Latest / The You Project / #1658 What They Should Teach You At School, But Don't - Harps (PT1)

Transcript

#1658 What They Should Teach You At School, But Don't - Harps (PT1) · The You Project

0:00
Speaker 1: I get our team. Hope you bloody terrific. Welcome to
0:02
Speaker 1: another installming a you project. It's Praige Anthony Harper. Who
0:06
Speaker 1: else would it be. I hope you're great. I hope
0:08
Speaker 1: this finds you well. As I record this. It is
0:11
Speaker 1: two fifty one, it's Friday. We're heading up to a
0:15
Speaker 1: big event on the Australian sports calendar. Tomorrow is the
0:19
Speaker 1: AFL Grand Final. Some of you're like, fuck yeah, whooping
0:22
Speaker 1: he warp. Some of you were like, couldn't give a shit,
0:25
Speaker 1: and some of you overseas like never heard of it,
0:27
Speaker 1: don't care, don't blame you. But in Melbourne, where the
0:31
Speaker 1: Grand Final happens, where I'm located, is quite a big deal.
0:34
Speaker 1: So it's public holiday here, goof and round. And I've
0:39
Speaker 1: been chatting with somebody in the last hour or so
0:43
Speaker 1: about about the thing I want to talk to you
0:46
Speaker 1: about right now, which is about education, which is about
0:48
Speaker 1: the way that we learn. And you know, for some people,
0:54
Speaker 1: the academic experience is brilliant and amazing. Some people sailed
0:58
Speaker 1: through school because school, whichever school they went through, to
1:03
Speaker 1: whatever academic system they were in the middle of environment teacher,
1:08
Speaker 1: there are a lot of variables that worked for them.
1:11
Speaker 1: For some kids not so great, not bad. But bits
1:14
Speaker 1: of it were great, bits of it were not so great,
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Speaker 1: probably most of us. So I guess for me, some
1:20
Speaker 1: of it not bad, some of it a fucking nightmare
1:23
Speaker 1: at times, depending But for some people school was not
1:29
Speaker 1: for a range of reasons. And I'm not talking about
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Speaker 1: the social component or bullying here. I'm just talking about
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Speaker 1: the purely, about the the academic, purely about the way
1:41
Speaker 1: that some people learn optimally, the style of learning that
1:46
Speaker 1: suits them, the environment that suits them to learn in
1:51
Speaker 1: the academic model that is optimal or close to optimal
1:55
Speaker 1: for them. There are a lot of variables around that.
1:59
Speaker 1: And one of the things that gets said to me
2:03
Speaker 1: a lot, a couple of times a week is that
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Speaker 1: something like, I wish the stuff that you teach could
2:11
Speaker 1: be taught at schools. I wish that my kids would
2:16
Speaker 1: have obviously not instead of all the academic, brilliant stuff
2:20
Speaker 1: that we need. And also, by the way, it's not
2:23
Speaker 1: about me. It's about the ideas that we explore. It's
2:28
Speaker 1: about the strategies and the constructs that we explore on
2:31
Speaker 1: this show. Right, I didn't what I'm about to share
2:33
Speaker 1: with you. I didn't invent any of this. This is
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Speaker 1: not a Craig Harper thing. This is just a kind
2:39
Speaker 1: of intelligence and wisdom, arm and education that doesn't typically
2:47
Speaker 1: happen at school. But some of the things that I'm
2:51
Speaker 1: going to talk about and share, I believe would be
2:57
Speaker 1: very advantageous for many young people had they'd been exposed
3:05
Speaker 1: to some of this thinking and some of this kind
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Speaker 1: of education, and some of this bigger than the classroom
3:12
Speaker 1: awareness kind of almost life one oh one, Like it's
3:18
Speaker 1: good to understand geography and anatomy and a bit of
3:23
Speaker 1: physiology and maths and English and grammar, and we need
3:26
Speaker 1: all of that. But also, and again, this is not
3:30
Speaker 1: a slight on any particular school or the education system
3:34
Speaker 1: or teachers, because I think that the role of a
3:38
Speaker 1: teacher is overwhelmingly complicated and difficult, and I think for
3:43
Speaker 1: the most part, most teachers do somewhere between a pretty
3:47
Speaker 1: good job and a really good job. But this is
3:50
Speaker 1: me just thinking more expansively beyond the typical model of
3:54
Speaker 1: academia and classroom learning. Some of the things that I
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Speaker 1: wish I had at least been introduced to earlier, because
4:05
Speaker 1: it probably would have saved a little bit of pain,
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Speaker 1: although a bit of pain and a bit of mayhem
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Speaker 1: and a bit of madness is okay because it helps
4:13
Speaker 1: us sometimes it helps us build skill and awareness and
4:16
Speaker 1: all of those things and talent and problem solving. But anyway,
4:21
Speaker 1: so here are some of the things that I think
4:24
Speaker 1: some of the ideas or some of the lessons that
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Speaker 1: could be taught or some of the concepts that could
4:30
Speaker 1: be introduced, if not at school, then maybe outside of school.
4:35
Speaker 1: So Number one is, life doesn't care about your feelings.
4:42
Speaker 1: Life doesn't give a fuck about your feelings or you
4:46
Speaker 1: or your self esteem, or your happiness or your health.
4:50
Speaker 1: Because life is not some conscious being sitting off to
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Speaker 1: the left just observing you and worrying or caring or
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Speaker 1: observing or monitoring your feelings or your self esteem, or
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Speaker 1: your health, your physical, mental, or emotional health, or your happiness.
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Speaker 1: Life is just this massive, ongoing, never ending collection of
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Speaker 1: interactions and experiences and people and places and events and
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Speaker 1: bullshit and good days and bad days and outcomes and
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Speaker 1: media and social media and all of these things that
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Speaker 1: make up the human experience, this multitude of things that
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Speaker 1: intersect to to create what we call a life, a life,
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Speaker 1: and in the middle of all of that, in the
5:45
Speaker 1: middle of all of those things that are mostly out
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Speaker 1: of your control and my control. In the middle, in
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Speaker 1: the middle of all of that is you and me.
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Speaker 1: And it's not life's job to take care of your emotions.
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Speaker 1: In fact, it's not anyone's job but yours. So the
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Speaker 1: good news is that you and I in the middle
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Speaker 1: of all of the shit that we can't control, the
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Speaker 1: madness and mayhem, the good and bad, picks and troughs,
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Speaker 1: in the middle of all of that. When we open
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Speaker 1: the awareness door on this reality that it's not life's job,
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Speaker 1: it's not the universus job to look after me, it's
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Speaker 1: my job to look after me. Life will happen despite me.
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Speaker 1: Life will happen, Life will continue. Life was here. If
6:41
Speaker 1: we're talking about life as this massive thing that humanity
6:44
Speaker 1: exists in the middle of, well, life was here long
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Speaker 1: before fucking Fatty Harps came on the scene and the
6:50
Speaker 1: U Project came on the scene. Life was here. Life
6:54
Speaker 1: continues to be here. And when I'm gone, well, my
6:56
Speaker 1: life will be gone, but life as a macro experience
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Speaker 1: for humanity human kind will continue on. And so this
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Speaker 1: is not this is not defeatist this is nothing to
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Speaker 1: worry about. This is just something like this whole idea
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Speaker 1: that life's not fair. Well, life is just life. For
7:19
Speaker 1: most of you listening to this, most of you listening
7:23
Speaker 1: to this were born in not all of you, but
7:26
Speaker 1: were born in relative luxury. And by that I mean
7:30
Speaker 1: a first world country with a lot of the challenges
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Speaker 1: that people living in other parts of the world a
7:38
Speaker 1: lot of those challenges missing. And I don't know your background.
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Speaker 1: You might not be that might not be true for you,
7:46
Speaker 1: but there's a fair chance that if you're listening to
7:49
Speaker 1: me on a podcast, using your phone or using a
7:51
Speaker 1: computer or a an iPad or whatever it is, there's
7:55
Speaker 1: a fair chance that you're not living in abject poverty
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Speaker 1: as many people are in the world. Which is not
8:01
Speaker 1: say that your life is not without challenges, of course,
8:04
Speaker 1: or difficulty. But you and I still, even in the
8:08
Speaker 1: middle of the mess and the mayhem and the pain,
8:11
Speaker 1: you and I still get to figure out what we
8:13
Speaker 1: are going to do with our life. And I think
8:17
Speaker 1: that a great thing to teach kids early on, you know,
8:23
Speaker 1: that non classroom lesson that might be a nice addition
8:27
Speaker 1: outside of the classroom, would be that that ultimately you're
8:33
Speaker 1: in charge of you. You're in charge of your choices
8:35
Speaker 1: and your feelings and your actions and your interactions and
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Speaker 1: people and things and events and good and bad stuff
8:46
Speaker 1: will happen to you because of you, inspite you, and
8:49
Speaker 1: around you. But in the middle of it, you get
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Speaker 1: to self regulate, you get to self manage, and you
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Speaker 1: get to create your version of life. Your personal experience.
9:01
Speaker 1: Number two is what they should teach you at school?
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Speaker 1: Is that? And this sounds this sounds, this sounds tough,
9:12
Speaker 1: but it's true. And statistically you are quite likely to
9:18
Speaker 1: end up unhealthy or in debt or divorced, and maybe
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Speaker 1: not happily married, maybe not healthy, and maybe not financially secure.
9:31
Speaker 1: If you are typical slash average slash representative of current
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Speaker 1: data and statistics around this stuff, you don't need to
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Speaker 1: be though. This is the great news, right. I think
9:46
Speaker 1: we need to understand what is real, what is going on,
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Speaker 1: And this is not negativity. This is observation and awareness
9:52
Speaker 1: so that we can move into the next year, two, ten, fifteen,
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Speaker 1: twenty of our life with this knowledge. Like if you're
10:03
Speaker 1: statistically average, then you are overweight or obese. So in Australia,
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Speaker 1: for example, sixty six percent of adults or overweight or obese.
10:14
Speaker 1: But you don't need to be that's the good news.
10:17
Speaker 1: About fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. I'm not
10:20
Speaker 1: saying that you shouldn't get married. Of course, first marriage's
10:25
Speaker 1: first marriage. The number is a little the percentages a
10:27
Speaker 1: little bit lower. Second marriages is higher, and third marriage
10:30
Speaker 1: is way higher. Again, it's not to say don't get married,
10:34
Speaker 1: it's to say, go into everything with your eyes wide open.
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Speaker 1: About forty seven percent of Australians are adult Australians are
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Speaker 1: currently in debt or some form of financial difficulty or hardship.
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Speaker 1: That's I read that in the ASSEK Report June twenty
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Speaker 1: twenty four, so very recently. And that's not to be negative,
10:59
Speaker 1: that not to be pessimistic. That's to open our eyes
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Speaker 1: and pull back the curtain on what happens for many
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Speaker 1: adults in Australia and in many other places around the world. Obviously,
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Speaker 1: So why do we pull back that curtain and reveal
11:16
Speaker 1: that stuff Because we don't need to be statistically average.
11:20
Speaker 1: We don't need to. We don't need to end up
11:24
Speaker 1: miserable or broke or unhealthy. We don't need to. But
11:28
Speaker 1: we need to consciously, intentionally plan the life that we want.
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Speaker 1: What is the health that you want, what is the
11:36
Speaker 1: financial reality that you would like to inhabit, what is
11:40
Speaker 1: the career that you would like to have? What kind
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Speaker 1: of marriage and relationship do you want to have? Because
11:45
Speaker 1: you will not accidentally end up in an awesome place.
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Speaker 1: And we spoke recently about living intentionally, living consciously, being
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Speaker 1: the designer of your life. And so you know, when
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Speaker 1: people talk to me, I spoke, what is today today's Friday?
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Speaker 1: I spoke someone can't remember earlier this week and somebody
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Speaker 1: who desperately wants to be married. And literally this person
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Speaker 1: said that to me, I desperately want to be married.
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Speaker 1: But you know, I'm worried about this, and I'm worried
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Speaker 1: about that, And just the fact that the word desperate
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Speaker 1: is in there is a red flag for me. And
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Speaker 1: the reality is that for some people, just using this
12:34
Speaker 1: as a particular example, for some people the idea of
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Speaker 1: being married or marriage is a solution to some kind
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Speaker 1: of problem in their mind. But if the reason that
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Speaker 1: you want to get married is not because you're hopelessly
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Speaker 1: and helplessly in love, this is in my opinion, of course,
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Speaker 1: This is my opinion, and I will admit my opinions
12:56
Speaker 1: and my expertise in the area of marriage may not
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Speaker 1: be worthless too. But it seems reasonable to me to
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Speaker 1: suggest that a really good starting point for marrying someone
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Speaker 1: in general terms is that you love the shit out
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Speaker 1: of them, not because they solve some kind of problem
13:15
Speaker 1: or fill some kind of whole. At this stage of
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Speaker 1: your life's journey and some people, that is the conversation
13:22
Speaker 1: that needs to be had. So if you don't want
13:26
Speaker 1: to be average or typical, if you want to be
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Speaker 1: happily married for a long time, go into it with
13:32
Speaker 1: your eyes wide open. Have healthy relationships, healthy conversations, in
13:38
Speaker 1: habit a healthy paradigm. Do your best to create that
13:41
Speaker 1: in terms of you and your partner. If you want
13:42
Speaker 1: to be financially secure, if you want your health to
13:47
Speaker 1: be close to optimal for you, then none of that
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Speaker 1: stuff will happen accidentally. Number three in my little list
13:56
Speaker 1: of what they should teach you at school is the
14:00
Speaker 1: have to success. Whatever that means is rarely fun, quick, easy, painless,
14:09
Speaker 1: or comfortable. Also that's okay, that's okay, and that's okay
14:17
Speaker 1: because when we do the hard, difficult, complicated, messy stuff,
14:25
Speaker 1: and we lean into that, and we roll up our
14:27
Speaker 1: sleeves and we embrace the messy, painful journey. We commit
14:31
Speaker 1: to the work, We commit to the doing of what
14:35
Speaker 1: is required. In the middle of that doing, in the
14:38
Speaker 1: middle of that hard stuff, in the middle of that
14:41
Speaker 1: uncertainty and discomfort, in the middle of all of that,
14:45
Speaker 1: we are very likely to build resilience, competence, confidence, skill, understanding,
14:50
Speaker 1: and to become a better version of us. Like I've
14:53
Speaker 1: said many times, the journey is the gift. We think
14:57
Speaker 1: it's all about where we go, and we think it's
14:58
Speaker 1: all about the destiny. And there's nothing wrong with the destination,
15:03
Speaker 1: of course, But the amount of people who have arrived
15:06
Speaker 1: at the destination in inverted commas, the amount of people
15:10
Speaker 1: that I've worked with that achieved what they set out
15:12
Speaker 1: to and then sitting in the middle of that outcome,
15:18
Speaker 1: haven't experienced something resembling, Oh, this is not what I
15:22
Speaker 1: thought it would be. Oh, I'm where I wanted to be.
15:25
Speaker 1: I achieved what I wanted to. I achieved the shape
15:29
Speaker 1: or the size, or the bank balance or the career
15:31
Speaker 1: or this. I got where I wanted to go. But
15:34
Speaker 1: now that I'm in the middle of being at that destination,
15:39
Speaker 1: something's missing. And so for me, that is why it
15:43
Speaker 1: is an ongoing thing. And that doesn't mean that it's
15:46
Speaker 1: an ongoing journey of anxiety and a lack of fulfillment,
15:51
Speaker 1: but realizing that we're always on the journey. Even when
15:56
Speaker 1: we reach our goals, life doesn't end. We don't hit
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Speaker 1: the brakes and go dnnah. Now nothing more. I have
16:02
Speaker 1: no more ambition, I have no more goals. I'm just
16:07
Speaker 1: now hands behind the old head. I'm going to lean
16:09
Speaker 1: back in the bean bag and I'm done. Because we humans,
16:14
Speaker 1: we need we need to be stimulated, we need opportunities,
16:19
Speaker 1: we need challenges, we need to be solving problems. We
16:23
Speaker 1: think that we're going to get to a point and
16:25
Speaker 1: just retire. We ain't. I mean, well, some people do.
16:32
Speaker 1: But when I say retire and be happy, retire from everything, no, No,
16:39
Speaker 1: even if we retire from work, which I'm not saying,
16:42
Speaker 1: don't retire from work. But we don't want to retire
16:44
Speaker 1: from purpose. We don't want to retire from meaning. We
16:47
Speaker 1: don't want to retire from learning. We don't want to
16:50
Speaker 1: retire from connection and socialization. We don't want to retire
16:55
Speaker 1: from having a reason and a purpose and a focus
16:59
Speaker 1: and a and even if that mission is just to
17:03
Speaker 1: grow a great garden, even if that mission is to
17:06
Speaker 1: spend time with our grandkids and to be a good
17:09
Speaker 1: influence in their life, even if that mission is to
17:13
Speaker 1: have a purpose bigger than me, we don't want to
17:18
Speaker 1: retire from life. Number four, Number four is truth. Number
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Speaker 1: four lesson number four is you can't do anything. You
17:32
Speaker 1: can't do anything you set your mind to. So there's
17:38
Speaker 1: a very common theme that that kids get. You can
17:40
Speaker 1: do you can be whatever you want to be. You
17:43
Speaker 1: can be whatever you want to be. And that sounds nice,
17:48
Speaker 1: and it might make person who's been told that feel good,
17:51
Speaker 1: and it might make the teller of that the share
17:55
Speaker 1: of that message. You can be anything you want. But
17:58
Speaker 1: it's not true. It's just not true. We can't we
18:03
Speaker 1: can't all be world famous singers because we don't all
18:07
Speaker 1: have that talent. We can't all run one hundred meters
18:11
Speaker 1: in ten seconds because we don't all have those genetics.
18:15
Speaker 1: We can't all be famous film producers and win Academy
18:19
Speaker 1: Awards because they only hand out a certain amount. The
18:24
Speaker 1: truth is that most of us have quite a bit
18:28
Speaker 1: of potential and talent, that we're not operationalizing, we're not maximizing.
18:34
Speaker 1: But also the truth is that we can't do everything,
18:39
Speaker 1: and that is okay, So the whole you can do
18:44
Speaker 1: anything you set your mind too. It seems like a
18:47
Speaker 1: good idea to tell kids that, but when you tell
18:51
Speaker 1: something to a kid that is not true, you potentially
18:58
Speaker 1: set them up for disappointment and frustration and resentment. But yes,
19:06
Speaker 1: we need to support and encourage them. Yes we need
19:10
Speaker 1: to love them in a way which is supportive and
19:15
Speaker 1: of value to them. But also kids get it. Kids
19:20
Speaker 1: are not dumb. We can be practical. Like if somebody
19:24
Speaker 1: had has said to me when I was ninety plus
19:27
Speaker 1: kilos at fourteen, hey mate, you're probably not going to
19:30
Speaker 1: be an ultra endurance runner anytime soon, although you probably
19:34
Speaker 1: could become a much better runner than you are. You
19:38
Speaker 1: probably could get in much better shape than you're in.
19:41
Speaker 1: But with your genetics and but you might not make
19:44
Speaker 1: the Olympics. But you know what you could You could
19:48
Speaker 1: maybe you could, We're not sure, but you could definitely
19:51
Speaker 1: be way fitter, way healthier, way lean. But I would
19:54
Speaker 1: have gone, yeah, that makes sense. That wouldn't have broken
19:57
Speaker 1: my heart. If some he had said to me, you
20:01
Speaker 1: know when I was a kid, Hey, Craig, you're probably
20:03
Speaker 1: not You're probably not going to be the next John Mayer,
20:08
Speaker 1: even though John Mayer is younger than me. But you're
20:10
Speaker 1: not going to be the next whatever Elvis, right because
20:13
Speaker 1: you sing like shit. Bro, You're an awesome human. We
20:15
Speaker 1: love you, you're funny, you're a good community. But you can't sing.
20:20
Speaker 1: But nonetheless we love you. So maybe those Grammy awards
20:23
Speaker 1: are not going to come your way, but that's okay.
20:26
Speaker 1: That's okay because you're a great kid and your love.
20:28
Speaker 1: So there's a way that we can be practical and
20:31
Speaker 1: realistic and still encourage and support not only kids but adults,
20:36
Speaker 1: but the whole telling people, you know, this self help hyperbole,
20:41
Speaker 1: this feel good fucking fluff that doesn't practically help people
20:45
Speaker 1: in the real world. When you tell people that they
20:49
Speaker 1: can do anything when they clearly can't. It's not like, oh,
20:56
Speaker 1: there's nothing that's beyond your reach. No, that isn't true.
20:59
Speaker 1: Any things. Plenty of things that are beyond everyone's reach.
21:04
Speaker 1: And so yes, let's be positive, let's be supportive. Also,
21:08
Speaker 1: let's be practical. Lesson number five on what they should
21:13
Speaker 1: teach you at school. I might. I've actually got twelve,
21:18
Speaker 1: so I might cut this at number six and maybe
21:22
Speaker 1: do a part two. So number five is, sometimes the
21:28
Speaker 1: people who will undermine, backstab and sabotage you will be
21:33
Speaker 1: family and friends, and that that's not what we want
21:37
Speaker 1: to hear. But if you're a grown up, you know
21:41
Speaker 1: this to be true. Maybe it hasn't been true for you,
21:44
Speaker 1: but you know that it's been true for people you know.
21:47
Speaker 1: And if you are typical, then then you have had
21:51
Speaker 1: this happen to you somebody that you care about, somebody
21:54
Speaker 1: that maybe you really loved. I don't think I'm being
22:01
Speaker 1: wildly affected by this more than others, but I've had
22:05
Speaker 1: I would say it doesn't matter. I was going to
22:08
Speaker 1: give it doesn't matter. But I've had multiple people that
22:10
Speaker 1: I really loved, that I really cared about, that I
22:12
Speaker 1: really trusted, that I really respected, that I really invested.
22:16
Speaker 1: You know a lot of me in and more than
22:20
Speaker 1: one or two people have done some horrible shit people
22:24
Speaker 1: that I loved. And that's okay. I'm not sooking, I'm
22:27
Speaker 1: not bitching. I'm just saying what happened on planet Craig,
22:30
Speaker 1: and that's okay, because that happens to us. And by
22:34
Speaker 1: the way, I'm not saying I'm great everybody else's shit.
22:37
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that because if I'm being self aware
22:40
Speaker 1: and honest and transparent, have I ever been a shit
22:44
Speaker 1: friend to someone? Of course I have? Of course I
22:48
Speaker 1: have I ever done the wrong thing? Well? Of course,
22:51
Speaker 1: of course we all do dumb shit, and we all
22:55
Speaker 1: sometimes where self centered fucks, and sometimes the problem is us.
23:00
Speaker 1: But I think it's good to be practical and realistic
23:04
Speaker 1: about trust and respect and the place that people that
23:13
Speaker 1: we allow people to have in our head, heart and life,
23:17
Speaker 1: and know that there will be times. Hopefully most people
23:20
Speaker 1: will surprise you pleasantly, but if you are, if you're
23:25
Speaker 1: a regular run of the mill human like me and
23:27
Speaker 1: most of you listening, then then you're definitely going to
23:30
Speaker 1: have people who are going to fuck you over. Now,
23:34
Speaker 1: the challenge there is how we respond to that. There
23:38
Speaker 1: will be people that you respect and trust and have
23:42
Speaker 1: invested time and energy and love and caring that will
23:46
Speaker 1: do the wrong thing, and that while that is not okay,
23:50
Speaker 1: it kind of has to be okay because you're just
23:53
Speaker 1: going to have to deal with that. As I've had
23:55
Speaker 1: to deal with that. Now. The flip side of that,
23:58
Speaker 1: which is fucking great news, is that there will be
24:01
Speaker 1: people that come into your life and they wind up
24:06
Speaker 1: being an unexpected gift, a blessing, people who undersell and
24:13
Speaker 1: over deliver and you don't even know why. But these
24:16
Speaker 1: people are just fucking amazing. They are amazing. They are kind,
24:21
Speaker 1: they are generous, they are supportive, they are helpful, they
24:25
Speaker 1: are loving, and they will cheer you on on your
24:28
Speaker 1: path to success and purpose and happiness. And there are
24:34
Speaker 1: just as many shitty people as I've had fucked me over.
24:36
Speaker 1: I've had that many. I think probably that many people
24:42
Speaker 1: who maybe more, who have been just an unexpected gift
24:47
Speaker 1: in my life. And I'm eternally grateful for those people.
24:51
Speaker 1: And let's go with less than number six. That what
24:54
Speaker 1: I think we should teach, or hope we could teach,
24:58
Speaker 1: if not in school, to our young people outside of school.
25:03
Speaker 1: Lessons that I wish I learned when I was younger
25:05
Speaker 1: is that your intentions are often not someone else's experience.
25:11
Speaker 1: That is, they're not getting what you think you're giving
25:16
Speaker 1: at some stage, one hundred percent. At some stage, your
25:21
Speaker 1: good intentions will absolutely produce a bad outcome. I'm going
25:27
Speaker 1: to say that again, at some stage, your noble, generous, kind,
25:33
Speaker 1: good intentions will absolutely create a bad outcome, a bad result.
25:39
Speaker 1: And that is because what you're thinking about what you're doing,
25:45
Speaker 1: your intention, your motive, your reason, let's say that's noble, generous, kind,
25:50
Speaker 1: loving People don't live in your mind. People don't live
25:55
Speaker 1: in your intentions. People don't live in your thinking. All
25:58
Speaker 1: they do is respond to what you do. You do
26:03
Speaker 1: something with good intentions. They don't know what your intentions are, necessarily,
26:08
Speaker 1: but they do know what you did because they were
26:11
Speaker 1: part of what you did. Because what you did to them,
26:15
Speaker 1: the words you said, the thing you did, the behavior,
26:17
Speaker 1: the action, whatever it is, they experience that firsthand and
26:21
Speaker 1: then they have to try to decode that, break that down,
26:24
Speaker 1: tell themselves a story about it. And quite often the
26:27
Speaker 1: story that they have about your behavior is not the
26:29
Speaker 1: story that you have about your behavior. So understand that
26:33
Speaker 1: as you're going in. How many times have I as
26:37
Speaker 1: a teacher, as a coach, as a mentor, how many
26:41
Speaker 1: times have I said something or done something with good
26:46
Speaker 1: intention that didn't produce a good outcome? Plenty plenty? And
26:53
Speaker 1: will I do that ever? In the future of course,
26:56
Speaker 1: of course, and so this is not thing to panic about,
27:01
Speaker 1: but rather something to be aware of. And this awareness
27:05
Speaker 1: is great because it opens a door for you and
27:10
Speaker 1: I to start to think about and understand the reality
27:14
Speaker 1: and experience and mindset of others. Which, as I've said
27:20
Speaker 1: many times before, understanding someone else's version of right now,
27:25
Speaker 1: understanding someone else's thinking, someone else's story while not necessarily
27:31
Speaker 1: agreeing with it, just understanding it is an interpersonal superpower.
27:39
Speaker 1: So let me recap those. So Number one is life
27:42
Speaker 1: doesn't care about your feelings, doesn't care about your self esteem,
27:45
Speaker 1: your happiness, or your health. That's okay, because that's your job.
27:49
Speaker 1: Number two is, statistically, we ain't all going to end
27:53
Speaker 1: up in a great place, whether that's with our marriage
27:55
Speaker 1: or with our dough or with our health. But again,
28:01
Speaker 1: we're not going to accidentally just see what happens. We're
28:04
Speaker 1: going to consciously, deliberately and intentionally create the health state,
28:08
Speaker 1: create the financial state, and create the kind of relationship
28:11
Speaker 1: hopefully that works for us over the long term. Number
28:15
Speaker 1: three is that the path to success is often painful, messy,
28:21
Speaker 1: and uncomfortable, and that's okay. That's okay because that's where
28:27
Speaker 1: we learn, gorow, evolve, develop, build resilience, understanding, awareness, competence, confidence,
28:31
Speaker 1: all that stuff that I always talk about. So pain,
28:35
Speaker 1: mess mayhem, not only is it part of the human experience,
28:40
Speaker 1: Absolutely fucking fine. Number four, you can't do anything. Well,
28:46
Speaker 1: you can do lots of things, but you can't do
28:49
Speaker 1: anything that you set your mind to. As I said before,
28:52
Speaker 1: you can do lots of things. But this whole notion
28:55
Speaker 1: of telling children that they can be whatever they want
28:58
Speaker 1: to be and do whatever they want, they can become anything.
29:02
Speaker 1: It's a nice sentiment, but it's not fucking true. So
29:05
Speaker 1: we need to support and encourage and love kids. Of course,
29:10
Speaker 1: build their stealth, self esteem, build their confidence, but also
29:14
Speaker 1: don't tell them things that aren't true. Don't tell don't
29:20
Speaker 1: tell Craig Harper when he's ten that he can become
29:24
Speaker 1: a world famous singer when he doesn't have a good
29:27
Speaker 1: singing voice, or that he could become an elite endurance
29:32
Speaker 1: runner when he doesn't have the genetics to be an
29:35
Speaker 1: elite endurance runner. Could I become a decent runner for
29:39
Speaker 1: my body type of course? And number five was sometimes
29:43
Speaker 1: the people that are going to fuck you over, let's
29:45
Speaker 1: be honest, are friends and family. Sometimes the people that
29:49
Speaker 1: are closest to you are going to be the worst.
29:54
Speaker 1: Sometimes not all people, one or two people, And of
29:56
Speaker 1: course the flip side of that is always going to
29:59
Speaker 1: be also going to be amazing fucking humans who come
30:01
Speaker 1: into your life and maybe you don't even deserve them sometimes,
30:05
Speaker 1: but they just come in and they're awesome. They're a gift.
30:07
Speaker 1: They're a gift. And the final one that we just
30:10
Speaker 1: spoke about is that your intentions are not always someone
30:13
Speaker 1: else's experience. So yes, we want to help and support others,
30:20
Speaker 1: and we want to say the right thing, but we
30:21
Speaker 1: also need to be as much as is possible. Theory
30:25
Speaker 1: of mine remember understanding someone else's reality as much as
30:28
Speaker 1: possibly we would to understand what are their needs, what
30:31
Speaker 1: will work, what behavior or what words will work for
30:36
Speaker 1: this person, what is their version of going of what's
30:40
Speaker 1: going on right now? Alrighty, team, it's been real. See
30:45
Speaker 1: tomorrow