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De-Friending · Let's Ask the Mamas!

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  We got a question from American mama's. Dear mamas, how do you know
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  when it's time to stop being friends with someone you've been friends with for a
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  long long time. Well, let's ask our American mama's mama, Mama,
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  she said, and joining us now our American mama's Terry Ntteville and Kimberly Burleson.
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  So, I guess some folks may not appreciate their Christmas guests on their
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  friends. I'm not sure where this question is coming from, but they're asking
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  about basically breaking up with friends. It's a real thing. It's a real
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  thing. Yeah, this actually happened to me. I have a friend I've
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  been friends with since high school, and this particular friend, when she's great,
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  she's great. But when she's bad, she's bad. She's mean,
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  she's gonna be toxic, and I fell like for for decades, I have
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  been friends with her because she did love me, but she hated me at
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  the same time. And I think it came from jealousy. It's the only
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  thing I can think of, because I know that there were things I had
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  that I wish that she knew that she wished she had had. That's what
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  I took from it, but it got to the point where every time she
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  called, it was negative and I was dreading the call. I was going
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  to be upset because she was going to brake me over what a bad friend
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  I am. And I finally had had enough. I had enough. Our
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  son had an engagement party. We invited her to the engagement party and she
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  couldn't come for whatever. And then usually drinking was involved whenever she was ranting
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  at me, and she called me and she just kind of went off on
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  me and told me how horrible I am, basically, and I was like,
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  okay, and that's it. And I never talked to her again.
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  That was my breakup. I'm done. I can't do it. Did you
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  ghost or did you say we're done? It was a little bit of both.
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  I just said, you know what, I can't measure up to you
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  in your standards of friendship and I am fifty four years old. I can't
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  do this anymore. I don't have time for it. And so it was
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  just over. You know what's so funny is you know, as her sister,
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  I knew that this kind of what this friendship was kind of a toxic
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  one, and it was jealousy you know. And I think the reason that
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  Kimberly kind of stayed in it and so devoted to the friendship is because they
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  were friends for so long and the history, the history, and she felt
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  sorry for her because she doesn't have a lot of other friends. And so
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  for me, it's like a I could see, you know how some people
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  on Facebook will write cryptic, passive, aggressive little post and you're like,
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  who's she talking about? Sure? What was always? How her post became?
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  How? You know, people disappoint and you know, people can harm
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  your heart, and you know, I put so much effort into this,
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  and I'm thinking, for as her sister, I want to throat punch her.
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  I'm like, are you kidding me? She has done so much to
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  you know, for your life and you know, her children. You know,
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  Kimberly was so great about just allowing Yeah, but you reach a point
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  where you're like, what is this doing to me? I don't have to
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  have this. I don't have to entertain a friendship that affects me so negatively.
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  Sure, I don't have to do that. And I think that so
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  often we think we have to because of the history, the time you have
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  that so you put up with things, and I just reached this point in
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  my life. I think a lot of people are where I am. Where
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  you're like, I don't have to I'm too old for that. I'm too
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  old for this. I got my people. I don't need it. So
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  there's a business idea. My first degree is in marketing. We studied what's
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  called sunk costs. So, and this is an error a lot of businesses
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  make over and over and over. So you've got a project work and you
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  think it's gonna make it's gonna go big, it's gonna be a big deal,
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  and so you pour some money into it, and then it doesn't quite
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  achieve, and so you're like, well, you know, we just we
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  just spend a million dollars on that, So let let's let's put another million
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  in and and you're focused instead of what is the future potential of this thing,
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  you're focused on how much have I already invested in this? How much
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  have already put into this? That's brilliant? So this is and so in
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  business they always talk about never pay attention to the sunk costs. Don't don't
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  throw good money after bad that that if you've put money into it and it's
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  not becoming profitable and it's not moving forward, and you evaluate it not on
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  what you've put into it, but on what is the potential that you'll get
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  out of it in the future, And that that's the type of thing that
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  you described. It is so brilliant. I love that analogy. And also
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  this part. Let me just say I want her to be happy. Yes,
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  I I celebrate the good things that happened to her. I just can't
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  be a part of that anymore. But I do wish the best. And
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  here's another lesson to this. Don't be that person that when you call somebody
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  and they see your name pop up, they go, oh my god,
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  I can't. I can't. I can't do this. Like be that person
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  that is loving and accepting and understanding and empathetic and just you are a friend
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  because you love that person. And no matter if you've got those friends where
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  time can just separate years and then you get back together and there's no animosity.
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  It's just like, oh, you pick up right where you left off.
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  I feel as sorry as for her because I do want her to be
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  happy too. I know she's not happy. She makes it clear openly on
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  Facebook that she's not. She's just praying for a good twenty twenty four and
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  I want to say start start living your life with a purpose to do something
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  for other people, because that's when she'll be fulfilled. It cannot be all
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  about you, it cannot be. I have one other caveat. I always
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  want to make sure, regardless of whatever relationship I've had people in the past,
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  I always want to make sure I'm always in a position to have influence
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  on someone at the moment they're ready to receive. Yes. Yes, And
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  so even if I have to step back from a friendship, I want to
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  make sure that maybe someday in the future, there's a chance that I can
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  step in and share with them something that might change their life. And that
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  may happen. It may. If you like ask American Mama's question, go
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  to our website Americanground Ready dot com slash mama and click on the ask of
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  the Mama's button. Turn it out of Kimberly Brother listen. Thank you so
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  much, Thank you