Latest / The You Project / #2000 How Long!! - Tiff, Melissa & Harps

Transcript

#2000 How Long!! - Tiff, Melissa & Harps · The You Project

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Speaker 1: And so it came to pass that on the first
0:03
Speaker 1: day of the first month in the year of our
0:05
Speaker 1: Lord twenty and eighteen, life was breathed into the cast
0:08
Speaker 1: of pod that would one day be known across the
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Speaker 1: lands and seas as the U Project. And as word
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Speaker 1: of the pod caught fire among the people, surely did
0:18
Speaker 1: they come from the ends of the earth. Came they
0:21
Speaker 1: hungering and thirsting, after wisdom, after mirth, after tales of
0:25
Speaker 1: struggle and triumph, and lo the host one crag of
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Speaker 1: harbor did wax long of tongue and stout of heart,
0:32
Speaker 1: gathering unto him sages and healers and warriors, scribes and jestures,
0:38
Speaker 1: and Tiffith and Melissareth. And they spake of the mind
0:41
Speaker 1: and of the body, of toil, and of rest, of folly,
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Speaker 1: and of triumph, and of the mysteries of the soul.
0:47
Speaker 1: And verily, two thousand times was the pod cast forth
0:51
Speaker 1: upon the air and across the lands among the people.
0:55
Speaker 1: And two thousand times did it find ears willing to
0:59
Speaker 1: hear was the multitude thereof, for they number of in
1:02
Speaker 1: hosts beyond counting. And it was good, yay, even very good.
1:08
Speaker 1: So let it be known unto this generation and unto
1:10
Speaker 1: those yet unborn. This is the two thousandth chapter in
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Speaker 1: the great Chronicle of the U Project, and yet the
1:19
Speaker 1: story continues. Huppy two thousand to us, Happy two thousand
1:26
Speaker 1: two hours, Happy two thousand two us, Happy two thousand episodes.
1:36
Speaker 1: Did you ever think we'd get here? Cook?
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Speaker 2: I just felt like that was every birthday message you've
1:40
Speaker 2: ever sung me. I'm so happy that everyone got to
1:43
Speaker 2: hear a rendition of it.
1:44
Speaker 1: Happy. Well, I did not think we'd get it. Hello,
1:50
Speaker 1: Everyone's two thousandth episode. Try and say that ten times
1:54
Speaker 1: fast of the U Project. Tiffany and Cook, we've got
1:58
Speaker 1: a very very special not the TIFFs not special, but
2:01
Speaker 1: we get her all the time, so not that special,
2:04
Speaker 1: slightly more special than me. But we've got a very
2:07
Speaker 1: special guest coming up later in the show. But I'm
2:11
Speaker 1: glad that we're getting to do this, And so I'm
2:14
Speaker 1: going to start by thanking you. You're my first person.
2:17
Speaker 1: Like you know, you've really evolved. You've graduated from the
2:21
Speaker 1: Bamboo and from coming to the shows and sitting up
2:25
Speaker 1: the back, then up the front, then being part of
2:28
Speaker 1: the program and telling people where to have a wee
2:30
Speaker 1: and where to sit, and you know, and then and
2:34
Speaker 1: now look at you. Now you're just crushing it and
2:36
Speaker 1: killing it and you've got your own show and your
2:38
Speaker 1: own speaking career. Would you have thought that it was
2:41
Speaker 1: eight years ago? That, I mean coming up to jan one.
2:44
Speaker 1: So the first episode was January one, twenty eighteen. So
2:49
Speaker 1: in the near future, it's going to be eight years
2:52
Speaker 1: What do you does it seem like it's gone quick
2:54
Speaker 1: for you?
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Speaker 2: Real quick? It does not seem that long. Well, I
2:58
Speaker 2: must have come about around the couple of hundred mark,
3:01
Speaker 2: I reckon, do you think.
3:04
Speaker 1: I don't know, don't you know what? I looked at
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Speaker 1: the other I didn't even know when their first episode was.
3:09
Speaker 1: I had to look it up. And then like in
3:11
Speaker 1: the first month, I think we did two episodes. I'm like,
3:14
Speaker 1: what the fuck were we doing? I did one like
3:16
Speaker 1: on January one, and then like January seventeen or something.
3:20
Speaker 1: I'm like, what overwhelm people? Yeah, well I didn't want
3:23
Speaker 1: to start with a bang, did I. I'm like, well,
3:25
Speaker 1: it certainly eased into it, Like I mean, I feel
3:29
Speaker 1: like we've always done seven a week, which we clearly haven't.
3:32
Speaker 1: But yeah, I remember over time we went from kind
3:36
Speaker 1: of one ishe wow. I think we did like I said,
3:38
Speaker 1: a couple of month and then we did like then
3:40
Speaker 1: I think we made the big decision of like three
3:42
Speaker 1: a week, which was like three a week. How are
3:44
Speaker 1: you going to do three a week? Like, fucking that's
3:47
Speaker 1: a lot, and how are you going to come up
3:48
Speaker 1: with ideas and people and conversation. I'm like, and now
3:52
Speaker 1: we do seven and not that it's easy peasy, but
3:56
Speaker 1: we never seem to run out of shit to talk about.
3:58
Speaker 1: So Tiff, thank you very much. I appreciate you, and
4:01
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm always fucking with you, but I appreciate you.
4:05
Speaker 1: You're great at what you do. It's been really nice
4:08
Speaker 1: to see over eight years your development, your evolution and
4:14
Speaker 1: you know, and to do this with you and have
4:16
Speaker 1: fun with you. It's been great. And the typ family
4:20
Speaker 1: love you. So on behalf of me. And then thanks
4:22
Speaker 1: thanks for making this what it is.
4:24
Speaker 2: I appreciate you, Thanks everyone, Thanks Harp. Thanks for letting
4:28
Speaker 2: me wrap on that door hard enough and long enough
4:30
Speaker 2: that you let me in.
4:31
Speaker 1: Well, you were persistent, you were like that bungle infection,
4:35
Speaker 1: but you know it turned out to be less painful.
4:39
Speaker 1: It's yeah. So two thousand episodes. Oh my god. So
4:42
Speaker 1: here's the deal everyone, I kind of threw out I
4:47
Speaker 1: kind of threw out some feedback or some ideas for
4:54
Speaker 1: you from you about feedback about what we might do.
4:57
Speaker 1: And this is just the bottom line. So everyone at
5:01
Speaker 1: the minute is super busy. Melissa is super busy, TIFFs
5:04
Speaker 1: super busy. I'm super busy. I feel sick of talking
5:09
Speaker 1: about or tired of talking about my own bullshit because
5:11
Speaker 1: I feel you must all fucking roll your eyes and go,
5:14
Speaker 1: for God's sake, finish that fucking PhD. I'm with you,
5:17
Speaker 1: like soon, once it's done, I promise I won't talk
5:21
Speaker 1: about it for a year. I'm sick of talking about
5:25
Speaker 1: it too. But it's just a reality of my life.
5:27
Speaker 1: It's an ever present. You know how you have things
5:30
Speaker 1: on the to do list and you do them, well,
5:32
Speaker 1: this one never fucking goes off the to do list, right,
5:35
Speaker 1: so it just sits up there under two and then
5:41
Speaker 1: you know, the last month or two I've been a
5:42
Speaker 1: bit crook, And I feel so fucking good now. I'm
5:46
Speaker 1: so grateful, truly feel good. Like if ten out of
5:51
Speaker 1: ten is awesome, I feel about eight right now. If
5:54
Speaker 1: I know you don't feel great, but I'll be interested
5:56
Speaker 1: to monitor your score through the show because I'm like, fuck, Zanax,
6:00
Speaker 1: I Am no, not Xanax. What's the one that makes
6:03
Speaker 1: you happy? Prozac? I'm like Prozac with a bald head.
6:08
Speaker 1: And so I was really thinking about what's some whiz
6:12
Speaker 1: bang fucking event that we can do, and it just
6:15
Speaker 1: was not going to happen practically. And I also thought
6:19
Speaker 1: about getting, you know, maybe ten people that have been
6:22
Speaker 1: really instrumental in the development of the show and really
6:26
Speaker 1: integral to what we've created. And then I thought, I'm
6:30
Speaker 1: going to pick ten people, and ten are going to
6:32
Speaker 1: fucking hate my guts, or twenty are gonna hate my
6:34
Speaker 1: guts because I didn't pick them, you know. And even
6:37
Speaker 1: I've got a list of people I want to thank
6:39
Speaker 1: who've been regulars, and I'm like, fuck, imagine if there's
6:42
Speaker 1: someone obvious that not because they're not important, but they've
6:47
Speaker 1: just skipped my mind. Like I'm terrified that there's not
6:50
Speaker 1: someone on the list that's been on the show thirty
6:53
Speaker 1: times or something. So when I read that list, I
6:55
Speaker 1: want you just to go. Have you thought about anyway
6:58
Speaker 1: I probably should have done that off anyway? Fuck it,
7:00
Speaker 1: This is how we work, so what I thought I
7:06
Speaker 1: would do today and we'll get there, not yet. But
7:10
Speaker 1: so this episode is really it's really almost like a
7:16
Speaker 1: synopsis of the stuff that has really been powerful for
7:21
Speaker 1: me since January one, twenty and eight end for me
7:25
Speaker 1: that I think the messages and the ideas and the
7:30
Speaker 1: stories and the science that has been really powerful, the
7:36
Speaker 1: stuff that has really moved the needle for a lot
7:39
Speaker 1: of people, the stuff that we get a lot of
7:41
Speaker 1: feedback about. So when we get there, Tiff and I
7:45
Speaker 1: are going to go through that. She's got a little
7:47
Speaker 1: list in front of her, and I'm just going to
7:49
Speaker 1: expand on what I think are basically some really powerful
7:56
Speaker 1: ideas or strategies or pice is that we can integrate
8:01
Speaker 1: into our life that are relatively simple but at the
8:05
Speaker 1: same time really powerful. So, without further ado, you and
8:14
Speaker 1: I were chatting about this yesterday. I want to see
8:17
Speaker 1: if you can remember the list because I couldn't, and
8:19
Speaker 1: I don't know if you I got in front of me,
8:21
Speaker 1: so I'm cheating. But one of the things that I
8:24
Speaker 1: guess a lot of people don't think about TIF is that,
8:28
Speaker 1: like we've been going for so long that there's quite
8:32
Speaker 1: a few of our guests who have actually passed away
8:35
Speaker 1: since we chatted with them, and I just want to
8:40
Speaker 1: honor those people and I want to send, you know,
8:45
Speaker 1: all the good vibes and energy to their family and
8:47
Speaker 1: their loved ones and just say that to them, thank
8:50
Speaker 1: you for allowing us to have your person on our show,
8:54
Speaker 1: and we really value them and we value you. So
9:01
Speaker 1: who can you remember that's on the list? So I
9:04
Speaker 1: think there's oh god, if I get this wrong, oh
9:07
Speaker 1: my god, I've got six on my list. So these
9:11
Speaker 1: are people that have been on the show that have
9:13
Speaker 1: sadly moved on to the great podcast in the sky.
9:18
Speaker 1: Who have you got?
9:20
Speaker 2: All right, you have put me on the spot. We've
9:22
Speaker 2: got Johnny Ruffo.
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Speaker 1: Okay, stop, Johnny the beautiful Johnny Ruffo. How funny was
9:29
Speaker 1: Johnny Ruffo?
9:30
Speaker 2: The best?
9:32
Speaker 1: You know, people always say nice things about people once
9:34
Speaker 1: they're gone, and even if they thought they were Dix,
9:36
Speaker 1: they go, oh, he's such an amazing human. It's like
9:39
Speaker 1: she never said a good thing about him while it
9:41
Speaker 1: was alive. But Johnny Ruffo, clearly I didn't know much
9:45
Speaker 1: about him. He was a singer, he was an entertainer,
9:48
Speaker 1: who's an Australian kind of beautiful human being and I'm like, oh, yeah,
9:53
Speaker 1: we've got another guy on the show. I think I
9:56
Speaker 1: watched five minutes of him on some kind of YouTube
9:58
Speaker 1: something and read a bit about him. You who he was,
10:00
Speaker 1: but I didn't, and when I met him, and I
10:03
Speaker 1: just genuinely if you haven't heard that podcast, I'm not
10:08
Speaker 1: just saying this, I loved it, And yeah, he was
10:12
Speaker 1: somebody who was just at the cold face of pain
10:15
Speaker 1: and sickness and not that far away from death's doore
10:20
Speaker 1: just being hilarious and compassionate. What do you remember were
10:24
Speaker 1: you on that show or did you just listen?
10:28
Speaker 2: He's just so fun and so funny and playful.
10:33
Speaker 1: Do you remember when he was talking about how he
10:35
Speaker 1: had to go and jack off into a little plastic
10:37
Speaker 1: bottle to get a These are the things I remember,
10:41
Speaker 1: just to honor Johnny, like he was talking about everyone
10:45
Speaker 1: how he had to or he and his partner decided
10:49
Speaker 1: that he would, you know, donate or not donate, but
10:53
Speaker 1: but get store a sperm sample. And then he was
10:58
Speaker 1: talking about how that worked with his mum, Like outside
11:01
Speaker 1: the cubicle about four meters away, do you need anything?
11:04
Speaker 1: Are you good? Yeah, I probably need you to not
11:07
Speaker 1: talk like that's clearly not going to help. And just
11:10
Speaker 1: his ability to say, you know, be that that raw
11:15
Speaker 1: and real and open. And there was no show, There
11:18
Speaker 1: was no Johnny Ruffo's show. That was just him. I
11:21
Speaker 1: love that. Yeah, who else is on our list?
11:26
Speaker 2: Kel and Ray?
11:28
Speaker 1: I didn't know Kerwin until the show. I knew a lot. Well,
11:33
Speaker 1: I didn't know a lot. I'd heard a lot about him.
11:35
Speaker 1: I feel like you probably knew more about Kerwin than
11:38
Speaker 1: I did at the start, and you were more familiar
11:41
Speaker 1: with his work. Of course, he was among many things,
11:44
Speaker 1: he was kind of in the same space as me,
11:47
Speaker 1: definitely ahead of me, like corporate stuff and professional development
11:53
Speaker 1: and self help and all of that. Think better, do better,
11:55
Speaker 1: be better, live better, live bigger, And Yeah, I remember
12:02
Speaker 1: him being for me. He was a really interesting cat
12:06
Speaker 1: because I think I just saw a bit of me
12:08
Speaker 1: and him and I was trying to learn from him.
12:12
Speaker 1: But he had a lot going on. But he definitely
12:14
Speaker 1: impacted a lot of people, didn't.
12:16
Speaker 2: He Oh huge, he had, He had a huge following,
12:19
Speaker 2: and he he had a way to express things that
12:23
Speaker 2: could really land. I'd followed him for years. I remember
12:27
Speaker 2: being so excited woman got the opportunity to talk to him.
12:30
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, So shout out to his family and friends
12:35
Speaker 1: and loved ones. I'm going to mention one who you
12:37
Speaker 1: might not remember, but he was somebody that I knew
12:41
Speaker 1: over the years, Simon Hammond. Simon worked in the marketing
12:44
Speaker 1: and branding space, and he'd written a couple of really
12:49
Speaker 1: cool books. And yeah, that was very out of the blue.
12:52
Speaker 1: He came on the show, we had a great talk,
12:55
Speaker 1: and not long after that, he and I actually did
12:57
Speaker 1: a in fact, I'm pretty sure it was just on
13:01
Speaker 1: the other side of COVID. We did a workshop, a
13:05
Speaker 1: seminar together. We worked together live, not on not on zoom,
13:10
Speaker 1: not in the virtual world, in the physical world. And yeah,
13:14
Speaker 1: he was a very clever, very creative, very inspirational person.
13:18
Speaker 1: And he he got quite sick quite quickly, and you
13:25
Speaker 1: know he was you know, it wasn't super quick like weeks,
13:28
Speaker 1: but it was way he went way earlier than he
13:32
Speaker 1: should have, way way earlier. So shout out to his
13:35
Speaker 1: family and all the love to them. Who else is
13:37
Speaker 1: on your list?
13:38
Speaker 2: Doctor NeiMa?
13:40
Speaker 1: Yeah Nima, not doctor, but pharmacist. Yeah, Nima a Larbi. Yeah,
13:45
Speaker 1: so Nima was on a bunch and did you did
13:50
Speaker 1: you do it? Ever? Do any shows with him?
13:52
Speaker 2: Yeah?
13:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. I think he quite
13:57
Speaker 1: liked you too, because I used to have dinner with
13:59
Speaker 1: him once a month and he would always ask me
14:01
Speaker 1: about you and Melissa, and he's like, I think he
14:04
Speaker 1: told me. Once he goes Tips jacked and I go, yeah,
14:07
Speaker 1: she's jacked because you did. I'm pretty sure you did
14:10
Speaker 1: one episode in a singlet. He's like, fucking hell, look
14:14
Speaker 1: at that shit. Excuse me, excuse my language, everybody bit
14:18
Speaker 1: Tip's okay with that. Look at that. She's like what.
14:21
Speaker 1: He's like, what the fuck does she do? Because he's
14:23
Speaker 1: a pharmacist. He goes to me, is she on anything?
14:26
Speaker 1: I go just high on life, bro high on life.
14:32
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, so yeah, that that was very sad
14:35
Speaker 1: for me. He and I were good friends, and yeah
14:40
Speaker 1: that was sad. That was sadd He makes sad stuff.
14:43
Speaker 1: I think there's two more. Can you remember either of them?
14:46
Speaker 2: I think I remember both. Danny Frawley. That was before
14:49
Speaker 2: I joined the show, but you've talked about having him
14:51
Speaker 2: on a lot.
14:53
Speaker 1: Yeah. Shout out to Spud's family, all the girls and
14:58
Speaker 1: his wife Anita and I'm pretty sure that's correct. Apologies
15:03
Speaker 1: if it's not. But yeah, that was that was just,
15:07
Speaker 1: you know, it was really interesting because that episode. I
15:12
Speaker 1: don't know why I know this. I might be wrong
15:14
Speaker 1: on this. I feel like it's one sixty eight, but
15:16
Speaker 1: it might be something else. But yeah, so Danny was
15:20
Speaker 1: dealing with a bunch of stuff he had. He had
15:24
Speaker 1: mental health issues and lots of I think lots of
15:28
Speaker 1: concussion and trauma, and he was struggling with things and
15:33
Speaker 1: he came in here to my house in my studio
15:38
Speaker 1: and chatted with Melissa and I and he was just
15:46
Speaker 1: just a brave, like just a bloke. Just he always
15:50
Speaker 1: tried to be you know, when people are you know,
15:53
Speaker 1: they're hurting, but then when they're around people, they try
15:56
Speaker 1: not to show it. Yeah, you know that he was
15:58
Speaker 1: just trying to be an eight and he probably felt
16:00
Speaker 1: like a one. And yeah, so that that kind of
16:06
Speaker 1: fucked me up. I'm going to be honest, as they
16:09
Speaker 1: all did.
16:10
Speaker 2: Thirty eight. So that was very early thirty eight.
16:12
Speaker 1: Wow, thank you, Well, I was fucking way wrong. I
16:15
Speaker 1: had an eight in it. Yeah, so way way back,
16:17
Speaker 1: and it wouldn't have been that long. It was within
16:21
Speaker 1: five or six months that he passed away after that chat,
16:24
Speaker 1: but that that that particular conversation, I'm glad. I've got that.
16:30
Speaker 1: It's always going to be a little bit of a
16:32
Speaker 1: gift to me. And the last one that we had
16:35
Speaker 1: was someone that you and I never met in person,
16:40
Speaker 1: but fuck, I loved her. Do you know a name?
16:44
Speaker 1: You can say her name?
16:45
Speaker 2: I can't remember her name if it's the same one
16:47
Speaker 2: I'm thinking of.
16:47
Speaker 1: Right, doctor Gladys McCarry.
16:51
Speaker 2: Glenda written down. And I was trying to say.
16:52
Speaker 1: They're very close, but you knew her, yeah, doctor Gladys.
16:55
Speaker 1: And she was, Oh my god, she was one hundred
16:58
Speaker 1: and three when I interviewed her, one hundred and three.
17:03
Speaker 1: She might have been one o two in who cares,
17:06
Speaker 1: But she passed away last year. I think I might
17:10
Speaker 1: be out by a bit, but I think she was
17:11
Speaker 1: one hundred and four, and my god, like she wasn't
17:16
Speaker 1: working as a doctor still, but she was as in
17:20
Speaker 1: not being paid, but she was still talking to people
17:22
Speaker 1: on the phone and still consulting in that sense, and
17:25
Speaker 1: still giving advice and still sharing her wisdom. And I
17:29
Speaker 1: remember sitting talking to her and looking at her on zoom.
17:33
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, no offense to my mum, but like
17:37
Speaker 1: when I spoke to her, my mum would have been
17:39
Speaker 1: eighty three. I'm like, kind of just looks like my mum, Like,
17:44
Speaker 1: and Mary looks fine. It's like Mary doesn't look one
17:47
Speaker 1: hundred and three. But I'm like, how does and her
17:49
Speaker 1: brain and a recall and her stories and and I
17:54
Speaker 1: remember her telling me that I think she told us
17:58
Speaker 1: in the thing that she walks a minimum of three
18:01
Speaker 1: thousand steps a day. I'm like, how do you do that?
18:06
Speaker 1: Like incredible? So anyway, I don't want to bore everybody
18:11
Speaker 1: with sad things, but I just thought we would acknowledge
18:14
Speaker 1: all of those people and honor them because it was
18:18
Speaker 1: a blessing to have them as part of the show.
18:21
Speaker 1: Fair to say that this will probably be our longest
18:23
Speaker 1: ever episode. Here you go, and I think I just
18:30
Speaker 1: want to share a few things, and TIF I want
18:32
Speaker 1: you to as well, whatever you want. But people often
18:35
Speaker 1: ask me, you know when people say that but people
18:38
Speaker 1: don't actually ask them. I hate it when people go, oh,
18:41
Speaker 1: people ask me all the time, and then you're like, no,
18:43
Speaker 1: they don't fucking ask you that at all. You just
18:45
Speaker 1: want to talk about it. Well, in this case, it's
18:48
Speaker 1: actually true. People do ask me, maybe because it seems
18:52
Speaker 1: like I'm very fucking unprepared. How much do I actually
18:56
Speaker 1: research and plan? While the answer boys and girls sit
18:59
Speaker 1: the far down, not that much. I know. I know
19:02
Speaker 1: you're thinking, oh my god, but it's so polished and
19:10
Speaker 1: so the answer. The answer is like truly like you
19:15
Speaker 1: and I have spoken about this many times, right in
19:18
Speaker 1: terms of how much do you prepare and then how
19:19
Speaker 1: much do you just go in going look, I've done
19:23
Speaker 1: this many times, which is not say I'm brilliant at it,
19:26
Speaker 1: but I've done It's like going, oh, I'm going to
19:27
Speaker 1: meet this guy to have a chat to him at
19:30
Speaker 1: the cafe. Ah, I'm going to plan a script before
19:34
Speaker 1: I go there. I'm going to think of all the questions.
19:37
Speaker 1: I'm going to write all the questions down and then
19:39
Speaker 1: think about the questions he might ask, and then what
19:41
Speaker 1: my answers to his theoretical question. It's just fucking dumb.
19:46
Speaker 1: It's like, but this is one of the only things, like,
19:48
Speaker 1: especially with podcasts, where it's not like we're giving a presentation.
19:52
Speaker 1: We're not rocking up to BHP and doing a corporate
19:55
Speaker 1: gig to one thousand people. We're in our footy shorts
19:58
Speaker 1: with no fucking idea of what we're doing. They were
20:00
Speaker 1: sitting down on a mic with a human you know.
20:03
Speaker 1: So for me, who I am better when I'm just
20:08
Speaker 1: free range, free range chicken just banging on a mic
20:11
Speaker 1: than I am when I'm super organized, Which is not
20:16
Speaker 1: to say I don't do any prep. If it's someone
20:17
Speaker 1: that I absolutely don't know, I'll read a bit about them,
20:20
Speaker 1: I'll figure out what they do and who they are,
20:22
Speaker 1: but I won't do a deep dive because I like
20:26
Speaker 1: not knowing the answers. I like not knowing the answers
20:30
Speaker 1: to the questions I'm going to ask. You know, Oh,
20:33
Speaker 1: they grew up on the beach in Western Australia and
20:36
Speaker 1: surfed every day till they was fifteen. Oh wow, and
20:39
Speaker 1: now they're a writer or whatever it is. I'm like,
20:41
Speaker 1: what happened to the surfing or all that kind of stuff.
20:44
Speaker 1: So the answer is the answer is what about you?
20:48
Speaker 1: Are you a big prepper? I feel like you're probably
20:51
Speaker 1: in my wheelhouse somewhere.
20:52
Speaker 2: Yeah. I learned very early on when I started podcasting
20:56
Speaker 2: that less preparation for me was better for the same
21:00
Speaker 2: reason you've just described. Which is my natural curiosity, will
21:04
Speaker 2: lead me to where the conversation needs to go, and
21:08
Speaker 2: any preparation just make would make that stilted or overthinking.
21:13
Speaker 2: So I remember the first time having I remember Dave
21:18
Speaker 2: Hughes booking, and I'd been badgering him as I do
21:23
Speaker 2: look in and I was waiting for response, and then
21:27
Speaker 2: randomly one day he goes, what about now, and I'm like,
21:29
Speaker 2: and I remember going panic, I'm not prepared, And then
21:34
Speaker 2: it was like, TIF, you don't prepare, sit the f down,
21:37
Speaker 2: say yes and that.
21:40
Speaker 1: But yeah, well that's the thing. I think everybody's got
21:44
Speaker 1: to play to their strengths while working on their weaknesses,
21:46
Speaker 1: right Like, if you're really good at something, well fucking
21:50
Speaker 1: keep doing that, but make sure that's not the only
21:53
Speaker 1: thing you can do. Make sure that if you do
21:57
Speaker 1: have to. It's like me, and I've said this to
21:59
Speaker 1: me many times, but when I had to do my
22:03
Speaker 1: reviews for my PhD, when you go and you stand
22:07
Speaker 1: in front of a panel and you've got to talk
22:10
Speaker 1: to these four professors who don't know you, don't care
22:12
Speaker 1: about you, neither should they. What I mean is it's
22:15
Speaker 1: just an academic kind of milestone that they're going to
22:18
Speaker 1: review you, grill you, question you, and put all of
22:21
Speaker 1: your research and your methodology and everything under the spotlight.
22:25
Speaker 1: And you need to be able to just talk in
22:27
Speaker 1: real time and answer hard questions with much smarter than
22:30
Speaker 1: you people. Well, for me, that's the scariest fucking thing
22:33
Speaker 1: I've done in the last ten years. Right. But I
22:37
Speaker 1: remember doing a gig a few months ago where and
22:40
Speaker 1: I wrote about it the other day on LinkedIn, and
22:42
Speaker 1: I was standing on the stage and there was a
22:44
Speaker 1: thousand people in the room and I got introduced and
22:46
Speaker 1: the room went quiet, and I could pretty much hear
22:50
Speaker 1: my heart and it was great, and the lights went
22:54
Speaker 1: down and everybody and I just had this awareness that
22:57
Speaker 1: one thousand people are staring at me. My feeling on
23:01
Speaker 1: my emotion was excitement. I'm like, how fucking lucky am I?
23:05
Speaker 1: How great is this? But in front of those those
23:08
Speaker 1: four profs, absolutely out of my wheelhouse, because in that environment,
23:14
Speaker 1: they don't give a fuck if you're funny or intuitive
23:17
Speaker 1: or on the spot, or you've got great stories or
23:19
Speaker 1: great or who you are or oh yeah, did you
23:22
Speaker 1: know I've got a great podcast? Well, no, we don't care.
23:25
Speaker 1: You're just a student. And you're in the middle of
23:27
Speaker 1: an academic fucking formality, So stop, you know, we don't
23:31
Speaker 1: care if you're funny, we don't care if you're old,
23:33
Speaker 1: we don't care. We just want to know about your
23:35
Speaker 1: research because we're going to give you, you know, a green light,
23:38
Speaker 1: orange light, or red light. So stop fucking around and
23:41
Speaker 1: just start telling us about what you've done. Like, oh
23:43
Speaker 1: my god, I'm so scared. You're so mean love me,
23:47
Speaker 1: Like all my fucking insecurity came out.
23:52
Speaker 2: Well, let me ask you this, when you have a
23:53
Speaker 2: guest on when you decide to have a guest come back,
23:58
Speaker 2: did that at any stage or does it kind of
24:01
Speaker 2: trigger Oh? How do I make this conversation difference? Because
24:05
Speaker 2: when I do that, that's where I sometimes feel a
24:08
Speaker 2: bit more nervous of, Like how do I make sure
24:10
Speaker 2: I don't just have the exact same conversation that I
24:14
Speaker 2: had two years ago that I just can't remember.
24:17
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I do think about that. I don't worry
24:22
Speaker 1: about it. I think I'm just conscious of it. But
24:25
Speaker 1: I also like we had, well, who's up today? A
24:29
Speaker 1: lady called Rachel Pope who is for one of a
24:33
Speaker 1: better term and experts in or teaches and talks about
24:36
Speaker 1: and works in the space of grief. And I had
24:40
Speaker 1: her on probably last time was three years ago or something,
24:44
Speaker 1: and I think, you know what, we could have the
24:46
Speaker 1: same conversation. We're not going to, but we could have
24:50
Speaker 1: it because I can't even remember what we said three
24:53
Speaker 1: years ago and I was the fucking host. So and
24:57
Speaker 1: then the amount of people that listened to that episode
24:59
Speaker 1: three years ago that are going to listen now three
25:02
Speaker 1: years later, and the amount that they recall from that,
25:06
Speaker 1: you know, three year ago experience, I don't think you
25:09
Speaker 1: need to worry about as much as you might think
25:11
Speaker 1: you do. However, if you had them on six weeks ago,
25:15
Speaker 1: eight weeks ago, that's different. That's different.
25:18
Speaker 2: And also do you think you changed, Like you've changed
25:21
Speaker 2: and what you know has changed, and how you perceive
25:23
Speaker 2: the world has changed. So your questions and ideas about
25:27
Speaker 2: what you're hearing when she speaks changed.
25:30
Speaker 1: Yeah, Oh look, I'm different. I don't necessarily think I'm better,
25:34
Speaker 1: but I'm definitely different. I think i'm a better listener.
25:40
Speaker 1: I think I'm a better I could be wrong, like
25:43
Speaker 1: I've still got a million flaws, but I think I'm
25:47
Speaker 1: I think I'm better at teaching stuff in a way
25:50
Speaker 1: that resonates more than I used to. You know, I
25:53
Speaker 1: think one of the things that's you know, do my
25:55
Speaker 1: research has helped with is trying to disseminate complicated shit
25:59
Speaker 1: into a language and a conversation that isn't so complicated,
26:07
Speaker 1: you know, Like, how do I teach nonscience? Ye? People science,
26:10
Speaker 1: so it doesn't sound like science because it's just really
26:14
Speaker 1: about the human experience. It's like, everyone's got to eat.
26:17
Speaker 1: Let's talk about food, but let's talk about food in
26:19
Speaker 1: a way that they understand and it's meaningful. Everybody's got
26:22
Speaker 1: a mind, So let's talk about psychology without even mentioning
26:25
Speaker 1: the words psychology. You know, everybody's got to kind of
26:30
Speaker 1: grow old. But the way that we grow old or
26:32
Speaker 1: the way that we age is somewhat a variable, and
26:37
Speaker 1: we have some say into that. So how do I
26:40
Speaker 1: talk about you know, longevity and health span and all
26:43
Speaker 1: of these things that can be very nuanced and very
26:47
Speaker 1: complicated to talk about without any of that, without the nuance,
26:51
Speaker 1: without the complication, without the psychobabble, without the academic jargon,
26:57
Speaker 1: to just give people stuff that is for them, something
27:00
Speaker 1: they can turn into behavior, Like, oh, I heard Craig
27:04
Speaker 1: talk about this, and now I'm going to try it. Boom,
27:08
Speaker 1: that's perfect, you know. So that's that's that making and
27:12
Speaker 1: this is I think we are the you know I
27:15
Speaker 1: said the other day when I wrote that thing about
27:17
Speaker 1: standing on stage and sharing like everything that you and
27:21
Speaker 1: I share other than just personal stories like you and
27:26
Speaker 1: I am not saying anything that really that has never
27:29
Speaker 1: been said before, Like you're not the wisdom. I'm not
27:32
Speaker 1: the wisdom. You're not the magic. I'm not the magic.
27:35
Speaker 1: You're not the gold. I'm not the gold. We're just
27:37
Speaker 1: having a conversations and trying to point people towards it.
27:41
Speaker 1: Like we're the conduit to the wisdom. Where the conduit
27:44
Speaker 1: to the ideas? Where the conduit to the science. I'm
27:47
Speaker 1: not the science. I'm just a bloke who's falling over
27:50
Speaker 1: the line of a PhD. Like fucking idiot. You know.
27:55
Speaker 1: It's it's so I think that you take that responsibility
27:59
Speaker 1: off your shop and you go look, you know, it's
28:03
Speaker 1: like I said, how often do I get something wrong
28:05
Speaker 1: on this show?
28:05
Speaker 2: Well?
28:05
Speaker 1: I haven't kept score, but I'm pretty sure that there
28:09
Speaker 1: would in two thousand episodes, be at least five thousand
28:11
Speaker 1: mistakes of something that I said that was either a
28:15
Speaker 1: bit wrong or completely fucking wrong. Or it might just
28:18
Speaker 1: be that, you know, I'm all over the mic and
28:22
Speaker 1: tip saying get the fuck off the mic. Or it
28:24
Speaker 1: might be that somebody said something I didn't really listen.
28:27
Speaker 1: You know, It's a million things. But that's what I
28:30
Speaker 1: love about the organicness of an unscripted, unplanned, in the moment,
28:37
Speaker 1: real world, just chat that happens to be recorded for
28:42
Speaker 1: a bunch of people.
28:44
Speaker 2: What along the way have you were there things that
28:48
Speaker 2: you decided or you noticed or you chose to work
28:51
Speaker 2: on and that you worked on deliberately, Or did you
28:54
Speaker 2: did things just unfold and you got better looking back.
29:00
Speaker 1: I think a little bit of both. But like, I
29:06
Speaker 1: think I really opened up to the idea of being
29:09
Speaker 1: more vulnerable and not not like, oh yeah I hurt
29:13
Speaker 1: to everyone, not like that just made me spew in
29:16
Speaker 1: my mouth stuff that. But but in terms of being
29:21
Speaker 1: real and going you know, I feel like, yes, you
29:24
Speaker 1: can talk about high performance, and you can talk about
29:27
Speaker 1: optimal nutrition and lifestyle and diet and building a brand
29:29
Speaker 1: and building a business and building wealth, and you know,
29:33
Speaker 1: you can talk about all of that and we do
29:35
Speaker 1: talk about all that, how do we think better, do better,
29:37
Speaker 1: create better, become better? How do we do that? Like
29:39
Speaker 1: what are the key you know, attributes and habits of
29:42
Speaker 1: high performers and all that shit, And there will always
29:45
Speaker 1: be a degree of that. But also when the person
29:48
Speaker 1: or persons that are talking about that go like, you
29:52
Speaker 1: can edit this if you want. But before we started,
29:54
Speaker 1: you felt kind of shit, and you go, I feel
29:57
Speaker 1: just physically exhausted. And I said, well, do you do
30:01
Speaker 1: you this is very real everybody. I said, do you
30:03
Speaker 1: want to put it off? Do you want to do
30:04
Speaker 1: it later? And you went, nah, I'll start because I
30:06
Speaker 1: might feel better. I often feel better through it, right,
30:09
Speaker 1: And so people aren't You're not going to watch Channel
30:12
Speaker 1: nine news and they're going to go, you know what,
30:14
Speaker 1: at the start of the news, I was a bit shit,
30:15
Speaker 1: but I feel better. Everyone like I've really you know,
30:18
Speaker 1: since Jane's done the weather, I've really picked up. And
30:21
Speaker 1: now at the end of the you know that's not happening.
30:24
Speaker 1: Neither should it happen on the news or on television,
30:26
Speaker 1: I guess. But it's like I like the fact that
30:29
Speaker 1: I can go, well, hey, everyone, Tiff and I had
30:31
Speaker 1: a chat before we press the go button, and she
30:34
Speaker 1: was feeling a bit rubbish and she said, but let's
30:36
Speaker 1: just fucking do it. You know. So your number at
30:39
Speaker 1: the start was too what is it now? Honestly good?
30:43
Speaker 2: Sis? Yeah, so it seeks now.
30:46
Speaker 1: That's good and I mean, yeah, so I love that
30:50
Speaker 1: transparency and it's funny. The thing I used to worry
30:54
Speaker 1: about and fear was that if people really knew what
30:56
Speaker 1: I was like, i'd be you know, they wouldn't listen
30:59
Speaker 1: to me, they would book me, they wouldn't want to
31:01
Speaker 1: talk to me, they wouldn't listen to my show. Wh
31:04
Speaker 1: rh right, bruh bah. It's all fear based bullshit because
31:07
Speaker 1: what it actually does as long as you're not being
31:10
Speaker 1: just a self loathing moron, right, oh yeah, I'm shit.
31:14
Speaker 1: No you're not. But you do fuck up, so go
31:17
Speaker 1: I fuck up. And sometimes I'm brilliant. Sometimes I'm the
31:21
Speaker 1: smartest in the room. Sometimes I'm the dumbest, and all
31:23
Speaker 1: of that's okay. But I think when you are you
31:26
Speaker 1: are real with people like that, Just like why I
31:30
Speaker 1: explained what we're doing today, like honestly, just too fucking
31:34
Speaker 1: hard to put together a big razzle dazzle, you know,
31:38
Speaker 1: twenty thirty people podcast with and let's do it live.
31:42
Speaker 1: Let's you know, and we'll have one hundred people in
31:44
Speaker 1: on the zoom call. And it's like, at this point
31:47
Speaker 1: in time, it's just logistically too hard. Could we do
31:51
Speaker 1: it at twenty five hundred or three thousand maybe, And
31:54
Speaker 1: if we can, then we might do it. But I mean,
31:57
Speaker 1: this is this is just where we're at.
31:59
Speaker 2: You know, hey around for three years, guys, Episode three
32:03
Speaker 2: thousand is going to be a doozy, is it?
32:06
Speaker 1: All right? So there's a bunch of people I want
32:07
Speaker 1: to thank before we jump in that are just either
32:12
Speaker 1: semi regulars or regulars. Bobby of course, Bobby Capuccio. I
32:19
Speaker 1: can't stay long because there's so many fucking people. Love Bobby,
32:21
Speaker 1: Patrick Baronello of course, Patrick James Bonello. Every Friday? Is
32:26
Speaker 1: it every Friday? Or second? It's every second, isn't it?
32:30
Speaker 1: Doctor Jody Richardson, Doctor Sam Casey, doctor Bill Sullivan, doctor
32:35
Speaker 1: Jeff Grows, doctor Denise Vanesse or Furnace, doctor Car McDonald,
32:39
Speaker 1: doctor Lillian in the Doctor Paul Taylor, the newly acquired PhD.
32:45
Speaker 1: Doctor Paul Taylor, well done you, Doctor Alex Kofeman, doctor
32:49
Speaker 1: Mark Cohen, doctor Hannah Coral, Jackie Lauder, Jeff Jout, Mick Hall,
32:54
Speaker 1: David Gillespie, fucking gillespo Win, a winner chicken dinner. All
32:59
Speaker 1: I want, all I want from Gillespow is a compliment.
33:02
Speaker 1: I can die happy when basically tells me, imagine if
33:07
Speaker 1: could you imagine this? I say something and Gillspoe goes, oh,
33:11
Speaker 1: I didn't know that, Thanks Craig. He's never going to
33:14
Speaker 1: fucking say that, right, It's like this, how insecure I am?
33:21
Speaker 1: I just want Gillispow to think I'm a bit smart,
33:23
Speaker 1: That's how insecure I am. And also around the crab
33:27
Speaker 1: who's you know, bigger and better than me and stronger
33:29
Speaker 1: than me in the gym. I know this is pathetic,
33:31
Speaker 1: That's all right, it's pathetic. I just want him to
33:34
Speaker 1: just fucking compliment me on something. I spent twenty years
33:37
Speaker 1: telling him he looks fucking amazing, and he basically goes, yes,
33:40
Speaker 1: I do.
33:41
Speaker 2: I'm like, ah, I love that both of those have
33:44
Speaker 2: once given me a compliment.
33:46
Speaker 1: Fucking hell, they all give you compliments. It's not fair, ah, Gillispow, Anna,
33:55
Speaker 1: God's worthy, my friend, Tommy Jacket, we love the Jacket,
33:58
Speaker 1: Rush Jarrett, Tara Jarrett, his lovely wife, Kelly Smith, who's
34:04
Speaker 1: been on a bunch lately. Kel's just hasn't Kell just
34:09
Speaker 1: fucking hasn't she just become the superstar? Uh huh, she's
34:14
Speaker 1: just hijacking that. She'll be We'll be trying to get
34:16
Speaker 1: on her show soon.
34:17
Speaker 2: It's exactly right, you'll hit number one.
34:22
Speaker 1: We might have to stifle her a bit. I think
34:24
Speaker 1: she's getting a bit too big for a breitches. We
34:26
Speaker 1: might have to just hold her back a little bit.
34:29
Speaker 1: Maddie landsdown. Of course, Mark Labasco I haven't had for
34:32
Speaker 1: a while, but Mark's probably been on I don't know
34:34
Speaker 1: six seven and he's been on about a million with you.
34:37
Speaker 1: Kate Saved, the Lovely Kate Saved from beefit Food, Nicki Morrison,
34:41
Speaker 1: the Angel, Jackie Cooper, five time Olympion, five time World Champion,
34:46
Speaker 1: ex athlete of Mine, Pete Shepherd, Brad Cunningham from the
34:52
Speaker 1: Fit Shop, Carly Taylor and also Carly Cunningham was on
34:56
Speaker 1: a bunch too. Carly Taylor, wife of Paul, who's a
34:59
Speaker 1: mate using Francis Sleech, Bianca Chatfield Chatters who hasn't been
35:03
Speaker 1: on for a while, Lucas aon. You know Lucas the
35:08
Speaker 1: the health wellness kind of biohacking. He's moved to Dubai,
35:14
Speaker 1: did you know that? By he's just living his best
35:19
Speaker 1: life over I think there are a few less rules
35:21
Speaker 1: and regulations over there. I don't know what that means,
35:24
Speaker 1: but I do know a few bodybuilders who go over
35:26
Speaker 1: there and come back mysteriously a little bit bigger. I
35:31
Speaker 1: don't think Lucas is doing any of that, by the way,
35:33
Speaker 1: but I do know quite a few bodybuilders who seem
35:35
Speaker 1: to enjoy their time over there, come back looking like
35:38
Speaker 1: a fucking cartoon character six months ago. They look like
35:41
Speaker 1: the bloke who delivers your pizza. I'm like, what's going on?
35:44
Speaker 1: What's going on with you? Cameron Swab, the Great Cameron Swab,
35:48
Speaker 1: Brad McEwan, Josh Peterman, Toby Morrison, Lisa Alexander, former coach
35:55
Speaker 1: of the Australian Diamonds, Andrew May, Steph prem and pastor
35:59
Speaker 1: Paul Pastor Paul Joy, who's one of the greatest illustrators
36:05
Speaker 1: in Australia, who's been on a bit but also comes
36:07
Speaker 1: to lots of events and helps out. So all right,
36:12
Speaker 1: anything else before we jump into these kind of this snapshot,
36:17
Speaker 1: this kind of eight year synopsis of thoughts and ideas
36:20
Speaker 1: and you know, strategies that we might share with the world,
36:25
Speaker 1: anything else you want to.
36:26
Speaker 2: Share night, Let's dive in, all right, we all.
36:30
Speaker 1: Know the typ is about sharing thoughts, ideas, stories, science,
36:34
Speaker 1: and inspiration with the intention of supporting and empowering you.
36:38
Speaker 1: You yep, you sitting there like a weirdo with you
36:40
Speaker 1: goofy fucking face. We love you, our audience. We love
36:45
Speaker 1: steering you towards and supporting you towards your best life.
36:48
Speaker 1: And today I'm going to do my best to summarize
36:50
Speaker 1: some of our key themes and messages over the last
36:53
Speaker 1: eight years and maybe turn it into a kind of
36:56
Speaker 1: a to do list, or at the very least, a
36:58
Speaker 1: to consider to do list, and to execute that. I'm
37:02
Speaker 1: going to bring the Yin and the Yang, the Carmen,
37:04
Speaker 1: the Storm, the Whippet, and the Golden Retriever into the conversation.
37:08
Speaker 1: And we're kicking off with the whippet. Of course we are, Hello, Whippet.
37:14
Speaker 1: Do you like that? I love that I wrote that.
37:17
Speaker 1: It's not often I write shit, but I thought the
37:20
Speaker 1: Yin and the Yang well, you're one of them. I
37:22
Speaker 1: don't know which, the Carmen, the Storm. We know which
37:24
Speaker 1: fucking one of those you are, and we know which
37:27
Speaker 1: one Melissa is. Melissa's like typ Mum and the whippet
37:32
Speaker 1: and the Golden Retriever. Well fucking say no more so.
37:37
Speaker 1: So all right, now I've written a bunch of kind
37:42
Speaker 1: of like I would say, you know, to do list
37:47
Speaker 1: items or things that you might consider that might help
37:51
Speaker 1: your life or help you in your life create better outcomes.
37:55
Speaker 1: Tiff Off, You.
37:56
Speaker 2: Go assume you could be wrong.
37:59
Speaker 1: Yes, I think it's great that we move through life
38:01
Speaker 1: assuming that we could be wrong, because when you assume
38:04
Speaker 1: that you cannot be wrong, shit gets messy. And so
38:07
Speaker 1: that is analogous to or the same as living in
38:10
Speaker 1: an echo chamber or at confirmation by central So, and
38:15
Speaker 1: we're very We're uncomfortable. Humans are uncomfortable being wrong. We
38:20
Speaker 1: like being right, We like knowing, and we like presenting
38:24
Speaker 1: ourselves as more knowing than the next person. And one
38:28
Speaker 1: of the problems with being unable to accept and express
38:35
Speaker 1: the truth that well, look this is what I think,
38:38
Speaker 1: but it could be wrong, is that we then make
38:41
Speaker 1: ourselves unteachable and when we need it's like when we
38:46
Speaker 1: need to be right, like you think about I heard
38:48
Speaker 1: Simon Sinek talking about this very recently. Tiffany was talking
38:53
Speaker 1: about the fact that and I've said this, but he
38:56
Speaker 1: articulated it better than me. He was saying, everyone who's
38:59
Speaker 1: evil doesn't think evil. Everyone who's don't doing the wrong
39:02
Speaker 1: thing doesn't think they're doing the wrong thing. Like everyone
39:06
Speaker 1: who believes they're absolutely right believes they are absolutely right.
39:09
Speaker 1: And therefore, believing that you are absolutely right means that
39:13
Speaker 1: everyone who doesn't align with you is absolutely wrong. Now,
39:17
Speaker 1: even if you just think about that, and I'm not
39:20
Speaker 1: saying anyone's right or wrong. I'm not making any judgment
39:23
Speaker 1: on anything that you believe. But even if we just
39:27
Speaker 1: hit the fucking brakes for a moment and go, yeah,
39:31
Speaker 1: I can't get everything right, Like I've got to be
39:34
Speaker 1: wrong about things. And then not only the acceptance that
39:38
Speaker 1: I will be wrong and I could be wrong numerous
39:40
Speaker 1: times a day. Well that's the acknowledgment. But then the
39:44
Speaker 1: next part is being okay with that and being okay
39:48
Speaker 1: with being wrong. You know, we are especially right now.
39:53
Speaker 1: There's so I don't even want to open the door
39:54
Speaker 1: on what it is but we all know what's going
39:56
Speaker 1: on at the moment, and we've just got all these
40:00
Speaker 1: different groups shouting at each other, and you never see
40:03
Speaker 1: someone from Group A come out and go, you know what.
40:06
Speaker 1: I listened to Group B and TIF. I've got to
40:09
Speaker 1: tell you that they really made some strong points, and
40:12
Speaker 1: I realized that me and my brethren and Group A
40:15
Speaker 1: are probably probably wrong about this particular thing. So I'm
40:19
Speaker 1: actually I've changed my mind. I've let go of that belief.
40:24
Speaker 1: I've actually got a new belief, or at the very least,
40:27
Speaker 1: I'm quite willing to admit that I could be wrong
40:30
Speaker 1: on this. But nobody does that because everybody's fucking addicted
40:34
Speaker 1: to being right, because everybody's scared of being wrong yet,
40:39
Speaker 1: but it's an unavoidable part of the human experience. It's
40:42
Speaker 1: so stupid that you think you can't be wrong, and
40:45
Speaker 1: people will go, oh, yeah, of course I get things wrong.
40:47
Speaker 1: Yeah no, But in the moment, nobody accepts that they
40:50
Speaker 1: might be. Like if someone's in an argument, or if
40:53
Speaker 1: someone's just you know, throwing hate on the internet, and
40:57
Speaker 1: then somebody else writes back and makes a really valid point.
41:00
Speaker 1: Show me the time where someone ever said on any
41:04
Speaker 1: fucking platform. I thought about what you said in response
41:07
Speaker 1: to what I said, and I actually think I'm wrong
41:10
Speaker 1: and you're right. Like that never happens. So I mean,
41:14
Speaker 1: just that is something to think about. So navigating life,
41:17
Speaker 1: being comfortable enough and humble enough and courageous enough to
41:24
Speaker 1: know that you can be wrong. I just think that
41:26
Speaker 1: it's absolutely crucial for not only for our growth and development,
41:31
Speaker 1: but also for connection, trust, respect, rapport. Like if all
41:36
Speaker 1: you're ever doing is yelling or disagreeing with people who
41:39
Speaker 1: aren't like you or don't think like you, you're just
41:42
Speaker 1: in a cult. You're just in a cult.
41:45
Speaker 2: Number two, Yeah, do a hard thing to get a
41:49
Speaker 2: good thing.
41:50
Speaker 1: Oh, we love this. This is just another way of
41:52
Speaker 1: saying something we say often. But we know that. You know,
41:54
Speaker 1: it's not about getting to the top of the mountain.
41:56
Speaker 1: It's about the climate. It's about doing the hard thing
41:58
Speaker 1: to get the view, to get to the finish line.
42:01
Speaker 1: And sometimes the good thing is not the view, and
42:03
Speaker 1: it's not the finish line, it's not even the top
42:06
Speaker 1: of the mountains. Sometimes the good thing is the growth.
42:09
Speaker 1: Sometime is the transformation. Sometimes it's the it's the the understanding,
42:15
Speaker 1: the awareness, the resilience, the insight, the knowledge that you
42:19
Speaker 1: gain in doing that thing. Like we think it's all
42:22
Speaker 1: about the finish line, and then we realize, oh, it's
42:26
Speaker 1: got nothing to do with it finish line. It's not
42:28
Speaker 1: about what I achieve, It's about who I become doing
42:31
Speaker 1: that thing, you know. And I think for this is
42:34
Speaker 1: my perspective, but I think for like most of the
42:38
Speaker 1: people that I work with, So that's a very specific group.
42:41
Speaker 1: So I'm not talking on a global level, but I
42:44
Speaker 1: think most of the people that I work with and coach,
42:47
Speaker 1: and I would think a fair percentage of the people
42:49
Speaker 1: that listen to us, they don't need to change their
42:54
Speaker 1: external world situation, circumstance environment as much as they need
42:58
Speaker 1: to change their internal one. Because when I'm different but
43:01
Speaker 1: in the same situation, my experience in the same situation
43:05
Speaker 1: is different. You know, when I'm better, when I'm more resilient,
43:08
Speaker 1: when I'm more solution focused, when I've got better energy,
43:11
Speaker 1: when I'm sleeping better, when I'm eating better, when I'm
43:14
Speaker 1: when I'm consciously and proactively working on being a better me,
43:18
Speaker 1: then my life experience in general is better. So my
43:24
Speaker 1: life's situation might might stay the same, but my life
43:27
Speaker 1: experience is better, and that's because I'm doing the hard
43:31
Speaker 1: thing to get the good thing.
43:33
Speaker 2: I love that.
43:34
Speaker 1: What are you writing down there?
43:36
Speaker 2: I'm just writing a little note on that, maybe to
43:39
Speaker 2: unpack in a different episode.
43:41
Speaker 1: Yeah good, Yeah, yeah good, Next one.
43:44
Speaker 2: Next one. I really like spend time with people who
43:47
Speaker 2: aren't like you.
43:48
Speaker 1: Oh yes, sorry, I'll cut you off, and so say
43:52
Speaker 1: it again, my bad.
43:53
Speaker 2: Spend time with people who aren't like you.
43:56
Speaker 1: Yeah. I love this because I feel like now, I
44:00
Speaker 1: don't mean only spend time with people who aren't like you,
44:03
Speaker 1: but I think being around people who don't share perhaps
44:05
Speaker 1: our culture or our experiences, or our background, or our
44:09
Speaker 1: ideas or philosophy or theology or sociology.
44:14
Speaker 2: You know.
44:16
Speaker 1: Probably a really easy example for me is going to
44:18
Speaker 1: university for the second time at fifty six and literally
44:22
Speaker 1: being thirty years older on average than everyone who's doing
44:25
Speaker 1: a PhD, and being the old guy in a room.
44:29
Speaker 1: I think in my room there was probably I don't
44:32
Speaker 1: know eight ten people. They were all half my age.
44:36
Speaker 1: They're all from different backgrounds and religions and ethnicities and cultures,
44:41
Speaker 1: and they're all fucking amazing. Like, there was truly no
44:45
Speaker 1: one that I didn't like, like I liked all of them,
44:49
Speaker 1: and none of them, thank God for them, none of
44:51
Speaker 1: them were like me. It just it was like, oh,
44:56
Speaker 1: it's just going there. Apart from the research much that
45:00
Speaker 1: I was doing, but just being in that environment, I
45:02
Speaker 1: learned so much because you know, I tend to, naturally,
45:08
Speaker 1: as most of us do, kind of hang out with
45:10
Speaker 1: people who were a bit like us.
45:13
Speaker 2: What did you learn about you that surprised you in
45:18
Speaker 2: that Yeah, in that well, yeah, specifically in being around
45:23
Speaker 2: other people, out of that echo chamber of being in
45:26
Speaker 2: the gym with people, in the podcast with people.
45:30
Speaker 1: I just got really interested in, not from an insecurity
45:34
Speaker 1: point of view, but from a curiosity point of view.
45:37
Speaker 1: I got really interested in how I am for others, which,
45:41
Speaker 1: and this was even before I actually got the research
45:44
Speaker 1: focus for my PhD. My original focus or my original
45:48
Speaker 1: topic was motivation. So the first three or four months
45:51
Speaker 1: my PhD was all about motivation and a bunch of
45:56
Speaker 1: issues around that, but it just was going to be
45:59
Speaker 1: very problematic. But so I changed and part of that
46:02
Speaker 1: was talking with one of the young women in the
46:06
Speaker 1: room about about this thing about understanding how you are
46:12
Speaker 1: for others, and I can't remember the exact conversation, but
46:16
Speaker 1: I was thinking it. I wonder if it was weird
46:19
Speaker 1: for them, because there's you know, there's ten people in
46:21
Speaker 1: the room, and nine of them are somewhere between you know,
46:24
Speaker 1: twenty two and thirty or twenty three and thirty. And
46:28
Speaker 1: then there's this bloke who literally is probably older than
46:31
Speaker 1: most of their parents, sitting in the farka becal listening
46:34
Speaker 1: to fucking James Taylor in his nine sixty four headphones
46:40
Speaker 1: and you know, so not the same. Yeah, but I
46:45
Speaker 1: I felt energized. I'm like, oh God, I love and
46:49
Speaker 1: you know what else, Also, when you go into that room,
46:54
Speaker 1: nobody has any history with you, so nobody knows you.
46:58
Speaker 1: Nobody has any expel dictations of you, maybe other than
47:02
Speaker 1: just expectations we'd have of any decent human. But nobody thinks, oh,
47:07
Speaker 1: that's such and such he does this, or he does that.
47:09
Speaker 1: The only thing they really knew about me was that
47:12
Speaker 1: I was sitting in that cubicle over there, and I
47:15
Speaker 1: was old, and you know eventually what I was researching,
47:19
Speaker 1: and obviously we got to know each other over time.
47:23
Speaker 1: But they didn't know I had a podcast. They didn't
47:26
Speaker 1: know that i'd owned gym's. They didn't know that I'd
47:29
Speaker 1: written books, they didn't know that I'd worked in media,
47:32
Speaker 1: and not that those things are things to hang my
47:35
Speaker 1: hat on, but like a lot of the things that
47:37
Speaker 1: people know me for or recognize me for, they had
47:41
Speaker 1: none of that. So it was nice to go in
47:43
Speaker 1: almost as a blank social canvas. You know. It's like,
47:49
Speaker 1: this is just this is just me in a room
47:51
Speaker 1: with people and I have nothing or I don't want
47:54
Speaker 1: to impress them with any stories. I just want to
47:59
Speaker 1: be here and go. I'm a student, your students, you
48:02
Speaker 1: do your shit. I'll do my shit. And you know,
48:04
Speaker 1: can you show me where the photocopy is or can
48:07
Speaker 1: you tell me how to open this file or can
48:09
Speaker 1: you tell me how to turn this on? You know,
48:11
Speaker 1: just that was great.
48:13
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's literally a year since I went to India
48:16
Speaker 2: right now, and I remember before going that was my
48:20
Speaker 2: one thing was I just wanted to be away from
48:23
Speaker 2: everyone and everything that was familiar, to see who right,
48:29
Speaker 2: to see who was left behind in me in my identity.
48:32
Speaker 2: I loved that.
48:33
Speaker 1: It is It's good in that environment where nobody really
48:38
Speaker 1: has any particular expectations of you based on what they
48:41
Speaker 1: know about you because they don't know you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
48:46
Speaker 1: yeah yeah. It's funny. It's funny. I've had this, I've
48:50
Speaker 1: spoken about this, but where you know, I go to
48:53
Speaker 1: some places and I'm there to do a gig, and
48:55
Speaker 1: I'm there because it might be a public gig where
48:58
Speaker 1: everyone that's booked knows me or knows me or has
49:00
Speaker 1: listened to me or read me, and nearly everyone in
49:03
Speaker 1: the room likes me. There's probably a few ringings like
49:06
Speaker 1: who the fuck is this and why did you bring
49:08
Speaker 1: me to this? But that environment is just a beautiful,
49:13
Speaker 1: great energy. You go in, you feel special, you feel seen,
49:17
Speaker 1: you feel fucking great, and you know your egos getting
49:20
Speaker 1: stroked and your fucking self esteems through the roof and
49:23
Speaker 1: you're like, fuck, I'm amazing. And then you go, I've
49:27
Speaker 1: told you this story, and I went from literally that
49:30
Speaker 1: in Sydney to the Quantus Club. Do you remember this story?
49:34
Speaker 2: Yes? Yes?
49:36
Speaker 1: And so I've gone from that environment where I'm the
49:38
Speaker 1: fucking king of the castle and I'm just fucking up.
49:41
Speaker 1: My shit doesn't stink. I'm so good, so by the way, everyone,
49:44
Speaker 1: I'm fucking great, and then I walk into the Quantus club.
49:48
Speaker 1: And you know, at this stage, I guess I'm a
49:50
Speaker 1: fifty eight year old bloke wheeling a fucking case. And
49:54
Speaker 1: this lady looked at me and smiled, and she was
49:58
Speaker 1: half my age and smiled, and I'm like, well, of
50:01
Speaker 1: course she's smiling at me. I'm Craig fucking Harper, smile
50:04
Speaker 1: of what right. And here's the thing. Of course, she
50:09
Speaker 1: wasn't fucking looking at me. She was looking past me,
50:11
Speaker 1: at a much younger, better, hotter version of me. She
50:15
Speaker 1: was looking at him, smiling at him. And then she
50:17
Speaker 1: caught me looking all fucking glib, all fucking look, look
50:21
Speaker 1: at you looking at me and me just so I
50:23
Speaker 1: just smiled back at her like a weird fucking granddad,
50:26
Speaker 1: and she basically just snit like she just had this
50:31
Speaker 1: scowl on her face because I was and I went,
50:34
Speaker 1: that's right, You're just an old guy with a case
50:36
Speaker 1: in the Countess club. You're fucking no one. Go sit
50:39
Speaker 1: in your corner and get a coffee and a dry biscuits,
50:42
Speaker 1: dry biscuit you fuck with. And it was the best
50:46
Speaker 1: thing ever. It was the best thing ever, because I'm like,
50:49
Speaker 1: you just get fucking carried away with yourself it's so easy.
50:54
Speaker 1: It's so easy. That's why I've got to keep going.
50:59
Speaker 1: You're not You're not the reason they're there.
51:02
Speaker 2: It's the danger, though, isn't it right. We live in
51:04
Speaker 2: the lives that we live, and we be and if
51:08
Speaker 2: we put on a mask, like I've been reading a
51:11
Speaker 2: lot about Carl Jung and the persona and the mask,
51:14
Speaker 2: and it's like we present a mask in different environments.
51:18
Speaker 2: If you just stay in that environment, keep wearing that mask,
51:21
Speaker 2: you just think that's you. And then you step through
51:23
Speaker 2: a door into another place and then you're like, oh,
51:26
Speaker 2: who is this? Where am I? When do I go?
51:29
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah? And how do I be? And who do
51:33
Speaker 1: I be in this room? Because if I'm the same
51:35
Speaker 1: as I was in that room, it ain't going to
51:37
Speaker 1: work in this room. But then then how do I
51:40
Speaker 1: amalgamate me, the person with me, the persona that shows
51:44
Speaker 1: up in front of people without being disingenuous? How do
51:48
Speaker 1: I be? You know, it's like you coming on the
51:50
Speaker 1: show going I don't feel great, but that ain't great
51:55
Speaker 1: on a podcast. So you're not being insincere or you're
51:59
Speaker 1: not being fake, but you can't come well, you can,
52:02
Speaker 1: but it's probably not great. You can't get on this
52:05
Speaker 1: show or your show and go hi Ruan Nam. Look,
52:08
Speaker 1: I know it's a two thousandth episode, but fucking hell,
52:10
Speaker 1: my bum hurts, and you know I've got to I've
52:15
Speaker 1: got I don't.
52:16
Speaker 2: Know, I'm just making sort of feeling crap guys.
52:19
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I haven't done a pooh sense
52:21
Speaker 1: fucking sad day and I'm a bit sad. And yeah
52:25
Speaker 1: you can't. You just got to go. But you get
52:28
Speaker 1: on and you do what you do, right, but you
52:30
Speaker 1: can still. Yeah, I think that's the the juggling act
52:34
Speaker 1: of trying to be authentic but also be the person
52:39
Speaker 1: that is good to be around without being a fraud.
52:43
Speaker 1: Like I want to be a person that people want
52:45
Speaker 1: to be around, not from insecurity or fear, but because
52:49
Speaker 1: who the fuck doesn't want to be that person?
52:52
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it almost links to doing the three things
52:55
Speaker 2: you just spoke about, doing hard things, spending time with
52:57
Speaker 2: people that aren't like you, because that's uncomfortable, Like it's
53:01
Speaker 2: uncomfortable to go and do something that you haven't done,
53:04
Speaker 2: but that's when you learn what it's like to feel
53:07
Speaker 2: uncomfortable in different situations. Then you see who you are
53:11
Speaker 2: all the time. And you learn to manage that and
53:13
Speaker 2: then you show up as the same person.
53:15
Speaker 1: Mm. Yeah, one hundred percent. I feel like the next
53:18
Speaker 1: two on the list you maybe share them both, because
53:20
Speaker 1: I think we've kind of almost covered those in the
53:23
Speaker 1: prior conversation. But do you want to share those?
53:26
Speaker 2: Yeah, so say I don't know, he's the next one, yep, yep.
53:30
Speaker 1: So we've said that. Were just it's just like, I
53:34
Speaker 1: just think it's actually quite liberating, if you know. You know,
53:36
Speaker 1: but I remember many times being on radio on sen
53:39
Speaker 1: Melbourne's Homosport and people going that ask me medical questions
53:43
Speaker 1: on air. I go, well, one, haven't seen your knee. Two,
53:46
Speaker 1: I can't hear the clicking from here. Three not a doctor,
53:50
Speaker 1: so don't know, you know, thanks for your call, Brian.
53:55
Speaker 1: Next and the next one.
53:59
Speaker 2: Do what scares you?
54:00
Speaker 1: Yeah? I think we could do a whole episode around,
54:03
Speaker 1: and we've done We've probably done one or two. But
54:07
Speaker 1: I'd love to even do a workshop on courage and
54:10
Speaker 1: you know what that is and how that manifests. And
54:14
Speaker 1: I think, you know, like when some people, well intending
54:20
Speaker 1: people talk about, you know, being fucking fearless, I'm like, yeah,
54:24
Speaker 1: don't be fearless. That's fucking stupid. It's like, there are
54:27
Speaker 1: lots of things you should be fearful of or scared of,
54:31
Speaker 1: because that's evolutionarily wired into your brain to keep you
54:38
Speaker 1: safe and to protect you from threats. So fear actually
54:43
Speaker 1: plays a very preserving role, like it's but then there's
54:49
Speaker 1: you know, there's what you would call logical reasonable fears,
54:52
Speaker 1: perhaps life saving fears, and then the ones that are
54:56
Speaker 1: basically an emotional and a psychological prison that keep you trapped,
55:02
Speaker 1: either emotionally or psychologically or behaviorally or even for some
55:07
Speaker 1: people with agrophobia and things like that sociologically where you
55:10
Speaker 1: scared to talk or scared to go out or And
55:14
Speaker 1: so when I say, you know, do what scares you,
55:19
Speaker 1: I don't mean run out and just the thing that
55:21
Speaker 1: you're terrorize. Just fucking get over yourself and go do it.
55:24
Speaker 1: But maybe there's a maybe there's a one out of
55:29
Speaker 1: a hundred little step that you could take. Maybe there's
55:31
Speaker 1: a maybe there's a door that you could crack open
55:34
Speaker 1: and just have a look in. Maybe you could move
55:36
Speaker 1: the needle a tiny bit. And like, there's nobody listening
55:41
Speaker 1: to this that doesn't want to be courageous. There's Nobody
55:45
Speaker 1: listening to this that doesn't want to be mentally and
55:49
Speaker 1: emotionally strong. There's nobody listening that wants to lack resilience. Nobody,
55:55
Speaker 1: But for most of us, some of us I think
55:59
Speaker 1: are just more coreage just than others. I'm not one.
56:01
Speaker 1: I'm not one. For me. The courage and the resilience
56:07
Speaker 1: and the competence and the confidence and the skill just
56:11
Speaker 1: evolves as you keep allowing yourself to be scared while
56:17
Speaker 1: doing it, you know, like I did a or the
56:20
Speaker 1: other day I did one, didn't I I'm not afraid
56:23
Speaker 1: to be afraid, or don't be Tom Cruise said that,
56:26
Speaker 1: which is hilarious that I'm quoting Tom Cruise, But when
56:29
Speaker 1: he said that, I don't know if that's I actually
56:30
Speaker 1: think it's original because I tried to find the original source.
56:34
Speaker 1: But he said, like, they'll talk about his stunts and
56:36
Speaker 1: all of that that he does, and like, why the
56:38
Speaker 1: fuck would you? He doesn't need to, but he does,
56:42
Speaker 1: and he's like, I'm not afraid of being afraid, and
56:46
Speaker 1: I'm like, I love that. I thought, yeah, that is
56:49
Speaker 1: that is a really simple, nice way of saying something
56:52
Speaker 1: that can be profoundly life changing, and so many people
56:58
Speaker 1: are so scared of so many different things, and whether
57:01
Speaker 1: or not that's spiders, or whether or not it's having
57:03
Speaker 1: a hard conversation, or whether or not it's heights, or
57:07
Speaker 1: whether it's not it's going for a job interview, or
57:12
Speaker 1: trying to learn to swim at fifty or to understand technology,
57:17
Speaker 1: you know, whatever it is, like, it's only relevant to us.
57:20
Speaker 1: But it's in the doing, in the middle of the
57:23
Speaker 1: fear that again, that we become who we want to become,
57:26
Speaker 1: or a better version. Hit the pause button, Hit the
57:32
Speaker 1: pause button. I feel like, to me, life for many
57:37
Speaker 1: people is I've spoken about this, but a groundhog day
57:41
Speaker 1: of repetition and doing the things that don't work, and
57:47
Speaker 1: life and relationships and career and you know, all of
57:51
Speaker 1: these it has its own energy. It's like I've used
57:55
Speaker 1: this metaphor before, but it's my favorite, so I'm going
57:58
Speaker 1: to use it again. And it's like, you're life is
58:00
Speaker 1: like a river and it's got its own energy, it's
58:03
Speaker 1: got its own current, it's flowing in a certain direction.
58:05
Speaker 1: It's powerful. And in this metaphor, we're in the river.
58:10
Speaker 1: You're in your life. You're in the river and the
58:13
Speaker 1: energy and the momentum of that river or that life
58:18
Speaker 1: will take you in the direction that it's currently headed.
58:22
Speaker 1: If you don't find a way to hit the pause button,
58:26
Speaker 1: if you don't find a way to extract yourself, either
58:31
Speaker 1: theoretically or practically for a while. It might be an hour,
58:35
Speaker 1: it might be a week, where you get away from
58:37
Speaker 1: your life and your job, and your environment and your
58:39
Speaker 1: situation and certain relationships, where you just go somewhere so
58:44
Speaker 1: you can go, all right, what do I want the
58:45
Speaker 1: next year or two or five to look like? And
58:47
Speaker 1: I think you know, being able to metaphorically swim to
58:51
Speaker 1: the side of the river to get out of the river.
58:55
Speaker 1: Now we can see the river, we can see what's happening.
58:58
Speaker 1: When we're on the side of the river. We have
59:00
Speaker 1: a perspective and an awareness and an understanding that no
59:04
Speaker 1: one can get in the river. And this is why
59:07
Speaker 1: being in the river twenty four to seven, three hundred
59:10
Speaker 1: and sixty five days of the year is a sure
59:13
Speaker 1: way to end up in a place you don't want
59:15
Speaker 1: to be. Because now you are a passenger in the river.
59:21
Speaker 1: You're not driving the boat. You know, you're not driving
59:24
Speaker 1: the metaphoric bus. You're not the bus driving now you're
59:27
Speaker 1: the passenger on the bus, and then this one. You know,
59:29
Speaker 1: you're the stick in the river. You're the leaf on
59:31
Speaker 1: the top of the river getting taken wherever the river
59:34
Speaker 1: wants to tell you take you. And I think that,
59:38
Speaker 1: you know, hitting the pause button to me is analogous
59:42
Speaker 1: to doing a stock taken. All right, where am I? Now?
59:45
Speaker 1: What am I doing? What's my life telling me? What's
59:48
Speaker 1: my body telling me? What's my bank account, what's my career,
59:50
Speaker 1: what's my relationships, what's my spiritual life, what's my mental health? Like,
59:58
Speaker 1: what's everything telling me? What we're doing is we're trying
1:00:01
Speaker 1: to get a little bit of distance from the the
1:00:03
Speaker 1: repetition of the foreverness and the continuity of us and
1:00:10
Speaker 1: our life. And it's like so many people have said
1:00:13
Speaker 1: to me, and I'm sure you tif I get so
1:00:17
Speaker 1: much clarity when i'm away, like on holidays. I'm not
1:00:21
Speaker 1: in my house, I'm not around my friends, I'm not
1:00:23
Speaker 1: doing my job, but I'm away. And it's like you
1:00:26
Speaker 1: when you were in the Humalayas, You're the same person.
1:00:31
Speaker 1: You still got to sleep, you still got to you
1:00:33
Speaker 1: still got to pooh, you still got to do all
1:00:35
Speaker 1: the things that you've got to do. You're still gotta
1:00:37
Speaker 1: You're still a human, but you're just a human in
1:00:40
Speaker 1: another context. And when you're in a different context or
1:00:44
Speaker 1: a different situation or a different geographical location, you are
1:00:49
Speaker 1: the same, but you're not the same. Like I bet
1:00:53
Speaker 1: you literally felt different over there. Yeah, you're like, I'm
1:00:59
Speaker 1: like different, what is that about? And that's because consciously
1:01:05
Speaker 1: or not, the breaks will put on your Australian life,
1:01:09
Speaker 1: like everything's you know, the environment, the people, the repetition,
1:01:12
Speaker 1: the continuity, the groundhog Danus, Well that's all put on hold.
1:01:16
Speaker 1: Now you're in another part of the world with different people,
1:01:19
Speaker 1: in a different environment, in nature, having different its. Oh fuck,
1:01:22
Speaker 1: you can see things now because you're not in the river.
1:01:26
Speaker 1: You're not in the river. You weigh up the mountain
1:01:29
Speaker 1: above the river and you're going, oh fuck, I'm not
1:01:31
Speaker 1: sure I want to be in that river, or I'm
1:01:33
Speaker 1: not sure I want to be going in the direction
1:01:34
Speaker 1: that that river's currently taken me. Maybe I need a paddle,
1:01:38
Speaker 1: or maybe I never need to walk over to that
1:01:40
Speaker 1: other river, or maybe I need to just stay the
1:01:43
Speaker 1: fuck out of the river for a day or a
1:01:45
Speaker 1: week or a month to get clarity. I don't want
1:01:47
Speaker 1: to jump back into the thing that isn't really working.
1:01:50
Speaker 1: Oh but all I know is the river. Yeah, the river.
1:01:54
Speaker 1: I'm always in the river. I'm familiar with the river.
1:01:56
Speaker 1: I'm comfortable with the river. There's a level of certainty
1:01:59
Speaker 1: about the river. So I'm getting back in the river.
1:02:01
Speaker 1: Fuck the river. Maybe the river's not where you should be.
1:02:04
Speaker 1: Maybe it's the mountain you should be, or maybe it's
1:02:06
Speaker 1: a different river. Well, maybe you need to be in
1:02:09
Speaker 1: the same river but with a different focus, you know.
1:02:12
Speaker 1: And I think for me, like hitting the pause button
1:02:16
Speaker 1: on your life metaphorically and in some ways practically it's
1:02:22
Speaker 1: a gift, like, yeah, I won't bore everyone with my stories,
1:02:26
Speaker 1: but numerous times I've taken.
1:02:28
Speaker 2: How often do you hit pause? And how does that
1:02:31
Speaker 2: look for you?
1:02:36
Speaker 1: Because I spend most of my life alone, Like I
1:02:39
Speaker 1: don't you know, I live by myself and I probably
1:02:42
Speaker 1: only am talking to people four hours a day if that,
1:02:46
Speaker 1: so I'm by myself twenty hours a day, so I
1:02:48
Speaker 1: do get a lot of time for reflection and and.
1:02:52
Speaker 2: But that's still in your own environment, that is that is.
1:02:55
Speaker 1: And yeah, that is a really good point. I think
1:02:58
Speaker 1: right now, if I'm being brave and honest. I've probably
1:03:02
Speaker 1: lost a little bit of that because of the demands
1:03:07
Speaker 1: of what I'm currently in the middle of with my UNI.
1:03:10
Speaker 1: It's like very I can't just say, hey fuck, I'm
1:03:13
Speaker 1: not doing it for a month. But I'm very much
1:03:15
Speaker 1: excited about life beyond. Like I'm very much excited about
1:03:20
Speaker 1: life next year. Yeah. It's like I don't even take holidays,
1:03:26
Speaker 1: you know, but fortunately with my work, like I do travel,
1:03:29
Speaker 1: I do stay in nice places and I do get
1:03:31
Speaker 1: to be in other bits of Australia and periodically the world.
1:03:35
Speaker 1: But I think I am due for a stock take myself. Yeah,
1:03:43
Speaker 1: but I think it's important that we all do it.
1:03:45
Speaker 2: Yeah, Set anti girls, that's the next one, Set anti goals.
1:03:50
Speaker 1: Yeah. So I've spoken about these, maybe I don't know,
1:03:55
Speaker 1: fifteen times in eight years. What's that twice a year?
1:03:58
Speaker 1: So for me, an anti gool is the thing that
1:04:00
Speaker 1: you don't want. It's what don't you want in your life. Well,
1:04:04
Speaker 1: I don't want to work in an office. Oh, I
1:04:07
Speaker 1: don't want to be in an unhealthy relationship. I don't
1:04:12
Speaker 1: want to have habits that are self destructive. I don't
1:04:16
Speaker 1: I you know, it's trying to get clear about Sometimes
1:04:20
Speaker 1: in order to find clarity about what we really truly want,
1:04:25
Speaker 1: we need to first sometimes get clear about what we
1:04:28
Speaker 1: don't want. And so an example of that was, or
1:04:32
Speaker 1: an example of that is, you know, me figuring out
1:04:34
Speaker 1: when I was young that I didn't want a boss
1:04:36
Speaker 1: per se. But I didn't know what the alternative would
1:04:39
Speaker 1: look like. I just know, I just knew that what
1:04:43
Speaker 1: I don't want is I don't want a nine to five.
1:04:47
Speaker 1: I didn't for one moment think they were bad. I
1:04:50
Speaker 1: just didn't think that was for me, and it's not
1:04:52
Speaker 1: for me. And so I figured out, all right, I
1:04:55
Speaker 1: don't want to wear a suit. I don't want to
1:04:56
Speaker 1: sit at a desk with l fucking you know, fluo
1:04:59
Speaker 1: lights buzzing over my head. I don't want to I
1:05:04
Speaker 1: don't want to clock in and clock out, And I
1:05:06
Speaker 1: don't want to do basically a form of the same
1:05:09
Speaker 1: or similar thing every day. No disrespect to anyone who
1:05:12
Speaker 1: has a job that looks like that, that's just not me.
1:05:16
Speaker 1: But I didn't know for a long time exactly what
1:05:20
Speaker 1: the thing was that I did want because I didn't
1:05:23
Speaker 1: have I had no experience, as in, you know, building
1:05:27
Speaker 1: something or developing something, or being an entrepreneur or conceptualizing
1:05:31
Speaker 1: something and then turning that theoretical thing in my head
1:05:35
Speaker 1: into a real world in a real thing in the world.
1:05:39
Speaker 1: But you know, I think that I think that that
1:05:44
Speaker 1: just helps with the goal setting process sometimes because so
1:05:47
Speaker 1: many people have said to me when I say, well,
1:05:50
Speaker 1: you know what, what's your ideal job, and they go,
1:05:53
Speaker 1: I don't know, but I'd like to be somewhere where
1:05:56
Speaker 1: they're not. And I go, well, let's let's figure out
1:05:58
Speaker 1: what your ideal job is, you know. Or it's like,
1:06:04
Speaker 1: you know, what would you love to do with your life?
1:06:07
Speaker 1: I'm not sure? All right, Well, let's talk about the
1:06:11
Speaker 1: stuff that you're doing now that might be working or
1:06:14
Speaker 1: might not be working. Let's do it as we said before,
1:06:17
Speaker 1: Let's do a stock take or a treasure hunt or
1:06:20
Speaker 1: whatever we want to call it on your current operating system.
1:06:24
Speaker 1: And let's like if we think about you think the
1:06:26
Speaker 1: way tif that if we have a business, we have
1:06:30
Speaker 1: a business development plan. If we have money and we
1:06:34
Speaker 1: want to build wealth, we have a financial plan. You know.
1:06:38
Speaker 1: If we have a car, we get it serviced regularly
1:06:40
Speaker 1: and we look after it. And basically for everything we
1:06:44
Speaker 1: have strategies, plans to do, lists, accountability, but so many
1:06:51
Speaker 1: people do not really have an actual plan, strategy, process,
1:06:57
Speaker 1: accountability system for their life. And so when we start
1:07:03
Speaker 1: to live proactively and intentionally rather than reactively and unintentionally,
1:07:14
Speaker 1: then we can start to build a life based on
1:07:17
Speaker 1: the things that matter to us. So we don't wake
1:07:19
Speaker 1: up at fifty and go, how the fuck did I
1:07:21
Speaker 1: end up here? Well, at the risk of hurting your feelings,
1:07:25
Speaker 1: you ended up there primarily because of your choices and actions,
1:07:29
Speaker 1: Like that's the answer. That's the answer. Which is not
1:07:32
Speaker 1: to say you didn't have a hard time or you
1:07:34
Speaker 1: didn't have real challenges, not to say that, but even
1:07:37
Speaker 1: someone like Johnny, who you know and love, who's got
1:07:40
Speaker 1: so many challenges, but just in the middle of all
1:07:43
Speaker 1: of the shit that he can't control, which is a
1:07:46
Speaker 1: lot of things, spinal cord injury, brain injury, severe pain,
1:07:51
Speaker 1: very restricted mobility, you know, a whole lot of things
1:07:55
Speaker 1: that he can't change. So what he does is he goes, well,
1:07:58
Speaker 1: what can I do? And he controls that. He comes
1:08:02
Speaker 1: to the gym. Sometimes he's in so much pain he's
1:08:05
Speaker 1: got to go home again. Sometimes he's okay. Sometimes his
1:08:08
Speaker 1: legs start spasming and shaking so bad that I need
1:08:11
Speaker 1: to sit him down or almost lie him down, just
1:08:14
Speaker 1: to stop that that thing that's going on in his body.
1:08:18
Speaker 1: You know. Sometimes he's happy, sometimes he's a bit sad.
1:08:21
Speaker 1: Sometimes he's emotional because he's got a TBI, you know,
1:08:25
Speaker 1: but we just love him, you know. So there's despite
1:08:28
Speaker 1: the despite the difficulty, like and this is the thing.
1:08:34
Speaker 1: It's of course, it's fucking hard. Of course, of course
1:08:38
Speaker 1: we get it. But if we don't control our life,
1:08:42
Speaker 1: our life will be controlled either by others or by environment,
1:08:47
Speaker 1: and the situation steps down off soapbox number eight.
1:08:53
Speaker 2: Loosen the grip on your identity.
1:08:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think identity is a really interesting one because
1:09:00
Speaker 1: we all see ourselves a certain way, and we all
1:09:04
Speaker 1: and that's not always good, of course, sometimes that's very negative.
1:09:08
Speaker 1: But we also want to present ourselves a certain way
1:09:11
Speaker 1: to the world because we all want love and attention
1:09:14
Speaker 1: and approval, and some of us don't want attention, to
1:09:17
Speaker 1: be honest, but we have an identity, and that identity
1:09:21
Speaker 1: might be the way that we live, or it might
1:09:23
Speaker 1: be our religion or our spiritual beliefs, or it might
1:09:26
Speaker 1: be our job, or it might be our academic achievements.
1:09:31
Speaker 1: But the problem, as I see it, with having a
1:09:34
Speaker 1: fixed identity is that it can be almost like a
1:09:41
Speaker 1: self created prison, you know, in that like you are
1:09:46
Speaker 1: not an identity. Just like this sound dumb, right, Like,
1:09:53
Speaker 1: just like an ad for a car is not the car,
1:09:57
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? It's the ad. It's
1:09:59
Speaker 1: the that it's presented. Oh, look at its shiny wheels,
1:10:02
Speaker 1: look at the beautiful photographs, look at the features, But
1:10:05
Speaker 1: all of that is an ad for the car. It's
1:10:09
Speaker 1: not the car, right. I don't want to see the
1:10:12
Speaker 1: Tiff ad. I don't want to see the persona, you know.
1:10:17
Speaker 1: I don't want to see your brand or your identity.
1:10:20
Speaker 1: Or I don't want to see this the Tiff show real.
1:10:24
Speaker 1: I want to know Tiff, not the fucking show real,
1:10:27
Speaker 1: you know. And I think that this is really pervasive
1:10:30
Speaker 1: across a lot of kind of spaces, and you think
1:10:34
Speaker 1: about even and we've joked about this before, the amount
1:10:37
Speaker 1: of I've never been on a dating website. I don't
1:10:40
Speaker 1: know if you have, doesn't matter, but where we talk about,
1:10:43
Speaker 1: you know, the way that people put up the best
1:10:44
Speaker 1: photo that was ever taken of them and at thirteen
1:10:47
Speaker 1: years old, and in that one photo they look as
1:10:53
Speaker 1: close to fucking amazing as possible for them, no disrespect.
1:10:58
Speaker 1: And then the person ticks whatever based on what they
1:11:02
Speaker 1: see on the thing. And then they turn up and
1:11:04
Speaker 1: our mate doesn't look anything like his photo, but he
1:11:08
Speaker 1: puts that photo up there because he's trying to create
1:11:11
Speaker 1: an identity. Oh this is me, Look what I look like.
1:11:15
Speaker 1: Oh you don't look like that, and that's okay. It
1:11:18
Speaker 1: doesn't matter what you look like. You know, he is
1:11:21
Speaker 1: an idea. Put up a shit photo, and then they
1:11:24
Speaker 1: might be pleasantly surprised when they turn up, not the
1:11:26
Speaker 1: other way around. You know, it's a hard thing to unpack.
1:11:31
Speaker 1: But and then I feel like when a certain thing
1:11:33
Speaker 1: is our identity, we make ourselves a bit unteachable unless
1:11:38
Speaker 1: that thing, that theology, that idea, that belief, that value,
1:11:43
Speaker 1: if that's intertwined with my identity and your belief, value, idea,
1:11:48
Speaker 1: theology is not the same as mine, and you're critical
1:11:52
Speaker 1: of my whatever, then you're critical of me. And that's
1:11:55
Speaker 1: a I think we need to hold onto our beliefs
1:11:59
Speaker 1: and ideas an identity. Loosely, do you think.
1:12:03
Speaker 2: That social media now and the ability people have to
1:12:08
Speaker 2: control the narrative around what they present to the world.
1:12:12
Speaker 2: At mass is messing with people's relationship with themselves.
1:12:18
Speaker 1: Oh fucking fuck yss. I mean the whole idea that
1:12:24
Speaker 1: people have a personal brand. I'm like, well, how about
1:12:28
Speaker 1: you have a person, Like, what do you mean you
1:12:31
Speaker 1: have a brand? I get it. I get it. Look,
1:12:34
Speaker 1: I get it. I practically and intellectually get it. I
1:12:39
Speaker 1: get the people. You know. It's like me, if if
1:12:42
Speaker 1: somebody books me for a speaking event and they ring Melissa,
1:12:45
Speaker 1: and Melissa says, yeah, it's going to be seventy five dollars,
1:12:48
Speaker 1: They're going to go, what because I have a brand
1:12:51
Speaker 1: as a speaker or I'm known as that, and so
1:12:54
Speaker 1: there's you know, but I think when you are, part
1:12:58
Speaker 1: of your mission is to create this identity that isn't
1:13:03
Speaker 1: really you. It's like it's it's literally like you marketing
1:13:07
Speaker 1: you to make yourself more attractive, more desirable. While I
1:13:13
Speaker 1: intellectually get it, and I get it from a marketing
1:13:15
Speaker 1: and branding point of view, I really get it. I'm like,
1:13:18
Speaker 1: of course, you know, if you're you know, we don't
1:13:23
Speaker 1: like saying this, but I'm going to say it right
1:13:26
Speaker 1: in our world. Look, at social media. If you're a
1:13:28
Speaker 1: really really attractive guy or girl, you know, lady or man,
1:13:32
Speaker 1: you've got an advantage. Now should it be that way,
1:13:36
Speaker 1: I don't know, but it is that way. You know,
1:13:39
Speaker 1: if I'm thirty, I'm treated differently to when I'm sixty.
1:13:43
Speaker 1: There's no self pity in that. It's just it's just true.
1:13:47
Speaker 1: So I don't think that will ever go away. But
1:13:50
Speaker 1: I just think that, you know, one, if you're going
1:13:53
Speaker 1: to build a brand, an identity, and a social media presence,
1:13:56
Speaker 1: I don't actually think that's a bad thing as low
1:14:00
Speaker 1: as you know, you in the middle of all of
1:14:02
Speaker 1: that ship that you are not you know, where are
1:14:04
Speaker 1: you in the middle of that? Because that's just that's
1:14:07
Speaker 1: the U show. And sure have a U show, but
1:14:11
Speaker 1: don't confuse the show with a person.
1:14:15
Speaker 2: M Yeah. I was just thinking also, like the ability
1:14:19
Speaker 2: for people to stand out means they have to be different,
1:14:22
Speaker 2: and I wonder how many times that takes people away
1:14:25
Speaker 2: from that what is true to them and what is
1:14:28
Speaker 2: meaningful and down to a place that they're pitching what
1:14:32
Speaker 2: is clever and what is gets attention.
1:14:36
Speaker 1: Yeah, and when I say.
1:14:37
Speaker 2: Come close to stuff like you and I share and
1:14:40
Speaker 2: talk about then you start. Then you're actually you're you're
1:14:43
Speaker 2: leading people, and you're leading them to places that maybe,
1:14:46
Speaker 2: you know, maybe previous you would never have wanted to
1:14:50
Speaker 2: do that, but the brand dictate the new path.
1:14:54
Speaker 1: I constantly have to keep myself in check because I'm
1:14:57
Speaker 1: I'm like everyone like I If I put up something on
1:15:01
Speaker 1: social media that I think is good and it doesn't
1:15:03
Speaker 1: get the response that I think it probably will based
1:15:07
Speaker 1: on my previous experience, like what the fuck's wrong with you? People?
1:15:12
Speaker 1: You know? Like have you not read this? You know?
1:15:16
Speaker 1: Of course I don't really say that, but I get
1:15:19
Speaker 1: disappointed or I get a bit I'm like, oh, I
1:15:21
Speaker 1: need to figure this out. Why is this should get
1:15:24
Speaker 1: this many shares? It shouldn't get that many shares? And
1:15:26
Speaker 1: what's going on? You know? And then I'm like, what
1:15:28
Speaker 1: is wrong with you? I'm literally changing my emotional status,
1:15:32
Speaker 1: changing because of an expectation that I had of what
1:15:37
Speaker 1: other people should do to something that I wrote. So
1:15:42
Speaker 1: I am literally making myself sad or anxious right because
1:15:47
Speaker 1: I am anticipating what should happen or what's likely to
1:15:53
Speaker 1: happen off the back of a thing that I wrote
1:15:55
Speaker 1: or said or did, and then when I have an
1:15:58
Speaker 1: expectation and people don't eat that, I get disappointed. But
1:16:03
Speaker 1: that's based on my expected result, not the result. You know,
1:16:07
Speaker 1: It's like expecting people to be amazing this time when
1:16:11
Speaker 1: they are a prick to you the last hundred times. Well,
1:16:13
Speaker 1: if someone was a prick to you, or they've been
1:16:15
Speaker 1: a prick to you pretty consistently, or they've been a
1:16:19
Speaker 1: you know, not nice to you, let you down, hurt you,
1:16:22
Speaker 1: lied to you, mistreated you, why would you expect them
1:16:27
Speaker 1: to be different. Now I'm not saying be negative. I'm saying, look,
1:16:31
Speaker 1: hope they might be different, you know, still be the
1:16:34
Speaker 1: good person, but don't be a fucking dormat. Like your
1:16:37
Speaker 1: job is not to, you know, make everything okay for everybody.
1:16:42
Speaker 1: It's some stage. Yeah, be loving, be kind, be compassionate,
1:16:45
Speaker 1: be empathetic, but don't don't don't let people destroy your
1:16:50
Speaker 1: self esteem or your capacity to be mentally and emotionally healthy.
1:16:54
Speaker 1: Because I'm a giver, well, eventually you won't be able
1:16:57
Speaker 1: to give, you know, you need to. It sounds selfish.
1:17:00
Speaker 1: I don't know how I got here, and this is
1:17:01
Speaker 1: probably totally off topic, but you know, I think in
1:17:05
Speaker 1: a I think prioritizing yourself, not in a greedy, selfish way,
1:17:09
Speaker 1: but in a self preservation way is paramount because if
1:17:15
Speaker 1: you get out of bed and you're now physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually,
1:17:20
Speaker 1: you're an eight or nine out of ten at the
1:17:22
Speaker 1: start of the day or at ten, then your experiences
1:17:26
Speaker 1: with other people are better, Your meetings are better, your
1:17:28
Speaker 1: conflict resolution is better, or you know, you build more
1:17:32
Speaker 1: rapport and trust and you have more fun and they
1:17:34
Speaker 1: like you more and you're better. You're just better. But
1:17:37
Speaker 1: if you get out of bed and you're already a
1:17:39
Speaker 1: three out of ten before your feet hit the fucking floor,
1:17:43
Speaker 1: good luck having a good day. Steps down, off soapbox.
1:17:47
Speaker 1: Let's do two more and then we'll we'll let that
1:17:51
Speaker 1: other person take over the reins.
1:17:53
Speaker 2: Focus on the climb, not the mountain.
1:17:57
Speaker 1: Yeah, probably covered that a bit. I didn't realize some
1:17:59
Speaker 1: of these I'd overlap. But for me, it is really about, like,
1:18:06
Speaker 1: even with this podcast, you know, two thousand episodes is great,
1:18:10
Speaker 1: but honestly, I I was going to say I don't care,
1:18:14
Speaker 1: I care about it, but I really care about what's
1:18:17
Speaker 1: happened on the two thousand journey. You know the people
1:18:20
Speaker 1: that we've helped, and obviously there's lots of people we
1:18:24
Speaker 1: haven't helped, but the guests that we've spoken with, the
1:18:30
Speaker 1: numerous blessings that have come our way, the sponsors that
1:18:33
Speaker 1: we've had, the light bulbs that have gone on, the
1:18:36
Speaker 1: healing that's happened, you know, the friendships that have been formed.
1:18:41
Speaker 1: You know, even the typ conferences that we're going to
1:18:44
Speaker 1: have another one of next year. Everyone, you know, all
1:18:47
Speaker 1: that stuff. For me, it's just been it's been the
1:18:50
Speaker 1: one to two thousand that's just been the gift. You know,
1:18:53
Speaker 1: it's about it is. It is about who you become.
1:18:57
Speaker 1: And it's a lovely milestone to get to two thousand episodes.
1:19:02
Speaker 1: But it's like the stuff that we've done really matters
1:19:05
Speaker 1: to me. The most.
1:19:08
Speaker 2: Number ten we're finishing on round figure, isn't that? Please?
1:19:11
Speaker 1: Got nice? Nice?
1:19:13
Speaker 2: Stop thinking like you.
1:19:15
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a bit tongue in cheek. Of course, stop
1:19:18
Speaker 1: thinking like you. Of course you can't stop thinking like you.
1:19:20
Speaker 1: But again it's opening the door on, you know, this
1:19:25
Speaker 1: idea of understanding others and understand not thinking like others,
1:19:28
Speaker 1: but understanding their thinking right, understanding their thinking, so that
1:19:36
Speaker 1: all of your interactions with other people who you now
1:19:39
Speaker 1: understand better, or you have an insight into their mind
1:19:42
Speaker 1: or an insight into their subjective experience, their subjective reality.
1:19:50
Speaker 1: Like I don't know you infinitely, but I know you
1:19:54
Speaker 1: way better than I did seven or eight years ago.
1:19:57
Speaker 1: And so now I because I have an understanding of
1:20:01
Speaker 1: how you think and your values and who you are
1:20:04
Speaker 1: and your emotions and the way that you navigate life,
1:20:08
Speaker 1: just like you do all of that for me as well.
1:20:13
Speaker 1: I think I have a much better ability to be
1:20:19
Speaker 1: able to get to where I want to get in
1:20:21
Speaker 1: a conversation or an exchange or whatever it is that
1:20:25
Speaker 1: we're doing, to get there quicker without nobody's feelings hurt
1:20:29
Speaker 1: and without me being inappropriate or me being me making
1:20:33
Speaker 1: a false assumption about how you'll interpret this. And I
1:20:37
Speaker 1: just think that, you know, it's called theory of mind,
1:20:39
Speaker 1: as everybody now knows, but just that having an awareness
1:20:43
Speaker 1: and a curiosity in what's happening in someone else's head,
1:20:47
Speaker 1: not like, oh why the fuck do they do that?
1:20:49
Speaker 1: You know? Not that like, not not critically, just like
1:20:53
Speaker 1: from a point of curiosity, it's like I probably shouldn't
1:20:58
Speaker 1: say this, but she'll never hear it. But like when
1:21:01
Speaker 1: I'm around my mum, the way that I am around
1:21:04
Speaker 1: my mum, my energy is very different, The way I
1:21:07
Speaker 1: talk to her is very different. The way I manage
1:21:12
Speaker 1: moments with Mum is very different. Because right now, at
1:21:17
Speaker 1: eighty six, like the world is a bit scary. She's okay,
1:21:21
Speaker 1: but things that never used to bother her obviously bother
1:21:25
Speaker 1: her now. And even if there's something even if there's
1:21:29
Speaker 1: nothing to worry about me, the guru that isn't really going, oh, Mary,
1:21:34
Speaker 1: there's nothing to worry about, so stop worrying. That's fucking
1:21:37
Speaker 1: stupid advice, because saying that will not help her. In fact,
1:21:40
Speaker 1: it might make her more anxious. It might make her
1:21:43
Speaker 1: feel inadequate around me. It might make her feel silly
1:21:47
Speaker 1: because I'm pointing out, you know all these things, Well,
1:21:50
Speaker 1: it's just thoughtless and it's unaware, and it's actually destructive,
1:21:54
Speaker 1: not productive. So I don't need to fuel the fire
1:21:58
Speaker 1: of insecurity and anxiety. But I definitely need to understand
1:22:03
Speaker 1: the insecurity and the anxiety so that I can be
1:22:06
Speaker 1: what Mum needs, so that I can hopefully as much
1:22:10
Speaker 1: as in my control, I can create an interaction and
1:22:14
Speaker 1: a moment in time and an experience with my mum
1:22:17
Speaker 1: that leaves her hopefully more comfortable, not more anxious. And
1:22:21
Speaker 1: that's all about understanding the person in front of you,
1:22:26
Speaker 1: understanding how they think, and not defaulting to, well, this
1:22:32
Speaker 1: is how I see it, so this is how everyone
1:22:34
Speaker 1: says it. In fact, that's probably one of the dumbest
1:22:36
Speaker 1: assumptions in human behavior and probably one of the things
1:22:40
Speaker 1: that leads to more problems than anything else on an
1:22:43
Speaker 1: interpersonal level, is just assuming that what you're saying to
1:22:48
Speaker 1: somebody is going to be understood and comprehended and acted
1:22:53
Speaker 1: upon the way that you think it will be. In
1:22:56
Speaker 1: other words, your intention will be their experience. Your understanding
1:23:01
Speaker 1: is their understanding? Well, that's hysterically untrue, and so when
1:23:08
Speaker 1: you move forward going they almost definitely don't think like me.
1:23:12
Speaker 1: That's my starting point. So how do they think, how
1:23:16
Speaker 1: do I solve this problem, or how do I open
1:23:18
Speaker 1: the door on this discussion, or how do I be
1:23:21
Speaker 1: what they need right now? How do I be what
1:23:25
Speaker 1: they need? You know, and you're going to get that wrong,
1:23:28
Speaker 1: But just having that awareness and that curiosity around other
1:23:31
Speaker 1: people's thinking is definitely something that is life changing. If
1:23:39
Speaker 1: if we can open the door on it.
1:23:41
Speaker 2: What could people do to exercise that. I feel like
1:23:45
Speaker 2: there's a big concept for someone who's who's never thought
1:23:48
Speaker 2: that way and maybe never had those types of interactions
1:23:52
Speaker 2: with people.
1:23:53
Speaker 1: Yeah, great, great question. I think that that question that
1:23:57
Speaker 1: you asked is a question we could almost ask off
1:23:59
Speaker 1: the everything. Yeah. Cool, So how do we get better
1:24:02
Speaker 1: at that? Yeah? So there's a couple of things you
1:24:08
Speaker 1: can ask people, just great open ended questions. Open ended
1:24:13
Speaker 1: question is not a yes no question. Open ended question
1:24:16
Speaker 1: is can you tell me where that belief came from?
1:24:19
Speaker 1: That's an open ended question. So you're now if they're
1:24:22
Speaker 1: on board, you're now going to get information that you
1:24:24
Speaker 1: didn't have. Now you've immediately got information and insight that
1:24:28
Speaker 1: you didn't have, And now if you use that wisely,
1:24:31
Speaker 1: you've got better understanding. You've got you've got more horsepower
1:24:34
Speaker 1: in the conversation, and so being able to ask questions
1:24:39
Speaker 1: that might shed a light on things that are currently
1:24:42
Speaker 1: in the darkness, you know, to be able to ask
1:24:45
Speaker 1: people about you know, where did that, where'd that belief
1:24:47
Speaker 1: come from? That idea? Wow, you said that you know
1:24:51
Speaker 1: you had a rough childhood. Could you as much as
1:24:54
Speaker 1: you're comfortable to Could you tell me about that a bit,
1:24:57
Speaker 1: because what a lot of people do is they go, oh, yeah,
1:25:00
Speaker 1: I had a rough childhood too, So do you know
1:25:03
Speaker 1: what I mean? It's like, oh you did this, Yeah
1:25:05
Speaker 1: I did that too, but time six whereas and have
1:25:09
Speaker 1: I ever done that? One hundred percent? I've done that,
1:25:12
Speaker 1: and so you know, just shutting the fuck up. But
1:25:15
Speaker 1: really truly being present, not like oh I'm a good listener. No,
1:25:20
Speaker 1: truly be present and truly seek first to understand and
1:25:25
Speaker 1: then that, you know, just go into that that encounter
1:25:31
Speaker 1: with that as your priority if that needs to be
1:25:34
Speaker 1: the priority. Like my priority today is not to resolve
1:25:36
Speaker 1: this or figure out that or create an incredible plan.
1:25:40
Speaker 1: My priority with this person today being meeting one perhaps
1:25:44
Speaker 1: or encounter one or whatever, is just try to understand
1:25:47
Speaker 1: who they are, you know. And I'll say that like
1:25:51
Speaker 1: if I meet brand new people and they're coming to
1:25:53
Speaker 1: see me, go tell me about you, and they're like,
1:25:56
Speaker 1: what do you want to know? Whatever you want? Tell
1:25:58
Speaker 1: me ready, set go, and then they just talk and
1:26:02
Speaker 1: then I'll go, good, what does that mean? No? You
1:26:05
Speaker 1: know that? Say go cool? Can you expand you said
1:26:09
Speaker 1: before this, can you I don't get it. What does
1:26:12
Speaker 1: that mean for you? And then by the time you've
1:26:14
Speaker 1: asked twenty good questions, you might have gained more insight
1:26:18
Speaker 1: and understanding and awareness in one hour than you would
1:26:22
Speaker 1: have in a work situation working next to somebody for
1:26:27
Speaker 1: a year that you never tried to do that with. Yeah, yeah,
1:26:32
Speaker 1: and so, but it has to be a conscious thing. Yeah. So,
1:26:37
Speaker 1: hey cookie, it's been fun. I appreciate you. What's your score?
1:26:41
Speaker 1: Are you still a six or have you rocketed up
1:26:43
Speaker 1: to a six and a half.
1:26:44
Speaker 2: I'm going to go I'm going to go seven point three.
1:26:47
Speaker 1: Wow, that's good. That's good. Well it's there. Theyp is
1:26:51
Speaker 1: TYPS therapeutic.
1:26:52
Speaker 2: Right, sure is sure?
1:26:54
Speaker 1: Thank you, harsh pleasure. Hey, I appreciate you. Thank you
1:26:59
Speaker 1: so much for all you've done in the last however
1:27:02
Speaker 1: many years, not just on the show, but outside the show,
1:27:05
Speaker 1: with all our events and with all of the things
1:27:07
Speaker 1: and all the good things that you bring to everything.
1:27:12
Speaker 1: I appreciate you, and I'm super proud to what you
1:27:15
Speaker 1: grow and evolve and just become slightly better than me.
1:27:18
Speaker 1: That annoys me a little bit, Like I'm going to
1:27:21
Speaker 1: be honest. That fucks me off a little bit that
1:27:23
Speaker 1: you're a bit better than me now and I may
1:27:25
Speaker 1: have some unresolved anger and jealousy and resentment, but you know,
1:27:31
Speaker 1: keep going where you grow. Thanks Cookie, Thanks help O.
1:27:36
Speaker 1: Good a team. I'm back. I'm bloody back. I'm back.
1:27:38
Speaker 1: I just went and had we I'm going to be honest,
1:27:40
Speaker 1: how did we?
1:27:42
Speaker 2: You know?
1:27:42
Speaker 1: Those wheezs that you're having, You're like, fuck, how good
1:27:44
Speaker 1: is this? Anyway? Do we add a cup of tea?
1:27:47
Speaker 1: And I'm back. I'm rebooted, I'm hydrated, I'm energized. I'm
1:27:52
Speaker 1: I'm looking at the coin of the world, not in person,
1:27:56
Speaker 1: but virtually the coin of the world. The boss of me.
1:27:59
Speaker 1: People say, he do get so much shit done? Well,
1:28:01
Speaker 1: thanks for asking. She does it all. She's currently finishing
1:28:05
Speaker 1: my PhD. Hurry up, No just gagging. But she is
1:28:09
Speaker 1: extremely helpful and extremely amazing and capable, and I'm going
1:28:14
Speaker 1: to say just a little bit fucking bossy. She presents
1:28:17
Speaker 1: as Mary Poppins. She's like a Disney character and on
1:28:21
Speaker 1: here you'll get all of that. You'll get the whole
1:28:23
Speaker 1: kind of Mary Poppins vibe, you know, and frozen, you'll
1:28:27
Speaker 1: get a bit of that. But wait till the fucking
1:28:30
Speaker 1: camera stops rolling. It's terrifying. Melissa Marie Cameron. The Coin
1:28:34
Speaker 1: of the World, The Coin of the U Project. Where
1:28:37
Speaker 1: have you been?
1:28:38
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, hello, happy two thousandths. That's kind of
1:28:42
Speaker 3: hard to say, happy two thousandths.
1:28:46
Speaker 4: Where have I been? I've just been, you know, lurking.
1:28:49
Speaker 3: In the background, just cud in the shadows, hanging out
1:28:52
Speaker 3: in the background.
1:28:53
Speaker 1: Yes, lurky, lurky make lerkster.
1:28:56
Speaker 4: I heard the Frozen reference. Have you ever seen Frozen?
1:29:00
Speaker 1: It's my favorite movie. Yeah, I've seen it the house
1:29:04
Speaker 1: singing let it Go? Or yeah. I don't want to
1:29:07
Speaker 1: do a rendition now because people. I don't want people
1:29:10
Speaker 1: because once people hear it, they'll want me to keep
1:29:12
Speaker 1: doing it. It's embarrassing.
1:29:14
Speaker 4: Yea.
1:29:14
Speaker 1: And also that whoever whoever sang the original, I don't
1:29:18
Speaker 1: want to rain on their parade. I mean, they've got
1:29:20
Speaker 1: to keep a job, and once people hear missing that shit,
1:29:24
Speaker 1: they're going to be redundant. So we'll just keep it
1:29:28
Speaker 1: under wraps from now.
1:29:29
Speaker 4: Did you just let the cat out of the bag?
1:29:31
Speaker 4: She finished a PhD. That that's you're going to be
1:29:34
Speaker 4: terring in the next production.
1:29:36
Speaker 1: That's exactly what I'm going to be doing now. I
1:29:39
Speaker 1: know how you are because I talked to you all
1:29:42
Speaker 1: the time, but everyone else doesn't know how you are.
1:29:45
Speaker 1: So for those of you who are relatively new, Melissa is.
1:29:49
Speaker 1: She's the life force of the U project. She runs
1:29:52
Speaker 1: not only well, she does most of the editing and
1:29:56
Speaker 1: gets the guests and does all of that, but she
1:29:59
Speaker 1: also she's my business partner. So we own a company
1:30:02
Speaker 1: call to You Project, and so we do events together.
1:30:06
Speaker 1: She organizes all of my corporate work and travel, and
1:30:10
Speaker 1: she works with Nova, who are our kind of supporters.
1:30:14
Speaker 1: We're intertwined with Nova, and so she does all that
1:30:18
Speaker 1: grown up. I don't know what the fuck she does,
1:30:20
Speaker 1: but she does something over there. I'm not sure. Look,
1:30:24
Speaker 1: here's what I know. It involves money, involves sponsors and
1:30:29
Speaker 1: what else. I know. We don't get enough, so Melissa
1:30:32
Speaker 1: try harder. No, but she runs the business, the businesses
1:30:39
Speaker 1: and she's amazing. And for those of you who do
1:30:42
Speaker 1: know her, send some love on the typ Facebook page
1:30:46
Speaker 1: and ask her to do more than one a year. Well,
1:30:48
Speaker 1: she hasn't done. How long do you reckon it is
1:30:50
Speaker 1: since you've been on I would say three years.
1:30:53
Speaker 3: It's been a very long time, to the point where
1:30:56
Speaker 3: I actually just double checked.
1:30:58
Speaker 4: I'm like, are we recording?
1:31:00
Speaker 1: Ah, yeah, I'm a little.
1:31:02
Speaker 4: Bit out of practice, but yeah, it's been quite a while.
1:31:05
Speaker 1: I want you to be brave. I'm not going to
1:31:06
Speaker 1: do any fucking interrogating. But were you a bit nervous
1:31:09
Speaker 1: to do this because you haven't done month for a
1:31:11
Speaker 1: long time?
1:31:12
Speaker 3: Yes, I've a little bit, And as I say, I'm
1:31:14
Speaker 3: a little bit nervous and a little bit just out.
1:31:16
Speaker 4: Of like, oh you a little bit?
1:31:18
Speaker 1: How does this work? Again? Y a bit like how
1:31:21
Speaker 1: does it work? What do I do again? And yeah? Yeah,
1:31:25
Speaker 1: well lot of that going on. Well, I'm glad you're back,
1:31:28
Speaker 1: even if it is for one episode. And maybe, you know,
1:31:30
Speaker 1: if the people speak loud enough, maybe if there's you know,
1:31:33
Speaker 1: some kind of revolt, you know, some kind of Jimmy
1:31:38
Speaker 1: Kimmel kind of backlash that the people might say, we
1:31:43
Speaker 1: want more of Melissa, we want less of you, you
1:31:45
Speaker 1: fucking an idiot, and then I'll just pop on months
1:31:48
Speaker 1: a year and you can. But I can't do the
1:31:51
Speaker 1: shit you can do. So what we're doing everyone, of course,
1:31:55
Speaker 1: you know, because we're halfway through, so we've chatted with
1:31:57
Speaker 1: TIV and again, thank you all so much for being
1:32:00
Speaker 1: part of our journey over the two thousand episodes in
1:32:04
Speaker 1: that almost eight years. And yeah, so we're just going
1:32:07
Speaker 1: to continue on with just some thoughts and ideas that
1:32:11
Speaker 1: I think are somewhat representative important representative kind of lessons
1:32:18
Speaker 1: to come out of or thought bubbles to explore to
1:32:21
Speaker 1: come out of the last two thousand conversations or thereabouts
1:32:26
Speaker 1: on the You project. I'm interested to hear what people
1:32:31
Speaker 1: think about the bit because we're doing this in bits,
1:32:33
Speaker 1: and I recorded that you know that bit at the start, Yes,
1:32:36
Speaker 1: the King, the King, James, Yes, and you know, you
1:32:39
Speaker 1: know when you do we'll get into it in a minute,
1:32:41
Speaker 1: but you know when you do shit like I do
1:32:43
Speaker 1: this all the time everyone because I'm a big fucking
1:32:45
Speaker 1: baby who's insecure. I'll do something then i'll go less,
1:32:48
Speaker 1: what do you think of this? And if she's she goes,
1:32:50
Speaker 1: oh it's good, or a shit, I goes, yeah, I'm
1:32:52
Speaker 1: definitely not doing it then, or if she goes it's good,
1:32:54
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm definitely doing it then. So not insecure
1:32:57
Speaker 1: at all. So as soon as I wrote that, because
1:33:00
Speaker 1: I have that churchy background and because all of my
1:33:03
Speaker 1: biblical stuff was in that Literally it's called King James.
1:33:06
Speaker 1: That's written in kind of that King James style vibe,
1:33:10
Speaker 1: And I find it really easy to write in that language,
1:33:13
Speaker 1: and it's kind of for me. It's familiar, and it's funny,
1:33:17
Speaker 1: and it's a little bit of kind of an intersection
1:33:19
Speaker 1: of where I used to be and where I am now,
1:33:22
Speaker 1: and it's and I try for it not to be
1:33:24
Speaker 1: disrespectful from a theological perspective, But then I think, to me,
1:33:29
Speaker 1: it sounds like funny and normal. But I think other
1:33:32
Speaker 1: people would hear that and go, what the fuck is
1:33:35
Speaker 1: he saying? Like what is this? Like? I don't what
1:33:38
Speaker 1: is he saying? What do these words mean? Or worse still,
1:33:42
Speaker 1: imagine a new person thinking this is actually how I
1:33:45
Speaker 1: just talk? Yes, this is They're like, is that Saint
1:33:49
Speaker 1: Peter introing the show?
1:33:52
Speaker 3: Is?
1:33:52
Speaker 1: What is that? Definitely not all right? So Tiff and
1:33:57
Speaker 1: I went through let me tell you what TIF and
1:34:00
Speaker 1: I went through. So we spoke about the idea. These
1:34:04
Speaker 1: ideas assume you could be wrong, do the hard thing
1:34:07
Speaker 1: to get the good thing, Spend time with people who
1:34:10
Speaker 1: aren't like you, say, I don't know, do what scares you,
1:34:14
Speaker 1: and all of these we unpacked, as you know, hit
1:34:16
Speaker 1: the pause button, set anti goals, loosen the grip on
1:34:20
Speaker 1: your identity, focus on the climb, not the mountain. Stop
1:34:24
Speaker 1: thinking like you. And that was it. And so we've
1:34:28
Speaker 1: got a few more to get through. Don't know if
1:34:30
Speaker 1: we're going to be thirty minutes, folks or ninety minutes,
1:34:32
Speaker 1: but definitely stick around if you can. And I'll try
1:34:36
Speaker 1: to make this as user friendly and as kind of understandable,
1:34:43
Speaker 1: the least jargon, the least sciencey kind of psychobabble that
1:34:48
Speaker 1: we can manage. So Number one on your list, Melissa.
1:34:52
Speaker 4: Is do exceptional to be exceptional?
1:34:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's an interesting thing the whole, Like, on a level,
1:35:02
Speaker 1: I think we all maybe we don't, but I think
1:35:03
Speaker 1: a lot of us want to be exceptional. I don't
1:35:07
Speaker 1: know what that means. Like for me, exceptional just means
1:35:10
Speaker 1: that it isn't the normal. It's like the exception to
1:35:13
Speaker 1: the rule. And so for me, it's about doing what
1:35:17
Speaker 1: most people won't do to get perhaps what most people
1:35:21
Speaker 1: won't get. So I feel like, you know, do exceptional
1:35:25
Speaker 1: to be exceptional? Well, if I just outlast everyone that's
1:35:28
Speaker 1: doing exceptional, if I'm the guy that does six hundred
1:35:32
Speaker 1: episodes that make no money when the average podcast lasts
1:35:36
Speaker 1: seven or eight episodes and I do six hundred. Well,
1:35:40
Speaker 1: that's not because I'm smarter or better. That's not because
1:35:43
Speaker 1: I'm gifted. That's not because I'm clever. That's just because
1:35:47
Speaker 1: I did what most people won't do right. And I'm
1:35:50
Speaker 1: not saying oh one, no great, I'm saying no, we
1:35:52
Speaker 1: can all find a way to, through choices and behaviors
1:35:57
Speaker 1: and resilience, to do something that will help us create
1:36:03
Speaker 1: an exceptional outcome. And that's not because we're better than
1:36:06
Speaker 1: other people, or we have a superiority complex, or we
1:36:10
Speaker 1: are ourselves innately exceptional. It's because we're going to go Well,
1:36:15
Speaker 1: you know, I want to write a book, and I
1:36:17
Speaker 1: want to get that book published, and I want to
1:36:18
Speaker 1: sell some books. Well, I think I've spoken to a
1:36:21
Speaker 1: thousand people in my life who want to write a book.
1:36:23
Speaker 1: But the actual number of those thousand people who wrote
1:36:27
Speaker 1: the book, planned the book, researched the book, wrote the book,
1:36:30
Speaker 1: edited the book, got the book published, got it turned
1:36:34
Speaker 1: into a real thing in the world from a theoretical
1:36:37
Speaker 1: thing in their mind, and then got it distributed and
1:36:39
Speaker 1: then sold books and then make some money from it.
1:36:42
Speaker 1: And this is not a criticism, this is just how
1:36:45
Speaker 1: it works. Is that the majority will not do these
1:36:48
Speaker 1: things unless they are easy. So the amount of people
1:36:51
Speaker 1: that I know out of the thousand that said I'm
1:36:53
Speaker 1: going to write a book, I really want to write
1:36:55
Speaker 1: a book, it might be ten. And then the amount
1:36:57
Speaker 1: of those that actually had a commercial success that book,
1:37:01
Speaker 1: I'm not sure there was one. And that's not to
1:37:04
Speaker 1: say we can't do it, and that's maybe the make
1:37:06
Speaker 1: and dough from it is the variable. But they're getting
1:37:08
Speaker 1: to a point where you've got a printed book in
1:37:10
Speaker 1: your hand. You know that is really just a matter
1:37:13
Speaker 1: of effort and consistency and time and even if you
1:37:15
Speaker 1: have to self publish. But I'm all about analyzing and
1:37:19
Speaker 1: weighing up. You know, what is the cost of the
1:37:22
Speaker 1: thing that I want to do? Firstly, what is it
1:37:24
Speaker 1: that I want to do? Be create?
1:37:25
Speaker 2: Like?
1:37:25
Speaker 1: What do I want my career to look like, What
1:37:27
Speaker 1: I want my body to look like, my relationships to
1:37:30
Speaker 1: look like, my lifestyle to be. Where do I want
1:37:32
Speaker 1: to live? What climate do I want to live in?
1:37:35
Speaker 1: What do I want to produce and create? Over the
1:37:37
Speaker 1: next five years, What kind of existence do I want
1:37:40
Speaker 1: to build for my family, for my kids? What kind
1:37:44
Speaker 1: of a teacher do I want to be? What kind
1:37:46
Speaker 1: of a role model do I want to be? And
1:37:48
Speaker 1: then the very quick part two of those questions is
1:37:53
Speaker 1: and what's required of me? What's required of me to
1:37:57
Speaker 1: do that? Be that, create that, And so everything comes
1:38:01
Speaker 1: at a cost. You know, I've worked with so many
1:38:04
Speaker 1: people who were very successful, and not because they're in
1:38:10
Speaker 1: that innately talented or super gifted or better than anyone necessarily,
1:38:15
Speaker 1: but rather just because they fucking persevered like they were
1:38:19
Speaker 1: the exception to the rule. We know that most people
1:38:22
Speaker 1: who and this is not this is not hate, This
1:38:27
Speaker 1: is just how it happens. Most people who lose weight
1:38:29
Speaker 1: regain it. Most people who decide to go to a
1:38:31
Speaker 1: gym join the gym and say I'm going to go
1:38:33
Speaker 1: every day. Most people don't go every day. Most people
1:38:36
Speaker 1: give up a greater percentage, more than fifty percent, and
1:38:38
Speaker 1: stop going within a relatively short time. Most people who
1:38:42
Speaker 1: said a new year's resolution don't achieve the new year's resolution,
1:38:46
Speaker 1: not because they can't, not because they don't have the capacity,
1:38:48
Speaker 1: but because they just fucking stop. So So what's normal
1:38:53
Speaker 1: is giving up. What's normal is not finishing what we start.
1:38:58
Speaker 1: What's normal is not not dealing with the pain and
1:39:02
Speaker 1: the discomfort and the inconvenience and the roadblocks and the
1:39:05
Speaker 1: peaks and troughs, and the naysayers and the negativity and
1:39:08
Speaker 1: the bullshit and the discomfort and the uncertainty and the unfamiliarity.
1:39:14
Speaker 1: What's not normal is dealing with that and working through that.
1:39:18
Speaker 1: What's normal is to give up in the middle of that.
1:39:21
Speaker 1: And this is not a popular message, I don't care,
1:39:24
Speaker 1: but it's fucking true message. And if you want to
1:39:26
Speaker 1: be exceptional, or you want to at the very least
1:39:29
Speaker 1: create exceptional outcomes, then you can't do what most people
1:39:33
Speaker 1: do because you will literally produce common results by doing
1:39:37
Speaker 1: common things. And now this is not about arrogance or superiority.
1:39:42
Speaker 1: This is about saying, all right, Melissa et al. You
1:39:46
Speaker 1: are going to produce results anyway. You are constantly producing
1:39:50
Speaker 1: results in your world, some of them good, some of
1:39:52
Speaker 1: them fucking catastrophic, strophic, some of them Okay. Now, what
1:39:57
Speaker 1: is it that you want to produce and what is
1:40:00
Speaker 1: the thing that you want to be not because you're
1:40:03
Speaker 1: comparing yourself to anyone, But what's the thing that you
1:40:06
Speaker 1: want to be fucking great at? What do you want
1:40:07
Speaker 1: to be great at? What do you want to be
1:40:09
Speaker 1: successful at? What do you what do you want to
1:40:13
Speaker 1: what do you want to live in the middle of?
1:40:15
Speaker 1: And I think that's that, you know, this is really
1:40:18
Speaker 1: part of the doing exceptional. To be exceptional is really
1:40:22
Speaker 1: just will I roll up my sleeves, will I do
1:40:24
Speaker 1: the work? And how long will I do it for?
1:40:28
Speaker 1: So do exceptional? To be exceptional?
1:40:31
Speaker 2: Do you know?
1:40:31
Speaker 4: One of the probably biggest lessons that I've learned in
1:40:36
Speaker 4: the last.
1:40:37
Speaker 3: Couple of years watching you do your PhD and having
1:40:40
Speaker 3: the privilege of kind of seeing what's going on behind
1:40:43
Speaker 3: the scenes with all of that, has been ties directly
1:40:48
Speaker 3: into this. And that was just watching you keep going
1:40:51
Speaker 3: no matter what. And I particularly it reminds me of
1:40:55
Speaker 3: that night before your final review, which.
1:40:59
Speaker 1: I was thinking of that just then.
1:41:01
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I'm like nine out of ten people that
1:41:03
Speaker 3: night probably would have just thrown in the towel, And
1:41:06
Speaker 3: I mean understandably.
1:41:08
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's so many times that.
1:41:09
Speaker 3: I've reflected back on that and learned so much from
1:41:14
Speaker 3: the way that you just persevered through that and somehow
1:41:17
Speaker 3: made it out the other end.
1:41:18
Speaker 1: And for that, you.
1:41:20
Speaker 3: Know, we don't want to you don't want to speak
1:41:22
Speaker 3: too soon, but for that you'll be Yeah, you'll end
1:41:24
Speaker 3: up with that PhD.
1:41:26
Speaker 1: Thank you. That is a really interesting I've said many
1:41:29
Speaker 1: times university is not my natural habitat. I can do it.
1:41:36
Speaker 1: I can do it, and I can be academic, and
1:41:38
Speaker 1: I can I can do the job, you know, but
1:41:40
Speaker 1: it's it's and I love parts of it and I
1:41:43
Speaker 1: hate parts of it, but I'm grateful for all of it,
1:41:46
Speaker 1: the love and the hate. And what Melissa's talking about
1:41:50
Speaker 1: is so part of my program anyway, is what's called
1:41:55
Speaker 1: academic milestones, and I had four of them, and it's
1:41:58
Speaker 1: basically which I spoke about earlier with Tiff, where you
1:42:02
Speaker 1: go and you stand before a board of academics and professors,
1:42:06
Speaker 1: same thing, and then they basically evaluate you. And before
1:42:11
Speaker 1: my last one, which was you know, and like I said,
1:42:15
Speaker 1: they're either going to give you a green light, an
1:42:17
Speaker 1: orange light, or a red light. There's a chance that
1:42:19
Speaker 1: they'll go you're out of the program, which they can
1:42:22
Speaker 1: still do even at that stage after years of research.
1:42:25
Speaker 1: It's just not to the quality. It's not to the standards.
1:42:27
Speaker 1: You don't know what you're talking about. Performed terribly. That
1:42:32
Speaker 1: can happen. It doesn't happen a lot, but that can happen.
1:42:34
Speaker 1: The next way, more common is that they give you
1:42:37
Speaker 1: an orange light and say, cool, you're on the right path,
1:42:41
Speaker 1: but you need to do more, and you need to
1:42:43
Speaker 1: go through this again. You need to repeat this again.
1:42:46
Speaker 1: And I was positive I was either going to get
1:42:50
Speaker 1: a red or an orange light. The fact that I
1:42:53
Speaker 1: would get a green light hadn't even crossed my mind.
1:42:57
Speaker 1: And I was on Zoom the night before my review
1:43:02
Speaker 1: trying to remember I told you everyone, it's it's a
1:43:06
Speaker 1: oh I didn't tell you this bit. It's a PowerPoint presentation.
1:43:09
Speaker 1: Well fucking now, that's like me trying to peel bananas
1:43:12
Speaker 1: with boxing gloves on. I'm like, I can't do like.
1:43:16
Speaker 1: I'm not a PowerPoint presentation person. Anyway, it doesn't matter
1:43:20
Speaker 1: about what you are, because Craig, it's it's we're not
1:43:23
Speaker 1: changing the fucking system for you, of course, of course,
1:43:27
Speaker 1: of course. And this is me saying, you know, mister, hey,
1:43:30
Speaker 1: just be adaptable. I'm like, fuck your adaptation, you know
1:43:34
Speaker 1: this is dumb. Be more like me anyway. So the
1:43:38
Speaker 1: night before, I and Melissa and Chris, my senior supervisor,
1:43:43
Speaker 1: and Lucy my second supervisor, academic supervisor, I think, and Campbell,
1:43:50
Speaker 1: another guy who was so you have a whole team,
1:43:52
Speaker 1: you have a supporting team. And anyway, we were that's right.
1:43:56
Speaker 1: So there was five of us and we were we
1:43:58
Speaker 1: were on Zoom too two oclocky two o'clock in the
1:44:03
Speaker 1: and from literally seven pm. And I, I don't know
1:44:10
Speaker 1: what my emotional limit is, but I was right there.
1:44:16
Speaker 1: And I honestly and at that point where you're exhausted
1:44:20
Speaker 1: and some things are like, this is not your natural habitat.
1:44:23
Speaker 1: And by the way, I'm not saying I'm great. In fact,
1:44:27
Speaker 1: I'm saying I wish I was great, because this would
1:44:30
Speaker 1: have been way less stressful. But because I with some things,
1:44:35
Speaker 1: you know, with technology and with like even using PowerPoint
1:44:39
Speaker 1: and all that stuff, which is very mundane and basic
1:44:41
Speaker 1: for most people, so I don't use it. So when
1:44:43
Speaker 1: and then when I go to use it, it's like I'm
1:44:46
Speaker 1: trying to teach something that I don't actually understand. But anyway,
1:44:51
Speaker 1: I got through. I got through, and it was funny
1:44:54
Speaker 1: because the three previous reviews I was I was very
1:45:04
Speaker 1: very nervous, and leading up to this, I was hysterically nervous.
1:45:09
Speaker 1: But then when it actually started, I don't know if
1:45:11
Speaker 1: you remember, and there was a bit of it's almost
1:45:14
Speaker 1: like I hit one out of the park, like I
1:45:17
Speaker 1: think one of the reviewers smiled, or or when oh yeah,
1:45:22
Speaker 1: that's interesting, or they gave me something positive which is
1:45:26
Speaker 1: which is a rarity.
1:45:28
Speaker 4: Yes, and it just kind of came together.
1:45:31
Speaker 1: Oh but yeah, that was one of those moments for me. Yeah.
1:45:35
Speaker 3: To me that it also spoke to the fact that
1:45:39
Speaker 3: a lot of it, even the night before, everything was
1:45:41
Speaker 3: just it was a messy process, like it was there
1:45:45
Speaker 3: was no perfection to it, Like it was just like messiness.
1:45:48
Speaker 3: And then you know, you get feedback to say, no,
1:45:50
Speaker 3: that's going to get thrown out or that's not done
1:45:52
Speaker 3: the right way, and even like pulling that end product together,
1:45:57
Speaker 3: it was a messy process, but you found a way.
1:46:00
Speaker 3: And I think the other part of that too was
1:46:03
Speaker 3: there was no kind of escape clause, like you had
1:46:06
Speaker 3: a due date, everybody was going to be there, there
1:46:10
Speaker 3: was no getting out of it. It was obviously with
1:46:13
Speaker 3: the fact that so many people know that you're doing
1:46:15
Speaker 3: your PhD, like there was so much on the line,
1:46:19
Speaker 3: and I think that also just kind of speaks to
1:46:22
Speaker 3: sometimes when you're forced to do something that can be
1:46:26
Speaker 3: the difference between you actually getting it done and you've
1:46:29
Speaker 3: got that accountability and not getting it done.
1:46:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, how much discomfort can you deal with? Sometimes that
1:46:37
Speaker 1: And also, you know, it's funny though we speak about
1:46:41
Speaker 1: this all the time about in some rooms you're the dumbest,
1:46:44
Speaker 1: in others you're the smartest, and you know, it depends
1:46:47
Speaker 1: where you go, it depends who you're with, and like that.
1:46:50
Speaker 1: That was very good for me though, because as horrible
1:46:55
Speaker 1: as it was, I got through it, which was nice.
1:46:58
Speaker 1: And you know, it's it's actually for the guy that's
1:47:03
Speaker 1: pretty comfortable most of his life now, Like most of
1:47:06
Speaker 1: my discomfort is self inflicted, you know, training, Like I'm
1:47:11
Speaker 1: walking a million miles a day, not that that's hard,
1:47:12
Speaker 1: but you know, sometimes like I'm walking it Nellie midnight
1:47:16
Speaker 1: because i haven't had you know, so I'm out and
1:47:18
Speaker 1: I've got to do fucking eight thousand steps before midnight
1:47:21
Speaker 1: or whatever it is, right, or you know, I'm deadlifting
1:47:25
Speaker 1: or I'm fucking leg pressing or a leg press last
1:47:28
Speaker 1: week and I've had neural pain for fucking seven days.
1:47:33
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, but anyway, it just is what it is.
1:47:35
Speaker 1: But yes, do exceptional to be exceptional? Yes?
1:47:39
Speaker 3: Have you found that, Like, as I said before, I've
1:47:42
Speaker 3: even like as a third party, found that kind of
1:47:45
Speaker 3: has transferred.
1:47:47
Speaker 4: To me and the way I think and when I reflect.
1:47:50
Speaker 3: Back of I'm doing something supposedly hard, thinking of moments
1:47:54
Speaker 3: like that that make me go, no, I can't actually
1:47:56
Speaker 3: do it.
1:47:56
Speaker 4: I just haven't committed enough, or something like that.
1:47:59
Speaker 3: Have you found that that has kind of transferred into
1:48:03
Speaker 3: other areas or aspects of your life?
1:48:05
Speaker 4: You know?
1:48:06
Speaker 3: How like sometimes when people, you know, they think they
1:48:08
Speaker 3: can't run, and then all of a sudden they're running
1:48:10
Speaker 3: a five k or a half marathron or whatever the
1:48:12
Speaker 3: case might be, and then it opens up other doors.
1:48:15
Speaker 4: Have you found that with your UNI work?
1:48:19
Speaker 1: Yeah? Look, with not just with that, but with everything.
1:48:22
Speaker 1: You know. It's like I had sounded like the old
1:48:25
Speaker 1: o can dickhead at the end of the bar that
1:48:26
Speaker 1: just bangs on. But here I am, did I have
1:48:30
Speaker 1: to tell you how good I was? Fucking Hold my beer,
1:48:32
Speaker 1: Brian and listen to this. But you know, like setting
1:48:38
Speaker 1: up a personal training center when there weren't any. So
1:48:41
Speaker 1: it's not like I could go and look at one.
1:48:43
Speaker 1: I couldn't talk to a personal training center owner because
1:48:47
Speaker 1: there wasn't one. There was no course, there was no insurance,
1:48:50
Speaker 1: there was no industry, there was no profession. And I
1:48:54
Speaker 1: was well. I started peteing at twenty two, and then
1:48:57
Speaker 1: I set up my first studio at twenty six. But
1:49:00
Speaker 1: and I was you know, I just didn't know how
1:49:04
Speaker 1: to do anything. I didn't know how to lead people.
1:49:06
Speaker 1: I didn't know how to build a business. I didn't
1:49:08
Speaker 1: know about marketing or branding. I didn't know about accounting.
1:49:12
Speaker 1: I didn't know about insurance. I didn't know about how
1:49:15
Speaker 1: to find a property and secure a lease. And I
1:49:18
Speaker 1: didn't know how to talk to lawyers. I didn't know
1:49:20
Speaker 1: how to pull all this shit together. I didn't know
1:49:23
Speaker 1: I didn't have any kind of business development plan. You know,
1:49:28
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have known what a business development plan like.
1:49:31
Speaker 1: But you just jump in, you know, you jump in
1:49:34
Speaker 1: and you'll sink or swim, and you'll fuck things up.
1:49:37
Speaker 1: But if you don't give up when you fuck up
1:49:39
Speaker 1: the first thing, as long as you're not killing yourself
1:49:41
Speaker 1: or anyone in the process, you go all right, Well,
1:49:44
Speaker 1: that was terrible. My first staff meeting with my three
1:49:47
Speaker 1: staff was terrible. I was fucking hopeless. How can I
1:49:51
Speaker 1: be better? Or you know this, you know this thing happened.
1:49:56
Speaker 1: I've never dealt with that thing before. Or I've got
1:49:59
Speaker 1: an ang reclient and they're really mad at me and
1:50:03
Speaker 1: they want to how do I deal with angry people?
1:50:06
Speaker 1: And it's not the business I'm working for, it's my
1:50:09
Speaker 1: business now. So all of that over the years, all
1:50:13
Speaker 1: of that, you know, trying to I think hard stuff
1:50:16
Speaker 1: is the best stuff, you know, and we don't want
1:50:17
Speaker 1: it to be you know, overwhelming and debilitating of course,
1:50:23
Speaker 1: and like choosing hard is way better, of course because
1:50:26
Speaker 1: you have the option, but still consciously doing things that
1:50:30
Speaker 1: you know are going to suck, because you know there's
1:50:33
Speaker 1: perhaps some light at the end of that darkness of suck.
1:50:37
Speaker 1: You know, you know that I don't want to do this.
1:50:40
Speaker 1: I don't want to do this, but I know that
1:50:41
Speaker 1: if I do do it, I'll benefit from it because
1:50:44
Speaker 1: I'll develop understanding and skill and resilience and knowledge and awareness,
1:50:48
Speaker 1: and I'll be able to get better. But I can't
1:50:50
Speaker 1: get better if I'm always choosing safe, if every decision
1:50:55
Speaker 1: is about safety and certainty and predictability and familiarity and
1:50:59
Speaker 1: instant gratification and comfort, which it is for a lot
1:51:02
Speaker 1: of people. Well fucking good luck trying to fulfill any
1:51:06
Speaker 1: of your potential because you can't do that being comfortable.
1:51:11
Speaker 1: So yeah, I think there's definite you know, and we've
1:51:13
Speaker 1: spoken before about Huberman's AMCC and mid singulate cortext. Oh,
1:51:21
Speaker 1: let's bang on about that, shall we. It's just a
1:51:24
Speaker 1: bit of the brain everybody that when you do hard things,
1:51:26
Speaker 1: whatever the hard thing is, whether or not it's you know,
1:51:29
Speaker 1: cleaning the dishes at eleven thirty at night after a
1:51:32
Speaker 1: party and you really just want to go to bed,
1:51:34
Speaker 1: but you go, oh fuck it, and then you clean
1:51:35
Speaker 1: the dishes, you put them away, you clean the floor,
1:51:38
Speaker 1: and you really don't want to, but you do it.
1:51:40
Speaker 1: When you're doing that thing that you probably should do
1:51:42
Speaker 1: but you don't want to do, it might be getting
1:51:45
Speaker 1: up as soon as the alarm goes off and you
1:51:46
Speaker 1: don't want to, but you do it. It might be you know,
1:51:48
Speaker 1: it could be whatever, having that hard conversation that you're
1:51:52
Speaker 1: scared to have, but you just go and have it anyway.
1:51:55
Speaker 1: So there's actually a part of our brain that grows
1:51:57
Speaker 1: when we choose to lean into the the scary shit
1:52:01
Speaker 1: or the hardship. You know, I feel like.
1:52:03
Speaker 3: Maybe yours is blown up to the point where it's
1:52:05
Speaker 3: dislodged your sinuses.
1:52:08
Speaker 1: Yes, I think that's what's happened. It's blocked my right sinus.
1:52:11
Speaker 1: It's crept over the top of my fucking prefrontal cortex
1:52:15
Speaker 1: and it's making its way down. What's the next one
1:52:19
Speaker 1: on our list?
1:52:20
Speaker 4: I've made it up to number two thirty minutes this call?
1:52:24
Speaker 1: Can I say you are really inefficient?
1:52:26
Speaker 3: Sorry, I'm kidding.
1:52:29
Speaker 1: No, we love, we love well. I can't speak on
1:52:31
Speaker 1: behalf everyone, but I love just hearing your back on
1:52:33
Speaker 1: the show and banging on what's number two?
1:52:36
Speaker 4: Compare you with you?
1:52:38
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not a big you know. They say comparison
1:52:41
Speaker 1: is the thief of joy, and I think it's so true. Like,
1:52:44
Speaker 1: you know, there are there are occasions where I think
1:52:47
Speaker 1: we could perhaps pay attention to what someone else is
1:52:49
Speaker 1: doing it and maybe learn something from that, or maybe
1:52:54
Speaker 1: you know, go, well, he did that and him and
1:52:55
Speaker 1: I are kind of similar, so maybe I could do that.
1:52:58
Speaker 1: Maybe there's that kind of comparison, but not that internal
1:53:02
Speaker 1: kind of self judgment comparison where you look at what
1:53:06
Speaker 1: somebody else is doing and you either resent them or
1:53:11
Speaker 1: you resent yourself, or you immerse yourself in a little
1:53:15
Speaker 1: bit of self loathing because you're you're comparing two different things.
1:53:19
Speaker 1: You are not them and they are not you, and
1:53:21
Speaker 1: they don't have your genetics or talent or personality or resources,
1:53:26
Speaker 1: and you don't have theirs. So it's not it's not really,
1:53:30
Speaker 1: it's not a productive use of our energy, or our
1:53:32
Speaker 1: attention or our focus. I think, for me, the only
1:53:36
Speaker 1: healthy comparison I need to think this through. I'm sure
1:53:40
Speaker 1: there's another one, but for me right now, the only
1:53:42
Speaker 1: healthy comparison that springs to mind is me comparing me
1:53:47
Speaker 1: with me. You know how I was a year ago,
1:53:49
Speaker 1: how I am now? You know how I did this
1:53:52
Speaker 1: six months ago? Or even you know when you got
1:53:55
Speaker 1: the flu. I don't compare my flu with your flu.
1:53:59
Speaker 1: I go how I compared to Monday when I couldn't
1:54:01
Speaker 1: get out of bed and I was shit. Well now
1:54:03
Speaker 1: it's Friday, and yeah, I'm improving, I'm getting better. This
1:54:06
Speaker 1: is good. I think there are healthy comparisons and unhealthy comparisons,
1:54:10
Speaker 1: but in general terms, you know, it's like, that's why
1:54:14
Speaker 1: I think something like which is a high level form
1:54:17
Speaker 1: of comparison, but is testing in the gym, where we
1:54:21
Speaker 1: go to the gym and we get you know, a
1:54:23
Speaker 1: form of an aerobic a VO two or a SUBVO
1:54:26
Speaker 1: two max test where we're testing aerobic capacity, and we
1:54:29
Speaker 1: might test upper and lower body strength, and we might
1:54:32
Speaker 1: test a flexibility range of movement around the joints. We
1:54:35
Speaker 1: might do some balance testing. Like there's a bunch of
1:54:38
Speaker 1: testing that we can do with our body. That basically
1:54:41
Speaker 1: what it does, it gives us some baseline data. And
1:54:44
Speaker 1: then what we often do off the back of that
1:54:47
Speaker 1: is we'll go back in four weeks or eight weeks,
1:54:49
Speaker 1: or twelve weeks or six, six weeks, sixteen weeks, I
1:54:52
Speaker 1: should say, and we do the same thing. So we've
1:54:54
Speaker 1: got now the same person with the same body, albeit
1:54:58
Speaker 1: slightly modified perhaps, but the same person with the same body,
1:55:01
Speaker 1: doing the same tests, and we're getting more results. And
1:55:04
Speaker 1: so we go, well, Melissa, on day one, you did
1:55:06
Speaker 1: one push up. I'm going to be honest, it wasn't great,
1:55:10
Speaker 1: you know. And now on you know, day seventy two,
1:55:15
Speaker 1: which is twelve day eighty four, twelve sevens or eighty four.
1:55:19
Speaker 1: Twelve weeks later, you're doing seven push ups and they're
1:55:22
Speaker 1: you know, full body weight and blah blah blah. Week
1:55:25
Speaker 1: four you did two, and so we're seeing growth, and
1:55:28
Speaker 1: we're seeing oh, by the way your body compositions changed
1:55:31
Speaker 1: in the way that you wanted. It's changed. So we
1:55:33
Speaker 1: had a number for that, Now we have a new number. Also,
1:55:37
Speaker 1: your aerobic capacity is improved and you're resting. Heart rates dropped,
1:55:41
Speaker 1: and your blood pressures dropped, and your VO two max,
1:55:44
Speaker 1: which is you know, our oxygen carrying capacity has gone up,
1:55:47
Speaker 1: and all of these So I think that kind of
1:55:50
Speaker 1: comparison can be done in a really healthy way, and
1:55:53
Speaker 1: we don't need that level of expertise or scientific validation.
1:55:57
Speaker 1: We can go Hey, when I started running, or when
1:55:59
Speaker 1: I started walker, jog, walk jog, eventually run. I used
1:56:03
Speaker 1: to do this five k circuit, it took me fifty minutes,
1:56:07
Speaker 1: and now I do the five k circuit in thirty minutes.
1:56:11
Speaker 1: So I've gone from ten minute you know ks, to
1:56:13
Speaker 1: six minute ks, and I reckon, I'm going to get quicker.
1:56:17
Speaker 1: So I'm doing the same distance with the same body
1:56:19
Speaker 1: at a different speed. And not only am I doing
1:56:22
Speaker 1: it quicker. I'm finding it easier than when I did
1:56:25
Speaker 1: it slower, and that's not because the distance has changed
1:56:28
Speaker 1: or the course has changed, but rather I've changed. So
1:56:31
Speaker 1: that kind of comparison is a healthy comparison, probably the
1:56:35
Speaker 1: only one we should kind of engage in.
1:56:38
Speaker 4: Do you think a.
1:56:39
Speaker 3: Lot of that also has to do with our intention
1:56:42
Speaker 3: behind it, Like obviously with what you're saying, there is
1:56:45
Speaker 3: comparing us to us, but even if even if we
1:56:48
Speaker 3: do in some way compare us to others, but from
1:56:54
Speaker 3: an aspirational point of view or to use it as
1:56:56
Speaker 3: a motivation of Okay, that might be possible if I,
1:57:00
Speaker 3: you know, compare me right now to where I could
1:57:03
Speaker 3: be in say, two years time kind of thing. Using
1:57:06
Speaker 3: that is more of a motivation or an aspiration as
1:57:11
Speaker 3: opposed to something negative in that oh, you know, why
1:57:14
Speaker 3: do they have this? Or what you know, why are
1:57:17
Speaker 3: they there in their lives and I'm here kind of thing.
1:57:20
Speaker 1: One hundred percent that's a good differentiation and a good distinction,
1:57:23
Speaker 1: And I think I think that's more paying attention to
1:57:28
Speaker 1: what people are doing, being creating, changing who are somewhat
1:57:32
Speaker 1: similar to us. You know, So when I see another
1:57:35
Speaker 1: dude who's about my age, and you know, he's just
1:57:39
Speaker 1: climbed fucking Everest or something. I take note. I go, ah,
1:57:43
Speaker 1: he's my age and he just climbed Mount Everest. I'm like,
1:57:48
Speaker 1: I don't go fuck that guy. I go, oh, Wow,
1:57:51
Speaker 1: that dude's a stud. I wonder if given the right
1:57:54
Speaker 1: circumstances preparation conditioning, I wonder if I could do that.
1:57:58
Speaker 1: And that's not something I'm interested in, but definitely if
1:58:01
Speaker 1: I was, i'd maybe I would use that guy as
1:58:05
Speaker 1: a source of inspiration. So definitely, I think we can
1:58:08
Speaker 1: use it in that context. However, I do not know
1:58:13
Speaker 1: the answer to this, but I would speculate that the
1:58:17
Speaker 1: majority of comparison off the back of social media is
1:58:21
Speaker 1: more to the unhealthy end of the scale, Like I think,
1:58:24
Speaker 1: you know, literally comparison culture. You know, what we talk
1:58:28
Speaker 1: about more broadly these days. Add ain't a good thing
1:58:30
Speaker 1: that what we're talking about there. But again, with everything,
1:58:35
Speaker 1: it depends depends how we do it, depends why we
1:58:39
Speaker 1: do it, you know, it depends like anything. You know,
1:58:42
Speaker 1: drinking water is healthy until you drink ten liters a
1:58:45
Speaker 1: day and then it's going to kill you because it
1:58:48
Speaker 1: dilutes things in your blood that shouldn't be diluted, and
1:58:51
Speaker 1: you get a thing called hypenetremia where all of your
1:58:55
Speaker 1: you know, minerals and salts get deleted and your blood
1:58:58
Speaker 1: pressure drops and people literally from being overhydrated. Well, obviously
1:59:02
Speaker 1: that's an extreme case, but it's still people drink and warm.
1:59:06
Speaker 1: It's sometimes it's about what we do with the thing.
1:59:09
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's about the dose. You know. It's like, I've
1:59:13
Speaker 1: shared on this quite openly before, and I don't drink
1:59:16
Speaker 1: or smoke. Every now and then. Maybe five times a year,
1:59:19
Speaker 1: I'll have a two milligram nicorette gum because it kind
1:59:23
Speaker 1: of lights up my brain for an hour or two
1:59:25
Speaker 1: and I'm like, this is fucking terrific. But I won't
1:59:27
Speaker 1: have another one for like three months, and I'll only
1:59:30
Speaker 1: do it if if I need a little bit of
1:59:33
Speaker 1: a cognitive boost. But would I recommend any listeners to
1:59:36
Speaker 1: do that. Nope, nope. I'm just telling you what I
1:59:39
Speaker 1: do every now and then. But it's like it's again,
1:59:44
Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, well that, oh, I guess that's okay. Craig,
1:59:46
Speaker 1: Like two milligrams of nicotine four times a year is
1:59:50
Speaker 1: probably not going to kill you. But twenty milligrams of
1:59:53
Speaker 1: nicotine every day is a different story. So it comes
1:59:57
Speaker 1: down and people go, I'm so surprised that. No, I
1:59:59
Speaker 1: don't confuse nicotine with cigarettes. Yes, most firstly, I'm not
2:00:07
Speaker 1: saying nicotine is great. I'm saying most of the shit
2:00:10
Speaker 1: that kills you in cigarettes isn't the nicotine. Albeit, nicotine
2:00:14
Speaker 1: is addictive, but you know they are. Let's not have
2:00:17
Speaker 1: that conversation. But yes, let's move on to the Yeah,
2:00:21
Speaker 1: let's do that before I get fucking sidetracked and back
2:00:24
Speaker 1: myself into a cognitive and verbal cul de sac that
2:00:26
Speaker 1: I just did.
2:00:29
Speaker 4: Okay, next we have start unready.
2:00:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, And all I mean by that is, I guess
2:00:38
Speaker 1: I'm speaking to the fact that a lot of people
2:00:43
Speaker 1: spend their life waiting for the mystical, mythical, magical right time.
2:00:46
Speaker 1: It's not the right time, it's not the right this,
2:00:49
Speaker 1: or it's not the right that. And look, that is
2:00:51
Speaker 1: true sometimes, but also and in other news, sometimes that's bullshit.
2:00:57
Speaker 1: You know. Sometimes art's not a good time is code
2:01:01
Speaker 1: for I'm scared and I don't want to start. And
2:01:04
Speaker 1: I understand that too. I've done that too. Not a
2:01:07
Speaker 1: good time, my ankle sore are that whatever the it's
2:01:12
Speaker 1: coming up to holidays, it's this And I'm not saying
2:01:15
Speaker 1: we should willing nearly just dive into things recklessly. However,
2:01:21
Speaker 1: if you are one of the people who have been
2:01:24
Speaker 1: almost starting things for ten years and you're never ready,
2:01:29
Speaker 1: you know what some people are really saying is, I'll
2:01:33
Speaker 1: start when I'm ready. They're really saying I'll start when
2:01:36
Speaker 1: I'm not scared. I'll start when it's convenient, I'll start
2:01:39
Speaker 1: when it's easy, I'll start when it's comfortable, I'll start
2:01:42
Speaker 1: when it's risk free. Because the truth is the thing
2:01:45
Speaker 1: that most of us need to start to really create
2:01:47
Speaker 1: shift is usually fucking hard. And the dichotomy is, on
2:01:52
Speaker 1: the one hand, we want change and on the other
2:01:54
Speaker 1: hand we want to be comfortable, though, and change and
2:01:58
Speaker 1: comfort don't go to get So it's the willingness to go, yeah,
2:02:03
Speaker 1: do I feel totally ready? Do I feel mentally and
2:02:06
Speaker 1: emotionally and no, of course, of course it's going to
2:02:08
Speaker 1: suck a bit, you know, And let's separate that kind
2:02:13
Speaker 1: of process from you know, diving into something that's reckless
2:02:17
Speaker 1: and dangerous. Of course, we're not suggesting.
2:02:19
Speaker 4: That with that.
2:02:20
Speaker 3: A couple of things actually come to mind, and I
2:02:23
Speaker 3: don't mean to keep tying it back to you.
2:02:25
Speaker 4: Which one is that something.
2:02:27
Speaker 3: That kind of came up throughout the process was starting
2:02:30
Speaker 3: with like a draft zero kind of thing, because I
2:02:33
Speaker 3: think a lot of the fear of oh, well, I've
2:02:36
Speaker 3: got to start, but not only do I have to start,
2:02:38
Speaker 3: it's starting with kind of the end product in mind,
2:02:42
Speaker 3: and therefore expecting to go from nothing to the end
2:02:45
Speaker 3: product in one go without any of iteration, without any
2:02:49
Speaker 3: form of and whether that's you know, writing a paper.
2:02:52
Speaker 4: Or changing a routine or you know.
2:02:55
Speaker 3: Starting a different form of exercise, I feel like that's
2:02:59
Speaker 3: just something that's kind of become a little bit more
2:03:01
Speaker 3: apparent for me in recent years of No, you don't
2:03:04
Speaker 3: have to start with the the you know.
2:03:05
Speaker 4: The intention of it being the perfect.
2:03:07
Speaker 3: End product right now, it's just get something on paper,
2:03:10
Speaker 3: or just start with the exercise and then kind of
2:03:14
Speaker 3: iterate as you go.
2:03:16
Speaker 4: And yeah, I think that's been a real light bulb moment.
2:03:19
Speaker 3: I know for me, I know it sounds obvious, but
2:03:22
Speaker 3: as somebody who's probably innately.
2:03:26
Speaker 4: Driven to be quite type A.
2:03:29
Speaker 1: It may also known as also known as OCD, as
2:03:32
Speaker 1: fuck let's be honest, A bad draft is better than
2:03:35
Speaker 1: no draft, Yes, like not outstanding workouts better than the couch,
2:03:43
Speaker 1: as long as you're not injuring yourself. I mean, yeah,
2:03:45
Speaker 1: you're exactly right. And this ties into the you know
2:03:49
Speaker 1: that my thing that I bang on about, and it's
2:03:51
Speaker 1: a metaphor, it's not literal, or it can be literal,
2:03:53
Speaker 1: is you can't become a black belt without being a
2:03:55
Speaker 1: white belt.
2:03:56
Speaker 4: Yep.
2:03:57
Speaker 1: So when you're a white belt, you're bad. Every One
2:04:00
Speaker 1: is better than you. Today is day one. Put on
2:04:03
Speaker 1: your white belt. You're the fucking outlier. That's okay, one
2:04:08
Speaker 1: day you won't be. But right now you have no knowledge,
2:04:10
Speaker 1: no understanding, no specific fitness to that art form, You
2:04:15
Speaker 1: have no skill, you have no knowledge, and right now
2:04:19
Speaker 1: you're the worst in the room. And guess what. That's exciting.
2:04:23
Speaker 1: What if we turn that round and go, guess what,
2:04:25
Speaker 1: you are the one person in the room with the
2:04:27
Speaker 1: most potential for growth. Yeah right, we just flipped that
2:04:31
Speaker 1: little bit right. We're like, hey, dude, you've got more
2:04:34
Speaker 1: scope for improvement over the next twelve months than everyone
2:04:38
Speaker 1: else in this room because you're zero. You're zero, and
2:04:43
Speaker 1: they're already somewhere between three and ten. You're zero in
2:04:47
Speaker 1: a year, you're going to be three. Yes, that's a
2:04:50
Speaker 1: massive improvement. But the dude who's eight in a year
2:04:53
Speaker 1: or the dude at they're not going to be ten,
2:04:56
Speaker 1: they're going to be eight point one. They're going to
2:04:59
Speaker 1: have improved point one. You're going to improve three and
2:05:04
Speaker 1: So this is reframing. And this is, by the way,
2:05:07
Speaker 1: how do I get good at stuff that I'm bad at?
2:05:09
Speaker 1: Will you start when you're bad at it? You start
2:05:11
Speaker 1: unready you go okay, So this is going to suck.
2:05:16
Speaker 1: It's really just as we said before. It's accepting the price,
2:05:20
Speaker 1: like what's the price? The prices I'll get humiliated, the
2:05:22
Speaker 1: prices i'll have, I'll probably get an injury or two.
2:05:24
Speaker 1: If we're talking about the dojo example, the price is
2:05:28
Speaker 1: I'll look silly. The price is, you know, a self
2:05:31
Speaker 1: esteem might take a fucking battering. And okay, are you
2:05:34
Speaker 1: okay with all of that? I am cool? Off you
2:05:37
Speaker 1: go boom the end. Stop fucking overthinking it, Stop stop
2:05:41
Speaker 1: having to be okay, stop having to look good, stop
2:05:45
Speaker 1: having you know, or stop wanting people to think highly
2:05:49
Speaker 1: of you all the time. Fuck it. Just do the process.
2:05:52
Speaker 1: Just do the process.
2:05:54
Speaker 4: Stop.
2:05:55
Speaker 1: How hilarious is it that we worry about what people
2:05:58
Speaker 1: we don't even know. People who don't know us, understand us,
2:06:02
Speaker 1: have never met us, they do not love us, yet
2:06:04
Speaker 1: we worry about their opinion. What a fucking massive waste
2:06:08
Speaker 1: of emotional energy. You know, have I ever done it?
2:06:11
Speaker 1: Of course, this is the human experience, and it's like, oh,
2:06:16
Speaker 1: how do I overcome that? Well, you don't overcome it
2:06:19
Speaker 1: by sitting home worrying about what people are going to
2:06:21
Speaker 1: think if you turn up to the gym. Yes, I
2:06:23
Speaker 1: mean I know hundreds of people who won't go to
2:06:26
Speaker 1: the gym because they think they're too fat. And that's
2:06:29
Speaker 1: not my words, that's their words. It's like, oh, I
2:06:33
Speaker 1: can't I need to lose weight. I'm like, ah, do
2:06:36
Speaker 1: you understand what a gym's for? And by the way,
2:06:39
Speaker 1: you're not too fat, you're not too by the way,
2:06:41
Speaker 1: you're perfect, but also you know or you're perfectly ready
2:06:45
Speaker 1: to go. But also here's the thing you don't think about.
2:06:49
Speaker 1: And if anyone knows this thing, I'm about to say,
2:06:51
Speaker 1: it's fucking me right. Nobody gives a fuck about you
2:06:55
Speaker 1: in the gym, Like, hey, have a look at them.
2:06:59
Speaker 1: They're either looking at their phone or looking at it
2:07:01
Speaker 1: themselves in the mirror. They don't give a fuck about
2:07:04
Speaker 1: you sitting on the exercise bike sweating your ass off,
2:07:07
Speaker 1: so fucking don't worry about it, you know. And if
2:07:12
Speaker 1: one of them did, Oh, here's an idea, who cares?
2:07:17
Speaker 1: Like stop giving people your power, Like, stop handing over
2:07:22
Speaker 1: your own sovereignty, in your own self esteem and your
2:07:25
Speaker 1: own fucking self worth to that bloke up there that
2:07:29
Speaker 1: doesn't even notice you're in the gym. That's what we do.
2:07:32
Speaker 1: This is all shit that goes on. And oh no,
2:07:34
Speaker 1: it's I'm not comfortable in that place. Guess what. It's
2:07:37
Speaker 1: not about the place. It could it be about you.
2:07:41
Speaker 1: And of course sometimes if somebody has been bullied or whatever,
2:07:44
Speaker 1: I get that, But in general terms, oh, gym's don't.
2:07:47
Speaker 1: A lady said to me recently, gyms don't work for me. Okay,
2:07:50
Speaker 1: what does that even mean? Oh, they don't work for me.
2:07:53
Speaker 1: I'm like, well I don't What does that mean? She goes, Oh, no,
2:07:57
Speaker 1: it's not my thing. I'm like, well, here's here's a thing.
2:08:00
Speaker 1: You're sitting there asking me how to get in shape.
2:08:05
Speaker 1: Now I'm telling you how to get in shape. I'm
2:08:08
Speaker 1: also telling you they've invented these places called gyms, and
2:08:12
Speaker 1: for about fifteen bucks a week or two bucks a day,
2:08:15
Speaker 1: you can go to these gyms, these places twenty four
2:08:19
Speaker 1: seven and you can have a million dollars worth of
2:08:22
Speaker 1: equipment at your disposal for two bucks a day. And
2:08:26
Speaker 1: by the way, you don't need to enjoy it. You
2:08:30
Speaker 1: need to love it, like this whole rule. Oh, if
2:08:33
Speaker 1: I'm not enjoying it, I'm not doing it. Well, fucking
2:08:35
Speaker 1: good luck with life, because there's a lot of shit
2:08:37
Speaker 1: you're not going to enjoy. Like hopefully, if there's two
2:08:42
Speaker 1: options and they produce the same outcome on the same outcome,
2:08:45
Speaker 1: well sure, let's choose the one that's more enjoyable. I'm
2:08:47
Speaker 1: with you. But the bottom line is the reality is,
2:08:50
Speaker 1: initially anyway, there'll be things that you don't enjoy. And
2:08:53
Speaker 1: guess what, over time, when you build confidence, when you
2:08:55
Speaker 1: build fitness, when you build strength, when your body changes,
2:08:57
Speaker 1: when your mind changes, or whatever the er, whatever the environment.
2:09:01
Speaker 1: But over time you'll change and then the thing that
2:09:03
Speaker 1: you didn't in. Oh, so many people I know have
2:09:06
Speaker 1: gone from mom' not a gym person to they're a
2:09:08
Speaker 1: fucking gym junkie, and now they're annoying the shit out
2:09:11
Speaker 1: of everybody talking about the gym. It wasn't about the
2:09:14
Speaker 1: gym at all. It was about their thinking, you know,
2:09:17
Speaker 1: I could never, I could never. Well, no, you can.
2:09:20
Speaker 1: You just don't want to or you're scared. All right,
2:09:23
Speaker 1: let's plow on the next one.
2:09:26
Speaker 4: Show ugly you.
2:09:28
Speaker 1: Oh, show ugly you. Like I just love, And by
2:09:32
Speaker 1: that I mean, like, stop trying to be as I
2:09:38
Speaker 1: said with Tiff, the persona, not the person that's like like,
2:09:42
Speaker 1: not the show, you know, not the brand. Like I think,
2:09:46
Speaker 1: and I've mentioned this too many times, but I just
2:09:48
Speaker 1: think there's a liberation in sharing our flaws and fuck
2:09:51
Speaker 1: ups and failures, wrinkles and backfat with the world. You know.
2:09:56
Speaker 1: It's like, I mean, think about this, like talking about
2:10:00
Speaker 1: showing up Ugly I reckon thirty times in the last
2:10:05
Speaker 1: eight years. I've literally spoken about my shitting on this show.
2:10:10
Speaker 1: How to have a great shit, you know, how to
2:10:13
Speaker 1: optimize one's anatomy when one's sitting there with a squatty
2:10:16
Speaker 1: potty that I'm not sponsored by, by the way, but hey,
2:10:19
Speaker 1: feel free to reach out squatty potty and that my.
2:10:23
Speaker 3: Friend, is why you've had not one, but two of
2:10:26
Speaker 3: those brands approached you in the last week. Have I
2:10:29
Speaker 3: haven't told you about the second one yet, but yes, oh.
2:10:32
Speaker 1: Well, what don't I know these things? But anyway, but
2:10:35
Speaker 1: what I mean is, it's like, I think it's so
2:10:38
Speaker 1: funny that people I understand it, by the way, but
2:10:40
Speaker 1: I'm like, surely there's someone else that listens to this
2:10:43
Speaker 1: show that shits. Surely there's another shitter out there. Surely
2:10:48
Speaker 1: I am not the only one. And by the way,
2:10:50
Speaker 1: surely some people get constipated and having a good morning
2:10:55
Speaker 1: kind of evacuation is not always easy for them. I know,
2:11:01
Speaker 1: I've got a bit of insight. Let's talk about it,
2:11:04
Speaker 1: you know. And I don't think every show. And I
2:11:06
Speaker 1: know right now some people are going, oh my god,
2:11:08
Speaker 1: this is disgusting. I'm turning off. Sure sure, Brian turn off,
2:11:13
Speaker 1: Diane turn off. It's all good. I shouldn't say that,
2:11:16
Speaker 1: because then people I love Diane's and I love Brian,
2:11:18
Speaker 1: so apologies. But I mean that, you know, just being
2:11:22
Speaker 1: able to show up and being whatever you are, and
2:11:24
Speaker 1: whether or not that's you know, the best version of
2:11:26
Speaker 1: you or the ugly version. I don't mean physically ugly.
2:11:29
Speaker 1: I mean where you're just not trying to present this image,
2:11:33
Speaker 1: you know so, And if you can turn up just
2:11:36
Speaker 1: being raw and real and then inverted commas ugly and
2:11:40
Speaker 1: people can accept you and love you and connect with
2:11:44
Speaker 1: you in that state, then you don't need to worry
2:11:47
Speaker 1: about dragging around this fucking persona with you everywhere everywhere.
2:11:51
Speaker 1: That's exhausting. Right next one, I'm ready.
2:11:55
Speaker 4: Can't get more talent?
2:11:57
Speaker 1: Yes, I know that's an odd thing to say, but
2:12:01
Speaker 1: you know, we can develop skill. We can build skill,
2:12:03
Speaker 1: we can build fitness, we can build strength, we can
2:12:07
Speaker 1: learn to sing better, we can learn to paint better,
2:12:10
Speaker 1: we can learn to optimize things. But I feel like
2:12:17
Speaker 1: I say that a lot. It's been my experience that
2:12:20
Speaker 1: a lot of people waste a lot of their talent,
2:12:23
Speaker 1: you know, let's talent, potential, innate capacity to be able
2:12:27
Speaker 1: to do something amazing. And it's not that they don't
2:12:31
Speaker 1: have the capacity for greatness or success or breakthroughs. That's
2:12:36
Speaker 1: not that they don't have that. It's not that they
2:12:38
Speaker 1: don't have the talent or the potential to be able
2:12:41
Speaker 1: to succeed and create something spectacular. The problem is not
2:12:45
Speaker 1: so much that as it is, they're thinking about that
2:12:48
Speaker 1: their self talk. I'm shit, I couldn't do that. I've
2:12:51
Speaker 1: got no talent, I'm not creative. I couldn't go to
2:12:54
Speaker 1: a gym, i couldn't run. There's all of these stories,
2:12:57
Speaker 1: there's all of these intertwined stories that are intertwined with
2:13:01
Speaker 1: beliefs that they become the prison. Your hurdle is not
2:13:06
Speaker 1: your talent. The obstacle is not your potential. The obstacle
2:13:11
Speaker 1: is your thinking, you know. And when our constant in
2:13:14
Speaker 1: a dialogue is, you know, somewhere between I don't think
2:13:18
Speaker 1: I could and I'm complete shit, I definitely could. We
2:13:22
Speaker 1: need to recognize that for what that is, and that
2:13:24
Speaker 1: is just a story. And of course, you know, we
2:13:27
Speaker 1: are not our capacity is not limitless. Of course there's
2:13:31
Speaker 1: a limit to what we can do. But I haven't
2:13:35
Speaker 1: met too many people who I think if ten is
2:13:40
Speaker 1: our limit, our individual ten, I don't think I've met
2:13:44
Speaker 1: too many people who are up near ten. And that's well,
2:13:48
Speaker 1: that might sound like criticism, it's actually a compliment because
2:13:51
Speaker 1: I just think people have got way more ability than
2:13:54
Speaker 1: they think. Yes, you know, way more ability. A quick
2:13:59
Speaker 1: story which I've shared five times. I had a lady
2:14:02
Speaker 1: called doesn't matter, but an older lady that was one
2:14:05
Speaker 1: of my first clients ever. And you've heard this story.
2:14:08
Speaker 1: She came to my first ever studio, which was little
2:14:11
Speaker 1: fifteen hundred square foot studio nine ninety above another a
2:14:16
Speaker 1: retail business, and she walked in with a cane basket
2:14:21
Speaker 1: because she'd been shopping. She was chubbs, she was gorgeous,
2:14:24
Speaker 1: she was irish, she had the most beautiful voice. She's like,
2:14:28
Speaker 1: I just wanted to fucking hug her, which would have
2:14:30
Speaker 1: been weird, weird as soon as she walked up, she
2:14:33
Speaker 1: walked up the stairs, because I think it said on
2:14:35
Speaker 1: my door something like Craig Harper Fitness Consultant. This was
2:14:38
Speaker 1: before the Harpers brand. I was doing it. I was
2:14:40
Speaker 1: training people. I had a studio, but I due to
2:14:44
Speaker 1: some comp not complications, but some restrictions by the council,
2:14:49
Speaker 1: like you weren't allowed to open a gym, but you
2:14:51
Speaker 1: could have a consultancy. I'm like, okay, so what if
2:14:55
Speaker 1: I fill it with gym equipment and I call a consultancy.
2:14:58
Speaker 1: They're like, yep, great, ID I'm like, fucking hell. I
2:15:02
Speaker 1: might not be the sharpest tool in the shed. But
2:15:04
Speaker 1: you blokes are fucking idiots, right, so okay, so we'll
2:15:09
Speaker 1: call it anyway. She came in and she saw me,
2:15:13
Speaker 1: and she saw the gym and she was like, fuck this,
2:15:15
Speaker 1: and she did a one ad and she was about
2:15:17
Speaker 1: to walk out, and you know, she I chatted to
2:15:21
Speaker 1: her and I somehow convinced her to come back and
2:15:25
Speaker 1: just do a little easy, peasy workout and she loved it.
2:15:28
Speaker 1: And you know, it took a little while before she
2:15:31
Speaker 1: loved me and loved it, but she loved it, and
2:15:33
Speaker 1: it you know, she got very comfortable, very quickly, and
2:15:38
Speaker 1: or you know, I'm going to say within a week.
2:15:40
Speaker 1: And then we just started talking about you know, like
2:15:44
Speaker 1: she was very unfit, and she's like, but what how
2:15:48
Speaker 1: do I even I'm not you know, I'm like, cool,
2:15:50
Speaker 1: whatever you can do if you can walk up the
2:15:53
Speaker 1: stairs once, because there were stairs to the space, I go,
2:15:58
Speaker 1: so we'll walk up the stairs and then put your
2:16:00
Speaker 1: bum on a seat for a minute, we'll have a chat,
2:16:02
Speaker 1: and then you'll do another one, and you put your
2:16:04
Speaker 1: bum on a seat for another minute, and then you
2:16:06
Speaker 1: do another one and then we go, Wow. Today she
2:16:08
Speaker 1: did three flights, well done and then we'll go and
2:16:10
Speaker 1: do some lightweights, and then we'll have a gentle stretch,
2:16:12
Speaker 1: and then I'm going to talk to you about your
2:16:13
Speaker 1: food a bit, and then I'm going to tell three
2:16:16
Speaker 1: dick jokes because I'm hilarious, and then I'm going to
2:16:18
Speaker 1: send you on your way. She's probably inappropriate for it.
2:16:21
Speaker 1: There's no extra cost, no extra cost, and she that
2:16:24
Speaker 1: was her favorite bit because she was irish. But then
2:16:29
Speaker 1: you know when you go, all right, so now it's
2:16:30
Speaker 1: been three months and now you're doing twenty flights of
2:16:33
Speaker 1: those stairs that you could only do one. And that's progress.
2:16:36
Speaker 1: That's changed, that's transformation. And anyway, some months after that
2:16:40
Speaker 1: first workout, I honestly can't remember how many months, but
2:16:44
Speaker 1: I'm going to say it was somewhere between six and twelve,
2:16:47
Speaker 1: she did a five k run five k run with me.
2:16:50
Speaker 1: She ran a five kilometer fun run which I registered
2:16:54
Speaker 1: her and myself in and her family, oh my god,
2:16:59
Speaker 1: her family like they did not because she didn't really
2:17:02
Speaker 1: let on what she was doing too much. It's kind
2:17:05
Speaker 1: of hard to explain back in the nineties also early nineties,
2:17:07
Speaker 1: what the fucking personal trainer is. Yeah, nobody really gets it.
2:17:11
Speaker 1: People used to go. So they give you money and
2:17:13
Speaker 1: you watch them exercise. I'm like, kinda kind of they
2:17:17
Speaker 1: do the workout and I get the cash. It's a
2:17:19
Speaker 1: little bit more than that, but yeah, and what do
2:17:21
Speaker 1: you do? Do you not work out with them? I go, no,
2:17:24
Speaker 1: I'll watch them they go, So you fucking stand there
2:17:26
Speaker 1: and they do it and you get I'm like, what
2:17:27
Speaker 1: a great idea, huh.
2:17:29
Speaker 3: I wonder how she actually ended up there on that day,
2:17:32
Speaker 3: because well.
2:17:33
Speaker 1: She wanted to see what it was, because she wanted
2:17:36
Speaker 1: to do something about her health, and it just said
2:17:39
Speaker 1: fitness consultant. I could have been a bloke in a
2:17:41
Speaker 1: white coat and a stepthoscope and she didn't know what.
2:17:45
Speaker 1: She walked up and there's a fucking there's a savage
2:17:48
Speaker 1: in a fucking tiny singlet lifting heavy shit, and she's like,
2:17:52
Speaker 1: get the fuck out of here, Like she couldn't turn
2:17:55
Speaker 1: around quick enough. You know, I don't blame her, but yeah,
2:18:00
Speaker 1: and she just that lady. Oh my god. When I
2:18:05
Speaker 1: looked at she lost like thirty k's. Her fitness went
2:18:08
Speaker 1: from literally fucking half yeah two for her potential to
2:18:13
Speaker 1: an eight. Yeah, amazing and amazing to see. Yeah, family
2:18:19
Speaker 1: came and watched and oh, well, some of her family.
2:18:23
Speaker 1: Her husband thought, I don't know what a husband thought
2:18:25
Speaker 1: about me. He's like, the fuck's this bloke and kids
2:18:29
Speaker 1: and she was crying and they were crying, and it's
2:18:31
Speaker 1: like just the best, the best, but it's for me.
2:18:34
Speaker 1: It's not even the fun run was great, the transformation
2:18:37
Speaker 1: was great, but you know what's fucking great? And this
2:18:39
Speaker 1: is always the way when people go from such a
2:18:43
Speaker 1: low starting point to such an achievement. There's always part
2:18:49
Speaker 1: of them. Yet there's the physical stuff. You're leaning your better,
2:18:52
Speaker 1: you're faster, you're healthier, you've just increased your lifespan and
2:18:55
Speaker 1: your health span, fucking go you. But there's this other
2:18:58
Speaker 1: thing which is almost not thought of, which for me
2:19:01
Speaker 1: is the real power all of us. Suddenly they start
2:19:05
Speaker 1: to understand their potential. Yeah life, you know, they start
2:19:09
Speaker 1: to which is what we're talking about, talent potential. They
2:19:12
Speaker 1: just start to go, oh ah, and a million years
2:19:17
Speaker 1: I did not even think I could do this. I
2:19:20
Speaker 1: wouldn't even have thought about it. And not only do
2:19:23
Speaker 1: I now know I can do it, I've actually done it.
2:19:26
Speaker 1: And then you think, just as I did when I
2:19:29
Speaker 1: was fourteen and lost thirty odd kilos. Then you think, oh,
2:19:33
Speaker 1: what else can I do that I thought I couldn't do?
2:19:36
Speaker 1: Because this opens a different door in your brain where
2:19:40
Speaker 1: you start to get evidence that's at odds with your
2:19:44
Speaker 1: belief about what's your capacity. You're like, well, fuck, my
2:19:49
Speaker 1: story is I can't do this, and now I've got
2:19:52
Speaker 1: evidence to the contrary. It's not someone wishing me well
2:19:57
Speaker 1: or giving me a bit of a fucking group hug
2:19:59
Speaker 1: or a power on the back. I've actually done this
2:20:02
Speaker 1: thing and it's you know, so when people say how
2:20:05
Speaker 1: do you build confidence, it's like, just do hard shit. Yep.
2:20:08
Speaker 1: You can have all the fan clubs in the world
2:20:10
Speaker 1: telling you you're a fucking legend, but it's not the
2:20:13
Speaker 1: same until you actually go and do what is legendary
2:20:17
Speaker 1: for you.
2:20:18
Speaker 4: And when you go, ah, so that wasn't true. What
2:20:22
Speaker 4: else isn't true?
2:20:24
Speaker 1: Oh exactly, Melissa, exactly. Can I just say something that
2:20:27
Speaker 1: I'm noticing right now?
2:20:29
Speaker 4: Yes, that we're going for a really long time.
2:20:31
Speaker 1: No, I'm cool with that. Can I just say that
2:20:34
Speaker 1: you've made a crucial mistake?
2:20:38
Speaker 4: Did I not hear? I've hit record. I've checked it
2:20:40
Speaker 4: about fourteen times.
2:20:42
Speaker 1: No, I'm not talking about your crucial mistake is that
2:20:45
Speaker 1: you're so fucking good at this. And I know you're
2:20:48
Speaker 1: going to go, no, I'm shit, nah na nah, But
2:20:50
Speaker 1: you're good at this. You should Hey, everyone, if you
2:20:53
Speaker 1: think Melissa should do more of this, please go to
2:20:58
Speaker 1: the Facebook page. Please go to the Facebook page. And
2:21:02
Speaker 1: if we get one hundred people, if we get one
2:21:05
Speaker 1: hundred people who like it, and so we just need
2:21:08
Speaker 1: to go yeah, I think, and then one hundred people agree,
2:21:11
Speaker 1: then we might have to have a meeting. You and
2:21:13
Speaker 1: I all right, let's keep going.
2:21:15
Speaker 4: That's because we were only like five in and we're
2:21:18
Speaker 4: like an hour?
2:21:19
Speaker 1: Are we? How long we've been recording?
2:21:23
Speaker 4: Three minutes?
2:21:24
Speaker 3: I think I think we babbled a bit beforehand, but
2:21:28
Speaker 3: I think it's been I think I think you're good.
2:21:31
Speaker 1: I think you're the actual real next one.
2:21:34
Speaker 4: Stop waiting for opportunities.
2:21:36
Speaker 1: Stop waiting for opportunities. I think that you know, when
2:21:39
Speaker 1: opportunities present themselves magically, that's good. But I think there
2:21:47
Speaker 1: are three kind of components. There's people who ah, there
2:21:55
Speaker 1: are people who hope an opportunity presents itself and wait
2:21:58
Speaker 1: for an opportunity to come along. There are people who
2:22:04
Speaker 1: try to connect with others, I guess to get an opportunity,
2:22:10
Speaker 1: and then there are those who go, fuck it, how
2:22:12
Speaker 1: can I what can I practically do myself to make
2:22:17
Speaker 1: my own opportunity? So I guess the analogy is like,
2:22:22
Speaker 1: you know, nobody's going to come knock on your door
2:22:24
Speaker 1: to say, I know you think you're an author and
2:22:27
Speaker 1: we publish books, or you're a potential author, So we're
2:22:31
Speaker 1: just here just to you know, reach out and say,
2:22:35
Speaker 1: start writing that book because we're going to publish it.
2:22:37
Speaker 1: Like that's never happening. So how do you get to
2:22:40
Speaker 1: that stage? Will you write a book? You just start
2:22:42
Speaker 1: writing and you you write it, you edit it, you
2:22:45
Speaker 1: refine it, You think about a name, You think about
2:22:47
Speaker 1: what's on the front cover and the back cover. You
2:22:49
Speaker 1: think about distribution, you think about who's your target audience.
2:22:52
Speaker 1: And you don't need a degree to do this, and
2:22:53
Speaker 1: you don't need anybody in your ear to do this.
2:22:56
Speaker 1: You can just do this and the first draft we shit,
2:22:59
Speaker 1: in the second have to be less shit, and people
2:23:01
Speaker 1: will look at it and give your feedback and maybe
2:23:03
Speaker 1: if that's what you want, and then you can read
2:23:05
Speaker 1: and reread and you know, then eventually you know, I
2:23:09
Speaker 1: wrote my first book and self published because who the
2:23:13
Speaker 1: fuck's Craig Harper, And then that got self published. Then
2:23:16
Speaker 1: I got approached by a publisher. Now they only approached
2:23:20
Speaker 1: me with an opportunity or an offer because I did
2:23:24
Speaker 1: it in the first place. Yes, so because I created
2:23:28
Speaker 1: my own opportunity by literally sitting down and doing the
2:23:31
Speaker 1: work and then producing something and pushing it out into
2:23:34
Speaker 1: the real world. And then they went, well, he's actually
2:23:36
Speaker 1: written a book and it's been published and been distributed
2:23:39
Speaker 1: and he sold copies and we quite like it, so
2:23:42
Speaker 1: maybe we'll work with him. But I just think that
2:23:45
Speaker 1: you know, if an opportunity presents itself, if something comes along,
2:23:49
Speaker 1: ace ace, But it's like even when you I don't
2:23:52
Speaker 1: even know what they are, but you told me about
2:23:54
Speaker 1: a couple of potential sponsors before, right, Well, the reason
2:23:58
Speaker 1: that they come along is because we've created a platform
2:24:03
Speaker 1: that people want to be a part of. Yes, But
2:24:05
Speaker 1: the opportunities only came because we fucking created this thing,
2:24:12
Speaker 1: and we stuck around for six hundred episodes going backwards financially,
2:24:17
Speaker 1: and then eventually, you know, something kicked in, which is
2:24:19
Speaker 1: really great. But if if I just sat there on
2:24:23
Speaker 1: episode five and went, well, I'm not doing any more
2:24:25
Speaker 1: episodes till I get a knock on the door with
2:24:27
Speaker 1: a sponsorship opportunity. It would have died eight years ago exactly.
2:24:31
Speaker 3: And the other thing with that is, and maybe this
2:24:34
Speaker 3: is just my inner control freak, but I feel like
2:24:38
Speaker 3: when you create the opportunity yourself, right, you have a
2:24:43
Speaker 3: lot more ownership over what that looks like and what
2:24:47
Speaker 3: that involves. Whereas waiting for someone to come to you
2:24:50
Speaker 3: with something that fits perfectly and meets you know, all
2:24:55
Speaker 3: your desires, all of that not only is unlikely, but
2:24:58
Speaker 3: also you have less kind of ability to I guess,
2:25:03
Speaker 3: create that in the way that would suit you best.
2:25:08
Speaker 1: Well, you think about our collaboration with Nova, for which
2:25:13
Speaker 1: I'm very grateful. You know, they came to us because
2:25:16
Speaker 1: we already had lots of listeners. Yeah, they came to
2:25:18
Speaker 1: us because we were succeeding. We're going great. You know,
2:25:22
Speaker 1: we went Joe Rogan, but we were going great. They
2:25:24
Speaker 1: came to us and it was win win.
2:25:27
Speaker 4: But part of the.
2:25:28
Speaker 3: Reason for that was because you were able to develop
2:25:31
Speaker 3: a show in your style that worked well for the
2:25:37
Speaker 3: way that you deliver.
2:25:38
Speaker 4: Right.
2:25:39
Speaker 3: Had you initially been approached by a network that said
2:25:42
Speaker 3: it has to be twenty minute episodes or thirty minute episodes.
2:25:45
Speaker 3: It has to be pre recorded in this, you know,
2:25:48
Speaker 3: and heavily edited, and this is the track it needs.
2:25:51
Speaker 4: To go down.
2:25:53
Speaker 3: There's a fair chance that that would have never taken
2:25:55
Speaker 3: off because it wouldn't have been authentic to you and
2:25:58
Speaker 3: to your brand, and therefore it likely wouldn't have even worked.
2:26:04
Speaker 1: So one hundred percent well that that would suck the
2:26:07
Speaker 1: big fat one. And I would say no if I
2:26:10
Speaker 1: get too technical, let me know everyone. But also I
2:26:14
Speaker 1: was going to say, which you kind of said, but
2:26:16
Speaker 1: even with Nova, if nover Go, if like today, we
2:26:20
Speaker 1: didn't ring over and go, by the way, we're doing
2:26:22
Speaker 1: a three hour episode, yep, because an over have no
2:26:25
Speaker 1: say in how many episodes I produce a week. I mean,
2:26:29
Speaker 1: maybe a little bit, but that, But what I mean
2:26:32
Speaker 1: is that's great. They are great for us, and Overgo.
2:26:34
Speaker 1: You're pretty good at this. So we'll get the fuck
2:26:36
Speaker 1: out of the way, and Craig and Melissa and Tiff,
2:26:39
Speaker 1: what you'll do is you'll produce episodes, you'll get guests,
2:26:41
Speaker 1: you'll edit, and then you'll you'll load it. You'll do
2:26:44
Speaker 1: all that and we'll be over here trying to find
2:26:45
Speaker 1: you sponsors, and you know, brands that want to align
2:26:50
Speaker 1: with you and work with you will do that. You
2:26:52
Speaker 1: produce the shows, and we're like, well, fucking great because
2:26:56
Speaker 1: you're good at that and we're good at this. So
2:26:58
Speaker 1: you do your thing, we'll do our thing. Take this percentage,
2:27:01
Speaker 1: we'll take that percentage. Everybody happy, Yep, good, let's go
2:27:04
Speaker 1: home perfect. You know, but that's that, But you know
2:27:08
Speaker 1: that is it was literally an opportunity that went both ways.
2:27:12
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, and ways in which you can maximize speaking
2:27:17
Speaker 3: of talent before you can maximize your skill set and
2:27:20
Speaker 3: they can do what they're best at, and then together
2:27:23
Speaker 3: it is a partnership that works well for bos parties.
2:27:27
Speaker 1: Let's do a few more. Let's go with the next
2:27:30
Speaker 1: one on your list. Then we might skip one or two.
2:27:33
Speaker 1: I'm just thinking, because well we've been a while, I'm ready.
2:27:39
Speaker 4: Yes, I feel a bit bad saying this, but.
2:27:42
Speaker 1: I know you do. But I'll quickly jump in the
2:27:45
Speaker 1: next one. Is you're not special? Now what I mean
2:27:48
Speaker 1: by that before you all start getting hurt and ringing
2:27:51
Speaker 1: your mum, you know, like, which is not to say
2:27:57
Speaker 1: you can't do special things or you're not special or
2:28:00
Speaker 1: to someone or it just means that they're This is
2:28:05
Speaker 1: my take, and I could be wrong, you know how,
2:28:07
Speaker 1: I get things wrong all the time. I could be wrong,
2:28:09
Speaker 1: But I feel like there are a percentage of people
2:28:11
Speaker 1: who feel like they're special just because they were born.
2:28:14
Speaker 4: Yeah.
2:28:15
Speaker 1: And I don't know if you do the whole likelihood
2:28:18
Speaker 1: of the egg meeting the sperm and the probability and
2:28:21
Speaker 1: the numbers, well, yeah, maybe. But I'm not being a
2:28:25
Speaker 1: hard ass. I'm just saying, you know, in the sense
2:28:28
Speaker 1: that I'm a human in a world with eight billion
2:28:30
Speaker 1: other humans, I'm not special. In fact, I'm incredibly fucking
2:28:35
Speaker 1: common because there's another eight billion of me. Now, that
2:28:38
Speaker 1: doesn't mean I can't do amazing or be amazing or
2:28:41
Speaker 1: create great outcomes. It doesn't mean I can't be special
2:28:44
Speaker 1: to people, and you can't be special to people. But
2:28:47
Speaker 1: I think this kind of I'm special mindset actually fucks
2:28:51
Speaker 1: up people.
2:28:52
Speaker 4: Yep.
2:28:52
Speaker 1: You know, you can have a special impact on people,
2:28:56
Speaker 1: you can create special and spectacular outcomes, you can live
2:28:59
Speaker 1: a special life. But that's not because you were born special.
2:29:03
Speaker 1: That's because you did the work. But that's because you
2:29:05
Speaker 1: were brave. That's because you put on your big boy,
2:29:08
Speaker 1: big girl pants and you fucking rolled up your sleeves
2:29:10
Speaker 1: and you had a crack. And now you're fucking doing
2:29:13
Speaker 1: special shit. Now you're helping people, serving people, or building
2:29:16
Speaker 1: a business, or building wealth or creating an awesome, awesome
2:29:19
Speaker 1: health state, you know. And I just think that while
2:29:25
Speaker 1: it's good to have good self esteem, you know, thinking
2:29:30
Speaker 1: that you are uniquely, fabulously special in an ocean of
2:29:36
Speaker 1: eight billion humans, I don't actually think it's good for
2:29:39
Speaker 1: our drive, for our motivation, for our long term outcomes.
2:29:43
Speaker 1: Now that's not I'm not special, that's not self loathing.
2:29:47
Speaker 1: By the way, You're not bad, You're you're but but
2:29:51
Speaker 1: you know, you're just like me, just another just another
2:29:55
Speaker 1: human doing life. And that's okay. And if I'm just
2:29:58
Speaker 1: another human doing life, life sounds hurtful. Well it's literally true.
2:30:03
Speaker 1: Now that doesn't mean that you can't have a beautiful
2:30:06
Speaker 1: life with beautiful people and do amazing shit. But if
2:30:09
Speaker 1: we zoom out from the micro of your existence and
2:30:12
Speaker 1: your day and your life and your body and your situation,
2:30:16
Speaker 1: if we zoom out to humanity, we zoom out to
2:30:20
Speaker 1: three hundred thousand years of evolution, we zoom out to
2:30:24
Speaker 1: eight billion humans on the planet. Well fucking I'm a nobody.
2:30:30
Speaker 1: And by the way, when I die, I'll be forgotten
2:30:32
Speaker 1: about in seven minutes. And that's cool because that's how
2:30:35
Speaker 1: it works. You know, we come, we live for a while.
2:30:38
Speaker 1: And I know this sounds what does it sound fatalistic?
2:30:41
Speaker 1: I don't mean that because I think also maybe when
2:30:45
Speaker 1: we leave this mortal coil, that's not the end. But
2:30:48
Speaker 1: that's another podcast. But I just think that having this
2:30:52
Speaker 1: a sense of entitlement that some people have and this
2:30:56
Speaker 1: I'm special. I don't create success. I deserve success. No,
2:31:02
Speaker 1: you don't. You go create it. And if you do
2:31:06
Speaker 1: the work, and if you try hard enough for long enough,
2:31:09
Speaker 1: and you're brave enough, and you invest enough energy and
2:31:12
Speaker 1: you do the right things, then you will create your
2:31:14
Speaker 1: own version of success. And well done you. That's awesome.
2:31:19
Speaker 1: But I just think for me, and I probably clumsily
2:31:22
Speaker 1: articulated this, so I apologize as if it is clumsy
2:31:26
Speaker 1: and it seems insensitive. But I would just want to
2:31:30
Speaker 1: sometimes say to some people that I'm talking to, Hey, bro,
2:31:33
Speaker 1: I like you, but you're not special. You're just a dude.
2:31:36
Speaker 1: You're just a dude doing life. I'm a dude, I'm
2:31:38
Speaker 1: not special. You're not special. Where the fuck do we
2:31:41
Speaker 1: all get this idea that where you know? And then
2:31:44
Speaker 1: if we tell people they're not, well, you're a prick.
2:31:47
Speaker 1: Oh you're harsh, You're not you know, it's like, oh,
2:31:51
Speaker 1: you're hurting people's mental health. Am I really? How about
2:31:56
Speaker 1: telling people all the time they're special and then when
2:32:00
Speaker 1: they get out of the house with no resilience and
2:32:03
Speaker 1: no mental toughness and no skills to deal with life,
2:32:06
Speaker 1: and life punches them in the face a thousand fucking
2:32:09
Speaker 1: times because life doesn't care how special or unspecial they are. Yea,
2:32:15
Speaker 1: this is my motive. I want you to be strong
2:32:18
Speaker 1: and powerful and resilient and capable so you can go
2:32:22
Speaker 1: and build your best fucking life, not because you're innately special,
2:32:26
Speaker 1: but because you use what you've got. Steps down, off soapbox.
2:32:32
Speaker 1: Let's do all right, I'll tell you what we'll do, Melissa,
2:32:36
Speaker 1: I was gonna do one more, but fuck it, it's along
2:32:38
Speaker 1: this podcast. Ever, why don't you just I know we've
2:32:41
Speaker 1: got a bunch ever a bunch left, but what aren't you?
2:32:45
Speaker 1: And some of these are familiar themes on this show,
2:32:47
Speaker 1: but that's the point. Why don't you pick four more
2:32:52
Speaker 1: that that resonate for you and Will? I don't know
2:32:56
Speaker 1: what that's going to take us up to, probably close
2:32:58
Speaker 1: to three hours or something ridiculous, but anyway, what do
2:33:02
Speaker 1: you want to go with the next one?
2:33:04
Speaker 3: In keeping with the fact that this is AFL Grand
2:33:07
Speaker 3: Final week, we're going to keep going with the list
2:33:10
Speaker 3: and it's going to be be the player and the coach.
2:33:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, all right, now I'm going to tell you,
2:33:16
Speaker 1: and you don't know this, we'll actually bypass this one.
2:33:18
Speaker 1: It's not your fault, but I'll quickly explain this because
2:33:21
Speaker 1: Tiff and I essentially did this and it's my bad.
2:33:25
Speaker 1: So what that means being the player and the coach?
2:33:27
Speaker 1: And there's an AFL analogy, as you are quite rightly
2:33:31
Speaker 1: pointed out. This weekend's the Grand Final in Melbourne, So
2:33:35
Speaker 1: it's like it's that river thing that we were talking
2:33:39
Speaker 1: about before. Everybody, it's like your life's the river. It's
2:33:41
Speaker 1: got its own energy, and when you're in the river,
2:33:44
Speaker 1: you can't have a level of objectivity and perspective that
2:33:46
Speaker 1: you can have when you're out of the river. And
2:33:48
Speaker 1: this is analogous to being the player in the game,
2:33:51
Speaker 1: when you are always the player and you are always
2:33:54
Speaker 1: in the middle of the game, sometimes you need to
2:33:57
Speaker 1: be able to step away from the game, which is
2:33:59
Speaker 1: what why we have halftime. We have half time in
2:34:03
Speaker 1: the game and quarter time and three quarter time, so
2:34:05
Speaker 1: we can see what's happening, we can stop, we can
2:34:08
Speaker 1: take stock of what's working and what's not. And so, yeah,
2:34:12
Speaker 1: I just won't replay that whole thing, Melissa, But that's ye.
2:34:15
Speaker 1: You want to know that. But yeah, that's a very
2:34:17
Speaker 1: similar metaphor to the last one.
2:34:20
Speaker 3: Sure, Okay, next one then is get yourself an unreasonable friend.
2:34:25
Speaker 1: Okay, we've spoken about that, and for those who don't
2:34:28
Speaker 1: know what that term means to me, it means, and
2:34:31
Speaker 1: I teach an unreasonable friend is somebody that loves you,
2:34:35
Speaker 1: cares about you, but won't always tell you what you
2:34:38
Speaker 1: would like to hear. And they're coming from a place
2:34:42
Speaker 1: of love and kindness and from a level of perspective
2:34:45
Speaker 1: and objectivity that you can't have about you because you're you.
2:34:51
Speaker 1: So that whole thing that you have in your head
2:34:52
Speaker 1: about how objective you are and self aware you are, Yeah,
2:34:56
Speaker 1: probably not as much as you think, and that's not bad.
2:34:58
Speaker 1: That's human and so and this is really hard. By
2:35:03
Speaker 1: the way, this is this is a hard thing. And
2:35:05
Speaker 1: people like people always nod their head when I share this,
2:35:10
Speaker 1: share about this in a seminar, they're like, oh, yeah,
2:35:12
Speaker 1: that's good, you know, because oh yeah, I love feedback.
2:35:15
Speaker 1: And as I've said many times, yeah, we love feedback
2:35:17
Speaker 1: until it's feedback we don't love. And so yeah, it's like, yeah,
2:35:21
Speaker 1: give me all the feedback, but only the good feedback
2:35:24
Speaker 1: make it great. And by the way, if it's not
2:35:25
Speaker 1: good feedback, fuck you, you're not my friend. It's like, well,
2:35:28
Speaker 1: that's what do you want? Well, I want praise. Oh okay,
2:35:31
Speaker 1: so you don't want feedback. I want praise. Cool, Well,
2:35:33
Speaker 1: let me know. I just want to back rub and
2:35:35
Speaker 1: a fucking you know some streamers and shit like it's like, dude,
2:35:42
Speaker 1: you're fucking things up. I love you. I don't want
2:35:44
Speaker 1: you to fuck up. I don't have all the answers,
2:35:47
Speaker 1: but I have a level of objectivity about you because
2:35:49
Speaker 1: I'm external. I'm from the outside looking in, and so
2:35:54
Speaker 1: with that in mind, I want to share with you
2:35:55
Speaker 1: what I am seeing. I'm sharing with you what I
2:35:59
Speaker 1: am seeing because I want to help you and I
2:36:01
Speaker 1: want to give you insight to the thing that you
2:36:04
Speaker 1: can't see. And so an unreasonable friend is somebody that
2:36:09
Speaker 1: will tell you what you need to hear or what
2:36:11
Speaker 1: they believe you need to hear, despite the fact that
2:36:14
Speaker 1: you might not always love hearing it. And I guess
2:36:19
Speaker 1: a twice replayed example of this in the last week
2:36:22
Speaker 1: is when and I said this to you last week listener. So,
2:36:25
Speaker 1: but it's just a good example as when and she
2:36:28
Speaker 1: wasn't a friend, but she was a listener who wrote
2:36:30
Speaker 1: wrote in and said to me basically early days of
2:36:33
Speaker 1: the year project, you know I love the show, love
2:36:36
Speaker 1: you da da da da. Can you stop talking over
2:36:39
Speaker 1: the top of people? It's very annoying. And when I
2:36:42
Speaker 1: went back and I listened, I went, guess what I
2:36:44
Speaker 1: took over the top of people. It's very fucking annoying.
2:36:46
Speaker 1: And do I ever still do that? Yes? Do I
2:36:49
Speaker 1: do it less? Yes? But it's like, well, you know,
2:36:52
Speaker 1: here's the thing. It's very easy to react because we
2:36:57
Speaker 1: like to think we're all about logic and reason and
2:37:00
Speaker 1: rationale and the prefrontal cortex. We're intellects. No, we're not.
2:37:04
Speaker 1: We're fucking emotional Neanderthals We're just fucking emotional Neanderthals who
2:37:10
Speaker 1: want to tell you to get fucked when we hear
2:37:12
Speaker 1: something that makes us uncomfortable, right, that whole kind of
2:37:15
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I'm bigger than this. No, No, we're not.
2:37:18
Speaker 1: We're often not. And that's the thing is you think
2:37:22
Speaker 1: you want feedback, and I'm saying, actually, be open real feedback,
2:37:27
Speaker 1: and if it's coming from a hater who's just shitcanning you,
2:37:29
Speaker 1: well that ain't this, that's not what we're talking about.
2:37:32
Speaker 1: But you don't need constant endorsement. You don't need constant validation.
2:37:38
Speaker 1: You don't need a cheer squad, you don't need a
2:37:40
Speaker 1: trophy every time you had a fucking salad. You're not
2:37:43
Speaker 1: six years old, like you need somebody to give you
2:37:48
Speaker 1: input that you can't give yourself.
2:37:51
Speaker 3: Do you have any kind of tips around that? For
2:37:54
Speaker 3: selecting an unreasonable friend? That sounds quite strategic. I don't
2:37:59
Speaker 3: necessarily mean it that way, but I guess I'm thinking
2:38:01
Speaker 3: that sometimes we need to decipher between someone who's giving
2:38:07
Speaker 3: genuine feedback that could be quite constructive, and someone that
2:38:12
Speaker 3: maybe could be in a way jealous of what you're
2:38:15
Speaker 3: trying to achieve or need or like the goals in
2:38:19
Speaker 3: some way that you're trying to aspire to may impact
2:38:23
Speaker 3: them in a sense, and therefore they don't.
2:38:26
Speaker 4: Like the idea of doing were you're doing what you're doing.
2:38:28
Speaker 3: Is there any kind of I guess tips around selecting
2:38:31
Speaker 3: that unreasonable friend.
2:38:32
Speaker 1: We'll call this Showisha tips. So here are my tips.
2:38:37
Speaker 1: You're welcome. I was waiting for you to finish that
2:38:39
Speaker 1: so I could get that outley.
2:38:43
Speaker 4: I could just see.
2:38:45
Speaker 1: I'm like, hurry up with your fucking monologue so I
2:38:47
Speaker 1: can say my stupid joke. No, it is a good question. Like,
2:38:52
Speaker 1: here's what I think, truly, I think there are very
2:38:54
Speaker 1: few people who can do this for you. Like I
2:38:59
Speaker 1: wouldn't ask you, yeah, because you wouldn't tell me. You
2:39:03
Speaker 1: will give me, but hang on what I will say
2:39:07
Speaker 1: with you. Actually that's not true. I think you couldn't
2:39:10
Speaker 1: have told me. But I think these days you are
2:39:12
Speaker 1: much closer to that. When I say to you, okay, honestly,
2:39:17
Speaker 1: and sometimes I'll write a post for I'll write a
2:39:23
Speaker 1: an Instagram post or whatever, and I'll share it with you,
2:39:28
Speaker 1: and you know, I'll say, don't tell me if it's good,
2:39:30
Speaker 1: if it's shit, And sometimes you'll say, yeah, it's not
2:39:34
Speaker 1: my favorite, which if Melissa is like, that's fucking awful,
2:39:38
Speaker 1: do not use that ever, right, But I know how
2:39:41
Speaker 1: to speak fluent Melissa, and I think times though it.
2:39:45
Speaker 3: Also depends how sorry I just interrupted, Sean, but I
2:39:49
Speaker 3: think it also depends how close I am to it
2:39:52
Speaker 3: as well, like sometimes we both lack that objectivity because
2:39:56
Speaker 3: we're both.
2:39:58
Speaker 1: One hundred percent Yeah, and I look and it just look,
2:40:03
Speaker 1: I mean always. And the human experience is that I'm
2:40:07
Speaker 1: going to get stuff. Even if I'm giving you feedback
2:40:09
Speaker 1: that I think is spot on, bang on, relevant, helpful,
2:40:13
Speaker 1: I still could be wrong because I'm a fucking human.
2:40:16
Speaker 1: But I think you know that knowing that the person
2:40:21
Speaker 1: uh genuinely wants the best for you, not yeah, you're right.
2:40:25
Speaker 1: I mean there are people that I mean, this is this,
2:40:28
Speaker 1: Maybe I should have made this appoint but you know,
2:40:31
Speaker 1: one of the most fascinating things I've learned about humans
2:40:34
Speaker 1: and in inverted Comma's friends And there's no self pity
2:40:38
Speaker 1: in this at all. I love my life and I've
2:40:40
Speaker 1: got great friends. But is the amount of people who
2:40:42
Speaker 1: were really bothered by my success that were close friends.
2:40:46
Speaker 1: I'm like, ah, oh and I've had other friends, close
2:40:51
Speaker 1: friends of mine who are fucking killing it and crushing
2:40:53
Speaker 1: it and honestly like so much further progressed and down
2:40:58
Speaker 1: the track and successful and all the bits or you know,
2:41:01
Speaker 1: the wealth for this, the brand, and honestly, my one
2:41:08
Speaker 1: I'm happy for them, genuinely happy for them, and I'm
2:41:10
Speaker 1: I'm kind of proud of them. I'm kind of proud.
2:41:13
Speaker 1: I'm like, fuck, I knew you when you were not this,
2:41:17
Speaker 1: and look at you. I mean, I would be the
2:41:20
Speaker 1: biggest asshole in the world if I'm talking about all
2:41:23
Speaker 1: of this. And then when someone that I allegedly love
2:41:26
Speaker 1: actually did it right, and then I was bothered, Well,
2:41:31
Speaker 1: you're just a fucking You're an actor playing a role,
2:41:33
Speaker 1: pretending to be about helping people, you know, But it's
2:41:39
Speaker 1: it is. It is tricky because the people that love you,
2:41:42
Speaker 1: they probably overthink and undersay sometimes. But also some of
2:41:47
Speaker 1: the people that love you can be a pain in
2:41:49
Speaker 1: the ass. I'm sure there are listeners right now going
2:41:51
Speaker 1: you haven't heard my mother fuck and now. But you know,
2:41:56
Speaker 1: I think you've got to like, there's no three point checklist.
2:42:00
Speaker 1: But I think you intuitively know. I think you intuitively
2:42:04
Speaker 1: know like, there are people I won't say who, but
2:42:06
Speaker 1: there are people that I think about right now that
2:42:08
Speaker 1: for me, I'm pretty sure I would get a relatively
2:42:14
Speaker 1: unemotional objective as they see it, kind of feedback on
2:42:18
Speaker 1: things if I if I ask them. But also I
2:42:22
Speaker 1: think it is equally important for that person to be
2:42:26
Speaker 1: able to say, hey, I think you go I'm fucking great.
2:42:29
Speaker 1: Actually I didn't even think that would work, but it's working.
2:42:33
Speaker 1: Go you. Yes, you know they're not just there to
2:42:36
Speaker 1: go I don't do that. I don't think that'll work.
2:42:39
Speaker 1: I don't think nah, they're also there to go, hey you,
2:42:43
Speaker 1: but it's got to be real. I really think you're
2:42:46
Speaker 1: crushing it. Yeah, I'm not saying this to make you
2:42:49
Speaker 1: feel good. I'm aware that it will hopefully, but it's
2:42:53
Speaker 1: not the reason. Like, this is not a strategy. This
2:42:56
Speaker 1: is actually what I think. And when you can tell
2:43:00
Speaker 1: people like, do you know what's funny is I reckon
2:43:05
Speaker 1: twenty times this year someone that I know, different people
2:43:08
Speaker 1: that I know that are doing well, and I've just
2:43:11
Speaker 1: looked at them and I've gone, shut the fuck up
2:43:13
Speaker 1: for a minute, look at me, look at me, and
2:43:15
Speaker 1: I go, I'm really proud of you, and I say,
2:43:19
Speaker 1: I am not saying that to make you feel good,
2:43:22
Speaker 1: and more men than women, yep, just because it happened
2:43:24
Speaker 1: to be. Yes, I'm proud of you. I'm so fucking
2:43:28
Speaker 1: proud of you. I couldn't be happier for you. And
2:43:31
Speaker 1: I just fucking I love watching you grow. And half
2:43:35
Speaker 1: of them cry love because they know I mean it,
2:43:38
Speaker 1: and they know there are not many other people that
2:43:41
Speaker 1: feel like that about their success. Yes, you know you
2:43:45
Speaker 1: feel like you've got to downplay your success sometimes.
2:43:49
Speaker 4: Oh and particularly in Australian culture.
2:43:52
Speaker 1: Like when my and I'm know Bill Gates or whatever.
2:43:56
Speaker 1: But when my business started to work, you know, Harper's
2:43:59
Speaker 1: and the PTS and all the oh my god, the
2:44:02
Speaker 1: number of people that it bothered. I'm like, it bothered
2:44:06
Speaker 1: more people than it made happy. Let's just say that. Yeah,
2:44:11
Speaker 1: And I just knew I could tell, like, I'm like,
2:44:13
Speaker 1: but it's not even about you, Like, you don't even
2:44:18
Speaker 1: do this, you don't even work in this space. But fuck,
2:44:21
Speaker 1: it bothered people when the thing that a lot of
2:44:24
Speaker 1: them said wouldn't work or couldn't work, or there's no
2:44:26
Speaker 1: mark or there's no scope, or the population is not
2:44:29
Speaker 1: big enough for it's not a thing, it'll come and
2:44:31
Speaker 1: go there. It's not even an industry, it's not a profession.
2:44:34
Speaker 1: And I'm like, yep, I get all of that, but
2:44:36
Speaker 1: I tell you what, I'll just see what happens. And
2:44:38
Speaker 1: then when it worked, Fuck, nobody came out of the
2:44:40
Speaker 1: woodwork and said I was wrong. Well done. That's fucking amazing,
2:44:46
Speaker 1: like nearly nobody, you know, And there's no self pity.
2:44:50
Speaker 1: That's literally just my story. So I think if you
2:44:53
Speaker 1: can have people that actually want you to succeed, and
2:44:57
Speaker 1: I think even for you, I mean you the listener,
2:45:00
Speaker 1: like I know, for me, hand on heart, when I
2:45:05
Speaker 1: truly want the best for people, fuck, it makes me
2:45:08
Speaker 1: a better human. I'm happier, I'm nicer to be around,
2:45:12
Speaker 1: I'm less of a cunt. I'm going to say it.
2:45:14
Speaker 1: I'm going to say it out loud. It's like but
2:45:18
Speaker 1: and I know I oversay this, and I know it's cliche,
2:45:21
Speaker 1: and I know it's probably going to have little to
2:45:23
Speaker 1: no impact. But when you really despite all the logic
2:45:26
Speaker 1: and all the rationale and all the strategy and all
2:45:28
Speaker 1: the fucking nuance and all the clever words, but when
2:45:31
Speaker 1: you truly come from a place of love with people.
2:45:35
Speaker 1: You're like, this is you know, I can't give you
2:45:38
Speaker 1: everything you need, but I can love you in this way.
2:45:41
Speaker 1: I can serve you, I can help you in this way.
2:45:45
Speaker 1: And no, this isn't necessarily romantic love or a cuddle
2:45:49
Speaker 1: or but this is love because this is me wanting
2:45:52
Speaker 1: to help you without wanting anything back from you. You know.
2:45:59
Speaker 1: I think that's that's transformational for both parties. Have you
2:46:03
Speaker 1: got one more you want to do?
2:46:05
Speaker 2: One?
2:46:05
Speaker 4: Final one we're going to go with.
2:46:08
Speaker 1: Have we told everyone that this is actually the last podcast?
2:46:11
Speaker 1: We probably should have led with that. That's why it's
2:46:15
Speaker 1: so long. We want you to be sick of us.
2:46:17
Speaker 1: I will say, there won't be a podcast up tomorrow,
2:46:20
Speaker 1: maybe for the next two days, but I'm going to
2:46:22
Speaker 1: have a break, but this should keep you going for
2:46:24
Speaker 1: a while.
2:46:25
Speaker 4: Okay, final one for today? Can you please elaborate on
2:46:32
Speaker 4: words are a sales pitch?
2:46:34
Speaker 1: I probably should have said more accurately. Words can be
2:46:37
Speaker 1: a sales pitch. And as I've said a bunch of times,
2:46:42
Speaker 1: if you want to know someone well, pay attention to
2:46:45
Speaker 1: some of what they say and all of what they do.
2:46:48
Speaker 1: So I think that not all the time of course,
2:46:51
Speaker 1: but I think oftentimes with people, what's coming out of
2:46:55
Speaker 1: their mouth is a story or some kind of sales
2:46:59
Speaker 1: pitch or some kind of attempt to build whatever, a
2:47:06
Speaker 1: connection or a and it's not necessarily authentic. It's quite strategic.
2:47:12
Speaker 1: And by the way, I don't think that's terrible. I
2:47:14
Speaker 1: think we all do that to an extent, but including me,
2:47:19
Speaker 1: including me, do I ever try to create a good impression,
2:47:21
Speaker 1: of course, of course. But what I think really matters
2:47:25
Speaker 1: if we really want to understand people is to pay
2:47:30
Speaker 1: attention to what they do and how they live, and
2:47:34
Speaker 1: you know, how they treat people when they don't think
2:47:36
Speaker 1: they're being watched, and you know, all that kind of ah,
2:47:41
Speaker 1: and not in a for me like people that I
2:47:44
Speaker 1: might be going to do some work with, or people
2:47:46
Speaker 1: that I might be going to spend time with, or
2:47:49
Speaker 1: I'm not obsessed with that, but I'm just interested in
2:47:54
Speaker 1: I tell you a few I'll tell you this is
2:47:56
Speaker 1: a really classic. So there are people that I've quite
2:47:59
Speaker 1: liked or I've thought pretty highly of them, and I
2:48:04
Speaker 1: didn't know them well, but you know, and then I
2:48:06
Speaker 1: met them for a coffee and then they treated the
2:48:09
Speaker 1: weight staff like shit. Yep, I'm like, that's it. I'm like,
2:48:14
Speaker 1: you're out. I can't do it. Like they just treated
2:48:17
Speaker 1: them like they were not on the same level as
2:48:21
Speaker 1: us to exemplary humans. And I thought, all right, I'll
2:48:26
Speaker 1: give you one, and then if it happens again, And
2:48:28
Speaker 1: then when it happens again where they're either rude or
2:48:31
Speaker 1: arrogant or dismissive to the human that's coming to the
2:48:36
Speaker 1: table to serve them, I'm like, fuck you, bro, you're out.
2:48:40
Speaker 1: I don't care what the deal is. I don't care
2:48:41
Speaker 1: what the offer is. I don't want to work with you.
2:48:43
Speaker 1: And what's funny is the whole kind of monologue that
2:48:46
Speaker 1: they're going on with for an hour, the whole sales pitch,
2:48:49
Speaker 1: the whole kind of trying to create an impression. It's
2:48:52
Speaker 1: all redundant because of something they had no awareness of. Yes,
2:48:57
Speaker 1: so all the words just fucking slide down the drain
2:48:59
Speaker 1: to me and I can't. I'm just trying to from
2:49:02
Speaker 1: that moment when they treat people like shit, I'm like,
2:49:05
Speaker 1: this is you, Yeah, this is you.
2:49:07
Speaker 3: Do you Also found that really apparent is when it
2:49:11
Speaker 3: comes to other team members or support stuff, like the
2:49:15
Speaker 3: way they treat the receptionist or the PA or the
2:49:18
Speaker 3: somebody else in the team that may not hold the
2:49:21
Speaker 3: position of the person that they're meeting with, everything from
2:49:24
Speaker 3: when they walk in the door and the whole demeanor
2:49:28
Speaker 3: changes when the person that they're meeting with, you know,
2:49:30
Speaker 3: when they're in front of them.
2:49:32
Speaker 4: Yeah. For me, it's just like, okay, seen it enough?
2:49:35
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yeah, yeah. I mean, look, you don't want
2:49:40
Speaker 1: to be too judgy, right, ye, But at the same time,
2:49:43
Speaker 1: you do want to be aware because what people do
2:49:46
Speaker 1: tells you a lot, what people do to you, how
2:49:49
Speaker 1: people treat you or don't treat you, what people kind
2:49:52
Speaker 1: of you know, their energy around you. And we don't
2:49:55
Speaker 1: need to be obsessed. And by the way, have I
2:49:57
Speaker 1: ever been rude or fucking insensitive? Of course, of course.
2:50:01
Speaker 1: But I just think for us to be aware of
2:50:03
Speaker 1: that ourselves and our own behavior and the way that
2:50:06
Speaker 1: we treat people. It's like, am I nicer to people
2:50:11
Speaker 1: for whom it's valuable for me to be nicer too? Yes,
2:50:15
Speaker 1: that's a fucking good question. Yeah, because I don't want
2:50:18
Speaker 1: to be that.
2:50:19
Speaker 3: I think I don't want to be That A great question,
2:50:21
Speaker 3: And even back to what you were saying initially, so
2:50:24
Speaker 3: words are a sales pitch, even my own words, like
2:50:28
Speaker 3: am I believing them? Like obviously I spend one hundred
2:50:31
Speaker 3: percent of my time with me, Like how much of
2:50:34
Speaker 3: what's coming out of my mouth is a reflection of
2:50:38
Speaker 3: me and what's actually going on?
2:50:41
Speaker 1: Yes? Do I believe this? Or do I just say it?
2:50:44
Speaker 4: Yeah? Does it sound good?
2:50:46
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah? Hey everyone, we appreciate you, We love you.
2:50:50
Speaker 1: We are so happy that you've come on this journey
2:50:54
Speaker 1: with us. We'll probably do another episode, so, you know,
2:50:59
Speaker 1: hang around and for putting up with me and all
2:51:03
Speaker 1: my bullshit, my terrible jokes, my vulgar language, you know,
2:51:09
Speaker 1: my constant talk about shit and other bodily functions. But
2:51:12
Speaker 1: there's a small percentage of you who think I'm fucking great,
2:51:16
Speaker 1: what the fuck is wrong with you? But keep thinking
2:51:18
Speaker 1: that I'm very needy And for the rest of you,
2:51:21
Speaker 1: I don't know why you're still here, but also very
2:51:24
Speaker 1: grateful and very appreciative. Probably stick around for Tiff and
2:51:28
Speaker 1: maybe Melissa now, but yeah, thank you for helping us
2:51:32
Speaker 1: over the journey. And I would really encourage you to
2:51:35
Speaker 1: jump on our Facebook page and tell us that you
2:51:38
Speaker 1: want Melissa to be a regular and by that look. Okay,
2:51:42
Speaker 1: can we just negotiate. I know you don't want to
2:51:45
Speaker 1: bit fuck it while I've got you held ransom here
2:51:47
Speaker 1: while we're recording. How about one a month? Okay, one
2:51:52
Speaker 1: a month, and by one I mean one a week.
2:51:57
Speaker 1: Let's buy one I mean three. All right, we'll talk
2:52:03
Speaker 1: about it. Thanks Melissa, everybody, Thanks everyone,