Latest / The Career Mentor Podcast with Fexingo: Finding Mentors, Sponsors, and Career Advisors / How to Get Career Advice from People You Admire
Transcript
- Lucas: Luna, I want to start with a number. A study from Cornell and Stanford found that when people reach out to strangers for a small favor—like asking for advice—they underestimate the likelihood of getting a yes by about forty-six percent. Luna: Wow. So we're basically hardwired to assume rejection. Lucas: Exactly. The lead researcher, Vanessa Bohns, calls it the 'saying is believing' effect. We convince ourselves that the person is too busy or that our ask is annoying. But in reality, people are surprisingly willing to help. Luna: That's reassuring, because I think a lot of us freeze when we want to message someone senior on LinkedIn. What's the specific template you've used? Lucas: So I'll share the one that got me a coffee chat with a VP at Microsoft a few years ago. The subject line was: 'Quick question about your path to product leadership.' Short, specific, and it signals respect for their time. Luna: And what was the body? Lucas: Three sentences. First: 'I'm a product manager at a mid-size tech company, and I really admire how you led the Teams integration after the acquisition.' Second: 'I'm at a career crossroads and would love fifteen minutes of your wisdom on how you navigated that move.' Third: 'I know you're busy, so even a two-sentence reply would mean a lot.' Luna: I love that last line—it lowers the bar. You're not asking for a hour-long call. You're saying even a tiny response is valuable. Lucas: Exactly. And it worked. She said yes to a fifteen-minute call, which turned into forty-five minutes because she was engaged. The key is making it easy for them to say yes. Luna: What if they say no or don't respond? I think that's the fear that stops people. Lucas: If they don't respond within a week, send one polite follow-up. After that, move on. And remember that a no isn't personal—it's usually a signal of timing or overload. The Bohns study also found that people who were actually asked said yes seventy-five percent of the time. Luna: Seventy-five percent. That's huge. So the odds are actually in your favor. Lucas: Right. And here's another counterintuitive finding: the more senior the person, the more likely they are to say yes. Because they have more autonomy over their calendar, and they remember being in your shoes. Luna: That makes sense. I heard a story from a listener—a woman named Priya who cold-emailed the CEO of a mid-size SaaS company. She asked for fifteen minutes of advice on breaking into enterprise sales. Lucas: And? Luna: The CEO replied within three hours. They had a call, and six months later, she was hired as a regional sales manager. The email was only four sentences. Lucas: That's a perfect example. The CEO later said he helped because she was specific and her ask was about advice, not a job. That distinction is crucial. Luna: Let's talk about framing. What's the difference between asking for advice and asking for a favor? Lucas: Advice is about the other person's expertise. It's flattering. A favor is about your need. So 'Can you introduce me to your network?' is a favor. 'What was the biggest challenge you faced when you moved into leadership?' is advice. Luna: And people love giving advice. It makes them feel valued and authoritative. Lucas: Exactly. There's also research that giving advice actually boosts the giver's confidence and sense of purpose. So you're doing them a favor too. Luna: Speaking of favors—I want to pivot slightly. This podcast is entirely ad-free, and that's a choice we made from day one. If these episodes have helped you think through a career move or a tough conversation, you can support that choice at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Lucas: Yeah, it's a small way to keep the show independent. We don't do ad reads, we don't have sponsors, so listener support really matters. And it's completely optional. Luna: Absolutely. Now back to outreach—what about the follow-up after the conversation? How do you maintain that connection? Lucas: Within twenty-four hours, send a thank-you note that references something specific they said. Then, six months later, send a brief update on how their advice impacted you. That's what turns a one-time chat into a lasting professional relationship. Luna: So you're essentially giving them a return on their investment. They see that their time mattered. Lucas: Exactly. And that makes them more likely to help again or even become a mentor. One of my mentors started as a cold email. Luna: Let's talk about the medium. Is LinkedIn better than email? Lucas: LinkedIn is fine, but email often has higher response rates because it's less noisy. If you can find their work email, use that. But make sure you're respectful—never guess a personal email. Luna: What about mutual connections? Should you ask for an introduction? Lucas: If you have a strong mutual connection, an intro is gold. But if the connection is weak—say, someone you met once at a conference—it's better to go direct. Because a lukewarm intro can actually hurt you. Luna: Interesting. So don't force a connection that isn't there. Lucas: Right. And if you do go direct, personalize the message. Show you've done your homework. Mention a project they led or a talk they gave. The worst thing you can do is send a generic template. Luna: I want to circle back to the Bohns study. Why do think we underestimate people's willingness to help? Lucas: We focus on the cost to them—their time, their effort. But we ignore the social pressure that makes it hard for them to say no. And we also underestimate how good it feels to be seen as an expert. Luna: So the real barrier is in our own head. Lucas: Exactly. The data says: just ask. The worst that happens is a no, which is no worse than not asking. And the best case is a conversation that could change your career. Luna: I think we've given listeners a concrete playbook. Specific ask, lower the bar, follow up, and stay in touch. Lucas: And remember the forty-six percent gap. The odds are better than you think. So who are you going to reach out to this week?