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Voddie Baucham - The Role of the Father in Home Education · Voddie Baucham Sermons

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Speaker 1: Well, good morning. It is good to see all of
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Speaker 1: your smiling faces this morning. There's a lot of men
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Speaker 1: in the room. And somebody asked me earlier if we
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Speaker 1: were going to have any problems getting everybody in here.
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Speaker 1: I said, no, it's men. It'd be empty. So, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Speaker 1: Thanks for making me a liar on that one. Let's
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Speaker 1: talk about this issue of our role in leadership in
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Speaker 1: home discipleship. And oftentimes when we talk about the man
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Speaker 1: and his role in home education, a lot of us
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Speaker 1: think about, you know, what should I teach or if anything,
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Speaker 1: or what role should I have in curriculum choices, so
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Speaker 1: on and so forth. That's going to vary from home
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Speaker 1: to home. What we're dealing with is going to be
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Speaker 1: something much broader than that. And really it's our overall
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Speaker 1: responsibility as husbands and fathers when it comes to the
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Speaker 1: issue of family discipleship. Again, I want to remind you,
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Speaker 1: as I've reminded others, of an exciting opportunity that we
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Speaker 1: have on Israel in the spring, February 19th to March 2nd.
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Speaker 1: We have information at our booth as well as on
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Speaker 1: our website. Some useful websites for you are these. Votibachum.org, GraceFamilyBaptist.net,
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Speaker 1: our church website, SermonAudio.com slash Votibachum, messages there for free, Twitter.com
1:24
Speaker 1: slash Votibachum, Facebook.com slash Votibachum, all of those sort of things.
1:29
Speaker 1: And if you just forget any of those, you can
1:31
Speaker 1: just Google me, Votibachum, and here's what I found, that
1:36
Speaker 1: because my name is Votibachum, you don't even have to
1:38
Speaker 1: know how to spell it. You just get close, I'll
1:41
Speaker 1: come up, you know. All right. So the call to
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Speaker 1: prepare men, there's no disagreement that we have to prepare men.
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Speaker 1: There's no disagreement that there has to be a call
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Speaker 1: to prepare men. There's no disagreement that men need to
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Speaker 1: be reinstated, if you will, into their roles as husbands
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Speaker 1: and fathers and heads of household. But call to prepare
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Speaker 1: men for what? Because ultimately that call to prepare men
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Speaker 1: has looked like in our culture, calling men to stadium events,
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Speaker 1: calling men to accountability groups, calling men to whatever. And
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Speaker 1: what I liken it to is the idea of, you know,
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Speaker 1: there's a soldier, there's a warrior who has somehow, you know,
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Speaker 1: fallen out of the kind of state that he needs
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Speaker 1: to be in to be a warrior. And we get
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Speaker 1: him all shined up and clinged up, but we don't
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Speaker 1: give him anywhere to fight. And ultimately, I think that's
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Speaker 1: what we've been doing by and large, in men's ministry.
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Speaker 1: We're calling men to gather together as men, and we
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Speaker 1: love to talk about how it sounds when men sing together.
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Speaker 1: It's just great to hear men sing together. That's great.
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Speaker 1: It's wonderful. But what is that going to do? What
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Speaker 1: are we going to do by gathering men to sing together? Men,
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Speaker 1: you don't train to wear this uniform. You train to
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Speaker 1: wear this one. We're not about calling men just to
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Speaker 1: gather together and sound good and look good. But there's
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Speaker 1: some place that we're supposed to fight. And I believe
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Speaker 1: that that place for all of us, first and foremost,
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Speaker 1: is in our households. That's the hill on which to die.
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Speaker 1: Your family, your household. So I'm not here so that
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Speaker 1: we can call men to just sort of gather together
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Speaker 1: as men to say we gathered together as men. so
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Speaker 1: that we can disperse and each and every one of
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Speaker 1: us go fight and die on that hill called your home.
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Speaker 1: But why is this such an urgent need? First, because
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Speaker 1: of cultural degeneration. Our culture is falling apart and our
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Speaker 1: understanding of manhood is absolutely disappearing before our eyes. We
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Speaker 1: don't know what it means to be a man. And
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Speaker 1: so in our culture, generally you measure manhood three ways.
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Speaker 1: The billfold, the ball field, and the bedroom. That's how
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Speaker 1: we measure manhood in our culture. The billfold, what do
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Speaker 1: you do? How much money do you make? The ball field.
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Speaker 1: You're an athlete? What'd you play? How far'd you go?
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Speaker 1: The bedroom. What's your lady look like? That's how we
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Speaker 1: measure manhood. And so young men in our culture are
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Speaker 1: measuring themselves by the billfold, the ball field, and the bedroom.
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Speaker 1: Because it's all they've got. It's all they know. It's
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Speaker 1: all they understand. And that's not manhood. Ecclesiological confusion. We
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Speaker 1: even see a feminization of the church, which further leads
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Speaker 1: to degeneration in the culture at large. And a need
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Speaker 1: for assimilation. Men who are called to family discipleship hear
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Speaker 1: that call and want to heed that call, but usually
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Speaker 1: have not seen it. The things that we're talking about
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Speaker 1: are not things that men are familiar with. Listen to
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Speaker 1: this from James Alexander in his book, Thoughts on Family Worship.
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Speaker 1: There's no member of a household whose individual piety is
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Speaker 1: of such importance to all the rest as the father
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Speaker 1: or head. And there is no one whose soul is
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Speaker 1: so directly influenced by the exercise of domestic worship. where
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Speaker 1: the head of a family is lukewarm or worldly, he
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Speaker 1: will send the chill through the whole house. And if
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Speaker 1: any happy exception occur, and one and another surpass him
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Speaker 1: in faithfulness, it will be in spite of his evil example.
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Speaker 1: Men play not just an important role, but the most
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Speaker 1: crucial role in their household. Listen to this from Oliver Hayward.
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Speaker 1: I know not how a minister... can employ his time, studies,
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Speaker 1: and pen better next to the conviction and conversion of
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Speaker 1: particular souls than in pressing upon householders a care of
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Speaker 1: the souls under their charge. This hath a direct tendency
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Speaker 1: to public reformation. So here's one of the Puritans. And
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Speaker 1: he says, I don't know of a way that a
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Speaker 1: pastor can invest his time better. Again, aside from leading
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Speaker 1: an individual to Christ. He didn't know of a better
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Speaker 1: way that a pastor can use his time than equipping
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Speaker 1: men to shepherd their families. Why? Because that will lead
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Speaker 1: to reformation both in the church and in the culture
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Speaker 1: at large. The family is a foundational seminary for the
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Speaker 1: church and the state. Well, the local church. The local
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Speaker 1: church is a training ground for family shepherds. It's a
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Speaker 1: training ground for men on how to lead, how to sow,
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Speaker 1: I call this the Titus triangle. These three areas, which
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Speaker 1: are of utmost importance. First, you have godly older men
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Speaker 1: in the church. Titus makes that very clear in chapter 2,
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Speaker 1: verses 1 through 6. We also have godly, manly elders
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Speaker 1: in the church who are to be what? Examples to
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Speaker 1: the flock. Here's what's amazing in Titus. In Titus chapter 2,
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Speaker 1: we have older men and older women, and he's very
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Speaker 1: clear about what older women are to teach younger women, right?
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Speaker 1: to be sensible, pure, workers at home, submissive to their
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Speaker 1: own husbands, you know, so on and so forth. We
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Speaker 1: get this list. And then we get down after that
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Speaker 1: to older men and younger men. And what does he say?
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Speaker 1: Help the younger men to be self-controlled. There's no list.
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Speaker 1: Where's our list? Like, dude, the lady's got a list.
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Speaker 1: Where's our list? Well, our list is in chapter 1,
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Speaker 1: verses 5 through 9. Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. No, no,
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Speaker 1: that's the list for elder qualifications. Yes. It is the
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Speaker 1: list for elder qualifications. And it is the list for
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Speaker 1: what older men are to model for younger men. Well, no, no, no, no,
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Speaker 1: that's just if you're going to be an elder. No, no,
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Speaker 1: that's not just if you're going to be an elder.
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Speaker 1: And here's why. Number one, there's no other list in
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Speaker 1: the book. Number two, elders are to be examples to
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Speaker 1: the flock. What sense does it make for an elder
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Speaker 1: to be an example to the flock if his standard
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Speaker 1: is not their standard? I am a shining example of
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Speaker 1: what you are not called to be. Don't follow me.
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Speaker 1: Just admire. Here's the third thing. There's nothing on that
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Speaker 1: list that any of us is willing to give up
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Speaker 1: on for any one of our sons. Not one thing
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Speaker 1: in the Titus 1, 5-9 list that any of us
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Speaker 1: is willing to say, Nah, my son doesn't have to
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Speaker 1: be that. None of it. None of it, none of it,
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Speaker 1: none of it. That is the list. And elders, as
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Speaker 1: examples to the flock, are examples of biblical manhood. And thirdly,
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Speaker 1: biblically functioning homes. We see the importance of that in
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Speaker 1: Titus 1, 10, and 11. And this is a sort
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Speaker 1: of tripod or three-legged stool upon which this picture of
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Speaker 1: discipleship stands. Godly older men in the church, godly manly elders,
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Speaker 1: and biblically functioning homes, all working together with this synergy.
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Speaker 1: There are four key areas. Family evangelism and discipleship, marriage enrichment,
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Speaker 1: child training, and lifestyle evaluation. These are four key areas.
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Speaker 1: We could talk about other areas, but I believe that
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Speaker 1: these are foundational to what we are called to do
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Speaker 1: in leading our households. First, family evangelism and discipleship. Equipping
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Speaker 1: men to herald the gospel at home. This is important.
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Speaker 1: And if we're going to do this, we have to
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Speaker 1: understand a few things. This is the George Whitefield. Every
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Speaker 1: governor of a family ought to look upon himself as
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Speaker 1: obliged to act in three capacities. As a prophet to instruct,
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Speaker 1: as a priest to pray for and with, and as
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Speaker 1: a king to govern, direct, and provide for them. By
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Speaker 1: the way, if you're worried about keeping up, because I'm
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Speaker 1: going rapidly here, this information comes from this book, Family Shepherds.
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Speaker 1: So you can go buy two of those and and
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Speaker 1: you'll be able to have all this information. If you
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Speaker 1: buy one, you won't get it all. So the great need,
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Speaker 1: a loss of family cohesiveness. Because of a loss of
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Speaker 1: family cohesiveness, this is a great need. Two, outsourcing. I mean,
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Speaker 1: we're so used to outsourcing. Outsourcing is what we do.
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Speaker 1: And as homeschoolers, we get that, don't we? It's ironic.
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Speaker 1: You look at it now before you didn't. You know,
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Speaker 1: now that you've taken the blue pill and your eyes
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Speaker 1: are open, you look around at everybody else and see
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Speaker 1: that they're just doing a bunch of outsourcing. Because families
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Speaker 1: will say, I'm responsible for my child's education. What does
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Speaker 1: that mean? That means that I buy my house in
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Speaker 1: a neighborhood with good schools. You know, I thought you were, yeah,
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Speaker 1: that's what it means. It used to be, I'm going
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Speaker 1: to teach my son how to play baseball. Now we
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Speaker 1: hire a hitting coach. Really? They do that now. They
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Speaker 1: hire hitting coaches for 9 and 10 year olds. God
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Speaker 1: help us. What's your backyard for? The generation gap. This
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Speaker 1: concept of the generation gap. And just plain old busyness.
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Speaker 1: We're incredibly busy. By the way, there's a difference between
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Speaker 1: busyness and productivity. We're not more productive. We're just more busy.
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Speaker 1: And that's a problem in and of itself. And so,
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Speaker 1: if we're going to do this, if we're going to
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Speaker 1: lead in family evangelism and discipleship, and this is the
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Speaker 1: first of those foundational roles, well, three things that we
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Speaker 1: have to understand. The gospel, we have to understand evangelism,
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Speaker 1: and we have to understand discipleship. The gospel, we have
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Speaker 1: to understand what the gospel is not. We have to
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Speaker 1: understand what the gospel is, what the gospel requires, and
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Speaker 1: what the gospel produces. We have to understand that the
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Speaker 1: gospel is not the law. We have to understand the
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Speaker 1: gospel is not all the moral teachings of Jesus. We
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Speaker 1: have to understand that the gospel is not the two
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Speaker 1: great commandments. Love God, love people. That's great, but that's
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Speaker 1: the law. That's not the gospel. That's a summary of
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Speaker 1: the law, not the gospel. We have to understand what
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Speaker 1: the gospel is. The gospel is news. The gospel is
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Speaker 1: an announcement. It's an announcement of what God has done
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Speaker 1: in Christ to redeem sinners who could not redeem themselves.
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Speaker 1: It is an announcement of what he has accomplished through
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Speaker 1: his death, burial, and resurrection on the cross. It is
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Speaker 1: an announcement of the impending judgment to come for those
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Speaker 1: who do not obey through repentance and faith. What the
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Speaker 1: gospel requires, all the gospel requires is repentance and faith.
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Speaker 1: What the gospel produces. What the gospel produces is obedience.
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Speaker 1: If we don't understand these things, if we don't understand
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Speaker 1: the gospel, if we don't understand what it's not, what
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Speaker 1: it is, what it requires, and what it produces, it
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Speaker 1: will shape the way that we do evangelism with our children.
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Speaker 1: And it will shape the way that they understand who
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Speaker 1: God is. It will shape their understanding of salvation. Evangelism.
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Speaker 1: We have to understand the fallen nature of man You've
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Speaker 1: got to understand your children's greatest need. And, you know,
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Speaker 1: here in these circles, in homeschool circles, this becomes extremely important.
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Speaker 1: In fact, in the book Family Shepherds, I take issue
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Speaker 1: with a very popular book and a very popular author
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Speaker 1: in homeschool circles whose anthropology is, frankly, heretical. The book
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Speaker 1: is ubiquitous in homeschool circles and child training circles. It's
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Speaker 1: absolutely ubiquitous. It's everywhere. And it's heretical, mainly because of
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Speaker 1: a faulty view of the nature of man. And if
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Speaker 1: you have a faulty view of the nature of man,
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Speaker 1: you have a faulty view of what your children actually need.
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Speaker 1: That leads you straight toward behavioralism, believing that your children
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Speaker 1: can accomplish in and of themselves that which only the
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Speaker 1: gospel can accomplish in their lives. And that's a huge problem.
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Speaker 1: The supernatural work of the spirit. We've got to understand that.
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Speaker 1: We've got to understand that evangelism is about the supernatural
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Speaker 1: work of the Spirit, not the manipulative work of the evangelist.
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Speaker 1: We've got to understand the role of the human agent
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Speaker 1: and the nature of conversion. And finally, we've got to
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Speaker 1: understand what the fruit of repentance looks like. If we
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Speaker 1: don't understand these things, we don't understand evangelism. And then
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Speaker 1: we reduce evangelism with our children to just getting them
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Speaker 1: to repeat some words, you know. And getting them to
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Speaker 1: get up enough nerve to walk to the front of
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Speaker 1: the church. Where's Jesus? In my heart. You're in. Well,
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Speaker 1: that's a problem. If you don't understand the nature of
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Speaker 1: fallen man, supernatural work of the spirit, the role of
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Speaker 1: the human agent, the nature of conversion, and the fruit
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Speaker 1: of repentance. That's a problem. And in discipleship, we see this. Children,
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Speaker 1: obey your parents and the Lord, for this is right.
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Speaker 1: Honor your father and your mother. This is the first
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Speaker 1: commandment with a promise, that it may go well with
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Speaker 1: you and that you may live long in the land. Fathers,
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Speaker 1: do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them
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Speaker 1: up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. This
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Speaker 1: is a clear command, and it's a clear command to
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Speaker 1: us for the discipleship of our children. Discipleship keys. Number one,
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Speaker 1: faithful church membership and attendance. Why is this important? This
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Speaker 1: is important because of the ordinary means of grace that
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Speaker 1: to which we are exposed in the church of the
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Speaker 1: living God. Those ordinary means of grace are of the
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Speaker 1: utmost importance, and they are a regular need in our lives.
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Speaker 1: Faithful church membership and attendance exposes us to those ordinary
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Speaker 1: means of grace. It also puts us under accountability. Secondly,
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Speaker 1: family worship. Most important practical thing that you can do,
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Speaker 1: and we'll talk more about this as we go on. Thirdly, catechism. Again,
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Speaker 1: we'll talk more about this as we go on. And fourthly,
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Speaker 1: life together. All these things are important. These are your
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Speaker 1: discipleship keys. Faithful church membership and attendance. We read this
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Speaker 1: in Hebrews 10, 22-25. Let us hold fast the confession
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Speaker 1: of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.
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Speaker 1: And let us consider how to stir up one another
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Speaker 1: to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together
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Speaker 1: as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another
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Speaker 1: and all the more as you see the day drawing near.
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Speaker 1: We also see in Hebrews 13, 17, Obey your leaders
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Speaker 1: and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over
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Speaker 1: your souls as those who will have to give an account.
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Speaker 1: Let them do this with joy and not with groaning,
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Speaker 1: for that would be of no advantage to you. And
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Speaker 1: we're called to be submissive to the leadership of a
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Speaker 1: local church. And it's always ironic to me, find this
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Speaker 1: a lot in homeschool circles, guys who just check out
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Speaker 1: on church. You want to stump a homeschool dad in
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Speaker 1: many circles, all you have to do is ask him
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Speaker 1: where he goes to church. Where do y'all go to church? Well,
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Speaker 1: you know, it's... We, you know, there was this place
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Speaker 1: where we used to go, you know, and just, man, churches, wow.
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Speaker 1: You know, and just, you know, finding good, you know,
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Speaker 1: preaching and then... They checked out, you know. Yeah, the
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Speaker 1: church doesn't agree with us on this, and the church
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Speaker 1: doesn't agree with us on that. So, you know, we
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Speaker 1: just don't go to church anymore. They just checked out. Well, yeah,
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Speaker 1: you know the pastor, he was this or he was that,
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Speaker 1: so we just kind of checked out. Really? Really? So
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Speaker 1: you're no longer submitting to their authority because they failed
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Speaker 1: you in some way. Yeah. Well, how about your children?
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Speaker 1: When do they get to not submit to your authority? Well, yeah. different.
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Speaker 1: Family worship. Listen to this from Charles Spurgeon. The house
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Speaker 1: in which there is no family altar can scarcely expect
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Speaker 1: the divine blessing. If the Lord does not cover our
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Speaker 1: habitation with his wings, our family is like a house
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Speaker 1: without a roof. If we do not seek the Lord's guidance,
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Speaker 1: our household is a ship without a pilot. And unless
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Speaker 1: guarded by devotion, our family will be a field without
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Speaker 1: a hedge. Spurgeon on the importance of regular, meaning daily
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Speaker 1: family devotions, daily family worship. What are the elements of
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Speaker 1: our family worship? We sing together. We pray together. We
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Speaker 1: read together. We memorize together. Really simple. That's what we do.
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Speaker 1: Gather together. 10-15 minutes a day. Okay? Whenever it works
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Speaker 1: for your family. Gather together. Read the scriptures together. Make
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Speaker 1: some comments about what you read. Pray together. Sing songs together.
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Speaker 1: Memorize some things together. What about catechism? I say catechism
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Speaker 1: and people always get nervous. You know? What is catechism?
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Speaker 1: It's a form of instruction by means of questions and answers,
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Speaker 1: particularly in the principles of religion. Catechism is a pedagogical method.
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Speaker 1: It's a form of instruction using questions and answers. Another definition,
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Speaker 1: an elementary book containing a summary of principles in any
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Speaker 1: science or art, but appropriately in religion, reduced to the
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Speaker 1: form of questions and answers, and sometimes with notes, explanations,
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Speaker 1: and references to authorities. We use catechism all the time, folks.
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Speaker 1: In fact, we use catechism at the dinner table. You
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Speaker 1: use catechism, you don't even know it. Your kids are
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Speaker 1: sitting there and they go, have some dessert. And you
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Speaker 1: look at their plate and there's vegetables on their plate.
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Speaker 1: And you go, when do you get dessert? That's the question.
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Speaker 1: They know the answer. They look at their plate and
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Speaker 1: they go, I finished all my vegetables. Their elbows are
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Speaker 1: on the table. And you look at their elbows and
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Speaker 1: you go, where do your elbows belong? And they go,
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Speaker 1: under the table. That's catechism. You have taught them table
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Speaker 1: manners through a series of questions and answers. It's a
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Speaker 1: teaching methodology. And it has always been used in the church.
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Speaker 1: The same idea of the teaching methodology. And so catechism
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Speaker 1: teaches children theology. One of the reasons we don't catechize
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Speaker 1: is because we're no longer confessional. Catechisms are designed to
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Speaker 1: teach confessions. And so I get people all the time
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Speaker 1: who say, well, what's a good catechism? And you know
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Speaker 1: how you were told in school there are no bad questions?
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Speaker 1: That's just not true. There are bad questions. And what's
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Speaker 1: a good catechism is an example of a bad question.
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Speaker 1: What's a good catechism? What are you catechizing for? If
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Speaker 1: I'm trying to catechize for table manners, I don't need
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Speaker 1: a catechism about math. Right? So, well, what's a good
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Speaker 1: catechism for theology? What confession do you hold to? If
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Speaker 1: you're a Presbyterian, I'm going to tell you to go
21:29
Speaker 1: to Westminster Catechism. If you're a Christian Reformed church, I'm
21:32
Speaker 1: probably going to tell you to go to Heidelberg. If
21:34
Speaker 1: you're Baptist, I'm probably going to see you to Spurgeon's
21:36
Speaker 1: Catechism or to the Baptist version of the Westminster. If
21:39
Speaker 1: you're Lutheran, I want to tell you to go to
21:40
Speaker 1: Luther's small catechism. You see, again, it depends on where
21:45
Speaker 1: you are theologically. So you can't just say, what's a
21:48
Speaker 1: good catechism? Because a good catechism is determined by what's
21:53
Speaker 1: your confession. It's an important tool historically. And an effective
22:00
Speaker 1: pedagogical method. Useful for parents and children alike. Here's what
22:05
Speaker 1: we get often at our church. Because at our church,
22:08
Speaker 1: we don't have any age-graded ministries of any kind at
22:10
Speaker 1: our church. None whatsoever. We have an unspoken, you know,
22:14
Speaker 1: an unofficial motto with our ministry toward men in our church.
22:19
Speaker 1: And it is, we look men in the eye and say,
22:20
Speaker 1: I double-dog dare you to disciple your family. And there's
22:23
Speaker 1: nothing here that's going to do it for you. You're
22:25
Speaker 1: flying without a net. You do it or it doesn't
22:27
Speaker 1: get done. We'll equip you We'll encourage you. We'll get
22:31
Speaker 1: tools in your hands. We'll hold you accountable. But you're
22:34
Speaker 1: going to do it, not us. You will not put
22:36
Speaker 1: it off on us. And so if you're going to
22:38
Speaker 1: do this, one of the questions that we're often asked is, well,
22:41
Speaker 1: I mean, what do you do if there's a guy
22:44
Speaker 1: who just, he don't know, come here from Sikkim, you know?
22:48
Speaker 1: What do you do with that guy? He doesn't know anything.
22:50
Speaker 1: How is he going to disciple his family? Well, okay,
22:53
Speaker 1: how about this? That guy who doesn't know anything, he
22:58
Speaker 1: needs to be Catechized. His children need to be catechized.
23:05
Speaker 1: Two birds, one stone. Sir, go home and catechize your kids. Yeah,
23:11
Speaker 1: I don't know the catechism. Let me tell you a
23:13
Speaker 1: little secret. They don't know what you don't know. You
23:16
Speaker 1: just got to be a day ahead, dude. And so
23:24
Speaker 1: we start, and oftentimes we'll start with the catechism of
23:27
Speaker 1: boys and girls. By the way, what's the other alternative?
23:30
Speaker 1: remove him from his home for six months while you
23:32
Speaker 1: make him worthy to disciple his family? That's ridiculous. It's
23:36
Speaker 1: utterly ridiculous. And so we'll give him like catechism for
23:38
Speaker 1: boys and girls. You know, who made you? God made me.
23:41
Speaker 1: What else did God make? God made all things. Why
23:42
Speaker 1: did God make you in all things? Where's glory? I
23:44
Speaker 1: can glorify God by loving him and doing what he commands.
23:46
Speaker 1: Why can't you glorify God? Because he made me and
23:47
Speaker 1: takes care of me. Right? Who is God? God's spirit
23:51
Speaker 1: doesn't have a body like man. These are the questions
23:54
Speaker 1: that they're asking in the catechism. And they're made for
23:57
Speaker 1: children as soon as they become verbal. Men catechize their families,
24:02
Speaker 1: and they're catechizing themselves as they go through these questions
24:05
Speaker 1: and answers again and again and again, building a theological
24:08
Speaker 1: foundation in their own life through catechizing their children. Marriage enrichment,
24:14
Speaker 1: equipping men with the importance of gospel-centered marriage. Listen to
24:19
Speaker 1: this from John Calvin. The more Satan has endeavored to
24:23
Speaker 1: dishonor marriage, the more should we vindicate it from all
24:26
Speaker 1: reproach and abuse. that it may receive its due reverence.
24:32
Speaker 1: The great need. The devaluation of marriage. The devaluation of marriage.
24:39
Speaker 1: And I don't mean, everybody's all upset about what's happening
24:41
Speaker 1: with homosexual marriage and Chick-fil-A and all that sort of stuff. Yeah,
24:46
Speaker 1: that's bad. But no fault divorce came first. Where were
24:53
Speaker 1: we picketing then? If you can't say amen, you ought
24:56
Speaker 1: to say out. Okay? Our attitude toward marriage, the devaluation
25:00
Speaker 1: of marriage. And I'm not just talking about no-fault divorce.
25:02
Speaker 1: I'm talking about even the way we raise our sons.
25:05
Speaker 1: You know, you want to know how Christians feel about marriage?
25:10
Speaker 1: You let a young man, 20 years old, come to
25:13
Speaker 1: his parents and say, I want to marry that girl.
25:17
Speaker 1: His Christian parents will swallow their tongues. They'll be like,
25:21
Speaker 1: you want, who, what, you, no. You, you, wait. Wait
25:28
Speaker 1: for what? Well, there's stuff. You got to do stuff, man.
25:33
Speaker 1: There's important stuff. Here's what we communicate to our sons. Son,
25:41
Speaker 1: this is the secret to marriage and life. Go live
25:44
Speaker 1: your life. Live your life to the full. Education, travel, ministry, everything.
25:50
Speaker 1: And then one day, later on, maybe in your late 20s,
25:53
Speaker 1: early 30s, You find some young woman and you look
25:56
Speaker 1: at her and say, I've sucked all of the joy
25:58
Speaker 1: out of life. I'm ready to marry you and die.
26:10
Speaker 1: We don't encourage our sons to marry young because we
26:13
Speaker 1: have devalued marriage. We have devalued marriage. It's not a goal.
26:19
Speaker 1: In fact, we don't do anything to prepare our sons
26:23
Speaker 1: for marriage. Nothing. We've got no plan whatsoever to prepare
26:26
Speaker 1: our sons to be husbands and fathers for the most part.
26:30
Speaker 1: It's not even a thought. Just one day they come
26:33
Speaker 1: and they're interested in somebody and we go, well, you know,
26:35
Speaker 1: maybe we should talk. And it's a done deal by then.
26:40
Speaker 1: It's over with by then. Most Christian fathers don't talk
26:44
Speaker 1: to their sons about being husbands and fathers until they
26:47
Speaker 1: realize that their sons are so head over heels for
26:51
Speaker 1: a girl that it's probably inevitable. And at that point,
26:55
Speaker 1: whatever you're saying to him is going in here and
26:59
Speaker 1: out there. That's a problem. And that's because we devalue marriage. Okay?
27:09
Speaker 1: We devalue marriage. Is same-sex marriage a problem? Yes, it is.
27:13
Speaker 1: But it's not the problem. It's not the problem. It's
27:17
Speaker 1: just the latest manifestation in the way that we've devalued marriage.
27:22
Speaker 1: The rise of feminism. The rise of feminism. We'll talk
27:26
Speaker 1: about that in my session later. Homosexual marriage, another issue.
27:31
Speaker 1: The divorce rate, another issue. We have a divorce rate
27:34
Speaker 1: that's just out of control. By the way, the divorce
27:37
Speaker 1: rate is bad, but this is just another example of
27:39
Speaker 1: how we've devalued marriage. And that's the 50% divorce rate myth.
27:43
Speaker 1: We hear one in two marriages in divorce. You get married,
27:46
Speaker 1: you got a 50-50 chance of making it. We do
27:49
Speaker 1: not have, nor have we ever had, a 50% divorce
27:53
Speaker 1: rate in this country. We're 35%, maybe 40%. We've never
27:58
Speaker 1: had a 50% divorce rate. That's pure myth. Pure myth
28:02
Speaker 1: made out of whole cloth. Nothing but a myth. And
28:07
Speaker 1: if you want to do any research on this, one
28:09
Speaker 1: of the things you can do is you can just
28:10
Speaker 1: go Google the 50% divorce myth. It is a lie
28:16
Speaker 1: that half of all marriages end in divorce. It is
28:19
Speaker 1: a lie that we have a 50% divorce rate. We
28:22
Speaker 1: do not have a 50% divorce rate. We have never
28:25
Speaker 1: had a 50% divorce rate. The overwhelming majority of marriages last.
28:32
Speaker 1: So even in talking about that 50% divorce rate like
28:35
Speaker 1: it's true, we devalue marriage every time we give credence
28:38
Speaker 1: to that. Prolonged singleness. That's another one. Prolonged singleness. The
28:45
Speaker 1: importance of marriage. It's a cornerstone of society. Nursery of
28:50
Speaker 1: the next generation. It's a hedge against poverty. By the way,
28:54
Speaker 1: we talk about poverty. A lot of people talk about
28:56
Speaker 1: poverty here, and I just have to check myself. I
28:59
Speaker 1: have to check myself. Later on this month, I'll be
29:01
Speaker 1: in Zambia and Botswana in South Africa, and it'll be
29:04
Speaker 1: probably my fifth trip to that part of the world.
29:11
Speaker 1: When you've been to the third world, and I don't
29:15
Speaker 1: care if you go Asia, Africa, Europe, South America, I
29:17
Speaker 1: don't care where you go, if you've been to the
29:19
Speaker 1: third world, it's hard for you to listen to people
29:22
Speaker 1: in America talk about poor people in America with a
29:25
Speaker 1: straight face. We don't have poor people here. If you
29:29
Speaker 1: believe we have poor people here, you've never been to
29:30
Speaker 1: a third world country. You've been to a third world
29:33
Speaker 1: country and you come over here, there are people there
29:36
Speaker 1: who would kill to be what we call poor here, okay?
29:40
Speaker 1: But even if we accept the definition of poverty here,
29:43
Speaker 1: if you take away women who are raising children by
29:46
Speaker 1: themselves off the poverty rolls, we have almost no one
29:51
Speaker 1: on our poverty rolls, even here by our own standards.
29:56
Speaker 1: Almost all poverty is a direct result of women who
30:00
Speaker 1: are raising children by themselves. Fatherlessness, okay? The number one
30:04
Speaker 1: hedge against poverty on planet Earth is marriage. It's marriage.
30:11
Speaker 1: And the protection of women. The protection of women. Marriage
30:15
Speaker 1: increases protection for women. Theological importance. Reflection of the Trinity.
30:21
Speaker 1: We see that in Genesis chapter 1. The picture of
30:25
Speaker 1: the gospel. We see that in Ephesians chapter 5. seminary,
30:28
Speaker 1: the church, and state, and also a foretaste of the
30:33
Speaker 1: consummation of all things at the end of the age.
30:35
Speaker 1: Marriage is important. Oliver Hayward again, religion begins in individuals
30:41
Speaker 1: and passes on to relatives, and lesser spheres of relationship
30:46
Speaker 1: make up greater. Churches and commonwealths consist of families. 1
30:55
Speaker 1: Peter 3.7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an
30:58
Speaker 1: understanding way, showing honor to the woman as a weaker vessel,
31:02
Speaker 1: since they are heirs with you of the grace of life,
31:05
Speaker 1: so that your prayers may not be hindered. Those prayers
31:08
Speaker 1: are the prayers that you offer together, by the way.
31:12
Speaker 1: Hebrews 13, 4. Let marriage be held in honor among all,
31:17
Speaker 1: and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will
31:19
Speaker 1: judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. God will judge the
31:24
Speaker 1: sexually immoral and adulterous. And then of course in Revelation 9,
31:27
Speaker 1: what are we all pointing to? Let us rejoice and
31:30
Speaker 1: exult and give him the glory for the marriage of
31:32
Speaker 1: the Lamb has come and his bride has made herself ready.
31:36
Speaker 1: Marriage is to be held in high esteem among us all. Third,
31:40
Speaker 1: the third of these four is child training and discipleship.
31:46
Speaker 1: Teaching men the meaning of biblical parenting. The great need.
31:49
Speaker 1: Why do we have the great need? Number one, because
31:51
Speaker 1: of the rise of psychology. We have been psychologized in
31:54
Speaker 1: the worst way. By the way, the most frequently completed
31:57
Speaker 1: course in college is Psych 101. It's the most frequently
32:03
Speaker 1: completed course in college. By far. Psych 101. We've been psychologized.
32:10
Speaker 1: Eroding confidence in the Bible. There's a relationship between those two.
32:14
Speaker 1: We believe psychology knows what children need, but the Bible doesn't.
32:17
Speaker 1: Biblical illiteracy. So now we're psychologized, we erode our confidence
32:22
Speaker 1: in the Bible, and then we don't even know what
32:23
Speaker 1: the Bible says. And then poor or non-existent examples. It's
32:28
Speaker 1: kind of a perfect storm. So when we talk about
32:30
Speaker 1: types of discipline, formative discipline and corrective discipline. Formative discipline,
32:35
Speaker 1: what do we mean? You find, for example, in Proverbs,
32:38
Speaker 1: a biblical discipline continuum. And it moves from less severe
32:43
Speaker 1: to more severe. Level one, encourage proper behavior. See that
32:47
Speaker 1: in Proverbs 3. 13 to 15, 4, 7 to 8.
32:50
Speaker 1: Level 2, in form of improper behavior. Proverbs 1, 10
32:53
Speaker 1: to 15, 3, 31 and 32. Level 3, explain the
32:56
Speaker 1: negative consequences of sin. See that in Proverbs 1, 18, 19.
33:00
Speaker 1: Proverbs 5, 3 to 6. Now we move to persuasive levels.
33:04
Speaker 1: In levels 4 and 5. Gently exhort. Proverbs 4, 1
33:08
Speaker 1: and 2. And then verse 14 and 16. And then
33:13
Speaker 1: level five, gently rebuke or reprove. Proverbs 3.12, 24, 24,
33:18
Speaker 1: and 25. Now we become corrective. We move from formative
33:21
Speaker 1: discipline to corrective discipline. Level six, corporal punishment that does
33:25
Speaker 1: not cause physical harm. Proverbs 19.18, 13.24, 23.13-14, 29.15. And
33:27
Speaker 1: then we move to punitive discipline. Now, the punitive discipline
33:36
Speaker 1: on this continuum is old covenant discipline. We have no
33:43
Speaker 1: separation between the church and the state. So when we
33:46
Speaker 1: talk about corporal punishment that causes physical harm, Proverbs 10.31
33:50
Speaker 1: or 20.30, we're talking about that. And then finally, death,
33:52
Speaker 1: being put to death. Anybody just really grateful for the
33:56
Speaker 1: new covenant? Amen. Amen. Another one of our Puritans. Parents,
34:05
Speaker 1: if your children do not meet with a spirit of
34:07
Speaker 1: piety in your house, if on the contrary your pride
34:10
Speaker 1: consists in surrounding them with external gifts, introducing them into
34:14
Speaker 1: worldly societies, indulging all their whims, letting them follow their
34:19
Speaker 1: own course, you will see them grow vain, proud, idle, disobedient, impudent,
34:25
Speaker 1: and extravagant. They will treat you with contempt, and the
34:28
Speaker 1: more your hearts were wrapped up in them, the less
34:32
Speaker 1: they will think of you. That describes modern parenting to
34:38
Speaker 1: a T. To a T. Corrective discipline. We talk about spanking.
34:44
Speaker 1: People just have trouble with it. Listen to this from
34:47
Speaker 1: John Wesley. But some will tell you all this is
34:50
Speaker 1: lost labor. A child need not be spanked at all. Instruction, persuasion,
34:53
Speaker 1: and advice will be sufficient for any child without spanking,
34:57
Speaker 1: especially if general reproof be added as occasion may require.
35:00
Speaker 1: Listen to Wesley's response. I answer, there may be particular
35:04
Speaker 1: instances wherein this method may be successful, but you must
35:08
Speaker 1: not in any wise lay this down as a universal rule,
35:11
Speaker 1: unless you suppose yourself to be wiser than Solomon, or
35:14
Speaker 1: to speak more properly, wiser than God. For it is
35:18
Speaker 1: God himself who best knoweth his own creatures, that has
35:20
Speaker 1: told us expressly, He that spareth the rod hateth his son,
35:24
Speaker 1: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. And upon
35:27
Speaker 1: this is grounded that plain commandment directed to all that
35:31
Speaker 1: fear God, Chasten thy son while there is hope, and
35:34
Speaker 1: let not thy soul spare for his crying. Spank your kids, man.
35:41
Speaker 1: Spank your kids. Okay? Okay? This is incredibly important that
35:47
Speaker 1: we understand corrective discipline. The fourth quarter of these, the
35:53
Speaker 1: fourth of these four things. Lifestyle evaluation. Teaching men to
35:57
Speaker 1: evaluate their pace of life. This is equally important. Again,
36:00
Speaker 1: if we're going to lead, we have to lead in
36:02
Speaker 1: family evangelism, discipleship. We get that. We've got to lead
36:07
Speaker 1: in marriage enrichment. We've got to lead in training our children.
36:10
Speaker 1: We also have to lead in lifestyle evaluation. Do not
36:14
Speaker 1: love the world and the things in the world. If
36:16
Speaker 1: anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is
36:18
Speaker 1: not in him. For all that is in the world,
36:20
Speaker 1: the desires of the flesh, the desires of the eyes,
36:22
Speaker 1: and the pride and possessions is not from the Father,
36:24
Speaker 1: but from the world. The world is passing away along
36:27
Speaker 1: with its desires. But whoever does the will of God
36:31
Speaker 1: abides forever. Amen? That is where our love must be.
36:36
Speaker 1: But how do we do this? How do we help
36:38
Speaker 1: our families to do this? Well, several things. Let's start
36:43
Speaker 1: principally first. What creation teaches us about the use of time.
36:48
Speaker 1: What is a year? Well, a year is the measurement
36:51
Speaker 1: of the amount of time it takes for the Earth
36:53
Speaker 1: to orbit the Sun. Right? We get that. That's what
36:56
Speaker 1: a year is. Okay, well, what's a month? Well, a
36:58
Speaker 1: month is a unit of time corresponding approximately to one
37:02
Speaker 1: cycle of the Moon's phases. Okay? What's a day? Well,
37:08
Speaker 1: Day is a unit of time corresponding to one cycle
37:10
Speaker 1: of the earth's rotation on its axis. It's a week.
37:20
Speaker 1: The only unit of time that does not correspond to
37:23
Speaker 1: the cycle of any heavenly body. You don't get a
37:26
Speaker 1: week from nature. A week is an ecclesiastical measurement of
37:34
Speaker 1: time that only makes sense in light of the creation
37:37
Speaker 1: account in Genesis. Otherwise, it makes no sense whatsoever to
37:44
Speaker 1: have a seven-day week. None. Thus, the heavens and the
37:51
Speaker 1: earth were finished, and all the host of them. And
37:55
Speaker 1: on the seventh day, God finished his work that he
37:57
Speaker 1: had done, and he rested on the seventh day from
38:01
Speaker 1: all the work that he had done. So God blessed
38:04
Speaker 1: the seventh day and made it holy, because on it,
38:08
Speaker 1: God rested from all his work that he had done
38:11
Speaker 1: in creation. The Lord's day and the pace of life
38:18
Speaker 1: will we find later on, Exodus chapter 20. Remember the
38:22
Speaker 1: Sabbath day to keep it holy. Six days you shall
38:24
Speaker 1: labor and do all your work, but the seventh day
38:27
Speaker 1: is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it,
38:31
Speaker 1: You should not do any work, you, your son, your daughter,
38:34
Speaker 1: your male servant, your female servant, your livestock, or the
38:37
Speaker 1: sojourner who is within your gate. For in six days
38:41
Speaker 1: the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea
38:43
Speaker 1: and all that is in them, and rested on the
38:46
Speaker 1: seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and
38:49
Speaker 1: made it holy. So what do we see here? Here's
38:53
Speaker 1: what we learn. Just by the concept of a seven
38:55
Speaker 1: day week, what God teaches us from creation and creation order. One,
39:00
Speaker 1: The centrality of God. The centrality of God. Organizing our
39:04
Speaker 1: life this way around work and worship recognizes the centrality
39:11
Speaker 1: of God. Secondly, it recognizes the priority of worship. It
39:17
Speaker 1: recognizes the priority of worship. One day in seven. One
39:20
Speaker 1: day in seven. One day in seven. It is central.
39:23
Speaker 1: It is central to all that we do. And it
39:26
Speaker 1: is symbolic of the fact that God owns all seven days. Amen? Amen.
39:32
Speaker 1: Teaches us the sovereignty of God because it reminds us
39:36
Speaker 1: every week reminds us that God created the world and
39:40
Speaker 1: he created it in a week. Amen? Teaches us the
39:46
Speaker 1: balance of work and life. Your work life must not
39:52
Speaker 1: be unrestrained. Your work life is restrained by your worship life.
39:58
Speaker 1: Your worship life dictates the pace and the pattern of
40:02
Speaker 1: your work life. This teaches us how to evaluate our lifestyles.
40:07
Speaker 1: Show me a man who's having a difficult time with
40:11
Speaker 1: worship and making worship and faithfulness to the worship of
40:15
Speaker 1: the Lord fit, and I'll show you a man whose
40:16
Speaker 1: life is out of balance and out of control. teaches
40:21
Speaker 1: us our duty as family shepherds. It is our responsibility
40:26
Speaker 1: to help our families evaluate their lives, even down to
40:29
Speaker 1: their use of time. Look at this again. Look at
40:32
Speaker 1: the commandment again. On it, you should do no work. You, well,
40:38
Speaker 1: who's the you? I don't know. Your sons and daughters. Okay,
40:42
Speaker 1: the you has sons and daughters. Your male servant, your
40:46
Speaker 1: female servant, your livestock, and the sojourner, Who's within your gate? Okay?
40:56
Speaker 1: Who's he talking to here? Heads of households. He's talking
41:02
Speaker 1: to heads of households. That's who he's talking to here.
41:07
Speaker 1: You have a duty and a responsibility to teach your
41:10
Speaker 1: family about the proper pace of life. That's part of
41:15
Speaker 1: our leadership responsibility as men. That's part of our headship
41:19
Speaker 1: responsibility as men. Okay? So then the question is, how
41:26
Speaker 1: are you living? We have to evaluate our use of time.
41:32
Speaker 1: How are we doing with our use of time? This
41:35
Speaker 1: is lifestyle evaluation. We have to evaluate our use of money.
41:39
Speaker 1: How are we doing with our use of money? Oftentimes
41:42
Speaker 1: when we talk about things that we can't do or
41:44
Speaker 1: we can't afford and so on and so forth, it
41:46
Speaker 1: really doesn't have anything to do with how much money
41:48
Speaker 1: we're making. It has to do with how much money
41:50
Speaker 1: we're spending. Evaluate your use of technology. Okay. I'm not,
41:55
Speaker 1: and I know there are some factions in the homeschool
41:58
Speaker 1: movement that are very anti-technology. I'm not part of that group.
42:03
Speaker 1: I love technology. Amen. Hallelujah. Praise the Lord. Thank you
42:07
Speaker 1: for technology. It's part of common grace, the goodness of God.
42:12
Speaker 1: I'm grateful to God for the image of God in
42:14
Speaker 1: man that is creative and that continues to create It's
42:19
Speaker 1: wonderful technology. It can be used for evil. They can
42:23
Speaker 1: be used for good. But the advance of technology is
42:26
Speaker 1: a blessing to the kingdom of man. It's wonderful. Evaluate
42:30
Speaker 1: your use of entertainment. OK, evaluate your use of entertainment. Again,
42:35
Speaker 1: this is one that can be kind of touchy within
42:37
Speaker 1: homeschool circles. There's some people in homeschool circles. Man, if
42:40
Speaker 1: you've got a television, you know, you just you're anathema,
42:44
Speaker 1: you know. You don't even deserve to breathe or call
42:47
Speaker 1: yourself a Christian. But evaluate your use of entertainment. There's
42:53
Speaker 1: some balance between we refuse to use electricity and we'll
42:59
Speaker 1: watch anything that comes on no matter what. Somewhere in
43:03
Speaker 1: the middle of there is probably a good place. Evaluate
43:08
Speaker 1: your use of your spiritual gifts. How are you as
43:11
Speaker 1: a family being used by the Lord in ministry to others.
43:18
Speaker 1: There's a lot more that we could say and talk
43:25
Speaker 1: about on this, but there's two things I want to do. One,
43:28
Speaker 1: I want to tell you about some helpful resources again,
43:30
Speaker 1: and two, I want you to have time to ask
43:32
Speaker 1: some questions. What I've done in Family Shepherds is divided
43:36
Speaker 1: this book into those four areas, but also done it
43:41
Speaker 1: in a way to help you understand how we use
43:44
Speaker 1: it to equip men at our church. And so we
43:47
Speaker 1: have a monthly men's meeting. We divide the year up
43:49
Speaker 1: into four quarters. Each quarter we're dealing with one of
43:51
Speaker 1: these four areas. And so I give you the biblical
43:55
Speaker 1: and theological foundation for each of those four areas. And
43:58
Speaker 1: also just some little tools and pointers as to how
44:01
Speaker 1: to apply this in a local church context or a
44:05
Speaker 1: local church setting to equipping men to think through and
44:09
Speaker 1: lead in these particular areas. And then another resource that
44:12
Speaker 1: I want to make you aware of Uh, there's the book,
44:14
Speaker 1: what he must be if he wants to marry my daughter. Um,
44:18
Speaker 1: this is really just a, a, a practical biblical apologetic
44:23
Speaker 1: for manhood. Okay. What, what is it? What does a
44:26
Speaker 1: husband and father look like? And as I've said before, um,
44:28
Speaker 1: there are a lot of guys who have gotten this,
44:31
Speaker 1: you know, so that they could beat their daughters over
44:32
Speaker 1: the head with it because of some guy that they
44:34
Speaker 1: don't approve of. And, and, and the dad who gets
44:37
Speaker 1: this to go beat his daughter over the head gets
44:39
Speaker 1: a spanking first. Um, Because it paints a picture of
44:44
Speaker 1: his responsibility. And so this one would go right along
44:47
Speaker 1: with that, especially in the area of marriage enrichment. And
44:50
Speaker 1: then there's a conference that I've done that I do
44:53
Speaker 1: related to this book. And this is that conference with
44:56
Speaker 1: the four sessions from the conference plus Q & A
44:59
Speaker 1: and an interview here. And all of those are available
45:01
Speaker 1: down in our booth. Also, there's some other tools that
45:04
Speaker 1: we have available that we use for family worship and catechism.
45:09
Speaker 1: They call truth and grace memory books. They're from a
45:12
Speaker 1: Reformed Baptist perspective. So again, if you're Presbyterian or Lutheran,
45:17
Speaker 1: we don't have those, or Christian Reformed Church or whatever,
45:20
Speaker 1: we don't have any of those sort of tools down
45:22
Speaker 1: there for you. But these are from a Baptistic perspective,
45:25
Speaker 1: so if you're interested in at least seeing those, those
45:27
Speaker 1: will be down there at the table for you as well. Okay?
45:34
Speaker 1: All right. And we'll give those to somebody before we leave.
45:38
Speaker 1: We have to decide who we give them to, though.
45:41
Speaker 1: All right. Questions? Yes, sir. Yeah. Yeah, you got to
45:58
Speaker 1: buy my book. Glad you picked up on that, bro.
46:03
Speaker 1: I'm glad you picked up on that. That's good, man.
46:06
Speaker 1: That's perceptive of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not going
46:15
Speaker 1: to tell you. Yay. $ 10. Yeah. Yeah, it could be, man.
46:25
Speaker 1: It could be. It could be. Yes, sir. What does
46:34
Speaker 1: spanking look like to me? How old? I start spanking
46:39
Speaker 1: when I start seeing folly. And that's different from child
46:43
Speaker 1: to child. I stop spanking when I stop seeing folly.
46:48
Speaker 1: And that's different from child to child. I don't set
46:56
Speaker 1: an age at which I stop spanking for two reasons. One,
47:00
Speaker 1: because every individual is different. And two, you never let
47:03
Speaker 1: your adversary know when you're going to withdraw your forces.
47:05
Speaker 1: You know? So, yeah, I don't, yeah. I mean, really,
47:13
Speaker 1: if I got out of hand, like right now, I'm
47:16
Speaker 1: 43 years old. If I got out of hand and
47:18
Speaker 1: my mother told me I had to take a whooping,
47:20
Speaker 1: I probably would, you know? Yeah. Is Sunday nights or
47:34
Speaker 1: over-programming from the church impeding the idea of biblical rest
47:40
Speaker 1: no because we're called to rest from our labors not
47:43
Speaker 1: from our worship so no not at all yeah yeah
47:58
Speaker 1: yeah Yeah, it's a great question. It's just, you know,
48:19
Speaker 1: we hear about this and we decide that we're going
48:21
Speaker 1: to do this, but we have to work. We have
48:23
Speaker 1: to provide. And so we get into this and work
48:26
Speaker 1: happens and other things start to happen and we sort
48:29
Speaker 1: of get away from this pattern. Here's what I always
48:31
Speaker 1: encourage guys with. Think about it this way. Let's say
48:34
Speaker 1: you have a thousand opportunities just to get a round number.
48:37
Speaker 1: You have a thousand opportunities to gather with your family
48:40
Speaker 1: for family worship. Okay. And here's what a lot of
48:43
Speaker 1: times we do. We go, you know, if I can't
48:46
Speaker 1: get all thousand or if I can't get at least 900,
48:48
Speaker 1: I may as well not start. I'm saying take every
48:52
Speaker 1: one you can. And so your life gets out of
48:55
Speaker 1: whack and you miss for a good while. You just go, man,
48:58
Speaker 1: I hate the fact that we missed all those times,
49:01
Speaker 1: but let's take advantage of every time and every opportunity
49:03
Speaker 1: that we have. So don't think about family worship in
49:06
Speaker 1: terms of the percentage of days that you hit. Just
49:10
Speaker 1: think about family worship as an opportunity and an obligation
49:14
Speaker 1: that you have. And I always encourage attaching it to mealtime.
49:19
Speaker 1: We gotta eat, right? And so attach it to a mealtime.
49:23
Speaker 1: That does a couple of things. One, it leads to
49:25
Speaker 1: greater consistency. But two, if you attach family worship to
49:29
Speaker 1: mealtime and you get to a place where you're not
49:32
Speaker 1: able to have meals with your family, more than likely
49:35
Speaker 1: you're in sin with your schedule. If you can't take
49:39
Speaker 1: any meals with your family, you know. But you're either
49:42
Speaker 1: in sin or you've been deployed, you know. Yes? Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
50:08
Speaker 1: And it is. And that's the whole point. He's talking
50:10
Speaker 1: about the Lord's day and preparing to be able to
50:13
Speaker 1: spend that, that, that, that time. And that's what it
50:16
Speaker 1: does when you make that commitment. And again, we're, we're
50:19
Speaker 1: not talking about, um, you know, even, even whether, whether
50:23
Speaker 1: you're Sabbatarian or not Sabbatarian, whether you believe, you know,
50:26
Speaker 1: that the Lord's day is the Christian Sabbath, so on
50:29
Speaker 1: and so forth. We can even leave that aside, not
50:32
Speaker 1: even talking about that. All of us understand that creation
50:35
Speaker 1: gives us that pattern, and there's a work and worship pattern.
50:40
Speaker 1: And once you acknowledge that, you know, we don't all
50:44
Speaker 1: have to agree on what you can do or what
50:46
Speaker 1: you can't do or so on and so forth. But
50:47
Speaker 1: once we acknowledge the fact that God has given us
50:49
Speaker 1: that pattern, it forces you to think during those six
50:53
Speaker 1: days about how to be a good steward of the seventh. So, yes.
50:59
Speaker 1: The rate of the economy where everybody was seeing this
51:01
Speaker 1: great influx of money and they were making investments and
51:04
Speaker 1: they were buying houses and they were doing things that were,
51:07
Speaker 1: in essence, shit. Okay, now you've replaced that sin. You've
51:09
Speaker 1: got a number of properties that are not worth the
51:11
Speaker 1: value that you paid for them. As a father, you
51:12
Speaker 1: have this obligation to pay. As a Christian, you have
51:15
Speaker 1: an obligation to what you've committed to. You're doing the work,
51:19
Speaker 1: you've got to pay those obligations. How do you balance
51:23
Speaker 1: that against the sin of, okay, I've got to work
51:25
Speaker 1: two jobs to make this happen, make that obligation. I've
51:28
Speaker 1: got to work for the sin. All of that. Yeah,
51:32
Speaker 1: I think, you know, you sort of left our topic
51:35
Speaker 1: a little bit when you're talking about defaulting on loans
51:37
Speaker 1: and overextension on loans and buying property and... No, you're
51:42
Speaker 1: talking very specifically about... You want that specific answer, I'm
51:47
Speaker 1: not the guy to get it. But if you have
51:49
Speaker 1: a more general question... you know, about your financial obligations
51:54
Speaker 1: versus your work, what I'm going to say is you've
51:57
Speaker 1: got to somehow get out from under those financial obligations.
52:01
Speaker 1: You know, do it honorably, but you've got to somehow
52:04
Speaker 1: get out from under those financial obligations. You can't afford it.
52:09
Speaker 1: That's where we are as a country, is it not? Right?
52:12
Speaker 1: We can't afford it. We can't afford it. And one
52:14
Speaker 1: of the reasons that our economy is going to collapse
52:18
Speaker 1: is Hear me on that. Our economy is going to collapse.
52:22
Speaker 1: And one of the reasons that I can guarantee that
52:23
Speaker 1: our economy is going to collapse is because we're in
52:26
Speaker 1: that position as a country where we have obligations that,
52:29
Speaker 1: I mean, the math doesn't work. I don't care what
52:32
Speaker 1: kind of math. You go out there and do Singapore
52:34
Speaker 1: math or Matthew C or teaching textbooks or whatever. The
52:37
Speaker 1: math doesn't work, man. And so because of that, we're
52:42
Speaker 1: going to default. We're going to collapse. There's going to
52:44
Speaker 1: be a major economic collapse. And so... On a household level,
52:48
Speaker 1: the same thing is true. If you're overextended and you've
52:51
Speaker 1: got obligations out there that you cannot afford, somehow, somehow,
52:55
Speaker 1: you have to get rid of those obligations. You do
52:58
Speaker 1: so as honorably and as biblically as you can, but
53:01
Speaker 1: you've got to get out from under those obligations, you know,
53:04
Speaker 1: because the math doesn't work otherwise, both financially and as
53:08
Speaker 1: far as the time that you're spending with your family. Now,
53:11
Speaker 1: on the particulars, you know, properties and oversight, I'll leave
53:15
Speaker 1: that to somebody else, yeah. Yes, back here. Yeah, I
53:36
Speaker 1: only catechize individuals. Yeah, I don't catechize corporately because we
53:42
Speaker 1: can't because our kids range from 22 down to five months.
53:46
Speaker 1: So if we were just going to catechize corporately, we'd
53:49
Speaker 1: always be at the lowest common denominator. So we kind
53:54
Speaker 1: of do a combination where you start everybody with the
53:58
Speaker 1: basic questions, and then the little ones are done, and
54:00
Speaker 1: then the next little one is done, and then the
54:02
Speaker 1: next little one is done, and so on and so
54:04
Speaker 1: forth until we get to the people who have more
54:06
Speaker 1: of the thing memorized. That's one way that it works
54:09
Speaker 1: out for us. Other people will do catechism at separate
54:13
Speaker 1: times for each of the kids or whatnot, but that
54:17
Speaker 1: logistically didn't work for us. But you just do it
54:20
Speaker 1: in a way that works. Some people do it both ends.
54:24
Speaker 1: Some people do, they're catechizing the children like that so
54:27
Speaker 1: that the children are moving through at their own pace.
54:30
Speaker 1: And these books that we have at our table, you
54:32
Speaker 1: get a book generally for each child, or you can
54:34
Speaker 1: get one book, you sign off for where each child
54:37
Speaker 1: is so that they know where they are individually. But
54:39
Speaker 1: then family-wise, depending on what you're studying in your family
54:43
Speaker 1: worship time, You may all be remembering a particular catechism
54:47
Speaker 1: question together. So, I mean, it's just like everything else
54:52
Speaker 1: in homeschool world, man. You just got to make it fit.
54:54
Speaker 1: You know, you just got to make it fit. Yes.
54:56
Speaker 1: We'll go there and then here. In a relational manner.
55:07
Speaker 1: Say again. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Relationally, how do we model biblical
55:20
Speaker 1: masculinity to this generation of sons? Same way it's always
55:23
Speaker 1: been done, and that's through time together. There's no substitute
55:26
Speaker 1: for it. You cannot model masculinity to your son without
55:29
Speaker 1: spending time with your sons. So we have to find
55:32
Speaker 1: a way to spend time with our sons. Period. I mean,
55:35
Speaker 1: that's it. There's no substitute for it. Yes? You said
55:38
Speaker 1: there's a difference between business and productivity. Yeah, there's a
55:46
Speaker 1: difference between busyness and productivity. Busyness, for example, we can
55:50
Speaker 1: have our kids in every sport that comes up and
55:55
Speaker 1: every extracurricular activity that comes up. And I can be
55:59
Speaker 1: involved in every sort of activity that comes up. And
56:02
Speaker 1: I can be extremely busy, but not really moving toward
56:06
Speaker 1: anything productive. Or I can be selective in the things
56:12
Speaker 1: that I do. We can be selective in the things
56:14
Speaker 1: that we participate in So that everything that we do
56:16
Speaker 1: has a purpose. And it's not just, this is the
56:22
Speaker 1: next season to come up, so here we go. So
56:25
Speaker 1: rather than just trying to stay busy, we need to
56:29
Speaker 1: be productive. So, yes. Yeah. The question is, how can
56:47
Speaker 1: we be of encouragement to our wives if they're taking
56:51
Speaker 1: the brunt of the schedule as far as the teaching,
56:53
Speaker 1: the day-to-day teaching? I think one of the ways is
56:56
Speaker 1: offering this kind of effective sort of top-level leadership, making
57:03
Speaker 1: sure that our wives understand that there is a big
57:07
Speaker 1: picture that we're sort of striving for. I think the
57:11
Speaker 1: second thing is sometimes we need to help our wives
57:14
Speaker 1: slow down. I mean, there's a lot of times when
57:16
Speaker 1: I've had to, you know, as a husband, just sort
57:19
Speaker 1: of say, why? Why? Why? You know, what's the matter, babe?
57:28
Speaker 1: We just got to do so and so. Why? Well,
57:30
Speaker 1: because if we don't do this, then we're not going
57:31
Speaker 1: to get to that. And, you know, that's a problem. Why? Well,
57:35
Speaker 1: it's because, you know, I want to. OK, why? And ultimately,
57:38
Speaker 1: what I'm getting to is where's the person? who's governing
57:42
Speaker 1: our home saying that this has to be finished by
57:45
Speaker 1: a certain date. I haven't met him yet. Sometimes as
57:50
Speaker 1: a father, that's what we have to do. We have
57:53
Speaker 1: to remind them that we're not governed by anybody's schedule.
57:57
Speaker 1: I mean, who says we got to be finished by
58:00
Speaker 1: the summertime? Where'd that come from? And for me, that's
58:06
Speaker 1: been one of the most helpful things is to just
58:08
Speaker 1: sort of be able to say, that's okay. That's cool.
58:12
Speaker 1: You know, that one right there might not read till
58:15
Speaker 1: he's 12. You know, we all good. Tell you what, though,
58:22
Speaker 1: by 13, it's going to be awesome. You know. So sometimes,
58:28
Speaker 1: I mean, a lot, really, a lot of times, especially
58:30
Speaker 1: if your wife was a school teacher or if your
58:32
Speaker 1: kids spent a lot of time in the school system,
58:34
Speaker 1: I mean, a lot of times, that's the biggest help
58:35
Speaker 1: that you can be. You know, maybe you could take
58:37
Speaker 1: some subjects, help them take some time off. But really,
58:40
Speaker 1: giving this sort of top-level leadership is really important, along
58:43
Speaker 1: with helping them, you know, back here. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
58:53
Speaker 1: Can I give you an example of how I balance
58:55
Speaker 1: family life with my business, you know, my travel schedule?
58:58
Speaker 1: Number one, I only travel about six days a month. Two,
59:01
Speaker 1: I office at home. I have for probably the last
59:04
Speaker 1: 10 or 15 years office at my home. You know, three,
59:10
Speaker 1: I catechize my children every morning. I lead family worship
59:13
Speaker 1: every night. Once my boys reach age 13, I become
59:16
Speaker 1: their full-time teacher, every subject, every day. So they travel
59:18
Speaker 1: with me full-time wherever I go. So those are just
59:22
Speaker 1: a few things for me based on our life and
59:25
Speaker 1: the things that we have that I do to sort
59:28
Speaker 1: of help balance that. So, yes. Man, you know, we
59:39
Speaker 1: have our dinner together and we have our family worship together.
59:42
Speaker 1: We read together. We sing together. We pray together. It's
59:49
Speaker 1: really not complicated. We keep things very simple. But, you know,
59:54
Speaker 1: with that kind of, you know, with eight kids and
59:55
Speaker 1: that kind of range, it's never dull, you know. It's
1:00:00
Speaker 1: never dull. There's never a dull moment. Alright, let me
1:00:02
Speaker 1: go over here and then I think my time is
1:00:03
Speaker 1: up too. Yes? Yeah, quick question. I've been to a
1:00:04
Speaker 1: lot of these seminars and stuff like that. I have
1:00:06
Speaker 1: a hard time getting excited about this information. Once I
1:00:08
Speaker 1: get home, for some reason, I just know it. In
1:00:17
Speaker 1: terms of Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's saying that it's really hard.
1:00:29
Speaker 1: We come here and we get information like this and
1:00:31
Speaker 1: then we go home and it's, it's hard. We tend
1:00:35
Speaker 1: to sort of blow it. We tend to sort of
1:00:37
Speaker 1: let it lie. And that's one of the reasons that
1:00:39
Speaker 1: I believe it's important that we have to create a
1:00:41
Speaker 1: culture of family discipleship. And that's one of the things
1:00:46
Speaker 1: I don't know what kind of surroundings you have. I
1:00:50
Speaker 1: don't know what kind of men you have around you,
1:00:52
Speaker 1: but it's, it's, it's incredibly important and extremely helpful to
1:00:57
Speaker 1: have a culture of family discipleship that you're at least
1:01:00
Speaker 1: exposed to. Um, and I don't, I don't know, I
1:01:05
Speaker 1: don't know how we could do what we do in
1:01:07
Speaker 1: our setting if we didn't have, um, an environment where
1:01:11
Speaker 1: we created a culture of family discipleship, because it is
1:01:14
Speaker 1: tough and it does get discouraging and it can seem monotonous. Um,
1:01:20
Speaker 1: this is a discipline, you know, this is a discipline,
1:01:22
Speaker 1: you know, um, One of the things, let me just
1:01:25
Speaker 1: give you this before we're done. The worst thing you
1:01:29
Speaker 1: can do, the most dangerous thing you can do is
1:01:30
Speaker 1: try to make family worship fun. Worst thing you could
1:01:34
Speaker 1: possibly do. I mean it. It's the absolute worst thing
1:01:37
Speaker 1: you could possibly do. Number one, because as soon as
1:01:41
Speaker 1: you try to make it fun, who are you trying
1:01:43
Speaker 1: to make it fun for? Your kids. You're teaching them
1:01:45
Speaker 1: that they're the center of family worship, not Christ. So
1:01:47
Speaker 1: you have a theological problem right off the bat. Number two,
1:01:51
Speaker 1: you're going to have to constantly outdo yourself in order
1:01:54
Speaker 1: to keep them entertained. Number three, you are teaching them
1:01:58
Speaker 1: a warped view of worship. Do not try to make
1:02:04
Speaker 1: this fun. That's not our goal, okay? Keep it simple,
1:02:08
Speaker 1: keep it short. Try to get our kids involved and engaged.
1:02:12
Speaker 1: But if we make it our goal to have them entertained,
1:02:18
Speaker 1: this will be short-lived. That's one way to make this short-lived.
1:02:23
Speaker 1: It's a discipline. It really is. It's a discipline. Okay? Yes.
1:02:27
Speaker 1: This will be the last one. Yeah. Great question. You know,
1:03:03
Speaker 1: our wives look at homeschooling, they think of this as sacrifice.
1:03:07
Speaker 1: They had dreams and goals and aspirations, especially with the
1:03:10
Speaker 1: rise of feminism. We're not raising women anymore in our culture.
1:03:14
Speaker 1: We're raising men who happen to be biologically capable of
1:03:16
Speaker 1: having children. And so our wives have, especially in this generation,
1:03:23
Speaker 1: our wives have been raised to be hunter-gatherers, not wives
1:03:27
Speaker 1: and mothers. And so the kind of goals and hopes
1:03:30
Speaker 1: and aspirations that a lot of these women are walking
1:03:33
Speaker 1: away from sometimes are absolutely huge. So how do you
1:03:36
Speaker 1: help encourage a woman, you know, when she's quote-unquote giving
1:03:40
Speaker 1: up all these things? First is you never talk about
1:03:43
Speaker 1: it in terms of her giving up all these things.
1:03:46
Speaker 1: I'm an adoptive father. Six of our eight children came
1:03:49
Speaker 1: to our family through adoption. One of the things you
1:03:51
Speaker 1: learn early on as an adoptive father is you don't
1:03:54
Speaker 1: talk about women giving up their babies for adoption. Women
1:03:58
Speaker 1: make a plan for their child. They don't give up anything.
1:04:02
Speaker 1: They're doing anything but giving up when they make a
1:04:04
Speaker 1: plan for that child to be adopted. When a woman
1:04:08
Speaker 1: makes a decision to be a homeschool mom, she's not
1:04:10
Speaker 1: giving up anything. She is investing her life in something
1:04:14
Speaker 1: far more significant than anything the world out there has
1:04:17
Speaker 1: to offer. And one of the things we need to
1:04:19
Speaker 1: do is stop talking about what they gave up. And
1:04:29
Speaker 1: my time is gone. I may have even been a
1:04:30
Speaker 1: little bit over. I'm going down to the table. Um,
1:04:35
Speaker 1: if you have to go to lunch, go ahead and
1:04:36
Speaker 1: go to lunch. But, uh, I don't know if I'll
1:04:37
Speaker 1: be able to get there after the one o'clock session,
1:04:40
Speaker 1: going down to the table, get there, be glad to
1:04:42
Speaker 1: answer your questions, show you how these things work. If
1:04:45
Speaker 1: you are pastor, church leader, want to understand, um, how
1:04:50
Speaker 1: to implement this, um, with a group of men, um,
1:04:54
Speaker 1: I'll be down there. There's also at least one of
1:04:57
Speaker 1: our other elders who's down there. Um, and, uh, couple
1:05:00
Speaker 1: of other guys down there who can help you. So
1:05:03
Speaker 1: if that's you, just come to the table and let
1:05:05
Speaker 1: me know that you want to spend some time with
1:05:07
Speaker 1: somebody talking about that and we'll hook you up. Okay.