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Is Alcohol the Problem? The Honest Answer About Addiction · Recovering Out Loud

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I am. I get really triggered and tired
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when I see people demonizing alcohol.
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Sure alcohol is bad on a fundamental level.
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It is ethanol. It causes breast cancer in
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women. It causes other cancers.
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There is no safe amount of alcohol to be drank, drank and
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drunk per week. That has been proven now.
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So there's this big anti alcohol movement.
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Where I get upset is when people go on this tirade of pointing
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blaming alcohol is the problem and if alcohol wasn't around it
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wouldn't be an issue. I have an alcohol problem.
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It's not a thinking problem, it's a drinking problem.
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I disagree with that sentiment because if alcohol was my
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problem, if drugs were my problem, I would have stayed
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sober after rehab. I wouldn't have needed recovery
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spaces to go to. I wouldn't have needed therapy
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after rehab. I would have been sober from the
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first time I went to rehab until now, which was back in 2015.
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I wouldn't have relapsed because alcohol was my problem thinking.
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My thinking is my problem today. I firmly believe that I am the
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one with the problem. I don't know how to turn it off.
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I don't know how to shut it down.
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Everybody else is going home at the end of the night when the
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party's done and I'm still going.
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I don't know. I don't have an off button.
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It's like playing Russian roulette when I drink, I don't
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know what's going to happen next.
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I might stop after three drinks. I might party for three weeks
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and end up in a trap house or a motel somewhere doing copious
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amounts of drugs and drinking until all the hours of the night
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by myself. All right, we're back.
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Hey everyone, welcome back to Recovering Out Loud podcast.
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I'm your host, Anthony. I'm an alcoholic, an addict,
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been in recovery since 2015. I had 7 1/2 years, had a
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horrible relapse at around the seven-year mark, 7 1/2 year
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mark. And now I'm celebrating almost
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coming up to a year and a half now.
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I'm a counselor. I work at a treatment center
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halfway through my schooling doing that.
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And I do these episodes to bring information to you.
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This is my perspective. This is not me talking on a
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spiritual hilltop. I'm not better or worse than any
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of you. We are all equal.
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I got prompted by a message on my Instagram at recovering out
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loud pod where I love when you guys message me.
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I read every single one. This person messaged me the
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other day and said something along the OR no, she they
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commented on my video and said something along the lines of I'm
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sick of this shit. Alcohol is the problem.
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I am not the problem. You are not the problem.
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It is not the person that is the problem.
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And of course this fired me up because I'm a firm believer that
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I don't know, maybe I, I would. I think what I want to do with
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this episode is let you decide for yourself.
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Is it a personal problem of powerlessness in addiction and
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alcoholism, a disease, whatever you want to call it?
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I talked about that at length in my episode about Is alcoholism,
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addiction a disease or a choice? I think fundamentally beating up
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on alcohol and trying to this big alcohol movement, it just
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waste a lot of energy. For me, it's a it's a
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expenditure of energy that I don't need.
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Alcohol is bad for you. That's been proven fine.
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There are millions of people around the world that are
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controlling their drinking and enjoying it, actually letting it
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them benefit them that are not in recovery, that don't need to
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be in recovery, that can enjoy it.
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I just, I don't think that we need to be focusing all this
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energy on big alcohol and alcohol is the problem.
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I'm not the problem. I think we need to do the inner
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work. I need to do the inner work and
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find out what alcohol does for me.
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Why do I drink and how do I live life successfully without
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needing to pick up? Those are the two things that I
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learned in rehab from a fundamental high level view.
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Today I have to remind myself of that.
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So is alcohol addictive? Is it the substance or the
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person? If alcohol is just a drink, how
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come some people can pick it up and put it down?
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How come some people can just enjoy a few after work once a
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week or once a month? Or don't go into spirals like we
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did? How come my friends can drink
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normally now after years of partying with me?
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A lot of people that I used to party with would go close to his
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heart as I would go at times. Not towards the end because a
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lot of people didn't do the things that I used to do towards
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the end. The the patterns of using and
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and behavior that I would portray that I would exhibit to
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get my drugs and alcohol. The things I would do to lie,
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steal, manipulate from people to get my fix.
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A lot of people didn't do that and I think I know you know what
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I'm talking about comes to a point in your addiction,
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alcoholism, where anything sort of goes and there's really
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nothing you won't do to get that drug or or drink because you're.
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So I'm so caught in the cycle that I'll do whatever.
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I'll go to any lengths to escape myself because it's painful.
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And when you're in the middle of it and you're in that cycle, the
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craving is so strong that I'll move mountains to get my
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cocaine, to get my mess, to do get my drink.
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When I'm in it, it's very hard to get out.
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And so if drugs and alcohol are my problem, then all you have to
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do is remove me physically from drugs and alcohol for long
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enough where the craving goes away, the physical craving goes
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away, the physical allergy is gone.
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But that's not how this thing works.
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And I think a lot of you know, that is my thinking is the
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problem. I think that this time will be
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different. I think that I can just go and
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have one. I think that alcohol will
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magically solve my problems. Drugs will will I'll be able to
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control it. The great obsession of every
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abnormal drinker and, and drug addict is one day it'll be
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different. I will control it this time I
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will drink or use like gentlemen, like other people.
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It is not the case. And you will try every form of
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experimentation and suffering and to, to get to that place.
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But you just, you never get there.
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If you're like me, you never get to that place of happy,
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contented one or two drinks, 3 drinks.
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It just never comes. And we'll chase it into
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oblivion. 1 is too many. 1000 is never enough.
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So in this episode, I'm going to go into one of the most argued
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questions in addiction. Is alcohol the villain or is the
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person holding the glass? Who is responsible for this?
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It's not a trick question. Both sides have real signs
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behind them and how you answer it affects everything about how
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you recover. So let's get into it.
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Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant depressant.
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It hits the GABA resectors which causes a calming and suppressing
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glutamate. Glutamate.
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That's why it relaxes you. It's a depressant.
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That's also why withdrawal can kill you.
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Your brain compensates by running hotter and then alcohol
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leaves and it can't self regulate.
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Alcohol and benzodiazepines are two of the only in my knowledge
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substances that you can die from for from withdrawal.
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Heroin you won't die. It'll be painful and exhausting
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and you won't ever want to go through that again.
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But alcohol and and benzodiazepines they act on the
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GABA receptors they calm you down, they reduce anxiety.
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This is anti anxiety medication is benzodiazepines.
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I had a problem with with benzos for a long time because I would
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get too high on stimulants then I would use benzos to come back
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down. Terrible place to be.
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There's blackouts happening all the time, the withdrawal and the
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anxiety. It's lethal and it's also very
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tiresome and annoying and depressing and sad and anxiety
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ridden. So every drink triggers A
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dopamine hit in the nucleus accumbens, the brain's reward
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center. This is the same pathway
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hijacked by heroin, cocaine, gambling.
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The brain doesn't know alcohol from any other reward.
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It just knows that felt good. Let's do that again.
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That relieved my anxiety. I need that again.
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Any time I feel anxious. Let's do that again.
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Let's drink, let's use. That'll solve my problem.
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Because when you're in that, your brain thinks you're dying,
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right? Like it's that's that's what's
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happening here is you are in a fight flight or freeze motion.
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Your nervous system is acting up, your body thinks you're
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dying, so you'll do anything to get that to stop to to calm
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down. And the problem is I always say
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this. Alcohol and drugs, they work
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until they don't. With repeated use, the brain
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down regulates its own dopamine receptors.
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Now you need more alcohol to feel normal.
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Not even to feel good, just to feel OK baseline.
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That's the trap. At this point.
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It's not a choice anymore in any meaningful sense.
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I've lost the power to choose. I always say this, but I choose.
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I chose to relapse. If I go and drink today and I go
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down outside, walk outside my door, go to real sports bar and
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grab a beer, that is my choice because I am far enough removed
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from the craving, from the addiction cycle.
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It has been my experience that it is my choice when I'm in it.
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When I am a week into addiction or after, after I take that
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first one, I lose all power and choice in the matter.
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It's like playing Russian roulette.
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That's why you always hear people say just don't take that
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first one. It's so annoying and obvious and
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simple, but it's true. It worked.
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Like just don't pick up that first one.
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Just don't pick up the first drink gets you drunk.
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So this is from the World Health Organization.
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Alcohol is responsible for 5.3% of all deaths globally.
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It's the leading risk factor for disease burden among 15 to 49
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year olds. So the DSM 5, the medical
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diagnosis, I don't know what it stands for right now off the top
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of my head, but it's the book that tells you what diseases are
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classifieds. Alcohol use disorder AUD as a
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diagnosable condition with 11 criteria.
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Physical dependence, including withdrawal, is a core feature of
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this diagnosis of this disease, of this disorder.
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Alcohol withdrawal is one of the few that can be fatal without
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medical supervision. Don't detox alone.
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I can remember countless times being in the cycle of active
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addiction when I thought that I was choosing to use.
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I thought that I was deciding to keep going and I had a choice in
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the matter. But when you're in it like that,
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your brain is so hijacked by the drug your your dopamine.
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The a normal. I always say this, but a normal
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dinner didn't get it for me. A steak didn't do it for me.
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I had to eat chips and ice cream and candy for dinner to get any
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sort of dopamine rash because the things that I used to like
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when I'm in the middle of active addiction, I don't give a shit
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about any of that. My brain doesn't respond to that
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at all. I want high palatable items.
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I want dopamine. I'll do anything to get that
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dopamine fix. Research shows heritability, so
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hereditary heritability of AUD. Alcohol use disorders around 50
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to 60%. Children of parents with AUD are
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four times more likely to develop that themselves, even
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when raised in different environments.
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Adoption studies. These are done from adoption
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studies. This isn't about weakness.
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The biological starting point is different for some people.
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Around 37% of alcohol abusers have at least one serious Co
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occurring mental health disorder.
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So anxiety, depression, PTSDADHD, alcohol doesn't cause
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all of these, but it it gets used to manage them.
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It manages these things, then it starts causing them after a
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while. Most people who drink never
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develop alcohol use disorder. In fact, about 30% of Americans
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don't drink at all. And you see the numbers?
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It's going down. Less people are drinking today,
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and among those who do, only 14% meet criteria for alcohol use
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disorder at some point in their lives.
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This is the statistical reality that fuels the just drink like a
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normal person argument and why it's so damaging to those who
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can't. So 12 Step Recovery uses the
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word allergy not in a literal medical sense, but as a
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metaphor. Most people can eat peanuts.
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Someone with a peanut allergy can't.
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The peanut isn't evil, but for the person it's off the table,
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the model sidesteps. This model sidesteps the
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morality debate entirely. So is the peanut the problem, or
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is the person that's allergic to the peanut on the other side of
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things? The critics of the allergy
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model. So the people that don't believe
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in the allergy model say it removes accountability entirely.
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Supporters say it removes shame that blocks people from getting
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help. Both have a good point.
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I'm of the belief I'm of the camp.
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I subscribe to the fact that it removes shame.
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If I have a disease, if I have an allergy, it doesn't remove
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blame, it removes shame. I need to remove shame.
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Shame is such a deep dark rooted problem in addiction.
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It stops so many people from getting help and asking for help
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and doing the things that they need to do to find help.
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I must be a bad person. Shame.
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The difference between guilt and shame, so I can feel guilty
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about doing something. Guilty is the action.
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Shame is I'm a bad person. Guilt is I did something wrong,
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I did that thing I should have done that.
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Shame is I'm a bad person because I'm doing these things.
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I'm less than. So in Camp A, alcohol is the
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problem. Camp Alcohol is a toxic,
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addictive, carcinogenic drug that is normalized and legally
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sold. If it had been discovered today,
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it would never pass regulatory approval.
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You hear that a lot on social media.
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A lot of people say that if alcohol was invented today, it
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would never be legal. It would be illegal before
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lunchtime. The substance itself creates
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dependence regardless of who drinks it.
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Remove the substance, Remove the problem.
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Can't be is the person is the problem.
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So I am the problem. My thinking is the problem.
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My reaction to life is the problem.
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My perspective is the problem. My perception is the problem.
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Alcoholism is a disease of perception.
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You hear that sometimes. I love that one.
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I'm looking at things wrong. It's perception is reality and I
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am the one that is framing this as my magical solution, my
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higher power, my end all be all solution to all my problems.
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Millions drink without issue. The issue isn't alcohol, it's
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the predisposed individual who lacks coping skills, has
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unresolved trauma, or has a brain wired differently.
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Focus on the person, not the substance.
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I am in this camp. I find it a lot easier and just
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more settling to fall into this camp because then it means that
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there's a solution. There's a program of recovery
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that I can develop in the form of habits that only take place
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on a day, one day at a time. A daily reprieve contingent on
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the maintenance of my spiritual condition.
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But if you're not spiritual, the maintenance of your physical
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condition, emotional condition, any of those things, it's a
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daily reprieve. That's what recovery does for
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me. The American Medical Association
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classified alcoholism as a disease in 1956.
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The AM, AAS, AM and WHO, the World Health Organization all
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support the disease model. It says that alcohol use
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disorder, AUD is a chronic relapsing brain disorder, not a
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moral failing. This has improved access to
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treatment, insurance coverage and reduced stigma in clinical
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settings, some people argue. Some people argue the disease
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model inadvertently removes agency.
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If it's a disease, you have not. If it's a disease you have, not
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a behavior you do, where's the motivation to change?
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Well, if I have a disease and what's the point of all this?
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Philosopher and addiction researcher Dr. Nick Heather
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argues for a complex learning disorder model that preserves
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both biology and agency. So I want to ask you, what did
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you believe yourself when you were drinking, and how has that
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changed over time? Did you ever tell yourself I'm
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the problem, there's something wrong with me?
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How did that feel versus how sobriety helped you see it
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differently? For me, yeah, absolutely.
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For a long time, it was like, well, I'm no good.
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I'm never going to get back into recovery.
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I'm never going to get sober. What's wrong with me?
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Before I relapsed, when I first came in and I was 20, in my 20s
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and I was using cocaine every day, I just didn't know what was
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wrong with me. I could see the way my friends
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were leaving it alone and I was partying until all hours of the
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night. I couldn't go home.
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I had to keep doing more. I was after party Anthony,
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always looking for more parties. My dad said to me, Anthony, all
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you care about is the next party.
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And that was true for a long time.
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I didn't know what was wrong with me until I came into
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recovery and started educating myself.
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Today I see it as I was caught in a vicious cycle of addiction.
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I don't know whether my brain is different than the next guys,
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the average person. I think it is because when I
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relapsed, I couldn't stop. If my brain wasn't wired
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differently, I would have been able to catch myself in that
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relapse and say, oh boy, that was that was close.
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I better get back into recovery. I was out there for about a year
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and then four months of heavy using a party.
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I had to go back to rehab again and get physically removed from
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alcohol and drugs. I was caught in the addiction
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cycle today. As long as I don't pick up that
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first one today, I'm going to be OK.
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No matter what happens in my life, no matter what problems
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occur, what circumstances, what depression, what anxiety, as
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long as I don't pick up that first one.
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If I have one problem today and I pick up a drink, I now have
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two problems and then many more problems after that.
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I guarantee it. It's happened to me so many
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times before. If you believe you're broken,
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shame leads to relapse, risk going up.
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If you believe alcohol is purely to blame and you have 0 agency
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in the matter, it's alcohol's fault.
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If alcohol wasn't around, I'd be fine.
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You may not do the inner work. You may avoid the best part of
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recovery and doing the healing and the recovering.
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The healthiest recovery frameworks both hold both
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truths. The substance is genuinely
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addictive and you have the capacity to change your
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relationship to it. The most honest answer to is
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alcohol. The problem or the person is
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yes. Alcohol is powerful, physically
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addictive substance that rewires brains, and some people are
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neurologically genetically and experiment experientially more
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vulnerable to that rewiring like myself.
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These aren't completing competing truths, they are the
18:26
whole picture. Two things can be true.
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So is alcohol addictive Clinically, yes.
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Is it the substance or the person?
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It was never either or. The most compassionate and
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scientific accurate answer is both.
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Again, I like to stay away from the camp of alcohol is the
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problem because then I don't know it just it just seems so
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petty to me. It seems like I waste so much
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energy trying to take down the alcohol industry for what
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There's always going to be another new drug dealer out
18:58
there. Now you see gambling
18:59
commercials. I talk about peptides in my last
19:01
episode. Peptides was is gonna be it's
19:04
just there's the drug dealer takes all forms.
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The devil takes on new forms as we grow, as we move through
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life. There will always be a new bad
19:14
guy. I would rather change what I can
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control in my life. Focus on what I can control.
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My life, in my behaviors, my actions, my daily reprieve.
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Then focusing on taking down alcohol and casting all the
19:27
blame onto the people that are making money off of it.
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Let them, as Mel Robbins says, or stole from somebody else
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famously. Let them.
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Who cares? It's out of your control.
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So this week coming up, I'm going to have a lot more guests
19:41
in the studio. I'm looking forward to that.
19:42
I'm going to get back to the schedule of having more guests
19:45
on, you know, figure out the money thing.
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I don't know, I, I just, I have this passion to get this podcast
19:50
back up with guests. And I want to introduce all the
19:53
crazy, heroic, amazing stories of addiction that I've met from
19:58
people that I've met in the recovery rooms over the years
20:00
and recovery. I want you to know that I've
20:03
seen a lot of shit in recovery. I've seen a lot of people come
20:06
back from a lot of terrible, terrible things and a lot of
20:09
terrible consequences. If you think you're too far gone
20:12
at this point, trust me, you're not.
20:13
There's always a solution. There's always a way out.
20:16
There's always somebody that has it worse than I do.
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There's always somebody that has experience with something that I
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have had experience with. At least that's what I've found
20:24
in recovery. If you stick around long enough,
20:26
you're gonna find somebody that knows what you're going through
20:29
and is gonna be able to help you and possibly save your life, and
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then you can do that for the next guy.
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If you've had a terrible experience in your life that you
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would rather not share about, just think about this.
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There's somebody out there right now going through exactly what
20:43
you are going through as we speak.
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You can be that person to lift them out of the Canyon.
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You can be the person to drop the ladder down so that they can
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get out of the hell hole that they're in right now because you
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remember how hard it was to climb out on your own and you
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remember the person that threw the ladder down for you.
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Recovery is like a pyramid scheme without the scheme.
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Just keep giving back, keep being of service.
21:08
Your life will change if you focus on others more than you
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focus on yourself. If you liked what you heard
21:14
today, please rate, like, subscribe, follow the podcast.
21:18
I appreciate every single one of you.
21:20
Send this to a friend if no one's told you this yet.
21:22
Today I love you. And remember, recovery is
21:25
simple, not easy.