Latest / Reality TV Cringe / 308: Suddenly Amish Recap - Transformed (S1 E1)

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308: Suddenly Amish Recap - Transformed (S1 E1) · Reality TV Cringe

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to Reality TV QUM. I am one
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: of your hosts, Delia, and I'm here with my real
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: tight homegirl and my daughter in law, the Stupendous BEATR.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: That's we are here to recap a new series from
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: TLC entitled Suddenly Amaged Jess. Jess hands just the very
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: thought that you would wake up one day and be
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: suddenly amish, devoid of all of your creature comforts, the
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: conveniences of modernity. Now, all of a sudden, you've got
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: to churn your own butter, you gotta milk your own cows,
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: and you have to fashion your own sanitary napkins. This
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: sounds like a nightmare, and six people across the country
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: have signed up for just this nightmare and we're going
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: to cover it. I love it, yes, absolutely. Now, before
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: we get into a rica, we do have to issue
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: you a disclaimer. Please hid your wife and hide your kids.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: This is an irreverent podcast. We have a lot of
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: opinions and some of them could be considered insulting. We
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: don't mean anything by it, but we do not censor ourselves,
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: and so if you're one of them senseortal people, baby,
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: you might want to find yourself another podcast, But if
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: you're ready to be introduced to an entirely new, deviant cult,
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: then welcome to this podcast I mean dumpsters.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: And if you think that me and Delia should become
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: the next contestants on Suddenly Amish, please follow us on
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: Instagram at Reality tv Cringe and join us on Patreon
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: patre dot com slash reality tv Cringe. You get all
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: of our episodes add free over there, plus a bunch
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: of bonus content and it's a lot of fun. We'd
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: love to have you.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: It is so much fun. Now, if you're watching on YouTube,
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: please we beseech you in an amish way to like
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: and comment and share and subscribe and also hype up
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: your girls, because any little thing you do helps us
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: in the algorith legend. And if we're growing, we're showing,
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: we're showing out. We are scaling mount six thousands and subscribers,
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: and so anything you do, thank you in thank you. Now,
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: before we get into the recap, Beatrice, I just have
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: to ask you whether you have any takeaways after watching
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: this first episode.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: I'm just like, where did they find these people?
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: Like?
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: Who auditions for this show? Who is like I want
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: to become a Suddenly Amish.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: Clout Goblins, clout Goblins.
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: It has to be.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah. My takeaway was I loved Betty Joe, Billy Joe,
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: Billy Jilly Joe. I loved her. We'll get into it.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: I think she's the star of the show, the breakaway
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: star of this whole show.
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: Wow, and her dog Wow. I loved it all, my god.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: So without further let's get into our recap of season one,
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: episode one, Suddenly Amish. I don't even know the title
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: of it. Do you Transform?
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: Okay, I mean nobody's really transformed yet in this episode.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: But we get into the premise of the whole show,
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: so we're introduced to the Amish community. We have a
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: liberal sect of the Amish community that is wanting to
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: do this liberal liberal and this particular community in Lancaster,
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: Pennsylvania is looking for more people to join their community
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: because they're facing extinction, right and like the dodal bird. Yeah,
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: actually though, they're like facing extinction because all of their
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: youth are leaving in record numbers, because why would you
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: want to be Amish if you can go watch porn
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: in society and go to the clerk and go to
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: the clerk.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: But if you are Amish, you are much more likely
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: to bang your cousin, yeah, or your sister, and that
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: leads to birth defects and the dwindling of the population, yes,
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: which they are very concerned about, are very.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: Concerned about it. And we hear from some of these
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: Amish people that apparently a lot of Amish communities are
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: heavily imbred, which is terrible, and they don't want to
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: be like that. So they are going to invite a
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: bunch of English people, which is just anybody who's not Amish.
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: They're gonna invite a bunch of people to basically do
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: a trial run of living Amish to see if they
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: can hack it and then hopefully join their community so
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: that way they can breed with them and repopulate.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: God, it sounds like Midsummer.
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: That's kind of what it is. Yeah, that's what they
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: said at the very beginning. And so we meet the
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: bishop of the community Vernon. Yes, and apparently in Amish culture,
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: the bishops like make all the rules. I think they
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: called it or dung or something or noong or whatever.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: I'm probably butchering that I don't give a fuck, And
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: he is the one that I guess pitched the show
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: basically in pitch, yeah, the premise he uh really is
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: concerned about his community going extinct, and he, I guess
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: had an English friend that he like pitched the idea too,
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: and then he had his English friend go and pitch
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: it to regular society. Because Vernon the Bishop doesn't want
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: anything to do with technology, even though he's sitting in
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: front of a camera.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's what we have to talk about. Because
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: I went up and did some investigative journalism on the
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: REDDDS and I'm like, is anybody else watching this ridiculous show?
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: And a lot of people on the Breaking Amish forum
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: are currently watching this, and they're like, this is so
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: much fakery, it is a little and they're saying that
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: this is not actually a real Amish community, like these
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: are the outcasts, oh, the outliers of other more established
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: traditional Amish communities, and they are creating this community for
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: the gram, oh, for the TV, for the plot rate,
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: like and so these are maybe ex Amish Mennonites. Because
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: when we get to Emma's house, yeah yeah, there was
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: a satellite dish on her house. I noticed that there
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: was an electric kettle in her child.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: What are we doing.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: But they're telling us the audience, yeah, that there's no electricity,
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: there's no tattoos, you've got to make your own clothes,
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: you can't wear me go always gotta wear a head covering.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: But in this community, I don't think they follow those rules. Yeah.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: I was thinking they had to have at least been
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: like Mennadite or something, because I'm like, there's no way
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: you guys are like traditional Amish because you wouldn't want
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: to be in front of the cameras.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: But right, you know who am I suspend your disbelief
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: so that we can enjoy the show? Right?
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: So, Vernon Bishop is on this mission. He pitched the
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: idea of this show to his English friend and they
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: got him signed up with TLC. Great, what a lucky guy.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: You're not going to regret that at all.
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: Though, not at all. And Vernon Bishop is enlisting a
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: couple people to help. So this is where we're introduced
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: to some of the quote unquote Amish community members. First off,
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: we have is Emma and she is like Olivia Plath
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: or not Olivia Plath Lydia Plaidia Plath where she is
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: literally singing an Amish him and she is the cousin
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: of James, who we will get to later. But Emma
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: is a good Amish girl. She loves being Amish, she
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: grew up Amish, loves this lifestyle and really hopes that
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: they can find more people to join in their communities
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: because she doesn't want to become inbred like all the
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: other Amish communities. And then we meet her cousin, James,
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: who is currently shunned by his other community. So he
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: bopped on over to Lancaster and was like, Hey, can
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: I hang out with y'all because my community hates me
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: because I'm the black sheep. Because he had a cell
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: phone or something, and then he proceeds to tell us
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: that he's a bit of a troublemaker. And then we're
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: like in his house or something, and.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: You know, we're out in the fields, like a cornfields.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: Okay, and he's like showing us his booze collection.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's contraband, Like, I don't think you're
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: supposed to do that.
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: But he likes to drink, he likes to party, I
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: get it. So he doesn't give a shit and he's
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: going to teach these English people a lesson. He's going
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: to basically help onboard them into the Amish community.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: He's going to teach them how to be Homish, and
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: he's going to oversee the entire program. Yes.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: And then the other people that we have that are
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: going to help the English people conform to Amish society
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: are Bishop Vernon's brother Alan and Alan's wife Sarah. And
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: apparently these two people have like adopted several children that
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: are English, like they adopted them from English. Yeah, and
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: so they became Amish or something. And they just recently
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: lost a son of theirs due to an accident or
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: whatever in the cornfields that were not going to elaborate
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: on for some reason, but they lost a kid, and
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: they're hoping that they can, I don't know, like adopt
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: an other.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: I don't think they want to adopt. I think that
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: the reason Alan has been tapped for this role is
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: because he developed empathy for others, like outside of their
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: community visa VI these adopted children, and so he wants
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: to help these English to hopefully integrate into the community.
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: Yes, I guess, I guess allegedly. And then they proceed
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: to tell us that the English people that are going
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: to come into their community have thirty days to basically
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: survive being amish, and they have to make it to
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: the day of reckoning, which will be I guess their
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: initiation ritual too.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: Are they going to have to go on top of
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: a cliff and then throw themselves off in midsummer? Are
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: they gonna have to wear a barracos to be set.
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: On fire in a church? It's kind of giving that.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm afraid.
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: And so then we meet the cast members, the English contestants, right,
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: and we start off with Kendra.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: Now, listen, I would like for you to allow me
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: to share with everyone what I wrote down about each
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: of these folks, Okay, after being introduced to them. It
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: is a little inflammatory, so trigger warning. Kendra. Kendra is
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: a mid ass thirty two year old hoe who is
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: trying to become a star in Dirty Gross La. According
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: to her, she says she's very different than her image,
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: though her faith is very important. We follow her walking
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: in La wearing next to nothing and then packing her
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: suitcase with next to nothing on. She submitted a bunch
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: of hoe photographs so we can see how sexy she is.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: But she's desperate and we can smell it. She starts
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: to cry talking about her bad decision to start an
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: OnlyFans and seems to indicate her current pursuit of the
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: Amish lifestyle is a reaction to that. And I conclude
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: by saying she ain't shit. She really isn't She is
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: such a clout goblin.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and then like her whole like I'm a born
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: again Christian thing because her Only Fans failed, nobody paid
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: for it, so now she has to hit rock Bob
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: him and then get baptized and come to Jesus and
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: now she wants to be on there.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: But she's still taking her hoe photographs. I'm sure she's
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: still got a Instagram, Like that's her persona. She is
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: on this show so that she can become an influencer
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: of some kind.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: Totally because I'm like, why else are you on here?
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: Like you're not like Billy Joe, who will get to later. Yeah,
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: who's obsessed with the homish. Next one we have is
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: Judah from Kansas City.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: So Judah is a twenty two year old, diminutive person
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: who is also Muslim. Interesting, Yeah, he grew up in
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: the hard streets of Kansas City and never fit in
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: And maybe that's because he gets manicures and pedicures and
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: dresses and ridiculous clothing.
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: He apparently saw a post on social media about the
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: Amish community and became obsessed with the Amish, though not
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: enough to figure out how to integrate into their community
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: without go go boots and rhinestones. We see him sitting
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: with his mother and his family and telling them that
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: he's leaving, and they're shocked, mainly because he's Muslim.
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah and black, and they're like, what are.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: There black Amish people? Like is that a thing? Are
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: we not worried a little bit about introducing yourself, You're
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: of African American self into an Amish community. I'm uneducated people,
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: Do we really think this is gonna go well?
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: And Judea's like, no, for real, it'll be all right,
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: Like for real, I'm gonna be fine. And I'm sure
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: there's black Amish people for real.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: I really wish we could have had the conversation about
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: him being Muslim yea, and how his intention, how what
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: his intention is to reconcile his spirituality with the Christian
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: faith of the Amish, the very fundamentalist traditional faith of
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: the Amish, Like what is your plan here? And also
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: you are black and they are all white?
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: They're all white, all of.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: Them, and so like, what's your mindset going into that?
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: Are you a little worried? Like have you done any research?
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: But no, we just see his boots and his rhinestones
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: and its manicures and this is gonna be a disaster.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: And I'm I'm like very entertaining that.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: I'm like, are you okay? Why are you gay?
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: Why not be gay?
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's fine, Like if you.
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: Are gay, why are you amish?
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: Why are you? But it's just like, what is this?
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: This one, this contestant in particular, feels the most fake
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: to me, Like that's my opinion. I don't know. He
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: just he was weird. And then didn't he say something
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: like he's grossed out or afraid of like farm stuff.
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: I'm worried about that.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: And his mom says like he's got a phobia with bugs,
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, this is a terrible choice.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: This is a.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: Choice, but I'm here for it.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: Yep. Next time we have is Esmeralda, and I had
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: a little description about her too, but you read yours verse.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: Esmeralda lives in Houston and wears a lot of makeup,
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: just like her single mother who raised her alone. Because
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: her dad left. She has a man shaped hole in
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: her heart and in her badge. She seems incredibly insecure,
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: and she too seems to be panicking about where her
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: life is going. She's twenty seven and her life doesn't
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: seem great. She's looking for a man to take care
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: of her. I e. She's got traditional values, which is
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: code for probably no education, no real prospects, and so
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: she needs to barnacle onto a dude who will pay
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: her bills. She loves traditional roles, traditional values. She doesn't
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: want to be a girl boss. She wants to meet
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: in who could take care of her period.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: Girl, I'm like, you can find a trad dude in
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: Texas of all places. Yeah, Like you can find a
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: trad dude without having to become Amish. But okay, she's
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: got daddy issues.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yes, yes.
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: Major daddy issues. And like the second I saw her
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: false eyelashes and them lip fillers, I'm like, girl, you
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: gotta have a roof tuh come in Amish? But like
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: whatever you do, you boo boo?
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: Is that your description? Well?
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: And like the fact that she said she had traditional
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: values and she's like, I love the Amish because they
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: uphold traditional values because the women don't have to work.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: Like okay, Well she also said they all look alike, yeah,
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: and they all dress the same, so I don't have
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: to compete. So that's her inner wound crying out for
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: help because she does feel like she has to compete
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: in her life. She feels like she has to wear
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: all of this makeup and do herself up in a
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: certain way in order to be attractive. And it's like,
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: that's the kind of stuff. I hope that maybe we
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: can deconstruct on tlc'd great, but I doubt it.
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: I doubt it too. Next one we have is Aaron Noble,
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: and in my opinion, he's the kmart Frank Rillo from Kingdom.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, did you watch Kingdom?
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: Of course?
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: Did you watch all seasons? Attendon so so good, So
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: I say. Erin is a forty two year old special
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: needs teacher.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: I didn't say anything, I didn't do anything.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: Okay, who seems very concerned with his hair. He is
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: the son of an evangelical pastor moonlighted as an Amish driver.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: I guess he drove the Amish around. But Aaron's forty
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: two year old man is to quote fit in and
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: be like everyone else, which is really fucking sad for
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: a person in your forties. Like, if you're in your forties,
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: it's two middle fingers up, I am who I am?
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: If you don't like it, kiss these cheeks for Saron.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: I want you to feel that way. But he doesn't.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: He just wants to fit in, and we do learn
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: a little bit more about that.
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he likes to work out and is looking for
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: a change in his life. He is a very spiritual person.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: And then we have this kind of weird segment. This
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: was weird of his intro where he says that he
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: lost his virginity at the age of thirty two, which
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: is interesting in and of itself, but then he adds
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: in the statement that it was kind of forced upon him.
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like he didn't want to.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: And so the producer is like, so you mean you
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: were graped? Yeah, and he's like, yeah, I wanted to
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: save myself for marriage and didn't work out that way.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: So that's tragic. Yeah, and I feel terrible. He also
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: alludes to the fact that he has some kind of
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: a disability and he's a bit nervous about how that's
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: going to work within the community, and I wondered aloud
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: and to my husband whether that disability was a micro.
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: Penis You're so mean. I wonder about.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: Guys who are virgins laid into life and or like
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: not coupled up and you're in your forties. Is it
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: because upedis is a half an inch long? Is it
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: a little Vienna's fault?
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: Maybe he was waiting.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: For the right woman, I know. And that's when I
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: started feeling so bad about myself, like I'm so jaded
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: after all these years that my first my first thought
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: is that you're disabled because you have a micropedia.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: Because he has actual disability.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: I know, we learn about that, and I felt so guilty,
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: but not guilty enough not to share what I thought
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: with everybody else.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: God. The next one we have is Billy Joe, who
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: is a Amish cosplayer.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: Period that's the period.
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: A forty something year old Amish forty six.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah stop stop right here. So she's a forty six
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: year old woman who has been a y with amishness
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: for twenty years and she's been dressing as an Amish
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: person for ten years.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: Like she literally fast.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: She goes to her job and she pours the coffees
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: in her full Amish garb, and we've got a couple
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: of customers are like, do you think that this is
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: maybe offensive to.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: Actual Amish people appropriating it?
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: Like, my culture is not your costume, and She's like,
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: absolutely not. I worship the Amish, I love the Amish.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: I have faceless dolls that are Amish. I dress my
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: Chitsu dog god pass an Amish person. I love the homage.
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, Okay, that's fabulous. But then I'm thinking
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: to myself, Beatrice, if you would allow me to express this.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: So you want to bring in English people, you want
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: to recruit outsiders so that you can diversify the gene pool.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: But Billie Joe is the forty six years old I
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: mean then, and it has been known that like some
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: miracle ladies with turbo uterisic can produce babies well into
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: their forties and even their fifties. I've read articles about that.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: But for most of us women, as we age, we
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: kind of age out of concepcion. Yes, you know, early forties.
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: There is a biological clock.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: And so I'm just wondering, why are we bringing Billy
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: Joe in other than for the humor, totally for that
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: for the laughs, it's that and for the joy that
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: I get out of it.
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: It's totally that. Because the guy before that was talking
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: about his essay, Yeah, and his disability is done.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: We need some levity.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: We do need some levity, and Billy Joe's here.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: To bring it.
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: Billy Joe the forty six year old Amish cosplayer. And
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: then the last contestant that we have contestants is Nat
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: from Texas.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: And he's a nothing burger. He's a thirty No, he's
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: not a loser.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: He is.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: He's a librarian. I think that's a real job.
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: That's great.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: He's a thirty five year old librarian from it looks
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: like East Texas. He's got two twins that are seven
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: years old, and he feels lost. He's like, I never
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: expected to be feeling like this at thirty five years old.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: I feel like I don't have my shit together. I
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: don't know where my life is going. So I'm just
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: gonna leave my children and make gainful employment and I'm
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: gonna go to Lancaster, Pennsylvania, and I'm gonna pretend to
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: be Amish for thirty.
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: Days and hook up with an OnlyFans model that.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: Is being telegraphed, it's being forecasted out. Yeah, yeah, that's it.
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: So he's a loser in my opinion, because I'm just like,
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: why are you gonna leave your babies, yeah, to go
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: become fami loser activities. And also I'm like, if you
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: have these kids and you're a single dad, are your
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: kids gonna become amish? Or are you just gonna leave them
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: with their mom or like a family member? Are you like?
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a good point. I do think that illustrates
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: that he's probably just doing this for the gram and
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: he's probably not serious, and maybe he's catching like a
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: he's getting a cute little check or something, probably two
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: thousand dollars for thirty days when they were just getting
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: away from his life for a little while.
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, some the way he can feel better about the
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: fact that he's a librarian.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: What's wrong with that thing?
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: Librarians are cool.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: As fuck, libraries are cool. Reading is cool totally.
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: But maybe he wants to do something else and that's fine,
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: just like, go do that instead of becoming suddenly amish.
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: But all right, all right, okay, So then everybody arrives
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, and they all have to walk their
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: bags from wherever the gozone dropped them off.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: And here comes Judah Honey with these platform patent leather
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: high heel boots or whatever and a rhine stone belt.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: I have a belt just like this that I bought
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: in twenty tens.
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: Stop it.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, when you have those like bedazzled jeans like western
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: wear anyway, So he's wearing this bedazzled belt and he's
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: looking very fashion. Yeah, but you're coming to an Amish community,
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: and I just wonder, what have you thought about that?
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: Did you think about that?
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: Though? No, he didn't, okay, because he's twenty two years old. Yeah,
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: he also gets many petties like every two weeks and
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: his haircut every two weeks. There's nothing wrong with that, No,
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: not at all.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: But you're not going to be able to do that
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: in your Amish community.
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'll just leave it there because I won't
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: be super offensive.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: And then here comes Kendra. Kendra, Remember she's the only
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: fans girl from LA who's trying to make it as
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: a dancer. Woe herself, trying to make it as but
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: she's still dance and she still got her hoe photographs anyway,
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: So she comes trotten up into the Amish community wearing
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: what Billy Joe calls Betty Joe, Billy Joe, Billy Joe,
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: Billy Joe calls cheerleader smut. Yeah, dress a cheerleader smut.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: Dress like her titties are all they're up, perky, perking out,
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: and her legs are all out, and like, I've traveled
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: around the world and AII had to know how to
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: dress when I went into certain cultures and certain countries.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: Like if it's a more conservative culture, then I'm going
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: to cover up. That doesn't mean that I have to
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: at home, that doesn't mean I have to even believe
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: in that, but it's as a respect to your culture.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna show up and try to assimilate. I'm not
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: gonna come in look and leg ah.
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: I know it's kind of crazy what she wore. And
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: then we have Billy Joe wearing her her Amish costume.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: And then at least like es Morelda had the sense
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: to wear like a T shirt and long pants and stuff.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: And I'm not saying I'm not endorsing that women need
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: to cover themselves up or like dress conservatively, but if you.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: Are going in the Amish, yes, hello, there's nothing wrong
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: with the hell where we do. It's not respectful. In fact,
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: it's disrespectful. And even though Esmeralda showed up with like
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: appropriate clothing, she still had all of her lashes and
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: makeup and nails out to here.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: And I'm just like, you girls are stoopid. I mean,
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: it's just as bad though as Judah coming in with
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: indeed heels in its fucking ride stuff.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: Aaron and Matthew showed up and they were perfectly appropriate,
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: and so Billy Joe because she showed up as an
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: almenshon woman that she's been caused playing the last ten
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: years exactly, but those other ones were just ridiculous yep.
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: And so once everybody arrives, immediately Kendra and Matt start
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: making googly eyes to each other because Matt is super
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: horny for her because her tits are out, and Kendra
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: is desperate correct, So she looks at Mad and she's like, Wow,
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: he's the only cute guy here.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: I better bang Aaron's handsome yeah, okay.
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: And a kmar frank grillow kind of fling. And so
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: once they're all waiting there, then Bishop Vernon arrives from
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: the barn and he gives everybody like the rules of
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: the game, essentially the Squid Games. They have to conform
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: to Amish lifestyle within thirty days, and then at the
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: end of the thirty days, at the day of the reckoning,
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: then they can decide if they want to leave or
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: stay and be Amish permanently. After giving the rules, then
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: Bishop Vernon's like, Kendra, can I talk to you real
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: quick in the barn? And She's like sure, and he
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: goes and has a chat with her, a based chat
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: with her, I mean immediately he's like, so, why do
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: you dress that way?
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I get right to it, honey. Why did you
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: have the audacity did you show up to my community
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: dressed like a hoe?
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: Yep? And Kendra's like, well, I'm a dancer and so
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: like my only asset is like my body, and I
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: have to show off my body because I am a dancer,
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: and so that's why, like I dress the way that
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: I do. And I'm like, I'm really comfortable am I
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: dress and everything? And Bishop Vernon's like, well, you know,
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: we would see that as you're missing something in your life.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: I think he says something like we would consider that
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: to be lust. Yes, like a spirit of lust, like
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: a Jezebel spirit temptation, and we would look at all
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: your skin that you seem to want to show us,
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: and we would ask ourselves, what's wrong with her? What's
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: missing in her life? What's her intire real world?
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: Like?
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: Is something's wrong with you? You're broken.
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: He also says that the other women in the Amish
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: community would be very jealous and would not want her
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: to hang around them or their husbands, because these Amish
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: women look very different compared to Kendra, and they don't
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: want their husbands being tempted or.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: Their sons or their sons, They wouldn't want their sons
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: to be tempted by somebody like Kendra. And I think
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: he said something like they would think the women would
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: think that your heart is not in the right place. Yes,
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: if you show up looking like this yet with your
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: whole ass out.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: I mean hello. And then Kendra leaves that conversation and
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: cries uh huh because she was slutshamed. And I'm just like, girl,
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: what did did you research the Amish Amish community? Do
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: you know what their ideals and their values are?
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: Well, and I'm just gonna sidebar here and presume that
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: TLC wanted them to show up all of their regalia
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: finery looking like fools so that they would have to
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: be corrected and they could film that response. But Kendra
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: does seem to be legitimately upset that she was called out.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: But I mean, like she defaults immediately into victimhood and I'm.
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: Always judged by everyone for a while.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: Oh, I look and I'm like, okay, but you could
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: have probably anticipated that's something like this would happen, and
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: maybe also look at it from their vantage point, like
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: this is highly disrespectful and you ain't shit.
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: Though, I mean, this isn't la and keep.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: Your tears to yourself, your weaponized tears. So everybody feels
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: sorry for you, I don't feel sorry for you.
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: I don't know at all. And it's obviously just indicative
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: of what's going on with her because she feels really
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: ashamed about the fact that she had an only fans
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: that failed and didn't make a lot of money.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: Let me just can I can I just ask you
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: because I'm an oh girl, I'm a oh hit. Yeah,
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: but she started her only fans at the age of two. Seven, Yeah,
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: that's just a little bit. That's like seven years younger
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: than you. That's all four blown adult. You've been on
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: this planet, and you've been operating as an adult and
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: a free agent for quite some time, like for forty years.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: Apparently to me, it feels like like when you're eighteen
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: nineteen and I'm gonna do OnlyFans, Yeah, but when you're
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: forty and you're doing an only fans, that sort of
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: expresses something different going on with you. Just that just
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: felt late in life to starting only fans.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: At twenty seven yeah aka forty. Yeah.
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: Well, I mean I'm just taking this is am I wrong.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: Well, I mean, she probably was one of those girls
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: that like tried to be an influencer. She probably like
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: tried to make it in her sorority and like didn't
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: make it very far. She went to college, maybe I
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: probably dropped out because she was partying or something, and
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: then maybe she fell back on OnlyFans, thinking like, well,
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: all the other girls are doing it, and I'm pretty enough,
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: so people will pay for me. But like the thing
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: is is so many people are doing OnlyFans now that
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: nobody's gonna pay for your mid ass titties.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: No, sorry, So I just it just seemed like an
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: interesting choice, Like a desperate choice that somebody who has
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: nothing to lose, that's what it is, will make in
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: order to try and make some money, or somebody who's
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: seeking attention, which she really seems to be needing attention totally.
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: So she does her little crying pity party. Everybody tries
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: to comfort her. Judah is like, hey, but you know,
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: Jesus was like friends with prostitutes.
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: Though, what did Billie Joe say.
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: Like Judah's basically calling her a prostitute.
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: Or something, Yeah, we welcome prostitute, Yeah, something like that.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: I thought that was funny.
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: So that was kind of ridiculous. And then after Kendra
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: cries her crocodile tears, then Bishop Vernon's like, we're gonna
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: split you into two teams because we can't have you
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: all in one same house or something. I don't know,
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: just fucking just just straight fucking, just straight fucking. So
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: they're gonna each stay with two Amish families, which are
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: the ones that we introduce we were in introduced to
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: at the beginning. So Kendra, Matt and Billy Joe are
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: gonna go stay with Bishop Vernon's brother Alan and his
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: wife Sarah, and then Judah Esmeralda and Aaron are going
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: to stay with James and Emma.
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: James that devious little troublemaking rat.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: The Amish outcast, and Emma the good Amish girl. And
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: so when Kendra, Matt and Billie Joe go to Alan
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: and Sarah's house, Alan's first impression of Kendra is that
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: she's not taking this shit seriously, and he's correct, And
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: then Billy Joe has to.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: Poop immediately, has to take a dump.
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: Has the shit right there and then where she's gonna
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: shit herself in her Armish garb. And so Alan's like, okay, sure,
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: let me show you the bathroom, which is an outhouse
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: with rotten wood, like barely any toilet paper, so.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: There's no toilet paper. They don't use toilet paper. He
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: has her a newspaper.
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: So Billy Joe goes to take a ship.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: Wait though, He's like, yeah, we get these newspapers for free.
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: We go down there every morning and we just grab
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: a couple of these newspapers. We bring it back and
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: we don't use toilet paper. We wipe with the newspapers.
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: I mean, I mean, what what I mean? What do
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: you think toilet paper is made out of.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: It's ink on it, and then you wipe with it,
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: and now you have that ink on you all up
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: in your toilet.
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: Paper's got chemicals, and shits got chlorine and bleach and stuff.
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: I'm just scandalized. Billy Joe's like, are you serious right now?
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: But she's like, I don't care. I gotta take a
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: shit sometimes you gotta go. So she takes a ship.
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: She comes out and she's like, I think I got
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: a splinter in my ass. Let me go ask Kendra.
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: To should be perfect for this. So ridiculous.
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: Then we go over to James and Emma's house, which
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: is a very different vibe, very very different vibe, very militant.
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: Like they're waiting. Emma and James are waiting on the
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: porch in their chairs, kind of in this intimidating dance.
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: We've got the three of them as Mauralda, Aaron and
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: Jude Judah come up. They won't even let them bring
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: their suitcases into the home lest they defile the sacred vibration.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: And they bring them to the home. They introduce them
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: to the quarters and Judah's legs sitting at the kitchen
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: table with chairs made of wood, and he's like, I
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: can't even sit on these chairs. They're made of wood.
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: He literally says, this is too ghetto for me. I'm like, why.
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: Judah come there? One as Marlda She's like, oh my god,
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: there's a fly strip catching flies and there's absolutely no
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: air conditioning and it's digy and old and I don't
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: know what to do.
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: With this, yep. And then they go outside to go
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: through their suitcases because James and Emma said that they
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: have to go through and make sure they get rid
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: of all their contraband and all of their other worldly items.
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: And I think they go through did they go through
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: Esmerelda's first?
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: And they go through Judas first. Okay, he's got his
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: ripped jeans right, and his flamboyant, his belts and his
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: colors and his bronstone and his boots, and they're like, yeah, no,
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: you can't bring these into the home. And I think
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: Emma says something like I would be embarrassed and probably
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: shunned if I had to launder these clothes and hang
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: them up. I would be so embarrassed.
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: I mean based, I would be too. Yeah, And then
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: they go through I think Erin's next, because Esmerelda's was
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: like last because she throws a tantrum. But we go
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: through errands and he's all worried because he's got a
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: big old secret, which is his disability. And his disability
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: is that he's got hearing aids, and specifically, his hearing
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: aids that he has are Bluetooth and they're connected to
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: his phone, and if he can't have those, he can't
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: hear anything. So he's really worried that the homage people
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: are going to find his hearing aids and not let
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: him have them, and then he's gonna have to leave
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: or something. They do end up finding them, and James is, like,
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: their Bluetooth, they're connected to a cell phone, blasphemous. And
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: they do go on to say that in the Amish
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: community they do allow exceptions for some like medical devices
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: and stuff like that, as long as they're not connected
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: via Bluetooth or via like a cell phone or Internet
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: or whatever. And so James's like, you can't have these,
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: but I'll find you some alternative hearing aids somewhere, like
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: in the dumpster or something. And then we get to
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: Esmerelda's suitcase, which is completely chock full of various skincare
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: products and hair products and makeup and her nails and
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: fake lashes, and James is like, all this is going
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: in the trash and Esmerelda is like, no, I need
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: it though, and then she starts throwing a fit.
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: Yes, they have to actually call Alan over from the
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: other house to come over and mediate lay down the lot.
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: He says something like, how dare you come into our
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: community and to conform to your way of life. That's
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: not how this works. And they tell her straight out
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: like we do not allow make up nails. How are
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: you gonna milk them cows?
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: And she's like, well, I guess they'm not milking cow pen.
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: We don't allow for these lashes. And she's like well yeah,
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: but like you've taken absolutely everything from me, so I'm
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: just not going to let you take these things.
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: This is so stupid.
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: And they're like, okay, Bed, how about you just get
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: on out. You'll leave tonight then, right, And then as
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: morel does working out the numbers in her head, she's like,
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: but what about my Instagram? What about my follower? You
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: need to at least be here for a few days.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: So they leave us on a cliffhanger. Yeah, and it
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: makes it look like as Marelda's gonna have to leave,
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: But then we see the preview for the season and
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: she's still there because God forbid, as a clout goblin,
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: she'd actually go home and stand on business.
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: Dante's down, of course, so I guess she does give
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: up all of her other worldly stuff. So in the
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: preview for the season, we have the Amish people teaching
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: Judah how to use a saw, and then he like
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: runs out of the pickbarn or something because he just
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: can't take it. It's to ghetto for him. Then we
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: have a budding romance or something between Matt and Kendra,
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: which I'm just like, ew, Like, we don't need that.
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: I would rather see people cry about not having their
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: fake lashes, but that's just me. Then we have Billy
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: Joe who's meeting.
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: With oh my god man almost like simple Jack from
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: Tropic Thunder with the hair with the hair, and he
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: proceeds to tell.
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: Her that he's actually got his nipples peers and he
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: has her feel them, which I'm just like, Okay, maybe
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: there's a romance between Billy Joe and an Amish guy.
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: I don't know. Then we have Esmerlda saying that she's
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: struggling because there's so much judgment. Yeah, there's so much judgment.
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: Christian religion they judge people, bitch.
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: And this fundamentalist religious community that shuns people. There's so
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: much judgment. Then we have Judah who's saying he's keeping secrets,
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: and my question.
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: Is secrets it's always a gay conspiracy with you Beatrice.
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: With those studded high top boots. I don't know. Then
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: we have nat who's getting chased.
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: Off the farm by Chase with an axe, Like, what's
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: going on? What is happening? That seems kind of violent
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: for Christian people?
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: And it seems like all of these contestants make it
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: to the day of reckoning it kind of does. It
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: seems like it. So I guess there's no like elimination
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: rounds or anything like that.
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: I was like voting him off the community.
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I was kind of hoping like Bishop Burdon would
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: come like every week and be like, you know what, Kendrew,
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: You're still a hoe.
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: But get to the top of the cliff. Yeah. So
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: I am intrigued, but as well, I mean, clearly there
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: is some production tomfoolery. There would have to be in
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: order to have cameras in an Amish community, et cetera.
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: You have a lot of people from Lancaster on that
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: breaking Amish sub read it saying this is fakery and fraudery,
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: but I don't care. Listen. In a world is dark
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: and dystopian, it's the one we are.
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: Currently living in. Yeah.
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: I look forward to laughter, I look forward to spectacles,
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: and I look for to entertainment.
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: And honestly, from the bottom of the barrel, they picked
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: some pretty good crazy clouk goblins. Yeah, I'm into it.
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: I am as well. And again I say, these people
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: are untrained in the art of camera for sure. They've
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: never been on a show. They're not gonna know how
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: to act. They think they know how to act because
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: they've watched all the shows with the rest of us,
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: but you don't know till you're in it. They're gonna
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: make mistakes, They're gonna be awful people. I hope there's
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: gonna be drama, and I just my expectations are really high.
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: Me too.
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: But they were really high for poly Family too, right,
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: and that was a train wreck. Yeah, So we'll see
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: how it goes.
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: We will see how it goes.
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: I enjoyed myself.
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: Worst case scenario there's always one thousand pounds sisters. Oh yeah,
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: that just came out. And also there's a new season
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: season of Unexpected.
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: Heard about that? And isn't the boy who impregnated a girl?
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: Isn't he like thirteen? Wasn't he like twelve?
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: When he knocked up a fourteen year?
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: Are we really doing this? Sale? Thank?
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Should we really watch that? May? The answers? Yes?
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: The answer maybe? I don't want to though anyway, So
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: this was fun? Did you guys watch? Drop into the
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: comments or write to Beatrice on the Instagram and let
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: us know if you watched and what you thought of it?
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: Do you think it's fake? Do you think it's fun?
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: We want to know.
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: We do want to know.
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: Now, is there anything else that we should say to
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: these beautiful raccoons before we get a bond at a here? Bitches?
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: Well, if you love our podcast, please go to your
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: favorite podcast platform and leave us a glowing five star review.
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: Really help us grow the pod so more people can
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: join us on the dumpster and we would really appreciate it,
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: so thank you.
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: We will be back next week to continue our conversation
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: about sister wives and suddenly Amish and until then please
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: do not forget, and we have nothing but love for
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: you and peace.
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: A mighty
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: H