Latest / Inspirations for Your Life / What If You're Chasing the WRONG Goal? (S5) S36:E2 Sunday

Transcript

What If You're Chasing the WRONG Goal? (S5) S36:E2 Sunday · Inspirations for Your Life

0:24
Well there, hello everyone, and welcome to the
0:27
ever-popular Inspirations for Your Life show.
0:29
It is Sunday.
0:30
It's the second day on our master topic,
0:32
in case you guys didn't know.
0:34
We start on Saturday, we roll through the
0:35
week, and we finish about a Friday.
0:36
Unlike typical things start on Monday and Friday,
0:38
we decided to start ours on a Saturday,
0:40
and we end on a Friday.
0:42
Seven days.
0:43
All right, guys, if this is your very
0:45
first time here, I want to take the
0:46
opportunity to say thank you.
0:47
And of course, I want to say welcome.
0:49
But if you've been here before, whether that
0:51
was one time, five, ten, a hundred, or
0:53
maybe even more, or maybe you lost track
0:55
of the count, I'd like to say welcome
0:57
and thank you.
0:58
But I'd also like to say these words,
1:00
welcome back.
1:01
Don't forget to check out BelieveMeChief.com for
1:03
more of my amazing, inspiring creations after the
1:05
show is over.
1:06
I have an RO water here with some
1:08
fresh lemon.
1:12
Maybe you want to get one of those,
1:13
or maybe some fruit.
1:14
I just had some fresh pears.
1:16
Or maybe you want another candy or something
1:19
else, whatever it is, healthy or not, that's
1:20
up to you.
1:22
So, without any further ado, guys, let's kick
1:24
this show off.
1:26
All right?
1:26
So, what if you're chasing the wrong goal?
1:31
Series five, show 36, episode number two.
1:34
Welcome everyone to the ever-popular inspirations for
1:37
your life show.
1:38
I am John C.
1:40
Morley.
1:41
I'm a serial entrepreneur.
1:42
I'm an engineer, marketing specialist, video producer, podcast
1:45
host, coach, keynote speaker, graduate student at Montclair
1:49
State University, a passionate lifelong learner, and so
1:53
grateful now to be a published author.
1:56
Our master weekly topic, in case you missed
1:59
it yesterday, for season five, show 36 is
2:02
stop living a life you never chose.
2:06
Today, I'm taking that conversation somewhere ambition doesn't
2:10
always want us to go.
2:12
What if you're chasing the wrong goal or
2:15
goals?
2:17
I'm not asking whether you're working hard enough.
2:20
I'm asking whether what you're working on so
2:23
hard deserves the pieces of your life you're
2:27
giving it right now.
2:29
Let's explore 30 ways to make sure your
2:32
ambition is in alignment and actually taking you
2:35
somewhere worth going.
2:37
Number one, guys, question what you're sacrificing for
2:41
success.
2:43
We know there are sacrifices, right?
2:45
But what are you sacrificing for success?
2:48
Every meaningful goal, unfortunately, guys, has a cost.
2:52
And I'm not just talking about money.
2:54
There could be other costs, time, energy, attention,
2:59
beside money, opportunities, and this is just a
3:05
limited list.
3:06
Ask what your ambition is consuming and whether
3:10
you're comfortable paying that price.
3:15
There was a gentleman who worked for a
3:18
large corporation, just retired not too long ago.
3:21
And there were a lot of people coming
3:23
out of college.
3:24
And he was saying, you want my job?
3:31
I'm going to tell you what it's going
3:32
to take to get my job and what
3:35
you're going to sacrifice.
3:38
Because I don't know my daughter's favorite color,
3:44
my son's favorite song, or even been able
3:48
to take part in any of their recitals
3:52
or their sports games.
3:55
I paid a very high price to be
4:00
able to make all this money.
4:04
And now that I've done it, I don't
4:07
know if I would have done it again.
4:09
So I think you've got to make sure
4:10
that you're doing the right things on your
4:13
terms.
4:13
Number two, guys, stop chasing trophies.
4:16
You don't actually want you're doing it because
4:19
somebody else has a trophy.
4:20
Oh, I want that trophy, right?
4:22
Some achievements look impressive because other people value
4:26
them.
4:27
But getting something everyone admires doesn't guarantee you'll
4:32
have it and have it for value.
4:36
Make sure the trophy matters to you.
4:39
I do want to get into, almost forgot,
4:42
every Sunday and Thursday, I like to give
4:44
a shout out to a local coffee shop
4:46
or restaurant.
4:47
And I'm giving a shout out to Montclair
4:50
Local Coffee.
4:51
So they're located in Montclair, New Jersey, in
4:55
case you guys didn't know, at 107 Watchung
4:58
Avenue.
5:00
And I'm shouting out to them today because
5:02
I want to ask them to check out,
5:07
basically, jcmacademy.com.
5:10
And I would love them to basically invite
5:16
us to come in and do a live
5:18
show at their place.
5:20
So yeah, looks like a nice little place,
5:23
Local Coffee in Montclair.
5:25
They've got some drinks.
5:27
They've got artwork.
5:28
Seems like a really neat kind of place
5:30
and one that I definitely like to check
5:32
out.
5:32
So Local Coffee in Montclair, go ahead and
5:36
check out jcmacademy.com.
5:38
Click on the Contact Us button and let
5:40
us know that you'd like to host us.
5:42
It doesn't cost you anything.
5:43
There's a 15-minute prep before the show.
5:45
It's about 27 minutes on the air, roughly.
5:47
After the show, I will do a live
5:50
author talk.
5:52
After that, 15 minutes for Q&A and
5:54
15 minutes for an author signing.
5:57
Number three, guys, know the real cost of
6:00
every ambition.
6:01
Don't calculate success only by what you'll gain.
6:05
Calculate what the pursuit requires.
6:09
A goal can be financially profitable while being
6:12
incredibly expensive in every other area of your
6:14
life.
6:14
And that gentleman, what he said actually proves
6:19
it.
6:20
All the years he had one of the
6:22
top positions in the company, but he rarely
6:25
knew what his kids were doing or what
6:29
his family was doing because, well, he didn't
6:34
have the time.
6:37
He didn't even remember one of his family's
6:40
birthdays.
6:42
Number four, ask what achievement is supposed to
6:46
give you.
6:47
Why do you want the promotion, the company,
6:50
the house, the income, the title, or the
6:52
recognition?
6:53
Maybe the real goal underneath it is freedom,
6:56
it's security, it's contribution, it's respect or it's
6:59
fulfillment.
7:00
Understand what you're actually seeking.
7:02
And there's nothing wrong with that, guys, nothing
7:04
wrong with that.
7:05
Number five, stop confusing more with better.
7:08
You don't need to have more to have
7:11
something better.
7:12
You can have less and have better things.
7:15
More money isn't automatically a better life.
7:18
More responsibility isn't automatically better work.
7:22
More attention isn't automatically more influence.
7:25
Quantity and quality aren't interchangeable.
7:29
Number six, notice when ambition becomes automatic.
7:35
Okay, achievement can become a habit.
7:39
You finish one thing and immediately chase another
7:41
without asking, why did I do that?
7:43
Occasionally stop climbing long enough to make sure
7:47
you're still on the right mountain.
7:50
Number seven, define what looks like enough for
7:56
you.
7:57
If enough has no definition, you'll never reach
8:00
it.
8:00
The finish line will keep moving.
8:02
Decide what enough means in the areas of
8:05
life where endless accumulation isn't serving you.
8:09
I think that's something a lot of people
8:11
think about, but then you know what happens?
8:13
They think, oh, I don't have to worry
8:14
about that, right?
8:16
And that's a big, big problem.
8:19
Number eight, guys, stop treating everything meaningful for
8:23
someday.
8:24
I'll get that someday, I'll get the car
8:26
someday.
8:28
There's nothing wrong with sacrificing today to build
8:31
tomorrow.
8:32
But tomorrow shouldn't require destroying everything valuable today.
8:37
Today's valuable, guys.
8:38
Don't postpone your entire life until some imaginary
8:41
future just arrives at your doorstep.
8:45
Work on today, because today will get you
8:48
to tomorrow, and tomorrow will get you to
8:49
the future you want.
8:50
Number nine, measure success beyond money.
8:54
You know, I want to share something.
8:57
I lead a 501c3.
8:59
And for years, lots of people were saying,
9:02
you know, success is dictated by the number
9:05
of the people in the room.
9:06
The number of cards you get, but it's
9:09
not.
9:10
Or the amount of money they make.
9:12
It's measured by the quality of the relationships
9:15
that you connect with.
9:18
Money matters, yes, but it's one measurement.
9:22
Time, freedom, and relationships, health, purpose, and contribution,
9:25
learning, and peace, they matter too.
9:28
So let's not forget about them.
9:29
Your scoreboard should measure the life you actually
9:32
are trying to build, right?
9:35
Not the one you're trying to mimic that
9:38
you don't even care about.
9:40
Number 10, ask whether the destination deserves the
9:43
journey.
9:47
That's an interesting one, guys.
9:51
That's a very interesting one.
9:57
That's important, right?
10:05
That's an important thing.
10:08
Some destinations require journeys that change you.
10:13
Ask whether you respect the person you'll need
10:16
to become and the life you'll need to
10:19
live to reach your goals.
10:21
Number 11, stop pursuing status without purpose.
10:24
There's nothing wrong with status.
10:25
Don't let me say that wrong.
10:27
But we've got to make sure it's intentional,
10:29
right?
10:29
A title can sound impressive while adding nothing
10:32
meaningful to your life.
10:35
Status is valuable.
10:36
Only when it supports something you genuinely care
10:39
about.
10:40
And that should be linked to your core
10:42
values.
10:43
We don't change our core values that often.
10:45
We might change them a few times, but
10:47
we kind of hunker down on them.
10:50
Number 12, protect what success cannot replace.
10:54
Some things become painfully difficult to recover once
10:57
they're lost.
10:58
Time with people you love, your integrity, your
11:01
health, and important relationships shouldn't casually become just
11:06
collateral damage for achievement.
11:09
But so many people do that today.
11:10
And then they're wondering why it doesn't work
11:14
or why they're missing everything, right?
11:21
That's important, guys.
11:24
Number 13, know what you're unwilling to sacrifice.
11:29
Set boundaries before ambition.
11:32
Test them.
11:33
Decide what remains protected even when an attractive
11:37
opportunity asks for more than you're willing to
11:41
give, okay?
11:43
Number 14, stop chasing people who keep moving
11:46
the finish line.
11:48
If your definition of success depends on satisfying
11:52
someone who is never satisfied, you'll spend your
11:55
life running in circles.
11:58
Stop handing over another person control over when
12:03
you're allowed to feel accomplished.
12:06
Number 15, guys, learn to build success that
12:10
improves your life.
12:13
Achievement should eventually create something valuable, more capability,
12:19
freedom, contribution, stability, or opportunity.
12:24
If success consistently makes your life worse, examine
12:29
what you're building.
12:31
Number 16, don't let achievement consume your identity.
12:36
You are more than your resume, revenue, title,
12:40
followers, business, education, or accomplishments.
12:44
If those disappeared tomorrow, there should still be
12:47
a person underneath that that you recognize.
12:51
I think the problem with a lot of
12:55
people is they get so tied on these
12:57
things that they don't realize that there's more
13:01
to it than that.
13:03
There's more to it than that.
13:04
I think that's probably the biggest important things.
13:08
Number 17, guys, and hopefully this is hitting
13:11
home with people.
13:12
I really hope this is hitting home.
13:15
Recognize when winning still feels empty.
13:19
Sometimes you finally reach the milestone and feel
13:23
almost nothing.
13:26
Don't immediately cover that feeling with another goal.
13:30
Ask why the emptiness is trying to communicate,
13:34
to use something very important.
13:37
Don't just shove it under a rug.
13:40
Number 18, please stop collecting accomplishments without fulfillment.
13:46
It's like, I'm going to call them notches
13:50
on your belt.
13:51
But if there's no fulfillment with them, why
13:53
do you do them?
13:54
Accomplishments can become collectibles.
13:57
Another certificate, another award, another milestone.
14:00
Achievement is valuable, but accumulation alone doesn't guarantee
14:04
meaning.
14:06
I think sometimes people get sad because they've
14:10
been doing all this and they don't really
14:12
have meaning for it.
14:13
That's a big problem, guys.
14:15
A very, very big problem.
14:19
One that I think a lot of people
14:20
need to understand.
14:22
Number 19, choose meaningful progress over impressive appearances.
14:28
A quiet improvement nobody sees may matter more
14:32
than something impressive everyone applauds.
14:37
Just don't sacrifice meaningful progress for visible performance.
14:42
Because what you see today can easily be
14:44
gone tomorrow.
14:45
But what we don't see is often around
14:48
for a long time.
14:51
Number 20, I'd like you to ask whether
14:54
your goals still belong to you.
14:57
What do you mean by that, John?
15:00
Goals have expiration dates, too.
15:03
Something you genuinely wanted five years ago may
15:05
no longer fit the person you've become now.
15:09
You're allowed to reevaluate.
15:10
You're even allowed to change your core values.
15:12
Just don't do that every day.
15:15
And then you're going to see, is this
15:16
in alignment with me?
15:18
Yes, or is it no?
15:21
I think that's a very important thing to
15:25
realize.
15:28
You change the person you are.
15:32
And you learn things along the way, hopefully
15:39
to become better in the life that you
15:41
have for yourself and for others.
15:44
Number 21, please let your ambitions evolve.
15:52
Don't force them, okay?
15:54
Growth changes your perspective.
15:57
New experience can reveal possibilities you couldn't see
16:01
before.
16:02
They were there.
16:03
But your RAJ, your reticular activity system that
16:05
I've talked about before, was not tuned into
16:08
the frequency.
16:09
Changing a goal isn't automatically quitting, guys.
16:14
Sometimes it's evidence that you've learned.
16:19
Sometimes it might not be comfortable.
16:21
In fact, I've said a lot of times
16:22
it is uncomfortable, guys.
16:25
But that's where the success lies.
16:27
The success lies where we become uncomfortable, okay?
16:32
Success doesn't lie where it's easy.
16:35
You've got to learn these lessons.
16:36
You've got to figure out what works, what
16:38
doesn't.
16:39
And when you figure that out, it's like,
16:41
oh, now I know why that went that
16:45
way.
16:45
Now I understand, right?
16:49
But if you try to rush something or
16:52
skip all the way to Z from A,
16:56
you're going to run to problems.
16:59
The same reason why somebody that started making
17:02
thousands has to make thousands before they can
17:04
make a million, then a million, then make
17:06
lots of millions.
17:07
There's a step of progression, okay?
17:10
Number 22.
17:12
This is what I'm going to ask you
17:14
to do, but you may not.
17:15
Please stop proving yourself through constant achievement.
17:19
It's great that you want to achieve, but
17:21
you don't need to prove yourself.
17:23
You're great already.
17:24
You don't need another accomplishment every time you
17:26
feel insecure.
17:28
Achievement can demonstrate capability, but it cannot permanently
17:31
repair a sense of worth that depends on
17:34
external proof.
17:35
Now, let me share something with you.
17:36
I decided to go back for my next
17:38
master's, my PhD, not because of anybody else,
17:42
but because of me.
17:44
I love learning, and it changes the way
17:50
the world looks for me.
17:53
I see more potential, more opportunity that I
17:56
can connect with, and that makes my day
17:59
really great.
18:02
But some people just do something because someone
18:06
else has it.
18:06
So, don't get a degree because somebody else
18:09
has one.
18:10
If you are not really focused on the
18:13
degree or not focused on that achievement, then
18:16
don't go after it, okay?
18:19
If you're not into playing football, don't play
18:24
football because your best friend plays football.
18:27
You're going to hate football, maybe, right?
18:30
It's okay to try it, but don't let
18:34
your friend dictate the life you should be
18:36
living.
18:37
Number 23, please build something you actually want
18:42
to keep.
18:45
And that's something that takes a little bit
18:47
of reflection, and when we have reflection, it's
18:48
like, oh, wait a minute, now I understand
18:51
this.
18:52
Now I understand why this is this way,
18:56
okay?
18:57
That's a very important thing to understand.
19:01
You learn lessons.
19:04
Please don't work relentlessly to create a business
19:07
career, a lifestyle, or reputation that you secretly
19:10
want to escape.
19:13
Build something you still choose after the excitement
19:16
of achieving it disappears.
19:18
A wise person once said to me, John,
19:20
as you're building your life, okay, and you
19:24
envision these things, I remember the very first
19:26
thing I envisioned was a certain luxury car.
19:29
And so, when I was in college, I
19:32
had a luxury car.
19:33
My first car was a Chevy S10 Blazer,
19:35
then I owned three or four Jeeps until
19:37
we had some electrical problems with them.
19:39
But then I had in my head that
19:40
I wanted this other car.
19:42
I pictured it, saw it in my head,
19:45
but I didn't picture it like this car
19:49
was changing the world.
19:51
I pictured it like it was just another
19:53
day for me.
19:53
So you gotta make sure what you picture
19:55
is in your regular life.
19:57
Don't make it something like, oh my gosh,
19:59
it's so extraordinary.
20:01
Just picture that extraordinary thing, but it's just
20:03
part of your regular everyday life.
20:05
Number 24, guys, know when walking away is
20:10
growth.
20:11
Persistence matters, but persistence isn't blindly continuing forever.
20:15
Sometimes maturity means recognizing that a goal no
20:18
longer deserves your resources and redirecting them somewhere
20:22
else, maybe better.
20:25
I think these are hard for a lot
20:26
of people, but these are the lessons we
20:28
need to learn, okay?
20:33
That's an important thing that I think a
20:36
lot of people don't understand.
20:37
They don't really understand that.
20:41
Number 25, let success support your life.
20:45
Success should be part of your life, not
20:47
a replacement for it.
20:49
Let achievement create possibilities for the people, experiences,
20:52
contribution, and freedom that matter to you.
20:58
Number 26, stop sacrificing the present for an
21:02
imaginary future.
21:03
Your future's gonna happen, but let's enjoy the
21:05
present.
21:06
The future deserves preparation, but today is also
21:09
your life.
21:10
Don't spend decades refusing yourself every meaningful experience
21:13
because you believe living begins after the next
21:18
milestone.
21:21
Number 27, guys, choose goals worthy of your
21:27
time.
21:30
Every goal costs time you'll never receive again.
21:35
That makes your attention incredibly valuable.
21:38
Give it to ambitions worthy of that investment.
21:43
Number 28, make sure the climb is worth
21:45
the view.
21:46
Don't become so obsessed with reaching the summit
21:50
that you never evaluate we'll actually be waiting
21:53
there once you get up there.
21:55
The difficulty of a climb doesn't automatically make
21:57
the destination worthwhile, okay?
22:00
That's important.
22:02
Number 29, winning means nothing if you lose
22:06
yourself.
22:08
Winning should help embrace the person, strengthen.
22:11
It should not destroy the person.
22:13
I think that's a very important thing that
22:15
a lot of people miss.
22:17
If success requires abandoning your values, destroying your
22:21
health, losing every meaningful relationship, or becoming someone
22:25
you don't respect, I think it's time to
22:28
reconsider your definition of what winning is.
22:32
Number 30, guys, chase what makes your life
22:36
richer.
22:37
Not merely bigger.
22:39
Bigger is easy to measure.
22:41
Richer is more personal.
22:44
A richer life may attain growth, relationships, experiences,
22:47
contribution, freedom, curiosity, meaningful work, and moments you
22:52
actually have time to enjoy.
22:55
And that's where today's conversation becomes personal.
23:00
Think about the biggest goal you're chasing right
23:02
now.
23:03
Now ask yourself something you might not normally
23:06
ask.
23:08
Why do I want it?
23:09
Not why you're supposed to want it.
23:12
Not why somebody else thinks it's impressive.
23:15
Why do you want it?
23:18
Then I want you to ask another question,
23:20
okay?
23:22
What am I giving up to get there?
23:26
Those two answers can tell you a tremendous
23:29
amount.
23:32
Because sometimes what you're giving up might just
23:33
be time.
23:35
I'm not suggesting you abandon ambition.
23:38
I believe ambition wholeheartedly can transform lives.
23:42
I believe in working hard.
23:45
Also, I believe in working smarter more than
23:47
working harder.
23:49
Learning, growing, building, and challenging yourself.
23:53
These are important, guys.
23:54
But ambition needs direction.
23:56
Otherwise, well, you can become incredibly successful at
23:59
building a life you never wanted.
24:02
You're trying to figure a way to get
24:03
out of.
24:04
That's why our weekly theme is Stop Living
24:07
a Life You Never Chose.
24:11
Yesterday, we questioned the rules we inherited.
24:14
Today, we're questioning the goals those rules may
24:20
have created.
24:22
Maybe your goal survives the examination.
24:26
Fantastic.
24:27
Now you can pursue it with greater conviction
24:30
because you know why it matters to you.
24:33
But maybe you discover that something has changed
24:37
in your life.
24:37
Maybe the goal belonged to an earlier version
24:40
of you.
24:40
That's okay.
24:41
Maybe you're chasing someone else's approval.
24:45
Maybe the cost has become greater than the
24:49
perceived reward.
24:51
Maybe what you thought you wanted was actually
24:53
a pathway towards something deeper.
24:56
That's not a failure, guys.
24:59
That's awareness.
25:01
And many people never discover it.
25:04
And awareness gives you the opportunity to choose
25:06
again.
25:07
You have a finite amount of time, energy,
25:10
and attention.
25:11
Spend them on goals worthy of your life.
25:14
Build success that supports what matters.
25:18
Protect what achievement cannot replace.
25:21
Know what enough means.
25:24
Allow your ambitions to evolve.
25:27
And never become so determined to win that
25:31
you forget to ask whether the prize is
25:34
something you still want.
25:37
I know these sound like common sense, but
25:39
you'd be surprised how many people spend their
25:43
whole life building something.
25:44
And they get there like, I didn't want
25:46
this.
25:47
I don't want to be a serial entrepreneur.
25:49
I want to work for a company.
25:52
And that's a different kind of person than
25:55
one that just wants to work for a
25:56
company.
25:56
Some people don't want that kind of life.
25:59
Ladies and gentlemen, I am John C.
26:02
Morley.
26:02
I'm a serial entrepreneur.
26:03
And this has been another episode of The
26:05
Amazing Inspirations for Your Life.
26:07
Before you chase the next milestone, I want
26:10
you to ask yourself something.
26:12
If I finally get everything I'm working for,
26:14
will I actually want the life that comes
26:16
with it?
26:17
And I think if you imagine the things
26:20
as part of your life, not like this
26:22
grand thing, but just making it part of
26:25
your everyday life, that'll help you.
26:28
Make sure the climb is worth the view.
26:30
Because you see, winning means nothing if you
26:33
lose your way while you're preparing.
26:38
I think the biggest thing most people get
26:41
stuck on is planning.
26:43
Planning's great, but don't spend your whole life
26:47
planning.
26:49
You need to actually execute the code, as
26:51
we say in programming.
26:52
And if it doesn't work, well, we need
26:54
to go back and figure out what's wrong.
26:56
Where are the bugs?
26:57
But if we never run the program until
27:01
we're 100% sure, how will we ever
27:04
learn?
27:05
How?
27:07
That's the question.
27:10
And so when you chase something, do you
27:14
do it because of your passion?
27:15
Do you do it because of things aligned
27:18
with your core values?
27:19
Or do you do it because someone else
27:21
says you should be chasing this?
27:23
Maybe they tell you you should be a
27:24
doctor.
27:24
Maybe they tell you you should be a
27:25
lawyer.
27:25
Maybe you don't want to be that, right?
27:29
So don't chase those empty dreams.
27:32
They might be good for somebody else, but
27:34
they may not be good for you.
27:37
That's probably the most important thing I can
27:39
tell you.
27:40
And there's nothing wrong with them not being
27:41
good for you.
27:43
You have the freedom of choice.
27:45
You have the right to change.
27:46
Just make sure what you choose is what
27:50
you really want.
27:52
You don't have to rush your choice.
27:54
But do some research before you do it.
27:57
Have a great one, everyone.
27:58
And check out BelieveMeAchieve.com for more of
27:59
my amazing, inspiring creations.
28:01
Take care, everyone.