Latest / Mathis Family Talks / You Good? What "I'm Fine" Really Means in the Mathis Family | Ep. 7

Transcript

You Good? What "I'm Fine" Really Means in the Mathis Family | Ep. 7 · Mathis Family Talks

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 0:00
  Speaker 2: So I used to be the person that I'm fine,
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: I'm fine, I'm fine. I wouldn't even bother people with it,
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: because number one, if I'm not fine, what you're gonna
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: do about it?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Nothing?
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: And most people don't want to hear about it anyway.
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: So but after therapy, when I'm not fine, I've learned
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: that's okay.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: So people ask me.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: Sometimes now if I'm not doing well, I don't like.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: So I'm like, you know, today is to day, but
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: I will be fine.
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: I'm judge Greg Matthews, and I am Lenda Mathis.
• 0:26
  Speaker 4: Welcome to Matthew's Family Talks.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: Alrighty, fam, We're going to talk about something today that
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: is a serious topic, but we're going to talk about
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: it in a very practical way, in a very human way,
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: and talk about and address from things that are not
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: often dressed in communities of color, in a black community.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: So I have a question for you, family, and I'm
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: going to answer the question as well. But you know,
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: the Mathis family is very strong. All of the members
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: in there were strong, have strong personality, and we are
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: a resilient.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: Bunch as well.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: However, there's that little caveat however, who in the family
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: acts the strongest, but it's secretly the most dramatic.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: Boom boom boom.
• 1:16
  Speaker 5: Who gets to go first?
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: I'll start it off because many of you are probably
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: gonna say it anyway.
• 1:21
  Speaker 4: Me.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 1:24
  Speaker 6: They told me last episode that I was the hardest
• 1:27
  Speaker 6: to deal with. Wouldn't you say that that is the
• 1:29
  Speaker 6: most dramatic person.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: No, that doesn't know, not necessarily dramatic and difficult.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: Or two different.
• 1:37
  Speaker 5: So we're arguing right now, who's the most dramatic.
• 1:39
  Speaker 4: Is very expressive with your point and you kind of
• 1:45
  Speaker 4: go overboard with the way you present your points, and
• 1:51
  Speaker 4: so I think that's what's dramatic. It goes with.
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: Yes and everything is like putting out a fire to
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: some people.
• 2:00
  Speaker 7: Right, So Jane says she's dramatic. I think she got
• 2:04
  Speaker 7: it from her daddy.
• 2:07
  Speaker 8: A dramatic person is when they run around acting like
• 2:11
  Speaker 8: every disturbance is the end of the world. Yeah, way
• 2:15
  Speaker 8: to be dramatic, or considered dramatic at least, I would say.
• 2:18
  Speaker 5: Jay, take yourself off that list.
• 2:19
  Speaker 6: We got the most dramatic person in the room right
• 2:21
  Speaker 6: over here.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 2:24
  Speaker 6: And I just say even in a good way, because
• 2:27
  Speaker 6: when you tell stories.
• 2:29
  Speaker 5: It's the most dramatic thing I've ever heard. He made
• 2:32
  Speaker 5: a hundred million dollars being dramatic. That's right, the story
• 2:35
  Speaker 5: you said, come on, So you got to learn.
• 2:37
  Speaker 4: How to put something that's right. That's a good point.
• 2:41
  Speaker 5: I did tell it.
• 2:41
  Speaker 4: Man, you gotta learn how to put something on it
• 2:44
  Speaker 4: that means dramatized, sperious that you're making reference to and
• 2:49
  Speaker 4: put a little white something on it.
• 2:53
  Speaker 6: Tell us more how you're the most dramatic one, a
• 2:58
  Speaker 6: very very fearful of the sky falling in.
• 3:03
  Speaker 4: So anything that happens, that's what I feel. The sky
• 3:06
  Speaker 4: is about to fall in. Oh I overreact.
• 3:09
  Speaker 5: Yes. See.
• 3:10
  Speaker 8: That's so interesting to me because I feel like you
• 3:13
  Speaker 8: both come from a generation where it was more common
• 3:17
  Speaker 8: to say things like, oh, brush it off, don't be
• 3:20
  Speaker 8: so dramatic, stop making a big deal about things.
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 3:25
  Speaker 8: So I'm curious here and Dad's behavior you not so much.
• 3:28
  Speaker 8: But like, how, especially with you coming from that time period,
• 3:32
  Speaker 8: what do you think made it so that you are
• 3:35
  Speaker 8: still so in tune with your emotions, so comfortable sharing
• 3:38
  Speaker 8: your emotions with other people where a lot of people
• 3:41
  Speaker 8: would not be.
• 3:42
  Speaker 4: I think it's primarily my lack of fear.
• 3:51
  Speaker 5: So confidence.
• 3:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah, confidence, that's the best way to put it. That's
• 3:57
  Speaker 4: what I would say. I ain't just getting I'm not
• 3:59
  Speaker 4: scared of And I might say other than me, I
• 4:03
  Speaker 4: told him destruction.
• 4:05
  Speaker 5: Because I'm the opposite.
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: Mister drama.
• 4:08
  Speaker 7: Would tell you that everybody wants to hear what I
• 4:11
  Speaker 7: have to say, so therefore he has to make sure and.
• 4:15
  Speaker 4: I say it passionately. That's not dramatic, see Jake, dramatic,
• 4:20
  Speaker 4: You're dramatic.
• 4:21
  Speaker 5: I'm passionate.
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: People sure like to label themselves in the wrong way.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: But I would say Dad taught me the best, so
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: that you taught me how to put twenty on tea.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: That's right, put twenty one right, dazzled and rat and
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: slash something.
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: So let everybody know these are lies you're telling them.
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: Their reaction and this is.
• 4:46
  Speaker 8: Why this man is a television producer, film film producer.
• 4:50
  Speaker 5: There you go and author, I guess just making up stories.
• 4:56
  Speaker 5: You deal with years of hearing his put twenty on
• 5:00
  Speaker 5: ten stories. What's the.
• 5:04
  Speaker 8: My favorite part has always been when he'll go off
• 5:07
  Speaker 8: and start telling these crazy stories and ain't none of
• 5:09
  Speaker 8: it true?
• 5:10
  Speaker 5: Is she has to sit there, she has to sit
• 5:12
  Speaker 5: there and go sit and listen.
• 5:15
  Speaker 6: You know what the best part is though, when you
• 5:17
  Speaker 6: are with him and throughout then entire day and you
• 5:20
  Speaker 6: just hear.
• 5:21
  Speaker 5: You hear the story growing. It'll start off with yeah,
• 5:24
  Speaker 5: they owe me five dollars man.
• 5:26
  Speaker 6: Then after the first person that didn't hit good enough,
• 5:29
  Speaker 6: next person they owe me ten dollars man.
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: Question is when does the story become a lie? But
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: we're gonna leave that alone for right now.
• 5:37
  Speaker 5: We're gonna pull it.
• 5:38
  Speaker 7: Back in and I want you to tell us your
• 5:40
  Speaker 7: funniest story that you told someone it was not true.
• 5:51
  Speaker 5: I don't think move us. You're the entertainer, You're the
• 5:53
  Speaker 5: dramatic one. Can I tell my favorite one?
• 5:56
  Speaker 7: Yes?
• 5:57
  Speaker 6: Okay, So Dad and I were going on a trip,
• 6:02
  Speaker 6: right and he was it's a stupid he was. His
• 6:09
  Speaker 6: back was hurt and so he had to be in
• 6:11
  Speaker 6: the wheelchair at the airport.
• 6:13
  Speaker 5: And so.
• 6:15
  Speaker 6: We get to Detroit and at the airport I started
• 6:19
  Speaker 6: taking photos of him from afar.
• 6:20
  Speaker 5: Because I'm just laughing like this man so dramatic.
• 6:23
  Speaker 6: And we get to this event and he's throwing people
• 6:27
  Speaker 6: him in the wheelchair like yeah, man, the paparazzi, thene
• 6:30
  Speaker 6: got me in the wheelchair. They sending this photo around,
• 6:33
  Speaker 6: people sending this photo to me, talking about the paparazzi.
• 6:37
  Speaker 6: Didn't people taking sharing this photo of me in the airport,
• 6:40
  Speaker 6: And I was like, Dad, why.
• 6:44
  Speaker 5: Cause I can't just show him the photo of me
• 6:46
  Speaker 5: in a wheelchair.
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: I gotta put something on it, always something on it.
• 6:51
  Speaker 4: It's not putting something on it so much so as
• 6:55
  Speaker 4: loosely based on a true story. He ain't loosely.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: It's not like this a fancy word for saying I'm true.
• 7:04
  Speaker 7: Thank you.
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: I just told you the plain word for it.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: Right, You're right, You're right.
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: So the next question is who in this family says
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: I'm fine and they're absolutely not fine everybody.
• 7:20
  Speaker 5: I was going I was gonna say a mirror.
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: I was gonna say I was definitely a mirror. But
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: the way he says I'm fine, I'm fine, you like,
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: that's what fan looked like, may fine never find.
• 7:30
  Speaker 6: Me because listen, well, I'm a person who also looks
• 7:35
  Speaker 6: at life or it's like I look at what's not fine,
• 7:40
  Speaker 6: and I'm like, I'm not that so overall like I
• 7:43
  Speaker 6: am fine in any situation that I'm in. It's like,
• 7:46
  Speaker 6: you know this is temporary. So yeah, I'm fine, I'm good.
• 7:48
  Speaker 6: I'm good.
• 7:49
  Speaker 8: But that's so interesting to me, and I want to
• 7:51
  Speaker 8: hear you unpack it a bit and maybe Jade, you
• 7:53
  Speaker 8: have something to say too with your you know, just
• 7:56
  Speaker 8: knowing your mental health journey and how you've done so
• 7:58
  Speaker 8: much work in this space. Is that a healthy way
• 8:01
  Speaker 8: to go throughout life with the mentality of I'm always fine.
• 8:05
  Speaker 5: Well, here's the thing. I think that.
• 8:09
  Speaker 6: There are people who I tell that certain things that
• 8:13
  Speaker 6: I'm not fine with. I don't think that that's everyone's business,
• 8:17
  Speaker 6: m okay. And so you know, if I'm at an
• 8:20
  Speaker 6: event and everyone's like, how you been, man, how you
• 8:22
  Speaker 6: doing good?
• 8:23
  Speaker 5: I'm good. I've been good. But then I go home.
• 8:25
  Speaker 6: I can talk to my girl, let her know how
• 8:28
  Speaker 6: I'm doing. I can talk to you all, you know,
• 8:32
  Speaker 6: not the gossipers in the family. I was about to say,
• 8:34
  Speaker 6: you always tell me you fine.
• 8:35
  Speaker 5: So I don't know what I did.
• 8:37
  Speaker 8: But though a mirror is the one who's always in
• 8:42
  Speaker 8: a good mood. Absolutely, I told Elliott that. I said
• 8:46
  Speaker 8: all the you know, just the different stressors we all
• 8:49
  Speaker 8: go through in life. I remember there was one time
• 8:52
  Speaker 8: we were all going when you and I were both
• 8:53
  Speaker 8: going through something similar and you were just having the
• 8:56
  Speaker 8: time of your life still and I was over there,
• 8:59
  Speaker 8: stress us calm.
• 9:03
  Speaker 5: It's call cool.
• 9:04
  Speaker 4: A mirror is the coolest guy in the family.
• 9:08
  Speaker 5: I said, Elliott. I don't know how he's doing it.
• 9:10
  Speaker 5: I'm about to lose my mind. And the mirrors over there.
• 9:12
  Speaker 5: Half of the time, it's like he's smoothing.
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: He's smoothing cool.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: The cord.
• 9:23
  Speaker 6: Well, I already told you all, manifest exactly my lottery
• 9:27
  Speaker 6: ticket by forty, So I'm just cruising until then.
• 9:31
  Speaker 5: He's just cruising. Speaking of manifestation, That's what he used
• 9:35
  Speaker 5: to say to me. He used to be that great.
• 9:36
  Speaker 5: Come on, man, you can't think like that. You just
• 9:38
  Speaker 5: gotta you just gotta think like this and everything will
• 9:40
  Speaker 5: be okay. You think like that, of course it's not
• 9:42
  Speaker 5: gonna be okay. I'm like, but it's not okay.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: That's okay.
• 9:48
  Speaker 6: But look at us here today, laughing and smiling with family,
• 9:52
  Speaker 6: because from what that situation was, we are okay.
• 9:56
  Speaker 8: And that's why I asked that question, because I know
• 9:58
  Speaker 8: you shouldn't mask your feelings. That's something and I've learned
• 10:00
  Speaker 8: through therapy. But it's also like, I mean, I just
• 10:03
  Speaker 8: feel like there's something too the positive energy you're able
• 10:07
  Speaker 8: to put out and saying I'm fine, I'm fine. So
• 10:10
  Speaker 8: I wonder where that line is of making sure you're
• 10:12
  Speaker 8: not ignoring your feelings, but also, like you said, generating
• 10:16
  Speaker 8: that positive energy of like, I am fine, nothing's wrong
• 10:18
  Speaker 8: with me.
• 10:19
  Speaker 6: You know, I think there's a little bit of delusion
• 10:21
  Speaker 6: that's involved with but I also believe that it truly
• 10:28
  Speaker 6: comes from, you know, being around people who are not fine,
• 10:34
  Speaker 6: and like knowing you know how many people who are
• 10:38
  Speaker 6: truly don't have the access, the family, the opportunities, anything
• 10:44
  Speaker 6: that I have. So truly, when I get in situations,
• 10:47
  Speaker 6: there's always a way out.
• 10:49
  Speaker 8: Do you think your mindset is a result of your upbringing?
• 10:53
  Speaker 8: I know you've done therapy or a little bit of
• 10:54
  Speaker 8: all the above or friends.
• 10:56
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean, I've just done And this is the thing,
• 10:59
  Speaker 6: Like I do things and I keep the lesson with me.
• 11:03
  Speaker 6: And so if I go to a breath work class
• 11:07
  Speaker 6: where you you know, learn little breath work techniques, I
• 11:11
  Speaker 6: can put that in any situation I'm over. If I
• 11:15
  Speaker 6: feel anxiety coming, I can do certain things to relieve
• 11:20
  Speaker 6: that healthy things.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I used to be the person that I'm fine,
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: I'm fine, I'm fine. I wouldn't even bother people with it,
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: because number one, if I'm not fine, what you're gonna
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: do about it?
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: Nothing?
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: And most people don't want to hear about it anyway.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: So but after therapy, I've been in therapy actively now
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: since perfectly the bad last five years. When I'm not fine,
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: I've learned that's okay and and it will be okay.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: So people ask me sometimes now if I'm not doing well,
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: I don't like so them. I'll be like a, you know,
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: today is the day, but I will be fine, or
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: today is the day, but I'm gonna try again tomorrow.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: But I will not quit. I'm one of those people.
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: I will wash up a day in the second and say,
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: you know what today Nope, nope, nope, not doing it,
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: not going, not responding, not doing it because I can
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: already tell that I'm not fine and but I will
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: be fine. So I learned how to give myself that
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: grace and be honest with people. Are you find I'm
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: not gonna go into a bunch of details, but.
• 12:15
  Speaker 8: I'll be like, nah, no, are there things that you
• 12:21
  Speaker 8: learned through your therapy journey that you, you know, would
• 12:24
  Speaker 8: identify for other people and say this is what I learned,
• 12:27
  Speaker 8: and this is why I would maybe you recommend it,
• 12:29
  Speaker 8: not recommend it, or this is how you should approach
• 12:31
  Speaker 8: it for your own needs.
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: One thing that I had to learn, what I kind
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: of taught myself while working through therapy, but which was
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: the hardest, one of the hardest things I ever had
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: to do in my life, was to learn how to
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: sit with it, how to sit with discomfort, how to
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: sit with sadness, how to sit with denial and sit
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: in it right because and sit in it until it passed.
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: I remember doing the smack Dad during the pandemic and
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: when we all were just going through it, and I
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: was in my closet one time and I just I
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: was crying and I was just rocking myself back and forth,
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: and I.
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: Said, you'll be okay, You'll be okay, You'll be okay.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: And I, you know, cut over myself and then I
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: let myself cry out until I but and I was
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: okay after that.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: So I learned how to sit in it.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: And I tell people, when you try to pass it
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: over really quickly, a lot of times you don't give
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: yourself the process it and it doesn't come back up sometimes, right,
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: you just need to sit in it at that moment,
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: and it's uncomfortable and it hurts and it doesn't feel
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: good and it's.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: Not supposed to, but it'll make you feel you.
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: I feel like you'll come out on the winning and
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: afterwards when you learn how to just sit into discomfort
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: and be okay with that.
• 13:28
  Speaker 8: I love that you said that, because one thing that
• 13:30
  Speaker 8: I fall into a lot is when I'm in those situations,
• 13:32
  Speaker 8: I try and fix it and fix things and the
• 13:35
  Speaker 8: problems that sometimes things just cannot be fixed. There's no
• 13:38
  Speaker 8: way to fix it, and so learning how to sit
• 13:40
  Speaker 8: with things is uh, you know, probably something I can
• 13:43
  Speaker 8: implement a bit more as well.
• 13:44
  Speaker 4: Well. My biggest challenge is no sleep. Uh huh, sleep deprivation.
• 13:48
  Speaker 4: I'm no good for myself and I'm no good for
• 13:51
  Speaker 4: others around. And it's sleep deprivation plus working overworking. I
• 13:56
  Speaker 4: didn't know that that cause a bad feeling at some
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: points doing that same overwork.
• 14:06
  Speaker 7: I know. My problem is when I get tired, when
• 14:13
  Speaker 7: I over exert myself, I get quiet and I get irritable.
• 14:19
  Speaker 7: But I do tell myself that it's gonna be okay.
• 14:22
  Speaker 7: You know that what you're feeling right now, there's a
• 14:25
  Speaker 7: lot of people who has who have it worse, and
• 14:28
  Speaker 7: you get over it and you get better. And that's
• 14:31
  Speaker 7: so I just use that in my mind that Okay,
• 14:33
  Speaker 7: today's so I'm feeling either next hour I'm going.
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: To I'm going to feel better or tomorrow I'm going
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: to feel better.
• 14:41
  Speaker 5: I like that.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: I always say one bad day doesn't mean a bad life,
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: not at all.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: Those bad days you.
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: Just look up and say, this is a bad day,
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: but it doesn't mean I have a bad life. And
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: that helps you put things in perspective.
• 14:53
  Speaker 8: Well, that might answer my question that I had actually,
• 14:56
  Speaker 8: because my question or topic was going to be how
• 15:00
  Speaker 8: we're talking about how every day is not great. Every day,
• 15:02
  Speaker 8: different things can happen, You may not be your best self. Uh,
• 15:06
  Speaker 8: you know, we deal with a lot in this world.
• 15:09
  Speaker 8: My question is how can people handle those situations and
• 15:12
  Speaker 8: even amongst us, times where we've lost our cool or
• 15:15
  Speaker 8: completely spiraled or you know, done something that's outside of ourselves,
• 15:20
  Speaker 8: how do you kind of come back to people and
• 15:21
  Speaker 8: repair those some of those things when you do have
• 15:24
  Speaker 8: an out there situation and you're just like, oh, that
• 15:27
  Speaker 8: was not good.
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: First thing is to say you're sorry. It sounds like
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: you did something.
• 15:31
  Speaker 5: Really really I'm.
• 15:36
  Speaker 8: The worst thing you've ever had to apologize for. I
• 15:39
  Speaker 8: kicked a friend out over a spades game.
• 15:42
  Speaker 5: It got really bad. Yeah, we didn't talk for a month.
• 15:47
  Speaker 5: You never apologized.
• 15:49
  Speaker 8: I think I apologized right when it happened, but we
• 15:51
  Speaker 8: still didn't talk for like a month.
• 15:54
  Speaker 5: What happened we just spades gets heated, you know spades.
• 15:58
  Speaker 5: You can't remember exactly what happen.
• 16:00
  Speaker 8: And somebody did something wrong and it was my house,
• 16:02
  Speaker 8: so I was standing strong on the house rules. We
• 16:05
  Speaker 8: have to follow my house rules because this is my house.
• 16:08
  Speaker 8: They had their own version of the ruse, and then
• 16:10
  Speaker 8: they start raising their voice. I raised my voice, and then.
• 16:13
  Speaker 5: You know, out of my house. Literally. I love those
• 16:20
  Speaker 5: I love those moments with Greg, just not my finest moment,
• 16:24
  Speaker 5: my finest moment.
• 16:25
  Speaker 6: I love it when Greg gets angry like that because
• 16:28
  Speaker 6: Greg is you know, he talks like a politician. He
• 16:31
  Speaker 6: has very good uh he enunciates everything, so when he
• 16:35
  Speaker 6: gets angry, it stays the same as just heightened.
• 16:38
  Speaker 5: Get the f out of my house, you mother, ef
• 16:43
  Speaker 5: you talk like that, tell stories, just like you, great storytellers.
• 16:49
  Speaker 5: I think that what he meant to say is I
• 16:50
  Speaker 5: got my language from just like you, just like you,
• 16:54
  Speaker 5: great speaking.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: Let's talk about some family phrase. There is that black
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: family use that sometimes do not help, because we know
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: there's some.
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: Standard fan black family lagage, right, especially sometimes if you're going.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: Through it, and some of it can be let's pray
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: about it. Some of it can be fixed. Your face
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: before I give you something to cry out.
• 17:16
  Speaker 5: Stop crying, before I give you something to cry about.
• 17:18
  Speaker 7: Yes, that's a good one. Came directly from your mother.
• 17:24
  Speaker 7: I know it's not.
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: It's actually not. You know, we've learned over.
• 17:27
  Speaker 8: Time that you know, it's not supposed to say that.
• 17:32
  Speaker 5: Tell your mind.
• 17:34
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I wouldn't use that in today's world, because the
• 17:37
  Speaker 7: thing is, it's okay to cry. It's okay that your
• 17:39
  Speaker 7: feelings out. You know, you might have to go in
• 17:42
  Speaker 7: another room if I think that you're crying for nothing.
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: You're young, Go get your feelings out and then come
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: back and we'll talk type of thing.
• 17:52
  Speaker 4: Go get the belt.
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: And crying, that's just that was your thing. Go get
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: the belt when they upset.
• 18:06
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and that's and that's before they even try and
• 18:08
  Speaker 5: calm you down or anything. Go get that belt.
• 18:12
  Speaker 7: Most definitely, what was the era of you know, I'm
• 18:15
  Speaker 7: going to control you by forcing you not to cry.
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: You don't have anything to cry about, and so I'm.
• 18:20
  Speaker 5: Curious, So.
• 18:22
  Speaker 8: I guess what do you all think the reasoning behind
• 18:25
  Speaker 8: that was? Like, I'm assuming that it's not because you
• 18:28
  Speaker 8: all intentionally wanted to like not have us share our feelings,
• 18:31
  Speaker 8: as you acknowledged.
• 18:32
  Speaker 5: What was the thinking behind that type of.
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: I think it was just being parents.
• 18:39
  Speaker 7: You thought that your word was bond and whatever you said,
• 18:44
  Speaker 7: it should happen. So therefore, if you're crying and I
• 18:46
  Speaker 7: tell you to stop crying, that should happen. As a parent,
• 18:49
  Speaker 7: I'm telling you what to do, and you should follow
• 18:51
  Speaker 7: through on that.
• 18:52
  Speaker 4: Say one more word, probably just.
• 19:00
  Speaker 5: Be quiet. Yes, you know what.
• 19:04
  Speaker 6: I used to hate what people say. You say something
• 19:07
  Speaker 6: to somebody and you like get real vulnerable and they
• 19:11
  Speaker 6: just say you'll be all right, yes.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: Saying mom. That was Mom's classic line.
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: But I actually enjoyed that line because I even think
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: about it as an adult now. Used to always be like,
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: you'll be fine, I'll be like, no, it's happening at school,
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: and this and this and this and I'm this, and
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: you'll be like, you'll be fine, You'll be fine. And
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: I literally replay that in my head when things are
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: going on. I'm like, you'll be fine, and if you're not,
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: you'll be fine eventually, right, it'll be fine.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: Then you can do about it, so you'll be fine.
• 19:37
  Speaker 6: I like that you'll be fine if there's other things involved,
• 19:42
  Speaker 6: because yeah, I never I don't recollect you saying that.
• 19:45
  Speaker 6: Maybe that's deep in my mind and that's where I
• 19:47
  Speaker 6: got it from to But it's like, uh, when people
• 19:51
  Speaker 6: you tell someone something, they don't even have a good
• 19:53
  Speaker 6: response to it. They just say, well, you'll be all right,
• 19:56
  Speaker 6: it's gonna blow by. It's like, no, I want to
• 19:58
  Speaker 6: express to you. I'm here to express to you and
• 20:00
  Speaker 6: talk to you about something.
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: That I would say. I'm listening though, that's what I'm
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: here for. I'm listening, but you.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: Listen and give it by.
• 20:08
  Speaker 6: Tom just overblanketing someone and saying you'll be all right.
• 20:15
  Speaker 6: That leaves someone not being able to get out what's
• 20:17
  Speaker 6: really bothering them, you know, And I just think that
• 20:22
  Speaker 6: that's just something that I for sure, No, it's just
• 20:24
  Speaker 6: like or somebody just you know, throw it off to
• 20:27
  Speaker 6: the side.
• 20:27
  Speaker 5: You ain't got bills to pay, you be I anyone
• 20:33
  Speaker 5: got anything else?
• 20:34
  Speaker 4: No.
• 20:35
  Speaker 8: I just think about that, and I think about how
• 20:37
  Speaker 8: times have changed, and I mean, I guess this is
• 20:39
  Speaker 8: just the cyclical arguments that we have. Research comes out
• 20:43
  Speaker 8: saying that it's better than do soft parenting, then new
• 20:46
  Speaker 8: research comes and.
• 20:47
  Speaker 5: Says not too soft, not too hard. I don't know.
• 20:51
  Speaker 8: It's just a lot when you think about managing people's
• 20:54
  Speaker 8: feelings effectively communicating, raising kids with.
• 20:57
  Speaker 7: The right language, raising kids so they can be strong,
• 21:01
  Speaker 7: growing to be a strong, confident adults, slot to.
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: Handle adulthood right, and the trials and stipulations that come
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: with that, because they're not gonna stop.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: You try to get more as you get older.
• 21:11
  Speaker 8: Well, right, And that's what I was trying to say,
• 21:14
  Speaker 8: is that it's like almost you want to prepare people
• 21:16
  Speaker 8: for a world it's not going to be easy. That's
• 21:19
  Speaker 8: not going to care. If you cry, that's not going
• 21:22
  Speaker 8: to care. If you give it, you're all and you
• 21:24
  Speaker 8: fail and you don't know where to go. It's just
• 21:26
  Speaker 8: the way that the world is.
• 21:27
  Speaker 5: So it's like that balance of tough en up, it's
• 21:30
  Speaker 5: going to be okay.
• 21:31
  Speaker 8: You got to keep moving versus it's okay to cry,
• 21:34
  Speaker 8: it's okay to take a moment, it's okay to make.
• 21:36
  Speaker 5: Sure that you are whole, but before you keep moving forward.
• 21:39
  Speaker 4: And I think take your time is another good phrase
• 21:43
  Speaker 4: that you take. You taking your time. Take your time,
• 21:46
  Speaker 4: you know when you see that the person is feeling
• 21:51
  Speaker 4: stressed or kind of overwhelmed with the moment. Uh, and
• 21:54
  Speaker 4: I'm kind of nervous about getting it done quickly and
• 21:58
  Speaker 4: you're getting frustrated. The person is getting frustrated, you say,
• 22:02
  Speaker 4: take your time, man.
• 22:03
  Speaker 5: I would think you were calling me stupid.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: I don't know how.
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: Many times I say it, If I have to say
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: it every two minutes, five times, the yeah, you're under cultivated,
• 22:24
  Speaker 4: like you're not.
• 22:26
  Speaker 8: You're not stupid, You uninformed in this area. And I'm
• 22:31
  Speaker 8: in this object matter up to start us.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: People, I want to play a game. So how each
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: person acts when they are not okay? So what is
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: kind of what's your warning sign that you need help?
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: Your signals, your aos or io s that.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: You need help?
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: So I want you all, I'm going to prompt you
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: with some questions for our game and I want you
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: to respond.
• 22:52
  Speaker 7: So when I am stressed, I when I am stressed,
• 22:57
  Speaker 7: unfortunately it's terrible, but lash out.
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: And maybe not in a negative crazy way, but it
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: can be on a modern level. Here's lashing out.
• 23:11
  Speaker 5: It's terrible. You know, it's terrible.
• 23:13
  Speaker 7: You lash out at people, and you know because you're
• 23:16
  Speaker 7: tired or you're not in the right mood.
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: And that's what happens for you when I'm.
• 23:20
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I watched television.
• 23:23
  Speaker 5: Yeah, well you watch tell them what you watch though,
• 23:25
  Speaker 5: because you watch them.
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: Ye, variety of things. If I'm really stressed, there's some
• 23:30
  Speaker 4: old sitcoms something of that nature to make me laugh
• 23:35
  Speaker 4: and lift.
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: My mood for anythink that was maybe for the nineteen sixties,
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: and that's what you watch.
• 23:42
  Speaker 4: Well, I watched nineteen seventy show seventy.
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: Do you think before the nineteen seventies.
• 23:48
  Speaker 6: Then the reason you go back to those shows is
• 23:51
  Speaker 6: is because when you watch them, that's when you're pure
• 23:53
  Speaker 6: and innocent as a child, and you have those It
• 23:55
  Speaker 6: brings back those memories I know that you sitting and
• 23:58
  Speaker 6: watching TV as a kid.
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and that was one of the things my mom did.
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: Four boys running around when I got back from school
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: or she after homework. She would I could sit in
• 24:12
  Speaker 4: front of that television. That was the most joyous time
• 24:16
  Speaker 4: of the year, sitting in front of the television after school.
• 24:21
  Speaker 4: I can remember watching Batman, the old Batman, uh, the
• 24:26
  Speaker 4: original one. He even had a dog show last see
• 24:30
  Speaker 4: that was you never heard of last?
• 24:34
  Speaker 5: We used to watch last. No, I don't think it
• 24:37
  Speaker 5: was even coming on. You might have made us watch
• 24:39
  Speaker 5: the old ones then with you? How do we know
• 24:42
  Speaker 5: either had a new show or there was a movie.
• 24:45
  Speaker 5: That's what it was.
• 24:46
  Speaker 4: Nonetheless, that's that's how I relieve stress watching television about you.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: I feel like I were.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: I can doom scroll same thing as dadd either like
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: bitch wash or just dune stroll to black everything out,
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: at least the temporarily.
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: That's what I'll do. I also get shadier, so you
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: turn it up and turn it up a notch.
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: And that's kind of a way for people to leave
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: me alone too, because by you know, I get I
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: turn it up too high, you're real shady, You're probably
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: gonna leave me alone.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: So when I'm stressed, I usually like to be left alone.
• 25:18
  Speaker 7: And I'm gonna go back to that lashing out because
• 25:21
  Speaker 7: I don't get to that level very often.
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: I should say, what do you.
• 25:25
  Speaker 4: Do to relieve?
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: To believe?
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: Why long?
• 25:31
  Speaker 7: What you're trying to say, mind does sound good, but
• 25:37
  Speaker 7: I was probably I'm just trying not to get to
• 25:40
  Speaker 7: that level and doing things ahead of time with exercises.
• 25:44
  Speaker 7: But when I do get to that level, it's probably
• 25:46
  Speaker 7: just sitting down and trying to just get back to
• 25:51
  Speaker 7: where I know by mental stability should be.
• 25:54
  Speaker 4: You know, I've been trying to meditate, but it's so
• 25:57
  Speaker 4: difficult to be to continue to routine.
• 26:00
  Speaker 5: Yeah, because you don't do well in silence. You don't
• 26:04
  Speaker 5: do well with silence. That's what meditation is about.
• 26:09
  Speaker 4: I don't I can't sleep at night without television on.
• 26:12
  Speaker 5: Yeah, silent and still Yeah, I would say neither one.
• 26:20
  Speaker 4: Can't stop thinking, can't stop talking, and can't stay still
• 26:25
  Speaker 4: means more.
• 26:26
  Speaker 5: Yes, what a meditation coach, I would say me.
• 26:31
  Speaker 6: Mine is hot yoga. Yeah, you know beakroom, which is
• 26:36
  Speaker 6: also twenty six and two. It just swit's you out.
• 26:40
  Speaker 6: You don't have time to be stressed. After that you're completed,
• 26:44
  Speaker 6: and then a lot of that class is just focusing
• 26:46
  Speaker 6: on the breath and focusing. It's you know, it's so unbearable,
• 26:49
  Speaker 6: it's so hot, and so all you can be is
• 26:51
  Speaker 6: present and think in the moment. So that's like something
• 26:54
  Speaker 6: you take with you after the class.
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: But what are some of the things you all do
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: so when you're overwhelmed, What are some of the things
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: you may pretend to be or feel like when you're overwhelmed.
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: I guess kind of throw people off or the processes
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: yourself would makes it easier for you.
• 27:09
  Speaker 8: I've noticed in myself when I'm overwhelmed or not doing okay,
• 27:12
  Speaker 8: I tend to just completely withdraw and kind of self
• 27:16
  Speaker 8: isolate a little bit to get through that. I think
• 27:19
  Speaker 8: for me, I've learned being outside hiking, uh, just getting
• 27:23
  Speaker 8: yourself like my like mom was saying, like back to
• 27:27
  Speaker 8: just being present and anything that can get you outside
• 27:30
  Speaker 8: of your head and into your body, so sports, working out,
• 27:33
  Speaker 8: that type of stuff.
• 27:35
  Speaker 4: I just I just stopped, just knowing whatever is overwhelming.
• 27:41
  Speaker 4: If I'm being overwhelmed by work, I stopped at work
• 27:45
  Speaker 4: and I have to finish this tomorrow. I know I
• 27:47
  Speaker 4: got a lot, and this is I'm just overwhelmed with
• 27:50
  Speaker 4: all this work I have and hey, I'm done for.
• 27:54
  Speaker 5: The take a break.
• 27:56
  Speaker 7: What happens when is you when you're feeling overwhelmed, but
• 27:59
  Speaker 7: you can't pin point what's making you feel a certain way,
• 28:02
  Speaker 7: because I know what I find is I just slow down.
• 28:06
  Speaker 7: Now I feel whelmed, and I don't know why I'm
• 28:09
  Speaker 7: feeling that way, but I do. I just slow down
• 28:12
  Speaker 7: and try to be in the moment and moving away
• 28:16
  Speaker 7: where I'm doing things that it's not adding to that feeling,
• 28:22
  Speaker 7: and then you can.
• 28:22
  Speaker 5: Kind of start figuring out what it is to your point,
• 28:25
  Speaker 5: or sometimes it's not anything.
• 28:27
  Speaker 7: You just wake up in the morning sometimes and I
• 28:30
  Speaker 7: don't know if it's hormones. You just feel a certain way,
• 28:34
  Speaker 7: and so you just try to figure out, you know,
• 28:35
  Speaker 7: what you need to do in order to get back
• 28:37
  Speaker 7: to yourself. And I guess You're city has a yoga
• 28:40
  Speaker 7: and I do my daily walks. I walk four hour
• 28:43
  Speaker 7: every morning with my girlfriend and that helps me most
• 28:46
  Speaker 7: definitely for the rest of the day.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: That's good, That's definitely. Yeah.
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: I think for me, mine's maybe a little different because
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: as a RD diverting person.
• 28:56
  Speaker 6: Neural divergent, okay, that's a new word in that passes
• 29:00
  Speaker 6: like five years, but it's encompasses also like autism, I
• 29:03
  Speaker 6: believe and just like, yeah, yeah, a social disorder.
• 29:09
  Speaker 4: Things like that, or brain disorder, neurological disorder, yeah.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, neurological disorders. Yeah.
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: But I think for that that's one thing I keep
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: in mind is that we are it's easier to get
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: overstimulated in general, right, overwhelmed in general. You can just
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: wake up overstimulate it. That's another textbook word that a
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: lot of people.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: Are using now.
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: But I hope that people really learn what that means,
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: because it's a real thing, the over stimulation. But the
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: one thing I would do is I just pretend to
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: be a ghost. I just disappear for myself from the world,
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: from everybody else, and I reappear when I'm feeling better.
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: But I sit through the overwhelmingness. Sometimes I can track
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: what it is.
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I just over it, right, I'm just over it.
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: I ready don't tell people much, but I'll just pretend
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: to be a ghost.
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: You know, It's worked for me.
• 29:50
  Speaker 6: That's that's so great, because that is you know, the
• 29:53
  Speaker 6: word does work. And to be honest, it's funny because
• 29:56
  Speaker 6: I used to do that when I used to be overwhelmed.
• 29:58
  Speaker 6: I could just sit, relax, take a day to myself,
• 30:01
  Speaker 6: just watch TV all day and relax. But now since
• 30:05
  Speaker 6: I have a living girlfriend, I feel like I can't
• 30:11
  Speaker 6: do those things because a lot of a relationship is
• 30:16
  Speaker 6: you know, with another partner and things like that, and
• 30:19
  Speaker 6: so it has taught me to I don't know, I
• 30:24
  Speaker 6: can't really say it, but I just can't sit around
• 30:26
  Speaker 6: and watch TV all day is in a relationship, and
• 30:29
  Speaker 6: so I have to find other ways to fix being
• 30:33
  Speaker 6: overwhelmed or being you know, having a bad day and
• 30:36
  Speaker 6: things like that.
• 30:37
  Speaker 4: But what do you think does that because you have
• 30:39
  Speaker 4: two dogs? Does that help when you walk your dogs?
• 30:42
  Speaker 4: Because I get a good feeling.
• 30:44
  Speaker 6: So I do know that responsibility and people depending on
• 30:50
  Speaker 6: you and situations like that makes you more like you
• 30:55
  Speaker 6: don't have a lot of time to dwell on your
• 30:57
  Speaker 6: own problems, which is a good thing and a bad thing.
• 31:00
  Speaker 6: But you know, like when I my girlfriend moved in
• 31:04
  Speaker 6: with me and she depends on me for daily things,
• 31:07
  Speaker 6: whether it's socialization, whether it's you know, tidying up the house,
• 31:13
  Speaker 6: doing certain.
• 31:15
  Speaker 4: That you let her down on that every day.
• 31:20
  Speaker 5: I'm so glad she can't give her reaction, right, you.
• 31:26
  Speaker 4: Should be glad because she'll save the nastiest thing.
• 31:30
  Speaker 6: No not nasty, but just you know, I can go
• 31:33
  Speaker 6: to bed with three cups in the sink and trash
• 31:37
  Speaker 6: in the trash can.
• 31:38
  Speaker 8: Like.
• 31:38
  Speaker 6: She likes to wake up where there's no trash in
• 31:40
  Speaker 6: the trash can, no dishes in the sink, nothing like
• 31:43
  Speaker 6: everything perfect. She likes to wake up to a perfect tone.
• 31:46
  Speaker 6: And so sometimes she's neual divergence. Sometimes, you know, we
• 31:54
  Speaker 6: always laugh because she can't relax until things are perfect,
• 32:00
  Speaker 6: and I need to relax before I make things perfect.
• 32:03
  Speaker 6: Oh my goodness, Oh man, I need to chill before
• 32:07
  Speaker 6: I head up this place. And she's like, I can't
• 32:09
  Speaker 6: chill until this place is clean. And it kind of,
• 32:11
  Speaker 6: you know, it's a it's kind of a yin yang
• 32:13
  Speaker 6: thing because sometimes I get her to chill, and sometimes
• 32:15
  Speaker 6: she gets me to.
• 32:16
  Speaker 4: Get up and get you better, get rich quick, so
• 32:19
  Speaker 4: that you can have a twenty four or twelve hour
• 32:22
  Speaker 4: day or daily worker.
• 32:26
  Speaker 5: You sound just like her.
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I don't have an off day.
• 32:31
  Speaker 5: It's all exactly grand children.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: What are some of the ways that we can't help She.
• 32:37
  Speaker 4: Doesn't have off days, so I don't work, Huh, I don't.
• 32:42
  Speaker 4: I'm the opposite. I'm the opposite of her. Neither of
• 32:46
  Speaker 4: you have off days.
• 32:47
  Speaker 6: You have responsibilities of family, financials, you have friends who
• 32:52
  Speaker 6: depend on you emotionally, financially.
• 32:55
  Speaker 4: Everything Sundays. I take Saturdays and Sundays.
• 32:58
  Speaker 5: Oh no, you do not.
• 33:00
  Speaker 4: Maybe not up here.
• 33:02
  Speaker 5: That's the whole point. What are you taking off? Relax
• 33:08
  Speaker 5: in your body. Your mind is one of them, is
• 33:12
  Speaker 5: the strongest organ in your body.
• 33:15
  Speaker 7: I said, I never take off, but I have learned
• 33:20
  Speaker 7: how to enjoy the things that I do. Fur there's
• 33:24
  Speaker 7: caring for the dogs. I enjoy caring for them on
• 33:28
  Speaker 7: most occasions, or if it's caring for my husband, you know, cooking,
• 33:32
  Speaker 7: I have learned to enjoy cooking. So I just learned
• 33:35
  Speaker 7: how to enjoy the things that are ever present in
• 33:38
  Speaker 7: my daily life. Cooking, cleaning. See, I learned you start
• 33:44
  Speaker 7: to enjoy to have a clean house, so you clean.
• 33:47
  Speaker 7: When you clean, it makes you feel good because you
• 33:49
  Speaker 7: know the end result is going to be a nice,
• 33:52
  Speaker 7: pleasant house, which I have as.
• 33:56
  Speaker 8: Am I the only one that can get back to
• 33:58
  Speaker 8: being whole by just one off the grid. That's one
• 34:01
  Speaker 8: thing that I like to do. That's okay, But I
• 34:04
  Speaker 8: mean like I do stuff still, not like just sitting
• 34:06
  Speaker 8: at home sometimes I'll just leave my phone, leave every
• 34:09
  Speaker 8: single thing, and you just go out for Yeah, go
• 34:11
  Speaker 8: out for a whole day by myself. I'm serious, go
• 34:14
  Speaker 8: out for a whole day by myself, do a height,
• 34:16
  Speaker 8: go to the beach and just have no electronics, no nothing,
• 34:19
  Speaker 8: and just kind of off the grid.
• 34:21
  Speaker 4: It sounds healthy and that's what you need, right.
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: I don't think I need.
• 34:27
  Speaker 4: Do it because it sounds healthy.
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: You know me, I am.
• 34:30
  Speaker 5: I do have a loan turn your mind off.
• 34:32
  Speaker 8: Sorry your mirror, Yeah, but it just turned your mind
• 34:34
  Speaker 8: off from everything. I do have a loaner type of personality.
• 34:37
  Speaker 8: I think you all know that I like to just
• 34:39
  Speaker 8: do things by myself. Sometimes you must have got it.
• 34:41
  Speaker 4: For me, but I also have you know, I think
• 34:45
  Speaker 4: you have a laid back personality.
• 34:47
  Speaker 6: I'm just saying like I can be a chill I
• 34:49
  Speaker 6: can chill by myself. I can just chill in the
• 34:52
  Speaker 6: house and do But it's also it depends on your partner.
• 34:54
  Speaker 6: Your partner understands that he lets you do that and stuff.
• 34:59
  Speaker 6: But I my partner, I believe we she likes to
• 35:03
  Speaker 6: do things with me, like she likes to enjoy her
• 35:06
  Speaker 6: days with me, and we have off days, so it's
• 35:09
  Speaker 6: a bad.
• 35:09
  Speaker 4: About in the evening. What do you all watch? If
• 35:12
  Speaker 4: you're watching television, you watch the same thing.
• 35:15
  Speaker 5: Sometimes I put something wrong where she doesn't love but.
• 35:18
  Speaker 4: Yes she she follows about sports. Do you watch a
• 35:21
  Speaker 4: lot of sports?
• 35:21
  Speaker 6: Oh, Sundays, I just sit on the she likes sports. No, no, no,
• 35:25
  Speaker 6: she but she will be around the house in the
• 35:27
  Speaker 6: other room. Should be on the on the couch, on
• 35:29
  Speaker 6: her phone, things like that. But I will say that
• 35:33
  Speaker 6: we both love love Island.
• 35:36
  Speaker 5: Now she got me. Oh my god, that is the
• 35:39
  Speaker 5: national craze. I have not gotten island together.
• 35:45
  Speaker 4: Nom I'm familiar with it.
• 35:47
  Speaker 3: I watched last seen.
• 35:50
  Speaker 6: Brinnandy for for a while. So team Brinnandy, you know,
• 35:53
  Speaker 6: I'm all for. We got to get them on here.
• 35:55
  Speaker 6: That would be great. No idea what you're talking about?
• 36:00
  Speaker 6: Writes in Trinity Casey you are good?
• 36:03
  Speaker 5: Who else you know? Oh uh, Corbin corn that's my.
• 36:07
  Speaker 4: Man, right.
• 36:10
  Speaker 5: You could be speaking a different language. But yes and so.
• 36:15
  Speaker 6: But I think that yes we we we do enjoy
• 36:17
  Speaker 6: a lot of the same things, which makes it so
• 36:19
  Speaker 6: much easier.
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: So the worst thing that someone can say to you
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: is what you're a loser.
• 36:24
  Speaker 4: It's important for me to succeed in whatever I'm doing.
• 36:29
  Speaker 4: And so it's so important that when a person says
• 36:32
  Speaker 4: something to the ex and I fail, and the person
• 36:35
  Speaker 4: makes mention of that, yeah, you're a loser who wants
• 36:38
  Speaker 4: to hear that?
• 36:39
  Speaker 5: So can I say?
• 36:40
  Speaker 6: One that that I that we talked about recently is
• 36:44
  Speaker 6: when I said why do you have? Why are you
• 36:47
  Speaker 6: so mad? Why are you angry?
• 36:51
  Speaker 4: And that was something that you didn't like, Oh okay, yeah,
• 36:55
  Speaker 4: because you it's typically misinterpreted frustration and anger can easily
• 37:00
  Speaker 4: be misinterpreted. In fact, frustration some time does lead to anger,
• 37:05
  Speaker 4: but the frustration comes first. So I get you get frustrated,
• 37:10
  Speaker 4: then you get angry. So I guess it's a fine line.
• 37:13
  Speaker 4: A person can't to tell, can't determine the fine line.
• 37:16
  Speaker 4: Is he frustrated or is he angry? So, but that's
• 37:19
  Speaker 4: the essence of it, that's calling me angry when it's
• 37:23
  Speaker 4: not quite the truth exactly.
• 37:25
  Speaker 7: And see, I was gonna say the same thing. Worst
• 37:27
  Speaker 7: thing your person can say to me when you when
• 37:28
  Speaker 7: you're not feeling in a good mood, they say, well,
• 37:31
  Speaker 7: I see that you're a little angry, or I see
• 37:34
  Speaker 7: that you're irritated, irritated and just instead of just saying
• 37:41
  Speaker 7: what can I do to help you? Or you want
• 37:43
  Speaker 7: me to do so and so for you, or even
• 37:45
  Speaker 7: trying to help bringing up what they see first, I
• 37:49
  Speaker 7: don't need you to tell me that I feel angry
• 37:51
  Speaker 7: or I'm in irrational or whatever.
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: I was going to ask that, what are some things
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: that someone can say to you that you would appreciate
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: in those times?
• 38:00
  Speaker 5: Way to help you?
• 38:01
  Speaker 4: Like, what's that best way to help me is with
• 38:05
  Speaker 4: the things that frustrate me? Help me with the things
• 38:08
  Speaker 4: that you're now frustrates me? What I mean, like, what
• 38:10
  Speaker 4: can they say, like, you know, let me help you.
• 38:15
  Speaker 4: That's a universal to someone actually let me help you.
• 38:18
  Speaker 7: Most definitely is if I'm frustrated because I feel overwhelmed
• 38:23
  Speaker 7: you a person says, oh, you look like you're a
• 38:25
  Speaker 7: little irritated.
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: You know, instead of just saying what can I do
• 38:28
  Speaker 3: to help you? What can I what can I help
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: you with?
• 38:31
  Speaker 5: Greg? I'm thinking you have the same. Yeah, it's definitely similar.
• 38:38
  Speaker 8: And I was quiet because I was trying to figure
• 38:40
  Speaker 8: out how to put it into words, because it is
• 38:43
  Speaker 8: something similar to like in the universe of what you
• 38:45
  Speaker 8: all are saying. It's just when I'm already not feeling good.
• 38:49
  Speaker 8: It is not make me feel good to feel even
• 38:51
  Speaker 8: more misunderstood, I guess. And that's kind of what I'm
• 38:55
  Speaker 8: hearing between you two, and I would agree with that
• 38:58
  Speaker 8: pretty much.
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: I guess this his mind is when if someone says
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: you're being dramatic, because that's the way you minimize somebody
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: else's feelings, right, You minimize what the other person's feeling.
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: It may be that serious to them at the time
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: where it depending on what state they're in, it may
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: look like the end of the world. But when people
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: say something like that, I feel like you minimize what
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: that person actually feels, and then it makes it difficult
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: to be vulnerable. One thing I would like for people
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: to do if I'm not feeling well. Number one, leave
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: me long, let me long, lead me alone, and just
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: tell me. If you need something, I'm here. If you
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: need somebody, I'm here, give me a call, but please
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: send me some food and leave me alone.
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: I like that.
• 39:38
  Speaker 4: And sometimes passion is confused with anger. When a person
• 39:43
  Speaker 4: speaks passionately, whether it's a public speaker or whether it's
• 39:49
  Speaker 4: an interpersonal discussion, someone might say he's angry. People would say,
• 39:55
  Speaker 4: Malcolm X was angry when he talked. No, he was
• 39:59
  Speaker 4: passionate when he spoke. Black folks are angry.
• 40:02
  Speaker 6: You know, we're passionate or why are you always I'm
• 40:05
  Speaker 6: not yelling, I'm just being passionate.
• 40:07
  Speaker 4: There you go.
• 40:09
  Speaker 5: I get that. I would say, mine is the worst
• 40:12
  Speaker 5: thing you can say to me is and it's not
• 40:14
  Speaker 5: terrib like. I don't know. It's one of those uh.
• 40:20
  Speaker 8: Is.
• 40:20
  Speaker 5: I don't know.
• 40:21
  Speaker 6: I guess, like you know, across the board, it's like,
• 40:24
  Speaker 6: why are you acting like that? You know, why are
• 40:26
  Speaker 6: you acting like that? Or something is wrong with you?
• 40:32
  Speaker 6: Something's wrong with you. Yeah, things like that. But I
• 40:36
  Speaker 6: can't I can't pinpoint it down. But just remember one time,
• 40:38
  Speaker 6: little kid, I called you crazy and you lost it
• 40:41
  Speaker 6: on me. Oh my goodness, he said, don't.
• 40:48
  Speaker 5: These are shaking? And what wasn't that mean that was.
• 40:56
  Speaker 4: Shocked, because it would be it would be he got
• 40:59
  Speaker 4: so bad, and that means he believes he's crazy.
• 41:02
  Speaker 5: And I said it one more time and you lost
• 41:04
  Speaker 5: this crazy. I think that you had an outer body
• 41:08
  Speaker 5: experience and you saw yourself. I'm sorry for calling you crazy,
• 41:11
  Speaker 5: mir but yeah, I guess that is.
• 41:16
  Speaker 6: I mean, I would not like for someone to call
• 41:18
  Speaker 6: me crazy because I don't feel like I'm crazy, So
• 41:19
  Speaker 6: you call me crazy.
• 41:20
  Speaker 5: We got some issues.
• 41:21
  Speaker 4: I feel like I'm crazy, So I wouldn't mind exactly,
• 41:25
  Speaker 4: don't depends on how you're presenting to me.
• 41:27
  Speaker 5: You know, crazy.
• 41:30
  Speaker 4: Or yeah that's all right? Yeah I know you're crazy.
• 41:36
  Speaker 4: Something's wrong, You're crazy? So I understand. You sound too serious?
• 41:41
  Speaker 4: You sound are you serious about that thing?
• 41:44
  Speaker 5: We say? Thank you for understanding? Not sure?
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: Well, let's talk.
• 41:50
  Speaker 2: About social media, social media, social media, y'all.
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: In this new mental health.
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: Brown, everyone is healed, everyone as a life coach. Everyone's
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: booked and busy, everybody protecting the piece. Everybody is thriving
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: and surviving. In between this AI and all of these filters,
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: everybody is a different person in their head than they
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: really appear to.
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: Be in reality. So, and I think social.
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: Media really can do a number on your mental health
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: or mental wellness just in general, right, especially this new generation.
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: So do you all think has social media made people
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: more honest or just better at pretending how they're really feeling?
• 42:31
  Speaker 5: I mean, so here's how I feel about it.
• 42:32
  Speaker 8: I don't know about the I would say it definitely
• 42:34
  Speaker 8: ain't made people more honest, no pretending. Yes, But what
• 42:39
  Speaker 8: I will say also is that just the you know,
• 42:42
  Speaker 8: what I have gathered from reading about social media, my
• 42:45
  Speaker 8: own personal experiences, humans weren't meant to have this level
• 42:49
  Speaker 8: of interaction. It's just not the way that we were built.
• 42:52
  Speaker 8: It's not what I've read and the research. That's how
• 42:55
  Speaker 8: I feel about reality. You want to show your reality.
• 43:00
  Speaker 8: This is my reality as as and this is my
• 43:03
  Speaker 8: life as a person showing. But on the other hand,
• 43:07
  Speaker 8: the other folks many it's the opposite. I'm gonna fake
• 43:13
  Speaker 8: my reality, which is hard, and that made me.
• 43:16
  Speaker 4: I don't know, I'm not clear whether that's uh, I'm
• 43:19
  Speaker 4: not sure whether that's not most of those on social
• 43:23
  Speaker 4: media faking their reality.
• 43:25
  Speaker 5: I would tell you it is.
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, no, I think it is.
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: To One thing I started doing with social media a
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: couple of years ago is I would take an inventory
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: of how I felt before it, during it, and after.
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: And I never felt better after being on social media
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: scrolling for even a small amount of time or hours.
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: I always felt way worse. So I take social media
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: breaks or sabbaticals all the time.
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: It makes me anxious.
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: You know, you get on there, you have a thousand
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: comments to respond, so you have to look through this,
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: look through that. It's a lot of pressure on it, right,
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: So I will go missing from social media.
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: I will take two weeks breaks.
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: I'll pop in and not look at anything, you know,
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: look at a few things and like a few comments,
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: and pop back out. But I think it really people
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: really should protect their mental wellness, even be careful who
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: they're listening to on there, right, because everybody is an
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: online therapist now, right, you see all these quotes.
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: Everybody's a life coach. Now you might watch you're getting there.
• 44:13
  Speaker 3: I think it's social media.
• 44:14
  Speaker 7: I think I don't know if it's the era I
• 44:17
  Speaker 7: was born in and not being raised in the era
• 44:20
  Speaker 7: of social media. But I have not had a big
• 44:24
  Speaker 7: pull to look at it every day. It's not a
• 44:27
  Speaker 7: big pull for me to stay on it and scroll.
• 44:30
  Speaker 7: I've had some friends tell me almost sim much to
• 44:33
  Speaker 7: corporal syndrome, maternal syndrome, that using this thumb, and I
• 44:40
  Speaker 7: go wild because I probably if I look at social media,
• 44:45
  Speaker 7: you know, when I get up in the morning, it's
• 44:47
  Speaker 7: probably two minutes. I don't feel guilty about not seeing
• 44:50
  Speaker 7: people's post. I don't feel guilty about not living my
• 44:55
  Speaker 7: life because everybody else is living their life on the
• 44:57
  Speaker 7: beach and whereverver. I just don't get into it and
• 45:01
  Speaker 7: look at it like that because and then I think
• 45:04
  Speaker 7: I'm protecting myself too because I don't want to because
• 45:06
  Speaker 7: I hear about all.
• 45:07
  Speaker 5: The mental problems you are.
• 45:09
  Speaker 7: Trust me, I think social media is great for people too,
• 45:14
  Speaker 7: be able to interact with people. But when you start
• 45:16
  Speaker 7: looking at it as and it starts to affect your
• 45:19
  Speaker 7: mental health because you're not doing enough.
• 45:21
  Speaker 3: Everybody else is out there living their life and you're.
• 45:24
  Speaker 5: Sitting there.
• 45:26
  Speaker 7: And yeah, I just posting and be overwhelming for people.
• 45:31
  Speaker 7: Just I just never got into it.
• 45:32
  Speaker 2: So who would you all say in the family post
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: like everything is okay on social media when it really
• 45:37
  Speaker 2: may they really might not be doing okay.
• 45:40
  Speaker 8: Me that's a good one, and I would say me
• 45:47
  Speaker 8: because I feel like when I do post, it's especially
• 45:50
  Speaker 8: now I've really limited posting personal stuff. Mostly whatever I
• 45:53
  Speaker 8: post is work, and so it's like now I have
• 45:56
  Speaker 8: to post even if I'm not feeling okay or having
• 45:58
  Speaker 8: a bad day because it's work.
• 45:59
  Speaker 5: Really.
• 46:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah, see, I go back to it again.
• 46:02
  Speaker 7: I post when I want to post. I don't feel
• 46:05
  Speaker 7: obligated to post every day.
• 46:06
  Speaker 8: I don't.
• 46:07
  Speaker 7: I don't let that stress me out. Oh my gosh,
• 46:10
  Speaker 7: I didn't post this because I went to the movie
• 46:12
  Speaker 7: last night, or I went to something special and I
• 46:15
  Speaker 7: took all these pictures. I got to put it online
• 46:18
  Speaker 7: for everybody else to see. I don't feel that pressure.
• 46:20
  Speaker 7: Those pictures are for me and move on and see.
• 46:23
  Speaker 4: I like to show the fun reality of my life
• 46:28
  Speaker 4: and then informative. Those are the two things that I
• 46:31
  Speaker 4: like to do on my Instagram or at.
• 46:34
  Speaker 5: The other side.
• 46:35
  Speaker 3: You don't feel pressure though to do it. Pressure as
• 46:38
  Speaker 3: far as if you don't do it, you don't.
• 46:40
  Speaker 5: Yeah, okay, no, good for you.
• 46:44
  Speaker 7: But it's something to say about you, saying that your people,
• 46:48
  Speaker 7: your fans want to hear and know about you. See
• 46:52
  Speaker 7: that's the problem with social media because people post all
• 46:55
  Speaker 7: this good stuff. You're posting things that you know that
• 46:59
  Speaker 7: you're trying to let your audience know who you are.
• 47:02
  Speaker 7: But then you have people who are pretending that everything
• 47:06
  Speaker 7: is fantastic. They posting all this great stuff and they're
• 47:10
  Speaker 7: not okay at all.
• 47:12
  Speaker 6: And then you do you know, I do help you
• 47:15
  Speaker 6: out with your social media you put them up. We
• 47:18
  Speaker 6: know we took away your passwords. That's when you started
• 47:20
  Speaker 6: berating people from your account.
• 47:22
  Speaker 4: No, that's when I started threatening people for making comments
• 47:26
  Speaker 4: about my daughters. That happened specifically, I can recall one
• 47:32
  Speaker 4: of them saying, oh I wish why why why?
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: Why?
• 47:36
  Speaker 7: Why?
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: Why?
• 47:36
  Speaker 4: What's your address?
• 47:39
  Speaker 6: So we took away you know, we just came up
• 47:41
  Speaker 6: with an idea. We said, how about you know I
• 47:44
  Speaker 6: have it, and you send me what you want to post.
• 47:45
  Speaker 5: And I posted. But no one knows about that secret
• 47:48
  Speaker 5: account you have.
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: But no.
• 47:54
  Speaker 2: Mirror must have gave him something because sometimes it's being caps.
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: I can tell by the caption who.
• 47:58
  Speaker 5: Wrote the caps exactly know.
• 48:00
  Speaker 6: But I always I admire and I respect you posting
• 48:04
  Speaker 6: because I'll get a picture or I'll get something from him.
• 48:07
  Speaker 6: Why does this looks terrible? He looks terrible in this,
• 48:10
  Speaker 6: Like why would he post this? I would never post this.
• 48:13
  Speaker 6: But it's so real because that goes back to the
• 48:16
  Speaker 6: fact of when I was posting and doing stuff, I
• 48:18
  Speaker 6: wanted to show this perfect life that I had. I
• 48:20
  Speaker 6: wanted to show this limit. It looked like I had
• 48:23
  Speaker 6: limited limitless funds, it looked like I could I was
• 48:26
  Speaker 6: on trips half the year everyone told me like, oh
• 48:29
  Speaker 6: every time I every time I see you, you're traveling,
• 48:32
  Speaker 6: and I'm like, yeah, but you just don't see the.
• 48:36
  Speaker 5: Couch when I'm on the couch.
• 48:39
  Speaker 6: And so as I get back into my social media rhythm,
• 48:44
  Speaker 6: I definitely take some notes from you and just not caring,
• 48:50
  Speaker 6: like just not caring because people you know.
• 48:52
  Speaker 3: Yes, I'm so tired of these filters.
• 48:54
  Speaker 7: I mean I've slipped at step on social media thinking
• 48:58
  Speaker 7: this is my friend to look real, Wow, look like
• 49:03
  Speaker 7: somebody I knew in high school.
• 49:05
  Speaker 3: So no, I do appreciate keeping it real and.
• 49:09
  Speaker 7: Not stressing out about how your post has to be perfect.
• 49:12
  Speaker 7: So I think that's what's causing a lot of mental
• 49:14
  Speaker 7: problems with these young people.
• 49:16
  Speaker 6: I remember you got so mad at one of your
• 49:17
  Speaker 6: friends one time they edited you and you look like
• 49:20
  Speaker 6: a baby, and you were.
• 49:21
  Speaker 5: Like, who what they do?
• 49:23
  Speaker 7: I think I look fine like I am. So No,
• 49:26
  Speaker 7: I don't need any photoshop and all that stuff.
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: No, I do a little tweak on it. Greg and
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: Greg and one of our other friends had to tell.
• 49:34
  Speaker 6: Me I did need I told you used to crazy,
• 49:38
  Speaker 6: had different teeth, you had different you had a whole
• 49:42
  Speaker 6: different things.
• 49:43
  Speaker 3: Beautiful, don't understand she doesn't need that.
• 49:47
  Speaker 6: See, it looks like you have a filter on your
• 49:49
  Speaker 6: video right now because you are beautiful.
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: Jay.
• 49:54
  Speaker 4: Beautiful as a filters. That what you're trying to say
• 49:56
  Speaker 4: about it doesn't need the filters because she ever filmed
• 50:00
  Speaker 4: either natural.
• 50:02
  Speaker 5: And that's what I was saying.
• 50:03
  Speaker 6: It looks like because she's naturally beautiful. It looks like
• 50:06
  Speaker 6: she Oh, that's.
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: When I hear it.
• 50:11
  Speaker 5: I know that was a compliment.
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: That was.
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: Well, okay, So I do want to ask who would
• 50:16
  Speaker 2: be the worst wellness influencer in our family? If we
• 50:21
  Speaker 2: had one the worst, what were's the kind of motivation
• 50:26
  Speaker 2: with wellness and feeling well?
• 50:27
  Speaker 5: I took him to yoga, he said, he told everybody
• 50:30
  Speaker 5: mere got me doing yogurt.
• 50:32
  Speaker 3: I think I think Dad would be the best because
• 50:35
  Speaker 3: he has in his mind. He tells everybody he walks
• 50:38
  Speaker 3: every single day for two three hours.
• 50:41
  Speaker 5: Or was it two three miles?
• 50:42
  Speaker 4: Right? Two three mounds.
• 50:44
  Speaker 3: I think he would be the best.
• 50:45
  Speaker 6: But that's the only thing though he doesn't he doesn't
• 50:47
  Speaker 6: explore expand.
• 50:49
  Speaker 4: No, I don't have the consistency or the discipline to
• 50:58
  Speaker 4: maintain the can assistency. I just some reason I just
• 51:02
  Speaker 4: fall off. I probably can go two weeks doing the
• 51:06
  Speaker 4: same thing and then I'm going to fall off, and
• 51:09
  Speaker 4: then I'll be determined, uh, two months later that I'm
• 51:12
  Speaker 4: gonna do this that lasts for two weeks. Now, I
• 51:16
  Speaker 4: got my nice dog.
• 51:18
  Speaker 5: I enjoyed that. So it's that new word that we
• 51:21
  Speaker 5: learned today.
• 51:24
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, new diversion.
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, I'm not.
• 51:28
  Speaker 2: I'm not a good habits person. I'm not a good
• 51:30
  Speaker 2: routine person. I'm not they last for everybody. I've tried
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: to be vegan. I've tried to be a yogis yogi.
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: I try to be all of the above, and I
• 51:37
  Speaker 2: have not been. I tried to be a rosta.
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: I have not.
• 51:42
  Speaker 4: A rosterafarian.
• 51:49
  Speaker 3: So when you falling off? Do you find your mental
• 51:53
  Speaker 3: health it's better when you are doing things like that.
• 51:58
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 51:58
  Speaker 4: When I am active, yes, and I find it better.
• 52:04
  Speaker 4: But it may be is the opposite. It's when I'm
• 52:08
  Speaker 4: working on something that I'm making some advancement on.
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: Yep.
• 52:15
  Speaker 4: That's the best thing for my mental health. And that
• 52:18
  Speaker 4: is winning winning, No no, no psychological lose. But during
• 52:24
  Speaker 4: the time that I'm winning, that makes me feel good,
• 52:28
  Speaker 4: I might lose.
• 52:29
  Speaker 5: Ultimately, that's a psychological trick.
• 52:31
  Speaker 8: They say, put small task in place for yourself that
• 52:34
  Speaker 8: you know you can accomplish consecutively, and that is something
• 52:38
  Speaker 8: that brings people out of a funkus to put those
• 52:40
  Speaker 8: small wins in place that they know they can do.
• 52:44
  Speaker 2: Give yourself incentive. So who will be the worst wellness
• 52:47
  Speaker 2: coach online in the family?
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: What do you think, grig?
• 52:51
  Speaker 5: I was gonna say Dad, but he sounded pretty It
• 52:56
  Speaker 5: sounds pretty knowledge.
• 52:58
  Speaker 4: But I gotta be consistent. I'm not consistent. They want
• 53:02
  Speaker 4: more than a week, they want more instruction than one week.
• 53:06
  Speaker 5: That's true.
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: With them.
• 53:09
  Speaker 5: And then I just disappeared.
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: Like terrible life coach looking for judge.
• 53:22
  Speaker 6: And so yeah, to wrap this up, you know, I
• 53:24
  Speaker 6: just want to ask you, Jade, and you seem to
• 53:26
  Speaker 6: be a person. You know, you have gone through mental
• 53:31
  Speaker 6: health challenges and you've you've you've you know, sought help,
• 53:36
  Speaker 6: you've gotten help, You've learned so much and you've helped
• 53:39
  Speaker 6: other people. And so I guess, overall, what's your overall
• 53:44
  Speaker 6: message to tell people give advice on, you know, checking
• 53:48
  Speaker 6: up on people? What what would you tell people to
• 53:50
  Speaker 6: do to check up on people?
• 53:52
  Speaker 2: What I would say is that if somebody has already
• 53:54
  Speaker 2: told you that they're not doing well, they're in a
• 53:56
  Speaker 2: difficult spot. Or if you're watching and you've noticed some things,
• 53:59
  Speaker 2: some of their habits change, some of their mood has changed,
• 54:02
  Speaker 2: I would inquire, and then I would leave people alone,
• 54:05
  Speaker 2: right and I'll say I'm here for you, and I
• 54:07
  Speaker 2: may inquire once every couple of weeks, but don't don't
• 54:10
  Speaker 2: ask them every day, because you're gona get cused out
• 54:12
  Speaker 2: and get your feelings hurt. I can tell you that
• 54:14
  Speaker 2: they don't want to be asked because then you make
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: them feel like alien. They're like they're crazy or something's wrong.
• 54:17
  Speaker 2: If you're asking them all the time, are you all right?
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: You okay? What do you need?
• 54:20
  Speaker 2: I would check in and say, do you need anything?
• 54:22
  Speaker 2: Can I help you with anything? Let me know if
• 54:25
  Speaker 2: you need anything. And a lot of times people you
• 54:27
  Speaker 2: can tell that it's time or they're in a space
• 54:29
  Speaker 2: where maybe therapy may be the best option for them,
• 54:32
  Speaker 2: but they don't know.
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: Where to start.
• 54:33
  Speaker 2: Because if you're already feeling pretty low and you already
• 54:35
  Speaker 2: only have this much energy to get you through a
• 54:38
  Speaker 2: full day, the last thing you have energy to do
• 54:40
  Speaker 2: is go online and look online for someone to help you.
• 54:42
  Speaker 2: So I've done that with several friends. You know, I'll say,
• 54:45
  Speaker 2: give me your insurance information. I'll go online and find
• 54:47
  Speaker 2: you a therapist and book an appointment, so all you
• 54:50
  Speaker 2: have to do is show up. I'll take that type
• 54:52
  Speaker 2: of initiative. But letting them kind of come to you
• 54:55
  Speaker 2: and tell you when they're not well or just dropping full.
• 54:57
  Speaker 2: I tell people too, all my close friends, No, don't
• 55:00
  Speaker 2: you keep calling me, don't you knock on that door
• 55:02
  Speaker 2: because the phone is probably turned off. Don't come to
• 55:04
  Speaker 2: believe some food outside, and if you text me afterwards
• 55:07
  Speaker 2: and tell me it is some food outside. And I
• 55:08
  Speaker 2: was snatching my food in like the movies, and I
• 55:11
  Speaker 2: was just you know, basking whatever I'm feeling at that point.
• 55:14
  Speaker 2: But I think best is leaving people alone because you
• 55:16
  Speaker 2: still want them to feel human and not abnormal.
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: You know why they're going through what they're going through.
• 55:22
  Speaker 5: That's amazing advice that I think.
• 55:24
  Speaker 4: You gotta know the person.
• 55:29
  Speaker 5: There it is.
• 55:30
  Speaker 4: You have to know the person and if they give
• 55:33
  Speaker 4: them what they need. And Jade has given us a
• 55:36
  Speaker 4: fine example. Today's episode on Matthew's Family Talks dealt pretty
• 55:41
  Speaker 4: much with how family interact with each other and based
• 55:45
  Speaker 4: on their feelings for themselves and how they project that
• 55:48
  Speaker 4: onto their family members, and we talk fun stuff. Who's
• 55:52
  Speaker 4: the most dramatic, who's the most quiet, What do you
• 55:56
  Speaker 4: do when you're stressed out? How does such and such
• 55:59
  Speaker 4: act when they're stressed out? All of which really lead
• 56:03
  Speaker 4: to making sure that you know that your loved one,
• 56:08
  Speaker 4: you know their status, you know they're stressed out, you
• 56:11
  Speaker 4: know that they're being dramatic because they're passionate about this,
• 56:15
  Speaker 4: and then you try and accommodate the best you can.
• 56:18
  Speaker 4: So what we'd like for you to take from this
• 56:20
  Speaker 4: today is check on your family. They could be going
• 56:23
  Speaker 4: through something and just don't want to tell you, But
• 56:26
  Speaker 4: if you call and check in on them, you could
• 56:29
  Speaker 4: hear it in their voice and you can act appropriately.
• 56:33
  Speaker 4: We're all individual, we all have our same our own responses,
• 56:39
  Speaker 4: and we all have the main thing love for each other.
• 56:44
  Speaker 4: That's my verdict.