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The Bachelorette vs The Housewife · Pursuit of Sassiness

• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to ID Part two.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: On one of your celebrity mentors, Kelly Bensimon, I'm coming
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: to you from beautiful Lake Tahoe, and I'm thrilled to
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: be joined by one of my friends and repeat guests
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: that you know her from the Bachelorette. It's Diana Dangliano.
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: I love you.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: I was thinking of your name is like Diana and
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: like a song. I don't know there's a song.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: So we're podcasting from the Verbo summer House in Lake Tahoe.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: Procrastinators rejoice, the early bird is not the only one
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: who gets the worm. Verbo offers last minute deals for
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: private vacation rentals verbos. Last minute deals are live on
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: the Verbo app and website, showing travelers at nearly three
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: hundred thousand discount of properties they can book with thirty
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: days of check in. A few destinations with plenty of
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: last minute booking options, including Hilton Head, South Carolina, Cape
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: cod Massachusetts, San Diego, Point of Irta, and of course,
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: Lake Tahoe. We are recording the episode inside.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: A lovely Verbo.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: Finding these yells is simple and last minute booking filter
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: in industry first for vacation rentals. Discount of vacation rentals
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: are also labeled with a last minute badge that displays
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: the amount travelers can save on their booking. Plus, travelers
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: never have to second guess the total cost.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: Or worry about hidden fees.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: Verbo displays all mandatory fees in the upfront price.
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: Seven other places where we're going on vacation.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: I am no.
• 1:41
  Speaker 4: I was like, wow, all these places I know, Oh
• 1:51
  Speaker 4: my god.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: Okay, so we are.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: We're here in Lake Tahoe for the Pickaball event. It's
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: been a ton of fun so far. Do you play
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: pickaball in your free time?
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: I did today.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: You're amazing, by the way.
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: I don't know if you saw me, but I did.
• 2:04
  Speaker 4: I was.
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: I did really well.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: You had some really stellar moves. I'm not gonna lie.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: Did you dance moves were amazing?
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: Listen, Kelly Foot with the hair. I have to admit
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: at one point I looked at you from across the
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: court and your your hair is down, You're not sweating
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: a drop, and you've just got those legs for days,
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: and you've got your paddle, and I thought, she's a
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: She's a vision of beauty on the pickleball court. You're
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: not sweating an ounce do you're not sweat I glow.
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: You were glowing, ma'am. You were glowing. You You didn't
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: have a genuine kept your hair down the whole time.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: I know I have to Is.
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: This all yours?
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: It is?
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: But I have I'm psoriasis, so I don't like to
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: like show it off.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: With your hair. No, I am the horizon. It's on
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: my skin.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: So that's why I always wore my hair down because
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: it's like in my back and like I even got
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: it in my eye today, so I'm like, okay, I'll
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: just like to deal with it.
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: Well, you have the most beautiful hair, Thank you, and
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: you pay you pickleball like a champ today with your
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: hair down the entire day.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: That's really good, really really good shots. I was super impressed.
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: Thank you. At first, you were like, I don't know
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: what I'm doing. I'm like, no, no, you do, you can
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: do this.
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: I'm rather athletic. Thank you. Well you are by this,
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: I feel like we should be friends than you are
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: making me feel so good about myself today. Yes, today
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: was my first time playing football. It was my first
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: go at it, and if I'm being honest, I dominated
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: on the court. Uh, my team did not win, but
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: I'm going to blame that on Ben Higgins. It's his
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: fault absolutely, and he's not here to defend himself.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: So you were with Ben, I was with Gary. We
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: had like really good teammates and we did really well.
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: I also just think we look really good, the four
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: of us, Yes, like just as ale. When you put
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: us next to each other, all four of us.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: You're like, optically, it looks really.
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: Good, very pleasing to the eye, esthetically esthetically pleasing. And
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: we were really good. We were really good, and we
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: had so much fun, so much fun.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: But like Ben was trying to get the tea for me,
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: He's like, what's going on in your life? I'm like, no, no, no, no, no,
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: or playing pickleball.
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: I asked Ben to present me with options, and he
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: came alone.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: That's it, that's it. He didn't bring a friend.
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: He didn't bring a friend. I don't know if you
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: know this, but he's married and he's with child.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: Yes, I know.
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, what was Ben thinking?
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: We could just spend our friendship just being friends and
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: talking about me dating.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: So we are talking about dating and love the second
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: time around, if you if a guy asked you to
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: play pickleball on the first.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: Day, what would you think?
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: I mean, after today, it's a solid yes for me.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: Were you were great and you look really good.
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: God, Kelly, and.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: You're flipping your hair on, looks good.
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: You just made me so good about myself at this.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: I'd feel like you don't need that. That's not good.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: That was not good.
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: I would have to say pickleball would be a solid
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: first date. Like I'm not I'm at that age where like,
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: I don't want to go to the bars. Please don't
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: take me out drinking. That's I just don't want to
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: do that. I don't want to watch you play other sports, right,
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: but like, take me to play pickleball. Yeah, I've got
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: a cute skirt and a shirt. I stole my pickleball
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: paddle from the court, so now you have that. I'm
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: a shoe in. Just take me.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: Plus, it's a game where you can like talk to
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: people and you can have fun. You don't feel like
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: you're like stressed, and you're not like you're not sweating.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: It's actually a fun thing.
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: Some of us sweat, Kelly, you do not, but some
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: of us perspire.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: That's all we do is laugh. All we just do
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: is laugh.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: I'm like, we had some we did have fun, much
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: fun we did. It was it was so great. So
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: we're gonna play twenty one questions in your I Do
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: Part two chapter. So number one you ready?
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: If you ask a man out on the first date,
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: is it ever acceptable to split the bill?
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: Okay?
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: Well, I'm not asking a man out on a date.
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: I'm just not. If we're all being honest here, a
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: bunch of girls here, I'm not. I'm just not. So
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: for all of my future husbands listening, don't wait for
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: me to make the first move. I'm not going to
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: do it right. Secondly, I'm not splitting the bill on
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: a first date. I'm just not. Chivalry is not dead.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: I totally agree.
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: I'm I don't mind at some point footing the bill
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: for dinners here and there.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: Right, But like.
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: I I'm choosing a man because I'd like for them
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: to be a man, and I think there's something really
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: wonderful about them asking me out making plans. I've made
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: a lot of plans in my life, and I'm kind
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: of tired. I don't want to have to do that.
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: I'm really comfortable at home just watching TV all by
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: myself and eating whatever I want. Right, So, if I'm
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: going to go out and actually like, you know, shower,
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: shave my legs, ugh, better make it right. So no,
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: I'm not splitting the bill on the first date. And
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: I'm also not asking him out right.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: Okay. Number two.
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: If a man doesn't finalize date plans or check in
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: ahead of scheduled date, like the morning of, does this
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: mean he's busy or that he's not interested?
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: That's tough. It's okay to be busy. Is it a
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: Monday through Friday? Is he at work? Is he working?
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: No?
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: It means he's not that interested. That's what I think.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: I love your monelogue. You're like, wait a minute, let
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: me go through this.
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: Can you tell I go on a lot of dates?
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: So busy?
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: Dat, I'm so busy dating. I have so many options.
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: I'm like, yes, no, no, no, I think that he
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: doesn't he doesn't care enough. There's there's no room for
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: in my world of dating me personally. If we're talking
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: about me, there's no room for playing games. And so
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: I think if like it is Friday and we have
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: plans to go out on Friday night and play pickle
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: ball right at you know, at a decent time in
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: the morning, ten am, Roll up, I get up early, right,
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: shoot me a text, Hey, I'm looking forward to seeing you.
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: I'll pick you up at six thirty.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: Was nothing wrong with that. I was shame of the game.
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: I find that very attractive.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: I think so too. I mean, I chose confidence.
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: I like that.
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: Yes, I feel like if they're like, wait and then
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: they'll like see you like four o'clock and they'll see
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: you at six, I'd be like, I've kind of been
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: waiting to see if you're confirming or not all day.
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry. At four pm, I'm already in the mindset
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: that I'm taking a bath and going to bed. So
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: if I haven't heard from you by four pm, you
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: can just not ever call again.
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we need to like explore that later, because that's
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: like a really good, really good point. Okay, number three,
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: how long should you be dating someone? To bring up
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: the topic money, debt and credit scores?
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: I don't think I'm the person for this question, Kelly.
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: I also think I was just having this conversation. I
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: also think because I genuinely don't think I ever want
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: to get married again. And again you and I have
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: talked about this. I'm not dating for someone else's paycheck.
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: I'm just not I'm not trying to date someone who's broke.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: I would.
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: I like nice things. I like to eat good food.
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: I really love to travel and I need someone who
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: can do that. But I'm not looking for someone to
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: put the bill. That's a good way to put it.
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: I have a really great credit score, so I don't
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: mind sharing that, but.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't say.
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: I mean it worked really hard in my whole life.
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: I worked really hard for everything I've got, and I
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: worked really hard for my credit score, and I'm really
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: proud of it. But it's not something that i'm sharing.
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: And I think if I it was twenty years ago
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: and I was looking at marrying someone, those things would
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: probably be a priority to me. But it's just not now.
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: I have my own money, I have my own checking account,
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: I have my own credit score, which is really great,
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: and I'm not putting the bill for anyone. I'm just
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: not going to do it.
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: I love that, Okay, So dating someone that has money,
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: debt or credit scores like that just doesn't work for me.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: Like I don't want to be with someone that has debt.
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: I don't want to be footing someone's bill.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: I just don't.
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: I mean, I've you know, provided for my kids, and
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: I'm so proud of that. And you know, we're very
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: similar in that way that I just want, you know,
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: I want like even footing. I don't want to be
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: my back foot when I'm with when them with a guy.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: I just want to feel good and get to know
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: them and learn about, you know, us, how we could
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: be together. I don't want any kind of like extra
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: extra things that are coming in. They're like, you know,
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: things that are coming in and be like, oh my god, Like,
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: by the way, we can't buy a house because I
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: have bad credit score or something, you know what I
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: mean something.
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: I think it's safe to say we are no longer
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: twenty two.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: Therefore, I'm not going out to Chipotle because it's cheaper
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: than the new restaurant that opened up in New York City.
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: If I want to eat out somewhere, I have the
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: funds to pay for it. And I don't want to
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: sound terrible when I say it, but I also need
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: someone to match that game.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: Right, what's wrong with that?
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: What's wrong with that?
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: Nothing? I'm pretty I think it's great. I do too, Yeah,
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: I mean the same way. I'm just that's not what
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: I want. So if someone has a lot of debt,
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: should that be a red flag?
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, it's a red flag. Yes, because you know
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: what else. I also don't want what to take on
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: anyone else's debt.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: Right, yeah, because if something happens to them, you're responsible for.
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: It's a huge red flag. I will tell you. I
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: very early on went on a date and this guy
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: and I had talked and we had made plans to
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: go out, and then like the day before we were
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: supposed to gud he called me and he was like,
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: this whole forty five minute conversation and if you know
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: anything about me, I do not like to talk on
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: the telephone. I'm a Texter, right, I just don't have time.
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: My time is very valuable.
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: And towards the end of the conversation, he let me
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: know that he lives with his mom and.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: Dad in the basement forty eight.
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: I was like, I'm in his.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: In the same room. I was in the same room
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: they'd grow up in.
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: I don't didn't ask enough at that point, I was like.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: Is there a Teddy Bear on the bed.
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: I believe that this is not going in the direction
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: for us. I cannot date someone who lives at home
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: with mom and dad. But I just can't.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: Just did he say why or you?
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: Just he told me why? And it sounds like he
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: had some hardship, which I have grace. It just doesn't
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: suit me. But I'm not making out on mom and
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: Dad's couch. I'm just not. I'm not. I love that. Yeah,
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: I have two kids, Kelly.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: I know I don't want to right. No, I love that.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: So if you want to get married again at number five,
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: if you want to get married again, but the person
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: you are newly dating has express expressed that they don't
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: see themselves getting married again, should you follow that information
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: away and bring it up later or end the relationship Now?
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: I feel like you asked this to my future dater
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: because I'm the person who doesn't want to get married.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: Now, I wait a minute, she's gonna say I don't
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: want to get married.
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: I do everyone a solid if marriage and kids is
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: what you're looking for or I'm not it right, I
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: can be a great partner. I believe in partnership and companionship.
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: I believe in monogamy. Right, I don't need the sheet
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: of paper if that's what you're looking for. And I
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: for sure don't want to have your babies. I just
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: don't I have to. And I feel really great, My
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: life feels full forty four almost. I don't going to
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: be pregnant again.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: I just don't, right, So.
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I say, I say, laid on the table right away.
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: What I mean, what do you think? Well?
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: I love that you have boundaries, that's you know, and
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: I have boundaries, and I think that there's a lot
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: of you know, there's a lot of women out there
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: that just don't and you know, I don't want to
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: be I just you know, I want to be with
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: a partner. I want a Do.
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: You get married again?
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: One hundred percent?
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: That was me almost falling off of my chair.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: I would, even though my daughter, my daughter Teddy said, Mom,
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: don't get married again, but I would, Yes, definitely with
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: a prenup and everything with a prenap. But also like
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: to real human like to a person that like I
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: had respect for and that I felt comfortable with and
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: that I didn't have live in fear, like I feel
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: like a lot of the guys that I've dated in
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: the past, you know they they brought a lot of fear.
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: I mean, mark my words, if we end up here
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: back next year and I've met the love of my
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: life and he has big arms and he keeps me safe,
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean, emotionally and physically. Maybe else,
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: maybe I'll sing a different tune, like look at me,
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: look at me. I'm sorry, did you want to put
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: a ring on it? Maybe I will. Maybe I surprised myself.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: I feel like you're like from the first time that
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: we spoke, I feel like the way that you're you are,
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: you are just like in every aspect, you're just like
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: like very like light and like.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: Super positive, and I mean, you look so.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: Great, and you just feel like you're like you're in
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: a really good time in your life.
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: No, how much are they paying you?
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: No, don't you feel like that. I'm serious.
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: I feel like I'm in a really great time in
• 15:01
  Speaker 3: my life.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: I feel we spent a lot of time together and
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: I just feel like you're in a really, really good space.
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: I think there is a lot of beauty in knowing
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: exactly who you are. You know, and I have also
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: said this a thousand times. I'm not twenty five anymore.
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: When I was the bachelorette. I was impressionable. Even though
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: I still think that at my core, I was who
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: I was then that I am now. I just am
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: way more confident in it now, and I'm not willing
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: to bend or break who I am for anyone, right,
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: Like those people go in and come out of your
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: life for a reason, And I don't have to be
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: everyone's cup of tea. I'm okay with that, right. But
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: I also think I'm pretty great and I'm really kind,
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: and I have some really redeeming qualities. But I don't
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: have to be for everyone, and that's okay with me.
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: Well, like today when we're after pick a ball and
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, you're just so much fun.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: You're like I am fun. I was like, oh my god,
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: I love that. I love that the I love.
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: The confidence, all right. Number six. If you've been dating
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: someone for six months and their children who are teenagers
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: or older don't get along with you, is this a
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: sign the relationship won't work out long term? This is
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: a tough one.
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: That is very tough. I haven't had the pleasure of
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: dating anyone with children. I have it easy, and I
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: guess if I have attempted to date anyone with children.
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: I've not been put in a position to meet their children.
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: I can only say this as I came from divorced
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: parents who both dated. My dad remarried, you know what
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: I mean, and my mother dated someone with children, and
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: I would imagine it was difficult to date. There were
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: three of us and we were wild, so I can't
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: imagine it was really easy on anyone else. I don't know,
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: because I think if it were me, and I love
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: my children and they're pretty freaking great, if they came
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: to me and they were like, mom, Billy Bob is
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: really a turd and we don't like him, I think
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: I would take that to heart, Like I think that
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: would I would that would like really resonate with me.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: But we're not talking like Billy Beparton.
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, but listen, I could give him
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: a shot. I've have so many options right now. But
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: what am I doing?
• 17:14
  Speaker 4: I don't know.
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: Don't you think your girls are old enough to be
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: like judges of character?
• 17:18
  Speaker 4: It was?
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: It was difficult for my kids. They were definitely very
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: verbal about you know one of you know, a couple
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: of the guys that I had been dated that they
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: were just like, mom, this is not the vibe.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: And so I was just like, okay, you're done.
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: Now let me ask you, because I've never introduced anyone
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: to my children, did you wait a specific amount of
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: time to introduce someone to your to your children? I
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: realize yours are a little bit older than mine.
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: Right, So, but you know, I've been single for since
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: the ice age. Man, I have been single forever.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: Oh oh my god, what's gonna happen to me?
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: It's funny because like we were talking before, and we
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: were talking about like just knowing me, and you're like,
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: I didn't even know you were Mary who you're married to?
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: You know, what was this person?
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: So you know, it's been single for a long time.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: And when you know, when I was younger, uh, you know,
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: I was on Housewives and we were busy and there
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: were a lot of people coming in and out of
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: you know, out of the apartment for work, and they
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: never knew like who anyone was. They they said that
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: to me, They were like, we never even knew until
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: like recently, I said, oh, these are the guys that
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: I liked. And I was, you know, you know, we
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: were dating a little bit and then my daughter.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: I guess my two daughters like ranked them just kind
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: of charming but also awful. Oh my god, I don't
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: want to hear the list.
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: But did you wait a specific time before? I mean,
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: girls are older, so you probably share more with them.
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: I'm asking more so for myself.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: Because my last relationship, Yes, I waited a while you.
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: Did, Like are we talking like six months? Are we
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: talking like a year?
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: No, we're talking like you know. I mean, they were older,
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: so it was like, you know, a couple of months,
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: but not just like right away. I think that I
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: think that my personal opinion on this is that it's
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: not necessarily about the children. It's more about the relationship
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: has to evolve and has to like really start to like,
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: you know, move into some another you know, and move
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: into something else. Like I'm not just going to be like, hey,
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: you're cute, I'm cute. Let's have fun, Like that's not ground.
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: I guess I just think I don't want a revolving
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: door for my children. But I've also, Kelly listened to
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: far too many crime podcasts to like have anyone around
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: the children, Like maybe I'm there's something wrong with me.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: No, but you're right because you are the provider, and
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: you're also you're both you know, you were both hats
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: and so it's that's not you know, it's not easy,
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: and I and I respect you for that, And I
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: think that's really admirable because most women, especially in.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: New York, they're like kids, who cares? I need to
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: get married?
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: Like I need, I need a new Amex, And it's
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: just like, that's not my vibe.
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I don't think I don't want another Amex. Yeah,
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: I just think I'm.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: Okay, E, me too.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: You.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: We're both good with that. Okay.
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: Number seven, how long should you be dating somebody before
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: you travel with them?
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: I don't know because I really like to travel.
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: So if you met someone you were like, this guy's great,
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: and he was like, let's on a trip next week,
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: would you go?
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah? But listen, seventy two hours is way different than
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: having someone over from six to ten. That's very different.
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: I think it has to be a personality thing for
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: me because because I I listen, I have control issues
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: that must be shocking for you to hear.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: Shocking.
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: But I got some we got a few things. But
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: I think that you would genuinely have to know someone
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: to go and travel and stay in a hotel room
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: with them because I do. I like like my things
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: in a certain way. I like it really cold. I
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: like jack the air down as cold as it can
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: possibly be. I don't unpack. I like all of my
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: things in one place so I know where they are.
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: And then to have a human being that I don't
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: really know disrupting that.
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: You're like, what are you doing? Why do you move
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: my tooth brush?
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: My tooth bersh on the left side of this thing,
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: So don't touch my toothbrush.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: You weird. No, it's over. You move my tooth brush.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: It's done.
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't know.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: I travel with the kids.
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And like I have select few girlfriends that I
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: can enjoy for like days on end. That's a tough one,
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: given up. It depends on where we're going, you know,
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: like Mexico, Like you're going to Cabo. I can lay
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: out by the pool all day to see you peter
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: down at the beach. I need a break. But if
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: it's like Idaho and it's cold.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: About what about Like, oh my god, I have to
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: go to Paris tomorrow. Would you come? Yeah?
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: I'd go for sure.
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: Yes?
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: Are we going first? Class. Absolutely absolutely.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: I love that. I love that. Cobo was like, oh yeah, okay,
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: So number eight.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: Rank these things that are from the most important to
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: the least important in chapter two, dating, intimacy, quality time,
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: date night, the spark, communication.
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: I can't possibly rank those. Let me look at the
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: list again, most important to least important. This is really hard.
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: Starting with most important, I would go with communication. I
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: was just gonna say that it sounds boring, but in
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: the long run, if we're looking at the long run, yes,
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: communication is very important, right, So I'm going to go
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: with that most important. Communication. Next up is going to
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: be intimacy for me too. I've had I want to
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: be careful here what I say, but I am in
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: a phase of my life where I would really like
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: to enjoy intimacy. Am I saying that in a very
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: polite way.
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: You are, Yes, I.
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: Would like to enjoy intimacy at my age. So I'm
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: going to go communication intimacy your age.
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: Don't say that, because it's like, I just want to
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: enjoy enjoy intimacy. You're beautiful and young, and like I'm
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: just thinking.
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: About like when I was twenty two. I don't know, okay,
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: my own body I didn't know what was where that's
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: what you do, and then yeah, oh you don't come
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: at me with that thing. But now I'm welcoming. But okay,
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: now I'm like, yeah, absolutely, communication, intimacy I'm gonna go with.
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: Quality time is very important to me. I think it's
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: my love language. Love quality time. I'm going to go
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: next to the spark and then to date night. I'm
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: not even going to rank a date night because I
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: think that's a given people. Just a date night can
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: be very different, you know what I mean. You can
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: go out to dinner. I'm not a traditional dater, and
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: I don't know if that's just because I was on
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: the Bachelor and the Bachelorette and now I'm traumatized for
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: the rest of my life. But I find it a
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: traditional date like high, let's go meet for drinks and
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: talk until we're blue in the face. Sometimes that bores me, Like,
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: let's think outside of the box. Let's do something different.
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: So I think there's a billion way sideways to do
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: a date night. Okay, now you rank them.
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: It's important rank I think that yes, definitely, communication, Uh, definitely, intimacy,
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: the spark is really important to me. Quality time and
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: date night are kind of the same thing. But I
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: want to be with someone that I really want to
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: be with.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I you know.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: When you are working female and you're also you know, trying.
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: You know, even though my girls are older, I'm still
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: their parents. I still talk to them all day long
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: and trying to, you know, help guide them and make
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: good decisions.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: And I, you know, still have a lot of fear.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: I want them to do well, and.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: I worry about them clearly, and so you know, I
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: want to be with someone that makes me feel good.
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: Valuable, Yes, you know what I mean, like monetary.
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: I want someone that's like, you look gorgeous.
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: Like oh my god, you know what I like.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: I like to say.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: They never tell me I'm pretty. Ever they're like, you
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: stop it right now, I swear to god. They never
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: They're like, oh, that's nice, like.
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: You're not hanging out with the right men because you
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: are stunning cute.
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: But you know what I mean, Like that kind of
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: stuff means something to me, like something I want to
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: look good for.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: Them, I do.
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: Do you know what our word is? What we want
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: to be cherished? Yes, we want to be cherished.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: Yes, I want to be cherished. Yes, yes, we're leaving
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: twenty to twenty five with that's our word cherish, cherish cherish,
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: yes or don't?
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: Okay? So number nine, what is it?
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: What is a small thing people tend to overlook but
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: in reality is a huge sign in a relationship that
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: a relationship isn't good.
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: How codependent they are on their family would be a
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: good starter. Okay, So I think it's a pretty huge
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: red flag. Huge codependency is a huge red flag to me. Yeah, yeah,
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: I need a I need an individual. I need someone
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: who can stand on their own two legs. I need
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: a confident man.
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: Respect for their family is great, But yes, I don't
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: want someone that's like holding one second, I guess as
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: my mom everything.
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I lived in a marriage where everyone had a
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: seat at the table. Everyone had a seat at the table,
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: they got a vote at the end of the day.
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: I don't want that, right. I believe that in a
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: relationship it should lie between the two people in it.
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: So wait, every wait, wait, wait, I'm sorry. You were
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: a relationship where everyone in his family had told you,
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: guys what you were doing.
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, there's a seat at the table and everyone got one.
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: And so then when you when you went home, we
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: were like, I'm not doing that, or I think it.
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: Took me a minute to get to that point. I
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: don't think I've realized at the time that that's what
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: was happening, right, don't I don't think I realized at
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: the time.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, that's not easy. That's not easy.
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: I mean that goes back to what you just said
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: about Cherish. So number ten, do you think people can
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: have different religious beliefs and have a successful relationship or
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: is that a fundamental is it? Or is that if
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: memmom that needs to be aligned.
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: I would say for me, it's a fundamental thing that
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: needs to be aligned. I am a Christian.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: I don't hide that.
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: I would love someone who loves Jesus the Lord. That's
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: where I go for me and only me personally. I'm
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: sure it works for other people. I won't be able
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: to relate probably with someone who does not practice Christianity.
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: That is the home I want to live in. That
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: is how I raise my children, and that's the kind
• 27:31
  Speaker 3: of relationship that I personally would like to be in.
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: For me, that works for me, that is important to me.
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: I don't know what you think.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: So I call it spiritual integrity.
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: My ex husband is Jewish, my girls are half Jewish.
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: I'm Catholic, and I just kind of gave myself this
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: grace to just be open to a lot of different
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: religions as long as there is like beauty and love
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: and people that and respect.
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: You know, how did you celebrate Christmas?
• 28:04
  Speaker 4: Though?
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: We celebrated Christmas because I celebrated Christmas. But you know,
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: if you know, because that's kind of that was a holiday.
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: You know, my ex husband was It's not like he was,
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: you know, he wasn't a practicing Jewish man. He was
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: he you know, becamet. He converted to Judaism later on,
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: and I just was like, this is what I'm doing
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: and this is how I'm doing it, and they're my children. Yeah,
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: so I'm I support you and Hanukkah, but I also
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: need to be respectful of.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: My family and our religion.
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, updated people in the past, did you convert? No? No,
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: I wouldn't. No.
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: No.
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: I feel like also with where I'm at in my
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: life and who I am and confident in myself, I
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: also have a really wonderful walk with Christ and that's
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: I just don't see myself deviating from that that is
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: what I believe in. Well, right, those are those are
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: my beliefs. That is how I am raising my children,
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: and it's important to me. It would be important to
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: me in a relationship.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that.
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: I mean, I just want my girls to be respectful
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: and kind and have spiritual integrity, no matter whatever they
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: choose to do with their own lives or whoever they
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: choose to be with. I just want that person to
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: I don't want them to be with an atheist. I
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: would that would really really upset me. Number eleven, what's
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: one thing you think men fifty plus need to lighten
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: up on when it comes to dating.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: It's more than one thing. Did I say that loud?
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: I don't think I've I think I've only been on
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: a date with fifty plus like maybe twice.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And what did you think?
• 29:53
  Speaker 3: This is going to really sound terrible? I don't know
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: if I'm just attracted to younger guys. It sounds so bad.
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: I kind of I kind of felt like I was
• 30:03
  Speaker 3: on a date with an old man, right, I did.
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: And it was like it was down to like, oh there.
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: You know how when you're on a date sometimes there's
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: just things that just like that's it, Like, that's just
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: a And I went on a date one time. This
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: this dude was wearing shorts and tennis shoes.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: I have a you went on a date with you
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: in shorts and ten shit.
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: It was like our third or fourth date, our third
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: or fourth date. And I broke up with a guy
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: once because he wore kse Swiss with blue jeans. It's
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: just my own It's.
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: Like it's optics of the case Swiss with blue jeans
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: are now.
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: So terribly superficial, and I am so sorry forgive me,
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: but you know how, there are just certain things that
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: you just can't get past. And I had a thing
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: when I was younger with guys who wore white sneakers
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: case Swiss in particular, and wore them and this. You know,
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: I'm forty four almost, so this was back when like
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: cargo jeans forty three, cool forty three and.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: Why are you aging yourself?
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: I know, And I just it was I couldn't get
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: past the white tennis shoes and the blue jeans. So
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: also this older guy and I think he was like
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: fifty six, so he's but you know, and it was
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: like our third or fourth date, and we were going
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: to the music thing. And when he showed up, he
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: had on like khaki cargo shorts and tennis shoes, not
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: even like cool ones, like some nikes, like his running shoes.
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah wow. And all night.
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: I was just like, Oh, yeah, he's got his nikes on.
• 31:26
  Speaker 3: He's going running. Where did he go?
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: Where's he going?
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: I tried to relatively look attractive, you know what I mean,
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: Like I tried to look and he was just like,
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: didn't care if that's not that's right for a job, dude.
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: And I couldn't get past it. I totally also, Kelly
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: should tell you it wasn't meant to be.
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: I know, but I'm I'm like that. I mean, I
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: definitely judge men by the way they look. I'm ideal
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: one hundred percent, by their shoes. I mean, I'm always like,
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: it's just one thing that.
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: Don't think I'm not being judged when I walk in
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: if my hair is not done, or I'm not wearing
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: a full face of makeup, or my ass is too big,
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: don't think I'm not being judged.
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: I definitely agree with you that if a guy, I mean,
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: if I am, if I'm making the effort, then.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: He can make the effort. I totally agree with you.
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, shower, wash your hair, slap on a little colone, Yeah,
• 32:14
  Speaker 3: wear your sneakers. But like, let them be cool, right.
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: I think that for me, what happens with a lot
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: of men in their fifties is that because I'm in
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: my fifties and you know, I'm not judging them, like
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: I'm not judging them for the relationships that they've had.
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: I just want to know them.
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: And I think what happens is because they're dating a
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: lot of different women's a lot of different women from
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: a lot of different ages, is that they want they
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: think that trauma, bonding with a past narrative or saying
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: something about an ex is going to make you be
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: like open up.
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, no, no, no, I don't want to
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: open up about my ex.
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: Like I will talk to you about that later on
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: if we start to date and have a serious conversation
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: about how it affected me and you know what my
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: thoughts are, But I'm not going to be like, yeah,
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: let me just like you know, shut on my ex
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: because you want to shu on your ex to make.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: Yourself feel better. That's a big thing.
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: If we're when we're done here, we need to write
• 33:12
  Speaker 3: a book on dating one oh one, yes.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: But like todating, we're down.
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: There are certain things that are common sense, right, there
• 33:18
  Speaker 3: are certain things that are common sense. And on the
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: first couple of dates we'd talk about about my past
• 33:24
  Speaker 3: relationships or my ex husband on a date is not
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: that's not a good look.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: How does that make you?
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: Do you think do men think that women are more
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: attractive if they're word vomiting. I definitely don't see them
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: as attractive. I'm like, oh, here we go.
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: I'm just a part of the therapy session. It's just
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: it's just a dinner. We're all egotistical. Humans are egotistical.
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: We believe that our thoughts are more important, our beliefs
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: are more important, our opinion is more important. How many
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: times do you sit down and do a podcast and think, oh, yeah,
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: I make not of that. I want to say that,
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: I want to respond with that versus hearing what someone
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: is sharing. Right. We are egotistical, is who we are.
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: And when people do that, they believe that we really
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: give a flying who was in the wrong when their
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: relationship didn't work, So they feel the need to tell
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: it so that you think that they're a good person
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: so that you think they're good at relationships, they feel
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: the need to.
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: Tell you that they were wrong. But I'm more in
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: the I'm like, if it's show and tell I want
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: to see the show. You don't need to tell me.
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: I can already see it. Yeah, Like, if you're a
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: good person, you don't need to tell me that you're
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: a good person. I can tell by your mannerisms, by
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: your manner, by how kind you are to a waiter,
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: you know those, I can see with my own eyes
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: what you're doing that's, you know, kind. I can also,
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: you don't need to tell me how kind you are,
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: because I'm like, oh, yeah.
• 34:51
  Speaker 3: I'm fun and I'm kind.
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: I am so fine.
• 34:54
  Speaker 3: I'm so fine, I'm so kind, I'm so kind, and
• 34:57
  Speaker 3: I'm so fine. I'm doing really well.
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I'm doing great.
• 35:01
  Speaker 3: Great, Oh my god, that's great for you.
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: So what's one thing you think women in their fifties
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: need to lighten up on when it comes to dating.
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: Money. I think women in their fifties who are single
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: in particular focus on money. They are looking for a
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: man who is financially sound, financially stable, and has the
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: money and the wealth to take care of them.
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: They're chasing the AMX. Yes, I agree with you.
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: What are the three things you should you should be
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: able to know about someone after one date? Oh god,
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: I got in trouble for this.
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: Did you go first?
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: No?
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: No, you go first? This is yours?
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: These are your questions?
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh. Three things you should walk away knowing
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: of their name wouldn't be super important. I can't tell
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: you how many times I walk away and they don't
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: know my name, right?
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: They don't say your name?
• 35:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah, they don't know my name, right?
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: Okay, remember your name? Okay, really doing well?
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: Right? Your name?
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: Don't know your game?
• 35:58
  Speaker 3: Okay? They should that I have children. They should know that,
• 36:03
  Speaker 3: and I don't know.
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: They should know you have Yeah, you says you definitely
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: know your name. I should definitely know you have children.
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: And I think that there should be some kind of
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: baseline understanding of like who you are. They should have
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: They should kind of have a I should know they're
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: more like their baseline compass, and they should know.
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: Mine a baseline compass. I really like that.
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: No, don't you think?
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm going to take that a baseline compass.
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: Like here, like even if it's just a casual like
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: here are a couple of lines in the sand that I.
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: Will not put up with or I'm going to.
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: Be They're like, oh, okay, I can I can see
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: who you are?
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: You know, yeah, on my next date, I'm going to
• 36:48
  Speaker 3: make sure they know my baseline compass, A.
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: Moral compass, my moral compass, just.
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: My compass in general?
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: What are three things you should be able to Okay? Sorry?
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: And in your opinion, in your number fourteen? In your opinion,
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: do do men still want to date a woman if
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: they're intimate with them on the first date?
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: No, No, I don't think so. I think that that
• 37:12
  Speaker 3: age old thing dates back a really long time. If
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: you give up all of the jewels from the get,
• 37:21
  Speaker 3: why would they come back for more jewels?
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: Give the milk away for free?
• 37:25
  Speaker 3: Don't you don't give it away? Everyone pays the milkman, right,
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: it's not free? Right.
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: Fifteen.
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: If you're dating long distance and your I do part
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: two life, what do you need to do to make a.
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: Successful long term I don't know. I got my excess.
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: I got divorced after ten years.
• 37:48
  Speaker 3: I think that long distance is hard and you have
• 37:51
  Speaker 3: to be really intentional. I would say that now now older,
• 37:56
  Speaker 3: dating older, and especially because I don't want marriage and
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: I don't want kids, that it would be easier to
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: prioritize that. I don't know that it is something that
• 38:04
  Speaker 3: I could have done as a twenty something, you know
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: what I mean. My priorities are just very different. Plus,
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: I don't know. I was poor when I was like
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: twenty three. I was trying to sell houses. It's like,
• 38:14
  Speaker 3: just to pay my mortgage. Like I was, I couldn't
• 38:17
  Speaker 3: fly to New York for forty eight hours and go
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: out to dinner. I'd be sitting in the back of
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: the bus. And I want to sit in a nice
• 38:24
  Speaker 3: big seat in the front of the bus, just like
• 38:28
  Speaker 3: I want comfort. I want comfort.
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: I think that in my in where I am in
• 38:33
  Speaker 2: my life, I think that long distance is difficult. However,
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: if it's not that far away where it's like train
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: ride away or something, then I would be fine with it.
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: Because I do have a very hectic schedule and I
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: don't want I don't want a man to be on
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: my time.
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: I want to be on our time.
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and so I'd rather spend time together and have
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: it be like really meaningful and make me feel really
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: good about the time that we're together, then just spending
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: like every single day together.
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: You know, listen, Kelly, he would have to knock my
• 39:07
  Speaker 3: flip and socks off in order for me to do
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: it right. And then I would have to be really intentional.
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: Right, I'm not. I'm just what I'm saying, like I
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: would be. I'm open to that. I am open to that. Okay. Sixteen.
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: If someone said they wanted you to be their partner,
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: but you knew they'd have to sleep in a separate
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: bed for the for the unforseeable future, how would you react?
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: It's a hard pass.
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: I'm just like, it's probably like snoring or something some
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: hard pass.
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: If someone like interrupted my sleep, I'd be like, I'm sorry,
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: I'm eight hours, Like you can't.
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: But you would still date them if they had to
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: sleep in a separate room.
• 39:38
  Speaker 2: No, no, I know, what's the point, Like, I don't
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: want to know me. I don't want a pen pal. No,
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: definitely don't want hard pass. Yes, agreed. If you're in
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: a relationship with someone, do you consider any of the
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: following Cheating you ready going to a strip club, cheating
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: watching porn, cheating, having a subscription to OnlyFans.
• 39:58
  Speaker 3: Cheating, So we've learned here is a nold frood. I'm
• 40:02
  Speaker 3: an absolute prude. What we're going to do listen? Cheating, cheating, cheating,
• 40:07
  Speaker 3: cheating across the board. I don't care if it is
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: emotionally you're just looking but not touching, right, I don't
• 40:13
  Speaker 3: care if you're hiding behind your little keyboard and you're
• 40:16
  Speaker 3: just getting off hard pass for me. No, thank you, right, no,
• 40:20
  Speaker 3: thank you. I want to be the apple of someone's eye.
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: Right, I want to be the person that they're like,
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: I can't wait to be with you. I don't want
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: them to be like, oh see that girl, let's put
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: her on. No, no, nope, I totally agree. And like
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: going to a scripts strip club, I'm like, why would
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: you want to go to a strip club if you
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: had respect for me?
• 40:38
  Speaker 3: I also just think if you have to hide and
• 40:40
  Speaker 3: do things, that should tell you that it is wrong. Right.
• 40:43
  Speaker 3: If you're hiding to do things, if you are hiding
• 40:45
  Speaker 3: to watch porn, you're hiding on OnlyFans, it's wrong.
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: Okay, what if they told you that they were doing that,
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: or if they're like, hey, no, yeah.
• 40:52
  Speaker 3: Then give me the option. It's still a no for me, Right, No, Thanky,
• 40:55
  Speaker 3: don't want I don't need you paying for foot pictures? Right,
• 40:58
  Speaker 3: I get a pedicure?
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: You stare?
• 40:59
  Speaker 3: Mind?
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: What colle do you want this week?
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: When you're in a serious relationship or marriage and we're eighteen,
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: When you're in a serious relationship or marriage, is it
• 41:10
  Speaker 2: okay to be friends with an ex.
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: If you've had if you had no children together? Why
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: are why not? Kind of like, I don't know how
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: I feel about this one.
• 41:23
  Speaker 3: I am such an incredibly loyal human being in friendships, partnerships,
• 41:31
  Speaker 3: relationship and in my marriage. So for me in particular,
• 41:37
  Speaker 3: I didn't wish anyone ill will. If I were to
• 41:40
  Speaker 3: see an ex boyfriend, I would wish them well, but
• 41:43
  Speaker 3: it would bother me if my significant other was texting
• 41:47
  Speaker 3: separately without my knowledge with an ex girlfriend. I am
• 41:51
  Speaker 3: a firm believer that relationships come to an end for
• 41:56
  Speaker 3: a reason. I am not one of those people that
• 41:58
  Speaker 3: go back and forth, let's give it eleven more tries.
• 42:01
  Speaker 3: I'm not going to do it. When things come to
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: an end, that is a cleansing for me. That means
• 42:05
  Speaker 3: something better is entering your life, and I by all
• 42:08
  Speaker 3: means wide open bring it to me, I'll take the better,
• 42:12
  Speaker 3: so I don't leave the door open for old stuff.
• 42:15
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: So there have been guys that I dated who I
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: thought they were great. I just didn't want to be
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: with them, and I don't have any I don't have
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: any emotional attachment to them. So it doesn't matter if
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: they're texting me. You know, I may respond quickly, I
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: may not respond for a while. I don't feel that
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: there's that attachment. If if someone I was dating was
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: was texting with someone where there was some kind of
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: like inappropriate conversations, then I would say, like, you need
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: to make a choice, like I'm not going to be
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: around for that, Like I'm not.
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: Putting up with that.
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, if it's like, hey, you know, hope everyone's well,
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: Merry Christmas, like I'm fine with that, or you know,
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: but nothing that's like would be misconstrued is inappropriate?
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: That would really that would my fasic level.
• 43:02
  Speaker 3: I don't have enough brain cells to be texting many
• 43:06
  Speaker 3: different people. My time is valuable. I don't care.
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: I just don't A thousand and I totally agree with you.
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: So the twenty do you believe in love at first sight?
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: I do.
• 43:16
  Speaker 3: I've never experienced love at first sight. But I do
• 43:18
  Speaker 3: think it happens. Well, we hung out with Ryan and
• 43:21
  Speaker 3: Trista all day. I think that's a prime example. They
• 43:23
  Speaker 3: met on a television show, they fell in love, they've
• 43:25
  Speaker 3: been married ever since. I'm not saying it's easy. I
• 43:27
  Speaker 3: do think it happens. I have personally never experienced it.
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: I think it happens too. I mean I am open
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: to it too. I mean I've seen people where I'm like,
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: oh my gosh, but I was. But maybe there I
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: would like, I was like, this is a great person.
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: But I was not in a position in that time
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: of my life to be able to take it to
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: the next step.
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: So I believe that as well.
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: Okay, the last to twenty one, Lucky twenty one. What's
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: something you learned about yourself going through divorce?
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: Oh, it's a loaded question.
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: You've learned a lot.
• 44:03
  Speaker 3: I've learned a lot. But I would say one thing
• 44:05
  Speaker 3: that has stuck with me my entire life is that
• 44:07
  Speaker 3: I'm freaking resilient. I am freaking resilient. And I said
• 44:12
  Speaker 3: this to you earlier. I keep my side of the
• 44:14
  Speaker 3: street clean. I love all I can do, that's all
• 44:17
  Speaker 3: I can do. I am in charge of me. I
• 44:19
  Speaker 3: am in charge of what comes out of my mouth.
• 44:21
  Speaker 3: I am in charge of how I reply, what I do,
• 44:23
  Speaker 3: what I say. So much of my life gets played
• 44:27
  Speaker 3: out for people to see without that wanting to be
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: my desire. I keep my side of the street clean.
• 44:36
  Speaker 3: And I am freaking resilient.
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: I mean, I think we both are. Yeah, yeah, you know.
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: I mean we've had we both have had our own
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: pass but I agree. I mean, I I'm just proud
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: of who I am as a human, as a mother,
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: as a provider.
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: I'm very proud of that. And I agree.
• 44:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, I just I don't like I don't like
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: the things in a messy first of all, Like I'll
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: probably forget something if someone said, what did you say,
• 45:03
  Speaker 2: I'll be like, I have no idea, Like, I don't
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: like it, doesn't I just I don't like things that
• 45:09
  Speaker 2: are messy. Yeah.
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: I like things to be in order. I think like
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: things to be calm.
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: I like there to be I want it to be
• 45:16
  Speaker 2: able to be in a position where I can be
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: nurturing to my partner, nurturing to my kids. I don't
• 45:21
  Speaker 2: want to be like on my back foot trying to
• 45:24
  Speaker 2: figure things out.
• 45:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's not what I also like, you just you
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: take things, you grow from them, and you learn. Everything
• 45:29
  Speaker 3: is a learning experience. And if people are not doing that,
• 45:32
  Speaker 3: and they're not taking things that happen in their life
• 45:36
  Speaker 3: and choosing to better themselves from it, then where's the growth?
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: Right there? Where's the growth? Like, that's what we're supposed
• 45:44
  Speaker 3: to do at the end of the day. You know
• 45:46
  Speaker 3: what I want to be every day. I want to
• 45:47
  Speaker 3: be a better woman. I want to be a better mother,
• 45:48
  Speaker 3: right I want to be a better partner. Someday I
• 45:50
  Speaker 3: want to be a better human being.
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: You know, it's interesting in business they always talk about like, oh,
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: it's a value add but that's the same thing in
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: a relationship. You want someone that is a value add
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: to you, like caring, loving, you know, nurturing, all the
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: whatever it is that you need. You want that person
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: to be that person.
• 46:09
  Speaker 3: We're so great. Can you even believe this? Us are single?
• 46:12
  Speaker 3: Can you even believe this? Like? How does someone not
• 46:15
  Speaker 3: want this? We've got all this hair, these bright and
• 46:19
  Speaker 3: shining personalities. We're like smile, we play pickleball.
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: We play pickleball. Yeah, we've gotten so gosh, I know
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: we're doing great. We're doing We're doing great.
• 46:28
  Speaker 3: We're doing grea, Yeah, we're doing great. Oh yeah.
• 46:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for being so vulnerable and honest
• 46:36
  Speaker 2: and giving such a great advice on the pod. Love
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: love getting to hang out with you as always. Do
• 46:43
  Speaker 2: you have questions when it comes to dating, call us
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: or email us. We're here to help. All the infos
• 46:47
  Speaker 2: in the show notes, follow us on socials, and make
• 46:50
  Speaker 2: sure to rate and review the podcast I Do Part two,
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: an iHeartRadio podcast. We're falling in Love is the main objective?
• 46:59
  Speaker 3: Do you want to put my I phone number? In
• 47:00
  Speaker 3: the show notes