Latest / Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse / What to Do When You Feel Like You've Missed Your Boat

Transcript

What to Do When You Feel Like You've Missed Your Boat · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Is there a major life transition benching you?
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I know you may be asking what's next?
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: What's my purpose?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: What if?
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Because I've asked those too.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Start your Comeback Podcast.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Hi, welcome back.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: You're listening to episode 59.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad you're here today.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: Can you believe that we are two weeks away from Thanksgiving and some of you are struggling with facing your first holiday?
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: As you walk through this major life transition, have you ever heard someone say, man, I've missed my boat?
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: Because sometimes we feel like I've missed the boat.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: It's a feeling of desperation and extreme panic because you believe you have missed the only chance you have.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: Today, I want to talk about our feelings when we think we've missed the boat.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: You may be feeling this right now, as you are facing the biggest life transition ever.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: Ask yourself this question how am I here?
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: What follows next is a series of impetuous thoughts and decisions.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: The dread overtakes you and you beat yourself up over and over again with your own thoughts.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: It has sent you spiraling into a heap of negativity.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: Doubt is at its highest level in your life.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: You know the thing I'm talking about.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: It came to your mind almost immediately.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: Thoughts of missing the boat sound like I should have not waited, like I'm moving at the pace of a turtle.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: Or you didn't want to spend the money, the time or energy to do the thing, or maybe you were stuck in your head overthinking it.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: This abruptly triggers the thought that reinforces what you already believe that panic forced me into inactivity.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: I've weighed one too many options.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: I thought I had more time.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: Whatever the case may be, you thought you missed the boat, but I have a question for you.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: Have you ever considered that maybe you were supposed to miss the boat?
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: I know this is counterintuitive to our culture and what success is supposed to look like.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: However, I'm asking you to change the lens you are looking through and perhaps see things differently for just a minute.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: Instead of thinking you've blown it by missing your boat, think of it like this.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: Ask yourself these four questions.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: Number one what if you'd gotten on the boat and it sunk and then you realized it wasn't my boat?
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: My thought process is to stop rearranging chairs on the Titanic.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: You have to loosen the strings attached to your fear.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: Number two timing is everything.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: Timing is everything.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: It is not my time or yours, but God's, because it's perfect.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: Number three what are you learning right now?
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: This is the key.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: Write it on a sticky note and put it on your bathroom mirror so that you can see it every single morning as you get ready.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: And finally, number four think of it as maybe it was someone else's boat you missed, because in reality, that's the only boat we miss.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: It wasn't yours.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: To begin with.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: We are impatient people and want things yesterday, so we see others on their boats and we think I missed my boat.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: I want you to believe and have hope that you feel is just out of reach.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: It's there, I promise you.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: The only boat you miss belongs to someone else, so instead, maybe, throw some gratitude in there that you missed it.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: It might have saved you some unknown terror or angst.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: I mean, it is November and it is daily gratitude time.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: Try it and see what happens.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: Write down three things every day that you're grateful for.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: Reflect on those.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: Now, on the flip side, what does your boat look like?
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: Is it a speedboat or a tugboat?
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: Where's it taking you, or are you leaving it in the slip or at the dock.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's usually the safe place to keep it right.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: You get a little rocking action just to mull yourself to sleep.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: It doesn't go anywhere.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: But isn't the whole point of getting on?
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: The thing is to go somewhere.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: You and God are the captains of your ship.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: God tells you and you steer, to get there.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: Your boat is specifically designed for you.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: Let it know where you are taking it and don't let it change your mind.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: The only way to miss your boat is to be in the slip, going nowhere.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: You can't be late launching it.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: But again, time, time, time is perfect, but you are the captain and it won't go without you.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: If you're afraid of taking the boat out for simple fear of the unknown, I get it.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: I know how difficult it is.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: You don't want to steer in the wrong direction, but you're unsure of the right direction.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: This is why creating a game plan is so important.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: It's your navigational tool to get you out of the slip and into the water, or getting off the bench and back into your world with confidence and being hopeful.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: Maybe you're afraid to get on the boat, you're doubtful that this is the right boat, your boat.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: Maybe you still feel like you missed your boat.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: I guarantee you haven't.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: I can help you gain confidence and courage in your decision making to produce a game plan, to know this is your boat and it is your time.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: Don't delay, because when your boat sits for years without use, it experiences significant deterioration, some corrosion.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: It experiences significant deterioration, some corrosion, water damage and, most importantly, structural weakening due to exposure to all of the toxic elements surrounding it.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: It may become unusable and require extensive repairs, or even be considered a hazard, depending on its condition.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: This is your life.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: Don't let it deteriorate.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: Don't let it be damaged.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: Get the help that you need, see a therapist, work on it to keep yourself above water, because you see, we can't let this happen.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: You are too valuable, your life is too valuable, your journey is very, very valuable and it's time for you to do something.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: What will you do?
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: Well, that's it for this week.
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: Join me next time as I give some tips for navigating the first holiday as you walk through a life transition.
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: I'll see you then, hey, thanks for listening.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: I don't take it for granted that you're here.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: You didn't listen by mistake.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: Until next week.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: Remember there's still time left on the clock.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: Thank you.