Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why You're Still Stuck in a Narcissistic Relationship

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Why You're Still Stuck in a Narcissistic Relationship · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're going to be talking about why you're still stuck in
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  a toxic relationship with a narcissist, why you still stuck,
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  why you can't get unstuck. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a self aware narcissist and
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  welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
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  Welcome back, folks. Welcome back, welcome back,
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  welcome back. Yes, yes, yes.
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  This is not going to be one of those numbered list episodes, so
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  you don't have to wait around for 12345.
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  The fifth reason that you're stuck in a narcissistic
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  relationship, it's this right here.
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  No, not going to do that. Y'all know I get a title and I
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  just go off the top of my head, y'all?
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  There's no script, there's no teleprompter here.
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  Like title, top of head, go. That's how I do it yeah.
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  That's why it's always fresh. That's why I can do that's why
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  y'all, That's why I can use the same title, the same topic, and
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  you make 2 totally different videos just depending on what
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  day I film alone like the the mood I'm in and whatnot.
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  But yeah, why are you still stuck in a narcissistic
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  relationship? I feel like the first question I
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  ask people, you tell me why and you, the answer cannot be.
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  I don't know. If you weren't, if you gunned to
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  your head, you had to give an answer as to why you're stuck in
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  a toxic relationship, what would you say?
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  What would you say? I don't, I don't know.
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  It's not an answer, y'all. I just feel like the first way
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  of getting unstuck is understanding why you're stuck.
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  I don't know. It's not an answer.
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  I don't know keeps you stuck. I don't saying the words I don't
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  know. Not knowing keeps you stuck in a
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  narcissistic relationship, right?
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  Not knowing it's what keeps you stuck in a narcissistic toxic
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  relationship. I don't know if I said you have
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  to dig deeper. This one of those things that
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  happens to so many people right here, y'all, you absolutely have
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  to dig deeper if you want to get unstuck, if you want to heal, if
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  you want to grow. I know everybody can't leave at
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  once, but I said getting unstuck does not mean necessarily means
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  leaving right now, leaving immediately because I know
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  everybody's situation is going to be different.
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  Why don't you just why don't you just leave?
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  Leave right now, Pack up and go cut them off.
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  Everybody's. Y'all got kids.
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  You got 23456789 kids. Yeah.
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  You haven't worked in 10 years. You don't have any access to the
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  money. You have no support system.
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  There's no friends and family around right?
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  So getting unstuck means also could mean being able to find
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  yourself and re identify yourself.
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  Get cultivating your own identity within this this
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  narcissistic relationship. Cultivating who you are, re
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  rediscovering who you are or building upon who you used to
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  be. Building a big building, build
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  back better, building a better version of yourself, right?
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  Rebuilding yourself to the point where you can help yourself.
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  Not only helping yourself, you can help other people as well.
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  You see what I'm saying? This is what happens.
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  Like one reason why you're stuck is really, you don't know why
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  you're stuck. You have to, you have to get
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  clarity. You have to get clear you're,
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  you're stuck because you're unclear of what is actually
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  going on. The reason why you're stuck is
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  because you might be uneducated about narcissistic relationships
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  or narcissistic abuse or toxic relationship dynamics or the
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  trauma bond or CPTSD or enmeshment or anxious attachment
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  styles. What is that?
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  The anxious avoiding attachment style?
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  So curious how you that that's why you're stuck.
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  You, you might lack the education.
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  I'm not calling you stupid. I'm just saying we could all be
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  more educated. You know what I mean?
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  We could all be more educated. When I first when I first
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  started this journey of learning about narcissistic abuse, I
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  didn't even know it existed. Y'all, I didn't know it was it
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  was it existed. I mean, I'm saying y'all, y'all
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  know that I've been in a narcissistic relationship
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  myself. Yes, I am a narcissist.
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  Yes, I have a narcissistic personality disorder, but I've
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  also been in a relationship with a narcissistic woman.
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  I have narcissistic friends. I had narcissistic bosses.
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  I've had narcissists all around me, including the one inside the
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  one within right when I was with my narcissistic partner, my
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  narcissist ex, and she discarded me because she did.
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  I didn't bring it with her. I remember when it first when it
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  first happened. I remember feeling so broken,
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  not knowing how I was going to get up and walk around, not
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  knowing how you know. It hurt to breathe, it hurt to
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  see I couldn't see straight. It hurt so damn much.
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  It really did. I felt the smallest I've ever
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  felt before. When that relationship ended, I
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  never felt smaller. And and crazy about it is I was
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  bigger than I've ever been. I was almost 300 lbs.
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  I was sitting outside a blockbuster video crying.
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  Feelings hurt, heartbroken, not knowing, feeling unworthy,
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  feeling tiny, not knowing who the hell I was anymore.
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  Identity gone, heartbroken, embarrassed so much, full of
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  shame. I never thought I was going to
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  be the same again. I never thought I would be hold
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  again. I never thought.
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  I thought I was always feel broken because that relationship
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  ended. I was stuck after the
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  relationship, I was stuck on her after the relationship and it
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  took a toll. It took so long to me going to
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  therapy took me working on myself, took me losing weight,
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  giving back to myself day by day, month by month, day by day,
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  week by week, month by month, year by year.
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  It took me to get to the point where like that.
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  You know what? That girl didn't deserve me.
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  I was stuck because I thought I was unworthy.
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  You might be stuck because you thought you were.
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  You thought you were unworthy of finding somebody who can treat
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  you better, finding you, finding more love, finding, you know,
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  loving yourself more. You feel when you feel unworthy,
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  you don't even love yourself. You start neglecting yourself.
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  When you feel unworthy of love, you start neglecting yourself.
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  That's what happens. You feel so unworthy in these
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  types of relationships that you started neglecting yourself,
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  which is what I did for a very long time.
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  I started neglecting myself. I started to treat myself
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  harvest so I beat myself up. You don't deserve love.
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  You're pathetic. That's why she left you for
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  somebody else. You don't have what you're going
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  on. You fat, your teeth messed up,
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  you broke as hell, you're uneducated, you're stupid and
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  said, this is all the stuff that's going into my head.
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  It took me a while to just change the voice in my head to
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  stop saying that type of stuff. When the voice in your head,
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  it's louder than anybody else. You can have somebody next to
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  your, you can have somebody right next to your ear screaming
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  as loud as they can, but that voice in your head, that whisper
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  in your head is louder than that voice outside can ever be.
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  I don't care. I don't give a damn if somebody,
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  somebody's in your ear screaming and yelling and telling you
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  you're, you're pathetic. That don't even really count.
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  That really doesn't even compare to the whisper in your head.
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  You're pathetic. That's louder, that means more
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  you're pathetic. You can tell me I'm pathetic all
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  you want to, but if I'm telling myself I'm pathetic, I lose.
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  I absolutely do lose. So that's why I'm just trying to
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  help so many people rebuild right now.
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  Who you are re establishing your identity.
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  You know, reconnecting to yourself because that's the most
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  important part. Reconnecting to you is extremely
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  important while you're stuck in a narcissistic relationship
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  because we you feel unworthy. You feel you're stuck because
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  you feel like there's nothing, like there's nobody else on that
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  better. You feel like you deserve to get
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  treated this way. So many people get stuck in
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  these relationship dynamics but you feel like this is what you
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  deserve because that toxic narcissistic bastard convinced
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  you of this. They convinced you that you
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  deserve to be hit. You deserve to be yelled at.
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  You deserve to be belittle. You deserve to be cheated on.
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  You deserve to be put down. You don't deserve the nicest
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  things in life. You don't.
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  You don't deserve to be smiled at.
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  You don't deserve to hear the words I love you.
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  You don't deserve to have these kids love you.
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  You don't deserve the money. You don't deserve to have access
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  to the debit card or you don't have the money.
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  You don't deserve anything. Once he, they, they get this
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  into your head over and over again.
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  Y'all, of course you're going to start to believe it.
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  It's like imagine being imagine being in a small dark room and
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  the only thing you hear was you're pathetic.
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  It's the only voice you hear. You're pathetic, you're
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  unworthy, You deserve this horrible treatment.
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  You're pathetic, you're unworthy, you deserve this
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  horrible treatment. That's a mantra because of your
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  head. It gets into your head now.
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  It's part of who you are. It's part of your thinking
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  process, isn't it? That's how you got here.
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  You have to change the voice in your head to say some positive
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  stuff. Y'all If you hear, if you ever
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  hear that voice in your head when you feel, if you feel like
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  you're stuck in a narcissistic relationship, you're going to
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  hear that voice in your head saying something negative.
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  Tell that voice in your head to shut the fuck up.
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  Sometimes you have to tell yourself that.
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  So now you literally have to tell yourself in your head when
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  that voice inside your head is whispering.
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  You're pathetic. You run worthy.
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  You deserve this. This is all you deserve in life.
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  You don't deserve any more than this.
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  You can tell that voice in your head to shut the fuck up.
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  You can overpower it. You can empower yourself.
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  That's what helps out this. That's what we can help you
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  breakthrough. You're stuck.
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  You're stuck because, well, Lee, you're you.
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  I used to like you, but you start cussing.
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  That's why you're stuck. You worry about the words and
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  not the message. You worry about the words and
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  not the message. You understand exactly what I'm
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  saying. You deserve better, but you have
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  to believe it. I deserve this life.
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  I feel unworthy. This is the best I'm going to
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  get. I have two or three kids.
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  You have to reprogram yourself. The story inside of your head,
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  the story that you're telling yourself that might have been
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  implanted in your head. You've been incepted,
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  narcissist. Or you ever seen the movie
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  Inception with Leonardo DiCaprio where they plant dreams in your
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  head and they make they make it your own thoughts.
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  That's what narcissist did. That's what narcissist do.
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  They incept you, sorry. They incept you.
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  They plant their thoughts in your mind and you start, they
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  plant them deep into your mind. You start thinking them
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  yourself. You start thinking these
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  thoughts or your own thoughts. You start thinking these
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  messages and the stuff that you're telling yourself.
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  You start thinking that these are your own thoughts and these
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  are their own messages. These are your own beliefs.
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  These are not your beliefs. They are not your beliefs.
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  They are not your beliefs. That's them trying to put you
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  down. That's them trying to pull you
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  down to their level because they feel beneath you.
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  You're stuck because you think they're.
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  You're stuck because you think they're above you.
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  They're not above you. You're stuck because you're
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  telling yourself, you allowing this story in your head to
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  repeat on it. It's like, yeah, it's literally
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  like a tape on repeat. You have to change the tape.
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  Turn the tape over side y'all, your old consent tape.
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  I'm about to age myself. The old consent tapes side A
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  side B side A side side A is is your side, side B is dark.
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  This narcissist side this this side of the tape that's playing
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  and it just rewinded. Y'all know the little two side,
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  the two sides of it, it's just rewinding over and over again.
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  When the tape gets to the end, the narcissist hits the rewind
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  button and it goes back to the beginning.
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  Yo, it's your cassette player. You can tell yourself a
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  different story. Take out the tape, flip back to
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  the side, flip to the side before you met them, flip to the
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  side before you met them and you can light your life up.
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  You had to set the phone just lit up.
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  You can light your life up. You absolutely can.
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  You are, but you are you. But you have to believe it.
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  You have to start telling yourself a different story.
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  Play this story, the more positive story.
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  Play this story in your head over and over again.
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  Play this story instead of what they implanted into you.
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  That's what narcissists do, y'all.
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  They incept you. They incept you.
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  They plant these dreams and these thoughts deep into your
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  mind so so far that you start thinking into your own thoughts.
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  They are not your own thoughts. Wake up then why?
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  Until you stay grounded. You ever seen the movie
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  Inception with the little totem? He used to spin the totem to
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  make sure he was in reality. But I see if this is real.
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  If it's real, the totem will fall.
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  If it's fake, it was just keep spinning over and over again.
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  It's real now. This is real.
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  This is your real life. You control the totem.
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  You have to remain grounded. You have to understand you're
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  stuck because you're ungrounded. You, you're not clear.
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  You've been gaslit to the highest of heaven, the highest
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  of Hells, right? The dark, the deepest of Hells,
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  the pits of hell. Get clear.
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  Take your shoes off, Go outside and put your feet in the grass.
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  Scream into the air and breathe. Y'all get it out of your system.
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  It's OK to scream. Believe their neighbors are
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  going to look at me like I'm crazy.
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  They are to hear y'all scream, hear you screaming and fighting
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  at night. They all think I'm crazy.
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  What are they going to do? You know what I'm saying?
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  I'll be screaming how to type outside.
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  My name is like, oh, there's just him making a film with a
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  video. I'll be yelling, you know what
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  I'm saying? You got to let it out of your
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  system, y'all? You have to breathe deep.
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  You have to understand This is why you're stuck.
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  You want to get unstuck. You have to understand why
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  you're stuck. Dig deeper, dig deeper.
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  Like I said, that's what these videos are for.
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  That's what therapy is for. Like you're stuck because you
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  don't know where the treasure chest is at.
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  Like the treasure chest of understanding what you're going
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  through. It's buried on the beach.
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  I've used this analogy before, but imagine the reason that
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  you're stuck is in put inside a treasure chest, put inside a
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  safe, right? The reason you're stuck is put
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  inside a safe. I know this is camera lens, but
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  bear with me, I'm going to incept you.
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  This is not a camera lens. This is a safe.
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  Imagine you're the reason you're stuck is inside this case right
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  here, right? It is buried on the beach.
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  I know I, I can provide you a map to get there.
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  A therapist can help you provide a map to get there because if
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  you're living on your own, you know it's buried on the beach.
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  Somebody say, hey, the the reason you're stuck is buried on
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  the beach. You, you can go to the beach,
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  you can start digging. You might not ever find it.
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  If somebody provides you a map and say, hey, X marks the spot.
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  Hey the hey, the box. You take a look, you start on
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  you you walk down the alley right here, you take a left at
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  Narcissist St., you take a you bust a right at Narcissist Cove,
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  you go down Empath Lane, you turn another right at Gas
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  Lighting Cove, Gas lighting Ave., and then you go straight
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  down the narc narc talk highway and it's very right.
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  The xx marks the spot. You got to dig deeper to
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  understand it y'all, and it's OK to get help.
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  It's OK for to join. I have a support group.
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  The people in there supporting each other right now.
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  They are literally I tell you like you right matter of fact,
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  this is for my support group right here.
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  Y'all see how many emails I got to respond to my support group
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  right now is like 45. My support group has 45 emails
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  in there right now that I have to respond to for people and
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  people. Other people are never
• 14:25
  responding right now. Helping each other out.
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  This is the group. This is a support group of
• 14:28
  sports called the Mental Healers.
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  You can find more information at mentalillness.net.
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  Y'all for everything that I have to offer.
• 14:33
  Mental healers.net for coaching every single thing, y'all.
• 14:36
  I appreciate every single one of y'all.
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  I'm grateful for you. I'm thankful for every single
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  one of y'all. I really AM and always y'all.
• 14:43
  Make sure you subscribe to the channel.
• 14:44
  I know this video ran a little longer, but subscribe to the
• 14:46
  channel. Mental illness is out.
• 14:48
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 14:50
  I am extremely grateful for you. Have no idea.
• 14:53
  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
• 14:55
  to the channel. Helps reach more people and
• 14:57
  click on the screen to watch another video or to browse
• 14:59
  through another playlist. There's also a link on the
• 15:01
  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
• 15:03
  you heal and understand what you've been through.
• 15:05
  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
• 15:07
  video. Peace.