Latest / Just Us Sisters / Episode 2: Balancing Career & Family Life
Transcript
- speaker-0: Welcome to the Just Us Sisters podcast. Life doesn't come with a manual, so we made a podcast. Pull up a chair join us. speaker-1: Join us. speaker-2: Hey, welcome to episode two of Just Us Sisters podcast. We'll be discussing balancing career and family life. And by balance, I mean mostly how off balance it felt at different times of seasons. I'll be hosting today and I'm number three, Shelly. We have Susan, number one, Sheryl number two, and Stacey, the baby, number four. speaker-0: Listeners, tell us on a scale of one to 10 how balanced you feel today. We'd be curious to hear back from you guys and your ability to balance career and family life. Statistics just came out recently that Austin in central Texas is the number six in the hardest working cities in America. It is worn like a badge of honor but it can take a toll on women and men for that matter. speaker-2: Statistic It's raw. speaker-0: who are desperately trying to balance their career and family life. speaker-2: That's what we want to talk about today. Each of us have had a variety of different jobs and ⁓ and going discuss that today. The first question I want to ask and just throw out there is when was the first time you realized you couldn't do it all? When was the first time? speaker-1: Man, I realized that real fast. I don't know about the rest of you, but was a stay at home mom until my youngest son started kindergarten. ⁓ And he started kindergarten, all of a sudden I was doing all the same things that I was doing before I worked, plus working an eight hour job. ⁓ And couldn't do it. And I felt ⁓ like failure. because I couldn't get it all done. I found that out real fast. speaker-4: Yeah. Mine was more when the two boys were very active in high school sports and all four of the younger ones were becoming active in city sports, baseball and soccer and football. And KC coaching 90 hours a week and just getting everybody to where they needed to be and ensuring that I miss anything was overwhelming, all while trying to have a career. speaker-0: I'm so grateful that was able to join us today. She is the daughter of a former speaker-2: co-worker and speaker-0: I remember even back then I had so much respect for her and her ability to balance career with her younger children at that time. just looking forward to what she has to share with us. Tara is a married mother of two wonderful kids, a 13 and a 10 year old. She's with her husband since high school and they just celebrated 22 years together. speaker-2: ⁓ speaker-0: is currently an executive director at a property management company in Austin and been with them for 19 years. She likes cooking, sports, and hanging out with family and friends. An afternoon drinking margarita on a patio is her idea of a best day ever. And I'm sure a lot of our listeners can agree. ⁓ So Tara, thanks again just being a part of The core and the. speaker-2: Drinking speaker-0: The crux of what we're talking about today is with two active kids and a busy demanding job, how do you manage to balance career and family? speaker-2: life? speaker-5: It's definitely difficult. I am a certified control freak, so I plan a lot. My job requires me to be extremely organized and task oriented, and I definitely have that in my life. My life, I do ⁓ a of meal planning for the week because we a lot of sports during the week after work. I'm ⁓ out of the ⁓ probably. ⁓ 15 hours a day. So I have to plan accordingly. So we're not eating McDonald's every night. So things like that. I'm also the oldest sister. And so I have that energy. I like to get things done and do them myself. ⁓ But yeah, I would say being organized, task oriented, it ⁓ me through. wouldn't be able to function without having kind of a weekly plan. ⁓ speaker-0: looking back, what's the biggest obstacle you find in making that happen? speaker-2: I speaker-5: I think 100 % it's the emotional strain, the guilt that I think a lot of moms have. Am I giving enough to my kids, to my husband, to my work, to myself? I don't think that's ever gonna go away, ⁓ again, like every mother, but the kids in particular, if I'm running around a lot with my 13-year-old, is my 10-year-old getting enough? Seeing my husband as passing ships sometimes throughout the week, we definitely get in those funks sometimes and then kind of recognizing it and resetting and being strategic about let's go out and even if it's just grab a cup of coffee or meet for a lunch date during the work week just to kind of reset. But I do also think it's just the stage of life we're in. and I remind myself how quick it goes. But I would say for sure the biggest hurdle for me is the emotional guilt. speaker-0: The sisters are coming from a perspective of being on the other side. Some us still have careers, but the kids are gone and it becomes a different act, but it is still there. So we can definitely appreciate where you're coming from So, I'll transition what advice would you other working moms who are going through. speaker-5: I love the saying that everybody kind of says like this too shall pass Just kind of you know Reminding yourself that we're doing the best we can at least to myself I know I'm doing the best I can can only give so much. I feel like maybe when my kids were ⁓ elementary school. I had to really reset my own focus like can't do it all and that's really hard because I am a control freak and You know, something I hate to say suffer, but something has to suffer at some aspect. So maybe one week just have to, you know, let the house be dirty. And if that it's me being able take my kids to the park or go something fun, but my toilets don't get cleaned. I have to be okay with that. still a struggle, but I've gotten better about it. But yeah, I think that's, and me up. work and personal boundaries at work, cutting off as much as I can at the end of a work day and not checking phone at night for emails or trying to solve all the world problems at 10 o'clock at night. I've gotten better about that just because the exhaustion hits at point. It's like something has to give. ⁓ speaker-0: Well, I feel like it's always a work in progress and I know that listeners will benefit from your perspective and the advice that you have and we really appreciate you coming on and joining on this ⁓ balancing and family life episode. So thank you again. speaker-1: would say you can't do it all. ⁓ Find out what's priority in your life and focus on that. Then, you know, that's what you do. You can't do it all. Can't have it all and you can't do it all. I know that that is so opposite than what we hear, but I'm telling you, it will drive you insane to try to do it all and find you a good community to depend on to help pick up. ⁓ kids from practice or bring kids home from school or, you know, don't be afraid to ask for help. That's not a sign of weakness. So that's what I would say. speaker-4: would say grace, know, give yourself grace and know that it's okay. It's okay if you fail. It's okay to take a break if you can, you know, if you have that opportunity. Take care of yourself because so many times and still to this day gave everything for my kids. I don't even know what hobbies I like, you know, and so take that time for yourself and take care of yourself and Make sure you get enough sleep. Even if it's not all in one night, make sure there are times that you can get some sleep and take a bath. ⁓ just take care of yourself ⁓ grace. ⁓ speaker-6: would say our families deserve more than the crumbs over. I think I did that a lot. They got the leftover crumbs and really they deserve four course meal. And I'm not talking about in reality, but figuratively. And I think that would be what I'd do differently. I gave a lot of my time to kids that they weren't even in my family, but yet my kids got the leftovers. ⁓ speaker-2: Susan mentioned community and all of us have single parent friends ⁓ you know, I have so much respect for them because each of us have our husbands that obviously what would be considered step in and spoil us in a lot of cases, but ⁓ having that built in help, you know, what are some things that you might suggest for a single parent in helping with the balancing of the career and family lives? speaker-6: think Susan nailed it while ago when she said, you got to drop your pride and allow people to step in and, you know, whether it be family or friends, lot of times you just feel like you're putting people out, but they wouldn't ask if they didn't want to help. So I just wanted to add that. speaker-4: I would say use the other parents on the team, if their kids are active in sports or theater or choir, whatever it is, and take turns taking them and picking them up. That gives you just a little bit of time to yourself to go grocery shopping or to do laundry or to finish that proposal that you needed to get done. But offer to do that for other parents and get a schedule set up. It helped me when KC was coaching and I had to get all over. I my parents as well, thankfully, and y'all to help get the kids all around. But you can't do it all yourself. And sometimes we have to set boundaries on what all there is to do. And that's the hardest part is because you want to do it all. like Susan said before, there's a priority to it. ⁓ And got stick with that. speaker-0: Cathy is with us. is a friend of Susan, my oldest sister, and we are excited to have her a part of today's podcast. After almost 20 years teaching elementary education, Cathy made the switch to becoming a corporate senior learning and development specialist with a passion for helping people grow through meaningful practical learning experiences. Cathy is a proud single mom to her nine-year-old son, Elijah, who keeps life adventurous. ⁓ Together they enjoy going to museums, national parks, and building Legos. So I have Cathy here today to just kind of get her perspective on balancing career and family life. So I'll just start with the question, everyone always wants to know, what's the biggest obstacle of being a working single mother? speaker-3: It's trying to be everything to everybody. At work, you have to be 100%. At home, you have to be 100%. And many times it feels like you go from wake up to getting your kiddo ready to getting them to school. Then you're in work mode and then you get your kiddo after work. And it's very hard to find time for yourself. I think that it's easy to lose your identity as a mother, a working mother, period. just trying to, you want to bring your best to every situation you're in and Knowing how to balance that energy, balance your time can be a big struggle. speaker-0: Absolutely. Yeah. A lot like married mothers, but you don't have that person that can step in all the time and kind of give you some relief and help. So how do you determine what takes priority? speaker-3: For me, number one has been my kiddo. I did come from a teaching background and so I had the opportunity, I had taught for 11 years before I became a mom. And so I had an opportunity to see a lot of different kiddos and family styles and the way that the kiddos were raised. And so for me, I just knew that if I ever had a child, that was gonna be a priority. And so, You know, I try to be very conscious that the decisions that I make are going to have not only an impact on me, but also on my son. For instance, I decided to leave teaching because my son is neurodivergent. He's on the autism spectrum and I needed to be an advocate for him. That is, you know, again, my priority. ⁓ it was really hard to be working in the same ⁓ district in the same school that I needed to advocate for. And so I made the decision to leave public education and go into corporate learning. I took a, now it's a 30 % pay cut to be able to have a remote position, which is a blessing, but also to be able to step outside the public education so that I could go in and support him. And you know, now he went from being very anxious and very, he had a lot of anxiety about school and that kind of bled into home and. He would have meltdowns, emotional regulation was a real struggle for him. But because I've taken that step back and I can provide him some space, make a home that's very nurturing. I'm ⁓ he an award ceremony, if he wants me to come to school for lunch, can do those things that I couldn't do. speaker-0: You before that's amazing. It's it's awesome that you have that flexibility and made the choice to change to get flexibility. Yeah, I know that made a difference in his life for sure. So what advice would give other single mothers? Find your speaker-3: people. You know, initially when I found out that I was going to have a child and I knew that I was gonna be a single mom, I put a stigma on myself and assumed that I knew how others judged me and kind of self-isolated. And then on top of that, know, then I'm an autism mama and do people understand my child and his reactions and his, you his needs? And because of that, I insulated us from the world and our circle got really small. And you know, in the last couple years, I went back to Susan's church. had gone to Susan's church in my early twenties. And so I came back in three, twenty two, twenty three and have gotten connected to a small group. And it just so happens that that small group has four other autism mamas. And so they understand those unique things that we deal with. But through that, you know, we have a lunch date after Sunday. You know, during the week, one of the girls in my group is also remote. And so we can go have lunch together. We're always a text away from one another. And it created a community that I didn't have before. And not one of them judges me for being a single mom. We find our common ground, the differences. And we focus on the common ground. Awesome. And that for me has been such a release because my time with those women is time to be me. And I think that's something that's, you know, we... as single moms are so much of our kids' world. it's easy to lose yourself in motherhood, you know, period, to lose who you are. And that community, finding those women has allowed me to have community, to have a faith community, which is huge for me. Because when I tell you God's fingerprints are all over Elijah's and my life, but I do think that you need people encouraging you and growing you and pushing you on. ⁓ speaker-0: absolute. speaker-3: And he's made friends with their kiddos because you know what, as much as adults can look at ⁓ differences in children, kids don't see that. And kids need community too. That gives them extra resources, extra support, extra family. speaker-1: kids. speaker-0: Yeah, wow. Well, we really appreciate you coming on and sharing your story and I know that others will benefit from it and we are thankful for your willingness to do that. ⁓ speaker-3: Thanks for having me on. speaker-1: think should all agree that the village is important whether you're married or not married. mean, community is what it's all about to help keep life balanced. speaker-2: get, it takes a village more now than I ever did when it first came out. I hope times have changed. mean, it was so about empowering women and, you know, breaking the glass ceiling and all of that, and not having been in the work field technically for several years. I hope that's changed. Listeners, weigh in, tell us, it, is it still the same? Is it different? Have, you know, can you set boundaries at work? How was it different for you now than it was for us when we just felt like if they asked it, we had to do it and just push, push, push. Where do you feel the most tension right now? All my sisters as well as listeners, work, family or expectations? speaker-4: Mine are the expectations I put on myself for all of the above. not the expectations that work puts on me or family. It's what I put on myself ⁓ and along with that, have grace. And that's hard to come by sometimes, a lot of the time. You know, at work, they talk a lot about work-life balance and I have peers who have that down and I get jealous of that, that they can just step away. and say, ⁓ it'll be here tomorrow. And I strive to be able to do that. I'm not there, but they ⁓ speaker-1: when it's hard when you feel like people are depending on you. And, know, like before we started our podcast, Sheryl said that there was something, you know, that she needed to get done tonight for her client. ⁓ it's hard when their expectations, I mean, they're not their life, but the important things in their life are dependent on you doing your job. And so that's where it's, it gets hard. to balance, but like you said, Stacey earlier, it kind of season, it kind of ebbs and flows. Some days are worse than others. Some months are worse than others. So it's just seasonal, but it's learning how to handle that season when it comes. speaker-2: So are you at a stage now that you feel like you have finally reached that career and family life balance is it still a work in progress? ⁓ speaker-6: I think it's always going to be a work in progress. But for me in 1993, when I went through a divorce, I had to balance myself quickly. I was teaching and coaching, probably working 50 to 60 hours a week. And I had to depend on my family. I had to depend on y'all. I mean, most of you were living ⁓ close. Shelly lived real close. Like I lived with her with the kids. speaker-1: think we all lived in a three-house. speaker-2: All on the same. Yeah. ⁓ speaker-0: I speaker-4: neighbor like speaker-6: What was the name of that? Empress? Empress? when you have two kids, six and eight years old staring at you when you get home, like for food, for homework support, you got to learn how to balance it pretty quickly. And I think through the Lord, my parents, my church, my friends, and I already said y'all, that's where my balance came from. speaker-4: I still deal with it. It is a work in progress. And when I feel like I am there, something happens at work and it pulls me in. it's probably like almost a drug of sorts. You you don't know when to say, okay, I'm gonna walk away for the night. So I have to ⁓ make do that. Luckily, KC is extremely supportive and will stick his head in the office and say, hey, you gonna finish up anytime soon? And I know when that happens, it's time for me to wrap it up. Yeah. speaker-2: Well, you brought up your husband. How does your husband help and ⁓ kind take part of the... speaker-1: tremendously. I think that partnership is huge. If don't have their support, I see how a lot of women do it. But you to be willing to let go of some things too and let them carry some of that load, you know? And I think I have a husband like that. And since he's retired, we kid that he makes a great house husband. He does laundry, he does grocery shopping, he cooks our meals. So it's nice. to have that help. And I know that not everyone has that. So that's when you just have to give yourself grace. It's all about what's priority to you. speaker-4: So KC pitches in, I say pitches in, he makes all the meals. I think that's for his own sake though, because he wants to be able to eat. But yeah, he makes breakfast and dinner helps with laundry. I order groceries. ⁓ know, maybe something that people are like, it's the grocery store. But to me, it's the amount of time that it takes to get there, to do the shopping and then to get home and put it all up. I just order them and have them delivered. So. You know, little things like that make a huge difference in the amount of time. And it's something that I'm willing to pay for. And I actually think I save money when I do that because I don't buy things I don't need. I buy my list and that's it. So little things like speaker-1: find those ways to help, know, that help you be better time management. speaker-6: Johnnie the best real estate husband. I'll give him the list of that we have to go to. And he sits down and maps them out perfectly. And then he is also my driver. Also, He was a remodel repair guy. So he gives lot of good advice to the home buyers. Then even around here, the coffee's made at five in the morning. The beds are made by seven. The trash is taken out. Everything I had to do growing up, he does. And I really appreciate that. He's a great support. speaker-1: You're spoiled. speaker-4: You are spoiled. speaker-6: I am. I don't think. speaker-2: think that we talk about expectations nearly enough because from career woman to stay at home, the demands and expectations on us can be overwhelming and social media society today does not help that. And the message that gets sent out is you should be able to do it all. And I think that we need, just need, like Stacey said, give ourselves some grace and figure out what we can let go of. There's a big eye opener for me. speaker-0: should be. speaker-2: When I was in the corporate world, I was single. And so I spent a lot of time at work and just devoted my time, time, time. And when it came time for me to leave, I thought, ⁓ this company's, I'm not sure it's going to make it. And I left and the next day they just continued on just like normal. And it was eye-opening for me because I had put so much emphasis. on my contribution and that's when we need to take that step back. Like Stacey was saying, it's going to be here tomorrow. There's some deadlines that you have to obviously meet, but you can't live your life with everything being a deadline. And I think that's the takeaway from this. I have a before we go statement. One thing I'm giving myself grace for this week. What would that be for you guys? ⁓ speaker-4: going to bed at like seven or 730 in the evening. I might not go to sleep right away, but I am exhausted and I'm going to bed. And luckily my husband's willing to come and lay down next to me and keep me company until I do go to sleep. speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-6: I'm giving grace for my timeline. I'm a big check it off and go by the timeline. And week there's just some other things that are more important. I have a friend that had a massive heart attack and that takes precedence over timelines. speaker-1: Absolutely. speaker-2: Yeah, absolutely. speaker-4: Which also brings it into perspective, right y'all? Like Shelly said, if you leave, things go on and things like that bring it all into perspective. speaker-1: us. speaker-2: Run. Yeah. The follow-up statement would be one thing I'm choosing to let go of. speaker-6: Busyness. Busyness just to be busy. I'm learning that God did not create us to just be busy. That's concept that the world has brought into our present. And so even though I do like to stay busy, I'm going to let go of that some. speaker-1: That's a good one, Sheryl, because we're not called human doings, we're called human beings. We're to be, to be present. And I think sometimes our work schedules causes not to be present. So that's a good one to let go of busyness. speaker-2: I like that. That's what we're going to wrap up on. episode, we're kind of back to getting to know us a little bit more. Stacey will be hosting and talking about our birth order and our personalities and what that entails. I it's going to be fun. I hope it doesn't end in a knock down drag out. But anyway, life's messy, meaningful, and better when shared. Thanks for listening. speaker-1: Don't forget to like us. speaker-6: Share. speaker-4: Comment, subscribe. speaker-0: Bye! speaker-6: Bye. speaker-2: I'm your host today, number three, Shelly. We have Susan, number one, Sheryl, number two, and Stacey the baby, number four. speaker-1: Don't point. You're pointing the wrong way. speaker-2: Yeah. ⁓ y'all's doesn't show up at the same as mine. I'll start again. Okay. speaker-0: Cathy is a proud single mom to her nine-year-old son, Elijah, who keeps... Shoot, Shelly. This will be part of our blooper reel. Balancing family life and by balancing mostly... speaker-3: There you go. speaker-2: your family. speaker-0: Today we're talking about balancing career and family life. And by balance, we mostly mean how off balance. Today we're talking about balancing careers and family life. And by balance, we mean. Today we're talking about balancing career and family life and by balance, we mostly mean how off balance we felt at different seasons. Today we're talking about balancing career and family life. And by balance, we mostly mean how off balance it's felt at different seasons. Listeners, let us know on a scale of zero to, ⁓ that's crap. Well, darn technology, I apologize for the tech, ⁓ Well, darn technology. ⁓