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What Is Reactive Abuse and How Do Narcissists Use It Against You · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So what is reactive abuse and how do narcissists and toxic
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  people use it to their advantage against the victims of
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  narcissistic abuse against their partners or parents or friends
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  or whoever it is that they're dealing with in their life?
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  What is this phenomenon known as reactive abuse?
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  That's what we're talking about today, y'all, If you're new
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  here, my name is Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist here
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  to give you the perspective of a narcissist and just open your
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  mind up to how narcissists think and act and behave and all of
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  the other good stuff, right? So if you go on Google, if you
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  get on the Google, the old Google, it's worth, it's worth
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  the Google, you will see the reactive abuse.
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  Is it happens when a? Victim of abuse.
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  Notice I what? Notice what I said?
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  A victim of abuse reacts to the abuse.
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  In a way. Which could include physical
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  violence and or shouting at their victim.
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  The victim of abuse reacts in a way that could look abusive.
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  It's reactive obese. You are reacting to something.
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  You're not the abuser. You going to.
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  Hey, I tell it to people all the time, when you're having an
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  episode of reactive abuse or an incident of reactive abuse or
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  whatever name y'all want to use, you're going to look like the
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  abuser. Sometimes right?
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  You're going to look like the abuser.
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  And look, I don't make the rules.
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  I don't. Yeah, I promise you I don't.
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  I just tell you about them. You're like I say.
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  Simply put, a reactive abuse happens when a narcissist or
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  whoever it is, right, Whoever it is doesn't have to be a
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  narcissist. Talks first.
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  Your family, whoever it is, they poke you and poke you and poke
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  you. They abuse you, abuse you, abuse
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  you. It's a pattern of abuse.
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  And then guess what happens? You, the victim or whoever the
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  victim is, pops, you pop off, you lose your damn mind.
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  You look at you start throwing stuff, screaming, yelling,
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  windmill. The windmill punch.
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  You know when you start windmill punching?
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  Something going on? When you start windmilling,
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  there's something going on, right?
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  So reactive abuse is literally when you look abusive.
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  And so, so I tell people, reactive abuse can make you look
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  like the narcissist. Reactive abuse can have other
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  people thinking that you are a narcissist, especially if they
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  don't know what's really going on behind the scenes.
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  That's important. If they don't really know what's
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  going on behind the scenes, you're going to look like, and
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  you have this reactive abuse episode in public or, or they
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  pull out that handy dandy notebook like from Blue's Clues
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  and they record you. Like they record you yelling and
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  screaming at them. And they're look, they're
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  yelling and you're yelling and screaming, throwing stuff,
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  crying, trying to hit them. And they're like, look how crazy
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  you are. Look, why don't you look?
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  Look, why don't you calm down? You're so out of control.
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  You're so toxic. You're so manipulative.
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  You're this, you're that, you're this, you're that.
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  That's what goes on with narcissistic people.
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  That's the space that so many of us fall into.
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  Like when you're dealing with narcissist, they're going to
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  record you looking like the abuser and they're going to use
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  that. They're going to use that
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  recording a lot of times as blackmail.
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  Not yet. Use it as me, a black male.
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  They're going to use it as blackmail against you like you
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  like that, you like them. Play all words.
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  Then you loved it 'cause I did. You loved it because I did.
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  But that's what happened, y'all? That's really seriously what
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  happens. So many people get caught up in
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  these spaces, get caught up in these dynamics and whatnot of
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  narcissistic abuse, and you lose control.
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  You do. So that's why it's extremely
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  important. Right now to.
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  Think about this right now think about this.
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  That's why it's extremely, extremely important for you to
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  get control of your reactions, for you to take your power back,
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  for you to empower yourself more than you've ever empowered
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  yourself before. Because if you do not, if you're
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  not able to, but Lee I Lee, I want to control my reactions,
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  but it's so hard. They keep setting me off.
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  Why? How do I stop them from setting
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  me off? You have to get control because
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  they could think about it like this.
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  Why would they stop doing something that they feel like
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  works for them? If it works for me, I'm going to
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  do it times three. If it works for me, I'm going to
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  do it times 3. That's the mentality that a lot
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  of narcissists have is like, if they why would they stop doing
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  something that consistently works?
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  If I go to the if I go to the lake, right?
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  And I, and I specifically, specifically can go to the lake.
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  I take this look at my look, look at my fishing rod.
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  I take this fishing rod with my red flag bait and I throw it in
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  the same spot and I get a big fish every time.
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  Why would I go down? Why would I go down the pond?
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  Why would I change the rod out? Why would I?
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  Why would I change this out? I don't want to agree.
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  Look, why would I use this if this works, Why would I fish
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  with this? If this is working, think about
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  that. They're going to keep.
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  If it works, they're going to keep doing it.
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  Why would they switch something out and it doesn't?
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  It works for them. That's something for you, you,
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  you, you, you to figure out. Because when you're dealing with
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  an. Abuser.
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  A manipulator. A toxic person, they're going to
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  try to learn every single thing about you.
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  So what you can do is you can learn every single thing about
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  you. You can learn every single thing
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  about you. You can't.
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  You absolutely can't because it's important for you to
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  understand. It's important for you to
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  understand yourself. It really is.
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  Yeah, I'm trying to type something in y'all.
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  It's so it's super important for you to learn something, learn
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  about yourself, for you to analyze yourself, for you to
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  understand who you are, for you to get a deep understanding of
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  who you are. It seriously is.
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  That's why it's so important. Y'all The narcissist.
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  Is learning you. You need to learn you.
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  If the narcissist knows your triggers, you need to know your
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  triggers. If I know what triggers you,
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  then you need to know what triggers you so you can get a
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  grasp on those triggers. Doesn't that make sense?
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  That, that, that, Yeah. Be real.
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  Doesn't that make logical sense right there?
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  It really it should. It should make sense.
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  It's like, if I can trigger you, I can control you.
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  That's where the mind goes. If what I do can, can, can.
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  Narcissistic robot talking too much, resetting.
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  If I can trigger you, I can control you and all.
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  All I want to do is control you in some way, shape or form.
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  So all I want to do is control you.
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  If all I want to do is control you, then I'm going to learn
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  what triggers you. So you need to learn what
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  triggers you. You need to get control of your
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  triggers, because if you don't, I will.
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  If you don't control you, I will.
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  That's how narcissistic people think.
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  If you have no control over yourself, then guess who does?
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  Me. I do.
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  So that's why I do these videos right here y'all.
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  Because it, it can help you learn how to get control over
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  yourself. Because once you learn how to
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  master your emotions, you, you learn how to master the things
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  that bother you the most that can really truly help you out
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  right there y'all. That can really, truly help you
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  dig to the bottom of who you are and what's bothering.
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  You and what's going on and how to.
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  Defend yourself against it. It's true.
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  That's yeah. I really, truly want y'all to
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  win. I really, truly want y'all to
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  win so badly. And with me wanting y'all to
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  win, it's extremely important for you to understand who you
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  are and the effect that you have.
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  You. Yeah, you are so much stronger.
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  You are so much stronger than what you probably think you are.
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  That narcissistic person has convinced you that you're not
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  strong. That narcissistic person, that
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  toxic person has convinced you that you're weak, that you have
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  nothing to offer. They have.
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  They've convinced you of that, that they, they, they, they
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  other people are going to thank you.
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  You're crazy. I'm going to show your video to
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  everybody. Everybody.
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  'S going to think you're. Crazy because you are liquid
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  you. You don't.
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  Know how to behave. You don't know how to act.
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  Look at you. You're pathetic.
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  They're going to say and do stuff like that because they
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  feel like there's a great benefit in it for them.
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  They really are. So if reactive abuse, reactive
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  abuse is going to suck to be a lot of y'all have probably
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  experienced it before when you explode because you've been
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  triggered and then you look like the abuser.
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  And I know a lot of times people are going to say we'll leave.
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  Reactive abuse is not abuse. They should change.
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  The name. They should change the name.
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  Because you're not being abusive you.
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  It's the optics y'all. So many people are arguing
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  against the term reactive abuse, which I can understand.
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  I can understand how you can argue against it.
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  But let's keep it real. Changing the term is not going
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  to. Changing the term won't help.
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  I don't believe it'll help. I didn't change because you have
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  to change the actions, change the behaviors, changing the
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  term. I don't see how that helps.
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  Benefit you in any way if you want to keep getting triggered
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  and set off and things like that consistently, right?
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  You can call it non. Reactive abuse or reactive?
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  Rage or reactive victim, Victim looking wait wait wait.
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  A victim abuse Well. Call it whatever you want to,
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  it's how it's. Going to look.
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  It's how it's going to be perceived from this point
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  forward. Right, that really, truly is how
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  it goes. Like how it's going to look, how
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  it's going to be perceived from this point forward.
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  Moving on, because at the end of the day, it helps you.
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  It really does. It can help you.
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  I want to help you all as much as I possibly can.
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  I really, really, truly want to. I really do because that's why I
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  do these videos, y'all. That's why I do these videos.
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  I promise you, that's why I do these videos because I want to
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  wake you up to what you're going through, what you're
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  experiencing and how to get out of it right.
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  That's why I wrote my courses. My, that's why I have my support
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  group. That's why I do my one-on-one
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  coaching over Zoom or phone calls.
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  All of that is available at mentalillness.net.
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  It's the bottom of the screen, y'all or it's in the description
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  of every video and podcast that I do, right?
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  I want to help y'all wake up. I want to help you just
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  understand what you're going through and what the the
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  experiences as well. Because the more you understand,
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  the better off you will be. It truly is, the more you
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  understand, the better off you will be.
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  The more you understand about yourself, the better off you
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  will be. Because that narcissistic
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  person, I'm telling you, they probably try to know you.
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  In and out. Up and down, left and right,
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  sideways, side to side, diagonally, East, West,
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  north-south, NE, northwest. You know what I'm saying?
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  They want to know. Everything about you, so you
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  learn. You need to learn.
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  Everything about you and you need to learn.
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  Learn what like. Fuels the narcissist your
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  reactions fuel that narcissistic person you when you have these
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  episodes of reactive abuse when you.
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  Look like abuse? When you look like the abuser,
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  sometimes that fuels them because it.
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  Helps them. It helps motivate them to keep
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  doing the stuff. That they're doing.
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  I have to keep doing this because it worked.
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  It's going to make them look like the abuse.
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  They're going to look like the narcissist and everybody's going
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  to love me and think that I'm the victim.
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  So before I know, yeah, I know. Sometimes you want to put them
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  in their place. I know you want to clap back
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  sometimes react. Most times.
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  I think reactive abuse is just a reaction.
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  It's not you. Plotting it out.
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  But it's not you man, I guess. Could could reactive abuse be
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  plotted out? I don't know if yeah, I I can
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  see, I can see reactive abuse possibly being plotted out
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  right. Like you.
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  Get to the point where you feel like you've been you've been
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  broken or you and you finally decide to snap.
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  Now it's time to let them have it right now it's time for you
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  to lose your lose your cool. And now he's like, OK, I've done
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  enough. I've said enough.
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  Everything is happening right now.
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  So you started to push forward. So I get that right.
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  So you make a plan to react. You make a plan to hold them
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  accountable. You make a plan to get them
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  back. Now, if you make a plan to go
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  ahead and get one of those Pew pews and come out y'all, that
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  can look like reactive abuse, but that's not going to stand up
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  in court, right? So you got to protect yourself.
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  You know, if I tell people like, just think about.
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  How this is going to look in the court, in the courtroom.
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  Because that's going to happen, y'all.
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  Anyways, y'all hope this video butchers and clarity.
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  Hope butchers and peace. If you made it to the end of the
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  video, thank you so much. Click one of the videos on the
• 12:05
  screen to watch my latest upload or watch a video that's best fit
• 12:10
  for you. There's another video on the
• 12:11
  channel that's best fit for you. Click one of them.
• 12:13
  Hit that subscribe button. Y'all check me out and it's
• 12:16
  always y'all as always, mental illness.
• 12:18
  Lee Hammock, I'm out. Peace.
• 12:20
  What's going on beautiful people.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 12:23
  I'm so grateful, so grateful. While you're here, go ahead and
• 12:27
  click on the screen to watch my latest upload or watch the video
• 12:31
  that is best tailor for you. Video pic for you.
• 12:35
  Anyway, y'all, thank you again, I'm up.
• 12:37
  Peace.