Latest / Armstrong & Getty One More Thing / Welcome to Your Freshman Orientation

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Welcome to Your Freshman Orientation · Armstrong & Getty One More Thing

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome to your freshman orientation. It's one more thing.
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: That that tone of voice was the spiriting for me.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: I know it was, wasn't it. I'm a method actor.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: I was remembering my early days in college and sitting
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: through various orientations and stuff.
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: How many orientations did you need to be at where
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: you could have figured it out on your own if
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: you had skipped it?
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: There were like there was too much and too little,
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: like the stuff that was actually hard to figure out
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: you had to figure out on your own, and they
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: would give you the wrong information a lot of churs.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: I went to a gigantic university and so it was
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: a bureaucracy, and like most bureaucracies that they kind of
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: lost touch with the people. But yeah, yeah, it just
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: give it to me in writing. What I hate is
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: when they have it in writing and then they read
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: all of it.
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: I know, it's all they do. That's most meetings I
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: go to.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: They don't expand on it or interpret it.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: Funny, you got it up there on a power point.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: It seems like you could have sent that to me
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: and I wouldn't have driven over here and.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Sacred and lest me read it. And I can read
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: five times as fast as you can drone on and on,
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: So yeah, damn you anyway, Uh, the whole point is
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: we got this charming note from Sam Anonymous, who says
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Fellas and Katie I came across your incredible show recently,
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: and I'm wondering if you'll do a segment, perhaps a
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: one More Thing podcast, getting us newbies up to speed
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: on the hilarious clips you frequently play. Yeah, some of
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: the time honored clips. And he has a list we're
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: going to I guess okay A, and then Michael, we
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: can we can throw in some bonus stuff to whatever
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: you think is appropriate. But he asked specifically, who is
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: that bleating screecher yelling coronavirus coronavirus? That is Cardi b
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: as I recall right, the famous rapper, YEP hip hop artist.
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: She was mocking coronavirus. Actually, she was walking around her
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: house with her smartphone out. Do I see any coronavirus
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: in here?
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: Oh? No, coronavirus.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: It's everywhere. There's some too, coronavirus corona in the early days, Yeah,
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: the the very beginning.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's funny.
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: I saw a video the other night of Norm McDonald
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: doing a stand up act in a comedy club in
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  Speaker 2: New York when the pandemic had just started, and I
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: remembered that, like at the very beginning, we were all
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: still doing stuff in the pandemic pandemic because I remember
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: at the school when they at school, we're all at
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: the park hanging out talking. This is kind of funny,
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: isn't it Anyway? Nor McDonald's joke was, isn't it interesting
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: that we all know how we're gonna die now, it's
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: just a matter of what order?
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Wow, okay, so that's that. Then he asks about
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: the two girls saying whoa whoa instead of like, well.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: Go and do them both back to back. The second
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: one's particularly good.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: Whoa whoa?
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: She's an extra syllable in the well.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: Last one sounds painful. Yeah, And we posited at the
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: time that stupid people say instead of well, they say
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: whoa well, which is probably an unfair characterization. I apologize
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: for it.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: Somebody starts their explanation, you about something with wool. You're
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: about to hear some crap.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, do you remember Jack, who those two young ladies were.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: I think they were the girls that stole money from
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: a girl scout correct cookie table yep.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, just horrible. And the reporter was asking them, why
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: would you steal from girl scouts? WHOA, they had money
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: and I wanted money.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: That was basically their explanation.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, don't you feel bad about it?
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  Speaker 3: Well?
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  Speaker 1: WHOA I wanted money?
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: Well, I needed some money and I saw they had
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: some money. That is some great a moron right there,
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: A couple.
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  Speaker 1: Of mouth breathing dumb ass and.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: They were attractive if I remember correctly, But so they
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: were super dumb, hot.
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  Speaker 1: Moral bankrupt, yeah, like zero morality, like.
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  Speaker 2: It didn't even make sense to them that, Well, you
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  Speaker 2: shouldn't take this, but I needed some money and there
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  Speaker 2: was some right there. Wow, we should just put you
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: in prison now.
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  Speaker 1: And then oh yeah preemptively. Yeah yeah, you can get
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  Speaker 1: used to it, you can learn the ropes and we
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  Speaker 1: won't have to worry about your future crimes. Let's see.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: Samnonymous then ask well, uh, samnonymous J then asks about
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: the moving up moving down. Guy says it made me
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: choke on my coffee.
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: Moving.
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: That's Keenan Thompson.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: From what that was a bit on Saturday Night Live.
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  Speaker 2: I don't remember.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: We now used for like the stock market or whatever it.
• 4:52
  Speaker 4: Was there's something about something that was very positive.
• 4:57
  Speaker 5: If something good was happening in your life, I think,
• 4:59
  Speaker 5: and then I'll and something bad happened.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was somebody's approval rating, like Cosby or I
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: can't remember what right.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: I mentioned earlier that this uh season premiere of Sarah
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: Live was maybe the worst episode to Sarah Live. I've
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: ever seen the least funny. But they got a whole
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: bunch of new cash members and Keman Thompson's back. Does
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  Speaker 2: anybody have the slightest idea why? Yeah, for his twenty
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: third year or whatever.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: Well, and Michael chay is too. I thought he was quitting.
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: But there's all kinds of super funny people that got fired.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: Why did they keep bringing back Keenan Thompson? And I
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: love him, he's fantastic, But is there does he have
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: pictures of Lorne Michaels with.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: A animal of your choice? Yeah? I don't know.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: I'm going on there.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: He's one of the funniest guys. He's ever you know,
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: trod the planks. But but they order fe just CAP's
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: asking for more and more money and they keep saying, yeah, Okay,
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Uh. Then he asks Sam Anonymous asks
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: why did the guy say someone cut his beard and
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: forced him to eat it? They cut my beard and
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: forced me to eat it. Well, the reason he said that,
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: Sam was because they cut his beard and forced him
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  Speaker 1: to eat it.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: Who did is the question?
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: That was some sort of redneck dispute.
• 6:20
  Speaker 4: Michael, right, it was some sort of robbery or something.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: It was.
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  Speaker 5: You're right, it was a dispute. And there was two guys,
• 6:26
  Speaker 5: and he was the third guy. And I think the
• 6:28
  Speaker 5: two guys.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: They all knew each other. Yeah, and the two guys,
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: the two guys turned on.
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: I'm thinking their mothers and fathers knew each other, like
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: they grew up together.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: In the same family. Yeah, their family tree is so stick.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: But yeah, So the two guys gained up on the
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: guy and cut off his beard and forced him to
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: eat it over some sort of I don't know, cornbone dispute. Right,
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: it's a common Southern punishment. I don't remember the particulars.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: He asks, when did Gladys make her first appearance? Wow,
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: I don't know how long has Gladys been playing the
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: harp for us?
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  Speaker 4: I don't know what.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: He hasn't heard from her.
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  Speaker 4: It goes way back.
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  Speaker 2: She does. She has on a one year contract and
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: she asks for more money every year, and we re
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: up because we can't find anybody else can play the.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: Harp, not that lick anyway, not the way she plays it.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: I mean that's her stairway to heaven.
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  Speaker 4: I think Gladys has been with us since like two
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  Speaker 4: thousand and three.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: Wow, goes way back.
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  Speaker 2: That makes me sing a little pissy lately though, because
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: she was in her early eighties when we hired her.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: So she is one hundred sels entitled Katie.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, she knows we can't fire.
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: Just she can't hear any of this, so you can
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: say anything you want.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: First World War one VET artillery. Yeah, those cannons going off.
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  Speaker 2: Uh.
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  Speaker 1: Whenever we reminisce about something, Gladys plays the harps, sounds.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: Like when I was a kid, Gladys.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: I remember when I was eight years old. Life is
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: simpler then thinter the Yeah, it's exactly, Michael, what are
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: other great clips? Time out? Do you have the fat clip? Fat? Yeah?
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: That's that's just that was a college football coach chewing
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: out the media because they turned on his quarterback, and
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: he was really defending the kid in a good way,
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: because you know, the media treats college players like they're
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: you know, pro players, but he's screaming that they're saying
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: he's bad quarterback. They called him fat, and he just
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: spat out the word fat in well like this fat and.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: It comes in handy fairly regularly.
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  Speaker 6: Do you guys ever use these outside of the show,
• 8:37
  Speaker 6: because I catch myself doing certain sounds all that, Like
• 8:42
  Speaker 6: like if one of my friends says something stupid, wools
• 8:48
  Speaker 6: just popp into my life at random times throughout the day.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: We get emails from folks all the time saying, yeah,
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: we sprinkle those into our day to day conversation with
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  Speaker 1: the family, which just gives me smile every time I
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: hear it. But what else Michael is worthy of inclusion?
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: And yeah, my one of my.
• 9:04
  Speaker 4: Favorites from way back was Hank Junior.
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  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah all the time. Yeah, that was his
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  Speaker 1: screen about Obama Obama, yeah being.
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  Speaker 4: A Muslim corrects ALESNL.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, oh yeah.
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  Speaker 2: But that's actually Hank Junior there. That's when he was
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: being interviewed. I think I'm Larry King. Yeah yes, And
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: then he was asked, so you think President Obama is
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: a Busslim?
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah?
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: And then but One of the first parts of the
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: interview is he said, he is this, he is that?
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: And Larry King said, are you talking about the president?
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: And and and Hank Junior says, yeah, Obama, Obama.
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  Speaker 3: There it is.
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: Oh, Hank Williams Junior. That's fantastic.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: Where have you gone? What else? Michael? Anything leap to
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: mind now.
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  Speaker 5: But this this is a newer clip, but I haven't
• 10:05
  Speaker 5: been able to really use it that often.
• 10:07
  Speaker 4: But it's still to me one of the funniest clips
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: we have.
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  Speaker 3: What do you drive and drive out? That's what people
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: do then their driveways.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: Was short list for Clips of the Year last year.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: It was It was absolutely in the finals. I love it.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: Guy's exasperation is just priceless.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: I could use Gladys in my real life. I wish
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: her back wasn't so bad. She couldn't carry the harp
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: around because it'd be handy. I'm always telling my kids
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: stories about things I did when I was younger, behand
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: if she was there, Katie.
• 10:39
  Speaker 6: I was just thinking that that that guy is just
• 10:41
  Speaker 6: losing his mind.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: Was all over a driveway dispute right right. That was
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: the whole tape where she was yelling at him and
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: Finally he loses like that.
• 10:52
  Speaker 6: He right after he goes, that's the driveway, she goes,
• 10:54
  Speaker 6: you're an idiot.
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: His neighbor was mad because he kept driving in and
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: out of the driveway, and that's when he's said this,
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: what do.
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: You drive and you drive up? That's why people go
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: then their driveways, you moron.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, that is one of the funniest things ever.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: We've been there.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: We're tired of that. We've all been there.
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: When you're so exasperated you can barely make sense and
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: get your words out in the right order because you're
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: just so, and.
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: You drive up. That's why people do then their driveways,
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: you moron.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: Is his exasperation, coupled with the fact that he knew
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: he was winning the argument. There's a fair amount of
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: triumph in his voice as well.
• 11:43
  Speaker 4: Delicious, Well, I hope you enjoyed that. I guess that's it.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: That's a good one.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: That was easy. Amen. Oh oh for