20
SPEAKER_05: Uh methamphetamine, yes.
51:23
SPEAKER_05: Which is also illegal to have.
51:25
SPEAKER_05: Uh the turtle was unharmed and released back into the wild.
51:29
SPEAKER_05: But um turtle guy, you're out there doing the macarena with a protected animal while high on meth.
51:36
SPEAKER_05: That's performance art for people who failed evolution.
51:41
SPEAKER_09: You thought us a turtle.
51:43
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, really.
51:45
SPEAKER_05: Uh turtle probably looked at you and said, uh, that's why I stay in my shell.
51:50
SPEAKER_09: We had a big ass turn on my carport uh Sunday.
51:54
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I saw you.
51:55
SPEAKER_05: I saw a picture of your wife with it.
51:57
SPEAKER_09: Yeah, she goes she regularly like nothing.
52:02
SPEAKER_05: Proud of her.
52:07
SPEAKER_05: Goes to the oatmeal cream pie outlaw, the cereal pie bandit in Loveland, Colorado.
52:14
SPEAKER_05: Everyone can rest easy.
52:16
SPEAKER_05: The oatmeal pie cream bandit has been caught.
52:21
SPEAKER_05: Uh woman walked into a Colorado farm stand, just started loading up a giant bag with oatmeal cream pies and sourdough bread.
52:30
SPEAKER_05: And then to the owner said thanks on camera, and then walked out without paying.
52:37
SPEAKER_09: You would think thanks.
52:39
SPEAKER_05: She got away with it.
52:41
SPEAKER_05: Only she didn't because weeks later she came back and got confronted and then tried to casually walk away again.
52:52
SPEAKER_05: The manager said, ma'am, when are you gonna pay for the oatmeal cream pies?
52:58
SPEAKER_05: Oh, I left my wallet in the car.
53:01
SPEAKER_05: Sure you did.
53:03
SPEAKER_05: They got her license plate number.
53:05
SPEAKER_05: She's been caught.
53:09
SPEAKER_05: And tragedy has been averted.
53:13
SPEAKER_05: Uh oh.
53:15
SPEAKER_05: Red Foreman number four.
53:18
SPEAKER_05: The Fentanyl Face Blower Award.
53:21
SPEAKER_05: Winner is Jesse McAuliffe of You want to guess?
53:28
SPEAKER_05: Florida, yeah.
53:30
SPEAKER_09: I kept saying I want to say Alabama.
53:31
SPEAKER_09: I'm like, oh, I say Alabama.
53:33
SPEAKER_05: See, Jesse was uh from Florida, was caught with fentanyl syringes and a bottle cap full of melted fentanyl.
53:41
SPEAKER_05: When the cop held it up, Jesse decided, oh, maybe I should just blow that stuff right into the deputy's face.
53:48
SPEAKER_05: He then claimed it was sugar and that he was just trying to keep the officer from getting sick.
53:55
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
53:56
SPEAKER_05: You blew fentanyl into a cop's face.
53:59
SPEAKER_05: Dumbass.
54:02
SPEAKER_05: Attempted chemical warfare, Jesse.
54:05
SPEAKER_05: Alright?
54:06
SPEAKER_05: You went from drug possession to biological terrorism in one stupid breath.
54:12
SPEAKER_05: Congratulations.
54:14
SPEAKER_05: And uh finally, tonight, our final award of the night, the Naked Neighbor Nuisance Award.
54:22
SPEAKER_05: Our winner is 62-year-old Robert Boston from Texas.
54:29
SPEAKER_05: Florida.
54:32
SPEAKER_09: Isn't it just an article like a this Florida bus have a really big newspaper section every time I asked criminals?
54:37
SPEAKER_05: They do.
54:39
SPEAKER_05: See, Robert uh was uh upset with his neighbor who had a motion light.
54:45
SPEAKER_05: And he didn't like the motion light on his neighbor's house.
54:48
SPEAKER_05: He got so mad, marched over there at 3 a.m.
54:51
SPEAKER_05: completely naked, wearing only a watch, a headlop, some flip-flops, and a smile.
54:57
SPEAKER_05: Robert then climbed a ladder and ripped the floodlight off the wall, causing$800 in damage.
55:03
SPEAKER_05: Meanwhile, his neighbor called the police.
55:07
SPEAKER_05: And Robert, you 62-year-old legend, you went full streaker at three in the morning with a headlop, flip-flops, uh over a motion light.
55:18
SPEAKER_05: That is not a neighbor dispute.
55:21
SPEAKER_05: That's a naked geriatric terrorist event.
55:26
SPEAKER_05: You look like a perverted Bob the Builder, alright?
55:31
SPEAKER_05: Security footage must be worth millions in therapy bills.
55:34
SPEAKER_05: But at 62 years old, hey, you're out there living your truth, my friend.
55:39
SPEAKER_05: And that truth is completely insane.
55:42
SPEAKER_05: Just saying.
55:44
SPEAKER_05: And that is the Red Foreman Awards tonight on the Alpha Men podcast.
55:50
SPEAKER_01: I just got three things to say.
56:14
SPEAKER_09: But before we get into the somber side of things, let's uh give a shout out to Daniel Stores.
56:19
SPEAKER_09: I mean, he did win the 600, even though it was the f uh 570.
56:24
SPEAKER_05: 37 laps short, right?
56:25
SPEAKER_05: 511.
56:27
SPEAKER_05: Uh 563 laps, I guess.
56:31
SPEAKER_05: Um, but um, and uh, you know, he's a guy that uh Kyle Bush brought up through.
56:38
SPEAKER_05: And I I I gotta be honest with you, the race was there was good racing.
56:43
SPEAKER_05: There was.
56:44
SPEAKER_05: There was there was good racing.
56:45
SPEAKER_05: It's just so damn long.
56:47
SPEAKER_05: I mean that race is long.
56:50
SPEAKER_05: Like we're talking four and a half, five hours long.
56:55
SPEAKER_05: And of course, yesterday because um, or Sunday rather, or Monday rather, or whatever day it was, Sunday, whatever.
57:04
SPEAKER_05: Um course we're going on a new network with Prime.
57:09
SPEAKER_05: Dale Jr.'s back calling the race.
57:12
SPEAKER_05: Everybody wanted everybody wanted to um everybody wanted to see how they were gonna open the open the race and everything else with with the Kyle Bush stuff.
57:21
SPEAKER_09: I mean I usually the 600 is a great spectacle in honor of the of the Fallout Soldiers.
57:28
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
57:29
SPEAKER_09: And they got flyovers and helicopter with special forces dropouts, and there's there's Bradley's and special operations equipment all over the field, and it it always rains at the 600.
57:41
SPEAKER_09: That's just a given.
57:43
SPEAKER_09: So all things are going on, and then add the whole tragedy of Kyle passing very suddenly.
57:49
SPEAKER_05: And here's the thing.
57:50
SPEAKER_05: I I I have I have given NASCAR a lot of guff and been pretty vocal about things I don't like.
58:00
SPEAKER_05: I've complained a lot over the past couple of years.
58:04
SPEAKER_05: I think someday they did it right.
58:07
SPEAKER_05: And I and they and they need credit for that.
58:10
SPEAKER_05: Uh they they they they handled the whole thing uh really well.
58:15
SPEAKER_09: And it was still the nice thing about them.
58:19
SPEAKER_09: Go ahead.
58:20
SPEAKER_05: No, go ahead.
58:20
SPEAKER_05: Go ahead.
58:21
SPEAKER_09: The nice thing about them, they took the what the main purpose of the weekend was, the message, but also incorporated the whole Kyle situation on a short-term notice and uh made it all feel like family there.
58:37
SPEAKER_09: I mean, I mean NASCAR is I mean, I was with them for nine years, it is a family.
58:42
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
58:43
SPEAKER_09: So I mean they made they made sure they didn't forget the message while still dealing with their wounds on the inside.
58:50
SPEAKER_05: So and that's the thing.
58:52
SPEAKER_05: Fans, drivers, crew members, owners, broadcasters.
58:57
SPEAKER_05: Uh that is the one different thing about NASCAR.
59:00
SPEAKER_05: It is a family, it really, really is.
59:03
SPEAKER_05: And on top of all of that, he had a guy who was, you know, just promoted to CEO like a month ago.
59:12
SPEAKER_09: Uh yeah, Steve O'Donnell, he is a solid, solid guy.
59:16
SPEAKER_09: Um I'll give him props.
59:17
SPEAKER_09: I mean, he he's more he's more in tune to what people are looking for than most of the executives there.
59:24
SPEAKER_09: I hate to say that.
59:24
SPEAKER_05: But well, I gotta tell you, I it's burnt, you know, we all look, the Kyle thing is awful.
59:34
SPEAKER_05: And it not only is it awful because it it's just so unexpected, it didn't happen on an on-track incident, it wasn't anything like he was sick, like uh had a uh, you know, a terminal disease or anything like that.
59:48
SPEAKER_05: He got sick and and didn't go to the doctor and probably should have, and ended up, you know, it was a simple head call.
59:58
SPEAKER_09: It just turned into that.
59:59
SPEAKER_09: I mean, it was a shocking moment.
1:00:01
SPEAKER_05: It is what it is, but I mean I I just want to finish this point.
1:00:06
SPEAKER_05: Um I I remember like it was yesterday when Dale Earnhardt, you know, hit the wall at at uh at Daytona.
1:00:16
unknown: Yeah.
1:00:17
SPEAKER_05: And um the CEO of of NASCAR at that time was Mike Helton.
1:00:25
SPEAKER_05: And at that time, Mike Helton had decades with NASCAR.
1:00:33
SPEAKER_05: Uh all the way up through different different positions with the company, but he had been around racing for a long, long time.
1:00:42
SPEAKER_05: And Mike Helton was really, really good friends with Dale Earnhardt.
1:00:48
SPEAKER_05: And I I will never forget the press conference because I carried it live, and he came out and he said, at the end of the day, Tona 500, we've lost Dale Earnhardt.
1:01:04
SPEAKER_05: And I mean it just it just I was not a Dale Earnhardt fan.
1:01:09
SPEAKER_05: Okay, but I you know, you recognize how much talent the guy who had and uh what he meant to the sport, and if you didn't like him, he was great at being a foil, and if you did love him, you loved him, and I and I think there's a lot of people who after Earnhardt passed who hated Earnhardt went on to love Earnhardt, and that storyline, even though it didn't happen with Kyle in an on-track incident, is very, very similar.
1:01:45
SPEAKER_05: Kyle was so successful.
1:01:47
SPEAKER_05: He played the heel, he played the the good guys, and he was so good at playing the heel, man.
1:01:54
SPEAKER_05: He was he was so good at amping up the crowd and and the media.
1:02:00
SPEAKER_07: Oh, yeah.
1:02:01
SPEAKER_05: And you know, he he played them like a Stradivarius, and um, so it's very, very similar.
1:02:11
SPEAKER_05: And I think NASCAR deserves, even though they made a lot of stupid decisions in the last couple of years, they deserve a lot of credit for how they handled it.
1:02:22
SPEAKER_05: I have to tell you, my wife is in Pennsylvania this week.
1:02:26
SPEAKER_05: My daughter was in Laconia this weekend.
1:02:28
SPEAKER_05: I had a three-day weekend by myself in the house.
1:02:32
SPEAKER_05: Me and the dog.
1:02:35
SPEAKER_05: And so I flipped on Amazon Prime on on Sunday, which by the way, I didn't even know we had.
1:02:41
SPEAKER_05: My wife goes, Oh yeah, you know how I've been complaining about my Amazon Prime?
1:02:47
SPEAKER_05: Like when I don't have it and I gotta pay for it, I'm angry about it.
1:02:51
SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
1:02:52
SPEAKER_05: My wife goes, What do you mean?
1:02:54
SPEAKER_05: We have Amazon Prime.
1:02:56
SPEAKER_05: I'm like, we do?
1:02:58
SPEAKER_05: She's like, yeah.
1:02:59
SPEAKER_05: I'm like, oh stop bitching about it then.
1:03:03
SPEAKER_05: Wait a minute.
1:03:03
SPEAKER_05: You're paying for it, right?
1:03:05
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I'm paying for it.
1:03:06
SPEAKER_05: Okay, good.
1:03:08
SPEAKER_05: So, um, but uh the Amazon comes on uh very, very somber, and man, when they Steve O'Donnell's speech when they went track side for his speech, for Steve O'Donnell's speech, and you stood there with with Brexton and Sam Bush and Kurt and his parents and and the all the race teams behind him and all the crew guys, and she started crying.
1:03:40
SPEAKER_05: I was good.
1:03:41
SPEAKER_05: I lost it, man.
1:03:42
SPEAKER_09: I look, I like I was I was I was good through all that because I kind of knew how the speech was gonna come out.
1:03:51
SPEAKER_09: I know the environment.
1:03:52
SPEAKER_09: But when those bagpipes fired off, oh man, I was like, boom, it hit me.
1:03:58
SPEAKER_05: I I uh I'm like I'm looking around the living room, and it's just me and the dog, and I'm like, oh thank god no one's here, you know, because like I was tears rolling down my face because I'm like, you know what?
1:04:12
SPEAKER_05: No, I'm not crying, shut up, you're crying.
1:04:14
SPEAKER_09: You know, you know why it stinks so much though?
1:04:16
SPEAKER_09: Yeah, and me and Emma are talk about this.
1:04:19
SPEAKER_09: If drivers die, yeah, it sucks.
1:04:21
SPEAKER_09: People are upset, and we get you know, some somber I think the connection with Kyle Bush because it's families involved.
1:04:29
SPEAKER_09: We see the Brexit, we see Lennox, we see Samantha, we see them every week on on the social medias and on TV.
1:04:37
SPEAKER_09: And I think that brings the racing aspect and the family aspect, and I mean it's such a big impact to people who don't watch racing maybe all the time, or are casual fans, or hating Kyle Bush, and they still kind, I bet.
1:04:52
SPEAKER_09: One of my favorite Kyle Bush stories, I mean I've met I mean I've seen the guy 10,000 times.
1:04:57
SPEAKER_09: I worked with him in Oxford 250.
1:05:00
SPEAKER_09: We came up raced up there, I helped him up there.
1:05:02
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
1:05:02
SPEAKER_09: Um, I don't know him on a really personal level at all.
1:05:05
SPEAKER_09: I mean he wouldn't know my first name.
1:05:07
SPEAKER_05: But I took a few of them at Thunder Road.
1:05:10
SPEAKER_09: Yeah.
1:05:11
SPEAKER_09: So I mean, my favorite one of my favorite ones is Rat Bristol, and I was happy to be near the start-finish line where they do the driver introductions, and he gets his famous booze, booze, and he's coming down shaking hands, doing easy waving, he doing all his thing, and I'm happy to be standing down there just kind of waiting for the race to start, just kind of chilling because Bristol's small and he walks up and there's a bunch of people, so he's kind of stuck there waiting for the fence to open, so they go through and and uh he goes, that's my favorite part.
1:05:40
SPEAKER_09: Well my second favorite part.
1:05:41
SPEAKER_09: And I'm like, What's that?
1:05:42
SPEAKER_09: And he goes, The booze that fucked me up.
1:05:44
SPEAKER_09: I go, What's the first?
1:05:44
SPEAKER_09: He goes, That checker flag when I hit the wind.
1:05:47
SPEAKER_05: There you go.
1:05:47
SPEAKER_09: And he walked off.
1:05:49
SPEAKER_05: So but yeah, that's you know, uh the thing is, is I I think I think the coverage uh, you know, of the whole thing with with all the different racers and and all of you.
1:06:00
SPEAKER_05: You can tell that her family, you could tell it's sincere.
1:06:02
SPEAKER_05: You can tell that, you know, on the track, they may be rivals and adversaries.
1:06:06
SPEAKER_05: I mean, look, Bubba Wallace doesn't get along with anybody.
1:06:09
SPEAKER_05: Who knew Bubba Wallace and Kyle Bush got along?
1:06:11
SPEAKER_05: You know what I mean?
1:06:12
SPEAKER_09: Like, you know.
1:06:14
SPEAKER_09: I mean, I mean, when when they unloaded the when they unloaded the 33 and the three.
1:06:19
SPEAKER_06: Oh.
1:06:20
SPEAKER_09: And the haulers.
1:06:21
SPEAKER_09: And usually that at that time when all the teams are unloading, there's jacks popping, air pack, air guns going off, taking tires off.
1:06:29
SPEAKER_07: Yep.
1:06:29
SPEAKER_09: That garage was dead silence church.
1:06:31
SPEAKER_05: You could hear pin drops.
1:06:33
SPEAKER_09: I was so quiet.
1:06:34
SPEAKER_09: I watched that video and I go and I felt that I was like, wow.
1:06:37
SPEAKER_05: Everybody was just standing there watching.
1:06:39
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
1:06:40
SPEAKER_05: And um, you know, if you missed it, uh Richard Childress Racing is um he's gonna park the number eight.
1:06:47
SPEAKER_05: Yep.
1:06:47
SPEAKER_05: Uh, gonna drive the number 33 from from now on, and and he's gonna save it for Brexton, you know, probably 2033, you know.
1:06:56
SPEAKER_05: But you can probably mark that on your calendar because that kid's Brexton.
1:07:00
SPEAKER_09: That boy was strong as hell, home's mom.
1:07:03
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
1:07:03
SPEAKER_05: Well, and um uh one of the other drivers' sons came over and gave him a hug during the whole thing.
1:07:09
SPEAKER_09: Oh, and Kyle Larson's boy.
1:07:10
SPEAKER_05: Kyle Kyle Larson's son, yeah.
1:07:12
SPEAKER_09: Little Kyle, as as Kyle Bush used to call Kyle Larson, little Kyle.
1:07:16
SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
1:07:17
SPEAKER_09: Because I mean there's high difference.
1:07:20
SPEAKER_09: But we'll we'll cut this to uh there's a three and a half minute video, and I thought it was great.
1:07:24
SPEAKER_09: I want to share it with everybody who didn't get to see it.
1:07:26
SPEAKER_05: Before you do that, yeah uh the race, first race since 1979, without a Bush or an Earnhardt in it.
1:07:36
SPEAKER_05: Which is pretty amazing.
1:07:37
SPEAKER_09: Oh, yeah, so they're going to so they're gonna go to Nashville after after this week, um, because after this video ends, I'm gonna go into the next transition.
1:07:45
SPEAKER_06: Yep.
1:07:46
SPEAKER_09: But um, I just want to say uh rest in peace, Kyle, and we're all thinking of you, Samantha, Brexton and Lennox and Kurt and family.
1:07:55
SPEAKER_04: Roll it.
1:07:59
SPEAKER_09: I'll be right back.
1:08:09
SPEAKER_04: Monster Energy Nash Cover Cup City Championship.
1:08:13
SPEAKER_01: In 2005, Kyle Bush said the hospital.
1:08:18
SPEAKER_01: Wait until you see my brother.
1:08:23
SPEAKER_01: He was right.
1:08:25
SPEAKER_01: Kyle was born in a racing.
1:08:27
SPEAKER_01: He drove go-karts before he could race the pedals.
1:08:31
SPEAKER_01: His dad worked in the gas, his cow sped around a homemade course.
1:08:35
SPEAKER_01: At 10 years old, he was the crew chief of Kurt's team.
1:08:39
SPEAKER_01: And at 13, his own racing.
1:08:45
SPEAKER_01: Obviously, more snacks.
1:08:50
SPEAKER_07: We got it done, and we got it done fast.
1:08:59
SPEAKER_01: About the only thing that could stop it was a rule change that raised the minimum age.
1:09:04
SPEAKER_09: Watch TV.
1:09:06
SPEAKER_09: And then we go this weekend.
1:09:09
SPEAKER_01: I showed about 20 minutes ago.
1:09:13
SPEAKER_01: Finishing second.
1:09:25
SPEAKER_01: A generational talent with swagger for days, and that signature battle that its fans love and its critics hate.
1:09:34
SPEAKER_01: Skill, fierce, and competitive as hell.
1:09:38
SPEAKER_01: There was some hard racing and some hard feelings.
1:09:41
SPEAKER_01: There comes his car.
1:09:42
SPEAKER_01: But beneath it all, he had a simple approach.
1:09:45
SPEAKER_01: You win in order to go race again next weekend.
1:09:51
SPEAKER_01: And boy did he win.
1:09:54
SPEAKER_01: More than anyone else.
1:10:00
SPEAKER_01: 102 O'Reilly Auto Park Series wins.
1:10:03
SPEAKER_01: 69 Rassic Truck Series wins.
1:10:06
SPEAKER_01: And a record 19 straight cup seasons, visiting Victory Lake.
1:10:11
SPEAKER_01: Four crown jewels, including the 2018 Cup Copa 600.
1:10:16
SPEAKER_01: And of course, two cup series titles.
1:10:20
SPEAKER_01: Along the way, as the evolved, the booze gave way to cheers.
1:10:24
SPEAKER_01: And for Apple Reason, they became friendships.
1:10:31
SPEAKER_01: Some time ago, I was asked how he wanted to be thought of when he retired.
1:10:35
SPEAKER_01: His answer.
1:10:37
SPEAKER_01: The first thing they'll remember me by are my all-track success.
1:10:41
SPEAKER_01: And then he added.
1:10:43
SPEAKER_01: The second thing would be how I grew up in the limelight.
1:10:46
SPEAKER_01: I started this when I was 18 years old and now I'm 26.
1:10:50
SPEAKER_01: And when I retire, I'll be 40.
1:10:52
SPEAKER_01: And they'll see the whole transition of my life and how I made it through.
1:10:56
SPEAKER_01: And it was all under the skeptics of it.
1:10:59
SPEAKER_01: Certainly, I know I wasn't the best coming in.
1:11:02
SPEAKER_01: And I'm not now.
1:11:03
SPEAKER_01: But we'll see how it turns out when I'm 40.
1:11:06
SPEAKER_01: It turned out to be legendary.
1:11:17
SPEAKER_01: I will always remember him as a cat who hated to lose more than anybody.
1:11:21
SPEAKER_01: He won more races across the top three dance car series in AV driver in history.
1:11:26
SPEAKER_01: With win number 234 coming in the truck series just last week.
1:11:37
SPEAKER_08: Because you never know when the last one is.
1:12:16
SPEAKER_05: I could hear Kenley write in that whole thing.
1:12:19
SPEAKER_05: Oh yeah.
1:12:20
SPEAKER_05: I really could.
1:12:21
SPEAKER_05: So uh alright.
1:12:22
SPEAKER_05: Time for real or fake news tonight.
1:12:25
SPEAKER_05: We're gonna feed Baby Huey five of the most insane headlines from this week.
1:12:29
SPEAKER_05: Four of them are a hundred percent made-up bull crap.
1:12:32
SPEAKER_05: One is gloriously and embarrassingly real.
1:12:36
SPEAKER_05: And uh you can help him out by commenting which one you think is real tonight in the comment section.
1:12:41
SPEAKER_05: If you're ready, uh baby Huey, for your headlines.
1:12:44
SPEAKER_05: Here they come.
1:12:46
SPEAKER_05: Uh headline number one.
1:12:48
SPEAKER_05: Florida man arrested after trying to pay for gas with 400 pounds of loose change.
1:13:00
SPEAKER_05: Headline number two, Maine High School serves dirt dessert that was literally just dirt.
1:13:10
SPEAKER_05: Headline number three, Oklahoma elementary school janitor discovers 17-year-old time capsule containing only lottery tickets and a single sock.
1:13:26
SPEAKER_05: Headline number four, retired teacher spends twelve years building giant birdhouse village in backyard.
1:13:37
SPEAKER_05: And the final one Georgia woman finds old wedding ring growing inside potato in her garden.
1:13:49
SPEAKER_05: Alright?
1:13:50
SPEAKER_05: So you got Florida man paying for gas with 400 pounds of loose change.
1:13:56
SPEAKER_05: Maine High School serves dirt dessert, that is literally just dirt.
1:14:01
SPEAKER_05: Oklahoma High School janitor discovers a 17-year-old time capsule containing lottery tickets and a single sock.
1:14:09
SPEAKER_05: Retired teacher spends 12 years building giant birdhouse village in backyard.
1:14:14
SPEAKER_05: And Georgia woman finds old wedding ring growing inside a potato in her garden.
1:14:21
SPEAKER_09: What do you think?
1:14:23
SPEAKER_09: Man, that potato one sounds legit.
1:14:25
SPEAKER_05: Michelle says, Michelle says, uh she's going with the potato story.
1:14:34
SPEAKER_09: But I mean the twenty the the 400 pounds of loose change, that's probably a 20-gallon tank.
1:14:48
SPEAKER_09: Dirt?
1:14:49
SPEAKER_09: Ain't no way high school serve dirt.
1:14:52
SPEAKER_09: Time caps on make sense from 17 years ago.
1:14:55
SPEAKER_09: That was my generation.
1:14:57
SPEAKER_09: Not 17.
1:14:58
SPEAKER_09: Jesus, I'm in high school longer now.
1:14:59
SPEAKER_09: Oh my god.
1:15:00
SPEAKER_09: Bright houses sound legit.
1:15:02
SPEAKER_09: I'm going with the potato ring.
1:15:06
SPEAKER_09: Wow.
1:15:07
SPEAKER_09: Alright, so now I'm gonna give one more shot.
1:15:09
SPEAKER_09: I'm gonna go with the bright houses.
1:15:14
SPEAKER_05: Made up.
1:15:15
SPEAKER_05: Damn it.
1:15:16
SPEAKER_05: Alright.
1:15:18
SPEAKER_05: You got uh 17-year-old time capsule, dirt dessert, and 400 pounds of loose change for gas.
1:15:25
SPEAKER_09: Screw it, dirt.
1:15:28
SPEAKER_05: Main high school serves dirt dessert.
1:15:30
SPEAKER_05: Shut up.
1:15:32
SPEAKER_05: You know, it wouldn't be uncommon for a kid uh at a high school cafeteria to complain about something tasting like dirt.
1:15:39
SPEAKER_05: It would, however, be uncommon to be actual dirt.
1:15:44
SPEAKER_05: And a uh delicious dish of baked dirt accidentally served during a high school community supper in Maine last week.
1:15:52
SPEAKER_05: The school admitted the mistake on social media saying it was an unfortunate incident.
1:15:59
SPEAKER_05: Uh how did it happen?
1:16:01
SPEAKER_05: Earlier in the day, students had baked potting soil as part of a science activity to sterilize it so they could later test plant growth.
1:16:11
SPEAKER_05: The soil had been placed in a baking dish covered with foil and set off to the side.
1:16:18
SPEAKER_05: Uh during the meal when there was some chaos in the kitchen, as the servers were working quickly to deliver our food to the food tables, the dish was mistakenly grabbed and brought out.
1:16:31
SPEAKER_05: Three students ate the soil thinking it was a dessert item and immediately realized hey, this tastes like dirt.
1:16:40
SPEAKER_05: They spit it out and it was taken away.
1:16:42
SPEAKER_05: The school insisted that uh this was a coincidence and not a prank.
1:16:48
SPEAKER_05: Uh no indication that anyone was hurt and sickened by the mix-up, they're not.
1:16:51
SPEAKER_05: But uh your real news story this week.
1:16:57
SPEAKER_05: Dirt dessert is actually just dirt.
1:17:02
SPEAKER_05: That's real or fake news on the Alpha Men podcast.
1:17:08
SPEAKER_02: The Married Man Survival Guide is your playbook for staying alive in a world where you're always wrong, even when you're right.
1:17:14
SPEAKER_02: We'll teach you how to quit your battle, apologize strategically, and survive marriage with your sanity, snacks, and TV remote and tech.
1:17:25
SPEAKER_02: Go.
1:17:26
SPEAKER_05: Tonight, gentlemen, we are diving into the ultimate survival manual, the married man's survival guide.
1:17:31
SPEAKER_05: Because let's be real, if you're married, you're not just surviving a relationship, you're surviving a full contact sport with no timeouts, no refs, no uh and penalties that last longer than a pass game in overtime.
1:17:42
SPEAKER_05: And so we'll get to them five fresh tips from the Married Man's Survival Game uh guide.
1:17:48
SPEAKER_05: Tip number one tonight, the fake phone call escape.
1:17:54
SPEAKER_05: Now, when you sense a lengthy to-do list coming on a weekend, let your phone ring.
1:18:01
SPEAKER_05: Set a silent alarm, answer it seriously, and then say, oh wait, I gotta I gotta take this work emergency.
1:18:10
SPEAKER_05: Walk away nodding, yeah, uh-huh.
1:18:13
SPEAKER_05: Works best if you uh uh mention budget cuts when you return.
1:18:18
SPEAKER_05: But uh that buys you enough time for her to forget about the to-do list, and uh you're in the clear.
1:18:27
SPEAKER_05: Alright?
1:18:28
SPEAKER_05: Tip number two, the sock basket decoy.
1:18:33
SPEAKER_05: Keep a fake uh laundry basket filled with random socks in the closet.
1:18:40
SPEAKER_05: When she asks you to fold clothes, grab it, look stressed, and say, I'm already on it, babe.
1:18:47
SPEAKER_05: You buy yourself 45 minutes of uninterrupted football that way.
1:18:57
SPEAKER_05: Tip number three, strategic compliment timing.
1:19:02
SPEAKER_05: Never compliment her cooking while she's actually cooking.
1:19:07
SPEAKER_05: Wait until she's exhausted on the couch, then hit her with babe, that dinner was restaurant level.
1:19:16
SPEAKER_05: She will be too tired to fact check, and you will look like a genius.
1:19:23
SPEAKER_05: Number four, the cold, controlled, chaos defense.
1:19:30
SPEAKER_05: When she wants you to clean up, start helping, but make it slightly worse.
1:19:37
SPEAKER_05: Move things around dramatically.
1:19:40
SPEAKER_05: After ten minutes, just say, This is trickier than I thought.
1:19:43
SPEAKER_05: Maybe we should tackle this together tomorrow.
1:19:47
SPEAKER_05: She often at that point decides it's not worth it.
1:19:51
SPEAKER_05: Just say.
1:19:53
SPEAKER_05: And finally, the I was listening fake out.
1:19:57
SPEAKER_05: Tip number five.
1:20:00
SPEAKER_05: If you get caught zoning out during a 20-minute story, immediately follow up with wait.
1:20:08
SPEAKER_05: So that's why your sister was mad at the dog?
1:20:11
SPEAKER_05: Right.
1:20:13
SPEAKER_05: Even if it's completely wrong, the effort alone usually saves you.
1:20:19
SPEAKER_05: And that's the Marriage Man's survival guide tonight on the Alpha Men podcast.
1:20:25
SPEAKER_02: The views, jokes, opinions, and hot takes shared on this podcast are for entertainment purposes only and are not filtered with software or created sensitivity.
1:20:34
SPEAKER_02: If you are offended, uncomfortable, or triggered by blood humor, sarcasm, or unqualified opinion, that's un.
1:20:42
SPEAKER_02: We are not responsible for listening.
1:20:46
SPEAKER_02: Proceed at your own wrist.
1:20:50
SPEAKER_05: Getting ready for vacation! Down the home stretch.
1:20:54
SPEAKER_05: The uh final segment of season five.
1:20:58
SPEAKER_05: And uh we are uh gonna enjoy some of this uh summer of 2026, but before we do that, uh unfiltered and underqualified tonight, the part of the show where two married guys with dad bods and questionable life choices tell you what's really going on.
1:21:14
SPEAKER_05: And summer John is finally here.
1:21:19
SPEAKER_05: It is a uh magical time of year where we pretend we're free while still being legally married.
1:21:26
SPEAKER_05: And uh tonight I thought we might drop the official 2026 ranking of manly summer activities and put on it a special focus on when it's acceptable to let the old dad blood breathe free.
1:21:45
SPEAKER_05: Because nothing says I'm living my best life like questionable decisions and questionable tan lines as well.
1:21:53
SPEAKER_05: So, as Casey Caseum used to say, and now on with the countdown.
1:22:00
SPEAKER_05: Number 10! Going for a healthy run.
1:22:07
SPEAKER_05: Alright?
1:22:09
SPEAKER_05: This is the least important of summer activities because obviously neither of us run.
1:22:14
SPEAKER_05: Unless it's to the bathroom or to the beer fridge.
1:22:18
SPEAKER_05: But maybe the most important where you need to wear a shirt.
1:22:23
SPEAKER_05: Nobody needs to see your man tits flopping around like two sad pancakes.
1:22:29
SPEAKER_05: That's a public service announcement.
1:22:32
SPEAKER_05: Uh, number nine?
1:22:35
SPEAKER_05: Taking the kids to the water park.
1:22:38
SPEAKER_05: Now, technically, it is okay to be shirtless during this venture.
1:22:42
SPEAKER_05: But if your gut is creating its own gravity and scaring small children, maybe leave the tank top on.
1:22:50
SPEAKER_05: In this instance, it is acceptable also to just suck in your gut so hard you risk pulling a rip.
1:22:58
SPEAKER_05: However, if your dad bod creates its own tidal wave when you hit the slide, maybe keep the rash guard on, big guy.
1:23:06
SPEAKER_05: Okay?
1:23:09
SPEAKER_05: Number eight, mowing the lawn.
1:23:15
SPEAKER_05: This is prime shirtless territory.
1:23:18
SPEAKER_05: Absolutely acceptable.
1:23:20
SPEAKER_05: Neighbors need to see what 14 years of marriage and crappier has created.
1:23:25
SPEAKER_05: Just make sure your wife isn't outside when you start doing that weird victory dance thing after finishing.
1:23:31
SPEAKER_05: And you get bonus points if you scratch your balls while waving a Karen across the street.
1:23:38
SPEAKER_05: Alright?
1:23:41
SPEAKER_05: Number seven.
1:23:43
SPEAKER_05: Fishing! Completely acceptable to be shirtless.
1:23:48
SPEAKER_05: In fact, it's encouraged.
1:23:50
SPEAKER_05: Fish more likely to bite when they see a fellow disgusting creature.
1:23:54
SPEAKER_05: Fishing shirtless is basically required.
1:23:58
SPEAKER_05: There's something spiritual about sitting on a boat, shirt off, beer in hand, your balls sticking to the seat, waiting for a fish to feel sorry for you.
1:24:07
SPEAKER_05: Bonus point if your belly hangs over the boat like an overcooked muffin top, that's worth off.
1:24:15
SPEAKER_05: Number six, drinking beer in the lawn chair.
1:24:20
SPEAKER_05: This is the number one official shirtless activity of all time.
1:24:26
SPEAKER_05: I mean, you're not even pretending to be productive.
1:24:29
SPEAKER_05: Just sitting there, one with the earth, letting the sun roast your nipples while you crush a cold one, and your wife is inside making a Pinterest honeydo list.
1:24:40
SPEAKER_05: Peak male performance.
1:24:44
SPEAKER_05: Number five, drilling, shirtless, is acceptable, but only if you know what you're doing.
1:24:53
SPEAKER_05: If you're the guy who burns everything and yells it's supposed to be black, then put a damn apron on.
1:24:59
SPEAKER_05: Nobody trusts a shirtless amateur with a fire.
1:25:04
SPEAKER_05: Number three, go into the lake or beach with the boys.
1:25:10
SPEAKER_05: 100% acceptable.
1:25:13
SPEAKER_05: This is the one time where your wife really can't say crap.
1:25:16
SPEAKER_05: You're with the boys, you earned it.
1:25:19
SPEAKER_05: Just do me a favor.
1:25:20
SPEAKER_05: If your back looks like a topographical map of the Rocky Mountains, put some sunscreen on, or we're all gonna go blind, and you're gonna look like a boiled lobster by Monday with back hair.
1:25:33
SPEAKER_05: Number two, washing your truck.
1:25:38
SPEAKER_05: Shirtless?
1:25:39
SPEAKER_05: Hell yes! There's something primal about spraying down your truck with a hose while your gut is out.
1:25:46
SPEAKER_05: On one hand, it's the modern version of hunting.
1:25:49
SPEAKER_05: You're providing for the family by obviously making your F-150 shiny.
1:25:55
SPEAKER_05: And on the other, it's basically foreplay for men.
1:25:59
SPEAKER_05: Your wife might even bring you a beer if you're lucky.
1:26:03
SPEAKER_05: Finally, number one with a bullet, the most manly summer activity, doing absolutely nothing.
1:26:11
SPEAKER_05: In the garage, with the door open, shirt off, listening to Inagata Davida by Iron Butterfly.
1:26:20
SPEAKER_05: Telling your wife you're organizing tools.
1:26:24
SPEAKER_05: This is the holy grail.
1:26:26
SPEAKER_05: Shirtless, accept no substitutes.
1:26:29
SPEAKER_05: It's the male version of heaven.
1:26:31
SPEAKER_05: Cherish it.
1:26:33
SPEAKER_05: So let's get to the rules real quick.
1:26:36
SPEAKER_05: Acceptable shirtless situations, your own backyard, fishing, washing vehicles, and if you're actively sweating like a prostitute in church while doing something useful, acceptable.
1:26:51
SPEAKER_05: Unacceptable shirtless situations, your daughter's soccer game, the neighborhood block party, anywhere where your wife's friends might see you and immediately text, hey girl, is that Kevin?
1:27:04
SPEAKER_05: They don't need to see what 20 years of marriage has done to your body.
1:27:08
SPEAKER_05: The grocery store.
1:27:10
SPEAKER_05: Never.
1:27:10
SPEAKER_05: And I don't care how hot it is.
1:27:13
SPEAKER_05: Put some respect on yourself.
1:27:15
SPEAKER_05: I see one of you animals in the grocery store this summer, shirtless.
1:27:19
SPEAKER_05: I'm calling your wife myself.
1:27:22
SPEAKER_05: So go forth this summer.
1:27:24
SPEAKER_05: Be free, be slightly sunburned, and drunk.
1:27:29
SPEAKER_05: But for the love of God, read the room before you unleash the dad pod on an unsuspecting public.
1:27:37
SPEAKER_05: Get a little too drunk, a little too sunburned, and show the world exactly what happens when a man stops giving a crap for three months.
1:27:48
SPEAKER_05: And that's it tonight.
1:27:49
SPEAKER_05: Season five of the Alpha Men podcast.
1:27:52
SPEAKER_05: Officially in the books.
1:27:53
SPEAKER_05: We made it through another season of questionable advice, zero qualifications, many terrible ideas.
1:28:01
SPEAKER_05: I want to thank you for riding with us.
1:28:03
SPEAKER_05: We'll be back this fall with season six.
1:28:05
SPEAKER_05: Bigger, dumber, even less filtered.
1:28:08
SPEAKER_05: Keep an eye on our Facebook page for the official premiere date so you don't miss the first episode where we will probably do something very stupid within the first 30 seconds.
1:28:18
SPEAKER_09: Most likely.
1:28:21
SPEAKER_05: And thanks to 802 Scoop on Facebook for uh coming along for the ride with us this season.
1:28:27
SPEAKER_05: Can you believe they actually stuck it out?
1:28:30
SPEAKER_05: And and didn't just admit, oh god, we made a terrible mistake.
1:28:34
SPEAKER_09: Hopefully we'll see him again next year.
1:28:37
SPEAKER_09: Or next year next season.
1:28:39
SPEAKER_09: I appreciate your guys' support.
1:28:41
SPEAKER_05: Until then, go enjoy your summer, make bad decisions, hide in the garage, and try not to get divorced.
1:28:51
SPEAKER_09: I'll see you guys sometime as well.
1:28:58
SPEAKER_00: Alright, AlphaPat.
1:29:00
SPEAKER_00: That's all the damage we're legally allowed to do tonight.
1:29:02
SPEAKER_00: If you're offended, confused, clutching your pearls, or Googling, is it normal to agree with it?
1:29:08
SPEAKER_00: It's perfect.
1:29:09
SPEAKER_00: It's accomplished.
1:29:11
SPEAKER_00: This has been the AlphaBed Podcast, where opinions are loud, facts are obstacle, and HR would have tackled this before the intro is a few infinite.
1:29:19
SPEAKER_00: Thanks for hanging out, bracket appeared for three.
1:29:22
SPEAKER_00: And pretending it works for a way to crack the way it works, we got to do it.