Latest / Ok But Are You Good? / I Feel Like No One Really Gets Me

Transcript

I Feel Like No One Really Gets Me · Ok But Are You Good?

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Hi there, I'm your host Corinne, and this is Okay But Are You Good?
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Where we check in on ourselves on a weekly basis to see how we're doing.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Are we living our best lives or are we just trying to get by?
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Well, lately I've just been trying to get by.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Life is happening, and I feel like I'm not happening with it if you catch my drift.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna dive into that this episode.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: So on my mind, I've been thinking about what it means to feel alone.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: And not necessarily where you're real life alone.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's when you're surrounded by people, friends, you have people in your corner that love you, and still feeling like no one really gets me.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: No one knows what it's like to be me and going through whatever I'm going through at the time.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I've definitely been having a hard time lately, but you know, you're still showing up.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: And when something is happening that feels really big to you, but from that side, everything's still completely normal.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: You're still going to work, you're still paying your bills, you're still showing up where you need to be showing up at.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: You're still replying to people, you're still laughing.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're out here still doing everything you need to be doing, but internally you're dealing with something that people can't really see.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: And that has been me.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: I went through this last year, and now I'm kind of going through it again in this last month.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: And what has like brought this up is being sick and injured and really being thrown off my game has messed up my schedule and my routine and just my day-to-day.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: And when you're dealing with an injury like mine, it's not obvious.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still functioning normal.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like people don't get it.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because I've been dealing with this for a month.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: People don't get it.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: And when you're dealing with an injury, especially like mine, that's not so obvious because I'm still functioning normal.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of a unique experience, I guess.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because I know I'm not feeling like myself.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: I know I'm hurt.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: And it's since it's not so obvious, like there's no cast or like walk in weird or something.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm since I'm still myself on the outside, people don't get it.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: People don't see what you're working through.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, even though it is a physical thing I'm dealing with, it's still like mental.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you can't see it, so you just kind of move on.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm still here.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still trying to work through this and get on the other side and still function to my normal routine and schedule.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: And it's been such a struggle because this has been an ongoing thing for weeks.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like people forget because you're still functionally normal and life goes on.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone has their own things to deal with, everyone has their own life, and this is my life.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I get that.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: I totally get that.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: But it's frustrating that like I'm still dealing with this and it still feels so lonely because there's like nothing really to do.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's just time until things get better.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: But that doesn't mean this doesn't still suck.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't mean it still doesn't feel lonely, especially when you have to remind like your loved ones, what's going on, because they're moving on to the next thing.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: There's more exciting and fun things to look at and talk about, and just, you know, also dealing with their own problems.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: So like I get it.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: I don't, but like, I'm still here.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still dealing with this.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's still a day-by-day struggle.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't been able to work out how I want to, and that affects my mental health.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm really trying to push through it, but I'm struggling and I'm tired of talking about it.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm tired of complaining or venting because there's no solution.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's just me freaking out and thinking like life is never gonna get better.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: And then I look back to last year and all the struggles I had to go through, and I'm like, it life does get better.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna be okay.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: I just I thought by now I'd be like training for my next half marathon.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I I hope I can even do it, you know?
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: It just depends on how the next couple months or weeks go.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I will cross that bridge when I have to, I guess.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: I think like I kind of feel like I've been forgotten or like left behind because I'm still working through my injury and like what should be helping isn't.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm just kind of like stuck.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it reminds me of like back in the day when I lost a loved one and like I had to go to school the next day.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: I I probably should have stayed home in theory, but I still went.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um and you know, life is moving on, and I'm still doing what I have to do, even though mentally I'm somewhere else.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that might sound like a bit like a drastic comparison, but it's like I'm the point of that comparison is to be like, I'm still here, I'm still working through what I have to, but everyone else is still living their own lives, going to work, going to school.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, but like I'm I'm still here, like I'm not okay.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like I can't function as normal, even though I seem so normal.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like I am in pain, and even though you can't see it.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why I kind of compare it to like grief.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's there, but you might not necessarily be able to see it all the time.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: So there's no constant reminder of like, hey, this is what this person is going through right now.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: And like there are less drastic things to compare it to, other than like losing someone, it's going through a breakup, dealing with your anxiety, struggling at work.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you got in a front uh fight with your friend, or maybe you're just like genuinely having a hard time.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like life just isn't working out for you right now.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: And meanwhile, life keeps moving.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: People keep showing up to their job, showing up to their classes, and you know, you put on your happy persona and and life keeps moving, and nobody else necessarily knows that your internal world is spinning because you're still expected to show up, right?
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: I think as adults and kids too, I think everybody at some point or multiple times in their life just have to keep showing up when they don't want to.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you have to just keep pushing through because there's no other choice.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, when I go through stuff that's so unknown, it like takes me back years back of like, okay, I don't know if this is gonna work out, and my whole world kind of ends.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: I hate being uncomfortable in new situations and also being stuck in new situations, if that makes sense.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like right now, I feel stuck and feel very alone.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I've been here before, but this is like different because there's nothing I can do but like wait to get better.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I guess that's a blessing in some way, but I want off this ride.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: I am not having fun.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: And it's crazy how like we just keep showing up.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: We just keep fighting the good fight and like doing what we have to do because there's not really another option.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: You can't just not go to work because you probably at some point will lose your job.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: You can't just not go to class because you're gonna fall behind.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: I really can't think of any other examples right now other than work and school.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: I know there's other options, but I wish there was a situation where, like, if you just weren't having it, you could just not show up for like an extended period of time and go on that vacation, but that's not the reality.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: I might be feeling so lonely right now, but I still keep doing what I gotta do because I know if I don't do what I have to do, one, my bills won't get paid.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: And two, I'm just gonna fall into a dark hole of my mental state, and I'm trying to avoid that.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I think past experience, I haven't been able to get through it as smoothly as I kind of am.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: Not really right now.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm I'm still showing up where I need to be.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm happy for that, even though it's like some days it's harder than others.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: And for my solution, like people can't really help me.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's just time.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: I just have to like get through this.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: But I think I like since there's not real solutions right now, I just want people to be like, hey, I didn't forget about you.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Or like I totally get that like what you're going through sucks.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: I just need someone to be like, I'm here for you, babe.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's it.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like, outside of like my husband and my best friend, like I just need other people in my life to just kind of care.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I just feel like I've just been forgotten about a little bit.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just kind of like, oh, I'm sorry you're going through that.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, okay, maybe this is like my sign.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: As I'm saying it out loud, I'm like, maybe this is this is a sign of like you just have to figure this out on your own because certain people in your life are not going to be there for you all the time.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: They got their own life, and like, I can get through this.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: I just like it's just frustrating.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: It feels hurtful because when you I feel like I'm always showing up for other people, I try and remember random stuff that they're going through so they know like it's not just all about me or like what I'm going through.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, sometimes we have those moments where you get stuck in your topic, but I just kind of wish people would show up for me how I show up for them sometimes.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: But then I remember like maybe people are giving you the best that they can with like their circumstance that they're living right now or just like their mental capacity.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: And it's hard to remember that when you're like so down in the dumps and you're like, I feel so alone.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: And this is like a unfortunate familiar feeling for me.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: I've had it on and off my whole life.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: I definitely had it when I was a teenager.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so this like familiar feeling, like when it creeps back up, it I laugh, but I'm actually like super sad.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like I don't love being here.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: I don't love that, you know, life can be so good, and then something happens and throws you off, and it's so hard to get back on track.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm fighting, I'm fighting to get back on the ride I want to be going where everything's rainbows and butterflies, and like, you know, I'm just brushing things off.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'll get there.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's just gonna take time.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like, this is my reality of I never know what's gonna happen.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: And it's what I'm trying to do what I can and control what I can.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: So I guess right now I'm trying to remind myself, like, you're not you're not so alone, you know, you'll get through this.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I realized in the these last couple of weeks, like I'm still functioning how I need to be.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's why everyone thinks like I'm good and like they don't need to check in on me.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because even though my routine's off and I'm not doing what I want to do, I'm still trying to like push myself to like do what I can do and stick to my routine because I know how much it helps me.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I think with growing up, you just learn to function, you go to work tired, you still show up wherever when you're stressed, you can still smile, even when you're having like the worst day ever, because what do I say?
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's not personal and nobody cares.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: But when you function at that level of like still pushing through, and like other people are like, that's just adult life.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, okay.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm doing what I gotta do.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Are you happy?
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm not all the time.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because functioning isn't the same thing as being okay.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's surviving, it's doing what you gotta do and being quote unquote, I don't want to say responsible, but you're just like you're getting you're getting it done one way or the other.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I guess that's what I've been doing.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: I've been getting my respon my responsibilities done one way or the other, and still trying to have a smile on my face.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because what else am I gonna do, right?
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: But on the other side of things, as much as like I want people to understand me and know what's happening in my life, like they're not always they can't read minds, unfortunately.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: That is not a function we have yet.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, maybe one day.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: But and since they can't read minds, you just hope that someone's like paying attention to you and can notice that like you're slightly off, you're slightly not yourself.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I think for me, like I know when people are off.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, not like a hundred percent of the time, but there's a good percentage.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: And like my friend, I could tell lately they've been off and like they're putting that smile on their face.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I just keep functioning because I'm like, if they want me to know something, they'll tell me.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: And now I haven't seen that for in a while, so I just hope everything's okay.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not someone I can like easily reach out to.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's not that type of friendship, if that makes sense.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: It probably doesn't, but in my world, this makes sense.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like you never really know what someone's going through.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: And that is why it's important to like speak up about it and be like, hey, I'm I'm having a hard time with this.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because I do know to a certain extent, like you can't get mad at other people for not noticing what's happening if you don't tell them.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: But there's also the part of me that's like, I don't want to have uncomfortable situations with people.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: I just want them to like include me and ask me how my life's going and not, and I don't want to have to like push through so much and ask everyone else about their life.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I think one trick I always try when I'm like seeing people I don't see that often is I try and just like ask them a bunch of questions about themselves because I know for me, I can kind of go off on tangents because I'm so excited.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: There's just so much to get out there.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: But I've been noticing lately my tactic still doesn't work because then people don't end up asking about yourself.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like I I gotta figure out a good game of ping pong.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: But I also think like if your friends, loved ones, whoever in your life actually like care and want to know what you have to say, they're gonna ask you questions back.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: And if they don't, they don't.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: You either keep hanging out with them and accept it how it is, or you just dwindle away, you know?
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: I know this has kind of been a lot of back and forth, but essentially it's like I feel alone right now.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: I feel misunderstood and not heard, but I also recognize that like other people have their lives.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: And unless you tell people, um, they're gonna move on to the next thing.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like they don't realize like you're still going through something if they can't physically see it right in front of their face, right?
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm probably the same way without even realizing it.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: I guess the bottom line is I want to feel understood.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: I want someone to just look at me and get it.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like get my vibe, get what I'm trying to say, get what's happening in my mind.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: And the reality is, people aren't always gonna be able to do that.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: They can't always see what's happening underneath the surface.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm trying to remind myself that doesn't mean you're always alone and what I'm experiencing isn't a real thing.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: It isn't a real struggle.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: We might just have to stop trying to convince people that we're good 100% of the time and actually be real and be like, hey, like this is still bothering me.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I need your help working through this.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I would like to assume whoever you're talking to is gonna meet you halfway and be there and check in on you, like how you would check in on them.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: So I hope you guys are having a better week, month than I have been.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: And this is your reminder, you're not alone.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna get through this, you're gonna get through any struggle you might be going through.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: And we're we're gonna be okay.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: So don't forget to ask yourself, okay, but are you good?
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll catch you all next week.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Don't forget to like and subscribe.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.