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S4 E12 - The Short Show · The Steve & Jeff Show

0:00
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Steve and Jeff Show, the number one comedy podcast at Steve's mom's house.
0:07
SPEAKER_01: That is.
0:10
SPEAKER_01: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Steve and Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
0:15
SPEAKER_01: Write us a review while you're there too.
0:18
SPEAKER_01: And now, here's Steve and Jeff.
0:23
SPEAKER_01: Well, hey Johnny, thanks for bringing us into the show.
0:26
SPEAKER_01: And we're right in the middle of winter here.
0:28
SPEAKER_01: And did you know, Jeff, that the Inuit, you've probably heard this, that the Inuit up in Alaska, they have 52 words for snow.
0:35
SPEAKER_01: But I bet you didn't know that American journalists have 152 ways of saying it's possible he's lying.
0:46
SPEAKER_00: I always get confused.
0:48
SPEAKER_00: Is that like a run-on sentence?
0:50
SPEAKER_00: Inuit?
0:52
SPEAKER_01: No, they live across the border from the Out of It's Okay.
0:55
SPEAKER_01: The Out of It's a Jewish neighborhood, you know.
0:57
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it sounds like a Dr.
0:58
SPEAKER_00: Seuss book.
0:59
SPEAKER_01: How's it going, Jeff?
1:00
SPEAKER_00: It's been incredibly busy with Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Hanukkah and New Year's and Veterans Day.
1:08
SPEAKER_00: I'm always hung over after a good Veterans Day.
1:12
SPEAKER_01: And Marine Corps, Marine Corps birthday the day before, you know?
1:15
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I didn't it's just two days of drinking, yeah.
1:18
SPEAKER_00: You know, exactly.
1:19
SPEAKER_00: And then and then I'm planning for this trip to Florida that will be coming a little bit later.
1:24
SPEAKER_00: So I was stumped on an idea for this week's episode.
1:28
SPEAKER_00: I felt bad because it was my turn to pick one, and I just I couldn't think of anything.
1:32
SPEAKER_00: And then you came up with this idea of a of a short episode.
1:36
SPEAKER_00: It works beautifully.
1:38
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for doing that.
1:38
SPEAKER_01: You know, I was thinking of that with the holidays, just doing a shorter episode and short jokes too, because a lot of people have said that you know, the joke that we do at the beginning, a lot of people said, Oh, they're too long, they're too long.
1:49
SPEAKER_01: So I thought maybe just do a shorter show and and do some short jokes.
1:54
SPEAKER_01: You know, now no normally I I don't think length is important, and I'm sure Teresa doesn't either.
2:00
SPEAKER_01: I I think.
2:01
SPEAKER_00: I don't know if Kathy thinks length is important.
2:04
SPEAKER_00: I think she's just sort of reconciled that it is what it is.
2:07
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, you got what you got.
2:09
SPEAKER_00: I found some good jokes that we can use this week and with that short theme that you mentioned in your email.
2:15
SPEAKER_01: Well, short theme, I it was just gonna be like shorter jokes and kind of a shorter show.
2:21
SPEAKER_01: What do you mean, theme?
2:22
SPEAKER_00: So now I'm confused.
2:24
SPEAKER_00: So I thought that you wanted jokes about short people, and so I found some jokes you know that were about short people.
2:33
SPEAKER_00: I I I have to admit, it initially I thought that was pretty insensitive, but you have this sort of sixth sense about comedy, and I yeah, I just kind of went with it.
2:42
SPEAKER_00: So that's what I thought you I thought you wanted.
2:44
SPEAKER_01: So when I said short jokes, you thought short jokes.
2:48
SPEAKER_00: Oh I guess okay.
2:53
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
2:54
SPEAKER_01: Embarrassing.
2:55
SPEAKER_01: I know if we can do a show full of short people jokes.
2:58
SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's that's highly offensive.
3:00
SPEAKER_01: Uh, but I don't know.
3:01
SPEAKER_01: We're we're here.
3:02
SPEAKER_01: I would we're paying the studio.
3:04
SPEAKER_01: We gotta you we gotta do a show.
3:05
SPEAKER_01: What else can we do?
3:06
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
3:07
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
3:08
SPEAKER_00: I we could try to get a hold of my dad's or your mom and see if they're available, but this is such last second.
3:15
SPEAKER_00: I mean, we're already in the studios, yeah.
3:17
SPEAKER_01: Jeff, your dads are in solitary this time of year, you know, they always go after that New Year's thing in there.
3:22
SPEAKER_01: And my mom has been on the pop-up since probably the week before Thanksgiving.
3:27
SPEAKER_01: And you know that bracelet flask that Johnny gave her.
3:31
SPEAKER_01: She just hasn't taken a break.
3:32
SPEAKER_01: I'm not sure she can talk.
3:34
SPEAKER_01: I'll tell you the truth.
3:35
SPEAKER_01: I'm not sure she can.
3:37
SPEAKER_01: Short people jokes.
3:38
SPEAKER_01: Wow, Jeff.
3:39
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
3:39
SPEAKER_01: Kind of a I don't know, maybe kind of like a Randy Newman thing, you know.
3:43
SPEAKER_01: I mean, maybe that could work.
3:44
SPEAKER_01: I I don't know.
3:45
SPEAKER_01: Could be funny.
3:47
SPEAKER_01: Long as we don't make fun of people for what they look like and you know, make sure Steve, I would never do that.
3:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, you know, that's I think that's where we draw the line.
3:53
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you know, I think that we're far more sensitive than that.
3:56
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
3:57
SPEAKER_00: My word, none of these jokes are offensive in any way, and they're just in good fun.
4:03
SPEAKER_00: That's kind of what our show is all about.
4:05
SPEAKER_01: I feel better already, Jeff.
4:06
SPEAKER_01: You want to get us started with this?
4:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm a little hesitant for me to start.
4:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm a little hesitant too, but somebody's gotta do it.
4:14
SPEAKER_01: It's like rock scissors, right?
4:15
SPEAKER_01: What do we do?
4:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, somebody's gotta do it, right?
4:18
SPEAKER_00: All right, I'll start this one.
4:20
SPEAKER_00: So, this one is about two twin elves.
4:24
SPEAKER_01: Oh, this is oh, we're we're starting out really well.
4:27
SPEAKER_01: Oh, Jeff, we're gonna lose all our advertisers.
4:30
SPEAKER_01: Uh, I got a bad feeling about this, but uh, what are we gonna do?
4:33
SPEAKER_01: Go on, go ahead, go ahead.
4:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, okay.
4:35
SPEAKER_00: You know what?
4:35
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna change this on the flight.
4:37
SPEAKER_00: Let's make it two dwarfs.
4:38
SPEAKER_00: Oh, because you know, let's make it two dwarfs.
4:41
SPEAKER_00: Now, I guess my question is are they two dwarves or two dwarfs?
4:46
SPEAKER_01: Boy, you'd have to ask Noam Chomsky about that one.
4:49
SPEAKER_01: I have no idea how that one works, but we'll say dwarves.
4:53
SPEAKER_01: I like that V.
4:53
SPEAKER_01: Dwarves, okay, good.
4:54
SPEAKER_01: I like the V.
4:55
SPEAKER_01: You know, let's go with that.
4:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
4:57
SPEAKER_00: So there are these two dwarves.
4:59
SPEAKER_00: And did I mention that they hired prostitutes for the night?
5:03
SPEAKER_01: Oh, no, you hadn't you had left that little tidbit out, but okay.
5:07
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
5:07
SPEAKER_01: So anyway we have dwarves and prostitutes.
5:09
SPEAKER_01: Oh, Jeff, we're gonna we're gonna be yeah.
5:12
SPEAKER_01: We'll get the porn it again.
5:14
SPEAKER_01: Well, well, I don't know.
5:15
SPEAKER_01: Actually, the administration probably likes this.
5:17
SPEAKER_00: I think I got this from the administration.
5:18
SPEAKER_00: You probably did, yeah.
5:20
SPEAKER_00: So they get a hotel suite where they have two bedrooms, you know, and you know, after a couple minutes, the first dwarf starts to think, I can't do this.
5:29
SPEAKER_00: I just you know, I've never been with the prostitute.
5:31
SPEAKER_00: I just can't do this.
5:33
SPEAKER_00: And he decides to have her leave.
5:35
SPEAKER_00: And then he starts hearing noises from the other room, and it's like, uh, uh, uh and finally he manages to get to sleep, but he's kind of thinking the other dwarf had such a good time.
5:49
SPEAKER_00: So the next day he said to him, How did it go?
5:52
SPEAKER_00: And and the second dwarf said, I couldn't do it.
5:55
SPEAKER_00: So I sent her home.
5:57
SPEAKER_00: And the first dwarf said, But it sounded like you were having such a good time.
6:01
SPEAKER_00: And the second dwarf said, A good time, I couldn't even get on the fucking bed.
6:06
SPEAKER_00: See, now that wasn't that bad.
6:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
6:08
SPEAKER_00: On a scale of one to ten.
6:10
SPEAKER_01: Not bad.
6:11
SPEAKER_01: You know, oh, we are so screwed.
6:13
SPEAKER_01: Hey, maybe there's a short person Holocaust joke that would maybe brighten things up a little bit here.
6:18
SPEAKER_01: Do I have to do the next one?
6:19
SPEAKER_00: You know what?
6:20
SPEAKER_00: This one would be better.
6:21
SPEAKER_01: I'm sure this would be less offensive.
6:23
SPEAKER_01: All right, well, this one, okay.
6:25
SPEAKER_01: All right, this looks okay.
6:26
SPEAKER_01: I'll try it.
6:27
SPEAKER_01: I'll try it here.
6:28
SPEAKER_01: So there's this Italian guy, right?
6:30
SPEAKER_01: I don't know why he's Italian, but Italian guy, he's in Rome, whatever.
6:33
SPEAKER_01: He wants to pick up a woman, right?
6:34
SPEAKER_01: So goes to this bar and he meets this little uh uh a dwarf.
6:39
SPEAKER_01: And you know, I you may not know this.
6:41
SPEAKER_01: You know, you know what the Italian word for dwarf is?
6:44
SPEAKER_01: What?
6:44
SPEAKER_01: It's nana, the same word as grandmother.
6:47
SPEAKER_01: So just imagine, imagine the confusion that could create.
6:51
SPEAKER_01: But I digress.
6:52
SPEAKER_01: They go back, you know, they start going at it, and after a long while, you know, five seconds or so, he's done.
6:59
SPEAKER_01: So he rolls over and says, So, you finish?
7:03
SPEAKER_01: She says, No.
7:05
SPEAKER_01: Well, he's shocked because he's this great lover.
7:07
SPEAKER_01: So he says, Andiamo, and they go again.
7:10
SPEAKER_01: So this time he lasts even longer, eight seconds.
7:13
SPEAKER_01: Again, finishes, rolls over and says, So, you finish?
7:17
SPEAKER_01: And again, she says, No.
7:20
SPEAKER_01: Now he's really stunned, and he it's like a dare or like a challenge to him at this point.
7:24
SPEAKER_01: So he yells, Andiamo, and they start going at it again, you know.
7:28
SPEAKER_01: This time he kind of worn out, but he does make it for like a full 15 seconds, which is a new record for him.
7:35
SPEAKER_01: Barely manages to finish, but he does.
7:37
SPEAKER_01: Then he rolls over with the last gasp of energy rolls over and says, So, you finish?
7:43
SPEAKER_01: She's getting a little irritated now.
7:45
SPEAKER_01: She's no, I'm Swedish.
7:48
SPEAKER_00: See, that wasn't bad.
7:49
SPEAKER_01: Not so bad.
7:50
SPEAKER_01: Right, so bad shouldn't even have to be a dwarf, really.
7:52
SPEAKER_01: It could be anybody, right?
7:54
SPEAKER_01: I don't know why it was a dwarf.
7:55
SPEAKER_00: And I don't know, what did you say?
7:57
SPEAKER_00: Adiamo?
7:58
SPEAKER_00: Andiamo, yeah.
7:59
SPEAKER_00: Andiamo.
8:00
SPEAKER_00: Does that mean little midget?
8:01
SPEAKER_01: Uh no, it means let's go.
8:03
SPEAKER_00: Come on, let's go.
8:04
SPEAKER_00: I like that one.
8:06
SPEAKER_01: I'm almost afraid to say it, Jeff, but I think it's I think it's your turn.
8:10
SPEAKER_01: Well, uh, we are so screwed.
8:13
SPEAKER_00: A dwarf was drinking at a bar when a sexy woman walks up to him and says, I've always wanted to have sex with a little person.
8:22
SPEAKER_01: No, no, I I I gotta stop you.
8:24
SPEAKER_01: I don't mean to interrupt the joke, but I gotta stop you there.
8:25
SPEAKER_01: This is the third one in a row that involves dwarves in bars.
8:31
SPEAKER_01: I've been in a lot of bars in my life.
8:33
SPEAKER_01: I don't recall ever seeing a dwarf at a bar.
8:36
SPEAKER_01: I really don't.
8:37
SPEAKER_01: I can't recall ever seeing one.
8:39
SPEAKER_01: Do they hang out?
8:41
SPEAKER_01: They have their own bars?
8:43
SPEAKER_00: Those little shots, right?
8:44
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they do the pony kegs and all that.
8:46
SPEAKER_01: But I mean, do they have different bars that they go to?
8:49
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
8:50
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
8:50
SPEAKER_00: But I you know what?
8:52
SPEAKER_00: I'm not an expert on this.
8:53
SPEAKER_00: I only tell jokes about them.
8:55
SPEAKER_01: I hated oh it's I hated it.
8:56
SPEAKER_01: So it's uh dwarfs at a bar, sexy woman walks up and says, Always wanted to have sex with a little person.
9:01
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so go.
9:03
SPEAKER_00: He says, I'm sorry, but I've been with other women before and they all will say the same thing, and then I end up going home with them, and sure enough, the husband or the boyfriend comes by and you know, he ends up beating me up.
9:15
SPEAKER_00: You know, I just don't want to go through that.
9:17
SPEAKER_00: And she says, No, no, no, no, it's okay.
9:20
SPEAKER_00: My husband's out of town, he isn't gonna be back till next week.
9:23
SPEAKER_00: Against his better judgment, this dwarf or dwarf, dwarf, F singular and D plural.
9:30
SPEAKER_00: Because it was only one.
9:31
SPEAKER_00: It was only one, right?
9:32
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
9:33
SPEAKER_01: So he's very tall.
9:34
SPEAKER_00: He looked like he maybe he was two, but he was only one.
9:37
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, so they go back to her place and they have amazing sex.
9:41
SPEAKER_00: And just in the middle of the sex, they hear a knock on the door.
9:44
SPEAKER_00: And she yells out, fuck, it's my husband.
9:47
SPEAKER_00: And she says, Quick, hang out over the bedroom window.
9:50
SPEAKER_00: And when he goes into the shower, you can climb out and get away.
9:54
SPEAKER_00: And so he runs over, climbs out the window, hangs on by his fingernails onto the outside of the ledge.
10:02
SPEAKER_00: And the husband comes to the bedroom and says, God, it's cold in here.
10:05
SPEAKER_00: And he slams the window shut and the dwarf plummets to the ground.
10:11
SPEAKER_00: The woman is very upset.
10:12
SPEAKER_00: She calls an ambulance a couple days later.
10:15
SPEAKER_00: She goes to visit the dwarf in the hospital and she says, How are you doing?
10:19
SPEAKER_00: And he says, You know, I'm a mess.
10:22
SPEAKER_00: You know, my fingers are broken.
10:23
SPEAKER_00: I've got two broken ankles, a dislocated hip, and a severe concussion.
10:29
SPEAKER_00: And she said, Oh my God, she said, Still, it could have been much worse.
10:34
SPEAKER_00: And he said, Much worse.
10:36
SPEAKER_00: How do you figure it could be worse?
10:38
SPEAKER_00: And she said, Well, you were just lucky that we live in a one-story house.
10:42
SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
10:43
SPEAKER_00: All right.
10:43
SPEAKER_00: That was kind of funny, you know.
10:45
SPEAKER_00: Not horrible.
10:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, not horrible.
10:48
SPEAKER_01: Maybe we can move to different types of short people, do you think?
10:51
SPEAKER_01: Are there jokes about different other types of short people?
10:54
SPEAKER_00: Steve, I don't remember what these jokes are.
10:56
SPEAKER_00: They're all new to me.
10:57
SPEAKER_00: I I don't know what I was thinking when I was looking these up.
11:00
SPEAKER_00: But yes, I'm sure it's gonna get better.
11:02
SPEAKER_00: So do you want to take the next one?
11:04
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, or maybe the next two, three.
11:06
SPEAKER_01: I will definitely, but I I gotta tell you, I got something that happened right here at eccentric Lady Land Studios.
11:13
SPEAKER_00: What?
11:13
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if you ever looked over it.
11:14
SPEAKER_01: They actually have a dwarf working in the engineer's booth as a new one of the new assistant engineers.
11:19
SPEAKER_00: Dwarf.
11:20
SPEAKER_00: I must have missed him.
11:21
SPEAKER_01: Well, probably probably went right over his head, so to speak.
11:24
SPEAKER_01: Anyway, he told Miss Clare that her hair smelled good and she didn't murder him, which I was, you know, I was relieved to learn.
11:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but she did go to his house and short sheet his bed.
11:36
SPEAKER_01: Do you think he'll know?
11:38
SPEAKER_01: Oh, that was terrible.
11:39
SPEAKER_01: That was so terrible.
11:40
SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
11:41
SPEAKER_00: I can't believe he said that so unfortunately.
11:44
SPEAKER_01: We we gotta move on with other types of short people, but this one's kind of good.
11:48
SPEAKER_01: That was kind of short, so no pun intended, but uh all right, so we've got a dwarf, a human, and an elf.
11:55
SPEAKER_01: They're walking down a trail beside a stream.
11:57
SPEAKER_01: Now, I'm no known Chomsky, but isn't the dwarf a human?
12:03
SPEAKER_01: I mean, the dwarf a human.
12:04
SPEAKER_01: I've always felt that all dwarfs were so we've got like a human dwarf and then a human non-dwarf, right?
12:11
SPEAKER_01: I guess.
12:12
SPEAKER_01: Herman non-dorf, didn't we?
12:13
SPEAKER_01: We went to high school with Herman non-dorf, didn't we?
12:15
SPEAKER_01: I remember that guy.
12:16
SPEAKER_01: He was a real nerd.
12:17
SPEAKER_01: Oh gosh.
12:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, not that bright.
12:19
SPEAKER_01: I mean, nerds should be smart.
12:20
SPEAKER_01: He was a nerd without being smart, you know.
12:22
SPEAKER_01: But I digress.
12:23
SPEAKER_01: So anyway, we've got this human dwarf, a human non-dwarf, and an elf.
12:28
SPEAKER_01: And they're uh walking in the woods by this stream.
12:31
SPEAKER_01: They they gotta take a leak.
12:32
SPEAKER_01: So after they're done, the non-dwarf human takes out some soap and washes his hands.
12:39
SPEAKER_01: Cleanliness is next to godliness.
12:41
SPEAKER_01: So the elf takes some leaves off a nearby tree and wipes his hands with them.
12:46
SPEAKER_01: So he says, We elves have learned to use what nature provides for us.
12:50
SPEAKER_01: So the human dwarf just pulls up his pants and starts walking down the trail and says, Yeah, and our ancestors taught us not to piss on our hands.
12:58
SPEAKER_01: There's something there.
12:59
SPEAKER_00: I'm there's I think it's funny, and I've always heard that dwarfs are very clean, you know, assuming they can reach the sink.
13:06
SPEAKER_00: But Steve, I really think that we need to move on.
13:09
SPEAKER_00: We do, yes.
13:09
SPEAKER_00: In this case, we did add another kind of small person.
13:14
SPEAKER_01: Oh, you're moving on, moving with the elf then.
13:16
SPEAKER_00: I I'm gonna try.
13:18
SPEAKER_01: You know, and they just they just had all that Christmas work.
13:22
SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, you're not gonna let them rest at all now.
13:24
SPEAKER_01: Just they finally got some time off.
13:26
SPEAKER_00: Now, I'm glad we have made a change here, but you brought up a really good point because this joke begins with an elf is in a bar.
13:33
SPEAKER_01: Well, here you go.
13:35
SPEAKER_01: Now, I've been in a lot of bars in my life, and I I have yet to see an elf.
13:38
SPEAKER_00: You haven't seen elves in the elder.
13:39
SPEAKER_01: I have yet to see an elf in a bar.
13:41
SPEAKER_01: Never, it's not I've never seen one.
13:43
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, in this one, there's a drunk guy sitting at the bar.
13:46
SPEAKER_00: Elf comes in and he says, Hi, I'm a I'm a magic elf, and I'm gonna grant you three wishes.
13:54
SPEAKER_00: And the drunk guy he's he's baffled by what he's hearing, and he says, All right, awesome.
14:00
SPEAKER_00: And well, I guess my first wish is I want a million bucks.
14:05
SPEAKER_00: And the elf said, perfect, it's done.
14:08
SPEAKER_00: When you get home, the million dollars will be waiting for you.
14:12
SPEAKER_00: And the the drunk guy says, Oh, great.
14:15
SPEAKER_00: He says, Well, my second gift would be I want the most beautiful and sexy woman in the world.
14:22
SPEAKER_00: And the elf says, Done.
14:24
SPEAKER_00: When you get home, she will be waiting for you.
14:28
SPEAKER_00: And he says, Great.
14:29
SPEAKER_00: He says, Uh, finally, I want a gold-plated Ferrari.
14:34
SPEAKER_00: And the elf said, Done.
14:36
SPEAKER_00: When you go outside to the bar at the end of the night here, your Ferrari will be waiting for you.
14:42
SPEAKER_00: Jeez, I gotta go to that bar.
14:44
SPEAKER_00: I know.
14:44
SPEAKER_00: And so the man's like, So that's it.
14:47
SPEAKER_00: So I get all this shit.
14:48
SPEAKER_00: And the elf said, Nope, you still have to pay me a fee.
14:52
SPEAKER_00: Well, you have to have sex with me right here.
14:55
SPEAKER_01: And the drunk says, Yeah, maybe I won't go to that bar.
14:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
14:58
SPEAKER_00: The drunk guy says, Come on, elf.
15:01
SPEAKER_00: I mean, what the hell?
15:03
SPEAKER_00: There's no way I'm having sex with you.
15:04
SPEAKER_00: And the the elf says, Well, all right, then you won't get any of those wishes to come true.
15:09
SPEAKER_00: So he says, All right, all right.
15:12
SPEAKER_00: Just uh let's just make it a quickie, a short one.
15:15
SPEAKER_00: So the man pulls down his pants, bends over, they start doing whatever they're doing.
15:20
SPEAKER_00: I'm probably giving a little more detail than I need to.
15:23
SPEAKER_00: And I think I think our audience has a vivid imagination.
15:27
SPEAKER_00: Do you think they do?
15:28
SPEAKER_01: Now, maybe the size difference is throwing some people off, but I think I think the general apparatus, the general general physics and mechanics of it, I think, yeah, they they probably got that.
15:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
15:40
SPEAKER_00: So while they're having sex, the man comments that for such a little guy, he was really well endowed, really big.
15:48
SPEAKER_00: To which the elf replies, Well, for such a big guy, I can't believe you still believe in elves.
15:54
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, there you go.
15:56
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
15:57
SPEAKER_01: There are other little people out there that could fit like a short joke theme show.
16:03
SPEAKER_01: Like, what about little kids?
16:04
SPEAKER_01: What about babies?
16:05
SPEAKER_00: Babies would be mighty probably better, don't you think?
16:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
16:09
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
16:09
SPEAKER_00: Do you have any of the baby jokes on here?
16:12
SPEAKER_01: Turns out I do have one.
16:13
SPEAKER_01: So there's this woman gets on a bus with her baby.
16:16
SPEAKER_01: Bus driver, you know, most but most bus drivers don't there's just no don't comment, not you know, don't get involved, right?
16:23
SPEAKER_01: But this bus driver just would it just had to, right?
16:26
SPEAKER_01: He says, Lady, that is the ugliest baby I've ever seen.
16:29
SPEAKER_01: So a woman's offended.
16:31
SPEAKER_01: You know, she goes to the back of the bus and sits down, she's really mad.
16:34
SPEAKER_01: She says to this guy next to her, that driver just insulted me.
16:37
SPEAKER_01: So the man says, Hey, you stand up for yourself, you go up there and tell him off.
16:42
SPEAKER_01: You go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.
16:44
SPEAKER_01: Now, see, maybe it'd be funnier if it was a dwarf monkey.
16:49
SPEAKER_01: Or I don't know.
16:51
SPEAKER_00: I know.
16:52
SPEAKER_00: I think we probably was a mistake moving away from that category.
16:55
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
16:56
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
16:56
SPEAKER_00: As much as we did.
16:58
SPEAKER_00: But I have a baby joke.
17:00
SPEAKER_00: This one, and I think this one is in a little better taste because the monkey.
17:04
SPEAKER_01: Well, we'll find out, won't we?
17:06
SPEAKER_00: So, anyways, this couple are expecting a baby.
17:09
SPEAKER_00: And the day finally comes, and the husband takes the wife to the hospital.
17:13
SPEAKER_00: The husband paces the floor all night, and then finally the doctor comes out and tells the husband that he unfortunately has some bad news.
17:22
SPEAKER_00: It turns out that your wife has just given birth to a seven-pound baby eyeball.
17:27
SPEAKER_00: The husband says, Oh my god, what could be worse than a seven-pound baby eyeball?
17:32
SPEAKER_00: And the doctor says, It's blind.
17:34
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's much better taste.
17:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
17:37
SPEAKER_01: Good to end on such a high note here, you know.
17:40
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
17:40
SPEAKER_00: Wasn't that good?
17:41
SPEAKER_01: I guess, you know, I guess when you when you send me stuff, I should read it.
17:45
SPEAKER_01: You know, I did you you assume I read the stuff you send.
17:48
SPEAKER_01: I yeah, I don't do that, but maybe I should, you know, maybe I should read it more carefully.
17:53
SPEAKER_00: But I don't think it would have mattered, Steve.
17:56
SPEAKER_00: No, you know, I think this was kind of doomed from the beginning, and but I but I still kind of think it's funny.
18:01
SPEAKER_00: But I don't know what that's like.
18:02
SPEAKER_01: Well, we'll find out.
18:03
SPEAKER_01: I guess we'll find out if the advertisers walk away.
18:06
SPEAKER_01: And we are literally about to get kicked out of eccentric Lady Land Studios.
18:10
SPEAKER_01: I can see the dwarf is up on up on the console, and oh, he he looks mad.
18:15
SPEAKER_01: Be careful.
18:16
SPEAKER_01: Looks mad, yes.
18:17
SPEAKER_01: I think we should just call it a short show there.
18:20
SPEAKER_01: We should short sheet our own show, so to speak.
18:22
SPEAKER_01: That's hard to say, you know.
18:23
SPEAKER_00: But I agree, and and happy Veterans Day.
18:26
SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, everybody out there.
18:28
SPEAKER_01: A few months early, but you know.
18:30
SPEAKER_01: Johnny, Johnny, please do the world a favor and get us out of this show.
18:35
SPEAKER_01: Right, Steve?
18:36
SPEAKER_01: This has been a microaggression production in association with homunculous media.
18:41
SPEAKER_01: Read all about Steve and Jeff at their website, stevenjeff.com.
18:45
SPEAKER_01: This is Johnny speaking.
18:47
SPEAKER_01: I'm glad they wanted to do shorter jokes.
18:51
SPEAKER_01: I started reading one of their jokes, and I had to take a nap midway through.
18:56
SPEAKER_01: Speaking of shorter jokes, I actually met a dwarf at a bar one time.
19:01
SPEAKER_01: Steve must not go to the right places.
19:03
SPEAKER_01: I asked the dwarf how he was doing, and he said he wasn't happy.
19:08
SPEAKER_01: I guess he must have been Doc then.
19:11
SPEAKER_01: Good night!