Latest / The Brave Becoming / Sex: Singleness, Soul Ties, and Unspoken Struggles In The Pews - Part 2
Transcript
- Tiana: Hi everyone, welcome back. Welcome to the Brave Be Coming where we focus on grace for the process and courage for the journey. Today we're talking about sex, bodies, and the church, very honestly. So we want to give a disclaimer. If you have little ears around, please save this one for later. Shaniqua: Okay. Hey y'all. Hey. So last week we talked about misplaced righteousness and how grace is available. Today, what does that mean if you are single? What does that mean if you're married? We're basically talking about sex, y'all. Let's talk about sex, but I'm I'm sure I'm a age. But we're talking about sex. today we have Brittany. She is joining us again. sexologist, our Christian sexologist, Brittany. She's joining us again and we're gonna be talking about sex in the church. So welcome back, Brittany. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Thank you so much for having me. I last episode was y'all ain't watched that one. Go go go watch the one. And so I'm on that was where we went with that one. I felt myself getting cooked up. 'Cause we were so I felt myself getting Tiana: you were cooking. You were cooking. Shaniqua: You were, you were. Christian Sexologist Brittany: cause you know when 'cause that's the thing that is the beauty of last episode you asked the question about like how the church received it and like one honest to God, like once I stopped like Cat dancing around and all of that and really just start saying the thing, not just as it relates to sex, but as a as it relates to the word. Like I was, I was raised well in the word. And so, and I know I know the Bible. I know the book. I spend hours, not that I'm like, I don't call myself a theologian or a biblical scholar or none of that, but I spend enough time in the word to know what I'm talking about, about what I'm talking about. So when we start to go in there, I really get excited because yes, we're talking about sex. Yes, we're gonna say some stuff that's going to make you clutch your pearl, but at the core of it, we're talking about God's heart for his people. We're talking about the body where the temple, where which is the temple of the Holy Spirit. We're talking about the way in which, you know, the first commandment God gave Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply, how that you know, comes to be. We talk about when he saw all that he had made and said that it was very good, the clitoris was there. So like, you know what I'm saying? And then when we talk, it's the clip of me. You know what I'm saying? Because that's how I know God Shaniqua: 'Cause your tagline is it's about the clip for me, right? That's your tagline. Maybe it's not the clip for me. Christian Sexologist Brittany: loves me. That's how I know God's a girl dad. Okay. Okay. Shaniqua: It's about the clip for all three of us as women. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Okay, that's what we serve a good God and He the girl dead because of the clitoris. Okay? Shaniqua: With all of those nerve endings. Christian Sexologist Brittany: He makes He made men to take out the trash and made girls to be able to multiple orgasm. Who he liked more? Y'all. Shaniqua: Yeah. Well, is that not a quite a way to introduce yourself for this week's episode? If they did not know you, who you were, pop your collar. It's all about the clip. Christian Sexologist Brittany: They I'm telling and if you and if you already riled up from this, I don't know, you might wanna come back next week or something, 'cause Shaniqua: Say listening, say listening, say listen, stay with us, stay with us. I I'm gonna turn it over to you T. Official introduction because she's already told you a little bit about herself. Official introduction opening, I turn it over to you. Tiana: okay, official introduction. This is Brittany. She's a Christian sexologist and licensed social worker. She is a creator of the Daring Discussion Sex Talk That Will Bless Your Bedroom Conversation Cards. And she is the founder of the Intimacy Firm. So as you can see, Britney talks about the subjects that are a little taboo. Brittany's gonna say it because she wants to get us free. She wants Shaniqua: Mm-hmm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Do. Tiana: to get us free and she wanna get us healed in Jesus' name. So Britney. Christian Sexologist Brittany: I agree. Tiana: We thank you so much for being here with us again. we're gonna go ahead and just hop right in. All right. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Okay. Tiana: So how how does the church talk to single men versus single women about sex? Is it even the same message? Christian Sexologist Brittany: Do the church doctor say no man about that? Tiana: Nearby Lug Bay. Shaniqua: girl. I ain't heard them talking Christian Sexologist Brittany: I'm j you know what I'm saying. Shaniqua: to him about sex. I I most Christian Sexologist Brittany: Awesome. Shaniqua: surely have not heard it, but that's you know, that's just my two cents. Christian Sexologist Brittany: You know, I'm because the thing about it is that I I don't know that I've ever heard it. I don't know that I've ever heard men share it. Now I know there are a handful of men's groups who are preparing men to be men, but the silent part of that is preparing men to be husbands. And really Shaniqua: Good. Christian Sexologist Brittany: preparing men to be husbands so that so that they don't sin sexually. They're not like Shaniqua: So Christian Sexologist Brittany: you know what I'm saying? Whereas those the conversation that the the church has with women about sex is from a very regulatory, punitive, like with the women and this is what I found in my my dissertation that we were talking about last episode, women carry the full weight of the church's sexual purity. Women, the sexually pure women is what keeps churches pure. Whereas faithful husbands keep churches pure. Single men do whatever they want. Shaniqua: See, I w I I think it's very interesting because I'm not even sure if faithful husbands keep the church pure. Because Christian Sexologist Brittany: And I say that I say that in as much as you hear more about fidelity Shaniqua: Mm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: than you do f towards men, than you do about chase living towards men. Shaniqua: Mm, exactly. Understood, understood, understood. Because women do carry that weight even from a clothing standpoint. You know, it always irked me so much that a woman has the responsibility from a clothing standpoint of how she's gonna tempt a man versus a man being disciplined and having control over his own desires to i.e. either not be tempted or not act on that temptation. So that has always been an issue, an issue for me, but But you named it. Does the church even talk to single men about these things in the context of how they talk to women? Christian Sexologist Brittany: They don't talk to him about it, they don't enforce it in the same way, they aren't held accountable in the same way, which creates a gender like dichotomy and expression. That's what I found in my research is that men and women hold the same at least verbally like they get the same intended script of you know sex is reserved for marriage, sex outside of marriage is the sin. However, the expression or when that is expressed or when that is not complied with The how that is received when men do it versus how it's received when women do it shifts. what it look like the cycle. Like both Shaniqua: Mm-hmm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: men I found in my research what I call the sin, lament, repent cycle. Black Pentecostal specifically Black Pentecostal millennials, I'm not gonna say I don't know if it's generalizable, but they sin, they feel they they pre they defer repentance to later. You know, I repent for that. You know, there's grace for that. Heal God or forgive me. They feel bad. Get disappointed, I shouldn't never do did that. Why did I do that? So they lament, they repent for it. And then when grace is again what we talked about last time, when grace is received as per permission and not spiritual formation, that is where they enter back into the cycle over and over and over again. But the lament part, the feel bad part, is compounded by the way the church receives women who sin sexually. Men Tend to skip that part, or it's not as bad because it's almost expected for them to sin. So grace for men is I need this because it's a part of my manhood to have sex. Whereas grace for women is something that they feel like they really shouldn't have to have used because if they were a good godly woman, they would have never fell anyway. Shaniqua: I want to say something real quick, and I'm gonna say this because Christian Sexologist Brittany: Gone shit. Shaniqua: you may not be able to say this, especially with you writing a dissertation, but I don't think that line of thinking is solely within millennials or the Black Pentecostal church. I think it is universal. I think that mindset is universal, especially in Western culture, but it is universal all across the world when it comes to the dichotomy of. women and sexuality and men in sexuality and sex, especially when you put religion on it. Not just Christianity, religion across the board. I I can say this from an opinion standpoint, but from I won't say from my research. I won't use those words, but from an opinion, from an observed opinion standpoint of humanity and the fact that I do read a lot and study a lot. Will say that no, I think that's across the board. And so you may not, because I understand that that's your study. But no, I don't think that it has anything to do with prescribed religion, Christianity, or generations. It's it's what has gone on through history. As long as patriarchy has been around, I think it has gone on through history. So I just want to say that real quick. Just wanted to say that real quick. So One thing that I think is so funny. So I was on Instagram earlier today, and somebody was talking about a woman cheating on a man or something, and someone in the comments was like, I love it when women are in male dominated fields. And I was like, Lord. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Mm. Shaniqua: So one of the things that we see right now that's occurring, even from a gender standpoint, is that we see more women. taking authority of their sex lives, of their sexuality, we see I think more pushback, more more autonomy, I think, with women in certain areas. But even as we see that autonomy, we see a system that is pushing back even more so when it comes to women's rights and reproductive health and all of those things. But with that being said, Brittany, what's what's your take on the current landscape when it comes to sex, regardless of male and female? Just just the landscape of how we are approaching sex right now. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Honestly, I don't know that there's a lot of sex happening right now. Shaniqua: Girl, why not? I know it ain't happening over here, but why not? Christian Sexologist Brittany: You know now couples are happy. Shaniqua: Couples. Okay. But I haven't good sex, that's another sub I'm listening. I'm focused. Christian Sexologist Brittany: that's another cop and I don't know that there's a cause you know, study again, research will show that cup married couples, married Christian couples pr report more sexual satisfaction than non-married or non Christian couples. So I don't I don't I don't know what's happening. The if my if my client list is to be believed. they not they're not having it and if they are having it they're not liking it now among the single people the single people are hunching they are they are hunching but I think if we're looking at the church but I think this generation like the what is under us what is millennial Gen Z and Alpha they not having sex They they are becoming friends and they are with like they got girlfriends that they are moving in together and like doing life with a homies because like there's just like statistically they're not having as much sex as the generations before them. And I think that with the increase in podcasting, the increase in visibility of incels. The you know, just the like girl like women, like the promotion of women dating, like doing being better for their best friends. Like, why would I go on a date when my best friend do X, Y, and Z for me? Like, you know what I'm saying? So I think that that's the a lot less of that is happening. I do think that more masturbation is occurring. you again, if the if the reviews on Amazon are to be believed and the TikTok shop. viral videos are to be believed. okay, there is a lot. Shaniqua: Rose and Tracy's dog and all the rest of them. That's fellas. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Okay. There is a lot of self-pleasuring going on. But I think that and that's just I don't have proof of that outside. I know that the Gen Z and Gen Alpha statistically they aren't having as much say. But just in the general Shaniqua: Why not? Why do you think that is? Christian Sexologist Brittany: because the world is terrible. The world is horrible societally Shaniqua: We can't we're not we're not able to relate. Christian Sexologist Brittany: People are just like not, they're like seeking out other outlets. They're seeking community. Like the younger generation are seeking community in a ways that we don't, they don't care about work in the way that we do. They don't get as stressed out. I mean, they do get stressed, but they got stuff to worry about, but they're not like if they go to work, they clock out at five o'clock. They're not worried about that mandatory overtime. They don't want to hear no all hands on deck. type of situation. Like they just don't they have a very liaise fair approach to life that they're they're cool with their homies. Like, so I don't know what their romantic outlets are like. I haven't looked at it, but I know statistically they aren't having as much sex. Now I don't know what's happening amongst everybody else, but I do know that there is a heaviness in the land right now. Like the dating pool is not really successful. It has become a point of virality for men to say that they're looking for their wives, but don't really be looking for nobody. Like they get popularity by saying they ready to be married by the end of the year. Shaniqua: Girl on threads with the thirst trap. I can't do this Tiana: my god. Shaniqua: and then it's all the people comments under that. I'll be like, Really, dude? Christian Sexologist Brittany: And you know what I'm saying? And the reality of it is if a Christian man right now on September 14th decides I'm gonna be married by the end of the year, he can do it. He can do Shaniqua: It can be. He can do it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Christian Sexologist Brittany: it. No questions, no ifs, is above the bottom. I will bet my life savings that if that man said I'm gonna be married by the end of the year, that's a safe, that's a safe bet. You know what I'm saying? Shaniqua: Very safe bit. Very safe bit. Christian Sexologist Brittany: But it's not happening. Like I think it's more success and more popularity. From saying you want to do it without actually wanting to do it. I don't we hadn't only just begun to see the effects on humanity, community, relationships post-COVID. And I really I don't have the words, but I really think that that has a lot to do with it. This administration has a lot to do with it. The economy has a lot to do with it. People are just like Ugh right next. Shaniqua: So people not having sex, they may be thinking about sex, but they're not necessarily having sex. We know that they're not necessarily talking about sex, at least not in a healthy way. So from the perspective of the church in sex. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Maybe not cause I can't say that people aren't having it. I don't know that it's as consistent as it yeah. Shaniqua: It's consistent. So they having it but it's one off. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Little, you know, a little here and there. Cause the the people of God, they still hunching, but they're like, Shaniqua: Okay. Christian Sexologist Brittany: it's not like it's so I can't explain, but it's something going on. It's something. There's something going on. Yes, exactly. Shaniqua: It's a phenomenon going on that we just can't necessarily name. Yeah, it's a phenomenon. So then how does the what do you feel that the church should teach about sex right now and the practice within it comes to relationships and intimacy and within the big picture? Like how do you think the church should be because I always think that the church should be on the forefront. And sometimes the church is, but never when it comes to sex. So if the if a pastor needed to be preaching and talking about sex today, what do you think that they should be preaching and talking about when it comes to sex for the for the current person? Christian Sexologist Brittany: Honestly, the regular everyday pastor should not be preaching about sex. Shaniqua: Ooh, okay. Why not? Christian Sexologist Brittany: Because in the meaning unless you've studied the topic, you don't have a good handle on it enough to be able to preach it. What you should preach is a a word that gives permission for curiosity, that makes curiosity a safe place to land. What you should preach is the a what A word that makes yearnings and urges and bodily functions normal. What you what you should encourage is Bible study attendance to be able to unpack, you know, those words. What you should do is instill or find a way to thread sex and sexuality just as a conversation. through everyday messaging and just through the fiber or culture of the church so that it's not again put up on the shelf and reserved for a Valentine's Day series or only at the marriage retreat. And no Shaniqua: Yeah. Christian Sexologist Brittany: you know what I'm saying? Like I don't think that a tr a pastor should do a everyday, you know, like like a whole sermon on on sex unless we're talking Shaniqua: Six. Christian Sexologist Brittany: about like unless you're gonna unpack the the original language as it relates to sexual immorality and you could really break that like something like that, okay, cool. But when we talking about like sex ed, you know, sexual health, sexual wellness, the bot like if you don't know those things, then you should be teaching those things. But what you should do, Shaniqua: And so you should be having an expert like you brought in. Christian Sexologist Brittany: yeah, partner with somebody. It may just be part there's some I'm sure there's somebody, there's a counselor or there's some you shouldn't like I don't think every everyday pastor who doesn't have Who's not trauma-informed should really talk about sex abuse or recovery from sexual trauma and that kind of thing, because you could do more harm than Shaniqua: Make it. Christian Sexologist Brittany: good. So I think Tiana: Mm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: that they should, if they have studied and they know by all means, if not, partner with other people who can. And then if you're not able to do that, because not all churches had a budget to do that, then create an environment where curiosity Has a safe place to land and you walk alongside your parishioners or your congregants as they are seeking that information. Shaniqua: Love that. I love that. I one of the things I can say is that my pastor does try to bring in outside experts for certain things on Sundays. So like mental health experts. But I love the fact that you use that terminology, trauma-informed care. I love that. So thank you for that perspective. So you hear that, pastors. If y'all are listening Christian Sexologist Brittany: Yes. Shaniqua: to this, bring in an expert, partner with someone that is more informed than you and your own personal experience. Tiana: And I love that because I think coming from not growing up in a church and then embarking on this journey of speaking with God, there's a lot of things that can become embarrassing to talk about. And so I really do think that different experts are needed because, you know, sometimes you don't want to speak to your pastor about certain things. And so that that really goes into this next question of what happens when sexual desire is treated as evidence of spiritual failure. You know, when you're having those urges and you're thinking that you're failing, but you're too scared to even admit it to anyone or talk to anyone within Christian Sexologist Brittany: Yeah. Tiana: the church. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Yeah. That so if you are feeling like your body doing what it naturally does is a evidence of sexual failing, that is the result of some sort of misteaching. Right? That is the that is shame, that's the enemy, that's him doing what he does, but then somewhere that somebody failed you. 'Cause not everything is the devil. Now he he deli he delights in a lot of the stuff, but he don't start it. Sometimes this is just good people who often mean well because I love the black church. Again, anything that we love, I think we can still hold accountable. But as I think that we meant well. I think that the elder our elders meant well for the most part. And they gave us what they had. They gave us what worked for them at the time. Or even if they didn't work, I think they wanted to protect us from hell by you know, by all cost. And even with their like focus on the word, the word, the word, right? We we pushed back again because there wasn't no we didn't feel like there was no grace in that. We can ask no questions and just, you know, do as I say, not as I do, and all of that, right? And then we went out of there and ran them up. But then if you look at the church nowadays, what we getting back to? The word, the word, the word, the word. People want I want a church that preached the word. And then you got some of your pop more popular, I ain't gonna name any, but any of your more popular figures that you see at every single conference, they keep talking about the unadulterated word. And everybody's falling all like how that's so miraculous. And I was like, but when Mother Battles told you that, you ain't want to hear it. But okay, here nor here nor there. So that's the first thing is recognizing that somewhere there was a teaching that went wrong. Shaniqua: Fire. Christian Sexologist Brittany: but then also do a self-assessment to see are you just horny because it's you're ovulating, the man of God walked past you, look at how he was looking, smelling how Shaniqua: Baby. Christian Sexologist Brittany: he was. Shaniqua: Baby looking good sometimes. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Smelling how he was smelling, and that thing got the jumping because it jumps, and that's the way God created it. Not a spiritual failing. But if you took that mental image and then you went home, you held it as a snapshot, and then when you went home, got in your bath, and was you know rubbing on yourself ever so slowly, thinking about him, picturing him, picturing him on the altar, and then you went to tallbrownman.com to find more. like him and then screenshot what you found to your girlfriends and then y'all spend all night wishing, you know, imagine now you're conjuring up stuff. Now we've gone from desire and arousal which is natural and God given to lust. Tiana: Mm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Now we've triggered to perversion. Now we've and almost even I an I idolatrous consumption of a person that don't even know you exist. That rewards some type of spiritual intervention. This over here Is regular, so we have to ask like, did it just come upon you and then you did all within your strength to let it pass, or if you were struggling, you sought the Lord to get you through it? You okay? But if it's something that you are consuming regularly, like what are you listening to? What are you watching? What that what that algorithm keeps sending you, huh? Because Tiana: Mm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: the thing is the algorithm only feeds you what you like. Shaniqua: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It knows your it knows your habits and your desires. Tiana: Mm-hmm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Mm-hmm. And even if you don't like it because you know your friends will be able to see if you liked it, if you laid on if you watched it, let it play a little bit too long. Shaniqua: Long enough. Tiana: It'll keep going. Shaniqua: Texas like 3.5 seconds, baby. Gotcha. It's like next. Next. Christian Sexologist Brittany: And it's gonna say, she he liked it. Let me send him some more. Suggest exactly. That now that's a different conversation. So I think that we need to be able to, when we're looking at that, assess what the word says, what we've been taught, what we're kind of regurgitating or rehearsing or parroting from what's been given to us, or what is the result of our own. missteps or are other areas in our life where we miss the mark that's contributing to what we have or the just that bodies doing what bodies do. Tiana: You know, if I can be honest, so I said in the in the last show that I wasn't raised up in a church, so I'll so Christian Sexologist Brittany: Mm-hmm. Tiana: purity culture wasn't something that was pushed on me. And all I heard was, you know, don't do this before you get married. There was no reason. But even though my mind wasn't wired by purity, it was still wired by the world. And so Christian Sexologist Brittany: Mm. Tiana: I was watching you on someone else's podcast and you were talking about married women, how some of them don't feel like they have permission. to enjoy the pleasure of sex. And if I'm being honest, while I was married, that was something that I didn't feel like I had the permission to enjoy. And so once I, you know, was going through my divorce, I had a conversation with God and I was like, hey, I'm gonna be abstinent because I want to do this this time your way, but this gonna be a breeze, you know, because I wasn't Christian Sexologist Brittany: Mm-hmm. Tiana: enjoying it. Well, then I started healing. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Yeah. Tiana: Then I started working out and loving the woman that I see in the mirror. And then those 30, those 30 plus hormones hit me like bam. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Hello? Can I speak to T- Tiana: Hit me like bam. Shaniqua: Girl, wait till you get to them forty plus. They still be hormoning. Tiana: So then, you know, I went through this period of bargaining with God. Like, you know, if if I just do it a little bit, you know, we we still gonna be good, right? But then I started to rush it, like, well, you know, if this person is available, if that person is available. And then I'll have I went through this the guilt and the shame and the having to sit down with God and really we rewire my brain, you know, toward my body and also toward sex, you know, as a whole. And so my question is: as a divorcee who didn't get to enjoy the fruit of sex, what steps or healing can be done to change the view of sex? And then once that healing begins, how can we navigate the weight until we can enjoy the fruit of sex? Christian Sexologist Brittany: As a divorcee myself, who also I didn't have the issue of not enjoying the pleasure of sex, but I had an issue in my former marriage with access to sex. My ex-husband wasn't super sexual and in ten years we had sex a hundred and sixty-five times. and I spent a lot of time in a marriage. Shaniqua: Is that an exact number or you just saying that? Because that was very like precise. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Pretty give or take give or take two or three. We averaged once or twice in between each of my menstrual cycles. So if you do the math, it's Shaniqua: Okay. Christian Sexologist Brittany: about it's about that. but what it for for a great deal of that time I connected sex. and sexual access to his attraction or love for me. So then every time he wasn't in the mood or if he rejected me, then I took which you know, pet rejected which is what needed to be what I needed to heal. so what healing, as we said the last time, is healing What I had to do is heal my relationship with sex, the meaning I attached to sex. And so if someone on your NCC was like, this is not for me, pleasure is only for the husband, like, you know, where did you where investigate our own stories, investigate our own narratives? Where did you get that from? Who told you that? What evidence do you have that that is true and then from and then investigate the source of that information and what do they gain out of providing that information to you right and then of of and always what does the word say what the you know what does the word say if the word if the if it says rejoice in the wife of your youth may your breast may her breast satisfy you always if he satisfied by your breast and licking and filling all over your breast You think your nipple doesn't work both ways? If his if if he's delighting because your nipple is in his mouth, what do you think the nerve endings on your nipple is sending into your body? Right? You know, may you ever be intoxicated with her love. Just like in Song of Solomon when the the lady, the woman said, Where's my man at? Shaniqua: Yeah. Christian Sexologist Brittany: North Wind, come south, taste your choicest fruits, huh? Like you know, pleasure is phalli dotty, everybody, and above all else, why would he give you the clitoris? Shaniqua: 'Cause it's all about the clip for me. Tiana: Mm-hmm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Why would he do that if you and if he is pleased by things, not sexually pleased, but if he took delight and pleasure in things, then you are created in if you are his immago day, would you not take pleasure in it? Well, you gotta you have to try the spirit, like you know, we find the ways. Then once you've healed that relationship with sex, and like you said, you done got in the gym, you done got the body right, and you recognize that this is about me as well, and you've learned the language. To have that co-ownership in your pleasure, that co-ownership in the future sexual relationship. Then when when the baby girl is knocking on the door, you know, you recognize that anything that is pleasure is not just good to you, but also good for you, right? And if you have to repent after it, then it's not good for you. Nothing has Tiana: Mm-hmm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: an orgasm like having to repent afterwards. Tiana: Mm-hmm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: And so When you think honestly a lot of what keeps me on the straight and narrow is I don't wanna have to go I don't wanna have to ruin this experience by going to the altar after Tiana: That's yeah, mm-hmm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: I really cause you know, especially once you when you really heal and you know you can throw it. You know what I'm saying? You you look at that man and say, you know what, man of God? I'm not even gonna mess up your life like that. My brother in Christ, I love you too much. To toot that thing up, mama make it roll. I'm not going to pop lock and drop it on you because I love you too much. And I don't want to have to answer for my sin and then call, you know, Tiana: Mm-hmm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: because in first keys, okay. Shaniqua: Messed you up. Christian Sexologist Brittany: First keys, they kept it kept saying over and over again that you know God was pleased with the sins that they did and the sins they led Israel to commit. And I don't want to do that to you, man of God. Tiana: Yeah. Christian Sexologist Brittany: And then also, I'm, you know, you look like you got something that you're working with. And I don't want to be, you know, I want to take communion on Sunday. You know, I don't want to be weeping and wailing and gnashing the teeth down there on the altar on Sunday after I my eyes was rolling the back of my head and I was screaming and cursive on Saturday. I don't want to do that. When I am daydreaming the next day at work. I don't wanna have to get my my my blessed oil out of my bocket book. You know what I'm saying? And that's really what does it for me. When I get there on that good old faithful day, when I am freed and licensed to throw that thing in the circle, I wanna, I wanna re I I want to rejoice for in it for all that it is good for. So when honestly, it feels simple because that thing does be knocking up on you, but it is my question is in to what end? To what end and at what cost? Because Tiana: Mm-hmm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: as good as orgasms are and as fine as men be, the way I feel when I believe that I disappointed God, even though I know that he's not disappointed in me and he, you know, wasn't holding you up. So there's nothing I could do to let you down. You know, Chandler said all of that. I know it, I know it. However, in me, in my spirit, I be like, Dad, Dad. My bad, bro. I, you know, sh I don't like that. I don't like that feeling. And I I Tiana: No, mm-hmm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: and I I don't like that feeling. And I felt that that heaviness for long enough that I said, baby, I'm gonna just Lord, send me someone with some sense, because I promise you your son ain't gonna talk to you for little bit. He's gonna be Tiana: Well that Christian Sexologist Brittany: occupied. So you Shaniqua: So I Christian Sexologist Brittany: gotta send me someone strong enough in the spirit that he can go ghost. from his from his spiritual practices for a couple weeks because I'ma have him I'ma have him tied up. Literally and figuratively. You know what I'm saying? Wrapped Shaniqua: It's Tiana: It Christian Sexologist Brittany: up, tangled up, tied up in Shaniqua: Yeah. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Jesus' name. Pressed down, shake it together, Shaniqua: Are you talking about BDSM? Christian Sexologist Brittany: run it over. Shaniqua: I love it. I love it. So I I am this is a very interesting conversation for me for a couple of different reasons. So I shared in the last episode. I went viral last year. I didn't lose my virginity in 45. I've only had one sexual partner. I left my vir I lost my virginity loss. I had sex for the first time, 45, 46, with in in and no longer a virgin. And I'm conflicted with I no. This whole part of the conversation, my my my my because again, it started out with low self-esteem, then it was my conviction with God, then my frustration, it just boiled over and I was like, I'm not gonna do this. And I think the church doesn't talk about that part enough. Like you can do everything right. You can you can have your desires to think they become are under control because my frustration, I had my desires under control into so much and to the point that My frustration had me, my dissatisfaction had me, my disappointment had me. And so within the context of sex, I made the decision, I'm going to have sex. And so I think you could do everything right and it doesn't happen in the anticipated way. So it's real easy for us to be able to say, Hey, don't have sex, don't do these things. But when you have someone who's lived it for decades, you know, that's a harder conversation. And I don't think the church talks about that. They don't talk about what happens when you you you are no longer or you no longer you're not having sex. Like we talk about the clottoral atrophy that can happen, vaginal atrophy. If you're if you're not using it, you can lose it. My gynecologists have said that to me before. Like those Christian Sexologist Brittany: Mm-hmm. Shaniqua: are very real things I had to think about and I still have to think about. If I'm not sexually active, if I'm not using it, I'm losing it. And God, I don't want to lose this because you gave it to me and I'm trying to do Christian Sexologist Brittany: Mm-hmm. Shaniqua: this this particular way. But there are also very real consequences. Like that's the thing that frustrated me the most about purity cultural, about people thinking about this. There are very real consequences to not having sex physically and physiologically. And there are also very real consequences to having sex outside of marriage. Spiritually. And I wish the church would talk through that. So, since you are a Christian sexologist, what would you say to people or women or even men who have waited for so long, or even if they they had sex before, but it's a wait after and things haven't shown up? The grief that comes with that that affects sex. Like I there's so much there to unpack and I Christian Sexologist Brittany: Yeah. Yeah. Shaniqua: would love to hear your insight on that. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Yeah, absolutely but what you just said and what you just explained is the a very real illustration of why I say I am more I do more to call pastors to create safe spaces for curiosity and conversation than I do to call them to talk about sex because I'm not expecting my pastor to introduce the conversation of clitoral atrophy. Unless my pastor is also a single woman in her 40s, 50s who's had that conversation with her gynecologists. Like that's not their vantage point, Shaniqua: Mm-hmm. They're lame. Christian Sexologist Brittany: right? Their vantage point is on spirit, they should be focused on spiritual formation and as the shepherd, shepherding you through sanctification, which means they need to be aware of those things, but you can but we can't expect everybody to be aware of everything, which is where the curiosity comes back. in right to your also to your point, I think that the church Does talk about parrying and singleness. They does they do talk about you know they're shifting in this language about single, you know, singleness being superior and trying to shift the dynamic between married versus single and all of that, but I do not think that we have developed the hermeneutic for the changing times, right? I think that. The Bible is the Bible is the Bible. The word is the word is the word. Your forty-five-year-old singleness didn't catch Jesus by catch God by surprise. When he decided, you know, that sex should be reserved for marriage. He knew Shanika was gonna be the age that she was and still, you know, a virgin. You Shaniqua: Chao. Christian Sexologist Brittany: know what I'm saying? So it's not but Mary was 12 ish. You know, our grandmothers Shaniqua: She Christian Sexologist Brittany: was married at 16, 17. They had 15 kids by 25. You know, and so things are changing. The world is such that puberty puberty is becoming fast. So not only were they getting married earlier, their menstruation was happening in the same time frame as their marriages. Whereas is women this girls getting their periods at eight, and then they're not even legally able to have sex for another eight years, and then realistically shouldn't be considering marriage. For another at least 10 or so after that. So it's a different environment. So I think that that is the issue. So to say, for the church to say you should hold on, believe in God, honor God with your body, that is what the church should be preaching. But I also think that that's where partnership comes in. Where because the truth is, this is regardless of what your situation is, the word is the word is the word. Just because Shaniqua: Mm-hmm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: it's harder to do doesn't mean not to To do it, but the church's responsibility is to create an environment where we say, I don't know what to do with this. And while the church may not be able to guide you through managing clitoral atrophy, you should not be in your gynecologist office ashamed of asking the question. Because Shaniqua: Amen. Christian Sexologist Brittany: you're so saved, and you you should not. I have women this year tell me, I've made a post about. getting a pep smear and they told me this year that she didn't want to get a peps mirror because she didn't want to risk her husband thinking she wasn't a virgin on her wedding night. Shaniqua: Echo that episode one or segment one where we're talking about purity culture. Tiana: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: You see what I'm saying? That so that is a that that that type of mindset is where the church has an opportunity not to correct, like because if you don't understand high like hymenal stuff, that's not necessarily for the church, do that's a medical thing. Shaniqua: Mm-hmm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: But that that fear and that shame and that everything, if I go too for that like spiritual fear. that if I blink too long I'm a whore and I'm going to hell, that's the church's fault. Shaniqua: Well, well I I wanna I I just have slight pushback with that part is that it's a medical thing to explain that, but the church set the groundwork for that type of mentality where people do have that, my hymen is gonna be gone if this, this, this, this. So there's a culpability that I think the church has. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Right. Well, I mean the the Bible, but the Bible Tiana: Okay. Christian Sexologist Brittany: said, but the Bible, it's not the church continued it, but that's that's well before the foundation of the church. They would go in Shaniqua: Mm-hmm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: and have sex, they would go and check and see if it was blood on the the thing to confirm. Shaniqua: Who th that person was right? Yeah. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Right. That's so like the a lot of that was just handed down. And as we learn, yeah, it's traditional. Shaniqua: Tradition, religious tradition. Christian Sexologist Brittany: And then again, that is them. Trad tradition is fine. Traditionalism becomes a problem. So I think that yes, there are some churches that You know, recently there was a someone who presented their doctor's confirmation of virginity at their wedding and all of that's foolish. You know what I'm saying? But I think that I honestly believe that that's few and far between. what we have in fact I think that the the greater issue now is the church fearing talking about sex because they wanna a appeal to itchin' ears. And the thing is, this bigger than the church not talking about sex. I don't think the church talks about sin anymore for the circ the circ the sake of itchy Shaniqua: Mm, mm, girl. Christian Sexologist Brittany: ears. We're having this conversation about sex right now, with but if we would look at the lack of conversation and lack of sound doctrine around sin, the how God feels Shaniqua: Thin. Christian Sexologist Brittany: about sin in general. Not this hierarchical way that we put sex and homosexuality above every other thing. If we exactly, Shaniqua: over here in Tennessee. Christian Sexologist Brittany: if we look, if we understood as believers, if we preached and we discipled in how much sin grieves the heart of God, sex and all other things would fall into place. So that's so my point, my conversation now is different from yes, like. The church needs to talk more about sex because there are sex, there's sex in the Bible. So, yes, everything that's in the Bible, the church should be talked about. Yes, I agree. But I think worse than the silence around sex is the silence around sin. Because where sin exists, shame exists. Shaniqua: Mm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: And that's that cycle. I messed up, I felt bad about it. I have nowhere to turn because I'm afraid. So I'm gonna mess up again to make myself feel better. Dag I messed up again. Let me now feel bad about it. Now let me go get me an orgasm because I don't I don't want to I want to lift this up. Shaniqua: Let me go get an orgasm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Let me go get can I get two orgasms, please? Thank you. No, whipped cream on whipped cream on the side. Thank you very much. You know what I'm saying? And if that's that cycle, if we if we taught not the fire and brimstone, not the that you must die, not that you're going to hell, but as a believer, If you reverence God, you love what he loves and hates what he hates and he hates sin. We don't even have to break down the list. If we taught, I've put Shaniqua: Mm-hmm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: I genuinely believe we would fare much better in all manner of things, sex included, if we genuinely spoke about and sought God's the the what the word said about how God feels about sin. Shaniqua: In God's heart. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Yeah. Shaniqua: Amen. So I know we're we're we're almost closing out, but I have to introduce these quick two two these two topics. And so the the Christian Sexologist Brittany: Okay. Shaniqua: first one that I want to talk about real quick is soul ties. You know, I did a a a previous podcast and I literally looked at soul ties from a biblical standpoint. You know, a lot of people have conversation about soul ties. It's not it's not in the Bible. Soul ties is not in the Bible. But I think it's a concept that people put within a biblical framework. And as we talked about earlier, there are physiological things that happen to our bodies, in my opinion, that support the idea of of of of of soul ties when it comes to dopamines, when it comes to how our our brain processes pleasure, how women respond, how men respond. what cleaving in one sex excuse me what cleaving looks like and how the bible said that we're supposed to be one flesh. And so you are the clinician. What What are your thoughts when it comes to brain science, when it comes to sex, and even the conversational soul ties? Christian Sexologist Brittany: so I think that soul ties like the Trinity, as you said, the terminology is not in Scripture, but as the word Trinity is not in Scripture, but we know, I mean, if you are a Trinitarian and not a oneness believer, we're not gonna get into that because that's enough practice another. Shaniqua: Yeah, that's a whole nother yeah. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Then you know the Trinity is there, it's represented there. Shaniqua: The Holy Spirit Jesus five. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Same right. Same thing like with leaving and cleaving, there's a connection, a fusion to cut for something to be tied together, knitted together, fused together, connect, whatever you want to call it. It's man and woman, you leave your mother and father, and you cleave to your wife, you all become one flesh, right? David and Johnson was as if their souls were knit to, you know, together. So the concept is there, and I think that there can Shaniqua: There's bonds and covenant. Christian Sexologist Brittany: be ungodly. and godly soul ties. I think that less the the argument about whether soul ties exist or not is of less importance than the way we teach the breaking of soul ties or rather the lack thereof. As if the cross didn't already take care of all of that. That that's my trouble. And then to your point, I think a lot of what we're calling soul ties are poor coping skills or attachment. If we knew more about attachment theory as a collective, we would see, you know, some bad attachment, fractured attachments from childhood replaying itself there. And really just regular old run-of-the-mill, your everyday local heartbreak Shaniqua: Mm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: could be playing itself out, what we're calling, you know, a soul tie. And then throwing a little neurodivergence. I I have a routine, and this being was a part of my everyday routine, and now my Wednesday feel different and my equilibrium is off. You know, and with my ADHD, my rejection sensitivity. So when he don't call me, even Shaniqua: You bet. Christian Sexologist Brittany: though I told him don't call me no more, but you I want you to struggle to not call me. Like I need you to s I need to be able to ignore you. So when you don't call me, what you Shaniqua: Yeah. Christian Sexologist Brittany: mean? Did you ever like me? So a lot of that is just how the brain, as you said, brain science is just how the brain is wired. but I think that we can never Exalt anything that the believer struggles with over. the work of the cross over the power that's in Shaniqua: Mm-hmm. Blood of the Lamb. Christian Sexologist Brittany: the word, right where it says, you know, take every thought captive, cast Shaniqua: Captain. Christian Sexologist Brittany: down all vain imaginations. Like those type of things. And that's the this is the other part, honestly. Outside of not knowing God's heart for sin, the people of God do not be reading a Bible. Shaniqua: Girls say that. They allow someone else, but they don't study Tiana: They don't. Shaniqua: to show themselves approved while we abide in the truth of the word of God. Yes. Christian Sexologist Brittany: The people don't read their word. Far too many people not forget Bible study. Forget Bible study. They're not going to Bible study because they they they had a happy hour, but they're not going to Bible study. Not judging. I'm just saying. This is what I'm saying. Most people, most Shaniqua: And even in Bible study, they're allowing someone to teach to them, but they're not reading and understanding for themselves. Christian Sexologist Brittany: believers, the word, most of the word that they get, all of the word that they get for the week is the word that is the priest's word. From Sunday morning. The most Shaniqua: Mm. Tiana: Mm-hmm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: of the time that read their Bible is whatever the text was for Sunday and maybe the scripture of the day from their bot from the Bible app if they have it up as a widget. But the day, like the regular sitting in, sitting with the word, it's seeking what the what. God meant the original authors meant and understood for that particular text, what it meant in the context in which it was written to the original audience, and then how it applies to us today, how God's story is playing out right now, today, and what He what His plan is for us and what His plan is overall. We don't That's another reason why we wrestle so much. That's another reason why we argue so much, because people don't be reading their Bible. And a lot of this, a different conversation, but a lot of this super sexy deconstruction movement that y'all got going on right now is because y'all not reading your Bible. You, Shaniqua: Mm-hmm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: if you got the gospel of Jesus Christ, don't need to be deconstructed. If you need to deconstruct the gospel, then it wasn't ever the gospel to begin with. And so a lot of what y'all call hurt harm. It's really a misapplication and misunderstanding of the word. But again, not what we Shaniqua: I Christian Sexologist Brittany: came here to so. Shaniqua: We thank you nevertheless. T, you want to wrap us up and ask the final question, a final topic, and then wrap us up? Tiana: I sure can. And so when we were putting this together, we were talking about self-pleasure masturbation. And we were I'm looking at both sides because I'm deep in the social media streets and so I see how the people say, Yay, do it. Some people say no, don't do it because you know you pose that to your flesh and don't do this, don't do that. So because you are an expert in this area and we you know, we want our listeners to be well informed, what will you Christian Sexologist Brittany: Mm-hmm. Tiana: say? Christian Sexologist Brittany: Okay, so I do not believe that masturbation, particularly for single people, aligns with God's heart for sexual expression and singleness. particularly because in most instances folks utilize masturbation as a way to sidestep The expectation of single living. personally, when I had to make the decision to lay masturbation down, because at one point I didn't think see it was a problem, and it was the Lord had to show me that it was less about the actual masturbation itself and more about the fact that every time I was upset, hungry, bored, couldn't sleep, annoyed. irritated and horny so it was horny and then all of these other things I went there instead of to him then when I committed to not doing it I threw out all my toys out the drawer did all of that then when I was angry annoyed horny that then I went to the refrigerator and one day at three o'clock in the morning I ordered some gold puffs some snack delivery some plum gems and some gushers Shaniqua: Wait asleep. Christian Sexologist Brittany: I okay Because earlier that day my co parent pissed me off and I couldn't settle. Again, neurodivergent. So all night I was replace rehearsing that both sides of that conversation in my head over and over and over again and I couldn't sleep. And I didn't have any choice to use. So I called GoPuff and my next vice, which was food, and going downstairs to get my stuff, the Lord said, When is it gonna be my turn? And I said, fam. Why would you talk to me like that? And I recognized that the issue was I had I had made an idol out of being able to meet my own needs. So the masturbation took took the place of me depending on God. And as I said in the last episode, anything that the Lord requires us to do, He strengthens us and emb empowers us by the work of the Holy Spirit to be able to do it. So if I get horny and I masturbate to run on and see what the end is gonna be. Then who am I dependent on? Myself or the Lord. Now, and this is where my might get some controversy. In marriage, I can see the benefit of mutual masturbation as a tool for connection and pleasure, as a pleasure aid in the air under certain circumstances. Like if the motive is to benefit the pleasure of the union, if it's to learn, if it's to teach one another, if you all have an like a relationship dynamic where somebody is deployed, somebody the truck driver, you know, away for a long time or somebody out of town and everybody is aware that this is going on. We're doing it together. Or there's someone who has pre experienced premature ejaculation. So you gotta, you know, knock one out real quick while you're in the shower so that you can last longer for your wife when you're in the bed. You know, whatever the situation. But if the goal is the union, because one the issue with self pleasure is the it's self serving. it's you know the selfishness that can come, you know, from it. And then in singleness a lot of times it's oftentimes connected with porn. It's also times connected with avoidance. It's often, you know, connected with some other type of thing. As my pastor used to say, is it a tool like I mentioned in the marriage, or is it a vehicle driving you elsewhere? Because the other thing I found in singleness is that there's only so much that that masturbation is going to work because the masturbation is not going to tell me I'm cute. in my ear. The vibrator is not going to, you know, hold hold my you know, hold my the lower the small of my back down to keep me in plate. Sorry. The point of the matter is it if it Tiana: Ha ha Christian Sexologist Brittany: sin begets more sin. So eventually gets to the point where even if we don't consider it a sin, for those who could who who don't consider, I challenge even my clients. If you don't consider a sin, you sought the Lord and He said it was sin, cool. Lay it down for 30 days. And then Shaniqua: And and so that's that's one thing I do want to talk about though from a scripture standpoint, though, is because most Christian Sexologist Brittany: Mm-hmm. Shaniqua: people do think masturbation is sin, and the Bible doesn't speak against it. The Bible doesn't speak on masturbation, but it does speak about lust. And so it's very hard to masturbate Christian Sexologist Brittany: Mm. Mm. Mm mm. It does. And idolatry. Shaniqua: without lust, without as as even without the that that lens of idolatry. So it's very hard to be able to do those things. Christian Sexologist Brittany: It's difficult. And that was my loophole. Right. That was my loophole because I didn't need porn. I didn't need nothing in front of me. It could be cartoons on. And just because just because I had nothing to do with my hands, I would I would do it. It didn't it wasn't I wasn't thinking about nobody. I didn't need that. So that's why I thought I would be okay. But it was the fact that I would reach there anything that you reach for first before Shaniqua: Mm-hmm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: God. Anything that somebody tells you lay that down for a minute. Shaniqua: And it's a struggle for you. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Anything that is a struggle for you in that way, it shows you where your priorities are. Shaniqua: Right it is. Yeah, okay. Tiana: So check the motives. Christian Sexologist Brittany: And so it because even with my consecration from social media, when I was like, no, I'm that that showed me the fact I was like, well, I don't need to what? No social media. Indefinite. What? Lloyd, what you talking about? It that showed me where my and then the fact that I deleted off my phone and just my thumb just my thumb just needs something to do. I just be scrolling through all my apps, Shaniqua: It I automatically go into it. Christian Sexologist Brittany: just finding something to do. And I'm like, okay, here this was. This was a problem. And a lot of the women that I've worked with and men too who said that emancipation wasn't a problem and I don't do it that much. I Okay, don't do it for thirty days. And the way they got they riled up in their chest again, well, what is the point? No point. Just for thirty days. While we're working together, don't masturbate. And then within Shaniqua: So if it so your lens is is that masturbation, if it bec if it becomes a stronghold, using the spiritualized terms that people will use, if it becomes a stronghold, then it's most definitely outside of the will of God for you. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Certainly. And I think that most often I have not met Shaniqua: That's what it has to be kind of. Christian Sexologist Brittany: I will say like this, I have not met somebody with who masturbated regularly and it wasn't a strong. Shaniqua: Understood. Understood? Christian Sexologist Brittany: I've not met I've not met yet. So Shaniqua: Okay. Well, thank you. Check your motors if it's a sh if it's a stronghold. Tiana: I like that. Thank you for that take. Check your motives. Everybody, check your motives. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Right. That's it. Cause even in marriage, even in marriage, if you sneaking and doing it, if you buying the whisper choir one so you can do it in shower so can't nobody know. If you mess bait after he falls asleep because he ain't he ain't, you know, lasting long enough, but you don't want to tell him 'cause you don't want to hurt his feelings. If you know what I'm saying, like if you s you gotta look at a couple flicks to get yourself ready for your wife because she not that cute, that it becomes a problem. Sorry. Sorry. Shaniqua: God dogged it. What? That's a whole nother conversation. I want you to be married to someone you think is cute, but that's a whole nother conversation. We ain't got time for that. Christian Sexologist Brittany: The people of God just be married, just to be married. And that's another thing. That's another reason why I don't need to be having sex because orgasms be making people cute that don't be cute. Shaniqua: Girl. But see, the mind does it for me. you know, it ain't gonna Christian Sexologist Brittany: That Shaniqua: be the organ, but that's that's a whole nother conversation. Let us let me wrap us out. Christian Sexologist Brittany: The horny, I mean not the orgasm, excuse me, horniness be making people cute that don't be cute. And then after the orgasm, it's like beer goggles. When the lights come on in the club, after the orgasm is Shaniqua: Like what was I thinking? Tiana: Mm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: done, the light comes on in the club, it's like you've been in here with the Loch Ness monster. Shaniqua: You ain't even all that. You ain't even all that for me to be doing this with. Christian Sexologist Brittany: You've been doing all that hooting and hollering with the Loch Ness Monster this whole time. Shaniqua: Baby, maybe. Because that's how you and cop got caught up. And although it may not have been a quote unquote soul tie, but it done been some ties that bonded you together, got you liking somebody that ain't cute. Christian Sexologist Brittany: This is what this is why I'm seeing and this is why the people of God, they they get I hate you people got really so I love y'all, but y'all really stressed me out for the time. Cause y'all wanna go scream and holler about soul ties, right? But and then no such thing and da-da-da-da-da. But y'all y'all say penis matized and and Shaniqua: Baby, listen. Christian Sexologist Brittany: c and and kitty cat whipped. What what's the difference? Shaniqua: Yes, child. Yes. They whipped. They did they the ties all of those things. I say they, they, they. Tiana: Okay. Christian Sexologist Brittany: They okay? You know? Does a what does Shakespeare Shaniqua: We, we, we, we, we. 'Cause ooh, he fine. Christian Sexologist Brittany: say? Does a rose by any other name smell less sweet? It's the same thing! Shaniqua: Shaq. And it all starts with our eyes. It's gonna start with our eyes. It's gonna start with our eyes and it's gonna flow all the way down. Tiana: Mm-hmm. Shaniqua: But on that note, we have kept you well beyond the time that we we said that we would keep you. So I thank you so much for your time, your energy. I'm gonna ask you the same question I asked at the end of the last one. Could you please tell us how people can get in contact with you, how they can find out more information about you, all of the things. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Yes, I am at the intimacyfirm.com. the Christian Sexologist on YouTube where you can find all episodes of my podcast during discussions, where we keep it sex talk that is real raw and righteous. and I'm also on Instagram at the Christian at Christian Sexologist Brittany. But at the time you're watching this episode, I am currently on a social media consecration until I defend my dissertation, which will likely be sometime in December. So I won't I likely won't be returning back to social media until the new year. But if you need to reach me, you can do so and my email, which is admin at the intimacyfirm.com. Shaniqua: Thank you so much, Brittany, for joining. So we're gonna just do one sentence of wrap up. I'll start with you, T, then I'll Brittany, I'll ask you and I'll close it out and say goodbye. So T, what is your one sentence takeaway that you want our listeners to know? Single divorcee or even married? Tiana: if you are single in divorcee and you are on your abstinence journey, I want you to check the motives. Okay. Shaniqua: Mm-hmm. Tiana: It's a journey. Look, we we all hear, listen, I I can hear out of my left big toe sometime, but you are not alone. As you can see, Shaniqua: Yeah. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Baby. Okay. Tasting out my eyes, I'm telling you. Tiana: this is a space where we're being honest. And so just, you know, just keep going. Check your motives. It's gonna be okay. God got you. Shaniqua: Britney. Christian Sexologist Brittany: And I'ma pick you back off and tell you and say don't nothing ruin an orgasm like having to repent. Shaniqua: Woo, Tiana: Nothing. Shaniqua: child. So nothing wrong to orgasm. Christian Sexologist Brittany: Remember it. Shaniqua: Somebody happened to repent. I love that. And I think for me, I would say that Your body has natural urges. It's natural, but it's also godly. This is how he created us. And give it to him. That's all I can say. Because I understand what it means to be on the other side of frustration and have regret. Give it to him. Thank you guys so much for joining us. I'm gonna say a quick word of prayer to close us out. Lord, thank you so much for this opportunity, Father God. Thank you again for Brittany, Lord. And just thank you for the wonderful conversation that that she gave us, Father God. Thank you for the knowledge that you have placed within her. Thank you for her passion and her purpose, Father God. by design, you have created our Lord, and she pours out to your children. And so we are thankful for that. We're thankful for her. Lord, made this word, made this conversation. May the fruit that it has gone forth, Father God, do all that you have purposed and called it to do in the lives of your children. In the name of Jesus we pray. Amen. Thank you all. Bye. Tiana: Amen. Thank y'all. Bye.