Latest / I Choose Me with Jennie Garth / I Choose … the Power of Being There with Debbie Matenopoulos

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I Choose … the Power of Being There with Debbie Matenopoulos · I Choose Me with Jennie Garth

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl, Welcome
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: back to I Choose Me. I'm Jenny, and today we're
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: talking about one of the most intense, demanding and loving
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: things we can ever do, caregiving. I want to start
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: by acknowledging that November is National Caregivers Awareness Month. That
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: is a whole month dedicated to the more than fifty
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: three million Americans who are juggling careers, parenting, and caregiving responsibilities.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: Think about that number, fifty three million. It's huge. I've
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: heard this called the sandwich generation, when you're squeezed between
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: caring for your kids and caring for your parents. But
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: it's not always parents. It can be a spouse, it
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: can be adult children with special needs, or even a
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: close family member who needs extra help. Whatever the scenario is,
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: it's heavy, all consuming, and it's something I've been thinking
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: a lot about lately, mostly because I really connect with
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: this personally right now in my life with my mom
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: Mimi as you all know her, as I watch her
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: go through these different phases of her life. But also
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: you know, it's just going on in the news lately,
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: like with Bruce Willis and his whole story. It brings
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: up all of these thoughts on emotional balance and what
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: we owe to the people we love, and maybe the
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: right word isn't oh. For me, it's trying to find
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: the space between feeling okay to choose myself but also
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: choosing to do the right thing for the people that
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: I love. That space of peace around all of it
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: is really moving hard for me to settle with because
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: it's a big deal. It's a profound commitment. My guest
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: today understands that commitment one hundred percent. She is a
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: beloved TV host, a journalist, and personality who's made a
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: decision that so many people want to make that also
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: may dread at the same time. Please welcome my friend
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: Debbie Matnopolis.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: I'm so happy to see you. My friend Jane.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: Last time I think we saw each other was on
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: the set of Home and Family, Right, yeah, probably the
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: good old days.
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: I actually drove past the house today. I was up
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: the Universal lot and I had people in the car
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: and I said, you know what, I'm going to take
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: you up to my old house. They're like, wait, what
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: I said, you have so take off. Meanwhile, one of
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: the people in the back goes, oh, that's good. Debbie
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: just drive around Universal without access.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: Oh, that was a great show you did that with. Yeah,
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: I went there a few times to visit with you guys.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: It was always such a good time.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: No, we cooked together, remember we made something in the kitchen.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: It was delicious.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. Well, you were at the top of
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: your game last time I saw you, your successful.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: Host a journalist.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: But then things shifted for you, and that's what I
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: really want to talk about today. So can we just
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: start the beginning. What was happening in your life and
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: in your career when you first realized that your dad
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: needed more care than he was getting.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: Well, you know, I was living in Los Angeles here.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: My parents are in Virginia where abouts in Virginia in Richmond,
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: and my sister and my brother are also in Virginia.
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: My sister's in Richmond, like twenty minutes from then. My
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: brother is in Virginia Beach, which is a few hours,
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: and so they saw my parents more often than I did.
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: You know. I would always come home for every holiday, birthdays, weddings, whatever.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: Whenever I could get back East, I would go. And
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: I started noticing that my dad was like, he started
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: like kind of limping and dragging his leg. Said are
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: you okay? He said, yeah, no, one finds something wrong
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: my leg. I don't know. I'd go back, you know,
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: there'd be Thanksgiving, I'd go back for Christmas. Suddenly his
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: speech is learning, and I'm like, Dad, what's going on? No, nothing,
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: I don't know. And I would talk to my sister
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: and brother and they'd say, oh, Dad's just getting older.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: I said, Dad is not just getting older. This is
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: not a sign of getting older. Something is wrong. Maybe
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: he's had a stroke, maybe something else is going on.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: We should start doing some tests. So we started over
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: like a period of about six seven months, doing every
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: test under the sun that you possibly could do. And
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: of course I'm here worried, sick and calling back every
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: single second I have free to find out what's happening,
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: talking to doctors there, et cetera. And you know, he
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: was getting the best medical care he could and Richmond
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: at the time, and I was talking to the doctors
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: and they were saying, Okay, we just tested in for
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: a mess. He doesn't have a mess. We test him
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: for Parkinson's. He doesn't have Parkinson's. We we've done brain scans.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: He didn't have a stroke. I thought, maybe it's a stroke,
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: So through process of elimination, they finally diagnose him with ALS,
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: which most people know is Lugerrig's disease. So if you
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: know anything about ALS, Stephen Hawkings was probably the most
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: famous person next to Yeah Lugarig to have it that
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: really made people know what this disease was.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: It's a brutal disease.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: It's brutal. It's one of the most hateful things I've
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: ever seen in my life, Jenny, It's say was so sad.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: It basically robs you of all of your nervous system,
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: like any neurotransmitter in your body, your neuro like system
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: completely breaks down, completely breaks down, because it kills nerves
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: one by one by one, and you become a prisoner
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: in your body. But the only thing that still works
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: is your brain, so you're fully aware of what is happening,
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: and you become a prisoner and you cannot even speak
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: at the end and restoration.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: I can imagine.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: It's just so hateful, And I was thinking to myself,
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: I don't know what's worse, Alzheimer's or ALS, because Alzheimer's
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: the person was Alzheimer's many times doesn't know what's happening,
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: but the people around them know. Well, with als, you're
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: fully aware of what's going on, and you know you're
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: a prisoner. So anyhow, I was at that time like
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: everything was going like could not have been going better
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: in my career. And I came back after one visit
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: and I said, I can't, I can't continue to be
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: here anymore. So I was on E at that time,
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: so I left E. When you know, everything was huge
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: John E, all the Red carpets, all the Oscars. I
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: was hosting Fashion Police, I was hosting The Daily Ten.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: And I came back and I said, I I have
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: to leave and I have to break my contract. And
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: I'm really sorry, but but I said, you know, there'll
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: be a lot of shows even if you won't have
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: me when I come back. But I only have one dad,
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: and the way I was raised was very I mean,
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: it was all about family all the time. So this
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: was something that wasn't even a question in my brain.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: I was going to do this regardless. And my boss
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: at the time said, well, just so you know, you
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: won't have a job when you come back, and you're
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: ruining your career, as did my managers, and as did
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: my agents. They were like, no one will hire you.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: And I said, well, you know what, I'll have to
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: take that chance. And if I come back here no
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: one hires me, then guess what. I don't want to
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: work for someone who has so little empathy to understand that.
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: I went to go do something out of love for
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: my family and to be there for my dad, who
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: basically the doctor said, make arrangements. You have a few
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: years and it's over. There's nothing we can do. We
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: don't have any we don't have anything to stop the progression.
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: We don't have anything to stop the disease. Every month
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: he will get sicker and sicker, and he will eventually perish.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: How old was he at this time?
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: This was when he was sixty eight and he died
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: when he was seventy one. So for Alist, yeah, he
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: got diagnosed really late. Actually, they usually you're the diagnosis
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: for als will be between like early forties and into fifties.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: But for someone at his age should be diagnosed, they
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: were kind of perplexed. They're like, that's weird. So and
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: if he hadn't been as physically fit as he was,
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: he would pass away much sooner. I mean it's it
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: really takes a toll on their body, and it goes
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: really quickly. I mean at the end, I had to
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: feed him, I had to help bathe him, I had
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: to lift him and put him in the car and
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: take him to Pete.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: And you know, I so you were full time.
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: I was full time, and my sister and my brother
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: couldn't do it because I didn't have a family at
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: that time. I was, you know, not dating anyone. I
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: didn't have a child, I wasn't married. My sister is
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: the works in the legal department at a bank, has
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: three children. My brother has two children and works for
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: a pharmaceutical company. Neither one of them were in a
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: position that they could say, Okay, we're just gonna walk
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: away from our careers and go, you know, take care
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: of dad. I was the one that could say, okay, yeah,
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: I could do this.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah I can do this.
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: You've talked openly about the fact that you had the
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: financial means to be able to make that decision, that
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: huge move, which is a blessing that not everyone has.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: But even with that, I mean, let's be real, it's
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: still a monumental sacrifice. At the peak of a successful
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: television career, something you've been working really hard for. I
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: know how hard you work.
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but you know what, it didn't even matter to me.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: It didn't matter.
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: No, it wasn't even a question. I was like, here's
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: this person who if it wasn't for him, Oh my gosh, cried,
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: here's this person if it wasn't for him, And my
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: mom having so much belief in me and saying, no,
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: go do what you want to do. You know what
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: I mean, they I'd be fine. Virginia. When I was seventeen,
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: I went to NYU, I worked at MTV and you know,
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: did all that and then said, oh, I'm coming out West.
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: And had I not had that support from them, and knowing,
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: knowing in my heart, if I fell flat on my face,
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: I had somewhere to go. I mean, maybe I wouldn't
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: have a penny, but at least I can move back
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: with my parents. But knowing that, I thought to myself,
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: how could I How could I live with myself if
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: I won't go help someone I love. That that has
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: been with me my entire life. Transition into the next life.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: It's it's wild, Debbie, because I'm in the same boat
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: as you right now. That you're describing. You know that
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: this is a huge thing, This is a huge choice,
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: this is a huge change. I don't know if it's
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: a sacrifice. I mean, it feels like a sacrifice, but
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: at the same time it doesn't, because it feels like
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: what needs to be done, what is inside of me,
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: my truth? Like there is no decision right you had
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: you felt that like this is what's going to happen.
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: That's what's going to happen. And you know what it's not.
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: You're right, it's not a sacrifice. It seems like a
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: sacrifice on the outside, but the truth is on the inside,
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: there's something And Jenny, you will not be sorry if
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: you're caring for your mom or your father, you will
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: be when they pass. You will feel so at peace
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: because something about it is so bittersweet that you've been
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: given a gift to be able to be there, where
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: so many others don't have that opportunity. They don't have
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: the option. My sister didn't have the option, my brother
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: didn't have the option. I did. I said, okay, yeah,
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: and I would have done it for ten more years
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: if I could have just kept him alive. I mean,
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: it's that time that you get to spend with them
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: where it was so strange, like I almost connected more
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: and became closer with him than I ever had been
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: in my life.
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: And it's the circle of life. It's the beauty of life,
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: and it's every day I thank God for that time
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: and I say, gosh, that was beautiful, as tragic as
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: it is, because you know they're at the other end
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: of life. It's also it's tragic and sad, but it is.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: It's beautiful when you are able to be able to
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: be there for someone and hold someone's hand and let
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: them know that they are safe and they're loved and
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: everything's going to be okay as they transition out of here,
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: off of this planet. I mean not to sound too
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: woo woo, but look, we're all headed there at some
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: point at the end of the day. I would hope
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: that someone would be there for us.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, that's that's the goal. That's how we
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: have family.
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, So we're not on.
• 12:51
  Speaker 4: If you've been ghosted, divorced, or left for someone else,
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: snap out of it. It's time for you to give
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: them out by listening to us I do part two.
• 13:01
  Speaker 4: Listen to I do Part two. Of the iHeartRadio app,
• 13:04
  Speaker 4: Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: There had to be that part of you, that woman
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: who has made her way all this time and done
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: all this work to get this kind of security that
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: you had. I used the word security loosely exactly soever
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: any but did you have those moments when you're like,
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: I'm giving everything up. This could be it, you know,
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: as far as like your career and your your journey.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: When I was looking in the eyes of my bosses
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: or a manager or an agent who said to me,
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: what are you doing? What are you doing? And I thought, yeah,
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: this could be it? And if it was, here's what
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: was so cathartic and like so may I guess because
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: it's who I am really at the core. Like at
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: the core, I'm like, yeah, this is great. I mean, Jenny,
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: we are so fortunate that we get to play in
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: this in this play on this playground and do all
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: these amazing things and live out these fantasies, these childhood
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: fantasies and these dreams that we had. So I thought,
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: you know, what, if this is it, I'm okay because
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: I feel like I set out to do something, I
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: did it, and it was one heck of a ride,
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: and what a life and what a lovely experience that
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: I'd been given the opportunity and the lovely fortune to
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: be able to be part of. And I thought that
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: was enough. I was fulfilled enough to know that if
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: it all ended there, then I would have been able
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: to say I tried, I did it, I succeeded. How
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: much fun was that? What have I loved to get
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: a great ride? What a great ride? And I would
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: have been okay, Yeah, I would have been okay. And
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: I really also felt that, you know, say whatever you
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: want about Hollywood, about this and that, but the truth
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: is we're all very, very emotional, loving people at the core.
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: We wear our hearts on our sleeves, you know what
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: I mean, we do and you know there's a whole
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: spectrum of personalities and this and that and this business,
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: but we're good people at the core. We're good people,
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: and we're storytellers, whether it's being a journalist telling a
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: story or doing what you do and being an actor
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: and telling a story. So you have to have some emotion,
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: you have to have something inside of your heart, you
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: know what I mean. So I thought, if I come
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: back and my people who I have given so much
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: to since I was seventeen at MTV and working and
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: going to going to NYU turn their back on me
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: and can't understand why I did what I did. Then
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: I don't want to be part of that. I don't
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: want to work for you anyway. And thankful, thankfully they weren't,
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: I mean, anyone. When I came back, I almost got
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: more jobs, you know, because good I was sitting in
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: Virginia taking care of my dad. And you know, again,
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: if you work in this business long enough, we know everybody.
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: We've worked with everybody at some point, We've been at
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: a party with somebody. There's not one person that we
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: haven't cross paths with eventually, you know what I mean.
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: That's just how whether the producer or an actor or
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: a journalist, whatever, anybody a singer. So I'm sitting there,
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: my dad is beside me, he's you know, at that point,
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: it was full on. I had to be there, and
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: we would take shifts and then my mom would come
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: home and I would leave. And you know, if you
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: know anything about caregiving, which you clearly do, because you're like,
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: from what you're telling me, you're in that position, it's
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: a full time thing, and it's gonna be very taxing
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: on the individual. And you don't even realize you are
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: a caregiver until you're out of it and you say, oh,
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: I was caregiving for somebody, but you were just doing
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: what you do as a as a child to somebody
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: you love, you know, or a member. So I'm sitting
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: there and I get a phone call from my friends
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: or are producers at entertainment tonight, and they say to me, Hey,
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: how are you doing, how's your dad? Blah blah blah.
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: I'm good. I'm just kind of chatting with them. They're like,
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: so listen, I hate to say this because I know
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: that you know you were You're dealing with real things
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: in life, but this is also very real for us.
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: Right now, we are trying to get to do an
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: interview with Simon Cowell. He won't call us back. Jeffrey
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: told me that you know him. Well.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: Oh, they were like, let's call Debbie to get to Simon,
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: even though she's a little busy right now.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, yeah, hold on, because I'm like whatever,
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: So I call him. I'm like, Hi, Entertainments, nice, trying
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: to do an interview with you. He said, I know
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: they've been calling me out of He said, well, you
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: do the interview. I'm like, yeah, let me ask my
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: mom if she can't come to It was like literally
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: like I was in high school again, so I was
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: living in my high school bedroom, no joke. So it's
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: so fun.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: It was actually talk about that.
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: So I called and I'm like I called him and say, yeah,
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: I'll do it, but he wants me to do the
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: interview and they're like, great, can you get on a
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: plane and fly out tomorrow. It was like that. I
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: flew back to LA I did the interview, got back
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: on a plan, and flew back like within twenty four hours,
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: so I wasn't gone for that long and that's literally
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: how it ended up. It continued like that, so I
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: was able to be sleeping in my high school bedroom
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: in Richmond, Virginia and flying around the world for entertainment tonight.
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: Because then they were like, well, we go do this one,
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: we go do that one. I was like, okay, if
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: I can do it in twenty four hours. So that's
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: basically how I started to get back in.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: And that was like that was later. So I'm curious,
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: so at the beginning, like what were those first few
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: weeks or months, like when you did move into your
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: childhood bedroom. I mean practically and logistically, I know it's messy,
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: it's it's but it's emotionally and personally. How did that
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: transition feel for you?
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: Well, I think, you know, kind of like when you
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: go home and you like for Thanksgiving and you fall
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: back into that role of whoever you were in your
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: family at that time before he left. So that's like
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: a weekend, that's Thanksgiving. Well, I became that seventeen year
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: old girl who had just you know, graduated and was
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: moving to New York. I became that person and I
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: was like, oh my gosh, this is so funny, and
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: I found myself being likesh mom, might hear like I
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: have to be home by eleven. I mean the friend
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: I still have in Virginia. We're like, this is hysterical.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: You were a grown woman, And I was like, I
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: don't want disrespect my family.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: But you chose to stay in your in the home,
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: so you could be even that much closer because you
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: could have stayed at a hotel.
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah no, but I wouldn't because my dad. The whole
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: reason I came back was because my father was he
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: would not have ever wanted to be in a living
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: facility and like one of those rehabilitation facilities, and I
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: knew that he would. That's just not what he wanted.
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: And so I wanted him to be able to be
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: as comfortable and as happy as he possibly could be
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: in his final moments. And so I said, Okay, I'm
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: going to live at home. We're going to do what
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: we can. We sort of we redid the house in
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: a way that because at the end he was in
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: a wheelchair and then he and then he couldn't even
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: get out of the bed, so there was a lot
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: of things. So I refitted the house, retrofitted it so
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: a wheelchair could get through the doors. I built a
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: whole bathroom downstairs so you could use a wheelchair in
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: the shower and things like that. So it was the
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: first few weeks were me coming in there and I
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: agree it and figuring it out, and having my having
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: the background of being in this business and having a
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: journalism degree, and which came in very handy for the doctors,
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: well at least for me. The doctors weren't happy because
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry, according to this statistic, you've got.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: A lot of questions, a lot of data.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: They'd be like this girl. But if you don't have
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: an advocate or yourself, when you're in a hospital, or
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: you're in a position where you have a terminal illness,
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: you're in trouble. I mean, it's unfortunate and no disrespect
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: to our medical community. But they are understaffed, they are overworked.
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: They have a million patients. I had one dad, You
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: have one dad, you have one mom. If you can't
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: advocate for them, I certainly hope there is somebody that
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: can just to get through all the minutia and their
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: red tape and make sure they're taken care of. Like
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: I mean, I slept in the ICU with him for
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: probably a month, and you know you're not supposed to
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: sleep there, and the doctors would be like, you have
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: to get out or in call the police. I said,
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: call the police. I'm not leaving. I wouldn't leave his side.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: And finally one day I went downstairs to go get,
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: you know, something from the cafeteria and I came back
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: and I still don't know who did this, but oh
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: it makes me brings tear smise. Somebody from the hospital
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: roll to bed in there, roll to cotton there because
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: they knew I wasn't leaving. I've been sleeping in the
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: chair for a month and then oh man, you know
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: brought me a cotton. It was like thank you. No
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: one ever mentioned who did that, but I'm sure somebody
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: was like, just give the girl a cot. She's not
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: going anywhere, right, yeah.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: I mean, if you've ever been in the situation I've been.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: You know, I lost my dad a number of years ago,
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: and there was caretaking before that happened. But just that,
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: there is no way I am leaving this hospital none.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: You're not feeling I will. I will wash myself in
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: the sink. Ye I care what, I'll find something to eat,
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: it all, as long as I have water and a
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: pillow and a blanket.
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: And you know, like you're not going. You just don't
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: care what they say, like well visiting hours, I'm like,
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: well those not for me because I'm staying here. I
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: don't think you understand who you're talking to. You I'm
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: going nowhere, call the police.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: So it's not like you're creating, you know, something that
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: they can't work around.
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: Just there to be with him and you're helping them.
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: I mean there were times where you know his vitals
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: were dropping. Had I not been in that room to
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: be like you guys, you guys, who knows, Oh my god,
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: who knows?
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: What it makes me? Just remember all the times that
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: I've been in that situation with my dad and now
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: with my mom. The last time she was in the hospital,
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: the same thing. I wouldn't leave. And if I hadn't
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: been there, I don't think she would have made it. Yeah,
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: just because I was there to put her favorite music
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: on next to her ear and while she was seemingly
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: just in a comar or whatever it was happening with her,
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: Like just seeing that little flicker of the life that
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: I knew was in her come out through the music,
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: Like I feel like that. You can't get that from
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: somebody that doesn't know, you know, the way that we
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: know our parents.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: No, it's so true. How long have you been a
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: caregiver for your long?
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: Well, it's progressed and it's becoming, you know, more involved
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: on a daily basis. My sister's been doing the brunt
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: of the work and that is not working out for
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: our family anymore. For her health and if just reach
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: to impass as far as their ability to get along
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: in certain frictious situations. So we're on the precipice of
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: making a big change, and my family's about to make
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: a big accommodation change for her. I'm going to be
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: moving he inter my very small house, and we're all very,
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: very very nervous about it. I just had even Nicole
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: Brown on the podcast. He is a wonderful woman. She
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: had the ability to kind of stop everything and make
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: that choice to be with her dad and be his
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: full time caretaker too, And she really did talk about
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: like the reality of just being exhausted mentally guilt.
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: See what ends up happening is that being in the
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: caregiving position, you feel this intense amount of guilt which
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: is indescribable until you live it. And you'll see, like
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: you feel like me just leaving the house even to
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: go get groceries. I felt somehow if something were to happen,
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: I would be completely responsible that something has happened to
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: my father and the fact that he couldn't leave, Like
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: my father couldn't get out of bed at the end,
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: and I thought all he would ever want to do
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: is be able to get out of bed. And here
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: I am getting up walking going about my life. You know,
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: he couldn't eat, and I would feel bad, like I
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: don't even want to eat in front of him. This
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: is awful. I mean it's but.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: It's so it's so layered, it's it's so emotionally layered
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: and physically taxing that Yeah, you don't really know until
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: you've done it, but it can wear a person out.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: I just was wondering, like, did you have those moments
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: where you thought, what have I done? Or did you like,
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: do you truly wonder would you ever be able to
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: go back to your life or your career again, because
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: looking back, you know that's where you want it to be.
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I don't. I think I was very very
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: aware of the limited time I had with him, Like
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: I was given a timeline. Yeah, and every day you
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: wake up, you go, okay, we're one day closer. You know,
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: we're with other diseases, you're not necessarily given that kind
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: of timeline. You know. Yes, times with cancer they can
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: say this person is three to six months whatever. They
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: were very definitive and they said, first you will start
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: losing his gait, Then he's going to start losing his speech,
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: Then he's going to start losing his motor functions. Of
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: his arms, that he's going to start losing just everything.
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: So every day as I saw it progress, it was
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: like I was watching a clock that was just ticking
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: and saying, this is it, you know what I mean.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: So during all that, were you able to find the
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: support that you needed?
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: Well? No, not really, And I think because I didn't
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: realize I needed support, you know what I mean. I
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: wasn't reaching out for support. It was me and my mom,
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: My sister, and my brother would come in when they could,
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: but you know, as me and my mom taking care
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: of him. Mostly we had doctors come to the house.
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: I would have all the doctors come there three times
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: a day. There's a doctor. Each doctor came once a day,
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: but there were three of them, and no, I just didn't.
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: It's such a personal journey for everyone. Everyone's journey as
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: a caretaker is a caregiver is so personal depending on
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: who it is you are caregiving for, do you know
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: what I mean?
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and their place in your life. And I mean
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: when it's the dad, especially for girls, and then even
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: the mom, Like you know, I have a kind of
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: a I had a you know that father daughter connection,
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: you know, unbreakable, undeniable at the end of the day,
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: nothing else mattered. But with my mom it feels a
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: little different. It has felt all my life a little different,
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: our relationship a little bit more complicated, a little bit
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: more troubling for me. But now as I'm seeing her
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: reach this point, this phase in her life, it's like,
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: it's as if all that bullshit, anything I ever had
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: conflicting feelings.
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: About matters don't matter.
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: All that matters is sharing the moments that you can,
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: being patient like a saint.
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 28:08
  Speaker 4: M hmm.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: And I don't know where that comes from, but it comes.
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: It comes, yeah, and it's I don't I think it's
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: in us. And I think you're right. Any mother daughter relationship,
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: for most of them, at least the ones I know,
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: are always complicated and far more complicated than the father
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: daughter or that one's just feels easier.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: Usually it's if you have a relationship with your dad.
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: Exactly, or the mother's son. It's always yeah, you know,
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: it's being a different gender, I think is what is
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: I think the mother daughter is because we are so similar.
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: Because I think as a mother, you see the things
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: in you that you wish were different about you, and
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: you don't want that to happen to your child, and
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: the way it comes out sometimes is crazy and you're like,
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: why are you attacking me? Like I'm not attacking you.
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there's and there's sensitivities there that you got. It's
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: really tricky. It's so true. It's so true.
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but died also with the patients. At the end
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: of the day, like you said, they are our parents.
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: They gave us life, whatever they their lationship is. They
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: got us here and we're all going to eventually leave.
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: And all this stuff that is that is all this
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: extraneous stuff that we fill our lives with, with TV,
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: with movies, with music, with whatever you choose as you're given,
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: like your chosen path in life. Many times is just filler.
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: It's just filling up the time and the space while
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: we are all here before we go somewhere else. And
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: the important stuff, like the most important stuff, we often
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: put at the bottom of the list and we think,
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: you know, I was thinking that with my dad. I thought,
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: who care? Am I going to be on my deathbed
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: one day and say, Gosh, I wish I'd done one
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: more show. No, oh, I wish I'd gone to the
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: Oscars one more time. Who cares? I'm gonna be thinking,
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: I wish I was there for my mom, my dad,
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: the people that I loved so deeply.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, looking back, what would you say, truly
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: surprised you about the experience where they're like unexpected moments
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: of humor that you can remember times when you could
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: just feel the grace. Yeah, time was standing still somehow,
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: you know, I can wild.
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: That's why I say something about it. And until you
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: are in this position, you don't understand really quite what
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: I'm saying, But anyone who's experienced this will say, yes,
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: she's right. There is something so beautiful and so peaceful
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: about being able to be there with someone as they
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: lose their life. It sounds crazy, but I'm telling you
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: there's something about that that is like, at that moment,
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: you're as close to Heaven as you're ever going to
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: be on this planet. It is wild, and it is
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: it's a gift. I think it's a gift, and I
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: feel blessed that I was able to be there for
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: him and to be there to experience that, you know,
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: and as sad as it is, at the same time,
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: there was there was humor in it too, Like you know,
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: you think he didn't know he was dying. He knew, like,
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: you know what I mean, even though I would I'd
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: be like, Dad, you could be you could be in
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: that one percent or in that two percent. Don't listen
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: to the doctors. I was like, how do we know
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: that you aren't that two percent that's going to come
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: out of this. I was always very just really positive,
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: and I never let him see me cry. I would
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: leave the room, but no, we have this, Dad, come on,
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: let's go and look. The truth is. We all knew.
• 31:54
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: There are times where he would laugh because he like
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: he would try to lift something and fall out of
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: his hand and be like just kind of like and
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: we just laugh, like, okay, well this is where we
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: are in life. There were also times that were deeply profound.
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: It's like, some of the most profound moments and the
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: most profound things that my father was ever able to
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: tell me was when he could barely talk anymore, which
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: is also in itself so wild to think about. Like
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: one day we were on our way to him, we
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: were going to physical therapy, and I was driving him,
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: and you know, I got to take him out of
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: the bed. The als Association would give us a thing
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: called the hoist. I would take him out of the
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: bed with the hoist and put him in the wheelchair
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: and put him in the car. You know, it was
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: very labor intensive when you're taking care of someone with als.
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: So I was driving him to physical therapy and a
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: commercial income on the radio about Fiji, come visit Fiji
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: and blah blah blah, and just making it sound so
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: amazing and beautiful. And I said, you know what, I'd
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: like to go to Fiji someday. I'd like to do
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: that someday. And this is at a point where his
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: speech had really progressed to a place where he was
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: not having He was having a very difficult time speaking
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: at all. So it took him about five minutes literally
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: to get out the words that he said. But when
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: he said them, it has stuck with me so deeply.
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: He said to me, not someday to day. And I said, Dad,
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: today I'm driving you to the what do you mean today?
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: Of course I can't go to day. And he said again,
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: not someday to day. And he said, look at me,
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: Look at me. He said, Tomorrow's not a promise. And
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: so I turned and again like I said, I would
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: never cry in front of him and here I am, no,
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: I'm stuck. I'm in a car and I'm.
• 33:45
  Speaker 5: Like, oh my gosh, I'm trying so hard not to cry.
• 33:50
  Speaker 5: And I said, you're right, Dad, not someday to day. Yeah,
• 33:55
  Speaker 5: And he kept saying, look at me, because I mean,
• 33:57
  Speaker 5: who would have in their wildest dream. At sixty five
• 34:02
  Speaker 5: is when he started to slow, and sixty eight is
• 34:05
  Speaker 5: when they diagnosed him. By seventy one he had passed.
• 34:08
  Speaker 5: But it's like he was so vibrant, Jenny, like he
• 34:12
  Speaker 5: was like the pied piper, Like I laugh when I
• 34:14
  Speaker 5: think about it. I know he's here. I know you're here, Dad.
• 34:16
  Speaker 5: He walk in a room.
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: Everybody loved him. He just had this energy. It was
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: so funny. He just had this energy where he just
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: attracted random people at all times. Say to my mom,
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: how are you married to this man? We can't walk
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: down the strees like the mayor. Everybody just wanted to
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: talk to. And so to see somebody that's so vibrant,
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: so full of a life, that does anyone lose all
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: of this the motor skills, etc. And to really slip
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: so much as sad, but to see someone who is
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: almost in your brain can't.
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: Die, right, It's like your hero, You're everything. Yeah, I
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: mean I'm crying because I can remember it's probably over
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: fifteen years ago. I don't try not to keep track.
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: But when my dad passed away.
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: It's just and it's grief is a funny thing. It's
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: not something that ever goes away. It's just something that changes.
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: It's just ebbs and flows and it changes. And you
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: think you're fine, and then you're in a car and
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: you hear a song and suddenly you are bawling, or
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: you see something that only you and your dad or
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: you and your loved one used to talk about, and
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: you go, oh my gosh, and it just hits you
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: right in the heart, you know. Yeah, And I think
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: that's a testament to how deeply we can love someone, Like,
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: how fortunate are we that we loved someone so so
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: deeply that it literally brings you to your knees when
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: they're not here anymore. I mean, I think that in
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: itself is beautiful. Yeah.
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: How did the role of being his caregiver change your
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: definition of love and success?
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: Well, I think my definition of love became It was
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: already unconditional, but at this point it was like there
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: is love at its at its purest form, is simply
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: just all all of the feelings and everything you have
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: for a human, all of it, the good, the bad,
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: the ugly, the difficult. Being able to be there for
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: a human at such a raw level is like that.
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: There's no deeper love than that. I mean it is,
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: it is some of the honestly like, that is the
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: deepest love I've ever experienced in my life. Ever.
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: It has success success. It changed my idea of success
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: because success then became it wasn't what I had, you know,
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: always like envisioned and what I was chasing so long,
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: and what I was accomplishing. Success became for me.
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: Love of family, love of self, peace, serenity, laying my
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: head down at night and feeling like I was good,
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: Like I was good, like I was loved, and that
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: I loved others and I did the best I could,
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: and that every day I tried to be better than
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: I was yesterday, like and not comparing myself or my
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: accomplishments to anyone else except my own. And that became
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: my success. Where I was like, does matter to me?
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: I don't care into perspective, I just don't care. I
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: would have literally they will remain nameless. I love them
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: very much because they are my dear friends. But they
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: would call me and take things personally, like why is
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: that one doing that and you're not, And I'd say,
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: why do you care? If I don't care?
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: We talk a lot about it on this show show
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: about choosing yourself, what that looks like, and how that
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: can have a positive impact on our lives, just you know,
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: learning to love ourselves and choose ourselves. And when we
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: look at your story, we can for sure see the
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: sacrifices that you made. But I wonder, do you feel
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: like I'm pretty sure I know the answer to this.
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: Do you feel like caregiving was in a way a
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: form of you choosing you?
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah? I do, I do. It wasn't a form of
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: me choosing me and caregiving him because I think caregiving
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: for him because I felt like it's so strange, But
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: I feel like that was, aside from having my child,
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: the best thing I've ever done in my life, you know,
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: And I felt like I felt it's strange, like I
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: had more purpose caring for my dad that I'd had
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: in anything else in my career or in my life,
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: aside from becoming a mother way more purpose, and I thought,
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: this is what it's about, Like, this is is heavy
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: and is raw and is awful and painful. Is this
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: is right now? This is what life is, and this
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: is what we're here to do. We're here to take
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: care of one another, whoever that is in your life.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was going to ask you how it changed
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: your sense of purpose? What about like looking forward about
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: like what kind of work do you want to do
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: now that you know what you know?
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: Well? I feel like I want to do something that
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: look I always also after entertainment tonight, then came again
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: home and family fell into my lap, just literally fell
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: into my laps, and I said, they're doing the show.
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: Go over there? Said what wait?
• 39:42
  Speaker 4: Huh?
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: So I go over there and then suddenly I'm doing
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: this show that is bringing so much joy to people.
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: And Jenny, when I tell you, I felt like I
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: had fallen into this place and won the lottery with
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: that show, because that's the joy that I was able
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: to bring someone at home and I say, I talk
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: a lot about the noise. There's so much noise, and
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: there's so much noise pollution, and I don't want to
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: be part of it. And a lot of the stuff
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: I'd done leading up to then, there's a lot of noise, pollution,
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: no disrespect to any of it, but the entertainment news
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: and the you know, the fashion police and this it's noise.
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: It's all so much noise. Home and family was like,
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: just like, oh, let's make something nice that you can
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: make for your family at home. Let's make it. Let
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: me show you how you can do this. Let's have
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: doctors on that are going to help you live your
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: better life. How can I make the person at home
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: feel good about who they are?
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: And you know what I'm speaking completely honestly. I felt
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: that from you when you found that job and when
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: you were doing it, I could feel just you your radiated.
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: I just loved it. I loved it, and I feel
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: like my dad, I really believe it. Dad made that
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: happen because I think he knew like that it was
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: for my soul a way that I was able to
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: do what I love but also do it in a
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: way where I can give back to people. Because at
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: the end of the day, it wasn't that show was
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: not about me or any of the people on it. It
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: was about how can somebody watch this? Turn it off?
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: And then say, well, I feel better about myself today.
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: I have a new you know, feeling of energy here.
• 41:24
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: I love inspired exactly.
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: And you know it goes back to always wanting to
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: trying to help one another. And if there's anything I
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: can do to continue in that path, that's what I
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: definitely those are the projects that I want to work on.
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: Now understood, You've reminded us that sometimes choosing ourselves means
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: choosing the people we love. So thank you so much
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: for sharing your strength and your vulnerability and your tears
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: with me, and you know what this time has been
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: like for you. But before we go, I have to
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: ask you the question that I always ask everyone, Debbie Matinopolis,
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: what was your last I choose me moment?
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: My last I Choose me moment? Wow? I have them
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: quite a bit, Jenny. I know that's good.
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: Our listeners need to hear that from people.
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: I have to tell you I have them a lot.
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: I got invited to one of the Games of the
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: World series here in Los Angeles and very very good
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: seats and I said no. But I said no because
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: I was choosing me in a way that I know
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: any other like people would be like, are you crazy,
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: Yes and no, because I know that I was going
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: to push myself in a way that it was going
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: to be way too much for me. I was going
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: to be overextended. However, also going in my brain is gosh,
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: this person thought of me to giving the tickets. Oh
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: my gosh, they went out of the way. These tickets
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: are so expensive. You're so ungrateful. I can't believe you're
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: doing this. This person really wants you to go. They're
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: begging you know what I mean. So all that inner dialogue,
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: that inner dialogue that's like, you know that we can't
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: sometimes stop if it wants you to choose somebody else, Yeah,
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: choose because you're going to let them down. You're gonna
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: let them down. You're awful, like we're our worst critic.
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh my gosh, and I'm thinking, gosh,
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: what I sound selfish? Now? This is crazy again. This
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: person is could have given it to anybody else. And
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: I just I was like, I don't care, I can't.
• 43:24
  Speaker 2: I got to stop that voice and I just have
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: to know my limits and thank you, but no, I'm
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: not going to go.
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: Sometimes that know is the most powerful Yeah.
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: I think is choosing yourself a lot of times.
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: And that's hard. It can be really hard. Like you said,
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: those voices that want us to continue people pleasing and
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: want us to continue people, you know, putting people before ourselves.
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: There's a time and a place.
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but exactly.
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: It's good to hear that you found that strength and
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: that clarity. They know a lot more than I do too.
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah. You know, what was that book, The Year of
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: Yes or something. I'm like, the Year of No.
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: You just write that book. Oh my gosh. Okay, So
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: coming later this week, everybody, Debbie is going to share
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: her best tools and takeaways for caregivers everywhere. You don't
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: want to miss it. Thank you so much, Debbie.
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: Thank you, Jenny. It's so good to see you, my friend.
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: Good to see you.
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: Love you, Love you too,