Transcript

Bending Time · Just Julia

0:00
SPEAKER_00: Bending time.
0:02
SPEAKER_00: A strange thing has been happening to me lately.
0:05
SPEAKER_00: I keep losing afternoons.
0:07
SPEAKER_00: I sit down in the morning intending to write something.
0:10
SPEAKER_00: One idea leads to another, so I start researching.
0:13
SPEAKER_00: Then I find myself opening another document because
0:16
SPEAKER_00: a sentence has suddenly taken me somewhere else,
0:19
SPEAKER_00: changing something I created the day before,
0:21
SPEAKER_00: or following an idea just to see where it goes.
0:25
SPEAKER_00: Eventually I look at the clock.
0:27
SPEAKER_00: Three o'clock.
0:28
SPEAKER_00: And for a few seconds I genuinely cannot understand how that happened.
0:32
SPEAKER_00: This may sound completely ordinary to someone who has always loved what she does.
0:37
SPEAKER_00: To me, it is not.
0:38
SPEAKER_00: I have always worked hard.
0:40
SPEAKER_00: I have had demanding roles,
0:42
SPEAKER_00: traveled for work,
0:43
SPEAKER_00: managed relationships across different countries,
0:45
SPEAKER_00: sat through long meetings,
0:47
SPEAKER_00: solved problems,
0:48
SPEAKER_00: and carried the responsibility that comes with being good at your job.
0:51
SPEAKER_00: I cared about my work,
0:53
SPEAKER_00: took pride in doing it well and was deeply committed to the people
0:56
SPEAKER_00: and projects I was responsible for.
0:59
SPEAKER_00: But work still had a clear beginning and an end.
1:02
SPEAKER_00: When the day was finished, I closed the computer.
1:04
SPEAKER_00: I moved into the part of my life that belonged to family,
1:07
SPEAKER_00: friends, films, books, dinners, conversations and everything else I enjoyed.
1:13
SPEAKER_00: I never thought there was anything wrong with that.
1:15
SPEAKER_00: I assumed that was simply what a healthy relationship with work looked like.
1:19
SPEAKER_00: Lately, that boundary has become strangely blurred.
1:23
SPEAKER_00: During this period of professional change, I started creating things that belonged to me.
1:28
SPEAKER_00: Just Julia, the podcast, ideas that might one day turn into something bigger.
1:33
SPEAKER_00: And somewhere in the middle of all of this, time started behaving differently.
1:37
SPEAKER_00: The other evening, my husband put on a film.
1:40
SPEAKER_00: I sat beside him on the sofa because I wanted us to be together.
1:43
SPEAKER_00: But after a while, I opened my computer again.
1:46
SPEAKER_00: Nobody was waiting for anything from me.
1:48
SPEAKER_00: There was no deadline, no manager, no email that needed an answer.
1:52
SPEAKER_00: I simply had another idea I wanted to explore.
1:56
SPEAKER_00: I'm not sure that was entirely a good thing.
1:58
SPEAKER_00: But it told me something.
2:00
SPEAKER_00: In the past, when the workday ended, I was ready for it to end.
2:04
SPEAKER_00: Now, I sometimes have to remind myself that there are other things,
2:07
SPEAKER_00: and other people, deserving of my attention too.
2:11
SPEAKER_00: That difference has made me curious.
2:13
SPEAKER_00: For years, I heard successful people say some version of the same thing.
2:18
SPEAKER_00: When you love what you do, you lose track of time.
2:21
SPEAKER_00: I understood the sentence intellectually, but I'm not sure I had ever experienced it.
2:26
SPEAKER_00: Now I am beginning to understand the difference between being disciplined enough
2:30
SPEAKER_00: to work hard and being naturally pulled towards the work.
2:34
SPEAKER_00: I knew the first feeling very well.
2:37
SPEAKER_00: The second is new.
2:38
SPEAKER_00: And it has made me wonder how many women build entire careers around something they
2:43
SPEAKER_00: are extremely good at without ever asking whether being good at it and feeling alive
2:48
SPEAKER_00: while doing it are necessarily the same thing.
2:51
SPEAKER_00: We become competent, reliable, and efficient.
2:54
SPEAKER_00: We accumulate experience, titles, and responsibilities.
2:58
SPEAKER_00: Eventually,
2:59
SPEAKER_00: other people know us for what we know how to do,
3:01
SPEAKER_00: and that competence becomes part of how we know ourselves, too.
3:05
SPEAKER_00: There is nothing wrong with that.
3:06
SPEAKER_00: There is enormous value in becoming excellent at something.
3:10
SPEAKER_00: But perhaps capability is not the only information worth paying attention to.
3:15
SPEAKER_00: Maybe time is information, too.
3:17
SPEAKER_00: What makes an afternoon disappear for you?
3:20
SPEAKER_00: And what do you find yourself returning to when nobody is asking you to?
3:24
SPEAKER_00: I don't think the answer automatically needs to become a career.
3:27
SPEAKER_00: We have become very good at turning every pleasure into a potential business,
3:31
SPEAKER_00: every hobby into a side hustle,
3:33
SPEAKER_00: and every spark of creativity into something that immediately needs to produce
3:37
SPEAKER_00: an income.
3:38
SPEAKER_00: I don't want to do that to myself either.
3:40
SPEAKER_00: I don't yet know what all of this means professionally.
3:43
SPEAKER_00: Perhaps writing will become an important part of my work.
3:46
SPEAKER_00: Perhaps one of the ideas I am experimenting with will grow into something bigger.
3:50
SPEAKER_00: Perhaps these months are simply teaching me things I will carry somewhere else.
3:54
SPEAKER_00: But I am paying attention.
3:56
SPEAKER_00: Because when you have spent years asking yourself what you are qualified to do,
4:00
SPEAKER_00: what the sensible next move is,
4:02
SPEAKER_00: what belongs on your CV,
4:04
SPEAKER_00: and what someone might hire you for, perhaps there is another question worth adding.
4:08
SPEAKER_00: When do I stop noticing time?
4:11
SPEAKER_00: Maybe that question doesn't give us a career plan.
4:16
SPEAKER_00: For the first time in my professional life,
4:19
SPEAKER_00: I am discovering work that changes the way I experience the hours.
4:23
SPEAKER_00: I don't know exactly what I'm going to do with that information yet,
4:26
SPEAKER_00: but I know I want to build a life with more of it.
4:30
SPEAKER_00: Just Julia.