Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Minisode: Oh-Nut with Chelsea + Catherine

Transcript

Minisode: Oh-Nut with Chelsea + Catherine · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Oh, hello, Chelsea.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: I just came from Men Bruno working out with Ben Bruno.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, how's he doing well.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: He's not a great listener. He doesn't listen like you.
• 0:10
  Speaker 3: He asks questions, but then he interrupts you with another
• 0:13
  Speaker 3: question while you're answering the first question, and you're like,
• 0:15
  Speaker 3: but wait, you're not listening to what I'm saying, which
• 0:18
  Speaker 3: I know is kind of a male disease, but like
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: it's very specific to him that he's not a great listener.
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: He'll be like, how does your body feel? He loves
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: this question every day every day because I've been working
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: out limited because of my foot. I can't put any
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: weight on my foot until I'm out of this boot,
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: this hot sexy boot, which is what this is. I
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: might keep this boot on just to keep men away
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: from me, because they're just you know, they can't stop
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: with me.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: They're all over me. I was trying to explain.
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: I was at Maria Striver's for dinner the other night,
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: and I was trying to explain to her daughter how
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: grossed out I am by men.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: And she was so confused. She's like, really, I'm like, you.
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: Don't understand a certain age you are just disgusted.
• 0:54
  Speaker 4: And I think it's also the time that we're living
• 0:57
  Speaker 4: in the political time we're living in, like have become
• 1:00
  Speaker 4: so disgusting. I mean, Present company excluded. We're not talking
• 1:05
  Speaker 4: about Brad. He's a very good egg, but like most men,
• 1:09
  Speaker 4: and we're talking straight men here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but
• 1:12
  Speaker 4: I just like I can't even stomach that.
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: It's just what we're experiencing culturally and because of this,
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: you know, because of this administration. It just makes you
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: upset with men in general, that we've got to this
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: point that men are so sensitive and their egos are
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: so I watched this video on Instagram yesterday of this
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: woman going for a run and she passed a guy
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: on her run, and then he had to come and
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: pass her, and she's like pacing her run. She runs
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: every day, she runs like probably ten miles. You could
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: tell by her body and face that she's got runner's
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: face and body, right, So she's like she's run's and
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: she she sets her timer, she knows exactly what her
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: pace is. And this guy, she passes this guy, then
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: he passes her, and then she starts videoing him because
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: she's like he's been weird he's rushing past her, so
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: he can't keep up the pace right because he needed
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: to pass her. So then once he slows down again,
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: she goes to pass him again, and then he speeds
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: up again, so now she's racing him, so then she
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: drops back again and it's filming him and he's basically
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: out of breath, but will not let a woman pass
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: him and then makes the first lad that he can
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: possibly make to get out of it, like it's so pathetic,
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: Like if your ego is that fragile, you know, it
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: really makes me think about my own ego because obviously,
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: you know, we all have to wrestle with our own
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: egos and how big they are. And it makes you realize,
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: like how it's just so ridiculous.
• 2:28
  Speaker 4: But your ego is not fragile, like you said, No,
• 2:31
  Speaker 4: it's not fragile, but you know I do have.
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: I wrestled with my ego.
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: I wrestled with what I care about, like do you
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: why do you care about that?
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: Especially when I give off the vibe that I don't
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: care about things like sometimes the persona I give off
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: I want to be more true sure.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: Than it is. Or then at times I feel like
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: it is.
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: You know, when people always like you don't give a
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: shit about anything, I'm like, yeah, I know, I love that.
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: Person, you know. And then when you do care, yeah
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: you do care, You're like, oh wait, I do care
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: about this?
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 3:02
  Speaker 4: Well, should we jump into some follow ups from previous episodes.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: This was really a.
• 3:08
  Speaker 4: Follow up from our minnisot we did with Yaminika, where
• 3:12
  Speaker 4: a caller called in and she had the boyfriend with
• 3:14
  Speaker 4: the penis that was too big.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, wanted the yea.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, oh yes, she wants as much.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: Dick as she could possibly get.
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: She'll be opening for me to August thirtieth, by the way,
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: in Vegas.
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: Okay, coming to Vegas. She's my Vegas person.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: And like the theater there is so great. That's wonderful,
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: best gig.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: I mean, that was a windful whatever. Whoever, however, karma works.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: Thank you to get you into the Chelsea Theater.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: Performing at the Chelsea Theater once a month in Vegas.
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: I get to gamble once a month and I get
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: to have a regul narsee with all my friends.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, love it. That's great.
• 3:48
  Speaker 4: Well, this was actually a follow up from several listeners
• 3:50
  Speaker 4: who called in.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: We had sex therapists writing.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: In about too Big. Yeah, I don't even like saying
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: the word dicks. I hate that word penis, penis clinical,
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: What about but chookie? That's our family.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: We used to think we've heard that one.
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: But chuk is more of like a term if it's flaccid,
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: Like no one's saying, oh, look at that hard but chookie.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but is like for a baby, like look at
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: the little bit.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's very cute.
• 4:15
  Speaker 4: I mean because you can't say like penis in a
• 4:18
  Speaker 4: romantic setting, like you wouldn't like be hooking at penis. No,
• 4:22
  Speaker 4: I didn't have a friend I could it that. I'm like,
• 4:24
  Speaker 4: that is She was like, yeah, we always use the
• 4:26
  Speaker 4: clinical words. I'm like that is weird.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, dick suck. I don't like all of that anyway.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so big like bring that thing over here, I guess, Yeah.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: I know we need to come up with a better
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: word for dick.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So we had some sex therapists and pelvic floor therapist.
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: Right in public floor.
• 4:44
  Speaker 4: We actually should be talking more about the pelvic floor.
• 4:46
  Speaker 4: I'm like learning a lot about it and a lot
• 4:49
  Speaker 4: of women.
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: I was having my hip issues, my it band popping
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: out all the time, I was in Whistler. There was
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: this clinic, like you know, one of those esthetic clinics
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: that have this like machine that you sit on and
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: it basically like for your keegel.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: It basically does kegels for.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: You, like the electric shock type, and they're like.
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: Tightening your keel And anytime I did that, my it
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: band would go back, oh like in a good way.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it would, it would help correct it.
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: So, yeah, your pelvic floor and kegels are important, but
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: nobody's sitting around squeezing their vagina, let's be honest.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: I had one friend who was having like all kinds
• 5:22
  Speaker 4: of pain issues, and actually two different friends they're having
• 5:26
  Speaker 4: all kinds of pain issues, like pain with yourination all this.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: Stuff, and so they were doing keyls, kegels, keygels.
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: But it turns out, like with the specific issues they
• 5:33
  Speaker 4: both had, which turned out the.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: Same thing, that was like the wrong thing to do.
• 5:36
  Speaker 4: So once they saw a public floor specialist, they like
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: got the right exercises and like were out of pain,
• 5:41
  Speaker 4: and it was something that had plagued them for like
• 5:42
  Speaker 4: literally years.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there's merit to that, for sure. And I think
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: also my side joint.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: And half.
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but all of that stuff is also like.
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: Menopause related to you know, which I didn't realize how
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: common everything is.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: I mean, just it's hard, but you have my You have.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: To fight it every stepar the way. You can't just
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: give up.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 6:03
  Speaker 4: Well, Becky wrote in and said, I'm a pelvic floor
• 6:07
  Speaker 4: physical therapist. For context, there's a wearable device for her
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: partner that can help limit his depth of penetration.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: It's called the O nut by the pelvic people.
• 6:17
  Speaker 4: They're stackable medical grades silicone rings that you can adjust
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: and use how many you need for control of depth. Also,
• 6:24
  Speaker 4: she can't take hormones, she said, but she can ask
• 6:27
  Speaker 4: her doctor about the use of topical estrogen.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: Check with your doctor, everybody.
• 6:31
  Speaker 4: But she says it's safe to use for anyone with
• 6:33
  Speaker 4: a history of hormone positive breast cancers. It goes on
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: just on the local tissue and is a very small amount,
• 6:38
  Speaker 4: so it helps plump the tissue and rehydrate to decrease pain.
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: Oh wow.
• 6:42
  Speaker 4: Yeah. And then we had another therapist, a sex therapist,
• 6:46
  Speaker 4: who said to try valium but insert it vaginally, which
• 6:50
  Speaker 4: I thought was like.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: Such a value. Yeah, I'll try that. Please report back, Chelsea,
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: maybe that'll make me attracted to men again.
• 6:57
  Speaker 4: Vaginal valuum, Like, don't even worry about what's going on
• 7:01
  Speaker 4: on there.
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: Wait, so what is that device called where you limit
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: the poltration? Oh?
• 7:06
  Speaker 4: Nut ohn ut which hn ut all one word.
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: So that I immediately am like, go, so the man's
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: penis doesn't go all the way in, so he'll be dissatisfied.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: But the women we don't care about that.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: I mean, the tip is the most sensitive part. He'll
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: be fine. Really yeah, I.
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: Mean that's like then you might as well fuck a cupcake, right,
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: I mean, if you can't go very far. Yes, we'll
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: have to get Jason biggs On to discuss that. He's
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: the one who knows about fucking cakes and pastries.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: That's true.
• 7:32
  Speaker 4: And so someone else recommended pelvic floor massager and strengthening device,
• 7:37
  Speaker 4: which is like a wand that you insert strengthening your
• 7:41
  Speaker 4: your yeah, your public floor.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: And then someone else recommended that.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: But does that create more space?
• 7:48
  Speaker 4: Yes, and it like relaxes the muscle. It's like a
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: like a curvy wand that you put in and you're
• 7:52
  Speaker 4: like massage it is that strengthen and then also just
• 7:55
  Speaker 4: like you know when you like massage and muscle gets looser, right,
• 7:58
  Speaker 4: I guess so, Okay, that's what a sex therapist recommended,
• 8:01
  Speaker 4: as well as non hormonal vaginal moisturizers, which I think
• 8:04
  Speaker 4: could be helpful for a lot of women. You insert
• 8:07
  Speaker 4: them every four days and we can link to those
• 8:09
  Speaker 4: in the show notes because she's sound like a ton
• 8:11
  Speaker 4: of links and I'm like, this is so helpful.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: But yeah, the non hormonal.
• 8:14
  Speaker 4: Vaginal moisturizers I feel like would be great for anybody
• 8:16
  Speaker 4: who's like dealing with joinas, going through menopause, any of
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: that stuff.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: Okay, great, you have that feedback. That's helpful. Do you
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: have a follow up from the actual caller?
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: I do.
• 8:25
  Speaker 4: She wrote in and said, Hi, Catherine and Chelsea, I
• 8:28
  Speaker 4: hope summer's been good to you. Thank you for forwarding
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: all the other advice from other listeners. It was so
• 8:33
  Speaker 4: exciting to hear the episode and share it with some
• 8:35
  Speaker 4: close friends. Unfortunately, by the time the episode aired, he
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: and I were no longer a thing.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: Before that, though, we did end up getting really into
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: our groove sexually.
• 8:44
  Speaker 4: I think my body just needed to adjust, as I
• 8:46
  Speaker 4: really didn't do anything other than get more used to it.
• 8:49
  Speaker 4: Plus that Damiana supplement that I was on. We ended
• 8:52
  Speaker 4: up having one last incredible full day of sex after
• 8:56
  Speaker 4: he picked me up from the airport one day, like
• 8:58
  Speaker 4: the best we had.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: It was the best for him too.
• 9:01
  Speaker 4: Then I opened up to him about some childhood stuff
• 9:04
  Speaker 4: like neglectful parents while we lay naked. Two months in,
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: I thought I was safe to do that. Before leaving
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: my apartment, he told me to get ready to meet
• 9:12
  Speaker 4: his whole family at the Phillies game this summer and
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: to save a date the following month for his nephew's wedding.
• 9:17
  Speaker 4: Then the next day he texted me, I'm not made
• 9:20
  Speaker 4: for relationships. I think we should split. We can talk
• 9:22
  Speaker 4: on the phone, but I won't change my mind, and
• 9:24
  Speaker 4: that's the last I heard from him. I was heartbroken,
• 9:27
  Speaker 4: but I did get distracted from the heartbreak a month
• 9:29
  Speaker 4: or so later and dated another guy for a bit
• 9:32
  Speaker 4: greate sex with a perfectly average penis. But the previous
• 9:35
  Speaker 4: XL one ruined my perception. Lol. I still think about
• 9:39
  Speaker 4: him a lot, was thinking of texting him on his birthday.
• 9:41
  Speaker 4: He and I just made sense in most ways. Anyways,
• 9:44
  Speaker 4: that's the current update. It's funny because I'm flying to
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: the same place for work. Again, as I write this
• 9:48
  Speaker 4: that I flew to when that happened with him and
• 9:50
  Speaker 4: I summer book ends best Sally.
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: I wish she hadn't said anyways. I mean that kind
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: of ruined the whole letter. But I guess I have
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: this holery people saying anyways because fucking nobody will stop.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: You know, it happens.
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: Okay, Well, so it looks like she could take the penis,
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: but she couldn't take it. So it was a good
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: it was a thing that she couldn't handle. That she
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: could handle it as soon as it was over.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: And now she's ruined for all other men. It's a
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: tail is all his time.
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, well, great follow up, thank you, thank you.
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: There's a vagina out there somewhere for that guy's penis.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: It's his triangular double dick.
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: Oh wow, angles, tricky trick.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: Remember she said it was like it was like a
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: giant train.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: I don't remember that. I think I probably blocked that
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: call out.
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: Whenever anybody describes a penis, I just start to lose interest.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: I'm not interested.
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: As a professional counselor as a drug a rehab and
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: medical guynecologist. All of the labels that I am. I'm
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: not interested in hearing about penis, eyes or shape. Okay,
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: well that's a wrap on our little minisode. I don't
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: know what to say now, goodbye, We'll.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: See you next time.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: Goodbye. So I added a couple of new dates. I'm
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: not on tour yet, but I added a.
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: Couple of dates just because I felt like we need
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: a little bit more laughter and a little bit more
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: medicine for the end of the year. And I was
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: wrapping things up, but I thought, maybe let me do
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: a couple more. So I'm adding three more dates in
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: addition to my Vegas residency.
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: I'm headlining the Rochester.
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: Fringe Comedy Festival September thirteenth, and I will be in
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: NAPA on October third, So those will be my last dates.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: Of the year.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: Do you want advice from Chelsea?
• 11:22
  Speaker 4: Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find
• 11:25
  Speaker 4: full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching
• 11:29
  Speaker 4: at Dear Chelsea Pod.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea is
• 11:31
  Speaker 4: Edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law
• 11:36
  Speaker 4: And be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler
• 11:38
  Speaker 4: dot com.