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Sean Patton - Special Forces Veteran Learns Shares His Path To Fatherhood · Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home

• 0:03
  SPEAKER_04: Hi, I'm Riley, and I'm Ryder.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_04: And this is my dad's show.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_04: Hey everybody, it's KTJCox with the quarterback.cats.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_04: Welcome to season seven.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_04: Can't wait for this season because there's a lot of great guests ahead.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_04: If you're new to this podcast, really it's simple.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_04: It's a podcast where we we interview dads, we learn about how they were raised, we learn about the life lessons that were important to them, we learn about the values that are important to them, and really we learn about how we can work hard to become a better quarterback or leader of our folks.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_04: So let's sit back, relax, and listen to today's episode of the Quarterback Deckcats.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_04: Hey everybody, it's Casey J.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_04: Cox with the Quarterback Deckcats.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_04: We're in season seven plugging along.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_04: And every time I get to interview a guest that comes by referral, it is the best because it means that someone had a good experience or someone said, man, I got you gotta talk to this guy.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_04: So um I don't know our next guest super well, but I've done some some preliminary research and I was already intrigued and my curiosity alarms are going off.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_04: We're gonna travel to Nashville, everybody, where my beloved CLC hawks are playing a preseason game uh this weekend.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_04: And his guest name is Sean Patton, but he's a U.S.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_04: Army Special Forces veteran.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_04: So thank you, Sean, for your service.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_04: Grateful for that.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_04: I don't take that lightly, man.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_04: I am I have so much respect for veterans.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_04: I have a lot of friends who are veterans.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_04: I have I have a friend who just retired from the Army.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_04: Um I know the sacrifice that takes, so I appreciate everything you've done.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_04: Sean is also the host of the No Limit Leadership podcast.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_04: He's also an executive coach, but that's not why we're having Sean on everybody.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_04: We're having Sean on so we can learn about Sean the dad and how he's working hard to become the ultimate quarterback or leader of this household.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_04: Without further ado, Mr.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_04: Patton, welcome to the quarterback dadcast.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_02: Oh man.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_02: Casey, thanks for having me on, man.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_02: Uh very excited.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_02: As we will, I'm sure, get into.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_02: I am new to the dad game and doing it a little later in life.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_02: And uh it's just been such an amazing, such an amazing time in my life, and something I I've never learned as much in as short amount of time about myself, about the world, about life, about everything.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I'm on the other end of the spectrum, and and so we are recording on August 21st.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_04: This episode will come out in the in the future, and I'm nine days away from being an empty nester.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, wow.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, crazy hub.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_04: So it's um a range of emotions.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_04: Um, you know, and I was talking to one dad and talked to a lot of my buddies about this.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_04: I said, you know, I think parenthood is about you love to be wanted, and you and mom, when the son or daughter comes up and gives you a hug and you know, the embrace, it's no better feeling.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_04: But as when they're getting ready to leave, you don't want to be wanted as much because that means I've done my job.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_04: Or my wife and I've done our job.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_04: We want we've created independent kids who can think on their feet and resilient and grit, and hopefully, all the values which we hopefully dive into you.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_04: But anyway, all that said, we always start out each episode gratitude.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_04: So tell me, what are you most grateful for as a dad today?
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: There's so much uh for me to be grateful for.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_02: Um I'd say this is so this is the one practice my wife and I have at our family dinners every day, is saying one thing we're grateful for, and we can't repeat.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_02: Um and so right now in in this season, I am uh what I recently had thought of, and this is this weekend, is you know, I have uh this big vision for my business, and my wife and I are hoping to build a custom home next year, and we're talking about we're hoping to have another kid, so like we're gonna have to get a bigger car, and like all the all the things you want to like, we gotta grow and do all that.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_02: And started, you know, it gets to you a bit.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_02: You're like, okay, now I have to get you have to be the provider and get there.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I just had this realization of gratitude this weekend that the reality is that if my wife and I, for the next 20 years, neither one of us got a single promotion or made a dollar more than we make now, and we didn't get a different car, and we stayed in the same house, and literally nothing changed, it would be an amazing 100%.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm just I'm really grounded into that that thought right now.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_04: Great mindset, ma'am.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_04: And hopefully there's a data way that's got stopped in his tracks that that that um can can find that own that own gratitude in him in himself.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_04: Um I'd say what I'm most grateful for.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_04: Well, hey, but real quick, I love that you said you don't repeat it.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_04: Um that's a good one.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_04: I think sometimes, though, it's okay because it's like it reminds you of things, but I think I love the challenge of trying to find something different you're grateful for each day.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_04: Um what I'm most grateful for today is time with my son tonight.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_04: Uh he's he's work he works for Tailormade, uh golf.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_04: Uh he's a he's kind of a summer job.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_04: He's he plays golf in college, and so it's like a perfect fit for him.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm grateful that he is is um we're A, we're gonna watch the Mariners, even though they stink, but for staying on the bandwagon.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_04: Tonight we're gonna get some pizza.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_04: We already talked about that.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm grateful just for that the time we have ahead, and I'm I'm grateful um for these these few days I got left in before he goes back off for his junior year in college, and um just grateful of like the duties becoming and like the values we've instilled and taught.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_04: One of them specifically I'm obsessed with is curiosity and seeing him at the rifle age of 20 see the benefit of curiosity and how it helps relationships in life.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_04: Because I didn't I never got taught that until I was in my corporate career.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_04: But I I hope that by me giving him a head start on the power of curiosity in his you know throughout his whole life and him already seeing the rewards of it, it's um super great, super gratifying to see an experience.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's that's awesome.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_02: I remember um I was watching a podcast, I think it was diary CEO and uh billionaire on and asked them like that well said it was having adult adult kids that want to hang out with you.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: Solid I love it, yeah.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I um yeah, I will well hopefully I don't get anybody in trouble, but like first time actually like having a little social party with your kids is the best.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I'll leave it at that.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: That's fair, that's fair.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_04: Um all right, man.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_04: Well, bring me inside the patent huddle.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_04: Uh tell me about how you and your wife met and who's on the squad right now.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so um my I I was in the military um for my entire young adult life, um, 18 to 32.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_02: And I had uh during that time uh had gotten myself when I got back from Afghanistan, I was kind of like not in the right headspace and got myself in a bad relationship that turned into a bad marriage, that turned into a divorce, that then turned into me, uh, not not because of this, but just like in the same time span, it was like leave the only job you know I'd ever known, being a soldier, uh, go through divorce, um, start my own company.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_02: I was an MBA student, I was doing these things at like 32.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_02: And uh my buddy, actually, my West Point roommate calls me up.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_02: He was living in Chicago at the time, and he says, Hey, his his uh his wife, like my I mean, I'm I won't use names, but his wife's best friend uh is moving from Oregon to Nashville, and we want to drive down from Chicago to introduce you guys.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, bro, like this is I'm not sure if this is the time, you know.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I was literally I got it, I've been on the it was uh July and I got out of the military 2015.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_02: I'd gotten out of the military in March.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_02: So I've been like a free man for like four months.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_02: Um and uh but here they did.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_02: They drove down, introduced us.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_02: I was going out to like a show here in Nashville with a bunch of friends.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, I literally told him, like, I'm going to a show, but like if she's cool and she wants to come, she can come, you know.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_02: And uh so they came and and Madison came and uh we headed off and we started dating, depending on how you ask, uh, you know, one to four months later.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_02: And uh then she like literally basically just started cohabitating like six months in and moved in together shortly later, and we've been kind of inseparable ever since about 11 years, been married seven.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_04: Wow.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_04: Well, kudos to your friends for uh having the wherewithal in the in the headspace, and then huge shout out to you for being open-minded, given the you know the little turbulence you went through.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but hopefully there's already another dad at home thinking you know, divorce happens, it sucks.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_04: It is, you know, and but stay positive and keep, you know, know that there might be someone out there for you and believe that.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_04: So I love that you found yours.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it it it really did take that.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_02: And uh I remember the joke that my friends at that time would all ask me about, you know, about it getting remarried or getting a family.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, oh no, I definitely want kids.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_02: Not sure about the wife, but I definitely want kids.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_02: Like that was like the that was like the joke that I was making at the time.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but uh, you know, I I think I just I found someone that uh could be my best friend first, and that changed everything.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_04: So cool, ma'am.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_02: And then so you have a child, we got son or daughter?
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_02: I have a son, Hudson, he just turned 19 months.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and uh so yeah, as a dad last year, and uh it you know, doing as you mentioned, you're sort of on the other side of this.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_02: Like I'm 43 right now, so I'm you know, not super late, but late-ish, right?
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_02: For for dad dumb.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_02: Um but man, there's parts of that uh the the lens I take on that is man, I've just been so grateful for like I have so many friends that are you know that are like I don't know how old you are, but like I'm guessing you're about the same age, like 40s-ish, right?
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_02: Um friends that are that are not in the 40s.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, are you 50?
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_02: 50, baby.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, there you go.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_02: Hey man, I I wouldn't have guessed you're doing great.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_02: Um and yeah, so like friends, you know, my age or even older or younger, whatever.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I've I have friends that are younger than me that are grandparents, you know.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like uh I have one friend who's like 39 and his you know, stepson was older, and they just had a kid.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_02: So just having the life experience and wisdom of the people around me and my friends and different places to say things like you were talking about, like to just get reminded of man, this went so much faster than I thought.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_02: Man, I wish I'd have been, I wish I would have made this decision differently, man.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_02: Um and uh and then also just being 43 and the work I've done on myself and my own experiences, I feel like I am able to be present in a way to the moment that me like I would not have been capable of at 20.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_02: Like was not capable that I wasn't that that person.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_02: And so I'm really glad that I'm getting that experience now.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_02: And uh, you know, I also think it I have this.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_02: I was I was interviewing um uh a guy, a doctor on my podcast, and and and he was an older dad too.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, I had his first kid about 43, and like, you know, you just don't want to be the old guy at practice.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, no, no, it doesn't matter.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, you just gotta be the most in shape dad.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, right, he's like, that's the key.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_02: Uh so you know, hopefully keeping me young too.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_02: Definitely uh keeping me outside, moving around.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I got a I got a friend who he has, he was um like older than you when he had kids.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_04: He's like 51 now.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_04: And I joked him.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_04: I say, I'm not gonna say his name to Aaron Alva.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_04: I say, hey buddy, the good news is you're gonna get the kid discount and the senior discount at dinner.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_04: So there's there's benefits here.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_04: Double, double benefit, yeah.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, and yeah, it's just it's uh especially, you know, what I was doing, I think at the time being in being in the army in the 2000s, man.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_02: Um I mean I spent 30 months deployed, nearly two years in combat.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_02: Like I I I saw families have to go through that, and I'm really grateful that my wife and my son like didn't have to that we're getting to be together in in a in a different way.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_04: That's cool, man.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I I I I think it's great, a great mindset you have on finding the the opportunity you have.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_04: And so many parents have kids young and aren't emotionally or mature already.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_04: And I think we had our first child when when we were 30.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_04: So you know, we enjoyed, you know, seven years, traveled a bunch, did some had some fun thing, but then we were ready, and you know, and I there's things I do now that maybe I wouldn't do, and which we can get into too later, but I think it's cool that well the the hard part about parenting too, Sean, I'll tell you that it's the most important job that we have in life.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_04: There's no test, you just get a license.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_04: Which is kind of this thing.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it really is.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_04: You're like, wait, what?
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_04: I can leave the hospital, but I'm not, I don't know what I'm doing.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_04: And you know, you figure it out.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_04: You figure it out, and that's why I think we talked about before we start recording about being vulnerable, being humble.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_04: Like, we don't know everything.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_04: And I hope that this podcast, when dad's listening to these episodes, it's it gives you something to think about and it gives you something to kind of look inward to say, hey, is there a way I can be a better husband, a better father, uh, better, you know, how can I work on myself to become better?
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_04: And so I just I don't know, I I selfishly I get free therapy out of every episode and keeps me in a growth mindset.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but okay, man.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_04: Well, oh, actually, before we go on to you, I want to say you're in Nashville.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_04: Shout out to a band called Marfa.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: Marfa?
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_04: M-A-R-F-A.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_04: All right.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_04: Um, my buddy's son um started a band with his friend.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_04: They're they're based and they're they're blowing up.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_04: They're they traveled with Head and Heart this this summer.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_04: They're now they got signed by a label, and my buddy Chad, he came on the podcast, and we actually at the end of the podcast, we played one of their songs, but um, they're like Americana, um kind of dire straits mixed with James Taylor, mixed with like acoustic.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so I'm I'll check them out.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_02: I I imagine that if they're playing shows around here, there's like all kinds of good Americana and bluegrass, you know, festivals and stuff like that.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_02: So I imagine they're they're on some of those stuff.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_02: Check it out.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, cool.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_04: All right, man.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_04: Well, bring me back to what was life like growing up for you.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I'd love to understand the impact of your childhood, the the values you were taught that that you believe are gonna help you, you know, be the best dad you can be.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so I was raised by a single mom in a small town in Kansas, um smallish town, um, and never had uh like my biological father wasn't involved financially, time anything.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_02: I'm I'm like three times um when I was really little, I don't remember.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_02: Um but my mom was amazing, so super fortunate.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_02: Uh and you know, she uh when I watched her go through, she she worked at uh Marriott and was like a matrian and had his career, but it was when she had me, it was pulled away from her being a mom.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_02: And so she left that and I saw her just try to make it on her own and eventually go back to school and you know, raise me, uh, you know, single mom in the 80s, raise me, uh, work full-time as a waitress and bartender, to put herself through undergrad and grad school, to be a school psychologist, to work with special needs kids.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, just uh, you know, just like the greatest person, the most compassionate person.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and when you have so I was, I guess growing up, I was like the like if you looked up, you know, latch key kid in the 90s, like that was me.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_02: Like I literally had the key around my neck, I'd go to an apartment complex, uh, I would open the door, let myself in, I'd go play outside, and then you know, I had uh instructions at you know seven of how to come in and turn the pizza oven on to have the pizza ready for my mom go home from work.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_02: And that was you know how I was raised.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_02: Um but what she really instilled in me was that like compassion and empathy and um and caring for others.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_02: And then I think that's what she intentionally did.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_02: Uh indirectly watching that happen, what got instilled in me was uh and this can you know it can be a double-edged sword, but was this uh stepping up to sort of be the man of the house.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um was some self-sufficiency uh was also uh a bit of this drive to be recognized and get attention and love, right?
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: So that I think drove me a lot to whether it was athletics or student government or leadership, that sort of thing, drove me young.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_02: Um and you know, we can get into more of that and how that's played out over my life uh and sort of where I place him in now.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_02: But when it comes, I will just say all that like to bring us to the present that having my son now and that experience I I have every moment I have with him now uh is a moment I try to like cherish.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_02: Um because and it makes me a little sad, it makes me recognize that like these are all moments I never have.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_02: Like I never had these moments as a young son with a dad.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um how does it drive how does it drive you?
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I it's interesting, and like you know, most people with uh maybe they had a dad at home, and and my mom got married.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_02: I had a stepdad when I was in junior high.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_02: So sort of a teenager, I had sort of a mentor and kind of showed me around you know stuff, but growing up I never did.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_02: And uh and so on one hand, it it drives me to be the best father I can be, and be the best husband I can be, and step into that that leadership role inside my family and be the example with him and take the best of the things I got from my mom and try to like fill the gap and hole of what I think a husband and father should be.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, but so many people look back at their experience with maybe their father and their dad, and they have something to to go off, you know, like good or bad, right?
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, well, I'm definitely not doing that thing dad did, you know, or I'm definitely doing that thing dad did.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_02: And and and so the other part of this, and and it's not necessarily like you know, I wouldn't moralize being good or bad, but it's just like a part of being a dad for me is I get to make it up.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_02: Like I get to define the that father um almost from scratch.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_02: And so I'm trying to be really intentional with where I take from part of my life and how I I show up in his life.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_04: It's awesome, man.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_04: Um what's what's interesting, I recently interviewed another single dad, a s a dad with us who grew up with a single mom, and I don't know why.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe you have thoughts, but I'd love your thoughts actually, is there is a theme that of like guys who are raised by single moms who who you know find the positive and get through it, they turn into the most hands-on ballers, just well spoken.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_04: They get into leadership roles, and it's kind of the same mindset you just had about it's not a more of a you know, um you're it's more of an abide a mindset of abundance, like man, this is the gift I have now, and um I'm gonna make the best of it.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_04: And um I don't know if you've if you have others friends that have gone through similar that you see similarities.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think as with anything in life, right?
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_02: Like it's not the thing that happens, but your response to the thing that happens, and so how you choose for that thing to occur to you and create belief.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_02: And yeah, I just feel um and I and and I I feel abundance like every time I get to hang out with him.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_02: And what's also interesting is uh I and I'm not sure this, I'm sure this is the same for a lot of dads, but I don't know, I think it's unique because of I got so much time.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_02: I talked with my my wife actually, like I got so much time with my mom, like one on one.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_02: Like it was just her and I 95% of the time.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I asked my wife, and you know, she was thinking back, and her parents were actually divorced, but one got remarried and whatever, but she's like she's like, I don't remember I I can barely remember times where I was around just like one parent, like I was just around my dad, particularly like it was like you know, I talked to other people, right?
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_02: Like as growing up, it was like they were always the family unit together.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_02: And and so when I look at it now, it's like every time I'm with him, like, oh my god, this is such a gift.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_02: Like I get that just one-on-one time connect with him in this really cool way, and it reminds me of you know, I have these flashbacks and just my mom and I just palling around town and you know, um, and just like running errands or just doing life and uh and playing games, and so yeah, I I think that like I I lean into that, and then there's the abundance of you know, instead of the default being two parents, like now when it's my wife and I and him and him, I'm like, this is crazy.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_02: Like there's two of us, and and he's getting poured in from like both of us, like man.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and and again, my own processing is like I trying to show the best that I can, and what I've talked about being vulnerable is just like there's a lot I I've realized there's a lot of like deep sadness that I just like shut down, that I just never processed.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_02: And so when I'm in those moments, I notice that come up.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that when I when I allow myself to feel that all the way through and process it, it's like wow, what a gift he's giving me to process some of the sadness that I didn't allow myself to feel about my situation.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_04: Well, hopefully great you give yourself grace too, in the moment, Grace.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_04: Um I lost my dad December twenty ninth, twenty twenty one.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and unfortunately my Pops went through when my mom and dad got divorced, would have been in my red shirt freshman year in college.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_04: I was playing football.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_04: My dad, like he lived and died by my college football, like every like every play.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_04: He traveled to all these crazy towns.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_04: So I got I got that great memory of him.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_04: But I also, you know, he also taught me that take care of yourself.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_04: And unfortunately, not he didn't teach that.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_04: I saw him not take care of himself.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_04: So like fitness is a huge part of our life.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_04: Um I'm not like I'm like I'm I'm 50 now, but like I do like what I call old man CrossFit.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_04: Like essentially I'm I'm working out not to get hurt.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_04: Yep, yep.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_04: And but I still fight like like I'm fighting little tight hips and back today.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_04: I got a random knee issue, but I'm still moving.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_04: And even like last night, my son he's getting ready to go to bed.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_04: I said, I I got a gym here, I can get up 6 30.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_04: I still might I get my first call down until 8 30.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_04: And I was like, no.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_04: I literally I woke up at 5 07.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_04: I literally had this like just not a good talk to myself.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_04: I was like talking shit to myself, you you know what?
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_04: And I was like, okay, I can set an example because if I get up and and I and you never regret working out.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_04: Uh you're always gonna be and so I I used it as more of a way to motivate myself, but also like told my son, I made a choice, dude.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I could have been and so I I back to my dad, like my dad unfortunately passed away too early, 79, and his last 10 years of his life were just brutal with health issues and had some mental health struggles that we had to go see go through.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_04: But the last two weeks before he's alive were the best.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_04: Spent every day with him, um, have great memories.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_04: Um and he's actually so when I was talking to my my buddy who's his birthday's today, he was like, You should do a solo episode.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_04: I go, I've only done one, and I think I'm only one I did an episode called The Final Whistle as a like a foot as a metaphor like you know, in football, you always said run to the whistle.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_04: And I was there holding my dad's hand for his last breath.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_04: So I know I ran through the what for the whistle, and so I don't know, I don't know why I shared all that, but in in the spirit of like you know what we learned from our dads or from our childhood, it's I think it's so good to process it and and think how it impacts us and to see how how we want to shape the the next generation who we're raising.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, it's it's just so interesting.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_02: You uh well first of all, thank you for sharing that.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_02: And then when you were sharing a thing about, you know, with any example, that's one thing I when I I got asked like when I was a new brand new dad and he was new in Hudson when I was new, and like what's the biggest change, the biggest shift?
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_02: And what was interesting was like you know, honestly, like most of my goals or like you know, my fitness goals, or like you know, working out is an easy one to use, or but any any other development stuff or business or whatever, like actually none of the like if you looked at the scorecard, if you will, that I was shooting for, like none of those things changed, but my motivation behind all of those things completely all of a sudden it was like uh I'm not just like working out because I want to be in shape, and I do want to stay in shape fit.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_02: And I actually uh I I co-own a couple Brazilian jujitsu gyms, I still teach jujitsu.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_02: Uh my goal is to be able to do that for a long time, compete, you know.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_02: Uh I have a vision around like Hudson being five or six, and like we're in the same tournament, you know, I'm in the old guy division, he's in the five-year-old division, like us cheering each other on.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_02: Like, that's that's gonna be such a cool thing.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but yeah, like to your point, like, but when things got hard, it was around I'm like, but what example the example I'm working out so that I can do those things with him in the future, and that he sees the dad who does that, and like all of a sudden, all these things that I used to do for you know, quote unquote selfish reasons, or for for my own, you know, whatever was behind a lot of those motivations, like all of a sudden it was like, oh, this is such a like a you know, I think the Kelsey Bannery ballerini song or a ballerini song, like deeper well.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_02: It's like it literally is like, oh, this is like a deeper motivation, something even even grander here.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_02: Totally.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_04: It's awesome.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_04: You mentioned compassion and empathy.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_04: I think those are two uh amazing values in life that um sorry, men, I'm gonna throw us under the bus.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_04: I don't I don't think men throw those words around.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_04: And I love that you did because that I think that flows right into the power of emotional intelligence, which you don't need AI to be compassion or have empathy.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_04: I don't think AI is going to replace that.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_04: Um I'm curious, did you was there a story that you can think of in life or where your mom really taught you that that comes to mind of where those really were cemented?
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_02: Um you know, there's a theme where she would uh she would do uh work with um like the either like the Special Olympics or like this the special education kids as they were like in processing and getting new schools and like getting their in their programming, and she would always bring me the stuff.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_02: And so I would just see uh these kids and she'd such and and I mean you could probably probably a thousand examples that, but I remember specifically like going and these kids who were so different and and other people were almost like scared or different.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_02: She was like, she was so great at showing me how um like we were 99%.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_02: We were the we were the same, we wanted to see we were human beings who wanted the same thing, and it didn't matter if someone looked different or um had you know a challenge in one area, she would always talk about, oh yeah, this uh this is before sort of like autism was like really topic it is today.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_02: Like, oh yeah, like you look at them as like non-verbal, he's not gonna talk to you.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_02: She's like, by the way, that kid at seven years old like took this entire stereo apart, every single part, and then put it back together.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_02: Like there's he's a genius, you know?
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_02: And so she was like, There's genius inside there's just different.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_02: And so I think that that message and so many experiences with her um in those experiences and bringing me into that environment, um, especially at a time where you know, I feel like integration with people with disabilities and things is sort of like the norm now.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_02: But the time we were growing up, like it wasn't, right?
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_02: Like people with disabilities, like they went in a different classroom or a different school, they were separate.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_02: She was very intentional about bringing me into those spaces and and showing me what the commonalities we have with our fellow person, how to show empathy to them.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_02: And um, so that was those are some early experiences I remember for sure.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_04: That's awesome.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_04: You triggered a story when you said that just recently, what we were we spent time on the East Coast every summer, and we were we were on this small little island off the coast of Massachusetts called Tuddy Hunk Island.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_04: It's like two miles by one mile, it's super, it's super small.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_04: And my wife and I are like like my wife is out there first, and I brought the kids out, and we're with my my son's girlfriend, my son's girlfriend's sister who's gonna be in my daughter's college roommate.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_01: But um, there's a a mom out there who's got a uh daughter who's deaf.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_04: And um I I kind of forgot my wife knew sign language, not like know it so well, but she knew enough.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_04: And I have a little ru remnants of when I was in sixth grade helping out a um uh uh my a coach's daughter who had um cerebral cerebral palsy, and so she we would learn to sign, but I kind of forgot about it all.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_04: And then my daughter, my my my wife is literally you know signing hi, my name's Carrie.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_04: And she did it like pretty fast, and then and then the girl like signed back and was like this is and my my kids gotta see it.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_04: And so like I think those moments, and I hope that like how and I asked you that question, it triggered that story of that memory for you.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_04: I hope that later in life, when my kids get asked about empathy or compassion or connection, they think of because right.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, we we're all different, we're all flawed, but we all can connect if you really are intentional, if you're curious, slow down, present.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I think it's cool that your mom thought that it really showed up and you know it's in talk about like in the complete literal opposite side of the world.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_02: That was my time overseas.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_02: One of the biggest takeaways for me was Iraq or Afghanistan or a few places in between, but being in Afghanistan, a people in a place and a culture that is like couldn't be more opposite than living in the United States and opportunity, and you know, sitting down with them and their family and drinking chai tea and eating the eating the goat and the rice on the floor and like playing games and telling jokes and uh seeing their kids laugh and you know make fun of each other.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_02: And like that was those were moments that were reinforcing for me.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_02: So we we we're all human beings, we're all doesn't matter how what culture we come from or religion, or like we're 99.9% of the same.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_02: Like Maslow's hierarchy of needs is is there regardless.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_02: Like we all want to be able to feel psychological, you know, physiological safety.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_02: We all need shelter and feel safe.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_02: And then, you know, tell about gratitude, like then you bring it back here and see what people complain about when uh there's like we are this in the safest place, in the safest time in the history of humanity.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_02: Not there's atrocities and things that happen, you know, tragedies all the time, but this is the we we are we life has never been easier and it's never been safer.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_02: We we are in the point zero zero zero zero zero one percent of all humanity have ever lived here.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_02: Um and when you go to a place where they necessarily don't have that, yes, you connect with them, and then you just also realize like how blessed we are here.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but they're still still the same.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_02: There's still people they all they always want a safe place to sleep at night, and they want to make sure their kids get to grow old and have fun and they want to be rewarded for hard work.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_02: And um and so yeah, it's just interesting how you use early lessons from my mom that just made me remember uh how they were so reinforced in the such a different environment.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, I'm John Lavager, Vice President of Learning Solutions at TTA.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_00: At TTA, learning and growth are at the center of what we do.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: We believe strongly in having a growth mindset, and that applies to our own team just as much as it does to the organizations we support.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's one of the reasons we brought in Casey to coach our sales team.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_00: We already had a senior experienced group, and we weren't looking for sales 101.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_00: We wanted someone who could challenge our thinking and help an already capable team get to the next level.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_00: Casey did exactly that.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_00: The biggest shift was around curiosity.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_00: He challenged us to spend less time thinking about what we wanted to say next, and more time asking better questions, listening closely, and understanding what was really happening inside our clients' organizations.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_00: That changed the quality of our conversations.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: We began uncovering deeper needs, better understanding the business drivers behind them, and becoming even more consultative in how we work with clients.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_00: What I appreciated about Casey was he didn't try to turn experienced salespeople into different salespeople.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_00: He helped us refine what we were already doing well and identify where we could get better.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_00: That experience also reflects what TTA does for our clients every day.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_00: For more than 30 years, TTA has connected organizations with expert learning professionals across sales, leadership, technology, instructional design, learning strategy, coaching, and training delivery.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_00: Whether you need one specialized expert, a project team, or support for a large-scale learning initiative, we help you find the right expertise for the challenge.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_00: Casey was the right expert for us, and he helped a strong team get better.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's what growth looks like, and it's what we help our clients create every day.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_00: Now, let's get back to the episode.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_04: You made me think of something else here, Sean.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_04: As you think about your time spent um in Afghanistan, in a different culture, in all the you know, things that probably I know I'm I'm grateful I never probably had to see some of the things you've seen, um, which goes back to my gratitude for people who serve our country and keep us safe.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um how will that experience or how will do you think how will you think that experience will impact you as a father?
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_01: Great question.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_02: Um so there's the I I mean, I think it's gonna impact it, it impacts me, impacts like everything about um, so I could probably I'm trying to like in my head I'm just like, all right, what are the what are the top three things, you know?
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_02: Um what would be the biggest things?
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_02: Um I mean I think one is is that that gratitude.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_02: One thing for me is uh this is a big one, you know, growing up with my mom, uh, didn't have a lot of money, um, didn't get to travel.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_02: So like my first time on a plane was when I flew to go visit West Point, see if I wanted to go there.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, I I like had one vacation growing up, and it was a uh road trip in a packed Toyota Corolla with my mom and my aunt Peggy to South Dakota, right?
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_02: It's like uh and so when I and then you go to a place like West Point where people are from all over the country, and then you go deploy to other sides, places that most people never get to see.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_02: And and so it's been really important for me ever since to be and consider myself more of like a world citizen.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_02: That you know, these are I'm I'm a patriot to the core, and these are just imaginary lines in the sand, and we're so grateful that we are on this side of that that line.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but it's really important for me, and that's like a value my wife and I have of like getting like Hudson has been on like uh by the time he's a year and a half, I think he's been on like 17 flights.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_02: You know, like he's he's on he's on more than like most adults.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_02: He's been to Hawaii.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, we took him um to Costa Rica for a month with us, and and we have vision for our family to spend like months at a time overseas and to send him to a Spanish emergent school.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_02: My wife went to a Spanish emergent school.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_02: So speaking that language, interacting with other cultures in their language is important to us.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_02: So like that's one thing that definitely covers.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I want him to feel and understand uh other cultures and and feel like a world, you know, citizen.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_02: Um I was I think you know, another thing is around like you know, discipline and and being a person of character.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_02: Like that was that was a real part about being like from what you know West Point is learning and being instilled in you that a leader uh developing into a leader is really about developing character.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_02: It's not like a set of skills that you learn or like a secret code of the way to run meetings or how to talk to people.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_02: It's like no, it's about becoming a person that other people want to follow voluntarily, and so that character component of are you are you becoming a person that inspires others to become a greater version of themselves?
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_02: That will definitely stick with me.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_02: And then, you know, I get asked a lot, like, would you want him to go to West Point?
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_02: I brought him to my 20th reunion last October, which was super fun, and it was the first time my wife had ever been to, so uh to go to West Point, went to a football game and and got to go down the parade field and see the barracks and all that.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_02: And I have bittersweet memories of West Point.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_02: Um, it was uh you know, I was I always make a joke that West Point or those service academies are like a great place to be from, not at.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_02: Um wasn't a typical college experience.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_02: And so I have some bittersweet memories of that.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_02: But even when I think about the military, grateful for my time and everything I learned and the people I was around and what it how it forced me to develop, you know, the things I was doing as a sniper commander at 25 or as a Green Beret attachment commander in Afghanistan at 28, like the same uh when I think back on it.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um and I have I have reservations just about like what what it's done to me, you know, like would I be honored if if and like I would never push him to go into service?
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_02: Um I would be really proud of him if he did because I I know how hard it is and what it did for me.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_01: And man, like I don't want him to have the nightmares I have, you know.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah man.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_04: Um how does how does one I mean I I don't know if you've ever thought of this, but I'm just like curious.
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_04: How does single mom, small town, but like West Point's like a big deal?
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_04: You know, people don't just get into West Point, like where was it the your your grit, your maybe athletics, maybe academics?
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_04: Like, when did you know you wanted to go?
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_02: I never even heard of West Point because I was like 16, 17.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_02: Um I I was the kid who like I took AP classes just because regular classes were boring, but I would just like never take the AP test because in my mind, I was a wrestler.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_02: So in my mind, I was gonna go to like a you know, small D, I was gonna go like a D1 school with like a partial scholarship or go to like a D2 school with a full ride and wrestling.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_02: Like that's what I was always gonna do.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_02: And I feel like once I get there, I'll expect that, you know.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um and uh but I was always in leadership roles, so you know, I was president of the outdoor leadership club and I was attorney general of Boy State, and I was an Eagle Scout and all that stuff.
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_02: So like I I've always just been in leadership just because it's kind of just who I was, I think, and what I enjoyed.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_02: Uh and then as I I was also like in a weird weirdly as a teenager, maybe I'm maybe this isn't weird, I don't know.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, I think at the time it was, but I was like a news and like politics kid.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_02: So like I was like reading like Politico and like The Economist and stuff in high school, and and I would stay paying attention to the international news, and maybe it was because I never got to see it.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_02: So maybe it was just like really fascinating to me.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but I have a distinct memory uh where I was reading a story about how I think it was like 15 or 16 and a bomb went off at a school bus in in Israel and it killed a bunch of kids.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_02: And I just remember being like kind of shocked in my sheltered Kansas small town of like I've ridden the bus every day for my entire childhood, and not once did I worry about a bomb going off.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_02: And that made me start questioning, well, why?
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_02: Why do these kids have to worry about that?
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't have to worry about it.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and as I sort of contemplated that, that's where my sort of like angry rebellious teenager came in and was like, wait a minute, you know, you start realizing like, oh, the world is really messed up, and it seems like all the adults around me don't give a crap.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_02: Like no one's doing anything, just going about their lives and getting Starbucks.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_02: And like, I was like, what is happening?
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_02: Why isn't that why isn't that more why aren't more people not enraged with how the world is, right?
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_02: It's kind of that.
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_02: And um, and I just came like one conclusion I came to was uh it's because in this country we've had we've had opportunity where that's happened in this country in our history, and people have able-bodied, you know, men and women have like stepped up and been like not on my watch.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_02: And so from that point forward, I felt an obligation, I think, to serve.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_02: And so West Point did like a I I saw this thing, our teacher told me about it, and it was like in Kansas City at a you know, it was like one of those things like the conference room at a holiday in, you know, go to West Point presentation.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_02: And so I went to it, and as soon as I saw the video, and like I I had I had a sense that like I needed that.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_02: Like I saw like the discipline, I saw the academics, and I was just like, if I'm committed to seeing what I'm capable of as a human being, as a man, um, and maybe sometimes goes back to like not having a dad and not having a father, but like I was always like question almost questioning, like, am I am I enough?
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_02: Am I tough enough?
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_02: Am I how do I and and I was like, oh, that's gonna force it.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I probably need this.
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_02: And so, you know, my mom she supported the military, but like, you know, this is about Green 911, all that, you know, but I didn't come from military family, and um and so she was like, You sh you you want to do this?
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_02: Like, why do you want to, you know, why do you want to do this?
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um and I was like, I just and I know people don't believe me.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_02: I said I was like 16, 17, I was like, I think it's gonna make me a better man.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_02: That's um and so I'm like, I'm gonna try at least.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_02: And so I and and how did I get in?
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_02: I think it was a combination of um the great thing about like a service academy, like a West Point or Naval Academy, Air Force Academy, versus a similar type of education, which would be like an Ivy League or a Stanford, probably, is you know, they're not looking for like they're not looking for like the kid in his mom's basement that's gonna like get his microscope and like cure cancer or like weld the computer together.
• 42:36
  SPEAKER_02: They're like looking for leaders for the the military.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_02: So they have this like whole person concept.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_02: So I think it was just hey, you know, uh all-state wrestler, three times team captain, Eagle Scout, took AP classes and did all right, you know, like it was just sort of this combination of factors um that I think they they looked at the whole person and they thought, hey, this kid might have the potential to be a leader of soldiers.
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_02: So I got the opportunity.
• 43:03
  SPEAKER_01: So cool.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_01: What a cool.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_04: Um like I'm watching a great movie here and I'm right in the middle of it.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_04: This is awesome.
• 43:12
  SPEAKER_04: As you as you think about um uh the values that if you had to pick three, they're gonna be most important.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_04: That you and your is your wife uh Madison, did I get that right?
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, Madison.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_04: You that you and Madison hope that Hudson and maybe any future kids you have, like if you had to pick three that would like their graduate high school, and you the neighbor's like, man, that freaking patent kid.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_04: They are one, two, and three.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_02: Um, well, I'm gonna cheat on you.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_02: We have a bit of a statement and it's four, which is just uh our family values are you know, we are grateful, kind, courageous, and we have fun.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_01: Grateful, kind, courageous, and fun.
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_01: I wanna be in that environment.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_01: I I I hope that's what we we do, and it's you know, that's a blessing, I think.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_02: that my wife and I I'm we're we have you know no marriage no no relationship is perfect you know but because we're human beings but uh great marriage and um I'm really blessed with what we have even before we had kids and then I know you mentioned you had like seven years we had that kind of time where we got to spend time together and that was important for us.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_02: And uh you know how about like it's not all Roses like when when the first year that we had Hudson I I think what I defaulted to a bit was this really provider role.
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_02: Like I almost felt you know your your wife's like feeding the baby see that she she's doing everything and you feel kind of like uh but I want to do my part and so I really leaned into like I need to be the provider.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_02: So I started like working harder and and that meant like some more meetings and do other things.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_02: I was like I'm that's the role I'm I'm gonna fill and you know a year or so after he you know he was born we sat down we started this conversation and and uh how was how was this like you want to have another we were talking about like we want to have another kid if so when and and she's like you know what was that experience like and and I got feedback from my wife she's like you know what all I remember is being really like and I was like uh interesting um and you know she talked about like being you know him crying and her being with him and going to post postpartum stuff and you being gone at meetings or traveling for work and and and there's also I noticed too along the same lines of I noticed that I just had I started defaulting to like whatever she wanted you know like w where should we what what should we get for the grocery store like when when is he gonna go down?
• 45:42
  SPEAKER_02: When should he gonna get up?
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_02: When are we gonna do this?
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_02: Like I and and in my head at the time it was like she's more connected to this like I don't know you know when his like cycle like this or anything and I want to make sure he's happy and and so and what it both of those things what I re came to realize were uh I was abdicating leadership of my family um well intentioned with what I was trying to do but the actual experience of my partner was that I was abdicating responsibility and putting all that decision making on her and um and not being present for her and um and so that has been a huge shift over the last you know nine months um and as we look forward to you know having another child here shortly hopefully um that has really kicked in this leadership side that's when we sat down it's like what are our family values that's when we started doing gratitude and acknowledging acknowledgments of each other every day and we started like putting I'm like we're gonna put systems in place I turn I I'm like I kind of asked that question like what am I gonna bring forth my time in the military?
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like oh I know how to I know how to command like I know how to lead and that's what she wants and that's the role I can play.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_02: And so I've just like really stepped into that and created these like we're gonna have systems and processes we're gonna do things and I'm gonna I'm gonna we're gonna check in with each other and I'm gonna ask where where am I feeling so we started doing now we do uh we call them patent family board meetings.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_02: So we have board meetings uh every month and we have an agenda and I run the agenda and I bring up the budget and we acknowledge each other and we give each other real feedback.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_02: We have to say here's things we've done well after action review from the military here here are three things you did great this month.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_02: Here's three things I'd love to see improvements from you.
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_02: Here's how you occurred and then we make new commitments to each other um and so what the last couple years of of being a dad have uh and I'm sure there's so much more that's going to come but it's I feel like we're just the intentionality because you the values brought this up like the intentionality of leading my family but in partnership with my wife um and constantly checking in with each other so that we feel like a team and there's you know one of the one of the conversations we often have is like teammates don't have a scoreboard you know there's there's no uh there's no points against or for like well you did this for an hour and I did this for an hour you did like you don't keep score with your teammates um you know you keep that that's that's for opponents so if we're gonna be teammates like we need to have that doesn't mean that like if your teammate is not performing as a good teammate or you don't ex they don't see them as a good teammate you don't call them out and like let them know the feedback and then make new agreements around it.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_02: And so that's like that's the status we've got we've really just continued to continue to do the work to just make the team better over time.
• 48:41
  SPEAKER_01: And that's like been my commitment as a dad and and a father is or and a husband I think is taking a leadership role not as the commander of this thing but like I'm gonna take that leadership role in in setting up the systems the team is a learning organization.
• 48:59
  SPEAKER_01: Love it man I think a couple things is screw that's screaming at me right now that of that story.
• 49:05
  SPEAKER_04: One you checked your ego uh you were you were coachable with your wife and um um you and consistent uh intentional communication and um I've yet to meet a mind reader in life I've yet you know uh I think usually when issues happen it's a lack of communication lack of curiosity lack of empathy lack of compassion which things that you've been taught your life and um yeah it you don't need a podcast to have these conversations I would tell people all the time you just need intentional like if you want to have these types of conversations John and I don't even know each other we're having a fantastic conversation everybody pick up the phone and call a buddy surprise him say hey dude can we meet for coffee why because I want to ask you some questions we'll kind of I don't know we'll figure it out like try to learn more about each other try to learn more challenge yourself how can you what's what's the best thing about your marriage what's the what's one thing you wish would change like just get curious with each other and start having like more real conversations because like um I just think when you have these things they're so important and I think it's a great example and it at for me it keeps me in growth mindset.
• 50:19
  SPEAKER_04: And it gets me out of my own way.
• 50:21
  SPEAKER_04: And again I'm far from freaking perfect I'm flawed like everybody else but I I think the thing that helps me though is when I go in down to flawed moments I quickly get out of it because of this type of work I'm doing on myself or these conversations I'm having um okay well as we wrap up man I want to learn more about how well how can we help others learn more about the work you're doing and maybe talk about the work you do on your podcast and the work you do as an executive coach.
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah I appreciate that.
• 50:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah so my podcast is called No Limit Leadership.
• 50:52
  SPEAKER_02: And that's really my passion.
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_02: You mentioned I for a believer that I sort of said in the podcast that when you commit to being a leader, you have to lead yourself first.
• 51:01
  SPEAKER_02: Like if you're you have to lead yourself before you can lead others.
• 51:04
  SPEAKER_02: And so that's a commitment to constant learning and growth and commitment.
• 51:07
  SPEAKER_02: And so I try to put out a platform where I pull in uh everything from thought leaders and successful leaders or people even in middle management companies and you know what's working for you, what isn't in in leading in all areas of your life.
• 51:21
  SPEAKER_02: And so it sounds like that's we have similar values there and you know it's called no limit leadership on you know um and then the work I do is a I I'm actually an executive coach with a firm called Novus Global and I was a solo coach for about six years and I recently put my practice underneath this firm and it has been awesome to be a part of a team again and we've got you know 110 world class coaches then we I have a coach I coach there we give each other feedback all the time and we sharpen the sword we go direct and um and so I I work with all types of executives uh and you know our firm works with professional athletes fortune hunter companies um you know my sort of sweet spot for me personally is like high growth uh or fast growing mid-sized companies where we have uh the growth of the company is like outpaced the leadership and beliefs and processes and and so I get to have amazing conversations like we're having here where we get to as a coach I get to listen and then and then hop in and be like oh hold on a second like is that true is that a story uh what what what is and start to explore um the the patterns of thought and beliefs we have that unconsciously are creating results that maybe we don't want and we get to switch those and then put processes in place and strategies and business strategies to create ROI inside of the personal and professional lives.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_04: That's awesome.
• 52:47
  SPEAKER_02: What's the best way people can find you yep so you can find me at seanpatton.me uh and that's that's the easiest way I'm also on LinkedIn so find me there and shoot me a message lovely connect.
• 52:59
  SPEAKER_04: Cool we will make sure this is linked in the show notes so people can can find you Sean um I love I love um everything we've talked about today's been I can't believe an hour's almost past I feel like I could talk to you for two more hours but I want to be grateful I want to be uh sensitive your time um Sean it's now time to go in what I call a lightning round this is where I I show you the negative hits of taking too many hits in college not bong hits but football hits okay and uh my hope is to get a giggle out of you and my ask of you is you try to answer these questions as quickly as you can.
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 53:31
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 53:32
  SPEAKER_04: Are you ready?
• 53:33
  SPEAKER_04: Yes true or false you passed up a chance to wrestle in the World Wrestling Federation before you joined West Point.
• 53:41
  SPEAKER_01: False uh true or false your favorite wrestler was Rowdy Roddy Piper false.
• 53:48
  SPEAKER_01: Who was your favorite wrestler?
• 53:49
  SPEAKER_04: Ultimate warrior the ultimate warrior uh true or false I won't rest in peace by the way true or false I once saw Hulk Hogan in a Tampa restaurant true true he looked the same freaking slick back ponytail jacked tank type talk about guy yeah just embodied he he chose that persona and he went all in that's for sure he did not dress he the dress code was out the door for them but it was the Hulk story freaking Hulk and me I was like that's freaking Hulk Hogan awesome um what would be one genre of music that might surprise your friends at Novus Global that you listen to uh dubstep okay uh favorite comedy movie of all time is old school so good there's I swear to god blue is in my neighborhood and he rides a bike really it looks just like him I'm all every time he drives by I'm like ring the bell you effing pansy um yeah the freaking KY Wrestling it's swear I God I swear it's blue but it's every time I I yell hi blue and he it doesn't turn so it's not I don't think it's him um if I came to your house for dinner tonight in Nashville what would we have?
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_04: Hmm well my wife but first of all my wife is pretty quick um so we would probably have probably I I know it's fast right um probably uh steak asparagus and mashed cauliflower that sounds really good so it's a little past lunchtime here in Seattle but uh I might go back and try to make that tonight um if there was to be a book written about your life tell me the title Bumpy Climb oh I love that okay now Sean I've actually uh I I went to Amazon right now bumpy climb sold out I just went to Barnes Noble sold out I'm I've been hearing about all of it my buddies are trying to get this book the airports sold out so Netflix has found out about a bumpy climb they're gonna make a movie out of you in your story you are now the casting director tell me who's gonna star you in this critically acclaimed hit new movie oh Matt Damon solid choice dude Matty D.
• 55:54
  SPEAKER_04: Okay and then the last and most important question tell me two words that would describe Madison funny and beautiful boom lightning realm's complete I think I giggled at more of my own joke so I'm gonna take the loss you get the dub uh it has been an honor meeting you spend time with you Paul Salter thank you for connecting us appreciate you keeping uh reading the defense and connecting two people that should be connected um uh I hope that other everyone has has a page of notes like I do and I hope if this episode has impacted you you really take time to reflect and think and how can you take what we're talking about in this conversation become a better quarterback or leader of your household and if this if this episode's really impacted you biggest favor I can ask share with a friend tell someone else about the quarterback dad cast let's help drive growth and other families let's help dads become better leaders um and the three values that drive me are being the most humble vulnerable curious version of myself and I hope that other dads can get on board of that train because I think their life superpowers and I think leave dormant inside of them.
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_04: John appreciate you brother thank you so much for time and I hope that we get a meet in person in the future sometime be awesome.
• 57:01
  SPEAKER_02: I'd love that brother thanks so much.
• 57:02
  SPEAKER_04: You bet Thank you guys so much for listening to today's episode I hope that you learned a lot about Sean.
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_04: I hope that you follow his work will make it easy to do so in the show notes.
• 57:11
  SPEAKER_04: Again a huge favor to ask everybody go to Spotify go to Apple wherever you've consumed today's podcast leave us a review leave us a rating it will help the algorithm help us connect with more dads out there looking to become better leaders of their homes um again thank you for your continued support I hope you guys enjoyed today's uh episode and we will see you next week or back