Latest / Parent's Talk with Francine Juhlin / EPISODE 21: Feel Powerless Parenting? Try This!

Transcript

EPISODE 21: Feel Powerless Parenting? Try This! · Parent's Talk with Francine Juhlin

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Speaker 1: Discover empowering, science backed strategies to regain control as a
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Speaker 1: confident parent. Hi. Everyone, this is doctor Jolene Aires and
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Speaker 1: I am happy to participate in this podcast with Francine Julin.
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Speaker 1: I'm here to talk with parents around feeling powerless as
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Speaker 1: a parent and providing the science backed way to take control.
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Speaker 2: Welcome to Parents Talk, the podcast for parents who want
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Speaker 2: to raise confident, resilient kids and build strong self esteem.
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Speaker 2: Hosted by Francine Jolene aka Princess Francie and founder of
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Speaker 2: the Confidence Club for Kids. Each episode gives you actionable
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Speaker 2: parenting tips, tools and strategies to help your children thrive,
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Speaker 2: break the cycle of negative childhood programming and grow, and
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Speaker 2: is self assured empowered adults. Let's get started.
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Speaker 1: My private practice is focused with adolescence and adults and families,
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Speaker 1: and my main focus of my clinical work is tackling
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Speaker 1: anxiety and trauma. I'm a trauma specialist as well, but
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Speaker 1: I focus a lot on anxiety because it's at the
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Speaker 1: root of any mental health issue, and I present anxiety
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Speaker 1: as a very general term. It's any uncomfortable feeling that
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Speaker 1: we have. It could be sadness, anger, irritability, feeling scared.
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Speaker 1: It's any uncomfortable feeling that we have, because that's our
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Speaker 1: body's way of saying, you know, something's not right here.
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Speaker 1: I don't feel like my normal self. It's that fight
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Speaker 1: flight or freeze response. So I'm but I'm not just
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Speaker 1: looking at the symptoms of anxiety, because there are so
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Speaker 1: many symptoms of anxiety, and I don't look at, you know,
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Speaker 1: what people are diagnosed with as far as any other
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Speaker 1: mental health disorder, because I don't agree with putting people's
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Speaker 1: symptoms in a box and labeling that because it really
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Speaker 1: does not provide the context of what's going on or
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Speaker 1: a person's history. So I've always wanted to kind of
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Speaker 1: peel back those layers and say, Okay, if we started
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Speaker 1: to have these symptoms or experience anxiety in certain ways,
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Speaker 1: let's backtrack to see when that first started or when
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Speaker 1: we noticed it, and just keep backtracking on a timeline.
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Speaker 1: And each time I've done this with all my clients,
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Speaker 1: and I've worked in patient outpatient, obviously my private practice,
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Speaker 1: I've worked in court systems, schools, so I've kind of
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Speaker 1: run the gamut there, and every time I've gone back
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Speaker 1: to identify what precipitated their symptoms, I've found that they
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Speaker 1: were experiencing situations or circumstances where their personal sense of
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Speaker 1: control was minimal or non existent. So that's what I
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Speaker 1: started to tap into, is that lack of control. When
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Speaker 1: we don't have the level of control that we want
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Speaker 1: or we need, that anxiety automatically increases. So I use
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Speaker 1: a scale to gauge the level of intensity of anxiety,
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Speaker 1: so it's a concrete tool that is easy to apply
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Speaker 1: and use as a communication tool. From Z zero to
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Speaker 1: tend to gauge the level of intensity of anxiety. And
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Speaker 1: as we go up on that scale, it's because our
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Speaker 1: personal sense of control is dropping. So in my practice,
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Speaker 1: I use different modalities to help us bring this anxiety down.
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Speaker 1: And as that's coming down, our personal sense of control
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Speaker 1: is going up, so we basically want to shift it
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Speaker 1: on that scale. But tied into that personal sense of
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Speaker 1: control is also our overall developing, our overall sense of
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Speaker 1: self of who we are, figuring out who we are
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Speaker 1: as a person, our confidence, our self esteem, it's all
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Speaker 1: tied in together. So when we are split on that
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Speaker 1: scale and that anxiety is high in our sense of
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Speaker 1: control is low, we are also very vulnerable to internalizing
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Speaker 1: or misinterpret and misinterpreting and then internalizing these negative beliefs
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Speaker 1: about ourselves that I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough,
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Speaker 1: I'm a disappointment, I'm a failure. All of these negative
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Speaker 1: thoughts are so easy for us to start to internalize.
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Speaker 1: And you can see where, you know, if we're starting
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Speaker 1: to internalize those thoughts because that anxiety is up here,
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Speaker 1: because I don't have control over whatever it is that
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Speaker 1: I'm experiencing, then my self esteem takes a huge hit
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Speaker 1: in my overall sense of self of who I am.
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Speaker 1: I start to believe that part of my identity is
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Speaker 1: a failure, I'm a disappointment. So you can see how
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Speaker 1: much that anxiety really taps into our overall sense of self.
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Speaker 1: But it's rooted in that personal sense of control. And
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Speaker 1: the word control is what my clients and even younger
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Speaker 1: studentc iety do consulting in schools K through twelve to
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Speaker 1: provide more mental health education to the field around what's
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Speaker 1: going on in the body and the brain when we
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Speaker 1: have anxiety or trauma. But that word control really taps
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Speaker 1: into everybody. That's what everybody can relate to. So on
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Speaker 1: the cognitive end of it. You know, there's where I'm
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Speaker 1: trying to help people make sense of it. But I'm
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Speaker 1: also coming at it from the science perspective of providing
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Speaker 1: people information on what is going on in the body
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Speaker 1: in the brain and how they communicate together. When we
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Speaker 1: do go up on that scale, what is actually going
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Speaker 1: on in the body in the brain. So oftentimes when
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Speaker 1: people will have maladaptive behaviors or defense mechanisms, aggressive behaviors,
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Speaker 1: substance use. I mean, it's really kind of any avoidance mechanism,
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Speaker 1: but any of those behaviors, I'm not just looking at
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Speaker 1: that at face value. I want to look at what
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Speaker 1: were the circumstances when those behaviors were used, when we
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Speaker 1: manifested these defense mechanisms, And I'm always able to identify
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Speaker 1: a point of when the client does not feel a
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Speaker 1: positive or a good sense of control, it's minimal or
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Speaker 1: doesn't exist sometimes, especially with trauma. So I try to
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Speaker 1: help people understand as far as what the brain is doing.
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Speaker 1: When we're experiencing high levels of anxiety or trauma, we're
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Speaker 1: high on that scale, and when that happens, our brain
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Speaker 1: automatically goes into the stress response system. When that happens,
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Speaker 1: our frontal lobe shuts down. So the frontal lobe is
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Speaker 1: responsible for all our higher ordered thinking, our problem solving,
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Speaker 1: our executive functioning, and social emotional regulation, but it's not
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Speaker 1: needed for survival. So when we're in circumstances where we
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Speaker 1: do not have the level of control that we want
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Speaker 1: or we need, or we're feeling threatened unsafe, you know,
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Speaker 1: we don't have that control that we need, then our
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Speaker 1: brain automatically goes into the stress response system, which activates
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Speaker 1: the primitive function of primitive parts of our brain to
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Speaker 1: keep us safe and keep us alive. So here's where,
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Speaker 1: based on what's going on around me, if I am
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Speaker 1: not feeling safe and I need to protect myself, my
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Speaker 1: body and brain are going to decide which defense mechanism
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Speaker 1: works for me, or I shouldn't say that, which defense
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Speaker 1: mechanism is going to keep me safest and keep me alive.
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Speaker 1: So I don't choose that my frontal lobe at this
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Speaker 1: point is shut off. I don't make that decision. I
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Speaker 1: don't decide which defense mechanism I'm going to use. I
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Speaker 1: don't choose to be aggressive. I don't choose to shut
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Speaker 1: down my body and brain decide that for me because
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Speaker 1: they believe that that's what's going to keep me safe
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Speaker 1: in that moment. So on the outside, people are going
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Speaker 1: to look at that as a behavioral thing. You know,
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Speaker 1: I'm aggressive, I'm not able to be you know managed,
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Speaker 1: I'm unhinged. You know, they're looking at it from just
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Speaker 1: that that face value of being a problem. They're not
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Speaker 1: recognizing that in that moment, my body and brain are
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Speaker 1: actually doing exactly what they need to do. And this
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Speaker 1: is a very common misconception, especially with younger kids or adolescents,
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Speaker 1: where they're always given the negative message that they're always
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Speaker 1: doing the wrong thing. You know, they're aggressive, they're doing this,
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Speaker 1: they're doing that. But people are missing the understanding that
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Speaker 1: in that moment, the body and brain are actually doing
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Speaker 1: exactly what they need to do to keep them safe
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Speaker 1: and keep them alive. Even if they're not in a
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Speaker 1: life threatening situation. The brain is going to interpret it
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Speaker 1: is that So they have a very healthy body and
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Speaker 1: brain if they are becoming aggressive and they protected themselves,
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Speaker 1: and then they're able to get out of that situation
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Speaker 1: and recover from that high anxiety or recover from that
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Speaker 1: trauma and get a better sense of control back up.
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Speaker 1: So their body and brain are doing exactly what they
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Speaker 1: need to do, but it's misunderstood.
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Speaker 3: Something you said just really hit home with me. Trauma.
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Speaker 3: When people said you had childhood trauma, I said, no,
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Speaker 3: I had a good childhood. I had four parents, I
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Speaker 3: had the best of both worlds. I had loving parents,
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Speaker 3: I had a roof over my head, HIGH had everything
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Speaker 3: I needed. Well, that is all true, but my body
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Speaker 3: was telling me that what I had wasn't enough. Even
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Speaker 3: though my brain was saying I have enough. I have
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Speaker 3: free I have a roof over my head, I have
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Speaker 3: people who love me, my body was saying, well, that
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Speaker 3: person has more. That person lives in a nice house.
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Speaker 3: That person could go close shopping whenever they want to.
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Speaker 3: That person goes on fancy vacations. Why can't I be
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Speaker 3: like them? So there's that disconnect seeing the brain and
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Speaker 3: what my body was feeling. But I never got aggressive.
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Speaker 3: I shrunk into myself and decided that I never wanted
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Speaker 3: to depend on anybody to give me what I felt
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Speaker 3: I needed. But that set me up for a whole
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Speaker 3: bunch of different failures.
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Speaker 1: Right. Yes, if we're not addressing that, the issue, and
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Speaker 1: it's just going to snowball into other things.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. So I ended up joining the Navy because
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Speaker 3: I got my education. They paid me to go to
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Speaker 3: cool places. I you know, I got a really cool career, right.
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Speaker 3: But then I never had the life skills to break
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Speaker 3: all of these codes that were placed in my brain
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Speaker 3: when I was a child until I got ready to
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Speaker 3: retire when I was I retired when I was fifty seven,
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Speaker 3: So around fifty five I started getting ready for it,
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Speaker 3: and that's when I had this mid life crisis. Oh
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Speaker 3: my god, what am I going to do with the
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Speaker 3: rest of my life? Now? Aircraft electricians the only thing
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Speaker 3: I know? Right, because I didn't have that solid foundation
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Speaker 3: built to know that, I would say to be me right,
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Speaker 3: So how do you You talked about modality, So how
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Speaker 3: would you address that in a child before they turn
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Speaker 3: it into bad habits? As an adult?
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Speaker 1: You bring up a point of you know, kind of
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Speaker 1: comparing yourself to other people, and especially as we get
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Speaker 1: into our teen years or preteen years, that's something that
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Speaker 1: is continuously happening, happening, and we do it naturally because
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Speaker 1: it gives us information as far as where we fit
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Speaker 1: in the world. So there is, uh, there is a
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Speaker 1: part too that that is functional, but we are living
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Speaker 1: in a culture today where it's taken to the extreme.
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Speaker 1: We're constantly comparing ourselves to other people now with social media,
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Speaker 1: I mean, everything is just so blown up. So what
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Speaker 1: I'm trying to instill in younger kids and my own
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Speaker 1: is to focus on themselves, focus on what your body
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Speaker 1: is saying, and really trying to teach them to feel inward.
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Speaker 1: You know, listen to their body. If they're tired, we
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Speaker 1: need to rest, if they're hungry, we need to eat,
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Speaker 1: you know, start with the basics, but really trying to
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Speaker 1: listen to what your body needs and just learning your
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Speaker 1: body throughout development. So I teach my kids and kids
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Speaker 1: in schools to focus on themselves. It doesn't matter what
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Speaker 1: so and so is doing over here, if they're not listening,
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Speaker 1: or if they're doing something they should or shouldn't do,
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Speaker 1: that has nothing to do with what you need to
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Speaker 1: be doing. And you focus on yourself. What's your priority,
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Speaker 1: What is your focus right now? That's your responsibility. So
12:40
Speaker 1: really trying to hone in on that message that if
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Speaker 1: you know you're doing what you're supposed to be doing,
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Speaker 1: then you're doing your job. Then you're you're going to
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Speaker 1: make progress in that area, you're going to focus more
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Speaker 1: on how you're developing, developing as a person, and also
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Speaker 1: learning again what you personally need in different situations. So
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Speaker 1: really focus on yourself is my main message. And I
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Speaker 1: always tell let to my kids day in and day out,
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Speaker 1: but I have it. I teach this in schools as well,
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Speaker 1: that we are always going there's always going to be
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Speaker 1: that need or or urge to compare ourselves to other people,
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Speaker 1: but we need to take that with a grain of salt.
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Speaker 1: If that's what they're choosing to do, let them do it.
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Speaker 1: You focus on what's in your best interest, what you
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Speaker 1: need to do, what your responsibility is. You focus on you,
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Speaker 1: and then you know you're doing your job. But you
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Speaker 1: we can't if we're just trying to keep up with
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Speaker 1: everybody else. What happens with that sense of control is
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Speaker 1: if I keep doing things or making decisions to keep
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Speaker 1: up with other people or people please, you know, make
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Speaker 1: others happy or meet their expectations, I'm essentially giving them
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Speaker 1: my personal sense of control. And I'm doing doing doing
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Speaker 1: for others, and I'm not focusing on myself, so I'm
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Speaker 1: not developing my personal sense of self. I'm not learning
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Speaker 1: who I am as a person, or what's important to me,
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Speaker 1: or what I enjoy doing, what I'm passionate about, what
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Speaker 1: I'm interested in pursuing. I'm not learning any of that
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Speaker 1: about myself because I'm living a life to please others,
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Speaker 1: so they have all my control and I'm not focused
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Speaker 1: on myself. I don't have my own personal sense of control.
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Speaker 1: So I see this happen a lot with adolescents going
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Speaker 1: into college and then even coming out of college. I've got,
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Speaker 1: you know, a lot of clients who look great on paper,
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Speaker 1: you know, we're top notch students, but coming out of
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Speaker 1: college feeling like I don't know who I am because
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Speaker 1: they were trying to please everybody else and meet everybody's
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Speaker 1: expectations and go to a great school and major in
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Speaker 1: this and that, and everything looks great on paper, but
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Speaker 1: in word, they have no idea who they are. So
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Speaker 1: I always go back to focus on yourself and with that,
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Speaker 1: setting boundary, teaching kids how to set boundaries with other
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Speaker 1: people and holding themselves accountable for what they need to do,
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Speaker 1: as well as holding others accountable for their own behaviors
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Speaker 1: or choices.
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Speaker 3: Well, my favorite way to make sure I don't people
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Speaker 3: please anymore because I was a big offender of that is.
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Speaker 3: I don't worry what other people think. Right, I make
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Speaker 3: myself happy. I fill my cup and then I give
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Speaker 3: out what's overflowed right right. In the first book of
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Speaker 3: the Camp Confidence series, Princess Francie has a scar on
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Speaker 3: her face. True story. I got this scar while I
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Speaker 3: was writing the book. Okay, I was worried, Oh my god,
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Speaker 3: I'm a professional speaker. What are people gonna think about
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Speaker 3: me having this big scar on my face? So I
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Speaker 3: wrote it. In the book, Princess Francy has this scar,
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Speaker 3: and she's worried about what they're gonna think in school.
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Speaker 3: They're gonna make fun of her, No one's gonna want
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Speaker 3: to sit with their at lunchtime. And then she meets
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Speaker 3: Barble Feathers who tells her it's what's on the inside
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Speaker 3: that counts, and that what you look like on the outside,
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Speaker 3: and that comes through self reflection, realizing that everything you've
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Speaker 3: been through got you to where you are now and
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Speaker 3: you survived it all.
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Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, exactly.
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Speaker 3: Tell me from a psychologist aspect, and there's my dog barking.
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Speaker 3: From a psychologist aspect, there, what does what would you
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Speaker 3: tell a parent of a child who's really worried about
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Speaker 3: what other people think.
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Speaker 1: So I always try to also preach the focus of
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Speaker 1: focusing on connection, not impression. People are going to know
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Speaker 1: being with you, if you are genuinely interested in getting
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Speaker 1: to know another person and listening to them and having
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Speaker 1: that reciprocated, you can feel that other person's energy. You
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Speaker 1: can feel that connection, and it's genuine versus trying to
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Speaker 1: do things or look a certain way or present a
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Speaker 1: certain way so others will will get a good impression
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Speaker 1: of you, or judge you in a positive way, or
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Speaker 1: judge you in the way that you want to be judged,
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Speaker 1: but that's not genuine to who you are. Again, you're
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Speaker 1: kind of people pleasing in that way. You're allowing them
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Speaker 1: to have that control over you. So to focus on
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Speaker 1: that connection versus impression. And when people walk away from
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Speaker 1: you after having a conversation, even just a small exchange,
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Speaker 1: you know, I always think I get this from my mentor.
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Speaker 1: He would always say that his goal was for every
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Speaker 1: exchange that he or every interaction he had with somebody
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Speaker 1: for them to walk away feeling that was a positive
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Speaker 1: experience for me, Like that was a positive exchange. And
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Speaker 1: I always loved that, and I always tell that to
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Speaker 1: my kids too, that I do want that. I want
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Speaker 1: people to feel connected or feel that I do listen
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Speaker 1: to them, that I am genuinely interested in what they
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Speaker 1: have to say, that they're safe with me. So I
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Speaker 1: do want that connection with people, and I want people
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Speaker 1: to feel that they can have that connection with me too.
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Speaker 1: I'm not looking and I don't want kids to feel
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Speaker 1: that they have to present themselves in a certain way
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Speaker 1: or look a certain way in order to be accepted.
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Speaker 1: That people are going to feel that connection, and that's
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Speaker 1: what they're going to remember when they walk away from you.
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Speaker 1: They're going to remember how you made them feel. They're
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Speaker 1: not going to be focusing on exactly how you dressed,
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Speaker 1: or what you looked like, or any of the outside presentation.
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Speaker 1: They're going to remember how you made them feel.
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Speaker 3: And that goes back to what my aunts told me,
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Speaker 3: you'd be such a pretty girl if you just lost
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Speaker 3: some weight. Oh my gosh, I'm not. It's pretty. I'm fat.
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Speaker 3: That just stuck with me. Even now, we're losing one
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Speaker 3: hundred pounds and I'm sixty one years old. I'm still
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Speaker 3: no matter how skinny, I get. I look in the
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Speaker 3: mirror and I see that fat little girl. The brain
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Speaker 3: ye say, well, you're not fat anymore, but the body
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Speaker 3: still feels it. So that's one caution to parents make
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Speaker 3: that connection with your children based on who they are,
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Speaker 3: not what they look like.
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Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, And to not try to put the pressures
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Speaker 1: on the kids where or expectations that they need to
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Speaker 1: present themselves or make the choices that you want them
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Speaker 1: to make or that you would make.
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Speaker 3: I think you're sorry about it. You're sixty one. I'm like,
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Speaker 3: we've been together twenty years.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, sorry, that's sorry. But I want parents to
20:22
Speaker 1: think about the importance of kids trying to explore their
20:27
Speaker 1: own worlds, their own environments, and figure out who they
20:32
Speaker 1: are through their own interactions with other people. And that's
20:34
Speaker 1: what helps us grow and learn about ourselves, is through
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Speaker 1: our social interactions and our own personal experiences. But if
20:43
Speaker 1: parents are exercising more control over that, trying to have
20:50
Speaker 1: their kids do things that they want them to do,
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Speaker 1: or that they wanted to do or would want to do,
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Speaker 1: they're not allowing their own kids to explore themselves and
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Speaker 1: figure out who they are. They're trying to make their
21:03
Speaker 1: kids fit this mold that isn't them, or oftentimes it
21:08
Speaker 1: may be them, but oftentimes it's not. They're not the
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Speaker 1: ones exploring that and figuring that out themselves. So we
21:14
Speaker 1: need to be able to allow kids to have playtime,
21:17
Speaker 1: social interaction, get good sleep, you know, have the structure,
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Speaker 1: but have the play. Play is crucial to anxiety management,
21:27
Speaker 1: to allowing our body and brain to regulate the entire
21:30
Speaker 1: nervous system brain development. That's when our brains are developing
21:35
Speaker 1: most is through social interaction and through sleep. So when
21:40
Speaker 1: we are limiting this social interaction, especially nowadays, this is
21:43
Speaker 1: one of my big concerns is there's so much time
21:47
Speaker 1: playing video games or on screens on phones, just not
21:51
Speaker 1: doing the in person interpersonal interactions. It's delaying the development
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Speaker 1: of the brain. And that's one of my big concerns
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Speaker 1: yearns for kids these days. And I see the delay too,
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Speaker 1: especially coming out of COVID, there has been a huge,
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Speaker 1: huge delay in the development of the brain. I could
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Speaker 1: see it through different grades. So you know, that's one
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Speaker 1: thing I really want to emphasize is the importance of play.
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Speaker 1: And for those who have a history of chronic anxiety
22:21
Speaker 1: or trauma, and I talk about trauma in I guess
22:28
Speaker 1: in a general way too, because it can be you know,
22:31
Speaker 1: a history of traumatic events. It could be one traumatic event,
22:35
Speaker 1: or it could be prolonged chronic anxiety. Because the trauma
22:39
Speaker 1: and the anxiety affect the brain in the same way.
22:42
Speaker 1: So the ways in which we can regulate our nervous
22:47
Speaker 1: system will help manage both or I guess, help us
22:51
Speaker 1: process and reregulate the nervous system from both trauma and
22:54
Speaker 1: chronic anxiety. But movement through the body is our number
22:58
Speaker 1: one thing. Just moving the body activating both hemispheres of
23:02
Speaker 1: the brain to reregulate the nervous system. And it also
23:05
Speaker 1: help allows us to keep that frontal lowb online and
23:08
Speaker 1: to be able to process things and problem solve and
23:13
Speaker 1: think more logically and focus and concentrate better. So the
23:17
Speaker 1: body does so much that we're not giving it credit for.
23:21
Speaker 1: So exercise. Yes, it's great for weight management, but that's
23:24
Speaker 1: only a small benefit to the exercise. It is reregulating
23:28
Speaker 1: your entire, your entire nervous system. And so especially with
23:33
Speaker 1: younger kids, we need them to play. We need them
23:35
Speaker 1: to have play at school, we need them to play
23:37
Speaker 1: after school. We need to instill as much playtime as
23:40
Speaker 1: we can, and that is what is going to be
23:42
Speaker 1: the most reparative thing on the body and brain from
23:45
Speaker 1: anxiety and trauma. So that play and that social interaction
23:50
Speaker 1: and movement of the body, those are going to be
23:53
Speaker 1: the biggest things to help reregulate the entire body, the
23:56
Speaker 1: entire nervous system.
23:58
Speaker 3: And for me, I find the best best way to
24:00
Speaker 3: do that is dancing. I'm a dance troupe, and we
24:04
Speaker 3: learn new choreographies, we practice the old choreographies, We move
24:08
Speaker 3: the body, We come together as a team. Yes, and
24:13
Speaker 3: there's the just sometimes we forget to dance and we
24:17
Speaker 3: just get together and the camaraderie of being in this group. Yes,
24:24
Speaker 3: a common goal of learning the dance and then going
24:28
Speaker 3: out and performing and sharing the joy with others. And
24:34
Speaker 3: it doesn't take a lot of equipment or money, just music.
24:41
Speaker 3: Just move your body.
24:43
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, exactly.
24:46
Speaker 3: You know I am not the best dancer in the world,
24:49
Speaker 3: but everyone says you look like you have fun when you're.
24:52
Speaker 1: Doing exactly it's what the body needs. And I tell
24:58
Speaker 1: people all the time, you know, when they go up
25:00
Speaker 1: on that scale and they're either in that stress response
25:04
Speaker 1: mode or they know they're getting close to that that
25:06
Speaker 1: overwhelming feeling. Get up and move the body, whether you're
25:10
Speaker 1: walking around or just like moving your feet, your hands,
25:14
Speaker 1: just tapping, just fidgeting with anything, doodling. You know. Students
25:19
Speaker 1: are always moving their bodies in school, which is their
25:23
Speaker 1: body is automatically going into what's called bilateral stimulation. It's
25:27
Speaker 1: activating both hemispheres of the brain in order to regulate
25:31
Speaker 1: the nervous system and help manage that anxiety. So as
25:34
Speaker 1: we go up on that scale, when we go high
25:36
Speaker 1: up on that scale, it's really only the right hemisphere
25:39
Speaker 1: that's activated, and the right hemisphere is more responsible for
25:43
Speaker 1: feeling those negative emotions. It's reactive. It's part of the
25:49
Speaker 1: primitive functioning of the brain. It was evolved before the
25:52
Speaker 1: left hemisphere, and even in our own personal development, it
25:55
Speaker 1: develops before the left hemisphere. The left hemisphere is more
26:00
Speaker 1: responsible for kind of the logical reasoning, and it labels
26:04
Speaker 1: what we're thinking, it labels what we're feeling. So if
26:07
Speaker 1: I'm feeling angry, my left hemisphere will say, yes, we're angry,
26:12
Speaker 1: but here's what we can do about it. My right
26:14
Speaker 1: hemisphere is going to say to my right hemisphere is
26:17
Speaker 1: going to feel the anger and react to it. So
26:19
Speaker 1: as we go up on that scale, that right hemisphere
26:21
Speaker 1: is activated and the left hemisphere is minimally activated. So
26:27
Speaker 1: what we need to do is to activate that left
26:29
Speaker 1: hemisphere to integrate and work with the right hemisphere and
26:32
Speaker 1: settle that guy down. And so again, remember when we
26:35
Speaker 1: go high on that scale too. The other thing that's
26:37
Speaker 1: happening when we go into that stress response system, our
26:40
Speaker 1: frontal lobe shuts down. So there's a message that is
26:43
Speaker 1: sent to the top of our brain to shut down
26:45
Speaker 1: that frontal lobe because it's not needed for survival. And
26:48
Speaker 1: then I'm in a very reactive place. I'm in a
26:50
Speaker 1: defense mechanism. I'm reacting to what's going on around me.
26:54
Speaker 1: I cannot think through what is going on. I cannot
26:57
Speaker 1: problem solve, I can't have a calm conversation, I can't listen.
27:01
Speaker 1: I'm very impulsive. I'm just going to react in a
27:03
Speaker 1: defensive way. So my frontal lobe is offline. So if
27:08
Speaker 1: I activate that left hemisphere to integrate and work with
27:11
Speaker 1: the right hemisphere and settle him down, then I come
27:15
Speaker 1: down on that scale and my frontal lobe comes back online.
27:18
Speaker 1: Now I'm regulating my nervous system. Now I can actually
27:22
Speaker 1: think through what's going on, what precipitated that anxiety, What
27:26
Speaker 1: is what do I need to do right now? What
27:28
Speaker 1: is within my control? You know, I can start to
27:30
Speaker 1: think through do the cognitive work after I've been regulating
27:35
Speaker 1: my body and nervous system. But it's just through activating
27:39
Speaker 1: both hemispheres of the brain to start to be able
27:41
Speaker 1: to do that. And it's a very simple thing and
27:43
Speaker 1: it only takes one to two minutes to do that.
27:45
Speaker 1: So getting up and moving around, moving your body, fidgeting.
27:49
Speaker 1: When you see people pacing back and forth or just fidgeting,
27:53
Speaker 1: their body knows instinctively. Their body and brain already know
27:56
Speaker 1: I need to move and to regulate my nervous system.
27:58
Speaker 1: It does it on its own. It's not always something
28:01
Speaker 1: that we have to think about our body and brain
28:03
Speaker 1: doing on its own. That's why we see so many
28:05
Speaker 1: kids in school so fidgety and having a hard time
28:07
Speaker 1: sitting still. They're not It's not a behavioral thing. Their
28:12
Speaker 1: body and brain are doing exactly what they need to
28:14
Speaker 1: do to regulate their little nervous systems, and they're able
28:18
Speaker 1: to stay focused and they're listening. They're still able to
28:21
Speaker 1: do what they need to do, but their body and
28:24
Speaker 1: brain just need to move a little bit more. Some
28:26
Speaker 1: people do and they're doing exactly what they need to do.
28:29
Speaker 1: So these little restless bodies in the classroom, they have
28:35
Speaker 1: very very healthy bodies and brains that are communicating to
28:38
Speaker 1: each other saying, all right, let's move around. I'm having
28:40
Speaker 1: a hard time focusing, or I'm getting bored, I'm tired,
28:42
Speaker 1: let's move around. That's what's going on in the body,
28:45
Speaker 1: in the brain. But on the outside it's often misinterpreted
28:48
Speaker 1: as your kid can't sit still, you know, And that's
28:51
Speaker 1: what kids are always told to sit still, listen, stop doodling,
28:54
Speaker 1: stop moving. So kids are constantly told to do things
28:58
Speaker 1: that are in direct contrast to what the body brain
29:01
Speaker 1: actually need to regulate itself.
29:03
Speaker 3: So that's why I was always told, you talk too much.
29:09
Speaker 1: That's regulating yourself.
29:10
Speaker 3: That's it. That was mine. When I get nervous, I
29:14
Speaker 3: talk a lot, and I talk really fast, and I
29:16
Speaker 3: don't know it's even makes sense, but I like talk
29:18
Speaker 3: when i'm you know, And I'm one of the kids.
29:23
Speaker 3: In my second book, Like Your Sparkle Shine, all the
29:27
Speaker 3: kids had something about themselves that they were trying to
29:30
Speaker 3: hide because they didn't want to stand out. And one
29:33
Speaker 3: boy just talked really loud and got so excited yep, yep,
29:38
Speaker 3: and everyone tells them to come down and be quiet. No,
29:41
Speaker 3: your sparkle shine.
29:43
Speaker 1: Yes, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And everybody's nervous system is you know,
29:49
Speaker 1: we all function in the way where movement is going
29:52
Speaker 1: to regulate our nervous systems. Our anxiety is just going
29:56
Speaker 1: to look different from one person to the next. But
29:59
Speaker 1: you know, there's a lot of misinterpretation as far as
30:02
Speaker 1: what people are seeing in kids or the behaviors, and
30:06
Speaker 1: it's misinterpreted as something negative and not taking into consideration. Well,
30:10
Speaker 1: let's think about what's going on. Maybe they're feeling like
30:13
Speaker 1: they don't you know, if they don't know anybody that
30:15
Speaker 1: they're around, and they don't know where they are, Like,
30:17
Speaker 1: all these unknown factors are going to lower their sense
30:20
Speaker 1: of control and so they can't if they don't know
30:23
Speaker 1: the people they're with or who where they're at, or
30:26
Speaker 1: a new situation, they can't prepare for it. So if
30:30
Speaker 1: I can't prepare for it or and it's not predictable,
30:33
Speaker 1: then my sense of control is going to be very low,
30:35
Speaker 1: which is automatically going to raise my anxiety. It doesn't
30:38
Speaker 1: mean something's wrong with me, it's that's just the fact
30:41
Speaker 1: of the matter. We're not always going to have control
30:44
Speaker 1: over everything, and that anxiety is going to go up.
30:46
Speaker 1: We just want to learn, well, what do I do
30:48
Speaker 1: if that anxiety goes up? How can I shift my
30:51
Speaker 1: focus to, you know, what else is within my control?
30:53
Speaker 1: Let me come up with a plan of what I
30:55
Speaker 1: can do in these situations.
30:57
Speaker 3: And sometimes the anxiety is not even school, read life,
31:01
Speaker 3: get home, or something they saw on the news that
31:05
Speaker 3: they don't understand. So tell us, do you have some
31:10
Speaker 3: simple little trick that you could teach us right now.
31:14
Speaker 1: As far as managing just any anxiety.
31:18
Speaker 3: Or or trying to bring the out of control and.
31:22
Speaker 1: Control movement, any kind of movement that's my go to thing,
31:26
Speaker 1: movement and play, especially for younger kids, movement and play.
31:30
Speaker 1: And you know, if teachers are able to, you know,
31:33
Speaker 1: put a space, or parents, can you know, make a
31:35
Speaker 1: corner at home somewhere where it's just their own corner
31:38
Speaker 1: to go to when they need space or when they
31:40
Speaker 1: need to move, you know, so it's not disrupting the
31:43
Speaker 1: rest of the classroom. It's not disrupting the rest of
31:45
Speaker 1: the house, but they have their own space to do that.
31:48
Speaker 1: Let their body move. It needs to move, and it's
31:51
Speaker 1: not gonna you know, it's not going to continue for
31:54
Speaker 1: an entire day or night. It's just they need a
31:57
Speaker 1: little bit of time to be able to process that
31:59
Speaker 1: and for meation, and their body needs to process that
32:02
Speaker 1: information and discharge that energy that's being pent up through
32:06
Speaker 1: that anxiety. So movement through the body is going to
32:09
Speaker 1: be your go to thing.
32:11
Speaker 3: And you know what, that's some good advice for parents too.
32:14
Speaker 1: Yes. Absolutely, As to his kids.
32:17
Speaker 3: Irons, you need to get up and move.
32:20
Speaker 1: Yes.
32:21
Speaker 3: Remember I thought it was a punishment when my stepfather
32:26
Speaker 3: would say, come on, let's go take a walk after dinner.
32:29
Speaker 3: I thought we were being punished. Oh I'm fat, and
32:31
Speaker 3: that's why you're going for a walk with me, right,
32:34
Speaker 3: But he's Japanese and that's the way, that's what their
32:39
Speaker 3: culture did, right, My little fat brain told me it
32:44
Speaker 3: was a punishment.
32:45
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, yeah, absolutely, yeah. I encourage everybody. I always
32:51
Speaker 1: ask about sleep and eating, making sure that people get
32:54
Speaker 1: something in them in the morning, at least within an
32:57
Speaker 1: hour of waking up. Because our body and brain need
32:59
Speaker 1: fuel to be able to do all this work. So,
33:04
Speaker 1: you know, making sure that we're eating on a regular
33:06
Speaker 1: basis and kind of paying attention to fueling our body
33:09
Speaker 1: with the healthy nutrients that we need, but listening to
33:13
Speaker 1: the body as far as what we need to you know,
33:15
Speaker 1: I know what I need when I start to feel
33:17
Speaker 1: weak and shaky or you know, any of that, I
33:19
Speaker 1: try to pay attention to what I'm eating and try
33:22
Speaker 1: to provide my body with that nourishment that it needs.
33:26
Speaker 1: But also with movement. I know for myself that exercise
33:31
Speaker 1: has always been something that has calmed me. That's been
33:34
Speaker 1: my time to have to myself. So it's my space
33:38
Speaker 1: to myself. It's my time to myself, and I feel
33:42
Speaker 1: much calmer after I exercise. So that's something that I've
33:46
Speaker 1: always done throughout my life, not even recognizing the benefits
33:50
Speaker 1: that I was getting it from it, you know, when
33:51
Speaker 1: I was younger, but as an adult and you know,
33:54
Speaker 1: going through different life experiences and hormone changes and all
33:57
Speaker 1: of that, you know that exercise has been the key
34:01
Speaker 1: thing to help me regulate myself. And if I go
34:04
Speaker 1: a few days without exercising, I'm irritable. I am very
34:08
Speaker 1: quick to snap it, you know, my husband, you know,
34:13
Speaker 1: I just don't have the patience that I normally do.
34:15
Speaker 1: I feel it in me. My body is feeling it.
34:18
Speaker 1: It's cringing. So I need to have that physical relief
34:21
Speaker 1: I need to or release. I need to just move
34:24
Speaker 1: my body and to be able to reregulate my nervous
34:27
Speaker 1: system and then I'm fine for the rest of the day.
34:29
Speaker 1: But I've always noticed that is something I need. That's
34:32
Speaker 1: my medication. I need to make sure that I'm getting
34:35
Speaker 1: movement in pretty much each day.
34:38
Speaker 3: Some people might think this is strange, But in addition
34:43
Speaker 3: to movement, I need to go outside and plant my
34:46
Speaker 3: feet on the ground yep, in the dirt.
34:50
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, grounding yourself.
34:52
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah.
34:53
Speaker 1: I believe.
34:55
Speaker 3: I get cramps in my feet and legs. It's funny.
35:02
Speaker 3: I was in the habit of doing it anyways, walking
35:05
Speaker 3: around barefoot in the garden and taking my shoes off,
35:09
Speaker 3: you know, when I go out for my afternoon stretching
35:11
Speaker 3: session when I worked and then it was cold outside
35:16
Speaker 3: and I kept my shoes and socks on for days
35:19
Speaker 3: because it was just really cold outside. And I went
35:22
Speaker 3: in for an acupuncture treatment. I said, my feet are
35:25
Speaker 3: really hurting. So she did the acupuncture and said, your
35:30
Speaker 3: prescription is to go out and put your feet in
35:32
Speaker 3: the dirt. And would you know, I did and within
35:36
Speaker 3: just sat there and meditated for twenty minutes with my
35:40
Speaker 3: feet in the ground and all the pain went away. Wow,
35:46
Speaker 3: all of it.
35:48
Speaker 1: Wow.
35:48
Speaker 3: Imagine kids who don't know how to articulate.
35:51
Speaker 1: This right exactly. And that's another thing too with the
35:55
Speaker 1: left hemisphere is with younger kids, it's not developed yet.
35:58
Speaker 1: It doesn't start to come online until around six or
36:02
Speaker 1: seven years old. The verbal part of our functioning is
36:06
Speaker 1: housed in the left hemisphere as well. So we're asking
36:09
Speaker 1: kids to communicate what are you thinking, what are you feeling?
36:12
Speaker 1: Why did you do that? Explain why you did this?
36:15
Speaker 3: They can't.
36:15
Speaker 1: They don't have the verbal capacity. Their brain is not
36:18
Speaker 1: developed yet to do that. So then they're stuck and
36:21
Speaker 1: they're saying, I don't know because they don't. They cannot
36:24
Speaker 1: explain it to you. But we're putting this expectation on
36:27
Speaker 1: them that's unrealistic to explain exactly what they're thinking and feeling,
36:32
Speaker 1: and they can't. They're not developed to do that yet.
36:36
Speaker 1: So that's another misunderstanding too. As they get a little
36:38
Speaker 1: bit older, you'll notice an increase in that ability. And
36:42
Speaker 1: if we're you know, as parents, we want to be
36:44
Speaker 1: able to kind of provide verbiage or kind of teach
36:49
Speaker 1: them that communication so they learn that. But we need
36:52
Speaker 1: to understand that we can't put these expectations on kids
36:55
Speaker 1: to know and understand and communicate these things to us
37:00
Speaker 1: as clear as day as adults. They don't have the
37:02
Speaker 1: brain capacity to do it. It's not developed yet.
37:06
Speaker 3: And I'm just thinking about my puppy tearing up my
37:10
Speaker 3: pillow and I'm looking at Daisy, why did you do that?
37:13
Speaker 3: Extraducting a response right now? What age do they get
37:18
Speaker 3: past that puppy stage where they can actually respond and
37:22
Speaker 3: tell you why they acted that way.
37:25
Speaker 1: So I would say between ten and twelve they're really
37:28
Speaker 1: starting to be able to articulate more. Maybe a little
37:31
Speaker 1: bit earlier. I mean, it depends. It's kind of a
37:33
Speaker 1: loose window, but I think the more that they're exposed
37:37
Speaker 1: to dialogue at home, communication at home, they're going to
37:41
Speaker 1: be able to do that more effectively and develop that
37:45
Speaker 1: more quickly as well. So the more communication there is
37:47
Speaker 1: at home, the more communication there is with parents rather
37:49
Speaker 1: than just giving out consequences or punishments or not spending
37:56
Speaker 1: time with your kids. There needs to be time with
37:58
Speaker 1: their kids. There needs to be dialogue, more communication there is.
38:01
Speaker 1: Then they'll be able to develop these skills and these
38:04
Speaker 1: understandings and verbiage and communication skills more effectively. As you
38:10
Speaker 1: go through your adolescence, they'll be able to articulate more.
38:15
Speaker 1: But still their brains, their brain is still developing. They
38:18
Speaker 1: still have a lot of time to develop that, so
38:20
Speaker 1: there's still a lot of impulsivity. There might be more regulation,
38:25
Speaker 1: but you know, you're still gonna see a lot of
38:30
Speaker 1: you know, defense defense mechanisms, comparing themselves to other people.
38:34
Speaker 1: They have a hard time staying focused on themselves, so
38:37
Speaker 1: you'll still see that. But it it does get less
38:40
Speaker 1: as they're getting older, or it should.
38:43
Speaker 3: We hope, Okay, I like that they should. What happens
38:48
Speaker 3: if a parent recognizes that their child isn't a pressing
38:53
Speaker 3: toward that regulation, so.
38:57
Speaker 1: You want to really again focus on the individual. It
39:01
Speaker 1: might be a slow progression and if it's typical of
39:05
Speaker 1: what they've always been presenting, then then they're right on
39:10
Speaker 1: track with where they have been, so we want to
39:12
Speaker 1: be careful to not compare their progress with another child's progress.
39:18
Speaker 1: It just might be where they're at. You know, there
39:21
Speaker 1: might be other circumstances that are playing into that that
39:23
Speaker 1: we want to explore, whether it is social, academic, home,
39:28
Speaker 1: you know, just other stuff going on, a lot of
39:29
Speaker 1: changes going on in their lives. So there's there's a
39:34
Speaker 1: lot of different factors that could play into that. But
39:37
Speaker 1: if they're making progress, that's really what you want to
39:40
Speaker 1: focus on. Even if it's slow progress, it's progress, you know,
39:44
Speaker 1: and that might just be their own their own path,
39:47
Speaker 1: their own continuum. It's just a little bit slower than
39:49
Speaker 1: what you might expect from somebody at that same age.
39:55
Speaker 3: So just like adults who are trying to make big
39:58
Speaker 3: changes in their life, baby steps are good steps.
40:03
Speaker 1: Yes, So expect overnight success exactly.
40:07
Speaker 3: Every little baby step is a piece of the success.
40:11
Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely, Yeah, And seeing the effort that's being put
40:16
Speaker 1: into it. You know, if you see your kids making
40:19
Speaker 1: putting in that effort to be more aware of their
40:22
Speaker 1: choices or or change their behaviors in any little way,
40:26
Speaker 1: you know, if you see that effort, then they're doing
40:29
Speaker 1: their job. You know, we can't expect them to you know,
40:34
Speaker 1: have a perfect you know record of changing their behavior mediately,
40:39
Speaker 1: or you know, just be having full awareness around every
40:44
Speaker 1: single choice that they make and behavior and everything. You know,
40:47
Speaker 1: it just doesn't happen that way. So if we see
40:49
Speaker 1: them putting more effort than normal or that than what
40:52
Speaker 1: they were doing before, then they're doing their job. They're
40:54
Speaker 1: putting the effort into it. But the other thing, too,
40:57
Speaker 1: is that we don't see how much effort they put
40:58
Speaker 1: into it up here, you know, we're just seeing what's
41:01
Speaker 1: on the outside, you know. And I had this issue
41:05
Speaker 1: with my son too when he was in second grade,
41:08
Speaker 1: and he would get up from his seat all the time.
41:12
Speaker 1: He would finish his work really quickly, and then he
41:14
Speaker 1: would be bored and he would just go to the
41:16
Speaker 1: cabinet or get stuff out, and he would get up.
41:18
Speaker 1: All the teachers talking, so we would go over you know,
41:21
Speaker 1: the basic rules that you know, don't raise your hand
41:24
Speaker 1: if you need to get up and wait for the
41:26
Speaker 1: teacher to be done talking. And he's saying, I know,
41:28
Speaker 1: I know, I know, and he understands it all. But
41:31
Speaker 1: then the next day he gets up and he does
41:32
Speaker 1: it again. So I'm thinking, what is where's the disconnect here?
41:36
Speaker 1: And actually this was coming out of the pandemic where
41:38
Speaker 1: he was in kindergarten when it hit and then was
41:42
Speaker 1: only in school three hours a day with the masks
41:44
Speaker 1: on for our first grade and then second grade is
41:46
Speaker 1: when they started to really reintegrate. But during that time,
41:50
Speaker 1: especially during first grade years, that's when you're start to
41:53
Speaker 1: learn or you're supposed to start to learn more social rules.
41:56
Speaker 1: They didn't get that. They didn't have that in school,
41:59
Speaker 1: so between the limited social interaction, they weren't learning the
42:02
Speaker 1: basic social rules. And so comes second grade. He should
42:05
Speaker 1: know these things, but he's still getting up and doing
42:08
Speaker 1: these kind of impulsive behaviors. And it wasn't ADHD or
42:12
Speaker 1: anything like that. And he could stay focused for you know,
42:15
Speaker 1: periods of a time and get his work done and
42:17
Speaker 1: he you know, he always got his work done. And
42:20
Speaker 1: then he was bored. But the teacher interpreted it as
42:23
Speaker 1: a behavior issue and that he was being defiant. Meanwhile,
42:28
Speaker 1: I'm asking him, well, how many times do you feel
42:32
Speaker 1: like getting up out of your chair and you stop
42:34
Speaker 1: yourself And he says like the hundred And I said, okay,
42:38
Speaker 1: how many times do you actually get out of your
42:40
Speaker 1: seat and you actually, you know, feed into that impulse.
42:44
Speaker 1: And he said, I don't know, maybe like three. So
42:48
Speaker 1: out of the several times, the numerous times that he
42:51
Speaker 1: feels like getting up, he's getting up out of his seat,
42:54
Speaker 1: let's say three to five times during the day, the
42:57
Speaker 1: teacher's looking at that as a behavior issue. She's not
43:00
Speaker 1: seen all the work that's going on up here that
43:03
Speaker 1: he's stopping himself one hundred other times, but he's getting
43:06
Speaker 1: consequenced for those few times that he does actually get up.
43:10
Speaker 1: So you know, we're not seeing all the work that's
43:13
Speaker 1: going on up here, and so we want to kind
43:14
Speaker 1: of ask our kids too, well, how many times did
43:16
Speaker 1: you feel like doing this and you stopped yourself. And
43:19
Speaker 1: there's where they're also going to feel recognized and heard
43:22
Speaker 1: and start to be seen and felt and I guess
43:27
Speaker 1: validated for their work, because nobody sees the work that's
43:30
Speaker 1: going on in the breed.
43:31
Speaker 3: And that just brought to my mind something that happened
43:35
Speaker 3: to me as a well. I was a young adult.
43:37
Speaker 3: I was in my early twenties, right. I was given
43:43
Speaker 3: a job as an aircraft electrician and I was new,
43:47
Speaker 3: barely gone through school, and they had to be a
43:51
Speaker 3: book and some tools and said here go do this.
43:55
Speaker 3: And it was things I was totally unfamiliar with, like
44:00
Speaker 3: a hole and stuff like this, and I did not
44:04
Speaker 3: have I mean, I had the hand tools, I didn't
44:09
Speaker 3: have the knowledge tools, but I followed the book. I
44:12
Speaker 3: went through step by step by step and took my time.
44:17
Speaker 3: And after the eight hour shift was over, their job
44:20
Speaker 3: was done and everything worked right, and I got reprimanded
44:24
Speaker 3: for taking too long. Okay, yep, never asked me what
44:29
Speaker 3: took so long? Why did it take so long? Did
44:32
Speaker 3: you know how to do this when you started? I
44:35
Speaker 3: was proud of myself for figuring it out, but I
44:39
Speaker 3: was reprimanded for taking too long to do it. So
44:43
Speaker 3: how many times do parents or teachers do this to kids?
44:47
Speaker 3: Kids are so excited that they did something, Well, why
44:52
Speaker 3: do you only get a C on it?
44:54
Speaker 1: Right? Exactly? Well, they are planting that first cognitive belief
44:59
Speaker 1: that they internalize of well I'm not good enough, and
45:05
Speaker 1: there you just lay the foundation there.
45:06
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly like well, second grade, I needed glasses. They
45:12
Speaker 3: didn't figure it out till the fourth grade. In second grade,
45:15
Speaker 3: they were setting me to special ad classes. They thought
45:18
Speaker 3: I was had a learning disability. So by the time
45:23
Speaker 3: I got to fourth grade and I got my glasses,
45:25
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm not dumb. I just couldn't.
45:28
Speaker 1: See right exactly. Yeah. Yeah, there's so many other factors
45:35
Speaker 1: that play into this, so we can't just make assumptions
45:38
Speaker 1: based on, you know, the the behavior that we're seeing.
45:42
Speaker 3: And that's why Princess Francie she's my inner child, she's
45:48
Speaker 3: the character in my books. Well, in book two, let
45:51
Speaker 3: your Sparkleshine, all the kids had something that they didn't
45:56
Speaker 3: want to share with the world. Princess Francy didn't like
45:59
Speaker 3: her glasses. So in book two, Princess Francy gets her glasses.
46:04
Speaker 1: Okay, there you go.
46:06
Speaker 3: Make it cool for kids to wear glasses exactly.
46:09
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, and just do what's right for them. What's
46:14
Speaker 1: what's in their mess interest, not what other people think
46:17
Speaker 1: they should do.
46:18
Speaker 3: And now worried about being called four eyes, which that's
46:23
Speaker 3: a whole nother issue is why did the kids call
46:26
Speaker 3: me four eyes in the first place? Right, But then
46:32
Speaker 3: that's a whole other episode. Well, we are running out
46:40
Speaker 3: of time. Here, are there any last words that you
46:44
Speaker 3: want to tell parents? Like number one, how could they
46:48
Speaker 3: get in touch with you and maybe you know make
46:53
Speaker 3: an appointment and get some of your professional help.
46:56
Speaker 1: Sure, you can reach me at my email which is
47:00
Speaker 1: doctor Jers at gmail dot com. So it's d R J.
47:05
Speaker 1: A R. A. S as In Sam z As and
47:09
Speaker 1: Zebra at gmail dot com doctor Jers at gmail dot com.
47:14
Speaker 1: And I'm happy to answer any questions. I do have
47:17
Speaker 1: a book that I wrote around the science behind what's
47:21
Speaker 1: going on in the body in the brain when we
47:23
Speaker 1: have anxiety and trauma, so I give you more background
47:26
Speaker 1: behind that. My book also includes some cognitive objectives that
47:30
Speaker 1: you can work on at home, as well as more
47:32
Speaker 1: of the physical objectives of working through the body to
47:36
Speaker 1: change the brain. So it's pretty comprehensive and it's applicable
47:40
Speaker 1: for all ages. It's readable for adolescents and adults. But parents,
47:45
Speaker 1: you can take all of this stuff and apply it
47:47
Speaker 1: to yourselves as well as for your kids. So I'm
47:51
Speaker 1: happy to answer any questions or reach out to me
47:54
Speaker 1: with any other any other inquiries.
47:58
Speaker 3: Gay question. How do they find your book?
48:00
Speaker 1: Oh, you can get it on Amazon. It's called Why
48:03
Speaker 1: on Earth Do I Feel This Way? It's understanding anxiety
48:07
Speaker 1: and mental health through control theory. So the main title
48:10
Speaker 1: is why on earth do I feel this way?
48:13
Speaker 3: Perfect? So you heard that, everybody get her book, And
48:17
Speaker 3: coming from a fellow author, this is a public service announcement.
48:21
Speaker 3: All authors love reviews. Yes, get our books and review them. Yes,
48:30
Speaker 3: And if you love it, by all means, give me
48:32
Speaker 3: a five star review. If you don't love it, tell
48:35
Speaker 3: me why. Yes, I can make the next.
48:38
Speaker 1: Book better, rapes exactly.
48:42
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for being parents. Talk that maybe
48:47
Speaker 3: come back again and we could hit some other topics.
48:50
Speaker 1: I would love that absolutely, Thank you so much.
48:54
Speaker 3: All Right,