Latest / Dear Divorce Diary: A Fresh Approach To Healing Grief & Building A Life Of Confidence After Divorce / 154. Why Following Wellness Trends Won’t Help You Heal Divorce Grief & What To Do Instead

Transcript

154. Why Following Wellness Trends Won’t Help You Heal Divorce Grief & What To Do Instead · Dear Divorce Diary: A Fresh Approach To Healing Grief & Building A Life Of Confidence After Divorce

• 0:49
  Speaker 1: Hi love, I want to start today's episode by acknowledging that it's based on a handful of goals that I have for you, and the goals that I have for you may not be the goals that you have for you, so let's tease that out at the front.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: My goal for you is that you don't have to live with chronic anxiety, chronic depression, chronic sense of insecurity, but rather spend the majority of your life not the entirety of your life, because humans are going to experience painful emotions and distress that's just a normal part of humaning right but that the majority of the time, you live with a general sense of connectedness to yourself and to others and to your higher power, that you have a general sense of peace and well-being and a general sense of security in yourself, in the world around you and with your loved ones.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: If those aren't your goals, this is not the episode for you.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: Hi love, welcome to Dear Divorce Diary, the podcast helping divorcees go beyond talk therapy to process your grief, find the healing you crave and build back your confidence.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: I'm your host, dawn Wiggins, a therapist, coach, integrative healer and divorcee.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Join me for a fresh approach to healing grief and building your confidence after divorce.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: In today's episode, we are going to unpack why the wellness industry does not the multi-trillion dollar wellness industry doesn't actually want you well when you're recovering from this divorce, and we are going to unpack kind of the nature of that industry, the ways in which it can help you and the ways in which it can hurt you and how that specifically affects you while you're going through divorce.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: We're going to unpack the alternatives to just kind of being headlong into the wellness industry and how you specifically can kind of check where you are in that healing process and in their sales funnel, if you will.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: And then we're going to hear from Ashley, who writes in kind of grappling with wanting to try some of these alternative methodologies, and we're going to take a look at, based on her story, whether or not she's experiencing a form of Stockholm syndrome.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: You may relate to Ashley.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: It's pretty interesting stuff.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: All right, let's dig in the wellness industry.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: Well, I've recently heard that the wellness industry is becoming actually more profitable in today's kind of modern culture than mainstream media, right?
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: So some of the same big names that you hear as kind of private equity firm shareholders, right?
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: Maybe historically a lot of their holdings are primarily in mainstream media and media outlets and that's shifting into holdings that are wellness industry related, meaning it is one of the most profitable industries on the planet today, and that makes sense, right?
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: We have, especially in America, come out of a period we're not well.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: We're coming out of, I would say we are awakening to the fact that we are toxic.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: Right, our food is toxic, our water is toxic In other parts of the globe, certainly, the air is more toxic than ours is here and our kids are sicker than we've ever been.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: Right, our relationships are breaking down, like just generally, right, we're exhausted and we are unwell.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: And so how did that happen?
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: And I think there's kind of a general understanding unfolding that you know how what you put in your body is going to dictate whether it's what you're thinking, right, what you're watching, what you're scrolling, what you're eating right that what you consume is going to have a direct effect on how you live.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: And so the wellness industry has joined forces with big tech to leverage our data and, specifically, our pain, in order to come up with products to sell back to us, to solve our pain and to profit off of.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: Now let me be very clear Anyone who's selling you something, myself included, seeks to profit from your pain, that is.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: It's an undeniable fact.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: I can't separate myself from right other people because I sell products and they are to do with solving your pain.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: So let me be very clear that I'm not holding myself separate.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: The standards by which that I am talking to you about today I hold myself to right.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: So marketers, big tech and the wellness industry all work together to understand, using our data, what our pain points are, the language we use to describe our pain, and then craft products to help us solve our pain.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: But here's the difference.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: Here's where I become different than the industry, right Is?
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: I want you to become independent, meaning I want you to take ownership of your health and wellness.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: I don't want you to be a forever customer of mine.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: That's the difference.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: I don't want you to be a forever customer of mine.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: That's the difference.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: I don't want you to be a forever customer of mine.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: I want you to become my best friend in the very near future, right?
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: I want you to be a forever community of mine, like I want us to, like, skip into the sunset together.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: I don't want you.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: There are plenty of people in the world that I can teach how to heal their traumas.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: I teach you that for free in the Loneliness Roadmap, if you haven't downloaded it yet, right?
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: I teach you for free.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: Please use this bilateral simulation, right?
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: Learn how to help work through your own traumas.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: There will always be enough for me.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: I want you to become empowered to own your own health and wellbeing.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: I don't want to keep you in a forever sales funnel where you're comfortably numb and just purchasing the next thing from me.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: And so in an industry where they're monetizing our pain in a way that they are prioritizing profits over people, that's where we get sicker, and not more well, and so we have to really take an honest look at our treatment plan, right.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: And so here you are in a moment where, the moment the paperwork was filed with the court system right, you probably started getting mailers from lawyers because those records are public and lawyers can buy lists.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: We've talked about it.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: We've talked about buying lists so that we could send you pens.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: You know to listen to the podcast, right.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: So anywhere your pain points become public information, right.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: Anywhere you're commenting on Instagram or TikTok or Facebook or wherever.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: Right On the internet.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: Anytime you enter a search term into Google, I have software where I can go find out what you're typing into Google and which things you type more often than others, and so know that every time you are logging your pain on the internet, someone somewhere is making a plan about how they can profit off that pain.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: We have to really ask ourselves is the person profiting off the pain?
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: Is their ultimate goal, my wellness or their profit?
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: This is how narcissistic abuse became distorted in our modern culture, right?
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: Narcissism and narcissistic abuse is one of the top searched Google terms currently in our current culture, and I think there are a lot of women out there and some of you are listening right this moment who have experienced very severe abuse from a narcissistic abuser.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: And then there are the people who are using that as an excuse to not take a good hard look in the mirror at their own selves and they're just blaming their lived experience on the fact that they were married to a narcissist.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: Let me tell you that's very rarely the case and PS you know, all of these things are treatable.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: So anytime we are Googling something that much right, it's just it needs a second look, right.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: And so there are podcasts that have been launched completely around this topic.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: There are entire.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: There's just so much money being made off of narcissistic abuse, and so you have to just check with yourself, right?
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: Is this person's ultimate goal?
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: This person is telling me something.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: What is their ultimate goal?
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: Is it my wellness or is it that I remain in their sales funnel?
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: And there are many, many examples that I have where I've had to ask myself that question.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: Recently, I was on the website for a newer brand, a brand that was launched in 2003.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: I think I'm pronouncing it correctly, but it's Olavita, a skincare company that came out of Europe.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: We love anybody in the US.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: We love anything that comes from Europe, right, we just have a love affair with all things European, and I currently use a skincare line called Bamboo Earth.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: It's regional to where I live, it's in North Carolina.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: It's a smaller company you know small batch products and I love it and I'm very satisfied and I understand give or take, right that the ingredients that are used are high quality, ethically sourced, that it's a solid skincare company that I use.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: I love them, I swear by them.
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: So why was I on this website this Olavita website, right?
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: Shmying around trying to decide whether or not I needed products that had specifically olive oil at the core?
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: And they're very expensive, right, and it's an MLM or something like an MLM, right?
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: And as I'm scrolling and I'm like reading about these serums, these face serums, as I'm scrolling and I'm like reading about these serums, these face serums, and I'm feeling like maybe I'm not as pretty as the Instagram influencer, or maybe I'm aging faster or I'm not.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: I don't feel as good as myself about myself, as I would like to right.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: All those feelings get kicked up when I'm considering purchasing a product.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: Like to right.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: All those feelings get kicked up when I'm considering purchasing a product when I'm perfectly satisfied with the product I have.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: So what if I could do more about these wrinkles?
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: And especially because our culture is moving in this direction of health and wellness, right that marketers have figured out how to monetize our interest in health and wellness.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: So we want healthy, non-toxic skincare products now, right.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: And so I'm asking myself, wow, what if I don't buy this serum?
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: What's going to happen next?
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: But guess what's going to happen next?
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: Nothing, right?
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: Olive oil isn't going to transform my skin or my wellness.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: What is going to transform?
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: Well, we're going to talk about what can transform your skin and your wellness, right, but olive oil isn't it?
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: Like?
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: If so, I've got some in the kitchen, you know, and just because it's sourced from here or there, is that going to make or break my wellness journey?
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: Absolutely not.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: So long story short, I didn't buy any of it, but I can certainly recognize when those feelings get kicked up inside of me, where this perfect romper is going to solve my body image issues or this, you know perfect, whatever right is going to temporarily make me feel better about myself, and that's how we often get sucked in, right?
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: And so the truth is that you can't purchase wellness.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: It can't be purchased.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: You have to become wellness.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: You have to become wellness, and this is where we start talking about, well, what's the alternative to the wellness industry?
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: And I know I tell you about products that I know, like and trust and that I love right, a magnesium product or a flower essence.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: So it's not that I don't use wellness industry products, right, we had someone from Green Compass on recently talking about CBD products.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: It's not that I don't use products, that I don't purchase products, but I want to be very, very discerning about do I really need it or am I falling into a fad?
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: Is this really going to move the needle in my journey or am I just kind of falling into the illusion that I can purchase wellness Because you can't Wellness.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: What is the alternative to the industry?
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: What is true wellness, true wellness, love comes as a result of slowing down, tuning in.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: I think that's where it all starts to break down.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: We can start with slowing down, but when we slow down, what do we do?
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: We pick up our phones and we scroll, and when we're scrolling, we're not tuning in right.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: Tuning in means really listening to my body and what it's telling me.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: Tuning in means tuning into my higher power, the truth of creation, the divine creator that created all of this.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: Y'all know I study the law of attraction and I often listen to Abraham Hicks and she talks about if you're moving through life and you're not meditating or something like it, if you're not tapping in, tuning in to your higher power or your inner being or the Holy Spirit or whatever right God, whatever you want to call it.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: It's like vacuuming your house without plugging the vacuum in.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: You can do it right, you'll be really busy, you'll look really busy and you might make those cool little lines on the floor, but you're not actually going to clean the floor.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: And so, if your wellness routine if your wellness goal or strategy doesn't involve you slowing down and tapping in, listening to your body, listening to your higher power.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: It's more like the industry approach than the true wellness approach.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: If you're eating but you're not nourishing right, if you're not in tune with which foods your body is able to receive and work with right now, which choices in how you spend your time, if you're not really listening to which activities your body is really benefiting from right now and if you're not challenging your most common thoughts and feelings and asking yourself does this square with capital T truth, right?
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: Capital T truth meaning kind of the laws of nature, the laws of the universe, spiritual laws and truths.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: Things like energy cannot be created nor destroyed.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: It can only be transmuted.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: So meaning, if you're not actively transmuting your pain into power, your strategy is kind of not in line with the laws of the universe, spiritual laws and principles that love heals pain, that anger will never heal pain.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: That resentment will never heal pain.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: That obsessively thinking about what your ex is doing or not doing is never going to heal your pain.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: I had a session with a client recently and she was describing for me how she has all these toxic, toxic thoughts and feelings.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: But what she does is she compartmentalizes those and then she presents with godly words and godly actions.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: And I said that's great, with godly words and godly actions.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: And I said that's great, but that sounds a lot like what we would read about in the Bible around Pharisees, sadducees.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: That kind of pissed her off, right, but it made sense in that if you are taking all of your toxic thoughts and feelings and you are suppressing them and you're not creating a faith that is integrated, if you are having to bypass toxic thoughts and emotions and consciously choose godly, principled words, but you are not actually dealing with transmuting the toxic thoughts and feelings, that is not humbly kind of transforming your pain into power.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: That's compartmentalization and it's faking it.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: Now, is there a certain value to faking it until you make it?
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: Yes, there is a place for that right.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: So I'm not all or nothing-ing-ing-ing that sometimes we have to fake it until we make it, but the ultimate strategy has to be we have to turn our pain into power.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: And I will tell you that I think it is a small percentage of healers that are doing the deepest levels of healing work.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: Now, is that a convenient thing for me to say here, calling myself one of the few, yes, but I think it's true, right, but I think it's true, right.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: We are coming out of a time where we put all of our stock into Western medicine, right, where we took a prescription to suppress a symptom and the symptom is how our body talks to healers.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: Right, symptoms are how there is meant to be a sacred relationship between healer and patient, a sacred sacred relationship.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: And I think in my generation and in the boomer generation, the one that came before us, right, I don't think, and the ones certainly that have come after us, I don't think that we have a frame of reference for that sacred relationship between healer and patient.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: I think we've been in kind of the Western medicine sales funnel for generations.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: Right, that's to do with insurance-based care.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: I think, the boomers in our generation, for sure, we saw where we lost the experience of the doctor, who knew us, who treated us from birth to death, right, who knew our families, who knew our case histories, who really understood medicine inside and out.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: We have been in this kind of gosh, just shuffling of right, where the heart doctor is separate from the hormone doctor and the hormone doctor is separate from the joint doctor.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: Right, it's complete, disintegrated healthcare, right, and when wholeness and healing is about integration of self, why would we be so invested in a healthcare system that is so disintegrated in nature?
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: But it's because it ultimately landed at profits before people, and so we don't know this kind of sacred relationship that is meant to be between healer and patient.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: I think that if you're someone who delivered your babies through like a midwife, you experienced that sacred healer piece.
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: I think some of the very best Reiki practitioners or maybe acupuncturists right, those are sacred, sacred healers.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: I think this is the season of sacred healers coming back online, but I think, even with that, you have to take into consideration the depth of action, right, and the level of effectiveness of those healers.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: Even Now, everybody's got to start somewhere, right, we've all got to start our journey as a healer somewhere, but I think that we have to really take a look at the depth of action of the tools, right?
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: Anybody who is talking about the spiritual roots of disease you know Louise Hay, she's rest in peace.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: She was so ahead of her time.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: She was talking so much about the spiritual roots of disease decades ago.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: Anyone who's talking about EFT tapping, reprogramming the subject, subconscious mind, somatic processing, right, we've learned more and more about somatic processing somatic processing right, we've learned more and more about somatic processing.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, I cannot unsee what I have seen with regard to homeopathy and its depth of action.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: I got into this amazing conversation with Producer Joy today about Christ dying on the cross for our sins being actually a homeopathic answer to our sin.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: So that's a whole fun conversation we can have on the side.
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: But there are certain modalities, love, that are just going to have a depth of action that other modalities cannot reach, and I think that sacred, sacred healers you know, those who are doing myofascial release, who are helping release trauma from the cells those are healers who are actually creating deep, beautiful depth of action.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: But then, if you've ever, I challenge you to look on Instagram the handle Healing From Healing, because, oh my goodness.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: So as a healer, I'm in on the joke, right, I am in on the joke that if you go watch that Instagram handle Healing from Healing, it is hysterical parody where you know they repost all of the quote unquote healers that are teaching all the ways to heal, where we're putting like crystals in our yoni and we're talking in ways that are just absurd.
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: And you know we're creating retreats on edges of cliffs and we're clearing trauma from our bodies in ways that just are ridiculous.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: Right, where we lose track of I think it's not grounded in a true higher power.
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: Right, it's like this popular culture version of healing that can get really, really ridiculous where it's denying kind of really important spiritual principles that energy cannot be created nor destroyed, it can only be transmuted.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: And if we are the folks who are advocating for plant medicine but they are just really getting high all the time versus using these pieces to heal very specific aspects of mental, emotional, physical illness, we have to be careful that even with healers it can get distorted.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: It can be not grounded in capital T truth.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: I think we're seeing that play out on a lot of, lot of levels, that marketers can have a predatory nature and that right right now, when you are particularly suffering and life feels particularly heavy, it is very easy to be preyed upon by marketers who are going to use those pain points and prey on you and invite you to spend your resources in ways that is going to prioritize their profits and not your deliverance.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: If you will, I want you to really check in with yourself and not your deliverance.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: If you will, I want you to really check in with yourself.
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: Are the healers that you're working with have they seen resolution from chronic anxiety, chronic depression?
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: I will tell you, I've guested on a lot of podcasts lately and I've had guests on my podcast and almost almost every single one of them has asked me for a homeopathic recommendation and have seen a benefit from a homeopathic recommendation and have seen a benefit from a homeopathic remedy.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: And that is to say to you that even the top professionals that I have been communicating with are still acknowledging to me that there is still room for improvement in their own healing.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: And I think we have to be honest about that right that a healer can only take you as far as they've gone.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: Let me say that again A healer can only take you as far as they've gone.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: And I have heard a lot of marketers.
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: There are a lot of marketers that specifically market to teach coaches, therapists and healers how to market their businesses, and there was a whole season there where marketers would teach healers.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: You only have to be a step ahead of your clients.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: You only have to be one step ahead of your clients.
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: I don't know about you, but I want my healers to be a lot of steps ahead of me.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: I want to hire the people, I want to work with the people, I want to have mentors who are wiser beyond me Wiser, right and so I want you to check with yourself.
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: Are you slowing down?
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: Are you tuning in?
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: Who are you calibrating to?
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: Are you calibrating to your higher power?
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: Are you calibrating to a skincare company, right?
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: Are you calibrating to that guy you have a crush on?
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: Are you calibrating to your ex?
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: Are you calibrating to your children?
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: Where are you seeking the depth of your wellness from?
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: Is it from places that are going to ultimately liberate you from chronic anxiety, depression and insecurity?
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: Are you calibrating to places that are going to help deliver to you connectedness, peace and security?
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: Are you in the kind of forever funnel of the wellness industry where you're kind of expecting the next product to solve it, or are you really efforting to nourish yourself?
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: Are you challenging your thoughts and your feelings?
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: Are you in denial about which products or processes?
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: And I think it's confusing.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: As a consumer, I think it's confusing to know which products or processes are going to truly deliver wellness, and there's always going to be a next trend or a next fad.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: You know, even some of my favorite people that I just know from doing this right, from being a healer, will say to me well, my body doesn't produce the enzymes that it needs to break down that food, or I was born, or it's genetic the anxiety that I experience, or it's my attachment style.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: But why?
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: I always ask this next question but why?
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: And if our spiritual texts, if our religious texts, promise us even the 12 steps, promise us they have promises built in right that there is a peace that passes all understanding?
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: And if there is a peace that passes all understanding and I am not currently experiencing it then I want to get to the root and to the heart of why not, and I want to solve for it.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: And I want to solve for it sooner than later and I don't want it to take forever.
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: But here's what I see with people.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: Don't want it to take forever, but here's what I see with people.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: I see that when God speaks to them and delivers them the promises, they struggle to let it in.
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: And I hear Abraham Hicks talk about this a lot.
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: There's a joke right that the guy is on the roof in the flood and prays for God to deliver him or her and God sends somebody you know in a raft and God sends somebody in a boat and the person's like no, I'm waiting for God to deliver me.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: It's like how often do you miss when God is actually working in your life and you just missed the cue?
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: And so I see this happen quite a bit, where I'll say to someone hey, I've got a remedy suggestion for you, or I've got a process suggestion for, or I've got a product suggestion for you, and it's one that I know is going to deeply, it's finely tuned, answer right.
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: Because I think a depth of action also comes with a level of intimacy of understanding a person and their problems and the solutions that are available.
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: But people are afraid, you know, and we're going to unpack that here in our getting unstuck segment.
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: People are afraid.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: We often want to be in control.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: Brene Brown has talked about this beautifully for the last, I would say, probably 15 years.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: As the research informed her TED Talk that kind of launched her into famousness.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: That led to her.
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: She had already written many, many books before her infamous TED Talk, right.
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: But it led to the Netflix special and the popularity of her books, where her research on shame and vulnerability taught us so much, right.
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: But she says we are coming out of an age where we want to control and predict everything and the cell phones have allowed us to do that, has allowed us to not be able to tolerate uncertainty, and uncertainty is really the pathway.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: Uncertainty and vulnerability is really the pathway to everything magical.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: And so there are a lot of people that I encounter that their incapacity for tolerating vulnerability or not being in control of something has blocked them from the goodness of God's gifts and promises.
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: And I want you to ask yourself is that you Are there places where you are denying God's gifts in your life because you are wanting to remain so heavily in the control and predict phase that you cannot let it in?
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: So let's hear from Ashley, who writes in, and she says I hear you talk about these things, dawn, and I want to try them, but I am so afraid that certain things like flower essences and homeopathy, they're less validated, they're less credentialed than Western medicine, and I have concerns about trying some of these tools.
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: And it's true, right, we, especially Western culture, do not have the same understanding of some of the tools that have these deep actions, that are less well-known or less well-understood, but that is because the bulk of our medical experience has come from these Western practices which involve pharmaceuticals primarily right and surgeries, pharmaceuticals and surgeries.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: And that is not to say that those things do not have value.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: I use pharmaceuticals.
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: My husband has two replaced hips Like I'm not against pharmaceuticals and surgery, but I am saying right place, right time and I want to run something by you, this concept of Stockholm syndrome as an answer to Ashley's concerns.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: Stockholm Syndrome describes emotional attachments some victims develop toward people who abuse, torture or abduct them.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: Experts suggest Stockholm Syndrome is a coping mechanism I'm reading from the internet A coping mechanism that can occur in response to prolonged trauma where survival depends on appeasing an abuser.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: So that's what we would call when you hear a fight flight freeze as trauma responses.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: We've recently added one called FON fight flight freeze or FON.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: So if we feel like our survival depends on appeasing an abuser, that's a fawn response in a prolonged trauma scenario.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: In these cases, individuals may empathize with the perpetrator or have selective memory regarding the abuse.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: Now I see this a lot in therapy, where people come in and they feel very defensive of their family, which may have perpetuated and perpetrated abuse.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: It's very, very common, this concept of Stockholm syndrome.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: So I want you to think about how, as a culture, a Western culture, we may have felt like to survive in our workplaces, in our marriages, in our communities.
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: I see this in small towns where people say, like I can't speak my truth because I will be, my business will be affected, my children will be affected, my reputation will be affected, how the roots of Stockholm syndrome are in there.
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: Right, I can't go against the norm.
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: I can't go against Western medicine because I will not feel safe.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: I can't question my spiritual leaders in town.
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: I will not feel safe.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: I cannot question what has become widely accepted, because going against the grain, it doesn't feel safe.
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: So notice and I felt this very, very powerfully, very specifically in the early days, weeks, years as I was recovering from divorce is right that there was this loyalty that I felt to certain religious concepts, to certain family members, to my ex, that I would defend these things violently, right To, even at the time, like I remember wearing a Sarah Palin button, like that is a thing to admit here.
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: Dear Lord, have mercy.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: Do you remember, sarah Palin?
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: I could see Russia from my front porch, and that was while I was married.
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: Right, my ex was very active in politics, and so I was just drinking the Kool-Aid, right?
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: Just drinking the Kool-Aid and whatever certain people that I was trauma bonded with said I would just regurgitate, right?
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: I wasn't questioning my thoughts and I wasn't questioning my feelings.
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: I was in denial.
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: And so, ashley, I fully respect that.
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: You are afraid to try certain things and you're afraid of what could come next.
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: So many times people say to me I don't know who I will be if I try EMDR.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: I do not know who I will be if I do not have, if I'm not in control.
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: I do not know who I will be if these, if this chronic anxiety and depression is not there anymore, if this grief were gone, I do not know who I would be if I let my ex go.
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: And I think that's the piece that when we feel like we have to be in control, love, there is no room for healing.
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: And so I want you to check yourself.
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: Are you so afraid to be out of control that you are going to block healing for the rest of your life?
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: Or can you join me in maybe saying, fuck it, I'm going to go for it, I'm going to trust this crazy idea and I'm going to trust God, and I'm going to trust that God is delivering on their promises in my life, and I'm going to take a risk.
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: Taking a pill is certainly a risk.
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: A pharmaceutical pill have you ever read the leaflet on a pharmaceutical pill?
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: Energy cannot be created nor destroyed.
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: It can only be transmuted.
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: So anytime I take a pill to suppress something, there is a price to be paid downstream, whereas EMDR homeopathy flower essences, they are intentionally expressing something so that it can be integrated, and that's the goal.
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: All right, today we have talked about why the wellness industry doesn't want you well.
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: All right, today we have talked about why the wellness industry doesn't want you well, taking a look at how the industry thrives on your pain and it seeks to profit off of it in a way that wants to keep you comfortably numb in their sales funnel.
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: We have looked at the alternatives, which is to slow down, to tune in, to nourish yourself, to challenge your thoughts and feelings that have to do with maintaining the status quo and staying in control, versus getting vulnerable and expressing the deepest, deepest recesses of your pain.
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: We have talked about how Ashley might be experiencing something like Stockholm syndrome with Western medicine and its affiliates right, and that is what is kind of causing this fawn response or this inability kind of challenge the status quo in the healing journey.
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: If I've said anything here that resonates with you, I highly encourage you to jump on Instagram at Dawn Wiggins and send me a DM and just tell me what resonates most.
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: What does it feel like to hear this episode?
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: I am so curious to hear from you.
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: What do you feel as you're listening right.
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: Is it tension?
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: Is it stress?
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: Is it aha?
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: Is it excitement?
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: Is it hope?
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: Is it exhilaration?
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: Is it distress, like?
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: I want to know.
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: What do you feel.
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: Send me a DM and help me know what your experience is of this particular episode.
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: I love you so much.
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: Peace, dear Divorce Diary is a podcast by my coach, john.
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: You can find more at mycoachjohncom.