Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / 5-MINUTE FRIDAY: A $14,000 Act of Self-Love

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5-MINUTE FRIDAY: A $14,000 Act of Self-Love · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:16
  Speaker 1: What's up, y'all?
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: It's em Obviously you're love seeing the five minute Friday
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: on Hurdle. I'm feeling a little silly, and honestly, I
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: am feeling so much better than I did yesterday. I've
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: been talking about this for a little while. Now this
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: is the last episode I'm going to talk about it in.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: I did my egg retrieval on Tuesday. Wednesday. I was
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: in a very dark place, and thankfully I my fingers
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: are crossed. I'm knocking on wood if I'm telling you this.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: I feel as though I have turned the corner. I've
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: gotten a lot of questions of my d MS about
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: how it went, how I'm feeling, et cetera.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: How it went was.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: I haven't been under anesthesia in twenty plus years until Tuesday.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: I got to the clinic quite early at seven fifteen.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: My retrieval was scheduled for eight thirty. By I felt
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: like clockwork like by seven twenty. I was in my gown.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: By seven twenty five. Someone was explaining everything to me.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: By seven thirty five, I had been offered eye patches
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: and I was relaxing and finding some calm before we
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: went in. The doctor stopped in and literally eight thirty
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: on the dot. I was in the do we call
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: it an operating room? I was in the room, the
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: whole team was there. I was introduced to four people
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: that were around me, and within thirty seconds I was
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: knocked out. And I woke up and I was in
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: the recovery room and the doctor came over and told
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: me how everything went, and then my mom was there.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: We the clinic I went to. I did this all
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: through Spring Fertility, and we were in midtown. Their office
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: is located near Brighton Park, and so we were going
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: to take a car home, but I looked at the
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: traffic and it said it would take about an hour
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: to get back to Brooklyn, and there was no way
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: I was doing that. So we just hopped on the subway,
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: got home in thirty minutes, grabbed bagels on my corner
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: before going up into the apartment, got home, napped, and
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: laid around the rest of the day. Thankfully, my one
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: of my closest friends came and stayed the night, and
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: that was really nice to have someone there with me.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: Although I slept horribly and then woke up on Wednesday,
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: and the best way that I can describe how I
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: felt on Wednesday is like I had the flu, except
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: I wasn't congested, my entire body ached. I was exhausted,
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: just felt totally down and out. I had a podcast
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: recording in the middle of the day and was able
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: to put on a positive face. And at the end
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: I had spoken to this person that I was chatting
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: with about the fact that I had my retrieval of
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: the day before before we got into the session, and
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: I told her, I was like, I really needed this,
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: so thank you, Like I have not been feeling like
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: myself today and she said I had. It had totally
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: slipped my mind. You told me that you did that
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: you crushed and that was a really good feeling, just
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: a reminder that it's really special when you feel excited
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: and empowered by the work that you do. And that's
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: how I feel when I get to sit down and
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: yap and chat with all of you. And so today
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: I woke up, I went for my little walk around
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: the neighborhood. The achiness is definitely down. As I'm talking,
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: I'm realizing I haven't taken ivy profen since quite early
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: this morning, which means that the pain.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: Is down a bit.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: Your ovaries, the experts say literally go from the size
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: of quite small. I think they say almonds, but I
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: know they're bigger than that, but they liken it from
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: almonds to melons. I felt like I was walking around
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: and just with massive masses in my abdomen. The abdomen
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: feels like the bloating has gone down a bit. It's
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: still certainly nowhere near normal, but I'm just starting to
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: feel more like myself and for that, I'm really grateful
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: and to be on the other side of this now
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: I have. I have a lot of takeaways. I would
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: say one of my biggest takeaways is that if I
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: worked at a place that offered this, if I worked
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: at or for a company that subsidized this procedure and
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: fertility at all, I would certainly take advantage of it.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: It is very expensive.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: I think I talked about this previously on an episode,
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: but all in I would say it was about fourteen
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: thousand dollars and that is something that I had to
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: plan and save and work hard to make happen for myself.
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: And it was an excuse that I used for a
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: really long time, saying that the money was the reason
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: that I wasn't doing it. And if that wasn't an
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: excuse that I could have taken. I probably would have
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: done this a while ago. I feel at ease knowing
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: that I did something really great for myself. And I
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: don't know if I will use them. I don't know
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: if I definitely want children, but I like knowing that
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: I have this option now and that feels really empowering.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: And I care so deeply about self care and making
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: time for myself and being proactive about asking myself what's
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: best for Emily. And this is probably the biggest act
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: of self love that I have ever partaken in. And
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: it's so funny, right because I have always been the
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: kind of person where if someone needs my help or
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: my time, or even if they don't ask for it,
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: I have no problem showing up for the people that
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: I care about, even admittedly when it's not the most
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: convenient thing for me. That's just how that's my love
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: language outwardly is I show up. And I can't always
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: say that I've been the best at doing that for myself.
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: And in doing this and showing up for myself, yeah,
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: I'm really proud of me. And it has been a
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: wild ride and an emotional experience. And let me tell
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: you I cannot wait to get back to moving my
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: body how I would like to. But in the meantime,
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: the grace that I have had for myself, the patience
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: I have had with this process, and the calm I
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: feel coming out on the other side, it's really special.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: I do want to say thank you one more time
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: for all of you who have been in my DMS,
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: in my email and my messages, not only wishing me
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: luck this week, but offering your advice and you It
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: means so so, so so much to me. I don't
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: even feel like I can do that justice. I'm going
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: to skip over a prompt this week and just leave
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: you with some gratitude from me and hop into a
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: listener question. Hey, Emily, it's Joe from NYC. My question
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: for you this week is how do you respond to
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: negative comments both psychologically and logistically?
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: I e.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: Do you delete them, respond to them and leave them up,
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: et cetera. Thanks so much and love your show. You
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: are incredibly inspiring to me. Oh goodness, hey, Joe, this
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: is a good question. It's a good question because I
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: am now at this point where I refuse to trade
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: inner piece for a digital interaction.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: So what I mean by that.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: Logistically, my role is if it's not constructive, it's not staying.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: Psychologically, I always.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: Make it a point to remind myself that my why
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: is just so much bigger than someone's why not. And
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: what I mean by that is that I want to
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: keep showing up. I want to keep being brave, and
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: I refuse to let the comments section dictate my worth.
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: And so what does that look like in practice? For
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: mild disagreements or maybe moments where we have a differing opinion,
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: I will ignore that, leave it up. I can handle
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: that sort of discourse. For constructive criticism that might be
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: a bit salty, I have no problem killing with kindness.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: So I would say something like I really appreciate your
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: perspective and that from my POV has always been slightly disarming.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: And then I'm that much of a blocker.
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: I literally have a handful of people that I've blocked
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: on social media that have really crossed a line that
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: makes me feel uncomfortable.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: But for anything that is hateful or.
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: Bigoted or threatening, that is a case when I would
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: delete and just get that off my page.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: I don't want that kind of conversation on my page.
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: I don't want to have that kind of discourse with anyone,
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: and at the end of the day, when it comes
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: to negative comments and opinions, I just remind myself that
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to take criticism from any one that
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't take advice from, especially not to heart. And
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: so the best thing that I can do to safeguard
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: my mental health and wellbeing is take a deep breath,
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: understand that everyone has their own hurdles that they are
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: making an effort to conquer, and more often than not,
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: when negativity comes my way, it doesn't necessarily have anything
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: to do with me. I hope that shed some light
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: on where I come from, how I handle things, and
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: I recognize that it certainly isn't easy. In an interview
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: I did the other day that will be on the
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: show on Monday with Andrea Carter from ESPN, she told
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: me that unless she's following you, she doesn't allow those
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: messages into her DMS. She has that setting turned on
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: on her Instagram, and that's because she hasn't found a
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: way to keep that boundary in a way that makes
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: her feel safe. She wants to focus on her work
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: and by keeping all of the I'll use air quotes
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: here hater out of her DMS that allows her to
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: do so. Everyone is different. Everyone is different and this
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: is what I do. So with that said, thanks for listening.
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: Always looking for your listener questions, feel free to email
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: me with yours over at Hello at hurdle dot us.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: Make sure you're following over at Emiliabadi and at Hurdle
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: Podcast Another Hurdle Conquered. Catch you guys next time