Latest / Inspirations for Your Life / Choosing Environments and Relationships That Match Your Future (S5) S4:E6

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Choosing Environments and Relationships That Match Your Future (S5) S4:E6 · Inspirations for Your Life

0:24
Well, hey guys, good evening.
0:27
It is John C.
0:28
Morley here, serial entrepreneur.
0:30
Of course, it is great to be with
0:31
you on the Inspirations for Your Life show.
0:34
This is Thursday night.
0:36
In case you're wondering, one more day for
0:39
the master topic before we flip to a
0:41
brand new master topic.
0:42
If you've come here before, I want to
0:44
say welcome back.
0:46
If this is your first time coming, well,
0:47
welcome.
0:48
Always love people that want to enjoy the
0:51
show.
0:51
Don't forget to check out for more of
0:53
my amazing, inspiring creations that is after the
0:56
show is over.
0:56
You can get my short form content, my
0:58
long form content, articles, and so much more.
1:02
So why not check that out?
1:04
All right, guys.
1:06
We have a very interesting topic this week,
1:08
as you guys know.
1:10
Oh, by the way, if you're thirsty or
1:11
hungry, feel free to go grab something and
1:12
come on back.
1:13
I don't want you to be hungry or
1:14
thirsty while you're watching or listening to the
1:17
show.
1:17
Again, everyone, so hello, and of course, welcome
1:20
back to Inspirations for Your Life, the daily
1:23
motivational show where I basically show you how
1:30
to turn growth and make it intentional and
1:33
transform that confidence so it's reclaimed and success
1:36
is built from the inside out.
1:39
Today, you're hanging out with me, John C.
1:43
Morley, serial entrepreneur, engineer, marketing specialist, video producer,
1:48
podcast host, coach, graduate student, and yes, guys,
1:53
a passionate lifelong learner, someone who doesn't just
1:58
talk about glow-ups but lives them in
2:01
real time.
2:03
This series is from stuck to unstoppable, your
2:07
glow-up error.
2:08
We're on series five.
2:11
This is show number four, and it's episode
2:13
number six.
2:15
It's all about moving from feeling boxed in
2:18
by your past to boldly designing your future.
2:22
In today or tonight's episode, Thursday, your people,
2:26
your pace, we're talking about how the environments
2:30
you choose and the relationships you allow either
2:35
accelerate your glow-up or they quietly sabotage
2:39
it.
2:40
I'm saying that to you because I want
2:43
you to realize that you have power.
2:45
You have choices in your life, but if
2:47
you don't understand that, then that's where things
2:49
can get a little bit muddy in the
2:50
water, like, oh, I'm stuck, right?
2:54
Today's granular topic is all about choosing environments
2:58
and relationships that match your future.
3:02
Series five, show four, episode six.
3:04
This is where your glow-up shifts from
3:07
just feeling better to actually editing your whole
3:11
life, who gets access, who gets distance, and
3:16
how fast you choose to move.
3:18
If you've ever felt like, well, you're circle
3:22
isn't, this episode is designed just for you.
3:26
Number one, you're not antisocial.
3:29
You're anti-fake.
3:30
You're not broken because you no longer enjoy
3:35
shallow conversations.
3:37
It means your spirit is outgrowing environments built
3:42
on pretending instead of truth.
3:45
And I think as we get older, we
3:46
realize that we may not fit in an
3:48
environment and we're pretending we need to live
3:51
and get something better.
3:53
We need to stop settling.
3:55
When you stop tolerating settling, fake energy, your
4:01
nervous system finally gets a break and your
4:05
future gets a real chance and a rocket
4:09
forward.
4:10
Number two, guys, sometimes growth looks like outgrowing
4:14
the room.
4:16
And I know that can be scary for,
4:18
I'm going to tell you a lot of
4:20
people.
4:20
A lot of people can get scared with
4:23
that whole concept.
4:25
So there will be moments when you realize
4:29
the room you once prayed to be in
4:33
no longer fits who you're becoming.
4:36
That isn't arrogance, guys.
4:38
It's evolution and honoring it is what moves
4:41
you from stuck to your next level.
4:44
Number three, your circle is either your cage
4:48
or your catapult.
4:51
The people closest to you either keep you
4:53
looping in old stories or launch you toward
4:56
new standards.
4:58
Notice how you feel after you're with them,
5:02
heavier and doubtful, or you clear and more
5:05
energized.
5:06
And so you might say, John, I don't
5:08
know how to feel that.
5:08
Well, sure you do.
5:09
You can just figure out certain people.
5:11
You can feel their energy.
5:13
It's not a very complicated thing.
5:17
I think that's the most important thing.
5:22
You don't need to be crazed.
5:25
You really don't.
5:27
I got to be honest about that.
5:29
Number four, stop explaining your vision to people
5:34
who can't see past yesterday.
5:37
I know you want to be polite.
5:38
You want to be nice to people, but
5:41
stop burning your energy.
5:43
You're wasting your time.
5:46
It reminds me of a sales class I
5:49
took a long time ago from Tom Hopkins.
5:51
And he said, when you're doing the activities
5:57
to do sales things, such as make calls
6:03
in person, et cetera, and you do so
6:05
many hours, he said, that's not really true,
6:10
unless those are people that need, want, can
6:14
afford your product.
6:14
Otherwise, you're just putting yourself in a delusion
6:17
because they're not really going to buy from
6:19
you.
6:20
You burn power every time you over-explain
6:23
where you're going to someone who's stuck on
6:27
who you used to be.
6:29
Your glow up doesn't need a committee, just
6:33
a consistent yes from you.
6:37
Number five, you don't owe anyone access to
6:40
the new you.
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Nope.
6:42
Someone knowing your past doesn't entitle them to
6:46
your future.
6:47
A lot of people think this is required.
6:49
It's not.
6:50
Access to your upgraded mindset and healed heart
6:54
is earned by alignment, not by history.
6:59
Number six, your future needs friends who clap
7:04
when you evolve.
7:05
The people who belong in your next chapter
7:08
don't just tolerate your growth, they celebrate it.
7:13
Watch who lights up when you set boundaries,
7:16
take risks, or say yes to something bigger.
7:20
The people that are not your friends are
7:23
going to try to knock you down because
7:25
they don't like that you're getting ahead of
7:27
them.
7:27
That's not a real friend.
7:29
Number seven, guys, protect your peace like it's
7:32
premium real estate.
7:35
My dad told me a long time ago,
7:37
you know, John, the most important thing in
7:39
real estate is one thing.
7:40
Actually, he told me it's three things.
7:42
Location, location, location.
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I said that's one.
7:45
It's exactly three times, but it's just one
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thing.
7:48
Location is the only thing important in real
7:50
estate.
7:51
Your mental and emotional space is the most
7:55
valuable property you own.
7:58
Not everyone deserves a key.
8:01
Guard it, and you'll have more clarity, more
8:04
creativity, and courage for what matters.
8:07
I think that's a very, very important thing.
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Number eight, guys, you're allowed to change the
8:12
guest list of your life.
8:14
Yes, it's not permanent.
8:15
Every new season lets you re-decide who
8:18
gets into your daily conversations, your dreams, and
8:23
your downtime.
8:25
Editing your guest list isn't cruelty.
8:28
It's leadership in its finest action.
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Number nine, normalize friendships where you talk about
8:35
goals, not just gossip.
8:39
In fact, there's no room for gossip.
8:41
Your glow-up thrives in rooms where you
8:44
talk strategy, healing, and vision, not just other
8:49
people's drama.
8:50
That's important.
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When your conversations upgrade, your identity quietly follows.
8:58
Number 10, silence is a response.
9:01
Distance is a decision.
9:03
You don't have to make an announcement when
9:06
you pull back from draining dynamics.
9:10
Your reduced availability is the statement.
9:13
Distance isn't pettiness.
9:16
It's emotional intelligence.
9:18
I bet you never thought of that before.
9:20
Distance is emotional intelligence.
9:23
When we can learn to understand emotional intelligence,
9:28
okay, we can really go far.
9:40
I think these are important things to understand,
9:46
but I think sometimes people get stuck because
9:51
of their past beliefs.
9:53
Number 11, some people love the old you
9:56
because it made them comfortable.
9:59
Many were fine with you doubting yourself and
10:03
overgiving because it kept them secure.
10:06
When you honor your worth, you reveal who
10:10
has invested in your limits, not your potential.
10:16
Number 12, not everyone deserves front row seats
10:20
to your growth.
10:22
Nope.
10:23
Your transformation is sacred, and not everyone has
10:28
earned a front row view.
10:30
Some people now belong in the balcony, respected,
10:34
but no longer in your inner circle, which
10:39
means you don't mind if they watch from
10:40
a distance, but you really don't want them
10:44
in your day-to-day life.
10:46
You might say, John, that's cruel.
10:47
No, it's not.
10:49
You have to realize that some people are
10:51
never going to grow.
10:52
Some people are going to be the same,
10:55
well, annoying, disrespectful self, okay?
11:01
That's an important thing to understand.
11:05
Number 13, guys, your energy introduces you before
11:09
you say a word.
11:11
Guard it.
11:13
How you carry yourself walks into every room
11:17
before you speak.
11:18
Protecting your energy stops you from shrinking and
11:21
helps you radiate where you're going, not where
11:26
you've been.
11:28
That's important, guys, so very important.
11:31
Number 14, if they drain you, they don't
11:36
deserve daily access to you.
11:38
You can care for people and still limit
11:40
how often they tap into your time, emotions,
11:44
and, of course, your other resources.
11:46
If you always leave feeling exhausted, well, guys,
11:49
let's face it.
11:50
It's time to shift them from daily to
11:53
occasional access, and occasional access means I'm willing
11:59
to help you, but on a limited basis.
12:03
I no longer want to give you access
12:06
to me every day, so I want you
12:10
to be more selective in the things you
12:12
ask me because I feel like you're wasting
12:17
the time I give you, so I'm going
12:18
to limit the time I give you.
12:20
Number 15, soft life includes strong boundaries.
12:25
Yeah, a softer, more peaceful life isn't passive,
12:30
guys.
12:30
It's built on firm boundaries that protect your
12:34
rest and your non-negotiables.
12:36
When your boundaries solidify, your nervous system can
12:40
finally exhale.
12:41
Take a deep breath.
12:42
You know how we do this, right?
12:43
Inhale.
12:44
We're going to inhale for—how do you remember
12:46
how we did this?
12:48
We're going to do an inhale for 4
12:52
-2-6.
12:52
So inhale for 4, hold it for 2,
12:56
2, exhale for 6.
13:01
Two more times.
13:02
Inhale for 4, hold it for 2, exhale
13:07
for 6.
13:09
One more time.
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Inhale for 4, hold it for 2, exhale
13:18
for 6.
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Feels good, doesn't it?
13:23
Number 16, you can still wish people well
13:27
and walk away.
13:29
You don't need a villain to justify leaving.
13:33
You just need clarity that this connection no
13:36
longer aligns.
13:38
You can bless people and create distance at
13:42
the same time because, you see, certain people,
13:46
unfortunately, will drain you.
13:48
And when you figure out when that happens,
13:50
it's like, oh my gosh, we better do
13:51
something different now because I feel like I'm
13:56
always drained.
13:57
You know what I mean, right?
13:59
Sure.
14:00
Number 17, you outgrew the version of you
14:03
who tolerated disrespect in any form.
14:07
Yep.
14:07
There was a version of you that made
14:10
excuses for rudeness and inconsistency.
14:14
Your glow-up begins when you decide disrespect,
14:19
subtle or loud, is no longer welcome.
14:22
So I'll give you a perfect example.
14:23
So I had a—I'll say a gentleman, but
14:25
an elder gentleman, a senior, and he would
14:29
always ask me for help.
14:31
And because he was senior, I just always
14:33
just did it.
14:34
I knew that I really didn't want to
14:36
do it, but I was just doing it.
14:38
And finally, I said, you know what, John,
14:40
why are you doing this?
14:41
Why are you draining your cup?
14:44
Why are you leaving yourself empty when this
14:47
person just is abusing you?
14:50
Now, abuse doesn't have to come physically.
14:54
It can come emotionally.
14:56
And that's what this person was doing.
14:58
I remember one time his shaver broke.
15:01
And rather than getting a new shaver, he
15:04
had one of these shavers where, you know,
15:05
the battery had to be de-soldered and
15:07
re-soldered.
15:08
And it was, like, made in Taiwan or
15:10
China.
15:10
And I'm like, really?
15:12
He said, oh, John, you like working on
15:14
things like this, is it?
15:16
So I looked at him, like, you know,
15:18
it's going to be cheaper to just buy
15:19
a whole new shaver.
15:22
But because I wasn't charging him for my
15:24
engineering time, he figured, well, let John do
15:26
it.
15:26
He likes it.
15:27
It's fun.
15:27
So I started realizing that I needed to
15:32
pull back.
15:33
But how do you do that when somebody's
15:34
so reliant on you?
15:36
You just make yourself unavailable and do that
15:42
more and more.
15:44
And suddenly, they don't call you anymore.
15:48
Unfortunately, they might not even acknowledge you.
15:51
They might not even say hello.
15:52
They can become very rude.
15:54
But that's OK.
15:56
Because you getting that person in your life
15:59
is a huge win.
16:01
Number 18, your pace is valid.
16:04
You don't have to sprint just because everyone
16:07
else is doing it.
16:08
Hustle culture screams faster.
16:10
But real transformation is not a race, guys.
16:14
Your healing and building get to happen at
16:16
a speed your body and mind can actually
16:19
sustain and handle.
16:22
And I know that sounds like something that's
16:24
crazy.
16:24
But we've all had moments in our life
16:26
where things become, well, they become too overwhelming,
16:30
right?
16:30
I've also had times when I've met people
16:35
that say they want to help me.
16:36
And again, I'm not looking to harm anybody.
16:41
I remember one time I was going to
16:43
meet this person.
16:44
They wanted to help me with something.
16:47
So we finally scheduled an appointment.
16:49
Person maybe about an hour, hour and a
16:52
half away.
16:53
But I was willing to go meet them.
16:55
And so we're going to meet at 7
16:57
o'clock in the morning.
16:58
And then I remember, I said, let me
17:01
message him like the day before just to
17:02
confirm.
17:03
You know what happened?
17:05
He goes, oh, John, I didn't mean 7
17:07
o'clock.
17:08
I'll be working.
17:08
I meant 7 p.m. at night.
17:12
And then it was like, I said, well,
17:14
get back to me when you're ready and
17:15
we'll reconnect.
17:16
Never got back to me.
17:18
So I decided to reach out to this
17:20
person again.
17:20
And tell them that I'm going to be
17:22
such and such, which was just like this
17:24
bar, this place that this person was hung
17:26
out at.
17:28
And I wanted to schedule a time to
17:29
confirm.
17:30
And he's like, oh, okay.
17:31
Never confirmed anything.
17:33
And then when I got there and I
17:36
talked to some of his friends and I
17:37
was like, we're such and such.
17:38
Oh, he's right behind you.
17:40
I said, oh, I'm such and such.
17:42
I'm John C.
17:43
Morley.
17:43
I'm the gentleman you've been talking to.
17:45
We've been conversing online regarding this project.
17:50
And you wanted to help me and all
17:52
this stuff.
17:52
And he had this so unaccountable behavior.
17:57
A behavior that said to me, John, I
18:01
want nothing to do with this person.
18:03
The person was a complete flake.
18:07
And when I went there and I said,
18:08
gee, I can use your help with this.
18:11
And he told me he'll think about it.
18:16
And I said to myself, John, your days
18:19
of letting him think it over, they're over.
18:22
Okay.
18:22
And you don't need people that are going
18:24
to placate you.
18:25
He also was running some group online and
18:28
I would freak into it and support it.
18:30
I said, I don't need to do that
18:31
anymore.
18:32
Because the person behind it is not really
18:36
authentic.
18:38
And also the people that he hung around
18:40
were not authentic either.
18:42
Number 19, stop, stop, stop, stop rushing your
18:48
timeline to impress people who aren't paying your
18:52
bills.
18:53
Some pressure comes from performing success for people
18:57
who don't live with your consequences.
19:00
When you stop trying to look on track
19:04
for them, you start designing a life that
19:07
works for you.
19:08
And I know that can sound really challenging,
19:11
but I want to tell you something, guys,
19:13
it is absolutely the truth.
19:14
So what I learned is that when people
19:16
do this, they become really important with things.
19:22
Okay.
19:23
And so I know that you'll understand this
19:28
the next time you say to myself, oh,
19:29
John, wait, I had that situation the day
19:31
or I had a situation last month or
19:32
last year.
19:33
If you think back, you'll remember a time
19:36
when somebody just really disappointed you.
19:41
Number 20, you're not late guys.
19:43
You're aligned.
19:45
As you choose better environments and relationships, milestones
19:50
may show up later than expected, but they'll
19:54
be healthier.
19:56
Aligned progress always ages better than rushed decisions.
20:00
Remember that guys.
20:02
Number 21, you are allowed to move slower
20:05
and more intentionally.
20:07
So start doing that.
20:09
Sometimes your glow up is choosing to pause,
20:11
think, and then act.
20:13
Intentional moves protect you from repeating the same
20:17
painful loops in new packaging.
20:21
I think that's a very important one because
20:25
when we slow down enough to appreciate the
20:30
flavors of life, that's only when we start
20:33
to become successful.
20:35
We only start to live and actually thrive
20:38
and not just survive.
20:40
Number 22, healing takes time.
20:43
So does building something real, right?
20:45
Rome was not built in a day last
20:47
time I checked.
20:48
Untangling from old patterns and creating honest support
20:52
systems is not overnight work.
20:55
Nope, nor was building Rome.
20:58
Just like a solid house needs a strong
21:01
foundation, your relationships and your environments need time
21:06
to be built right.
21:09
So why are we rushing to build something
21:11
wrong?
21:12
Oh my gosh, this didn't work, right?
21:19
Crazy, right?
21:23
I think a lot of people don't get
21:25
it, right?
21:29
But when we can be intentional, I'm not
21:34
just talking about now or tomorrow.
21:37
I'm talking about being intentional with every day
21:39
in your life.
21:41
And to be intentional, a good way to
21:43
start is to be grateful for what you
21:45
have.
21:46
Number 23, choose progress over performance.
21:50
Performance chases applause.
21:54
Progress chases alignment.
21:56
When you measure your life by real internal
21:58
change instead of external reactions, your circle and
22:02
your pace naturally elevate together.
22:05
Number 24, your tribe will find you when
22:09
you start being your real self.
22:12
Your real people can't recognize you while you're
22:16
hiding behind a watered down version of who
22:21
you are.
22:22
The more honest you become, even some vulnerabilities
22:26
there, and sharing your values and your standards
22:30
and your core, the easier it is for
22:32
your tribe to locate you.
22:36
Important.
22:37
Number 25, if they only like the easy
22:42
version of you, they're not your people.
22:46
Anyone can enjoy you when you never say
22:49
no and never express needs.
22:52
The people meant for your future respect, your
22:56
boundaries, and your growth, even when it stretches
22:59
them.
23:00
And guys, I know you're saying, well, but
23:05
I like this person and, you know, they
23:07
supported me in the past.
23:08
Well, but they're not supporting you now.
23:10
Right?
23:13
That's important, guys.
23:18
Very, very important.
23:20
Really important to understand that.
23:23
You deserve relationships.
23:26
Number 26, where you don't have to lower
23:30
your frequency, your standards, or your core values.
23:35
You shouldn't have to dim your joy, hide
23:38
your ambition, or shrink your personality, even a
23:41
tiny bit, just to keep peace.
23:44
The right rooms will challenge you to rise,
23:46
not pressure you to disappear.
23:50
I think in the past, many people have
23:52
said this isn't working and you have to
23:54
change.
23:54
No, it's not you that has to change.
23:58
You know what you want and you don't
24:01
need to kowtow to their way.
24:03
That's important.
24:04
Number 27, guys, the right people will respect
24:08
your boundaries, not test them.
24:12
Oh, how I love that one, guys.
24:14
The right people will respect your boundaries and
24:17
not test them.
24:19
Yeah, why would a friend want to test
24:21
your boundaries?
24:22
No point.
24:25
When you say no, watch who argues and
24:30
who adapts to that.
24:33
The people who truly care will adjust without
24:37
punishing you for protecting yourself.
24:40
There's nothing wrong with protecting ourselves, but we
24:42
never should be chastised for trying to protect
24:46
ourselves.
24:46
I think that's a very, very important thing,
24:49
guys.
24:50
Very important thing.
24:51
Number 28.
24:52
You ready for number 28?
24:54
So number 28 is pretty neat.
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Number 28 is you're not difficult.
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You're finally done accepting crumbs, right?
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You want the full cookie.
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You want the cake.
25:08
You don't want the crumbs in the box,
25:10
right, or on the plate.
25:12
When you raise your standards, some will call
25:16
you too much.
25:18
In reality, you're just done living on emotional
25:21
leftovers and ready for mutual healthy reciprocity.
25:26
When I made the statement, because I saw
25:29
this one group I was doing some work
25:31
with, be that way.
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I said, you know what?
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The energy is not good in that group.
25:35
I don't want to hang there anymore.
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Number 29.
25:39
You're allowed to reboot your social life like
25:42
a new season, just like you do with
25:44
a computer.
25:45
Just like a show introduces new characters, you
25:49
can rewrite your cast as your story changes.
25:53
A new season of your life deserves people
25:55
who fit the plot.
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Mmm.
26:02
Fit the plot.
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Your future is too important to keep everyone
26:08
from your past in it.
26:11
Not everyone who walked with you through pain
26:15
is meant to walk with you into purpose.
26:20
Protecting your future means being selective about who
26:24
gets to travel with you from here.
26:29
And I know that sounds like something harsh,
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but it's not harsh, guys.
26:33
It's absolutely the truth.
26:36
As you hopefully take a moment to reflect
26:39
on today's episode, I want you to notice
26:42
which of these truths hit you the hardest.
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That's usually where your next boundary or environment
26:51
shift needs to happen.
26:54
Now, I'm suggesting it.
26:56
You don't do it, you're not going to
26:57
grow, but obviously this would make sense to
27:00
help you have a better life.
27:01
If this message resonated with you on even
27:04
a small level, remember, you don't have to
27:09
do this alone.
27:10
You can always connect with me by visiting
27:13
BelieveMeAchieved.com, of course, for more of my
27:16
amazing, inspiring creations, where you'll find more tools,
27:20
videos, and resources to fuel your glow up
27:24
and your leadership journey.
27:26
I look forward to seeing you over there.
27:27
I hope to see you on another show
27:29
real soon.
27:30
Remember, the show is a daily show.
27:32
This is Inspirations to Real Life.
27:34
We are now in our fifth year celebrating
27:37
being on the air four years.
27:39
So four years and 22 days.
27:43
We're in our fifth year.
27:45
I never would have thought we'd be in
27:48
our fifth year.
27:48
I mean, the first time I did the
27:50
show was absolutely amazing.
27:51
And we've grown.
27:52
And one of the things we're going to
27:54
be working on probably next year, we'll be
27:56
working on doing more of a type studio
27:58
show where we'll actually be not just like
28:03
remote, we're going to be doing more in
28:05
-person stuff.
28:06
So that's coming with our guests.
28:08
We're really working on that.
28:09
We really want to make a change.
28:10
Have yourself a great evening, everyone.
28:11
I'll catch you well.
28:12
Take care.
28:12
Be well, everyone.