Latest / CattleUSA Daily / 142: How to Hand Down the Ranch in a Blended Family with Paige Harding

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142: How to Hand Down the Ranch in a Blended Family with Paige Harding · CattleUSA Daily

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Welcome back to another episode of the Cattle USA Daily podcast.
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Today we are once again welcoming back Paige Harding.
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Paige is an attorney from Southwest Kansas and a dear
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friend of mine. Paige has been on the podcast a
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few Times Now and this is the third week in a row that we are
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bringing you guys some topics and things within the legal
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space of the agricultural world and specifically estate
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planning. We've kind of been on an estate
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planning kick recently and today we are keeping that kick going.
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We are talking about about estate planning and the
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realities of estate planning with blended families.
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What does that look like and how can we practically approach
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these really difficult conversations when it comes to
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estate planning, succession planning and everything in
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between? Blended families are really
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common these days. I come from a blended family on
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two sides, so this podcast is extremely relatable to me
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because I am working on estate plans with all of my family
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members right now, all of my parents and my siblings and
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everyone else, and it can be a little bit of a headache.
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Paige breaks all of that down for us today and how we can walk
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away with some practical tips on how to get started, what we need
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to be doing and how to approach it just in general.
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Before we hop into this podcast with Paige, if you could take 2
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seconds to like, subscribe, rate and review, we would really
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appreciate it here at the team. It allows us to continue to grow
1:22
this podcast and grow our audience and continue to impact
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more cattle, men and women within the industry.
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But without further ado, let's go ahead and hop into this
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podcast with Page. Welcome to the Cattle USA Daily
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podcast, your go to source for the latest livestock markets,
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industry insights and the updates shaping agriculture
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today. I'm your host, Lauren Moylan, a
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passionate advocate for agriculture here to keep you
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informed and connected. Now let's dive into today's
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episode, Paige, and welcome back to the podcast.
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Today we are back another week and another podcast talking
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about estate planning and the just cluster that it is.
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If we're being real, if we're being honest, like I, if our
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friendship has taught me anything, it is that estate
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planning if not done well and if not planned out is going to be a
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disaster and going to be a little bit of a mess.
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And today we're talking about things that can get a little
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messy and that is estate planning with blended family and
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just family dynamics in general of how crazy and complex that
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can be. So Paige, when we're talking
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about blended families and complex dynamics, break that
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down for us. What are we going to be talking
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about today? When I say blended families, I'm
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talking about situations where one or both spouses have
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children from a previous relationship and then they might
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even have children together. So these complex dynamics, I
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mean, anything where relationships between family
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members, even in traditional setups might create challenges.
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So it could be second marriages, stepchildren, sibling rivalries,
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or just very different life goals among the heirs.
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The bottom line is if you don't plan intentionally, these things
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can fall apart fast. And so it's important to explain
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family dynamics to your attorney.
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When I am having my first consultation with someone, I
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feel like I freak them out sometimes because I'm asking so
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many questions. But I want to get down to the
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nitty gritty of what's going on. And any other attorney is
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probably doing that same thing, asking you a million questions.
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So everyone wants to believe that their kids will get along
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well in any sticky situation after the parents are gone.
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But unfortunately, that's not always the case.
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And it's nothing to be embarrassed about.
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In fact, it's quite normal. I see it every single day.
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I promise if you have some story to tell me that you think will
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be embarrassing, I promise you I've heard worse.
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But because it's human nature, it's human nature to knock it
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along, especially with your siblings.
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So I can typically sense when people are having a hard time
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explaining their family dynamic to me.
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And one thing, like I said, I want everyone to know that I've
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probably seen worse. And whoever your attorney is, I
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guarantee you that they have seen worse as well.
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So when we're talking about planning and family dynamics and
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the mess that it can be, what are some of the biggest mistakes
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that you see in these blended family situations, Paige?
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The biggest mistake I see is parents who assume that everyone
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will just get along and everyone will just do the right thing and
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it will just work itself out because it does not.
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Grief can bring out the best in people, but it can also bring
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out the worst. And when we're talking about
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estate planning right now, you know, it's, it's cut and dry.
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We're, we're having a normal, you know, typical conversation.
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But the thing to remember is that an estate plan kicks in
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after someone passes away. And that is a very emotionally
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charged time. Not only are you grieving the
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loss of a loved one, you're having to make a million
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decisions and then you have to execute their final wishes,
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their will or their trust. Another huge mistake is simply
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leaving everything to your spouse without thinking about
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what happens after they pass away.
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So with blended families, you need to have special provisions
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outlining what happens when either spouse passes first.
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For example, let's say that mom and dad both have children from
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a previous marriage. Well if mom dies 1st and her
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assets pass to dad, does she want her assets to go to his
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children instead of her own? So you need to outline those
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fine details and what ifs. Many times I think that a trust
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is the best way to protect blended families.
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But you need to speak to your own attorney to go over some
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options and see what is best for you.
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But many times I use a trust for blended families and this is a
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great way to protect each spouse's original plan and
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protect both sides of the family.
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So sometimes I tell people that my job is to imagine every,
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every single horrible situation, every single thing that could
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possibly go wrong and figure out how to not allow that to happen.
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And I find that a trust is the easiest and best way to do this
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for blended families. But like I said, make sure that
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you talk to your own attorney about your specific situation
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and see what options they think are best for you.
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Paige, can you break down why a trust is maybe the best way to
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plan and how these families can plan a little bit better in
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these situations and why you think that that is like kind of
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just like the best, biggest tool that people can kind of utilize?
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Yes. So there are typically a couple
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different reasons depending on someone's situation why I might
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recommend a trust over a well. The first is if you have a lot
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of assets and many farmers and ranchers have a lot of land, a
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lot of equipment, cattle are super high right now and so a
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lot of assets, I typically recommend a trust.
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Another reason to recommend a trust is for control.
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People who have very fine details about the control of
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their asset distribution. I will recommend a trust because
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when you're using a trust, you can set clear instructions about
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who gets what, when and under what conditions.
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So this will help to outline almost like an instruction
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manual for what assets you want to go to who after someone is
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gone, after your loved one is gone.
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Another thing that I find very useful with a trust is that you
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can hold the land and trust for several years or hold certain
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assets and trust for several years and it doesn't have to be
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distributed right when someone passes away.
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So this can be a very useful tool to use in certain
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situations. A few other things that you can
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do are life estates. You can give your surviving
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spouse the right to use property during their lifetime, but
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guarantee that the land goes to your kids after they pass.
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You can also create a very detailed beneficiary designation
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for things like life insurance retirement accounts to make sure
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that those go exactly where you want them to.
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And again, I want to remind you that these are just options.
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You need to speak to a professional to determine what
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is right for you and your unique situation.
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Yes, absolutely. I think that is like the biggest
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part of this is finding a person that you can trust and someone
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that you can talk to about this. On the topic of talking about
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this, communication is probably the biggest, most important
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aspect of any of this. Nothing is going to get done
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unless we are able to communicate, unless we are able
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to communicate well. Can you talk about why
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communication is so important and how just how to communicate
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during all of this? Yes, so communication is
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absolutely critical. That is really where I think
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that people families will have a very strong relationship coming
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out of estate planning or you can see some issues start to to
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bubble up. Really, I tell my clients that
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they can do whatever they want because they can.
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They don't have to tell their kids anything.
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And after they pass away, if that's when their kids read the
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trust for the first time, if that was my clients wish, then
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you know, that's something that I can't stop them with.
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I, I tell them that they really can do whatever they want.
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But in my experience, I think it's at least good to put your
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children of notice about what's going on.
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So they, if you don't want them to read the exact documents word
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for word, you know, they don't have to.
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But I think it's good to at least give them an idea of
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what's going on so they don't have that shock factor along
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with the grief that they're experiencing when when you pass.
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It will make things easier down the road.
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But like I said, my clients can do whatever they want.
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The planning behind closed doors without explaining your
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decisions almost always causes resentment later.
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Even if the conversation's hard, it's better to be honest now
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than leave your family guessing after you're gone, guessing why
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you might have done something a certain way.
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That can lead to litigation sometimes.
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I typically find that when people understand why decisions
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were made, there are a lot more likely likely to honor those
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decisions and not ask questions and not try to go against the
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grain. Like I said, that can cause
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litigation. Really though, it is whatever my
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clients want to do. However they decide to handle
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those affairs within their own family, that's their personal
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business. But like I said, I like to
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encourage them to at least put their children or their heirs on
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notice of what's going on so that there's not that shock
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factor later. Yeah, 100%.
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And I think like the beautiful thing about trust and estate
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planning is you can be as detailed as you want on these.
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Like you can go nitty gritty on everything that you put in there
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and it can be a super specific document that outlines your
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wishes in the best way possible. And from my experience, coming
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from a blended family on both sides.
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And as I'm at the age where I'm like, I'm knocking on my parents
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door, like, hey, guys, I don't want to think about you dying.
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But if you did and we don't have this in order, it would be a
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disaster. I'm like type A oldest daughter
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on both sides. I'm I'm the one that's like,
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guys, we got to get organized on this.
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Like we need to be organized on this.
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We need to talk about it. And those topics and
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conversations aren't easy, especially when you're talking
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about step siblings that like I didn't grow up with my step
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siblings and talking about this stuff with them is not fun and
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it's not easy. And we have a great dynamic.
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My parents have been married for years, like step siblings have
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been a part of my life for years.
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It's still not easy. It's not fun.
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But it's one of those situations that it's like, I would much
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rather sit here, cross the dining room table from you guys
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and have this uncomfortable conversation with mom and dad in
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the room. Then I would have it at their
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funeral. Like that's the reality of it.
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And it's not fun. It's not easy and but it do it
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now, do it now and talk about it now and start figuring it out
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now because it's complex. It's, it's extremely difficult.
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We have been dealing with this for months, but it's one of
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those situations that it's a lot easier to do it now than to wait
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and just not know. So if someone is listening to
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this today who has a blended family page, what are some like
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just different first steps that you would recommend to kind of
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navigate the complex dynamics of this?
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The first thing I would do is really think about your
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situation. So I had a client come in the
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other day and dad had children from a a previous marriage, Mom
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had children from a previous marriage and then they had
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several children together. So when we were sitting down to
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come up with their plan, we were discussing the fact that
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obviously both of their children that they have together would
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get probably a bigger piece of their pie because dad's children
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had a different mom who they would be sharing some, you know,
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getting some wealth passed down. And then mom had children with a
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different dad who would probably be getting some wealth passed
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down. So you really need to think
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about your unique situation because it may be a little bit
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more complex than you think. You know, think about those
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super specific fine details that might be might be unique to your
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situation and what you want to do to pass down your wealth and
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your assets to the next generation.
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Think about how that's going to work for you and your unique
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situation. Next, start by asking yourself,
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if I passed away tomorrow, would my wishes actually happen?
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If the answer is no or if you're not sure, then it's time to sit
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down with a professional. You don't have to have all the
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answers right away. Like I've said, you have to plan
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today as if something were to happen tomorrow and starting the
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conversation is the 1st and most important step.
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So think about your unique situation and then start the
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conversation in order to get the ball rolling on those extremely
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important decisions for the next generation and generations to
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come. Wonderful, Paige, thank you so
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much for just sharing all of your thoughts and all of your
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wisdom on this. We really appreciate it over
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here and I know all of your our audience members do.
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I always love sitting down with you and talking about these
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things, whether it's officially on a podcast like this or just
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like chatting about it. Because I feel like I come away
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with not only A to do list of things that I need to do in my
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own life, but also just feeling so validated because family
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dynamics are hard and estate planning is hard and it's not
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fun, no matter how comfortable talking about it you are.
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You're also dealing with a lot of other people in this
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situation. And if nothing else, I hope that
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everyone listening to this can also feel that that like, hey,
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family dynamics are hard. Estate planning is hard.
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It's not fun. But hopefully you're able to
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come away with at least one To Do List item that you can start
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tackling today. Because it like we've talked
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about before, Paige, this isn't something that you need to get
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done in a day. This is something that you need
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to kind of chip away at. It's not, it's not easy to sit
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down and do this. And if you probably tried to sit
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down with your parents today, or at least if I did, if I sat my
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mom down today and was like, we need to get all of this done.
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Here's our fifty page To Do List.
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Fill it all out. I would, we would leave that
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conversation in that day, not wanting to talk to each other
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for months because it would just not be fun.
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It's very emotionally charged. It's just not fun for anyone.
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So let this be something that you can start chipping away at
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slowly but surely. And on that note, chipping away
16:11
page, you have an amazing, amazing guide that you have a
16:14
free resource that you have spent a lot of time creating and
16:17
putting together. Take a couple seconds, break
16:20
that down for us and all, letting all of our listeners
16:23
know. The free guide is linked down in
16:25
the show notes, so make sure you go check that out.
16:26
But this is a great little piece of something you can take away
16:31
today to go start chipping away at this.
16:33
Absolutely. So I created the Estate Planning
16:36
Essential Informational Information Guide, and this is
16:40
not a legal document. This is simply a practical tool
16:44
to help you get your affairs in order in order to help the next
16:49
generation or whoever your heirs are wrap up your estate more
16:53
cleanly and nicely after you pass away.
16:56
They will be thanking you later, trust me.
16:58
So this guide goes over essential information such as
17:03
you know just your birth date, where marriage licenses are
17:06
located, where you're safe is located, what's the code to the
17:10
safe? Where are the vehicle titles to
17:13
your car? What is the Netflix password?
17:16
What is your e-mail password? This hits a wide range of
17:20
information that will make it much easier for your loved ones
17:24
to wrap up your estate when you're gone.
17:27
I promise you they will be thanking you later if you have
17:30
this document filled out and all of this information readily
17:33
available for them. So take a moment, go down to the
17:36
show notes, get this free downloadable guide and fill it
17:41
out. Get to work.
17:42
It doesn't have to be done in one day.
17:44
Rome wasn't built in a day, but you can get a lot done in a day.
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So take it section by section. Fill out one section per day
17:53
until you're finished and I promise that you will feel so
17:56
much better after you have done this.
17:58
Not only will it help your loved ones later, but it will probably
18:03
really just help you to feel super organized in your life
18:06
right now. So click that, get that and work
18:10
on that because that is a great first step.
18:13
First step to help you in the estate planning process.
18:17
Like I said, not a legal tool, but a practical tool that will
18:20
help you and your loved ones down the road.
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Wonderful. Thank you so much, Paige.
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And to all of our listeners out there, go check out those show
18:29
notes and we will see you all tomorrow on another episode of
18:32
the Cattle USA Daily podcast. Have a great one y'all.
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We'll see you next time.