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Is Your Circle Killing Your Success? - David Shands · Social Proof Podcast

• 0:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yo Dave, what's up on your man?
• 0:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: You may not know it, but your circle is killing your success.
• 0:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Even if your circle is super successful, they could be killing your success because I have to try to explain this and be careful because I am in a circle of friends, I'm a good network.
• 0:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: A people that are really, really successful.
• 0:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: But sometimes, if you can't handle it, being in a circle of super successful people, kills your ambition and kills your drive, it can have a reverse effect on you.
• 0:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Some people would say, well, if you hang around for people you're bound to be the fifth, I do believe that is true.
• 0:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: But for some people, it's hard to run your own race because you're constantly surrounded around people that are running a race that you desire to have.
• 0:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you try to be like this person, you try to be like that person, you try to do what that person's doing.
• 1:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you never really find yourself in a belief.
• 1:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: You being you is going to be the greatest success that you're going to accomplish.
• 1:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's actually pretty hard to be you these days.
• 1:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Forty years ago.
• 1:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's a lot easier to be yourself because you didn't have as many examples of other successful people.
• 1:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: So think about it before social media, Instagram, TikTok, all that kind of stuff.
• 1:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: The only people you saw were in your neighborhood.
• 1:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: So if you are in a poverty-stricken neighborhood, maybe you saw the dope daily down the street, like, ooh, I wanna do that.
• 1:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm influenced by that.
• 1:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Cool.
• 1:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: But you may have somebody in your family, where you go to a family reunion, that is a doctor or somebody that's like, got added a family, a family curse, and they became successful.
• 1:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're like, ooh, I wanna be that, or you see like an athlete or something like that on TV.
• 1:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: but nowadays there's so many other people that are being successful and they're showing you to highlight reals on social media and you see all the stuff constantly and because there's so many voices around you you can't find your own voice.
• 2:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: So being in a circle of super successful people, yes, it may help you make some money because you start thinking money, money, money, money, money, and I'll go make some money, but you could find yourself in a cage like a golden cage where you made a bunch of money, but you never found out what truly makes you happy or you start to feel that anxiety of
• 2:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: success like man, I'll never be able to do that because look how great that person speaks in, you know, look, look, look, look how smart they are with investment.
• 2:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, that person is super educated.
• 2:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Man, what makes them not so afraid?
• 2:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're much better speak of things than that nature.
• 2:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: You start to feel, oh, I'll never become successful.
• 2:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: So you'll start to experience the feelings of being an imposter, knowing that you don't belong in this circle.
• 2:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: And eventually some people will separate themselves from that circle and find a more comfortable circle of unsuccessful people where maybe I'm the big dog in that scenario.
• 3:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: That circle for those that are in a situation where you are the most successful person in your circle, that circle is killing you.
• 3:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: because when you come around, you are top dog.
• 3:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: You are her.
• 3:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: And everybody's asking you for advice and you feel really, really comfortable in that space.
• 3:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: I like the fact that people are coming to me for advice and information and inspiration because when I'm in this environment, I get to sit on my throat.
• 3:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not as comfortable getting an environment where I'm
• 3:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like the little dog in this space.
• 3:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't, I feel insignificant.
• 3:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I run back to the circle where I am just the biggest thing and the most wise and the most rich and the most everything, the most desire person, I love that.
• 4:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, there's also a circle where none of y'all are up.
• 4:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: All of y'all, I remember
• 4:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: I remember right before I had a mindset shift working at the cheesecake factory where every single night, me and my friends, after we got off work, whatever jobs we were working at Tom, after we got off work, we get together, somebody's going to bring through the beater.
• 4:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to smoke, end drink, and play Tunk.
• 4:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: for like dollar games, like we're just playing cards.
• 4:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: They don't, you know, the weekends, we knew we were gonna go to the club and we were gonna get a cheap bottle and free game before we got there because we had no money to be buying expensive drinks in the club.
• 4:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: And this wasn't even expensive days.
• 4:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: This isn't even like the Atlanta now.
• 4:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is the days where a drink was five dollars.
• 4:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: And like, I don't even have to spend all five dollars on a drink when we get a whole bottle.
• 4:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we would just pre-game it to cream.
• 5:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we go out.
• 5:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: And talk to women that we didn't really like like that.
• 5:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: But we were having a good time.
• 5:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that was my life every day.
• 5:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: None of us talked about progression, none of us talked about success.
• 5:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: We definitely didn't talk about money in a positive light.
• 5:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Other than the fact that we ain't got it and we cracked jokes about how bad our credit was.
• 5:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: And everything was fine in that circle.
• 5:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: If that is you, run, run.
• 5:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: As fast as you can.
• 5:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you find yourself and you feel like I'm describing you, you're in the hometown that you grew up with and you're the same people that you grew up with and we maybe talk about our dreams and we talk about the things under the influence, but we do the same thing every single night, nobody in this circle is progressing, nobody in this circle is doing anything significant, run, but I get it.
• 5:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: I get it.
• 5:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're so loyal.
• 6:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can't leave.
• 6:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can't stop picking up your phone.
• 6:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because I'm gonna say you're funny, I like that.
• 6:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I'll say you change.
• 6:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: And no thing, oh, you're too good for us?
• 6:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And answers yes.
• 6:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hi, nobody ever liked said that to me.
• 6:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: But at some point, when I had this mindset shift and I just revelation that I am going to be better and I'm gonna be different.
• 6:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: If one of my friends asked me,
• 6:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Probably what I said yes.
• 6:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: I am.
• 6:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just too good for this.
• 6:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can't do it.
• 6:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is not you that I'm too good for.
• 6:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: But the stuff you do is reflecting on you.
• 6:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: So yes, I'm too good for you and the things that you I don't want to be here anymore.
• 6:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to smoke and drink every night after work.
• 6:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to roll dice and watch the latest movies and sit there for hours and watch football and basketball games away and got not we just watching a whole bunch of millionaires running around the court and running up and down the field then we get an argument about who's better.
• 7:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to I want to do that anymore.
• 7:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, some too good for you.
• 7:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: So
• 7:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: There are circles that will kill you.
• 7:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes you're in a circle where everybody's super successful and everybody's super up, which can lead to other things because what I do know, and I'm just talking about from a man's perspective and not saying anything about women because there are women's circles, but I don't have any experience in that.
• 7:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: But from a man's perspective,
• 7:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you are in a circle of all winners and the money's flowing in the success is flowing in everybody's powerful, that too is dangerous because all of your faith is hung on whether you're doing well financially or not.
• 7:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's really, really hard to get closer spiritually when everything on earth is going well.
• 8:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now I would say something like, I know I'm blessed, God did this, God did that.
• 8:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: But when you have a lot, it's really, really difficult to truly internalize your spiritual side.
• 8:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's why people start getting closer to God when things aren't well.
• 8:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: So if we're all up, one, it's hard to connect spiritually for most.
• 8:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, I don't care what they say.
• 8:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm telling you, that's not what they think about on a regular basis.
• 8:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: The other side of that is, for a powerful man.
• 8:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: and that is a dangerous scenario.
• 8:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: You have a group of friends of six or seven super successful men.
• 8:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: And let's just say they're all married.
• 8:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: One is cheating for sure.
• 8:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm saying one to be nice.
• 8:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because when you're powerful, you get attention.
• 8:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Especially if you never had this type of attention before your life.
• 8:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's like, ooh, we, the person that I married twenty years ago when I was broke.
• 9:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I married her, but I married her.
• 9:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: because I could never really get the popular cheerleader girl, but now the popular cheerleader, sorry.
• 9:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: My wife is crazy, I'll swear.
• 9:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: The popular cheerleader girl is now on you.
• 9:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: You lie, oh, I ain't ever experienced this before.
• 9:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the one that's been holding you down loved, you dirty draws.
• 9:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: It loves you for who you are.
• 9:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: is now not good enough.
• 9:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: And she didn't had all your kids.
• 9:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: And maybe she's dealing with some weight issues because I had your children and it's hard to get the weight off.
• 9:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm mentally it's challenging because it's like it postpartum is a real thing.
• 9:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: But women go through these things.
• 9:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: What you are, you got money now.
• 9:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if all of your friends are doing it, I'm just saying the peer pressure is real.
• 10:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: I remember one time, this was when I was in college and in college all you do is have sex with other human beings.
• 10:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's just what you do in college, right?
• 10:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I remember it was two of my friends, and one of my friends was talking to one of the girls in the girls who brought two of her friends, and we were all hanging out, we was drinking, and you know, everybody's having a good time.
• 10:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: On one guy who was super familiar with the girl, he goes in the room with the other girl, and it's just us four, and then next thing I know,
• 10:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: like we're on like, I'm on a couch, other person on a couch, and his roommate went, I guess they started doing whatever he was on a couch, and they got up and went into his room.
• 11:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm now here with a girl that I don't know, and I'm guessing it's that time.
• 11:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what she was feeling like, but I really felt the pressure
• 11:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: to do something sexually with this girl that I just didn't.
• 11:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't want to.
• 11:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: What's running through my head at this time is I have to have a story in a morning.
• 11:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: have to have something to tell.
• 11:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I began to advance, and she began to advance too.
• 11:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, whoa, slow down.
• 11:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, what's up with you?
• 11:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: But we do what I really do and the next morning I felt so bad because that wasn't my decision.
• 11:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't my choice.
• 11:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was my choice.
• 11:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: but it was so influence by what happened prior to this.
• 11:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I felt the pressure because if I didn't do anything like my friends, they were gonna roast me.
• 12:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I don't know if you ever been roasted.
• 12:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like it starts to spread.
• 12:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: And they know it's not like those two would roast me.
• 12:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's like we wait until we're in front of our friends and it's all.
• 12:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's all to stuff that's going through my head.
• 12:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I did something that I didn't wanna do simply because of the circle.
• 12:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that's what we do.
• 12:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: in this masculine circle here.
• 12:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: So take him in the story of your circle.
• 12:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Today, if you can, in a comment below, oh, yeah, I don't judge me.
• 12:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: You got to meet for my stories, but thank you all for checking it out.