Latest / Pod Therapy / #426: Hiring a Dominatrix Again, Depression Action Plans, Inviting Ex to the Wedding

Transcript

#426: Hiring a Dominatrix Again, Depression Action Plans, Inviting Ex to the Wedding · Pod Therapy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Oh good, so I can take the rest of patuons
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: and talk about golf.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: We figured love when you do that. Yeah, there we go.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: I like this better. You know what, let's do this
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: it plan I got for therapy, real people, real problems
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: that a real therapist questions anonymously at pop therapy dot
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: net or emails at pod therapy guys at gmail dot com.
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: And now I'm broadcasting from Jim's studios.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: That's Jim, that's Whitney. I'm an it's for some pop therapy.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: I submitted one. You didn't get that, did you. You
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: just made it. Jim sent me the script. Yeah, I
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: don't have this. I haven't looked.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: No, No, I made that one up.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: Well, it was so smooth and very plausible. It's always
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: very possible that somebody sending Jim studio. It's always very
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: positi if you did sponsor the studio name. We're a
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: little behind this week. We did not have a lot
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: of prep. Jim put together the script, and I don't
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: have access to the names. For a good reason. I
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: think we've all agreed that it's for the best that
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: Well, I'll tell you Nick was absent last week. From
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: from the show right, No, Whitney, it felt like it
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: was basically.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: So, Whitney, did you listen to the show for I
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: did not.
• 1:33
  Speaker 4: I always do.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: Because what I'm gonna What I'm gonna mention is the
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: three of us on the show last week discussed in
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: part how difficult it is to schedule the recordings for
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: this show and how it is always very difficult to
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: schedule these recordings around four adults schedules, and then that
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: got really demonstrated last night. Yes, it was watching us
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: all just throw out every possibility.
• 2:01
  Speaker 4: Like this is one hour over last.
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: Recording is the most difficult recording. I think this show
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: has ever scheduled.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Probably well.
• 2:08
  Speaker 5: And we almost went camping last night, thinking oh, I
• 2:10
  Speaker 5: can be back later, and I was like, thanking this,
• 2:12
  Speaker 5: We didn't.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a hard thing to pull together, and you
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: know it put in the discord I will know my god,
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: that section of the of the text thing. Nick and
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: I had a conversation, I'm saying it half years ago,
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: never to do it again, that the closest our friendships
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: have ever come to an end, because so basically he
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: just I texted him something and he posted it to
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: the social media.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: And then so I just I texted him back. I said, hey,
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: just so you know, if what you're gonna or anything
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: I text you could possibly end up on social media.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: It's going to change how we communicate.
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: And that was a very fair thing. I cried for
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: a while. About a week later I came back. I
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: put it in chocolates and a very serious endowment of money,
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: and and I apologized and now we're okay, which started
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: the Nick Tangement Scholarship, the Scholarship for Youth to Learn
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: Golf for Inner City Youth, for inner City about you.
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: All I really do is send them golf clubs like
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: that's that's the entire thing. Sends the pictures of golf clubs.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: These are the new clubs I bought for myself.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: He sends them selfies of himself holding golf clubs, a
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: video of them.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: So we had U. Yeah. So I'm glad we were
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: able to squeeze this in. So this the round of
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: golf today was planned a while ago because my buddy Ed,
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: who Whitney knows, is back in town because ads in town.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: Then Mark came back into town in his house Mark
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: Marks from California, and so we have um Tennessee. Okay,
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: we scheduled, we scheduled around today and we got one
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: tomorrow to so right now I'm up. So I'm doing
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: pretty good as far as money goes, as long as
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: I don't ship the beds tomorrow.
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: Do you guys play like ball for ball or do
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: you have to get graded on a curve because you're back?
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: So we had a lot of side games going today.
• 4:18
  Speaker 5: Golf, Nick, Yeah, okay, I.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: Love gambling golf. Right now? Do you do you bet
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: in just dollar amounds or do you have like units
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: that you that you bet everything?
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: Well, we had both today. Good. So we were playing
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: two different games. We were playing cart versus cart, so
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: it was uh ed and and Jack versus me and
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: Mark and so we were playing best ball, so whoever
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: between in our team, whoever had the best score is
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: the team score. Okay, got it? Okay. So then we
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: were playing money for front back and total, so we
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: had that game going on, and then we were playing
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: Wolf on top of that. Wolf is so much fun.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: So basically you've got four guys and you t off
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: in order. Okay, So if it's the four of us
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: playing and it tees off as let's say you start Jim,
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: So it's Jim Whitney, uh his name, his name, and
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: then me and then since I'm the last to play
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: you guys, I've got a lot of names going through
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: my header. So you guys te off and based off
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: of your shot, I can pick my partner for that whole.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: So I can say if if if Jim's in a
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: great spot, I'll say, okay, I'll take Jim. So it's
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: me and Jim versus Whitney and Jacob. Okay, okay, And
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: so we're playing for two points each. If we win,
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: we get two points each. If they win, they get
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: two points each. Or what I can do is I
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: can say I'm gonna loan wolf it. So that means
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna play by myself. So it's the three of
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: you versus melone. And so then if I if I
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: like and I win and I get So we did,
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: we did that too. We're playing.
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: I feel like you're more of a loan Okay, So
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: how much how much are you up right now? And
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: then how many do you have? One more data plans?
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: I'm up about twenty bucks.
• 6:06
  Speaker 4: Okay, Yeah, did you play yesterday?
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: No?
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: So you played one day? You have one more day
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: to play, one more data play. Yeah, all right, Hey
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: Jim and Whitney, Oh, here we go. I got five bucks.
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: Oh bet that says Nick is down by the end
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: of day two.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: So this is an up or down bet.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: We're just going up or down?
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: All right, so can we So if we be if
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: we both pop in with five bucks on it, and
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: if we both take the over, so we say he's up,
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: you got to pay us out each five, So you're
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: really wagering ten.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: You get two fitty.
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: Oh, we each get half of five, but you also
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: have a twenty dollars cushion to work with right now.
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: Oh, I see, because I'm saying he's going to be down. Ah,
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: he's got to lose all twenty. He's got to lose twenty.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: All right, you know what, I'll take that action. You
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: get fifty, Okay, throw me five if he's down. If
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: you win, do we each have to give you five,
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: but we can only stand to win two fifty. That's right.
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: I don't know gambling.
• 6:58
  Speaker 4: That's why you have just like giving the money I want.
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: That's why you have the question. You have the tweet
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: doar cushion when you're weeping scanned, so you're body.
• 7:05
  Speaker 4: The extra points. Where are the points?
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: Peter, It's gonna be great next week when when when
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: it comes in, He's like, I was down. No, no, no, no,
• 7:20
  Speaker 3: I'm feeling good. Yeah, definitely, that's why.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: I under I also right now it's just coming back.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: If we take either side of this, I'm going to
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: be texting him when I know he's playing. So if
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: I'm taking the side that he can do it, I'm
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: sending motivational quotes. I'm like his relaxed buddy, you've got.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: This hanging the posting.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, just rooting for him. Well, if you enjoy gambling
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: with the pod Therapy team, you should know that March
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: Madness is coming up really soon. It is coming up
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: really soon. So it is March in fact, and so
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: we are going to be geting ready to launch our brackets.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: It goes out to everybody who's with us at patroon
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: dot com slash therapy at any giving level. So this
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: is your chance. If you're out there and you're just
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: a public listener and you've thought, I think I might
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: go to the patroon dot com slash therapy thing, but
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: never really cared. But this sounds fun to you jump in,
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: come have fun with us. Basically, the winner among the audience,
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: whoever the best bracket is, we will get them one
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: free thing from our shop, assuming it still works. This
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: is all something Nick will have to back up. But
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna promise. I bet something could be sent we
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: can regarding we'll get you something for free, you'll win something. Yeah,
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: you will get something. It may or may not be
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: associated with this podcast, or maybe something we find around
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: the house.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: Maybe I was gonna.
• 8:43
  Speaker 4: Say there's something about cookies earlier.
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: I think, yeah, yeah, we'll do.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: Okay, so cookies. So last night, because because our our
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: friends were in town last night, we all decided, well
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: let's go out to dinner. So we all went out
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: to dinner, brought their significant others, so we had a
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: group of us. We went to uh Summerhouse Durango Durgo Casino.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: Oh that I like that they've got They've got like
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: a cookie shop in the front and then the restaurants
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: in the back, and so on the way out, I
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: went to the cookie shop and I'm like.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, these are big ass cook slower bear, big bear.
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: I had thought the bear twist on the cookie game.
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: This is a whole new twist.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: I got a peanut butter one, just the allergic to
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: peanut butter. Yeah, it'll be fine, it'll be fine. It's fine.
• 9:37
  Speaker 4: You know what your face is looking.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: I haven't even eaten it yet. I think, just just reaction, yeah, drill, okay. Yeah.
• 9:47
  Speaker 6: Then I got a eminem Okay, then maybe a velvet,
• 9:55
  Speaker 6: chocolate red velvet.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: It was the fourth one.
• 9:58
  Speaker 5: Yes, cookie, you gotta eat those in the corner away
• 10:04
  Speaker 5: from Laura.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, Oh did I ever tell you that? I never? Okay,
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: real quick, I know we're in the real show. This
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: is Patreon content. Fuck it. So I came home the
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: other night. This is this is so funny. So I
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: came home the other night and how smell like cookies.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh awesome, this is great. Smells wonderful
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: in here. So Laura bade cook.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: Laura was burning cookbooks, and I went.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: And Laura went into the room and Laura had a
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: cookie sitting on the side by the end table. And
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, you had to make cookies. She's like, yeah,
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: I made some cookies tonight and there's one sitting there.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: It's like, how did you have? She had one? So
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: she had one, there was one sitting there, and then
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: she's like, yeah, I put the rest in the freezer whatever.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: And then I go over to where the cookie sheet
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: is and you see where the cookies were. Guess how
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: many cookies she baked?
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: So these are those like crime scene outlines of cookies. Okay, yeah,
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: oh boy, so she either baked. I mean it's got
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: to be six, right, Yeah, I'm thinking she went really low.
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: So she's eating one cookie, she has a second cookie,
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: there's one more visible one. Yeah, and we know there
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: are more than one in the freezing. So we know
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: of the existence of at least three cookies. Yeah, we
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: know that she ate one. You know there's one sitting
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: on the table next to her, at least one in
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: the freeze. You're not firing up an oven for three cookies.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: That's not okay, Laura. I think it's six. I want six.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: Half a dozen is corrected. She had to have made ten.
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: She made ten. Oh, you think it's going to be
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: a big story. It's going to be the other way.
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: I feel like there's only four.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: You're all over. She baked three cookies.
• 11:44
  Speaker 5: Jesus fries, what did cookie?
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: There nothing to her?
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: This is inefficient.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: If I'm baking cook I'm baking like fifty.
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: Yes, if you're making three microwave those bucks, there's no way.
• 12:06
  Speaker 7: I am filling up whatever cookie sheet I have, I'm
• 12:13
  Speaker 7: covering it with as many cookies as it's called, because
• 12:18
  Speaker 7: I that in the oven.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: She does this with all snack food, like when like her,
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: her mom makes these really good She calls them Christmas cookies.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: I call them bars because they're made in a sheet
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: and then you cut them. Okay, so they're bars, okay,
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: but either way they're really amazing. So she gives all
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: of us like a bag to take home at Christmas time.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: Mine are usually gone by January tenth. Okay, Laura will
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: still be eating hers in August.
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: Oh boy, people do that. That's not how I mean.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: Cookies are not funny. They go back, she freezes them.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: I don't think matters, but I don't think. Okay, you're
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: all none of you are asking the correct question. We're
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: also going to need to restart the show. I think
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: this is the show. None of you are asking the
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: correct question. Why did she make the third cookie at all?
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: Make the third the third cookie? Does she really like
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: it frozen?
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: Or was she intending on you eating the third cookie.
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: I did not factor into her decision making it all.
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: So she's planning on needing the third cookie at some point.
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: So does she just enjoy a frozen cookie? That's a
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: saved That must be she must like the texture of
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: a frozen cookie. I will okay, I hate that, but
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: oh I love frozen cookie.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: Now.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: The only exception is the girl Scout cookies. You get
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: me the thin mints and those bites. Those are only
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: that is the one. I'm really not interested in those
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: not frozen exactly. Yeah, otherwise I'm not having it. But
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: I don't think this is safe, and I'm worried for her,
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: and I just what kind of life in trenching them?
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah? I don't have any.
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: You mind if I gets on, I think we could
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: do that, right, just get a mutual policy. They take
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: out life insurance on anybody, right, I think that's how
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: that works. I think the FBI asked some questions if
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: you do. But I mean that's fine.
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: I mean I took one out on Peter six months
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: ago about the injury. My mom didn't raised no, dummy,
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: make it. I see a financial opportunity. Financial opportunity is a
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: financial opportunity.
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: Oh everybody, welcome Peter the.
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: Beginning of spring, a thirty year deal on it. You
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: got term yeah, yeah.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: Oh my god.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: All right to get a physical.
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: We are starting to show. Welcome to pot therapy, everybody.
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: We are kicking off the spring. It is a beautiful
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: spring weather here in fabulous Las Vegas. We are in
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: like the high seventies and early.
• 14:53
  Speaker 4: Eighties, eighty three.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and hopefully we're going to get a little bit
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: of a chill out, but it's it's happening, so we are.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: We are in full on for spring, which means March Madness.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: Get into patreon dot com slash therapy. You can join
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: the brackets. It's a lot of fun, it's free to play,
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: and it's just a great, you know, crap talking fest.
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: We always have a good time with that. And we're
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: gonna be getting closer and closer to Mental Health Month
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: as we get closer to May. You definitely want to
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: be a part of all the fun in the Shenanigans
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: Patreon dot com slash therapy, and we've got some great
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: questions for today's show. We're also going to be reading
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: some itune reviews that some folks have been submitting, which
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: is really fun to kind of celebrate and thank folks
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: out loud for their contributions. But this first question is
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: a follow up to when we have answered in the
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: past hiring a dominatrix part due.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: Oh I remember this one, of course you do.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: We haven't had more than one hiring a dominatrix, which
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: is sad. Yeah, I mean, honestly, I would think we would.
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: Have filtering out all those dominatrix Yeah. Yeah, we got
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: to open up, turn that filter off. How do you
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: pod therapists? I previously wrote in regarding my relationship troubles
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: with my wife, well, it was also you're seeing a
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: great amount of personal change. The TLDR was that I
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: had recently made drastic health and lifestyle changes that ultimately
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: led me to navigating a surge in libido, but also
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: the realization that I am and enjoy being submissive. My
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: wife tried to be a dom for me, but realized
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: she wasn't interested. The topic of me seeing a professional
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: dominatrix came up, and at the time my wife gave
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: me a firm note at how firm, very firm, very good.
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: After that, we began couples counseling where we discussed our
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: bigger issues and eventually my submissiveness. At that point, my
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: wife had come around on the idea and decided I
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: had permission to seek out a professional. I was excited,
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: but hesitant to follow through. My therapist advised against it
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: until more work had been done on the relationship, but
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: the desire felt like it was welling up inside of me.
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: Around December after. This is why people don't like therapists
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: right there, Yeah, because we against going to a professional
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: dom A buzzkill?
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: Come on.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: Well, honestly, though, I think that that's the therapist just
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: trying to carve out a little bit more work for herself.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: I think I think that's what that is. Like, Well,
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: you don't want to go see another professional. You don't
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: want somebody to just fix you. You're not gonna have hippa,
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: you know, protection with the dom, whereas with me, you do.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: That's the law.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: Around December after.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: Just seems funny to me. I don't feel good about it.
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: Do you feel like a bad little boy? Tell me
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: about your father?
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: You know, Sometimes it's just a cigar.
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: Not today though, today, around December after, it's a petis
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: every day it is around December. After I wrote into
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: the show, I felt like my wife was encouraging me
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: to have this experience. My work and home life were
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: each causing me considerable stress, and my options for any
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: form of outlet felt slim at best. Against most of
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: the professionals advice, I scheduled my session with the dominatrix.
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: Prior to my session, my wife laid out implicit rules
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: I was to follow. Not wanting to lose her trust,
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: I kept these rules at the front of my mind
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: and even presented them to the dom The day finally came,
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: it was like dom on dom at that point, Oh yeah,
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: two people tell you what to do. The day finally
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: came and I had my session. Honestly, it was almost
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: exactly what I had hoped. I explained my situation to
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: the dominatrix and she was very empathetic and understanding. After
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: my session ended, I felt brand new. It was amazing.
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: When I returned home that night, my wife had questions.
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: It was obvious this was partially out of curiosity, but
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: also her feeling out if any rules had been violated,
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: which they hadn't. While talking about my experience, I mentioned
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: something like I look forward to my next session. Fast
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: forward to our next couple's therapy. The main topic was
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: this experience and how it impacted each of us individually
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: and as a couple. While speaking on her side of this,
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: my wife said something to the effect of I thought
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: he was going to come back and report on what
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: happened so I could fill this role, but I guess instead, Oh,
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: interesting to keep going back. I was shocked, if you
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: recall from my previously else she had zero interest in
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: playing this part. Now it felt like a total one
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: to eighty. I wish I could say I was ecstatic,
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: but that's not the case. When my wife initially told
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: me she couldn't fill this role, it crushed me a
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: little inside, but I accepted her decision. From that point on,
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: I didn't see this as something I could or wanted
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: to do with her any longer. A big part of
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: this type of dynamic for me was knowing the other
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: person wanted it and enjoyed it. One of the things
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: I discovered I wanted was someone who was either a
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: professional or putting the time and effort into learning about this,
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: not just something you do to appease someone. When I
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: was hearing from what I was hearing from her sounded
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: closer to pity sex. Now I find myself in this
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: situation where my wife seems to have expected me to
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: come back to her for those needs, but I don't
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: have a desire to fulfill them with her after her
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: initial disinterest. To be honest, it makes me feel guilty.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: In most other aspects, our relationship is doing way better now,
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: but this sits on my mind a lot. So my
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: question to y'all, how do I get over this feeling
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: that I can't or don't want to have this type
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: of intimate relationship with my wife after her initial rejection?
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: Is it wrong that I don't see myself participating in
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: these activities with her after she told me she couldn't.
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: Thanks for any input, y'all are the best, Sincerely, A
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: non E moose.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you.
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: Know what people say that human sexuality is deep and
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: a cavernous, vast, vastness to understand.
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, they're just wrong.
• 20:30
  Speaker 4: It all just very simple.
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: It's more simple than you want to Oh yeah, yeah.
• 20:38
  Speaker 5: I remember this initial letter and that would be really
• 20:43
  Speaker 5: difficult to get over initially, Just like A non E
• 20:47
  Speaker 5: Moose said, But I wonder do you think it's impossible, Like,
• 20:51
  Speaker 5: do you think there's room for maybe the wife. She's
• 20:55
  Speaker 5: expressing like a change of of perspective or Yeah.
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: The motivation thing for Anonymous is interesting where he's saying like,
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: it wasn't just the behavior that I was craving. It
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: wasn't just let's do this action in this room. It
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: was I get into knowing that the person is driven
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: into this, that they are self self motivating, they're bought
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: in as well. That's interesting. I can appreciate that way.
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: That's a big part of this, and knowing.
• 21:23
  Speaker 5: That you imagine to be so vulnerable so even put
• 21:25
  Speaker 5: your yeah, and.
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: I can appreciate that. For Anonymous, it's like, hey, I
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: already know this isn't your jam. I appreciate your willingness
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: to like perform this, but it's not the ritual that
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: I crave. It's the sensation. Yeah, like the whole thing. Yeah,
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: knowing where the motivation of the other person is there,
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: so Nick in your experience as a dom Yes, it
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: is it okay for wife to join? Can she be?
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: Is there a cuckchair in the dominatrix lifestyle for for
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: the wife to be a part of this? Sure?
• 21:57
  Speaker 4: Anything possible?
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: I go on totally. Yeah, okay, I don't even know
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: where to go.
• 22:05
  Speaker 8: With From Midwest perspective, this is the traditional part of
• 22:15
  Speaker 8: the show where I would jump in and bail Nick
• 22:17
  Speaker 8: out on this, Nick, I would like you to answer
• 22:19
  Speaker 8: this question.
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: I'm blushing. I don't know, Like I totally get like
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: the writer's perspective too, of like you don't want somebody
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: to be like, all right, I'll do this, Like it
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: does really take the fun and the enjoyment out of it.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: You want like both partners to be excited about it.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: And I think, yeah, I mean from the writer's perspective,
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: it's like, well.
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: It's still physical, it's really hot. I just can't sit still.
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: His legs are just moving under him. I'm subconscious about.
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: No, I don't know what I was saying. No. Oh,
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: So anyway, I think there's still a room. There's still
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: room for wife to get back involved. Okay. If I'm
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: the writer, I'm like, oh, okay, I kind of wrote
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: it off. I just assumed this was not your thing
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: and you just didn't want anything to do with it.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: But now it sounds like you're kind of expressing some interest. Yeah, hey,
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: i'd say that, write it out and see maybe if
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: writing crop, but go on right, see if maybe she's
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: into it, you can try it again.
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: So I actually really like what you just said, because
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: when when you look into like sexual styles, don't I
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: don't know that we have this hammered out the way
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: we have like relational styles, where we have like attached
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: and like you know, avoidant and things like that. But
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: there really is a sexual style, which I think informally
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: is referred to as like reciprocative, and so like they
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: won't often initiate, they're not necessarily desiring, but if you initiate,
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: they will be excited for that, and they will recip
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: and they will meet you where you're at. In translating
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: that concept into this, I could see a world where
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: wife tried this herself, didn't know how to do it,
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: was overthinking it, and because she was having to put
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: so much mental exertion into navigating this and knowing what
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: to do for her partner the whole time, she couldn't
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: get into it right, Like I can't enjoy this. I'm
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: sitting here trying to perform for you and get it
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: right because you asked me for this. But if you
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: go see a professional and you come back and go,
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: here's exactly how it is done, here's the roadmap. Then
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: maybe that gives wife permission to say, okay, cool, Now
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: I can like try this again and like do this
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: in this way that I don't have to think is hard.
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: And maybe now because I get to be a part
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: of it in this way that I'm not necessarily leading it,
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: I can discover the zeal for this. I can like
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: tap into that. So the fact that wife wants to
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: try it again, I agree with you, Nick, I think
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: you got to give that another shot and see if
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: she develops her own flavor for this.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: I think the silver lining here is that, like she
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: hasn't given up on it.
• 24:58
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 24:59
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like you know, trying to explore me to
• 25:03
  Speaker 5: need and what ca Yeah.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: And she's like, I really care about this person. I
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: want to give them what what they need or what
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: they what they really desire. I just don't. Maybe I
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: just don't know where to start. And so if I
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: get some ideas, because like I mean, honestly, if I
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: was put in this position where I was going to
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: be dominant, I don't know as if I know where
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: to start either, Like I think I would just fake
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: it and hopefully something works.
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: But if I was taught how to do it, I
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: would I would probably sit there and I would I
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: would scratch my head and I would at a little bit,
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: and I would hope that someone would come along and
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: explain to me what exactly I was supposed to do.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: I could, I could be demanding, but then I'd just
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: be like, please, please, if it's okay.
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: But I really I think that the nature of being
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: a DOM is this sense of like you are totally
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: in control of the situation. And usually what what submissives
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: like is that the DOM is getting what they want,
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: that the DOM likes this, the dom is making you
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: do things for their benefit, and the sub is completely
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: powerless and they're contributing to the pleasure of the dom.
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: But if you know the dom isn't truly into this
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: and they don't really dig it, like even performatively, they're
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: just not that into it, then it does take away
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: for the sub like any of that connection. But I
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: agree with you though, you need to go to like
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: DOM training and you know what's crazy is is here
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: in Las Vegas we have the Erotic Heritage Museum. There
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: used to be the ABC's of BDSM class where couples
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: would go yes, and they would they would break into
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: different cohorts where they would have DOM training and sub
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: training and they would go through this so that they
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: could explore this for themselves.
• 26:43
  Speaker 4: They even have Engage gift there you go get the.
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: Wedding gift guys already. Yeah, but no, they even had
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: like a ropes course and stuff or like they would
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: treat people had to like tie them up safely and like.
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: But yeah, because they knew that there's a lot of
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: people that think they'd be into this, but there's probably
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: a really steep learning curve. And the more confident you
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: are is a DOM, the more that you've you've done
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: these things, that probably does give you more intellectual freedom
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: to enjoy it. That's forgettably a big deal. I think
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: you're forgetting something though. Okay, the switch that mister Moose
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: has for wifey doing this has already been turned off.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, this isn't just a matter of like is
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: she going to get into this?
• 27:27
  Speaker 4: Yeah, Like it's like compartmentalizing.
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he's already, Like it sounds like he's already you know,
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: through their conversations, is kind of it sounds like she
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: said no, and he accepted that, and like in that
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: acceptance just went that switch off turn that stuck.
• 27:43
  Speaker 5: And I bet it would be really challenging now that
• 27:45
  Speaker 5: he's been to a professional to kind of backtrack.
• 27:50
  Speaker 4: And you like had a great experience, that would be.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: I think that.
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: Well, for one thing we don't One thing we don't
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: know is if this conversation between mister Moose and Wifey
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: has continued.
• 28:02
  Speaker 4: I was wondering, Yeah, was.
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: This a single conversation at the therapist office or is
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: this an ongoing It seems like.
• 28:09
  Speaker 5: Things are said and then there they wait until therapy
• 28:11
  Speaker 5: to talk about it, which maybe.
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: That's yeah, we're not sure about that.
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so yeah, we don't know if they're if they're
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: continuing this, uh, this dialogue outside of the therapist's office.
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: But yeah, it seems like if Wifey wants in on
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: this now, the onus is on her. Can I push
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: on that a little bit? Go ahead? So, once upon
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: a time, anonymous was expressing their desire his desire to
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: experience this, and wife was accommodating, though she was in
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: a position of saying, I don't think I'm feeling it organically, yeah,
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: but I'll walk with you and see if it catches.
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: Now a little bit shoe on the other foot, where
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: now WiFi is saying, I would like another shot at this,
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: Anonymous is saying, or not I think it was Anonymous.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: Anonymous is saying the switches maybe flipped more into the
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: off position. So the rules are I think a little
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: bit reversed. And now I think you almost owe her
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: the same request you once had that she would step
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: up despite not organically feeling it. Now I kind of
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: want Anonymous to step up despite the switch being off,
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: and let's try interesting. I like that move, and I
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: do want to say something they don't think any of
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: us got a chance to yet. I'm so grateful that
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: they are in couples there. I love that this is
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: happening with.
• 29:24
  Speaker 4: A support progress.
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: Yes, that's huge. And then they're having a really honest
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: conversation that Anonymous hays, like, look, our relationship is really good. Actually,
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: like we're doing really good in all areas, and look
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: at us. We're being super transparent, super conversational here, very
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: open minded. We are trying new things. And I really
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: thought the letter was going to say I went back
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: to wife and wife like fell into tears and like
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: now there's a brokenness, and I feel like I got
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: dupe because I was expecting that. I thought it was
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: going to be I was given permission. I only did
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: what I was told I was allowed to do. I
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: followed all the rules, and now she's got a trauma
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: wound and like, ah, what do I do? Nope, you
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: went the other way with it where she's like, this
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: is stilating to me. I want to be dealt back
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: into the game. So anonymous that that's so interesting you're
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: getting get from that letter I was not getting. I'm
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: not getting titillating from the wife at all.
• 30:07
  Speaker 7: I was.
• 30:08
  Speaker 5: I'm getting like, well, someone else now, and I want
• 30:13
  Speaker 5: to I'll.
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: Give this another shot. I want the job. I don't
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: want somebody else to have the job, or at least
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: I think I want the job. I might want the job.
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: I think you want to have the option to have
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: the job. I'd really rather do not want somebody to
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: do this job. I always joking about the cuckchair thing,
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: but like, I wonder if we can say, great, how
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: about we do another session, and why don't you come
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: this time and experience I came last time? Yeah, there
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: it is. Why don't wife, why don't you attend with
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: me this time and maybe even sit with the dumb
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: and we pay extra for you to like get a
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: little bit of coaching beforehand, and then the two of
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: you do this together.
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: I was going to mention when you when you mentioned
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: couples therapy couples anonymous, that you have already brought a
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: second professional into this. Yeah, who I bet has or
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: I'm not even gonna say that that solidly. Uh, the
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: the DOM professional that you've already brought into this may
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: have experience in this type of thing. Good point, Uh,
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: And that might be someone that you might want to have.
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: Part of this conversation. I like you said that you
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: really liked the DOM. You said the experience there, they
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: were respectful. And that's the only reason I'm even saying
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: this out loud. Yeah, is like that might depending on you.
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: You're the person who knows this person. Sure we don't
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: know this person at all. Uh, so you use your
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: own judgment. But that might be a person who who
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: might be part of this conversation. It might be a
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: valuable part of this conversation. Step one, I would talk
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: to wife and ask, what do you think about us
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: doing a tutorial session? With this person where they help
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: us close the gap on what we're missing, and then
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: we take it away from them when we try to
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: do this at home.
• 31:52
  Speaker 3: I wouldn't offer that from I wouldn't offer that service
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: from the DOM to the wife right without finding out
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: if that's a thing that exists first.
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, these these have to be closely timed. Yes, yeah,
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: we got to get kind of both sides, but I
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: would defer to check with wife first and ask is
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: that something you need to ask about? That's fair? Yep, good,
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: m okay, good, we're on the same side on this. Yeah,
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: great job.
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: I mean alternatively, Yeah, throughout the same thing that we
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: threw out last time, which is that we and this
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: podcast can probably handle this. Yeah. Yeah, if you just
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: want to schedule time to come out to Vegas.
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: Patreon dot com, slash therapy. Yeah, we we have a
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: pretty good habit of meeting with their producers. You know,
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: if you're in town and we know you're in town
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: and we can get together, we'll go out domin.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: But give us time, we'll take the class. We'll figure
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: it out. Yeah.
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: Well, you can learn anything on YouTube, I mean, if
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: nothing else.
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: Nick is a pleaser.
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and if if what pleases you is a dominatrix,
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: I mean, he's got.
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: To get there.
• 32:50
  Speaker 4: He's not going to say no.
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: He can't at no point going to say no. The
• 32:56
  Speaker 3: man doesn't need a safe work.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: Look.
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: The point is there's not going to use it.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: It's not going to use it.
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: There's too light a Patreon level.
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: Okay, if that's what we're trying to I don't want
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: to offend anybody.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: Permanent damage. Okay. Oh lord, have you ever seen that
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: scene from Brooklyn nine to nine with the guys like
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: I am aokay with cutting, burning, and biting, pulling. Hair
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: is on the table that and they're like Jesus, is
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: there anything you won't do? And he's like, oh wow,
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: you want to do some really sick shit.
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: Guy.
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: Anyway, Anonymous, good living, not on the mouth, and anyway, Anonymous.
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: We love hearing this letter. I think because I'm really
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: inspired that you're talking about something that is your personal sexuality.
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: You're shining a light on it in a non shame way,
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: which I think is really cool. You're showing people how
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: to have big, ethical, hard conversations and how to also
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: accommodate your partner when they're feeling those feelings and trying
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: to be as respectful as possible. And you're highlighting how
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: to utilize professional support and tread lightly and not just
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: bulldozed through anything and say nope, I've got the greenlight
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: on do what I want to do, but check evaluate,
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: you know, kind of reconsider and adapt. So, hey, I
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: love that you're doing this again. We're taking guesses here.
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: We don't know where your wife's at with all this,
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: but yeah, I really like the idea of if there's
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: a way to help her experience this, and she's saying
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: I would like another crack at it. I think she
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: once bent over backwards for you to try that out
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: for you, So now I think maybe she's willing to
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: do it again. Maybe she'll bend over again.
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: It could be good.
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: We're gonna take a quick break and when we come back,
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: we're talking about creating depression action plans. You're listening to
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: pod Therapy.
• 34:34
  Speaker 9: Today's episode is brought to you by Smike Scoop, Macy Miller,
• 34:37
  Speaker 9: Tess Miller, Builer, t Haaris, Team Monico, Oscar Swanrose and
• 34:41
  Speaker 9: Marie emmaccain, Myra and Sam Khane.
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: Would you like to sponsor a show Become Hate. Sarah,
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: producer at patreon dot com slash Therapy, Boys and Girls.
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: I've got some really good trivia free today. I'm pretty
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: excited for it. I was watching a Disney movie as
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: I am off. Yep, I told you so. I was
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: watching Disney. Uh, notably without my children. They are now
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: at the age where they just kind of gourd. So
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: like on a Friday night, they're just gonna go do
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: their own thing. I assumed as kids weren't there, we
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: order pizza, they'll eat, and then they kind of go
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: back to whatever they are doing. And I just put
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: on Disney movies now and just kind of watch what
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: I want to watch.
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: But as I was watching, Disney movies are too scary
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: for you most most anything. Yeah, I know, it's not zero.
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: It's not zero. Anytime the music's getting really exciting, I
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: usually have to walk out of the room. That's that's
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: where I go, get myself a nice you know, glass
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: of cold water, come back, find out you know who
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: got the girl. It's usually the good guy. So anyway,
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: as I was watching this, it occurred to me, Huh,
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: if I just described this plot line objectively, I'll bet
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: it would confuse people, and I'll bet you my friends
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: couldn't guess what. Okay, So I have got plots of
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: very popular Disney movies heard it differently. I remember, I'm
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: going to pick on you, and I'm going to give
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: you a shot. There are no options, okay. So when
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: it's your turn, it's your question, and if you get
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: it wrong, it passes the next person. Everything's worth one
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: point Whitney year to my left. I'm starting you off first,
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: and here is the plot that you have to name
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: the Disney movie that goes with it. Here it is
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: an eleven year old boy refuses to let a stranger
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: in his home and is cursed to transform into a
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: monster until he can seduce a woman into loving him
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: before his twenty first birthday. Got it?
• 36:32
  Speaker 4: I mean that's not beauty in the me?
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: Is that your answer?
• 36:35
  Speaker 4: I guess so beauty. I like it?
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: Which was the movie I was watching on Friday, And
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: like I said.
• 36:43
  Speaker 4: When you mentioned being scared, I'm like, it's the wolves
• 36:45
  Speaker 4: in the.
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: Woods and oh my god, they almost kill him. It
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: was so scary and the dad was in danger time.
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: I know the beast is eleven years old. Yes, So
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: when you watch the movie. They a little bit to
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: where they used stained glass windows to tell the story
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: of this prince who throws out the witch. The witch
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: comes back as an enchant. She turns him into a beast.
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: Then in the song be Our Guest, they say, we
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: haven't had anybody here in ten years, and they reference
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: ten years over and over and over again. We have
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: been cursed for ten years. And in the prologue they
• 37:13
  Speaker 2: say beast has to seduce or you know, find a
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: woman to fall in love with him by twenty one
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: years old, twenty one, and he's about that. The rose
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: is falling apart literally in the story emotion. She's twenty one,
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: and that means he was fucking eleven when this woman,
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: a stranger, tried to come into the castle. He clearly
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: has no parents, so he was an orphan, eleven year
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: old ruling this castle. He doesn't let in a weird
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: old lady, and she fucking curses him into making a
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: woman fall in love with him. He's eleven.
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: I agree cursing children is rude.
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: Yes, we are to Jacob, and right now Whitney's in
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: the leady Jacob also Beauty and the Beast, Well, they're
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: all the same. Jacob, a sixteen year old mute girl
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: falls in love with a male of another species and
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: gets magical cosmetic surgery to seduce him in forty eight hours.
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: Well, I want to say the Princess and the Frog, okay,
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: because that would be the most fun answer.
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: But it is The Little Mermaid.
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: Indeed, it is The Little Mermaid. Where Ariel who is
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: sixteen and literate in the movie, she's clearly literate. She
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: signs her name to the fucking contract with Ursula and
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: the Witch. But then when she gets on the beach,
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: she doesn't know how to write words, like she could
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: just grab a piece of paper.
• 38:25
  Speaker 4: And she changed species.
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: Maybe she loses literacy. Okay, you know what, I'll follow
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: you on that. That's fair. We're over to Nick.
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: Nick.
• 38:33
  Speaker 2: I have a feeling you are the least likely to survive.
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: I knew the Little Mermaid. Oh did you? Okay?
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: Good, good job, buddy, all right, I don't give you
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: enough credit.
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: Nick.
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: A charismatic party boy lures children from their beds to
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: his mysterious island, where other children engage with adults in
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: an endless physical back and forth.
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: Anchor man no.
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: Peter Pan Yay, guys also Pinocchio.
• 39:08
  Speaker 4: Good one.
• 39:09
  Speaker 3: Wow, that description also works for pinocchioscription.
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah that was excellent. Good job children, you're doing it
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: works for the donkey islanding on. Pinocchio is a creepy
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: that is Oh yeah, yeah the book is way worse.
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: I recently got into the book and it is horrific.
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: Pinocchio kills Jimmy Cricket in the first act. It's pretty bad.
• 39:31
  Speaker 5: Yesler, sorry, close children's but but the cricket comes back
• 39:37
  Speaker 5: to haunt him as a ghost.
• 39:39
  Speaker 4: It is Disney really took liberties.
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, Disney definitely polished. Oh the first The Little
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: Mermaid is rough to Yeah, the real story, the original
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: story of the Little Mermaid is insane. Oh yeah, I
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: think I think it involves like the legs getting cut off. Okay,
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: so no, Magic.
• 39:59
  Speaker 4: Doesn't end up with the guy.
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: I don't know what all. It was a bunch of
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: a bunch of those are crazy. Sleeping Beauty is another one,
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: like the original Sleeping Beauty.
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah. Any of the Grim Brothers.
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, oh yeah, those were any of the ones that
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: are based on a grim fairy tale or like the
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: Hans Christian Andersen.
• 40:14
  Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, the other one.
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, You're right. I don't give Disney enough credit, even
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: though like describing these and like what the fuck, It's
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: like Disney's probably looking at me, like, dude, you have
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: no idea what we left on a lot. This was
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: so air brushed, like this was the little bit we
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: could leave behind.
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: We wrote it when we were high, came back the
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: next morning and cleaned it up.
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, this is the pology version. Next question, depression action plan.
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: If you think those seven dwarves working up for some
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: ship in the original, you don't even know High pod
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: therapy people. I'm looking for some practice.
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: He wasn't bashful.
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: Christ oh christ all right, wow, High pod therapy.
• 40:59
  Speaker 4: Jacob was waiting.
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: I'm looking for some practical advice. Years ago, Robert Brownie
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: Junior Mint was on the podcast as a guest and
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: telling his story. It's an amazing episode that inspired me
• 41:10
  Speaker 2: personally when I was building the courage to seek treatment.
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: In that episode, Robert mentioned an action plan for when
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: he started to experience his depressed feelings and thoughts. I
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: thought I had one, but turns out a mental list
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: isn't enough. So I'm seeking to put one in writing
• 41:26
  Speaker 2: and have on hand the next time I need it.
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: I'm wanting to add some small practical things. My idea
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: is I can add them to my day and that
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: could help reset me onto a better path. AI and
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: Reddit have talked to a therapist covered and I see
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: some generic stuff like eat healthy and exercise, but didn't
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: find a lot of helpful advice. We all know those
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: generic platitudes are so easy to ignore when you're feeling down.
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: Any advice on what I can add to my list?
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: Thanks for everything you do, signed Drew. I like this
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: as a concept. So for those who haven't seen that episode,
• 42:02
  Speaker 2: go back, go back into our catalog, find the one
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: with Robert Brownie Junior Mint. He shares a very touching
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: story of his own mental health journey and how he
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: did experience suicidal ideation and ultimately was hospitalized after an attempt,
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: and he talks about his story of recovery. But one
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: of the things that he talks about is whenever you're
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: battling with depression, sometimes the right solution to that is
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: to just kind of be a soldier, because you can't
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: trust your own mind. You can't wait until you're going
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: to feel emotionally motivated to do the next right thing.
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: So he talks about this action plan that's like, hey,
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: you make this concrete list of after this, do this,
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: after this, do this at this o'clock, you do this,
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: and then what you do is you remove your own
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: motivation and your feelings from this and you become robotic
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: and you just do these things. And it's actually really
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: really smart because when we're treating depression, depression is a
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: real son of a bitch to treat. Like people with anxiety,
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: they want help desperately. They come barging into the office.
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: They're like, I am experiencing so much suffering. I will
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: do whatever you tell me to do to make this stop.
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: I'll take medicine, I'll show up to every single session.
• 43:08
  Speaker 5: I'll over thinking you say, I.
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: Literally, I'll take notes. Whereas a depressed person, even getting
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: them to come back to therapy or follow up on
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: their medicine, obey their doctor, it's really hard to do
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: because the brain is constantly telling them there's this pointless
• 43:20
  Speaker 2: nothing works. They're unmotivated, they can't get out of bed.
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: It's hard to wake up every day when you're feeling
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: so much despair, and so like with depressed people, we
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: have to really take this huge kind of approach where
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: we're showing them like, hey, look, this is like an
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: entire ecosystem that you're living in. It's like you know,
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: winter in London kind of thing. It's gray in every
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: direction as far as you can see. It's just going
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: to be over and over and over again. You have
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: to persist, you have to endure, you have to do
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: what's the next right thing, even when you don't feel
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: like it. And we talk about in depression this triangle
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: where we're trying to wiggle every corner of the triangle
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: just to see if anything gets better. One corner is
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: usually biomedical, so like we want to throw medicine at
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: the problem. One corner is cognitive, so we want to
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: throw therapy at the problem and get a person thinking
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: differently about their perspectives of themselves and what their beliefs are.
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: But then the other corner is just action. We just
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: want them to do literally anything different, going for a
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: walk in the park, taking their dog outside, taking a
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: shower every day, making some food, going to a hiking club,
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: watching new shows, reading a book, listening to music, if
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: they're religious, going to their church, like literally anything that
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: they can change every single day. We want them to
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: do because we are just furiously trying to get any
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: portion of that depression triangle to budge, and we're trying
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: to grab it from every single corner. So this action
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: plan is actually genius because it's the part that you,
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: the patient can actually control, outside of taking the medicine,
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: outside of going to therapy. Making a list like this
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: is great, and really it can have anything on it.
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: You can be as experimental with it, as eclectic with
• 44:51
  Speaker 2: it as you want, because anything is worth trying. We
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: want you to be experimental, We want you to be
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: doing novelty. Everything is a good idea. So just kind
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: of setting the stage for what this letter kind of
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: is talking about. That's what we mean. That's what Robert
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: meant by a depression action plan. It's very common in
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: therapy that we try to help somebody draft that. And
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: I guess this is a good question of all right,
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: so what would y'all be putting on this list to
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: try to get somebody to stir the pot a little
• 45:16
  Speaker 2: bit and get the blood flowing.
• 45:17
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I wanted to say something that was helpful besides
• 45:21
  Speaker 5: just creating a physical list, a different version of that.
• 45:24
  Speaker 5: I had a client once that really benefited from adding
• 45:27
  Speaker 5: to a calendar, but they were like, if something's on
• 45:30
  Speaker 5: my calendar, I do it. So it depends on your
• 45:32
  Speaker 5: personality type.
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: But like I always talked about this last week, Oh
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: you did, I'm a calendar person.
• 45:38
  Speaker 5: Yeah, Like they would be like if I put on
• 45:40
  Speaker 5: my like they if I asked them to do something
• 45:42
  Speaker 5: oaut they'd be like, maybe i'll do it, but if
• 45:44
  Speaker 5: it's on the calendar getting done, I'll do it, Like yes,
• 45:47
  Speaker 5: I need to work.
• 45:47
  Speaker 4: On my music, all right, I'll do it.
• 45:49
  Speaker 5: Like and they might do it for less time or
• 45:52
  Speaker 5: whatever than they normally would when they're feeling better. But
• 45:55
  Speaker 5: that was on the calendar every Thursday night at this time,
• 45:58
  Speaker 5: like I'm doing it. So whether it's going on a
• 46:01
  Speaker 5: walk or for them, it was like an interest they
• 46:03
  Speaker 5: had and a hobby that I mean, that's part of depression,
• 46:06
  Speaker 5: Like I don't have interest in pursuing my hobbies. You
• 46:10
  Speaker 5: can still engage in the hobby, So I think that's
• 46:14
  Speaker 5: important too, if you have anything specific that normally you
• 46:17
  Speaker 5: work on, Like I.
• 46:19
  Speaker 2: Love the idea of an agenda. I love that because
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: the timelessness that you get lost in with depression. Having
• 46:25
  Speaker 2: something that's like okay, well, it's nine o'clock. Make cheerios,
• 46:28
  Speaker 2: it's nine thirty wash yeah, feed yourself right, yeah, it's
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: ten o'clock. Turn on the Weather Channel and get caught
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: up for thirty minutes, like just that completely punctuated day.
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: I think it allows the mind to like not get
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: stuck in a spiral and always has like a new
• 46:43
  Speaker 2: fresh thought that's being I love that idea.
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: Having to watch the Weather Channel, I think would throw
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: me into a spiral.
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: Buddy, that is my morning every morning.
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: I know it is. I watch.
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: I believe I watch like I am fucking a Norrad General,
• 46:56
  Speaker 2: Like I am sitting there staring at it like something
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: is very important. I need to know what's going on
• 47:00
  Speaker 2: in like New York right now, Like is it raining
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: in Pennsylvania? What is it change in your life?
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 47:08
  Speaker 2: To know this information? Great question. Jacob Okay, readiness, all right, good, good, ready.
• 47:15
  Speaker 5: You know Vegas has some of the most extreme changes
• 47:18
  Speaker 5: in weather, you know, within the same day.
• 47:20
  Speaker 2: It's actually pretty funny because usually the weather channels like,
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: oh my god, they would like regionally, so it'll be like, Okay,
• 47:25
  Speaker 2: we're in northeast and they go to south.
• 47:26
  Speaker 4: Oh you're watching all over the Yeah, like.
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I watched the whole thing. I don't watch our
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: weather like you just mentioned, not interesting, doesn't change nothing
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: to say. It's really funny because when they get to us,
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: it's always like, and it's hot, you know, or what
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: a little When I don't know, it's fifty degrees and
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: nothing's going on.
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: Sometimes they'll say fucking hot.
• 47:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, really fucking Either nothing's happening or everything's on fire.
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: You know. It's like those two things. But yeah, I
• 47:50
  Speaker 2: like to know what's going on in other states. I
• 47:52
  Speaker 2: can just feel it out and be like, okay, so
• 47:54
  Speaker 2: you don't want to go there, but you want to
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: know the weather.
• 47:56
  Speaker 5: I watched the weather for where people I know live,
• 47:59
  Speaker 5: like my family, your friends. I like on my little
• 48:01
  Speaker 5: weather app on my phone. Will sometimes scroll through that
• 48:04
  Speaker 5: when there's like extreme don't like, what are you going
• 48:07
  Speaker 5: right now?
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: When the Midwest was getting hit, I had people coming
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: out of single crazy like, hey, is your is your family? Okay?
• 48:19
  Speaker 2: That happens to me. Yeah, I don't know. I don't
• 48:23
  Speaker 2: talk to them. Fine, Yeah, why what's going on? They
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: do this ship all the time?
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: What are you talking about?
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: I've been invited any funerals I assume everything's fine. Oh no,
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: I get the is your family okay? And that's my
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: clue that some kind of extreme weather.
• 48:36
  Speaker 4: Is seriously.
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: Pets check.
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: Are you guys? I open the news like hurricanes, I'm.
• 48:46
  Speaker 4: Like, oh, oh yeah, that's.
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: Dead by They're probably fine.
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: I think with the writer's question, I think I also
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: like the idea of any kind of social event that
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: you can put in your calendar, big fan Like this
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: is where I think it's nice to be a person
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: in recovery because you can always have like a meeting,
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: and if you're in Las Vegas, there's at least one
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: meeting happening every hour, oh be four hours a day.
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: So just having someplace that you can go, like, you know,
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: not feeling great, I just need to I'm gonna go
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: find a meeting and go to a meeting. Even they have.
• 49:21
  Speaker 2: Social clubs with like pool halls and like snack bars
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: and stuff and like you just stay there.
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So anything in your neighborhood that you have that's
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: just kind of like that, like a social club, right,
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: I think that would be beneficial.
• 49:35
  Speaker 2: I like that a lot, like a like a crack den, Okay,
• 49:38
  Speaker 2: like a crack that's an option I suppose you'll hang
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: out there all day or a church.
• 49:44
  Speaker 4: A crack or a church.
• 49:47
  Speaker 2: So yeah, I really like the idea of calendaring things, punctuating,
• 49:51
  Speaker 2: putting it on a schedule. Social is super important too,
• 49:55
  Speaker 2: and that's one of the things that's really hard about
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: like being depressed. And it reminds me of like whenever
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: you've got like muscle soreness and stuff, where like the
• 50:03
  Speaker 2: solution to this is actually going to be stretching right
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: and feeling right, feeling exactly the pain that is caused
• 50:10
  Speaker 2: by this, right, But you've got to push through that
• 50:11
  Speaker 2: pain and that's actually the cure. And that's exactly how
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: depression is, right because like the depression says, isolate, do nothing,
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: don't shower, don't go out, Nobody wants to see you.
• 50:21
  Speaker 2: Just stay here and wallow. And you've got to push
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: through that soreness and that pain and make yourself just
• 50:27
  Speaker 2: a go somewhere, even if it's just going to a
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: Starbucks or going to a library and just taking a
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: walk through a mall. I had one patient we were
• 50:37
  Speaker 2: making a depression action plan, and one of the things
• 50:40
  Speaker 2: that was in there was she will go to Walmart
• 50:44
  Speaker 2: and she cannot leave that Walmart until she has browsed
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: every single aisle of the Walmart. So she's got to
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: do a certain she's got to go through the whole place.
• 50:54
  Speaker 2: And this was really good for her. She was a retiree.
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: She didn't have anything else on her agenda, and like
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: when she'd go to Walmart, she would always like, I
• 51:01
  Speaker 2: don't want to go, but then she'd always leave with
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: something and so like, and that actually spurred her a
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: little bit because it was like, oh, they have this
• 51:07
  Speaker 2: on sale, or this is coming up, or my granddaughter
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: would like this or whatever. Or she'd go through food
• 51:11
  Speaker 2: and be like, oh my god, this thing's on sale.
• 51:12
  Speaker 2: I should make this kind of dinner. And by the
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: time she would leave the Walmart, she just had experienced
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: so many different fresh ideas and exposure to different things
• 51:20
  Speaker 2: that it was really good. Plus it was like underfluorescent lighting,
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: there's people around, you're walking like there's an activity going on.
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: So that was part of her action plan where we
• 51:28
  Speaker 2: did that. I think every other day she had to
• 51:31
  Speaker 2: do one full circuit through her Walmart. And she was
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: like in a rural area, so it was like really
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: hard to find, like going to a hiking club or
• 51:37
  Speaker 2: things like that, But there was a Walmart and so
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: we made use of that.
• 51:40
  Speaker 4: It's always a Walmart.
• 51:41
  Speaker 2: I agree, Walmart always makes its communities better.
• 51:46
  Speaker 4: It always exists in the rural community.
• 51:49
  Speaker 2: So I like the idea of social stuff, you know.
• 51:51
  Speaker 2: Obviously the writer mentioned working out, which we have a
• 51:55
  Speaker 2: couple of deep dives on depression in our library at
• 51:57
  Speaker 2: patroon dot com slash therapy, and one of the things
• 52:00
  Speaker 2: that we did a deep dive on is how the
• 52:02
  Speaker 2: research is now showing us that strength training is as
• 52:06
  Speaker 2: good or better than many of the medicines because it
• 52:08
  Speaker 2: actually densifies your dendritic forest with serotonin and that actually
• 52:13
  Speaker 2: causes some of the same results that SSRIs, the typical
• 52:17
  Speaker 2: medicine repression. It's tremendous.
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: It also exercise makes psycho pharmacological medications more effects.
• 52:26
  Speaker 2: Yes, it's huge booster. So all those things go together.
• 52:30
  Speaker 2: But what we need to do, writer is whenever we're
• 52:32
  Speaker 2: putting together this plan, we want as many ideas on
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: there as possible. But those ideas are worthless if it's
• 52:39
  Speaker 2: just a big paper of ideas. So what you could
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: have thirty five pages of suggestions, you need to have
• 52:45
  Speaker 2: a mechanism of action. And that's where Whitney's suggestion of
• 52:49
  Speaker 2: the calendar is really important, because once you've you've dialed
• 52:52
  Speaker 2: in the calendar and it's done, then you make an
• 52:54
  Speaker 2: agreement I do do it, I do not question it,
• 52:58
  Speaker 2: or you have some kind of system where at these
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: periodical moments throughout my day, I'm going to roll. This
• 53:04
  Speaker 2: is one thing I did with a person is we
• 53:06
  Speaker 2: made our depression action plan. I think we had twelve
• 53:09
  Speaker 2: items on the list, and then every morning she would
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: roll a pair of dice and whatever number she got,
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: that was where she was going to go to the
• 53:17
  Speaker 2: list and she was gonna pick that thing. And even
• 53:19
  Speaker 2: if she did that same thing yesterday, the universe has
• 53:21
  Speaker 2: decided that she's meant to do it twice. So it
• 53:23
  Speaker 2: was take my dogs to a park, or it was
• 53:25
  Speaker 2: go to this library, go to a different museum, and
• 53:27
  Speaker 2: we had already done all the research and figured out
• 53:29
  Speaker 2: all the places that she would go, and then she
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: just militantly just did the next thing on the list
• 53:33
  Speaker 2: as she was supposed to do. So it's about designing
• 53:36
  Speaker 2: a formula, designing a mechanism of action that triggers you
• 53:39
  Speaker 2: without you getting a say in it that you're just
• 53:41
  Speaker 2: going to do it, and then you religiously do that
• 53:45
  Speaker 2: every day, and yeah, you're gonna be sad while you're
• 53:47
  Speaker 2: doing it. Fuck it, do it sad. That says part
• 53:49
  Speaker 2: of this, that's how you persist through depression. And if
• 53:52
  Speaker 2: all three corners of that triangle are constantly being fiddled with, eventually,
• 53:56
  Speaker 2: over time depression starts to relent, the the ecosystem starts
• 54:01
  Speaker 2: to change. Spring eventually arrives in London. Even if you
• 54:04
  Speaker 2: have chronic depression symptoms, you have to learn these persistence,
• 54:08
  Speaker 2: you know, military kind of like adherence to your program,
• 54:11
  Speaker 2: because if you don't, then you're just going to get
• 54:13
  Speaker 2: sucked into the void, right and just keeps getting worse.
• 54:16
  Speaker 2: And it's really really serious. So if you can swim
• 54:18
  Speaker 2: against it, swim.
• 54:19
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I think what you said to like doing it
• 54:21
  Speaker 5: sad is going to be really important because I think
• 54:23
  Speaker 5: sometimes we hear things like oh, eat healthy or exercise right,
• 54:27
  Speaker 5: and it gives us the impression that if I go
• 54:29
  Speaker 5: this one time, I'm going to feel better immediately.
• 54:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's not really like that.
• 54:33
  Speaker 5: It's kind of like, hey, I'm just doing the action
• 54:35
  Speaker 5: knowing that I might feel ten percent better, which you're
• 54:39
  Speaker 5: still going to be fucking depressed.
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's yeh. Honestly, I think that's a good perspective
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: to have, is that you're not necessarily.
• 54:46
  Speaker 2: Trying to get to a percent.
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: Yes, you know, if you can get from twenty percent
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: to thirty percent.
• 54:52
  Speaker 4: Then yeah.
• 54:52
  Speaker 5: My goal is that studies show this as helpful, So
• 54:55
  Speaker 5: I'm going to do the things that all the studies
• 54:57
  Speaker 5: have shown as helpful well.
• 54:59
  Speaker 2: And also, I think sometimes you have to give yourself
• 55:01
  Speaker 2: a pass to say my goal today is not to
• 55:03
  Speaker 2: feel better. My goal today is to do better. That's it.
• 55:06
  Speaker 2: So I may feel as shitty or worse by the
• 55:08
  Speaker 2: end of the day, that is not the criteria that
• 55:10
  Speaker 2: I'm going to use the judge whether I was supposed
• 55:12
  Speaker 2: to do this. I'm going to do this because this
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: is superior to nothing. And another huge thing that I
• 55:16
  Speaker 2: would add to your list, writer, Like, whenever I make
• 55:18
  Speaker 2: these lists, I want something physical, I want something social,
• 55:21
  Speaker 2: and I try to create categories right, so I want
• 55:23
  Speaker 2: a ton of physical ideas. They don't always have to
• 55:25
  Speaker 2: be going to the gym, because sometimes that's not appealing.
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: So it could just be taking a walk, get your
• 55:29
  Speaker 2: dog for a walk, go to a park. I want
• 55:31
  Speaker 2: a category of social ideas. Another category that I want
• 55:35
  Speaker 2: is service. I want you to find a way to
• 55:39
  Speaker 2: be of service to others and take a commitment. Sign
• 55:42
  Speaker 2: up at a soup kitchen, sign up at a homeless shelter,
• 55:45
  Speaker 2: sign up at a dog a foster agency or the
• 55:50
  Speaker 2: pound to go wash the dogs and feed them or
• 55:53
  Speaker 2: do a quick you know, poop scoop and wash out
• 55:56
  Speaker 2: their cages while they move the dogs from A to B.
• 55:59
  Speaker 2: Take a service commitment somewhere, because that is one of
• 56:02
  Speaker 2: the things I've seen make the most difference for depressed
• 56:04
  Speaker 2: people is waking up and being like, I don't want
• 56:07
  Speaker 2: to do this today, but like I feel like bad
• 56:10
  Speaker 2: if I let those dogs down, or like there's somebody
• 56:13
  Speaker 2: at that agency waiting for me. I'm supposed to show
• 56:15
  Speaker 2: up today. I want to serve the soup kitchen, or
• 56:17
  Speaker 2: I want to clean up trash. I'm supposed to go
• 56:19
  Speaker 2: for that trash walkree create a little responsibility. You need that,
• 56:22
  Speaker 2: and like when you have that, it compels you to
• 56:24
  Speaker 2: do it. And then at the end of the day,
• 56:26
  Speaker 2: even if you're still sad, and even if you did
• 56:28
  Speaker 2: it all sad, you did good in the world, and
• 56:30
  Speaker 2: I think you can sit back and say, well, I'm
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: still depressed, but I contributed today, and that goes a
• 56:35
  Speaker 2: long way, especially if you're also struggling with something like
• 56:38
  Speaker 2: a void of time, like you're unemployed, recently divorced, like
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: you used to have kids all the time, your kids
• 56:44
  Speaker 2: are halftime in your life, like situational depression really needs
• 56:48
  Speaker 2: service as well. So all of these are good ideas, right,
• 56:51
  Speaker 2: And I'm really glad you asked this question. Thank you
• 56:53
  Speaker 2: for also giving us a chance to brag about Robert
• 56:54
  Speaker 2: Brownie Junior Mint, one of our favorite people. If you
• 56:58
  Speaker 2: heard last week's episode, the update that we got from
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: his procedure is that the procedure went as well as
• 57:04
  Speaker 2: it could have gone. And so now they are just
• 57:07
  Speaker 2: kind of in their holding pattern, waiting to get feedback about,
• 57:10
  Speaker 2: you know, what the biopsy shows and what the next
• 57:12
  Speaker 2: steps are going to be. And in last week's episode
• 57:14
  Speaker 2: where Robert shared about you know, his testicular lump and
• 57:17
  Speaker 2: getting the biopsy and getting the testicle removed, his story
• 57:21
  Speaker 2: actually ended up inspiring like no less than six people
• 57:25
  Speaker 2: on our discord, We had people on the discord sharing
• 57:28
  Speaker 2: their own stories about that. Other people sharing that because
• 57:31
  Speaker 2: they heard that, they started checking themselves. One person even
• 57:34
  Speaker 2: scheduled a medical appointment based on what they learned, and
• 57:38
  Speaker 2: so this was huge. So Robert continues to be a
• 57:42
  Speaker 2: person who sets an example in our community, makes himself
• 57:45
  Speaker 2: a person of study so that other people can learn
• 57:47
  Speaker 2: and grow. And if you're not already with us at
• 57:50
  Speaker 2: patreon dot com slash therapy, honestly as little as a buck,
• 57:53
  Speaker 2: join the community. At least joined the conversation. Get to
• 57:55
  Speaker 2: know guys like Robert, because they really are the best
• 57:58
  Speaker 2: part of our show.
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: He opted against the squeaky toy prosthetic, which I think was.
• 58:02
  Speaker 2: About yeah, yeah, light up would have Yeah, blato speak
• 58:10
  Speaker 2: also useful. I mean you ever like been in the
• 58:13
  Speaker 2: dark and like can't find something right the flashlight on
• 58:18
  Speaker 2: your phone is so hard if you could just pull
• 58:20
  Speaker 2: down your pants, right, Well, it's so annoying. Yeah you
• 58:23
  Speaker 2: clap on, clap off. Yeah, yeah, Well it's so annoying
• 58:26
  Speaker 2: whenever you go in the movie theater and so bright,
• 58:29
  Speaker 2: it's so bright it's everywhere. When you know, those guys
• 58:32
  Speaker 2: that go to the movie theater are trying to find
• 58:33
  Speaker 2: their seat at the show. They get there a few
• 58:35
  Speaker 2: minutes late, you know, and then they use their phone light.
• 58:37
  Speaker 2: That's obnoxious. They should just drop their pants, you know,
• 58:39
  Speaker 2: give it a quick school like a gentleman. Yeah, and
• 58:42
  Speaker 2: just shuffle shuffle walk through the aisles until they find
• 58:44
  Speaker 2: their seat and then have a seat. You got it now,
• 58:47
  Speaker 2: And I maybe you should also go into a red hue.
• 58:49
  Speaker 2: That would be nice. Doesn't stain the eyes as much
• 58:52
  Speaker 2: like there's camping lights, would be really nice.
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 58:54
  Speaker 2: For years now, I've been shuttling people across this dark
• 59:00
  Speaker 2: all away in the movie theater. The usher is the balls.
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 59:07
  Speaker 3: The secret to my success is I don't have to
• 59:11
  Speaker 3: carry a fish light. I have both hands free to
• 59:15
  Speaker 3: do whatever I need to do with them because I
• 59:17
  Speaker 3: have what I like to call my little pants lantern.
• 59:21
  Speaker 3: I have a pants lantern. I just light that up. Yes,
• 59:25
  Speaker 3: and I shut the people through the dark movie theatre.
• 59:28
  Speaker 2: Yep, shame on you, Rob, clearly a mistake. So anyway,
• 59:32
  Speaker 2: I get better soon, buddy, Thanks, it was blinding. We're
• 59:35
  Speaker 2: gonna take a quick break and when we come back,
• 59:37
  Speaker 2: we're answering this question. Do I invite my ex to
• 59:42
  Speaker 2: my wedding? You're listening to Therapy next. Today's episode is
• 59:48
  Speaker 2: brought to you by Mason Miller, Tess Miller, Biler, t Terris,
• 59:52
  Speaker 2: Team Monico, Oscar Swanrose Haan, Marie, Emma Caine, Myra, and
• 59:56
  Speaker 2: Sam Coma. Would you like to sponsor the show? Become
• 59:59
  Speaker 2: a therap producer Treon dot com Splash Therapy. So when
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 2: we last left, I think everybody got a point. I
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 2: think all three of you did really, really good. Round two,
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 2: we're going back to Whitney. Whitney, an engineer builds a
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 2: sentient artificial intelligence who is tricked into human trafficking and
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 2: sent to Pleasure Island. I was like.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 4: It again.
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 2: An engineer builds a sentient artificial intelligence who is tricked
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 2: into human trafficking and sent to pleasure Island.
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 4: Okay, so that's going to be Pinocchio.
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: Right, it is.
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 5: Yest, Yeah, he explained.
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 4: I like, oh yeah, I don't know.
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 2: I'm still saying that other description was a better description.
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 2: All right. Another points to Whitney. We are over there, Jacob,
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 2: Jacob got in there, he helped all right. Jacob, a
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 2: deformed youth is ruthlessly mocked and separated from his mother
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 2: until his deformity earns profit at the circus. Oh that's
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 2: not Disney, but that could also be Rudolph was the
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 2: hunchback of Notre Dame. Okay, wow, tie game. Still we
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 2: go to Nick. Here we go Nick. An orphan is
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 2: forced into indentured servitude and placed under house arrest until
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 2: she gets a magical makeover and seduces a prince hunchback
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 2: of Notre Dame. Toy story four.
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 1: That helps Rapunzel, but a deformity.
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 2: An orphan is forced into indentured servitude and placed under
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 2: house arrest until she gets a magical make over and
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 2: seduces a prince. Deformity was on double y.
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 1: Okay, then I'm gonna say, Cinderella.
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 2: That is well done. I thought that'd get hard this round.
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 2: We got a tie game. I do have a tie breaker.
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 2: Go ahead, you want to want it now? All right? Here?
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 2: It is so this go Jim. We gotta have a buzz.
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 2: So as soon as I finish read it, you have
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 2: to let the question finish, and then I will bring
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 2: my gaze up. And that means that it is time
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 2: to buzz, because I'm going to need to visually certify
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 2: who has buzzed.
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 1: Okay, I don't have your thing. He's on.
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 2: Here we go, first one to answer, gets it. An
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 2: eleven year old girl unexpectedly falls in love with a
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 2: twenty eight year old military man when his invading force
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 2: attempts to kill and enslave her family. Buzz, oh fuck.
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 1: Buzz his hand raised on an audio show. What is
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 1: the nick? Uh? This would be Pokona.
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 5: It is vocahanas it is I was gonna say, I mean,
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 5: I think, what's that?
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 2: What's the Anaesthosia? That was really good. That's actually not Disney.
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 2: That's quality is very good. I think it's DreamWorks. I
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 2: think he's one of the big like dream Works action ones.
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 2: So that was really good. Great job everybody. All right,
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 2: So Nick, the guy who I did not see winning
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 2: this thing, Uh, definitely.
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 1: Came out on fire.
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah that many times?
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 1: Yes?
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 2: All right? Last question for today? Do I invite my
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 2: ex to my wedding? I could share a lot of
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 2: background here, but it's probably similar to most situations like this. Also,
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 2: worst sentence for this question ever, because the whole question
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 2: is three sentences, and when they start with I could
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 2: give you all the details that you probably would like
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 2: to know. But this is similar to every other situation
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 2: of this type. What anyway, I'm close to an and
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 2: I know he'll eventually hear about my upcoming marriage. I'm
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 2: unsure whether to let him find out on his own,
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 2: reach out to him myself, and or possibly even invite
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 2: him to the wedding. Can you walk me through the
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 2: things I should be considering here, pros and cons and
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 2: whether this is a good idea end of letter.
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 5: Okay, you know it's this isn't exactly the same. But
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 5: I just had this discussion with my friend who got
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 5: engaged recently. She wanted to invite a lot of mutual
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 5: friends that were from her ex husband. So, like, you
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 5: spend time with these people, they are your friends too,
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 5: but once you've split, it's like they they they still
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 5: stay in contact with him, they're really his friends. When
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 5: she goes back home, her new her fiance has met
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 5: these people too, but like, really, these these guys are
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 5: like closer to Rex. So we're talking about it. I
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 5: was like, she mentioned, do I invite like these people
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 5: to my wedding coming up? And I was like, why
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 5: why would you do that? Like what it was just
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 5: like mine, She's like, well, you know we are close
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 5: and this and that, and we dug around more and
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 5: more and it was like, because you know, I can't
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 5: help but therapize my friends.
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 4: That's how this works when you're a therapist.
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 5: But she was like, I think, deep down I want
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 5: them to see I'm happy, Like I want them to
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 5: see like how kind of how good I'm doing, you know,
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 5: but like and she is she way better with like
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 5: doing way better. It's a way better match, like whatever.
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 5: So yeah, I don't know I would. I just my
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 5: mind went there, like why are you wanting to invite
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 5: this person? It sounds like this person is on better
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 5: terms with their ex, so it might feel like, oh, I'm.
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 4: Close with them, So.
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 3: I've been doing to invite them one wedding that I
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 3: can think of, where the bride's ex husband was there.
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 2: Did they have a kid? They have a kid together,
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 2: But they are genuinely very good friends, and I believe
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 2: better friends and they were a married couple, and situation
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 2: I think, I think the same thing. Did he give
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 2: her away?
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 4: That needs to be a TV.
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 1: The first dance.
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 2: Also removed the garter belt relationship also escorted them into
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 2: the honeymoon.
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 3: Even at that one, I I don't know that he
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 3: had to be there, like he was there and it
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 3: seemed fine.
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 2: I chatted with him for a while. That's the thing,
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 2: just like.
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 3: It wasn't awkward, It wasn't weird for anyone that I
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 3: that I noticed or that I saw. But at the
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 3: same time, like, all right, everybody didn't have to be
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 3: at everything.
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I would say, if if you're really good friends
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 2: with your with your ex it sounds like ex husband
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 2: based on the pronouns, tell him, does.
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 4: It they have been married?
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 2: Does it matter if they were married or if it's
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 2: like a boyfriend. Does that change how we feel about this?
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 2: I don't think so, because the writer knows what that relationship.
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 2: Do you feel like?
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 4: If many did Laura invite to your way?
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 2: This is going to be good.
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 1: That I'm aware of.
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 5: No, we literally had like twenty people at our wedding.
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 5: It was the best because I.
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 2: Was like, all the more exes, right, you dated all
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 2: my exes.
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 4: Our family didn't come so well.
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 2: Johnson what he's also officiating.
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 4: He's really good at his job.
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 2: I'm just really attracted to spiritual authority.
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 5: No, because I'm like, I don't want anyone there the like,
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 5: I don't need that business.
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: I think The question actually that sticks out to me
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 1: is like, should I tell him I'm getting married or
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 1: let him find out on his own?
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 2: Okay, so you take off the table invite to the wedding?
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 1: No, no, no, I I we can have that conversation too.
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 1: But I think that question speaks more to what's going
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 1: on as far as the dynamics of the relationship, because well,
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: because the writer is basically acknowledging he's going to have
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 1: some feelings about this. So the writer maybe she doesn't
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 1: have feelings for him in any kind of romantic way,
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 1: but knows that this is going to be upsetting to
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 1: him to hear, which means that he has some sort
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 1: of feelings about interesting And so does she tell him
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 1: or let him find out on his own? Kind of
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 1: tells me that she's worried about him about how he's
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 1: going to take this.
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 2: And maybe this would be bad for his mental health
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 2: or it would hurt him well.
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, or just or he's going to be really upset
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: by it, in which case, if he's going to him emotionally,
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 1: and if that's the case, then should he be at
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 1: the wedding?
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 2: See like, if he's gonna I if he's going to
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 2: react negatively to just the fact that she is getting
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 2: buried again.
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 1: Right, well, how is him attending the wedding? Good point.
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 2: See, this is why we needed so much background, writer,
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 2: and the fact you were like just handwaving that and
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 2: being like this is like everything else you've ever.
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 1: Heard like this. I like making up the background.
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I don't want any more background than this.
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 2: All right, I have a new background for you. Okay,
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 2: they're divorced, ex husband pays alimony. Finding out that she's
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 2: remarrying means he will no longer have to pay alimony.
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 2: He is going to be thrilled about this. He should
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 2: go to the wedding to confirm it actually happens, so
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 2: that that moment they say I do he hears his
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 2: bank account just grow. And this is a celebration.
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 5: For a gift, a tasteful toasters.
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 1: Toaster.
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 2: Yes, so, so if your ex does come to the wedding,
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 2: the gift from the X should definitely be something the
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 2: two have you owned a mutually.
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 4: That's hilarious.
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 2: Oh, by the way, here's my grandmother's necklace.
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm thinking like, here's our dog.
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I think it matters quite a bit if they
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 2: were married if this is a ex boyfriend. Uh this
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 2: let's say writer is in their mid twenties and they
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 2: grew up with these kids and like dated one of
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 2: them and this is an ex boyfriend and they're still
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 2: cool and they were kind of like the semi serious
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 2: high school relationship. It didn't work out. They stay in
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 2: touch their family friends. Now as an adult, I've met
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 2: this guy, we've gotten serious. Whereabouts to get married? My
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 2: ex boyfriend slash friend is still youthful and like, you know, come,
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 2: maybe he has a little bit that emo in him, and
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 2: I just want to let them know, like he's going
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 2: to happen. If that's the dynamic he's got a little
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 2: emo in him, I'm put a little more in him.
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 1: There is.
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 2: Let so yeah, Like okay, that's one dynamic where I agree, Like, Okay,
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 2: how's this kid get to handle it? Like are they,
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 2: you know, emotionally stable? Should they even be at this thing?
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 2: Maybe there is like they give them a heads up thing.
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 2: I think I'm comfortable with that. But like, if this
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 2: is your ex husband, you own property together, you lived
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 2: a life together, you got a divorce, you stayed friendly,
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 2: and now you're gonna move on and get the next marriage.
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 2: I don't know that I feel, especially if you don't
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 2: have kids and there's no like symbolic reason to bring
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 2: the ex husband to be like, oh hey, we're all
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 2: still one big family, Like the two men get along,
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 2: they're gonna help raise this kid together. Like if there's
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 2: not that symbolism, I don't know. Also, how does the
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 2: husband feel about this? Like, how does the new husband
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 2: feel about this? I'm on the fuck new husband in
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 2: this hypothetical scenario totally.
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 1: We just say he's.
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 2: Definitely not got a problem with it.
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 1: I think if we're making up a BackStar, let's just
• 1:11:46
  Speaker 1: say he's also his ex too.
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 3: Me.
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think he's got to come to the web.
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 1: I think we've.
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 2: Settled on X has the cup of the way and
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 2: exciting and has prima docta. Well probably already did I mesable,
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 2: which means it doesn't matter one more time. Oh boy,
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 2: I do not want to be at that wedding and
• 1:12:14
  Speaker 2: either dude who fucked my new wife is there waving.
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 2: I say invite him and serve popcorn.
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 1: Oh no.
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 2: Also, it's going to be a distraction, right, Like the
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 2: families are going to see and be like, oh, you
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 2: brought Larry and it's like, yeah, we're friendly and like, what.
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 1: Are you doing?
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 2: That's going to be the most interesting thing.
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 1: But I've seen some families though, where they wouldn't think
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 1: anything of it. Yeah yeah, where they're just.
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 2: Like, oh, yeah, this is you know, family friend. But again,
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 2: this is why contact matters. If you grew up with
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 2: this kid and he's like the boyfriend you had in
• 1:12:47
  Speaker 2: high school and the family doesn't see him as.
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 4: A run I feel like this is an ex husband.
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 5: So this seems like we were we dated or what
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 5: we dated for a year I don't know, and we
• 1:12:55
  Speaker 5: stayed close after and it's like, now I'm getting married,
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 5: it feels like we're friend who used to fuck maybe,
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 5: and now it's like do you come to my wedding?
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 5: That's why I'm like, why do you want to invite
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 5: the like? And I think, more importantly, what is my
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 5: new my fiance thing?
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 2: Is ex allowed to challenge current?
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 1: If anyone has any reason, just skip that part of it?
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 2: Shows up with a sword, No, it's like a dual. Yeah,
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 2: he walks, pulls off the white gloves.
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 1: It was the skit that I saw. It was a
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 1: god Hugh Laurie and what was his comedy partner that
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 1: he used to do laur And Oh uh.
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 2: Fuck, I can't remember if you hadn't asked me ship
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 2: something Laurie Niles and Laurie was it?
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 1: Wait? Was it Mike Nichols.
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 2: No, I can't think.
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 1: No, it wasn't Mike Nichols. Anyway, there was a skit
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 1: that they were doing where the two of them were
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 1: were gonna they were gonna duel, and then the guy
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 1: who was like officiating it, he's like, all right, knife
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 1: or gun, and then one of them is like gun,
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 1: and it's like, okay, then you get the knife. I
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 1: was like, wait a minute, I.
• 1:13:59
  Speaker 2: Thought I thought we were.
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 1: I remember this.
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 2: The first guy says knife, They'll take the gun please,
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 2: because wait a minute, Stephen, Yeah, okay. Well, you know,
• 1:14:15
  Speaker 2: if I'm at this wedding and there's not a duel,
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 2: I'm un comfortable. Yeah, I'm taking homes I am a
• 1:14:26
  Speaker 2: fan of. There is no positive reason to do this
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 2: that serves you or your partner directly. It would only
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 2: be charitable to the ex and in their best interest,
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 2: and I just don't think that is a reasonable expectation
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 2: for your ex to have, even if they are currently
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 2: a friend they should de facto know, I will not
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 2: be attending the wedding. I am of the opposite opinion.
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 2: I think it is charitable to the ex and I
• 1:14:51
  Speaker 2: believe in charity. Okay, unlike Jim, so, I believe that
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 2: you should give to charity and invite your ex. Okay, right,
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 2: you turn that one around on me. I do also
• 1:15:03
  Speaker 2: like the X giving you away.
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 1: As they last person from now on.
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 5: If you don't write in context, away, if you don't
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 5: write in context, this is what happened, I think.
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 3: If but if she gets to bring an X, I
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 3: think he does too. Oh yes, Oh, and then you
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 3: can you can try to make the exs fuck. You
• 1:15:28
  Speaker 3: can spend the entire wedding trying to make the exes fun.
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 1: Make make each other's X their best man.
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they're part of the wedding party. Okay, this is
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 2: a wedding party of xes.
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 1: This is a great idea.
• 1:15:44
  Speaker 2: So obviously this needs to be on pay per view
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 2: and and like we will, we will sponsor the wedding.
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 2: Can this wedding be brought to you by pot there?
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 1: Send us an invite anyway?
• 1:15:55
  Speaker 2: All right, So Jacob and I are both given our
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 2: final verdict on this What is You two's final verdict
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 2: on does the ex get the invite?
• 1:16:01
  Speaker 1: No, I say no. I think if if we're worried
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 1: about how well he's going to take it, then I
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 1: think then we probably he doesn't need to go. Yeah,
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 1: the history of taking it very well, he's gonna take
• 1:16:14
  Speaker 1: it all right.
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 2: Well, good luck with that. One writer can't wait to
• 1:16:17
  Speaker 2: find out how this goes. Congratulations, Please please live stream.
• 1:16:20
  Speaker 2: I don't seat updates. I think I'm gonna figure it out.
• 1:16:24
  Speaker 2: If you want somebody to officiate context, there is a
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 2: Patreon level for that. We're gonna take quick break and
• 1:16:30
  Speaker 2: when we come back, we are wrapping up the show.
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 2: You are listening to pod therapy. Today's episode is brought
• 1:16:36
  Speaker 2: to you by Smoothy Scoop, Mason Miller, Test Miller, Builer,
• 1:16:38
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• 1:16:43
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• 1:16:45
  Speaker 2: producer at patreon dot com slash therapy. Well, as we're
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 2: prepare to wrap up the show, we have some new
• 1:16:51
  Speaker 2: iTunes five star reviews since November of twenty.
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 1: Five, so we're going to read the one stars.
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 2: You know, we don't read those, and that's why they're
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 2: no incentive.
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 1: Because what is it Because you can't make it through.
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 2: Hey, I'm gonna cry and b I will not incentivize
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 2: poor behavior. Okay, put a five and I'll probably read it.
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 2: Starting from the bottom. Here we've got five stars. Nick,
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 2: Jim Whitney, and Jacob are awesome. The attributes attributes. The
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 2: attributes of the show are informative and funny. It's a
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 2: veritable reservoir of information. Pello Hell from dread Rabbit thirteen
• 1:17:33
  Speaker 2: five stars. How is it possible for a podcast to
• 1:17:36
  Speaker 2: be this good? The mix of practical, down to earth
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 2: advice and humor makes it incredibly binge worthy. Jim has
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 2: the perfect podcast host voice, so much knowledge, and he
• 1:17:47
  Speaker 2: always ties each question together so beautifully at the end.
• 1:17:50
  Speaker 2: There is perfect chemistry between all the hosts. From Starburst
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 2: nine nine nine Thank you Last Review Today five stars.
• 1:17:58
  Speaker 2: Great podcast, especially all the times when Jim opens his
• 1:18:01
  Speaker 2: holy mouth. His voice is just the right volume for
• 1:18:04
  Speaker 2: my ears, and everything he says makes me think he
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 2: must have a doctorate. At some point ten for ten,
• 1:18:10
  Speaker 2: especially Jim at some point signed a h S nineteen
• 1:18:16
  Speaker 2: year old, oh much year old. Fuck you.
• 1:18:23
  Speaker 4: Uck you, I love it.
• 1:18:25
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• 1:18:26
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• 1:18:28
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• 1:18:40
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  Speaker 2: expressing a theory of how we might try to figure
• 1:18:50
  Speaker 2: out whether AI ever becomes sentient? What would be the test?
• 1:18:54
  Speaker 2: I propose a way to potentially check for that. But
• 1:18:58
  Speaker 2: we do have a new therapy producer to welcome to
• 1:19:01
  Speaker 2: the Therap party. Welcome new therap producer, Kyle Dick woo
• 1:19:06
  Speaker 2: he Welcome Yle. It's spelled d y c K. I
• 1:19:09
  Speaker 2: think it's pronounced Richard. Okay, Kyle Richard, Yeah right, Richard,
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 2: Kyle Richard.
• 1:19:16
  Speaker 1: Let's go with that.
• 1:19:17
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• 1:20:22
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• 1:20:42
  Speaker 2: the extra goodies at patreon dot com slash theraphy.
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 1: Do you want to.
• 1:20:47
  Speaker 2: Submit a question to show, to ask itonymously a www
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 2: dot pod therapy dot net, email us at pod therapy
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 2: guys at gmail dot com, or click on this episode's
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 2: description and you'll find a link to be taken to
• 1:20:58
  Speaker 2: our anonymous Google fur. I'm Jim, I'm Nick Tanjamin, I'm
• 1:21:02
  Speaker 2: Whitney Line. Thanks, you'll see you for the appointment next
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 2: week there, Nick, goodbye, everybody.
• 1:21:11
  Speaker 7: A