Latest / Karl and Crew / Preparing to Be a Parent of a Teenager with Expert Dr. Gary Chapman and Readying Yourself for the Storms of Pastoral Ministry with Daniel Henderson |

Transcript

Preparing to Be a Parent of a Teenager with Expert Dr. Gary Chapman and Readying Yourself for the Storms of Pastoral Ministry with Daniel Henderson | · Karl and Crew

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  S1: Broadcasting from Chicago, across North America and beyond. It's Carl
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  S1: and crew.
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  S2: Come as you are an experienced guide, overcome what seems
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  S2: impossible and live as you never imagined.
• 0:14
  S1: Start your morning with a laugh.
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  S2: Cold spaghetti's. Great. Okay.
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  S3: Okay, I disagree. I guess not. No, certainly it is not. No. Okay. Well, man,
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  S3: I'm going back.
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  S2: To my bachelor days. I guess I thought cold spaghetti
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  S2: was universally loved.
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  S4: I've never been known for, like, high levels of coordination.
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  S4: That's just. And it feels like.
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  S2: I've never been known for high levels of coordination.
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  S1: Delivering the truth daily.
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  S4: If it were possible to have every worldly gain available.
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  S4: And you're forfeiting your soul. There's no amount of gain
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  S4: that would make it worth it.
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  S5: Our own way never ever works because it's apart from
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  S5: the life source, which is God.
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  S6: For me, growing up, love was always conditional and can
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  S6: be taken from you. Christ's love can't. And he went
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  S6: to the cross with my mind and my heart that night.
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  S1: Now from the call of Hope Studios, this is Carl
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  S1: and Crew.
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  S4: Going to test your sporting knowledge this morning.
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  S3: Let's do it.
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  S4: Woo hoo! Okay. Okay, so this was football season. NFL
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  S4: season 2017, 2018, 2018.
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  S3: Okay.
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  S4: There was a team that had a very well known
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  S4: quarterback who was injured toward the end of a season.
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  S3: Yes.
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  S4: There was a backup.
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  S5: Yes, there was.
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  S4: One of the most famous backup quarterbacks, you know. Do
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  S4: you know who it is?
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  S5: Yeah, 100%.
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  S4: Okay. One of the most famous backup quarterbacks in NFL
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  S4: history for one reason. He stepped in when an injured
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  S4: Carson Wentz for the Philadelphia Eagles. He led his team
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  S4: through the playoffs into the Super Bowl, won the whole
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  S4: thing and was named Super Bowl MVP, defeating the New
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  S4: England Patriots 41 to 33.
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  S3: That's right.
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  S4: It was none other than.
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  S5: Mr. Nick Foles.
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  S4: Nick Foles did you get that two super D.
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  S3: After.
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  S6: The more you talked.
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  S4: Yes.
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  S6: Not as soon as Jonathan got it. But I did get.
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  S4: That man was on it.
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  S6: He was on it. But I got it I got there.
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  S4: You know if ready when your number is called was
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  S4: a person.
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  S3: It was Nicholas.
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  S6: Nick yes.
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  S4: Nick Foles and people. Why do people love that story.
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  S4: Why did people love it at the time. And still
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  S4: now almost ten years later it didn't take much for
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  S4: you to know. There's been a lot of Super Bowls
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  S4: since since 2017, 2018.
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  S5: There have been a lot of Super Bowls. That one
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  S5: was really special because Carson Wentz, who is the starting quarterback,
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  S5: was on trajectory to win MVP for that year.
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  S3: Because.
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  S4: I didn't know.
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  S3: That.
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  S5: He was playing really well, but he had a big
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  S5: injury that caused a lot of problems. Nick Foles was
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  S5: uh you know, a career backup quarterback. He had played
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  S5: backup in the Eagles once before he had done I
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  S5: think the Rams and the Chiefs. And then he came
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  S5: back to the Eagles. And and he didn't get to
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  S5: play very often. You know he was always the backup.
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  S6: Kind of that underdog story right.
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  S3: Right.
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  S5: But this isn't just hey you know come in and
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  S5: play starting quarterback from weeks 10 to 12. I mean,
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  S5: this is like, hey, you're the guy through the playoffs
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  S5: for as long as we go. And and he came
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  S5: in and I mean, he didn't just beat like anybody.
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  S5: He beat Tom Brady at the end. And Tom Brady's
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  S5: won seven Super Bowls. And and so, I mean, they
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  S5: built a statue for him. There's a statue outside of
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  S5: the Philadelphia Eagles Stadium for Nick Foles.
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  S4: Okay. Wow. I did not know that. And Jonathan's given
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  S4: me some a lot of great content. He didn't even know.
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  S4: I didn't even give him a heads up that I
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  S4: was going to give this example. And you're ready with
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  S4: some good information.
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  S5: Yeah. I mean it's it's an incredible story because there
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  S5: in all honesty, like, I don't care how good your
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  S5: team is most of the time, if the backup quarterback
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  S5: goes in, you kind of think your season's probably done.
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  S3: Yeah.
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  S4: You think, man, we gave it a good shot.
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  S3: Yeah.
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  S4: It's maybe next.
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  S3: Year.
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  S5: But it didn't work out. And no, he came in
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  S5: and he he did a massive thing for them. And
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  S5: so and it was the first I think it was
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  S5: the first ever Super Bowl that the Eagles had won.
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  S5: I know my my, uh, step grandpa, uh, was a
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  S5: gigantic Philadelphia Eagles fan. And the last year of his life,
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  S5: they won the Super Bowl. Wow. And it was really
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  S5: special for him.
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  S4: You know, we love those stories in sports. You ever
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  S4: if you ever played for a team of any kind,
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  S4: coaches usually tell their players, be ready when your number's called.
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  S4: You gotta be ready, kid. It's usually the thing that
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  S4: people say to the players who don't routinely get into
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  S4: the game or don't play heavy minutes.
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  S3: Exactly.
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  S4: But in a very real way of keeping those players
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  S4: motivated and engaged, you remind them any good coach is
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  S4: going to remind them, hey, we might need you. We're
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  S4: going to need you. There's going to come a time
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  S4: where we're going to have to call your number, and
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  S4: you need to be prepared now. You don't know when
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  S4: that's going to come. Maybe it's the next game. Maybe
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  S4: it's down the stretch in the playoffs. But the the
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  S4: what's the emphasis? Stay ready. Stay ready. You don't know
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  S4: when your number will be called, when you are going
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  S4: to be called upon to lead the team. We're going
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  S4: to need you. Stay ready. Thank you. Can see where
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  S4: I'm going with this. We've been talking about preparation all
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  S4: week long. I really love this one. We are going
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  S4: to be talking about what it looks like to be
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  S4: ready spiritually when your number's called. Be ready kid. Coming
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  S4: up here on Carl and crew.
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  S1: Helping you take the next step in your walk with Jesus.
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  S2: God longs for us today to seek him and ask
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  S2: him to move in ways that we never could.
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  S1: You're listening to Carl and crew.
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  S4: Well, did you know that there are good works that
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  S4: are prepared for you to do? Ephesians 210 for we
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  S4: are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works,
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  S4: which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.
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  S4: I'm going to read you a passage of Scripture in
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  S4: Titus three, and then another one, a similar one in
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  S4: second Timothy two. Titus three, verse one through two says,
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  S4: remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities. This
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  S4: is Paul to Titus, by the way, to be obedient,
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  S4: to be ready for every good work, to speak evil
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  S4: of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle and
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  S4: to show perfect courtesy toward all people. And similar passage,
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  S4: Paul to Timothy in second Timothy two verse 20 and
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  S4: 21 now in a great house there are not only
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  S4: vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay,
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  S4: some for honorable use, some for dishonorable. Therefore, if anyone
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  S4: cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a
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  S4: vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to
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  S4: the master of the house, ready for every good work.
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  S4: Do you want to be ready for the good works
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  S4: that are prepared beforehand for us to walk in?
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  S3: Yes.
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  S4: Rhetorical question.
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  S3: It'd be nice. Yeah.
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  S5: Like no one wants to be unprepared.
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  S4: And the the great irony here is that this is
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  S4: not us coming up with the strength, trying to make
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  S4: sure that we have all the right answers that we
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  S4: could anticipate what's going to be needed of us to
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  S4: actually far simpler our readiness for good works is our
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  S4: reliance on him. And I think that if you've been
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  S4: walking with the Lord for long enough, you know the
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  S4: difference between the moments where you are ready with encouragement,
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  S4: ready to respond to a situation, ready for something that's
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  S4: asked of you. You get a last minute phone call, hey,
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  S4: can you fill in for this Bible study? Hey, you
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  S4: need to contact this person. This person needs a little
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  S4: bit of prayer or encouragement. Someone work comes up to
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  S4: you with a question like, hey, I know you're a Christian.
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  S4: Can you answer something for me? If you're anything like me,
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  S4: you've had moments where you felt like, by God's grace, I'm,
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  S4: I'm ready for this. And by the power of his spirit,
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  S4: like I can respond to this moment. Then I've had
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  S4: times where I'm like, oh my, like, I'm, I am
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  S4: kind of caught off guard here. I feel unprepared. The
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  S4: God in his grace. Like it's not like he leaves
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  S4: us out there, you know?
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  S5: Right. He helps.
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  S3: Us.
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  S4: But we don't want to make a habit of kind
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  S4: of flying by the seat of our pants and just
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  S4: hoping that God's going to bail us out.
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  S5: Correct. It's not a that's not a tried and true method.
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  S4: Like the the discipline of preparation is important. Why? Because
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  S4: there's good works for you and for me. More coming up.
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  S7: You're the best around. Nothing's gonna ever keep you down.
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  S7: You're the best movies from.
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  S3: Karate.
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  S7: Kid.
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  S4: I was going to say Rocky, but that'd be wrong.
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  S3: That'd be wrong this time. A lot.
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  S5: Of training.
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  S3: Montage.
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  S5: Songs in Rocky.
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  S3: Though.
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  S4: I've just been missing it all over the map with
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  S4: my sports things this morning. But sports metaphors, I think,
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  S4: are so helpful, particularly when you talk about themes around
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  S4: discipline and preparation, because there's something that athletes get that
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  S4: sometimes non-athletes struggle with. And I am probably the most
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  S4: non-athletic in my house. My husband was a professional athlete
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  S4: and both of my kids are a love basketball. So,
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  S4: I mean, although I played sports.
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  S6: Yes, you were.
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  S4: I was an athlete. So it's not like I don't
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  S4: have any athletic inclination, but I did not. I will
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  S4: freely admit I did not have the discipline or the
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  S4: mindset to get anywhere near what I could have gotten
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  S4: out of the out of my potential. I'm not saying
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  S4: I had a lot of potential, but I'm saying that
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  S4: I sold myself short because I lacked the mindset and
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  S4: the discipline to really work at it.
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  S5: That's a gigantic factor for professional athletes.
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  S4: And so I've seen, particularly my husband. And so I've
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  S4: seen him now instill this in our kids, the kind
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  S4: of discipline that that greatness requires. And one of the
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  S4: things that's most important is the everydayness of it, where
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  S4: you and you can't anticipate everything that's going to happen
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  S4: on the court. For my family, it's all basketball, but
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  S4: your preparation is what allows you to be ready. So
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  S4: if your defender does this, this is your counter. Well,
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  S4: they might throw this kind of defense at you. Well
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  S4: this is how you're going to get around that. So
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  S4: when we are called to be ready for every good work,
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  S4: some of those principles still apply. I'm going to read
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  S4: more of Titus three for you, because I think it's
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  S4: just so helpful for understanding what this looks like practically.
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  S4: I'm going to pick it up with verse three. Just
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  S4: bear with me. This is a lot of scripture, but
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  S4: it is rich, for we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient,
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  S4: led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our
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  S4: days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating
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  S4: one another. Sounds about right. My addition there. Not the
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  S4: word of God. Verse four. But when the goodness and
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  S4: loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us
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  S4: not because of works done by us in righteousness, but
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  S4: according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration
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  S4: and renewal of the Holy Spirit. I'm going to pause there.
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  S4: Not because we are saved, not because of our works
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  S4: done so. Our good works do not save us.
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  S3: That's right.
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  S4: Verse. I'm going to jump down to verse eight. The
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  S4: saying is trustworthy, and I want you to insist on
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  S4: these things so that those who have believed in God
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  S4: may be careful to devote themselves to good works. These
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  S4: things are excellent and profitable for people, but avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, dissensions,
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  S4: and quarrels about the law. For they are unprofitable and worthless.
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  S4: Part of our preparation for good works is to move
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  S4: away from the things that are actually not that important.
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  S4: So for Paul to to Titus here Controversies. He's like,
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  S4: teach the people to stay away from foolish controversies, from
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  S4: quarrels about the law. Those things don't actually matter that much.
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  S4: They need to be prepared to do the things that
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  S4: do matter.
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  S3: That's right.
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  S4: Right. Unprofitable. So I think when you how do you
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  S4: apply this to your every day? Well, whatever sphere of
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  S4: influence you have, there are good works that are prepared
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  S4: for you to do. Sometimes those are conversations. Sometimes it's
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  S4: sharing your faith. Sometimes it's a act of care for
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  S4: another person. It's a question that's answered. It's a ministry
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  S4: role that you're called upon to serve in at your church.
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  S4: Your daily preparation is what is going to position you
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  S4: to be ready when your number is called.
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  S5: Absolutely. Because our number will be called. It's not like you.
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  S5: You don't sit on the bench going, ah, I'm never
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  S5: gonna get in. Like it's fine. I don't have to
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  S5: worry about this. And no, your number will be called
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  S5: if you're a Christ follower. Yes, you're getting on the
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  S5: court and.
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  S4: Every one of.
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  S3: Us. Yeah, you got.
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  S4: Every single one of us. So we want to prepare
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  S4: with the and this is man, this is what I
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  S4: know that this is what my own heart needs. So
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  S4: maybe this is just for me today. But let's get ready.
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  S4: Let's get ready. We don't know what's coming, but we
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  S4: know that we want to be ready. Ready to respond,
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  S4: ready to care, ready to pray. Ready when our number
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  S4: is called.
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  S1: The gospel changes everything.
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  S4: Where else am I going to find peace, joy, eternal
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  S4: life not found in anyone else?
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  S1: You're listening to Carl and Crew.
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  S4: Well, he is best known for his work on the
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  S4: Five Love Languages. That's the New York Times bestseller, sold
• 14:21
  S4: over 20 million copies. He's also written extensively, some help
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  S4: for parents, one book in particular. And when I tell
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  S4: you the title, this is it's maybe is going to
• 14:31
  S4: seem self-serving that I have him on the program, but
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  S4: I promise this is for more than just me. Things
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  S4: I wish I'd known before my child became a teenager.
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  S4: Doctor Gary Chapman authored this book and he's joining us
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  S4: this morning as we've been talking about preparation. I am
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  S4: the parent of a 16 year old and a 13
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  S4: year old. So I am particularly interested in what you
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  S4: have to say on this. You have two children. And
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  S4: how old are your children now?
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  S8: Oh, now my daughter is 61 and my son is 58.
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  S3: Wow.
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  S4: So you have extensive.
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  S8: Seems possible, but it's true.
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  S4: So you have many years of parenting. Obviously now your
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  S4: children are into their well into adult years, but you
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  S4: also have extensive years in family counseling. What have you
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  S4: seen that maybe parents unintentionally get wrong when it comes
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  S4: to parenting teenagers? Maybe we'll start there.
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  S8: Well, I think one thing is that most parents don't
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  S8: have the concept that when a child becomes a teenager,
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  S8: they're beginning to develop logical thought. Now, don't hear me
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  S8: saying they're logical. I said they're beginning to develop it,
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  S8: and that's why they question things that you've taught them
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  S8: for their whole life. And sometimes parents get upset and say, well,
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  S8: you know better than that. I mean, I've taught you
• 15:54
  S8: better than that, you know? Well, we have to ask
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  S8: questions about what they're saying because they're asking us or
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  S8: they're maybe making statements about things we've taught them through
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  S8: the years about any topic. And we say, no, that's
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  S8: a perspective. Where did you where did you run across
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  S8: that idea? And they say, well, in school, da da
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  S8: da da da. Or I was reading online, da da
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  S8: da da da and keep the conversation going. Let them talk.
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  S8: Which shows I value that you are thinking about these things,
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  S8: whatever the things happen to be. And yes, you can
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  S8: give them some ideas on maybe something they could read
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  S8: that might throw more light on it, but it's keeping
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  S8: the conversation open rather than just coming in and condemning
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  S8: them for asking questions about that. They should know better
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  S8: than that, because you do that, the conversation's over, you know,
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  S8: and they walk off feeling well. They don't care what
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  S8: I think.
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  S4: Doctor Gary Chapman, our guest this morning. You know, as
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  S4: you reflect on your own parenting journey, you know, most
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  S4: people would look at someone who has your experience with
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  S4: your counseling background, with your pastoral background, but every single
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  S4: one of us has things that we would do differently
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  S4: at every stage of parenting, with the benefit of hindsight
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  S4: and some more knowledge and spiritual growth. Even when you
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  S4: look back on your own parenting journey. What are what's
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  S4: the maybe the number one thing for you that you go, okay, yeah,
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  S4: if I, if I would have known then what I
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  S4: know now.
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  S8: I tell you the most sobering thought I ever had
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  S8: when I was raising our teenagers. What if my teenager
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  S8: turns out to be like me? What if they handle
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  S8: anger the way I handle anger? Yeah, that was a
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  S8: big one for me because I remember with my son,
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  S8: you know, children are different. Our daughter, she was always
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  S8: going and good, you know, our son. I mean, we
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  S8: had all kinds of conflicts with him. And I lost
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  S8: my temper and yelled at him and all those kind
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  S8: of things. And so I asked myself, what if he
• 17:48
  S8: turns out to be like me? What if he handles
• 17:51
  S8: anger like I handle anger? What if he drives a
• 17:54
  S8: car like I drive a car? You know what? If
• 17:57
  S8: he treats his spouse when he gets married? The way
• 18:00
  S8: I treat my spouse. I mean, those kind of questions.
• 18:02
  S8: What if they turn out to be like me? But
• 18:05
  S8: that led me to make a radical change in the
• 18:08
  S8: whole anger thing. And to apologize to my son for,
• 18:13
  S8: you know, expressing yelling at him and screaming at him
• 18:15
  S8: and that sort of thing. And I said to him,
• 18:17
  S8: I said, why don't we try to learn how to
• 18:20
  S8: talk our way through anger rather than yelling our way
• 18:23
  S8: through anger? Cause he was he was yelling at me,
• 18:25
  S8: you know, and and I realized he's just following my example.
• 18:30
  S8: He's doing what I do. Yeah. And so it was
• 18:32
  S8: a real change for us. And, uh, we, we started
• 18:35
  S8: a whole new thing. I said, all you have to do,
• 18:37
  S8: you just say to me, dad, I'm angry. Can we talk?
• 18:40
  S8: And I'll sit down and listen to you. And if
• 18:42
  S8: I feel angry with you, I'll say, Derek, I'm angry.
• 18:44
  S8: Can we talk? And let's learn our way? And we did.
• 18:46
  S8: We learned how to talk our way through anger. So
• 18:49
  S8: that was a huge thing for me when my son
• 18:51
  S8: was a teenager.
• 18:52
  S3: Yeah.
• 18:53
  S4: You know, you spend some time in the book talking
• 18:55
  S4: about the importance of parental modeling. You know, so it's,
• 18:59
  S4: it's very humbling sometimes when you do realize, as you
• 19:03
  S4: just explained, that it's, it's the old saying that, you know,
• 19:06
  S4: that our actions speak louder than words. The things that
• 19:09
  S4: we try to instill in our children through our words.
• 19:13
  S4: Sometimes we work against it because our actions they can,
• 19:16
  S4: in a, in a New York minute can see where
• 19:18
  S4: there's a disconnect, where there's a hint of hypocrisy, or
• 19:22
  S4: where we're just more in the flesh than in the spirit.
• 19:24
  S4: How can parents start to cultivate the kind of modeling
• 19:27
  S4: where you talked about where we are becoming the kind
• 19:30
  S4: of people we would want our kids to look up to?
• 19:33
  S8: I think the first thing is to apologize. Now I've
• 19:36
  S8: had parents say, wait a minute, you apologize to your children.
• 19:40
  S8: I mean, that's that's not going to be good. And
• 19:43
  S8: I say, why not? What you did was wrong. What
• 19:46
  S8: you did was not healthy. Listen, we're not perfect. We
• 19:49
  S8: don't have to be perfect parents. But whenever we do
• 19:52
  S8: something or say something or treat our teenager in a
• 19:55
  S8: way that's unkind and unloving, it's time to apologize. First
• 19:59
  S8: of all, to God, because we've broken his law. Be
• 20:02
  S8: kind to one another, and then to say to a teenager,
• 20:06
  S8: you know, I want to apologize to you. And da
• 20:08
  S8: da da da da da da. Or maybe they hear
• 20:10
  S8: you yelling at your spouse and you not only apologize
• 20:13
  S8: to your spouse, but you sit them down and you say,
• 20:16
  S8: maybe it's at the dinner table after they've heard it,
• 20:18
  S8: and you say, I've asked your mother to forgive me
• 20:21
  S8: or your father to forgive me, because what I did
• 20:23
  S8: was wrong. It was not kind. It was not loving.
• 20:25
  S8: It was not tender. And I want to ask you
• 20:28
  S8: to forgive me because you shouldn't have to hear your
• 20:30
  S8: father or your mother speaking the way I spoke. Now
• 20:34
  S8: you are building respect in that teenager's mind. Because now
• 20:39
  S8: they knew what you did was wrong. And if you
• 20:42
  S8: don't deal with it, then they walk away. You know,
• 20:44
  S8: just thinking, well, you know, they tell me this and
• 20:46
  S8: that and then look what? Look at the way they act. Listen,
• 20:49
  S8: we're not we don't have to be perfect, but we
• 20:52
  S8: do have to deal with our failures. And so that's
• 20:54
  S8: when we need to learn to apologize to our teenager
• 20:57
  S8: and request their forgiveness. We do that. We're teaching them
• 21:01
  S8: a skill they need because they're not going to be
• 21:04
  S8: perfect either. And if we teach them how to apologize,
• 21:07
  S8: they will learn how to apologize when they do things
• 21:09
  S8: that are wrong. Yeah, boy, I wish I'd have known
• 21:12
  S8: that before we got married. One thing that before we
• 21:16
  S8: got married. Yeah, yeah. Before we got married. I wrote
• 21:19
  S8: a book on that to And no before we got married.
• 21:23
  S4: Well, funny how some of those principles apply to both.
• 21:25
  S4: I mean, apologizing to your spouse, apologizing to your kids
• 21:29
  S4: pretty consistently needed in all family relationships, right?
• 21:32
  S8: Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah.
• 21:35
  S4: You know, one thing I've noticed with that I did
• 21:37
  S4: not necessarily expect. Now, a couple years into parenting teenagers,
• 21:42
  S4: is that how quickly conflict can arise where I'm not
• 21:45
  S4: expecting it, where something that I've said or done, or
• 21:49
  S4: even a way that I've feels like entered a room
• 21:53
  S4: can feel like it just pokes at something where I'm going, wait,
• 21:58
  S4: all I did was walk into your bedroom and somehow
• 22:01
  S4: I feel like you're upset with me. And so how
• 22:03
  S4: do we handle and diffuse those moments where as parents,
• 22:06
  S4: we recognize that our teenager is being really, let's just say, irrational, illogical.
• 22:13
  S4: How do we respond in a way that doesn't meet
• 22:16
  S4: that with anger and frustration and conflict, but we're able
• 22:19
  S4: to defuse it with love.
• 22:21
  S8: I think the first thing is we have to learn
• 22:23
  S8: to listen because we don't know where they're coming from.
• 22:26
  S8: You know, we don't know what's happened at school that
• 22:29
  S8: may be affecting the way they're talking to us now.
• 22:32
  S8: You know, it's maybe not us. Maybe it's what happened
• 22:34
  S8: at school and what we just did stirred something inside
• 22:37
  S8: of them. We don't have any way of knowing that.
• 22:40
  S8: But to say to them, rather than coming back and
• 22:42
  S8: telling them, you shouldn't talk to me that way. You
• 22:44
  S8: say it's interesting. What would make you respond that way?
• 22:47
  S8: What makes you feel like that? I da da da
• 22:50
  S8: da da. Whatever they're accusing you of. And and let
• 22:52
  S8: them tell you why. You know, and it may not
• 22:55
  S8: make sense. It may not be logical, but at least
• 22:58
  S8: they're telling you and you say, well, that's interesting. If
• 23:01
  S8: you had that experience with other people. Well, yeah, I did.
• 23:04
  S8: I mean, today at school, da da da da da
• 23:06
  S8: da da da da. Now, now you know the background
• 23:10
  S8: as to what's happening. But if we don't ask questions
• 23:13
  S8: and let them explain why they feel the way they feel,
• 23:16
  S8: why they reacted the way they reacted. We're never going
• 23:20
  S8: to help them learn how to deal with their own emotions,
• 23:23
  S8: because in the teenage years, the emotions are going up
• 23:26
  S8: and down, up and down, up and down. I say
• 23:28
  S8: in my love language book today about teenagers. If physical
• 23:32
  S8: touch is their language in the morning, you may be
• 23:35
  S8: able to give them a big old hug and they
• 23:37
  S8: just love it. Afternoon. You try the same thing. They
• 23:41
  S8: may push you away. Oh, don't do that, don't do that,
• 23:43
  S8: don't do that.
• 23:44
  S3: So true.
• 23:44
  S8: Something happened. Something happened during the daytime that's making them
• 23:48
  S8: say that their emotions are up and down and up
• 23:50
  S8: and down and and they're learning how to process emotions.
• 23:53
  S8: So we have to bear with them on that. I mean,
• 23:55
  S8: we're not perfect either and handling our emotions, but we
• 23:59
  S8: want to grow. We want them to grow with us
• 24:02
  S8: as we learn how to handle our emotions in a
• 24:04
  S8: more positive way.
• 24:06
  S4: Doctor Gary Chapman with us this morning. Coming up, we're
• 24:08
  S4: going to get on to a topic that touches the
• 24:11
  S4: hearts of so many parents. You see often in the
• 24:14
  S4: teen years where kids in their quest for independence, they
• 24:17
  S4: may start to develop their own belief system and sometimes
• 24:21
  S4: challenge what they've learned their whole life. You raise them
• 24:25
  S4: in church, and now it seems like they don't want
• 24:27
  S4: to go. Maybe they don't. They say they're not sure
• 24:30
  S4: what they believe anymore. As a parent, you can start
• 24:32
  S4: to get frustrated, maybe fearful. We're going to ask Doctor
• 24:36
  S4: Gary Chapman about that. Coming up.
• 24:39
  S1: Your shot of hope to get you through the day.
• 24:42
  S6: You are so so loved. God does not want you
• 24:45
  S6: to stay in your past. And I want you to
• 24:47
  S6: know and believe that today.
• 24:48
  S1: You're listening to Carl and Crew.
• 24:51
  S4: Well, if you are a parent or a grandparent, this
• 24:53
  S4: is a conversation that is for you regardless of the
• 24:56
  S4: age of your children. I think there are certainly principles
• 24:59
  S4: that can apply to you. We're talking to Doctor Gary
• 25:02
  S4: Chapman this morning. He has written a book that we're
• 25:04
  S4: featuring things I wish I'd known before my child became
• 25:07
  S4: a teenager. The teen years, Doctor Chapman, are often when
• 25:10
  S4: kids start to push back against some of the things
• 25:14
  S4: that they've been raised in, particularly if they've been raised
• 25:17
  S4: in church. This is the time when maybe they aren't
• 25:20
  S4: so sure they want to go, or they start to
• 25:22
  S4: test limits, or they start to say, I'm not sure
• 25:25
  S4: that I agree with you on that issue. How do
• 25:27
  S4: we as parents, help our children to be anchored in
• 25:30
  S4: the faith without trying to force it on them?
• 25:33
  S8: I think we have to recognize, first of all, that
• 25:36
  S8: the choice to follow God and to accept what Christ
• 25:40
  S8: did for us on the cross is an individual choice.
• 25:43
  S8: We can't make our children do that. The other thing
• 25:48
  S8: is to recognize that every teenager is rethinking everything. You know,
• 25:53
  S8: we mentioned in our other session that they're beginning to
• 25:56
  S8: develop logical thought and sometimes what they've been taught, they think,
• 26:00
  S8: and this doesn't really make sense. We also have to
• 26:03
  S8: recognize they are being greatly influenced by our culture. Because
• 26:07
  S8: let's face it, our culture is not Christian. And in
• 26:11
  S8: terms of people that they may have met at school.
• 26:14
  S8: This is why it's really important that the educational process
• 26:18
  S8: of your children is very, very important. If they're in
• 26:21
  S8: a public school, they're going to be exposed to a
• 26:23
  S8: lot of things that they would not be exposed to
• 26:25
  S8: in a Christian school, for example, or home schooling. And
• 26:28
  S8: I'm not suggesting, you know, what's the right thing. Everybody
• 26:32
  S8: has to decide that for themselves. But we also have
• 26:34
  S8: to recognize that if we simply come back and lash
• 26:38
  S8: out at them because they're questioning something that we've taught
• 26:41
  S8: or questioning something about the Bible or Jesus say, you know,
• 26:44
  S8: where did you where did you first begin to think
• 26:46
  S8: about that? Ask questions. Let them tell you where they thought, well,
• 26:50
  S8: maybe it's maybe it's a book they read. Maybe it's
• 26:52
  S8: somebody at school. Maybe it was a teacher at school
• 26:55
  S8: that made a made a comment. Maybe it's something they
• 26:57
  S8: saw online. And you say, well, there are people who
• 27:00
  S8: believe that. That's for sure. Let me let me share
• 27:03
  S8: something with you. And you, you share a book with
• 27:05
  S8: them that will help them discuss that. And there are
• 27:08
  S8: a lot of good Christian books out there, you know.
• 27:10
  S8: Moody publishers has a lot of good books. Uh, Erwin
• 27:13
  S8: Lutzer has written books on, on that. And so you
• 27:16
  S8: share with them a. Lee Strobel has written books that
• 27:18
  S8: would be great for teenagers. You give them tools, let
• 27:22
  S8: them read another perspective. I remember my son once said
• 27:25
  S8: to me this was way back. And he said, dad,
• 27:27
  S8: I want to read something serious on Christianity. What can
• 27:30
  S8: I read? And so I gave him a book. Uh,
• 27:32
  S8: it's called The God Who is There. And then later
• 27:35
  S8: he came. He said, that was interesting, dad, you got
• 27:37
  S8: anything else? I said, yeah, gave him another one and said,
• 27:40
  S8: he is there and he is not silent. And, uh,
• 27:43
  S8: he read that and he came back and said, dad, I, I,
• 27:45
  S8: I'd like to read something else. So I gave him, uh,
• 27:47
  S8: evidence that demands a verdict. And all those books were
• 27:51
  S8: well known back then. At any rate, we expose them,
• 27:54
  S8: let them hear other people who in the Christian faith,
• 27:57
  S8: who can speak to the whole issue. And so, yeah,
• 28:00
  S8: there are people who don't believe there is a God. Yeah.
• 28:02
  S8: There are people who believe everything just happened, you know, and,
• 28:05
  S8: and so what we want to do is, uh, is
• 28:08
  S8: expose ourselves to the different perspectives. And then obviously, yes,
• 28:12
  S8: eventually you have to make up your own mind. I
• 28:14
  S8: can't make you be a believer in God or a
• 28:16
  S8: believer in Christ. I certainly want you to because I
• 28:20
  S8: think it's all important. It's made all the difference in
• 28:22
  S8: the world, in my life. But you take that approach,
• 28:25
  S8: they go think their way through and they'll read those
• 28:27
  S8: things and they'll they'll get other people's perspective. It's not
• 28:31
  S8: just mom and dad that are telling me this. There
• 28:33
  S8: are intelligent people who are also have these beliefs and
• 28:36
  S8: so forth. And to me, that's the way you approach it.
• 28:39
  S4: Doctor Gary Chapman with us this morning. You know, one
• 28:42
  S4: of the things that has been heartbreaking to hear, particularly
• 28:44
  S4: over the last I would say 4 or 5 years
• 28:47
  S4: is the the amount of estrangements within families, particularly adult children,
• 28:52
  S4: who no longer speak to their parents, grandchildren who aren't
• 28:56
  S4: seen by their grandparents. And a lot of it results
• 28:59
  S4: from conflict that maybe was unresolved or different perspectives. How
• 29:03
  S4: do we, no matter the age of our of our kids.
• 29:05
  S4: But let's assume teenager up to young adult. How do
• 29:09
  S4: we make the kind of relational investments now where we
• 29:13
  S4: can try to position ourselves well to have good long
• 29:17
  S4: term relationships? I mean, you have adult children and that
• 29:21
  S4: every parent wants to have a good, not just when
• 29:24
  S4: their kids are little, that they love them. But we
• 29:26
  S4: want our kids to love us and, and stay in
• 29:29
  S4: relationship with us as they go into their adult years
• 29:33
  S4: and beyond. How do we begin to make those investments now?
• 29:36
  S8: Well, let me first say a word to those who
• 29:38
  S8: have adult children. I just released a book. I upgraded it.
• 29:42
  S8: It's released earlier. It's called Your New Life with Your
• 29:46
  S8: Adult Children, in which I deal with those issues. How
• 29:50
  S8: do you handle it? You know what you just described.
• 29:52
  S8: And adults, if you have adult children, it's going to
• 29:55
  S8: help you greatly. But in the teenage years, of course,
• 29:58
  S8: these are the years that we still have an opportunity
• 30:00
  S8: to influence them, but we don't influence them by preaching
• 30:04
  S8: to them. We influence them by having conversations with them.
• 30:08
  S8: There's a huge difference in that. As Christians, sometimes parents, sometimes,
• 30:12
  S8: you know, we believe we've got our beliefs, but we
• 30:14
  S8: walked through that. Maybe when you were a teenager, you
• 30:17
  S8: may have been, but you were not exposed to the
• 30:20
  S8: kind of things your teenagers being exposed to in today's culture.
• 30:23
  S8: So we have to learn how to listen to what
• 30:25
  S8: they're saying, take seriously what they're saying, and then discuss it.
• 30:30
  S8: You know, you ask questions of them and then let
• 30:33
  S8: them ask questions of you. And you say, you know,
• 30:35
  S8: I'm glad to see that you're thinking this through because,
• 30:38
  S8: you know, ultimately you're the one that's going to determine
• 30:41
  S8: your life. If you come to the conclusion you're going
• 30:44
  S8: to not believe in God and just walk off. You know,
• 30:47
  S8: a lot of people have made that decision. They haven't
• 30:49
  S8: found real peace. They haven't found the meaning in life.
• 30:53
  S8: And many of them turn to drugs and alcohol and
• 30:55
  S8: that sort of thing, and they just destroy their own lives.
• 30:58
  S8: But I love you and I, I, I want to
• 31:00
  S8: hear what you're thinking and I want to share with you, obviously,
• 31:04
  S8: my perspective and and also the perspective of others. You
• 31:08
  S8: take that a conversational approach far better than you say.
• 31:12
  S8: Now you you know better than that. Now, I don't
• 31:14
  S8: want to ever hear you say that again. Okay. They
• 31:16
  S8: won't say it to you again.
• 31:18
  S3: Yeah.
• 31:18
  S8: You know, they'll talk to other people about it. And
• 31:20
  S8: now you've lost your opportunity because you told them. Don't
• 31:23
  S8: ever talk to me about that again. So sometimes the
• 31:26
  S8: fracture that takes place between parents and teenagers and parents
• 31:29
  S8: and young adults is because the parent makes those kind
• 31:33
  S8: of statements. And so the other person says, okay, you
• 31:36
  S8: don't want to hear what I have to say. That's fine.
• 31:39
  S8: So keeping the conversation open, even when you disagree with
• 31:42
  S8: what they're saying. And I know that's not easy. I
• 31:44
  S8: know it's not. Especially when it has to do with
• 31:47
  S8: spiritual things that are so important. We know they're so important.
• 31:50
  S8: But again, we have to give our children the freedom
• 31:53
  S8: that God gives all of us, and that is to
• 31:56
  S8: believe and accept him and follow him, or to walk
• 31:58
  S8: away from him. And yes, we don't want to see
• 32:01
  S8: our children walk away. That's the worst thing in the
• 32:03
  S8: world that could happen. We have to help them walk
• 32:06
  S8: through the process of coming to the place where they
• 32:09
  S8: accept him for themselves. Then their life is going to
• 32:13
  S8: be fruitful.
• 32:14
  S4: Yeah, and I'm sure it doesn't hurt to learn to
• 32:17
  S4: speak their love language, right? Doctor, I know you're big
• 32:21
  S4: on that.
• 32:22
  S8: Absolutely. The child needs the teenager needs to feel loved.
• 32:25
  S8: It needs to feel like they belong in this family,
• 32:28
  S8: you know? And so the five love languages meets one
• 32:31
  S8: of their deepest emotional needs. And that is the need
• 32:34
  S8: to feel loved by their parents. And if we don't
• 32:36
  S8: express love in their love language in a consistent way,
• 32:40
  S8: they don't feel loved. They're they're what I call the
• 32:42
  S8: love tank is empty. It affects everything else in their life.
• 32:46
  S8: So yeah, the love language is extremely important.
• 32:49
  S4: Doctor Gary Chapman it's been a pleasure this morning. If
• 32:52
  S4: you want more on this resource featured today just text
• 32:54
  S4: love to 805 557898. There's a book, things I Wish
• 33:00
  S4: I'd Known before my children were teenagers. There's also another
• 33:03
  S4: one for before we became parents, so you may want
• 33:06
  S4: to check that out as well. Just text love to
• 33:09
  S4: 805 557898.
• 33:12
  S1: Celebrating the Unstoppable Gospel.
• 33:15
  S5: It's not that I've got to fill in these check boxes,
• 33:18
  S5: so he's okay with me, but it's that I get
• 33:20
  S5: to stand close to him so that I can experience
• 33:23
  S5: the life that he has for me.
• 33:25
  S1: You're listening to Carl and crew.
• 33:27
  S4: Hey, I'm Ali, this is Carl and crew. You know,
• 33:29
  S4: as we talk about preparation, it's important for all of
• 33:32
  S4: us to consider what we may be called to do,
• 33:36
  S4: whether it's works of ministry, but also sometimes it's the
• 33:38
  S4: storms of life that can catch us off guard. I've
• 33:42
  S4: got a great guest that's joining us this morning, Daniel Henderson,
• 33:46
  S4: founder and president of Strategic Renewal International. Coaches. Pastors offer
• 33:51
  S4: offers renewal events across North America. Also the author of
• 33:55
  S4: a book. It's been out for a little bit a while,
• 33:58
  S4: but it caught my attention as I was prepping for
• 34:00
  S4: this week. The book is called Defying Gravity How to
• 34:03
  S4: Survive the Storms of Pastoral Ministry. Daniel, thank you for
• 34:07
  S4: being on with us this morning. The cover of your
• 34:09
  S4: book has a plane. An airplane. It looks like one
• 34:13
  S4: of those little model planes that's built out of that.
• 34:16
  S4: That cheap wood.
• 34:18
  S3: Yeah.
• 34:19
  S9: That's right.
• 34:20
  S4: Why is the airplane what you chose as one of
• 34:22
  S4: the themes to help discuss how to defy gravity and
• 34:26
  S4: survive storms of pastoral ministry.
• 34:29
  S10: Well, thank you, Elly. I guess that graphic reaffirms the
• 34:32
  S10: fact that we're pretty fragile in the air. The flight
• 34:35
  S10: is a little uncertain at times, but, uh, what we
• 34:38
  S10: really did is the analogy of a pilot, and we
• 34:41
  S10: all are aware of times when pilots have really lost
• 34:44
  S10: a sense of their bearings and crashed because again, they
• 34:49
  S10: didn't know really where they were upside, you know, downside,
• 34:52
  S10: whatever the case is, they had to keep their eyes
• 34:54
  S10: on the gauges. and that's the only way to stay
• 34:57
  S10: in flight and in life and in ministry. We have
• 35:01
  S10: to keep our eyes on the things that are true,
• 35:03
  S10: the gauges of life that tell us where we really are. Uh, because, uh,
• 35:07
  S10: often say it this way, discouragement is a temporary loss
• 35:10
  S10: of perspective. And, uh, when we lose true perspective, we
• 35:15
  S10: find ourselves in a really difficult place in terms of
• 35:17
  S10: our ability to minister our joy, our well-being. And so
• 35:22
  S10: that was kind of the, the essence of that picture
• 35:24
  S10: on the book and kind of the framework of the writing.
• 35:27
  S4: Give me a little bit of your background. You've been
• 35:29
  S4: a senior pastor for several decades, but you also have
• 35:33
  S4: this heart to pastor pastors to help with this strategic renewal.
• 35:39
  S4: Tell me a little bit more about that.
• 35:41
  S10: Yeah. You know, I've had the joy of pastoring a
• 35:44
  S10: number of churches, two of which I came in as
• 35:47
  S10: the next guy after a very high visibility moral failure. So, uh,
• 35:52
  S10: in one of the books I wrote with really moody. The.
• 35:54
  S10: The editor told me I was the OSHA pastor, the
• 35:57
  S10: cleanup guy.
• 35:58
  S3: Wow.
• 35:59
  S10: But, you know, I remember in my early 30s, I
• 36:02
  S10: always kind of say, I got crucified the same year
• 36:04
  S10: Jesus did because at 33, I really thought I'd leave
• 36:07
  S10: the ministry. It was a very difficult, sick church. And
• 36:11
  S10: of course, hurting people hurt others. And my wife and
• 36:14
  S10: I were just devastated and didn't think we would make it.
• 36:17
  S10: And yet, the greatest lessons came out of those days,
• 36:20
  S10: and now have given me such a sense of compassion
• 36:24
  S10: and Lord willing wisdom and experience to help pastors who
• 36:28
  S10: are on the brink of cashing it in. And there
• 36:31
  S10: are a lot of them today that, uh, you know,
• 36:32
  S10: wonder about that. We always joke about the fact that
• 36:34
  S10: every pastor resigns on Monday and kind of gets the
• 36:37
  S10: wind under his sails again on Tuesday. But, you know, ministry,
• 36:41
  S10: whether you're a pastor or just a servant in a
• 36:43
  S10: church ministry is not easy. You know, people can be
• 36:46
  S10: harsh and you wonder if it's worth it. And so
• 36:48
  S10: that's why we have to keep perspective.
• 36:50
  S4: You know, one of the things that has been very
• 36:53
  S4: discouraging to see is I feel like sometimes every time I,
• 36:56
  S4: I log on, I read to the internet, I read
• 37:00
  S4: another story about another leader, whether it's a pastor or
• 37:03
  S4: a worship leader, or a children's ministry leader who has
• 37:08
  S4: fallen in some way. And there's a big story. And,
• 37:11
  S4: you know, and I think, is this just the algorithm
• 37:14
  S4: feeding me these stories? Because I click on them and
• 37:16
  S4: I read them? Or is this really becoming more of
• 37:19
  S4: a frequent thing? And it's, it's sobering either way. But
• 37:23
  S4: tell me from your vantage point, does it seem like
• 37:26
  S4: there's just been more and more fallen leaders?
• 37:31
  S10: Well, you know, it's really hard to know because, you know,
• 37:33
  S10: a hundred years from now, a hundred years ago, rather,
• 37:36
  S10: there was no internet.
• 37:37
  S3: Sure.
• 37:38
  S10: There was no way to know that, right? I mean,
• 37:41
  S10: one thing to know for sure is that for every
• 37:43
  S10: one of those stories, there are hundreds of thousands of
• 37:46
  S10: faithful servants of Christ who are waking up every day
• 37:49
  S10: walking with him, you know, being faithful in their ministry. Uh,
• 37:53
  S10: but I do think, you know, there are certain streams
• 37:56
  S10: that just love to celebrate that or at least expose it, which,
• 37:59
  S10: you know, really is not helpful. Before watching world, unfortunately. Um,
• 38:03
  S10: so whether they're more or not, we don't really know.
• 38:06
  S10: We just know there are too many and we need
• 38:08
  S10: to celebrate the faithful. Pray for the wounded and the broken,
• 38:13
  S10: and resolve in our own heart that we don't want
• 38:15
  S10: to become a statistic. We want to make the right
• 38:17
  S10: choices day by day. And I always say the hardest
• 38:20
  S10: thing about the Christian life is it's so daily, right?
• 38:22
  S10: So we have to every day pursue the Lord, pursue holiness, uh,
• 38:27
  S10: and keep the hope of his reward in front of
• 38:29
  S10: us as we serve him.
• 38:30
  S4: Daniel Henderson, our guest this morning, founder and president of
• 38:33
  S4: Strategic Renewal International, also author of a book we're featuring today,
• 38:36
  S4: Defying Gravity How to Survive the Storms of Pastoral Ministry.
• 38:40
  S4: Coming up, let's talk about what preparation looks like. How
• 38:44
  S4: can pastors and church leaders learn how to prepare and
• 38:48
  S4: protect themselves so they can lead without losing altitude. It's
• 38:52
  S4: right out of his book. Coming up.
• 38:55
  S1: You're listening to Carl and Crew on Moody Radio.
• 38:58
  S4: You know, each time you board a flight, whether you
• 39:02
  S4: travel a lot or you're maybe an infrequent flier, you
• 39:06
  S4: sit in that seat and you are trusting in the Lord. Absolutely.
• 39:10
  S4: Every time you do anything, you're also putting a certain
• 39:14
  S4: amount of trust in the pilot who's flying that plane.
• 39:17
  S4: And one thing that gives me great comfort when a
• 39:20
  S4: little bit of turbulence hits and the the flight starts
• 39:24
  S4: to the plane starts to move just a little bit,
• 39:26
  S4: and everybody kind of shifts in their seats and settles in.
• 39:29
  S4: But you know that that pilot has prepared in advance
• 39:34
  S4: for storms. You know that they don't just do their
• 39:38
  S4: hours of prep on a bright, clear day with no rain,
• 39:43
  S4: no thunderstorms. You know, that part of their training and
• 39:45
  S4: preparation is to be able to navigate the unpredictable. And
• 39:50
  S4: so you sit there and even though you're. Maybe your
• 39:53
  S4: heart starts beating a little bit faster, you trust in
• 39:56
  S4: the Lord and you know that the pilot is trained
• 39:58
  S4: so you can settle in and drink that ginger ale
• 40:01
  S4: and keep reading your magazine and know that he's got this.
• 40:06
  S4: We've got a guest today, Daniel Henderson, who's with us.
• 40:09
  S4: He is the founder and president of Strategic Renewal, also
• 40:11
  S4: author of a great book where you have used this
• 40:14
  S4: analogy of piloting a plane as it pertains to leadership.
• 40:19
  S4: Leaders are a lot like pilots. They are going to
• 40:22
  S4: encounter some storms, and they won't necessarily know what's coming,
• 40:27
  S4: but the preparation in advance is what helps them navigate it. Well,
• 40:31
  S4: speak to that a little bit.
• 40:32
  S10: Yeah. So, um, obviously as a pilot, you're also responsible
• 40:36
  S10: for other people, you know, and that gives a whole
• 40:39
  S10: different dimension. Yeah. And it doesn't matter whether you're a
• 40:41
  S10: mom or dad or your student, somebody watching your life.
• 40:44
  S10: So you got to pilot this plane. Keep it in
• 40:46
  S10: the air, not only for your own sake, but for them.
• 40:48
  S10: So as you know in the book, there are nine
• 40:51
  S10: gauges I talk about, and we don't have time to
• 40:53
  S10: get into all nine of them that you have to
• 40:55
  S10: keep your eye on as you go through storms and, uh,
• 40:58
  S10: a few of them real quick. Uh, Ellie, one of
• 41:00
  S10: them is the gauge of spiritual intimacy. And I often say,
• 41:04
  S10: we're not really called to ministry. We're called to intimacy.
• 41:07
  S10: And ministry is the overflow of intimacy. And so when
• 41:10
  S10: we're going through storms, it's so obvious. We've got to
• 41:13
  S10: press into Christ. We've got to have a heart to
• 41:15
  S10: know him and to trust him, obviously. Uh, one of
• 41:19
  S10: the other ones, ironically, maybe interesting to some people is
• 41:22
  S10: what I call indispensable pain. And we got to know
• 41:26
  S10: that the the wounds and storms of life are for
• 41:29
  S10: our good and they're necessary. Even Paul said I needed
• 41:33
  S10: to go through a time when I didn't think I
• 41:35
  S10: would even survive second Corinthians one, so that I wouldn't
• 41:38
  S10: trust in myself, but in God. And I tell pastors
• 41:40
  S10: all the time, Ellie, your pain goes from an open
• 41:43
  S10: wound to a tender scab to an empowering scar. And,
• 41:47
  S10: you know, it sounds funny, but that's a gauge you
• 41:50
  S10: got to keep your eye on. The Lord has a
• 41:52
  S10: purpose in this to make me more like Jesus in
• 41:55
  S10: a more fruitful servant, even though the storm at the
• 41:58
  S10: moment feels so hard. Um, another one is, you know,
• 42:01
  S10: our biblical identity, that gauge that we aren't what people
• 42:06
  S10: say we are. We aren't what, you know, our performance
• 42:09
  S10: indicates or, um, you know, even my own self opinion,
• 42:13
  S10: we have to always keep our eye on who we
• 42:15
  S10: are in Christ because storms can really cultivate insecurity. And, uh,
• 42:21
  S10: in my own life, every day I have a personal
• 42:23
  S10: biblical identity statement. I quote to myself just to remind
• 42:26
  S10: myself of who I am not based upon competition or
• 42:30
  S10: comparison or results, but in Christ. And you gotta know
• 42:34
  S10: that when you're going through a storm. Um, and then
• 42:37
  S10: one of the other things I, I talk about is
• 42:39
  S10: the gauge of a captivating call, Faithful is he who calls.
• 42:43
  S10: You also will do it. But our calling really isn't
• 42:45
  S10: just to be a good dad or a good church
• 42:47
  S10: leader or an effective preacher. Uh, I wrote about this
• 42:50
  S10: in another moody book actually called Glorious Finish that our
• 42:53
  S10: call first Peter five. We are called to the eternal
• 42:56
  S10: glory of Christ. And, uh, when we keep our mind
• 43:01
  S10: set on that, we know that the Lord is going
• 43:03
  S10: to use all this so that one day in eternity,
• 43:07
  S10: this life is just a vapor. This flight I'm on
• 43:09
  S10: is just a vapor, but eternity is forever. And this
• 43:13
  S10: is all going to result in my capacity to glorify
• 43:16
  S10: Jesus in all of eternity. And those are just perspectives.
• 43:20
  S10: You know, you have to keep your eye on as
• 43:22
  S10: you're going through these difficult times.
• 43:25
  S4: You know, you mentioned earlier that a couple of two
• 43:28
  S4: different times you stepped into pastoral assignments after there had
• 43:32
  S4: been a leadership crisis. Uh, I believe you said some
• 43:36
  S4: sort of moral failing. What did you learn in the
• 43:39
  S4: fallout of. You can speak to both or one kind
• 43:42
  S4: of the the, the lessons from the black box is
• 43:45
  S4: how you describe it in the book. But after there
• 43:47
  S4: was some sort of boy, some sort of crash, what
• 43:50
  S4: did you learn that has helped you both personally, but
• 43:53
  S4: also as you lead other pastors?
• 43:56
  S10: Yeah. Um, well, again, these were obviously good men, you know,
• 44:00
  S10: who at one time really walked with the Lord, but
• 44:02
  S10: they began to make bad decisions, eventually wound up in tragedy. But,
• 44:06
  S10: you know, our ministry pivots strongly toward what we call
• 44:09
  S10: scripture fed, spirit led worship, prayer. And one of the
• 44:11
  S10: things I learned is these are also churches that probably
• 44:14
  S10: didn't pray for their pastor like they should have, right? Yeah. Um,
• 44:17
  S10: and we need to be praying for those, you know,
• 44:19
  S10: every new story we see that is, uh, you know,
• 44:22
  S10: just causes our hearts to be broken should also pivot
• 44:26
  S10: our hearts to become faithful intercessors to those who spiritually
• 44:30
  S10: lead us. But I think if I could just summarize
• 44:33
  S10: one of the things I learned that I tell pastors
• 44:36
  S10: all the time that you've got to choose what you're
• 44:39
  S10: going to believe every day. Every day you got to choose.
• 44:42
  S10: And you got three options. Basically, there was an old
• 44:44
  S10: show called Let's Make a Deal three doors. Right?
• 44:47
  S3: I remember that, yes.
• 44:48
  S10: So you either choose what you feel, and that's very subjective.
• 44:53
  S10: And our feelings are all over the map, obviously. Or
• 44:56
  S10: you choose what you see with your eyes, which is
• 44:58
  S10: very limited. You know, that's just a very superficial perspective.
• 45:03
  S10: Or you choose what you know to be true. And
• 45:05
  S10: for me, and I think for many pastors, and this
• 45:08
  S10: is what I've learned, where we fail, that yes, it
• 45:12
  S10: looks bad and it feels bad, but we got to
• 45:14
  S10: believe that God is good. Oswald Chambers said that the
• 45:18
  S10: root of all sin is the suspicion that God is
• 45:20
  S10: not good. Wow. And we have to keep our eyes
• 45:23
  S10: on the truth of God's goodness. And it feels out
• 45:26
  S10: of control. It looks out of control. But God is sovereign.
• 45:28
  S10: We gotta believe that. And then it it looks unfair often,
• 45:32
  S10: and it feels unfair. Uh, but God is just. And
• 45:36
  S10: those those realities, I think, have kept me in the
• 45:39
  S10: fight so many times. And I just think when we're
• 45:42
  S10: in storms, we lose perspective. As I said, and we
• 45:46
  S10: have to keep our eye on the things that we
• 45:47
  S10: know are true and trust God in the process to
• 45:50
  S10: take us through not only for our own godliness and
• 45:53
  S10: Christ likeness, but for the good of the people that
• 45:55
  S10: are looking to our example in order to inspire them
• 45:58
  S10: to be faithful to the Lord.
• 46:00
  S4: Daniel Henderson with us this morning. You know, I've mentioned
• 46:03
  S4: the strategic renewal international coaching pastors renewal events across the country. Also,
• 46:08
  S4: you're the global director of the six four fellowship, which
• 46:11
  S4: connects pastors speak to you can speak to one or both,
• 46:15
  S4: but we do have pastors and ministry leaders listening right
• 46:19
  S4: now that may want to be a part of this.
• 46:22
  S4: So go ahead and give us a little pitch.
• 46:24
  S10: Sure. So for everyone on the website, there are all
• 46:27
  S10: kinds of prayer guides as to how to pray scripture
• 46:29
  S10: to seek God's face before you seek his hand, which
• 46:32
  S10: is a major transformational element in our prayer life. But
• 46:35
  S10: for pastors, the six four fellowship is based on acts
• 46:38
  S10: six four. We'll devote ourselves to prayer and the ministry
• 46:41
  S10: of the word. And there are over 5000 pastors from
• 46:44
  S10: 90 countries who are part of this saying, we're going
• 46:47
  S10: to make the next new thing, the first old thing.
• 46:49
  S10: And I always say, the devil doesn't have to destroy you.
• 46:52
  S10: He only has to distract you. And so we have
• 46:54
  S10: to stay focused on the things that the Lord has
• 46:56
  S10: promised to bless. And that's a robust commitment to prayer
• 47:00
  S10: in the ministry of the word, saying yes to those
• 47:03
  S10: so that we have the courage and clarity to say
• 47:05
  S10: no to all the other, lesser things that can cause
• 47:07
  S10: our plane to crash if we're not careful.
• 47:10
  S3: Yeah.
• 47:11
  S4: Great resources this morning, and I want to point you
• 47:13
  S4: to what we've talked about. Just text pastors if you're
• 47:16
  S4: interested in learning more, both about the book and the
• 47:18
  S4: ministries feature, just text pastors to (800) 555-7898. Just that one word.
• 47:25
  S4: Pastors (800) 555-7898. I think this is going to be a
• 47:30
  S4: blessing to you or share it with your pastor.