Latest / Love You Moore with Willie Moore Jr. / She Hid Her Divorce for 18 Months in Church | Coriya Burns on Freedom, Faith & Starting Over

Transcript

She Hid Her Divorce for 18 Months in Church | Coriya Burns on Freedom, Faith & Starting Over · Love You Moore with Willie Moore Jr.

0:00
[SPEAKER_05]: You won't believe it.
0:01
[SPEAKER_05]: I was married seven years and we put on for a year and a half.
0:05
[SPEAKER_05]: Our parents didn't even know we were divorced for a year and a half.
0:08
[SPEAKER_05]: Well, our church didn't know we were divorced for a year and a half.
0:13
[SPEAKER_05]: On Sundays, he would meet us at church.
0:17
[SPEAKER_05]: His ring was in probably the the cup holder.
0:20
[SPEAKER_05]: My was at home in the jury box.
0:21
[SPEAKER_05]: We put the rings on.
0:22
[SPEAKER_05]: We meet at church.
0:24
[SPEAKER_05]: Go to church and leave there and then go our separate ways.
0:27
[SPEAKER_02]: So why is the church a place where people feel the pressure to pretend?
0:34
[SPEAKER_05]: When I got divorced, I didn't want to disappoint them.
0:39
[SPEAKER_05]: It wasn't about the bishop.
0:40
[SPEAKER_05]: It wasn't about his wife.
0:41
[SPEAKER_05]: It wasn't about the church members.
0:44
[SPEAKER_05]: For me, more than anything, it was about the young people.
0:47
[SPEAKER_05]: My son basically said one day, when do you want to stop this?
0:52
[SPEAKER_05]: You think I don't know?
0:54
[SPEAKER_05]: I was feeling guilty for wanting to have peace for myself while it seemed like all hell was breaking loose everywhere else.
1:04
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, I was moving out of the home that we were in.
1:07
[SPEAKER_05]: He didn't understand that.
1:10
[SPEAKER_05]: He's like, it's not like you can't afford this home.
1:13
[SPEAKER_05]: It's not like you can't stay where you are.
1:15
[SPEAKER_05]: It was a mental prison.
1:17
[SPEAKER_05]: I wanted to be gone.
1:19
[SPEAKER_05]: When I got divorced, God started eliminating all these different weights.
1:24
[SPEAKER_05]: and all of the time that I used to spend on these things.
1:28
[SPEAKER_05]: And like I said, my ex-husband's business.
1:30
[SPEAKER_05]: And, you know, organizations that he was running, you know, rolling off of the charter school board.
1:36
[SPEAKER_05]: Of course, my son still has soccer, but now at this point, he drive it.
1:40
[SPEAKER_07]: Right, he can go as though.
1:41
[SPEAKER_05]: So I'm not taking you back and forth to practice.
1:43
[SPEAKER_05]: I honestly didn't know what to do myself.
1:48
[SPEAKER_05]: I said, I don't like it, but I'm releasing you.
1:52
[SPEAKER_05]: And when I heard the word release,
1:55
[SPEAKER_05]: I got back home, we got home from work that Tuesday in the next morning I called him attorney.
1:59
[SPEAKER_05]: The relationship over religion.
2:01
[SPEAKER_05]: You had your conversations with God and I had my conversation with God.
2:04
[SPEAKER_05]: And I came depend on what he said to you to be, you know, my hand on, yeah.
2:09
[SPEAKER_05]: I have my individual relationship and that's all that I care about at this point.
2:14
[SPEAKER_05]: There was a time.
2:16
[SPEAKER_05]: When I probably would have gotten offended, I probably would have got embarrassed or ashamed all over again.
2:21
[SPEAKER_05]: You cannot make me move from my mark now.
2:26
[SPEAKER_12]: Head off.
2:26
[UNKNOWN]: Head off.
2:27
[SPEAKER_05]: I know what it looked like.
2:29
[SPEAKER_05]: I had to.
2:29
[SPEAKER_05]: That part here.
2:30
[SPEAKER_05]: This was a conversation between me and God.
2:32
[SPEAKER_05]: And I'm okay with that, man.
2:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey family, welcome to another edition of the Love You More Show.
2:39
[SPEAKER_02]: I want to encourage you before we get started.
2:41
[SPEAKER_02]: To go ahead and subscribe, I was just informed that nearly 60 plus percent of the people actually watched the show, they're not subscribed.
2:48
[SPEAKER_02]: And so maybe you are part of that 60 plus percent and I don't want you to be.
2:53
[SPEAKER_02]: I want you to make sure that you are part of our family.
2:56
[SPEAKER_02]: What this does?
2:57
[SPEAKER_02]: When you click subscribe, it tells YouTube and people all around the world how valuable this content is.
3:03
[SPEAKER_02]: So if you deem it valuable, make sure that you subscribe.
3:06
[SPEAKER_02]: And if you're a newcomer here, trust me.
3:08
[SPEAKER_02]: It's going to be valuable here.
3:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
3:10
[SPEAKER_02]: Also, I would love right now for you to shift your heart and your attention to what I like to call a really great way to help you.
3:20
[SPEAKER_02]: I want to introduce you to my new partners, RX outreach with the rising cost of health insurance and the rising cost of medicine
3:28
[SPEAKER_02]: I know it's really, really unique for a lot of people just like you.
3:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Maybe you say, will you more junior?
3:33
[SPEAKER_02]: I've fallen on some hard times.
3:35
[SPEAKER_02]: I may have lost my job and I just can't afford my medicine anymore.
3:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Or maybe you say, will you more junior, I had stellar health care and I just can't afford it anymore.
3:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Especially my medicine, well, for little to no cost, my friends at RX outreach are here to help you.
3:52
[SPEAKER_02]: I know you say, will you more junior, this sound way too good to be true, trust me.
3:57
[SPEAKER_02]: It's good, huh?
3:58
[SPEAKER_02]: All you gotta do is go to rxoutreach.com forward slash willy more junior, right?
4:04
[SPEAKER_02]: rxoutreach.com forward slash willy more junior, uh, call this number right here.
4:09
[SPEAKER_02]: It should quite do something special.
4:10
[SPEAKER_02]: But you see that?
4:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, just call them and tell them all willy more junior sent you here.
4:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Now, it's time for the episode.
4:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Let it out.
4:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Wow, shout out to everybody who has already subscribed and I appreciate you.
4:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Family today, I get the opportunity to hang out with a young lady who's honestly just cool as a fan.
4:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Now I've experienced her for the last decade.
4:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Many of you may have made not know, but I have a syndicated radio show entitled The Willy Moore Jr Show.
4:38
[SPEAKER_02]: And we are based out of Atlanta.
4:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Have you ever just been walking around
4:43
[SPEAKER_02]: you see the transformation in somebody, you see them go from like literally one way to another way like she's sharing her physical body, her emotions, her spirit, and then you just have to ask like, hey, what the hell, what has happened?
4:57
[SPEAKER_02]: Maybe that's you, the glow up is real.
5:00
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I decided to have her on my radio show and she would get into talk about her journey in relationship and divorce.
5:06
[SPEAKER_02]: And I just seen and I heard something that I thought would be extremely beneficial to you.
5:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Now, to many of you all know her online, Cory of Burns is our guest today.
5:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Cory, what's happening to this?
5:17
[SPEAKER_05]: Hey, hey, hey, I cannot believe that it's taking us this long ahead of this conversation.
5:22
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, I just, at least not stays in my business.
5:25
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't.
5:25
[SPEAKER_02]: You do, but you've been watching now.
5:27
[SPEAKER_02]: I've been watching a whole time.
5:28
[SPEAKER_02]: I was like, oh, Lizzie.
5:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Uh, whenever the one thing I know about relationships is they can get unique and then
5:35
[SPEAKER_02]: if there's ever like a breakup or something, people like St. Louis and Wade, they start looking better than they ever did.
5:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Like I just never understood why it took like certain things that happened until I went through it.
5:48
[SPEAKER_02]: And I was like, wait a minute, is that a half right there?
5:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Let me give them me do some more this right here, indeed.
5:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, I don't know if you had the opportunity to ever watch the love you more show, but we like to do an icebreaker.
5:59
[SPEAKER_02]: And I, I, as breakers, not some corny joke.
6:01
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.
6:02
[SPEAKER_02]: It is not some late landing joke.
6:05
[SPEAKER_02]: It's actually music.
6:06
[SPEAKER_02]: And in this particular music video, my former wife and I, we decided to go to counseling.
6:13
[SPEAKER_02]: And then this is what happened.
6:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Check this out.
6:16
[SPEAKER_02]: So wifey started counseling and she thought it would be a good idea for me to come to counseling.
6:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Man, nobody really want to do this.
6:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Because I know she's been telling this woman all my business.
6:23
[SPEAKER_02]: I walk in the counseling.
6:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey ladies, oh, I was at the wrong spot and I'm on.
6:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for joining us truly my honor Willy Maltzhe nice to meet you my honor.
6:38
[SPEAKER_02]: This is my counselor April so nice to meet her wifey like so glad you can make it darling It's truly my honor.
6:44
[SPEAKER_02]: You look amazing you do too energy in the room a little tears wife and tell my business
6:49
[SPEAKER_02]: So let's talk this out and from a hug I'm like, okay, you ready?
6:56
[SPEAKER_02]: I am, you know, whatever you want me to do, I'm with it.
6:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Are you going to tell the truth?
7:00
[SPEAKER_02]: I promise I'm going to tell the truth, you weren't it?
7:03
[SPEAKER_08]: Well, I was a little like a Christmas tree when I told her she was worth the child.
7:13
[SPEAKER_08]: I would do you better, that's what you're doing.
7:16
[SPEAKER_08]: But I have a few things like a clock around, and never stops, this is.
8:22
[SPEAKER_02]: The name of the song is Clockwork.
8:24
[SPEAKER_02]: And if you decided to jay rate in your shot online, I want to encourage you to go download and stream Clockwork by Mr. Willimojo.
8:33
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, Mr. Zenfrey out, okay?
8:35
[SPEAKER_02]: So Ken, Korea, I want to ask you this.
8:40
[SPEAKER_02]: I know you had a really unique relationship journey.
8:43
[SPEAKER_02]: What's counseling ever and option while you were in your relationship?
8:48
[SPEAKER_05]: Um, it was an option for me.
8:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
8:50
[SPEAKER_05]: It was not an option really for my, for my ex.
8:53
[SPEAKER_05]: Even when we tried to go the one time I could totally see he was tuned out and I didn't want it to be something that I was trying to force.
9:00
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
9:01
[SPEAKER_05]: So I think he went once and when I saw that he wasn't into it, I just said, you know, there's no use in wasting the time and doing this again.
9:09
[SPEAKER_05]: So I wasn't one of those people that tried to press the situation.
9:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
9:13
[SPEAKER_02]: So I know when I went through my divorce journey, a very public divorce journey, that stuff was really, really unique for me.
9:20
[SPEAKER_02]: I was just like, hey, I really used to this attention, and then guys like, well, you can't really tell your side of the story.
9:25
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm just like, well, I guess I got to see here.
9:28
[SPEAKER_02]: And I knew what it was for, it was for a different version of me to come forth.
9:31
[SPEAKER_02]: And I went back, that's part of not real.
9:34
[SPEAKER_02]: You put this stuff on, you know what I mean?
9:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, how long were you married?
9:39
[SPEAKER_02]: And how long,
9:41
[SPEAKER_02]: where you put it on your face to make sure people could see you in that certain life.
9:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, great conversation.
9:47
[SPEAKER_02]: But do me a favor.
9:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't forget.
9:48
[SPEAKER_02]: I told you in the beginning of the show that I needed you to subscribe.
9:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Listen, the tears are real.
9:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Find out why I got these tears.
9:55
[SPEAKER_02]: A little later in the show.
9:55
[SPEAKER_02]: But right now, subscribe.
9:57
[SPEAKER_02]: And yeah, now back to the episode, flat out.
10:00
[SPEAKER_05]: You won't believe it.
10:01
[SPEAKER_05]: I was married seven years.
10:03
[SPEAKER_05]: And we put on for a year and a half.
10:06
[SPEAKER_05]: Our parents didn't even know we were divorced for a year and a half.
10:09
[SPEAKER_05]: Well, our church didn't know we were divorced for a year and a half.
10:13
[SPEAKER_05]: I think my son was probably the only person that had an idea.
10:18
[SPEAKER_05]: But nobody knew we went ahead.
10:22
[SPEAKER_05]: It was during COVID.
10:23
[SPEAKER_05]: We cared on like we were still a married couple.
10:26
[SPEAKER_05]: And we didn't tell anybody.
10:28
[SPEAKER_05]: Even after six months after we were divorced and he decided to move, we were still acting like we were married.
10:35
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, still acting like you may still acting like we were married.
10:39
[SPEAKER_02]: What does that mean?
10:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Is that like putting on like putting on rings?
10:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Is that still going on?
10:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Big night, what does that mean?
10:45
[SPEAKER_05]: That means that on Sundays, he would meet us at church.
10:49
[SPEAKER_05]: his ring was in probably the the cup holder my was at home in the jury box.
10:54
[SPEAKER_05]: We put the rings on.
10:55
[SPEAKER_05]: We meet at church.
10:56
[SPEAKER_05]: Go to church and leave there and then go our separate ways.
11:00
[SPEAKER_02]: So why is the church a place where people feel the pressure to pretend.
11:08
[SPEAKER_05]: So I don't know if it was really well it.
11:11
[SPEAKER_05]: Pressure yes and no.
11:13
[SPEAKER_05]: So for me, at one time, I was the youth minister at my church.
11:17
[SPEAKER_02]: I can see that.
11:17
[SPEAKER_05]: When we got married, we had almost a 300 person wedding.
11:23
[SPEAKER_05]: And I will probably tell you that well over half of those were young people that had been in my ministry over the years.
11:29
[SPEAKER_05]: Their parents, some of their parents can come.
11:31
[SPEAKER_05]: I said, I want every young person that has been under my tutelage to see this,
11:36
[SPEAKER_05]: journey that I've been on to see, you know, because I've been preaching to them forever.
11:40
[SPEAKER_05]: I want y'all to see the end result.
11:42
[SPEAKER_05]: of everything that I was doing.
11:45
[SPEAKER_05]: So when I got divorced, I didn't want to disappoint them.
11:50
[SPEAKER_05]: It wasn't about the bishop.
11:52
[SPEAKER_05]: It wasn't about his wife.
11:53
[SPEAKER_05]: It wasn't about the church members.
11:55
[SPEAKER_05]: For me more than anything, it was about the young people.
11:59
[SPEAKER_05]: The other thing is, both me and my ex have friends who were going through very nasty public
12:07
[SPEAKER_05]: breakups and I'm talking about going after each other.
12:10
[SPEAKER_05]: Like they never loved each other.
12:11
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
12:12
[SPEAKER_05]: And when we made that decision to get divorced, you know, we said two things.
12:16
[SPEAKER_05]: We said, first of all, we don't want to make each other look bad.
12:20
[SPEAKER_05]: That's number one.
12:21
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
12:21
[SPEAKER_05]: And number two, I want to make sure you're in a better shape overall than we were when we got together.
12:27
[SPEAKER_05]: We can do that for each other.
12:29
[SPEAKER_05]: Then we're fine.
12:31
[SPEAKER_05]: And we just made a decision that we weren't going to tell anybody until we were ready.
12:35
[SPEAKER_02]: I think that's really admirable.
12:37
[SPEAKER_02]: I think that you guys handled it to the, I mean, the best way you know how, because there is no map to that's true.
12:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Uncoupling, I always tell people, this is a way not the way, right?
12:48
[SPEAKER_02]: So when you are going through what you're going through and I know how much you love your son, like just the time and money that you've invested to make sure that he has a global outlook on life, like what was it like for a mother to have to,
13:03
[SPEAKER_02]: live this thing gotten front of like what I would say after God one of your prize position.
13:08
[SPEAKER_05]: Absolutely.
13:09
[SPEAKER_05]: So I thought that I was doing it all right.
13:12
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, we're going to take our time.
13:13
[SPEAKER_05]: We're going to do this the way that we think that it should be done.
13:16
[SPEAKER_05]: And then after his father moved out of the house and we were still kind of putting on my son, you know, basically said one day, when, when do you go stop this?
13:26
[SPEAKER_05]: You think I don't know?
13:28
[SPEAKER_02]: really your son's.
13:29
[SPEAKER_05]: My son.
13:29
[SPEAKER_05]: So as you know, I do my event every year, favorite experience.
13:34
[SPEAKER_05]: And one year, we had to do it virtually.
13:37
[SPEAKER_05]: I will scrambling.
13:38
[SPEAKER_05]: My son was one of the speakers.
13:41
[SPEAKER_05]: And he got on camera and said, I'm so glad that my mother can finally be who she is.
13:49
[SPEAKER_05]: I have more respect for her now than I ever have.
13:53
[SPEAKER_05]: So all this time, I'm thinking I'm putting on for you I'm putting on for these other young people.
13:58
[SPEAKER_05]: And what I was really doing is distorting his view of what a woman was supposed to be and what a woman was supposed to look like.
14:06
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
14:06
[SPEAKER_05]: I was distorting his view of what a wife was really supposed to be.
14:10
[SPEAKER_05]: I was teaching him that she was supposed to sacrifice everything even to the point of being dishonest.
14:19
[SPEAKER_05]: That's what I was teaching my son without saying words.
14:24
[SPEAKER_05]: So he gives you this really unique news and he's just like, wow, okay, is there a level of freedom that carrying with your honest and nice, not just a level of freedom, but you know taking off the mask now I didn't have to fix my face when I got ready to go in the house every day, you know there there were times I said in the driveway for
14:50
[SPEAKER_05]: 30 minutes.
14:50
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm not exaggerating.
14:52
[SPEAKER_05]: I was sitting listening to music trying to get myself together.
14:56
[SPEAKER_05]: So when I walked in the house, I was somebody else so that he wouldn't see that.
15:02
[SPEAKER_05]: He knew it.
15:03
[SPEAKER_05]: He knew it before there was any paperwork, even sign.
15:06
[SPEAKER_05]: He knew it.
15:07
[SPEAKER_05]: He went back to specific situations, specific points in time and said, I knew then.
15:15
[SPEAKER_05]: And I'm like, really?
15:16
[SPEAKER_05]: He said, oh, yeah, I knew it.
15:17
[SPEAKER_05]: He said, now, don't get me wrong.
15:19
[SPEAKER_05]: I love my dad, but I love who you are without my dad.
15:26
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm gonna see it the Kevin Horr.
15:28
[SPEAKER_11]: Hey, no, you said it just for like, hey.
15:31
[SPEAKER_02]: So he said it then?
15:32
[SPEAKER_05]: Absolutely.
15:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
15:36
[SPEAKER_02]: So you, so what's the relationship with him and his father now that he's not with?
15:44
[SPEAKER_05]: My great question.
15:45
[SPEAKER_05]: So his relationship with his father really didn't change.
15:50
[SPEAKER_05]: So like I said, he said, I love my father.
15:53
[SPEAKER_05]: I do.
15:53
[SPEAKER_05]: That's my dad.
15:54
[SPEAKER_05]: I love my dad.
15:56
[SPEAKER_05]: But you are totally different now without my dad.
15:59
[SPEAKER_05]: I'll never forget the second time I ever went to Ghana.
16:03
[SPEAKER_05]: I was on the plane and I was crying.
16:07
[SPEAKER_05]: I was looking out the window like, Lord, get me out of here.
16:09
[SPEAKER_05]: I need a break.
16:10
[SPEAKER_05]: I need to get away and I'd already known from my very first trip that that was my happy place.
16:16
[SPEAKER_05]: I knew that that was my place that I could take a deep breath.
16:20
[SPEAKER_05]: And I remember being on the plane and my son sent me a text message.
16:24
[SPEAKER_05]: And he said, Mom,
16:26
[SPEAKER_05]: go enjoy yourself, have a great time, and block that if you need to.
16:35
[SPEAKER_05]: I was speechless because I was feeling guilty for wanting to have peace for myself while it seemed like all hills breaking loose everywhere else.
16:47
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, I was moving out of the home that that we were in, he didn't understand that.
16:54
[SPEAKER_05]: He's like, it's not like you can't afford this home, it's not like you can't stay where you are.
16:58
[SPEAKER_05]: It was a mental prison.
17:00
[SPEAKER_05]: I wanted to be gone.
17:02
[SPEAKER_05]: Therefore, I wanted to be released from that and I wanted to leave and leave all of that behind, even if it was just for a moment.
17:09
[SPEAKER_05]: And he said, you go, you enjoy yourself and block that if you need to.
17:14
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, to see a song with so much strength and to be able to be able to see, you know, hey, I think this is a problem.
17:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Like I've met people along this journey and children was just, you know, once I get old, there's just, listen, there was tough to watch.
17:28
[SPEAKER_02]: You know that, right, even my children, I'd be very honest.
17:31
[SPEAKER_02]: They were like, hey, dad, you know, we like this version.
17:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Like this version is happy, he's light-hearted, you know, he's cool, like he don't say him stress.
17:40
[SPEAKER_02]: And so when it came to picking someone to be a part of my life, wow.
17:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Just have to be very careful because my children would be like, if you're just going to bring stress and chaos back in your life, yeah, you could just stay with my mom alone.
17:52
[SPEAKER_02]: So how hard is it for a courier to move forward and bring somebody into her life considering that the first time didn't work out the way you thought it would.
18:01
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, it wasn't as hard as I thought, but a girlfriend of mine.
18:06
[SPEAKER_05]: Fager.
18:07
[SPEAKER_05]: Oh, yeah.
18:07
[SPEAKER_05]: I love her.
18:08
[SPEAKER_05]: Fager said, all is fine until somebody gets booed up.
18:13
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, that's what she said because we had this system where my steps on used to come every other weekend, right?
18:22
[SPEAKER_05]: It had really gotten to the point where he was even standing at the house every other weekend when the steps on account when I say it was The most made up Barbie dot Barbie and Ken doll house from the outside of the hoods man.
18:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, bring his steps on the ex hoods man.
18:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I'll divorce.
18:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, bring your steps on over.
18:38
[SPEAKER_02]: He's think around in the
18:40
[SPEAKER_02]: all of that.
18:41
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, that is traumatic.
18:42
[SPEAKER_02]: I just will do.
18:44
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm telling you, it was thinking back on it now.
18:48
[SPEAKER_05]: I have to laugh like what the hell were you doing?
18:51
[SPEAKER_05]: What were you thinking?
18:52
[SPEAKER_05]: What were you thinking?
18:55
[SPEAKER_05]: And you know, like she said, she said, all going to be good.
18:59
[SPEAKER_05]: We even talked about writing the book together.
19:02
[SPEAKER_05]: how to divorce gracefully.
19:04
[SPEAKER_05]: We had the chapters my look.
19:06
[SPEAKER_05]: We had called AJ, I taught the AJ look.
19:08
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
19:09
[SPEAKER_05]: I need to lay out these chapters right here, it's different.
19:12
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
19:13
[SPEAKER_05]: And, um, they just said, I'm gonna be all right until somebody had booed up.
19:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
19:21
[SPEAKER_05]: She wasn't lying.
19:22
[SPEAKER_02]: So he got booed up and went crazy, child.
19:24
[SPEAKER_05]: Hey, why you say he got booed up?
19:26
[SPEAKER_02]: No, I said, you got booed up.
19:27
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, I got booed up.
19:28
[SPEAKER_02]: And then he went crazy.
19:29
[SPEAKER_05]: Oh, it was, it was,
19:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey us, because you don't want to win up in the gym and what they're going to try to get fine.
19:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, a lot of look past you two, three times up in the stage and I said, that is not right.
19:43
[SPEAKER_02]: I almost blocked it.
19:44
[SPEAKER_05]: I mean, when you talk about I'm following me.
19:45
[SPEAKER_05]: I don't know that.
19:46
[SPEAKER_02]: I do not tell you that.
19:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know.
19:48
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't care.
19:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Not a man of God.
19:49
[SPEAKER_02]: I got to be a man of God.
19:50
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm still still.
19:51
[SPEAKER_02]: I still can see.
19:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, I'm on.
19:53
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm gonna block you, Corey, if you keep on putting all the gems stuff up.
19:56
[SPEAKER_02]: I never looked at seeing you the way I saw you this day.
19:59
[SPEAKER_05]: I knew it was a man and then we would find something.
20:01
[SPEAKER_05]: But you know what, actually that was before.
20:04
[SPEAKER_05]: anybody came into the picture, you know, I really started working out.
20:09
[SPEAKER_05]: I want to say I was bored, but I was so into my family, I was so in the supporting my ex, his ventures.
20:18
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, obviously, you know, my son plays, my son played on like three almost semi-proteins.
20:24
[SPEAKER_05]: I mean, we was Florida, North Carolina, North Carolina, I mean, we were everywhere, right?
20:28
[SPEAKER_05]: And then I was serving on these boards.
20:31
[SPEAKER_05]: I was president of charter boards, you know, school where he was.
20:34
[SPEAKER_05]: I was doing all of these things.
20:36
[SPEAKER_05]: And it was like when I got divorced, God started eliminating all these different weights.
20:43
[SPEAKER_05]: and all of the time that I used to spend on these things.
20:47
[SPEAKER_05]: And like I said, my ex-husband's business, and you know, organizations that he was running, you know, rolling off of the charter school board, of course my son still has soccer, but now at this point, he driving.
20:59
[SPEAKER_07]: Right, he can go as though.
21:00
[SPEAKER_05]: So I'm not taking you back and forth to practice.
21:03
[SPEAKER_05]: I honestly didn't know what to do with myself.
21:06
[SPEAKER_05]: I said, well, I guess I can go to the gym.
21:09
[SPEAKER_05]: I guess I can pick up a new hobby.
21:11
[SPEAKER_05]: I guess I can write this book that I've been saying.
21:14
[SPEAKER_05]: I was going to write for the last 10 years, which then end up taking me three months, 10 years, and then it took me three months, to write it and get it up on Amazon.
21:24
[SPEAKER_05]: And it was out of what am I going to do now?
21:28
[SPEAKER_05]: It wasn't, like, let me go get fine so I can find somebody, you know, that, that came, but that wasn't what it was about more love you more podcast after this.
21:41
[SPEAKER_06]: every day, people are forced to make impossible choices.
21:44
[SPEAKER_06]: Between their health and their household bills, prescription calls are out of control, but there is health.
21:50
[SPEAKER_02]: The solution is RX Outreach.
21:52
[SPEAKER_02]: RX Outreach is the place for you.
21:55
[SPEAKER_02]: RX Outreach is a nonprofit pharmacy.
21:58
[SPEAKER_02]: That's across the entire United States of America.
22:01
[SPEAKER_02]: No insurance needed, no hidden fee.
22:04
[SPEAKER_02]: So if the price of medication has been holding you back, baby, listen.
22:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Hell is closer than you think.
22:11
[SPEAKER_02]: All you have to do is visit arts outreach right now and hope that you can get the prescriptions feel that you need.
22:17
[SPEAKER_02]: I wanna encourage you to go now.
22:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Flat out.
22:29
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, I often say that many times we don't understand that the biggest room in the world is the room for improvement.
22:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, that was so many things that I thought were just right.
22:40
[SPEAKER_02]: And I realized that that version of me really had to die for this version to really come to life.
22:45
[SPEAKER_05]: That's good.
22:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, you talked about like those children.
22:50
[SPEAKER_02]: And like, man, I just want to make sure because they momma don't let them down.
22:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Sometimes they dated, don't let them down.
22:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, I'm the only hope that they have.
22:59
[SPEAKER_02]: No, I'm the only hope that they have.
23:01
[SPEAKER_02]: You're human, you know, like just because they don't know what you're doing, you're still doing it, right?
23:07
[SPEAKER_02]: So what part of you do you think you really learn when you look back you like, man, I could have did this part just a little bit better.
23:14
[SPEAKER_02]: I wasn't really good at sports.
23:16
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm glad you asked because you said something.
23:18
[SPEAKER_05]: You said, you know, they may not really know.
23:20
[SPEAKER_05]: Now my son is 22 and, you know, our conversations are different.
23:24
[SPEAKER_11]: Perfect.
23:24
[SPEAKER_05]: Then, you know, way back then.
23:27
[SPEAKER_11]: They know.
23:29
[SPEAKER_05]: They know, like I said, my son said, you think I didn't have a clue.
23:34
[SPEAKER_05]: It wasn't even about, you know, you guys arguing or me hearing, you know, on this circumstance, I could tell in the way you was moving.
23:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you did moving.
23:43
[SPEAKER_05]: I could tell at the way when we was having dinner in the conversations or at lack thereof, right?
23:50
[SPEAKER_05]: I could tell, you know, you stand gone longer than you really had to and you pouring yourself like I said into all of these things.
23:58
[SPEAKER_05]: What did I learn is that we need to be okay with who we are, but we also need to be okay with how we feel.
24:08
[SPEAKER_05]: Why have we been brought up in this society where you got to be a strong black woman?
24:15
[SPEAKER_05]: You got to be a strong and no, I am totally in my self-care, open the door for me.
24:21
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, by me flowers, get the table, you know, have it reserved.
24:26
[SPEAKER_05]: I want all of that.
24:28
[SPEAKER_05]: I want you to plan things.
24:29
[SPEAKER_05]: I want to be surprised.
24:30
[SPEAKER_05]: I want to do all of that.
24:31
[SPEAKER_05]: But so many times we've been taught, you get, you know, you just got to be self-sufficient.
24:36
[SPEAKER_05]: even if you got a man.
24:37
[SPEAKER_05]: No.
24:38
[SPEAKER_05]: No, I'm sorry.
24:39
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm sorry.
24:40
[SPEAKER_05]: The answer is no.
24:41
[SPEAKER_11]: Yeah.
24:41
[SPEAKER_05]: Not anymore.
24:42
[SPEAKER_05]: Even at this age now.
24:44
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, people may think, well, you should have did that way, but I'm doing it now.
24:47
[SPEAKER_11]: Yeah.
24:48
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm okay with that.
24:49
[SPEAKER_05]: Oh, you have it now.
24:52
[SPEAKER_02]: What was your breaking point where you said, you know what enough is enough?
24:55
[SPEAKER_02]: I have to do this.
24:56
[SPEAKER_05]: Oh, that's a good question.
24:58
[SPEAKER_05]: I remember we were on vacation.
25:00
[SPEAKER_05]: I mean, the entire family was on vacation.
25:04
[SPEAKER_05]: Not just me, my husband, but his brother, his kids, his mom, and this, that and the other, and I, you know, there's always a build-up.
25:13
[SPEAKER_05]: Let's be honest.
25:14
[SPEAKER_05]: Nobody wakes up and says, you know, I want to do this and I don't have a reason.
25:19
[SPEAKER_05]: There was a buildup.
25:22
[SPEAKER_05]: I don't know if I really got to a point.
25:23
[SPEAKER_05]: I said, this is the breaking point.
25:26
[SPEAKER_05]: But when I got there, I knew to the vacation.
25:29
[SPEAKER_02]: I knew that was the expensive breakup.
25:32
[SPEAKER_05]: That's that part.
25:34
[SPEAKER_05]: And when we left on that Sunday, I immediately started fasting that morning when I woke up that Sunday morning.
25:41
[SPEAKER_05]: I fasted Sunday Monday Tuesday.
25:44
[SPEAKER_05]: I'll never forget it.
25:46
[SPEAKER_05]: And it was the guilt and it was the shame.
25:48
[SPEAKER_05]: It wasn't that I didn't want to be released from the situation, but it was the guilt and the shame, like I said, because these young people that have been watching me, my son was watching me.
25:58
[SPEAKER_05]: And I remember that last day of fasting.
26:03
[SPEAKER_05]: Very clearly, God said, I don't like it.
26:07
[SPEAKER_05]: but I'm relieving you.
26:08
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm releasing you, rather.
26:10
[SPEAKER_05]: And I kept hearing that word.
26:11
[SPEAKER_05]: I just said release without even thinking about it.
26:14
[SPEAKER_05]: God said, I don't like it, but I'm releasing you.
26:18
[SPEAKER_05]: And when I heard the word release, I got home, we're got home from work that Tuesday in the next morning I called an attorney.
26:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Did you let him know?
26:28
[SPEAKER_05]: I didn't let him know at that point, but I think he knew.
26:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
26:31
[SPEAKER_05]: Because those three days, I am a very like this, you know, I don't necessarily have to do the hoop and the hot don't have to do that, but I will say this that when you make up your mind for the most part, when you I don't care male female, whatever you make up if when you really really really make up your mind nothing else is going to turn that turn that corner for you and I made up my mind.
26:58
[SPEAKER_02]: And so you get out to fast, you make this decision.
27:01
[SPEAKER_02]: And now you gotta go through this journey.
27:04
[SPEAKER_02]: All right, right now, then you got this jacket of shame.
27:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Because the life as you know it is now going in a whole totally different direction.
27:12
[SPEAKER_02]: When it came to the church people that you were trying to impress, the friends that you wanted to cheer you on.
27:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
27:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Did they have to separate, correct, chorey, and her has been to people choose you and then choose like how did you deal with people having to deal with your decision?
27:26
[SPEAKER_05]: You know what, I think that that was one of the good parts of the way that we handled it.
27:32
[SPEAKER_05]: So I you said the jacket of shame, some people just take off the whole jacket and we done for me it was layers.
27:39
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, now I know that it was just layers that God was peeling off, right?
27:43
[SPEAKER_05]: So, you know, at one point, it was, okay, it took me, if it, a year and a half before anybody found out about the divorce, it took me a good six months before I ever took the ring off the first time.
27:56
[SPEAKER_05]: I was all, I was divorced, May 5th.
27:58
[SPEAKER_11]: Yeah.
27:59
[SPEAKER_05]: I remember the day we was sitting at the dining room table, we got divorced, oh, oh, it's all.
28:04
[SPEAKER_02]: And let me tell you, I said, yeah, I didn't do it.
28:08
[SPEAKER_02]: I didn't do it.
28:08
[SPEAKER_05]: If you remember the date, it was still living in the house.
28:11
[SPEAKER_05]: So we still lived together for six months, right?
28:16
[SPEAKER_05]: And I remember the day that I took the ring off.
28:20
[SPEAKER_05]: And I took it off right here at work.
28:25
[SPEAKER_05]: And I left it in the gym.
28:28
[SPEAKER_05]: And somebody found it.
28:33
[SPEAKER_05]: Two days, we still work together now.
28:36
[SPEAKER_05]: They had no idea that it was like, you left your ring in the gym.
28:40
[SPEAKER_02]: It was like I did it on purpose and I go home.
28:42
[SPEAKER_05]: Leave it there.
28:43
[SPEAKER_05]: Let me take that down there.
28:45
[SPEAKER_05]: You brought it back to me.
28:47
[SPEAKER_05]: I would be looking left and there.
28:50
[SPEAKER_05]: But I ended up leaving it.
28:51
[SPEAKER_05]: But it was such a wake-up call.
28:53
[SPEAKER_05]: Now I can laugh about it.
28:55
[SPEAKER_05]: Because it was the first time I took it off.
28:58
[SPEAKER_05]: And it was almost like I was saying, look, okay.
29:01
[SPEAKER_02]: So I think you say like God said in this, but to the church in large, however, no but don't want to negate what you said.
29:07
[SPEAKER_02]: But absolutely.
29:08
[SPEAKER_02]: For the church in large, to hear somebody hear from God in a direction, right?
29:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Of uncoupling, may make somebody feel like, wait a minute now, you can say, God, dear dead cause you don't like it.
29:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Like what are your thoughts?
29:25
[SPEAKER_05]: So,
29:26
[SPEAKER_05]: Religion, I mean, relationship over religion, yeah.
29:29
[SPEAKER_05]: You had your conversations with God and I had my conversations with God.
29:32
[SPEAKER_05]: And I came to Pindle what he said to you to be, you know, my hand all, I have my individual relationship and that's all that I care about at this point.
29:41
[SPEAKER_05]: There was a time when I probably would have gotten offended, I probably would have got embarrassed or ashamed all over again.
29:49
[SPEAKER_05]: You cannot make me move from my mark now.
29:54
[SPEAKER_05]: I know it would be like that part yeah this was a conversation between me and guy and I'm okay with that now yeah I'm okay with it.
30:04
[SPEAKER_02]: So how did Corey grow up did she now number one I never met nobody who majored in what you majored in like four straight or something like that.
30:15
[SPEAKER_02]: I think you might do like tree forest resource managed.
30:18
[SPEAKER_02]: That's what I thought.
30:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Good job.
30:20
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
30:20
[SPEAKER_05]: Why do this?
30:21
[SPEAKER_05]: Where does this program exist?
30:24
[SPEAKER_05]: University of Tennessee and Knoxville.
30:26
[SPEAKER_05]: Go vows.
30:27
[SPEAKER_05]: Good old rocky top.
30:29
[SPEAKER_02]: That's it.
30:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, so you, you made your neck, but what was like, earlier life for Cory, I did, my mom and dad grow up, took, did you grow with mom and dad?
30:38
[SPEAKER_05]: I did not.
30:39
[SPEAKER_05]: So, first of all, my mother got pregnant with me her first time out, out the gate.
30:45
[SPEAKER_05]: 22.
30:47
[SPEAKER_02]: If you're one of a bad luck, you wouldn't have a bad luck on that part.
30:49
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, right, so she graduated from college, Tennessee State, got a job with the FBI in Washington, DC,
30:57
[SPEAKER_05]: move to Washington DC, met this musician, knocked her off her feet, and somebody else too round the same time, but that's a whole new situation.
31:08
[SPEAKER_05]: Um, hey man, listen, hey, get me and my sister about.
31:14
[SPEAKER_05]: three, four months apart.
31:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, so I got to sit through week.
31:18
[SPEAKER_05]: That's the same age as that day.
31:19
[SPEAKER_05]: There you go.
31:21
[SPEAKER_05]: So I was born in Washington, D.C. After she got, after I was born, she said, you know what, I think I need to go back home.
31:29
[SPEAKER_05]: So she goes back home to Memphis.
31:31
[SPEAKER_05]: My father stayed in D.C.
31:33
[SPEAKER_05]: I didn't see him again until I was five or six.
31:36
[SPEAKER_05]: Maybe.
31:37
[SPEAKER_05]: And I only saw him then because he thought he was dying.
31:42
[SPEAKER_05]: I need to see my daughter before I'm gone.
31:45
[SPEAKER_05]: But I'm going with Liz, but I'm coming to see you.
31:47
[SPEAKER_05]: My mother takes me to see my father.
31:50
[SPEAKER_05]: And it was then it was several other years.
31:54
[SPEAKER_05]: Obviously, he didn't pass several other years before I saw him.
31:58
[SPEAKER_05]: But then after that, after I got to be a teenager, I would kind of go back and forth 20C and Memphis.
32:03
[SPEAKER_05]: Um, but I grew up in, in, in, in, in the hoodie hood orange mound on my eight ball and jj.
32:09
[SPEAKER_05]: I don't know about the mile.
32:10
[SPEAKER_05]: Hey, that part right now.
32:12
[SPEAKER_05]: So, um, it was just your mother, but just my mother in the mound in the mound.
32:19
[SPEAKER_05]: You know what I'm doing today.
32:21
[SPEAKER_05]: That part right there.
32:23
[SPEAKER_05]: So grew up.
32:24
[SPEAKER_05]: My mother did a phenomenal job.
32:27
[SPEAKER_05]: I had the plan to go to Howard to study computer science.
32:32
[SPEAKER_05]: And somebody came to our school right before the summer and they said, hey, we missed the little college day.
32:39
[SPEAKER_05]: Uh, what you think about force, I said, you don't see no trees right here.
32:43
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, you see it's corner stores, liquor stores, you know, and all of that.
32:46
[SPEAKER_05]: But they said, but you can go and work for us for the summer.
32:49
[SPEAKER_05]: And you can make this money before you go to school.
32:51
[SPEAKER_05]: Sign me up.
32:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Sorry.
32:53
[SPEAKER_02]: You need a debate.
32:54
[SPEAKER_05]: Sign me up.
32:56
[SPEAKER_05]: And so I went to Oregon and I co-op this summer.
32:59
[SPEAKER_02]: in Oregon or from the mound with the forest surface.
33:02
[SPEAKER_05]: Culture shock, you have no idea.
33:05
[SPEAKER_05]: They were literally people who'd never seen a black person before, ever, like ever, ever.
33:14
[SPEAKER_05]: Thanks.
33:14
[SPEAKER_05]: So it was me and there were two other black gentlemen.
33:18
[SPEAKER_05]: He looked like you, they thought it was Michael Jordan.
33:21
[SPEAKER_05]: They thought it was Michael Jordan.
33:22
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm not, can't make this stuff up.
33:24
[SPEAKER_05]: Michael Jordan.
33:25
[SPEAKER_05]: Michael Jordan, they say, are you Michael Jordan?
33:27
[SPEAKER_02]: out of Randy.
33:28
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm sure he is that part.
33:31
[SPEAKER_05]: But I ended up loving it.
33:33
[SPEAKER_05]: I said, you know, with this is so different from anything that I'm used to.
33:36
[SPEAKER_05]: And they said, well, you know, we'll give you a full ride, university, a Tennessee sign me up.
33:43
[UNKNOWN]: Yeah.
33:43
[SPEAKER_05]: So that's how I ended up in 4th Street.
33:46
[SPEAKER_05]: I absolutely loved it.
33:47
[SPEAKER_05]: I thought I would come to Georgia after that.
33:49
[SPEAKER_05]: Get a master's in botany and continue on.
33:53
[SPEAKER_05]: I did.
33:54
[SPEAKER_02]: What did real quick?
33:55
[SPEAKER_05]: Could you explain botany for botany as the study of plants?
33:57
[SPEAKER_02]: OK, perfect.
33:58
[SPEAKER_02]: I didn't know.
34:00
[SPEAKER_05]: I said, I want to study botany and marketing, because I think I'm going to go back to these rural areas in Mississippi and I'm going to show them how the government is taking the money.
34:10
[SPEAKER_02]: That was a plan, though.
34:12
[SPEAKER_02]: That was a plan.
34:12
[SPEAKER_02]: That was a plan.
34:13
[SPEAKER_02]: That was a plan.
34:14
[SPEAKER_05]: was a plan and so I came here to go to grad school and I needed a job.
34:18
[SPEAKER_05]: I needed a part-time job.
34:19
[SPEAKER_05]: My mother was like, she just, you know, couldn't do it.
34:22
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, you, you there.
34:24
[SPEAKER_05]: I got you through these four years.
34:26
[SPEAKER_05]: Well, I had a scholarship, but we got you through these four years.
34:29
[SPEAKER_05]: You got to figure it out.
34:30
[SPEAKER_05]: So I walked across the street.
34:31
[SPEAKER_05]: I was working at Delta and a little part-time job and their payroll department walked across the street to
34:43
[SPEAKER_02]: And, and how many years lived?
34:45
[SPEAKER_05]: 30 years later.
34:46
[SPEAKER_02]: 30 years later, they bring you in and you stay for 30.
34:50
[SPEAKER_02]: 30.
34:52
[SPEAKER_02]: And the time went quick.
34:54
[SPEAKER_02]: I do have to ask you this, Corey.
34:56
[SPEAKER_02]: So I meet my biological mother.
34:58
[SPEAKER_02]: And I like to do it in the story.
34:59
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm making it about me, it's all about you.
35:01
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm being a building bridge.
35:02
[SPEAKER_02]: So we can, you know, go, I don't like just leave you out there on the island by yourself.
35:06
[SPEAKER_02]: You're like, I'm putting all my stuff here.
35:07
[SPEAKER_02]: And nobody's there and nothing.
35:09
[SPEAKER_02]: You look back and be like, just let me the right.
35:11
[SPEAKER_02]: I won't do you that way.
35:12
[SPEAKER_02]: If they can talk about you, they can talk about me.
35:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
35:15
[SPEAKER_02]: But I ended up meeting my biological mother.
35:17
[SPEAKER_02]: And I begin to investigate the primal womb.
35:20
[SPEAKER_02]: What is it like for a child who comes out of his mother's womb?
35:24
[SPEAKER_02]: And he doesn't get an opportunity to touch her.
35:25
[SPEAKER_02]: He doesn't get an opportunity to hear I love you.
35:29
[SPEAKER_02]: He doesn't get an embrace.
35:31
[SPEAKER_02]: What type of detachment do I have from motherly emotions?
35:36
[SPEAKER_02]: And I have to look at that because for me, once I make a strong decision.
35:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, like I have made my strong decision and I don't I don't run back and forth.
35:46
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't do any That decision means to cut in circumcision means to cut around decisions means to cut out and once I make a decision Anybody who's ever been around me.
35:55
[SPEAKER_02]: They know It's come hell out of water.
35:57
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm sticking to my decision.
35:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I made my decision and so I was gone But when I started to look at that I was like
36:03
[SPEAKER_02]: could the primal wound that I went through be so consciously dictating the way I choose women, how I release a woman, and how I respond to conflict from a woman.
36:17
[SPEAKER_02]: My mama didn't necessarily take me on when I came out the womb, right?
36:22
[SPEAKER_02]: So why do I, so letting you go is kind of easy for me, right?
36:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Do you think because dad had the opportunity to run in and out of your life that when it comes to me and you still have a level of, a part of you that will never totally give
36:45
[SPEAKER_02]: I felt this before, have you ever taken the time to really look deeper into that?
36:50
[SPEAKER_05]: I have, and my issue was similar but a little different.
36:56
[SPEAKER_05]: I thought I could be a fixer.
36:58
[SPEAKER_05]: I've always been the fixer.
37:00
[SPEAKER_05]: Even now, when sibling rivalry or siblings things happen amongst my siblings, I'm the fixer.
37:07
[SPEAKER_05]: In radio, they would give me the accounts that were broken because they knew I could go in there and I could establish a relationship.
37:15
[SPEAKER_05]: With my ex, I always thought, you know what?
37:17
[SPEAKER_05]: Well, first of all, I thought it was my fault for a long time.
37:19
[SPEAKER_05]: I'll be honest, which goes back to the, the fatherly thing.
37:23
[SPEAKER_05]: Maybe there was something wrong with me.
37:26
[SPEAKER_05]: Maybe there was something that I did.
37:28
[SPEAKER_05]: Maybe when he saw me, he was just like, you know.
37:31
[SPEAKER_05]: And I know, you know, the stories run deep about, is that really your, your child.
37:37
[SPEAKER_05]: So when it came to relationships, I thought I could be the fixer.
37:42
[SPEAKER_05]: But when I got to the point of realizing that you got to want to be fixed, to be fixed.
37:49
[SPEAKER_05]: And when I say fixed, not like I was trying to change someone, but he knew his shortcomings, right?
37:56
[SPEAKER_05]: And I so badly wanted my son to be in a two parent household because it was something that I did not have.
38:04
[SPEAKER_05]: I wanted it bad to the point where I would sacrifice even me, what I wanted my peace, who I was, and I just thought if I pour up myself into this, if I just keep trying to tweak myself, the other person would be better, wrong answer.
38:23
[SPEAKER_02]: How do you fight through that insecurity for love the next time?
38:27
[SPEAKER_05]: Well, I think you have to look and say, do I ever want to be back in that situation?
38:31
[SPEAKER_05]: And I so badly never want to be back in that situation that even if I feel myself moving in that direction, detour.
38:41
[SPEAKER_02]: So do you think there, like the Bible speaks about being a suitable helpmate?
38:46
[SPEAKER_02]: So I know that there's a level of help that comes from a woman being in your life, especially as a man, especially when you like, you going after it, like, that's what they would say a high value, you man or whatever.
38:59
[SPEAKER_02]: You need someone who's going to be able to walk alongside him and partner and growing and you grow together.
39:05
[SPEAKER_02]: So do you find yourself not willing to help as much as you would have because you see that part as fixing or do you have a pretty good barometer of like, all right, now I'm going to help with that, but do you have this like, hey, wait now you doing too much, you know, because that may just be a nightly who you are like a person who's willing to help and serve, but I think it has to be reciprocated, do you ever feel that tough to say, am I giving too much is that a question for you?
39:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, real quick, did you know that we have a Patreon community entitled The Flat Out Family?
39:38
[SPEAKER_02]: If you did, and I'm just telling you now, if you would like to see these episodes one day earlier than the rest of the world have real conversations with myself along with a host of great opportunities in the area of finance, job opportunities, relationships, and of course scholarship dollars.
39:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, join the family, flatoutfamily.com or click the little link in this YouTube to make sure that you join us quickly.
39:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Go now, flatout.
40:01
[SPEAKER_05]: That's such a phenomenal question because now, first of all, I don't look, I make sure that I know I'm getting matched right, but I also know that you have to
40:15
[SPEAKER_05]: be willing to let people help you, right?
40:18
[SPEAKER_05]: So I was a go out and get it.
40:20
[SPEAKER_05]: I mean, you see me, you know, even now I'm still like that.
40:24
[SPEAKER_05]: But to be matched with somebody or even to go out with someone or to be interested in someone who is just as interested in the things that you are doing as you are interested in them.
40:36
[SPEAKER_10]: Yeah.
40:37
[SPEAKER_05]: I give you a story.
40:38
[SPEAKER_05]: I will never forget my ex husband sent me a text message.
40:41
[SPEAKER_05]: This was years ago.
40:42
[SPEAKER_05]: Um, so we got divorced, um, like I said during COVID.
40:47
[SPEAKER_05]: And I'm gonna say, maybe it was three or four years later, you know, I do my event, faith board experience.
40:51
[SPEAKER_05]: He sent me a text one morning.
40:54
[SPEAKER_05]: And he said, I see all the social media.
40:56
[SPEAKER_05]: And I see everything that you're doing.
40:58
[SPEAKER_05]: He said, I couldn't
41:01
[SPEAKER_05]: He said, and now I'm looking at you, I can't remember.
41:03
[SPEAKER_05]: I think it might have been 10 years.
41:06
[SPEAKER_05]: Well, I have been doing a favor of it, experience.
41:08
[SPEAKER_05]: You couldn't see it.
41:10
[SPEAKER_05]: He could not see it.
41:12
[SPEAKER_05]: But then you meet somebody and they say, you doing what?
41:18
[SPEAKER_05]: What can I do?
41:19
[SPEAKER_05]: How can I help you?
41:22
[SPEAKER_05]: Do you need me to do this for you?
41:25
[SPEAKER_05]: How can I support you?
41:27
[SPEAKER_05]: It's totally different than, oh, that little thing you don't.
41:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Are you able to receive support?
41:33
[SPEAKER_05]: I am able to receive support now in a totally different way.
41:37
[SPEAKER_05]: It took time.
41:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I think that's my big chance.
41:40
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
41:41
[SPEAKER_02]: I add some of the ask me, how do you feel with, you know, your current life and situation?
41:45
[SPEAKER_02]: I was like, it's great.
41:47
[SPEAKER_02]: but definitely not my normal.
41:50
[SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
41:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Like I'm just like, what am I?
41:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I so used to toxic that I normal piece feels difficult.
42:01
[SPEAKER_05]: or you so used to picking up the ball, carrying it yourself across the finish line.
42:09
[SPEAKER_05]: When I got here today, the ladies will tell you, I was like, okay, I got this.
42:13
[SPEAKER_05]: Let me do this.
42:14
[SPEAKER_05]: You know, they sit back and relax and ask me, I said, you know what, I'm going to enjoy this.
42:18
[SPEAKER_11]: Yeah.
42:19
[SPEAKER_05]: I'm going to enjoy this, and let me know just what you ask me, let's me know that I'm still getting better because given my, I know I'm still growing, but I'm not used to people doing things for me like that.
42:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Believe it or not, I kept her here because I said, she has to get a full face.
42:40
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't even know if you did make good.
42:42
[SPEAKER_12]: Wow.
42:42
[SPEAKER_02]: But I was like, you know what, we want to make sure that, like, she knows that this is what life is going to look like for her, for the rest of her life.
42:54
[SPEAKER_05]: Absolutely.
42:54
[SPEAKER_02]: The Bible talks about a man who kind of Jesus, he was like, hey, man.
42:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, I, I too am a man of authority.
43:01
[SPEAKER_02]: I tell this wouldn't go and he goes.
43:03
[SPEAKER_02]: I tell this wouldn't come and he comes.
43:04
[SPEAKER_02]: But if you, if you could just just say the word, and I know, you know, everything going to be good, going to be healed, right?
43:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely.
43:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Like I think you have to realize that God has put you in the season now that you can tell one to go and you can tell that one to come.
43:19
[SPEAKER_02]: And then God will begin to explain your territory in that regard another thing that I say when I was praying for you is that this sacrifice and I don't even know if you could take this part out of she's now comfortable with it, but I saw your mother
43:32
[SPEAKER_02]: And I see that she didn't do everything right.
43:35
[SPEAKER_02]: And then I seen that her even coming and in these latter years, you being so kind and you being so peaceful and opening up your doors when there were times where you wanted things that you weren't able to get the support.
43:51
[SPEAKER_02]: I wanna let you know the guy sees that part.
43:53
[SPEAKER_02]: And he honest the fact that I hear you saying
43:56
[SPEAKER_02]: I honor, I've just, I'll just honor her, I honor her because that's what the Bible says.
44:01
[SPEAKER_02]: And your consistency is not taking you to a place where you're expansion is on your life.
44:05
[SPEAKER_02]: I think, and you can keep this part in it.
44:08
[SPEAKER_02]: I believe that the next chapter requires some very unique faith.
44:13
[SPEAKER_02]: I think what you've been trusting God for requires to play to not be so full, because I think you, I think you underestimate the power of
44:25
[SPEAKER_05]: Wow, that's up everybody.
44:28
[SPEAKER_02]: You literally have not seen what Supreme Focus looks like, right?
44:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Besides what you've done for others.
44:34
[SPEAKER_05]: I receive every bit of that.
44:36
[SPEAKER_05]: And I know that I know that I know that it's true because a lot of people pray for more.
44:40
[SPEAKER_05]: I'll give me more of this, more of that more response, not my prayer.
44:44
[SPEAKER_05]: Lord, I want to do, I want, no, I want to have the effect.
44:50
[SPEAKER_05]: But I don't necessarily want to have to do more.
44:52
[SPEAKER_05]: I've done, you know what I mean?
44:54
[SPEAKER_05]: So I want the effect of that.
44:56
[SPEAKER_05]: I want the result of what I know you need me to be out here doing.
45:00
[SPEAKER_05]: And my mother used to set minutes to the others and sometimes use words.
45:04
[SPEAKER_05]: So at this point, I don't even have to do a whole lot of talking at this point.
45:09
[SPEAKER_05]: I just got a continue to put one foot in front of the other.
45:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I really do appreciate you coming to sharing your story.
45:15
[SPEAKER_02]: I pray that it help people just like you.
45:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Here's the thing, you don't get to this level of freedom
45:20
[SPEAKER_02]: that, right?
45:21
[SPEAKER_02]: I just really want to put that out there.
45:23
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to say it again for the pick.
45:24
[SPEAKER_02]: I love, did you?
45:25
[SPEAKER_02]: You don't get to that level of freedom, fake it.
45:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Do you realize that your freedom really is on the other side of your honesty?
45:34
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, if you are a church transplant,
45:36
[SPEAKER_02]: But I was so thankful that I got an opportunity to be on this tour called Tonight's Conversation, where Y'all came up in there, Y'all was so real.
45:43
[SPEAKER_02]: It was a level of real.
45:44
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm Beyoncé with you that made me feel a little uncomfortable.
45:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I was like, this shit just get up there and tell the people that her husband got her, you know, even just some unique stuff.
45:54
[SPEAKER_02]: But then I realized, wow.
45:57
[SPEAKER_02]: These people are all in their story, and church people sitting around here putting the veil over what God actually wants to use.
46:07
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't believe in waiting until it's all the way over and then you got the victory.
46:11
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't mind you ministering from the womb.
46:13
[SPEAKER_02]: I remember sitting there with my children and I was struggling with alcohol and they kept catching me.
46:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, I got so tired of them catching me drinking and smoking had my little bottles and coming in and trying to watch my hand and brush my teeth and all that to make sure that they didn't smell that black on my one wood tip on me.
46:30
[SPEAKER_02]: And I just remember them seeing me pray and fight and pray and then check myself in with celebrate recovery on Thursday.
46:39
[SPEAKER_02]: That was just watching friends with watching them.
46:41
[SPEAKER_02]: It was like, oh, this boy really, really serious.
46:44
[SPEAKER_02]: And then they would see me in my prayer closet and then finally one day, Princeton gets sick.
46:49
[SPEAKER_02]: And this is my, my little boy and I've run to Walgreens real quick.
46:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, son, watch your brother and then I come back and I cannot find myself.
46:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm looking all through this house.
47:01
[SPEAKER_02]: We are pretty big house.
47:02
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm on the lower level.
47:03
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, this is boy, just go.
47:05
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm yelling, press, where are you?
47:07
[SPEAKER_02]: And I go to the second floor.
47:08
[SPEAKER_02]: I look all around.
47:09
[SPEAKER_02]: I go to the top for the floor.
47:11
[SPEAKER_02]: I go to that bedroom.
47:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Me neither that bedroom, that bedroom.
47:14
[SPEAKER_02]: And finally, I go to the bathroom.
47:16
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm just like, oh my God.
47:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Where's this boy?
47:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, he's sick.
47:19
[SPEAKER_02]: And I look and I see some little feet in the closet.
47:24
[SPEAKER_02]: And I said, so what are you doing in the closet, land down?
47:28
[SPEAKER_02]: And he looked up and he said, I'm praying.
47:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Cause that's all I have to say in you, dude.
47:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Bro, I walked out of there in tears.
47:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Because no matter what you're doing, somebody's watching and just do your best to make sure that they get an opportunity to see something that's beneficial to them too.
47:51
[SPEAKER_02]: So I prayed that, you shared this episode because it's steamy and she being real because that's what culture wants you to, to fall in love with it.
48:01
[SPEAKER_02]: But what I want you to fall in love with more than anything is that a person is able to be free because they're no longer a shame on what they went through because God died for that too.
48:11
[SPEAKER_00]: All right?
48:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't forget to love yourself more.