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What role do boundaries play? · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: For many people, they wonder what role boundaries play when someone close to them is a narcissist.
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  SPEAKER_00: A narcissist is someone with a long-standing pattern of needing constant admiration, struggling to show empathy, feeling entitled, and sometimes controlling or manipulating the people around them.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now, some people have a formal diagnosis called narcissistic personality disorder, and others show these traits without one.
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  SPEAKER_00: And boundaries play a protective role as they set out what you're comfortable with so that your own needs have a place in that relationship as well.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now, a boundary is a decision about what you'll do, which means it sits within your control and it's not something you need to justify or explain.
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  SPEAKER_00: It can start by getting clear in your own mind about what you're okay with and what you're not.
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  SPEAKER_00: This might be how you're spoken to, how your opinions are treated, your personal space, your privacy, or your money.
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  SPEAKER_00: And you might ask yourself which one would make the biggest difference if it changed first, and then start with that one.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: And then you can say it clearly and calmly and decide your consequence before that conversation, such as ending the call or leaving the room and then following it through, because following that boundary through is what gives the boundary weight.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's also helpful to know that you might expect some pushback.
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  SPEAKER_00: So they may argue, blame you, or say that you're too sensitive, play the victim, or even get angry.
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  SPEAKER_00: And it's really important to remind yourself that you are looking after your own well-being and that these reactions are common when a boundary is first step.
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  SPEAKER_00: So as you stay consistent, the pushback can often ease over time.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now, practical way to support yourself with this is to practice what you might want to say out loud, either on your own, with someone you trust or with a therapist, and you might think carefully about what personal information you share, especially if it has been used against you before.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's also helpful to build in regular time and space for yourself to do things that help you feel like you and pay attention to your gut feeling.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: As when a conversation or situation feels wrong, give yourself permission to step away and keep in touch with people who do support you because holding a boundary is easier with others on your side.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Now, therapists can help you work out your boundaries, practice holding them and looking after yourself along the way, and your GP may be a good starting point if you would like that referral.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: And if the relationship has become abusive or you feel unsafe, boundaries may not be enough, and removing yourself from the relationship may be necessary.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: Now you can go back to the ATS resources on navigating narcissistic relationships for further support, and if you are thinking about harming yourself or feeling safe, then please seek urgent help by contacting your local emergency number or a crisis helpline.