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Rooted in Fear: Fear Doesn't Look Like Fear · Let's Get Naked

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hey everyone, I'm Anne.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to another mini episode of the Let's Get Naked podcast.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: We're working through a series titled Rooted in Fear.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Our second mini is fear doesn't look like fear.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the problem with fear: it almost never shows up and announces itself.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't walk in and say, hey, I'm fear.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm about to run your life today.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's way more strategic than that.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Fear disguises itself as logic, as responsibility, as being realistic.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: It sounds like I just need more time.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not ready yet.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not, it's, I'm sorry, it's not the right moment.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: I should probably think this through a little more.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: No, you're scared.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Fear also shows up as control, needing everything to go your way, micromanaging, over planning every possible outcome.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you can control it, you don't have to feel it.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's the high-functioning fear, the overworking, the constant doing, the never stopping.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Looks productive, but it feels like anxiety.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: And let's not ignore this one avoidance.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Dressed up as protecting your peace.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you're not protecting your peace.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: You're avoiding the thing that would actually grow you.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: So what do you do about it?
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: You don't wait for fear to disappear.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's a losing game.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: You get better at spotting it.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: You slow down just enough to ask, what am I actually afraid of right now?
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: Not the surface answer, the real one.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Rejection, failure, being seen, losing control.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because once you name it, you take your power back.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then you move anyway.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Not recklessly, not blindly, but intentionally choosing something different than your default fear response.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because fear thrives in autopilot, but it loses its grip the second you bring awareness into the room.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: So if your life feels stuck, small, or tight, don't ask what you should do next.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: Ask where fear is running the show.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: And then go directly there.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Today I'm joined by Brittany, who's agreed to come talk to me about fear.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: She didn't know what the topic was before we got here.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: I was very scared.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: I know, but you were, and yet here we are.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, this brings up a lot of stuff for me.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: This whole block of fear is a powerful thing because as we talked about in the first mini of, I think the buckets are either fear or love.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: And you can either, you know, like everything that you deal with emotion-wise is rooted in one of those, right?
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: The low vibe emotions that kind of are all rooted in fear in that bucket, the love that, you know, the compassion, all of the good higher vibe emotions, grace, and just all of those that are rooted in the love bucket, um, I think that's really important to just have that self-awareness and then understand if you're letting fear run your life, get really savagely self-aware about that because today's a gift.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: This life is a gift, you know.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: And uh if you're making your decisions based on fear and you're, you know, really rooted in that, and and everything that you do is rooted in that.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: God, life can be so much better, you know.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: What does that bring up for you besides the busting my balls about the bucket?
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Just so everyone, I like to lead with vulnerability, everyone knows that.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm working on leveling up with the teleprompter, and Brittany is my oldest for those that don't know, and she is just so happy to bust my balls relentlessly.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: That's from that's from love.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's from balls.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's rooted in love, right?
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so so asshole, why don't you tell me what uh what this brings up for you or what you want to say about this?
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, it really is just a matter of like you have the choice.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I know it doesn't always feel like that for a long time.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like I had I experienced depression on a very regular basis, and it felt like there wasn't a choice.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like everything was a scary thing to do.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like getting out of bed was scary.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: The fear of being in pain, being sad, feeling unwanted, feeling whatever.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: But you kind of put that on yourself, you know.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, other factors happen, but like you have to choose love, you have to choose to treat yourself that nice way, to choose to put yourself in that cute outfit, choose to to get that hug from your friend.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: You know, there are a lot of ways that it is like fear is easy.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: Fear is the auto, fear is, you know, we're all animals, and so of course, like you don't want to get murdered, you don't want to get, you know, lose your job, you know, get kicked out of your house.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: But it is like there's so many ways you can ask for forgiveness or ask for permission, or I mean, just live your life no matter what else happens, because bad stuff happens no matter what, but you can at least be happy that you have another day to experience love.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Let's be real.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Life doesn't come with a manual, but it does come with chaos.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: I wrote this book because I got tired of drowning and everyone else's noise and needed a way to fix my own shit.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't some sugar-coated self-help nonsense.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's trash, it's honest, and it's packed with tools that actually work in the middle of real life.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: If you're ready to stop playing small, take back your energy, and get unapologetically you again, this book is your playbook.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: You can pick up your copy of the Life Pack Playbook on Amazon or on our podcast website, let's get nakedpodcast.com.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: I love the I love the savage self-awareness about it because I think, you know, Casey, as an example, will come to me and she'll say something.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I say, What are you afraid of?
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: When you talk it through with somebody else, that's a really powerful thing.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: When you have somebody that's in your inner circle where they can be honest with you and really kind of help help you see your blind spots.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but she'll say to me, like, okay, I don't, you know, I don't want to do this.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll say, Okay, what are you afraid of?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: And then she'll tell me what it is, right?
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever it is.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll say, that will happen, right?
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: If it's like, I'm afraid of looking stupid, I'm afraid of failing, I'm afraid of whatever.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, okay, well, that will happen.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: So go ahead and just take that fear completely off the table because that's very, that's a very real possibility that that could happen.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then what?
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because I just I believe that when you lean all the way in and say, I'm not going to be afraid, I'm not going to live in fear, which is what I did with my surrender experiment a couple of years ago.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: I have always been a bold person and always come from this place of, uh, fuck it, I'm going to do it.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: But I didn't realize that things like fear of rejection, uh, those are savage.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: That the fear of rejection for me is so savage, it's wild.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's why people don't put themselves out there.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's why people um are worried what other people will think.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: And what I say is just throw all that caution to the wind, right?
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, you're you're not just not, you're not taking unresponsible risks.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, or you can, whatever you want, you know.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: But but I'm not gonna live in fear.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna be afraid of not doing this thing that I want to do that is part of my highest excitement because I'm fear uh, you know, afraid of rejection or because I'm afraid of looking stupid or I'm afraid of whatever.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know where that stuff really stems from, but I feel like middle school is probably it.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if you think about things that happened where you were embarrassed or you did something and everyone made fun of you, and that feeling was so terrible, and no one taught you how to deal with that emotion.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: And so what you do then is you build scaffolding around that pain because you don't want anybody to touch it again.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so you think, I'm not gonna do this thing again because I it didn't go well for me, because somebody made fun of me.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: But then what you're doing is you're outsourcing your happiness to little Billy from eighth grade who made you feel like an asshole because you put yourself out there and it didn't go well based on his standards, not your standards, based on his standards, right?
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's a real thing.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: And also I look at 40-year-old people, 50-year-old people, whatever age people, grown-ass adults who still make decisions based on a fear of rejection.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: No judgment.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: I did the same, the same thing, right?
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: I've gone back and done all the the work to figure out where that was rooted from.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: But once you realize that, it's like, I'm not giving the power to that.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: Can I handle things that are happening today?
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I put a lot of work into myself, right?
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Am I going to fail and trip and and stumble and all the things?
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: I I've done it in the last two minutes, right?
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I will continue to do that because I'm living my life, I'm chasing my highest excitement, I'm I'm in touch with my knowing, and I've made an agreement with myself that I will not live in fear.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: Do you feel like you're making a similar agreement as I drag you along, kicking and screaming?
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because I feel like that's exactly what I'm doing.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's like I like it's an act of choice because it is.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: I think in any given moment, I do feel fear.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: I feel anxiety, I feel, you know, I question whether or not something is gonna be cool or worthwhile, or you know, there's so many things that go through my head.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: But I think at the core of things, you know, I think about like not everyone is gonna like me, and I'm not gonna like everyone else.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: You know, not everyone likes chocolate, you know, even though it seems like that would be so easy, and like who doesn't?
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: But plenty of people don't.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: Plenty of people don't like heights, plenty of people don't want to go in the ocean, but like plenty of people, that's their jam.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's like, don't ick somebody's yum.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like, choose what you love, choose what makes you happy, and ultimately, not everyone's gonna like you, not everyone's gonna be cool with that, but like the people that are are gonna ride for you, and the people that like like people will compliment you, and you know, like that's a cool person.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: And and it is not everybody's gonna be your person, but you have to know like you are your own person and like do what makes you happy because you're the only one that can make you happy.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's yeah, don't outsource your happiness.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: And also, I just want to end on I absolutely, absolutely love your don't hick someone else's yum.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: So on that, that's all we're gonna say about that.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.