Latest / Pod Therapy / #422: Daddy Issues, Political Anxiety, Punishing Austism

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#422: Daddy Issues, Political Anxiety, Punishing Austism · Pod Therapy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: That's a really big one.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Into my eyes.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: He was lost your eyes. That's what it was doing that. Yeah, Yeah,
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: that's what I was doing. Yeah, that's why I didn't
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: notice her hair either. Gus was like, golly, she sure
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: is nice.
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  Speaker 3: Sure like her. I was just staring at her somewhere.
• 0:22
  Speaker 4: Else fabulous Las Vegas. No, madam, this is pot therapy,
• 0:25
  Speaker 4: real real problems and real therapists. Get some of your
• 0:28
  Speaker 4: questions anonymously a pot therapy mat or. Email us at
• 0:32
  Speaker 4: pot Therapy Guys at gmail dot com. And now broadcasting
• 0:35
  Speaker 4: from the Hot Supple Winger Dog Studio. And that's yeah,
• 0:38
  Speaker 4: that's Jim, that's Whitney on neck time for the pot.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: There to remember that it's Hot Supple.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: I don't think Dog was supposed to be at the
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: end of the.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you. Yeah, I exercised some editorial oversight on
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: this one to save the show. Welcome everybody. I believe
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: as we are hearing this episode, this is the last
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: episode of January, right or is it the first episode
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: of this is it's already for February, so it can't
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: be last week's thank you, thank you, Yes, this Isbruary
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: as we're recording, got it?
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: Already February, got it. Yeah, we're doing a double today.
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: You know, I get very easily confused though, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: This is January is a very long month. Okay, whole day.
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: Long time, tied for the longest month of the year.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: Yes, it feels like thirty eight days.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: Okay, well, welcome everybody to the first episode of February.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: Reminder of the first episode of the month. We always
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: like to thank all of our therapods on up. I
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: have a feeling this will be the last year that
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: we can reasonably do that. I think it's going to
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: have to start being theodactyls on up because damn, that
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: list is getting long and long to get there, and
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: inflation is really cutting into what the therapod value is
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: at this point. Okay, you're down to therapals at this point.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: We started the ship nine years ago. Okay, by the
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: dollar has dropped, so it's time to be theradactyls. So
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: upgrade if you want me to keep reading your names,
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: but if you would like to hear about our U
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: haul and adventures patreon dot com slash therapy quite quite
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: the controversy. Who knows how to stack a moving truck
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: better and you know reached.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, still I want to vote on that.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: Do you know that there is a video game that
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: is just about like packing things though it's not Tetris,
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: but like, there really is a video game. It's on switch.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: It's called moving and really. Yeah, so there's a game
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: where you have to grab things out of a house
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: and move them into a truck. There's another game is
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: Decorator Room. You never been more sure that I'm not
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: going to buy a switch. Okay, I've played the game
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: and it's honestly kind of therapeutic, Like it's got like
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: mellow music in the background. And then the one where
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: you're moving out. You get points based on like how
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: well you stack the truck and but it's actually really
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: fun because if you don't give a fuck, you can
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: actually break everything and like throw it in the truck
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: and break the house and stuff. So it's kind of fun.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: But if you avoid doing damage, you get points. It's
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: called moving Out. Is it on anything other than a
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: switch because I don't have a switch. No, Yeah, you
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: can get out of any device. Yeah, so moving Out.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: There's another one I think called uh shit, we've got
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: the other one's called but like you open up box
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: and moving very different, probably honestly moving in but yeah,
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: so yeah, listen to us patroon dot com slash therapy.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: Some really good stuff in there about who is the
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: greater packer? And you know, I think Jacob Maar a
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: very strong case. Jacob just waved around his resume and
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: you know that was very solid, very promising. You know,
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: like that's the thing.
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: Is because like I think we ended the conversation, I
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: still feel strongly that I that I'm a better packer.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I believe that Nick still feels the same.
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: Okay, yep, yeah, yeah, I think we're both equally as confident.
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: I think we're I don't think either of our confidence
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  Speaker 3: is waivered in this. I think the jury will.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: Just continue to have to deliberate. Yeah that's right, Yeah,
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: pix or didn't happen.
• 3:55
  Speaker 4: Honestly, side by side comparison. I think we're just gonna
• 3:58
  Speaker 4: have to do.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: I think that we loaded, try we unload the truck
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: and then the other guy reloads it. We could also
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: to the back of the house and you could see.
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: The furniture that I loaded into that room today, and
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: you did I did a pretty tetracy.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: That was by myself.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: I love, I kind of want to see this. This
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: will help me with my voting.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I just you know, just get it
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: into the room. However, take did you take a picture?
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: Would be like, ye can do better?
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: Well, did you take you just moved a week ago?
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: Did you take any picture?
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: So I have, but I arguably I have seen Nick's
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: work firsthand. Okay, it was very efficient.
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: There you go.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: My The winner for me is whichever of you never
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: calls me to help you move. I was surprised, Oh yeah,
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: we're very good. I didn't call any of you to
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: help me. I know you're too old to do that anymore.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: If you call me and you're like, hey, man, come
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  Speaker 1: help me.
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: Wait literally pizza.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: Literally.
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  Speaker 3: I have a friend that will if somebody calls calls
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: him to ask him to help him move.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: His move used to be at least he would go
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: to home depot and and pick.
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: Up one of the the helpers. Okay, and did just
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: go pick up a dude? Yeah? And and then like's like, hey,
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: you're gonna help a guy move?
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: Like feudal society where all you have to do is
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: like find a replacement. So you hire a night.
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: He would show up with this guy and like a
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: six pack and he'd hang out and his guy would
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: I would work.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: That's got to count. That's I think it's going to
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: be better than you anyway. Of course, the professional Yes.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: Nick, did you I feel like I gave you the
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: tip to use. The Mormon volunteers, Oh, I have to
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: just pretend to be more. No, you don't. They it's
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: their community service. These teenagers show up, like five of them,
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: and they they you have to direct them. They do
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: not do a good job of tetris. But the man power,
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: the man power.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: Is there when I was a kid. They are a ham.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, they just show up and then they're fine.
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: They're like teens that they're like normal teams. They're trying
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: to like convert you or anything. They're just showing up.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: I'll tell you what something skippy. Oh hello boy, Rilled.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: I'm just over here drinking some hot tea.
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, Bill.
• 5:59
  Speaker 4: This It is amazing though, when you get like like
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: day one of moving and packing, like all the stuff
• 6:09
  Speaker 4: that's important to you that you need to move, and
• 6:12
  Speaker 4: then how that changes by days two and three.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: Behind.
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: I had a really nice corner desk that I'm like,
• 6:25
  Speaker 4: I really want to keep this, and I ended up
• 6:29
  Speaker 4: I actually ended up keeping it.
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: But how do you getairs?
• 6:32
  Speaker 4: I completely disassembled it. I completely disassembled it, but I'm
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: not keeping it to reassemble because I don't have a space.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: I don't have a spot for it.
• 6:39
  Speaker 4: I never really used it much anyway, but now it's
• 6:42
  Speaker 4: just scrap, so like you're good at it.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: I actually used part of it the other day.
• 6:50
  Speaker 4: I set it across some saw some saw horses because
• 6:53
  Speaker 4: I had to. I had to cut some metal brackets.
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: A homeowner, Yeah, stacked over that corner all most of
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: a desk.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he will not throw anything out because.
• 7:06
  Speaker 4: Like what if I know, yeah, you could use I
• 7:09
  Speaker 4: can use these wooden dowls. O, my gods.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: Are so useful.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: Boxes though. Peter's like, if we move, we're going to
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: let that TV box. I'm like no.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: So when I used to move a lot, I would keep.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: I was going to say, we used to move every
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: year and a half, so maybe that's we're not doing.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: That's what we did.
• 7:28
  Speaker 4: The house, the rental that we were in, we were
• 7:30
  Speaker 4: in for six years, so for six years we just
• 7:33
  Speaker 4: collected boxes and put him in the garage, and so
• 7:36
  Speaker 4: when it was time to move, just like I spent
• 7:39
  Speaker 4: that day just boxes and we used maybe forty percent
• 7:45
  Speaker 4: of it, ye like we were.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: I was going to ask you how many you had left?
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: Value is high.
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: Luckily he had about five ft in the back of
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: the truck that he was able to stack all.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: Those boxes, just stacked boxes. Just the Patreona slash therapy,
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: you can the intricate retelling of how both of these
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: gentlemen like to do. And also a really fun story
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: about moving U hauls that goes wrong. So yeah, fun times.
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: We got some great worst day of somebody's life definitely
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: at least somebody's life, but wors day of somebody's week
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: for sure.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a bad day. A bad day, probably not
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: for the people that did it, though honestly probably for
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: the person at the desk counter has to receive the
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: help ticket and go fetch this.
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: They didn't seem happy about it. Nobody was nobody, nobody
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: seemed like they were having fun. Everybody loses in this scenario.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: We got some great questions for today's kickoff to February,
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: and we're leading off the order with seeing a male
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: therapist for my daddy issues. Hi pod therapy pals. I'm
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: early thirties female, and while I hate the term I
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: have daddy issues, I preface this with an acknowledgment. My
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: dad was trying his best. He grew up in a
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: highly abusive, unloving, and cold house. He had no idea
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: how to be a good parent, and did a good
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: job all things considered. And my dad was a challenging
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: was very hard to connect with. He was highly controlling
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: and had a good number of emotionally abusive moments and
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: a few physically abusive ones. I still panic when my
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: husband comes home and I'm relaxing instead of doing chores
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: or make a dish that doesn't turn out. Since I
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: was young, I've fallen for much older men who unfortunately
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: at times fed my attention very explicitly, like acknowledging it's illegal,
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: but they wish they could X Y Z with me.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: I used to endlessly seek any male validation, and it
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: took me to some emotionally and physically dark and dangerous places.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: Now I'm happily married and medicated, so I've settled down
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: a whole lot. I still noticed developing fast and hard
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: crushes on men I encounter often older and impositions of power.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: I now have control to acknowledge that isn't what I
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: actually want, and I'm thankful I have the opportunity to
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: honor myself and my marriage over the lust. I really
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: have no idea how to break this pattern, as it
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: feels like when crushes have happen, I just remove myself
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: from the situation. I feel like I need to be
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: in a pattern to break it. Would meeting with a
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: male therapist help this. Either he would be a solid
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: man in my life outside of my husband, with whom
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: I have a healthy and trusting relationship, or I fall
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: into a key patterns but can acknowledge it and work
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: to untangle what I'm actually going through with a professional.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: I would never want to make anyone someone feel uncomfortable
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: in their job, but I also would like to get
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: to the bottom of this issue instead of just avoiding
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: men who I actually do like, but need some inappropriate
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: validation that I don't want to want. Okay, I have
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: to go to book club meeting and I didn't proofread this,
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: so good luck. Okay, love your peanuts, Bye bye, Anonymous.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: We could just call this person daddy issues issues. Yeah,
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: this is a really good question. This is great.
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: I like this a lot and it's really well thought out.
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: I actually have the script in front of me today,
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: h nikes in it to me today.
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: Because I'm not going to be for the second show.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: But yeah, like it is.
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: This is a a well thought out and well thought
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: through like you you've obviously very insightful. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: this is this is a really just like you've really
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: done some some good self examination here and good job.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: So Whitney, when you're crushing on Daddy's you know, how
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: do you moderate that? Also?
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: How old are you? And would you like to meet?
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: I have?
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: I knew that it was covin silver Beard there is
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: so we actually have Jacob has almost stolen other people's
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: wives that have visited for Scoopfest because of the silver
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: all right, the soul come up before? Yeah, yeah, it's
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: this is a this is a whole ass problem on
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: our show. And these were therap producers, which we've all
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: agreed are off limits. You know, we've all agreed. Do you
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: not seduced the spouses of therapy?
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: No?
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: They sponsor the show, Okay, I mean their pals, sure, whatever.
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: The stelpouses of therap producers come to me and demand service.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: Well that's different. That's an obligation.
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: Service must be provided at per your yes, per the
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: agreement that you saw the agreement. I am happy to
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: honor my agreement, which, as I recall, you added that
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: line I did.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: Your attorney had a.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: Whole addendum next ye a mile.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: He's not building us per hour on this one. He said,
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: this is pro bono work. You just get for the
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: love of the game, clause I believe as well as
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: cause you and Michael Jordan. That's right, that's right, Yeah,
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: the game is.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: But stuff, I know, this is an interesting question, like
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: the value of having a male therapist and seeking out
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: like kind of practice or desensitization and being in a
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: space like a very platonic space with respect for someone
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: of like the opposite gunder right. I mean, I think
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: I guess it could be helpful. I would just be
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: very very honest, like what you're seeking from time with
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: this clinician, like in the consultation, like I would do
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: a consultation. I guess you don't do consultations.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: But well, yeah, the first session it comes up like
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: this is where all this stuff gets spilled out.
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you're saying like she should definitely say to the therapist,
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: you know, I chose you in part because you are
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: a male therapy.
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: This is what I'm thinking. I feel like that gives
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: the clinician a chance to evaluate if they feel like
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: they can manage that type of dynamic.
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: I mean because I when Jim was reading this, I
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: really kind of started thinking that same direction. And then
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: I what do you think about using the using as
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: a strong word here? I mean, everybody would be knowledgeable
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: and nobody would be being used, but I don't have
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: a better.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: Word for it.
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: What do you think of using the therapist as kind
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: of a prop in this situation?
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because I started with like this, this sounds great,
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: This sounds like a way to maybe get around this.
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: Uh, But then don't you want that therapist to be
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: kind of Switzerland.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: And not and not really inherently.
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: Have knowledge and like now they're now they're Yeah, like
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: once you know, then you can't be right.
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: I mean you do, you would know that, But also
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: like if like Anonymous, you're you're writing in and saying
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: that you're basically reacting differently around uh, male presenting people
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: than your female presenting people, and I'd be worried that
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: you'd act differently around a male presenting therapist than you
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: might around a female presenting the.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: Emotional yoga you want to work on, right, Like, that's
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: that's that is the goal.
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: But depending on where you are with that, like you
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: might be doing yourself a disservice.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: I think the question you're asking is, as therapists, would
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: you want to know? Would would you want that? But
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: like would you would you want.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: To be that prom which is more beneficial kind of
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: the client?
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: Like many people have you described you as a tool,
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: you know, would you want to be a tool? And
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: objects exploration? I call it Tampa Yeah, because he pounds it.
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: I imagine you want to know.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: So like if a client comes to you and says,
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: I specifically chose to work with you because I have
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: a difficult history with men, and I actually thought I
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: need to meet somebody and have a nourishing, healthy male
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: voice who's not going to try to do anything with me.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: And when these motions come up, I can be honest
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: about it and like we can encounter this together. How
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: do you feel about that?
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: Well, what I would say it is how ironic because
• 15:34
  Speaker 4: I put on with inner feelings towards female.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: Both work over some wine.
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: Beneficial No.
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: So, I've kind of been in a similar situation to
• 15:49
  Speaker 4: this when I worked at.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: Down Laura was a client back when they first met
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: Laura and Rehab.
• 16:01
  Speaker 5: No.
• 16:02
  Speaker 4: So, I used to work at a It was an
• 16:04
  Speaker 4: all women's residential treatment. I was only the second man
• 16:08
  Speaker 4: to have ever been hired at that facility, and it
• 16:17
  Speaker 4: was really good because coat they they needed to develop
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: healthy relationships with men, They needed to learn that, they
• 16:27
  Speaker 4: needed to understand and practice that. Which so it may
• 16:31
  Speaker 4: surprise you that my answer to this is completely the opposite.
• 16:34
  Speaker 4: I would say no, I would find a female therapist.
• 16:38
  Speaker 4: And the reason why is because, like with my clients,
• 16:40
  Speaker 4: it was a residential setting, like I could and my
• 16:43
  Speaker 4: whole philosophy and residential treatment is this is a practice
• 16:47
  Speaker 4: field anyway, Like this is our our our preseason. Let's
• 16:53
  Speaker 4: practice these skills before we're out in the real world.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 16:57
  Speaker 4: So, if we want to practice social skills, let's practice
• 17:00
  Speaker 4: social skills here. If we want to set up, you know,
• 17:02
  Speaker 4: healthy boundaries in the outside, we're going to use this
• 17:05
  Speaker 4: facility to practice healthy boundaries, right. So it was very
• 17:08
  Speaker 4: much a practice field type environment. Where we can make
• 17:11
  Speaker 4: mistakes and it's still going to be okay, as opposed
• 17:15
  Speaker 4: to out in the real world. You know, if it's
• 17:17
  Speaker 4: game time, you make a mistake, it's over. There's no like, okay,
• 17:22
  Speaker 4: let's stop, let's run this again. It's done right. So
• 17:26
  Speaker 4: I think that for me that setting was very helpful
• 17:29
  Speaker 4: for that particular purpose. But for the writer, I don't know.
• 17:34
  Speaker 4: I feel like I feel like it's going to change
• 17:36
  Speaker 4: how honest you can be in that session.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah I could.
• 17:39
  Speaker 4: I don't and I could be wrong, but I would
• 17:41
  Speaker 4: just feel like maybe you would feel like you couldn't
• 17:45
  Speaker 4: just be yourself and be right up front and open
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: with it, because I think you can be out front
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: and open with your therapist and then practice these skills
• 17:53
  Speaker 4: with somebody else, a male supervisor at work or.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: Jacob or as it has been volunteered. Yes, clear, and
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: this is what life coaches do. Yeah, this is so
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: I'm with one of the services we provide you, and
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: there are there's a menu, and then there is of
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: course an off menu, and that's different and you know,
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: protein style, the coin of the realm, the animal style.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: All right, now I'm with you on half of this.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: So I think for me, there is Okay, I like
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: the part, and I've had this happen and I think
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: this is very relatable where I've seen situations where somebody
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: has chosen maybe a grandmotherly style therapist, and they'll say,
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: the reason I've chosen you is because I yearned for that,
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: that kind of voice in my life. That's nourishing to me.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: I felt really criticized by you know, all the matrix
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: of my family, and I need an affirming female voice,
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: whether you're a male or female patient. I'm looking for that,
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: and I chose that from you because I think that
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: will make my therapy more powerful. And I've had that
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: experience as a male therapist.
• 18:58
  Speaker 4: Guy, I picked you as a male therapist because I
• 18:59
  Speaker 4: saw your picture and I knew there would be no
• 19:01
  Speaker 4: way I could ever be.
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: Such Thank you, Jim jobin Oh, he has the same
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: mustache that my grandmother.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: I remember that I've had the same thing with. Like
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: There'll be youth clients where people will say, look, I
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: want you to work with my teenage son because he
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: doesn't have a father figure, and I think he would
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: really benefit from the healthy male voice, right so to
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: some extent, and I think that that's fine for an
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: adult female too, who says I never really had a caring, compassionate, platonic,
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: elder male voice in my life. I know I yearn
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: for that, and to the extent that the writer can say,
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: I'd like to bring that voice to my life and
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: feel that that is healthy and that seat is taken,
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: because if I don't have a healthy person in that seat,
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: I'll keep searching and I'll keep getting exploited by unhealthy voices.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: I'm comfortable with that part, but I agree with you, Nick,
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: if we're also talking about I'm the attraction component that
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: does enter into this extra piece that I think solidifies
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: under what you're saying, where it's like, hey, that's probably
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: going to distract you, and that's probably going to create
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: a space where you can't be as honest with me
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: as you could if you're working with Whitney or female
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: presenting a therapist. But I don't necessarily disagree with specifically
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: selecting a therapist who represents certain things in your life
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: that you know are missing or that you know you
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: would align with or that you would be amenable to.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: I think that's okay to some extent. I mean, that's
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: that's what happens. Regardless, people shop for therapists sometimes because
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: they know that they're missing that voice or that works
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: for them. Like for me, when I've seen therapists, it's
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: always got to be a female therapist. I just won't
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: work well with a guy because I just know that
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: that's not going to be a good pairing for us.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: Whereas a female therapist, I think that I can. I
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: just have a different kind of like approachability to that.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: Just I have my own biases about the rear and stuff. Yeah,
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: thank you, and so like that feels safe for me.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: With a male therapist a writer, we'll go back to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: yeah yeah. I just I know it. I'm gonna be
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: competitive with them. I know that we're they're gonna stand
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: that was gonna be my guest one hundred percent to
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: be like, show me your dick. Mine's bigger than yours.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: I'll bet you anything. Like it's just gonna be like
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: how many words have you won fuck face? Like, I
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: just I know it's gonna happen, Whereas with a female therapist,
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: I don't think I'm competing. Would I rest these best
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: of love one hundred percent in the background of the zoom.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: It's just gonna be like, oh, what are those?
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: These Oh god, I'm so sorry. I forget that they're there, Jim,
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: those are obviously three D printed.
• 21:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah, this is just gonna be a digital background. It's like, AI,
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: like you have an Oscar Oh this yeah, next to
• 21:41
  Speaker 4: the Nobel PS Prize. Sorry, no big deal, got it
• 21:44
  Speaker 4: from the President of Brazil.
• 21:46
  Speaker 3: No.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: I feel like for me, like a female therapist is
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: more approachable. I'm comfortable with that voice in my life
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: and I don't feel competitive, and so just as another therapist,
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: I think that just works better for me. But like
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: I don't know, like I don't think that that's wrong, right,
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: Like I think if this right saying, look, I need
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: a platonic, healthy male voice in my life I'm looking for.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: I would do well with an older male therapist because
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: I've never had that, and I feel like I yearned
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: for that and I could as long as you told
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: the therapist that upfront. I'd want to know, because like
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: I that way, I moderate the expectation because I also
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: have to be careful because I've had people like come
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: in and say I didn't have a father figure. I
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: chose you because I read your book, like that's literally happened.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: They're like, I read your dad Vice book. I think
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: you take being a dad really seriously. If I'm that endearing,
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: I'm looking for that in my life. And then that
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: gives me instructions as a therapist to like, wait, you
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: wrote a book I did to monitor for transference, right,
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: so now I have that like that map to go, Okay,
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: I can step into some of this role, but now
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: I can also monitor to make sure this doesn't go
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: too far for you and I have too much authority
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: in your life, because that wouldn't be good for us.
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: And you also you want you want to tell the
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: therapist that, uh, writer, you've got to be upfront about
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: uh if for no other reason than the therapist, if they're
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: any good at what they do, at what they're doing,
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: they're going to figure that part out, right, Yeah, So
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: until they figure it out, you're just wasting all of
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: the Yeah, just be upfront with that. That will give
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: them a great amount of information to immediately start working
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: with and you won't have to do all of the
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: run around, all the rigorm of role. It's just gonna
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: it's gonna benefit you the most. If you're upfront with them.
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: I mean, I think we're all kind of in agreement here,
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: Like I think Nick and I are both kind of
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: tread carefully get a female therapist and don't worry about it.
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: But I mean I think if if you're dead set
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: on doing it, like if you really feel strongly about
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: getting a male therapist, I mean, I want to.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: Come back to you. I don't think anybody's yeah you've
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: you've also done therapy. You and I have both been
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: honest about that. Do you tend to prefer female therapists?
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I I typically search for female I think, Yeah,
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: I don't know. It's just a comfortability thing I think
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: for myself. But but I could see how the way
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: the writer describes their past and what they're wanting to
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: work on. I feel like I can see the value
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: in trying to work with male therapists. But I personally
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: would just be upfront with them for the exact reason
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: you said, Jim, Like the person or the therapist can
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: be cognizant of when they see those things come up
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: and they can like call that out and that can
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: be the work that's done. Like, Hey, how are you
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: feeling right now? Is that coming up right? Now for
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: you and give you a chance to kind of be
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: like confronted with that and recognize when is that triggering?
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: Like when is my mind starting to shift from this
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: person is just another human to oh, am I feeling attraction?
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: Or am I feeling something different here and be able
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: to uh like work through that the process through that.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: I think I have had a patient once that that did.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: It wasn't the daddy thing, but it was why did why.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: I usually ask people how'd you find me? And you know,
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: they'll tell me, oh, here's how I found you, or
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: here's why I elected you and yah grinder, and like
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: in this case, I had a female who told me,
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: like ip Wally picked you because I want to work
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: with men, because I have only unhealthy relationships with men.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: They're always exploitative, like I always end up sexually involved
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: with them, and I've never had a healthy male voice
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: in my life, and I think that would be important
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: for me. I said, okay, but I wanted that information
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: up front because there was a little bit of an
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: error there where I was picking up vibes from the
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: client that they were, you know, kind of trying to
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: be flirtatious and a little bit like you know, I
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: want your approval, gym. But because I already for them, right,
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: and I could, but they gave it to me in
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: the beginning and said, hey, I'm asked, this is your assignment.
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: You're signed to be a healthy role model who does
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: not feed this in me. Right, So then I was
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: able to like very carefully moderate the way I was
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: doing therapy and like moderate things like affirmation and compliments,
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: which I'm always doing, yeah, but like doing that in
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: a way that like gave them space to like get
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: through it. And so they went through their little like
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: spike and eventually that waned and that was like the
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: first time that they had been in a conversation with
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: a male long enough to go through that without acting
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: on it and get to the other side of that,
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: and then like a whole new door opened up in
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: their personal development. And that was really cool. But I
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: couldn't have done that if they hadn't been honest with
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: me from the tier.
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: And you're like, what is happening here? Should I call
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: it out? Should I not? Like, you don't really know
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: what's going on.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of theories of psychotherapy that say that
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: transference and counter transference are not things be afraid of,
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: but just notice them, be aware of it. So as
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: long as you're giving it away in the beginning, writer,
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: I think that's really healthy. But I think Nick, you
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: bring up a really good point. It also depends very
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: much on what your goals are. If you have other
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: therapeutic goals and you're just thinking, oh, bt dubs, maybe
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: I should get an older male therapist because I also
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: have this pattern. Then I come with you on that, like, Eh,
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: target the work you're trying to do, Like if you're
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: trying to quit drinking, this is not also the time
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: to experiment with like the silver foxes of the world, Like,
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: just focus on your target problem, right and go get
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: the therapist, probably a female that you're gonna align with,
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: and just get to the work. But if your point
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: is I want to address my compulsion toward elder males
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: and the way that sabotage is my life, I could
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: see the value of it.
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're reminding me a friend of mine some years back.
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: She mentioned she's probably in her mid forties at the time,
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: and she mentioned wanting to start therapy, and she was
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: a black woman, and so whenever she said she was
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: looking for a therapist. She goes, I wanted an old
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: white guy. I was like what. I kind of asked her.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: I was like why, Like, what's the deal with that?
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: And she was like, I want someone who is not
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: going to It was kind of interesting. I want someone
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: who's not going to come at this like you're a
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: strong black woman. What I like, she wanted the neutrality,
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: like I just want you to treat me for what
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: I'm wanting to come in here and work through and
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: not necessarily all the other shoes that come with being
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: a black female, Like there are issues there for sure,
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: but she's like, I'm not coming to work on those,
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: I'm coming to work on these other things like yeah,
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: like trust in men or whatever, like my own issues.
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: And I thought that was one of my first experiences
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: with a friend sharing like I'm seeking out a specific
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: type of therapist because what I'm wanting to work on
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: this is valuable to me. And she loved it. I
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: love that story.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: This is something that I think is one of the
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: big interesting intersections of like whether AI can do therapy
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: and stuff, Because if anybody in the world right now
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: just says I need to go get therapy, the next
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: thing they think about is going through psychology day, going
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: through listings, and you're not just gonna read our resumes.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: You're looking at our photos, video judgments about like what
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: do you think our life was? Like? Who are we?
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: What kind of life experience have we had? Do we
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: look like somebody you've met in the world. And that's
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: actually part of therapy. I don't think you need to
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: throw that away. I think that's part of how you
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: select a good healer that's going to resonate with you
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: because you also know what you're going to respond to
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: and what you need in your life. I don't think
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: there's anything wrong with that, but again, you do have
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: to be so upfront and like tell people this is
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: what I'm looking for, and like I remember, Actually, it's
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: funny because you bring this up. I had a person
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: who came to me. They were black, and like they
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: came and I said, you know, why did you pick me?
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: And it was also because you are white? And I
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: was like I didn't know what to do with that.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: I was like, can you help me understand? They're like,
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: my culture is very my race centric, like the church
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: I go to, all the people I associate with. There
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: is no universe where you and I are bumping into
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: each other and I was like, okay, yes, and they
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: were like, and I really need to get out of
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: my echo chamber a little bit and a different point
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: of view. Yeah, I want somebody who does not live
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: in my world.
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: Comes that feels safe too. There there. I know I
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: mentioned her on her before, but I had a Orthodox
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: Jewish woman that I worked with and she's like, I
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: literally can't talk about some of these things within my
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: culture because it's inappropriate, but you're outside of it, and
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: you're someone out there that I built trust with.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: That was like, that is because sometimes, like out here
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: in the Southwest, Mormonism is very strong, and you'll see
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: that Mormon people choose a Mormon therapist because you understand
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: all the unspoken rules that you know another therapist wouldn't get.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: But you're right. Sometimes it's like I kind of want
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: somebody very different.
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: Because as long as you're never know what I just
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: said and.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: Why that matters, and I'll have to explain it to you,
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: and like, I know you're not judging me, you do
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: not care exactly. That's kind of interesting. So anyway, writer,
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: I think you should date Jacob for price silver. We
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: don't we don't just give him out. Yeah, also the therapy,
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: but you're gonna need to run some experiments, and Jacob
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: is available for experimentation, all right, for a modest market rate.
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: He's like lobster on the menu. It's just that modesty
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: means I cover myself with money.
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I cover my shame, but only with with your
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: money coins though never dollars. Nicholas specific specifically, Babe, he's
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: like Scrooge mcdub Buffalo Nicholas.
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: We're gonna take a quick break and when we come back,
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: we're talking about a husband's political anxiety. You are listening
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: to pod therapy.
• 30:44
  Speaker 4: Today's episode is brought to Jake SCHNEIDERI, Richard les Sonny Boy,
• 30:54
  Speaker 4: Adam Warren, d Kieraniley.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm not oh not.
• 31:03
  Speaker 4: Dot com slash Therapy, continuing on from our trivia last
• 31:15
  Speaker 4: week from Emma.
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: Uh, with the Marty Grass slash ethics. Here we go.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: That's right, Jimothy, Dammit, I better get a Marty got
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: question because I keep failing other ones. Sorry. Uh. When
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: using Ai.
• 31:34
  Speaker 4: When using an any AI tool to help with notes,
• 31:37
  Speaker 4: the biggest initial ethical question is a will it make
• 31:42
  Speaker 4: my notes better? B where the data goes privacy slash security,
• 31:46
  Speaker 4: and whether the client consent plus policy support its use
• 31:51
  Speaker 4: see whether the tool has a free option d if
• 31:54
  Speaker 4: it has unlimited use.
• 31:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: Okay, so we all know that there's three of those
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: that actually do care about. But I'm gonna say be
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: for the purposes of this trivia. Just for the purposes
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: of this trivia, you are correct. What Daddy really cares
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: about is well, how much is this gonna cost me?
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: But none of the question was what does Jim care about? Yeah? Yeah,
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: So the answer to the question that was asked B
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: is B. Yeah. Yeah, I will select be the paragraph answer. Yes,
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: she was clearly telegraphing. Is labeled to give this to Jim.
• 32:24
  Speaker 4: No, I feel like minor, like, hey, buddy, no, you
• 32:27
  Speaker 4: know you should say this.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: But so far I've noticed if you go with the
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: longest one. Let me tell you exactly what Emma was thinking.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: And later on she's going to tell us on the
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: discord that I'm right. Emma is scared we're going to
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: fuck this up and it's going to hurt our credibility.
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: So she is really trying to, like eyeball protector. Yes,
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: she's invested in the show, and she's like, God, I'm
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: going to set this on this key right here? Yeah.
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: Swing.
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: If she was reading this, she'd be a staring you
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: dead in the eye, nodding as she's getting that right. Yeah,
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: har nods all right. Uh Whitney Whitney.
• 33:05
  Speaker 4: Sazarak is best described as a seafood stew, a New
• 33:11
  Speaker 4: Orleans cocktail, a jazz club, a parade.
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: Float, sasaq.
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: I feel like it's.
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: Chicken and rice.
• 33:21
  Speaker 4: I was gonna guess seasoning. Uh, what's your answer?
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: Cocktail? Wasn't that an option?
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: A New Orleans cocktail?
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: You're correct?
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: So what one of those cocktail?
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: Okay, a little bit more though, Oh it's a cocktail
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: that they make off.
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: It in New Orleans. Oh got it? New Orleans does
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: have alcohol in it. It does?
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you do?
• 33:44
  Speaker 5: You do?
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: You immediately get beats.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: It leads to beats. Eventually those things lead.
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: To be Yeah, I get it.
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: Jab.
• 33:53
  Speaker 4: A client invites you to their wedding, the cleanest ethics
• 33:58
  Speaker 4: first response is usually hey, go, relationships are healing, B
• 34:04
  Speaker 4: decline and proceede and process the meaning therapeutically, considering boundaries
• 34:09
  Speaker 4: and potential impact. See go and don't tell anyone you
• 34:12
  Speaker 4: are there, d ignore.
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: It or e go and officiate it and then talk
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: about it on your national podcast.
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: Who would do that?
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: Internet? I think it was be If I remember the answers,
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: I think I'm pretty sure it was. You are correct.
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: So I have between two patients.
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: No, I'm sorry.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry.
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: That why she puts these on a.
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: T Yeah, I think she's trying to teach me, and
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: it's like, hey, these are nothing. I've also attended.
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: Weddings by patients. But yeah, you know it's free food.
• 34:48
  Speaker 3: What am I gonna say? No, if it's an open bar,
• 34:51
  Speaker 3: I'm going okay, only if it's.
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: So you've got to be drunk too. Yeah, it's a wedding, Yeah,
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: it'll be. If I was sober, then it's like serious there,
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: you know. But they want me to be up there
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: telling stories during the toast. I'm so proud of you.
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: You know, you've come so far. It's taking so many steps.
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: It so well them.
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: I feel like this is wedding crasher. Therapist.
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, inviting your therapist to your wedding a great move.
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: It so far has not bitten me in the as
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: the one I officiated, I actually told them like, hey,
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be extremely careful with this, like I
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: won't tell anybody in your therapist like no, no, no, that's why
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: you're coming. This is headline ship, like our therapist is
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: marrying us. And I was like okay, and so I went,
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: but I immediately left. Nick is just so upset right now,
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: I'm staring.
• 35:40
  Speaker 4: No, what I'm trying to figure out is I'm trying
• 35:42
  Speaker 4: to figure out is this better or worse than hiding
• 35:44
  Speaker 4: fake cocaine?
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah? That is always the benchmark. I think it is
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: like which board.
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: Italy By the way, I was thinking about the same thing.
• 35:54
  Speaker 4: I do feel like I feel like we've got a
• 35:57
  Speaker 4: new benchmark, like this is.
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: I feel like the coke is still up there.
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: He hid cocaine on a guy a drug he hit
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: it on a guy at a drug rehab center.
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, that yes, but it was fake. It was
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: obviously fake cocaine.
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: Who's using cocaine for?
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: Was it a real or fake wedding? Yeah? This is yeah,
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: I signed the marriage license.
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: You're making You're making some good points.
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: That was pretty solid. I did a really good job.
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: It was a great wedding, very happy about it. I
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: got to tell stories about therapy in the me it
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: was really nice, a great time. They signed an r
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: O Y for a lot of people, a lot of
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: our wives on file for this one.
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: It's like the little release that scooped fest for the doc.
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm also very sorry, sorry that immediately after you
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: got the right answer, I am.
• 36:55
  Speaker 4: I'm thinking of like all the things I wish I
• 36:57
  Speaker 4: could unhear. And before this it was the supple nineteen thing. Yeah,
• 37:01
  Speaker 4: now it's this.
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: I've got Jim telling the story about how he married
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: two clients as a drop.
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: It was great, drop. We were so much every time.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: So much of our conversation is Nick just wondering at
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: what deposition am I going to have to recall this
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: entire story? Is this fall under the banner of mandated reporter?
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: This is why I get drunk every night after reporting plausil.
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: So do you remember Jim telling you?
• 37:36
  Speaker 4: No, honestly, I do not absolutely start the con Yeah, no,
• 37:41
  Speaker 4: no idea, no memory of this whatsoever.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: So I think we all got points on that one, right,
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: I think we did. We did great good that one round.
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: Joe get extra points.
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: I feel that I deserve a half point for my
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: story in either If you deduct or give.
• 37:54
  Speaker 3: I'm fine with it.
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: Husband's political anxiety. Hello Nick, Jim and Whitney. Oh wow,
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: oh jeez, I'll take a break, all right, Hello Nick,
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: Jim and Whitney. First time writer, long time listener. With
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: the recent events, specifically, what is happening in Minnesota. My
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: husband has been experiencing high levels of anxiety, and I'm
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: not sure how I can help. He's already talked with
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: a psychiatrist and started anti anxiety meds, but I feel
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: like I make things worse for him. I try to
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: avoid talking about the news or current events, as I
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: don't want to make him more anxious. What are some
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: ways that you'd suggest on helping him? Thanks for all
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: you guys do. They're a producer, Sam.
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: Cone, SAMs very nice.
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: This is tough because, like, you know all of our
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: and we're going to talk about this in another episode.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: We have a similar question coming up in the next episode. Yeah,
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: but like this is a really tough thing because when
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: you say I'm experiencing anxiety, the implication of that phrase
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: is you are incorrect for feeling that way, right, But
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: when somebody's watching federal agents kill civilians on live TV,
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: it's like Okay, I'm feeling anxious about this, and it's like, yeah.
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: We're recording this, you know, two or three days before
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: it comes out, so many more civilians have probably been
• 39:16
  Speaker 3: shot by now. Yeah.
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: I mean, hash has surely gone down, there's apology, and
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: the nation is healing. That could also be happening when
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: the time this comes out.
• 39:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, No, I'm over here while you guys are
• 39:29
  Speaker 3: talking about all this, I'm just saying. The headlines pop
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: up right now about how Trump is closing the Kennedy
• 39:34
  Speaker 3: Center for the next two years.
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: Okay, great. I don't know why because he's renaming it
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: after it. Probably he hasn't built up new sign or something.
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: I saw.
• 39:42
  Speaker 4: I saw the onion the onion head a headline that
• 39:45
  Speaker 4: he added his name on Kennedy's gravestone, Trump Memorial, the
• 39:52
  Speaker 4: Eternal Flame, Donald J.
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: Trump, John F. Kennedy Eternal. The Tomb of the Unknown
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: Soldier is now just the Tomb of Donald Trump.
• 39:59
  Speaker 3: Donald Trump the Soldier.
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: The Washington Monument.
• 40:06
  Speaker 3: Floor Museum side note. The uh, the new hard Rock
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: casino is being built. The Mirage Hotel casino was before
• 40:15
  Speaker 3: and part of it was being renovated. But they're building
• 40:16
  Speaker 3: there's a new giant guitar shaped tower and from my
• 40:20
  Speaker 3: point of view at Absinthe at Caesar's Palace, it has
• 40:23
  Speaker 3: now completely blocked the view of Trump Tower.
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: Oh and it's been delightful.
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: My view is much better.
• 40:30
  Speaker 3: I just don't think about think about Donald Trump a
• 40:33
  Speaker 3: little bit less.
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: This is nice, absolutely, honestly.
• 40:37
  Speaker 4: I thought the guitar looked terrible, but I saw a
• 40:40
  Speaker 4: picture of that exact same thing up the strip and
• 40:43
  Speaker 4: you can see it's slowly like the tower flips it is.
• 40:47
  Speaker 3: I mean, from my point of view, it looks to
• 40:49
  Speaker 3: be ten or ten or fifteen stories taller at the
• 40:51
  Speaker 3: Trump Tower already, but it's closer, and that's just point
• 40:54
  Speaker 3: of view.
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: Whatever.
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I heard it like overhangs on the strip to
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: quite a bit.
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: So Nick, I actually want to come to you on
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: this one because you're not gonna get to join us
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: for the next recording. And there's a question that is
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: from somebody who lives in Minnesota who's like, this is
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: pretty rough, and you're a Midwesterner, these are your people.
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: And I've got a lot of family in Minneapolis section
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: and so you're talking to folks in real in real
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: time that are like, hey, this is really scary, and
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: I'm sure you're not correcting them and saying like, no,
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: you're anxiety. Yeah you from here in Las Vegas. Yeah, yeah,
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: things seem great. Yeah, tower has never been shining seventy.
• 41:27
  Speaker 3: Degrees and sunny.
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: So when you think about this like it's a real
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: world event, it's really affecting a population. They're scared, and
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: you see the stuff on TV, but there's like.
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: You have a whole dream about it.
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I tell us again about that. I'm just kidding.
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: Okay, So here's what happen.
• 41:45
  Speaker 3: So there I was.
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: It's definitely impactful.
• 41:48
  Speaker 4: Like a cousin of mine, I told you all a
• 41:51
  Speaker 4: few episodes ago, was pulled over by ice. Oh yeah,
• 41:54
  Speaker 4: and it was fine because he's you know, he's very white.
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: And so sohere the two people got shot. Yeah, but
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: he's really white, Okay, got it different, different they have
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: little palette scale. Yeah yeah, that's right, most Irish. Okay,
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: let it go. No.
• 42:11
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And so that was that was from what I understand.
• 42:15
  Speaker 4: I'm not talking to him, but it sounds like it
• 42:17
  Speaker 4: was kind of a scary ordeal. And yeah, my sister
• 42:21
  Speaker 4: is up there all the time. I get aunts. My
• 42:23
  Speaker 4: aunt lives up there. I got lots of cousins up
• 42:25
  Speaker 4: there in Minneapolis in the area, and yeah, my sister
• 42:29
  Speaker 4: is actually flying down here in the near future and
• 42:31
  Speaker 4: changed her travel plans just so she wouldn't have to
• 42:33
  Speaker 4: fly out of Minneapolis. And so like it's I mean
• 42:37
  Speaker 4: from everybody that I hear from there, you know, it's like,
• 42:40
  Speaker 4: oh no, this is real. Like it's not being blown
• 42:42
  Speaker 4: out of proportion. It's pretty scary up here. So yeah,
• 42:46
  Speaker 4: it's it's legit, and I don't know, I guess, yeah,
• 42:49
  Speaker 4: from my perspective, like what do you say to that,
• 42:52
  Speaker 4: you know, you're definitely not going to try to convince them, like, oh,
• 42:56
  Speaker 4: you know, try not to worry about it, and I
• 42:57
  Speaker 4: think you'll be fine.
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well that's what the writer says. Writer says, I'm
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: worried I'm making it worse by avoiding talking about it. Yeah.
• 43:06
  Speaker 4: I think what I do is I just hear them like, oh, yeah,
• 43:10
  Speaker 4: that's process it. Tell me about it, what's it like,
• 43:13
  Speaker 4: you know, and not try to make it worse or anything,
• 43:18
  Speaker 4: but just kind of let them tell the story, let
• 43:20
  Speaker 4: them process it, because verbalizing something is the way, you know,
• 43:23
  Speaker 4: one of the ways the brain is processing the information.
• 43:26
  Speaker 3: If they say, you know, I'm scared because I watched
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: federal agents shoot shoot to a person and kill them
• 43:32
  Speaker 3: for seemingly no reason. That scares me. It's frightening. Yes
• 43:37
  Speaker 3: it is.
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree. Yeah, it's sure that that is frightening
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: and it's terrible. Political anxiety has been really a front
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: and center therapeutic issue for the last decade.
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: Mm hmm, yeah, it is ongoing. I think, Nick, that's
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: kind of my same perspective too. I think with our partners,
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: I don't know how y'all feel, it's hard to not
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: try and fix and Peter and are both like that
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: save Peter aside for a moment, like you know, whether
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: it's in the past when I've like struggled at work,
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: like we start together, Nick, or that came home and
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: had stressors about that where I'm just like, oh my god,
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: like happened, and Peter at the time to be like,
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: well say this or do that, like to jump in
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: and try and like just do this and that'll be better,
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: or you know, Peter playing poker, Like there's a lot
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: of highs and lows emotionally with that, and it's hard
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: not to jump and be like, well, well, why don't
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: you try this or why don't you try that? Instead
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: of just god, yeah that really sucks, Like it's actually
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: very hard to do that, I feel like your partners
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: and not and just let them be upset, like god it.
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: So we say that kind of off the cuff, like oh,
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: just just let them feel it, but I think you
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: really have to like just treat it that way that
• 44:51
  Speaker 2: they're allowed to feel upset, because they should be upset,
• 44:54
  Speaker 2: just like you said, Jim, and I agree, this is
• 44:56
  Speaker 2: fucked up. It's it's really messed up what's going on,
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: and just be like, yeah, this is maybe maybe create
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: kind of like a thought or a plan what would
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: we do if we were in these scenarios? Like, I
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: think that is helpful at this point firstly, and we
• 45:09
  Speaker 2: can go more into that next episode, but yeah, I
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: think maybe like reminding each other that you're on the
• 45:16
  Speaker 2: same team, right and it's okay to be scared, and
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: I mean I'm here for you for hugs or whatever
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: right now.
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: The classic therapist phrase of holding space, you know, for somebody,
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: which usually I don't like that generic term, but I
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: see this in this case. You're right because like For me,
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: I'm very comfortable with the spouse the writer saying, look,
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna choose not to bring this stuff up, so
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: because we all could, right, you're on your TikTok feed,
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: can you believe that, yeah, did you hear about this thing?
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: Like just now you know, Jacob's like, oh shit, the
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: Kennedy like it just it's always something and so like,
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: it's very tempting. But if you know that your spouse
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: is really like legitimately struggling, they're on meds now because
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: this is so distressful. I don't disagree with the writer
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: saying I'm not bringing it up, or I don't have
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: to say the writer should give us his name of Sam,
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: so like I don't disagree with Sam say look, I'm
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: not going to proactively bring this up, but I like
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: what you're saying that when it is brought up, I
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: think it's healthy to just hold that space and say
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: that is really scary and yeah, that is a lot.
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: I think it's hard because in the last ten years
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: of this unique era that we've been living in, there
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: seemed to be a break there for like four years.
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: But anyway, I don't remember that part. It seems to
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: be very far away. But in this era, one of
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: the things that I've had to learn how to do
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: George W. Bush was the dumbest press. Yeah that was
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: a problem. But like one thing, I wish I.
• 46:34
  Speaker 4: Could go back and talk to the graduate school all okay,
• 46:38
  Speaker 4: because like I was, okay, so you are really worked
• 46:40
  Speaker 4: up about this guy.
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, let me tell you. Here's the thing.
• 46:43
  Speaker 4: Like I was in graduate school. I had just finished
• 46:49
  Speaker 4: my bachelor's I think right around the time that the
• 46:52
  Speaker 4: Second Iraq War broke out, right, weapons of mass destructure. Yeah,
• 46:56
  Speaker 4: so I'm in graduate school working on my masters and
• 47:00
  Speaker 4: social like the most liberal of liberal environments, and that
• 47:05
  Speaker 4: was like the biggest thing ever. And if I could
• 47:08
  Speaker 4: just go back and just be like.
• 47:09
  Speaker 3: This, it's gonna get away with enjoy where you're at.
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: You're going to rescale this in a few years. I
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: remember Bill Maher came out and apologized for like crying
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: wolf about Mitt romneycted. Maybe that was not the end
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: of time, a big deal. We would have been fine.
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: But no, like you know, trying to do therapy with
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: people over the last ten years, I think it's a
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: tricky little thread because it's like, Okay, on one hand.
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: I don't want to be minimizing of it. I don't
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: want to be dismissive of it. I don't want to
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: try to reframe it because that can become really like unhealthy.
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: And we're gonna talk about the next episode where like
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: it almost seems like blindness. That's inappropriate, but there is
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: something to be said for right sizing it. And one
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: thing that I think I found, so you know, luck
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: with recently and I told her, sorry my graduate students
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: the other day. I have a patient who's like in
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: her eighties and she lives in a rural area and
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: it is very very Republican. And it was during the
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: Biden administration when she believed that the election was being stolen.
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: And so this is January sixth and all that Trump
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: is saying the election has been stolen. The Biden administration's
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: coming for you. And she was really really scared, and
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: like that was tough because I didn't want to correct her.
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: I didn't want to inform her. I'm not a newsman,
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: that's not my job. I didn't meet her where she
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: was at, but I didn't want to reframe it and
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: be like this is being hyperbolzed or whatever. It's not
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: what it is. But what I found useful for her
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: and what I found useful sense in other situations is
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: to zoom out and ask about context. Like throughout history,
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: I think like, wow, we are living through really interesting times.
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: This is really scary. I wonder what it felt like
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: in nineteen sixty eight when Martin Luther King Junior and
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: Robert Kennedy were both assassinated in the same year and
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: during the college protests with the National Guard was coming
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: in and beating up kids, and like, wow, can you
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: imagine what it was like living then? Can you imagine
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: what it was like whenever the Pentagon papers came out
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: and we found that Vietnam was this entire fucking hoax, Like,
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: what was that like? And we were just sending a
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: generation of young people to die on a different field
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: of battle, had nothing to do with defense and we're
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: being lied to. What was it like whenever Abraham Lincoln
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: was shot when the Confederacy happened, that must have been incredible,
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: and like just contextualizing it so people kind of had
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: that deep breath to realize, like, yeah, I've heard about
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: some crazy ass shit that's happened in the world. This
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: is also scary, but at least being able to relate
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: to other people in history or understand that context without
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: dismissing Yeah, is I think a little bit helpful. And
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: so I found that therapeutically to be a way to
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: like have a deeper conversation about what's scaring us, but
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: also putting it in context that we are in good
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: company with many other generations of people who've been through
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: really scary things, and in some ways I'm grateful that
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: this is what we're going through compared to what those
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: other scary things were probably like two. But that can
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: come up dismissive if you don't, like I.
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: Said, it's it really depends on your client.
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah for sure.
• 50:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so I think you're telling Sam, explain to them
• 50:10
  Speaker 3: that this is, uh, you know, historically relatively speaking, historically wise,
• 50:17
  Speaker 3: this is not that big of a deal. And so
• 50:21
  Speaker 3: if you're making a big deal out of it, that's
• 50:23
  Speaker 3: on you. Yes, and cut that ship out. Your Jim
• 50:29
  Speaker 3: is trying to say, you.
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: Know, world War two is pretty scary, Sam, Okay, the
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: watch World trazy.
• 50:35
  Speaker 2: All of that was less than one hundred years ago.
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: I know, so far less than one hundred years ago.
• 50:39
  Speaker 2: I'm like, we're already.
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: I do think there's wisdom for Sam to say, Look,
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: I choose not to participate in these conversations because there's
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: I'm only going to feed the fire like I'm gonna
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: put another piece of wood in there.
• 50:49
  Speaker 3: About yourself.
• 50:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know.
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: But if your if your spouse needs to talk about it,
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't want you to become avoidant. I don't think
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: that's healthy because then you're not available to like hold
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: space for them and let them get it out.
• 50:58
  Speaker 3: Well, and they're not processing it like the part of
• 51:00
  Speaker 3: their processing of it is is sounds like I get.
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: To talking to you. Yeah. I also feel like, oh, sorry,
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: I wasn't addressed in this letter. Yeah, you know what,
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: We're gonna edit out all of Jacob's if you don't
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: thank Jacob up front, Sam, get it.
• 51:15
  Speaker 3: If you want my lines and the I'm just gonna
• 51:18
  Speaker 3: edit myself out of this this letter completely. It's only
• 51:22
  Speaker 3: gonna be for Sam. Yeah, that's right, her own copies.
• 51:26
  Speaker 3: You know, I think, I don't know, Like I I play.
• 51:29
  Speaker 4: Around with this thought every once in a while of
• 51:32
  Speaker 4: like I should just kind of disconnect from the news
• 51:35
  Speaker 4: a little bit and just kind of withdraw. But then
• 51:38
  Speaker 4: on the other hand, the other part of my brain's like, yeah,
• 51:40
  Speaker 4: but that's not being socially responsible.
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: I'll tell you what though, I mean, I have done that.
• 51:46
  Speaker 3: I have taken a big step back from social media
• 51:50
  Speaker 3: and news intake and all of that kind of stuff.
• 51:53
  Speaker 3: I'm on social media obviously for podcast stuff and everything,
• 51:56
  Speaker 3: but that's really kind of it. I get on social
• 51:58
  Speaker 3: media to deal with cast business, you know, interact with
• 52:01
  Speaker 3: the therapods and uh scoops and everything. And as someone
• 52:06
  Speaker 3: who has purposely withdrawn from it, I stay up to
• 52:12
  Speaker 3: date pretty well.
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: Okay, even without being in it, without trying to be
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: in it.
• 52:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah, since I'm not, since I'm no longer trying to
• 52:20
  Speaker 3: be in it, I'm still getting information every day just
• 52:23
  Speaker 3: because I'm just.
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: Around, right, you know, like headlines the center.
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: It will happen.
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I'm not I'm.
• 52:29
  Speaker 3: Not gonna read that article about the Kennedy Center, right,
• 52:31
  Speaker 3: but like it pops up there you go. So I
• 52:34
  Speaker 3: guess I guess Trump slows it for the next couple
• 52:35
  Speaker 3: of years to renovate it, to do something or another.
• 52:37
  Speaker 3: All right, great, yeah he's gonna do that, or he's not.
• 52:40
  Speaker 3: Maybe maybe something else will happen. Maybe another Epstein file
• 52:42
  Speaker 3: will drop and that'll distract him and he won't do
• 52:44
  Speaker 3: anything with the Kennedy Center. Sure whatever. I can't keep
• 52:48
  Speaker 3: up with all of it, and I I'm just done
• 52:51
  Speaker 3: trying to. But even I get what you're saying about
• 52:54
  Speaker 3: wanting to be socially responsible with it. But I guess
• 52:57
  Speaker 3: my point is, even taking that big step back, I
• 53:00
  Speaker 3: feel very much that I'm still informed enough to be
• 53:05
  Speaker 3: a a informed member of society.
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: That's true, and it's hard to know. Also, like.
• 53:12
  Speaker 4: Sources of information, which is why I turned to Ground News.
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: Oh, here we go. See every side of every news.
• 53:18
  Speaker 3: Story, read through the news from multiple perspectives, see through
• 53:21
  Speaker 3: multimedia bias, and with reliable news from local and international sources.
• 53:26
  Speaker 3: Answer pod therapy checkouts.
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm really glad we're being sponsored by them, actually
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: because I kind of do actually respect that outlet.
• 53:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: I see a lot of ads for them, and it
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: seems like a really good idea. The more you know,
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: Grounds send us money. We like you, regardless of how
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: you feel about pod therapy. No, but I do think
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: there's something to be validated here, Like when when Whennie
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: and I went on the News a year ago and
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: talked about like the hyperventilating that was happening about the
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: next Trump administration. We weren't being dismissive of it, but
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: we were saying, at this point, the reaction doesn't quite
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: match the reality. It's a lot of anticipation, and so
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: as therapists, if anything, we're always calling people into the
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: now and trying to get them to right size things
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: in the presence so they can be prepared and be
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: effective at what's going on. Fast forward a year later,
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: these people and and and I think Sam's husband are
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: struggling with what they are literally seeing. Right, It's like
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: what you felt whenever you heard that there was a
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: war declared, or when nine to eleven happened. There, I'm
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: making assumptions. No, the real was the right response to
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: nine to eleven. They're reacting to information. Yeah, anxiety was
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: the right response to January sixth. Anxiety is the right
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: response whenever you're seeing American citizens gunned down by federal
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: agents wearing masks in the middle of a city like that,
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: is it is appropriate to feel scared. That's why they
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: do it is to elicit that fear.
• 54:46
  Speaker 3: I did feel anxiety for those patriots on January sixth.
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: Okay, that they would.
• 54:52
  Speaker 3: I thought they would injure themselves the police as they
• 54:58
  Speaker 3: were beating for their risks. That man is not working
• 55:04
  Speaker 3: your protection. No, he's gonna here's a cloud.
• 55:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's cold there. The windows are all broken. Are
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: they gonna be warm enough? Put some gloves on? Yeah,
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: I too was worried for our fellow patriots. But anxiety
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: is really the right response in some of this stuff.
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: And I don't have much criticism for it, but that
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: I like that you're moderating it. I like that your
• 55:25
  Speaker 1: husband's getting you know, that help. I don't think that
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: you're doing anything wrong by avoiding the conversation as long
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: as it's not something where but like, there are some
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: couples that say, look, let's agree that we're not gonna
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: proactively talk about this anymore, like there's nothing good that
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: comes out of it. It's just spinning our own wheels. Yes,
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: we're gonna be informed. Maybe it's not best to talk
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: about it, but there's times when it is and you
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: just have to sit down and just cry it out
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: and say I'm scared this is bothering me, and hold
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: that space for the other person and maybe even giving
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: them your perspective and saying, hey, I'm less frightened than you,
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: and here's why, right, Like, Okay, maybe they'll take some
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: piece of that, maybe they won't, maybe they want to
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: be reassured. Sam. There's no right answer because this is
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: you know, historical anxiety like this, we're living through unprecedented times.
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: It is scary, and I think fear is the right
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: response to this, which is motivating a lot of people
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: to think about it.
• 56:12
  Speaker 3: And it's admirable that you that you're that you want
• 56:16
  Speaker 3: to do something that you want, you want to do
• 56:18
  Speaker 3: something for your partner. You love your partner and you
• 56:20
  Speaker 3: don't want them to be distressed.
• 56:22
  Speaker 2: And of course one of the hardest things.
• 56:24
  Speaker 3: But yeah, they're just I think they're just gonna be
• 56:27
  Speaker 3: a little distressed about this.
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm glad you're on. I'm glad your husband found medication.
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: That's really important. And I know you didn't hear anything
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: that Jacob just said, but it was. It was very
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: profound and in your feet. Ask anyone else, everybody else
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: heard you go to the discord, Sam, the discord that
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: you pay for let them know, so, great question, Sam,
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: You are not in this alone. We're gonna be talking
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: about this a lot, I think in February, and we're
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: gonna talking about it in depth in the next episode.
• 56:53
  Speaker 2: And were things they all come out like, gonna think
• 56:55
  Speaker 2: other things.
• 56:56
  Speaker 3: Are gonna come up.
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, come on news. Yeah, they'll plan another state to terrorize.
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: We're going to take a quick break, and when we
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: come back, we're talking about with holding food to moderate
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: autism and a child. Yikes, I'm skeptical. Yeah, you are
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: listening to pod therapy.
• 57:12
  Speaker 4: Today's episode is brought to you by Jake Schneier, Belia,
• 57:15
  Speaker 4: Richard Sonny Boy, Fucker, Sander mc.
• 57:21
  Speaker 1: Adam, Warren bad Crimes. I'm not here, Nightley. Would you
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: like to cross the show become a therapist?
• 57:26
  Speaker 4: Sure?
• 57:26
  Speaker 1: Patreon dot com where we last left off. I believe
• 57:30
  Speaker 1: I'm inte. You believe a lot of things you believe legally.
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: I think I am same as you guys, all right,
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: tied for.
• 57:39
  Speaker 4: First, Jim, I'm afraid to ask you ethical questions, so
• 57:43
  Speaker 4: you get a mart.
• 57:45
  Speaker 2: He's listen.
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: I've given a lot of clients beads, all right, so
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: this question is going to.
• 57:51
  Speaker 2: Be very relevant.
• 57:51
  Speaker 1: And they've earned all they've all earned them.
• 57:55
  Speaker 4: The street most associated with NonStop French quarter nightlife, and
• 58:00
  Speaker 4: where the conference is being held. Is the conference is
• 58:05
  Speaker 4: being Yeah, she's going to a conference.
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: That's it's probably like main Street, like every city has
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: like a main street. Or maybe it'll be named after
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: like a French person. Oh uh fuck, what's that guy's
• 58:19
  Speaker 1: name he's in.
• 58:21
  Speaker 3: I believe it is named after a French person. I
• 58:23
  Speaker 3: believe he's right after about it.
• 58:25
  Speaker 1: It's it's the Alexander Hamilton's friend. Lafayette Lafayette Lafayette Boulevard.
• 58:34
  Speaker 3: Final answer, Yeah, no, although there is I believe at
• 58:40
  Speaker 3: least street I'm off by maybe one street, maybe Bourbon Street,
• 58:47
  Speaker 3: Bourbon Street, Oh no, bourbon Is.
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: Bourbon was not a person.
• 58:51
  Speaker 2: I was gonna say bourbon Is.
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: I thought there was like an earl like that. All right,
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: but I don't know.
• 58:59
  Speaker 4: Well, I mean, come on, there is at least a
• 59:01
  Speaker 4: couple of babies born into Orleans with the first name
• 59:08
  Speaker 4: all right, Whitney. A client asked to record sessions quote
• 59:14
  Speaker 4: unquote for accountability. The first ethical initial response is hey, sure,
• 59:20
  Speaker 4: no problem. Be The long answer se refuse with exploration,
• 59:27
  Speaker 4: always record yourself secretly for protection.
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: Correct answer, therapist.
• 59:44
  Speaker 2: The first one. Sure, never.
• 59:47
  Speaker 4: Explore the requests, discuss risks, benefits, consent, consent storage, security,
• 59:52
  Speaker 4: and set clear bout.
• 59:54
  Speaker 2: Okay, do you ever get nervous that your clients are recording.
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: That has happened? So I'll tell this quick story. I
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: had this several years ago, so I feel safe telling
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: it as long as I do idend of No, it
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: wasn't quite it's actually not well, but it was a moment.
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: So I had a client who was famous and was
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: beefing with another famous person and decided, like during our
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 1: zoom session to tell me all about it. And so
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: we're sitting there dealing with it, talking this through, and
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 1: I'm noticing, right, I noticed the patient is unusually expressive,
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: like usually waits for me to give a lot of feedback,
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: doing this in much more of a preachy way way.
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: It's rolling and like looking for just the quickest affirmation
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: for me and not really letting me say much more
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 1: on it and then moving forward with it. I'm like, Okay,
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: they're just seeming a little hyper like whatever. We get
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: to the very end and they let me know, Hey,
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: I did record this whole thing, and my intention is
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 1: to put it on my social media basically to flame
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 1: more the other person and let them know. I literally
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: took our beef to a therapist who agrees with me
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 1: that you're terrible. And I was so like, does a
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: propt Yeah.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 2: I do you want me to officiate your next wedding?
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like, not only am I in, I'm all in. Yeah,
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 3: tag me when you do. Make sure we get pod
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 3: therapy in there too. This is how we get, this
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 3: is how we make the big time. But yeah, so
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 3: I remember being like, I do not know what to do,
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 3: and so like I just didn't say anything because.
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: You had said all those really positive things about all
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 1: the oil.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 3: I'm just that there, like supporting the baby oil. Yeah,
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 3: like wow, Carl, I feel about that.
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 1: So afterward I text the client. There was a Netflix
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 1: special inval Yeah, I texted the client. I was like, hey, look,
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 1: I've thought about what you just said. It kind of
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: caught me off guard, but like, I do not consent
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: to that. I hope that you won't. And they were
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 1: like they were so like committed to the concept of
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 1: that that yeah, like all right, no, you're you said
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 1: the magic word, like, you do not consent to me
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: using you in this way. It outs you. It puts
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 1: you in a situation that is way bigger than you, like,
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 1: this is way bigger than my fucking weight class, Like,
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 1: please don't do this. And so they were like, all right,
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 1: like you you should not meddle in the affairs of dragons,
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 1: as they say, for you are crunchy and taste good
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 1: with ketchup. So they spared me, thank god. But that
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 1: was a very scary day for me. All right, there
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 1: we go, your therapist, don't I want you to know.
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 3: Listeners, when Jim says it was a scary day, you
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 3: might think to yourself, like, yeah, that sounds like a
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 3: really shitty day. I wouldn't want to go through that either. Man,
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 3: that sounds really, really shitty. I want you to understand
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 3: that when Jim says that, he means it literally. He
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 3: spent that day being actually scared. He was terrified that
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 3: something might happen, and because of that, something else might happen.
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 3: That's what he said. It's what there were tears. Shed
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 3: a card to me to ask if you cried. I
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 3: knew you cried. I was sure this was going to
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 3: be awful. I don't know when this happened, but I
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 3: know it wasn't on a day we recorded, but he
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 3: wouldn't have shown up. It was definitely not on a
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 3: day the gym recorded.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: Luckily, the trial went ahead without a hitch. Everything worked
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 1: out the way it needed to. I didn't get involved,
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: and I'm happy about it. Everything worked as I wanted it,
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: and Johnny and Amber lived happily. I'm sure wherever they
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 1: are they're very happy. Not my problem anymore. They want
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: to remarry. I will officiate.
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 3: If you are going to ask me, are you am
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 3: I proud of myself remembering Amber Heard's name. The answer
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 3: is yes.
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 1: That was really solid. I was avoiding because I did
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: not have that point pocket.
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 4: A client asked for a letter quote unquote proving their
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 4: partner is narcissistic.
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 3: Nice, nice, Whichever answer says, do it. Answer says, pull
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 3: the form letter out of the drawer.
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 4: And hand it to them. Scribbled their name on it,
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 4: write it. The client knows best be diagnosed the partner
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 4: without meeting them. See explain. You can describe the client's
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 4: experiences and symptoms, but you cannot diagnose a third party
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 4: you haven't assessed or I'm not surprised you to take
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 4: a breath in the middle of that TikTok for TikTok, evidence, TikTok.
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 1: Do it TikTok.
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 3: It's clearly a it's clearly a yeah. Do the fucking letter.
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 4: Yeah, send the letter, Send it to the government. Yes,
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 4: in case any students are listening, it's it's it's see,
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 4: it's see.
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 1: It's the long when it says Jacob doesn't have to
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 1: answer the board. So really yea questions what should a
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 1: counselor do. It just says what would you do? Jacob?
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 1: And honestly.
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 3: Anything if this we're life coaching. They sound like it
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 3: sounds like I'm writing a goddamn letter. Yeah, sounds like
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 3: this person is a dick. It needs to be brought
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 3: down a peg. I got you, girl, I got it,
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 3: call me the stick. I'm on your side.
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And that actually is a great time for us
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 1: to plug the newest product that we offer it pot therapy.
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 1: If you would like Jacob to write a letter diagnosing
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 1: anybody in your life. Oh, there's a patreona that we
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 1: could form letter that in the store and just like yeah,
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 1: fill it in. It's like a it's like a freaking man,
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 1: I think I can do this. Uh yeah.
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 3: Bespoke oh yeah, I think I can do this per okay, Yeah, yeah, absolutely,
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 3: Jacob just will immediately record like cameos just diagnosing.
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 3: I'm thinking, uh, maybe i'll do like a voice to
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 3: text okay, and then you'll get the video of me
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 3: recording it as well, or maybe like the audio of
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 3: it as well as like the voice the text letter easy.
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 1: That I that I do it. We could we have
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 1: a letterhead for you. They go, yeah, this is great,
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 1: We'll just do this. Yeah, this is fine.
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 4: Sounds like your friend's diagnosed with asshole personality.
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 1: That's what that's coming in the d s M six.
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 1: Nobody's even heard about it. Sounds like your mom needs
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 1: to get the fuck.
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 3: Out of your business.
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 1: Mom, Look at this. A doctor gave me this note. Okay,
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 1: this man has a PhD.
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 3: That is a professional. He has a PhD.
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 2: Ignore the name on the piece.
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 1: Oh there is that is not an unforeseeable thing that
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 1: Oh no, we just do that all right. So I'm
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 1: losing now because of fucking Bourbon Street. Last question for tonight,
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 1: withholding food to moderate autism. Here we go, Hi, friends,
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 1: I'm a parent of a twelve year old boy with ADHD,
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 1: and I would really appreciate your perspective on a situation
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 1: that feels ethically complex rather than clear cut. At our
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 1: church youth group, a volunteer small group leader has been
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: withholding snacks from my son as a consequence for behavior.
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 1: According to my son, this happens is out now. No,
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 1: what's funny is if it's the Eucharist.
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 2: Oh okay, then you know what I take it that.
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 4: You are giving my son, father Nelson, what the fot look,
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 4: he's a little quirky, like he's way too organized to
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 4: that fucking U haul. He's stacking blocks over there in
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 4: the corner. I just don't know what's gonna happen.
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know if I can Jesus
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 1: signed for this kid. I'm sorry, just not. I don't
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 1: know if the Chris is gonna happen. Okay. And our
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 1: church youth group, a volunteer small group leader has been
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 1: with holding snacks for my son as a consequence for behavior.
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 1: According to my son, this happens almost weekly. The leader
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 1: is a lay volunteer, as I am in a different group, and.
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 3: These volunteer means just like civilians. So yeah, they're not
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 3: officially a churchman. I would bet they don't have a
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 3: lot of training.
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and these incidents have not been escalated to church
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 1: staff yet. What complicates this is that my son is
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 1: not disengaged from the program. He's a key member of
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 1: the student worship band and serves on the student apprentice
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 1: team that helps plan activities for the group. He's repeatedly
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 1: expressed how much he loves these roles and feels deeply
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 1: connected to the community. The issues arise specifically later in
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 1: the evening when the group breaks into small groups. This
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 1: setting is chaotic understaffed, but we do abide by the
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 1: too deep rule, and it sounds like some volunteers are
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 1: relying heavily on compliance based behavior management. I genuinely is
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: the two deep rule just having two two staff members.
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 1: I always have two adults and never leave it just
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 1: with one. I genuinely empathize with how difficult middle school
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 1: groups can be to manage, especially with limited volunteers. My
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 1: own group of girls give me a run for my money.
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 1: Loving on middle schoolers is not for the faint of heart.
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 1: Shut up, Jacob, however he used, I would say anything
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 1: using food deprivation after force compliance feels ethically and morally inappropriate.
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 1: For any child, particularly given what we know about ADHD
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 1: and regulation. I consulted our family therapist, who felt the
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: situation sits in a gray area legally, but was clear
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 1: that withholding food as a behavioral control is not appropriate.
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 1: She also raised an important distinction between intention and impact,
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 1: specifically whether this reflects ignorance born of overwhelm, or whether
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 1: a system that relies on compliance and punishment without structural
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: support becomes functionally exclusionary regardless of intent. What I'm wrestling
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 1: with is this, when a practice is patterned rather than
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 1: a one off, involves a basic need, and persists in
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 1: an underresourced volunteer setting, where should the ethical line be drawn?
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 1: At what point does this is not ideal but not
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 1: reportable become this needs outside interruption because the system itself
• 1:09:47
  Speaker 1: is not stopping it. I also want to be clear
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 1: that we choose to be at church because we believe
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 1: we belong there, not out of religious guilt or pressure.
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 1: My child deserves spiritual community just as much as any
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 1: other kid, and just leave feels like an inadequate solution
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 1: when the underlying practices may affect other children as well.
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 1: What happens to the kid if the advocate leaves the
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 1: fact that my son wants to be at church at
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 1: all blows my mind. Given all the other options available
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 1: to kids these days, I'm worried at some point he'll
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 1: begin to equate his ADHD with some sort of moral
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 1: or spiritual shortcoming. Our parental stance has always been that
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 1: ADHD is a God given superpower and every person has
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 1: opportunity for growth, not just kids with diagnoses. How would
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 1: you think about proportional responses here, especially when the available
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 1: options of leaving, reporting, or escalating all feel mismatched to
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 1: the size of the harm, yet the harm continues. Thanks
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 1: Amy Ardvark, Amy, this is a good question, I.
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 4: Gotta say, uh, better than what my feeling was when
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 4: I first read the title Alone me too, Yeah, a
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 4: little worried there in the beginning, WHOA, we're going to.
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 1: This one? Like, Amy, Jesus, what are you doing get
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 1: starve ADHD out of a kid? Yeah?
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 4: So that, honestly, the vibe that I kind of get
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 4: from this, The feeling I got from this is kind
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 4: of her assessment as well, which is like, this feels
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 4: like somebody who's not very well trained and doesn't know
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 4: exactly what they're doing and it's just like I've got
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 4: this thing, they all want it. I will withhold this
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 4: until I get compliance because it it feels like the
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 4: low hanging fruit, like the very quick solution. You want
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 4: your snack, you gotta behave other wise y'all get the snack.
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a lot going on.
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 4: You're like this, it's a reward if I was if
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 4: I was a sixteen year old, you know, being you know,
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 4: the leader of a group of twelve year olds.
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 1: Twelve year olds. Yeah, then like that's where my mind
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 1: would go to. You know, this is clearly the nice thing.
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 1: You don't get the nice Yeah. So you're saying this
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 1: represents a lack of training on the person's part here,
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 1: what do you like as a potential answer to this,
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 1: because Amy's saying, like, look, telling me to just wrap
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 1: it up and walk out of this place, doesn't that's
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 1: not correct for our family, escalating it to church leadership.
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 3: By the way, I wasn't thinking was anybody thinking leave exactly?
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 3: I mean I like that Amy.
• 1:12:17
  Speaker 1: Want to gauge the room. They're putting a stop signed
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 1: there and say and don't tell me that door. But
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 1: escalating to church staff, Amy says that that makes me
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 1: nervous because it feels maybe big and like this, I
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 1: don't know how I feel about making this bigger. But yeah,
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 1: what what do you think in this kind of scenario?
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 1: Because you've also, both you and Whitney have been in
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 1: situations where you've worked with foster families, and as therapists,
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 1: you've had to kind of train the foster parents a
• 1:12:43
  Speaker 1: little bit because they're going to do things which are
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 1: well intentioned but not helpful for the kid. And you,
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 1: as behavior veterals, shake the baby.
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 2: Right, what about the teenager.
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 1: Shaking? Teenager syndrome is not even a thing.
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 4: At the best motivation is with whole toilet paper, Okay,
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 4: that's yeah, yeah.
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you think that hasn't been done in yeah until.
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, until laundry. You think that's a great.
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 2: Idea, Like never mind, get two squares to go in there,
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 2: like some bullshit.
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 1: Don't not like the toilet paper even matters to you?
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 1: But no, both of you have been in situations where
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 1: you've had to kind of gently train adults as they're
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 1: interacting with kids when they well meaningly do something that
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 1: you hear about as a therapist, and your eyebrows jump
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 1: and you're like, I don't like that, Like, how do
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 1: we see is there a way that we could coach
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 1: Amy a little bit of how you if you were
• 1:13:36
  Speaker 1: in Amy shoes, this is your kid or it's a
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 1: family member that that you you know, belongs to you,
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 1: and you're watching this happen. You're a trained professional, what
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 1: might you do if you're in Amy shoes?
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 2: I mean I would just go to the person, okay,
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 2: like direct, Yeah, and you can be kind like if
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 2: especially we're going to assume like if they're involved in
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 2: church activities, they mean, well, they're like trying to be
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 2: a part of their congregation, and one of like it.
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 3: Might be a volunteer as well. Yeah, said something about
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 3: the group of the middle school girls. So I mean
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 3: that I'm assuming they know each.
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 2: Other, right. I feel like approaching the staff who who's
• 1:14:13
  Speaker 2: having the issue, and you can say, hey, uh, you know,
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 2: my son has told me that this is something that's
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 2: happened a few times. Can you tell me more about that?
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 2: Like start with curiosity and yeah, that's always good.
• 1:14:26
  Speaker 1: Okay, maybe from posture, how can I help? I don't
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 1: think that's really working. I don't think removing the treat
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 1: thing seems to be working for you, because it seems
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 1: to be happening every single time. I don't want that
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 1: to be the only move you have on the chess board.
• 1:14:39
  Speaker 1: Maybe we replace that with something else. How can I
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 1: help you? Is that kind of your either I'm the mom.
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 1: I can tell you what I do. Yeah, but I
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 1: think you can tell them. You said you could.
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 3: You consulted your family therapist who felt the situation SIT's
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 3: in a gray area legally right, but withholding the food
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 3: is a behavior?
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 1: Control is not appropriate?
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 3: Right, I'd say, perfectly reasonable sentence to say to this
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 3: person in a.
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 2: Kind and constructive way, I don't feel comfortable. Is there
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 2: something else we can do?
• 1:15:09
  Speaker 1: This isn't how I want my son disciplined. Let's figure
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 1: out a different way. Yeah, so my mom had to
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 1: do this. I don't know if we've ever talked about
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 1: my ADHD, and I don't want to blow any minds.
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 1: I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child.
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 2: You.
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And at some point Jacob's going to give me
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 1: some of his adderall and we're going to see how
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 1: that affects.
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 2: I want to mix it in your wait the next
• 1:15:29
  Speaker 2: time we do fireball.
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, mix it in the fire I think that might
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 1: be contraindicated.
• 1:15:34
  Speaker 3: But you know what, I like, both of you just
• 1:15:37
  Speaker 3: clearly assumed that I have adderalls.
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 2: I was going to bring my own bottle on your desk.
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 1: I said.
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 3: It's funny that you both assume clearly the bottle says
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 3: jim job.
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 1: But yeah, buying my damn prescriptions. But no. So, like
• 1:15:55
  Speaker 1: in my case as a kid, the teacher was taking
• 1:15:57
  Speaker 1: away recess because I couldn't say still in class and
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 1: I didn't, right, And so like this keeps happening, and
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 1: my mom would be like, oh, how is school today,
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 1: be like I lost recess again because I was being naughty,
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 1: and my mom like gets me diagnosed AHD, and and
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 1: like she's learning about this at the time, and so
• 1:16:13
  Speaker 1: she meets with the teacher. She's like, look, I'm not pissed.
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 1: I'm not calling you out. I believe that you're really
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 1: trying to manage my kid. I get it he's hard
• 1:16:21
  Speaker 1: to manage. But let me tell you something about this
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 1: ADHD kid. Fucking recess is the medicine. Yeah, Like, get
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 1: his ass outside laps.
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, just let him squirrel around for thirty minutes again,
• 1:16:34
  Speaker 3: and you want to punish him by making him run? Yeah,
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 3: do that. That's better than taking this away because it's suicide.
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 3: Suicide spreads, right, Do not have this kid sit in
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 3: your office for thirty minutes and like miss or sitting
• 1:16:48
  Speaker 3: next to you on the bench. Yeah, yeah, because he's
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 3: gonna make terrible the rest of the day. Yeah, the
• 1:16:51
  Speaker 3: second half the day is gonna be even worse. So
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 3: the teacher actually took it really well because she followed
• 1:16:57
  Speaker 3: exactly what you said, like that the model is exactly
• 1:16:59
  Speaker 3: what you're advising, Amy, which is that humans want to help,
• 1:17:02
  Speaker 3: and like they're not taking away the snack or taking
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 3: away the recess out of spite, it's out of as
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 3: Amy identified overwhelm and it's like I don't know what
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 3: to do with this kid and a lack of training.
• 1:17:14
  Speaker 2: That just seems like the easy thing in the moment.
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 4: It's convenient, and it's probably the same for all the
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 4: other kids, because maybe it works for the ok like
• 1:17:22
  Speaker 4: you know, this person is empowered to do Yeah, in
• 1:17:26
  Speaker 4: Jim's example for that teacher, maybe taking away recess did
• 1:17:29
  Speaker 4: work for other kids. And then it becomes complicated too,
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 4: where it's like, well Jim's punishment is difference than Rebecca's.
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 1: It does get which is different than Robert's. But this
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 1: is where we as behavioral professionals or even professional educators,
• 1:17:45
  Speaker 1: have so much training to think about nuanced things like
• 1:17:47
  Speaker 1: that within a behavioral management plan, whereas like a church
• 1:17:50
  Speaker 1: volunteer just some other mom or dad who's just randomly
• 1:17:53
  Speaker 1: they're an older like some twenty year old is just
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 1: trying to be a youth group leader. They just don't
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 1: have access to those tools. They've never thought that through,
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 1: and so you're right, it becomes a one size fits
• 1:18:02
  Speaker 1: all things. In the name of fairness. My reward if
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 1: I'm doing well, is I get to pack a U haul? Yeah?
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it's nick.
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 1: You've been doing really good on don't you go ahead
• 1:18:14
  Speaker 1: and organize my taxes? That sounds really good.
• 1:18:18
  Speaker 3: I mean, I would also bet that, like I mean,
• 1:18:20
  Speaker 3: I think we're all assuming that the that the church
• 1:18:22
  Speaker 3: volunteer is a youngish.
• 1:18:23
  Speaker 1: Person, a little inexperience.
• 1:18:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and like this person does, is probably not given
• 1:18:30
  Speaker 3: a whole lot of tools to work with on this, right, Yeah,
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 3: you got you got a group of kids. You're supposed
• 1:18:34
  Speaker 3: to control this group of kids. I'm assuming that the
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 3: church person can't hit the kids, doesn't have a lot
• 1:18:40
  Speaker 3: of weights the church, it is snakes to buite them.
• 1:18:43
  Speaker 1: That's Catholic, which is a reward. Three minutes in the
• 1:18:47
  Speaker 1: snake pit. You get to spend excuse me, you get
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 1: to demonstrate God's love for humanity by rolling with these.
• 1:18:54
  Speaker 1: That's right. Yeah, yeah, I mean it's it's tough, but yeah,
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 1: I would. I would definitely go have a talk with
• 1:18:59
  Speaker 1: this with the reasonable. I like the idea of approaching
• 1:19:03
  Speaker 1: from the angle of Hey, I know my kid can
• 1:19:06
  Speaker 1: be hard to handle. I deal with my kid all
• 1:19:09
  Speaker 1: the time. Can I give you some advice on ways
• 1:19:11
  Speaker 1: that I've found to be effective, because I've got some shortcuts,
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 1: I know some things that work. Like my mom has
• 1:19:16
  Speaker 1: literally sat I think. I don't think when you've only
• 1:19:18
  Speaker 1: met my mom once, I think. But she has explained
• 1:19:20
  Speaker 1: to Nick and Jacob how she used to put her
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 1: hand on my shoulder when she would speak to me,
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 1: because that would cause me to like notice her and
• 1:19:29
  Speaker 1: then listen to whatever the fuck she was trying to
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 1: tell me, or she was just talking sitting next to me.
• 1:19:32
  Speaker 1: I'd be like, uh, huh huh, and then forget whatever
• 1:19:34
  Speaker 1: the fuck she just said. Yeah, and so like, but
• 1:19:36
  Speaker 1: that was something only my mother had figured out and
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 1: she taught teachers like, hey, if he seems to be
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 1: aloof like, make like in like contact him, sit with him,
• 1:19:45
  Speaker 1: make eye contact him, make him zoom in on you,
• 1:19:47
  Speaker 1: and then he's actually with you. But he's incapable. But
• 1:19:49
  Speaker 1: you have to get it with you first, right, You
• 1:19:51
  Speaker 1: got to dial him in and then he'll actually do it.
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 1: It's not because he's defiant. He's a nice kid. He
• 1:19:54
  Speaker 1: doesn't want to disobey you. He's incapable of following whatever
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 1: the fuck you do. He's an idiot. He's an idiot.
• 1:19:59
  Speaker 1: That's the p problem. That's what she said.
• 1:20:01
  Speaker 3: He also has ADHD that's unrelated. Also, he's also an idiot. Also,
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 3: there's the idiot problem. So we're working its functioning, but
• 1:20:09
  Speaker 3: it's in quotes.
• 1:20:10
  Speaker 4: We're working on this ten by ten. But I just
• 1:20:11
  Speaker 4: don't he's gonna make it just with dolphins on there.
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 4: I just feel like that's really aggressive. You guys, we've
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 4: heard these dolphins.
• 1:20:20
  Speaker 1: In the next Patreon, I'm going to tell you that
• 1:20:22
  Speaker 1: I'm actually about to do a forty by forty, but
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 1: I'm saving it for the next peak, and I think
• 1:20:26
  Speaker 1: it's gonna blow your mind. I'm forty. Uh, we've extended
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 1: it to forty one. It's now it's now the thirty
• 1:20:32
  Speaker 1: eight by forty one, like we're working on it. I
• 1:20:35
  Speaker 1: scratched with you off. Yeah that's right, but no, I
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 1: mean my last thought on this writer, I really agree
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 1: with what Whitney said. I think that you can actually
• 1:20:42
  Speaker 1: come to the person and if you're saying, hey, I
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 1: just want to tell you that I get it. It's
• 1:20:47
  Speaker 1: hard being a volunteer. I really appreciate you trying to
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 1: work with my kid. I know my kid could be tough.
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you know this, and I don't
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 1: want to tell my kid's truth too far, but like
• 1:20:57
  Speaker 1: between you and I, my child is diagnosed with ADHD.
• 1:21:00
  Speaker 1: Here's what that looks like. Here's why that's frustrating. And
• 1:21:02
  Speaker 1: it sounds like the snack thing hasn't worked yet. So
• 1:21:05
  Speaker 1: I just want to tell you, yeah, that doesn't really work.
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 1: Here's what we do at home. And in fact, the
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 1: snack thing can kind of backfire because that might have
• 1:21:12
  Speaker 1: settled them down and like giving them a sensory thing
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 1: where they just sit down and chill and need a twinkie.
• 1:21:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like it's okay to say I'm not
• 1:21:18
  Speaker 2: comfortable with the snack thing instead of just like it's
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 2: not working because they may well yeah, well like they'll
• 1:21:23
  Speaker 2: just push.
• 1:21:23
  Speaker 1: You could definitely say like, I don't want you disciplaying
• 1:21:26
  Speaker 1: my kids. I prefer that not be the move. Yeah,
• 1:21:28
  Speaker 1: and it doesn't seem to be working for you anyway.
• 1:21:31
  Speaker 1: Are you open to some suggestions that I've found more
• 1:21:33
  Speaker 1: effective at home? You know, here are ways that you
• 1:21:35
  Speaker 1: can help and and maybe get the kid, but also
• 1:21:37
  Speaker 1: giving them an advice to say, look, I'm sorry about this,
• 1:21:40
  Speaker 1: I appreciate your patience. You're probably gonna have to grade
• 1:21:43
  Speaker 1: my kid on a curve, and some of that's just
• 1:21:45
  Speaker 1: a true.
• 1:21:45
  Speaker 3: Man, if you want to start a fucking flame war
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 3: with me, I'll start giving my kid coffee before I
• 1:21:49
  Speaker 3: drop them off.
• 1:21:50
  Speaker 5: You want to go, I'll calm them down. Yes, yeah,
• 1:21:57
  Speaker 5: that's right, Benadrill, that's right.
• 1:22:05
  Speaker 1: Amy. I love this question though it's very relatable. There's
• 1:22:08
  Speaker 1: so many people that you know, I think feel this
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 1: with you. But I would just encourage you not to
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 1: be afraid to talk to somebody in love, because again,
• 1:22:16
  Speaker 1: they want tips and like I think coming to them
• 1:22:18
  Speaker 1: and teaching them. Hey, this is what works with my
• 1:22:20
  Speaker 1: kid is it doesn't work. And also making yourself part
• 1:22:22
  Speaker 1: of the solution. If my kid's giving you a hard time,
• 1:22:24
  Speaker 1: check in with me after group, just give me some
• 1:22:27
  Speaker 1: notes and I'm not going to blow my kid up
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 1: on the way home and out you for telling me
• 1:22:30
  Speaker 1: every single thing, But like, let me be part of
• 1:22:32
  Speaker 1: your resource network. Help me help you. Like what things
• 1:22:35
  Speaker 1: were not working today? What do you need me to
• 1:22:37
  Speaker 1: reinforce them?
• 1:22:38
  Speaker 3: Don't make me, don't don't make my kid the only
• 1:22:41
  Speaker 3: source of information I have coming from here.
• 1:22:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, let me talk to you. Yeaeah. I like that, Amy,
• 1:22:45
  Speaker 1: and that's not offensive. People want to help. I think
• 1:22:47
  Speaker 1: that's a really good Like we're the grown ups. Let's
• 1:22:49
  Speaker 1: just talk like we're the grown ups. That doesn't work,
• 1:22:52
  Speaker 1: then I think you go up to lurch person.
• 1:22:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I would you go to the pope, go straight
• 1:22:59
  Speaker 2: to the the fucking Chicago pope and you go, oh, Papa,
• 1:23:03
  Speaker 2: this ain't working for me.
• 1:23:04
  Speaker 1: No, mo, Padre Podray, you come in here, whoop some masks,
• 1:23:08
  Speaker 1: and he's going to do it.
• 1:23:09
  Speaker 2: I've been going up after. That is totally warranted. That's
• 1:23:12
  Speaker 2: not out of proportion or blood.
• 1:23:14
  Speaker 1: And these are trained professionals like, you know, as much
• 1:23:16
  Speaker 1: as we rag on religious leaders and stuff like that,
• 1:23:18
  Speaker 1: they're in a human services profession. They really do try
• 1:23:22
  Speaker 1: to think about how to do it well. I think
• 1:23:24
  Speaker 1: everybody the benefit of the doubt here. Yeah, and so
• 1:23:26
  Speaker 1: give it to a professional if you need to. They
• 1:23:28
  Speaker 1: know how to sensitively sit down with a volunteer and say, hey,
• 1:23:30
  Speaker 1: we really appreciate you, but we know that you're working
• 1:23:33
  Speaker 1: with some different populations of kids. We have some notes.
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 1: Great that that's and there's nothing wrong with that. It's
• 1:23:38
  Speaker 1: not going to come back on the kid. Don't be
• 1:23:40
  Speaker 1: afraid to trust people to like handle it. So but
• 1:23:42
  Speaker 1: try to do it directly first. I like that advice. Yep,
• 1:23:45
  Speaker 1: we are gonna take a quick break.
• 1:23:46
  Speaker 3: If your kids starts getting stigmata, ah, okay, then you
• 1:23:50
  Speaker 3: need to escalate. If the kid starts projectile vomiting, yeah, okay,
• 1:23:55
  Speaker 3: that's important. It spins around. Yeah, if the head spins
• 1:23:58
  Speaker 3: around a full three sixty whole. Somebody, they're an owl.
• 1:24:01
  Speaker 1: That's a problem. Yeah, you dropped, you picked up the kids,
• 1:24:05
  Speaker 1: You picked up an owl. One of us in this
• 1:24:07
  Speaker 1: room is possessed by an owl. Damn it, Whitney, We
• 1:24:13
  Speaker 1: all know because she said what.
• 1:24:21
  Speaker 2: I did not honestly did not get.
• 1:24:22
  Speaker 3: In and I was like, oh God said why you
• 1:24:25
  Speaker 3: know how.
• 1:24:29
  Speaker 2: Many?
• 1:24:33
  Speaker 1: Definitely my goddamn joke.
• 1:24:35
  Speaker 3: Which one of us could that be? Which of us?
• 1:24:41
  Speaker 1: Whoever? Could that be? All right, We're gonna take break
• 1:24:44
  Speaker 1: when we come back and wrapping up the show and
• 1:24:46
  Speaker 1: reading off the names of our supporters you are still listening.
• 1:24:48
  Speaker 4: To was brought to you by Jake Schneyder, Molia, Richard Nazy,
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  Speaker 1: That's all the time we go for this week's session.
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