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The Santa Clause 2 · The After Ever After Podcast

• 0:17
  Hello everyone, and welcome to another but a
• 0:21
  special episode of the After Ever After podcast.
• 0:25
  Special? It's Christmas, James. Ah! Ho ho ho!
• 0:33
  I'm Andy, and that ho ho ho was from James. Hello!
• 0:37
  How are you, Andy? How are you doing today? I'm
• 0:40
  good. We are recording this... Pretty much as
• 0:45
  it's coming out. So, we're very close to Christmas.
• 0:48
  We had a few things. It was definitely just me
• 0:53
  that caused this issue, but I had... Let's not
• 0:59
  beat around the bush. It was me. I had work,
• 1:01
  and then I had some very unfortunate news about
• 1:04
  my MOT, which put me in an absolutely foul mood,
• 1:10
  and I was like, Andy... I'm not recording the
• 1:14
  podcast tonight because I will be miserable,
• 1:18
  but I'm feeling better. That's good. Yeah. I'm
• 1:22
  feeling poorer, but I'm feeling better. Well,
• 1:26
  richer in spirit, hopefully. Hell yeah. We don't
• 1:30
  really want our Christmas episode filled with
• 1:31
  misery. No, I'm feeling, yeah. The Christmas
• 1:36
  spirit is flowing, I'll tell you that. Really,
• 1:38
  is it? It is. Or is that podcast fluff? No. Well,
• 1:46
  I mean, from what I just watched, I am filled
• 1:53
  with the Christmas spirit right now. I'll just
• 1:58
  say that. We are recording this on the 22nd of
• 2:04
  December, so it's... as close as you can get
• 2:07
  to christmas yeah without like encroaching on
• 2:10
  like the holiday bits i guess exactly um have
• 2:14
  you watched many christmas films this year other
• 2:16
  than the ones we just did no literally these
• 2:19
  are the first two that i've watched yeah genuinely
• 2:22
  i like i think i was saying this it was after
• 2:26
  we recorded um the last episode lady and the
• 2:30
  tramp um you me and luke sort of sat on the call
• 2:34
  for a little bit afterwards and we were talking
• 2:35
  about today's special and um yeah i like i go
• 2:42
  for the mainstays when i watch a christmas like
• 2:45
  film so i'll do like home alone and that's about
• 2:52
  it i don't know why i just like i've maybe i'll
• 2:56
  throw elf on or something because elf is really
• 2:58
  good but christmas films i don't know there's
• 3:03
  something maybe i've just not watched enough
• 3:06
  of them or something but i've never been like
• 3:10
  the biggest fan of them i think that they're
• 3:13
  fine but maybe i just need to watch some good
• 3:17
  ones yeah that's that's interesting because that
• 3:21
  makes me more interested in seeing how you react
• 3:23
  to this week's movie yeah i i so for me i have
• 3:29
  a feeling that you and i will be on opposite
• 3:31
  ends of the spectrum curious and i'm yeah and
• 3:36
  i thought that with another film that we've watched
• 3:39
  and um We'll save it. We'll save it for when
• 3:43
  we actually talk about the film. But yeah, I'm
• 3:46
  very curious to see what you think because I
• 3:52
  have a very strong opinion on this film. Okay.
• 3:55
  Yes. What about you? Have you watched any other
• 3:59
  Christmas films? i think i usually try and watch
• 4:04
  more uh i mean like i don't know like you turn
• 4:08
  into an adult and like i don't i'm not gonna
• 4:10
  start this on a sour note but christmas just
• 4:12
  means a bit less where's the christmas joy it
• 4:15
  doesn't hit as hard i remember like i remember
• 4:18
  one year i try to watch one every day in like
• 4:23
  an advent thing and i was exhausted and miserable
• 4:26
  i feel like it would get incredibly samey you
• 4:31
  know what i mean like there was some dog shit
• 4:34
  as well yeah i imagine but i know you've got
• 4:38
  your christmas mainstay of um batman returns
• 4:41
  yeah batman returns is my favorite christmas
• 4:44
  film um yeah and i know it's like that thing
• 4:48
  of like You know the meme of the guy who's like,
• 4:52
  Diode's my favourite Christmas film and he's
• 4:53
  just waiting for people to argue with him that
• 4:55
  it's not a Christmas film. It's my favourite
• 5:00
  film to watch at Christmas just because it's
• 5:02
  set at Christmas and I love Batman and it's just
• 5:05
  wonderful. It's a really good film as well. I
• 5:09
  need to watch it this year. I don't think my
• 5:15
  partner has seen either of them. Ah, they're
• 5:18
  good films. So I think maybe it's time to do
• 5:22
  a watch, especially with it being Christmas time.
• 5:25
  Yeah. Well, I hate that. The Holdovers and the
• 5:29
  Muppet Christmas Carol. And now, as we divert
• 5:34
  from our usual trajectory of these Disney sequels.
• 5:40
  This train isn't the regular train. No, it's
• 5:44
  the creepy Polar Express. It's the Polar Express.
• 5:49
  This is a horrifying CGI Tom Hanks crawling towards
• 5:52
  us. He's chopping something out on his ticket.
• 5:57
  What are you doing, Tom? Get away from me. It
• 6:03
  just says guilty. That is a Christmas film I
• 6:13
  do not enjoy. That is awful. i'm in two minds
• 6:19
  you know i i don't hate it i hate the cgi i think
• 6:24
  it looks horrific but as a film i don't mind
• 6:28
  it i think it's okay ah man i'm not a i remember
• 6:33
  like as a little kid they released the teaser
• 6:35
  trailer which is literally the scene of like
• 6:36
  the kid waking up and there's a rumbling up the
• 6:38
  street and he goes outside there's a huge like
• 6:40
  steam locomotive outside yeah there's the tom
• 6:43
  hanks like well you're getting aboard and i was
• 6:45
  like fucking cinema i was like so like i watched
• 6:51
  it and it's just so like it's just kids riding
• 6:54
  a train being annoying little pricks i hate the
• 6:58
  little fucking um the the the nasally yes the
• 7:04
  mandok thank you it's mandok isn't it yeah from
• 7:08
  dexter's laboratory oh my god i i've been talking
• 7:12
  about dexter's lab more and more recently and
• 7:15
  no one knows what it is so that makes me i i
• 7:18
  feel validated thank you i'm glad that mandark
• 7:22
  came out of your mouth just then well we are
• 7:29
  well and truly off off the track of our usual
• 7:32
  thing because we were we were doing disney classics
• 7:34
  um there's not really any disney classics it's
• 7:38
  like a christmas film We looked at some animated
• 7:41
  stuff, which would be more in line with what
• 7:45
  we've been looking at, but this seemed like the
• 7:47
  one where we probably have most to say, just
• 7:49
  looking from the outside in. So, this week we're
• 7:52
  looking at The Santa Clause 2. Woo! Sequel to
• 7:58
  The Santa Clause. Sequel to Santa Clause. This
• 8:04
  is a sequel to just, you know, Santa. Santa's
• 8:08
  the Logan -style end of franchise. He's just
• 8:16
  horrendously depressed of killing all of his
• 8:19
  elves. Well, before we talk about Santa Claus
• 8:23
  2... The Santa Claus 2, thank you. Oh, sorry,
• 8:27
  the Santa Claus 2. We usually like to talk about
• 8:30
  the first film first. I didn't actually re -watch
• 8:33
  this this week. I didn't have time. But this
• 8:37
  is your first watch, if I'm not mistaken. It
• 8:41
  is. So I have never seen this film before. Yeah,
• 8:47
  I really enjoyed it. I thought this was great.
• 8:51
  it's really fun and i am um i i i think this
• 8:56
  is gonna be like a mainstay for me now to watch
• 8:59
  this shit again and again i thought this was
• 9:02
  really really fun damn didn't expect that did
• 9:06
  you not no i just i think like i liked it as
• 9:10
  a kid and i think i always thought of it as one
• 9:13
  of those films where you had to have liked it
• 9:15
  as a kid for it to have hit no i'm glad that
• 9:18
  it worked for you I don't know, there was something
• 9:21
  about... I cried a couple of times in it. It's
• 9:26
  really lovely. There's a part, so... I'm sure
• 9:31
  that most people have seen this, but basically...
• 9:34
  How about, before you tell us, give us a little
• 9:38
  recap, because it's fresh on your mind. I'm probably,
• 9:41
  like, two or three years rusty on this one. So...
• 9:45
  Yeah, Scott Calvin is a toy maker in big business,
• 9:50
  and this year he's got his son for Christmas,
• 9:54
  and his son's all super into Santa, and his wife
• 9:58
  is trying to be like, Santa doesn't exist because
• 10:02
  of her... New husband who's a little bit skeptical.
• 10:08
  He's a psychiatrist or psychologist and he's
• 10:13
  a little bit skeptical. Anyway, cut to the night
• 10:16
  of Christmas and Santa is up on the roof and
• 10:21
  he falls off after Tim Allen shouts at him and
• 10:27
  fucking dies. So then Tim Allen pulls out a little
• 10:33
  business card that has what is called the Santa
• 10:37
  Claus around the side of it. And it basically
• 10:41
  says, put on the jacket and the reindeer will
• 10:45
  know what to do. And he turns into Santa Claus
• 10:49
  through a horrific and quite frankly, kind of
• 10:53
  terrifying werewolf -esque transformation over
• 10:57
  a few weeks. Yeah, this film slaps. I think it's
• 11:04
  great. But yeah, there were a few moments that
• 11:09
  really, really tugged on my heartstrings. So
• 11:12
  it takes place like over a year, basically. So
• 11:16
  you get Tim Allen. Yeah, you get Tim Allen on
• 11:20
  the first Christmas and he's just all business,
• 11:23
  doesn't really care. He's a bit like shit at
• 11:27
  being a Santa. So he's just going like he's been.
• 11:31
  essentially forcibly dragged into uh chimneys
• 11:34
  and stuff to deliver his presents and the one
• 11:38
  of the first ones that he meets is this little
• 11:40
  girl who's asleep on the sofa and he's like she's
• 11:43
  like oh my god you're santa you don't look like
• 11:46
  santa and he's like yeah what about it and he
• 11:50
  puts the presents down and then she's like you
• 11:52
  need to drink your milk and then she's like uh
• 11:56
  he's like Hey, I'm lactose intolerant. So he
• 11:59
  doesn't drink it and he fucks off. A year later,
• 12:03
  he's fully embraced Santa Claus. He's like, he's
• 12:06
  so into it. The character development is crazy.
• 12:10
  Where he's gone from big business to lovely Santa
• 12:13
  Claus. And he comes in and he sees the same girl.
• 12:17
  She's asleep on the couch again. And she's like,
• 12:20
  you've put on weight since I last saw you. And
• 12:23
  he's like, oh, yes, I'm Santa now. And, you know,
• 12:27
  he goes around, he puts the presents under the
• 12:29
  tree and he actually drinks the milk this time.
• 12:33
  And he's like, oh, it's a bit sour, isn't it?
• 12:37
  And she's like, it's soy milk. You said that
• 12:41
  you were lactose intolerant. I teared up so much.
• 12:46
  I was like, this is the most wholesome fucking
• 12:48
  thing I've ever seen in my goddamn life. It was
• 12:52
  lovely. Genuinely, oh man. There were a couple
• 12:58
  of other highlights that I had. I wrote a couple
• 13:01
  of... I didn't write too much because I knew
• 13:03
  that, obviously, we're talking about the sequel.
• 13:05
  But I wrote a couple of other things. I really
• 13:08
  like... the sad dad club that all burnt their
• 13:12
  turkeys that have all gone to Denny's with their
• 13:15
  kids. Yeah, I enjoy that, yeah. So funny. When
• 13:20
  they first go onto the roof and they see the
• 13:23
  reindeer, he says that it looks like they all
• 13:26
  have key lime disease. That made me laugh a lot.
• 13:33
  The CGI on the chimney is really fucking cursed.
• 13:37
  When he gets spat out of it, it was horrible.
• 13:41
  And then, yeah, when they're flying away on the
• 13:45
  sleigh after the first delivery of presents,
• 13:48
  he's like, when I wake up, I'm gonna get a CAT
• 13:51
  scan! And it made me laugh a lot. What about
• 13:56
  you? What do you think of the film? Um... i don't
• 14:00
  know like i think i liked it as a kid like i
• 14:04
  think the best bits is like weirdly enough the
• 14:07
  stuff that's not at christmas like the year between
• 14:11
  for me is like the best bits where he's like
• 14:13
  slowly transforming into santa and he he's trying
• 14:16
  to go to the doctor and the doctor's like you're
• 14:18
  gaining weight at an exponential rate you are
• 14:20
  gonna die in like two years at this rate yeah
• 14:23
  it's so funny you can't like shave his beard
• 14:27
  he's doing like the homer simpson thing where
• 14:28
  he shaves and it's just I like that stuff. I
• 14:33
  think some of it's really cliche. I can't even
• 14:37
  name how many Christmas films are like, he's
• 14:40
  a ruddy -duddy business dad and all he cares
• 14:43
  about is business, but now he's going to learn
• 14:44
  about how he wants to be there for his son. Again?
• 14:49
  Yeah, I get that. It is very... I totally understand.
• 14:55
  Maybe it's because I haven't seen a Christmas
• 14:56
  film for a while and it's been like... and like
• 15:00
  the cliches have kind of settled for me I'm just
• 15:04
  like oh this slaps kind of I just I don't know
• 15:08
  it all really clicked for me I thought it was
• 15:11
  great I fucking hate business dad Christmas film
• 15:15
  because of cliche so are you not a jingle all
• 15:20
  the way enjoyer as well it's the same film it's
• 15:23
  great turbo man also Schwarzenegger's kid was
• 15:30
  played by Jake Lloyd and Tim Allen's kid is played
• 15:33
  by Eric Lloyd so it's so close even the kid's
• 15:38
  the same name they're not brothers no but that's
• 15:42
  pretty crazy it also has one of my least favourite
• 15:46
  I think this is like the worst thing Christmas
• 15:48
  films do it fucks me off every time and it's
• 15:51
  because I'm a 30 year old man But you know what?
• 15:55
  To be fair, it used to piss me off as a kid as
• 15:56
  well. I hear in Christmas films where it's like,
• 16:01
  well, the kids still believe in Christmas, but
• 16:04
  those damn adults, they've... They've burnt out
• 16:07
  on the magic and all this stuff. They don't believe
• 16:08
  in Christmas. Yeah. Judge... Judge Reinhold,
• 16:12
  is it? Who plays, like, the stepdad. Which is
• 16:15
  a crazy... It's a crazy name, by the way. Oh,
• 16:18
  yeah. Judge Reinhold. He sounds like a Judge
• 16:21
  Judy side character or something. I was going
• 16:23
  to say he sounds like a Batman villain, like
• 16:25
  Hugo Strach. It's such a class name for such
• 16:30
  a boring man. Like, no offence to the actor.
• 16:32
  Honestly, oh. But, like... Dude. He sucks. I
• 16:36
  think he's, like, fine in what he's doing, but,
• 16:38
  like, what he's doing is always, like, the straight
• 16:41
  man kind of, like, meh, meh, meh, meh, like,
• 16:43
  meh, oh, maybe, uh, maybe, oh, he's, uh, sucking
• 16:48
  us into his Christmas rhetoric or whatever he
• 16:51
  says at the end of the film. It's like, grow
• 16:53
  up, dude. The guy is Santa. Just let him be Santa.
• 16:58
  But I hate in these movies where it's like, uh,
• 17:01
  they just don't believe in Christmas, blah, blah,
• 17:03
  blah, blah, blah. Who the fuck do you think is
• 17:07
  bringing these presents to your kids? This is
• 17:09
  a universe where Santa exists. So someone is
• 17:13
  bringing presents to your kids. Who do you think's
• 17:16
  doing this? Do you know what? Yeah, that's a
• 17:20
  really good point because I thought that there's
• 17:24
  one part in the second one, which we'll get to
• 17:27
  in a little bit, where I thought the exact same
• 17:30
  thing. And I was like, come on, guys. So many
• 17:34
  of them do it. Polar Express, the parents forget
• 17:38
  about the magic. That's why they can't hear the
• 17:40
  jingling bell. Elf. James Caan doesn't believe
• 17:47
  in Christmas. Always makes me laugh when I remember
• 17:52
  that James Caan is an elf. Who is he an elf?
• 17:57
  I can't remember. He's the dad. the biological
• 18:00
  dad oh yeah oh my god I can't think of any of
• 18:06
  this right now but it's like every Christmas
• 18:08
  film where this is like a plot like yeah I totally
• 18:12
  understand and see where you're coming from like
• 18:19
  I once mentioned it to someone and they were
• 18:21
  like oh they must think that the other parent
• 18:24
  bought it like all of them Across the world,
• 18:26
  every parent thinks that. And it always says
• 18:29
  Santa. So every single, like, you know, parent
• 18:33
  couple are like, oh, you bought that? What about
• 18:35
  the single ones? What about the single parents?
• 18:38
  Like, oh, did you... Oh, no, there's no one there.
• 18:42
  Who bought this? You can't even say, like...
• 18:45
  Oh, it's like... christmas magic santa doesn't
• 18:47
  want you to know because in half of these films
• 18:49
  it's like i desperately need people to believe
• 18:51
  in christmas or i will die yeah exactly otherwise
• 18:54
  i'm gonna wither away like like i'm gonna blow
• 18:58
  up like the bus if we don't get enough christmas
• 19:06
  spirit this thing's gonna blow um better than
• 19:12
  that like it's fine um I have some other criticisms
• 19:18
  of it which apply to the second one more than
• 19:21
  the first, which we'll get into. Interesting.
• 19:23
  Okay. So with the first one out the way, let's
• 19:28
  jump on Da Sequel. Da Sequel. Here we go. Santa
• 19:34
  Claus. Two, baby. Hell yeah. Do you want to give
• 19:43
  us a quick rundown of this film? Yeah. Okay.
• 19:50
  By the way. I'm so excited. The titles of these,
• 19:56
  I did not give them credit when I was like, I
• 20:00
  didn't get the pun of Santa Claus, like the business
• 20:05
  card of Claus. It's phenomenal. When I was a
• 20:09
  kid, I was just like, oh, he's the Santa Claus.
• 20:13
  He is Santa. Yeah. Anyway, this is The Santa
• 20:19
  Clause 2 where Santa's been Santa for whatever
• 20:24
  amount of years, like eight years or whatever.
• 20:27
  This came out in 2002, didn't it? So it's like,
• 20:29
  yeah, eight years. Yeah. Everything's great.
• 20:33
  All the kids are happy. Blah, blah, blah, blah,
• 20:34
  blah. One of the elves has just discovered a
• 20:37
  hidden clause that Santa must marry a woman.
• 20:44
  within the next 28 days or something, or he won't
• 20:47
  be Santa anymore. So Santa has to... Santa's
• 20:52
  being de -Santified or whatever. He's becoming
• 20:55
  Scott again, just regular old Tim Allen. He goes
• 20:59
  back to America, because he's in the North Pole
• 21:02
  right now, to find a Mrs. Claus and desperately
• 21:06
  try and marry someone for 30 days. In his absence,
• 21:09
  he creates a... toy Santa that's like a big robot
• 21:14
  Santa to look after the North Pole. Scott finds
• 21:20
  love. Things go awry with robot Santa. Christmas
• 21:24
  is ruined. Christmas is saved. Hilarity ensues.
• 21:32
  that mmm tells me everything i need to know about
• 21:35
  what you think about this film and uh he gets
• 21:39
  his mrs claus spoiler alert um yay i mean like
• 21:43
  if he doesn't get one he's not santa anymore
• 21:45
  and there is a santa claus free so i don't feel
• 21:47
  and there's also a santa claus tv show yeah so
• 21:50
  you you knew yeah of course of course it was
• 21:54
  gonna happen who made this james So, let me just
• 21:59
  double check I've got the right guy. So, yes,
• 22:01
  it's Michael Lembeck. He directed this. He has...
• 22:08
  Most of the stuff that he's done has been Santa
• 22:12
  Claus related. This Santa Claus or just Santa
• 22:17
  in general? This Santa Claus. So, he did the
• 22:22
  Santa Claus 2. That was his first... feature
• 22:26
  film. Then Santa Claus 3 he did in 2006. He also,
• 22:34
  and I will bring this up a little bit later,
• 22:37
  he also directed Tooth Fairy with Dwayne The
• 22:43
  Rock Johnson. Is that a Disney film? Good show.
• 22:51
  I don't think so. No, it's Fox. ah disney now
• 22:56
  disney disney now but i love monopolies me too
• 23:03
  baby um but yeah so he's been acting since 1968
• 23:09
  so he's mostly an actor but he's been directing
• 23:13
  a lot of tv and then obviously the santa claus
• 23:16
  and bits and bobs like that as well um and even
• 23:21
  in 2017 he directed some stuff and has also acted
• 23:27
  in a couple of things so yeah it's uh pretty
• 23:31
  crazy but you can tell from the santa claus too
• 23:34
  that he's an actor's director like hell yeah
• 23:37
  andy you asked me to get the box office i totally
• 23:42
  forgot um that's okay i've got i'm on it i'm
• 23:45
  on it 172 .9 million dollars on a budget of 65
• 23:50
  million Made some bank. If you compare that to
• 23:55
  the first one, the first one made more money.
• 23:58
  That was 190. This one ended up at 172. Don't
• 24:01
  forget there's an AES difference between them,
• 24:03
  so the dollar's actually less valuable now as
• 24:05
  well. And then the third one, that one made 110
• 24:10
  million. So it's been a downward trajectory.
• 24:14
  But the Santa Claus one had a budget of 22 million.
• 24:17
  The Santa Claus two had a budget of 65 million.
• 24:19
  So they tripled the budget for this. Fuck. I
• 24:23
  mean, to be fair, you can tell. I wrote this
• 24:29
  down. The production value is pretty fucking
• 24:33
  insane in this. You don't agree, and I'm curious
• 24:39
  why. I don't know. I just thought it looked a
• 24:45
  bit cheap. No, really? Yeah. Wow, okay, fair
• 24:51
  enough. I think there's some parts that definitely,
• 24:56
  you know, deserve that plastickiness. Yeah, it's
• 25:04
  almost like a slur to that guy. No, whatever
• 25:09
  you do, don't say plasticky. So this came out
• 25:14
  at the same time as... The Ring, the American
• 25:21
  remake of The Ring, I'm pretty sure. Let me just
• 25:24
  double check. Jackass the movie. Oh, man, what
• 25:29
  a good movie. I Spy, Ghost Ship, My Big Fat Greek
• 25:34
  Wedding, Sweet Home Alabama, Punch Drunk Love
• 25:40
  at the same time. Wow. Red Dragon, Brown Sugar.
• 25:48
  Tuck Everlasting, which I have no idea what that
• 25:50
  is. And the 2002 IMAX release of Star Wars Episode
• 25:56
  II, Attack of the Clones. Damn. I know which
• 25:59
  sequel I've got to see. Yeah, me too. We'll get
• 26:04
  into it. I don't want to... play on this too
• 26:09
  much, because I think we could get lost in the
• 26:10
  sauce, because it's got five writers. It's got
• 26:12
  Don Reimer, Cinco Paul, Ken Dorio, Ed Decter,
• 26:16
  and John J. Strauss, and they've all done pretty
• 26:17
  much exactly what you'd expect, like the Lizzie
• 26:19
  McGuire movie, Despicable Me stuff. I just want
• 26:22
  to shout out Don Reimer, who wrote this, and
• 26:25
  Deck the Halls. Deck the Halls is one of the
• 26:27
  worst Christmas films I've ever seen in my life.
• 26:30
  I don't think I've ever seen that, or even heard
• 26:33
  of it. I envy you which one's that it sounds
• 26:36
  like it'd be fun it's Matthew Broderick is like
• 26:39
  the Christmas guy in town he always has like
• 26:41
  big Christmas lights on his house then Danny
• 26:43
  DeVito turns up he's like hey I like that I'm
• 26:45
  gonna do that with my house and he does and then
• 26:48
  they start a war and then their wives cry like
• 26:52
  you forgot the meaning of Christmas and then
• 26:55
  they remember the meaning of Christmas phenomenal
• 26:58
  sounds great spoiler alert I don't think anyone
• 27:03
  cares about Deck the Halls. No, it sucks. I had
• 27:06
  to go see it in the cinema of school. Like, torture.
• 27:09
  Like, what did we do wrong? Why would you do
• 27:13
  this to us? That was crazy. So tell me, what
• 27:18
  did you think of the Santa Claus do? Andy, this
• 27:24
  is going to be controversial. Okay. This fucking
• 27:28
  slaps. Oh my god. I loved it. And I have a feeling
• 27:35
  this is the first time that we're going to disagree
• 27:38
  on a film. This is great. I really enjoyed it.
• 27:45
  Oh, goodness. I think I might have liked it better
• 27:49
  than the first one. Oh, my God. I thought this
• 27:54
  was wonderful. Come on, tell me your thoughts.
• 28:01
  I don't like this movie at all. Oh my god, why?
• 28:06
  Tell me. I think the premise itself sucks. It
• 28:11
  doesn't even make sense to me and then it's just
• 28:14
  downhill from there. I hate all the stuff with
• 28:18
  the North Pole. I hate those kid actors. I hate
• 28:21
  the romance. It's just not... There's no chemistry
• 28:26
  and it's just fast forwarded past. I do like
• 28:29
  Nazi Santa. One, I think I was nearly crying
• 28:35
  laughing when he turned up in his full -on dictator
• 28:41
  uniform. That was one of the funniest things
• 28:45
  I have ever seen in any film ever. I could not
• 28:50
  fucking believe it. Just to give you some context,
• 28:56
  if you've never seen this, Santa needs to go
• 28:58
  away, so they make a toy Santa, but it's like
• 29:00
  a robot, basically. And he starts to read the
• 29:04
  rules of being Santa, and he starts to take it
• 29:07
  in a very binary way of like, this kid's not
• 29:09
  on the table. He's an evil. He's very literal
• 29:13
  with it, because he's essentially like an AI
• 29:18
  version of Santa kind of thing, to make it like...
• 29:22
  new kind of thing it would be like chat gpt santa
• 29:25
  kind of thing he starts to get like radical views
• 29:28
  as the film goes on of like i think every kid
• 29:31
  deserves call that don't you and um there's just
• 29:34
  like there's no explanation behind it there's
• 29:37
  no setup there's no like i need a different suit
• 29:39
  he just there's one scene he's wearing a normal
• 29:42
  santa suit we cut away from him for like five
• 29:45
  ten minutes while we hang out with scott we come
• 29:48
  back and he's in this full black dictator suit
• 29:51
  Like it's a full on Nazi uniform. It's crazy.
• 29:56
  It's so funny. Holy shit. It took me so by surprise.
• 30:03
  And he has like, um, he makes like an army of
• 30:06
  toy soldiers, like 10 soldiers. And because of
• 30:09
  the way that they walk, they kind of like end
• 30:11
  up. Oh shit. I didn't even think of that. It's
• 30:18
  such a strange decision for the Santa Claus dude
• 30:22
  to make. They were ahead of their time, man.
• 30:28
  They are very anti -Nazi. Oh, God. Santa is Antifa.
• 30:44
  It's so... bizarre um it's oh my god it's sublime
• 30:50
  that whole ending where they take them out is
• 30:54
  oh it's so funny i love it so much what's funny
• 30:59
  as well as um i googled like toy santa just to
• 31:02
  see if like there was like any like notes on
• 31:04
  like that they come out and just outright say
• 31:07
  where they got the costume inspiration yeah yeah
• 31:09
  i found like the villains wiki page so i was
• 31:12
  like okay maybe they've got some ideas now i
• 31:14
  looked in the trivia and it said um it said something
• 31:16
  like toy santa serves as a reminder of what scott
• 31:19
  calvin would have been if he didn't become the
• 31:21
  new santa claus like what are you talking about
• 31:23
  he wasn't on the path to become a nazi Excuse
• 31:26
  me? Bro just wanted to make some bank with his
• 31:31
  toy ideas. He's not going to become a fucking
• 31:33
  Nazi. What are you talking about? Oh, God. Yeah,
• 31:40
  I have to really wholeheartedly disagree. I think
• 31:47
  this is fucking great. I like Toy Santa. He's
• 31:53
  scary and creepy and fun. I love him kind of
• 31:57
  learning about the world and the little goblin
• 32:02
  kid from Cat in the Hat kind of teaching him.
• 32:08
  Spencer Breslin. Yeah. Famous for the award,
• 32:12
  the Spencer Breslin Award for Worst Child Actor.
• 32:14
  He's back, baby. He's so back, baby. Worse than
• 32:20
  ever before. Yeah, he wasn't great. I'm not going
• 32:24
  to lie. I didn't enjoy him. Me neither. But I
• 32:30
  also wouldn't name an award after how bad he
• 32:33
  was. No, not at all. That's so mean. What was
• 32:38
  that for again? Can you remind me? Oh God, I
• 32:41
  can't remember what film it was. It might have
• 32:42
  been this. I'll look it up while you tell me
• 32:45
  what you're telling me. Yeah, there's one part
• 32:49
  that I actually really enjoyed with him, which
• 32:55
  is where, so spoilers for later in the film,
• 32:58
  if anyone cares, but he ends up coming to Scott's
• 33:04
  house as Scott has ran out of magic and cannot
• 33:08
  get back to the North Pole because he spent all
• 33:11
  his magic trying to get the principal pussy.
• 33:15
  Excuse me? the prince of pussy oh you did actually
• 33:19
  say that okay yes uh he yeah he um he wasted
• 33:24
  all his magic trying to get some um this is this
• 33:28
  is annoying they ship him off and they're like
• 33:30
  here's a watch it'll tell you how much magic
• 33:32
  you got left don't use too much magic because
• 33:34
  like you could fuck everything up he's chucking
• 33:36
  magic around like it's nobody's business he's
• 33:38
  he's basically like using his magic to gaslight
• 33:42
  this woman into marrying him she leans into a
• 33:46
  kiss and he makes mistletoe yeah that was already
• 33:50
  kissing that was he was on like 10 magic that
• 33:55
  was really stupid he just used his last bit of
• 33:58
  magic to be like oh by the way look at the mistletoe
• 34:01
  it's glowing if anything he almost ruined it
• 34:04
  because she was like where the fuck did that
• 34:06
  come from like He almost ruined the moment. I
• 34:10
  don't know. Full Tim the Tailor Man or whatever
• 34:19
  he's called. Oh, fucking hell. Yeah, I... There's
• 34:26
  a lot of this film that I really enjoyed. I'm
• 34:33
  gonna... I've got my... list of notes here and
• 34:38
  I'll read you some stuff that I enjoyed. The
• 34:40
  noise you made getting them out sounded like
• 34:41
  you had like a bible worth of notes. Please listeners
• 34:48
  imagine that because yeah he's not wrong. Just
• 34:56
  before you start that Spencer Breslin got the
• 34:58
  award for Cat in the Hat. Oh, no way. Poor kid.
• 35:03
  Poor fucking kid. He won it in 2003 and then
• 35:05
  he came back and reclaimed it in 2006 for The
• 35:09
  Santa Calls 3, The Shaggy Dog, and Zoom. Oh.
• 35:14
  Zoom? Yeah, it's a superhero movie, but not about
• 35:18
  the flesh. Oh, that's sad. Right, let me tell
• 35:24
  you some things that I really enjoyed about this
• 35:26
  film. Okay. So, CGI is a lot better than the
• 35:32
  first one. I think it looks... Come on. It looks
• 35:37
  miles better. When the reindeer fly, it's not
• 35:40
  like a little PNG of the reindeer going. Well,
• 35:44
  to be fair, I haven't actually... I didn't watch
• 35:47
  the first one with this, so... Oh, yeah, of course.
• 35:51
  Fresh off that, I'm just watching this. And it
• 35:53
  looked a bit bad to me, but I guess if you watch
• 35:55
  it back to back, there's probably... Yeah, it's
• 35:58
  not great, but it's a significant amount better.
• 36:04
  I thought the production value was great. I really
• 36:08
  like the North Pole being a submarine, basically,
• 36:12
  at the start of the film. It was really silly
• 36:15
  and very stupid. I thought it was great. Defcon.
• 36:22
  Deaf Elf or Elfcom 1 or whatever it was. So silly.
• 36:31
  There was a part where Santa gets told that his
• 36:36
  kid, Charlie, is on the naughty list. And he
• 36:39
  goes, Charlie? Charlie Sheen? I thought he'd
• 36:44
  pulled his head together. That made me laugh
• 36:46
  a lot. Okay, that was funny, but also like...
• 36:50
  Why would you think he's talking about Charlie
• 36:52
  Sheen over your own son called Charlie? Yeah,
• 36:54
  he's totally forgotten about his own son. He's
• 36:57
  just like, oh. Which makes it even funnier, like,
• 37:00
  ten minutes later when, like, the mom keeps repeating,
• 37:03
  like, he's like, I blame myself. And it's like,
• 37:05
  no, you're such a good dad. It's like, no, you're
• 37:07
  the best dad in the world. He did just forget
• 37:10
  his son was called Charlie. I really enjoyed
• 37:16
  the D. de -santifying or the reverse claws or
• 37:21
  whatever I don't know but I thought it looked
• 37:24
  great there was one moment where he's in like
• 37:28
  he's still got like the fat suit but he doesn't
• 37:32
  have the beard and he looks the spitting image
• 37:36
  of fat bastard from Austin Powers and it made
• 37:41
  me laugh a lot The council of magical creatures,
• 37:49
  or whatever they're called. Fantastic. I liked
• 37:54
  the idea more than I liked the execution. I thought
• 37:57
  it was great. I wish they all had a little bit
• 38:01
  more time in this film, I'm not going to lie,
• 38:03
  but we got the best one, so I don't care. Who's
• 38:06
  the best one? Tooth Fairy. Oh, sorry, I meant
• 38:11
  the Molinator. oh i love this this is the best
• 38:20
  it was nice to see um uh remember aisha is it
• 38:26
  aisha aisha tyler yeah it was nice to see her
• 38:30
  like she was everywhere 10 years ago i know it's
• 38:33
  great she was all over um she was like hosting
• 38:37
  the game awards and shit like oh it was ubisoft
• 38:39
  that was it but yeah Yeah, and of Friends fame
• 38:45
  as well for a few episodes. And Worf is there?
• 38:50
  The Klingon Worf is the Sandman. What? Is that
• 38:56
  Worf? Yeah. Oh my god. That's so strange. That's
• 39:02
  crazy. It's such a scene that's begging for big
• 39:07
  name casting and there's some relatively... oh
• 39:11
  it's that guy like kind of people but like yeah
• 39:13
  it's no one massive it's crazy but art art lafleur
• 39:18
  as uh the tooth fairy i fucking loved him i thought
• 39:22
  he was really good fair enough and how he wanted
• 39:27
  to be called black man so silly i loved it i
• 39:35
  thought it was really funny um Yeah, the Santa
• 39:41
  clone is phenomenal. I think he's wonderful.
• 39:47
  He also reminded me, it was really weird, the
• 39:49
  way that Tim Allen plays him. He reminded me
• 39:52
  of Nick Cage quite a lot. He's having a lot of
• 39:57
  fun. He's having the fucking best time. When
• 40:01
  he's drinking the cocoa, holy shit, I was dying.
• 40:05
  It was so funny. oh man what does he do again
• 40:09
  he just like shots it he shots it and then he's
• 40:12
  like he's like get me more cocoa he's really
• 40:19
  fun to be fair um tim allen's great it's just
• 40:23
  it's just santa and the nazi santa totally agree
• 40:27
  i think i think I think as Scott, he works really
• 40:31
  well as well. I think the de -Santa -fying of
• 40:35
  him in this is a nice way to get him back to
• 40:40
  regular Tim Allen, and then he can do regular
• 40:43
  things kind of thing. And then you get near a
• 40:47
  conflict when he says to the ladies trying to
• 40:49
  cut that he's Santa, and she's like, no you're
• 40:52
  not. Which obviously wouldn't happen if he...
• 40:55
  If he looked like he did at the beginning of
• 40:57
  the movie. That's very true, yeah. Because, like,
• 41:01
  there's one point as well where he's like, I'm
• 41:03
  gonna get bigger. And she's like, yeah, so am
• 41:07
  I. It's fine. Don't worry about it. And he's
• 41:10
  like, I've got a big... Better fucking not, bitch.
• 41:13
  But he's like, I've got a big beard and white
• 41:17
  hair and all of this. And she's like... Everyone
• 41:20
  ages at different times or whatever she says.
• 41:22
  And it's just like, come on, just listen. You
• 41:25
  know, as you said before, all these parents are
• 41:30
  getting presents from fucking nowhere. Even people
• 41:34
  who aren't parents. Everyone's getting presents
• 41:37
  from nowhere. Someone's got to be Santa Claus.
• 41:39
  Believe it. That's the only issue that I have
• 41:43
  with this film. Yeah, these worlds don't make
• 41:45
  sense. Yeah, it's very fun though. But there
• 41:52
  was one more part that, you know, when the kid
• 41:56
  walks up to him in the park, randomly, out of
• 42:00
  nowhere, and he's like, oh, Pamela, if you were
• 42:06
  that woman, would you not think that this man
• 42:08
  was a nonce? You'd call the police, yeah. You
• 42:11
  would call the police 100%. And he's like, oh
• 42:14
  yeah, she had a necklace that said her name.
• 42:18
  How do you know her? Is she your neighbour? No.
• 42:21
  Call the fucking cops. What are you doing? It's
• 42:25
  a very sweet scene, but it is... It's adorable.
• 42:28
  This is the thing. This film has a lot of very
• 42:32
  wholesome, lovely... And it's the same with the
• 42:35
  first one. I think the first one has more really
• 42:38
  wholesome scenes. But yeah, I... I don't know,
• 42:45
  man. There's just a lot that I really enjoyed
• 42:48
  with this film. Yeah, fair enough. You're so
• 42:55
  deflated. Oh, this is so weird because normally
• 42:59
  we're so in sync with this. It's just like, I'm
• 43:03
  fucking raving about it and you're like, oh,
• 43:07
  I guess. I think... I think I'll tackle one of
• 43:14
  the main issues of the film just in general.
• 43:16
  I think the romance isn't done good. I think
• 43:20
  it escalates so fast. It's basically his son's
• 43:24
  principal. His son's starting to turn into a
• 43:26
  little rat, so he's getting called into the principal's
• 43:29
  office all the time. And he's always blowing
• 43:31
  it off. He's like, fuck you, fuck you all. He
• 43:36
  just treats him like an asshole. And then suddenly
• 43:39
  he's like... oh okay i'll be nice to you now
• 43:42
  and then she's instantly like interested in him
• 43:45
  so he just turns up at a house asking her on
• 43:47
  a date and she's just immediately like yeah cool
• 43:50
  let's go now actually right now they have one
• 43:53
  date he says he sent her at the end of that first
• 43:56
  date which is insane you build up i mean he also
• 44:01
  did do like 17 magic tricks at that place but
• 44:06
  you build up still a hundred percent i'm not
• 44:10
  saying you're wrong but also he did do a million
• 44:14
  impossible things like he got everyone the fucking
• 44:18
  vintage version of the toys that they wanted
• 44:21
  which that scene fucking lovely i really liked
• 44:26
  it i liked it as well but very wholesome it felt
• 44:30
  like the start of the romance not the totally
• 44:33
  agree not the climax yeah i did like like the
• 44:37
  first because he's at like the teacher's party
• 44:39
  and like he gives the first teacher a present
• 44:41
  everyone's a bit apprehensive and then the teacher
• 44:43
  wraps it and he just shouts this is toss across
• 44:46
  which is very cute yeah it's very adorable but
• 44:52
  like it's it's like this first date thing again
• 44:54
  he does the one date he says he sent her she's
• 44:57
  like fuck off why are you treating me like an
• 44:59
  idiot and then they go and then the son's like
• 45:02
  you should believe my dad because he's actually
• 45:04
  a son actually and then he fucking proposes to
• 45:10
  her after one date and she says yes and they
• 45:16
  get married it's like did you not want to Get
• 45:22
  to know this man who also might be a paedophile.
• 45:25
  Also, as soon as... What a bum deal for her.
• 45:30
  Because she's attracted to Scott Calvin. And
• 45:35
  as soon as she marries him, as soon as the deal
• 45:40
  is done, he turns into a big fat Johnny Santa
• 45:43
  Claus again. And like, what can she do? She's
• 45:47
  in the North Pole. She can't leave. Because of
• 45:50
  the implication. She does get an absolute terrible
• 45:54
  deal, to be fair. I just think, like... I don't
• 46:01
  know. Just the premise itself is so silly. Why
• 46:03
  would you have to marry to be Santa? It makes
• 46:05
  no difference, but whatever. Let's get past that.
• 46:08
  If you want to do a romance story... Oh, you
• 46:10
  don't actually want to do a romance story because
• 46:11
  you're rushing through it as if, like, we've
• 46:13
  got to get to the good stuff. Like, this was
• 46:16
  your idea! You did this! It feels like there's
• 46:20
  a fair bit of, like, fluff that can be cut from
• 46:23
  this film as well. And they could have filled...
• 46:27
  the romance in with that kind of thing. It's
• 46:30
  like they try and expand on Charlie and no one
• 46:33
  cares about Charlie apart from one thing that
• 46:36
  he does, which was pretty cool, which is sacrifice
• 46:40
  a tooth for the tooth fairy to get to the North
• 46:42
  Pole. That was badass. The one thing I'll give
• 46:46
  this film for Charlie's character, which is Scott's
• 46:49
  son, is I like that it's not the... Santa's lame
• 46:52
  and I'm an edgy teen now. bypass that he's still
• 46:56
  like nah it's pretty fucking sick that you're
• 46:58
  Santa actually that was refreshing I really expected
• 47:01
  it to be like I'm edgy I smoke now dad and Santa
• 47:05
  can get his ass they bypass that there is like
• 47:09
  a bit of friction between them because he doesn't
• 47:11
  like that he has to keep the secret who cares
• 47:13
  get over it nerd I like that they keep the relationship
• 47:19
  fairly strong between the two Yeah, there's like
• 47:23
  that one part where Charlie's in bed and he turns
• 47:26
  over to go to sleep and Tim Allen's like, oh,
• 47:30
  I see how it is. Whatever. And it's like, I think
• 47:34
  I should give him some coal for Christmas, don't
• 47:36
  you? That's where the thought process for the
• 47:40
  Nazi one came from. It's like how Ultron feeds
• 47:44
  on Tony Stark's bad impulses. Oh! oh my god does
• 47:53
  it work the same by the way with the other council
• 47:57
  members what do you mean that they have to get
• 48:02
  if my kid lost a tooth and puts it under a pillow
• 48:07
  and he comes in because he's very easy to catch
• 48:09
  as you see in this movie if I come in and batter
• 48:12
  him with a baseball bat do I become the tooth
• 48:15
  fairy interesting No, because I don't think there's
• 48:19
  a clause for those ones. Because there's no pun
• 48:23
  to have. Exactly. The tooth fairy claws. What
• 48:27
  are you talking about? Tooth don't have claws.
• 48:29
  They have fangs. I like this. Very good. I like
• 48:38
  this. this this potential version of this universe
• 48:42
  where it's just this like insane killing spree
• 48:46
  of people trying to claw the way into the council
• 48:48
  the purge but with the fucking mystical council
• 48:54
  your kids can't fall asleep he's just fucking
• 49:03
  behind him thumbs up Sam man just smack him over
• 49:08
  the head with an anvil so I don't know I don't
• 49:13
  know if that's the same maybe who knows but I
• 49:18
  yeah the I thought the council like I said before
• 49:23
  were great and I thought the tooth fairy was
• 49:26
  great and I really liked That he came back. It
• 49:30
  made me very, very happy. It's like Rise of the
• 49:34
  Guardians, but worse. I've not seen Rise of the
• 49:37
  Guardians. What's that? It's like the Santa Claus
• 49:40
  2, but better. Shut your mouth. Shut your fucking
• 49:45
  goddamn mouth right now. It's basically just
• 49:48
  the... It's like this. It's like there's a council.
• 49:53
  And like... There's a council in Star Wars! Is
• 49:56
  this the same? You are not on this council. What?
• 50:01
  How can I kill Santa Claus and not be on the
• 50:05
  council? The Rise of the Guardians is like Hugh
• 50:12
  Jackman's Easter Bunny, Alec Baldwin's Santa
• 50:14
  and all this. And they recruit Jack Frost who's
• 50:17
  usually like a... a loner because the boogeyman's
• 50:21
  coming or something like that. I can't remember.
• 50:23
  I remember it being fun, but I can't remember
• 50:25
  the exact plot details. What the fuck are you
• 50:28
  talking about? Rise of the Guardians, man! Is
• 50:31
  this a fucking real thing? It sounded like you
• 50:34
  just made seven things up and shoved them together.
• 50:38
  Yeah, that's what they did. It's Alec Baldwin's
• 50:42
  Santa Claus, Chris Pine's Jack Frost, Jude Law's
• 50:47
  the Boogeyman, I think Ela Fisher was the tooth
• 50:52
  fairy, if I remember rightly. She might have
• 50:54
  been a different creature. I don't remember what
• 50:59
  it's about. What are we talking about? Seneca's
• 51:02
  2. I don't like the elves. Yeah, I'll give you
• 51:07
  that. The elves are a bit shit. You know what's
• 51:09
  weird? I get that... I think I can't remember
• 51:12
  the first one but I think it works better in
• 51:14
  the first one from memory because you see them
• 51:15
  less but this idea of hiring kid actors as the
• 51:19
  elves okay cute if you use them very sparingly
• 51:22
  here's the problem when you do a sequel you expand
• 51:26
  upon them they're on screen a lot more it's a
• 51:28
  lot more noticeable when these 900 year old elves
• 51:31
  act and speak like children it's a lot more noticeable
• 51:34
  and weird when Santa Claus speaks to them like
• 51:37
  children like when he's talking to that one that
• 51:40
  brings him hot cocoa and he's like oh you are
• 51:42
  you're a good girl aren't you he's like she's
• 51:45
  900 years old she's your senior yeah because
• 51:49
  there's a part that there is a part in the first
• 51:52
  one where he's like i've got shoes older than
• 51:55
  you brother or something like that And the third
• 51:59
  weird thing is that when you make a sequel, and
• 52:02
  that sequel is eight years after the first one,
• 52:04
  the elves age the same way a human would age.
• 52:06
  So you're telling me that the elves just age
• 52:08
  really slowly for 900 years, and then suddenly
• 52:11
  they just age like a human. Yeah, who's the main
• 52:16
  elf? What's his name? Bernard. Bernard. Bernard.
• 52:21
  Looks like David Dastavolch. I really couldn't
• 52:28
  get it out of my head he just looks exactly like
• 52:31
  him I wish it was him that would be cool he goes
• 52:37
  from like I could be wrong but feels like 8 to
• 52:41
  17 between these films no he still looks pretty
• 52:46
  like he still looks a lot older in The first
• 52:51
  one, he looks like he's a teenager kind of thing,
• 52:54
  but then he just looks like a fucking full -grown...
• 52:57
  Yeah, like a young man in this one. But yeah,
• 53:03
  I liked him. I thought he was fun. I thought
• 53:06
  he was fine. I didn't like the other one, Curtis,
• 53:08
  played by Spencer Breslin. Played by worst actor
• 53:13
  in the fucking universe, Spencer Breslin. I thought
• 53:18
  the rest of them were a bit, I don't know, a
• 53:20
  bit cringy. I could have done without them, but
• 53:22
  whatever. I, I, yeah, I understand. I kind of,
• 53:25
  I do like the kind of, I know they're like 900
• 53:30
  years old or whatever, but I kind of love the,
• 53:33
  at the start. um santa's like walking around
• 53:37
  and he's just they're basically all his kids
• 53:40
  kind of thing like he's playing football with
• 53:42
  them they're pranking him like throwing the tinsel
• 53:45
  on him and stuff and then he's like oh let's
• 53:48
  settle this with a game of catch kind of thing
• 53:51
  i think it's it's quite cute i agree but i kind
• 53:54
  of wish it was just that like like just have
• 53:57
  them be kids but then i guess yeah Like, is there
• 54:03
  some kind of... Is there a canon where the elves,
• 54:07
  like, yes, they're 900 years old, but they still
• 54:09
  have, like, the souls of children kind of thing?
• 54:12
  Maybe that's it. That sounds scary. I've lived
• 54:18
  for thousands of years and I am a child. Speaking
• 54:22
  of scary, just as a quick side note, I really
• 54:25
  like the bit that Santa and Toy Santa are scrapping
• 54:27
  on the slate. So fun. toy satna just goes stop
• 54:33
  you're scaring me i feel like i missed that but
• 54:40
  that's so fucking funny it's just after he quotes
• 54:44
  toy story to him as well he goes you're a sad
• 54:46
  strange little man i really like because obviously
• 54:52
  tim allen the other tim allen is off screen at
• 54:56
  this point so like regular Tim Allen is trying
• 55:00
  to get his boot off and he's like yeah get my
• 55:02
  foot get my boot because he's just obviously
• 55:06
  just watching this and being like oh what should
• 55:08
  I say over this get my boot alright it reminds
• 55:12
  me of the fucking um that is a wonderful headlock
• 55:16
  sir the Chinese male guy he is the star of the
• 55:24
  show this reminds me a bit of um Return of Neverland,
• 55:28
  because you've got the weird lost boys. No, don't
• 55:31
  compare it to that garbage. Just for me, in the
• 55:34
  way of, like, the villain is the star, and that's
• 55:38
  all I care about. Ah, true. Yeah, I get that.
• 55:41
  For you, it's not... I mean, I hate the reindeer.
• 55:45
  I hate... Do you know what? I didn't like Chet,
• 55:49
  and there's a reason. Is Chet the... because
• 55:53
  there's two reindeer in this isn't there? There's
• 55:55
  one which is Comet is the one that comes with
• 56:01
  him that eats a shitload of candy at the end.
• 56:06
  And then there's Chet who flies into walls and
• 56:10
  is rubbish and is also acted by the Phil and
• 56:14
  Lil Rugrats actor as well. And it was the laugh.
• 56:22
  That gave it away. Well, it always laughs. That's
• 56:25
  all it does. It's like a little... I hated it.
• 56:29
  Yeah, I didn't like that reindeer. I hated the
• 56:33
  other ones as well, but that one in particular.
• 56:36
  I kind of love them. I love the effects on them.
• 56:41
  I love the effects on them. They're great. I
• 56:45
  love that it's that point where... It's the point
• 56:48
  that I realise that Tim Allen looked like Fat
• 56:50
  Bastard when he's putting up some of the decorations
• 56:54
  and then Comet's just like... And he's like,
• 56:57
  what do you mean it's not straight? Of course
• 57:00
  it's straight. It's like... Your head's tilted.
• 57:04
  What are you talking about? I thought, oh, peak
• 57:07
  cinema. Peak cinema. I had a great time. I've
• 57:13
  literally written down, at that scene you're
• 57:15
  talking about, this reindeer is so unbearable.
• 57:18
  Oh my god. Andy, what did you think about the
• 57:25
  point where the tooth fairy takes him and Curtis
• 57:32
  back to the North Pole? This is late in the film.
• 57:38
  He's used all his magic. twat some of the mistletoe
• 57:41
  in the middle of a kiss anyway yeah yeah yes
• 57:43
  the the ripper tooth out so the tooth oh no they
• 57:46
  don't rip a tooth out they try and rip a tooth
• 57:47
  out and then the kid just lose the tooth anyway
• 57:49
  phenomenal comedy gold love it uh i i don't know
• 57:57
  i don't have any thoughts on it i didn't care
• 58:00
  straight after that i wrote this slaps i was
• 58:06
  having I was having the best fucking time. My
• 58:10
  partner will tell you. She could hear me while
• 58:16
  I was doing it. And she sat down and watched
• 58:18
  it as well. And then... There were a couple of
• 58:21
  parts that I was laughing and she was laughing
• 58:23
  and then she went upstairs for a second and I
• 58:26
  was fucking howling at parts. I was knee slapping.
• 58:31
  I'm imagining you in Cape Fear with a cigar and
• 58:35
  feet up on the back of the seats. You know when
• 58:41
  they're all fighting the toy soldiers and they
• 58:44
  throw snowballs at them and stuff. Yeah, that
• 58:48
  was fun. But then there's a part afterwards where
• 58:53
  the elves run out with drills and start fucking
• 59:00
  ripping apart the toy soldiers like zombies in,
• 59:05
  like, Dawn of the Dead or something. I was dying.
• 59:10
  It was so funny. God damn it, man. I can't believe
• 59:15
  this. This makes me so sad that you're not enjoying
• 59:18
  it. What the fuck? Have some whimsy. I did. I
• 59:24
  like Natty Santa. I was convinced that when the
• 59:30
  elves got to... Nazi Santa, they were going to
• 59:33
  rip him apart like they'd done with the tin soldiers.
• 59:37
  And they didn't. And it made me sad. Just crucify
• 59:40
  him. There's two... I have a real rollercoaster
• 59:44
  of emotions. Because, yes, the romance was rushed
• 59:51
  and obviously they shouldn't have... They probably
• 59:55
  shouldn't have, you know, got married and stuff
• 59:57
  because, you know, it's very rushed. Yeah. There
• 1:00:02
  was a part, there's a real rollercoaster of emotions
• 1:00:04
  here where I wrote, oh my God, this is cute as
• 1:00:08
  hell, which is probably where they're talking
• 1:00:10
  about, oh, I'm Santa or whatever. And then there's
• 1:00:15
  the part where the other elf, the little girl
• 1:00:17
  elf is like, this is how you should do it. And
• 1:00:21
  she's telling him what to say. And there's a
• 1:00:23
  part where she's like, tell her that I've known
• 1:00:27
  you for your entire life. And it's like, huh?
• 1:00:31
  And I wrote, ew, nonce. Does he absorb the memory
• 1:00:35
  of the Santa he killed? I don't know, man. You
• 1:00:40
  assume not, because he didn't know what was going
• 1:00:42
  on in the first film. Well, exactly, so probably
• 1:00:44
  not. So it's weird that this little fucking freak
• 1:00:48
  elf girl is like, yeah, yeah, tell her you've
• 1:00:51
  known her since she was a baby. That'll get her.
• 1:00:54
  It's like, fuck off, that's so weird. Nonce,
• 1:00:57
  nonce! And then straight after that I wrote,
• 1:01:03
  oh no, I'm crying because it was very cute. God
• 1:01:06
  damn it, man. Oh, here's a fun little one I wrote
• 1:01:13
  down. When Toy Santa drinks his little cocoa
• 1:01:16
  and he goes, I think Santa feels a little buzz.
• 1:01:18
  Oh my god! Because he played buzz. Oh. Oh, I
• 1:01:28
  didn't get that one. it was right after i like
• 1:01:33
  that i did like when she was offering him the
• 1:01:35
  coke as well and the spencer breslin uh kid is
• 1:01:40
  like like nodding behind him like to show and
• 1:01:43
  he does the most like terrifying not like and
• 1:01:45
  he keeps like having to tell him to like close
• 1:01:49
  his mouth and stuff because every time he smiles
• 1:01:53
  he's like you know This makes me sad that you
• 1:02:00
  didn't like it. I love this. I thought this was
• 1:02:02
  fucking banging. I did like, there's a bit, because
• 1:02:07
  the principal's like, before, like, Scott's nice
• 1:02:11
  to her once and she instantly melts into, like,
• 1:02:13
  a normal human being. She's introduced as, like,
• 1:02:14
  a big hard -ass, like, so cold and so, like,
• 1:02:18
  malicious. Yeah. And there's a bit where, like,
• 1:02:21
  there's a kid skateboarding towards her and she
• 1:02:23
  stops and she's like... Look into my eyes! Like
• 1:02:26
  fucking Ghost Rider on him. Just the pennant
• 1:02:31
  stare and he just burns to a crisp. And then
• 1:02:37
  like, Scott's nice to her once, one time. I can't
• 1:02:41
  even remember what he says. He just agrees with
• 1:02:43
  her when she's like, I think Charlie should be
• 1:02:44
  punished. And he's like, yeah, you're probably
• 1:02:47
  right. And she's like, I'm a kid again. Yeah,
• 1:02:52
  it's because he's like, oh, maybe he doesn't
• 1:02:56
  need to be suspended put him on community service
• 1:02:59
  i do a load of community service and then she's
• 1:03:02
  like that's a pretty good idea and then they
• 1:03:04
  go to the community service he buys her a coffee
• 1:03:08
  and then the whole pamela nonce part happens
• 1:03:11
  and she somehow does not realize that santa claus
• 1:03:15
  is a nonce and then he's not it goes from there
• 1:03:19
  well you know you like this movie He sees children
• 1:03:24
  when they're sleeping. He knows when they're
• 1:03:26
  awake. That's not necessarily... I know, I'm
• 1:03:29
  just talking about the concept of Santa Claus.
• 1:03:31
  It's a little bit creepy. You sound like Judge
• 1:03:34
  Reinhold in this very movie. You know what's
• 1:03:39
  strange of Judge Reinhold's character in this
• 1:03:41
  as well? They introduce them together and it's
• 1:03:45
  all water under the bridge. They're all mates
• 1:03:46
  now. And then he has the audacity to start speaking
• 1:03:52
  and Scott, who is Santa Claus, is smashing his
• 1:03:56
  head off a locker like, Shut the fuck up! He
• 1:04:00
  hates this guy so much. This film is amazing!
• 1:04:10
  The fact that this guy's, like, love of Christmas,
• 1:04:15
  he is Santa Claus, and yet this guy can get under
• 1:04:19
  his skin, and he can just be like, this guy fucking
• 1:04:23
  sucks. It's unbelievable. They were getting on
• 1:04:29
  so well, and then he spoke. And he's like, ahhh!
• 1:04:34
  Pfft, pfft, pfft. There was the part where he
• 1:04:39
  goes on a date with that woman and that woman
• 1:04:42
  has the most main character syndrome I have ever
• 1:04:45
  seen in my fucking life. Imagine being at a restaurant
• 1:04:49
  and just breaking into your own version of a
• 1:04:53
  Shania Twain song that's all about Christmas.
• 1:04:56
  How does someone have the fucking balls to do
• 1:05:02
  that? The baubles. The tinsel between their legs.
• 1:05:09
  No. Never do that ever again. I hate that scene.
• 1:05:18
  That was excruciating. It was very painful. That
• 1:05:22
  was like a very cringe scene. She's wearing like
• 1:05:27
  a Santa jumper and it's like... And it's him!
• 1:05:29
  It's like actual Tim Allen Santa. It's like,
• 1:05:32
  how did she get this photo? Well, I mean, they
• 1:05:35
  had a manhunt for Santa in the last one, which
• 1:05:38
  I very much enjoyed. It should be like a wanted
• 1:05:44
  poster of him. Yeah, I thought that was incredibly
• 1:05:47
  silly and I loved it. Did you think as well,
• 1:05:51
  there's a bit where Carol says to him, Carol's
• 1:05:55
  like the woman, the principal. She goes like...
• 1:05:58
  hey at least you've never been to prison and
• 1:06:00
  Scott goes well and I know it's like he went
• 1:06:03
  to prison at the end of the first one but like
• 1:06:05
  you know Tim Allen's like his history with cocaine
• 1:06:11
  and stuff oh shit I was like crying because like
• 1:06:16
  I don't think it was meant to be a reference
• 1:06:17
  to that but just like the idea that in the middle
• 1:06:21
  of the Santa Claus 2 they referenced Tim Allen
• 1:06:24
  going to prison for having like 100 pounds of
• 1:06:27
  cocaine or whatever it was but at the same time
• 1:06:30
  as that you know when he has the cocoa and he
• 1:06:33
  says he's got a little bit of a buzz I get that
• 1:06:35
  that's a Toy Story thing but also it could be
• 1:06:39
  cocoa cocaine I thought the cocoa cocaine reference
• 1:06:44
  that's that's what I thought when he was like
• 1:06:48
  hmm getting a little buzz more Santa, you've
• 1:06:55
  only had ten pounds. More! Santa, why is your
• 1:06:59
  nose brown? Oh, man. I tell you what, a new character
• 1:07:10
  that I really enjoyed was the new, like, his...
• 1:07:15
  stepdaughter i guess oh yeah she's lovely or
• 1:07:19
  whatever it's like yeah judge reinhold and his
• 1:07:23
  ex -wife's daughter so i guess it's well i guess
• 1:07:26
  there's no relation really she calls him uncle
• 1:07:27
  scott doesn't doesn't he yeah yeah um she's great
• 1:07:32
  she knows straight away that he's santa and it's
• 1:07:35
  so fun and i just love you know when when he
• 1:07:38
  gets his powers back and he goes and then uh
• 1:07:41
  charlie wakes up the sister to come downstairs
• 1:07:45
  Um, and then they're, uh, like he introduces
• 1:07:50
  her to Santa and he's like, go fish. And she's
• 1:07:55
  like, it is you. I fucking knew it. It's, oh
• 1:07:58
  man, my heart just like, oh, it was lovely. And
• 1:08:02
  then there's the part where she's like, does
• 1:08:05
  this mean we still get presents? No. So great.
• 1:08:09
  No. How dare you ask that now? Don't look at
• 1:08:13
  this. It's a lump of coal. Idiot. Yeah, I thought
• 1:08:19
  she was a wonderful addition and a really, like,
• 1:08:23
  she was genuinely one of my favorite characters
• 1:08:26
  in the entire film. She was so cute. There's
• 1:08:29
  a part where she's like, hey, I'm nearly seven
• 1:08:31
  soon. Soon I'll know everything. And I was like,
• 1:08:35
  I fucking love kid logic. It's just so, like,
• 1:08:39
  you get one year older and then suddenly you're
• 1:08:41
  like Billy Big Bollocks. It's like... You fucking
• 1:08:44
  idiot. Yeah, she was super sweet. And it was
• 1:08:48
  smart to put another kid in because the son was
• 1:08:53
  now, like you said, he's pretty much like a teenager
• 1:08:55
  slash young adult. So it doesn't really work
• 1:08:59
  as well. You need that kind of kid element to
• 1:09:02
  it. Yeah, absolutely. You need someone to believe
• 1:09:06
  in Santa but not understand that Santa is like...
• 1:09:10
  a relative kind of thing yeah and it was perfect
• 1:09:13
  it was it was great it was a it was charlie 2
• 1:09:16
  .0 kind of thing yeah and it's also like quite
• 1:09:19
  a nice little kind of like a nice little button
• 1:09:23
  on his relationship with the family now where
• 1:09:25
  it's like she's not really his kid and she's
• 1:09:28
  really nothing to him as far as like an actual
• 1:09:31
  relation goes but he treats her like his own
• 1:09:33
  daughter which is like really sweet it's so it's
• 1:09:37
  very nice yeah santa's being cuckolded by uh
• 1:09:42
  oh my god judge whatever his name is judge dread
• 1:09:46
  judge dread um yeah uh do you have more to say
• 1:09:55
  about this film uh not really else you want to
• 1:09:59
  cover i think I don't know I think the North
• 1:10:04
  Pole stuff weirdly is like the best part but
• 1:10:07
  that's only because of Toy Santa I don't actually
• 1:10:09
  like the design of the North Pole or the elves
• 1:10:11
  or anything like that I will agree I think the
• 1:10:15
  design of it it's like it's over designed and
• 1:10:19
  I wonder if that's because they had a little
• 1:10:21
  bit more budget but I still enjoyed it. I thought
• 1:10:27
  it was fun. Like I say, I thought that the submarine
• 1:10:30
  thing was so silly, but very fun kind of thing.
• 1:10:38
  It wouldn't be the way that I would go with it.
• 1:10:40
  And I was a little bit thrown off because it
• 1:10:42
  looked so different from the first one. But yeah,
• 1:10:47
  it just seemed like the production value was
• 1:10:49
  a little bit higher on that. So anyway, that's
• 1:10:54
  the Santa Claus 2. One of us liked it, one of
• 1:10:58
  us didn't. Should we shove it in the machine
• 1:11:00
  and see what happens? Absolutely. Right, okay.
• 1:11:04
  In it goes. It's whirring away, it's going...
• 1:11:07
  It's dumping gallons and gallons of toxic waste
• 1:11:12
  into the local lake. We've decided to go away
• 1:11:18
  from Bitcoin and we're now mining... Shitcoin
• 1:11:22
  instead. We're now mining coal. Like those little
• 1:11:27
  slave labor camps. And it's going straight to
• 1:11:30
  evil Santa, toy Santa, and he's going to give
• 1:11:33
  it to all the children around the land. Yeah,
• 1:11:37
  it's gas guzzling as well. It's using half of
• 1:11:39
  that coal, you know. Yeah, it just goes straight
• 1:11:42
  back in. Straight back in. It's very renewable
• 1:11:46
  in that way, but not renewable in the energy
• 1:11:49
  that it pumps out into the atmosphere. So yeah,
• 1:11:56
  as always, we pump it into our machine and we've
• 1:12:00
  got four places that this film can go. It can
• 1:12:04
  go to the bottom. the very bottom it can go into
• 1:12:07
  the bargain bin you're never going to pick this
• 1:12:09
  film up um even if it's on sale you'll you'll
• 1:12:13
  sift past it to try and find something that's
• 1:12:16
  a little bit better that's accidentally been
• 1:12:17
  put in the bargain bin um that's the lowest ranking
• 1:12:21
  next up we've got straight to video it's all
• 1:12:24
  right it's not too bad whatever it's still you
• 1:12:27
  wouldn't you wouldn't like seek it kind of thing
• 1:12:32
  but if it's there you might grab it for a a cheeky
• 1:12:35
  weekend watch at some point next we've got diamond
• 1:12:40
  edition and this is where it starts getting good
• 1:12:43
  oh a little blu -ray you say oh special features
• 1:12:47
  you say well this is quite nice um and then the
• 1:12:53
  final the creme de la creme you got disney classics
• 1:12:58
  baby it's a steelbook it's maybe got a little
• 1:13:02
  slip cover on it it's got all the special features
• 1:13:06
  it's got four discs inside what's going on here
• 1:13:09
  i know four discs four discs and one of them's
• 1:13:16
  the film one of them's a blu -ray of the film
• 1:13:18
  and two of them are special features mamma mia
• 1:13:26
  So, Andy, here we are. We're at the ranking.
• 1:13:30
  Do you think it will join the bargain bin with
• 1:13:34
  Return to Neverland, Scamp's Revenge, or Cinderella
• 1:13:39
  2? Do you think it will go straight to video
• 1:13:42
  with Bambi 2? Do you think it will be the first
• 1:13:45
  addition to the Diamond Edition? Because we've
• 1:13:49
  not put anything in there, which is crazy. Or...
• 1:13:54
  Will this be a Disney classic? Like Fantasia
• 1:13:59
  2000 and Cinderella 3. Andy, where are you putting
• 1:14:03
  it? Well, you know what's interesting? So far,
• 1:14:07
  we've always managed to choose the same one.
• 1:14:11
  Not on purpose, but we've just agreed. We've
• 1:14:16
  never talked about where we're ranking it. Apart
• 1:14:20
  from, I think there was one. And it kind of came
• 1:14:23
  out because we were both so excited about it.
• 1:14:27
  Right, yeah. But other than that, we never talked
• 1:14:32
  to each other until the podcast about what we
• 1:14:35
  think about the film. So it's always a little
• 1:14:37
  bit of a surprise. We kind of get, we kind of
• 1:14:41
  know once we've talked about it where we're going
• 1:14:44
  to rank it. But this is the first time that it's
• 1:14:48
  a little bit different. yeah because it seems
• 1:14:51
  like there's going to be a bit of a disagreement
• 1:14:53
  coming up I think there is going to be a big
• 1:14:56
  disagreement coming up I don't want to say bargain
• 1:14:59
  bin because I did have a bit of fun with it and
• 1:15:02
  it's all toy centre and you know what I'm going
• 1:15:05
  to be generous it is the season I think there
• 1:15:10
  is despite a lot of misplaced um aspects to it
• 1:15:16
  there is a lot of heart to it like the stuff
• 1:15:19
  of the kids and uh it means well um it is weird
• 1:15:24
  that santa can't be gay like that's do you know
• 1:15:28
  what that i didn't until you mentioned that he
• 1:15:31
  has to take a wife i didn't even think of that
• 1:15:34
  yeah because it specifies matrimony doesn't it
• 1:15:38
  it specifies woman as well like it has to be
• 1:15:41
  a woman So if you're gay and you accidentally
• 1:15:46
  kill Santa, expect to be out of the gig within
• 1:15:49
  eight years. Yeah. This isn't a criticism. I
• 1:15:53
  mean, I guess it is. It is a criticism against
• 1:15:56
  the film. But this isn't me, like, justifying
• 1:15:59
  where I'm putting it. That's just, like, an off
• 1:16:00
  note. Yeah, it means well, is what I'm trying
• 1:16:03
  to say, mostly. Okay. I think it's above Bargain
• 1:16:09
  Bin, but I don't think it's Diamond Edition.
• 1:16:11
  I think this is straight to video for me. Okay,
• 1:16:15
  interesting. How about you? I'm going to shock
• 1:16:18
  you here and I'm going to say Disney classic.
• 1:16:20
  Oh my god. I fucking love it. No. No. I love
• 1:16:30
  this film, baby. Oh my god, that's on the same
• 1:16:33
  level as Fantasia 2000. I loved it! I thought
• 1:16:39
  it was wicked! Oh my god. Well, I guess that
• 1:16:42
  makes the deliberations easier, because there's
• 1:16:44
  a category right between both of us, but... It
• 1:16:46
  really is, so I was gonna say, if we're gonna
• 1:16:49
  have to do this, it's gonna have to go into Diamond
• 1:16:53
  Edition. Our first ever Diamond Edition! Oh,
• 1:16:57
  man. I'm not happy about it, but... Yeah, baby!
• 1:17:04
  Oh my god. If you had put it in bargain bin,
• 1:17:07
  it would have gone probably straight to video
• 1:17:09
  instead. I can't undo it now. No, it's in the
• 1:17:13
  machine. I've said what I've said. The machine
• 1:17:16
  has spat out a Diamond Edition copy of the Santa
• 1:17:22
  Claus 2. So, you know. That's mad. Nothing can
• 1:17:25
  be done. Nothing can be done. Andy, I can only
• 1:17:29
  apologise, but I'm so happy about that. Holy
• 1:17:34
  shit, man. Oh, I can't believe it. It's the second
• 1:17:40
  highest ranking for the Santa Claus 2. Oh, that
• 1:17:46
  film slaps, man. It's so good. God damn it. Oh,
• 1:17:54
  unreal. I feel so happy. I'm so happy with myself,
• 1:17:58
  honestly. Oh, God. Anyway, do you want to see
• 1:18:04
  some Letterboxd reviews? Well, just before we
• 1:18:07
  jump on that, I was going to quickly highlight.
• 1:18:09
  Oh, yes. Very briefly, the other way this film's
• 1:18:13
  continued. Because there's not many. There's
• 1:18:14
  three, maybe. One is very quickly the video game
• 1:18:19
  tie into the third film. It's just a Game Boy
• 1:18:21
  Advance game. You fucking run around, side -scroller,
• 1:18:25
  a center. Boring. Yeah. Next. Snoozefest. The
• 1:18:29
  film it's based on, The Santa Calls 3. Wait,
• 1:18:33
  what? The film that the game is based on. sorry
• 1:18:37
  oh i thought you meant i thought you meant the
• 1:18:41
  film that the santa claus 2 is based on the santa
• 1:18:44
  claus 3 that that also exists we will probably
• 1:18:49
  i mean it's hard to say right now but we will
• 1:18:52
  probably end up covering this in fucking 2026
• 1:18:55
  uh maybe along with the tv show or something
• 1:18:58
  like that um but no good uh but no good well
• 1:19:05
  it's got I'll tell you what, I'll give you one
• 1:19:08
  thing, and I've said this numerous times on this
• 1:19:10
  show. Martin Short. I love Martin Short, and
• 1:19:15
  he's great as Jack Frost in it, the villain.
• 1:19:17
  For some reason, this franchise has killer villains.
• 1:19:21
  The best. Yeah, I remember that being worse than
• 1:19:25
  this, but that doesn't say much to you. It really
• 1:19:29
  doesn't. Mark Kermode described the third one
• 1:19:32
  as the cinematic equivalent of tertiary syphilis.
• 1:19:37
  What did Kermode... Do we know what Kermode said
• 1:19:40
  about this one? Let me see if I can find it.
• 1:19:44
  Mark Kermode considers the film The Santa Claus
• 1:19:46
  2 a needless cash -in cynical sequel. Scum. Scum.
• 1:19:51
  That's quite tamed compared to tertiary syphilis,
• 1:19:56
  though. Yeah, true. And the... I mean, whatever.
• 1:20:06
  The third one's like another thing where it's
• 1:20:08
  like, here's a new clause in the contract. It's
• 1:20:12
  time travel now, bitches. And then they made
• 1:20:15
  a TV show for Disney +, which is still fucking
• 1:20:17
  mad to me that this is a TV show. Yeah. Yeah,
• 1:20:24
  that's pretty crazy. I bet it's just a new Santa
• 1:20:28
  Claus going through all of the clauses that have
• 1:20:31
  already been done. Yeah, but Tim Allen's still
• 1:20:33
  in it, so... I'm glad you did it at the same
• 1:20:52
  time as me. Oh, man. What a fucking good noise.
• 1:20:59
  Luke, who joined us last week, was telling us,
• 1:21:02
  because we told him we're going to be doing this,
• 1:21:04
  and he was telling us that this TV show apparently
• 1:21:06
  retcons the law, which is... I can't believe
• 1:21:10
  I'm saying that about this franchise. But apparently
• 1:21:13
  it retcons it, so the Santa Claus that falls
• 1:21:15
  off the roof in the first The Santa Claus movie,
• 1:21:19
  he wanted to die or something, didn't he? Or
• 1:21:22
  something like that. He wanted to die and he
• 1:21:26
  wanted Scott to be his successor, so he set the
• 1:21:28
  entire thing up. So that Santa Claus basically
• 1:21:30
  tricked Scott into committing manslaughter against
• 1:21:33
  him. What the f - So he just stomped on the roof
• 1:21:37
  really loud to get Scott to come out and be like,
• 1:21:40
  Hey, what are you doing? And then he was like,
• 1:21:42
  Oh no! Oh no! Whoopsie! I'm falling! I don't
• 1:21:49
  know the exact - Big grin on his face as he falls
• 1:21:51
  like, Oh! I don't know the exact ruling I know
• 1:22:00
  he's played by have you seen Parks and Rec he's
• 1:22:03
  played by like Jim from that is it Jim? Jerry
• 1:22:06
  Adam Scott? no no Jerry if you've not seen it
• 1:22:12
  then you won't know him he's like he's just one
• 1:22:14
  of the side characters basically ah right I think
• 1:22:18
  Luke said he wants to go to the Santa Claus afterlife
• 1:22:21
  or something. It sounds fucking abysmal. I don't
• 1:22:23
  want to watch this. What? Your enthusiasm for
• 1:22:32
  this section just... diamond i'm just not going
• 1:22:37
  to talk about martin short's really fun it's
• 1:22:39
  jack frost in the third one you go on youtube
• 1:22:41
  and you search martin short jack frost you've
• 1:22:44
  seen everything the rest of this franchise has
• 1:22:45
  to offer in my opinion but you might like some
• 1:22:48
  of it i haven't actually watched the tv show
• 1:22:49
  as well um but hearing that santa wants to go
• 1:22:53
  to heaven so he convinces tim allen to kill him
• 1:22:55
  is that's enough to turn me off Have you seen
• 1:23:01
  this film before? Have you seen the Santa Claus
• 1:23:04
  2 before? Yeah, man. I watched this as a kid
• 1:23:07
  a lot. I had it on DVD. I didn't really like
• 1:23:13
  it that much. It was like, you know, I loved
• 1:23:16
  the first one and then it's like, and now we
• 1:23:18
  watch the second one because that's how life
• 1:23:20
  works. I like Toy Santa. I don't remember much
• 1:23:24
  about the romance stuff. I can't imagine I was
• 1:23:26
  really into that as a kid. Yeah. But yeah, I
• 1:23:29
  used to watch this a lot. So yeah, that was our
• 1:23:32
  very special episode of our very special segment.
• 1:23:38
  Instead of before ever before, we did after after
• 1:23:41
  ever after. Yeah. Hell yeah. There was nothing
• 1:23:45
  before this. There was nothing before this. Santa
• 1:23:48
  Claus didn't exist until this. Until Tim Allen.
• 1:23:57
  Anyway, would you like some reviews? Yes. This
• 1:24:02
  has a weighted average of 2 .8 on Letterboxd.
• 1:24:06
  That's very high. It's very high. For this. So,
• 1:24:10
  31 ,725 three -star ratings. That's the most,
• 1:24:16
  so that's 27 % of it. It's got 6 ,401 five -star
• 1:24:22
  ratings, which is 5%. And 1 ,323 half -star ratings,
• 1:24:29
  which is only 1%. So, people like this. 114 people
• 1:24:35
  consider this their favourite film, or one of
• 1:24:37
  their four favourite films. Sociopaths. And we
• 1:24:43
  have some reviews from friends of the podcast.
• 1:24:48
  Oh? Mr. Luke Thomas from The Sandler Pit gave
• 1:24:54
  it one and a half stars. Fair enough. and he
• 1:24:58
  said parts are almost an all right rom -com but
• 1:25:02
  her having to marry this man she barely knows
• 1:25:04
  without a minute's notice has never sat well
• 1:25:07
  with me i i do agree yeah toy santa being hitler
• 1:25:13
  is pretty good though it is it's fantastic um
• 1:25:19
  two stars from dan holford So he says, a step
• 1:25:25
  down from the first movie in a lot of ways, but
• 1:25:27
  at times does shine with some fun, inventive
• 1:25:31
  ideas. I do think it struggles from trying to
• 1:25:34
  do too much with so many plot threads and ideas
• 1:25:37
  that it all ends up feeling rather messily stuck
• 1:25:41
  together. Two plot threads. Yeah. Too much for
• 1:25:45
  them. Yeah. And he says... Overall, very messy,
• 1:25:50
  but there's some charm to it all. It doesn't
• 1:25:52
  quite come together with plenty of awkward elements.
• 1:25:56
  Emma gave it three stars and said, what happened
• 1:25:59
  to the Mrs. Claus that was married to the Santa
• 1:26:02
  that Tim Allen killed? Took her out the back.
• 1:26:06
  So we've got two stars from Gabrielle53. Absolutely
• 1:26:11
  insane that fascist Santa is the B story in this
• 1:26:14
  movie. Yeah, fair enough. Wish he was the A -story
• 1:26:19
  to be fair, but hey -ho. Oh my god. Three stars
• 1:26:24
  from Neve. My earliest concept of war as a child
• 1:26:27
  was that battle scene with the toy soldiers and
• 1:26:30
  the elves. Oh, absolutely phenomenal. Two and
• 1:26:37
  a half stars from George Long. They really had
• 1:26:40
  to introduce us to the villain fascist toy Santa
• 1:26:43
  with a close -up of his plastic ass. Brian Antonelli,
• 1:26:48
  three stars, has the same idea as you. So if
• 1:26:52
  there was a gay Santa, would he just die? Yes,
• 1:26:56
  he would. Yep. We've confirmed that. That is
• 1:26:59
  now part of the Santa Claus law. He doesn't die,
• 1:27:02
  he just gets kicked out of the North Pole forever.
• 1:27:06
  And you can't just have a beard, wife, because
• 1:27:10
  they say it has to be true love as well. So,
• 1:27:13
  get out, queers. Please don't put that bit in.
• 1:27:17
  I will not. Oh, God. Three and a half stars from
• 1:27:24
  Joseph K. And it starts with the quote. Charlie.
• 1:27:29
  Sheen? I thought he straightened out. Cinema.
• 1:27:33
  Santa must have been so disappointed with Charlie
• 1:27:36
  Sheen in his later escapades. This is 2002. 100%.
• 1:27:40
  He was only at the tip of the iceberg. I know.
• 1:27:43
  He was about to go down real bad. Half a wholesome
• 1:27:49
  Christmas rom -com. To think Santa was like Batman
• 1:27:53
  in the animated show when Harvey has his accent
• 1:27:56
  and he's like... Charlie. Charlie. No. No. Phenomenal.
• 1:28:06
  So yeah, he continues. Half a wholesome Christmas
• 1:28:09
  rom -com, half toy Nazi nightmare fuel. Early
• 1:28:13
  2000s Disney hits different. The older I get,
• 1:28:17
  the more grating and annoying Charlie gets. That's
• 1:28:21
  not very nice. I think he's alright. He's a bit
• 1:28:24
  mean. Anyway, that's it for Letterboxd Reviews.
• 1:28:30
  Christmas is dead. Someone took it out the back
• 1:28:32
  and shot it in the back of the head. Yeah. Because
• 1:28:35
  its husband died. Oh, God. What a picture. What
• 1:28:43
  a fucking picture. I'm glad you said that. I
• 1:28:47
  mean, it slaps. It's not a statement that puts
• 1:28:50
  any deem of quality on it. It's so good. everyone
• 1:28:55
  should go out and enjoy it and love it I'm gonna
• 1:28:58
  right now you'll hear me typing in a second I'm
• 1:29:02
  just typing the Santa Claus 2 in the Diamond
• 1:29:08
  Edition section you have to go back and watch
• 1:29:14
  the ending anyway so you can see Toy Santa say
• 1:29:16
  you're scaring me you're scaring me What do they
• 1:29:23
  do to him? They shrink him, don't they? And just
• 1:29:24
  put him in a box. Yeah, and then he's just dancing
• 1:29:26
  outside the shop. And then he's like, hey lady,
• 1:29:29
  look at me! I don't think he's back in the third
• 1:29:32
  one, but they should have brought him back. They
• 1:29:33
  really should have. They should have used him
• 1:29:34
  like Hannibal Lecter. They could have been like,
• 1:29:37
  how do we beat Jack Frost? Hello, Santa! I got
• 1:29:41
  the perfect idea. They just bring out a shoebox
• 1:29:43
  and he's just sat in there like... They bring
• 1:29:46
  out Luke's chest! Luke's chest from the last
• 1:29:49
  episode! But he's still, like, chained up with,
• 1:29:52
  like, the face mask and that. Yeah, yeah! Cold
• 1:29:59
  for everyone. Anyway. That was a good episode.
• 1:30:05
  I enjoyed having a different opinion. It was...
• 1:30:09
  Yeah, it's interesting seeing why you don't like
• 1:30:13
  it and why I fucking love it. Yeah, it's not
• 1:30:18
  fun being on the bottom half of it, but at the
• 1:30:22
  best time. I feel absolutely baffled. That'll
• 1:30:25
  be us, won't it? We'll be back to our regularly
• 1:30:29
  scheduled programming in a fortnight after the
• 1:30:32
  holiday season, so I hope everyone has a lovely,
• 1:30:35
  lovely Christmas. Fortnight? What is next? Next
• 1:30:48
  one is 101 Dalmatians 2 Patches London Adventure.
• 1:30:53
  Yay! So we're back into Disney Movie 2 Dogs Adventure.
• 1:30:59
  Yeah, we're back into the animation sphere. It's
• 1:31:05
  gotta be better than Lady and the Tramp 2. It
• 1:31:07
  better be. Yeah, it's gotta be better than this.
• 1:31:09
  I mean, it's got... Shut up. Yeah, I'm excited
• 1:31:18
  to get back to the animation stuff. It'll be
• 1:31:21
  very fun. And I haven't seen 101 Dalmatians in
• 1:31:25
  years. And I've never seen the sequel, so...
• 1:31:28
  I tell you what, 101 Dalmatians is a good Christmas
• 1:31:31
  time watch. Not necessarily at Christmas itself,
• 1:31:34
  but I think the period between... You know, like
• 1:31:38
  the never zone between Christmas and New Year's.
• 1:31:40
  Yeah. It's like cozy time. Yeah. Yeah. I might
• 1:31:44
  see if, because we're going to mum and dad's,
• 1:31:47
  they've got a fireplace. I'll see if they can
• 1:31:48
  crack on the fireplace and then shove on 101
• 1:31:52
  Dalmatians and see if we can watch it then. That
• 1:31:54
  would be perfect. I love that film. Can't wait.
• 1:31:59
  Anyway. Let's do some thank yous, shall we? Oh,
• 1:32:03
  yes. Tis the season. Tis the season. A Merry
• 1:32:07
  Christmas to Joe Terone for our music. We love
• 1:32:11
  it so much. Ho, ho, ho. Have a wonderful Christmas.
• 1:32:16
  Ease it on the ho, ho, ho's, will you? It's endlessly
• 1:32:23
  quotable, baby. Who else do we need to thank?
• 1:32:29
  We need to thank Master Jordan G, our producer.
• 1:32:36
  Thank you. Merry Christmas. Hope you have a wonderful,
• 1:32:39
  wonderful time and a lovely new year. Same to
• 1:32:42
  you, Joe Turone. I forgot to say happy new year.
• 1:32:46
  Thank you to Andy for always smashing out the
• 1:32:50
  edits. Yeah, not this time. If you don't like
• 1:32:54
  this edit, you at Jim. I'm having my Christmas
• 1:33:00
  present is not edited this episode and my Christmas
• 1:33:05
  present is edited this episode and thank you
• 1:33:09
  Jim for your animations I'm looking forward to
• 1:33:11
  seeing some more soon it's been a while I've
• 1:33:13
  been a bit busy so I've not been able to do some
• 1:33:18
  but I've got a couple I've got a couple cooking
• 1:33:21
  let me cook I'll bring you some fire soon. Nice.
• 1:33:26
  And thank you to anyone who's stuck with us for
• 1:33:29
  whatever fucking episodes we've done. Honestly.
• 1:33:33
  This has got to be our seventh one, maybe? Yeah,
• 1:33:36
  numero seven. And any of you that have carried
• 1:33:40
  on listening to us ramble about this stuff, genuinely,
• 1:33:42
  thank you so much, because this is so much fun
• 1:33:46
  for both of us. We would do this like... Like
• 1:33:52
  we would just sit and chat about films and stuff.
• 1:33:55
  So being able to share it with other people is
• 1:33:58
  just, is lovely. And we're so grateful that you
• 1:34:02
  guys listen. So if you have stuck around, we
• 1:34:05
  love you so much. Even if you haven't and you've
• 1:34:07
  just glanced at it and you've already clicked
• 1:34:09
  off, we still love you. Don't worry. Cole for
• 1:34:13
  Christmas. Cole! No, it is just really lovely.
• 1:34:18
  Like there's like a few people who like, talked
• 1:34:21
  to me about it saying like they were really like
• 1:34:23
  listening to it while they're doing like uh like
• 1:34:25
  i didn't like doing their own thing or like walking
• 1:34:28
  to work or whatever like that and it's just really
• 1:34:30
  sweet to hear so that is that is extremely wholesome
• 1:34:34
  and i'm very very very pleased that people enjoy
• 1:34:37
  it so yeah from the bottom of both of our hearts
• 1:34:41
  thank you so much yes i agree and have a merry
• 1:34:44
  goddamn christmas i also agree yes We don't have
• 1:34:51
  anyone else to thank you, do we? No. Yeah, cheers
• 1:34:58
  Disney for making some bangers and some not bangers.
• 1:35:02
  But yeah, I don't know about you, but I'm going
• 1:35:06
  to get the hell out of here. Yeah, I'm going
• 1:35:08
  to go get a nice hot chocolate and get buzzed.
• 1:35:12
  A cocoa. I'm going to get a little buzz. Get
• 1:35:15
  me another! in the meantime you can see us in
• 1:35:20
  two weeks and you can also find me on Letterboxd
• 1:35:23
  at Oaty Boat you can see me review other movies
• 1:35:28
  that aren't Disney sequels you can also find
• 1:35:32
  me on Instagram at Oatmans Movies that's O -A
• 1:35:34
  -T -M -U -N -S Movies I'm not very active on
• 1:35:38
  there currently but I'm hoping over the holidays
• 1:35:39
  to get that back up and running because I do
• 1:35:42
  love talking about films more than anything more
• 1:35:44
  than watching them no one actually likes these
• 1:35:48
  movies where can we find you james yeah so you
• 1:35:53
  can find me um at jimmy smirds on instagram uh
• 1:35:58
  i post a bit of work stuff on there and some
• 1:36:01
  personal stuff on there um but if you want to
• 1:36:05
  have a look see what i'm doing i'm on there and
• 1:36:08
  then i'm also on letterboxd uh my Name is Narumph,
• 1:36:13
  which is N -A -H space R -U -M -P -H. Don't ask.
• 1:36:18
  It's a Tim and Eric sketch. But yeah, that's
• 1:36:22
  where you can find me. And yeah, I'll log some
• 1:36:26
  movies every now and then. Yeah, I don't log
• 1:36:30
  as much as Luke Thomas of the seven different
• 1:36:36
  podcast names podcast wants me to. And I get
• 1:36:41
  messages probably about every week being like,
• 1:36:44
  why haven't you watched a film? Why haven't you
• 1:36:46
  watched a film? Why haven't you logged to this
• 1:36:48
  film that I know you've seen? And I do it to
• 1:36:52
  spite him. Anyway, that's where you can find
• 1:36:58
  us. Oh, you can also get in contact if you want
• 1:37:00
  to. Gmail is aftereverafterpod at gmail .com.
• 1:37:06
  Send us your thoughts on the Santa Claus 3 and
• 1:37:09
  2 and any film that we've ever done. We would
• 1:37:13
  love to hear from you. Yeah, definitely. Cool.
• 1:37:17
  All right. Let's get the hell out of here. Andy,
• 1:37:20
  I'll see you after ever after. I'll see you after
• 1:37:23
  ever after. Hugs and kisses. Bye.