Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / Guarding Energy, Seeking Understanding: ☀️ EnneaSummer Track Four

Transcript

Guarding Energy, Seeking Understanding: ☀️ EnneaSummer Track Four · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Inea Summer Mystery Series, a special storytelling journey from Simply Wholehearted.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_01: Over these nine special episodes, I'm inviting you to step into someone else's shoes, to feel their hopes, fears, and longings before you even know their Enneagram type.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: It is a fun guessing game, but also the invitation is this: to hear your own story differently.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: To experience how grace, truth, and transformation meets you right where you find yourself.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: If you love Jesus in the Enneagram, well, you have found the right place, and I know you'll feel right at home.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, Amy Wicks, your wholehearted coach and guide by the side.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: Let's begin.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: Imagine having a mind that never turns off, constantly gathering, researching, connecting dots behind the scenes.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: You prefer to observe before engaging.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: You feel safest when you're prepared, and your inner world, it's vast, rich with ideas and questions that most people never hear.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: You love to learn, but sometimes you wonder if that eagerness to understand is hiding something deeper.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: Today I'm inviting you to step into the life of someone who's thoughtful, reserved, and always scanning for certainty.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: But who also is learning that enoughness isn't found in knowing more.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's found in being known.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: Can you guess which Enneagram type we're talking about today?
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: Well, let's take a walk in their world.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's the 4th of July, the kind of day people post about.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: The big summer moment of fireworks, potlucks, red, white, and blue, everything.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: But honestly, I was hoping to spend the day catching up on some reading.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: I have three tabs open about nutrition and sleep rhythms, and one deep dive podcast skeued up about trauma patterns.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: My brain is buzzing, but comfortably so.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: There's no small talk, no interruptions, and it's just me, my iced coffee, and my notes app.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: And that's when the text came in.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, we're going to the park.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna grill.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: Come on by and bring a long chair.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: I stared at the words longer than I cared to admit.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: I could feel the tug.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, part of me wanted to go.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: I don't always want to be the one who's too busy or already has plans.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: But I also have this other part.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: I have a deep need to guard my energy like it's gold.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: I was calculating how long I'd have to be there.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: Where would I park for a quick exit?
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: And would I regret going about halfway through this whole thing?
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: I took a minute to think about the last time I've seen any of these friends or spend some quality time with them.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: It had been a while.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: In fact, I think it had at least been a month.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: And that's when I felt this nudge inside.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: Perhaps maybe even a whisper.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: You can stay safe or you can step in.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's something that I've been working on with my coach, but it's so easy to say and a lot harder to do.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: But I decided to go ahead and grab my favorite picnic blanket.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: I put it in the car, I packed a bag of fruit to share, and I headed to the barbecue.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, the first hour was super awkward.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: There was so much noise, and there were a lot more people than my friend mentioned that was going to be there.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: But as I allow myself to sit at the edge of the busyness, someone else pulled a chair beside me.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: She started talking about books and mentioned a few authors that I really loved too.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: It was so wonderful to share this quiet corner of my life.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: And before I knew it, a few others gathered around us.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: We were just talking about life and sharing this moment, the beauty of summertime, tradition, and celebration.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: Once the fireworks started, I didn't feel alone.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I also didn't feel totally drained of energy.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, as I was reflecting and taking it all in, I knew that I would never be the life of the party.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: But I was really enjoying getting to be part of it.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: As I packed up and said my goodbyes, I decided to not let my analytical mind take over on the drive home.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: I just let myself consider the goodness of the time.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: I just smiled, soaking in maybe what I would call the warm fuzzies of the evening.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: I took note that perhaps connection doesn't always require a plan.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: I could be spontaneous.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: And showing up even to a large group of people, well, it brought its own kind of energy.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: Or perhaps you pictured someone you love, someone who holds their thoughts close, conserves their energy carefully, and might often choose solitude over small talk.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: Now, before I tell you the Enneagram type I'm talking about, just take a moment.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: Do you have a guess?
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: What is it?
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: Who tends to quietly scan the scene, calculating what it might cost them to engage and wondering if they know enough to belong?
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: Is it a type five?
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: A type one, or maybe a type six?
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: If you guessed an Enneagram 5, you are correct.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: Fives are often thoughtful, private, and also deeply insightful.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: As I've mentioned before, their inner world is rich, analytical, and they love asking deeper questions.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: At their best, an Enneagram 5 offers clarity, calm, and brilliant problem solving to those around them.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: But underneath all that, brilliance can often be a quiet fear, a fear that they'll be overwhelmed, depleted, or exposed by other people's needs, emotional chaos, or maybe too many demands that they can't control.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: So an Enneagram 5 will typically withdraw.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: They're trying to conserve, conserve their energy, knowledge, and needs.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: Over time, an Enneagram 5 learns to rely on themselves, not because they're cold or distant, but because they've been told or came to believe that their needs were too much, or that others' needs would swallow them whole.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: What they truly want, or what they long for, is to feel capable, to have enough knowledge, energy, and enough space to just breathe.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: But here's the quiet struggle that they might have.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: In trying to protect what little they think they have, a five can sometimes withhold even from those they love, their time, their thoughts, their presence.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: And do you know what an Enneagram five needs to hear most?
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: They need to hear that their needs are not a problem, that they are not a problem.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: A five will manage life by retreating inward, protecting their energy and guarding knowledge.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: But when they feel safe enough to re-engage, when they believe they don't have to earn their place by having the right answers, they become quiet steady guides who offer wisdom, presence, and peace.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: Fives also show us something powerful in a world obsessed with constant output.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: First of all, that it's okay to have limits, that solitude can be sacred, and that presence is sometimes the most generous gift that we have to give.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: A five reminds us that still waters really do run deep, and that when a five chooses to engage, they don't just show up with answers.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: They bring clarity, calm, and kindness.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: I like to think of a five like a camping lantern.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: It won't light up the whole campground.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: Rather, their glow steadies the immediate space that you need to see, whether it's the tent, the table, or just the path that you are walking on.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe that's their gift to the world to help us remember that wisdom doesn't have to shout big or even garner the attention of the whole space.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: You just have to share it.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: Now I'm so excited to share a story from someone who has walked this wholehearted Enneagram 5 journey firsthand.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: But this one's a little different from the stories I've shared so far in our series.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: Tara, who's sharing today, didn't go through the coaching journey with me personally.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: Instead, she worked with one of my trusted, wholehearted coaches, Deanna Sudom.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: Deanna is deeply gifted at creating safe spaces for women who need to process at their own pace.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: And Tara, a true type five, found the freedom to do just that.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_01: In their work together, Tara had some incredible revelations and moments in her healing journey.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so excited for you to hear her story in her own words.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, my name is Tara Richter.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: I live in Saskatchewan, Canada, with my 21-year-old son Isaiah, who is studying business administration, and my one and a half-year-old Red Fox Labrador retriever, Luna.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: And this is my wholehearted journey.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: It was April 2021, and a little more than a year after the COVID-19 lockdown.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: I was still working from home as it was not yet safe to return to the office.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: My days looked pretty much the same.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Wake up, make coffee, sit in my comfy gray chair, pray, often cry, and then jump into a full day of Zoom calls and desk work.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Wash, rinse, repeat.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's amazing how anything can become your new normal.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: As I sat in my chair sipping coffee, I wrestled with this screaming thought.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: Is this really what life was all about?
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: I felt like there was something missing.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't figure out why, I felt so sad and miserable and lonely.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's not like there was anything particularly wrong.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: I had a job, a family, health care, and yet I felt like there was something seriously wrong with me.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: That I just couldn't seem to get it, whatever it was that everyone else seemed to have.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: I always felt like I was just an outside observer of life, watching everyone else live their best lives, and I was a bystander, quietly cheering them on, like watching colorful floats go by in a parade.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: I stood there quietly smiling and waving as each person's life strolled on by with their bigger houses, career advancements, weddings, babies, and vacations.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: I was constantly trying to be good enough and earn my way to acceptance.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: If I could just share some more information, people would see that I was valuable too.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: My bookshelves overflowed with pages and pages of self-help books.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: If I could master those skills, maybe I would be accepted, and I could join the parade too.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: But it was just a bottomless pit of despair as I couldn't ever seem to get it right, furthering this belief that there was obviously something wrong with me.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: I also couldn't bear to share this with anyone, though.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: They would just see me as even more flawed, and I was already too busy berating myself that I couldn't stand the thought of someone else adding to my self-loathing.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I hid myself away more and more and more, like a turtle crawling into a shell and slowly disappearing, trying to make myself as small as possible.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: I conserved my time as best I could, like Smeagol in Lord of the Rings, protecting my time as though my life depended on it.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: My precious.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't dare parse out my time for others, because what if there was nothing left for me?
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: How would I cope?
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: When I agreed to Enneagram coaching with Deanna, I wasn't at all surprised that I scored 99.8% as a type 5.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously as a type 5, I already knew.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: But as I dove in deeper into the coaching about my type, it was as though a hundred pounds of weight had been lifted off my soul.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: I had to untether all the lies I had attached to the qualities about myself that I made mean that I was unworthy of acceptance and instead see them as precisely what makes me worthy.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: During one session, my coach Deanna asked me, How will you know when you have enough knowledge?
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: I felt as though I'd been sucker punched in the gut.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: Was this a trick question?
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: As a five, I should know the answer.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: But not a sound could escape my mouth, and my brain scanned the vault for an answer.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, I uttered.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: I felt exposed and completely ashamed.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: I might as well have been sitting there naked, as the absolute dread welled up inside me.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know something.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: Through her loving guidance and words, Deanna helped me realize there is never any amount of knowledge that I could seek out that would make me enough.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm already enough, just as I am today.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: Of course I can always seek to learn and to grow for the sake of learning, not because there's any value of my worth attached to it.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: One of the most profound and life-changing moments was when it was relayed to me that God made me just this way for a reason, for his purpose.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Over several weeks I came to realize that there wasn't anything wrong with me at all, and that all these things I'd been loathing myself for were exactly as God made me to be.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: I sat in my chair sobbing.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't even get out words.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: The pain in my chest was not that of self-loathing, but this realization of a deep and perfect love I'd been longing for my whole life, and realizing it was always there.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: Over the next several coaching sessions, I learned to love my curiosity for learning and sharing knowledge, to be able to quietly observe and sit and reflect, to celebrate others, to be still and know, to create and wonder.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: I learned that my insatiable hunger for knowledge wasn't about trying to be perfect or right, but a gift that I was able to seek in order to bless and help others.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: I learned to laugh and even poke fun at myself, often saying, that's so five of me.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: But owning who I was became empowering.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: I stood up taller, held my head higher, and was proud of my fiveness.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: I stopped feeling like I needed to apologize for just being who and how I was.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: I even made a commitment to go on a self-help detox.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: I packed up all my books and I didn't read anything for six months.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what?
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: I was just fine.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, it was very liberating to just trust myself and be okay with not knowing all the things.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: It freed up time for me to play and draw and paint and try new things.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: Most of all, it helped me to connect to God in a new way.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: For so many years I thought I had to earn my way to his love too.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: Trying and failing, I was certain that even God didn't like me.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: I felt honored and humbled that he would give me this gift, since he is wisdom and knowledge.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: For many weeks, almost like a mantra, I read the following, not believing it at first, but repeating it until I did.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: I am a child of God.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: I am a daughter of the Most High King.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: I am chosen.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: I am never alone.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: I am enough.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: I am loved.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: I am called by name.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: Today I'm okay to be me.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: I feel comfortable in who I am and how I was made.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: I do not hoard my time in the way I used to.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, I recognize when those thoughts come creeping in like vines, and I reach out to tell someone.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: Just that act alone of saying, I'm having a hard time, relieves the burden of having to figure it out all by myself.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I suppose that's just the lesson.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: I can't figure it out on my own.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: I need help.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not perfect, but that's entirely the point.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's okay.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm perfectly imperfect.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: I still struggle with wanting to feel accepted.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: I still struggle with feeling like I need to know all the things.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a work in progress for sure.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: But this coaching and knowledge I received about me as a type 5 and the Enneagram in general has forever changed my life and helped me to remember to see myself the way God sees me.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: He loves me just as I am.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: And if he can love me, then certainly I can too.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: Did you hear that profound moment in Tara's story?
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: When she realized that she didn't have to figure it out alone anymore, and instead she made the brave decision to reach out?
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: Perhaps you didn't catch it at first, but if you're a fellow type five, you know that it's a revolution.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's not just about asking for help, it's about believing your needs are safe to name, that you don't have to be the expert or the most prepared to belong, and that you just have to show up fully human and fully present.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: So if you've been one to carry the pressure to stay composed, competent, or even in control, I want to invite you to take this moment with me.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: A moment to rest and a moment to breathe.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: So let's inhale and exhale together.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_01: Breathe in.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: Breathe out, even when I don't have the answers.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: Lord, when I feel the urge to retreat, to gather more knowledge instead of stepping into relationship, remind me that I don't have to know everything to be loved.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_01: You are the source of all wisdom, and you are also the giver of peace.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_01: Help me release the fear of not being enough.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_01: Teach me how to rest in your presence, to trust that I am safe, not because I've prepared perfectly, but because you are already here.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_01: So, friend, as you step back into your day, I wonder what part of Tara's story or today's narrative tucked at your heart?
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: Was it a moment when she almost opted out of connection?
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_01: The fear that showing need would cost her respect?
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: Or the quiet bravery it took out to reach out and say, I need help.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_01: Or perhaps when Tara mentioned the pain in her chest was not that of self-loathing, but a realization of a deep and perfect love that she had longed for her whole life.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_01: If this resonates with you, even a little, I'd love to be your guide.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_01: Or I would love for you to consider meeting with a fellow whole-hearted Enneagram coach, just like Tara did with Deanna Sudum.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_01: Whether you're a type 5 or you just deeply relate to the story, I want you to know there is space for you here.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_01: I want to invite you to your next step and to check out simply wholehearted.com forward slash Ineasummer, and you're gonna find a free guide sheet created just for your type.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'll also have an option there where you can book a$27 clarity call so you can take your own next step towards living and leading more wholeheartedly.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_01: You really don't have to do this alone, and you don't have to have all the answers first.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_01: I'd love to walk this journey together.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_01: This is the heartbeat of Simply Wholehearted.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_01: We're all broken, we're all blowing it, but the brave one, she does something about it.