Latest / Natty Unfiltered / Building Financial Independence Without Mom Guilt

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Building Financial Independence Without Mom Guilt · Natty Unfiltered

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Foreign.
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Financial freedom doesn't make you a bad mom. It makes you
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a present. 1. Welcome to Natty Unfiltered, the podcast
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for moms who love their kids but know they were meant for more.
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I'm Nattie, a mom of three, real estate agent and
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online entrepreneur. And this is where we talk confidence,
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more mindset, money, and building a life that
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actually feels like yours. No fluff, no pretending,
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just real conversations for women ready
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to stop playing small. And today we
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are going to talk about the financial freedom
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where mom guilt really comes from.
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Mom guilt is an instinct. It's actual conditioning.
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Society teaches women that self sacrifice equals
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love. But exhaustion,
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resentment and financial stress don't create
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better families. Stability does.
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So let's talk about where mom guilt actually comes from.
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Because it's not just in your head. Most mom
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guilt doesn't come from something you did wrong. It comes from
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expectations. Unrealistic,
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impossible expectations. Some of them
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come from society. The idea that a good mom is always
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patient, always present, always available,
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always sacrificing herself. But some
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of it comes from social media. You see perfect homes,
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perfect lunches, perfect perfect routines. And suddenly
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you feel like you're falling short, you feel like
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you're behind. You are not on the same level,
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what exactly you doing wrong that these other moms
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are doing right. And some of it comes from
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how we were raised too, what we were
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told a good woman or a good mother should be.
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So the moment you do something for yourself, go to the gym,
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work on your business, get your nails done, or just
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take a quiet moment, that little voice shows up and says you
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should be doing something for your kids instead. But here's the truth.
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Mom guilt is often just a sign that you're stepping
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outside of the old expectations.
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And that's not a bad thing. Because fulfilled,
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confident, happy moment raises fulfilled,
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confident, happy kids. You don't need
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to sacrifice yourself to prove that you love your family.
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Listen, sometimes, yes, I can say not all of us, you know,
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moms were perfect. We are just trying to do our best.
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There's no manual or how to be a
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mom, how to be raising kids. You just do it.
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This little baby is born and you are just
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in your trying to figure out day after day you
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talk to other moms, you see how they do it. You build
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that kind of village around you. You learn as you
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go. With three kids, I tell you that I would
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say I was more experienced mom with my second one than I was with
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the first one. And I was much more experienced with my third one than with
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my first one. But you know
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that mom guilt is that you should pour
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everything into your family and forget
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about yourself, forget about your needs is to me, it's like the
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wrong way to look at it. You can do, you can take care of
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your family, your kids and have social life and take care
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of yourself. You shouldn't be all
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just wrapped up in a household and look every
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day like you just crawl out of your bed. Nobody said that you need to
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when you get up, that you need to put a full set
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of makeup, have your hair done perfectly, have your perfect
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outfit and you go out looking in the world like a princess.
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But you know what? When you,
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when you wake up and you get your hair
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done, you either put it in a ponytail, you have a short hair then that's
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why I cut my hair. After a while, you know, I'm like, I'm cutting my
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hair and I have a pixie cut. And you know what? It's easier to
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take care of. I don't need to wash it every day. It makes
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my life as a mom a whole lot easier.
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You know, you get your nails done either yourself, you have press ons
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nowadays, they have amazing press ons that looks like real
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nails and real manicure. Or you take
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that time, you go and you get your nails done, you get your hair
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done, you put little bit makeup, blush, lip gloss, and that's it. You out
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the door, you get your outfit ready the night before so
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you don't have to think about it in the morning. You just get your child,
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your kids ready and you out the door. It's just gonna
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make you feel so much better. And you should not feel guilty that, that you
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took that little time to put yourself together to
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look presentable mainly for yourself. Do it for yourself. I always say,
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number one, do it for yourself. Not even for like,
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you know, I would say for your husband, for your kid. Do it for yourself
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and then do it for your husband because your husband will appreciate it. But then
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remember that your husband needs to also your significant other
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also should be looking good for
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you because I'm sure you would appreciate that. So there's nothing
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wrong with taking care of yourself. There's nothing wrong with booking that
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or having those girls night going for dinner just
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to, you can share things and laugh and have
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that time away from, you know, the kids and
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your significant other and not feel
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guilty about it. You owe it to yourself.
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You need that. Like life doesn't stop just because
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you became a mom. Yes, life becomes more hectic.
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I remember those many nights where I just
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got barely of any sleep. And I
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would come to an appointment with my infant and the doctor will look at me
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and say, are you getting enough sleep? Because I would look,
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you know, pale, even though I kind of look presentable, but still,
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you know, like we have those and it's okay through God to go
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through those times. But I remember we were walking with
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my first one, we were walking outside at that time, we had a dog and
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we have ever got stopped by these.
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I don't know if it was a couple or two women, I don't remember.
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And my, my son was still
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like an infant, I can't remember. He was maybe like a month old.
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And she gave me a comment, she's like, oh, wow, you, you look good together.
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You look so good, you know, and it was really nice
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to hear that from me, for me,
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because somebody acknowledged that, hey,
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you know, for having this little baby, little infant,
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I was actually looking sort of like, you know, put, put together.
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And that just gave me sort of that not
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bump, but just it made me feel good. It made me feel good that
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somebody else saw that. Hey, no, I,
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I look, you know, good for, put together for having
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an infant. In any case, don't,
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as a mom, don't feel guilty for taking
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care of yourself because when you're happy,
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everybody else around you is happy.
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Now why financial independence is a form of care.
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When you build income, you build options. Less stress,
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more flexibility and more
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presence. Financial independence allows you to parent from
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calm instead of survival and think sometimes some women
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decide to go back to work when their maternity leave
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is over and some decide to stay at home.
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Moms, either one is fine. I was,
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you know, at first with my first one, I went back to work and then
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later on with my
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daughter, I ended up staying home. And I was trying to build
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different businesses online. But I
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always kind of create that to have that financial independence to have my
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own money so that I can contribute to the family.
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I wanted to have that freedom,
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that financial freedom to be able to do more
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things that you can do on one income.
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We talk a lot about self care as moms, like you
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know, face masks, bubble baths, which I don't
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really take. You know, getting our hair done, getting our nails done,
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going to the gym and those things are nice. But real
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self care also goes much deeper than that. Financial independence
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is one of the highest forms of self care. And sometimes,
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yes, you can be lucky where your significant other is,
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is bringing enough income that you can afford
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to be staying home and still travel and save money.
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And invest and do all the nice things. But at some
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times, and you know, you can be fine with that and,
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but sometimes you crave that to have a
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piece of your own financial independence,
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which is nothing wrong with that.
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I think that it's healthy and a good
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thing to want that we
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as women, we can have our
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own income and you have the
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choice. So like when you have your own income,
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then you know, you can leave if you like, in a toxic
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situation. You can leave the toxic situation. You can help
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family without panic, you can pay bills without
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constant stress. You can invest in yourself,
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your dreams and your future. Money doesn't just
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buy things. It buys peace of mind, it buys options,
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it buys freedom. And for so many moms,
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the stress isn't just about being busy. It's about wondering,
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do we have enough? What happens if something goes wrong?
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How will we afford the life we want for our kids?
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So financial independence quiets that fear.
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It allows you to show up as a calmer, more confident
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version of yourself. Not because life is perfect,
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but because you know you can handle it.
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And building income streams, learning new skills,
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starting something online, that's not selfish,
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that's responsible, that's powerful,
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that's care for your future self and your
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family. And that's one of many reasons why I've
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always longed for to be my own boss,
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to, to have my own hours. I mean, in real estate you
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can't really have your own hours. People sometimes talk about, oh,
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you get into real estate to have that time freedom,
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which you really don't.
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But creating online business,
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it's let you to be more
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independent, to be your own boss. You work your own hours and
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your, you know, your income becomes unlimited
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because you can do so many things. Because nowadays there are so many things that
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online that, that you can be
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earning, you know,
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extra income from and then you can actually, then if
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it's big enough, you can replace your 9 to 5. So then
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you can have that freedom. And sometimes,
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you know, we stay in the nine to fives, not just because of
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the steady paycheck, but you stay because of the 401ks,
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you stay because of the insurance and you
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save other things that corporate job provides for
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you. But when you are own boss, you need to be
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providing that for yourself because the
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company, you're not working for corporate or for a company that does it for you.
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Redefining good mom energy is
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something that I know that we probably
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don't think about a lot. You know, a good mom isn't someone who disappears.
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She's Someone who models self worth,
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courage and resilience. And your
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kids learn more from how you live than what you
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say. I always say that talk is cheap.
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You show it by actions. How you
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act is how people are gonna remember you.
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Because you can say all the things, all the right things,
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but if you don't follow up with actions, then your words don't mean anything.
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And so we need to redefine what good mom energy
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actually looks like. For years, we've been told that a
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good mom is the one who sacrifices everything.
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You know, her time, her dreams, her body, her peace.
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As long as everyone else is taken care of. She's always available,
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always patient, always giving, and never putting herself
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first. But that's just kind of like old beliefs.
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But that version of motherhood usually leads to burnout,
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resentment, and feeling invisible because you can pour from
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an empty cup to forever. At some
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point, you just break down. And what good are you
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to anybody? To yourself, to your significant other, to your
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kids? What if a good mom is actually a woman who
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takes care of herself too? You know, a mom
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who has goals, she has her dreams, who builds
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confidence, who creates financial stability, who shows
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her kids that self respect looks like this
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because your children aren't just listening to what you
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say. They're watching how you live. I mean, they're just little,
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they're just little sponges. I'm sure if you're a mom, you know,
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they're learning from. They're learning what relationships looks
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like, what money looks like, what confidence looks like,
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what happens looks like. And every step
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that you do, every decision that you make, they look, they evaluate.
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And a lot of times they stay quiet. And that
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quietness actually then shows up later on in
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life. I mean, it's good to keep that open communication with
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kids. But you know, they see, they see
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how you act in different situation. What do you do?
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If you are creating business and it's. You are struggling,
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but you still pushing through it, you're trying to find ways of how to make
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it work, how to make it better. They're learning from that. They're seeing you
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not giving up.
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So when they see a mom who honors herself,
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who grows, who learns, who tries new things,
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that becomes a normal. And that is so powerful.
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That's so many things that you can teach the kids. It's not just about what
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they learn in school. It's about real life, real life
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issues, real life opportunities.
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It's. You learn by example.
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And you are the one who your kids look up
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to and they see exactly how
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you do you're not going to be a perfect mom. You can use. You going
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to screw up? I mean, I've screwed up so many times and sometimes
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I go back and say, I'm like, oh my God, why did I do that?
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This. But you know what, we're all humans, we make mistakes.
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But you always try to do what's good for you, what's,
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what's good for the kids. You, yes, you nurture them.
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But you also have to make sure that, hey, life is
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tough. Not everybody has it easy and have the appreciation
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for the things that they have and how hard it is to work for those
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things. Money just doesn't grow on trees, as a lot of
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kids believe, so they do. Choosing long
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term peace over short term comfort. You know, building something
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new will feel uncomfortable at first, but staying stuck costs more
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in the long run. Like short term discomfort leads
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to long term freedom. So one of the most powerful decisions
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you can make in life is choosing long term peace over short
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term comfort. Because comfort feels good
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in the moment. Avoiding the hard conversation, not setting
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the boundary, staying in the same routine, putting your dreams on
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the back burner. It feels easier for now.
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But short term comfort often creates long term
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stress. Then you're gonna have unspoken
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resentment, financial pressure, feeling stuck,
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feeling like your life isn't really yours.
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And the long term piece works the opposite way.
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It usually starts with discomfort,
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having a tough conversation, setting boundaries,
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starting something new, learning a skill and
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putting yourself out there. Even when it feels scary. I mean,
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it's uncomfortable at first, but over time it creates
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freedom, it creates confidence, stability and
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real peace of mind. Every day you're
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making a choice, comfort now or peace later.
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And the life you want is usually on the other side
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of a few uncomfortable decisions. When you are
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starting a new business, yes, you talk to, you know, your kids,
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you talk to, I mean, depending how old they are, you talk to your significant
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other and you are on the same page. You starting,
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you want to be on, present online, you know that you're
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going to be a little bit more on the phone because you're going to be
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learning new skills, you're going to be doing videos. This is something that
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you are going to be going through tough times, through low
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views, to not much engagements, to growing
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your account. Those are going to be a lot of painful
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times, painful moments. But you're working towards a long
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term goal because you want to build that financial success,
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financial independence.
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And it's going to take time, but you're going to have
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that peace of mind that hey, I'VE succeeded.
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Hey, I have a growing successful business.
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And once you build that business, of course you're going to want to more
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and maybe that business you can then evolve your kids
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in, in that business, whatever it is.
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So short term you can have setbacks,
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you can be uncomfortable, but you working towards that
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long term goal. Same thing as like you know, when you go to school and
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you go to college, if you want to, you finish
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four years and in order to get your degree it takes you four years.
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I mean unless you're really smart, it takes you less. But overall it's
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four years to get your degree and then to get the job that you want
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to be in the field that you want to be working. And if you want
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to be an attorney, it's going to take an extra couple of years to study
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to be an attorney. I'm not even talking about, let's say if
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you want to be a doctor and depending on what the kind of a doctor,
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I mean that's going to take you years and years and sleepless nights
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and maybe not hanging out with friends. Whatever it is, it's just,
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it's going to take time. So everything you, you are working
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towards your long term goals and sometimes in
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the short term certain things that need to be understood
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and in a way kind of sacrificed and
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it's okay because you are working towards that the
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goal that you want to build in long,
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in the long run. So your dreams don't compete
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with your kids, they contribute to their future. And this
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is what you keep in mind, is that you are working
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for the loved ones. Money doesn't just buy
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things. Money provides freedom. Money opens up doors,
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doors for you. Money provides that you can't be present more
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for your kids. You can't put the money aside. You can
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take those family trips, not just one or maybe,
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you know, couple of them. You can help out your family if they
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need your help because you have that financial stability
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and financial means to do so if
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this episode spoke to you, it's not by accident. Your dreams are
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random, aren't random. They're reminders to
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keep going, keep choosing yourself and I'll meet you in the next
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episode of Nnedi Unfiltered.