Latest / SHULCHAN ARUCH YOMI: Own the Halacha in 25 minutes a day! / Yoreh De’ah 240:25-241:2. Honoring Parents: Parent Serving Children, Marriage, Yeshiva, Naming Children, Hitting and Cursing

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Yoreh De’ah 240:25-241:2. Honoring Parents: Parent Serving Children, Marriage, Yeshiva, Naming Children, Hitting and Cursing · SHULCHAN ARUCH YOMI: Own the Halacha in 25 minutes a day!

• 0:02
  OK, we are continuing with keyboard of aim Raish Mem we're
• 0:07
  on cough. Hey, so before I continue, I'm
• 0:11
  just going to conclude the story.
• 0:14
  So for my second son, who who was the the Sonic the winner was
• 0:21
  it was my father. I could not pick my father and I
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  could not not pick my I had to pick my father, right?
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  And I'm pretty sure I would do it again and again and again.
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  I'm very happy with my choice. Maybe there's other
• 0:42
  considerations. Maybe I should have made my
• 0:45
  father for my first, my first son.
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  But certainly when I chose my grandfather, I should have had
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  this worked out first so it wouldn't come up.
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  But I don't know, it don't have to be like a whole family
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  discussion. But anyway, I that's what makes
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  sense to me based on Spartak and hugging.
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  And I'm the one who had to choose.
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  And to me it was it was a no brainer who it wasn't a Vikua
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  discussion between me and my wife.
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  It was really who's going to feel a little bit and the father
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  comes first after being hugging with the father.
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  So and it was really it just turned out to be between the two
• 1:26
  fathers, but they were both very Sadiqian.
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  My father was Mocho from anxiety and my father-in-law was was
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  totally fine and it was never an issue and was never even brought
• 1:37
  up again. And it was just everyone lived
• 1:39
  happily ever after anyway, So I'll just mention actually
• 1:43
  happily ever after the both the father and the stepfather, my
• 1:49
  father-in-law, father-in-law, my stepfather.
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  We'll say it's Eli Nishmashir and all Shiwer and I'm doing are
• 1:55
  Eli Nishma son today. Also this year is dedicated in
• 1:59
  particular to the Shamas of from the Holocaust.
• 2:06
  Kedoshian killed al Qaeda Shasham just because they're
• 2:11
  Jewish. We still have that nowadays
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  doesn't end anyway, the Hishamda whatever.
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  I can go into a drush, but I better get back to Kiba Aveen
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  and just one other little snip. But as far as choosing, by the
• 2:27
  way, it's always a complex thing.
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  Also, my father was much older than my father-in-law and I
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  didn't know how many more boys there would be for my father
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  based also on their age, based on the other children.
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  This was this was because my wife's has more younger siblings
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  and they're going to chances are much more chance of.
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  But anyway, that's let's get back to the point.
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  So that was Sondek. Kriya Shem is a little bit
• 2:57
  different. Also another reason why we see
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  by Kriya Shem or really by Sondek, some people put a woman
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  first, the Minaga, the Ashkenazi, as it goes with the
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  mother side first is because she did all the hard work.
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  The guy basically showed up, you know, maybe one day when it
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  started, maybe one day when it was when the baby was born and
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  there wasn't much much done by the husband with the child
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  directly. She's the one who went through
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  all the she rest her life. She went through all the child
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  suffering. So anyway, so she she deserves
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  it, right, She does. The mother deserves a lot for a
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  lot of reasons. OK, but let's let's just talk a
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  quick about create shame, because this is also a form of
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  Kibbutov AIM or they're alive or dead, right, Kibbutov aim
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  continues. So the minute by Ashkenazim,
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  they generally speaking do not name after the if it's a
• 3:54
  relative, they do not name after the living.
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  They only they save it for the for those who are in Iftar for
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  the deceased, maybe it's a little bit of a nayanhara.
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  Or also there's also a beginning of whenever a Neshamah passes
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  away, a person passes away, that the nephesh gets a little bit of
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  a booster revival when you name another child in its name.
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  That's a huge inion there. I so we know clearly by Eben,
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  but let's let's focus here, right Gilgal, however you want
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  to understand, but it gives a certain, certain boost for the
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  Neshamah and a little kesher. Maybe when the child does a
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  Mormon mitzvos, it'll help a little bit more since it's
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  connected through the name. So that's a very big inion, but
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  Ashkenazim, they save it only for the the deceased.
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  So therefore, if the parents are alive, they will normally do it
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  after grandparents or great grandparents or whatever who
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  are, but only once they're nifter.
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  Often there's no Kadima by Ashkenazim which comes first,
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  but some also they choose. The preference goes to the wife
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  for naming. We know in, I mean, you can look
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  in Tanakh a little bit what we see, there's all kinds of
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  situations when you look in the of us who got named first.
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  We know by it was by Yaakov. It was always the wife whom got
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  the first name or both names or all the names depending.
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  Binyamin was the second child, so that was more Nikva.
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  She called first, but he was more Nikva.
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  Yaakov. Benyamin is the one that stuck
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  afterwards. But anyways, those can play
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  around a little bit with Tanah when the Sparta custom is clear,
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  it's always the father's first and it's all you always name it
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  after the father side, the father of the child, and they do
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  it after the living. Another is even if it's living.
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  So the father always gets first Kadima.
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  So it'd be the the the child's grandfather.
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  Paternal grandfather would come first or if it's a girl,
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  paternal grandmother, there's boys or girls are named after
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  the respective gender and it's always goes from the father side
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  1st and then the mother side. So in particular in some
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  families you'll see that they all have the same, all the
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  cousins have the same name because they're all named after
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  the same grandfather or at least from each child.
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  So there's a lot of the same names and a lot of more
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  repetition going is and however interesting I saw, I saw in Raba
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  Baja, he writes the custom though, is let's say the
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  mother's father or mother, whatever the kid boy or girl,
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  whatever it is, the mother side, the, the, the grandfather of the
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  child or the, the parent of the mother is nifter is deceased.
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  So then the mom's side gets first.
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  That's that's an exception where the mother side gets before the
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  father. If the mother side is nifter,
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  the nifter does take precedence over the the living.
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  So that's a little interesting there.
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  Also sometimes they say if it's the mother side, there's a
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  particular reason or is a big Talmac.
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  So it's OK, but you have to it might be good to do the mother
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  side first, but only with the father's father, the fraternal
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  grandfather's permission, because the right based on Cuba,
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  the aim and the men of the the community again, depends on
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  which community and how much their market.
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  But it could be like a big insult to the father if it's not
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  named after him. So you have to get his, his
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  permission. Double names.
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  Sometimes people do double names and but somebody also points out
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  Benishei or Avadia, right? Points out that if it's a double
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  name, the first name should still go after the the father,
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  whoever gets the proper Kadima and the Saki Machuva.
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  Sorry writes sometimes if you want to add another name and one
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  of them is the father and one of them is not, it's a double name.
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  When you call him, you got to call him by both names.
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  You can't only call him by the non father's name because
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  that'll be insulting the father. Again, it depends.
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  That's what he writes. Nothing's 100% the the Omari
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  talks about quotes the Marshall. You are allowed to combine names
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  and that's called that is considered naming it after them.
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  The example he gives is let's say one parent or a grandparent
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  is Mehir and another one is Uri. You're allowed to call them
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  Shneur. I don't know, just something to
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  I'm not sure, but something to think about.
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  Nowadays people would probably use two names and call them by
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  both names naming after someone who's not from So there is we
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  say names do affect the person. They are important.
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  Sometimes you say it's a stickle navua, sometimes you say it it
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  affects the child. So there is some question about
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  naming after a non religious parent, especially if he's a
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  Russia. And so I reported from again,
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  it's a question Vishay David quoted from Nevinsal, for
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  example, that he says it's not a problem and you just the Kevana
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  you have when you name them is you're naming them not to be
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  like the values of a of a someone who's not from, but
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  you're having a good value. Whatever the name represents,
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  you know that you're having a proper Kevana for the name that
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  the child should grow up to be. Whatever good qualities come out
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  of that name and that and then that's OK.
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  So it can be it can be a lack of Cuban to ignore that name, even
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  though. So it depends how wicked.
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  I mean, some is non from and some is is wicked.
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  So if it's it's yeah, we'll say that for an individual, it's OK.
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  Kaf Hey iema a Rosa la charette tabeni Moto la Cabo me menu.
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  So the is a father wants to serve his son.
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  So then the son is allowed to receive the benefit the father,
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  the father wants to. I mean, often nowadays, you
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  know, the child is, is needy. That's part of raising a child.
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  But even when the son is or the child is able to do things on
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  their own, they're able to make their own cup of coffee or pack
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  their own lunch or whatever or make dinner.
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  A parent is is allowed to. However, is is based on the mime
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  run the Gemara again, it depends how far you want to take it.
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  I mean here I'll just let me just read it.
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  Ella in Kane hav Bentara if the father is a big Talmatara.
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  So the Gemara represent recommends not to to get served
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  by the father. So why so the Gemara says
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  because it could cause Khalisha sadas.
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  So what does that mean? So the father can have a certain
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  it's an emotional thing. It's not so clear 100% what it
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  means, but this is how I understand.
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  I'll spoke to a peasant. He a person is is used to big
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  tall McHugh and everyone stands up for him.
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  The whole show comes over to him and now he's serving his son.
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  It's, it just affects the person, the psych a little bit
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  and it gives you a little bit. Wow, Everyone honors me.
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  And now my son is, I'm serving, he's not really treating me the
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  same or he's accepting from me. And just when other people
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  wouldn't let me serve them. And it just creates a little bit
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  of a negative feeling. And so therefore it's better,
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  better not to because I mean, it's us, Sir.
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  In fact, certain things the father still can do.
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  It's not like he can't do anything.
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  And sometimes if he doesn't do anything, that's not so good
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  either for the relationship, but a little complex.
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  But that's just a general idea. And can you pass the soul,
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  please? Yeah.
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  And I think, I mean, I, I know, you know, my mother would be
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  upset if I keep walking around or just reaching over and, you
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  know, and, you know, putting your arm in front of people and
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  like, whatever. Sometimes it's it's the better
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  way to go is and they are they're able to be more
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  whatever's normal. Another thing that people say is
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  also right, right. Don't choose to ask your parents
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  unless but sometimes they want to.
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  It gives them also a purpose in life.
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  Sometimes, depending on what stage and what situation is they
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  want to feel helpful and not useless.
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  That's also a bit that's an interesting point.
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  It's important not to let parents of all ages, especially
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  when they get older and they start do feeling, you know,
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  needy and useless and helpless. You want to give them a feeling
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  of that, that they're still needed and important.
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  Fine, what was I going to say anyway?
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  But also sometimes letting a parent serve a child if he's a
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  Bentara, especially if it's in public.
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  If it's in public really that can also create people don't
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  always realize necessarily and they see how creates a certain
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  either look at the sunbat or a zilzo and saying hey look and it
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  lowers the level of the Rebbe. But I don't.
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  Also a person said sometimes if it causes Khalisha sadas, then
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  the father may not really be Mokhal.
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  Like you might say he's Mokhal, but it's not belay Shalom
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  anymore. So that creates a little.
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  Anyway, let's continue. Talmid shirozolekhala mokhalm
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  akhar now shiroubatev shiura Simon Bracha, but Talmudo.
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  So if a son wants to go to a certain yeshiva, khedar yeshiva
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  godola, whatever it is, certain city, the Funay Harab shasham,
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  because that's where that rabbi's there, or that's where
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  the yeshiva's there. That's where everyone is
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  learning the the best or whatever.
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  The child child child could be 20 years old, but whatever the
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  child is thinking so then the Aviv Mohabbel, but the father is
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  telling him no, no, I want you to learn in this yeshiva or in
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  this city Lafisha doeck shiba osta hair goyima alolim and he
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  had the father has actually a good reason.
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  It's not stung. It could be a scoff of reasons.
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  It could be whatever the reasons is it's or it's it's a
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  physically dangerous place to be.
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  There's goyim there and they they mock them.
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  And nowadays in particular, some people were less used to it.
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  Now we see a little bit more, unfortunately, could be
• 14:55
  physically attacking. Very good.
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  A note, sorry, Ishmael Aviv Bazer, when it comes to
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  learning, you do not need to listen to your father.
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  So we learned we, we mentioned before again, sometimes even for
• 15:11
  Amidas Hasidas, the post game shown him, they say you should
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  listen to your parents. So it's a little bit complex and
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  it depends what's the balance and what you're losing here.
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  You're going to be losing learning Tara, the grot.
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  The grot quotes the Gemara, the famous Gemara from Eruvina and
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  Zine. Remember BOC, that ain't mean a
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  call lomed cause a person doesn't doesn't learn the same.
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  And certain environments are this person's not zoka to learn
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  from, doesn't connect to a Rebbe.
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  A Rebbe and Talmud relationship is very important.
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  Also the Derek Halimud. So on that the father, it's a
• 15:52
  parent can't necessarily get involved.
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  I mean, you can give an opinion and one should seriously
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  consider their opinion. And most parents are always
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  looking after the best for their child.
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  So think not once, not twice, three times, you know what they
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  have to say. But ultimately it's, it's, it's
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  not 100% in the parents jurisdiction.
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  It's the child gets to choose. And he also points out that any
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  the girl points out, anytime there's a mitzvah that cannot be
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  done by anybody else but you and your parent doesn't want you to
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  do it. And I'm talking about mitos
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  casitas. So then the Cuba of the aim is
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  nitre gets pushed aside and doing the mitzvah that only you
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  can do that comes that comes first.
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  And we kind of just we saw that previously points out in you to
• 16:43
  bet and Camus de Neon Psquecho says even if it's a Suffolk,
• 16:48
  you're going to learn better in one yeshiva than the other, But
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  that's where you believe you're going to learn better or
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  probably learn better. You don't have to.
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  He also quotes you want to daven in a certain show or a certain
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  minion. The child, the parent doesn't
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  have a right to tell you where to Dobbin.
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  Child has to Dobbin where he feels comfortable.
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  It's it's it's Dobbin in his kesher tikkadish barfu.
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  His havra. Parents cannot be overbearing.
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  Not to mention we don't want them to be over the thing either
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  that we mentioned previously. But parents also can't be
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  controlling their kids life too much.
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  We're going to see that again here.
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  Haggah. The thing IMA of mohabba Ben
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  Lisa isa isha shiyaq was Baha Ben.
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  The son wants to marry a particular woman.
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  And the son, the father tells him it's not a good idea or he
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  forbids it. Kilo aim sarikhlis shmoha al hai
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  al ha. We do not need to listen to your
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  parent. You're allowed to get marriage.
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  I don't marry who you want. Again mitzvah is again getting
• 17:49
  married. There's a mitzvah and the the
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  the the boy, the girl, buckler lady, whatever they need to
• 17:58
  connect to each other. It's not simple.
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  It's obvious. It's getting married, you know,
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  and but parents again, shouldn't children should obviously
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  consider very much. And for all these things, it's
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  really important to explain, to talk to your parents, to get
• 18:16
  them to understand, appreciate where you're coming from,
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  because you don't want this to turn into a I'm a hocus in the
• 18:23
  family. Shaman bite's really important.
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  And sometimes listening to them or or or not, but doing it the
• 18:30
  right way and explaining to them helps.
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  Relationship helps them to be. If it's about learning makes
• 18:36
  them to be closer be chuva. Sometimes it's anyway, but the
• 18:41
  post can point out that it's here.
• 18:44
  I'll quote from the again from the grub he writes.
• 18:47
  When it comes to SAR the Gufa, the parents in general don't
• 18:51
  have jurisdiction. If it's personal or physical or
• 18:55
  could be even emotional, they do not have.
• 18:59
  The child has to do control of his own body and his own mental
• 19:03
  health, not the parent. But the general rule is anything
• 19:08
  that the it's for the father, right?
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  We learned about feeding him and bringing him in anything that's
• 19:14
  directly related to the parent. So generally the child is hive
• 19:20
  and listening for Kibo da Vin. When it's not something that's
• 19:24
  directly for the parent, it's for the child.
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  The father doesn't get direct benefits from it, so then it's
• 19:35
  in the child's juris jurisdiction to decide, not the
• 19:38
  parents. Again, it's not the black.
• 19:40
  Nothing's black and white, but that is the general fine.
• 19:47
  That's the general fine. Let's just start reishman olive
• 19:51
  DNA makko makkalo alviva emo OK about hitting a parent olive a
• 19:58
  curse and makkalo alviva emo a person.
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  Who curses his parent, one of his parents, a few of the Afar
• 20:06
  Mita son, even after they pass away hire this Scylla.
• 20:11
  So the child just by cursing is hire with the death penalty of
• 20:16
  Scylla imu bahadian vyasra. So you only physically get a
• 20:22
  Scylla alright put to death. If there is witnesses and they
• 20:26
  were and they were warned for what's you know what he's doing
• 20:30
  and what's the consequences FA de isha and it makes no
• 20:34
  difference if it's shaquila. If it's a boy or girl, the child
• 20:40
  can be a son or daughter and to either of the parents it doesn't
• 20:43
  make a difference. But medivar in the morning one
• 20:46
  does want to get the death penalty though of skeela.
• 20:49
  That's shikala lumba. Shame.
• 20:53
  That's when you when you're using one of the the main real
• 20:57
  names of a Kurdish bark. Usually we say this around 7.
• 21:00
  The Rambam lists a couple variations, like using a good
• 21:03
  kebab K anyways, one of those Kim kool-aid avala kilim akinoi
• 21:12
  in Okhaya of Ella Belov. If you curse them out, but only
• 21:16
  with a kinoi of Hashem, then it's just a love.
• 21:20
  Obviously it's, it's a, it's a hotspot, it's auster in general,
• 21:25
  even without any kind of a name. But you don't get the same it's
• 21:29
  not the same level of a skiller allowed Kamisha McCullough,
• 21:33
  Ehrani, Israel. A person should never curse
• 21:35
  anybody's that's allowed just to curse anybody else.
• 21:39
  OK, the thing let's see Hamake Aviva Imam, A person who hits a
• 21:47
  parent hits the one of their parents on their life.
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  Bane ish Bane Isha whether it's it doesn't matter if it's any
• 21:59
  child. So then the field is also a
• 22:06
  death penalty if one hits them. It's not scala, but it's OK with
• 22:10
  dafka strangulation with hanging with dafka.
• 22:17
  IM asubaham kabura now. The only time you're high of the
• 22:21
  death penalty is if there is bleeding involved, including
• 22:29
  internal bleeding. Hemorrhoid, which is what's it
• 22:33
  called? Bruising, Right.
• 22:35
  That's bleeding What Thrombosis also Yeah.
• 22:42
  Of a causes on it of aim loa SU cabora Eno ella belov.
• 22:49
  Now if there's no bleeding, so then it's a love for hitting
• 22:53
  come out me shamaka ekhad just like one who hits and any person
• 22:59
  it's also as or the love. But it's only going to be
• 23:02
  bleeding is going to be the death penalty.
• 23:05
  But Ikawa Ozno, the harshal haya misa person who hits a person's
• 23:09
  ear and makes them go deaf. Yeah, sure, she has a cherish
• 23:13
  bilochabura. He's high of Misa because it's
• 23:17
  impossible to hit someone on the ear and make them go deaf
• 23:19
  without causing some internal bleeding with at least a tip.
• 23:25
  Adam, you say maybe phenim, but Ozin there will be at least a
• 23:29
  minuscule amount of blood. The alzhe Nitrash, and that's
• 23:33
  what caused him to become deaf. I don't know if it's, I don't
• 23:37
  know the, I don't know, speak to an ENT about that.
• 23:40
  But we'll go with that for now. And Kimmel or let's see, we'll
• 23:48
  stop here. OK.
• 23:51
  Yeah.