Latest / The You Project / #2210 Asked and Answered - Harps (PT1)

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#2210 Asked and Answered - Harps (PT1) · The You Project

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Speaker 1: Hello, team is It's me me. I'm back. I've had
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Speaker 1: a couple of weeks away doing stuff which most of
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Speaker 1: you know about. For all the warmth and all the
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Speaker 1: wishes and all the love and all the cyber love,
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Speaker 1: and thanks, thanks a lot, genuinely, it's been a little overwhelming,
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Speaker 1: but beautiful and very very very thoughtful bunch of humans
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Speaker 1: you are, and I mean that honestly and sincerely and
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Speaker 1: with much gratitude. Today we're doing a Q and A.
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Speaker 1: So I've done these a few times before. I put
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Speaker 1: up a post today in the typ Facebook group. If
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Speaker 1: you're not a member of the group, feel free to join.
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Speaker 1: There's no cooks or catches, a genders, there's nothing. It's
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Speaker 1: just for the most part of community of people who
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Speaker 1: are interested in evolving and learning and improving and growing
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Speaker 1: and asking questions and unloading information and applying said informations,
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Speaker 1: so turning the theory into the practicality, the idea into
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Speaker 1: the doing, and so on. So I have not read
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Speaker 1: these questions, which is probably not a great idea. But
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Speaker 1: I've been busy. I've been busy all day. It is Sunday,
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Speaker 1: it is the sixteenth, and many of you know my
1:26
Speaker 1: dad passed away. So he passed away a week and
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Speaker 1: a bit ago and was his funeral two days ago
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Speaker 1: on Friday. So it's been an interesting time. I won't
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Speaker 1: bore you with that, but that's what's been happening in
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Speaker 1: my life. And so I'm going to be sharing my
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Speaker 1: ideas and my stories and my thinking around these questions.
1:52
Speaker 1: And I'm reading each question for the first time live,
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Speaker 1: which means I have done zero prepper and I do
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Speaker 1: not know what's coming. So some of the questions might
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Speaker 1: be out of my wheelhouse, which if they are, or
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Speaker 1: I don't think I can provide any valuable insight, I'll
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Speaker 1: say so, and some of them might be the questions
2:14
Speaker 1: might be really interesting to you. And I'm going to
2:17
Speaker 1: talk about the question, and I'm going to give you
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Speaker 1: my thoughts and insights and maybe stories and experiences or
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Speaker 1: understanding of the question and potential answers. Clearly, it's not
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Speaker 1: a prescription for anyone. It's not a directive from me
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Speaker 1: to you, but rather a bloke thinking out loud to you.
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Speaker 1: And so I appreciate your effort. For those of you
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Speaker 1: who jumped in and asked me a question in the group,
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Speaker 1: here we are a question one Natalie rush High. Natalie
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Speaker 1: has has doing your this? This is going to be
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Speaker 1: a little clunky, but bear with me. Has doing your
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Speaker 1: PhD changed the way as he reaches for respecs? Hock,
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Speaker 1: I'm getting old. Maybe I should put my face closer
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Speaker 1: to the screen. Has doing your PhD changed the way
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Speaker 1: you see yourself? That's a good question in research. Well,
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Speaker 1: let me start with that. It hasn't changed the way
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Speaker 1: I see myself, but it's given me a better understanding
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Speaker 1: of me, and it's helped me realize a few things
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Speaker 1: about my capacity and my ability. And while I even
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Speaker 1: though I've submitted my thesis and I'm still waiting on feedback,
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Speaker 1: there's one or two steps to go before anyone's going
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Speaker 1: to call me doctor Harps. But we're heading in the
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Speaker 1: right direction. So I guess I just have a little
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Speaker 1: bit more self belief in me, and I have a
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Speaker 1: little bit more understanding of my capacity and my possibilities.
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Speaker 1: I've never been super duper confident, despite my ability to
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Speaker 1: talk in front of people. I've never really been my
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Speaker 1: biggest fan club I try to be. But what I
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Speaker 1: am good at doing, if I can say that without
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Speaker 1: sounding arrogant, is I am good at starting things that
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Speaker 1: I know will be hard, and I'm pretty good at
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Speaker 1: completing them. I am very comfortable in discomfort, and the
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Speaker 1: reason that I am comfortable in discomfort is because I
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Speaker 1: know that that is where I grow. In fact, I
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Speaker 1: chase discomfort, not all the time, not every day, but
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Speaker 1: I know that when I put myself, as long as
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Speaker 1: it's in context of or alignment with what I want
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Speaker 1: to do, be create my goals, I'm happy to choose
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Speaker 1: the difficult path or the path that is necessarily difficult
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Speaker 1: or uncomfortable or unfamiliar or unpredictable. So doing a PhD
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Speaker 1: has been a very steep learning curve for me. I'm
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Speaker 1: not a natural academic. I'm a natural think I have
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Speaker 1: natural curiosity. I am. I think I'm reasonably good at
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Speaker 1: uncomplicating what can be the complicated. I think I'm reasonably
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Speaker 1: good at disseminating what can be confusing science into not
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Speaker 1: so confusing thoughts and ideas that we can grasp and
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Speaker 1: then hopefully do something with. So I don't see myself as,
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Speaker 1: of course any better. I'm not any better. I just
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Speaker 1: have done a thing which is good. But I've learned,
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Speaker 1: and I've grown and I've evolved, and it's very important
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Speaker 1: for me that I use my brain. You know, both
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Speaker 1: my parents or my dad was in significant cognitive decline,
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Speaker 1: dementia and so on, mums struggling a little bit, and
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Speaker 1: obviously I'm their kid, and so I'm very cognizant of
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Speaker 1: the fact that I need to train my body. I
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Speaker 1: need to stay fit, healthy, strong, but I also need
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Speaker 1: to train my brain. So me stepping into something where
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Speaker 1: I had to use a lot of cognitive horse power
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Speaker 1: to get it done for me was both a challenge
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Speaker 1: and a blessing. Next question in Natalie's is in researching
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Speaker 1: external self awareness and met obxception, have you discovered anything
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Speaker 1: uncomfortable about the gap between who you think you are
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Speaker 1: and how other people might actually Oh? Yeah, for sure,
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Speaker 1: but I think I'm a lot. I think I discovered
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Speaker 1: that before this journey, but it's probably consolidated a bit
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Speaker 1: because I've gone into this deep dive into thinking about
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Speaker 1: how I think and I see the world, and the
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Speaker 1: way that I process data and the way that I
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Speaker 1: tell stories, and me trying to understand me, me trying
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Speaker 1: to have a level of awareness about me, which is
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Speaker 1: really meta cognition. And then the next one, and I've
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Speaker 1: shared this with you many times, is think is theory
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Speaker 1: of mine, which is trying to understand how others think
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Speaker 1: and their worldview and they're in the moment experience. And
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Speaker 1: then the one that Natalie mentioned external self awareness slash metapception.
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Speaker 1: Pretty much the same thing is understanding how others perceive me.
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Speaker 1: And here's the thing. I know that there will be
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Speaker 1: people that do not like me for a range of reasons,
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Speaker 1: people usually that have not even ever met me, but
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Speaker 1: they will form an impression of mea via these podcasts,
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Speaker 1: by what I write, by the whiteboard messages I share
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Speaker 1: on Instagram, the reels that they see here and there,
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Speaker 1: and of course they will and of course some people
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Speaker 1: will warm to me, some people will not. Some people
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Speaker 1: will think I'm arrogant, some people will think I'm inspiring
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Speaker 1: and everything in between. And I understand that and I'm
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Speaker 1: totally fine with that, because this is the human experience.
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Speaker 1: The more people you connect with, or the more exposure
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Speaker 1: you have, the more people will think less of you,
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Speaker 1: not because there are not people more people thinking great
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Speaker 1: of you, but just statistically, the more of an audience
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Speaker 1: you have, the more of exposure you have. There will
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Speaker 1: be more and more people that you know. Instead of five,
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Speaker 1: it might be ten, or it might be one hundred
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Speaker 1: or what it is. But in terms of the gap,
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Speaker 1: I think I am reasonably meta accurate. Not always, but
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Speaker 1: you know, people who don't like me, I know they
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Speaker 1: don't like me. They don't need to tell me. And
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Speaker 1: I'm not even talking about people who leave horrible comments
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Speaker 1: or whatever I have that I don't have. I have
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Speaker 1: a few skills. I don't know that I have many talents,
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Speaker 1: and I don't know if this is a talent and
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Speaker 1: then built thing, a genetic thing. But I feel like
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Speaker 1: I'm pretty good at reading people. And part of that
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Speaker 1: is because I have been curious since I can remember
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Speaker 1: about why people do stuff about when I was a child,
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Speaker 1: I remember trying to figure out not in a childlike way,
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Speaker 1: but trying to figure out how grown ups work, why
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Speaker 1: they say things and then do something else, and why
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Speaker 1: they act a certain way in front of this person
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Speaker 1: another way in front of that person. And I did
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Speaker 1: not know the answers. But I was curious. And I
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Speaker 1: am flawed. I am in some ways a bit broken.
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Speaker 1: I am far from perfect. I get things wrong some
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Speaker 1: you know, all the things and I'm going to always
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Speaker 1: do that because I'm not perfect. And you know, you
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Speaker 1: just think about this practically and experientially. If I'm talking
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Speaker 1: to one hundred people in a room on a day,
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Speaker 1: there's one hundred personalities, there's one hundred different mindsets, there's
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Speaker 1: one hundred different genetic dispositions. There's one hundred different backgrounds
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Speaker 1: and stories and beliefs and value systems and all of
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Speaker 1: that stuff that those individuals have, which is different from
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Speaker 1: everyone else in the room. Is listening to this bloke
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Speaker 1: up the front and knowing it or not making a
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Speaker 1: judgment call or an evaluation of me who I am
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Speaker 1: and how I am and who I am and whether
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Speaker 1: or not I'm a good bloke or a bad bloke,
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Speaker 1: whether or not I'm smart, I'm a dickhead, whether or
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Speaker 1: not I'm worth listening to or not. And that happens
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Speaker 1: all the time. And we all do that. We all
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Speaker 1: do that. I do that. I get it wrong often.
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Speaker 1: I think I get it right more often, and somewhere
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Speaker 1: sometimes it's somewhere in between. So good question, Natalie, And
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Speaker 1: the last question you wrote is am I okay, Yes
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Speaker 1: I am. It's been a very steep learning curve the
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Speaker 1: last month and especially the last ten days or so
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Speaker 1: since Dad ten twelve days ago since Dad passed away.
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Speaker 1: But I'm doing okay. I'm doing okay, So thank you.
10:40
Speaker 1: Danny Tomkinson says, I harps. I have a similar background
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Speaker 1: as being involved in with evangelic Oh, okay, evangelical churches.
10:51
Speaker 1: I don't go anymore, but believe in Jesus still. I
10:54
Speaker 1: can't really listen to Christian music anymore but seem to help,
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Speaker 1: but seem to get help and release any more now
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Speaker 1: from so called worldly music, especially at the gym with
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Speaker 1: my headphones. So I guess the question is does some
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Speaker 1: Christian music make you feel hurt or bring back bad
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Speaker 1: memories instead of helping you? It does me. That's really interesting, Danny,
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Speaker 1: And Yeah, our nervous system, our emotional system, our brain
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Speaker 1: is obviously brain and nervous system tied in together. But
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Speaker 1: it stimulates responses, in voluntary responses, and we have these
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Speaker 1: neuro associations with things from our past. There are certain
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Speaker 1: smells that I can smell that reminds me of a
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Speaker 1: time and play some person. There are certain things I
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Speaker 1: might see visually that stimulates and involuntary response. All of
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Speaker 1: a sudden I'm thinking about something or I'm feeling a
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Speaker 1: certain way, not because I chose it, but that thing
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Speaker 1: that stimulus just creates that response in me. And so
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Speaker 1: my answer is no, they don't really make me. There's
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Speaker 1: no kind of music. And I was probably like you,
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Speaker 1: I was down the Christian music rabbit hole. Doesn't really
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Speaker 1: make me sad, maybe makes me a bit sentimental at times.
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Speaker 1: There is what what you know Danny Us evangelical old
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Speaker 1: school Christians would call secular music or worldly music that
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Speaker 1: I love that pumps me up, that gets me training hard,
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Speaker 1: or that is just I think a beautiful message may
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Speaker 1: not necessarily be a Christian message, but it's just a
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Speaker 1: you know that that makes my heart sing, that elevates me.
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Speaker 1: But I think that's just an individual response. But no,
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Speaker 1: nothing really makes me feel sad or brings back bad memories.
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Speaker 1: But again there is no there's no set protocol. This
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Speaker 1: is just an individual responding to a stimulus. You responding,
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Speaker 1: me responding. Yeah. The things that historical things that I
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Speaker 1: might bump into or might you know, get exposed to
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Speaker 1: that make me feel shit, I just avoid them. I
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Speaker 1: don't think there's any I don't think the best use
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Speaker 1: of my time is trying to overcome or navigate this
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Speaker 1: thing that I listen to that makes me feel not good.
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Speaker 1: So I'm going to keep listening to it until I
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Speaker 1: feel good. That's just my personal reaction. But there's so
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Speaker 1: much great. There's so much good, there's so much beautiful music.
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Speaker 1: It sounds cheesy and maybe bullshitty when I say, the
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Speaker 1: older I get, the more bad things that happen, the
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Speaker 1: more good things that happen, the more things that happen
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Speaker 1: to me, around me, for me, despite me, the more
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Speaker 1: people I meet, the more experiences I have, my gratitude grows.
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Speaker 1: And even when there's something hard going on, and even
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Speaker 1: when I'm surrounded by or dealing with people who themselves
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Speaker 1: are really struggling one, I want to help them and
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Speaker 1: I want to serve them, and I want to encourage
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Speaker 1: and support them, but I realize I can't do the
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Speaker 1: work for them. But also dealing with, you know, people
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Speaker 1: who are hurting gives me a perspective that my life
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Speaker 1: is easy, that I am okay, that my problems generally
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Speaker 1: are pretty insignificant to others' problems. Amber McSwiney, is that right,
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Speaker 1: Hay Harps so many people are navigating the aging parents
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Speaker 1: care space right now. It's probably because we're all about
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Speaker 1: the same age. Amber, What have you learned and what
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Speaker 1: can you suggest in terms of self care for them
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Speaker 1: as well? Self care? Oh for the people navigating this
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Speaker 1: cool as in people navigating older parents yep, and all
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Speaker 1: the associated issues for them. Okay, So wow, that is
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Speaker 1: a good question. How do we help and support? So
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Speaker 1: maybe the question is, or maybe my version of the
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Speaker 1: question is how do we help and support and love
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Speaker 1: and care for our folks in the best way without
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Speaker 1: destroying ourselves or hurting ourselves in the middle of it.
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Speaker 1: So for my dad and mum, there's been a little
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Speaker 1: bit of sacrifice on my behalf, as I believe there
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Speaker 1: should be, because I believe, and again this is an
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Speaker 1: individual belief, that for a period of time, my priority
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Speaker 1: in my life has been their okayness, their stability, their emotional,
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Speaker 1: mental and physiological stability or welfare. Not so much mine.
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Speaker 1: I still care about me, but I try not to
15:48
Speaker 1: be selfish. So having said that, I think we do
15:52
Speaker 1: need to prioritize ourselves in the sense of looking after
15:56
Speaker 1: ourselves physically first, and by that I mean good food,
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Speaker 1: good sleep, and ticking all those behavioral and lifestyle boxes
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Speaker 1: that will put you or allow you to be in
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Speaker 1: the best emotional and psychological space to help and serve
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Speaker 1: your parents. Like if I get out of bed and
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Speaker 1: I haven't eaten well, or I haven't slept well, or
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Speaker 1: I have the day before been inconsistent with my lifestyle
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Speaker 1: values and all of those things, I get out of
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Speaker 1: bed number three or a four, not a ten, I'm
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Speaker 1: already compromised. I cannot be a ten out of ten son,
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Speaker 1: or care or whatever I am when I'm running at three.
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Speaker 1: So it seems selfish, but it's not so look after you,
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Speaker 1: to look after your parents, and in terms of tools
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Speaker 1: or advice for their folks, I think it's really important
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Speaker 1: that we try to understand the experience of aging through
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Speaker 1: the eyes of our parents, Like what is this like
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Speaker 1: for you, my dad? In the last few months, it's
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Speaker 1: been very difficult, and as much as I can never
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Speaker 1: fully understand, because I'm not him, I try to look
17:14
Speaker 1: through a lens of love and awareness and trying to
17:21
Speaker 1: understand Ron's version of life, trying to understand his version
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Speaker 1: of this moment, his version of his relationship with his
17:29
Speaker 1: son or his wife, trying to understand his fear and
17:33
Speaker 1: trying to understand his apprehension, and trying to understand his
17:38
Speaker 1: diminishing cognitive capacity with empathy and awareness and love. I
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Speaker 1: think if old people who are really struggling them by that,
17:50
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, people who whatever whatever age, let's
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Speaker 1: not pick an age, but anyone who's towards the end
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Speaker 1: of their life in the vicinity and they loved and
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Speaker 1: they know they're loved, and they feel seen and they
18:05
Speaker 1: feel respected. I think that is a very good starting
18:11
Speaker 1: point in terms of practical tools and all of that.
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Speaker 1: You know, there's all the government assistants and all of that.
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Speaker 1: The A I think it's called an a cast assessment,
18:21
Speaker 1: I'm not sure, but an assessment that we get done
18:24
Speaker 1: for them to support, to provide a level of support
18:28
Speaker 1: and financial and or otherwise. Like there's a lot of
18:33
Speaker 1: things that we can do. But okay, these are just
18:36
Speaker 1: my thoughts and ideas, not a specific answer, but thanks am,
18:39
Speaker 1: But okay, Jackie Jackie puts on inspecs Ackland. Oh wow,
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Speaker 1: this is deep maybe a general Uh okay, I'm going
18:49
Speaker 1: to read it, but I'm not going to talk for
18:50
Speaker 1: too long, Jackie, just because this could be a whole podcast.
18:54
Speaker 1: In fact, we might make a whole podcast with my
18:57
Speaker 1: friend Nikki who works in this space, maybe a general
19:00
Speaker 1: conversation about voluntary assisted dying and the effects of such
19:03
Speaker 1: a decision for the person involved in those close to them.
19:08
Speaker 1: So many viewpoints and emotions for all. Yeah, this is
19:12
Speaker 1: I mean, you're never going to have this conversation without
19:16
Speaker 1: people disagreeing, unless it's maybe two people. But as soon
19:21
Speaker 1: as you open this door, there are so many I
19:24
Speaker 1: think moral, ethical, medical, emotional, psychological, biosocial issues to consider.
19:34
Speaker 1: It is a very complicated, complex issue to navigate legally
19:42
Speaker 1: as well. My general thoughts are, if this is where
19:50
Speaker 1: people are at, and this voluntary assist dying seems like
19:56
Speaker 1: for that person something they genuinely want to do, and
20:03
Speaker 1: it's supported by the family, I'm not going to say
20:07
Speaker 1: I think it's good or bad. I'm going to say
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Speaker 1: I understand it, because it ain't for me to judge
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Speaker 1: good or bad. I understand it. There is no judgment
20:14
Speaker 1: there from me. I think I don't know if I
20:19
Speaker 1: would do it. I might, I really don't know. So
20:22
Speaker 1: I'm just being honest and that's not a very exciting insight.
20:26
Speaker 1: But I might. It depends on I think. There are
20:29
Speaker 1: so many variables, But one of them I think about
20:31
Speaker 1: is if I was I'm not talking about what anyone
20:35
Speaker 1: else does or doesn't do, or anyone else's perspective, but
20:38
Speaker 1: me personally. If I was in a state where I
20:42
Speaker 1: could probably linger for another five years, but the quality
20:46
Speaker 1: of life would be close to zero and I was
20:49
Speaker 1: basically being held together by sticky tape and a few
20:54
Speaker 1: staples and being funny of course, But I don't know
20:59
Speaker 1: that I would not do it. I don't know. I'm
21:05
Speaker 1: really not there yet, but having insight into the industry
21:13
Speaker 1: a little bit, being a dueler, being a death dueler,
21:16
Speaker 1: being working in that space where I have two people
21:21
Speaker 1: that I know, one very well, who takes people through
21:25
Speaker 1: the process within the rules and regulations of the law
21:30
Speaker 1: and so on. But yeah, I think it's something Jackie,
21:34
Speaker 1: that you need to individually search your heart on. I
21:38
Speaker 1: think because it's someone else's opinion to me. For me,
21:44
Speaker 1: I'm interested in their opinion, but I'm not going to
21:46
Speaker 1: be swayed by their opinion. Doesn't mean I don't want
21:50
Speaker 1: to hear. Look, that's actually not true. Maybe I would be,
21:55
Speaker 1: but I just think it's context dependent, it's situation dependent.
22:00
Speaker 1: And I think you know, when you've grown up in
22:03
Speaker 1: a certain mindset or a certain religion or a certain faith,
22:06
Speaker 1: or a certain family, you know, we kind of grow
22:09
Speaker 1: up with these hard wide, quite often hard wide ideas
22:14
Speaker 1: or values of morals or windows of perspective that we
22:17
Speaker 1: didn't choose, and so it's very easy to go under
22:21
Speaker 1: no circumstances this this or that. But usually that stance
22:25
Speaker 1: is a reflection of that person's programming. Programming is not bad,
22:30
Speaker 1: Programming is inevitable. Every one of us is programmed to
22:35
Speaker 1: a point, including me. We are a product of many things.
22:40
Speaker 1: One of the things we are a product of is
22:43
Speaker 1: the people that we've been around, the ideas, the values,
22:47
Speaker 1: the theology, the sociology, the situations that we've been in
22:52
Speaker 1: or around. And so even though we think critically and
22:57
Speaker 1: for ourselves, sometimes we do, but sometimes we are just
23:02
Speaker 1: echoing what we've been taught and told. I know I
23:06
Speaker 1: didn't answer your question, but I talked about it. That's important.
23:12
Speaker 1: Thanks Jackie. See no prep. Everyone did not know that
23:16
Speaker 1: was coming. Amanda Lewis, Oh, this is different. I would
23:21
Speaker 1: love to know what your typical meals look like. Each
23:23
Speaker 1: day I do heaps of running, but I'm still struggling
23:25
Speaker 1: with the meals. Don't exactly know what that means. But
23:30
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'll come back to what my meals look like.
23:33
Speaker 1: But one of the things I think about is when
23:36
Speaker 1: we're talking about bodies and we're talking about food and
23:39
Speaker 1: we're talking about what we look like, or feel like,
23:42
Speaker 1: or function like. It's a really interesting area. And from
23:48
Speaker 1: the outside looking in, you would think that this is
23:51
Speaker 1: all our physiological process of putting in calories, expending calories,
23:55
Speaker 1: micro's macros, going for a run, lifting weights. We do
23:58
Speaker 1: running and improves carding of shall we lift weights. It
24:01
Speaker 1: stimulates hypertrophy, which is muscle growth. We stretch, We increase
24:05
Speaker 1: range of movement around the joint. We do all of
24:07
Speaker 1: these things. We do these things, we create these physical
24:09
Speaker 1: outcomes biboty body boo. But it ain't that. That is
24:14
Speaker 1: part of it. But it ain't all that. It's like,
24:16
Speaker 1: there is so much emotion, there are so many habits.
24:20
Speaker 1: There are so much thinking wrapped around our body and
24:25
Speaker 1: what we do to our body. When you talk about meals,
24:29
Speaker 1: that's something that you do to your body when you
24:30
Speaker 1: talk about running, that's something that you do to your body.
24:34
Speaker 1: We all have a different and a lot of us
24:39
Speaker 1: are kind of a weird and complicated if we're being honest,
24:42
Speaker 1: I do. I don't know about you individually, listener, but
24:45
Speaker 1: we have a complicated relationship with our body because so
24:48
Speaker 1: much of how our body works and functions and adapts
24:54
Speaker 1: and changes on a range of levels, practically, clinically, medically
24:59
Speaker 1: you know, cardio, strength, power, speed, all these things that
25:04
Speaker 1: we can do to our body, immune system, you know, microbiome,
25:08
Speaker 1: all of these things. So much of that is about
25:11
Speaker 1: what we choose, which is a head thing, what we do,
25:15
Speaker 1: which is a byproduct of a head thing. How we
25:19
Speaker 1: see ourselves another head thing, and an emotional thing. How
25:24
Speaker 1: prepared we are to do the thing that would really
25:29
Speaker 1: move the needle. I've spent my life giving advice to
25:32
Speaker 1: people around training, about building muscle, about running faster, about
25:35
Speaker 1: improving flexibility, about changing body composition. I've spent my life
25:40
Speaker 1: giving that information and coaching to people who don't do
25:44
Speaker 1: what I say, And that is fine, But the amount
25:49
Speaker 1: of advice I've given I'm an excise scientist. Remember I
25:52
Speaker 1: owned gyms for twenty five years. I'm not the best,
25:56
Speaker 1: but I'm pretty fucking educated in this space. Like I
25:58
Speaker 1: know a lot, and I don't off and say that,
26:00
Speaker 1: but about this stuff, I know a lot. But it
26:04
Speaker 1: doesn't matter how much I know. And it doesn't even
26:06
Speaker 1: matter how much you know, and it doesn't even matter
26:09
Speaker 1: how much of a revelation you have. What actually matters
26:13
Speaker 1: is what you can do and what you can learn
26:15
Speaker 1: about yourself and how you can self regulate and self
26:18
Speaker 1: manage and make good decisions for you along the way.
26:22
Speaker 1: You think about when we go and eat a whole
26:24
Speaker 1: bunch of stuff that we don't need to eat, that's
26:28
Speaker 1: a voluntary thing. We don't accidentally eat a whole lot
26:34
Speaker 1: of shit. We choose to. Well, that's an interesting psychological exploration,
26:39
Speaker 1: that's an interesting emotional exploration. We consciously, while simultaneously wanting
26:47
Speaker 1: to improve our body, our physiology or health, our wellness olfunction,
26:51
Speaker 1: while well consciously having that as part of who we are,
26:55
Speaker 1: we also sometimes on the same day go and do
26:59
Speaker 1: shit to our body, which is destructive and self sabotaging.
27:04
Speaker 1: So I think when it comes to the food stuff,
27:07
Speaker 1: I think when it comes to the body stuff and
27:11
Speaker 1: the lifestyle stuff more broadly. I think it really needs
27:17
Speaker 1: to understanding our drivers and our motivation, and am I
27:22
Speaker 1: actually willing to do this thing that is hard. What
27:26
Speaker 1: is hard is not eating junk food when you love
27:31
Speaker 1: junk food. That's hard. Having a diet written for you
27:36
Speaker 1: means fuck all if you don't do the diet or
27:40
Speaker 1: the food plan. Having I could write I've written thousands
27:45
Speaker 1: of exercise programs for people. The vast majority of people
27:50
Speaker 1: don't do those exercise programs consistently and over time. Was
27:56
Speaker 1: the program good pretty good? I hope it was somewhere
27:59
Speaker 1: between pretty good really fucking good. But it ain't about
28:03
Speaker 1: the program. It's about our ability to do the program
28:05
Speaker 1: when we don't want to do the program. So for me,
28:09
Speaker 1: all of the discussion around meals and food and exercise
28:14
Speaker 1: and regimes and protocols, it matters. But our ability to
28:18
Speaker 1: self regulate, our ability to be honest, our ability to
28:23
Speaker 1: do the thing that is hard to achieve the outcome
28:28
Speaker 1: that is way more important to me, because how you
28:34
Speaker 1: look feel function is actually a byproduct of all the
28:40
Speaker 1: stuff that's going on in your mind. Yes, there's a
28:43
Speaker 1: genetic component that's out of our control, but I'm talking
28:45
Speaker 1: about the stuff that's in our control. And in terms
28:49
Speaker 1: of what my meals look like each day, Amanda like boring, boring,
28:55
Speaker 1: but not unenjoyable like I've many times I put up.
29:02
Speaker 1: I eat you know, oats and nuts and seeds and
29:07
Speaker 1: protein powder for breakfast, with some kind of milk of
29:11
Speaker 1: kind of going off the and milks and the like
29:14
Speaker 1: because they've kind of got a bit of crap in
29:16
Speaker 1: my mactop. I'm not great with milk milk because I'm
29:19
Speaker 1: kind of lactose intolerant. But I will either have lactose
29:23
Speaker 1: free milk or I will have water because there's protein
29:27
Speaker 1: powder in it, so which again has got lactose in it.
29:31
Speaker 1: I get that, but you know, something like that. For breakfast, lunch,
29:34
Speaker 1: I have a very small lunch or no lunch. I
29:37
Speaker 1: might have a bit of chicken and a bit of rice,
29:39
Speaker 1: or I might have a very small wrap, or I
29:43
Speaker 1: might have a protein drink my body. And this is
29:48
Speaker 1: again this comes back to you understanding you, just like
29:50
Speaker 1: I understand me. If I eat three big meals a
29:53
Speaker 1: day one I don't feel good through the day for me.
29:57
Speaker 1: And this is not a prescription or advice for me.
29:59
Speaker 1: Person Lee, my genetics, my body type. My individual response
30:06
Speaker 1: is that I have more energy, more clarity, better cognitive function,
30:11
Speaker 1: and better performance when I don't eat much through the day.
30:17
Speaker 1: Would I advise you to do that? No, because you
30:20
Speaker 1: are not me. Um, that'll do. Thanks, Amanda, Mary Scolin.
30:29
Speaker 1: Let me see. How are you through this? Oh? How
30:32
Speaker 1: are you through this experience of your father's passing. Okay,
30:38
Speaker 1: possibly too early to fully evaluate it, as grief is
30:42
Speaker 1: a long process. What surprised you? Ah, honestly, I'm okay.
30:51
Speaker 1: It's funy. Grief is funny, ironically not hilarious, but interesting
30:58
Speaker 1: funny and death and dying and the way that individuals
31:03
Speaker 1: respond totally differently to the same thing. Again, no judgment
31:09
Speaker 1: in any of that, just different, just awareness. And so
31:14
Speaker 1: I'm very much have been very much in the last while.
31:16
Speaker 1: My dad's been sick for quite a while, but especially
31:19
Speaker 1: in the last month where you know, things were getting
31:23
Speaker 1: grim for one of a better word, I am the
31:27
Speaker 1: only kid. Mum is compromised. Dad was dying, and so
31:36
Speaker 1: I am very much about Yes, I'm feeling what I'm feeling.
31:41
Speaker 1: Have I been sad? Yes? Is there you know, all
31:46
Speaker 1: kinds of emotions and things going on? Yes. Also there's
31:51
Speaker 1: a whole lot of shit I need to do, and
31:54
Speaker 1: the challenge is that ticking off. You know, in the
31:59
Speaker 1: last two weeks, I must have answered about literally one
32:02
Speaker 1: hundred different questions from people about all the boxes that
32:06
Speaker 1: we need to tick and things that we you know,
32:08
Speaker 1: from I won't even say you because I tell you
32:11
Speaker 1: because it's a bit might be a bit confronting for people,
32:14
Speaker 1: but so many questions I've had to make decisions on
32:18
Speaker 1: in the moment, in the moment, so I'm aware that
32:26
Speaker 1: I need to be I need to feel what I'm feeling.
32:29
Speaker 1: I don't need to be in denial. I'm not putting
32:30
Speaker 1: my head in the sand. But also I need to
32:33
Speaker 1: be clear, I need to be conscious, I need to
32:35
Speaker 1: be proactive, and I need to be a support system
32:40
Speaker 1: for not only my mum but others as well. And
32:43
Speaker 1: this might make me sound to some of you like
32:46
Speaker 1: a robot. I'm definitely not. I have good days and
32:50
Speaker 1: bad days, but I also think it's for me. It
32:55
Speaker 1: is very important to walk my talk, to be able
33:02
Speaker 1: to do hard things, to deal with hard things, to
33:05
Speaker 1: navigate hard things. And there might come a time where
33:09
Speaker 1: I hit the wall in the near future. Or not,
33:12
Speaker 1: or it might be slow, or it might I'm not sure.
33:15
Speaker 1: You know. I spoke at dad's funeral two days ago.
33:18
Speaker 1: My intention was not to cry. I cried thirty five
33:22
Speaker 1: fucking times. I was hopeless. But guess what, don't care.
33:26
Speaker 1: Don't care. It's been interesting, it's sad, it's happy, there's laughter,
33:31
Speaker 1: there's tears. There is no right way or wrong way
33:35
Speaker 1: to grieve. It is an individual thing. I find it
33:39
Speaker 1: hilarious that people tell people that they're not grieving properly.
33:45
Speaker 1: That's fucking hilarious. And that people judge people on the
33:50
Speaker 1: way that they respond to certain like I'm like, hey, bro,
33:53
Speaker 1: just no, let's just shut that shit down. Let's just
33:56
Speaker 1: go whatever you think of what they're doing or how
33:59
Speaker 1: they're responding, how they're grieving or not grieving, why don't
34:02
Speaker 1: you fuck all those opinions off, and why don't you
34:05
Speaker 1: just go up to that person and be loved. Just
34:09
Speaker 1: do that. Don't tell them what you think of how
34:13
Speaker 1: they're going. That is not helpful, That is hurtful, and
34:16
Speaker 1: that is not about them. That is about you. And
34:19
Speaker 1: so I've had a little bit of that, and I'm
34:22
Speaker 1: okay with that. And I also understand that people think
34:25
Speaker 1: they are doing the right thing, but in many cases
34:30
Speaker 1: they are not good intentions bad outcomes. Just like you
34:33
Speaker 1: know when you talk to someone, you might have a
34:35
Speaker 1: good intention, but it doesn't come across to them like that,
34:38
Speaker 1: and your intention will not necessarily be their experience. And
34:44
Speaker 1: the second part of the question is what surprised you.
34:48
Speaker 1: What surprised me was I'm going to tell you a
34:51
Speaker 1: story that is a brand new story today. What surprised
34:57
Speaker 1: me was story in a minute. The level of love
35:03
Speaker 1: and support and genuine not pseudo bullshitty. But you know,
35:11
Speaker 1: there's a bit of that, To be honest, I know
35:14
Speaker 1: most people won't say that there's a bit of superficial bullshitty.
35:18
Speaker 1: You know, if I can do anything, not really, do
35:21
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? People who are will put
35:23
Speaker 1: up their hand until you actually ask them to do something.
35:26
Speaker 1: Then that disappears. But that has been very small. The
35:30
Speaker 1: majority has been genuine, has been loving, it has been heartwarming,
35:34
Speaker 1: it has been a gift. And he's my story. Mary,
35:41
Speaker 1: I hope you don't mind me sharing this, but so
35:45
Speaker 1: a maide of mine. Toby, who's been on the podcast
35:48
Speaker 1: a long time ago, Toby Quinn, he lives in Queensland.
35:52
Speaker 1: He used to work with me. He lives in Queensland
35:54
Speaker 1: now and he works up there. He's a lovely guy.
35:56
Speaker 1: It's one of my mates. And also anyway, so I
36:00
Speaker 1: got this message from him the other day. Today's Sunday.
36:03
Speaker 1: I got the message, I don't know whenever a few
36:05
Speaker 1: days ago. Hey mate, I'm in Melbourne on Sunday today,
36:10
Speaker 1: the day I'm recording this. I'm in Melbourne on Sunday.
36:12
Speaker 1: Can we catch up for lunch? And I said, not sure?
36:16
Speaker 1: Bro heaps on, let's touch base Saturday, so yesterday and
36:23
Speaker 1: if I can make it, I'll make it. Blah blah blah. Anyway,
36:25
Speaker 1: I forgot all about it because I've had nineteen thousand
36:27
Speaker 1: messages and calls and things to do. Then. Anyway, today
36:31
Speaker 1: I get a phone call. No today, I get a
36:33
Speaker 1: message from Toby, who's in Melbourne, and he says I'll
36:39
Speaker 1: be there in about half an hour. And I'm thinking,
36:42
Speaker 1: fucking he fuck batman. I'm not expecting that. And so
36:48
Speaker 1: I said to him, and it just worked out I
36:51
Speaker 1: could meet him, and I went, well, sure, let's meet
36:55
Speaker 1: at this place in half an hour. So cafe up
36:58
Speaker 1: the road, I go I meet him and I'm firstly,
37:02
Speaker 1: I'm sitting in the cafe. I'm just bullshitting on my
37:04
Speaker 1: phone or whatever I'm doing. And then I see him
37:06
Speaker 1: walk in to the cafe, So Toby from Brisbane. And
37:10
Speaker 1: then I see another friend of mine, doctor Alex Kaufman,
37:13
Speaker 1: who's been his brain surgeon neurosurgeon, been on the show
37:17
Speaker 1: numerous times. And they both walk in together and they
37:22
Speaker 1: have become friends through me. Alex wanted a trainer, Toby
37:25
Speaker 1: as a trainer, blah blah blah, so they're now not
37:27
Speaker 1: only a client and trainer, but they're also friends. Anyway,
37:31
Speaker 1: they both walk in, I'm like, what are they both
37:33
Speaker 1: doing in Melbourne? That seems weird. I'm like, they must
37:36
Speaker 1: be down here for an event, a conference, but it's
37:39
Speaker 1: nice that they're coming out to see me. They come in,
37:42
Speaker 1: I give them both a hug and I'm totally blown
37:45
Speaker 1: away to see Alex because I didn't know he was
37:46
Speaker 1: in Melbourne. And I said, how come you guys are
37:50
Speaker 1: down here? Like as in what's on? Like why you
37:53
Speaker 1: in Melbourne? Also thanks for coming to see me, And
37:56
Speaker 1: they're like, we're in Melbourne for you, And I was confused.
38:00
Speaker 1: I said what do you mean there? We came to
38:03
Speaker 1: see you. I go, yeah, I know you came to
38:05
Speaker 1: see me, thank you, But why are you in Melbourne
38:08
Speaker 1: this weekend? Like, what's brought you to Melbourne? And they go,
38:11
Speaker 1: you brought us to Melbourne. And it dawned on me
38:15
Speaker 1: that they had flown from Brisbane to Melbourne, got a
38:20
Speaker 1: car from the airport to meet me at this cafe,
38:25
Speaker 1: to sit with me, to give me love and support
38:30
Speaker 1: and to be two brothers, three brothers together in that moment.
38:37
Speaker 1: And so they flew from Brisbane. We sat together for
38:41
Speaker 1: two and a half hours. We ate food, we talked,
38:45
Speaker 1: we hugged. Then they got in a car, went back
38:48
Speaker 1: to the airport and flew back to Brisbane. And apart
38:51
Speaker 1: from what that would cost practically and financially, I was
38:57
Speaker 1: I'm like, I couldn't comprehend that somebody would care that much.
39:03
Speaker 1: And it's not like they're brothers like my brothers that
39:07
Speaker 1: kind of you know, But and it just blew me
39:09
Speaker 1: away and it's like, so what has surprised me? Things
39:12
Speaker 1: like that Mary, where two friends of mine would fly
39:17
Speaker 1: from thousands of kilometers away, would fly to Melbourne to
39:21
Speaker 1: have lunch with me, and then go back, fly home
39:24
Speaker 1: and happily do it, and yeah, it blew me away.
39:28
Speaker 1: So things like that, all right, Tracy Peterson says, uh, wow,
39:34
Speaker 1: I don't know. Okay, I'm interested in knowing. I probably
39:38
Speaker 1: should have read these before, but fuck it, mister, let's
39:41
Speaker 1: just fucking free style. I'm interested in knowing what the
39:44
Speaker 1: top three things you have learned while doing your doctorate. Uh. Okay,
39:51
Speaker 1: I've learned, Tracy, there's probably ten, and maybe these are
39:55
Speaker 1: not the top three. But like I'm summarizing six and
40:00
Speaker 1: a half years of study in the moment, ah, so
40:06
Speaker 1: I'm not sure that these are the top. But I'll
40:08
Speaker 1: give you some things that I've learned. I've learned that
40:14
Speaker 1: I can do academic things. I've learned that I can
40:18
Speaker 1: do doctorate level research. I've learned that I'm not an impostor.
40:25
Speaker 1: I've learned that I can succeed in different environments, in
40:31
Speaker 1: different spaces, in different contexts, even though I'm not a natural,
40:38
Speaker 1: even though this is not my default setting. I am
40:41
Speaker 1: not naturally brilliant at anything. I think, and I've said
40:47
Speaker 1: this before, if I have a gift, it's communication. But
40:49
Speaker 1: I think that's just that's a gift that's genetic. I
40:52
Speaker 1: don't take any pride in that. I'm just grateful for that.
40:57
Speaker 1: But stepping into doing a doctor at that far fifty
41:00
Speaker 1: six years of age in an environment where there are
41:03
Speaker 1: a lot of academic geniuses or genii, that was fucking
41:09
Speaker 1: terrifying for me, because in other spaces, I'm more comfortable,
41:14
Speaker 1: I'm more confident, I'm more credible, I'm respected going in
41:20
Speaker 1: there and being literally I was in a room with
41:24
Speaker 1: about eight other PhD candidates where you're literally, in this context,
41:31
Speaker 1: you're the dumbest in the room in this context, and
41:35
Speaker 1: you know that, and I go, oh, I'm going to
41:38
Speaker 1: sink or swim. And so I learned that I can
41:40
Speaker 1: do I can get good at stuff that I'm not
41:42
Speaker 1: good at. I also learned, and this was just my experience,
41:50
Speaker 1: that ironically, intelligence is way more I knew this, but
42:01
Speaker 1: maybe it was reinforced. Intelligence is context dependent, it is
42:06
Speaker 1: task dependent, it is situation dependent. And I was around
42:12
Speaker 1: a lot of brilliant academics, but not every brilliant academic
42:17
Speaker 1: is a brilliant person expansively, if you know what I mean.
42:21
Speaker 1: And this is not in any way an insult. There
42:24
Speaker 1: are so many kinds of intelligence that I think are equally,
42:28
Speaker 1: if not more valuable than doing a PhD. I'm glad.
42:33
Speaker 1: I'm well, I haven't done it yet because I'm still
42:35
Speaker 1: getting feedback from reviewers, so but I'm on the way.
42:38
Speaker 1: My work has been submitted. But yeah, I just think
42:43
Speaker 1: that the general public puts academia on a pedestal that
42:50
Speaker 1: it doesn't deserve. If anyone's listening, done a graduate degree,
42:55
Speaker 1: a master's or an honors degree or a PhD, well done,
42:59
Speaker 1: And I'm I mean that genuinely. It's a really good achievement.
43:03
Speaker 1: But understanding and knowledge and intellect and intelligence far far
43:10
Speaker 1: more than just doing that. And while it's good to
43:14
Speaker 1: be able to have a convergence of intelligences, So I
43:20
Speaker 1: can take what I've learned in academy, in my study,
43:22
Speaker 1: my research, my results, my data. I can take the
43:25
Speaker 1: sciencey stuff, and then I can apply my social and
43:28
Speaker 1: emotional and situational intelligence to that other stuff and make
43:33
Speaker 1: that other stuff that's kind of complicated and hard to
43:36
Speaker 1: understand when you read a fucking academic paper, I can
43:40
Speaker 1: turn that into something which people can understand easily and
43:44
Speaker 1: relate to and benefit from. So I guess that's not three.
43:50
Speaker 1: But what else did I learn? Did I learn anything else? That? Look,
43:53
Speaker 1: I just learned how to be a more effective student,
43:56
Speaker 1: how to be more productive and efficient. I learned how
43:59
Speaker 1: to learn better. Has my start? Has this study changed
44:03
Speaker 1: the way you perceive yourself others in the world around you? Ah,
44:09
Speaker 1: I guess it's changed the way that I think. I
44:11
Speaker 1: used to have academics, like high level academics up on
44:16
Speaker 1: a pedestal that by I'm not trying to be disrespectful.
44:21
Speaker 1: By the way, like my senior supervisor has got two doctorates,
44:26
Speaker 1: he's a professor, he's multiple undergrad degrees. He's a straight
44:30
Speaker 1: up genius. He's literally a genius. But he would tell
44:34
Speaker 1: you if he was here that in other areas, depending
44:39
Speaker 1: on what we're doing and where we're doing it, the contest,
44:41
Speaker 1: the task, the skill, he would say, I'm more intelligent
44:44
Speaker 1: than him depending on what we're doing. Yeah, what was
44:50
Speaker 1: the other bit? Let me see, Um, has it changed
44:56
Speaker 1: the way I perceived myself? Look? Just yes, I realized
45:00
Speaker 1: I've always known this that the like, the biggest challenge
45:04
Speaker 1: for me is to get out of my own way,
45:05
Speaker 1: to get out of my own self limiting thinking to
45:07
Speaker 1: get out of my own self sabotage, to get out
45:11
Speaker 1: of my own fear as much as possible. But I've
45:16
Speaker 1: tried to do that my whole life. I've tried to
45:20
Speaker 1: start scared. I've done a podcast I think a million
45:24
Speaker 1: years ago called start Scared, and that like, sometimes we've
45:28
Speaker 1: just got there's no you know, we can't overcome the
45:31
Speaker 1: fear of something by avoiding the something, you know, So
45:35
Speaker 1: sometimes we've got to step into the something, the process,
45:38
Speaker 1: the opportunity, the business, the PhD, the whatever it is
45:43
Speaker 1: the thing. We've got to step into it and be scared.
45:47
Speaker 1: But being scared is okay because we can be courageous.
45:51
Speaker 1: And when we do the thing that requires courage and
45:53
Speaker 1: we do the thing that scares us, we typically grow
45:58
Speaker 1: and evolve and learn in a day to much more
46:01
Speaker 1: than we ever would have by choosing safe, by choosing familiar,
46:05
Speaker 1: by choosing comfortable. Gooday, Champions, I'm just going to jump
46:11
Speaker 1: in and interrupt me. This is me interrupting me saying
46:16
Speaker 1: this chat actually went much longer than I planned. So
46:20
Speaker 1: we're going to call right now at the end of
46:23
Speaker 1: part one. I'll be back tomorrow with part two, which
46:27
Speaker 1: I think might even be better than part one, but
46:29
Speaker 1: I'll let you decide anyway. That's what we're doing. I
46:33
Speaker 1: hope you're enjoying it so far. See tomorrow.