Latest / Andy Stanley Sermons / Andy Stanley - Guardrails, Part 3 Forever Yours

Transcript

Andy Stanley - Guardrails, Part 3 Forever Yours · Andy Stanley Sermons

0:01
Speaker 1: Years ago, I had the opportunity to go on a
0:05
Speaker 1: mud boat. I don't know if you know what a
0:06
Speaker 1: mud boat is. It looks kind of like this. I
0:08
Speaker 1: had the opportunity to go on a mud boat trip
0:10
Speaker 1: in the Florida Everglades. This was years and years ago,
0:13
Speaker 1: which was a lot of fun, except that our guide
0:16
Speaker 1: was the most annoying person I think I've ever met.
0:20
Speaker 1: Because the entire trip, the guide kept saying, keep your
0:23
Speaker 1: hands inside the boat. Keep your hands inside the boat.
0:26
Speaker 1: Keep your hands inside the boat. And this was annoying
0:29
Speaker 1: to me because I grew up around boats, and I've
0:31
Speaker 1: been in and out of a lot of boats, and
0:32
Speaker 1: I didn't need somebody to keep telling me to keep
0:34
Speaker 1: my hands inside the boats and what could possibly happen
0:36
Speaker 1: in the Everglades, okay? So anyway, it was so annoying.
0:40
Speaker 1: And then years went by, and I got married, and
0:43
Speaker 1: I had... And I had an opportunity to take my
0:46
Speaker 1: kids to Africa. Our whole family went to Africa with
0:48
Speaker 1: some other families to visit our Compassion International child that
0:51
Speaker 1: we sponsor. And we got to meet a bunch of
0:53
Speaker 1: kids and look at what Compassion was doing all over
0:55
Speaker 1: the world. And as part of that trip, they actually
0:57
Speaker 1: took us on a safari. And this was in Kenya,
1:00
Speaker 1: the Masamara Game Preserve in Kenya. But once again, I
1:03
Speaker 1: don't know if all the guides go to the same
1:04
Speaker 1: guide school because our guide was so annoying. He's like,
1:07
Speaker 1: don't get out of the vehicle. Don't get out of
1:09
Speaker 1: the vehicle. Don't get out of the vehicle, which is
1:11
Speaker 1: annoying because I own a vehicle and I get in
1:13
Speaker 1: and out of vehicles all the time. And yet the
1:16
Speaker 1: entire trip, don't get out of the vehicle. Don't get
1:19
Speaker 1: out of the vehicle. I don't know what's up with
1:21
Speaker 1: the guides. So anyway, I just... Just had to get
1:25
Speaker 1: that out. Okay, we're in part three of a series
1:28
Speaker 1: that we've called Guardrails. Everybody knows what a guardrail is.
1:31
Speaker 1: A guardrail is a system. We don't think of it
1:33
Speaker 1: in terms of a system, but it is. A guardrail
1:35
Speaker 1: is a system designed to keep vehicles from straying into
1:38
Speaker 1: dangerous or off-limit areas. A guardrail, as you know, we've
1:42
Speaker 1: said this for the last couple of times we're together
1:44
Speaker 1: on this topic, that they're designed to do two things,
1:46
Speaker 1: to direct vehicles, and protect, direct and protect, and a
1:49
Speaker 1: guardrail is never actually placed in the danger zone. A
1:53
Speaker 1: guardrail is always placed in the safety zone. They're placed
1:56
Speaker 1: in the safety zone, and nobody argues with the logic
1:59
Speaker 1: of this when it comes to guardrails on bridges, highways,
2:02
Speaker 1: and on curves. The other thing about a guardrail is
2:04
Speaker 1: that a guardrail is actually designed, specifically designed, to minimize damage.
2:09
Speaker 1: If you hit a guardrail, it is gonna tear up
2:10
Speaker 1: your car, but you will probably get out and walk
2:13
Speaker 1: away from that accident. They're designed to minimize damage because
2:17
Speaker 1: if it weren't for the guardrail, there would be more
2:19
Speaker 1: damage and probably more damage to your body. Now, the
2:22
Speaker 1: reason we call this series guardrails, if you've been here,
2:24
Speaker 1: you know this, is because the highway isn't the only
2:27
Speaker 1: place we need guardrails. Our greatest regrets, I would bet
2:30
Speaker 1: for most of us, our greatest regrets would have and
2:33
Speaker 1: could have been avoided if we'd had some financial guardrails,
2:36
Speaker 1: some relational guardrails, some moral guardrails. some academic guardrails, maybe
2:41
Speaker 1: even some professional guardrails. And when we talk about a
2:44
Speaker 1: guardrail in this context, it's basically a personal rule. It's
2:48
Speaker 1: kind of a personal law. It's something that I decide
2:50
Speaker 1: for me. I don't decide for you because I don't
2:52
Speaker 1: have any right to tell you how to live your life.
2:54
Speaker 1: But a guardrail is something I established for myself, and
2:57
Speaker 1: it's essentially a standard of behavior that becomes a matter
3:00
Speaker 1: of conscience. A standard of behavior that becomes a matter
3:03
Speaker 1: of conscience. I decide that for me, financially, For me, professionally,
3:07
Speaker 1: for me, when it comes to friends and neighbors and relationships,
3:11
Speaker 1: when it comes to my marriage, for me, personally, I
3:13
Speaker 1: have a certain standard I want to live by, and
3:15
Speaker 1: when I begin to drift toward the edge of that standard,
3:19
Speaker 1: when I begin to drift out of bounds, it sort
3:21
Speaker 1: of lights up my conscience. In fact, that's the point
3:23
Speaker 1: of a guardrail. A guardrail, the point of a guardrail
3:25
Speaker 1: is to light up our conscience before we hurt ourselves
3:29
Speaker 1: and before we hurt someone else. The point of a
3:32
Speaker 1: guardrail is to make us feel a little bit uneasy
3:35
Speaker 1: on the inside and to make us feel uneasy early.
3:39
Speaker 1: So that's what a guardrail is. It's a personal standard
3:40
Speaker 1: of behavior that we commit to personally, individually. We don't
3:43
Speaker 1: give other people guardrails. We establish them for ourselves to
3:46
Speaker 1: kind of keep us on the road, to keep us
3:48
Speaker 1: out of the danger zone again, whether it's relationally, financially,
3:51
Speaker 1: whatever it might be. But the thing is, and the
3:53
Speaker 1: thing that makes this so hard, is that the culture
3:55
Speaker 1: we live in does not celebrate and does not encourage guardrails.
4:00
Speaker 1: The culture that we live in, the world we live in,
4:01
Speaker 1: and it's always been this way, celebrates and magnifies and
4:05
Speaker 1: decides that basically all we really need are painted lines.
4:09
Speaker 1: And that is especially true when it comes to the
4:12
Speaker 1: topic that we're going to talk about today. So last week,
4:16
Speaker 1: we talked about friends and associates. Today, I want to
4:19
Speaker 1: talk about friends with benefits. Today, I want to talk
4:23
Speaker 1: about moral guardrails. I want to talk about guarding your marriage,
4:27
Speaker 1: guarding yourself for marriage, and guarding yourself from married people. Now,
4:35
Speaker 1: the best word to describe this whole topic is a
4:38
Speaker 1: word that we never, ever use very much, and it's
4:40
Speaker 1: this word. It's the word fidelity. Fidelity. It comes from
4:42
Speaker 1: a Latin word that means faithful or loyal. So what
4:46
Speaker 1: I want to talk about today is how to protect
4:48
Speaker 1: you and your relationships with your significant other and how
4:52
Speaker 1: to set up some standards, some things that ding your
4:54
Speaker 1: conscience to guard you in what is perhaps your most
4:58
Speaker 1: important relationship. And today, I'll be your guide. So, keep
5:04
Speaker 1: your hands in the boat, your feet in the vehicle,
5:07
Speaker 1: and your eyes on the screen, right? Now, nowhere, nowhere
5:11
Speaker 1: in culture, nowhere in culture, nowhere does culture do a
5:14
Speaker 1: better job in baiting us toward the edge and then
5:17
Speaker 1: chastising us and shaming us when we step over certain
5:20
Speaker 1: lines than when it comes to this area, when it
5:22
Speaker 1: comes to moral boundaries or fidelity or faithfulness to our
5:24
Speaker 1: husbands or wives. or fiancés, or whoever it is that's
5:27
Speaker 1: in your life. But the problem is, and the hypocrisy
5:31
Speaker 1: in all of this, and I just, I want to
5:32
Speaker 1: confess all of our sins together. The problem is, there's
5:35
Speaker 1: a sense in which we are all complicit, that we
5:38
Speaker 1: are all part of the problem, because you entertain yourself,
5:42
Speaker 1: let's just be honest, okay, no elbows and no looking around.
5:44
Speaker 1: You entertain yourself with, with media, movies, and music that
5:48
Speaker 1: glorify sex outside of marriage and glorify affairs. I mean,
5:52
Speaker 1: this is just part of the themes of most of
5:54
Speaker 1: the books that you read, perhaps, unless it's a self-help book.
5:57
Speaker 1: The movies that you watch, the videos that you watch,
5:59
Speaker 1: the things that you binge watch on, and it's funny,
6:02
Speaker 1: and we entertain ourself with it, and then what happens?
6:05
Speaker 1: Then a friend actually has an affair, and we're mortified.
6:08
Speaker 1: We're like, we're just disgusted. I can't believe your husband
6:11
Speaker 1: would do it. I can't believe your wife would do that.
6:13
Speaker 1: I can't believe your sister-in-law would do that. And we
6:16
Speaker 1: entertain ourselves with it, and then we freak out when
6:18
Speaker 1: somebody actually does it. We say things like this. You
6:21
Speaker 1: hear this all the time. Boys will be boys. Boys
6:24
Speaker 1: will be boys. I love what Ann Voskamp says, even
6:27
Speaker 1: though it's very heavy. She says this. When boys will
6:30
Speaker 1: be boys, girls will be garbage. When boys will be boys,
6:35
Speaker 1: girls will be garbage. And on one hand it's funny
6:37
Speaker 1: and they said boys will be boys, but when girls
6:39
Speaker 1: are mistreated, when women are mistreated, we freak out as
6:44
Speaker 1: we should. But we're a bit complicit in this whole
6:47
Speaker 1: thing that on one hand we celebrate it, we sing
6:49
Speaker 1: about it, we entertain ourselves with it, then we freak
6:51
Speaker 1: out when somebody actually does it. That's why I said
6:54
Speaker 1: in this particular area, this is the area where culture
6:57
Speaker 1: does more to bait us to the edge of disaster.
7:00
Speaker 1: And then shame us when we actually step across certain lines.
7:03
Speaker 1: But here's the thing, and I know this is unrealistic,
7:05
Speaker 1: but that's okay. If we could get this one thing right,
7:10
Speaker 1: if we could just get this one thing right as
7:11
Speaker 1: a community, or whatever community you're in, if we could
7:14
Speaker 1: get this one thing right as a city, if we
7:16
Speaker 1: could get this one thing right as a state or
7:18
Speaker 1: a nation, it would change everything. There would be less poverty.
7:23
Speaker 1: There would be fewer unwanted pregnancies. There would be less
7:26
Speaker 1: domestic violence. There would be fewer kids in the foster
7:30
Speaker 1: care system. There would be fewer little boys and little
7:32
Speaker 1: girls who grow up in homes without a mom and
7:35
Speaker 1: without a dad. And come on, let's be honest. All
7:38
Speaker 1: of us know. All of us know someone, or all
7:42
Speaker 1: of us are someone, or all of us were raised
7:44
Speaker 1: someone whose life would be completely different if they had
7:49
Speaker 1: established guardrails in the area that we're talking about. So,
7:54
Speaker 1: it's no wonder, and if you're new to church, and
7:56
Speaker 1: this is like the perfect Sunday for you to be here,
7:58
Speaker 1: because we're talking about sex, okay? This is the perfect
8:01
Speaker 1: Sunday for you to be here, because this area, this
8:03
Speaker 1: area is so misunderstood when it comes to people, when
8:06
Speaker 1: it comes to the church, and when it comes to
8:08
Speaker 1: the Bible in general. But imagine this, with everything I've
8:11
Speaker 1: said so far, and we haven't, you know, this isn't
8:12
Speaker 1: a religious thing yet, this is just a thing thing, right?
8:15
Speaker 1: Based on your experience and my experience, based on your
8:18
Speaker 1: growing up experience, right? Wouldn't it be amazing if we
8:21
Speaker 1: could get this right? You know this would make an
8:23
Speaker 1: extraordinary difference. So if you were God and you were
8:26
Speaker 1: going to inspire someone to write on this topic, what
8:30
Speaker 1: would you inspire them to say? Go for it, have
8:34
Speaker 1: a good time, wait till you're ready, drink responsibly and
8:38
Speaker 1: have sex responsibly. I mean, what, if you were gonna
8:41
Speaker 1: give the world a message as it relates to sexuality
8:43
Speaker 1: and sex, what do you think God would say? What
8:45
Speaker 1: do you think God who has invited you, think about this,
8:48
Speaker 1: God who has invited you, invited you to address him
8:51
Speaker 1: and relate to him as a heavenly, got your best
8:54
Speaker 1: interest in mind, father. So 2,000 years ago, which is
8:59
Speaker 1: amazing when we look at the complexity of this text, 2,000
9:03
Speaker 1: years ago, the Apostle Paul, who was planting little churches
9:06
Speaker 1: all around the Mediterranean basin, writes to a church in Corinth.
9:09
Speaker 1: He'd already been there visiting. In fact, he'd been there
9:11
Speaker 1: a couple times maybe. And so he's taught everything that
9:14
Speaker 1: we're about to read, and then he writes them a
9:16
Speaker 1: letter to remind them of what he taught when he
9:18
Speaker 1: was actually with them. And here's what he says. Flee
9:24
Speaker 1: from sexual immorality. Flee from sexual immorality. In other words,
9:29
Speaker 1: before you freak out about this, this is exactly what
9:32
Speaker 1: every husband wants his wife to do. This is what
9:34
Speaker 1: every wife wants her husband to do. This is what
9:37
Speaker 1: every fiance wants their fiance to do. This is what
9:40
Speaker 1: every big brother wants his little sister to do. This
9:42
Speaker 1: is what everyone who cares about someone and loves someone
9:46
Speaker 1: wants them to do. That when it comes to sexuality,
9:50
Speaker 1: they want them to at least be very, very, very
9:52
Speaker 1: careful and there are some things you want them and
9:55
Speaker 1: we want them to flee from. But we are in
9:59
Speaker 1: a culture where and we are in a world and
10:01
Speaker 1: sometimes we're complicit in setting ourselves up not to flee
10:05
Speaker 1: from but to flirt with. And again, we become hypocrites.
10:11
Speaker 1: And again, we bait ourselves and allow ourselves to be
10:13
Speaker 1: baited to the edge of disaster. Then we step off
10:16
Speaker 1: and we feel shame or other people step off and
10:18
Speaker 1: we condemn them. And so the Apostle Paul, under the
10:21
Speaker 1: inspiration of the Holy Spirit, says, look, look, I'm not
10:23
Speaker 1: a prude. I'm not against sex. I mean, come on.
10:26
Speaker 1: Christians believe God created sex, which we're not sure exactly
10:29
Speaker 1: how that went. But it was, you know, God's in heaven,
10:32
Speaker 1: you know, and he's like, oh, I got a great idea,
10:34
Speaker 1: you know. I don't know how this works. The angels
10:37
Speaker 1: are like, what? And you wouldn't understand, but you're going
10:40
Speaker 1: to be jealous. Watch this, okay? So Christians aren't against sex.
10:45
Speaker 1: Good grief. We actually believe once upon a time there
10:47
Speaker 1: wasn't such a thing, and God came up with it. Now,
10:49
Speaker 1: if that's weird, that's just what Christians believe. And yet
10:53
Speaker 1: God has given us this extraordinary, extraordinary, extraordinary gift. But
10:57
Speaker 1: with this extraordinary gift, he gave us guidelines. And that's
10:59
Speaker 1: why we're talking about it. And the Apostle Paul has
11:02
Speaker 1: this insight that is mind-blowing, not because it's so unusual
11:08
Speaker 1: because we immediately latch onto it. What's so mind-blowing about
11:11
Speaker 1: it is that he knew this 2,000 years ago. Here's
11:13
Speaker 1: what he says. He says, all talking about sexual immorality.
11:17
Speaker 1: All other sins. And Paul immediately put sexual sin in
11:21
Speaker 1: a category all of its own. That it is uniquely,
11:25
Speaker 1: he knew this, it is uniquely damaging. It's possible to
11:30
Speaker 1: fully recover financially. It's possible to fully recover academically. It's
11:34
Speaker 1: possible to fully recover financially. But when it comes to
11:38
Speaker 1: sexual sin, it's not the case. Forgiven, absolutely. Fully escape
11:43
Speaker 1: the consequences, never. Never. The damage is done. And oftentimes,
11:49
Speaker 1: come on, you know this, oftentimes it's generational damage. It
11:53
Speaker 1: undermines future intimacy. It impacts future relationships. It has a
11:57
Speaker 1: way of continuing to resurface in area after area after area.
12:02
Speaker 1: And then there's this, in case you're pushing back. Come on,
12:04
Speaker 1: let's be honest. Sexual sin, and I'm going to define
12:07
Speaker 1: it in just a second, but sexual sin will make
12:09
Speaker 1: you a liar and a secret keeper for life, unlike
12:14
Speaker 1: anything else. You'll admit your past bankruptcy. You'll admit, yeah,
12:19
Speaker 1: when I was 22, 23, back then I got a DUI.
12:23
Speaker 1: I just want to get that out on the table.
12:24
Speaker 1: You'll admit all kinds of things. Sexual sin will make
12:27
Speaker 1: you a liar and a secret keeper for life. Some
12:28
Speaker 1: of the most brokenhearted people are the people I know
12:31
Speaker 1: who got married and their husband or their wife told
12:34
Speaker 1: them part of their sexual history. And in telling part
12:37
Speaker 1: of their sexual history, they kind of relieved their conscience,
12:39
Speaker 1: but they didn't tell the whole story. And they stood
12:41
Speaker 1: at an altar and they made a promise forever and
12:44
Speaker 1: forever and forever. And you're the most important person in
12:48
Speaker 1: the world to me, but I've got a secret and
12:50
Speaker 1: I'm too ashamed to tell you the secret because of
12:52
Speaker 1: what you might think about me. Sexual sin will make
12:55
Speaker 1: you a liar and a secret keeper forever. And so
12:58
Speaker 1: the Apostle Paul, it's amazing he knew this 2,000 years ago, said, look,
13:01
Speaker 1: this is not unforgivable. This has nothing to do with
13:04
Speaker 1: God accepting you and loving you. I'm just telling you,
13:06
Speaker 1: the consequences of sin in this particular arena are different
13:10
Speaker 1: than every single other area. And you know what? You
13:16
Speaker 1: know that, and I know that, and we don't have
13:20
Speaker 1: to look far. To understand that. That somehow we're all
13:25
Speaker 1: able and everyone's able to move on beyond just about
13:27
Speaker 1: anything else. But things that happen to a person sexually
13:33
Speaker 1: or that a person participates in sexually, for some reason,
13:36
Speaker 1: it follows us and follows them around, oftentimes, their whole life.
13:42
Speaker 1: And again, it's not a forgiveness issue. It's the nature
13:45
Speaker 1: of sexuality. Here's what he says. Flee from sexual immorality.
13:49
Speaker 1: All other sins a person commits are outside the body,
13:52
Speaker 1: but the person who sins sexually, and I want to
13:54
Speaker 1: come back to that in a minute, the person who
13:55
Speaker 1: sins sexually sins against their own body. Now, what does
13:58
Speaker 1: sin sexually even mean? If you're new to church or
14:01
Speaker 1: don't like church or somebody's making you watch this, this
14:03
Speaker 1: is really, really important. Sin sexually, what does that mean?
14:06
Speaker 1: In the New Testament, the New Testament is the part
14:08
Speaker 1: that Jesus taught, the part that the followers of Jesus,
14:11
Speaker 1: they wrote after Jesus left this earth. The New Testament,
14:14
Speaker 1: the part that begins with Jesus introducing all the new
14:17
Speaker 1: that he introduced into the world. In the New Testament,
14:20
Speaker 1: sin is always defined by hurting, stealing from, or dishonoring
14:25
Speaker 1: another person. That's what sin is. It's hurting, stealing from,
14:29
Speaker 1: or dishonoring another person. That any time I put me
14:33
Speaker 1: before you to your detriment, that's a sin. Any time
14:35
Speaker 1: you put you before me to my detriment, that's a sin.
14:39
Speaker 1: That sin isn't that there's a holy God up there
14:41
Speaker 1: somewhere and he's got all these rules and he has
14:43
Speaker 1: a very low standard of tolerance and oh my gosh,
14:45
Speaker 1: I've sinned against God. In the New Testament, you can
14:47
Speaker 1: check it out. In the New Testament, what you find
14:49
Speaker 1: is any time a person takes from another person, defrauds
14:53
Speaker 1: another person, dishonors another person, steals from another person, hurts
14:56
Speaker 1: another person, that's considered sin and here's why. because every
15:01
Speaker 1: single person you ever have the potential to hurt is
15:03
Speaker 1: loved by God. And see, I've told you this before.
15:06
Speaker 1: You cannot be okay with me if you mistreat one
15:08
Speaker 1: of my children. You just can't. You can sing me
15:11
Speaker 1: worship songs and come sit in rows and worship me
15:13
Speaker 1: all day long, but if you mistreat one of my children,
15:16
Speaker 1: we have an issue. And anytime you steal from, hurt,
15:20
Speaker 1: or take from another person, you have offended your heavenly father,
15:23
Speaker 1: not because he has such a low tolerance for pain,
15:26
Speaker 1: but because he loves the person you offended or hurt
15:29
Speaker 1: or stole from. And so for Christians, now this is
15:32
Speaker 1: for everybody, but for Christians, our standard of living is
15:35
Speaker 1: what we call the platinum rule, you know, the golden rule,
15:37
Speaker 1: do unto others as you would have people do unto you.
15:41
Speaker 1: But the platinum rule is different. The platinum rule is
15:43
Speaker 1: I am to treat you the way God through Christ
15:46
Speaker 1: has treated me. And if you're a Christian, you're to
15:49
Speaker 1: treat me and the people around you the way that
15:51
Speaker 1: God through Christ has treated you. You. So sexual sin
15:56
Speaker 1: is any time you do something to potentially hurt another person,
16:00
Speaker 1: that makes it a sin. Not because, again, God is squeamish,
16:04
Speaker 1: but because God loves the people you potentially hurt. And
16:08
Speaker 1: God loves you. And God doesn't want you to hurt anyone. You.
16:13
Speaker 1: And here's the thing, come on. When you take this
16:17
Speaker 1: extraordinary gift that was designed for an exclusive, one-of-a-kind, covenant
16:23
Speaker 1: relationship with another person and divvy it up among a
16:27
Speaker 1: whole bunch of other relationships, you not only hurt those people,
16:30
Speaker 1: you hurt yourself. When you take from someone, when you
16:35
Speaker 1: take from someone something that was intended for or promised
16:39
Speaker 1: to someone else, You sin against that person. That's what
16:45
Speaker 1: sexual sin is. Again, it has nothing to do with
16:48
Speaker 1: God having a low tolerance of pain or God's against sex.
16:51
Speaker 1: It has everything, and please don't miss this. It has
16:54
Speaker 1: everything to do with how much God loves you and
16:57
Speaker 1: honors you and cherishes you and honors and loves and
17:00
Speaker 1: cherishes the person beside you and the person behind you
17:03
Speaker 1: and the people that you work with. and do life with.
17:07
Speaker 1: That's why this is a big deal. That's why it's
17:09
Speaker 1: a big deal to God, because the consequence of sexual
17:13
Speaker 1: sin is so different, and God loves you too much
17:17
Speaker 1: to keep his mouth shut. And he says this, whoever
17:22
Speaker 1: sins sexually actually sins against their own body. Paul says,
17:25
Speaker 1: come on, when you sin sexually, not only do you
17:28
Speaker 1: steal from hurt or take from another person, you hurt yourself.
17:32
Speaker 1: You betray yourself. You undermine your own potential for future. Intimacy.
17:38
Speaker 1: So Paul says this is in the category of one.
17:42
Speaker 1: This is a whole different thing. This is precious, it's fragile,
17:47
Speaker 1: it's powerful, and you need to guard it. And then
17:51
Speaker 1: as Paul's writing, it's like he's writing this and he's
17:53
Speaker 1: gonna send this to the church in Corinth and it's
17:55
Speaker 1: like he thinks, you know what? You know what? Maybe
17:58
Speaker 1: they forgot because he'd already been there and told them
18:00
Speaker 1: all this stuff. Maybe they forgot. Maybe some people arrived late.
18:03
Speaker 1: Maybe there were some people who were going to get
18:05
Speaker 1: this letter that weren't there when I was there to teach.
18:07
Speaker 1: So maybe they don't know what I know that they
18:10
Speaker 1: need to know to know what a big deal this is.
18:13
Speaker 1: And so he says this. Do you not know? Do
18:15
Speaker 1: you not know? In other words, there's something you may
18:18
Speaker 1: not know that if you knew it would impact your behavior.
18:21
Speaker 1: Do you not know there's something that perhaps no one
18:24
Speaker 1: ever told you or no one ever explained in such
18:26
Speaker 1: a way that it made any sense to you? In
18:27
Speaker 1: other words, there may be something that if you knew it,
18:30
Speaker 1: it might impact the way you manage and handled your sexuality.
18:35
Speaker 1: And again, what's so powerful is this is not another consequence.
18:38
Speaker 1: This isn't about consequence avoidance. He's covered that. There is
18:41
Speaker 1: a much grander reason that you should flee. And here's
18:46
Speaker 1: what he says, and he's speaking to Christians. So if
18:48
Speaker 1: you're not a Christian, you're not accountable for any of this,
18:51
Speaker 1: but this is kind of fascinating. If you ever become
18:53
Speaker 1: a Christian, this may become important. But for those of
18:57
Speaker 1: you who are Christians, and Paul is writing to Christians,
18:59
Speaker 1: here's what he says. He says, do you not know
19:01
Speaker 1: that your bodies, your physical bodies, Our temples, your bodies,
19:07
Speaker 1: every single person's body is a temple of the Holy
19:10
Speaker 1: Spirit who is in you whom you have received from God.
19:15
Speaker 1: And now Paul, this is so brilliant, he shifts the
19:17
Speaker 1: conversation away from consequence to identity. Essentially he's saying this,
19:22
Speaker 1: do you not know? Do you not know? Do you
19:24
Speaker 1: not know who you are? Do you not know what
19:27
Speaker 1: you are? You are a temple of And we go,
19:29
Speaker 1: so what? What's a temple? Most of us, the only
19:31
Speaker 1: time we've been in a temple was a tourist attraction somewhere, right?
19:35
Speaker 1: And plus, temples are sacred, and in our culture, nothing
19:39
Speaker 1: is sacred. To which Paul would say, ah, but you are.
19:44
Speaker 1: In fact, you are more sacred than the most sacred
19:47
Speaker 1: site anywhere on the planet, because the Holy Spirit of
19:50
Speaker 1: God dwells in you. You are, whether you want to
19:55
Speaker 1: be or not, whether you knew it or not, you
19:57
Speaker 1: are a sacred image bearer. You are fine. And you
20:02
Speaker 1: are fine-tuned for a relationship with God and a relationship
20:07
Speaker 1: with others. That you didn't just happen. You were designed.
20:11
Speaker 1: You were designed and fine-tuned for intimacy. with one other person.
20:15
Speaker 1: You're no mere mammal. And neither is the person that
20:18
Speaker 1: you live with. And neither are the people that you
20:20
Speaker 1: work with. And neither are the people that you're sitting beside.
20:25
Speaker 1: That God's spirit resides in you. And you know why
20:28
Speaker 1: that's a big deal? Because the value of a container
20:32
Speaker 1: is determined by what it contains. See, if you stole
20:35
Speaker 1: my wallet, I wouldn't be concerned about my wallet. I
20:38
Speaker 1: would be concerned about what? What's in my wallet. Mostly
20:43
Speaker 1: because I can't even remember what's in my wallet. Right,
20:45
Speaker 1: just kidding. In other words, if somebody robbed me and said,
20:48
Speaker 1: I want your wallet, but you can keep everything in it,
20:49
Speaker 1: it's like, not a problem. You know, take my wallet.
20:52
Speaker 1: My wallet isn't valuable, it's what's in it. And this
20:54
Speaker 1: is true of everything, right? It's what a container contains
20:57
Speaker 1: that makes it valuable. And your Heavenly Father says, you
21:00
Speaker 1: contain the image of God. You are extraordinarily, extraordinarily valuable.
21:05
Speaker 1: And so is every single person you are ever eyeball
21:08
Speaker 1: to eyeball with. He says this, you're not your own.
21:12
Speaker 1: You're not your own. To which we say, yes, I am.
21:14
Speaker 1: I'm an adult. I'm a senior in high school. I'm
21:16
Speaker 1: a free agent. It's my body. I can do whatever
21:18
Speaker 1: I want to. Paul says, no, no. You're not your own.
21:21
Speaker 1: And be glad you're not your own. Because ownership determines
21:26
Speaker 1: value as well. The thing that makes a container valuable
21:29
Speaker 1: is what it contains. But ownership determines value as well.
21:32
Speaker 1: In fact, you may remember this story a couple years ago.
21:36
Speaker 1: A 2014 Stratocaster guitar that was worth maybe $ 1, 800 retail.
21:38
Speaker 1: A used Stratocaster guitar worth about $ 1, 800. In 2016, it
21:40
Speaker 1: was sold for over $ 45, 000. Now, why would somebody buy
21:42
Speaker 1: a guitar worth $ 1, 800? Why would they spend $ 45, 000 on it?
21:43
Speaker 1: Because of who owned it before. Because they had the
21:45
Speaker 1: signature of Eric Clapton. And when Eric Clapton, the owner,
22:03
Speaker 1: made it known, this is my guitar, the value skyrocketed.
22:06
Speaker 1: And do you know what Paul is saying? This is
22:08
Speaker 1: so powerful. That you are owned by your father in heaven,
22:12
Speaker 1: which gives you extraordinary, extraordinary value. That you're not your own,
22:18
Speaker 1: you were actually purchased with a price. How much? Hey,
22:20
Speaker 1: the value of a thing is determined by what it'll bring, right?
22:23
Speaker 1: The value of a thing is determined by what, you
22:25
Speaker 1: can put any kind of price tag on anything you want,
22:27
Speaker 1: but the value of a thing is determined by what
22:29
Speaker 1: it'll bring. And Paul said that the essence of the
22:32
Speaker 1: gospel is that when God sent his son into this
22:35
Speaker 1: world to die for your sins, that meant that's how
22:38
Speaker 1: valuable you are to God. Therefore, he says, therefore, therefore,
22:43
Speaker 1: in light of the selfishness of sexual sin, in light
22:47
Speaker 1: of your extraordinary value and your fine-tuned potential for intimacy,
22:52
Speaker 1: in light of all that, he says, therefore, here's the application.
22:57
Speaker 1: Honor God with your bodies. Honor God with your bodies.
23:03
Speaker 1: This is the New Testament sexual ethic. Honor God with
23:07
Speaker 1: your bodies. Honor God with your bodies and honor the
23:11
Speaker 1: other bodies around you because they are so valuable to
23:15
Speaker 1: your Father in heaven. That's why this is a big deal.
23:20
Speaker 1: It's not just consequence. We know the consequence. It's because
23:23
Speaker 1: those of us who believe there is a God in
23:25
Speaker 1: heaven believe every single person bears the image of God
23:29
Speaker 1: and deserves our utmost respect, not because of their behavior,
23:34
Speaker 1: but but because whose image they bear. Now, if you're
23:39
Speaker 1: listening to this going, oh, I didn't know that. That's
23:42
Speaker 1: why Paul said, do you not know? Because you did
23:44
Speaker 1: not know, and now you know. What if you saw
23:47
Speaker 1: every person around you that way? What if you saw
23:52
Speaker 1: in them what Paul says is in them? It would
23:55
Speaker 1: impact the way that you treat them. But fleeing, fleeing
24:01
Speaker 1: immorality requires guardrails. This doesn't just happen because, again, everything
24:05
Speaker 1: in culture mitigates against it. So here's what I want
24:07
Speaker 1: to do for the next few minutes just to bother you.
24:09
Speaker 1: I want to make some suggestions as it relates to
24:11
Speaker 1: moral guardrails, how to protect your fidelity if you're in
24:14
Speaker 1: a relationship or you want to be in a relationship
24:16
Speaker 1: or maybe you just got out of a relationship. I
24:18
Speaker 1: want to talk about how to do this, but here's
24:19
Speaker 1: what I want to say ahead of time. If you
24:21
Speaker 1: hate my suggestions, if you think those suggestions are so
24:25
Speaker 1: narrow-minded and, Andy, you're so old, or if you think
24:28
Speaker 1: they're just from some other world or some other generation,
24:30
Speaker 1: that's okay. You can ignore the next seven minutes. All
24:34
Speaker 1: I ask is this, that when I'm done and when
24:36
Speaker 1: you're done being upset with me and frustrated with me,
24:39
Speaker 1: that you sit down and establish guardrails in this area
24:43
Speaker 1: of your life. So here's some suggestions. The first one
24:46
Speaker 1: is talk about it. If you're married or you're engaged
24:50
Speaker 1: or you're dating somebody and it's a serious relationship, you
24:52
Speaker 1: need to talk about this. And here's what I mean.
24:54
Speaker 1: You need to talk about what you're comfortable with as
24:57
Speaker 1: it relates to your fiance's, your husband's, your wife's, your
25:00
Speaker 1: partner's relationship with other men and with other women. You
25:03
Speaker 1: need to decide together. You need to know what she
25:07
Speaker 1: thinks and she needs to know what you think. You
25:09
Speaker 1: need to know what he thinks and he needs to
25:11
Speaker 1: know what you think. That you should decide together what
25:14
Speaker 1: is appropriate behavior in the office. What is appropriate behavior
25:17
Speaker 1: in terms of the workaday world and friends. You just
25:20
Speaker 1: need to talk about it. You should, and I feel
25:24
Speaker 1: strongly about this, that you should avoid traveling or eating
25:27
Speaker 1: alone with potentially problematic people. And you say, who are
25:30
Speaker 1: the problematic people? You know. You already know. I don't
25:35
Speaker 1: have to define them for you. You know who the
25:37
Speaker 1: potentially problematic people are. It's because when you get to
25:40
Speaker 1: the office, you can go left or right and you
25:42
Speaker 1: always go left because he's right there on the left.
25:44
Speaker 1: That's a problematic person. the problematic people are. You need
25:49
Speaker 1: to decide as a matter of conscience, you know what?
25:51
Speaker 1: She kind of gets to me. He kind of gets
25:54
Speaker 1: to me. She keeps coming over to visit me. He
25:56
Speaker 1: keeps coming around. I mean, you know who the problematic
25:58
Speaker 1: people are and you should make a guardrail that you
26:01
Speaker 1: are going to avoid traveling alone with or eating alone
26:03
Speaker 1: with those people. Now, the first message in this series,
26:06
Speaker 1: we talked about the Billy Graham rule and Billy Graham
26:09
Speaker 1: back in the 60s let it be known that he
26:10
Speaker 1: never traveled with or ate alone with any woman that
26:13
Speaker 1: wasn't his wife or one of his family members. Didn't
26:15
Speaker 1: meet alone with, didn't travel alone, didn't have meals alone
26:17
Speaker 1: with And he established this as a standard in the
26:20
Speaker 1: Billy Graham organization. And he got a lot of criticism
26:23
Speaker 1: for that. But through the years, I've met many men
26:27
Speaker 1: and women who have established that standard. That's their guardrail.
26:31
Speaker 1: I embraced that years ago when I was first married.
26:34
Speaker 1: I decided that's going to be a standard, a guardrail
26:36
Speaker 1: for me. I realized that that is not practical for
26:38
Speaker 1: everybody because of who you work with, the kind of
26:40
Speaker 1: business that you're in, who your boss is, and what's
26:42
Speaker 1: required of you. So the point is simply this. We
26:45
Speaker 1: know the environments that create intimacy between people. I don't
26:49
Speaker 1: have to explain that to you. You know that. If
26:51
Speaker 1: you're in a committed relationship, and especially if you're married,
26:55
Speaker 1: you should talk to your spouse, you should talk to
26:58
Speaker 1: your fiance about the problematic people, and you should have
27:02
Speaker 1: this discussion, and you should establish intimacy. Guardrails. Now, if
27:07
Speaker 1: you have to, I mean, there's times when you just,
27:09
Speaker 1: you know what, that's my boss. My boss takes me
27:11
Speaker 1: to lunch. We travel. Then the second thing I suggest
27:15
Speaker 1: is you tell them about it. Tell them about it. Always,
27:19
Speaker 1: never keep, you don't ever need to keep a secret
27:20
Speaker 1: in an important relationship. And when you find yourself thinking
27:23
Speaker 1: about keeping a secret, that should set off your conscience.
27:27
Speaker 1: When you find yourself hesitating to tell, because you know what, we...
27:32
Speaker 1: We traveled together the last three times. This is the
27:34
Speaker 1: fourth time. I'm not sure I want her to know.
27:35
Speaker 1: I'm not sure I want him to know because after
27:37
Speaker 1: that third time, we had that conversation. If she finds out,
27:40
Speaker 1: I'm doing it. Anytime there's something in you that hesitates
27:43
Speaker 1: being honest about your relationship with another person, that should
27:47
Speaker 1: set off red flags in your heart and your mind.
27:50
Speaker 1: That's a guardrail. That sets off something in your conscience.
27:53
Speaker 1: You haven't done anything wrong. You haven't done anything bad.
27:56
Speaker 1: It's minimal damage to But you need to pay attention.
28:00
Speaker 1: You need to be honest with yourself and you need
28:02
Speaker 1: to be honest with your spouse or your fiance or
28:05
Speaker 1: the person that you're thinking about committing your life to.
28:08
Speaker 1: Don't get involved in counseling relationships with people that are
28:11
Speaker 1: potentially problematic people or that you could be attracted to
28:13
Speaker 1: or they could be attracted to you. Just don't get
28:15
Speaker 1: into counseling situations. Besides, you're not a counselor. In fact,
28:19
Speaker 1: you don't even give good advice, okay? So just don't
28:23
Speaker 1: do that. Here's the thing. They need help. This is important.
28:27
Speaker 1: They may need help. They don't need you. They may
28:31
Speaker 1: need help, get them help. I have hurt so many
28:34
Speaker 1: feelings through the years. Okay, minimal damage. Hurting somebody's feelings,
28:37
Speaker 1: minimal damage. Offending people, minimal damage. When I've said to people,
28:41
Speaker 1: you know what, the church can help you, but I can't.
28:45
Speaker 1: I can't, I mean, this is hard for me to say,
28:46
Speaker 1: so I've said to people so many times that they
28:49
Speaker 1: just insist they have to meet with me, they have
28:51
Speaker 1: to meet with me, and I say, you know what,
28:53
Speaker 1: you can't ever meet with me. That hurts their feelings.
28:57
Speaker 1: Minimal damage. Minimal damage. But I say the church, I'm
29:00
Speaker 1: not saying no, we can't help you. I'm just saying
29:02
Speaker 1: I can't help you. And if I have to be
29:03
Speaker 1: the one that helps you, it's just not going to happen.
29:06
Speaker 1: Minimal damage. You just decide. If you're a counselor, you counsel.
29:10
Speaker 1: If you're not a counselor, you refer people to counseling.
29:12
Speaker 1: But anything, and you know this, anything that sets up
29:15
Speaker 1: the potential for intimacy, you need to be careful. Now
29:19
Speaker 1: here's another one. This is kind of strange, but you'll understand.
29:23
Speaker 1: When you feel your heart, when you feel your heart
29:27
Speaker 1: and your desire drifting toward a specific person that's really
29:30
Speaker 1: an out of bounds person, you need to tell somebody.
29:34
Speaker 1: When you know that your heart and your attention and
29:36
Speaker 1: your mind and your lust is drifting toward a person
29:39
Speaker 1: that's out of bounds because you're in a relationship, you
29:41
Speaker 1: may not want to tell your husband or your wife initially,
29:43
Speaker 1: but you've got to tell somebody, and here's why. Because oftentimes,
29:47
Speaker 1: speaking of it diffuses it. Speaking of it diffuses it.
29:51
Speaker 1: And secrets are never healthy to carry around. Now, the objection,
29:57
Speaker 1: and I totally get this, the objection is, Andy, but
29:59
Speaker 1: doesn't some of this kind of limit a woman's professional opportunities?
30:03
Speaker 1: And the answer is, it certainly can. If misapplied, absolutely,
30:06
Speaker 1: it certainly can. In fact, I got a letter last
30:08
Speaker 1: week from a woman who went from a for-profit company
30:11
Speaker 1: to a non-profit company, and in the non-profit company, all
30:14
Speaker 1: the men in the company had the Billy Graham rule,
30:16
Speaker 1: and she didn't get invited to lunch, she didn't get
30:17
Speaker 1: invited to meetings, and she felt like her whole career
30:19
Speaker 1: was sidetracked and sidelined because she didn't have access to
30:23
Speaker 1: the people who could help her move up in the
30:25
Speaker 1: organization the way that the men could. That's a terrible
30:28
Speaker 1: application of this idea. All of us in positions of authority,
30:32
Speaker 1: starting with me, including me, All of us in positions
30:34
Speaker 1: of authority need to make sure that these kinds of
30:37
Speaker 1: guardrails don't impede upward mobility for anybody, but especially women
30:42
Speaker 1: in an organization. I got a letter after the first
30:45
Speaker 1: week that said, Andy, these rules and these standards and
30:48
Speaker 1: these guardrails make it sound like women are predators. So
30:50
Speaker 1: I want to just be super clear. Men are predators.
30:59
Speaker 1: Women aren't predators, okay? Remember first week, we're cavemen. We
31:02
Speaker 1: are marginally evolved cavemen. And besides that, at any point,
31:07
Speaker 1: isn't this true? At any point, there is at least
31:09
Speaker 1: one or two or sometimes three stories in the news
31:12
Speaker 1: all at the same time of men who are being
31:14
Speaker 1: sued or have lost their jobs because of inappropriate sexual
31:19
Speaker 1: contact or inappropriate sexual conversation in the workplace. I can't
31:23
Speaker 1: remember the last time I heard about a woman losing
31:25
Speaker 1: her job or being sued because she kept sexually harassing men.
31:29
Speaker 1: I'm sure it's happened. But men, for the most part,
31:33
Speaker 1: are the problem. So ladies, this has nothing, nothing, nothing
31:36
Speaker 1: to do with saying something negative about women. On the contrary,
31:40
Speaker 1: if men weren't such cavemen, I wouldn't even need to
31:42
Speaker 1: be talking. about this. And when properly applied, when properly applied,
31:48
Speaker 1: this actually creates a healthier environment for women in the workplace.
31:53
Speaker 1: It actually protects women. And in case I haven't made
31:57
Speaker 1: it clear in my, through the years, as I've talked
31:59
Speaker 1: to many people who've, who've, you know, embraced these kinds
32:02
Speaker 1: of ideas, I've talked to as many women as men
32:04
Speaker 1: who've said, no, I, that, that's the standard I've set
32:06
Speaker 1: for myself. My husband and I talked about it. And
32:08
Speaker 1: we both, this is how we live our lives. And
32:11
Speaker 1: when there's an exception, we call each other, let each
32:13
Speaker 1: other know. So this isn't a guy-only thing. This is
32:16
Speaker 1: a thing-only thing. This is about asking the question, what
32:19
Speaker 1: is the best thing, what is the wisest thing to
32:22
Speaker 1: do to protect my fidelity? The other issue and the
32:26
Speaker 1: other area, of course, is social media. I mean, come on.
32:28
Speaker 1: When it comes to affairs and illicit relationships and emotional involvement,
32:35
Speaker 1: social media is a gateway drug. I mean, you know that, right?
32:38
Speaker 1: In fact, in some ways, social media is worse than
32:40
Speaker 1: actually meeting with someone privately for dinner or for coffee.
32:43
Speaker 1: Because with social media, I mean, you know how this goes.
32:46
Speaker 1: You just begin to idealize that person because you're only
32:48
Speaker 1: getting the highlight reels. Then you begin to fantasize about
32:51
Speaker 1: that person. Then you begin to romanticize the relationship. And
32:54
Speaker 1: you haven't even talked. I mean, you haven't even had
32:56
Speaker 1: any kind of physical contact. And by the time you do,
32:59
Speaker 1: everything is so amped up. Everything is so unrealistic. So
33:03
Speaker 1: all of those areas where you need to have guardrails.
33:06
Speaker 1: If you're married or, again, in a significant relationship, you
33:08
Speaker 1: need to talk about relationships. All of this. Because the
33:12
Speaker 1: point of it is this. The point of a guardrail
33:14
Speaker 1: is to light up our conscience before we hurt ourselves
33:18
Speaker 1: and before we hurt other people. A guardrail should light
33:22
Speaker 1: up our conscience. In other words, it should make us
33:24
Speaker 1: sensitive to something, not because we've done something, but because
33:27
Speaker 1: we are drifting in a direction. If all of this
33:32
Speaker 1: seems so extreme, maybe this is your first time, you
33:35
Speaker 1: haven't been to church in a long time, it's like, wow,
33:37
Speaker 1: I don't know, they talked about this kind of stuff
33:39
Speaker 1: in church, what have I been missing out? If this
33:41
Speaker 1: seems so extreme, I just want you to remember this.
33:44
Speaker 1: Come on, you're adults, you know this. Dangerous environments, right?
33:48
Speaker 1: Dangerous environments call for extreme measures. You say, well, Andy,
33:51
Speaker 1: is it really all that dangerous? Let me ask you
33:53
Speaker 1: a question, then I'm done. Married couples, married and engaged couples,
33:56
Speaker 1: real quick, just want to ask you. Married and engaged couples.
34:00
Speaker 1: What in our culture, what in our culture equips you
34:04
Speaker 1: and supports you when it comes to remaining faithful? What
34:08
Speaker 1: in our culture equips you to remain faithful and supports
34:12
Speaker 1: your decision to remain faithful? Advertising, no. Media, no. Television, no. Books, no,
34:20
Speaker 1: unless you're reading a book about marriage, right? What in
34:23
Speaker 1: our culture, where in our culture do you feel the
34:26
Speaker 1: wind in your sails to support you keeping your eyes
34:29
Speaker 1: on the road and right between the guardrails? Perhaps the
34:33
Speaker 1: only place you're hearing the kinds of stuff we're talking
34:36
Speaker 1: about today is church, which means outside of church, outside
34:41
Speaker 1: of church, it is a dangerous world you live in
34:44
Speaker 1: if you are committed. Single, same question. Who and what?
34:49
Speaker 1: Who and what? Who and what encourages you and equips
34:52
Speaker 1: you to live responsibly when it comes to your sexuality?
34:56
Speaker 1: Where in society are there people just saying, I just
34:58
Speaker 1: want to breathe life into you. I want to speak
35:00
Speaker 1: truth to you. I want to make sure that if
35:02
Speaker 1: you ever get married, you're going to be so equipped.
35:05
Speaker 1: Who's doing that for you? Nobody. It's the opposite. Other
35:10
Speaker 1: than perhaps the church. Other than perhaps single series that
35:13
Speaker 1: we do. Who else is doing that? That's why I say,
35:16
Speaker 1: it's a dangerous environment. It requires extreme measures. And come on,
35:23
Speaker 1: do you think, we're adults, right? Do you think that
35:27
Speaker 1: you'll look back in five years and regret establishing guardrails
35:30
Speaker 1: around your fidelity? Do you think five years from now
35:33
Speaker 1: you look back and go, those stupid guardrails, I got
35:35
Speaker 1: into so much trouble, I have so many regrets, spent
35:37
Speaker 1: all that money. No. If you establish guardrails now five
35:42
Speaker 1: years later, you'll look back and think it's one of
35:44
Speaker 1: the best decisions you ever made. So you got to decide.
35:48
Speaker 1: Flee or flirt? Flee honors God. Flee honors you. Flee
35:56
Speaker 1: honors your kids, your future kids, your grandkids, and flee God.
36:01
Speaker 1: honors others. But flee requires guardrails. So, we just said
36:07
Speaker 1: some guardrails that ding your conscience while you're still in
36:12
Speaker 1: the safety zone. You won't be applauded now, but you
36:17
Speaker 1: will be applauded later. Because guardrails will become part of
36:21
Speaker 1: the story that you get to tell. And you'll be
36:26
Speaker 1: applauded later by the people that actually matter most. And
36:30
Speaker 1: by your father. So think about it. Talk about it.
36:37
Speaker 1: Do something about it. You already wish you had. You'll
36:41
Speaker 1: be glad that you did. And besides, guardrails. Guardrails set
36:48
Speaker 1: you up to say from the bottom of your heart,
36:51
Speaker 1: I'm forever yours. Faithfully.