Latest / The Difficult Boss Podcast with Fexingo: Managing Up, Toxic Managers, and Workplace Survival / Managing a Boss Who Hoards Information
Transcript
- Lucas: So Luna, you remember that story I told you about my friend Priya at the marketing agency? She's the one who worked under a director who treated every piece of project context like a state secret. Luna: Vaguely. You mentioned she was always scrambling before meetings because she never knew what the client had actually agreed to. Lucas: Exactly. And it got worse. Her boss, let's call him Dale, would go into strategy sessions with the client, come back, and just tell the team, 'We're adjusting the campaign focus.' No rationale, no data, no warning. Then he'd disappear into his office for two days. Luna: So the team's flying blind. How do you even prepare for the next step when you don't know why the direction changed? Lucas: That's the core problem, right? When your boss holds all the context, you're not just missing information—you're missing the reasoning that makes your work make sense. Priya told me that in one quarterly review, they presented a whole campaign around a market-entry strategy, only to find out Dale had already told the client they were going a different way. The client was confused, the team looked incompetent, and Priya was the one who had to apologize. Luna: Ouch. That's the silent career killer—you take the blame for something you never had a chance to do right. Lucas: And it's a pattern we see a lot. It's not always malicious. Some bosses just default to 'need to know' because they think it's efficient. But it creates a massive asymmetry, and it's a real problem for your performance, your stress, and your trajectory. Luna: So what's the actual difference between a boss who's just a bit guarded and one who's genuinely hoarding information? Lucas: I think there are three tell-tale signs. First, the 'why' is always missing. You get decisions, but never the reasoning behind them. Second, you find out about changes from other people—or worse, from the client or a rival team. And third, you feel like you're constantly one step behind, always playing catch-up without understanding the bigger picture. Luna: That's exactly how Priya described it. She said she started to feel like she was working for a black box. She'd put in the effort, and something would come out, but she had no idea how the inputs worked. Lucas: And over time, that erodes your confidence. You start second-guessing every decision you make because you don't have the full map. Priya told me she began asking for clarification on everything, which just made Dale more defensive. It was a vicious cycle. Luna: So what did she do? Did she confront him? Lucas: Not directly, no. Confrontation would have backfired. Instead, she started a subtle campaign to pull context out of him without triggering his defenses. And that's what we should talk about today—practical moves you can make when your boss holds all the cards. Luna: Let's hear them. I've got a few of my own to add, too. Lucas: The first move is to change how you ask. Instead of 'Why did we change direction?' which sounds like a challenge, you frame it as a learning need: 'Help me understand the client's response so I can tailor the next deliverable.' You're not questioning the decision—you're asking for input to do your job better. Priya started doing that, and Dale actually opened up a bit. Luna: That's smart. It puts the focus on your performance, not his behavior. I've done that too—asking for 'context to align my work' rather than 'why are you hiding things from me.' Lucas: Exactly. And the second move is to build what I call a 'context map.' For a week, keep a running list of every decision, every change, every piece of information you didn't have but needed. Then look for patterns. Are you missing budget numbers? Client feedback? Strategic pivots? Once you know what you're missing, you can target your questions. Luna: That's a great diagnostic. And I'd add that you should also note what you do have—just to see the gaps. Priya probably knew a lot more than she thought she did. Lucas: That's a good point. And the third move is to potentially go up a level. If you've tried the learning-frame questions and you've built your context map, and you're still blind, you might need to have a skip-level conversation. But you have to do it strategically—not as a complaint, but as a need for alignment. Luna: Yeah, and that's risky. How do you approach a skip-level without making your boss look bad? Lucas: You frame it as a proactive check-in about your own development. You say something like, 'I want to make sure I'm aligned with the department's priorities. Can you share your perspective on where things are headed?' You're not throwing your boss under the bus—you're just seeking clarity. And often, the skip-level will fill in gaps without you even asking. Luna: That's a delicate dance. But it's worth doing if you're truly stuck. I've seen it work—the higher-up realizes there's a communication gap and starts including you in more emails or meetings. Lucas: Right. But before you go that route, let me tell you a story that shows why it's worth trying the subtle approach first. Priya had a big presentation coming up, and she needed to know which product features the client had prioritized. She asked Dale directly, and he gave her a vague 'highlight the innovative ones.' Luna: Ugh, that's the worst. Vague direction that you can't act on. Lucas: So instead of pushing back, she went to the original kickoff notes—the ones from three months ago that she'd saved—and combined that with the last status report. She built a draft outline based on her best guess, and then she went back to Dale and said, 'I've put together this outline based on what I know. Can you correct anything before I go deeper?' Luna: Oh, that's clever. You're showing your work and making it easy for him to correct course without feeling interrogated. Lucas: And it worked. Dale made a few tweaks, and Priya finally got the real priorities. It took two extra hours, but she got the context she needed without a fight. Luna: That's a great example of being proactive instead of passive. And honestly, it's a mindset shift—you stop waiting for your boss to hand you information and start extracting it strategically. Lucas: And you know, this whole conversation reminds me of why we do this show without ads. We want to keep these practical strategies accessible to anyone, no paywall, no sponsored messages interrupting the flow. If you've gotten value from thinking through a career move or a tricky boss situation, and you want to support that kind of work, you can do it at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Luna: It's a small way to keep this resource free for everyone. And it does make a difference. Lucas: So back to Dale. Priya eventually got promoted—she's now leading her own team—and she told me that the experience taught her to always over-communicate with her own reports. She saw what hoarding did to her, and she flipped it. Luna: That's the silver lining. Sometimes a bad boss teaches you exactly what not to do. Lucas: And that's the key takeaway for today: if your boss holds all the context, don't just suffer through it. Start by changing how you ask, map your gaps, and if that fails, strategically seek alignment higher up. You're not being insubordinate—you're being professional. Luna: And remember, the goal isn't to expose your boss or make them look bad. It's to get what you need to do your job well. That's your right, and it's your responsibility to advocate for it. Lucas: If you're in this situation right now, try one of these moves this week. And let us know how it goes. We read every comment. Luna: Thanks for listening, and we'll catch you next time.