Latest / DA CREW Podcast / DA CREW PODCASTSEASON 1_ EPISODE #40 HOST AUTHOR BLAQUE DIAMOND _(SHOW #7)

Transcript

DA CREW PODCASTSEASON 1_ EPISODE #40 HOST AUTHOR BLAQUE DIAMOND _(SHOW #7) · DA CREW Podcast

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M HM, Basic Black after Dark in our new podcast show with your host,
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Black Diamond. Hello, Hello, Hello, Hey everybody. I am
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so glad you are here tonight. We have a great show lined up for
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you. I am Black Diamond, your host a Basic Black after Dark where
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I discuss sensitive topics. They arise based on the needs of the community and
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the expectations of the community. So whatever's going on in your community, I
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try to get all information that I killed and from time to time I'm going
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to have some guests dropping by with other topics, topics that they feel it's
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so it's important to them, which is important to me. But most of
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the time we have relaxed conversations about family changes, parenting styles, and cultural
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customs. But tonight it's going to be a little different from celebrating National Force
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to Kire month for the entire month of May. And you know me.
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You know that it's all about the kids, and I'm in love with doing
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anything for force to Care. I invite you to celebrate this night with me.
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So I'm going to give you a little bit of history or force to
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Care. But some people who don't quite know what force to Kids about,
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who always wanted to know who may have heard stories about force to care,
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a lot of rumors about force to care. I'm not saying that I'm here
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to set the record straight, but I'm just here to give you a little
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bit of information, so maybe that'll help you out. Now, force to
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care it is considered out of home placement and it is a system in which
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minor children they've been placed into a ward. I don't even like really using
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that word ward, but that's sometimes the way that they term it. A
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group home or a private home that is states certified. Sometimes they go to
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a relative's home and they consider force to parents, but they all have to
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be approved by the state that they're in. Now, i want to give
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you a little backstory and my journey through force to care. I don't know
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how many times I've been asked if I've ever been enforced to care. And
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I guess because people see that I'm so involved with force to care that I
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do so much with force to kid for force to Care, children forced to
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care month, even for a National Adoption Day. But no, I've never
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been enforced to care, but I do have some experience with the force to
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kid system. First, I'm gonna let you know that I have been parenting
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twelve children, and I know I get it all the time. You have
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twelve kids, Yeah, I do, but three are my biological and nine
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are my nieces and nephews. So I've been doing this for a while.
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I guess I can say, well, I might be telling you my niece.
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But over forty years I've been working with children and families. So they've
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come through kinship care, force to care, custody and guardianship, and adoption.
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Now, some people don't really know what custody and guardianship is and they
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confuse it sometimes with kinship care. But guardianship is the legal process that allows
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a designated person to have the responsibility for the child that's placed in their home.
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They also have the authority to make decisions for that child. Now,
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the decisions is nothing that's out of the ordinary. Decisions is something like you
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know, doctor's appointment, school, field trips, playing, you know with
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their friends, you know, dent disappointments, things like that. Those are
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the decisions that they have, But there are legal decisions that has to be
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made. But those decisions are made with the Department of Social Services and it
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still includes their parents. Their parents as long as they didn't lose their rights,
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which they call it TPR terminated parental rights. Then the parents still has
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responsible so they can be reunified with that child now. A kinship care is
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when the guardian is a relative, could be an aren't the uncle, and
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it could be an old a sibling as long as they're over the age of
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eighteen and most states, but some states say that they have to be twenty
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one years of age to be the relative kid taker for them. But it
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could also be a close family friend. Say your child considered somebody as their
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guard parent and they've known this person for a while, so they consider them
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a guard parent or maybe an uncle that they've been known this child all their
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life, that person can be considered a kinship. Sometimes they call it fictive
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kin but they can be considered kinship care. As a force to parent,
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I was able to adopt through the New York City Force to Kid system.
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Although I was never a force to child, I did walk in the shoes
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of a force to child because I wanted to know what it was like.
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This was a few years back, and what I did was something called the
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trash back Challenge. And I know it doesn't sound great, at all trash
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back, but it doesn't. But what it is is that these children are
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walking around with a trash bag with all their belongings in it. So if
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they removed from a home, they go from home to home and they never
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know when they're going to be moved, so they just grab their things,
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they put it in the trash bag and they keep moving. Sometimes you see
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that these children run away from the home that they were in, meaning to
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force the home or the group home, and all they have is that trash
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bag. So they put their belongings and they just go someplace house. Most
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of the agencies do have luggage. It's on runaway and they just want to
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leave as quick as they came. They're gonna grab whatever they can and it's
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usually a trash bag and they keep going. Well, I did that trash
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bag challenge and it was unbelievable. It was an eye opener for me.
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I started off with just taking one of those office trash bags and I took
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my pocketbook and I dumped everything inside of that bag and I walked around everywhere
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I had to go. I kid you, not any place I had to
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go I had that trash bag. But being that it was the smallest trash
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bag. It wasn't that bad. But the following week, I got a
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bigger bag and I dumped everything that I had. Now, when I say
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everything that I had, whatever I was wearing the first week that I did
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that trash bag challenge, I put it in that bag. I put my
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makeup in there, I put pajamas in there, I put personal items,
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deal with it, whatever I can carry in that bag. And each week
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I would do the same thing. Everything was going in that bag until I
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wind up the fourth week with a construction bag. That's how big it was.
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And I got people that my office thought I was crazy. I was
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dragging that bag in and out of the office every day. The only thing
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that was different was that I had a car, and these forced to children,
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they don't have a car to travel it except when they're being picked up
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by their social worker. So there in the car that way, So you
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can just imagine traveling around with that until one day I remember going out into
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the field and I said, oh my god, I have to go out
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into the field and I had this trash bag in and doing this trash bag
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challenge. I honestly did not want to take the bag with me. But
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I said, in order to actually understand what they're going through, I have
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to take the bag. So I took the bag, a big old bag.
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I took it with me, and yeah, I got some stairs and
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some looks, and you know, I don't know what people were thinking.
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I don't know where they thought that I was trying to go to the laundry,
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whether I was homeless, or whether I was donating the things that was
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in the bag. They just had no clue. But I got all sorts
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of looks. But I went into a government office one day and I had
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that bag with me, and I was with a coworker. So we went
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through, well, she went through with through the coveyor belt and she presented
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an ID and she went through with her pocket book. I started to go
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through the same way she did. I didn't think it would be a problem,
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although I did have a bigger bag. So I walked through and they
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told me that they had to stop me to check my bag. So I
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asked, why do you have to stop me to check my bag? But
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you didn't check her bag, and they said, well, everybody that comes
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through we have to check their bag. She showed I d but I had
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ID too. I don't know what they were thinking. I think they were
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looking more so at the bag then what they were doing when looking at my
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ID. So I didn't want to make a big thing out of it because
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I was still at work, But in my head, I was just thinking,
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Wow, this is what these kids go through when they're going through places
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and people are acting in certain ways. So as I proceeded through, I
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was saying some things, maybe not actually under my breath, but I was
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saying a lot enough for him to hear it. I'll say it that way.
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And I was wondering, why is it that she was going through her
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bag and I couldn't go through with mine. The only thing that I felt
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was different was she had a Gucci and I had a Glad, so she
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was able to go through. And I said, you know, I'm gonna
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go through not have a problem. Take care of what I have to take
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care of. While I was in this building, and when the day was
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over and we finished doing what we had to do, when I came out,
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I walked over to him to tell you the truth. It was a
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security guard officer. We were in court, so of course I wasn't going
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to try to make a big thing out of it because I'm in court and
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the last thing I needed to do was be arrested or get fired for my
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job for making a scene. So I walked went to the officer and I
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explained to him the bag and what I was doing was the trash bag challenge,
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and I showed him my idea again. He wind up having a conversation,
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I think, a better understanding of what was going on. But for
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me, it was knowing that I was stopped, and I felt like he
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went through my personal things but he didn't go through hers. He treated me
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different than he treated the next person. So I understand well, at that
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moment, I understood how some of these children are feeling when they're out in
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the public and people looking at them certain ways, and they're picking and choosing
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who they would rather have them around or be around them, and just the
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just the fact that they didn't look like maybe the average child because they had
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a bigger bag, or they weren't dressed a certain way, or they just
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had a certain look about them, which is what I wanted to have a
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certain look about me. Maybe they thought I was a homeless adult instead of
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a force the kid. Well, you know, I'm a grown woman,
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so of course they probably thought I was a homeless adult. But the problem
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was they had no clue as far as what I was doing, and they
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were still treating me in an inappropriate way. So I understand that these children
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are treated in a way that they should not be treated. Each child who
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enters forced the care this story is different, but every kid's journey starts with
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some traumatic separation from their primary care giver, no matter how flawed it may
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be. They're separated from their parents, from their family, from the people
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they knew. And I know that in most intocence, when a child enters
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forced the care, it starts with somebody making the report because someone has suspected
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abuse from neglect. Now, there are times, and I get it that
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people make false reports, but the majority of the time they're not false reports.
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And when I say false reports, I mean someone who's mad at somebody
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else to get back at them. They'll say, oh, hurt you,
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not neglected, or she's beating her kids, or he's doing this, that
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or the other with their children, just because they're upset with this person.
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It has absolutely nothing to do with the way that they're parent in their children
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or the way that their children are. They're upset, well, they do
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into care. Some people make that call and to hear that the child into
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force to care can be quite disturbing. But to inter force to care because
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you are abused or neglected, I understand, and the system understands that too.
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So each call is screened and it's very important for the social workers to
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ask questions to find out what's going on, to make sure that the report
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is a valid report. But when you have over four hundred and forty two
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thousand children in the force to care system, something's wrong. There's too many
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children. One child, there's too many children to be in the force to
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care system. Force to care can have the psychological effects on these children.
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They are very angry, and sometimes you don't blame them because they're separated from
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the only person that they know. They're not looking at their parents as being
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abusive to them or neglectful to them. They're looking at you took me away
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from the person that loves me. Although that person may have abused them,
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that's who they know, who they love and they've been with, and they
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feel as though that person is the one that's going to protect them although they
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may have been through something. A lot of them go through some grief because
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some of them never return home because it has been that bad, or the
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parent never gets it together so they can't return home. Then there's those who
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feel as though that it was betrayaled. Suppose the child went to school and
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they had some bruises on them. The teacher found out and made the report.
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That child feels as though that they said something because the teacher asks the
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question what happened. Sometimes they'll say, or I fell down, I was
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riding my bike, I fell off my skateboard. But when the children say
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things like that, it's over and over again. Every couple of weeks,
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they're coming in with a new bruise. But if you notice the bruising on
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these children, it may be on the knee, it may not be on
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the front surface. It's in areas where you fall off your skateboard. The
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back of your leg is not going to be scarred up like that. These
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bruises that you see on them, they're purplish, maybe reddish. You'll see
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it around the neck. What happened to cause that bruise around the neck When
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they pull the scarf too tight, no, they didn't pull the scarf too
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type somebody else did it. You have to look at these children's bodies to
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determine whether it's abuse and neglect or whether it was actually an accident that this
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child actually fell off the skateboard. Maybe the child did trip over something.
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But every case that comes in it it has to be investigated because these kids
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are innocent. Now I know, believe me, I'm a mother twelve.
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Some children will work that last nerve, but not to the point of abuse
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in the glact. So we have these things that we put into place.
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A lot of these children suffer from anxiety. You know, they're afraid,
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they're nerves, they don't know what's going to happen to these having depression and
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they're seeing psychiatrists and therapists. They wind up with low self esteem. Some
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of them are less satisfied with their life, and some of them try to
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commit suicide. Some of them say they want to kill myself because they want
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to go back to their parents. These effects can be caused by pre care
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events, removal from the family home, and the force the kid experience itself.
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It can be devastating to these kids. Just imagine waking up someplace and
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you don't know anybody in there. Imagine being in your bed tonight and somebody
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standing over. You don't know who that person is it, but you're in
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your own home. You have no idea who that person is. How do
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you think you're gonna feel now as an adult, You're gonna want to defend
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yourself. You're gonna want to reach for something, a weapon, to try
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to defend yourself. Well, these kids are in somebody else's home, a
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person. They have no idea who this person is. They have no idea
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who may come into their room, and it could be an innocent forced to
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parent just come into checking on them at night. These kids are scared out
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of their minds for some coal health issues achievements, not all of them,
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because I have met some that are doing something tasting things to themselves, but
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some of them have more emotional and behavioral problems than others than others their own
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age. The length of time of a child and forced to care can increase
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in the risk of negative outcomes such as instability, confusion. They don't know
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what's going on. How did I get here? What happened? I didn't
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say anything? Why did this person's out they're fearful. There is a whole
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lot of trauma that goes along with being they're forced to care for. Some
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of these studentres they're traumatized already by the abuse that they endure. Now they're
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traumatized again because they place someplace they have no idea what's going to happen to
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them. There's a lot of times that crimes are committed with these kids.
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Drug use because they figured that's the only thing that's gonna make me feel good,
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make me feel better. And then you have some that don't want to
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be any place. They're just rather be on the street that they can't be
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with their family. Or there's some that don't want to be with their family
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because of the abuse, but they don't want to be with the family that
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you place them with either, so they wind up being homeless. Believe it
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or not, social workers try to promote a child's psychological well being, and
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they try to locate a stable environment, make sure that they have an education,
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and make sure that they say, now I'm not saying this becomes I'm
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a social worker. I'm saying this because it's true. We've placed hundreds of
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children in homes, loving homes and the goal is for them to be reunified.
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But a lot of these children they want to go home. They don't
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want to be in somebody else's home. Now here's where you come in your
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local Department of Social Services, just looking for people just like you to become
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a forced to parent, with the greatest need being the teenagers and our pregnant
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and parenting teams. Yeah, I know some people don't want to take in
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teams. They have their issues. They're setting their ways. But you think
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of it. You're over forty, you're setting your ways too. You get
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off of work, you come home, you have whatever beverite you like,
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you kick off your shoes, you turn on the TV, you may take
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a shower. That's being set in your ways too. You weren't always like
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that, as what Attenua all eleven. As you started to develop and get
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older, you started seeing what you wanted to adjust to in life. So
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some of these kids, they're setting their way. But if you were to
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be a force to parent and can take them into your loving home, you
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may be able to help them give them that headstart while their parent is working
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on them. So see if the agency can help support the parent. Because
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when we work with the child. We work with the family as well,
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because the goal is for the child go back home, not to stay enforced
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the kid, because forced the kid is temporary, at least for most children
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it is. Then there's those that are the pregnant and parenting teams. Yes,
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sometimes when the child is pregnant and she has a baby, parent kicks
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it out, or she runs away and she wants to stay with the boyfriend
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or whoever she wants to stay, they wand up enforced the kid. Sometimes
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they have they choose while they're enforced the kid. We need homes for those
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children too, because these children are now parents, and if they don't get
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that guidance that's needed, their children wind up enforced to care. Do you
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remember that number that I gave you, four hundred and forty two thousand.
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That four hundred and forty two thousand also includes those pregnant and parenting teens who
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have children who are enforced to care. Now, when I say that the
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children's children are enforced to care, some of them are not placed with the
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parents, meaning the team parent, because they didn't have the skills to take
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care of them and they're not capable of taking care of them. So they're
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separated. So now that team parent is separated from their parent, and now
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they're separated from their baby. Could you imagine what their team parent is going
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through. So this is why I say that's where you come in. You
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come in into a place where it might be the perfect time to come into
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this child's life. They also present the systemic barriers for the African American,
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Indigenous and other children and youth of color, as well as LGBTQI A two
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less that's how a less being gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning,
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intersex, asexual, and two spirit population they face in receiving culturally appropriate
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mental health services and supports. So we as an agency and as an individual,
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we support all the children those are. That's another population that is hard
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to place because when a forced parent says that that's a teenager that's about maybe
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fifteen or sixteen, and they've been in the system for a little bit.
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Sometimes they come in at fifteen and sixteen years old. So don't be surprised
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because that happens. They identify other than who they present to be. A
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lot of forced parents and families don't want them. They don't want them in
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the home because I guess they figured they have a child in the home that
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they what they consider turn their child. I'm not even gonna get into all
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of that because I'm not trying to persuade anybody one way or the other to
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take or not to take because of a gender. So I'm going to leave
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that alone. But I am letting you know that that population needs as well
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as every other population. Now we're going to take a break right now,
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and when we come back, we're going to discuss a little girl's journey from
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birth to force the care to adopt you, and it will be started breed.
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It's gone the show, turning storm bread, and so we all must
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let help. We are the children. We want to make a rat a
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day. So let's not giving God, Well do we make a better day
23:48
we turn out. Let's child start standing ye beyond beyond once to make a
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better Let's starting. Please and trust me it's true. We make she would
24:49
need sending your heart. Thank you so much for coming this far with me.
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Every time I hear that song, I definitely get choked up. That
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song, I believe was made and recorded in nineteen eighty five, and it
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was for something totally different than what I'm speaking about today. But to me,
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it fit, it fit forced to care, it fit these children.
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It just it fits. And that that's the only song that I just wanted
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to put with this. And I did see your message, Erica, and
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yes, I am so happy that you would love to be a force to
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parent. I'm going to get to that in this story. I do want
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to talk about the books that you've just seen. I've written a series of
25:55
children's books on force to care and adoption and it's the Stacey f series of
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children's books. What is the protocol? Is someone who lives in your home
26:03
is a felon. If the person is a felon, they probably won't allow
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you to be a force the parent, but they'll look into the case and
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to see how long ago it was and what the case was about what happened,
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because certain cases, maybe it was something that wasn't severe. If it
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was like for murder or for rape or something like that, I can tell
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you absolutely not. But if it was for something different, they would have
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to find out from the organization company agency what would deter them from being one
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what level of felonyque was it. It does take a special person to love
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a child that's not biologically there's well, the children that I have again,
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they were my nieces and nephews, they weren't my biological children. Even though
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they're my niece. It did not matter to me. That's just something that
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I do. I've been doing it since I was in high school. To
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take the truth. But that's another story. It just goes back that far
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of me taking on children and taking care of them. So I believe everybody
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is special. No, everybody cannot be a force to parent. Some people
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don't even want children, and I get it. I'll be honest. I
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was like that when I had graduated from high school. It wasn't my intention
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to be a parent or a force to parent anything else. I just wanted
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to go to college. But life happened, and he happened, and he
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tapped me and said, this is what I need for you to do.
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And I've been doing it every since. So I'm very happy. If I
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had to do it all over again, I don't think I would do it
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differently. Maybe at different stages in my life maybe, but I would probably
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still be a force to parent. I think that it would be thank you
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so much much error love and commercial So I want to talk to you about
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the journey of Stacy F. And we used the F because they have a
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right to their privacy and we just say they had an issue, so it
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won't identify who the person is. But as you see from the first book,
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it was she name me Stacy, and I titled that book because her
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mother gave her that name and it was best for her to keep something from
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her mother. Her mother felt as though she couldn't care for Stacy at that
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time, so she figured it was best to place Stacy in the agency and
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with the organization. But the thing about this is that a lot of kids
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coming to care for abuse and neglect. Now abuse could be subtance abuse,
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neglect could be leaving a child alone and undertended, and it could be many
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different reasons, and a lot about children come into care for neglect. Stacy's
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choice at that time was mom knowing that she could not care for Stacy,
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so she was able to speak to the social work. I'm not going to
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give you too much of that first book because I do want you to get
29:04
it, and I do want you to start to follow the journey of a
29:08
child in for the kid, and I mean generic enough for anyone who has
29:14
the book, I see I'm adopted, and I didn't know what love was
29:17
until I had my son. Oh my gosh, Latima is going to be
29:22
one of our people that I'm going to be talking about later. Thank you
29:25
so much for coming on the TIMEA And it is great to know what love
29:30
is. And I know that you have a happy and healthy son because I
29:33
can see that smell, a beautiful smell on your face, so I know
29:37
he's a happy and healthy young man. Stacy's journey through that phase. She
29:44
came into kid but Stacy was an infant when she came into care, so
29:48
she didn't know too much. The only thing that she may have known was
29:53
that the kid and love that she was getting was not from her biological mother.
29:59
Because kids have an instant, baby has an instant. She didn't have
30:02
that bonding period in time, but she was able to bond with her forster
30:07
parent. So we go into Stacy's mom still wasn't able to do what she
30:14
needed to do, so Stacy Stating came a little longer, so she went
30:17
into a temporary home, which is the second book in the series, a
30:21
temporary home for Stacy. So Stacy had that temporary home. She stayed with
30:25
that forster parent for a while, but see that forster parent was a good
30:29
forster parent to Stacy, but she did not want to adopt Stacy. And
30:33
Stacy had reached that point to where her mother's rights was going to be terminated
30:38
because she did not continue to work with the agency so she can get Stacy
30:42
back so they can be reunified. So they had to look for another force
30:47
to home for Stacy, which was one that was an adoptive home. And
30:52
that's when we get to the third book, which is Stacy f Forever Mommy,
30:57
And we say if Mike Forever Mommy, because that where they see found
31:02
her Forever Mommy and Stacey was adopted. But in those three books, it
31:06
shows you the journey it takes you through there what process such of it.
31:11
It takes you through leaving one force to home and going into another force to
31:15
home, and it gives you a little bit more insight into force to Care.
31:18
I didn't want to make it too confusing because this book was basically for
31:22
children who came into force to care and a force the parent to get the
31:26
book and be able to talk with the child and to engage the child because
31:30
the child again may be frightened and scared, but if they see there's another
31:33
child that's been through this that force, the parent can talk to them.
31:37
And it's also good for social workers because a lot of times these kids don't
31:41
want to talk to the social worker. You just took me from my parents,
31:44
so I have nothing to say to you. So you can use this
31:47
book as well. One of the books is a color and an Activity book,
31:52
which is the last book, the colorful one with all the little hearts
31:55
around it. You can use that book because it has a lot of activities
31:57
in me and while the child is doing active force, the parent can find
32:01
out what the child likes and what the child dislikes. As the social worker,
32:06
you may be able to get a lot of information from this child likes.
32:08
Say one part of the day show Stacy go into an ice cream parlor
32:15
or maybe going to get pizza. That child may say, oh, we
32:17
go to whatever name of pizza, Paula. She go to Zach's Pizza,
32:22
and that's around the corner from my grandmother. So the social worker can then
32:25
start to engage and find out more information about the grandmother. But what his
32:29
grandma's name? She may tell him, do you know the street? Yeah,
32:31
it's around the corner from Zach's Pizza. Can you take me there?
32:35
That's how they can find out where the grandmother is and maybe Stacy can be
32:37
placed with the grandmother. So I tried to make these books easy for the
32:44
child, for the force, the parent, as well as for the social
32:46
worker. And I know the social worker has a downpat but that engagement piece,
32:51
that engagement tool is very important. And that's why I did the series
32:54
on Stacy F's books because I felt this though it was easy, some people
33:00
ask, how do I become a force to pairent? Whether there is an
33:04
application process and it involves maybe five or six scheduled visit to your home home.
33:10
It's called the home study. Over ten to twelve week period, you
33:15
may continue to have contact with the agency because their staff members are going to
33:20
be gathering paperwork. Now, Erica, you mentioned some information before, whether
33:24
the person has a felony in the home. They do a background check,
33:29
criminal history. They interview all family members in the home. When I say
33:34
all family members, if you have an eight year old, they're going to
33:37
talk to that eight year They're gonna want to talk to that eyo. I
33:39
know some people may say, why talk to the eight year old because that
33:43
eight year old may not want another child in a home and it could be
33:46
a problem placing another child in now. So that's the reason why they interview
33:52
everybody. You may have a husband in the home, or maybe the husband
33:58
wants to be the forced parent in the life. She doesn't want any more
34:00
kids because she doesn't want to take care of any more kids, so they
34:05
have to interview them. They want to know are you okay with being a
34:09
force the parent? Are you having this child on your home? Why do
34:12
you want to be a force the parent. They're going to ask you a
34:14
lot of questions, and they should because they're placing somebody's child in your home.
34:20
They will inspect your home for safety. They want to make sure you
34:24
have enough space in your home for this other child. The child has to
34:28
have their own room. And if you have, like say a little girl
34:30
that's seven or eight years old, and they want to bring another seven or
34:32
eight year old little girl in your home, they can share a room,
34:37
but they have to have their own bed, and the room has to be
34:39
big enough for both children to move around in there. They have to have
34:43
their own space. Most states will not allow you to have bump beds,
34:47
and I know that something from some people say, oh, I can make
34:51
space, we can do bump beds. Well, I'm from old school.
34:54
Those bunk beds are mess. I don't know how many times a bump bad
34:58
fell on me and my niece and and whatnot. And they were good s
35:00
thirty ones. Maybe we were a little rough. But bump bets fall,
35:06
bump bets hurt, bunk bets can kill. So they do not want you
35:09
to use the bump bess. I know people say, oh, you can
35:13
screw the man. Oh they have those heavy ones, those stainless steel ones.
35:16
That's the bends. Screws pop out, kids play with, screws may
35:21
come out. I know you may say, well, I put my kids
35:23
back together, and it's he but it's already on the floor. The worst
35:27
it's going to happen is the mattress is gonna go down and it's just gonna
35:30
hit the floor, and they may slide a little bit. But a bunk
35:32
bed that's gonna come down on the childis underneath, and they can crush them
35:37
plus break the neck of the childis on the top, and you know there's
35:39
a ladder. The kids like climbing up and down and that's a safety hazard,
35:44
So they do have to expect your home. They'll give you explanation of
35:47
your responsibilities of force, the parenting, careful screening process. So it helps
35:53
to term it whether the family who wants to be forstering this child, whether
35:58
you're the right fit for this kid, and if it's yes, it helps
36:02
us match a child in your home. You may say, oh, I
36:06
want to attend you old. Maybe you do want to team himpin. Maybe
36:09
want someone older that like you more of a mentor you want to help a
36:13
young man stay on a straight road. Maybe you do want a parent a
36:17
teenage girl who is having a baby already had the baby. So that's what
36:22
it may take to be a force to patent. But what I would suggest
36:25
is you contact your local department of Social Services. Because every state's process is
36:31
different. Most of them are the same. Everyone does a background check no
36:35
matter what state you're in, but there's just maybe a few little things that
36:37
may be a little different. A lot of states that you have to do
36:40
the fire test, you know, the fire department, somebody has to come
36:44
out and check and make sure everything is safe. Yes, it is that
36:46
serious, and you should be happy because then looking at your house to make
36:50
sure you're safe too. And no, it doesn't cost you anything to have
36:53
that inspection, so allow it to happen. If that's the journey you want
36:59
to take, you will need special training. In most states you will be
37:02
required to be licensed, and in other states you'll need other types of training.
37:08
Some people want to take children who have mental health. Some people want
37:14
to take children who are severely disabled, and that's okay, but you have
37:17
to have special training for that. In either case, your local department of
37:22
Social Services will provide everything you need, including the orientation. Once you finish
37:28
with all the classes, you do have to go for orientation. Excuse me
37:30
and losing my voice. You have to go to ongoing trainings. You just
37:34
don't do that one training and it's stirred mix in here you go with a
37:37
kid, you have to have ongoing training and is so beneficial and you're gonna
37:43
learn so much. You sit in groups of other people, other force to
37:45
parents, and you start learning a lot of our force to kids and what
37:49
works for them and what may work for you in different things like that.
37:53
You're gonna have regular in person visits. So you'll work with the force to
37:59
parent and the social worker or work out of time and schedule for them to
38:02
come visit your home because they have to come to visit your home as long
38:06
as their child is in your home. They have to continue to make visits.
38:08
They're not going to drop the child law and then they see you at
38:10
court time. No, every month they make a visit. Sometimes in certain
38:15
states it's twice a month. You get twenty four hour on call support.
38:21
It's not just a robotic thing. They do have after hours. They do
38:25
have somebody that has to be available because it could be an emergency. And
38:29
they have other tools to help you learn and develop your skills along the way.
38:34
So it is important for you to go to all of these classes and
38:38
to do these things to become a force to pattern. That's what you want
38:42
to do. Force to parents do receive compensation to cover the rooming board in
38:46
the course of force to children. It varies in every state. I couldn't
38:51
begin to tell you own this state they pay that, that state they pay
38:53
this. A child with a disability gets maybe a little bit more than the
38:57
child. It doesn't your local department can explain the current rate in the structure
39:01
and the payment system. But this money that is provided is to cover such
39:07
expenses as food, clothing, shelter, and transportation. Is not to give
39:12
you money every month to go to the Bahamas and leave the child with the
39:15
neighbors. That's not what the money is for. So if anybody, and
39:17
I hope nobody is listening, is in it for the money, then please
39:22
turn it off right now. I'd rather I'm gonna be cruel about it.
39:25
I'd rather for you not to be on here right now. If you're considering
39:30
being a forced parent because that's a quick way of making money, because that's
39:34
a quick way of pissing me off, and that's not something you want to
39:37
do. Please, if you really and seriously want to be a force to
39:42
parent, don't say you want to do it for the money. Say you
39:45
want to do it because you love doing and making sure that these children are
39:49
safe. You use this money for transportation for the child to get back and
39:53
forth, not to go out and buy yourself a new Mercedes. Use it
39:57
for recreation. Now. I understand sometimes you may have to take a cab
40:00
here and there. Your car maybe down and yeah, you can use money
40:02
for gas and things like that, but don't go out and buy a brand
40:06
new, shiny car for it. It's not for that. You can't give
40:08
these kids allowance age appropriate allowance, and you should not consider this money income
40:15
because it is not income. You'll not be responsible for your child. To
40:19
force the child's medical because they come with in some states Medicaid, so they're
40:24
covered under dental envision and pediatric appointments, and if they're over eighteen, they
40:30
have adult appointments, but they're still covered as far as the education. Their
40:35
education is covered until they are twenty six years old, and they can go
40:37
to college and get a college degree. So you see how important it is
40:42
to have these young children, these teenagers in your home because they can go
40:45
to college and you're not paying it. They can still go to college.
40:49
You can encourage them because a lot of them maybe thinking, my parents can't
40:52
afford this, I'll never be able to go to college. And it's not
40:55
the determining to say, well, stay in care because you can go to
40:59
college, so if you go home, you won't. That's not what we're
41:00
saying. We're saying while they're in care. These are the supports that they
41:05
received. There is no minimum income requirements. However, you must have an
41:10
income, a reliable income, one that shows that you pay taxes for it.
41:19
That's a reliable income. Speak to your local department to see what classifies
41:23
as a reliable income, because every state could be different. Your income must
41:28
be earned and it should be sufficient to meet the financial needs of your family.
41:32
So before you become a force to parent, they want to know about
41:36
your bills. If your lights is turned off, if your water bill is
41:39
high, they want to know about those things. Are you behind in your
41:43
mortgage? Yeah, Now, this is one of those things where we heard
41:46
back in the day, don't let a social worker in your house because they're
41:50
gonna get in your business. That was those Claudine days. Well, they
41:53
will get into your business. If you're going to take a force to child
41:58
for the money, they're going to get into your business because they want to
42:01
make sure that you're not behind in your mortgage and you need that money just
42:05
to catch up in your mortgage. So that's what I mean when they say
42:07
they're gonna get into your businessy't get into your business that way. I hope
42:12
that I have been clear enough tonight to let everybody know about being a forced
42:16
to parent. Children enforced to care ranging age from infants to twenty one.
42:23
In most states, you have to be eighteen before you age out, but
42:29
in a lot of states they're keeping them until they're twenty one. The average
42:35
age of a child enforced to care is more than eight years old, and
42:38
they are slightly more boys than girls. There's also siblings who inter force to
42:45
care, and they're separated from one sibling to the other. They're separated.
42:50
Some of them don't even see each other. What I want you to do
42:53
for me and for these children's to honor National Force to Care a month by
42:59
becoming of was to parent now. Just because they celebrates forced to give up,
43:02
it doesn't mean that you wait till next May to do it. You
43:07
could do with June, July orchis and keep going throughout. You can start
43:10
the process tomorrow, start finding out about your local department and social services.
43:15
You can make phone calls and you'll probably get a voice problem for that,
43:20
but a lot of them have one a hundred numbers for you to contact.
43:23
Now on the back of that slide that you saw, you have my contact
43:27
information now. Not in every state and I can't cover every state. If
43:30
you do want to call me, I don't have a problem with talking to
43:32
you about it to try to help you. If you may have some questions
43:37
that you may need answer, I'll try to answer them the best that I
43:39
can. But it's best for you to contact your local department of Social Services
43:45
because they can give you better information. I see Latania saying they need to
43:50
get in their business because these children matter. Yes, you're right, You're
43:52
right, Latania, they do need to get into their business. It is
43:55
It is horrible that this is what happens, but it is what it is.
44:00
And some people are some people, and that's what they want to do.
44:04
They just want to take it for the money. But social services it's
44:07
smart enough to know who's in it for the money and who's in it for
44:12
the longhold, because sometimes that's exactly what it is. It's a longhold for
44:15
these children and they need that support. They need that supportive person to be
44:22
there with them. One of the hardest things for some force to parents that
44:24
I've heard is when it's time for them to go home. It's hard on
44:30
the force to parent, but it's a good feeling also because you know that
44:35
the parent worked along with the Department of Social Services to get their child back
44:39
because their child was worth it, and these children are so happy. Maybe
44:45
you can stay connected with the child. I don't know. That would be
44:47
up to the parent. There are some good stories with force to parents and
44:52
biological parents. I know people have heard some nightmare stories, but stop listening
44:58
to every story that you hear. I forced to care because everybody's story is
45:01
not the same. Everybody deals with the department in different ways. Now I
45:07
know, I'm gonna be honest. I was one of those people that believe
45:09
what Miss soul So said about social workers coming into your home and getting into
45:15
your business. We'll see now I'm a social worker and I only get into
45:19
your business when you're not doing the right business. So that's the only way
45:22
that I get into your business. But just take care to child and us
45:24
all I ask when you're doing That's all The departments are acts and really do.
45:30
But if you've been hearing this message, you listen to this entire episode,
45:34
and for that, I want to thank you from the bottom of my
45:37
heart. Join me on Basic Black after Dark on May nineteenth, as we
45:43
continue to earn a National Force to kim up when my guests will be a
45:46
panel of former forces. You children, but they're now adults because they're over
45:51
twenty one in the age doubts successfully. They're going to talk about their transition
45:55
out of the force to kids system. And one of the people who had
46:00
main statements, she's gonna be on it. That's Miss Latania. She'll be
46:02
here to talk to us about her transition. Remember Basic Black after Dark on
46:08
May nineteen, after eight after Dark, thanks again for watching us. Basic
46:16
Black after Dark dour new podcast show with your host, Black Diamond.