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Vibe Sesh 24: The Quiet Control of People-Pleasing · Vibe Sesh Podcast

0:00
SPEAKER_02: She's late.
0:01
SPEAKER_02: We're gonna make her wait to come up on stage two, bro.
0:05
SPEAKER_02: I'm not a people pleaser.
0:08
SPEAKER_02: We're talking about people pleaser.
0:10
SPEAKER_02: I'm not gonna people please you, Corey.
0:11
SPEAKER_02: You are late.
0:12
SPEAKER_02: I'm mad.
0:13
SPEAKER_02: I have boundaries.
0:15
SPEAKER_02: And I'm gonna make you wait.
0:16
SPEAKER_02: And I have vengeance.
0:17
SPEAKER_02: I have revenge.
0:18
SPEAKER_02: Let's invite her up.
0:22
SPEAKER_02: Guys, welcome.
0:23
SPEAKER_02: Where's everybody from?
0:24
SPEAKER_02: Give me your city and state, please.
0:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you can be mad.
0:28
SPEAKER_00: It's all right.
0:29
SPEAKER_00: It's all right.
0:32
SPEAKER_00: I am all relaxed and just waiting for six o'clock.
0:35
SPEAKER_00: And no, you are five o'clock my time.
0:39
SPEAKER_00: So I'm still catching my breath, okay?
0:43
SPEAKER_01: So give me a second.
0:45
SPEAKER_00: Carry on with your foreskin conversation.
0:47
SPEAKER_00: Oh, my God, dude.
0:49
SPEAKER_02: So embarrassing.
0:52
SPEAKER_02: Oh, man.
0:53
SPEAKER_02: That was really an amazing, that was the funniest conversation, I think, Cisco, for real.
0:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and he's a comedian too, so he just totally rode the wave.
1:04
SPEAKER_01: So, Corey, how are you?
1:07
SPEAKER_00: I'm here.
1:08
SPEAKER_02: I'm good.
1:10
SPEAKER_02: Do you have any nervous regulation stuff now so we can all calm down?
1:14
SPEAKER_02: Because we're all coming in with different energies.
1:17
SPEAKER_02: We sure are.
1:18
SPEAKER_02: Let's sync up the vibes.
1:19
SPEAKER_02: You got any quick breathing thing or something for us?
1:25
SPEAKER_00: Well, I mean,
1:25
SPEAKER_00: certainly for myself,
1:26
SPEAKER_00: what I'm doing,
1:27
SPEAKER_00: even as I'm talking to you,
1:28
SPEAKER_00: is I'm actually just,
1:30
SPEAKER_00: I'm just arriving in my body and I'm letting myself be here instead of in the run
1:35
SPEAKER_00: to get here.
1:37
SPEAKER_00: So I'm just feeling like my legs on the chair.
1:40
SPEAKER_00: I'm feeling that my breath is here.
1:42
SPEAKER_00: I'm seeing you guys on the screen.
1:45
SPEAKER_00: So really what I'm doing is just presencing myself and being here and what's going
1:50
SPEAKER_00: on in my body.
1:51
SPEAKER_00: My skin's a little buzzy.
1:53
SPEAKER_00: I'm a little sweaty from running in here.
1:57
SPEAKER_00: But I'm here.
1:58
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's the biggest thing is just arriving to myself so
2:02
SPEAKER_00: that I can arrive fully with you.
2:03
SPEAKER_02: And what is a buzzy skin?
2:06
SPEAKER_02: What is a buzzy skin?
2:08
SPEAKER_02: I know.
2:08
SPEAKER_02: Is that weird?
2:09
SPEAKER_00: So for me, I know.
2:11
SPEAKER_00: So when I feel like electric, I almost feel like electric, right?
2:15
SPEAKER_00: Like this sort of electricity.
2:16
SPEAKER_02: I say goosebumps.
2:18
SPEAKER_02: We say goosebumps.
2:18
SPEAKER_02: Well, these aren't even that.
2:21
SPEAKER_00: This is more like almost.
2:23
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
2:24
SPEAKER_00: So, you know,
2:24
SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you drink coffee,
2:26
SPEAKER_00: but if you have too much coffee, how you can feel kind of like that?
2:29
SPEAKER_02: No, I don't know that feeling.
2:32
SPEAKER_02: I drink one cup of coffee every day.
2:34
SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
2:34
SPEAKER_00: Well, try and have three and you'll know what I'm talking about.
2:39
SPEAKER_02: It's that Buzzy feel.
2:41
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
2:41
SPEAKER_00: So it's like my skin is doing that.
2:43
SPEAKER_00: It's almost like my skin is just doing that.
2:45
SPEAKER_00: But it's settling.
2:46
SPEAKER_00: It's settling.
2:47
SPEAKER_02: You know what?
2:48
SPEAKER_02: It's so interesting the way you describe it as well, Corey.
2:51
SPEAKER_02: Because I feel like, and we've talked about this before when we talked in the past.
2:55
SPEAKER_02: Corey and I have talked in the past.
2:57
SPEAKER_02: And you said that you're very sensitive because of your upbringing.
3:02
SPEAKER_02: And that's one of the things about being a people pleaser.
3:05
SPEAKER_02: You become super sensitive, right?
3:07
SPEAKER_02: So even the way you're, I just said it's goosebumps.
3:11
SPEAKER_02: But she's like, oh, it's busking.
3:12
SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
3:13
SPEAKER_02: That's a funny way to call goosebumps.
3:15
SPEAKER_02: No, but it's different than goosebumps.
3:17
SPEAKER_02: So that's interesting, isn't it?
3:20
SPEAKER_02: That's the Vibe Samurai stuff.
3:21
SPEAKER_02: I like playing with that kind of like, you know what I'm saying?
3:25
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
3:26
SPEAKER_00: Well, it's so funny because when you talk about that,
3:28
SPEAKER_00: like that sensitivity,
3:29
SPEAKER_00: especially rooted in my childhood,
3:31
SPEAKER_00: really the sensitivity was around everything around me.
3:35
SPEAKER_00: And so what you just saw was based on the work that I've done,
3:38
SPEAKER_00: the level of sensitivity that I have inside myself now.
3:42
SPEAKER_00: So in the past,
3:44
SPEAKER_00: I would have shown up here and all my attention would have been on you guys
3:47
SPEAKER_00: and what you were thinking.
3:48
SPEAKER_00: And then all the people who might be watching it,
3:50
SPEAKER_00: my attention would have been over there and like,
3:53
SPEAKER_00: oh my God, what do they think of me?
3:54
SPEAKER_00: How do I come?
3:55
SPEAKER_00: Right.
3:55
SPEAKER_00: And instead from the work that I've been doing, arriving was about arriving here first.
4:01
SPEAKER_00: So that I could arise.
4:02
SPEAKER_00: So then I could describe to you what was going on inside of me.
4:05
SPEAKER_00: But I would say before I've done some of my work,
4:07
SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't have been able to tell you because I would have just been so all up
4:10
SPEAKER_00: in your business.
4:12
SPEAKER_02: You think so?
4:13
SPEAKER_02: But you don't think you would have answered.
4:14
SPEAKER_02: You would have said, oh, I would have said, Corey, how are you feeling?
4:17
SPEAKER_02: Oh, I feel buzz in my skin.
4:19
SPEAKER_02: Oh, but you know, like, wouldn't that conversation have happened?
4:21
SPEAKER_02: You're saying you would have, you would have not been able to even.
4:24
SPEAKER_00: No, darling.
4:25
SPEAKER_00: No, I would have said, I'm good.
4:27
SPEAKER_00: I'm so good.
4:27
SPEAKER_00: How are you?
4:29
SPEAKER_00: Right?
4:30
SPEAKER_00: Like I would have performed.
4:31
SPEAKER_00: I would have performed Everything's Fine.
4:34
SPEAKER_02: That's a vibe sesh right there, bro.
4:38
SPEAKER_02: This is what we're trying to do with the vibes, right?
4:40
SPEAKER_02: That non-performance, right, Cisco?
4:41
SPEAKER_02: What do you think about it, though?
4:43
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love the,
4:44
SPEAKER_01: you know,
4:45
SPEAKER_01: the sensitivity,
4:46
SPEAKER_01: like myself,
4:47
SPEAKER_01: like I struggle with people pleasing, not having that sensitivity for myself.
4:50
SPEAKER_01: And it's projected outwards at all times.
4:54
SPEAKER_01: That's very interesting.
4:56
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
4:57
SPEAKER_00: And so, I mean,
4:58
SPEAKER_00: one of the things that I've kind of been experimenting with is,
5:01
SPEAKER_00: you know, people pleasing for me has been an indirect way of taking care of myself.
5:07
SPEAKER_00: So in other words,
5:08
SPEAKER_00: if I know what's going on over there in the field out there,
5:12
SPEAKER_00: it's the way that I know how to take care of myself.
5:14
SPEAKER_00: And then if I make everything okay out there, it's my way of making everything okay in here.
5:19
SPEAKER_00: So there's this sort of like, what I'm going for is to feel okay.
5:23
SPEAKER_00: But I think that in order to feel okay, I have to get you to feel okay.
5:27
SPEAKER_00: And so it's like indirect.
5:30
SPEAKER_00: And now I'm not acting in the place where I really have agency.
5:34
SPEAKER_02: Damn.
5:37
SPEAKER_02: Damn.
5:37
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
5:38
SPEAKER_02: We're going to see how we got to this, right?
5:40
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
5:41
SPEAKER_02: Unbelievable.
5:42
SPEAKER_02: And by the way, Cisco, you're blowing Cisco's mind.
5:46
SPEAKER_02: You and
5:48
SPEAKER_00: me, Cisco.
5:49
SPEAKER_00: This is our talk.
5:50
SPEAKER_02: Bro, he's not even high.
5:53
SPEAKER_02: That's the crazy thing.
5:55
SPEAKER_02: I'm not high
5:57
SPEAKER_00: either, Cisco.
5:58
SPEAKER_00: You and I could be not high together.
5:59
SPEAKER_00: We'll let you represent.
6:01
SPEAKER_02: But here's the thing, Corey.
6:02
SPEAKER_02: We've had like a lot of amazing guests, right?
6:05
SPEAKER_02: And everybody like they've been helping Cisco.
6:08
SPEAKER_02: He's the most perfect guinea pig because he has so many problems.
6:13
SPEAKER_02: We got to teach him walking meditation.
6:16
SPEAKER_02: We got to help him with his people pleasing, which we haven't had an expert like you in yet.
6:20
SPEAKER_02: So we got a good guinea pig here right here because he's had an issue.
6:24
SPEAKER_00: I love it.
6:25
SPEAKER_00: I love it.
6:26
SPEAKER_02: Hey, but Corey, I wanted to ask you a question.
6:29
SPEAKER_02: Let me write a quote from yours, okay?
6:33
SPEAKER_02: I go through your stuff.
6:34
SPEAKER_02: I got some prep work that I do.
6:36
SPEAKER_02: I check out your website and everything.
6:38
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
6:39
SPEAKER_02: So I want to talk about this first because I think this is a good place to start.
6:43
SPEAKER_02: So you said people pleasers are some of, Cisco, listen to this.
6:48
SPEAKER_02: People pleasers are some of the most quietly controlling people in the room.
6:53
SPEAKER_02: Make the case, Corey.
6:56
SPEAKER_00: Well, I kind of started it when I said just a minute ago that if you have to be okay
7:01
SPEAKER_00: in order for me to feel okay, then I need to get really busy with making you okay.
7:06
SPEAKER_00: And so I'm going to spend a lot of effort over there trying to make everybody okay.
7:12
SPEAKER_00: And so I'm like trying to control you so that you behave in a way where I feel safe.
7:17
SPEAKER_00: Isn't that crazy?
7:19
SPEAKER_01: That's manipulation.
7:21
SPEAKER_02: They're the best manipulators, bro.
7:24
SPEAKER_02: They don't mean to.
7:26
SPEAKER_00: We don't mean to.
7:28
SPEAKER_00: That's unconscious.
7:31
SPEAKER_02: It's unconscious.
7:31
SPEAKER_02: Oh my God.
7:34
SPEAKER_00: Well, and it feels, I mean, who isn't like, I want to help you be okay.
7:39
SPEAKER_00: Isn't that a nice, I mean, that's nice.
7:43
SPEAKER_02: That's super nice.
7:44
SPEAKER_00: But the idea that it's because unless you're okay, I'm not.
7:51
SPEAKER_00: That's a big deal.
7:53
SPEAKER_00: That's hard because now you're okay in this.
7:56
SPEAKER_00: Manipulation is too hard of a word,
7:58
SPEAKER_00: but I like thinking in terms of how certain trauma or bad events kind of turn
8:00
SPEAKER_00: into good things,
8:01
SPEAKER_02: superpowers, right?
8:04
SPEAKER_02: So for me, my extreme
8:18
SPEAKER_02: Extreme introversion made me focus on one-on-one.
8:21
SPEAKER_02: I was able to connect with people on a deep level on a one-on-one instead of a group
8:25
SPEAKER_02: and blah, blah, blah.
8:26
SPEAKER_02: And then I did coaching and then now I'm the Vibe Samurai, right?
8:29
SPEAKER_02: But talking to people on Vibe Sesh at this level,
8:32
SPEAKER_02: right, was just because of my introversion, right?
8:35
SPEAKER_02: So like the people-pleasing...
8:39
SPEAKER_02: It's almost like if you know you have that power,
8:44
SPEAKER_02: you can use that because you know how to control people.
8:47
SPEAKER_02: You understand people on a certain level where they can be controlled.
8:51
SPEAKER_02: But you know what I mean?
8:52
SPEAKER_02: Like having that positive influence.
8:54
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
8:55
SPEAKER_02: I'm trying to think.
8:55
SPEAKER_00: Well, I mean, I think what you're talking about is impact, right?
8:59
SPEAKER_00: That we have the ability to impact people around us.
9:02
SPEAKER_00: And typically,
9:03
SPEAKER_00: and I mean,
9:04
SPEAKER_00: honestly,
9:04
SPEAKER_00: a lot of people pleasing,
9:05
SPEAKER_00: the way we're trying to impact each other isn't really bad for them necessarily.
9:09
SPEAKER_00: In other words, I just want you to be a better person.
9:12
SPEAKER_00: I want you to, I want you to heal.
9:13
SPEAKER_00: I want you to be kinder, whole, you know what I mean?
9:16
SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm not asking anything that's like, That wouldn't also serve the other person generally.
9:22
SPEAKER_00: Right.
9:23
SPEAKER_00: So I'm asking for like this higher level,
9:25
SPEAKER_00: but it's sort of like I'm asking for it because I need it because I need you to be
9:31
SPEAKER_00: that way.
9:33
SPEAKER_00: But you were talking about the superpower and certainly, I mean,
9:37
SPEAKER_00: people pleasers are some of the most empathetic,
9:40
SPEAKER_00: generous,
9:41
SPEAKER_00: like kind,
9:44
SPEAKER_00: like they're open-hearted,
9:45
SPEAKER_00: open-minded, like there is this incredible superpower that comes with it.
9:50
SPEAKER_00: That the only reason it turns is because we leave ourselves.
9:55
SPEAKER_00: So in other words, it becomes my default and I take it to everyone else but myself.
10:03
SPEAKER_02: So self-abandonment, what you call self-abandonment.
10:06
SPEAKER_00: That's what we're doing.
10:07
SPEAKER_00: Because all these things I just told you,
10:09
SPEAKER_00: empathy,
10:10
SPEAKER_00: compassion,
10:11
SPEAKER_00: open-mindedness, adaptability, those are all really positive, healthy traits.
10:16
SPEAKER_00: They only become unhealthy when we sort of, we don't include ourselves in those things.
10:22
SPEAKER_00: And we just provide it for everyone else around us.
10:27
SPEAKER_02: Hmm.
10:29
SPEAKER_02: How much of this realization came from you observing your clients over the years
10:34
SPEAKER_02: or you recognizing yourself?
10:37
SPEAKER_00: Most of the time I see it myself first and then I start seeing it around, right?
10:42
SPEAKER_00: Like I recognize something like, oh,
10:44
SPEAKER_00: Like I noticed,
10:45
SPEAKER_00: I noticed that I need you to behave differently in order for me to feel okay.
10:50
SPEAKER_00: So like, wow, look at how tricky I am.
10:52
SPEAKER_00: Look, I'll, I'll, I'll perform.
10:54
SPEAKER_00: I'll do this.
10:55
SPEAKER_00: I'll write.
10:56
SPEAKER_00: Like I just started noticing how I was showing up and I was like, Ooh, this is not.
11:01
SPEAKER_00: And then I started seeing it, my clients too.
11:03
SPEAKER_00: And so I, I, it's sort of like, um, It's just getting real, right?
11:07
SPEAKER_00: This is all about you, Vibe Samurai, right?
11:09
SPEAKER_00: Like getting real with yourself.
11:10
SPEAKER_00: And so sometimes I had to get real with like, what really are my intentions here?
11:14
SPEAKER_00: What am I trying to create here?
11:17
SPEAKER_00: And, you know,
11:18
SPEAKER_00: I really love Michael Singer and he talks a lot about everyone's just trying
11:23
SPEAKER_00: to be okay.
11:24
SPEAKER_00: Everyone just wants to be okay all the time.
11:25
SPEAKER_00: I just want to be okay.
11:29
SPEAKER_00: But if I try and if it has to be you, Giving me my okay-ness.
11:33
SPEAKER_00: I don't have agency.
11:34
SPEAKER_00: I've lost touch with myself.
11:36
SPEAKER_00: And now I'm acting in the world that is not mine to act in.
11:38
SPEAKER_02: What do you think, Sisiel?
11:48
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I would ask like,
11:49
SPEAKER_01: where does someone begin with self-validation if it's always just been external
11:56
SPEAKER_01: to them?
11:58
SPEAKER_00: I know, right?
12:00
SPEAKER_00: There's,
12:00
SPEAKER_00: you know,
12:01
SPEAKER_00: it's interesting for me,
12:02
SPEAKER_00: like I've noticed that,
12:05
SPEAKER_00: you know,
12:05
SPEAKER_00: I have a needy part of myself,
12:07
SPEAKER_00: like where I feel really needy for acceptance, love, validation.
12:13
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's actually reasonable.
12:15
SPEAKER_00: I think that humans have a need for those things.
12:19
SPEAKER_00: The problem is that I'm going seeking it as a people pleaser.
12:22
SPEAKER_00: I'm going seeking it from a place of starvation.
12:25
SPEAKER_00: As opposed to, it's okay for me to feel needy.
12:30
SPEAKER_00: I did this dance thing this weekend, and the instructor said to dance with your shadow.
12:38
SPEAKER_00: And so I was dancing, and then she said, now let your shadow dance you.
12:42
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, whoa, that's trippy, because my moves change.
12:45
SPEAKER_00: My moves change.
12:46
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
12:49
SPEAKER_02: I don't want shadow to lead, bro.
12:52
SPEAKER_02: I know.
12:53
SPEAKER_00: It was so cool.
12:54
SPEAKER_00: It was so cool.
12:55
SPEAKER_00: And then she was like, so like, what, who is that?
12:58
SPEAKER_00: What is your shadow?
12:59
SPEAKER_00: Who are you dancing with?
13:00
SPEAKER_00: And I was dancing with the needy part of myself.
13:03
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I see you.
13:05
SPEAKER_00: Like what you've needed more than anything is me.
13:08
SPEAKER_00: You've needed me.
13:09
SPEAKER_00: And I keep running around trying to take care of everybody else.
13:13
SPEAKER_00: Oh my God.
13:13
SPEAKER_00: Like tears.
13:14
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, all you've ever needed was me.
13:19
SPEAKER_02: There was a one specific event where that,
13:22
SPEAKER_02: when you were dancing, this was recent, you're
13:24
SPEAKER_00: saying?
13:25
SPEAKER_00: Well, it expressed itself in this moment, right?
13:28
SPEAKER_00: Like it's expressed itself differently in other times,
13:32
SPEAKER_00: but this one was just like,
13:33
SPEAKER_00: it was such a clear visual for you guys that it felt,
13:35
SPEAKER_00: and it was so recent,
13:37
SPEAKER_00: but it was really this like, oh my God, there's that needy part of me.
13:40
SPEAKER_00: And I just was loving her.
13:42
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Like she was so raw and young.
13:47
SPEAKER_00: And I was just like, I got you, babe.
13:49
SPEAKER_00: I got you.
13:50
SPEAKER_00: And in that moment, I just, I felt so validated and so full.
13:53
SPEAKER_00: And it was me.
13:55
SPEAKER_00: And that doesn't mean that I don't go into a relationship and have needs.
13:59
SPEAKER_00: It just means I'm not coming starving.
14:00
SPEAKER_00: And so I show up differently.
14:04
SPEAKER_00: You know,
14:04
SPEAKER_00: when you're starving,
14:05
SPEAKER_00: I don't know about you, but sometimes I forget to eat when I'm starving.
14:08
SPEAKER_00: I grab junk food and I'm ravenous.
14:13
SPEAKER_02: So if you're ravenous, you're not going to grab the healthy food, guys.
14:20
SPEAKER_02: Not when you're starving.
14:23
SPEAKER_02: Are you going for the freaking Big Mac or just like a chicken and rice?
14:28
SPEAKER_02: Which are you going for, bro?
14:30
SPEAKER_02: Like you're ravenous.
14:30
SPEAKER_02: Are you going for McDonald's, Big Mac kind of thing?
14:33
SPEAKER_02: Or are you doing chicken and rice?
14:35
SPEAKER_02: Which one?
14:36
SPEAKER_00: It's what's easy, right?
14:37
SPEAKER_00: What's within reach?
14:38
SPEAKER_00: And it's always the processed stuff.
14:40
SPEAKER_00: What's easy?
14:41
SPEAKER_00: What's with reach?
14:42
SPEAKER_00: What's in reach?
14:42
SPEAKER_00: And it's heavily processed and it's bad for you.
14:46
SPEAKER_02: Damn.
14:47
SPEAKER_02: Bro, these metaphors.
14:48
SPEAKER_02: Corey, I had no idea.
14:50
SPEAKER_02: I talked to Corey one hour.
14:53
SPEAKER_02: Dude, this is what I love about Vibe Sessions.
14:56
SPEAKER_02: You know, we see the real
14:58
SPEAKER_01: human, though.
14:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, the wisdom, too.
15:01
SPEAKER_00: What do you think of all this?
15:04
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
15:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
15:05
SPEAKER_00: Have you eaten some junk food lately?
15:09
SPEAKER_01: Cisco eats a lot of junk food.
15:11
SPEAKER_01: Go ahead Cisco.
15:13
SPEAKER_01: But no, I guess to your example,
15:15
SPEAKER_01: I'm just seeing it as you're you know, you can show up with a full stomach.
15:20
SPEAKER_01: And you're not going to be swayed by the options in front of you because you're
15:24
SPEAKER_01: because when you're starving, you're desperate for food.
15:29
SPEAKER_01: So that was a very I like the analogy that you just put together for that.
15:34
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
15:35
SPEAKER_01: I guess.
15:36
SPEAKER_01: So then what's the practice of feeling full?
15:39
SPEAKER_02: Yes, that's a great question.
15:41
SPEAKER_02: Like, how do we get there?
15:42
SPEAKER_02: Because even for me,
15:43
SPEAKER_02: Corey, like now, like, it's a lot of pressure to make better and better videos.
15:47
SPEAKER_02: And if I don't get the engagement, I feel like, oh, man, I get depressed.
15:51
SPEAKER_02: Like, literally, I get sad.
15:53
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I'm not just admitting to everybody.
15:54
SPEAKER_02: Like, I get sad.
15:55
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
15:56
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, oh man, what's wrong with me?
15:57
SPEAKER_02: I don't got it anymore.
15:58
SPEAKER_02: What's going on?
15:59
SPEAKER_02: Is that people pleasing or what is that?
16:01
SPEAKER_00: Oh, so I took a two-year break from social media because I realized I wasn't people pleasing.
16:07
SPEAKER_00: I was algorithm pleasing, right?
16:09
SPEAKER_00: And so all of us, it was the same mechanism.
16:12
SPEAKER_00: It's just now, it's the algorithm.
16:14
SPEAKER_01: That's the dial turned up.
16:19
SPEAKER_02: Bro, hey Corey, you gotta make videos like this, algorithm pleasing, damn fire.
16:25
SPEAKER_02: Dancing with shadows, you gotta talk about that kind of stuff.
16:29
SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh, so many video ideas here.
16:31
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
16:33
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
16:34
SPEAKER_00: So, I mean, I, I mean,
16:35
SPEAKER_00: you are describing that mechanism that it basically becomes like,
16:39
SPEAKER_00: because what made you,
16:40
SPEAKER_00: you is that you were just being yourself and it didn't matter.
16:43
SPEAKER_00: That's how you got here.
16:45
SPEAKER_00: And it's so easy to forget because you, now you got to like, keep it.
16:49
SPEAKER_00: Now I got to stay here.
16:50
SPEAKER_00: Now I got to keep it.
16:51
SPEAKER_00: So then it starts to edge into performance because now you think you got to keep it,
16:55
SPEAKER_00: but it's sort of like what got you here was never performance.
17:00
SPEAKER_00: But performance is the land of the people pleaser.
17:02
SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm fine.
17:03
SPEAKER_00: Everything's good.
17:04
SPEAKER_00: You know, we can make it look all natural, but it's not.
17:08
SPEAKER_00: Like, there's something.
17:09
SPEAKER_00: It feels different.
17:11
SPEAKER_01: I have a question about the extremes.
17:15
SPEAKER_01: So imagine you're the extreme opposite of people pleasing.
17:18
SPEAKER_01: Is that okay?
17:18
SPEAKER_01: Or should you have a sprinkle of people?
17:21
SPEAKER_01: Is there a balance?
17:23
SPEAKER_00: I tell my clients a lot this.
17:24
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, okay, it is true that we are all responsible for our own happiness.
17:29
SPEAKER_00: That's true, right?
17:31
SPEAKER_00: It is also true that we impact each other, right?
17:35
SPEAKER_00: And we need to hold both truths.
17:37
SPEAKER_00: So if I just run around and say I'm responsible for my happiness,
17:40
SPEAKER_00: then I can just be like, fuck you, deal with it.
17:43
SPEAKER_00: I'm responsible for my own happiness.
17:45
SPEAKER_00: But if I also understand that I impact the world around me,
17:49
SPEAKER_00: now I have to be a little bit more conscious and responsible in my pursuit
17:52
SPEAKER_00: of happiness, right?
17:57
SPEAKER_00: And so we do have an impact on the world around us,
17:59
SPEAKER_00: but if I go heavy on the impact on the world around me and I don't tend
18:03
SPEAKER_00: to my own container,
18:04
SPEAKER_00: my own happiness, then that's going to become its own dysfunction.
18:10
SPEAKER_00: So really it's the understanding of both of these truths
18:13
SPEAKER_00: and how do you hold them inside of yourself?
18:16
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
18:17
SPEAKER_02: Right?
18:17
SPEAKER_02: Dialectic thinker holding two paradoxes kind of thing.
18:21
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love me some paradox.
18:23
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
18:25
SPEAKER_02: Hey Cisco,
18:26
SPEAKER_02: do you want to move on to,
18:27
SPEAKER_02: I want her to analyze your recent situation with that girl,
18:31
SPEAKER_02: the relationship stuff, because it's, or keep it
18:34
SPEAKER_01: surface level, I guess.
18:36
SPEAKER_02: You want to talk about it?
18:37
SPEAKER_02: Go, let's do it.
18:37
SPEAKER_02: Let's, because, let me just tell everybody, Corey, also you do work with couples, right?
18:44
SPEAKER_02: And you talk about, People-pleasing in relationships or toxic relationships or whatever, right?
18:51
SPEAKER_02: Yes, sir.
18:53
SPEAKER_02: You understand people-pleasing in the context of relationships.
18:55
SPEAKER_02: So Cisco,
18:57
SPEAKER_02: he's a people-pleaser and he encountered a nice lady that you had a fling with in
19:02
SPEAKER_02: the past and she came back and,
19:04
SPEAKER_02: you know, tell us about that because you were like a mess during that.
19:07
SPEAKER_02: I couldn't help you, bro.
19:08
SPEAKER_01: Well, I don't have Korean skill.
19:10
SPEAKER_01: I don't have Korean skill.
19:11
SPEAKER_02: You're giving it to me, okay?
19:13
SPEAKER_02: All right.
19:13
SPEAKER_02: Pass it on, pass the hot potato.
19:16
SPEAKER_01: I'll keep it very simple.
19:17
SPEAKER_01: I found a way to identify it, basically limerence.
19:22
SPEAKER_01: And to take what she said at face value,
19:25
SPEAKER_01: they don't have capacity to explore the connection, basically.
19:29
SPEAKER_00: Wow, that is a very clear thing.
19:35
SPEAKER_01: But like what you were saying earlier,
19:36
SPEAKER_01: I was kind of doing a lot to hopefully change their opinion.
19:41
SPEAKER_01: But people have free will and I should want her free will to choose me.
19:46
SPEAKER_01: You got to choose who chooses you.
19:49
SPEAKER_01: So don't be choosing who's not choosing.
19:52
SPEAKER_01: Anyway, there was, you know, time spent.
19:54
SPEAKER_01: So it was kind of like you thought, you know, we're hanging out like, come on.
19:59
SPEAKER_01: But then, you know, stop.
20:02
SPEAKER_01: But then I learned the term limerence.
20:04
SPEAKER_01: Do you guys know limerence, like kind of the obsessiveness over a person?
20:09
SPEAKER_01: So it's not love because I wanted to explore a connection to get to know her.
20:14
SPEAKER_01: So I didn't really know much.
20:16
SPEAKER_01: So all I could do was imagine.
20:19
SPEAKER_01: And that...
20:21
SPEAKER_00: Ooh, I guess you could have a good time with that.
20:23
SPEAKER_02: He had a great time.
20:24
SPEAKER_02: He was sending me messages saying, oh my gosh, maybe I can marry this woman.
20:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you did, bro.
20:31
SPEAKER_01: You were like, she could be the one you
20:34
SPEAKER_02: said.
20:36
SPEAKER_01: No, you're exaggerating.
20:37
SPEAKER_01: But...
20:53
SPEAKER_00: So you're bringing something that comes up for a lot of people-pleasers in
20:56
SPEAKER_00: the beginning of a relationship and that is the difference between chemistry
21:00
SPEAKER_00: and capacity.
21:02
SPEAKER_00: And so a lot of people pleasers, we love that chemistry, right?
21:07
SPEAKER_00: Like that chemistry feels delicious.
21:09
SPEAKER_00: It feels yummy.
21:10
SPEAKER_00: We want more of it.
21:11
SPEAKER_00: It creates this attachment, right?
21:13
SPEAKER_00: And it feels so good, right?
21:15
SPEAKER_00: So that's what you're describing.
21:17
SPEAKER_02: Because you were so starving.
21:18
SPEAKER_02: You were starving.
21:19
SPEAKER_02: You ravenous.
21:20
SPEAKER_02: So you're like, when the chemistry comes, that's tied together too.
21:24
SPEAKER_01: I had euphoric breadcrumbs.
21:27
SPEAKER_01: It was...
21:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, again, it's how you felt, right?
21:32
SPEAKER_00: It was that, in those moments, I bet you felt full.
21:35
SPEAKER_00: I bet you didn't feel starving, right?
21:39
SPEAKER_00: But it really,
21:40
SPEAKER_00: it was like,
21:40
SPEAKER_00: you know,
21:40
SPEAKER_00: if I drink a lot of water, I feel full, but I don't have any nutrients, right?
21:45
SPEAKER_00: So it's really this idea of, it's the difference between chemistry.
21:51
SPEAKER_00: It's the difference between chemistry and capacity.
21:54
SPEAKER_00: Capacity is the nutrients.
21:56
SPEAKER_00: Like I want,
21:57
SPEAKER_00: I want something that is going to fill me out,
21:59
SPEAKER_00: but I want something that's, that's nutritious, that has nutrients in it.
22:02
SPEAKER_00: That's the capacity, right?
22:05
SPEAKER_00: And so you were, you were, and this happens for a lot of people pleasers.
22:09
SPEAKER_00: Are you taking notes?
22:10
SPEAKER_00: What are you doing?
22:13
SPEAKER_02: That's so true.
22:14
SPEAKER_02: Just the whole braverness thing, bro.
22:17
SPEAKER_01: There's no, it's water versus, you know, it being like food with nutrition.
22:23
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
22:25
SPEAKER_00: And the chemistry feels so good, right?
22:27
SPEAKER_00: And who doesn't want to feel good?
22:28
SPEAKER_00: And we say we're chasing the feeling of feeling okay.
22:31
SPEAKER_00: We feel really great and okay in the chemistry.
22:34
SPEAKER_00: But then it's sort of like, yeah, but does this have capacity?
22:37
SPEAKER_00: And capacity is measured by how do we negotiate differences?
22:41
SPEAKER_00: How do we handle tension?
22:44
SPEAKER_00: How do we handle moments where somebody's feelings get hurt?
22:48
SPEAKER_00: That's what reveals capacity.
22:50
SPEAKER_00: And what I'm hearing her say to you is she doesn't have it right now in this moment
22:55
SPEAKER_00: to invest her capacity in something more.
22:58
SPEAKER_00: Right.
22:59
SPEAKER_00: And so she's telling you.
23:00
SPEAKER_00: Right.
23:00
SPEAKER_00: And so for you, it's sort of like, that's interesting.
23:03
SPEAKER_00: I still am pursuing and wanting something that has told me it doesn't have the capacity for me.
23:11
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, what's wrong with you?
23:13
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I feel like I consciously am aware of that.
23:16
SPEAKER_01: But my nervous system is like,
23:18
SPEAKER_01: constantly just putting it in the priority queue of like, let's think about this.
23:22
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, And literally to stop myself, I blocked her.
23:27
SPEAKER_01: I like, no way.
23:28
SPEAKER_02: You didn't tell me.
23:29
SPEAKER_02: You blocked her?
23:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
23:31
SPEAKER_02: Did you tell her I'm going to block you?
23:33
SPEAKER_01: Why'd you block me?
23:34
SPEAKER_01: And then I had, I actually got to send you screenshots of that.
23:38
SPEAKER_01: But that was where the capacity thing.
23:43
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, what I want you to see is that was okay with you.
23:50
SPEAKER_00: Right.
23:51
SPEAKER_00: Because this is what people pleasers do is we say, it's okay if you don't have the capacity.
23:55
SPEAKER_00: I think I have enough for both of us, or it's okay if you don't have the capacity.
23:59
SPEAKER_00: I do.
24:00
SPEAKER_00: I have the capacity to wait.
24:02
SPEAKER_00: I have the capacity to kind of wait and see.
24:04
SPEAKER_00: Right.
24:04
SPEAKER_00: So it's sort of like we make it okay.
24:06
SPEAKER_00: And then we make up for the difference, but it's not really what we want.
24:12
SPEAKER_00: That's not the truth.
24:14
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
24:14
SPEAKER_02: Hey, but of course, so you think it was the right move in his situation that he blocked her?
24:20
SPEAKER_00: Well, the blocking to me is because you didn't trust yourself.
24:23
SPEAKER_00: And so I think it was the right move because it was you taking care of you, right?
24:27
SPEAKER_00: Because the block wasn't about her.
24:29
SPEAKER_00: It was about him.
24:31
SPEAKER_00: He didn't trust himself to not stay open or pursue or communicate.
24:35
SPEAKER_00: So I think it was an act of self-care.
24:37
SPEAKER_00: Blocking isn't always a bad thing.
24:39
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's the thing that we need to do in order to take care of ourselves.
24:43
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's what he did.
24:44
SPEAKER_00: And I think it wasn't against her.
24:46
SPEAKER_00: It was really a protection for him.
24:49
SPEAKER_02: Hey, but so how does he prevent something like this from impacting him as much as before?
24:56
SPEAKER_02: He just has to be aware or he has to do some exercises or what does he need to do?
25:02
SPEAKER_00: Well, I think the first thing we got to talk about is the starving part, right?
25:05
SPEAKER_00: Like we got to get you to stop being so starving.
25:08
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
25:08
SPEAKER_00: That's the first part because the person who's starving is going to be the one
25:11
SPEAKER_00: who is more enticed and attached to capacity, sorry, to chemistry.
25:16
SPEAKER_00: So the first key is you got to be good with you.
25:20
SPEAKER_00: You got to meet your own needs.
25:22
SPEAKER_00: You got to know what you're worth.
25:23
SPEAKER_00: You got to be like, this is who I am.
25:25
SPEAKER_00: This is what I want for my life.
25:27
SPEAKER_00: And this, so this is my boundary, right?
25:31
SPEAKER_00: And so if this is my boundary and you,
25:34
SPEAKER_00: and you don't have capacity, then it doesn't work with where I am.
25:38
SPEAKER_00: This is my boundary.
25:39
SPEAKER_00: So it doesn't work, but you've got to be so sure of that boundary and who you are.
25:45
SPEAKER_00: And so to me, you don't have that yet.
25:48
SPEAKER_00: And so I would be really careful about pursuing a relationship right now.
25:52
SPEAKER_00: Because when you're by yourself, you could feel like, I'm not a people pleaser.
25:57
SPEAKER_00: I'm fine.
25:58
SPEAKER_00: I know this one really well.
25:59
SPEAKER_00: Because the people pleasing gets triggered.
26:02
SPEAKER_00: The people pleasing gets triggered in relationship.
26:05
SPEAKER_02: Right?
26:05
SPEAKER_00: So by yourself, you can be like, I got it.
26:08
SPEAKER_00: I'm not people pleasing no more.
26:12
SPEAKER_01: It's like reading about push-ups and then...
26:14
SPEAKER_01: Actually doing them.
26:16
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, even attachment style work.
26:19
SPEAKER_01: You can read all this shit until your body is giving you different signals from this.
26:24
SPEAKER_01: You're like, whoa, whoa.
26:27
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
26:28
SPEAKER_00: And that's just it.
26:29
SPEAKER_00: Like you just said it really beautifully.
26:30
SPEAKER_00: Get in your body.
26:31
SPEAKER_00: That's what's required, right?
26:33
SPEAKER_00: For you to go inside and feel what you feel and believe yourself.
26:38
SPEAKER_00: Believe what you discover.
26:39
SPEAKER_00: Believe the truths about yourself.
26:42
SPEAKER_02: Hey, but you said maybe he should take some time and maybe not date for now.
26:47
SPEAKER_02: But what if, but there must be a girl who is into this kind of people pleasing thing.
26:53
SPEAKER_02: Like what kind of girl would that be?
26:55
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
26:56
SPEAKER_02: I don't recommend that.
26:59
SPEAKER_02: What kind of woman is that?
27:00
SPEAKER_02: Why not someone who understands his people pleasing and is like, I'm cool with that.
27:04
SPEAKER_02: Wait, understands the people pleasing?
27:08
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he knows that he's a work in progress and he has some people-pleasing issue,
27:13
SPEAKER_02: but I love that about Cisco and I love you.
27:15
SPEAKER_02: And you know, like, can't you have that?
27:18
SPEAKER_00: I think it's because it's not about the other person.
27:22
SPEAKER_00: It's not about, it's him.
27:23
SPEAKER_00: Can he trust himself?
27:24
SPEAKER_00: Can he trust himself that when something happens that he'll stay inside of himself,
27:29
SPEAKER_00: not in the relationship, will he stay?
27:32
SPEAKER_00: Right?
27:32
SPEAKER_00: So this isn't about the other person at all.
27:35
SPEAKER_00: It's about him.
27:36
SPEAKER_00: Can he trust himself?
27:40
SPEAKER_01: Can you sustainably be in your body for a long time?
27:47
SPEAKER_01: Because you can temporarily do that through people.
27:52
SPEAKER_01: But what you're saying is like, you need something sustainable for decades.
27:56
SPEAKER_01: And that is sourced from you.
27:57
SPEAKER_01: Because people come and go.
27:59
SPEAKER_00: You got to have roots and they got to be like your roots, not borrowed roots,
28:04
SPEAKER_02: your roots.
28:05
SPEAKER_02: Corey, so how does Cisco work on finding his roots?
28:08
SPEAKER_02: You know what I'm saying?
28:09
SPEAKER_02: Like, oh, me too.
28:11
SPEAKER_02: I want to know too, because I want to make it a practice and get some tips from you.
28:15
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
28:15
SPEAKER_00: Well, so, you know, I think, what'd you say?
28:20
SPEAKER_00: I missed that one.
28:21
SPEAKER_01: No, I was saying poke at him a little bit.
28:23
SPEAKER_01: He's been in the
28:23
SPEAKER_00: hot seat.
28:24
SPEAKER_00: He has, he has.
28:29
SPEAKER_00: So let's kind of go back to the root of all of this then.
28:32
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
28:33
SPEAKER_00: Let's talk theoretically and leave you two alone for a minute.
28:36
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
28:36
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
28:36
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
28:37
SPEAKER_02: She's awesome.
28:40
SPEAKER_00: So a lot of people pleasers,
28:42
SPEAKER_00: the root of it is that there is a,
28:45
SPEAKER_00: it's hard to tell the line between you and me that's blurred.
28:50
SPEAKER_00: I can't tell what's yours and what's mine.
28:53
SPEAKER_00: It kind of feels like it's all mine.
28:55
SPEAKER_00: So there isn't a real distinction.
28:59
SPEAKER_00: Right?
28:59
SPEAKER_00: And so part of the work is to figure out who am I?
29:03
SPEAKER_00: What's mine?
29:04
SPEAKER_00: Who am I?
29:05
SPEAKER_00: What's true for me?
29:07
SPEAKER_00: How do I feel?
29:08
SPEAKER_00: What's happening inside of me?
29:11
SPEAKER_00: Because people pleasers, the line is blurred.
29:13
SPEAKER_00: So we're very other focused.
29:15
SPEAKER_00: Come on, I'm going to jump you back in just for a second.
29:18
SPEAKER_00: How often are your thoughts about everyone else?
29:25
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I would say I'm thinking about, yeah.
29:28
SPEAKER_01: I'm outside of myself a lot.
29:30
SPEAKER_00: Outside of yourself a lot, yeah.
29:33
SPEAKER_01: My walking has allowed me to be with my thoughts and myself.
29:38
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
29:39
SPEAKER_01: What does that mean, Cisco?
29:40
SPEAKER_01: The thoughts outside of yourself.
29:41
SPEAKER_01: What do you mean?
29:42
SPEAKER_01: You're thinking about your family,
29:44
SPEAKER_02: other people, not you?
29:45
SPEAKER_01: Like, the reason I'm starving is I haven't done any of that self,
29:50
SPEAKER_01: like the self-image work,
29:51
SPEAKER_01: the self, like, uh, Having your principles, your values that you stand for.
29:58
SPEAKER_01: And like, you know, like, I mean, I don't know how else to word it.
30:04
SPEAKER_01: Because people will adapt to other people's principles and values rather
30:09
SPEAKER_01: than me just projecting out this is what I believe.
30:12
SPEAKER_01: And if that means I'm alone, I'm okay.
30:15
SPEAKER_01: Right.
30:16
SPEAKER_00: So what we're talking about is definition, right?
30:19
SPEAKER_00: Like a really clear definition of who are you?
30:24
SPEAKER_00: Who are you?
30:24
SPEAKER_00: Like, who are you when no one else is in the room?
30:27
SPEAKER_00: And can you stay that person when someone walks in?
30:31
SPEAKER_00: Right?
30:32
SPEAKER_00: So who are you?
30:33
SPEAKER_00: Like, if this is who I am right now and someone comes in,
30:37
SPEAKER_00: what I used to do all the time was I was immediately, what's going on with them?
30:41
SPEAKER_00: What's their mood?
30:43
SPEAKER_00: Right?
30:43
SPEAKER_00: Like, what do they need?
30:44
SPEAKER_00: Like, I was, it was like I was transported to whoever just walked in the room.
30:50
SPEAKER_00: Versus, I'm not saying I'm ignorant and ignoring the person.
30:53
SPEAKER_00: I'm just saying I'm here and I'm aware of the other person.
30:56
SPEAKER_00: Both things.
30:58
SPEAKER_00: Whereas before, it was just, I was just over there.
31:00
SPEAKER_02: The whole thing.
31:02
SPEAKER_02: Cisco, who are you?
31:04
SPEAKER_01: I mean, well, the word that came to mind was, I do feel like a chameleon.
31:09
SPEAKER_01: That's the word that comes to your mind, bro?
31:15
SPEAKER_00: It's one of the archetypes for a people pleaser is a chameleon.
31:19
SPEAKER_00: Even at school
31:22
SPEAKER_01: back in like high school at the lunch table,
31:24
SPEAKER_01: like I wouldn't just sit at one table.
31:26
SPEAKER_01: I would just sit at, I used to sell candy too, so that also had me going around.
31:30
SPEAKER_01: But like I would blend in and understand the nuances of people and fit in.
31:40
SPEAKER_01: But that was constant practice outside of myself.
31:45
SPEAKER_01: The kind of solitude hasn't really happened since graduating college 2023.
31:51
SPEAKER_01: But then still, I didn't have that work.
31:53
SPEAKER_01: So I haven't really been building the momentum of that.
31:57
SPEAKER_01: And it hasn't really been till this year.
31:59
SPEAKER_01: I've been kind of hit with like work stress, this limerence bullshit.
32:03
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
32:06
SPEAKER_01: But now it's making me see like the tree roots aren't that deep.
32:12
SPEAKER_01: I've been maybe growing out on the top maybe for that example,
32:15
SPEAKER_01: but I need to build the roots so that it doesn't get top heavy and like fall
32:21
SPEAKER_01: over maybe.
32:22
SPEAKER_00: That's right.
32:23
SPEAKER_00: That's right.
32:24
SPEAKER_00: Because being adaptable is actually really a skill.
32:27
SPEAKER_00: That's something that a lot of people don't have.
32:30
SPEAKER_00: But the problem is,
32:30
SPEAKER_00: is when you're adaptable and you have no center,
32:33
SPEAKER_00: then that's when you start to fall over, you start to merge.
32:37
SPEAKER_00: Right.
32:37
SPEAKER_00: And so it's really like, so your adaptability isn't a problem.
32:41
SPEAKER_00: It actually is a superpower.
32:43
SPEAKER_00: It only becomes a problem when you have no sense of yourself within that adaptability.
32:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I have no reference, like an internal reference.
32:52
SPEAKER_00: That's right.
32:53
SPEAKER_00: That's right.
32:54
SPEAKER_01: So I've been cherry picking from what I've seen just throughout existing like my life.
33:01
SPEAKER_01: So yeah,
33:02
SPEAKER_01: that's been my struggle because I've been realizing during my walks,
33:07
SPEAKER_01: everything I believe, I've inherited.
33:10
SPEAKER_01: It's not by my own two hands.
33:13
SPEAKER_01: I'm struggling with that.
33:15
SPEAKER_01: Tell us more.
33:16
SPEAKER_01: What do you mean?
33:17
SPEAKER_01: No, just any belief, like I should do this, I should do that, like traditional path of life.
33:23
SPEAKER_01: It's kind of macro and micro how you can take that.
33:29
SPEAKER_01: I guess one example that just popped in my head, like wanting a family, for example.
33:33
SPEAKER_01: Do you truly want that or is that because society tells
33:36
SPEAKER_02: you that?
33:38
SPEAKER_01: You're at that point, bro.
33:39
SPEAKER_01: That's what you're thinking right now.
33:40
SPEAKER_01: Holy shit.
33:41
SPEAKER_01: You should be in your parents' lives because you should or because I want to.
33:46
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
33:47
SPEAKER_01: That's kind of the first to pop in my head.
33:49
SPEAKER_01: But you theoretically could be completely selfish and focused and
33:59
SPEAKER_01: if your authentic self But again,
34:02
SPEAKER_01: you said you have to be conscious of the impact or like the influence you are having
34:06
SPEAKER_01: because your words and actions will always land in a certain way.
34:11
SPEAKER_01: And I guess you just don't want negative ripple effects or plant bad seeds.
34:18
SPEAKER_00: We only have so much control over that, right?
34:20
SPEAKER_00: Like that's the truth.
34:21
SPEAKER_00: It's like I could say something really kind and great,
34:24
SPEAKER_00: but you could misinterpret it and have nothing to do with whether I said it clearly
34:28
SPEAKER_00: or not.
34:28
SPEAKER_00: It was your own projection onto it.
34:30
SPEAKER_00: So I can't be responsible for that, right?
34:33
SPEAKER_00: I can only be responsible for what comes out of me.
34:36
SPEAKER_00: Do I feel like it was clean, clear?
34:39
SPEAKER_00: Did I feel like it was, right?
34:41
SPEAKER_00: So the responsibility is like, I can do this.
34:44
SPEAKER_00: And this is the,
34:44
SPEAKER_00: this is the only way I can really like have any control
34:47
SPEAKER_00: over my impact is I can do it from that place.
34:50
SPEAKER_00: But then what happens with it?
34:51
SPEAKER_00: I mean, certainly your chances are higher if you have,
34:55
SPEAKER_00: you know, if you're kind, clean and have a good, whoa, I almost fell over.
34:59
SPEAKER_00: You're kind,
34:59
SPEAKER_00: clean and had a good,
35:01
SPEAKER_00: Have a good like that you feel good with what you just shared that
35:05
SPEAKER_00: the chances are higher that your impact would be more positive.
35:08
SPEAKER_00: Right.
35:09
SPEAKER_00: But in the end,
35:10
SPEAKER_00: it's sort of like we can be we can be open to feedback about the impact we have
35:14
SPEAKER_00: and we can take that feedback and be like,
35:16
SPEAKER_00: OK, how much of this is am I responsible for and how much of it is theirs?
35:22
SPEAKER_00: And for a people pleaser, we just take it all.
35:25
SPEAKER_00: We're responsible for all of it, right?
35:27
SPEAKER_00: So there's a little bit more discernment that's required that we don't just take it all.
35:34
SPEAKER_00: But it helps if we have a sense of who we are.
35:37
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm still in this journey.
35:40
SPEAKER_00: I have not arrived.
35:41
SPEAKER_00: So I can't tell you where to arrive at.
35:44
SPEAKER_00: I am in it.
35:45
SPEAKER_00: But it is so exciting when all of a sudden I have this moment of recognition
35:48
SPEAKER_00: where I show up differently in this situation.
35:51
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, damn, I am really kind and loving and compassionate.
35:56
SPEAKER_00: That is so badass.
35:57
SPEAKER_00: Damn.
35:59
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like where it's not performative.
36:02
SPEAKER_00: Like I got to experience the non-performing version of myself that
36:06
SPEAKER_00: that was just true for me in that moment.
36:07
SPEAKER_00: And it felt so different, right?
36:10
SPEAKER_00: And so that is when I'm like, I get to taste, I get to experience.
36:14
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, yes, more of that.
36:16
SPEAKER_00: I want more of that.
36:18
SPEAKER_02: Tell her about the Vibe Sesh, the impact that's had on you, given your people pleasing.
36:23
SPEAKER_02: You know, you've discovered more about yourself.
36:25
SPEAKER_02: Go ahead.
36:26
SPEAKER_01: Well, all I can say is I've been a hermit introvert for all my life.
36:32
SPEAKER_01: Outside of school, where school puts you with people outside of that hermit.
36:37
SPEAKER_01: And we actually met on X Twitter.
36:41
SPEAKER_01: In a Bitcoiner community.
36:43
SPEAKER_01: And for a whole year,
36:44
SPEAKER_01: we actually did a audio only vibe sessions and up to like 10 people could speak
36:49
SPEAKER_01: and stuff.
36:49
SPEAKER_01: And he just created a space of non-judgment, good faith conversation.
36:57
SPEAKER_01: He offered presents.
36:58
SPEAKER_01: He's here to listen to and he's curious.
37:01
SPEAKER_01: So he asked me questions and he allowed me to ask questions and more
37:05
SPEAKER_01: and more people found the space and were able to do the same.
37:08
SPEAKER_01: And now you're facilitating conversation amongst people.
37:11
SPEAKER_01: So I really appreciate him giving me the opportunity because I've co-hosted with him
37:15
SPEAKER_01: for a year on that and then now this is like half a year for Instagram.
37:22
SPEAKER_01: It's been really helpful just in terms of the socialization
37:29
SPEAKER_01: that I've been missing out on and trusting my intuition in the moment,
37:34
SPEAKER_01: the improv of the moment because none of this is planned.
37:39
SPEAKER_01: Having confidence that the questions I have to ask are good.
37:42
SPEAKER_01: I can, because all I want to do is I'm here to offer my presence,
37:47
SPEAKER_01: listen, and my curiosity is always loading and when I'm ready, I'll ask.
37:52
SPEAKER_01: When I'm ready, I'll make a joke.
37:54
SPEAKER_01: When I'm ready, I'll, you know.
37:57
SPEAKER_01: So it's just,
37:57
SPEAKER_01: it's been a practice of trusting myself that I'm a Vibe Samurai
38:01
SPEAKER_01: and I will always say the right thing and not the right time.
38:03
SPEAKER_02: Jamie Tworkowski Bro, you don't feel like you're a chameleon, right?
38:08
SPEAKER_01: I kind of am though, like adjusting
38:11
SPEAKER_01: to the guest or whatever.
38:16
SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm going to push on this just a little bit with you because my sense is that,
38:23
SPEAKER_00: yes, you probably are a chameleon.
38:26
SPEAKER_00: But I believe that probably some of the qualities that you've sort of like played
38:31
SPEAKER_00: with are true for you.
38:33
SPEAKER_00: In other words, they reflected something to you that felt real for you.
38:38
SPEAKER_00: In other words, you didn't really completely make it up.
38:42
SPEAKER_00: There was something in it that felt like, Oh, that's a part of me.
38:46
SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's another part of me.
38:48
SPEAKER_00: Right.
38:48
SPEAKER_00: Like, in other words, maybe it's not all of you, but maybe it's a part of you.
38:53
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm somebody who I didn't have like my clique in high school either.
38:57
SPEAKER_00: I just bebopped around a bunch of cliques.
38:59
SPEAKER_00: And it was because I really I'm not one thing.
39:03
SPEAKER_00: I'm way more complicated than that.
39:05
SPEAKER_02: So I never I
39:06
SPEAKER_00: never fit into a clique.
39:08
SPEAKER_00: So I did better in going to different ones because each one brought out a different part of me.
39:14
SPEAKER_00: And so each part of me got to express something differently in those groups.
39:19
SPEAKER_02: What was your favorite clique?
39:22
SPEAKER_00: Oh, um...
39:24
SPEAKER_00: You know what?
39:26
SPEAKER_00: So it was interesting because I went to a school that was very racially mixed.
39:31
SPEAKER_00: And when I was in high school, the Rodney King riots had happened.
39:36
SPEAKER_00: And at that time, I was kind of one of the white girls in a black group of kids.
39:42
SPEAKER_00: And we went through the riots together.
39:45
SPEAKER_00: We weren't in the riots, but we were experiencing it, watching it on TV, confused, baffled.
39:49
SPEAKER_00: But you know what?
39:50
SPEAKER_00: I felt the most seen, accepted, celebrated in that group than I did in any other groups.
40:00
SPEAKER_02: Hmm.
40:00
SPEAKER_01: Cisco, you know Rodney King?
40:01
SPEAKER_01: Uh...
40:04
SPEAKER_01: Someone got beat by police.
40:07
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
40:09
SPEAKER_01: Tell him, Cisco.
40:10
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, Rodney King got beat to death by a police officer and the cops got off.
40:17
SPEAKER_01: They didn't get convicted.
40:19
SPEAKER_00: So there were riots in this.
40:21
SPEAKER_00: It's sort of,
40:22
SPEAKER_00: you know,
40:22
SPEAKER_00: it's unfortunately,
40:23
SPEAKER_00: it's the same freaking story happening now,
40:25
SPEAKER_00: but that was back in like 90, I think like 92 or something, 91 or 92.
40:30
SPEAKER_00: So it was a long, I'm old.
40:33
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, you're old.
40:34
SPEAKER_00: We're both old.
40:35
SPEAKER_00: That's right.
40:35
SPEAKER_00: Now you're young.
40:36
SPEAKER_02: She's the younger.
40:37
SPEAKER_02: You're the young one.
40:38
SPEAKER_02: What are you talking about?
40:39
SPEAKER_02: I'm 50.
40:40
SPEAKER_02: I'm 50.
40:40
SPEAKER_02: You look younger than me.
40:43
SPEAKER_00: Visco, how old are you?
40:46
SPEAKER_01: 25.
40:46
SPEAKER_01: 2001.
40:48
SPEAKER_00: See, he's half our age, dude.
40:49
SPEAKER_02: He's half our age, man.
40:51
SPEAKER_02: A little baby there.
40:52
SPEAKER_02: Hey, Corey,
40:53
SPEAKER_02: but like,
40:53
SPEAKER_02: what do you mean you felt the most seen in this kind of Racially diverse group.
40:59
SPEAKER_02: You mean everybody was just so mad.
41:01
SPEAKER_01: And what were you people pleasing in that clique?
41:06
SPEAKER_00: You know, at that age, I can't, I mean, there was probably some degree of it for sure.
41:10
SPEAKER_00: I can't be sure because I didn't have the consciousness back then.
41:14
SPEAKER_00: But I can say that there was just,
41:17
SPEAKER_00: there was just a togetherness and a there for each other
41:20
SPEAKER_00: that I just didn't experience in some of the other groups.
41:23
SPEAKER_00: The other groups, there was more competition.
41:25
SPEAKER_00: There was more I don't know.
41:27
SPEAKER_00: It just,
41:28
SPEAKER_00: this was just,
41:28
SPEAKER_00: everybody saw each other and laughed with each other and held each other.
41:33
SPEAKER_00: It was just, it was so freaking cool.
41:36
SPEAKER_02: Oh my God.
41:38
SPEAKER_02: Did you ever experience something like that after that in your life?
41:42
SPEAKER_00: Not in a group setting with small,
41:44
SPEAKER_00: within like one or one with people, but not in a group like that for sure.
41:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
41:49
SPEAKER_00: Not in a group, but yeah, for sure.
41:52
SPEAKER_00: One-on-one I have definitely had those experiences.
41:55
SPEAKER_00: Hey, I'm not going to people please you guys.
41:56
SPEAKER_00: And I'm sweating my ass off right now.
41:58
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to go turn some fans on.
41:59
SPEAKER_00: Give me a second.
42:01
SPEAKER_00: She has a sweaty
42:02
SPEAKER_02: ass guy.
42:03
SPEAKER_02: Bro, what do you think of the lovely guests so far?
42:07
SPEAKER_02: What do you think?
42:08
SPEAKER_02: Crazy, huh?
42:11
SPEAKER_01: Uh, it's been a while since I read the models book by Mark Manson,
42:16
SPEAKER_01: which that's like the premise of the entire book, neediness versus non neediness.
42:22
SPEAKER_01: And, uh, Yeah,
42:26
SPEAKER_01: people-pleasing will have you acting in certain ways to elicit a certain response.
42:33
SPEAKER_01: If you have all that internal validation and you're vulnerable
42:38
SPEAKER_01: as your authentic self, you say, I'm okay if you choose me or not.
42:42
SPEAKER_01: Like, if you leave right now or not, I'm okay.
42:45
SPEAKER_02: And I will still say...
42:47
SPEAKER_02: Hey, Sisko, ask Corey about models, if she knows Mark Manson and all that.
42:52
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love Mark Manson.
42:54
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if you've read that book, Models.
42:57
SPEAKER_00: No, I didn't read Models.
42:58
SPEAKER_00: I read the subtle word of not giving a fuck, but I didn't read Models.
43:02
SPEAKER_00: Is it a good one?
43:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's literally all about people-pleasing and not people-pleasing.
43:08
SPEAKER_00: Okay, I'll have to check it out.
43:09
SPEAKER_00: I love his other stuff.
43:11
SPEAKER_02: Right, and I just realized you're right.
43:13
SPEAKER_02: Models is about people-pleasing.
43:15
SPEAKER_02: I thought it was a dating book
43:16
SPEAKER_01: because it's called
43:17
SPEAKER_02: Models.
43:18
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it is.
43:19
SPEAKER_01: It is for men to get women, but You know, that's the reason you aren't getting them.
43:24
SPEAKER_01: It's because you're people pleasing towards them.
43:26
SPEAKER_01: And you really want this one to choose you when you should be indifferent as you go
43:32
SPEAKER_01: through life.
43:33
SPEAKER_01: And then you should find the people choosing your authentic self
43:35
SPEAKER_01: because you don't have to perform ever.
43:38
SPEAKER_01: Because he's like, all the pickup game and tricks that they run out, you run out of shortcuts.
43:45
SPEAKER_01: And so he's like,
43:46
SPEAKER_01: if you're just your authentic self from the get go,
43:48
SPEAKER_01: you either are repelling people or attracting them.
43:51
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I'm so glad you brought in the word authenticity because that's the word
43:55
SPEAKER_00: that we haven't been saying yet.
43:57
SPEAKER_00: We've been talking around it, but we haven't said it directly.
44:00
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so authenticity for a lot of people who are people pleasers feels threatening.
44:07
SPEAKER_00: Like to be our authentic self, it feels really scary and vulnerable and threatening.
44:12
SPEAKER_00: So that's why we, so it's not, it's not as easy as saying, just be authentic.
44:17
SPEAKER_00: There's something blocking us from being authentic.
44:19
SPEAKER_00: And it's because we're so scared that if we're authentic,
44:22
SPEAKER_00: you're going to leave, you're not going to show up.
44:25
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to be like, there's so authenticity feels scary.
44:30
SPEAKER_00: And that's why part of the healing is to get to know yourself again and really own
44:35
SPEAKER_00: Who you are, because that's where authenticity comes from.
44:38
SPEAKER_00: It comes from those roots we were talking about, right?
44:41
SPEAKER_00: That is authenticity.
44:43
SPEAKER_00: What do I know about myself?
44:44
SPEAKER_00: Who am I when no one else is in the room?
44:46
SPEAKER_00: Can I stay that way when someone walks in the room?
44:48
SPEAKER_00: Right?
44:49
SPEAKER_00: That's authenticity.
44:51
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because the gift of truth is being vulnerable as your authentic self.
44:56
SPEAKER_01: Like you're sticking out your neck like, hey, this is how I am and how I behave.
45:00
SPEAKER_01: And they can be like, yeah, go for it or no.
45:04
SPEAKER_01: But you just keep hammering that home.
45:07
SPEAKER_01: And like the book just really goes in depth on it.
45:09
SPEAKER_01: It is so simple.
45:10
SPEAKER_01: He's not even telling you how you should act.
45:12
SPEAKER_01: It's like you have to create your family.
45:16
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
45:16
SPEAKER_01: It's a way of being.
45:19
SPEAKER_01: If you want a rotation of girls or if you just want to marry, that's up to you.
45:23
SPEAKER_01: But you have to be authentic in that.
45:25
SPEAKER_00: Well, it sounds like what he was telling people was what not to do anymore.
45:30
SPEAKER_00: It was less about what to do and what to stop doing.
45:35
SPEAKER_00: Again, that is authenticity.
45:37
SPEAKER_00: Stop trying to do all these tricks and just be yourself.
45:43
SPEAKER_00: But again, for someone who's got people pleasing tendencies, again, it's not that scary.
45:49
SPEAKER_00: You say, just stick your neck out.
45:51
SPEAKER_00: That feels literally terrifying.
45:54
SPEAKER_00: I'm starting a book right now.
45:56
SPEAKER_00: So I'm going to tell you this story because this is the opening chapter of my book.
45:59
SPEAKER_00: Exclusive Vibe Sash 24.
46:00
SPEAKER_00: Let's go.
46:06
SPEAKER_00: So I was dating a guy from South Africa and a lot of this isn't true
46:10
SPEAKER_00: for all South African men, but there is a machismo-ness to it.
46:14
SPEAKER_00: I don't want the South African men jumping on me.
46:16
SPEAKER_00: There can be quite a machismo energy.
46:20
SPEAKER_00: And so anyway,
46:21
SPEAKER_00: so I was dating this guy and I was in South Africa with him down in Cape Town
46:25
SPEAKER_00: and he was an amateur race car driver.
46:28
SPEAKER_00: He loved to drive fast and like recklessly fast, not good.
46:32
SPEAKER_00: And I knew that about him.
46:33
SPEAKER_00: And we were about to go to the southern tip of South Africa.
46:36
SPEAKER_00: And the road is right along the water, the coast, right along the ocean, like barely guardrails.
46:43
SPEAKER_00: It's right there.
46:44
SPEAKER_00: And I've been on the road with him before.
46:45
SPEAKER_00: It was terrifying.
46:46
SPEAKER_00: The night before we were going to go down there,
46:49
SPEAKER_00: I had a nightmare that he was driving really fast on this road,
46:54
SPEAKER_00: and we went flying off the road,
46:55
SPEAKER_00: and we went through the guardrails,
46:57
SPEAKER_00: and we were flying, and we were going to hit the ocean.
46:59
SPEAKER_00: We were going to die, right?
47:00
SPEAKER_00: And so literally, like,
47:01
SPEAKER_00: I just remember there was a moment in the air of just complete acceptance
47:05
SPEAKER_00: and surrender,
47:05
SPEAKER_00: like, okay, this is what's happening, and then everything went flat, okay?
47:09
SPEAKER_00: So now, this is where the story really gets going,
47:13
SPEAKER_00: because the next morning, we're taking that drive.
47:16
SPEAKER_00: And I am scared, right?
47:17
SPEAKER_00: Because I'm scared of his driving.
47:19
SPEAKER_00: His driving is rightfully reckless.
47:22
SPEAKER_00: Did I say anything?
47:24
SPEAKER_00: No.
47:25
SPEAKER_00: Instead, because I was afraid.
47:27
SPEAKER_00: I was afraid he would ridicule me for being so scared.
47:31
SPEAKER_00: I was afraid that he said I would be too sensitive.
47:34
SPEAKER_00: I was afraid that he would make fun of me.
47:36
SPEAKER_00: There was a whole bunch of reasons why I didn't speak up.
47:39
SPEAKER_00: So I literally got in that car fully feeling like I absolutely could die.
47:44
SPEAKER_00: And I could die because I wasn't going to say anything.
47:48
SPEAKER_00: So it's sort of like,
47:49
SPEAKER_00: oh my God, I would rather die than face his reaction to me saying, I'm scared.
47:54
SPEAKER_00: I don't want to go on this road with you driving like that.
48:00
SPEAKER_00: That's how intense it is, right?
48:03
SPEAKER_00: It's not, this isn't like the authenticity piece.
48:05
SPEAKER_00: It's like, it's deep.
48:07
SPEAKER_00: Like, I, you know, like, I'd rather die than be honest and tell you, like, I'm scared.
48:12
SPEAKER_00: Could you not drive like that?
48:14
SPEAKER_00: That's crazy.
48:17
SPEAKER_02: Damn, that's a great opening of the book.
48:22
SPEAKER_02: Send me the link.
48:23
SPEAKER_02: We're going to sell a lot of books.
48:24
SPEAKER_02: Sometimes, remember that author that came on?
48:26
SPEAKER_02: We sold a lot of books for that guy.
48:28
SPEAKER_02: We make an impact.
48:29
SPEAKER_02: So whenever your book is ready, we're going to, wow.
48:32
SPEAKER_02: I'll come back on.
48:33
SPEAKER_00: Oh, my God.
48:36
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
48:37
SPEAKER_02: Why?
48:38
SPEAKER_02: He should know.
48:39
SPEAKER_02: He sounds like a jerk driving like a maniac.
48:43
SPEAKER_00: It was the most tumultuous relationship I had ever been in.
48:47
SPEAKER_00: Most toxic I'd ever been in.
48:49
SPEAKER_00: So I ended the relationship.
48:50
SPEAKER_00: I eventually realized that I was people.
48:54
SPEAKER_00: I eventually left it because I saw who he was and that I deserved more.
48:58
SPEAKER_00: So I did eventually get there.
49:00
SPEAKER_00: But it was even this is just all on my journey.
49:02
SPEAKER_00: Right.
49:03
SPEAKER_00: This is me just finding my way there.
49:05
SPEAKER_00: So I did eventually leave the relationship.
49:08
SPEAKER_02: But if you were people pleasing,
49:10
SPEAKER_02: then like one of the problems I see with people pleasing is they don't have
49:14
SPEAKER_02: the hard conversations.
49:15
SPEAKER_02: So did you have the hard conversations with him at some point?
49:19
SPEAKER_00: I didn't I wouldn't say I had the hard conversations.
49:22
SPEAKER_00: I had the hard conversation of saying I'm out.
49:26
SPEAKER_02: Well, I'm saying he could have changed if you said,
49:28
SPEAKER_02: look, when I get in the car, I'm going to... Oh,
49:31
SPEAKER_00: okay, okay.
49:32
SPEAKER_00: I see what you're saying.
49:33
SPEAKER_00: Yes, I attempted to have hard conversations with him.
49:36
SPEAKER_00: No, he did not have the capacity to have those hard conversations.
49:40
SPEAKER_00: So I stopped having them because he didn't have the
49:43
SPEAKER_01: capacity.
49:44
SPEAKER_01: There we go.
49:45
SPEAKER_00: So I learned I can't have those conversations with him.
49:49
SPEAKER_00: And so I stopped.
49:50
SPEAKER_00: But I didn't say he can't handle hard conversations.
49:54
SPEAKER_00: I should leave this relationship.
49:56
SPEAKER_00: I stayed in the relationship and tried to figure out how to exist without being able
50:00
SPEAKER_00: to have the hard conversations.
50:02
SPEAKER_00: So I became overly responsible.
50:05
SPEAKER_00: I became trying to be pleasing.
50:07
SPEAKER_00: I tried to take the relational space because he couldn't show up for it.
50:11
SPEAKER_00: I was like, don't worry, I got the whole thing.
50:13
SPEAKER_00: And eventually I realized that that was not okay.
50:16
SPEAKER_00: And I let it go.
50:19
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
50:20
SPEAKER_01: Amazing, huh?
50:22
SPEAKER_01: How would you do the sniff test for a new guy that is in a non-needy... For the women.
50:30
SPEAKER_02: For the women.
50:30
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, tell us.
50:31
SPEAKER_02: How are you going to avoid this freaking guy who's putting us at risk driving on
50:38
SPEAKER_02: the freaking coast?
50:41
SPEAKER_00: The biggest thing is to slow down.
50:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
50:46
SPEAKER_00: We got to slow it down because what happens with chemistry,
50:50
SPEAKER_00: especially for a people pleaser, is we are hot and we are ready for it.
50:54
SPEAKER_00: And so we want to go fast, right?
50:58
SPEAKER_00: And so we get attached really fast, simply based on chemistry, not based on capacity.
51:05
SPEAKER_00: So we get attached quickly and fast.
51:07
SPEAKER_02: Damn, you got to be careful, people pleaser.
51:12
SPEAKER_00: Why did you text me back fast?
51:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
51:17
SPEAKER_00: So you guys slow it down.
51:20
SPEAKER_00: So like right there, what you just described, that was you leaving yourself.
51:24
SPEAKER_00: You sent the text.
51:25
SPEAKER_00: And then you didn't go back to your life.
51:28
SPEAKER_00: You stayed with the text and with her.
51:30
SPEAKER_00: And is she responding?
51:30
SPEAKER_00: When is she going to respond?
51:31
SPEAKER_00: Is it me when she responds?
51:33
SPEAKER_00: All your attention was over there.
51:34
SPEAKER_00: So you didn't just send the text and leave.
51:36
SPEAKER_00: You sent the text and then you were over there.
51:38
SPEAKER_00: And you were going to, and the trick is you probably stayed over there until she replied.
51:43
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you did.
51:45
SPEAKER_00: She got you, bro.
51:48
SPEAKER_01: Now that was done to myself.
51:49
SPEAKER_01: She didn't do shit, to be honest.
51:52
SPEAKER_01: No, no, I'm saying.
51:53
SPEAKER_01: No, all of this is me like.
51:55
SPEAKER_01: This is my narrative, you know?
51:56
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it was all inside of you.
51:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
51:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
51:59
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
52:00
SPEAKER_01: She was like, okay, good chemistry.
52:02
SPEAKER_01: I don't have capacity.
52:03
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, good chemistry?
52:05
SPEAKER_01: Do you have capacity yet?
52:06
SPEAKER_01: You know, like, kind of.
52:07
SPEAKER_01: Well, do you see what you just did?
52:09
SPEAKER_01: Hold on.
52:11
SPEAKER_00: I got to call you out on that.
52:12
SPEAKER_00: Call them out.
52:13
SPEAKER_02: This is raw truths right here, Vibe Session.
52:16
SPEAKER_00: You said she said it.
52:17
SPEAKER_00: We got the chemistry.
52:18
SPEAKER_00: We don't have the capacity.
52:19
SPEAKER_00: And then you immediately said, we have the chemistry, but not the capacity yet.
52:25
SPEAKER_02: You did say that yet, bro.
52:27
SPEAKER_02: You did say yet, bro.
52:29
SPEAKER_02: Yet.
52:31
SPEAKER_00: The yet is what got you.
52:33
SPEAKER_01: I would say that's like the limerence aspect of it,
52:36
SPEAKER_01: where, I don't know, the tab didn't close or something.
52:40
SPEAKER_02: Like, it's just running in the back of
52:43
SPEAKER_01: walls.
52:45
SPEAKER_00: She told you.
52:46
SPEAKER_01: I can't hit the X button.
52:48
SPEAKER_01: I can't close the tab.
52:49
SPEAKER_01: I don't know what's going on.
52:50
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
52:51
SPEAKER_00: She told you the complete sentence and you said you added the yet.
52:55
SPEAKER_00: That was your hope, right?
52:57
SPEAKER_00: Like you threw hope into her at the end of her sentence that she didn't tell you
53:02
SPEAKER_00: to have, but you wanted it.
53:04
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
53:05
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
53:06
SPEAKER_01: So I'm like, why the fuck am I projecting this at all times?
53:10
SPEAKER_01: Because at face value, I got the information I needed.
53:13
SPEAKER_01: So I consciously know.
53:16
SPEAKER_01: But again, I feel like it's like my nervous system is just yet, you know, like hope.
53:20
SPEAKER_01: Things could change.
53:22
SPEAKER_01: And so that's why I like I had to block too,
53:24
SPEAKER_01: because you're just checking and like,
53:27
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, bro, yeah, I couldn't even trust myself.
53:30
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, yeah, I'm distracted.
53:37
SPEAKER_01: I'm just so I literally need to go within because I'm like, this is bad.
53:43
SPEAKER_01: Like, but the next relationship, I can't.
53:46
SPEAKER_02: But Corey, do you think like that girl?
53:49
SPEAKER_02: I sense that is because, again, neediness needs to go fast.
54:14
SPEAKER_00: How do you eat when you're starving?
54:16
SPEAKER_00: You shove the food in.
54:22
SPEAKER_00: Neediness needs to go fast.
54:24
SPEAKER_00: And so you're sort of wanting to do that.
54:28
SPEAKER_00: It's sort of like that would become pressure because the way
54:32
SPEAKER_00: that capacity is revealed is over time.
54:36
SPEAKER_00: Capacity is revealed through time.
54:39
SPEAKER_00: How does this person show up?
54:41
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
54:42
SPEAKER_00: I have to see.
54:43
SPEAKER_00: How did they show up in this situation?
54:45
SPEAKER_00: How did they show up in that situation?
54:47
SPEAKER_00: I brought some hard feelings to them.
54:49
SPEAKER_00: How did they show up?
54:50
SPEAKER_00: I wanted pizza.
54:51
SPEAKER_00: They didn't want pizza.
54:52
SPEAKER_00: How did we handle that?
54:54
SPEAKER_00: It's sort of like that's where the capacity...
54:58
SPEAKER_00: Someone wants pineapple pizza.
55:00
SPEAKER_00: Someone else doesn't want pineapple pizza.
55:02
SPEAKER_00: How do you handle that?
55:04
SPEAKER_02: Kurt, you got to make videos like this, man.
55:07
SPEAKER_02: I'm serious.
55:08
SPEAKER_02: There's so many fucking video ideas here.
55:11
SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
55:12
SPEAKER_02: I'm just saying exactly like that.
55:15
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
55:16
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
55:17
SPEAKER_02: You got to figure it out.
55:18
SPEAKER_02: All the capacities in these different situations.
55:20
SPEAKER_01: no, like the rushing.
55:23
SPEAKER_01: The rushing, the starving.
55:24
SPEAKER_01: To breathe and have space.
55:28
SPEAKER_01: You know, I didn't do that.
55:30
SPEAKER_01: I was kind of compressing the timeline.
55:33
SPEAKER_01: Very quickly.
55:34
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I just had a lot of big feelings that really drove my actions,
55:39
SPEAKER_01: you know, so it was a bit unconscious and then led to the results it led to.
55:44
SPEAKER_01: And now you're just seeing all the puzzle pieces on the floor and you're like,
55:48
SPEAKER_01: oh, and I'll make it I'm like, oh, shit.
55:50
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
55:51
SPEAKER_01: But even conversations like this, it's yeah, you need to change lives.
56:01
SPEAKER_00: What I'm hoping is you're not beating yourself up about it.
56:08
SPEAKER_00: Because there's no need for that.
56:10
SPEAKER_00: And I don't see you doing that.
56:12
SPEAKER_00: I don't see you doing that.
56:13
SPEAKER_00: I see you just like, oh, like you said, putting puzzle pieces
56:17
SPEAKER_01: together.
56:18
SPEAKER_00: There you go.
56:19
SPEAKER_00: There you go.
56:20
SPEAKER_00: It's like, there is no point in beating yourself up.
56:22
SPEAKER_00: It's really just like, oh, that's what I did.
56:24
SPEAKER_00: Oh, that makes sense.
56:27
SPEAKER_00: If anything, you should thank her you said, right?
56:30
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
56:31
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.
56:32
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for triggering all of this so that I can work on it.
56:36
SPEAKER_02: Can we give her a shout out on the
56:38
SPEAKER_01: Vibe Sesh?
56:39
SPEAKER_01: What's
56:42
SPEAKER_02: her name?
56:44
SPEAKER_02: Dude, he blocked her for a reason.
56:47
SPEAKER_01: He blocked her.
56:50
SPEAKER_01: Oh my God.
56:51
SPEAKER_01: A lot of respect and love.
56:52
SPEAKER_01: I'm never about like talking down or anything,
56:54
SPEAKER_01: but yeah, don't want to give her that shout out to be honest.
56:59
SPEAKER_00: You had asked me a question.
57:01
SPEAKER_00: Let's go back to it because you said, how can we avoid this?
57:04
SPEAKER_00: Right.
57:04
SPEAKER_00: And like when you're meeting someone.
57:06
SPEAKER_00: So I said, the first thing I said was slow down, right?
57:11
SPEAKER_00: Slow way down, stay in your own life and just take a little, right?
57:16
SPEAKER_00: Stay in your own life and just visit the other person.
57:19
SPEAKER_00: I don't know about you, but I was moving in in a month, just already up in their business.
57:25
SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm talking about?
57:26
SPEAKER_02: No, I don't know what you're
57:28
SPEAKER_00: talking about.
57:28
SPEAKER_00: You moved in after a month?
57:30
SPEAKER_00: No, no, no.
57:31
SPEAKER_00: I mean, in my brain, right?
57:32
SPEAKER_00: In my brain.
57:33
SPEAKER_00: I was already, it left my life.
57:39
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
57:40
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
57:40
SPEAKER_00: Just leaving your life.
57:41
SPEAKER_00: Right.
57:41
SPEAKER_00: And so it's like, you got to stay in your life.
57:43
SPEAKER_00: So you have to create a life worth staying in.
57:45
SPEAKER_00: You have to create a life that you love that you write.
57:48
SPEAKER_00: Like that's the place to exist and just keep building that and keep building that.
57:53
SPEAKER_00: Right.
57:53
SPEAKER_00: And then if you meet somebody, then it's sort of like, Oh, you're nice to visit.
57:56
SPEAKER_00: And then I go back to the life that I love.
57:58
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you're nice to visit back to, and like, right.
58:01
SPEAKER_00: And you just keep solidifying this.
58:04
SPEAKER_00: So that then you check, is this person an additive to my life?
58:08
SPEAKER_00: Are they adding to my life?
58:09
SPEAKER_00: And I only know that if over time I see, boy, you know what?
58:14
SPEAKER_00: I didn't like how they handled that situation.
58:16
SPEAKER_00: And you tell them like, oh, you know, I didn't like the way you talked to me in that moment.
58:19
SPEAKER_00: Do they get defensive?
58:20
SPEAKER_00: Do they shut you down?
58:21
SPEAKER_00: Do they gaslight you?
58:22
SPEAKER_00: Or do they say, oh, dude, I didn't realize.
58:24
SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry.
58:25
SPEAKER_00: Thanks for telling me.
58:27
SPEAKER_00: Those moments of tension are needed in order to see,
58:31
SPEAKER_00: do they have the capacity to talk to me through tension?
58:35
SPEAKER_02: Tori, you're all cognizant of this when you go into a relationship?
58:39
SPEAKER_02: You're like, okay, here's the test.
58:41
SPEAKER_02: Let's see how this person handles this test.
58:44
SPEAKER_00: You've got to be careful.
58:46
SPEAKER_00: You got to be careful.
58:47
SPEAKER_00: You don't want to test people.
58:48
SPEAKER_00: Testing people is not, it's less about testing them.
58:53
SPEAKER_00: And it's more about staying in your body and observing, being an observation.
58:57
SPEAKER_00: So what's happening when you're dating is that you should be taking an information
59:02
SPEAKER_00: about the other person.
59:04
SPEAKER_00: Notice who are they?
59:05
SPEAKER_00: I'm just taking an information.
59:09
SPEAKER_00: Oh, that was how they talk to the waiter.
59:12
SPEAKER_00: That was information for me.
59:14
SPEAKER_00: Right?
59:14
SPEAKER_00: Like, oh, how they showed up in that situation.
59:16
SPEAKER_00: That was good information for me.
59:19
SPEAKER_02: Just be aware.
59:20
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
59:20
SPEAKER_00: And then I noticed, how do I feel when I see them behave that way?
59:24
SPEAKER_00: How is that for me?
59:26
SPEAKER_00: What was that experience?
59:27
SPEAKER_00: Right?
59:29
SPEAKER_00: I always filtered through this solid place and noticed,
59:32
SPEAKER_00: like, does that work for me or it doesn't work for me?
59:35
SPEAKER_00: So it's less, I don't like testing because it's like there's a right answer.
59:38
SPEAKER_00: I don't know that there's a right answer.
59:42
SPEAKER_00: It's just like, let me sense and feel into this.
59:48
SPEAKER_02: So good.
59:50
SPEAKER_01: Bruno, you struggle with any of this shit?
59:51
SPEAKER_01: Come on, man.
59:52
SPEAKER_01: I can't be the only one.
59:54
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
59:54
SPEAKER_02: I'm having trouble with this algorithm-pleasing thing, though.
59:57
SPEAKER_02: I was going to tell you.
59:58
SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about that.
59:59
SPEAKER_00: Let's do it.
1:00:00
SPEAKER_02: I think I got it.
1:00:01
SPEAKER_02: You know, I just got to be comfortable.
1:00:02
SPEAKER_02: You know what it is?
1:00:03
SPEAKER_02: What I've learned from this is I just got to be happy.
1:00:05
SPEAKER_02: I'm really enjoying making content.
1:00:08
SPEAKER_02: And, you know, like, I mean, of course, I should care.
1:00:11
SPEAKER_02: It's relational, right?
1:00:13
SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm doing this for the...
1:00:16
SPEAKER_02: My worth shouldn't be based on whether I get engaged or not, right?
1:00:21
SPEAKER_02: So I'm just working through that, right?
1:00:23
SPEAKER_02: Even just talking about it.
1:00:26
SPEAKER_02: Why do I care so much, right?
1:00:29
SPEAKER_02: But in a way,
1:00:30
SPEAKER_02: I feel like I want to care because it drives me to make a better and better
1:00:37
SPEAKER_02: and better video, which I want to do, right?
1:00:40
SPEAKER_02: Is that not bad?
1:00:41
SPEAKER_02: Is that bad to want that to...
1:00:44
SPEAKER_02: Give the best video, you know what I mean?
1:00:46
SPEAKER_02: And then if I don't, man, it is hard.
1:00:48
SPEAKER_00: Help me understand something.
1:00:50
SPEAKER_00: Like my sense of,
1:00:51
SPEAKER_00: because based on what you've told me and what you've shared
1:00:53
SPEAKER_00: about like your introversion and all of that stuff,
1:00:56
SPEAKER_00: my sense is that one of the things that,
1:00:58
SPEAKER_00: that Vibe Samurai has given you is a sense of connection.
1:01:02
SPEAKER_00: Right?
1:01:03
SPEAKER_00: Like you are really feeling more connected now than ever.
1:01:07
SPEAKER_00: And you get to feel connected from sharing yourself, sharing your insides on the outside.
1:01:15
SPEAKER_00: Like that connection is really,
1:01:17
SPEAKER_00: and so I'm curious when you start to slip into the performance side,
1:01:21
SPEAKER_00: I kind of feel like I'm wondering, like, are you now chasing the connection?
1:01:26
SPEAKER_00: Because the connection is here, like you are, and it comes from your connection to yourself.
1:01:31
SPEAKER_02: That's a great question.
1:01:32
SPEAKER_02: I think, I think it's more like, I don't want to disappoint.
1:01:35
SPEAKER_02: Like, because I feel like I made a great video and the next one,
1:01:38
SPEAKER_02: if it's lame, like, what are you doing?
1:01:40
SPEAKER_02: You lost it.
1:01:41
SPEAKER_02: It's over now.
1:01:42
SPEAKER_02: You know, there's some maybe ego there too, because I want to keep doing well.
1:01:47
SPEAKER_02: Like, there's a lot of things going on, actually.
1:01:50
SPEAKER_02: But it's just been so interesting because it revealed, right?
1:01:54
SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm like revealing myself.
1:01:55
SPEAKER_02: That's it.
1:01:55
SPEAKER_02: You didn't know.
1:01:56
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:01:58
SPEAKER_00: You've known the Vibe Samurai who's sharing and building something.
1:02:05
SPEAKER_00: You've known him.
1:02:06
SPEAKER_00: You haven't known the Vibe Samurai who's got something.
1:02:10
SPEAKER_00: You created something, who's that Vibe Samurai?
1:02:13
SPEAKER_00: Is he the same guy who is the building one?
1:02:16
SPEAKER_00: Or is he somebody different now?
1:02:18
SPEAKER_00: Are you evolving into something?
1:02:21
SPEAKER_00: I'm curious about that for you because when I was first looking to get clients,
1:02:26
SPEAKER_00: I said yes to everybody.
1:02:28
SPEAKER_00: But at some point, I had to start being discerning because I didn't have the time.
1:02:31
SPEAKER_00: So I had to be different in my business model because I wasn't just trying
1:02:36
SPEAKER_00: to get all the business now.
1:02:38
SPEAKER_00: And so there's a shift that has to happen at some point where you say,
1:02:43
SPEAKER_00: okay, what am I doing now?
1:02:45
SPEAKER_00: So you've grown a whole community here.
1:02:47
SPEAKER_00: And let's talk about it because you mentioned this and you sent me a message.
1:02:53
SPEAKER_00: Because now you have a whole community you could disappoint.
1:02:59
SPEAKER_00: Right.
1:02:59
SPEAKER_00: And we talked about like, I went through that.
1:03:01
SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about that.
1:03:03
SPEAKER_02: Let's talk about that thing.
1:03:05
SPEAKER_02: I wonder,
1:03:06
SPEAKER_02: I'm wondering,
1:03:06
SPEAKER_02: because we talked many months ago, this was a very emotional thing for you.
1:03:10
SPEAKER_02: So let's keep our audience.
1:03:13
SPEAKER_02: We got a lot of people in the room.
1:03:14
SPEAKER_02: So tell us that story, set it up because you're a people pleaser.
1:03:17
SPEAKER_02: And then you went through, let's talk through your journey and what you started a yoga studio.
1:03:22
SPEAKER_02: Because to me,
1:03:23
SPEAKER_02: that was like,
1:03:24
SPEAKER_02: Like the biggest,
1:03:26
SPEAKER_02: I wrote even down here,
1:03:27
SPEAKER_02: I said that was like the biggest,
1:03:31
SPEAKER_02: it was like the biggest example of people pleasing, right?
1:03:35
SPEAKER_00: I will say it was a very visible, very, very visible.
1:03:38
SPEAKER_00: And that's why this story matters to you too, right?
1:03:42
SPEAKER_00: Because for you, the visibility is a big part of it.
1:03:46
SPEAKER_02: It connects to your story.
1:03:49
SPEAKER_02: Okay, let's tell the story though.
1:03:51
SPEAKER_00: So I was a yoga teacher at a yoga studio and I had quite a following.
1:03:58
SPEAKER_00: My classes did really well there.
1:04:00
SPEAKER_00: And I was there for probably about 10 or 11 years.
1:04:03
SPEAKER_00: So it was a long time, I had a long stint.
1:04:06
SPEAKER_00: And then they shared some news that they were closing the studio.
1:04:11
SPEAKER_00: And I, at that time,
1:04:13
SPEAKER_00: I had a daughter who was three and I had a son who was just,
1:04:18
SPEAKER_00: he was probably like four or five months old at the time.
1:04:21
SPEAKER_00: And I was, my first thought was like, oh, sweet.
1:04:24
SPEAKER_00: I'll go spend more time with them.
1:04:25
SPEAKER_00: Right.
1:04:26
SPEAKER_00: But then I started to like, see how, like I was okay with the studio closing.
1:04:31
SPEAKER_00: I had a whole life to go tend to.
1:04:33
SPEAKER_00: But then I started noticing everyone,
1:04:34
SPEAKER_00: all the students were like, oh, no, what are we going to do?
1:04:37
SPEAKER_00: Where are we going to go?
1:04:39
SPEAKER_00: Right.
1:04:39
SPEAKER_00: And and all of a sudden the rescuer in me showed up and I was like, I'll do it.
1:04:45
SPEAKER_00: Right.
1:04:45
SPEAKER_00: And so I was like, I'll open the studio.
1:04:47
SPEAKER_00: And I didn't have the finances.
1:04:49
SPEAKER_00: I didn't know what I was doing, but I was like, I'm going to figure this out because that's me.
1:04:52
SPEAKER_00: I can figure this out.
1:04:53
SPEAKER_00: So some of the students invested some money, not a ton, but enough that it was significant.
1:04:59
SPEAKER_00: And together we built the studio, right?
1:05:02
SPEAKER_00: But I was a little too attached to the location.
1:05:05
SPEAKER_00: And so the location took all of the money.
1:05:07
SPEAKER_00: Like we actually did really well, but the rent was astronomical.
1:05:10
SPEAKER_00: I was just too attached to staying in the same place.
1:05:14
SPEAKER_00: So the studio closed.
1:05:16
SPEAKER_00: And I went into hiding.
1:05:18
SPEAKER_00: I was so,
1:05:19
SPEAKER_00: I had so much shame and so much guilt that I did not keep this community together,
1:05:24
SPEAKER_00: that things fell apart, that people lost money, right?
1:05:28
SPEAKER_00: Like, I felt like I had, like, it was so crazy.
1:05:31
SPEAKER_00: Personal.
1:05:31
SPEAKER_00: And disappointment was my hard one.
1:05:33
SPEAKER_00: My mom controlled me with disappointment.
1:05:35
SPEAKER_00: Disappointment's a big one for people pleasers.
1:05:38
SPEAKER_00: Some of us will do anything not to disappoint people.
1:05:42
SPEAKER_02: Your dad does that?
1:05:43
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
1:05:43
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
1:05:44
SPEAKER_02: I didn't know that.
1:05:45
SPEAKER_00: They don't even
1:05:46
SPEAKER_02: have to hit you.
1:05:47
SPEAKER_02: They just have to be disappointed.
1:05:48
SPEAKER_02: It's just a look.
1:05:51
SPEAKER_00: It's just a look.
1:05:52
SPEAKER_02: I didn't know your dad did that though.
1:05:55
SPEAKER_01: I feel like I'll use it if I'm a father.
1:05:57
SPEAKER_01: I don't even have to hit you.
1:05:59
SPEAKER_01: I'm just like, dude, no.
1:06:01
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
1:06:02
SPEAKER_00: Everything inside just breaks.
1:06:04
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:06:05
SPEAKER_00: So, I mean, I went into hiding, like I shrunk really deep.
1:06:09
SPEAKER_00: I mean, my family, we moved out of state and everything.
1:06:12
SPEAKER_00: And I just like my,
1:06:13
SPEAKER_00: not because of that,
1:06:14
SPEAKER_00: but it just was,
1:06:15
SPEAKER_00: it was sort of,
1:06:16
SPEAKER_00: I was relieved to move because I felt so like walking in the community,
1:06:20
SPEAKER_00: just like not wanting to run into anybody.
1:06:22
SPEAKER_00: Right.
1:06:23
SPEAKER_00: And so we moved back to California a couple of years ago,
1:06:27
SPEAKER_00: and I've just started this,
1:06:29
SPEAKER_00: like this period of time where I'm starting to let myself be visible again.
1:06:33
SPEAKER_00: And you know, it's,
1:06:34
SPEAKER_00: it's been scary because my last stage,
1:06:36
SPEAKER_00: because that disappointment didn't happen in a room.
1:06:39
SPEAKER_00: It happened on a stage, right?
1:06:41
SPEAKER_00: With the whole community.
1:06:42
SPEAKER_00: And so the level of exposure that I felt in that disappointment really, really rocked me hard.
1:06:50
SPEAKER_02: And so,
1:06:54
SPEAKER_00: when you build a community and you feel somehow responsible for that community,
1:07:00
SPEAKER_00: It's tough if you've got that people pleasing in you,
1:07:05
SPEAKER_00: but your community has been built off your authenticity,
1:07:08
SPEAKER_00: and so it's really tricky to make sure you don't slip into performing for
1:07:13
SPEAKER_00: the same people that came to you because you're not a performer.
1:07:17
SPEAKER_02: But let's recognize Corey right now because when I talked to her several months ago,
1:07:22
SPEAKER_02: this was super emotional for her and I'm so proud of Corey.
1:07:26
SPEAKER_02: Corey, I'm so proud of you.
1:07:27
SPEAKER_02: Oh my God.
1:07:29
SPEAKER_02: You just, you own the story.
1:07:32
SPEAKER_02: And you just pulled it.
1:07:34
SPEAKER_02: You stayed strong.
1:07:36
SPEAKER_02: And wow, Corey, how did you get here?
1:07:39
SPEAKER_02: Like, how did you get to this point?
1:07:40
SPEAKER_02: Because you were emotional just a few months ago.
1:07:43
SPEAKER_02: For sure.
1:07:44
SPEAKER_02: And then you talked and, you know, like you said, you put it in the drawer, this issue.
1:07:48
SPEAKER_02: You didn't even want to really face it, right?
1:07:51
SPEAKER_02: Like in a lot of ways.
1:07:53
SPEAKER_02: But how did you get to this point now?
1:07:55
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:07:55
SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm going to do a little advertising and say that I had a breakthrough session
1:08:00
SPEAKER_00: with you, right?
1:08:04
SPEAKER_00: And so after the breakthrough session,
1:08:06
SPEAKER_00: I had about two sessions of just like gut-wrenching crying,
1:08:10
SPEAKER_00: where I just really allowed the grief and the feelings,
1:08:14
SPEAKER_00: like I really just let them go.
1:08:16
SPEAKER_00: There was just a
1:08:17
SPEAKER_02: letting go in that.
1:08:18
SPEAKER_02: I wrote myself a letter that was like, it's okay.
1:08:19
SPEAKER_00: We're fine.
1:08:20
SPEAKER_00: That was okay.
1:08:20
SPEAKER_00: That was an experience that happened.
1:08:22
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't define you.
1:08:34
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to keep hiding, you know?
1:08:36
SPEAKER_00: And so, you know, for the last year, I started really slowly.
1:08:40
SPEAKER_00: And I first went to Toastmasters, you know, it's that public speaking club.
1:08:46
SPEAKER_00: So going to Toastmasters for me wasn't just about public speaking.
1:08:49
SPEAKER_00: It was also about me just being willing to be visible again after having hidden for
1:08:53
SPEAKER_00: so long, right?
1:08:54
SPEAKER_00: Like I had really shrunk small.
1:08:56
SPEAKER_00: So being able to stand in a room and take up space again really was important to me.
1:09:02
SPEAKER_00: And then I slowly started posting again online.
1:09:05
SPEAKER_00: And that was just about, again, I don't post for algorithms.
1:09:09
SPEAKER_00: This content, it's a library.
1:09:11
SPEAKER_00: You want to go check it out, great.
1:09:13
SPEAKER_00: You don't want to comment, that's fine.
1:09:14
SPEAKER_00: But I'm not building a community like you are, right?
1:09:17
SPEAKER_00: So my intention on Instagram is different.
1:09:20
SPEAKER_00: So I can just, when I think of something, say it, leave it up there.
1:09:23
SPEAKER_00: You watch it, you don't watch it, doesn't matter.
1:09:25
SPEAKER_00: I'm practicing being visible and sharing what's inside of me to share.
1:09:30
SPEAKER_00: And so that's what I use this for now.
1:09:33
SPEAKER_00: And now I'm doing podcasts.
1:09:34
SPEAKER_00: I'm on here talking to you.
1:09:36
SPEAKER_00: So like now I'm just stepping into my visibility in a new way again where I'm claiming it again.
1:09:42
SPEAKER_00: And I'm saying, here I am.
1:09:45
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it feels good.
1:09:47
SPEAKER_02: All right.
1:09:48
SPEAKER_02: Oh my God.
1:09:49
SPEAKER_02: Amazing.
1:09:50
SPEAKER_02: What do you think, Cisco, now that you heard the story?
1:09:52
SPEAKER_02: Crazy, right?
1:09:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I didn't know the backstory and how kind of recent it was because...
1:09:58
SPEAKER_01: I did not sense any of that energy.
1:10:00
SPEAKER_01: Right?
1:10:01
SPEAKER_01: I thought you were like a guru for years and years and years of this.
1:10:10
SPEAKER_02: Would you say you're still in the sacred in between?
1:10:12
SPEAKER_02: So you haven't popped in or how do you look at that?
1:10:15
SPEAKER_00: I'm definitely,
1:10:16
SPEAKER_00: I feel like I'm a little closer to not being in between as I was before,
1:10:20
SPEAKER_00: but I, you know, I've got some in between this in my life still.
1:10:23
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:10:25
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:10:25
SPEAKER_00: But I'm not, I definitely don't feel like I'm in the middle of it anymore.
1:10:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:10:33
SPEAKER_00: And it's that root growing thing that we talked about, right?
1:10:36
SPEAKER_00: It's just about, like, Cisco, I think you have some of this.
1:10:39
SPEAKER_00: Like, I think you have a sense of this.
1:10:42
SPEAKER_00: It's really just about growing the roots of it, right?
1:10:44
SPEAKER_00: Where it's steady and where it's like, it's solid.
1:10:49
SPEAKER_00: So it's not, I don't think it's not like you don't know yourself.
1:10:52
SPEAKER_00: I just don't know that you're really holding the steadiness of it.
1:10:58
SPEAKER_02: Right.
1:10:59
SPEAKER_02: I think that's what it is too, bro.
1:11:00
SPEAKER_02: I think you know you.
1:11:02
SPEAKER_02: You just got to hold that, you know?
1:11:04
SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
1:11:06
SPEAKER_02: Not like just remember that because you know.
1:11:09
SPEAKER_01: I guess there's a sense I'm not trusting what that could be.
1:11:12
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
1:11:12
SPEAKER_02: That's it.
1:11:13
SPEAKER_00: That's it.
1:11:14
SPEAKER_00: That's it.
1:11:16
SPEAKER_02: And how does he develop that trust?
1:11:17
SPEAKER_02: He just keeps at it, just keeps thinking about it, reflect on it, walking.
1:11:23
SPEAKER_00: Well, I mean, one of the experiences that I have recently was like I was in a relationship
1:11:28
SPEAKER_00: and I was like,
1:11:31
SPEAKER_00: Someone had been telling me who they were for a really long time
1:11:33
SPEAKER_00: and I didn't believe them.
1:11:35
SPEAKER_00: And I kept trying to like talk myself out of how I was feeling, change them.
1:11:39
SPEAKER_00: Like I was trying, right.
1:11:40
SPEAKER_00: And I literally was laying in bed one night and I was just like,
1:11:43
SPEAKER_00: oh my God, they've been telling me who they are all this time.
1:11:46
SPEAKER_00: And I haven't believed them.
1:11:48
SPEAKER_00: Right.
1:11:48
SPEAKER_00: But then I immediately said to myself, wait, I have, I am who I am.
1:11:55
SPEAKER_00: And I haven't believed myself.
1:11:57
SPEAKER_00: I've continued to try and adapt.
1:11:59
SPEAKER_00: So I was sort of like, if it's true for them, then it's true for me too.
1:12:03
SPEAKER_00: And so then in that moment,
1:12:04
SPEAKER_00: I just grieved and I cried and I was just like, oh, I have not believed in myself.
1:12:09
SPEAKER_00: I've known what I needed and what mattered to me, but I wasn't trusting it.
1:12:14
SPEAKER_00: I wasn't believing it and I wasn't then acting on it.
1:12:17
SPEAKER_00: And that's all of those things are how I kept leaving myself, kept leaving myself.
1:12:25
SPEAKER_01: Damn.
1:12:27
SPEAKER_01: Goddamn.
1:12:28
SPEAKER_01: Do all these revelations happen?
1:12:30
SPEAKER_01: I know exactly.
1:12:31
SPEAKER_02: Where are these revelations?
1:12:33
SPEAKER_01: I feel like I need a good cry.
1:12:34
SPEAKER_01: I can't cry.
1:12:35
SPEAKER_02: Yes, a good cry is so funny.
1:12:39
SPEAKER_02: If you cry, I'll cry right now if you cry.
1:12:43
SPEAKER_01: You can't do it?
1:12:44
SPEAKER_01: The tear ducts are dry.
1:12:48
SPEAKER_01: It's been freaking years.
1:12:49
SPEAKER_01: It's hard.
1:12:50
SPEAKER_00: It can be really hard.
1:12:52
SPEAKER_00: But what that tells me is that there's a way you've been protecting yourself
1:12:56
SPEAKER_00: from your own feelings.
1:12:59
SPEAKER_00: You've been protecting yourself from really sitting in what you feel and what matters to you.
1:13:04
SPEAKER_00: And so that's fine.
1:13:07
SPEAKER_00: It's sort of like it's where you've been so far.
1:13:08
SPEAKER_00: If you don't feel like you have the skills to sit and feel what you feel,
1:13:11
SPEAKER_00: then it makes sense that you wouldn't do it.
1:13:13
SPEAKER_00: So part of it is just developing the skills to let yourself just feel what you feel.
1:13:21
SPEAKER_02: Let yourself feel what you feel, bro.
1:13:23
SPEAKER_01: What would you recommend?
1:13:25
SPEAKER_01: Is that like a meditation setting?
1:13:28
SPEAKER_01: And then you try to go into, I don't know.
1:13:33
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, where does he begin?
1:13:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it can be a meditation.
1:13:36
SPEAKER_00: It can be really great just laying in bed in the morning before you get up,
1:13:40
SPEAKER_00: lay there and just notice how am I feeling right now.
1:13:42
SPEAKER_00: And be really careful because we tend to go to our head and want to tell stories really fast.
1:13:47
SPEAKER_00: Instead,
1:13:49
SPEAKER_00: what I'm encouraging you to stay in your body and notice,
1:13:51
SPEAKER_00: like you might say,
1:13:52
SPEAKER_00: wow, I'm feeling really tired or I'm feeling like my, like keep it to sensation.
1:13:56
SPEAKER_00: My heart feels really heavy.
1:13:58
SPEAKER_00: My chest feels this.
1:14:00
SPEAKER_00: My throat feels this.
1:14:01
SPEAKER_00: Like keep it into the sensations in your body and just let yourself feel
1:14:05
SPEAKER_00: the sensations in your body.
1:14:06
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
1:14:07
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
1:14:08
SPEAKER_01: Bro, anywhere you are, you don't have to be in your walking meditation.
1:14:11
SPEAKER_01: No, I'm definitely head high a lot, you know, but I'm not.
1:14:14
SPEAKER_01: That's right.
1:14:16
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:14:17
SPEAKER_00: Well, because a lot of people ask me, what do I do when I get there?
1:14:20
SPEAKER_00: What do I do?
1:14:21
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, you don't do anything.
1:14:23
SPEAKER_00: You literally just feel it.
1:14:25
SPEAKER_00: Just sit with it.
1:14:25
SPEAKER_00: Just be with it.
1:14:27
SPEAKER_00: Right.
1:14:27
SPEAKER_00: It's a way of just let's say that there's like, let's say my son skins his knee.
1:14:32
SPEAKER_00: Right.
1:14:32
SPEAKER_00: I don't just leave him and like, oh, good luck with that.
1:14:35
SPEAKER_00: Right.
1:14:36
SPEAKER_00: I go and sit with him.
1:14:37
SPEAKER_00: I don't make, his knee still hurts.
1:14:39
SPEAKER_00: He still skinned his knee.
1:14:40
SPEAKER_00: It still hurts.
1:14:41
SPEAKER_00: But I'm sitting there rubbing his back.
1:14:43
SPEAKER_00: Don't you think that feels a heck of a lot better than just him sitting there in
1:14:46
SPEAKER_00: the pain without me rubbing his back?
1:14:48
SPEAKER_00: So when we show up for our feelings, it's like that.
1:14:50
SPEAKER_00: You're just showing up for them.
1:14:52
SPEAKER_00: And you're just saying, it's okay to feel what I feel.
1:14:55
SPEAKER_02: Wow, that's a great analogy.
1:14:57
SPEAKER_01: And what's interesting is there's no language to that part.
1:15:01
SPEAKER_01: Like, it's totally sensation.
1:15:03
SPEAKER_01: So...
1:15:05
SPEAKER_01: If you're experiencing language, that's not the right focus.
1:15:10
SPEAKER_00: You're then jumping up here to explain it, to justify it, to tell the story of it.
1:15:15
SPEAKER_00: So if you just stay here and you just, you know, it's energy.
1:15:19
SPEAKER_00: So you're just being, you're presencing the energy of whatever it is.
1:15:23
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
1:15:24
SPEAKER_02: Speaking of energy, Shayna said emotion equals energy in motion.
1:15:27
SPEAKER_02: A good cry can move the energy, bro.
1:15:30
SPEAKER_00: Yes, it can, my friend.
1:15:31
SPEAKER_00: Yes, it can.
1:15:32
SPEAKER_00: Hello, Shayna.
1:15:35
SPEAKER_02: Corey's doing great though.
1:15:37
SPEAKER_02: She's mind-blowing the vibesamurai on stage.
1:15:40
SPEAKER_02: Look at Cisco.
1:15:42
SPEAKER_02: He's like... All right.
1:15:47
SPEAKER_02: We got some people coming up.
1:15:48
SPEAKER_02: If you guys have questions, I'm going to invite you up.
1:15:51
SPEAKER_02: There's a couple of people.
1:15:52
SPEAKER_02: Let's see if we have questions for Corey from the audience.
1:15:55
SPEAKER_02: Anyone else have questions?
1:15:57
SPEAKER_02: We got a few more minutes left.
1:16:00
SPEAKER_02: Cisco, do you have anything?
1:16:01
SPEAKER_02: Or I wanted to ask her about other things other than people-pleasing.
1:16:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, let's go with what you got.
1:16:09
SPEAKER_02: So Corey, like tell me, like you got a master's in spiritual psychology?
1:16:14
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, isn't that cool?
1:16:16
SPEAKER_02: What is that?
1:16:17
SPEAKER_02: Tell us more about spiritual psychology.
1:16:19
SPEAKER_00: Well, it's interesting.
1:16:20
SPEAKER_00: So I, you know,
1:16:21
SPEAKER_00: I went to,
1:16:22
SPEAKER_00: I started off trying to be psych major,
1:16:24
SPEAKER_00: but then I didn't like psych because it was really focused on diagnosing people.
1:16:29
SPEAKER_00: And so it really follows the diagnostic model,
1:16:32
SPEAKER_00: like the DSM and, you know, kind of like what's wrong.
1:16:36
SPEAKER_00: And I didn't love that.
1:16:37
SPEAKER_00: And so I switched and I went to sociology because sociology was more of observation.
1:16:42
SPEAKER_00: It's sort of in sociology, you're just looking to understand what's happening.
1:16:45
SPEAKER_00: You're not, you're not trying to diagnose what's happening.
1:16:48
SPEAKER_00: You're just saying cause and effect, cause and effect.
1:16:50
SPEAKER_00: Right.
1:16:51
SPEAKER_00: And so I really loved that about sociology and it was really about like relativity
1:16:55
SPEAKER_00: and all of that.
1:16:56
SPEAKER_00: So after that,
1:16:58
SPEAKER_00: I went and I found spiritual psychology,
1:16:59
SPEAKER_00: which to me was this beautiful,
1:17:01
SPEAKER_00: like sort of, um, Everything happens in service to you.
1:17:05
SPEAKER_00: So whatever went on in your life, the way I see it, it's almost like your hero's quest.
1:17:10
SPEAKER_00: No one gets out of childhood unscathed.
1:17:13
SPEAKER_00: We don't.
1:17:14
SPEAKER_02: No one does.
1:17:15
SPEAKER_00: So we can stop feeling sorry for ourselves about that.
1:17:18
SPEAKER_00: And we can just say, okay, this is just my particular quest.
1:17:22
SPEAKER_00: Whatever happened in mind,
1:17:23
SPEAKER_00: some people certainly have some harder ones than others, but that's your quest.
1:17:28
SPEAKER_00: And so this is for you to evolve.
1:17:30
SPEAKER_00: So spiritual psychology just says that you're evolving and whatever is in front
1:17:36
SPEAKER_00: of you is helping you evolve.
1:17:37
SPEAKER_00: That's what it's there for.
1:17:38
SPEAKER_00: It's in service to you.
1:17:40
SPEAKER_00: So it's less about diagnosing and more about how do you relate to what's happening
1:17:44
SPEAKER_00: and how do you evolve and grow from it.
1:17:47
SPEAKER_00: And that model of psychology was one I could really get behind.
1:17:52
SPEAKER_02: Oh, I never even heard of spiritual psychology.
1:17:54
SPEAKER_02: I minored in psychology, but I never even heard.
1:17:56
SPEAKER_02: But so what kind of like, who are you studying?
1:18:00
SPEAKER_02: Who are you reading?
1:18:01
SPEAKER_02: Who are the, you know, big?
1:18:07
SPEAKER_00: I will tell you that my brain does not work really strongly in that department.
1:18:10
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
1:18:11
SPEAKER_00: I'm somebody who I'm not super great with names.
1:18:14
SPEAKER_00: I'm better with big
1:18:19
SPEAKER_02: ideas.
1:18:21
SPEAKER_00: I will tell you,
1:18:22
SPEAKER_00: Carl Rogers was the one that we talked about a lot,
1:18:24
SPEAKER_00: and his was like a humanistic psychology.
1:18:27
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I heard of him.
1:18:30
SPEAKER_00: He was often quoted a lot and was used.
1:18:33
SPEAKER_00: There were many other names as well as traditional psychology,
1:18:36
SPEAKER_00: but again,
1:18:37
SPEAKER_00: I always focused on what I was learning and not necessarily the names
1:18:41
SPEAKER_00: of what I was learning.
1:18:42
SPEAKER_02: You know what, Cisco?
1:18:43
SPEAKER_02: Do you remember Blake?
1:18:45
SPEAKER_02: You remember Blake?
1:18:48
SPEAKER_02: The PhD guy?
1:18:49
SPEAKER_01: The therapist at Breathwork?
1:18:51
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that guy.
1:18:53
SPEAKER_02: You liked him.
1:18:54
SPEAKER_02: Remember, his type of psychology sounds very much like Corey's.
1:19:01
SPEAKER_02: Remember, he was like, I'm not into Freud.
1:19:03
SPEAKER_02: I'm not into...
1:19:05
SPEAKER_02: Although you, Corey,
1:19:07
SPEAKER_02: like he was like all into,
1:19:09
SPEAKER_02: yes, we got to take into your... Oh, actually, he's like exactly...
1:19:12
SPEAKER_02: Very similar,
1:19:13
SPEAKER_02: actually,
1:19:14
SPEAKER_02: because he was saying exactly what you said, which was, we all have trauma.
1:19:19
SPEAKER_02: And his point is don't dwell in the past.
1:19:22
SPEAKER_02: Like, okay, let's recognize, let's acknowledge the trauma, but we got to move forward.
1:19:27
SPEAKER_02: And he's saying like this entire therapy industry now,
1:19:31
SPEAKER_02: he was criticizing like that it doesn't work and a lot of it doesn't work.
1:19:35
SPEAKER_01: It's childhood trauma at all times.
1:19:37
SPEAKER_01: Like that's the center.
1:19:38
SPEAKER_01: But the guy's like Adler, he was like, what?
1:19:41
SPEAKER_01: He's like, you can acknowledge that, but evolve with today.
1:19:45
SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah.
1:19:46
SPEAKER_00: And part of it is like the trauma, you created patterns from that trauma.
1:19:50
SPEAKER_00: And so the patterns are really what we should be most interested in, right?
1:19:54
SPEAKER_00: It's sort of like that is what's still playing forward today.
1:19:57
SPEAKER_00: So yeah,
1:19:58
SPEAKER_00: it's sort of like we,
1:20:00
SPEAKER_00: I caught that in myself too,
1:20:01
SPEAKER_00: that I just kept like so much of the self-help industry
1:20:04
SPEAKER_00: and psychology was just How deep and how far can you dig into that trauma?
1:20:08
SPEAKER_00: And I realized it was keeping me focused on it instead of actually evolving and growing from it.
1:20:13
SPEAKER_00: And so I definitely can hear his point.
1:20:16
SPEAKER_00: And it's, again,
1:20:17
SPEAKER_00: the intention to me,
1:20:19
SPEAKER_00: we are here to evolve, which means we are here to keep growing, to keep discovering.
1:20:24
SPEAKER_00: So who I am today...
1:20:25
SPEAKER_00: Is going to be,
1:20:26
SPEAKER_00: is not the same as who I'm going to be five years from,
1:20:29
SPEAKER_00: five days from now, five months from now, right?
1:20:32
SPEAKER_00: I'm evolving.
1:20:32
SPEAKER_00: And so can I be okay with the version I am today?
1:20:35
SPEAKER_00: Because five, 10 days from now, I'm going to know more.
1:20:38
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to be, you know, learn more.
1:20:40
SPEAKER_00: So- Yeah, I do.
1:20:42
SPEAKER_00: I do love that idea and that there's no rush, right?
1:20:45
SPEAKER_00: Like, just take it as it comes.
1:20:47
SPEAKER_00: There's no rush.
1:20:48
SPEAKER_00: I think I was always in a hurry.
1:20:49
SPEAKER_00: Like, let me hurry up and grow so I can stop all this suffering.
1:20:52
SPEAKER_00: Let me hurry up and learn as much as I can so I can stop.
1:20:56
SPEAKER_00: And it's right, like this rush to get it all figured out so I can
1:20:59
SPEAKER_02: stop hurting.
1:21:00
SPEAKER_02: I feel like the big theme tonight is just slow down.
1:21:03
SPEAKER_02: Just slow down.
1:21:04
SPEAKER_02: Slow down.
1:21:04
SPEAKER_02: That's it.
1:21:05
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
1:21:11
SPEAKER_02: Let me ask you in the audience,
1:21:13
SPEAKER_02: how can you control your emotions when your rebellious teenage children talk
1:21:18
SPEAKER_02: to you disrespectfully?
1:21:19
SPEAKER_02: Sometimes what they say hurts and offends you so much that you feel overwhelmed and want to cry.
1:21:24
SPEAKER_02: What do you think?
1:21:25
SPEAKER_02: I will say they have a knack for that.
1:21:26
SPEAKER_00: They know the thing to say that will really get you.
1:21:37
SPEAKER_00: So I would say it's not about controlling your emotions.
1:21:40
SPEAKER_00: I think it's really about taking a moment to step away and feel the hurt
1:21:44
SPEAKER_00: and take care of yourself.
1:21:46
SPEAKER_00: The truth is, they're still young.
1:21:50
SPEAKER_00: I know they're teenagers and they're certainly wiser
1:21:53
SPEAKER_00: and their methods are way more sophisticated than when they were younger,
1:21:58
SPEAKER_00: but they are still children, right?
1:22:00
SPEAKER_00: And you're the parent.
1:22:03
SPEAKER_00: And so it's like, how can you rise up and be a stronger leader, right?
1:22:07
SPEAKER_00: And a leader isn't necessarily when someone talks subordinate,
1:22:11
SPEAKER_00: like not good to them, they're not going to run away and cry.
1:22:14
SPEAKER_00: They're not going to yell back at them.
1:22:16
SPEAKER_00: They're going to do something else.
1:22:17
SPEAKER_00: I can't tell you what it is because I don't know what her home needs,
1:22:20
SPEAKER_00: but it's in terms of just asking, like,
1:22:22
SPEAKER_00: how can I step into a greater leadership role in my family,
1:22:25
SPEAKER_00: which it's going to mean having to Feel the thing that hurts and then go to
1:22:30
SPEAKER_00: that place and take care of it yourself.
1:22:32
SPEAKER_00: Your kids can't take care of it.
1:22:34
SPEAKER_00: You have to take care of it.
1:22:35
SPEAKER_00: And, and then how do you parent yourself, right?
1:22:38
SPEAKER_00: Like parent yourself first.
1:22:40
SPEAKER_00: So that you don't need them to do that, right?
1:22:43
SPEAKER_00: And as you rise up in that self-leadership thing,
1:22:46
SPEAKER_00: it's one of those things, it'll change how they relate to you.
1:22:49
SPEAKER_00: But I can tell you that is such a hard thing that you're going,
1:22:52
SPEAKER_00: that is so painful because you get,
1:22:54
SPEAKER_00: I'm imagining you give so much to them that when they do say something cutting,
1:22:58
SPEAKER_00: it's just like, God, you love them so much and you pour so much into them.
1:23:02
SPEAKER_00: To have them say that could just really cut deep,
1:23:05
SPEAKER_00: but take care of yourself and feel what you feel in a space that allows you to step
1:23:11
SPEAKER_00: into bigger leadership.
1:23:15
SPEAKER_02: All right, what an answer.
1:23:17
SPEAKER_02: Cisco, you want to ask our final question?
1:23:21
SPEAKER_02: I'm very curious.
1:23:23
SPEAKER_02: What?
1:23:24
SPEAKER_02: No pressure, dude.
1:23:25
SPEAKER_00: No pressure.
1:23:26
SPEAKER_02: She doesn't know it.
1:23:28
SPEAKER_02: Let's see.
1:23:29
SPEAKER_02: Just really listen to Cisco's question, Corey, and really try to answer it.
1:23:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:23:35
SPEAKER_02: Let's see.
1:23:35
SPEAKER_02: Let me see
1:23:36
SPEAKER_02: what I got.
1:23:37
SPEAKER_01: No performance.
1:23:39
SPEAKER_01: This is the eternal loop question where we want you to pick an experience or
1:23:48
SPEAKER_01: a moment,
1:23:49
SPEAKER_01: whatever is true to you,
1:23:51
SPEAKER_01: something that you can live, For the rest of your life on repeat.
1:23:56
SPEAKER_01: And we're going to make the assumption you're going to be happy about it.
1:23:59
SPEAKER_01: You may not even realize you're stuck in this loop.
1:24:03
SPEAKER_01: And we want to ask,
1:24:05
SPEAKER_01: what would be your eternal loop experience or moment or
1:24:09
SPEAKER_01: that you could just live forever and ever and ever through?
1:24:17
SPEAKER_00: I was on a run the other day and I told myself as I was running that
1:24:21
SPEAKER_00: if Prince's Let's Go Crazy song came on,
1:24:24
SPEAKER_00: I would stop running and I would go in the middle of
1:24:27
SPEAKER_00: the baseball field I was running around and I would dance.
1:24:30
SPEAKER_00: And sure as shit, the song came on.
1:24:32
SPEAKER_00: I got called out.
1:24:34
SPEAKER_00: So I went out there, I had my headset on and I danced my ass off.
1:24:39
SPEAKER_00: I had the best time with myself.
1:24:41
SPEAKER_00: And so for sure, whatever loop I'm in will be dancing, me dancing.
1:24:46
SPEAKER_00: And just in the music,
1:24:49
SPEAKER_00: celebrating life,
1:24:50
SPEAKER_00: celebrating myself,
1:24:51
SPEAKER_00: like dancing is by far like the biggest expression of like joy,
1:24:56
SPEAKER_00: my younger self, my older self, it's got all of it in there.
1:25:00
SPEAKER_00: So I'm going to be in a loop of dancing.
1:25:04
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
1:25:05
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
1:25:06
SPEAKER_00: I'm not that great of a dancer either.
1:25:08
SPEAKER_00: I just love to dance, right?
1:25:09
SPEAKER_00: It's not about the moves.
1:25:11
SPEAKER_00: It's not about the moves.
1:25:12
SPEAKER_02: I'm sure you're dancing well.
1:25:14
SPEAKER_02: Cisco, what did you think?
1:25:16
SPEAKER_02: What did you think?
1:25:17
SPEAKER_01: No, it's the first of its kind, yeah.
1:25:19
SPEAKER_01: First of its kind.
1:25:21
SPEAKER_01: No, no, there's such unique answers and there's no right or wrong answer.
1:25:25
SPEAKER_01: Of course, yeah.
1:25:26
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely to the person because,
1:25:30
SPEAKER_01: you know,
1:25:30
SPEAKER_01: people either go to a family,
1:25:32
SPEAKER_01: someone actually said running,
1:25:34
SPEAKER_01: And like being present with their heartbeat and their breath.
1:25:37
SPEAKER_01: And you know,
1:25:41
SPEAKER_01: one guy he was like,
1:25:42
SPEAKER_01: he does the ceremonial performance and then just at the very end
1:25:45
SPEAKER_01: where he hugs his family because I guess the ceremony is like either days
1:25:51
SPEAKER_01: or something or it's many hours and then at the end it's just such
1:25:54
SPEAKER_01: a beautiful moment for him.
1:25:56
SPEAKER_01: It's always nice to hear the unique feelings.
1:26:04
SPEAKER_01: Well, I guess you did answer why dancing because it's like the young and...
1:26:08
SPEAKER_00: There's just freedom in it for me.
1:26:10
SPEAKER_00: Like my dancing is self-expression.
1:26:12
SPEAKER_00: It's just freedom.
1:26:13
SPEAKER_00: There's not like a dance move.
1:26:15
SPEAKER_00: So for me, it's about freedom.
1:26:17
SPEAKER_00: And if you asked me this question in two days, I probably have a different answer.
1:26:21
SPEAKER_00: But when you asked me...
1:26:22
SPEAKER_00: When you asked me, the first image I saw was me in that film dancing.
1:26:27
SPEAKER_02: You know what's so interesting?
1:26:29
SPEAKER_02: As Cisco said, everybody's answer is so interesting.
1:26:32
SPEAKER_02: And it's such an interesting question because everybody chooses these.
1:26:35
SPEAKER_02: And there's a lot of big themes Like, it's never about money.
1:26:39
SPEAKER_02: It's never like, oh, my loop is just making money, right?
1:26:42
SPEAKER_02: It's like the simplest moments,
1:26:45
SPEAKER_02: like what you just said,
1:26:46
SPEAKER_02: just dancing and just being free or running and jogging or,
1:26:51
SPEAKER_02: you know,
1:26:51
SPEAKER_02: hot summer days when I'm I'm taking a nap and my grandmother's talking
1:26:55
SPEAKER_02: and people are just,
1:26:56
SPEAKER_02: you hear the chatter and the,
1:26:57
SPEAKER_02: you know,
1:26:57
SPEAKER_02: like stuff like that or walking around with my university friends
1:27:00
SPEAKER_02: while we're smelling chestnuts in October.
1:27:03
SPEAKER_02: Like it's vivid, it's specific, right?
1:27:06
SPEAKER_02: And it's the most ordinary thing And it really highlights
1:27:10
SPEAKER_02: to you like what is important in this life, right?
1:27:13
SPEAKER_02: And what is your essence, right?
1:27:14
SPEAKER_02: In this case, it was like freedom and just being free and totally expressing yourself, right?
1:27:21
SPEAKER_02: But what's interesting also when I talk to a lot of parents,
1:27:26
SPEAKER_02: A lot of mothers talk about very specific times with their children,
1:27:29
SPEAKER_02: and I'm sure you have those eternal loop moments too, right?
1:27:33
SPEAKER_02: But it's interesting because that's what I found interesting.
1:27:37
SPEAKER_02: A lot of parents,
1:27:38
SPEAKER_02: you would think they would say something about the children,
1:27:40
SPEAKER_02: but it's things like that too,
1:27:42
SPEAKER_02: like dancing moments,
1:27:43
SPEAKER_02: jogging,
1:27:45
SPEAKER_02: or other things where they're more solitary and they can feel that peace and really,
1:27:50
SPEAKER_02: Feel themselves.
1:27:51
SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
1:27:52
SPEAKER_02: It's just an interesting question and your answer was beautiful.
1:27:57
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:27:57
SPEAKER_00: Thanks.
1:27:58
SPEAKER_00: Thanks.
1:27:59
SPEAKER_00: I loved my time with you guys.
1:28:00
SPEAKER_00: It's been fun.
1:28:01
SPEAKER_02: That was awesome.
1:28:03
SPEAKER_02: Cisco, any final words before we close up?
1:28:08
SPEAKER_01: Man, I appreciate the wisdom today.
1:28:09
SPEAKER_01: I definitely needed to hear a lot of that.
1:28:12
SPEAKER_01: Chemistry and capacity.
1:28:14
SPEAKER_01: The brother's starving.
1:28:17
SPEAKER_01: And that's what helps me a lot is those
1:28:20
SPEAKER_02: simple analogies.
1:28:21
SPEAKER_02: So dumb it down, you know, simple to understand and
1:28:23
SPEAKER_01: the tree roots as well.
1:28:25
SPEAKER_01: You know,
1:28:26
SPEAKER_02: got to grow the
1:28:27
SPEAKER_01: roots.
1:28:43
SPEAKER_02: Corey, I'm proud of you.
1:28:44
SPEAKER_02: You're amazing.
1:28:45
SPEAKER_02: Amazing job.
1:28:47
SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much.
1:28:48
SPEAKER_00: I knew I was going to enjoy my time with you and I definitely did.
1:28:51
SPEAKER_00: So thank you so much.
1:28:52
SPEAKER_00: I appreciate that.
1:28:53
SPEAKER_02: Come back when you're ready to talk about your book, okay?
1:28:57
SPEAKER_00: I will for sure.
1:28:58
SPEAKER_00: I will for sure.
1:28:58
SPEAKER_00: All right, guys.
1:28:59
SPEAKER_00: Have a good night.
1:28:59
SPEAKER_00: See you next time.
1:29:01
SPEAKER_00: Take care, guys.