Latest / The You Project / #1661 Why Aren't You More Like Me? - Dr. Cam McDonald

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#1661 Why Aren't You More Like Me? - Dr. Cam McDonald · The You Project

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Speaker 1: I'm got to agree with this.
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Speaker 2: Welcome to another installment of you project. It's Fatty Harps.
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Speaker 2: It's Monday morning at seven point thirty seven. I've had
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Speaker 2: my caffeine. I'm fucking good to go. I'm fired. Dr
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Speaker 2: Cam McDonald from the Shay Group, who is an old
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Speaker 2: friend of the show and straight up smarty pants, joins me.
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Speaker 1: Hi, mate, how are you great?
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Speaker 3: Thanks Harp.
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Speaker 4: It's great to be back to man, it's been a
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Speaker 4: little while. It's lovely to see it.
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Speaker 1: It's been what do you do you reckon? It's been
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Speaker 1: a year or maybe more.
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Speaker 4: It could be it could be eight en months. I
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Speaker 4: think we were just starting. I think I just started
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Speaker 4: some of the pilot groups in the precision learning stuff
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Speaker 4: that we were doing when I was talking about some
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Speaker 4: learning differences between people last time.
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Speaker 2: I think now in the last eight ten months, we've
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Speaker 2: got a whole lot of new listeners and a more
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Speaker 2: expansive audience from all over the world and of course
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Speaker 2: primarily Australia. But tell everyone who you are and what
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Speaker 2: you do, and for those like some might have forgotten,
1:00
Speaker 2: but some have never met you.
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Speaker 1: So give us the Cam story.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, so it started in Gunder Guy fast forward twelve years,
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Speaker 4: actually twenty years.
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Speaker 3: I'm in Sydney wanting to do a lot with sports.
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Speaker 4: Ended up doing exercise and Sports science because I thought
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Speaker 4: exercise and sports science is as close as I can
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Speaker 4: get to sports without being an a lead athlete. And
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Speaker 4: our third year had an incredible moment where an a
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Speaker 4: lecturer started telling me about how you can reverse diabetes
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Speaker 4: with exercise, and I just made this decision in my
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Speaker 4: mind that we needed to reverse diabetes immediately, and why
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Speaker 4: isn't everybody exercising all of the time.
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Speaker 3: This seems insane that we're not doing it.
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Speaker 4: And in my last term of my last semester of
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Speaker 4: my four year degree x FIZZ, I found out about nutrients.
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Speaker 4: It had been fairly exercise focused, and I said, geez,
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Speaker 4: I think I should know a little bit more about nutrients.
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Speaker 4: So applied for a dietetics Masters and got in at
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Speaker 4: Griffith up at the Goldie that worked in hospital. Realized
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Speaker 4: that I don't want to support people who have had
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Speaker 4: a heart attack.
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Speaker 3: I want to prevent them.
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Speaker 4: So I did my PhD in prevention of chronic disease
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Speaker 4: in individuals that have been through breast cancer treatment. So
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Speaker 4: we're looking at a Mega three and exercise in that.
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Speaker 4: And then I was working in private practice realized that
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Speaker 4: I was giving people in my research the same protocols
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Speaker 4: and I was seeing completely different responses, like some individuals
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Speaker 4: losing five kilos and they're just loving life, and then
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Speaker 4: another person's working much harder than them and gained a
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Speaker 4: kilo of fat and lost muscle in the same period
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Speaker 4: of time on exactly the same protocol.
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Speaker 3: And I was seeing that in private practice as well,
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Speaker 3: and that started a.
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Speaker 4: Journey that sort of took me, like took me through
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Speaker 4: my PhD, but it was too late to adjust my study.
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Speaker 4: I've now been in the space of precision health and
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Speaker 4: medicine for the last eleven years, ten years, and what
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Speaker 4: I do now is I educate health professionals, I educate corporates, schools, gyms,
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Speaker 4: pretty much anybody who will listen for at least five
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Speaker 4: minutes on how we're different. So how we are genetically different,
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Speaker 4: biologically different, finotypically different. That is the expression of our
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Speaker 4: genes and if we can measure that, And this is
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Speaker 4: what we've been doing for the last twenty years as
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Speaker 4: an organization at Shay Group.
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Speaker 3: Is what makes you.
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Speaker 4: Different and how can we quantify that so that we
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Speaker 4: can provide the best possible thing for you in that moment,
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Speaker 4: because your requirements are always changing as well, and so
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Speaker 4: it's morphed from any journey of oh, you got to
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Speaker 4: eat more spinach and you've.
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Speaker 3: Got to lift that weight to what is it to be.
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Speaker 4: A human on the planet? Like, what are all of
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Speaker 4: these signals that are coming into our body? How do
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Speaker 4: we interpret them with our mind, with our body? What
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Speaker 4: makes life incredible? And the answer is ultimately getting back
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Speaker 4: to yourself. If you unders down yourself and if you
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Speaker 4: can then contribute to others, then you're under a winner.
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Speaker 4: So all of the work is about elevating people's awareness
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Speaker 4: around themselves, how they can contribute, how they can be
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Speaker 4: the healthiest self, regressing disease as a whole lot of
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Speaker 4: research going on at the same time.
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Speaker 3: So that's a brief summary.
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Speaker 2: We have a guy another guy on who's almost as brilliant. Know,
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Speaker 2: he's just as brilliant as you. I'll say you same
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Speaker 2: the same, doctor Bill Sullivan from the States, and he's
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Speaker 2: a researcher and also brilliant. We were talking the other
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Speaker 2: day about essentially, you know, something works for everybody but
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Speaker 2: not everything works for everybody, So you've got to find
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Speaker 2: you something, you know what I mean.
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Speaker 1: And it's like, especially on the fucking interwebs.
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Speaker 2: Cam you're probably not familiar with the into webs, but
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Speaker 2: there's this thing called social media. And if you pay
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Speaker 2: attention to social media every second, fucker's got some product
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Speaker 2: that's going to fix everyone, some single product that's going
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Speaker 2: to universally fix every ailment known to person kind. And
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Speaker 2: like it's so it's like when even when people say
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Speaker 2: to me, from an excise physiology point of view, what's
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Speaker 2: the best way to you know, fill in the blank,
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Speaker 2: and I go, well, for who? Because the best way
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Speaker 2: to achieve, you know, to put on muscle for you
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Speaker 2: won't be the same as me, won't be the same
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Speaker 2: as that lady over there or that guy over there
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Speaker 2: or and and you know, and even then you go, well,
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Speaker 2: even if we get say that the strength training stuff right,
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Speaker 2: or the muscle building stuff right from a lifting point
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Speaker 2: of view, then there's all the other variables, the genetics,
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Speaker 2: the sleep, the nutrition, the stress, the anxiety, that there's
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Speaker 2: all of the other variables which impact recovery and hypertrophy.
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Speaker 2: And like people keept like you, and I don't want
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Speaker 2: to overcomplicate it because then we just alienate people. But
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Speaker 2: at the same time, this kind of group think that
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Speaker 2: happens on the internet, which is or here's here's a
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Speaker 2: thing that will create that outcome for you, it just
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Speaker 2: ain't true.
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Speaker 1: Is it?
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Speaker 4: Well exactly, and I mean to your point, if you
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Speaker 4: watch social media very very closely, you end up on
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Speaker 4: a high fat, low fat, high protein, high carb low
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Speaker 4: carb diet that involves hit training and strength training in
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Speaker 4: the same session and endless endurance but no endurance. It's
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Speaker 4: and then, as you were saying, it's what's been so
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Speaker 4: fascinating and probably going back to our first ever podcast,
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Speaker 4: we're talking about chronobiology. Even the timing of when you
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Speaker 4: do these activities can actually be the difference between if
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Speaker 4: you get a result and if you don't. And then
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Speaker 4: the mental stress that plays down into your body and
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Speaker 4: influences your results as well. And everybody has a different
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Speaker 4: thing that's going to stress the mentally. So just this
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Speaker 4: idea that you've got to find exactly your something. It
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Speaker 4: is incredibly complex, and there is a really really simple path,
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Speaker 4: and that is go and meditate.
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Speaker 3: On a mountain for three years and you'll find yourself.
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Speaker 4: And this is this is where we're trying to essentially,
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Speaker 4: is what modern medicine is trying to do. It's trying
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Speaker 4: to shorten the path back to you. But we lost
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Speaker 4: our way with just trying to look at one chemical
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Speaker 4: and one product and one pathway and one drug. It's
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Speaker 4: you've got to look at the whole system and how
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Speaker 4: that's interacting together.
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Speaker 3: And that's where the complex it is.
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Speaker 4: But that's also where you know, we have an inner
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Speaker 4: intelligence that allows us to get there too. It just
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Speaker 4: it can be assisted by a lot of these new
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Speaker 4: things that I'm fortunate to work with these days.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it's amazing. Before we jumped on the show,
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Speaker 2: I said, what have you been up to? And you
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Speaker 2: told me a few things. I said, let's talk about
7:39
Speaker 2: that because I think people will be interested. So just
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Speaker 2: repeat for my group what you're telling me that you've
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Speaker 2: been kind of opening the door on recently, and let's
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Speaker 2: have a chat.
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Speaker 3: Yeah.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, going back a bit to the piece around like,
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Speaker 4: oh no, I was a dietitian. Everything in my focus
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Speaker 4: was I've just got to get this person to eat
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Speaker 4: the right food, and I would essentially assess them as
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Speaker 4: a person and I would get them to assess themselves
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Speaker 4: as a person based on am I putting the right
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Speaker 4: vegetable into my mouth?
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Speaker 1: Yes?
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Speaker 4: And what I've what's been so clear and I guess
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Speaker 4: in my own personal development, but also just watching how
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Speaker 4: people interact with health at a much bigger scale and
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Speaker 4: what I always wonder one the I've been so fascinated
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Speaker 4: by what truly makes a person happy because it's not
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Speaker 4: your weight, it's not your food, it's not your exercise,
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Speaker 4: it's not your relationships, it's not the place you live.
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Speaker 4: But it's a combination of all of those things, and
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Speaker 4: then who you are in it too. And when you
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Speaker 4: start looking at some of the research around someone having purpose,
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Speaker 4: you know, there's every philosophy from ancient to modern has
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Speaker 4: some sort of you've got to have a purpose. Then
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Speaker 4: there's also this whole thing around love and relationships and
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Speaker 4: the importance of community and connection and how important that
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Speaker 4: is for survival. Whether it be in nursing homes or
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Speaker 4: blue zones, it's all the same. You need connection to
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Speaker 4: be to feel like you're living and to have a
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Speaker 4: meaningful life. And then there's also the idea of flow,
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Speaker 4: which is this I guess in a way a fancy.
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Speaker 3: It's not a buzzword, but it is. It's a real
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Speaker 3: physiological state.
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Speaker 4: Of doing the thing in your strength and feeling like
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Speaker 4: the world has just disappeared and the only thing that
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Speaker 4: exists is this front thing in front of you right now,
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Speaker 4: with a transcendence of time and all a euphoric state
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Speaker 4: of productivity and contribution. So what was so fascinating about
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Speaker 4: all of those things is in each of those things
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Speaker 4: you feel like you are completely alive. Like when you love,
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Speaker 4: you feel like you're completely alive. When you're living on
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Speaker 4: purpose and you have a really clear purpose, you feel
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Speaker 4: like you're alive when you are in flow.
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Speaker 3: It's a holy crap.
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Speaker 4: That felt so good, And it's sort of come to
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Speaker 4: the point of thinking, why are we not chasing this
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Speaker 4: feeling all of the time? You know, and how much
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Speaker 4: of our education is actually about purpose, how much of
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Speaker 4: it is about connecting with a person incredibly deeply, how
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Speaker 4: much of it is about, Hey, what's the what are
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Speaker 4: your natural strengths and what's the best way that we
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Speaker 4: can bring them to life with what you can do
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Speaker 4: and mastery and get you into flow so that you
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Speaker 4: are absolutely flowing.
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Speaker 3: We compromise.
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Speaker 4: We as a society, we don't focus on the things
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Speaker 4: that truly make us happy. And what gets me excited
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Speaker 4: from a physiological standpoint, being the slight science nerd that
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Speaker 4: I am, is that the physiological signature, so the chemicals
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Speaker 4: that release and the system, the blood pressure and all
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Speaker 4: of those blood sugar levels and Quarterisle levels. Whenever you
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Speaker 4: look at each of those states purpose, flow, and love,
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Speaker 4: they have almost identical signatures except for the one individual
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Speaker 4: kind of chemical that they speak to that represents that
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Speaker 4: thing I want, which we can get into, I'm sure,
10:53
Speaker 4: and the I guess it's It's sort of helped me
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Speaker 4: come to a point where I'm thinking, well, if we're
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Speaker 4: going to be talking about anything, why wouldn't we be
11:03
Speaker 4: talking about I'm talking about just in general, Why wouldn't
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Speaker 4: we be talking about what actually truly brings you happiness?
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Speaker 4: Because as a dietician, the best meal plan didn't really
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Speaker 4: bring someone happiness.
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Speaker 3: It was. It's a much greater thing than that.
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Speaker 4: But what's so fascinating about it is to get into
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Speaker 4: that physiological state is actually different for everybody as well.
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Speaker 3: What love is to one person is very different to
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Speaker 3: another person. What flow is it etc.
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Speaker 4: So that was the preamble, probably longer than what you planned, mate,
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Speaker 4: but that's the preamble to my thought process.
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Speaker 1: I love it.
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Speaker 2: I love it well, all of those things I wrote
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Speaker 2: them down. Happiness, purpose, love, connection, flow. Yeah, they're intertwined,
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Speaker 2: and like what I find interesting ause you come. I mean, obviously,
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Speaker 2: originally I came from an exercise science space, but the
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Speaker 2: last while more I think about the head stuff, the
11:50
Speaker 2: psychology of it all. When I'm talking to someone about happiness.
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Speaker 2: You know, we've got right now, thousands of people will
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Speaker 2: listen to this and even the word happiness, Like you
12:02
Speaker 2: think about a word, and so what the state that
12:07
Speaker 2: I might be in or the feeling that I might
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Speaker 2: have Craig Harper and I attach that label. I mean,
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Speaker 2: it's just a word that we use to describe a
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Speaker 2: state's psychological, emotional, physiological, you know. And for me, I
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Speaker 2: have this feeling or this sensation that I'm in and
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Speaker 2: I call that happiness or I call that contentment, or
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Speaker 2: I call that joy, or I call that calm. Now,
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Speaker 2: you and I unlikely, but let's say in some alternate
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Speaker 2: universe we're in the exact same state, but we each
12:43
Speaker 2: have a different label for it. Yeah, because there's that,
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Speaker 2: you know, that cognitive, educational, philosophical window through which we
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Speaker 2: analyze and interpret shit and I go, oh, I'm happy,
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Speaker 2: and you go, yeah, I'm just joyful or so there's that,
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Speaker 2: there's that other other than all the physiological individuality, there's
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Speaker 2: that cognitive, emotional, psychological perception stuff. That's that that's interwoven
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Speaker 2: in all.
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Speaker 4: Of this, right, absolutely, and it's absolutely and it's and
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Speaker 4: as you were saying so many of those things, it's
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Speaker 4: what we've found is that there's the like the genetic
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Speaker 4: differences that we have, the biological differences that we have
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Speaker 4: can determine you know, someone running up a hill and
13:32
Speaker 4: about to vomit is euphoria for one person because their
13:36
Speaker 4: brain is so geared towards that pain. And I know
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Speaker 4: that's a little bit different to what you're saying, but
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Speaker 4: I'll come background on it. Whereas another person it is
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Speaker 4: the worst possible experience of their life to be almost vomiting,
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Speaker 4: running up a hill, trying to do exercise. It just
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Speaker 4: feels like the world is collapsing on them. At the
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Speaker 4: same time, you have two people that are you know,
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Speaker 4: sitting down on their birthdays surrounded by their friends feeling
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Speaker 4: lots of love, and in the expression of that as well,
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Speaker 4: someone just get One person gets really really excited and
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Speaker 4: wants to explode and shout and sing, and another person
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Speaker 4: wants to is completely exhausted by all of that attention
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Speaker 4: and connection and need to have a two hour break
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Speaker 4: away from everybody because it's actually so expensive for their
14:20
Speaker 4: energy as well. So it's yeah, these are the It's
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Speaker 4: the beautiful thing is that our experience is so different
14:27
Speaker 4: and probably talking to many different people, like primarily health professionals,
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Speaker 4: corporate schools, there is the first assumption that everybody is
14:37
Speaker 4: different to you is something that is so hard to
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Speaker 4: get your head around, and it's to truly sit in
14:44
Speaker 4: empathy and to really understand what somebody is feeling. It
14:48
Speaker 4: takes an incredible amount of self awareness and mindfulness. It's
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Speaker 4: the assumption that other people think the way that we do,
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Speaker 4: and therefore the disconnection that we have with them as
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Speaker 4: a result is it's so big and the it's even
15:05
Speaker 4: in this space for so long, understanding what.
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Speaker 3: It's like to be in somebody else's feeling is.
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Speaker 4: It's it's it takes a long time, and it's taken
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Speaker 4: me a long time to even get a whisper of
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Speaker 4: it in a real way that you know.
15:20
Speaker 2: Thinking that people think like us. There's a name for that.
15:23
Speaker 2: It's called the false consensus effect, you know, where we
15:27
Speaker 2: automatically assume that because we speak the same language and
15:32
Speaker 2: you and me are both blokes and we're both into that.
15:35
Speaker 2: Whatever I might assume like, I wouldn't because I'm this
15:40
Speaker 2: is my area of research, but I typically typical people,
15:43
Speaker 2: which is not bad, of course, It's just the human experience.
15:47
Speaker 2: We think that others think like us, and so therefore
15:50
Speaker 2: we get surprised when, for example, our intention is not
15:54
Speaker 2: their experience. Yes, it's like, oh, I was just giving
15:58
Speaker 2: I was just helping Cam.
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Speaker 1: That was my intention.
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Speaker 2: Cam's experience was why the fuck is this guy always
16:04
Speaker 2: give me feedback I haven't asked for? Or why is
16:07
Speaker 2: this guy interfering? You know, there's that real disconnect between
16:12
Speaker 2: what I think I'm putting out into the world, whether
16:15
Speaker 2: that's an individual or a million people on a podcast,
16:20
Speaker 2: what I think I'm putting out and what the individuals
16:23
Speaker 2: are receiving. And not only just to add another layer
16:26
Speaker 2: of complexity and curiosity, is that everyone that's listening is
16:30
Speaker 2: getting something different.
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Speaker 3: Absolutely that idea as well is so.
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Speaker 4: I have an incredible amount of compassion for it because
16:39
Speaker 4: I'm still in it in many ways, like I still
16:41
Speaker 4: have the default thought with my ten year old child
16:45
Speaker 4: that they're going to pick up what I'm putting down,
16:47
Speaker 4: like I'm saying no because I love you, and they
16:49
Speaker 4: are saying I definitely hate you right now, and that's
16:54
Speaker 4: not my intention. And I used to rest on that
16:58
Speaker 4: a lot, you know, even speaking personally, like, well, my
17:00
Speaker 4: intention is good, so everything will work out.
17:02
Speaker 3: But it's just not the case.
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Speaker 4: You just don't know what a person's history is and
17:06
Speaker 4: what they've experienced and how they've interpreted what you've said.
17:08
Speaker 4: And that's probably one of the more fascinating things that
17:12
Speaker 4: has really dawned on some of the reading that I've
17:16
Speaker 4: been doing in preparation for talks and things like that,
17:20
Speaker 4: just around this idea of purpose, and in the Western world,
17:24
Speaker 4: it is purpose is what am I going to do?
17:27
Speaker 4: What am I here for? What's my goal in life?
17:30
Speaker 4: What's going to mean that my life is meaningful? And
17:33
Speaker 4: what's so fascinating when you go back through the Eastern
17:35
Speaker 4: philosophies of purpose, which which speaks to what we're talking
17:38
Speaker 4: about here, and that is their philosophy on purpose is
17:43
Speaker 4: what is my role in the community, What are the
17:46
Speaker 4: things that I'm great at? And how can I contribute
17:49
Speaker 4: those things to the community. And from that frame, it
17:53
Speaker 4: is so different. And when you think about your intention,
17:55
Speaker 4: it's well, your intention doesn't matter in that context. What
17:58
Speaker 4: matters is what am I here in the community for?
18:02
Speaker 4: And yes, that has been that. It was a particularly
18:06
Speaker 4: powerful moment for me to read that to actually it
18:09
Speaker 4: completely changed so much of my thinking about what my
18:12
Speaker 4: purpose is and where my focus is. And I was
18:14
Speaker 4: wondering why I was feeling so unsatisfied for a couple
18:18
Speaker 4: of years focusing on a purpose that was just mine
18:20
Speaker 4: rather than thinking about the role that I'm here to
18:23
Speaker 4: play in the various people in my life and the
18:25
Speaker 4: people that I connect with. And in that way, if
18:29
Speaker 4: we're thinking about purpose in that perspective, it starts helping
18:35
Speaker 4: us navigate this idea of intention and what's received.
18:38
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love it. So there's a framework that there's
18:43
Speaker 2: very similar things around. I kind of expanded on a
18:46
Speaker 2: version of it which I'm doing a Monday night mentoring group,
18:49
Speaker 2: and we went through it not last week, the week
18:51
Speaker 2: before shout out to my mentees.
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Speaker 1: And it's kind of this. It's almost.
19:00
Speaker 2: An exercise in trying to understand yourself, right, and it
19:04
Speaker 2: starts with self reflection, no judgment, just fucking.
19:09
Speaker 1: Oh why did I do that? What's that about? Or
19:12
Speaker 1: why am I? Oh? Right now I'm trying to impress cam.
19:15
Speaker 1: Oh what's that about? You know? Just awareness? Right, but
19:19
Speaker 1: where's that coming from?
19:21
Speaker 2: Or just reflection and then the awareness, oh, this is
19:23
Speaker 2: what I'm doing this, and then it goes through self
19:26
Speaker 2: knowledge and then the last two you'll like, So there's
19:29
Speaker 2: eight steps. You don't need me to send it to you,
19:31
Speaker 2: but I'm happy to send it to you because it
19:32
Speaker 2: fits in with your stuff, right. The second last one
19:35
Speaker 2: is self actualization, which is you becoming kind of the
19:39
Speaker 2: best version of you and you starting to fulfill your
19:42
Speaker 2: potential and tick the boxes and reach goals and all
19:46
Speaker 2: that kind of stuff. But the last one is self transcendence. Yes,
19:50
Speaker 2: it's is about you having a purpose and an awareness
19:52
Speaker 2: and a reason bigger than you. Yes, And this is
19:55
Speaker 2: where the fucking great stuff happens, you know, because we're
19:59
Speaker 2: so much in our culture, very much about self actualization.
20:03
Speaker 1: Me me, me me, I want to be the best me.
20:05
Speaker 1: I want to be this me. I want to be
20:06
Speaker 1: that me.
20:07
Speaker 2: I want to reach my goals. I want to fulfill
20:09
Speaker 2: my potential. That's cool, that's cool. But the next one
20:13
Speaker 2: is like, I want to be all that. I want
20:15
Speaker 2: to serve and I want to you know, I want
20:19
Speaker 2: to have a purpose and an awareness and a reason,
20:21
Speaker 2: like I said, bigger than the self that sits in
20:24
Speaker 2: the middle of my life.
20:25
Speaker 3: Yeah.
20:26
Speaker 4: Absolutely, And so just picking up on a few of
20:29
Speaker 4: those points the self awareness piece. This is what's so
20:31
Speaker 4: fascinating about the personalization thing in that if you compare
20:37
Speaker 4: yourself to like, let's say that you're both going through
20:39
Speaker 4: the same emotion, like we were talking about before, and
20:42
Speaker 4: you compare yourself to, Oh why am I feeling that way?
20:45
Speaker 3: The answer is so different for each of us. And
20:48
Speaker 3: some individuals are.
20:49
Speaker 4: Naturally fiery, they're naturally competitive, they're naturally direct, they're naturally
20:56
Speaker 4: just say first and think later. And compared to somebody else,
21:01
Speaker 4: like they might be in a partnership with somebody who's
21:03
Speaker 4: incredibly calm, considerate, they like to take time on their thoughts.
21:08
Speaker 4: They only say what they truly mean. And when you've
21:11
Speaker 4: got those two people in a room and they're trying
21:14
Speaker 4: to understand each other, and they're coming from both of
21:16
Speaker 4: their frames of reference. One person saying, why an't you
21:19
Speaker 4: just more energized, Why don't you just to have a go,
21:20
Speaker 4: Why don't you just take a chance, And the other
21:22
Speaker 4: person's thinking, you waste so much energy, you know, you know,
21:26
Speaker 4: doing all of these things and trying lots of new
21:28
Speaker 4: things and not sticking to one thing and whatever it
21:30
Speaker 4: might be, and just you can end up thinking what's
21:34
Speaker 4: wrong with me? And I see this with food as well.
21:37
Speaker 4: You know, some individuals are doing their five meals per
21:39
Speaker 4: day paleo diets and getting to boot camps in the morning,
21:42
Speaker 4: and then they put on three kilos and getting the injury,
21:46
Speaker 4: and then all I have to do is actually do
21:48
Speaker 4: a completely different protocol of food, which is, you know,
21:51
Speaker 4: three meals a day and wait training in the afternoon
21:53
Speaker 4: and slow cardio in the morning, and all of their
21:55
Speaker 4: dreams come true health wise. When it comes to that
21:58
Speaker 4: self awareness piece, we aren't educated in truly understanding all
22:03
Speaker 4: of the different factors to us because and that's just
22:06
Speaker 4: the biological piece, is that we are genuinely physically different.
22:10
Speaker 4: And then it infiltrates how we then interpret ourselves, whether
22:15
Speaker 4: we judge ourselves, whether we accept ourselves. And so when
22:20
Speaker 4: it comes to that concept for me of self actualization
22:25
Speaker 4: and self transcendence, it's not about being great like your
22:32
Speaker 4: hero or whatever it might be. It's actually about really
22:36
Speaker 4: really knowing your strengths, really knowing the things that provide
22:40
Speaker 4: you energy, knowing the things that make your body feel best.
22:44
Speaker 4: It's doing all of those things routinely and then and
22:48
Speaker 4: then understanding how you can bring your gifts but also
22:53
Speaker 4: recognizing somebody else's gifts at the same time. And this
22:57
Speaker 4: is where you get that beautiful combination of purpose and
23:01
Speaker 4: connection all happening at the same time.
23:03
Speaker 3: Truly, we have the the.
23:06
Speaker 4: Mechanics, the intellect, and the knowledge to truly have an
23:13
Speaker 4: incredibly blissful existence on this planet, and we create so
23:16
Speaker 4: much noise as we are lost in all of a
23:21
Speaker 4: lack of self awareness, a lack of self acceptance at
23:24
Speaker 4: a core level.
23:25
Speaker 1: Yeah, so good, dude, I like it.
23:29
Speaker 2: I'm always interested in the conversation around identity in relation
23:35
Speaker 2: to what we're talking about, because that who am I?
23:39
Speaker 2: That's you know, the self that like, what the fuck
23:42
Speaker 2: am I about? What's my reason, what's my purpose? Who
23:44
Speaker 2: am I? But in our I'm generalizing here, so listener,
23:49
Speaker 2: this might not be you. But for a lot of people,
23:51
Speaker 2: their identity is.
23:52
Speaker 1: About their stuff.
23:55
Speaker 2: It's about their body, it's about their brand, it's about
23:57
Speaker 2: their balance, about their job, about their reputation, it's about
24:02
Speaker 2: their fucking the number of podcast listeners.
24:05
Speaker 1: What are you saying, harps nothing? Fuck off?
24:07
Speaker 2: You know, it's about all of that stuff that other
24:10
Speaker 2: people can see. I get my sense of self, or
24:13
Speaker 2: I get my identity from knowing that I'm right by
24:16
Speaker 2: the way, I'm in the One True Church.
24:17
Speaker 1: We're going to heaven. You're not. You know, I'm in
24:20
Speaker 1: the light, you're in the darkness.
24:22
Speaker 2: Blah blah, all that kind of all of that external
24:25
Speaker 2: stuff of trying to understand the self, and then one
24:28
Speaker 2: day you find out that something that you believed is bullshit,
24:33
Speaker 2: something that your identity was intertwined with, and then you're
24:37
Speaker 2: fucked because you go, well, shit, if that's not true,
24:40
Speaker 2: then who am I? Because that's been part of you know,
24:45
Speaker 2: my existence and my purpose and myself.
24:49
Speaker 4: Yes, absolutely, and yes, And that's a it's a mismatch
24:55
Speaker 4: of what identity is and what my immediate purpose, it's
25:01
Speaker 4: describing the identity as a being in it's who you
25:05
Speaker 4: are as opposed to what you do. But then the
25:08
Speaker 4: purpose it is the personification or that the action related
25:12
Speaker 4: to that, and probably the thing that came up for
25:14
Speaker 4: me and I guess I'm just turning some things over
25:16
Speaker 4: my mind as we talk. Here was the transition from
25:22
Speaker 4: working professional partner into mum and the identity crisis that
25:29
Speaker 4: happens at that point because we mix up the idea that.
25:35
Speaker 3: What we're doing is our identity and at the core
25:40
Speaker 3: of things.
25:41
Speaker 4: And this is what we see genetically, is that people
25:43
Speaker 4: become more like their.
25:45
Speaker 3: Genes as they age. So the longer that.
25:48
Speaker 4: You're on the planet, the more predictable your personality is
25:51
Speaker 4: compared to your genetics. So it's like our whole life,
25:54
Speaker 4: we are discovering our genetic makeup. And an example of
25:57
Speaker 4: that is, let's say that you've got some testoster and sensitivity.
26:01
Speaker 3: You will know that you're more competitive than other people.
26:03
Speaker 4: You'll know that you're more aggressive, You'll know that you're
26:05
Speaker 4: more direct, and that's a genetic marker that creates a
26:10
Speaker 4: receptor that influences the way that your body responds to things,
26:13
Speaker 4: and that's there, and you discover that and become more
26:18
Speaker 4: comfortable with it over time, and you get criticized for it,
26:20
Speaker 4: and then you question yourself and you get very confused
26:23
Speaker 4: about who you are and then you realize And probably
26:25
Speaker 4: one of the other things as well that you see
26:27
Speaker 4: is people when they start to interpret and get the
26:32
Speaker 4: information on oh, this is my makeup, this is this
26:35
Speaker 4: is my natural biological self. The things that they thought
26:39
Speaker 4: they were they now know that they are. And there's
26:41
Speaker 4: a huge sense of grounded relief that comes along with
26:45
Speaker 4: the sense of knowing rather than an inkling and questioning
26:49
Speaker 4: as to oh.
26:50
Speaker 3: Should I be like that? Do I like waking up later?
26:53
Speaker 3: You know?
26:54
Speaker 4: I mean, I guess I get up early, but do
26:55
Speaker 4: I really know? Actually, I just love waking up later.
26:58
Speaker 4: I love being more relaxed in the morning. Like that's
27:02
Speaker 4: who I am. I am a thinker, or I do
27:06
Speaker 4: act impulsively, whatever it may be. So I've definitely lost
27:12
Speaker 4: the train of thought of, well, that's her identity and purpose.
27:14
Speaker 4: And so when we're looking at identity, even at children,
27:19
Speaker 4: like the level of children, is that this biology and
27:21
Speaker 4: these responses e genetic influencers are actually playing out but
27:25
Speaker 4: what we see is that kids represent about their personality
27:30
Speaker 4: is fifteen percent genetics when they're younger, and that's because
27:33
Speaker 4: they are constantly monitoring the environment to say, how do
27:36
Speaker 4: I fit in? How do I survive? And what we're
27:38
Speaker 4: doing right now is we're helping children understand, hey, this
27:42
Speaker 4: is your makeup right here, and you can do some
27:45
Speaker 4: incredible things with that. And that child over there, they've
27:48
Speaker 4: got a different makeup too, and they're going to do
27:50
Speaker 4: some incredible things with that too. The more sure you
27:53
Speaker 4: are of yourself earlier on, in an accepting, an encouraged,
27:57
Speaker 4: and a celebrated way, stress that you'll be under because
28:01
Speaker 4: when you feel like you are yourself, when you're and
28:05
Speaker 4: this is where you're in your strength, and this is
28:07
Speaker 4: essentially flow. You get this incredible release of nora adrenaline
28:13
Speaker 4: and don't meant to make you alert. You also get
28:15
Speaker 4: more serotone to make you calm. You also get low
28:19
Speaker 4: cortisol and a better heart rhythm that indicates lower stress.
28:23
Speaker 4: So you're calm and attentive and focused, and that's where
28:26
Speaker 4: great stuff happens. That's where flow happens. If you add
28:29
Speaker 4: in an andamide, which is the cannabinoid sort of reward hormone,
28:33
Speaker 4: then it's flow. If you add in oxytocin and it's
28:36
Speaker 4: happening with somebody else, then it's love. And the for
28:42
Speaker 4: a person to sit in their strengths and be competitive
28:44
Speaker 4: because they're competitive and direct, and then somebody else to say,
28:47
Speaker 4: geez I love your competition, geez I love your directness.
28:51
Speaker 4: It firms up their identity. And so when they become
28:53
Speaker 4: a mum, and this is what we see with this
28:55
Speaker 4: type of individual. Normally, this kind of person have a
28:58
Speaker 4: really intense, short attention span and they don't want to
29:03
Speaker 4: sit with their child all day long. They just want
29:05
Speaker 4: to like interact with them and then leave because they're like, Okay,
29:08
Speaker 4: I'm a little bit bored.
29:10
Speaker 3: Now.
29:10
Speaker 4: This child's just lying down for six months NonStop and
29:12
Speaker 4: I'm not going to survive through that.
29:15
Speaker 3: So but them knowing it's.
29:17
Speaker 4: Like, oh, I'm competitive and intense and I like high
29:20
Speaker 4: intensity action and then I like rest, And they realize
29:24
Speaker 4: that their identity still exists. Their purpose has changed and
29:28
Speaker 4: now they've got a high intensity interval look after their child.
29:32
Speaker 4: And if they do that, if they bring their natural
29:34
Speaker 4: sense of self to the activity that they're.
29:37
Speaker 3: Doing it informs them and then allows them to stay
29:40
Speaker 3: and flow.
29:40
Speaker 4: But normally, because we have norms around this new change
29:44
Speaker 4: of who you've got to be and what you've got
29:45
Speaker 4: to do as a new mother or whatever it might be.
29:47
Speaker 4: It's just a really clear identity change that I see
29:50
Speaker 4: a lot. Then it creates a whole lot of confusion
29:52
Speaker 4: if I was this person and now I can't be
29:55
Speaker 4: that person, But in fact, the essence of who you
29:57
Speaker 4: are still there, and it's a matter of just knowing that,
30:00
Speaker 4: and then you can apply it to your next immediate purpose,
30:02
Speaker 4: which is now looking after a child, which wasn't your
30:05
Speaker 4: purpose you know, two years before.
30:07
Speaker 1: That's so interesting. I think that we're always that. You know.
30:13
Speaker 1: It's funny this which I.
30:15
Speaker 2: Know exactly why you said it, because it gets said
30:17
Speaker 2: all the time, whereas people go, I was that person
30:19
Speaker 2: now and this person. No, you're the same person, You're
30:22
Speaker 2: the same, You're still you, You're still one hundred percent you. You're
30:26
Speaker 2: just maybe have a different focus, you maybe have a
30:29
Speaker 2: different reason you maybe have you know. But like I
30:33
Speaker 2: think the idea of purpose is. I think it's important,
30:40
Speaker 2: but I also think it's complicated and it's confused. This
30:43
Speaker 2: is just a personal opinion.
30:45
Speaker 1: This is not research.
30:46
Speaker 2: I think it's misrepresented because the idea of you know,
30:50
Speaker 2: find your purpose, find your purpose.
30:52
Speaker 1: I can watch your purpose like you're.
30:54
Speaker 2: Going to find it under some mystical, magical ethereal rock.
30:58
Speaker 2: You're going to go, fuck hey everyone, and I've been
31:00
Speaker 2: looking like a motherfucker. It's over here, behind this cave,
31:04
Speaker 2: under this rock. Ye. Firstly, maybe you choose your purpose, right,
31:10
Speaker 2: Maybe there's that, maybe you just go. And also maybe
31:13
Speaker 2: you don't have a single purpose. Maybe maybe you don't
31:18
Speaker 2: have one purpose. Maybe you live a really full, fucking
31:23
Speaker 2: rich life with a bunch of different things that stimulate
31:26
Speaker 2: you and light you up.
31:27
Speaker 1: And also, by the way, Craig Harper.
31:29
Speaker 2: Maybe your purpose when you're thirty five or thirty and
31:32
Speaker 2: owning gyms and running around the gym floor like a
31:34
Speaker 2: fucking idiot. Maybe maybe your purpose then isn't your purpose
31:38
Speaker 2: now when you're sixty Maybe maybe things.
31:41
Speaker 1: Evolve and changes, You evolve and change.
31:43
Speaker 2: And you know, so I think I think in our
31:47
Speaker 2: culture there's probably an unintentional but nonetheless.
31:50
Speaker 1: A very real pressure on people to fucking discover their purpose.
31:55
Speaker 4: By Tuesday, Cam, Yeah, totally and completely and that is,
32:02
Speaker 4: we have many purposes, not only in this moment in
32:06
Speaker 4: time right now, but also as things progress.
32:09
Speaker 3: What can be helpful is that if you've got essential
32:13
Speaker 3: theme that.
32:14
Speaker 4: Feels really, really good, and this is where I believe
32:17
Speaker 4: that there's a co creation that goes on. There's natural
32:21
Speaker 4: gifts that you're imbued with, there's also your conscious choice
32:25
Speaker 4: that you have, and generally you'll find yourself doing something.
32:29
Speaker 4: If you're feeling very, very purposeful, you will find yourself
32:32
Speaker 4: doing something that is aligned with your natural gifts, which
32:34
Speaker 4: you had no choice in, but also feels intellectually and
32:39
Speaker 4: philosophically right to you. And there's a co creation of
32:42
Speaker 4: your nature and your nurture at the same time. And
32:46
Speaker 4: to the point of the multiple purposes that you think about,
32:52
Speaker 4: if we're trying to find that physiology of attention with
32:56
Speaker 4: calm and low stress, if you are at home and
33:01
Speaker 4: trying to work and you've got five kids running around
33:05
Speaker 4: that desperately want your attention, and you also want to
33:08
Speaker 4: be a great parent and an attentive parent, working at
33:11
Speaker 4: home is incredibly stressful and it's not productive. You're not
33:15
Speaker 4: going to be in flow your purpose right then and there.
33:18
Speaker 4: You're not fulfilling.
33:19
Speaker 3: It by.
33:22
Speaker 4: Attending to your children, and that takes that tension away,
33:25
Speaker 4: that leans into obviously something that you've co created that
33:29
Speaker 4: exists these children, and also your natural want to be
33:32
Speaker 4: there and the.
33:32
Speaker 3: Hormones that are related to that as well.
33:34
Speaker 4: By you attending to your children and you know, lifting
33:37
Speaker 4: them up and creating a great foundation for them of love,
33:39
Speaker 4: whatever it might be in that moment, that's incredibly purposeful,
33:42
Speaker 4: and your body will show that in its physiology.
33:44
Speaker 3: I actually feel better.
33:45
Speaker 4: Looking after my kids than I do trying to be
33:48
Speaker 4: distracted looking after them doing work. Whereas when you go
33:50
Speaker 4: to work, you know you're not running around padding people
33:54
Speaker 4: on the back. I mean you could or you know,
33:56
Speaker 4: giving kisses and telling them much you love, Like you
33:58
Speaker 4: want to get into your office or you want to
33:59
Speaker 4: get into your space, and you want to be as
34:01
Speaker 4: productive and as useful as possible and moving towards the
34:04
Speaker 4: outcomes that you're looking for in your job. In that
34:07
Speaker 4: your immediate purpose in that moment is not your kids.
34:11
Speaker 4: In fact, your kids will be a distraction once again
34:14
Speaker 4: and work is now the priority. If you go to
34:17
Speaker 4: the beach, you know your purpose shifts once again, and
34:21
Speaker 4: I guess there's a the way that I like to
34:23
Speaker 4: think of it. And again this is in part stuff
34:26
Speaker 4: that I've read and in part of the things that
34:27
Speaker 4: I agree with, and that is goals in cement plans,
34:32
Speaker 4: in sands's if you get a sense, a persistent sense
34:36
Speaker 4: of the type of thing that you want to show
34:38
Speaker 4: up for, and normally it's quite broad like for me,
34:41
Speaker 4: I want to inspire elevation. I want people to know
34:44
Speaker 4: themselves better and live their potential.
34:46
Speaker 3: And so that is my central theme, which has changed
34:51
Speaker 3: a few.
34:52
Speaker 4: Times over the years, and as I've grown and as
34:54
Speaker 4: I've developed and understood more, and then I'm acting on
34:58
Speaker 4: that purpose in a different way with my kids, in
35:01
Speaker 4: a different way with my work, and I'm not perfect
35:03
Speaker 4: with it, of course, but in a different way with
35:06
Speaker 4: my team, in a different way with our clients. It's
35:09
Speaker 4: the way that I show up is constantly changing, but
35:13
Speaker 4: it has a central theme, a central governing sense that
35:16
Speaker 4: allows me to have a north star. And so everybody's
35:20
Speaker 4: going to have a different interpretation of that. But even
35:22
Speaker 4: just probably a huge thing that I'm a thing that
35:25
Speaker 4: I'm finding is so relieving to people is that your
35:28
Speaker 4: your purpose is allowed to change, so you might have
35:31
Speaker 4: a purpose, that's our data.
35:32
Speaker 3: They not inspiring you anymore, and you might just be
35:34
Speaker 3: sticking to it, thinking this is what.
35:35
Speaker 4: I've got to do, when in fact, you have aged,
35:39
Speaker 4: you have grown, you have seen different things. There are
35:41
Speaker 4: more things that are present in your life now and
35:44
Speaker 4: as a result, your purpose must change in order for
35:47
Speaker 4: you to get that same sensation of I'm on track
35:50
Speaker 4: and this is where one more thing, mate, I know
35:52
Speaker 4: I'm going on, but there is this idea that even
35:58
Speaker 4: if you don't like what I love is the commonversation
36:00
Speaker 4: for people that don't believe that there's a purpose, You
36:03
Speaker 4: don't need a purpose, or it's not important, whatever it
36:08
Speaker 4: might be, and it actually doesn't matter. It doesn't matter
36:11
Speaker 4: what your beliefs are. If you have the physiology of focus,
36:16
Speaker 4: calm focus, with motivation, drive and low stress levels, then
36:23
Speaker 4: you're on purpose and you'll also it will also mean
36:25
Speaker 4: that you recover better overnight. And I mean to make
36:28
Speaker 4: it simple, you'll live a longer and happier life because
36:30
Speaker 4: your sleep will be better, your digestion will be better,
36:32
Speaker 4: your recovery will be better because you've got the physiology
36:35
Speaker 4: that's not as stressed. Whereas if you're not on purpose,
36:39
Speaker 4: and you only need to be in a relationship that's
36:41
Speaker 4: a little bit misaligned to experience.
36:43
Speaker 3: What this is.
36:44
Speaker 4: If you're not on purpose, you don't sleep as well,
36:46
Speaker 4: you don't eat as well, you don't move as well,
36:48
Speaker 4: you don't recover as well, things don't feel as easy,
36:51
Speaker 4: things feel more tiring. And that is a way crap
36:55
Speaker 4: a version of life. So whatever gets you into that space,
37:00
Speaker 4: I feel like I was built for this moment that
37:04
Speaker 4: if you can strive for that in whatever that looks like,
37:07
Speaker 4: and it's different for everybody. Something. And I was sitting
37:10
Speaker 4: with some school teachers the other day and we've done
37:12
Speaker 4: their biological assessment. One of them hyper oxytocin sensitive, so
37:17
Speaker 4: everything is about socializing.
37:19
Speaker 3: And another individual she was virtually the opposite to that,
37:24
Speaker 3: very introverted, And we were talking about when of you
37:27
Speaker 3: felt purposeful in the last little while, and the introverted.
37:32
Speaker 4: Person says, I was reading my book and then I
37:35
Speaker 4: did some coding by myself in a dark room by
37:37
Speaker 4: about seven hours or for about seven hours, just really
37:40
Speaker 4: enjoying my and just that intellectual stimulation of doing.
37:42
Speaker 3: My own work. And I was like, that's amazing, Like
37:45
Speaker 3: what an incredible flow.
37:46
Speaker 4: She was describing the calm, focused low strands, and then
37:49
Speaker 4: the very super social person with the oxytocin variat got
37:52
Speaker 4: in and she said, oh, yeah, we were like playing games.
37:57
Speaker 3: With the kids.
37:58
Speaker 4: We were doing like a new game every five minutes,
38:00
Speaker 4: Like all of the kids were going absolutely nuts making
38:03
Speaker 4: all of this noise, and we were just in there
38:05
Speaker 4: having a great time with them. I felt completely inflow.
38:09
Speaker 4: I felt completely purposeful, like I was built for this moment.
38:12
Speaker 4: And so just whatever that is to you. And this
38:15
Speaker 4: is where you know, we now have a lot more
38:18
Speaker 4: science that helps us understand this so that you can
38:20
Speaker 4: navigate to the biology of this a lot faster. But
38:24
Speaker 4: think about those times in your life where you have
38:26
Speaker 4: been like I was made for this moment right here,
38:29
Speaker 4: And they're a nice thing to reflect on, the stepping
38:32
Speaker 4: stones to get to, well, what could be creating that
38:36
Speaker 4: sensation for me right now? Because that right there is
38:38
Speaker 4: that's life, like, that is what we are here for.
38:40
Speaker 4: That's what our capacity, our potential is here for.
38:43
Speaker 3: To just feel.
38:44
Speaker 4: Incredibly rewarded living the moment that we're in.
38:47
Speaker 3: That's what it's all about.
38:49
Speaker 1: You don't get excited about this stuff enough. You need
38:52
Speaker 1: to put it up.
38:53
Speaker 4: I'm just dragging myself outside.
38:56
Speaker 1: You need hard you know.
38:58
Speaker 2: I was thinking about, as you were talking about, you know,
39:02
Speaker 2: how different we all are and how we need different
39:04
Speaker 2: things and respond to different or the same thing in different.
39:08
Speaker 1: Ways, and blah blah blah.
39:09
Speaker 2: Like a really good example of this, which I'm sure
39:14
Speaker 2: you've experienced, this is as a speaker, most people who
39:19
Speaker 2: aren't speakers, which is most people you don't, you wouldn't
39:23
Speaker 2: think much that you can be up saying something to
39:27
Speaker 2: a group. And because I've done it so much and
39:30
Speaker 2: I'm in front of so many groups, I've done it
39:33
Speaker 2: for forty years, and I read rooms pretty I still
39:36
Speaker 2: fuck up. I still have good and bad days, but
39:37
Speaker 2: for the most part, it's somewhere between not bad and
39:40
Speaker 2: pretty good most of the time. Right So, and I'm
39:43
Speaker 2: very interactive and I'm way more fucking organic and freestyle
39:47
Speaker 2: than most presenters. I don't have slides, I don't have graphs,
39:50
Speaker 2: not that there's anything wrong with that. But what's interesting
39:53
Speaker 2: is sometimes I look out and I could tell I
39:56
Speaker 2: can go that dude fucking loves me, and that laid
40:00
Speaker 2: your next team fucking hates me, and that one next
40:04
Speaker 2: day she thinks I'm hilarious. The next one's confused, you know,
40:09
Speaker 2: And you can just tell that on the same day,
40:12
Speaker 2: in the same room, shit, the same guy with the
40:14
Speaker 2: same intention, the same energy, sharing the same message. So
40:18
Speaker 2: everyone's got the same inbound stimulus, right kind of. But
40:25
Speaker 2: there are so many different experiences being had and you're like, yeah,
40:29
Speaker 2: this is how it works, and I can almost I
40:32
Speaker 2: can you know sometimes ago that lady up the back
40:35
Speaker 2: of that dude, they're gonna they have a problem with me.
40:38
Speaker 2: And then sometimes you'll just see him walking up to
40:40
Speaker 2: you at the end and you're like, here we go,
40:42
Speaker 2: here we go.
40:43
Speaker 1: You know, it's okay.
40:44
Speaker 2: It's like that's literally that's the reality, you know, that
40:49
Speaker 2: is you are. It's like you you've got a team,
40:52
Speaker 2: You've got staff. Like I don't know about you, but
40:56
Speaker 2: for me, I employed hundreds and hundreds of people, and
41:00
Speaker 2: there would be certain staff members, God bless them. There
41:04
Speaker 2: might be in a like a gym where I've got
41:07
Speaker 2: forty staff, there might be three staff members that take
41:11
Speaker 2: ninety percent of my energy and the other thirty seven
41:14
Speaker 2: take ten. Yeah, and it's like that consistently, you know,
41:20
Speaker 2: So that like when you were saying purpose changes, and
41:23
Speaker 2: I was thinking of a couple of other things.
41:26
Speaker 1: Is that one.
41:29
Speaker 2: It's okay, Like uncertainty is okay, Like we are so
41:34
Speaker 2: addicted to We've got to know, We've got to be right,
41:36
Speaker 2: we've got to be certain. Things have got to be
41:38
Speaker 2: familiar things. I've got to be. No, it doesn't have
41:41
Speaker 2: to be. Here's an idea, just try this. I don't know,
41:45
Speaker 2: Like I don't know, And it's okay, what do you think?
41:49
Speaker 1: I don't know?
41:50
Speaker 2: Because we feel so compelled to look fucking smart. I've
41:54
Speaker 2: so many times going look, I could make something up,
41:56
Speaker 2: but I actually don't know.
41:58
Speaker 1: So I'm just going to go with I don't know.
42:00
Speaker 1: And also, here's another one. Here's a good et. I
42:03
Speaker 1: was wrong, just fucked it up. I was wrong.
42:09
Speaker 4: There was some strange combination of words you just mentioned
42:12
Speaker 4: what there was the three of them.
42:13
Speaker 3: Iand I know, I know.
42:16
Speaker 2: It's I know it's fucking weird, but you know, And
42:19
Speaker 2: the thing is that I would be a moron, and
42:21
Speaker 2: I would be the most arrogant man on earth to
42:24
Speaker 2: think that I'm not currently getting things wrong, because I've
42:28
Speaker 2: always got something wrong. Not all the things all the time, right,
42:33
Speaker 2: but I have yes, I've had some wins and I've
42:35
Speaker 2: got some things right. But if I speak to the
42:38
Speaker 2: guys doing a PhD and self awareness, if I'm not
42:41
Speaker 2: saying right now, more than likely I'm getting several things
42:45
Speaker 2: wrong in some way, and moving forward, I will continue
42:49
Speaker 2: to fuck up. I'll also try to grow and learn
42:51
Speaker 2: and evolve and serve people. But will I get things wrong?
42:54
Speaker 2: Will I operate an ego? Will I fuck up?
42:56
Speaker 1: Yes? I will like that. Just to me, that just
43:00
Speaker 1: takes a bit of pressure.
43:01
Speaker 4: Off totally and probably one of the best lessons that
43:06
Speaker 4: a really powerful mentor gave to me. He's still my
43:10
Speaker 4: chief mentor is. I don't know if I'll ever outgrown him. Actually,
43:13
Speaker 4: he is an incredible man. He it's that when you
43:19
Speaker 4: don't know, you will still feel something, and you'll still
43:24
Speaker 4: have thoughts on it, and you'll still have a belief
43:27
Speaker 4: about something. And what's really helped is because we don't
43:31
Speaker 4: truly know, Like even if you think you know, you
43:34
Speaker 4: don't know, because anything could happen.
43:38
Speaker 3: There can be a sense of knowing in your body
43:41
Speaker 3: if you allow.
43:42
Speaker 4: And the way that he explained it was like if
43:44
Speaker 4: you've got traffic lights that are saying go and stop.
43:47
Speaker 4: On some decisions, you'll have a couple of amber lights,
43:50
Speaker 4: a green light and a hard red light, you know,
43:53
Speaker 4: and then on other decisions you'll go, you know what,
43:56
Speaker 4: everything's green on that I'm going to do it. And
43:58
Speaker 4: that's been a really really powerful exercise for me to say, well,
44:02
Speaker 4: I don't know what's ultimately going to happen, but if
44:04
Speaker 4: I was, And it encourages you to actually tap into
44:08
Speaker 4: an intuition, tap into your deeper feelings, tap into what
44:12
Speaker 4: you might what might be best for you to say,
44:14
Speaker 4: if I was to do this, do I feel aligned
44:17
Speaker 4: with you know? Does it it doesn't make sense?
44:19
Speaker 3: Yes? Does it feel good?
44:21
Speaker 4: Yes?
44:22
Speaker 3: Is it?
44:22
Speaker 4: Do I think it's it's right for the people around me?
44:24
Speaker 4: It's like green light, green light, green light.
44:26
Speaker 3: Well, that that's good. That's as good as it gets,
44:29
Speaker 3: like as far as knowing and confidence becomes. That is it?
44:33
Speaker 3: But then what's so fascinating about that self awareness?
44:35
Speaker 4: And we haven't touched on it just because it's pend
44:39
Speaker 4: I mean, not for any particular reason. But you might
44:42
Speaker 4: have a fear from your childhood or the last relationship
44:46
Speaker 4: that you had that creates an amber or a red and.
44:50
Speaker 3: This is where it's only in that quieter space.
44:55
Speaker 4: It's only in that state of where where you feel connected,
44:58
Speaker 4: where you feel loved, where you feel purposeful, that often
45:02
Speaker 4: you can start to separate out what is fear from
45:04
Speaker 4: before and what is actually real and you know it's
45:08
Speaker 4: it's it's you can't undo trauma with additional stress. You've
45:13
Speaker 4: actually you've got to be in a space of love.
45:15
Speaker 4: You've got to be in a space of calm. You've
45:16
Speaker 4: got to be a space of connection.
45:17
Speaker 3: And so.
45:19
Speaker 4: I didn't expect to say this by the end of
45:21
Speaker 4: this little paragraph, but this is the importance of having
45:26
Speaker 4: a routine of where you're connecting with yourself, not to
45:31
Speaker 4: fix a problem, not to necessarily be focused on your purpose,
45:35
Speaker 4: but the ten minutes of deep breathing to understand your
45:38
Speaker 4: internal world, to navigate what those those feelings are, so
45:42
Speaker 4: that when you actually do need to call upon them,
45:44
Speaker 4: you've got a familiarity. It's just mindfulness is just a muscle,
45:48
Speaker 4: and that when it comes to purpose, it's this is
45:51
Speaker 4: a feeling that is unique to you.
45:54
Speaker 1: That is.
45:56
Speaker 4: That that someone else can't instruct you to. It's got
46:00
Speaker 4: to be something that you feel out for yourself. And
46:02
Speaker 4: the pathway to that is actually connecting. This is what
46:04
Speaker 4: I'm because there is a vast lack of this education
46:08
Speaker 4: in schools right now, and it's this term I'm actually
46:13
Speaker 4: really really We're going to be building in mindful routines
46:16
Speaker 4: into part of the research proge that we're doing, so
46:18
Speaker 4: five year old kids will have their personalized mindfulness routine
46:21
Speaker 4: before they start school. But that this is the this
46:24
Speaker 4: is where it needs to be because it's that internal
46:27
Speaker 4: sense of knowing that you can have confidence and you say,
46:30
Speaker 4: you know what, I don't know, but it feels and
46:33
Speaker 4: thinks and looks like green lights, so let's see. And
46:37
Speaker 4: then it's you know, it's the moving forward without expectation
46:40
Speaker 4: of result, but just giving it your best and seeing
46:42
Speaker 4: what happens.
46:43
Speaker 1: Yeah.
46:45
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think I think for some people that
46:49
Speaker 2: that vulnerability, that vulnerability of being okay with being wrong,
46:56
Speaker 2: and especially when as we were talking about before with
46:59
Speaker 2: ourd especially when your identity is tied in with some
47:03
Speaker 2: a certain thing being a certain way, then you find,
47:07
Speaker 2: you know, like religious stuff is an easy example, just
47:10
Speaker 2: because you know, I grew up or whatever, we grew
47:14
Speaker 2: up in this theology or this doctrine or this philosophy,
47:17
Speaker 2: and we know we are this or that you know
47:20
Speaker 2: we are the one true hotline to God or whatever
47:23
Speaker 2: the you know. And when you take out the religion
47:26
Speaker 2: and the theology and you just think about it from
47:28
Speaker 2: a cognitive point of view or a metacognitive point of view, Oh,
47:33
Speaker 2: we think this way. I think this way because Mum
47:37
Speaker 2: and Dad think this way, and Uncle John and Arnie
47:40
Speaker 2: Marge think this way, and the pastor thinks this and
47:43
Speaker 2: all the people in my world think this way. So
47:47
Speaker 2: I haven't actually been taught how to think. I've been
47:50
Speaker 2: told what to think, and now I think that. And
47:54
Speaker 2: so this when I get to the end of my programming,
47:59
Speaker 2: and then I open a door into self awareness and consciousness,
48:03
Speaker 2: Like this is the interesting, Like where does my programming finish?
48:08
Speaker 2: And where does my ability to think for purely for myself,
48:12
Speaker 2: to think critically and whether or not what I think
48:15
Speaker 2: aligns with those around me or not?
48:17
Speaker 1: What do I think?
48:19
Speaker 2: And it's very fucking difficult to overcome your programming for
48:23
Speaker 2: all of us, me included. Right, I haven't been to
48:26
Speaker 2: church essentially for forty years, but I grew up in
48:28
Speaker 2: a very very churchy life, and so there's still psychologe
48:34
Speaker 2: and I'm not saying it was bad. It wasn't all
48:36
Speaker 2: fucking terrible or anything, but there's this still there's this
48:38
Speaker 2: residual where there are certain things that if I'm talking
48:42
Speaker 2: about certain things a certain way, I feel this discomfort
48:46
Speaker 2: or this guilt, and I'm like, oh wow, that's interesting.
48:48
Speaker 2: Forty years later, there's still shit I'm uncomfortable to say.
48:52
Speaker 2: But just in case God smites me from the face
48:55
Speaker 2: of the earth or something, you know, it's so interesting
48:59
Speaker 2: to realize how much of that stuff lives on. Probably
49:04
Speaker 2: you're going to tell me in ourselves, but it's fucking
49:08
Speaker 2: and trying to trying to be I don't know if
49:13
Speaker 2: the word is aware enough or courageous enough or curious
49:17
Speaker 2: enough to go, look, maybe a lot of what I think,
49:22
Speaker 2: or some of what I think is flawed or.
49:26
Speaker 1: You know, somewhat flawed.
49:28
Speaker 2: It's an interesting door to open because it opens. It's
49:32
Speaker 2: very hard to be objective when you believe that, or
49:36
Speaker 2: open minded when you believe that you are already right.
49:39
Speaker 2: So therefore anyone who doesn't agree or align with my
49:42
Speaker 2: version of right is wrong. So now I've made myself unteachable.
49:47
Speaker 2: Now I'm living in confirmation bias. The echo Chamber of Craig.
49:52
Speaker 4: Yeah, as you were. As you were talking there, I
49:58
Speaker 4: was thinking about that.
50:01
Speaker 3: Like to think of it.
50:03
Speaker 4: The way that I've kind of or thought about this
50:05
Speaker 4: and been supportive to think about this as well, is
50:08
Speaker 4: the past experience that we have personally. I'll give an
50:11
Speaker 4: example one person that's come through one of our health
50:15
Speaker 4: professional courses, very fiery, direct type of individual, with very subdued, grounded,
50:21
Speaker 4: steady parents and didn't realize that they'd been suppressing him
50:30
Speaker 4: his whole life out of care and love, that we
50:32
Speaker 4: need a grounded, quiet, calm, considered child because that's who
50:37
Speaker 4: we are.
50:38
Speaker 3: And then he has this complete realization moment, you.
50:43
Speaker 4: Know, really only two years ago, by understanding his makeup
50:46
Speaker 4: is actually fiery and freedom and taking chances and being impulsive,
50:52
Speaker 4: and he's been living in this conflict and it's just
50:55
Speaker 4: been building up and creating an incredible amount of stress
50:58
Speaker 4: in his system. And the release of that was absolutely
51:03
Speaker 4: crazy like, and the mid life crisis almost that followed
51:07
Speaker 4: because it's like, well, I don't have the things that
51:09
Speaker 4: I felt safe with anymore. Now I've actually I understand
51:12
Speaker 4: myself and with that freedom comes a whole lot of
51:14
Speaker 4: unknown and I'm not used to this new muscle that
51:18
Speaker 4: I have. So that first, the first thing is just
51:23
Speaker 4: the most loving, well intended people. If they don't understand
51:27
Speaker 4: your differences, they can be completely different to you, and
51:29
Speaker 4: they projected onto you.
51:30
Speaker 3: And this is what happens with kids.
51:32
Speaker 4: And this is what's so exciting about working with schools,
51:38
Speaker 4: and that is we are telling them to like, this
51:43
Speaker 4: is this child, and when they explode, it needs to
51:48
Speaker 4: in an indirect way needs to be validated and celebrated
51:53
Speaker 4: as to why they did that, rather than just you
51:55
Speaker 4: are the wrong child and you've done the wrong thing,
51:58
Speaker 4: whatever it might be, which then creates this conflict in
52:01
Speaker 4: them of like, oh, I did this thing that felt
52:04
Speaker 4: natural to me.
52:04
Speaker 3: I've been told that that's wrong. She's what's wrong with me?
52:07
Speaker 4: Like this is the story that gets created, rather being
52:11
Speaker 4: around people that allow you to just that proactively encourage
52:16
Speaker 4: you to be yourself. So I know that you are
52:20
Speaker 4: a really quiet person.
52:21
Speaker 3: Like my mum.
52:22
Speaker 4: She's the introvert of introverts, and it's like, hey mum,
52:25
Speaker 4: go take some time by yourself. Hey mom, Like, go
52:28
Speaker 4: and have a lie theut, Hey mom, go and get
52:30
Speaker 4: into a dark room where you can just dull your
52:32
Speaker 4: senses down.
52:33
Speaker 3: Like being encouraged to be yourself. There's another my niece
52:36
Speaker 3: actually over over the weekend. She just talks so.
52:41
Speaker 4: Much and so fast, and her thinking is brilliant. She's
52:45
Speaker 4: really really sharp. She thinks about things in the right way,
52:48
Speaker 4: but the way that she says it really grinds on
52:51
Speaker 4: a number of family members. And just to tell her, Hey,
52:55
Speaker 4: what you're thinking is exactly right, and it's actually amazing
52:59
Speaker 4: what comes out of your mouth, because most of the
53:00
Speaker 4: time at school she's been told her you got to
53:03
Speaker 4: be quiet, like no one wants to hear right now,
53:05
Speaker 4: and so old. It's eleven, she's eleven, and so she's
53:09
Speaker 4: building this story of geez, I'm rambling. Like if someone
53:13
Speaker 4: lets her actually talk, she'll say, oh, I'm rambling now.
53:15
Speaker 4: I said no, no, no, this is good. But she's so
53:17
Speaker 4: used to being stifled. And so it's what would it
53:21
Speaker 4: be like? And it might seem even unrealistic for you
53:26
Speaker 4: to celebrate and support children that are acting poorly, for example,
53:31
Speaker 4: it might feel like unrealistic to do that. But what
53:35
Speaker 4: I would like everybody to reflect on is what would
53:38
Speaker 4: it feel like if or who is that person who
53:41
Speaker 4: just loves me. No matter what, I can just be
53:44
Speaker 4: the whatever kind of person that I want to be,
53:46
Speaker 4: and no matter what, they go, Oh, you're such a legend.
53:48
Speaker 4: Let's go get another champagne. Let's just this is just
53:51
Speaker 4: the best. I love when you get all fired up.
53:53
Speaker 3: This is the best.
53:54
Speaker 1: You know.
53:54
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, they are assholes. I totally agree with you.
53:57
Speaker 3: Give me a gimme a five.
53:58
Speaker 4: Whatever it might be, What is it like to be
54:02
Speaker 4: around that person, to have that level of support in
54:06
Speaker 4: who you are? And that's essentially everything that we're trying
54:09
Speaker 4: to do is help people be more informed about who
54:15
Speaker 4: you are, why you do the things that you might be,
54:17
Speaker 4: and how can I provide you the most amount of
54:20
Speaker 4: celebration just for being you. I don't know where I
54:23
Speaker 4: started all of this or where this began, but it's
54:26
Speaker 4: definitely like a really key message that we're driving into
54:31
Speaker 4: the world at the moment, and that is who you
54:32
Speaker 4: are is exactly right. And if you've got people around
54:35
Speaker 4: you that allow you to be you, it's amazing how
54:39
Speaker 4: you course correct naturally just because you're calmer and you
54:43
Speaker 4: coming out of stress and you're resolving things that may
54:46
Speaker 4: have happened in the past. By being surrounded by that
54:48
Speaker 4: love as well. So this whole idea about identity and
54:54
Speaker 4: supporting people to be themselves, giving them the space to
54:57
Speaker 4: then find their purpose and use their natural strength.
55:00
Speaker 3: That's what it's all about.
55:02
Speaker 1: But we've come full circle. I love it. I love it.
55:04
Speaker 1: I don't know if you've heard of a book called
55:08
Speaker 1: called Bad Therapy.
55:09
Speaker 4: No.
55:11
Speaker 2: So, there's a lady called Abigail Shreier, I think that's
55:14
Speaker 2: her name. She wrote a book called Bad Therapy. Lots
55:17
Speaker 2: and lots of research, interviewed hundreds and hundreds of therapists
55:21
Speaker 2: and psychs.
55:22
Speaker 1: And blah blah blah blah blah.
55:24
Speaker 2: Anyway, that the takeaway from the book, the key takeaway
55:28
Speaker 2: is that for some people, talk therapy is brilliant, and
55:30
Speaker 2: for some people it's catastrophic. It's like everyone thinks that
55:34
Speaker 2: I am going to a psychologist or a therapist and
55:37
Speaker 2: talking about your shit. At the very least it will
55:40
Speaker 2: help a bit. And one of the outcomes of the book,
55:43
Speaker 2: or one of the revelations the book, is that no, actually,
55:46
Speaker 2: for some people rocking up every Tuesday a bough at
55:49
Speaker 2: three o'clock and talking about that thing that happened five
55:52
Speaker 2: years ago, it actually makes you worse because you just
55:56
Speaker 2: open the door on that trauma and you just get
56:00
Speaker 2: back into that and it takes them three four days
56:03
Speaker 2: to recover from a session, and they're not actually overall
56:06
Speaker 2: going forwards, they're going backwards. Which is not to say,
56:09
Speaker 2: don't misinterpret me, folks that talk therapy is bad, but
56:13
Speaker 2: for some people it ain't the answer. And I think
56:16
Speaker 2: this is back to our original thing is like something
56:20
Speaker 2: works for everyone, but not everything works for everyone. You know,
56:24
Speaker 2: find you something you know.
56:26
Speaker 3: One hundred percent. And some of the work that a
56:30
Speaker 3: couple of our psychics.
56:31
Speaker 4: Are doing in the moment is what kind of talk
56:35
Speaker 4: therapy is going to be best, because some individuals, even
56:41
Speaker 4: if they've gone really bad, need to be complimented, even
56:44
Speaker 4: if there've been an absolute asshole. They need to be
56:47
Speaker 4: told how great they are, and then that makes them
56:50
Speaker 4: come back into balance, whereas sitting in the criticism and
56:55
Speaker 4: getting their ego bashed makes them worse, makes them angry,
56:59
Speaker 4: makes them more frustrated, make some more shut down.
57:01
Speaker 3: But actually the therapy for them is just being told
57:05
Speaker 3: how great they are.
57:05
Speaker 4: Jeez, I love how you've thought about that. And let's
57:09
Speaker 4: let's think to the future. What are the things that
57:11
Speaker 4: we're going to approach in the future that we're going.
57:13
Speaker 3: To really make great. Let's not worry about the past
57:16
Speaker 3: at all. Let's actually just focus on the future.
57:18
Speaker 4: As other people really learn so much from going back
57:21
Speaker 4: into their past, and they can process it and digest it.
57:23
Speaker 1: So I hear you.
57:25
Speaker 4: Completely and even you know, some more enlightened sychs actually
57:30
Speaker 4: go out and they do walking talkies where they know
57:33
Speaker 4: they've got somebody who's more mindful or more more mobile,
57:37
Speaker 4: and they love the idea of moving, and so they
57:40
Speaker 4: get them to move their body while they're talking. And
57:44
Speaker 4: it's interesting. My son is exactly that. He's a talker
57:48
Speaker 4: and a walker. And if we're sitting in a car,
57:50
Speaker 4: I'll say, hey, mate, let's talk about that, because I
57:52
Speaker 4: know that it's important for him to talk about stuff
57:54
Speaker 4: to get off his chest. Otherwise he broods on it
57:56
Speaker 4: and he does feel better. If we're going for a walk,
57:59
Speaker 4: he'll start naturally talking wow. But it's sitting still, it
58:04
Speaker 4: doesn't do it. And there's some individuals with their brain
58:06
Speaker 4: are more geared to they process all information through their
58:12
Speaker 4: movement center, and so they take in information and then
58:16
Speaker 4: they want to move and if they're having to then
58:18
Speaker 4: sit still, it's just like stifling their response to things,
58:22
Speaker 4: whereas other individuals to move and walk at the to
58:25
Speaker 4: move and talk at the same time as a complete distraction.
58:27
Speaker 4: So I hear you completely and the depths of that
58:30
Speaker 4: are absolutely fascinating.
58:31
Speaker 3: So anyway, it's it's been a wonderful talk with you.
58:36
Speaker 1: I mate, I think you're getting better. I think you're
58:38
Speaker 1: fucking getting better as you get older.
58:42
Speaker 4: You've got to give you enough time. It's eighteen months
58:44
Speaker 4: to get some new material, that's all.
58:46
Speaker 2: Oh, I know, we've definitely got to get you back
58:48
Speaker 2: quicker than that. Or if you're available, tel point our
58:51
Speaker 2: listeners to your resources and yeah, let them know how
58:56
Speaker 2: they can connect with you and get involved.
58:59
Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you.
59:01
Speaker 4: So a part of the Shay Group and the Shay
59:04
Speaker 4: Group we're an organization. They're looking to eliminate chronic disease
59:07
Speaker 4: and pain by twenty fifty and support everybody to live
59:12
Speaker 4: in their best be recognized as that and contribute to
59:15
Speaker 4: the collective good.
59:16
Speaker 3: That's our vision and our mission.
59:18
Speaker 4: We've got training for health professionals in the most advanced
59:21
Speaker 4: precision health and medicine that's available, using the most advanced
59:25
Speaker 4: technologies in that space. This is obviously the more psychological
59:29
Speaker 4: conscious component of that for more psychologically driven individuals, but
59:33
Speaker 4: it all happens in the health professional space. We have
59:36
Speaker 4: corporate well Being where we can talk about these principles
59:39
Speaker 4: and health and well being at work.
59:41
Speaker 3: We are obviously working with schools to support.
59:43
Speaker 4: Them with their learning, and we're doing a whole lot
59:47
Speaker 4: of research in this space of precision and personalized health
59:50
Speaker 4: as well. If you're interested in doing your own biological assessment,
59:55
Speaker 4: the app's called Shay and essentially the link is Shay
59:59
Speaker 4: dot group, sa A dot group, Forward slash, dr doctor dash,
1:00:04
Speaker 4: cam dash McDonald like the Hamburger mc d O n
1:00:08
Speaker 4: A l D, and you'll get all the links that
1:00:10
Speaker 4: you need on that website right there.
1:00:12
Speaker 1: Mate. You're so good at this.
1:00:14
Speaker 2: Genuinely, I really appreciate you. I don't know why it's
1:00:16
Speaker 2: been so long, but thanks for coming to play on
1:00:19
Speaker 2: the You project. Good luck with everything you're doing, and
1:00:23
Speaker 2: thanks for all the good stuff you put into the world.
1:00:26
Speaker 3: The nonor to be here harps, thanks for having me