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Building a Legacy That Outlasts Your Career w/ Lance Welch · Something Extra

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Lance Welch: Everything you do will create a ripple effect in your life.
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And when we think of it as patriarchs and matriarchs, we get
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to have generational impact in everything we do.
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And and one of the concepts that is really kind of the foundational phrase
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of of the book is everyone leaves a legacy.
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It's either a default version or an intentional one.
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But for us to think we don't have impact on future generations
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is is naive.
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So the butterfly effect in its shortest form is everything you do matters,
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and it has a ripple effect that goes on forever.
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Lisa Nichols: It takes something a little more to lead with impact.
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I'm Lisa Nichols, author of Something Extra, and this podcast
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was inspired by our daughter, Allie, whose additional chromosome has shaped
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how I see people in leadership.
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Each episode features conversations with inspiring leaders from around the world
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about what truly defines how they lead and serve others.
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If you enjoyed today's conversation, please consider leaving a five star
1:08
review.
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It helps more people discover the show.
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And if you'd like to go deeper, my book, Something Extra, is available on
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Amazon and through other major book retailers.
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I'm thrilled to have Lance Welch on the show today.
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Lance is a business and legacy building coach, author of the Legacy
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Navigator, and the cohost of Beyond the Nest podcast.
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Well, Lance Welch, welcome to the Something Extra podcast.
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It is so good to be with you today.
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I cannot wait for our conversation.
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Lance Welch: I've been looking forward to this.
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Lisa Nichols: I have been too.
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You live in Nashville?
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Lance Welch: Just about seven o'clock.
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Lisa Nichols: I told you, we love we love Greg and I grew up in Paducah,
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Kentucky.
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We had so many of our friends after college that ended up in Nashville.
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And, what a town.
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What a town.
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I've traveled there just recently for some business, and it
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is booming.
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Lance Welch: Still booming.
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It's and and and no signs of slowing down right now.
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Lisa Nichols: Right.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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So I hope to see you more because I'm hoping to be there
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a little bit more.
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So Good for you.
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But I have to I always love to tell my listeners.
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And, you know, I think I'm gonna do a little study on this, Lance,
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to go back and see how many people are connected to Jim Bechtold.
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Oh.
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Because Jim Bechtold is the one that connected you and I
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and said, hey.
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The two of you guys need to meet one another.
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And, when I heard about what you were doing, I was just like,
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you you have to come on the podcast, Lance.
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I love what you're doing.
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And then you went on to connect me to Aaron Sanders, who's also been
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a guest.
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It it's just it's beautiful just how that snowball effect It is.
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Worked.
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Right?
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Lance Welch: Yeah.
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Jim is is a he's got the gift of connecting.
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That's for sure.
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Lisa Nichols: He does.
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Yeah.
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He's got he's got lots of gifts, but definitely connecting.
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Encouraging is another affirmation.
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It's another one of his many gifts.
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I just love having him in my orbit.
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But, you know, you spent, I think, twenty eight years
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as an exec at Allstate.
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Lance Welch: Yes.
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Different level.
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Twenty eight?
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Yeah.
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Start out in sales and, for some reason, thought I wanted to get into
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management and just kept climbing.
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Lisa Nichols: Yep.
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Yep.
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So you you were an executive there.
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For for our listeners who don't know, I'm sure everybody knows Allstate, but it
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is a Fortune one hundred company.
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Yep.
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I think it's the largest publicly held personal
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line insurance.
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So, I don't know.
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That could have changed, but big company.
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Yeah.
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Big company, and you rose through the ranks.
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And I think, you know, let let's just talk about this.
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What what shaped you in your early years?
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I mean, you started out in sales, but just kinda tell us a little
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bit of the journey.
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And then I've got I've got scads and scads and scads of questions for
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you, but let's just talk about this for a minute.
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Lance Welch: Yeah.
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Okay.
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So started out definitely in sales.
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Because I was, you know, I grew up in a pretty
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poor household.
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My dad worked three jobs, hourly wage jobs the entire time I I was
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growing up.
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So I had a lot of incentive of what can I do with my
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life?
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He was an amazing dad, still is amazing dad.
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I still have him with us.
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But I knew that I wanted more than that, and, you know, it
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is so much easier today.
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I look at what my boys are building.
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They're they're all three entrepreneurs.
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Being able to build a business today is a lot different than what it
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was thirty, forty, fifty years ago.
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And so I I knew that for me to make
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a have a better living, a better standard living, I probably was gonna have
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to go into sales.
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I'd always been told that sales is either the highest paid, most
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enjoyable, or the lowest paid, most frustrating.
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Yeah.
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So from one extreme to the other.
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Right.
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And I just I love the freedom that it provided.
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I I love the opportunity to be able to,
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at in in the initial phases, it was all I was very self centered,
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very egotistical, you know, air my laundry here right at the beginning.
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But I just wanted to make a lot more money.
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And it started out in in life insurance sales, and when it became real
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was when I had to deliver my very first death claim.
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And it it was to a very young couple.
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Excuse me.
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We lived in Shreveport, Louisiana, and very, very unfortunate
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that it was a random drive by shooting.
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And
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totally I mean, most most murders are are uncalled for.
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This is just random.
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But when I delivered that death check to that young widow, she was twenty
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four years old and two two young children, it changed forever
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how I You know?
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What did I do?
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It used it went from me being able to win a trip to for
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my wife and I to go to a place we'd always dreamt dreamt of
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going to people cannot walk around without adequate
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amount of life insurance.
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And from that day forward, it's it just became a passion
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to be able to make sure that people did not have to endure the
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what we now call see the GoFundMe accounts that we see a lot of.
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Lisa Nichols: Right.
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Lance Welch: So began to to excel.
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Won, trips, we got to travel all over the world.
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And, you know, like most corporations, if they find a a, person
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who can sell really well, they typically think they're gonna be a good manager,
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which is not the case.
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Just because you can sell something doesn't mean you can lead people.
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But I always loved being a leader.
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Mhmm.
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I was introduced to John Maxwell and his content very, very early on
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and became just a fanboy of of John and what he's
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built.
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I'm now a coach within his organization, but, and I've followed him
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for probably the last forty years.
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And he has just got the most consistent track record of developing
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leaders, and he's known as the the world's greatest leadership
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expert.
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And so I just began to develop myself as a leader, grew in
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in the corporate ranks.
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And, when my boys were probably getting into the double digits, the
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ten to twelve years old, something clicked in me that realized that
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all of the content that corporate was pushing down to us as leaders
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to develop our teams, all I had to do is switch the verbiage
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from a corporate perspective to a personal perspective.
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And it was very similar content on what I started building for our family
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as far as year end reviews, family vision cast, quarterly
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family reviews, you know, the QFR versus a business's QBR.
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Lisa Nichols: Sure.
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Lance Welch: I just love the leadership side of things.
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And knowing that I had three young men in my house, I wanted
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them to be equipped to leave the house well.
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Not just leave.
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I wanted them to be prepared to leave, and that was kind of my
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quest into leadership.
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It was, yes, for corporate, but more so with what I could lead and
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equip my boys to do.
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Lisa Nichols: Mhmm.
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That is so beautiful.
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I just I love that.
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So did corporate, like because I know, like, success.
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I mean, you definitely had success.
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You I think at one time, Lance, you had three thousand reps,
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at least three thousand plus reps in fourteen different states.
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I mean, you were definitely leading.
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But when you were talking to leadership about this, it's not just,
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you know, I said leadership doesn't stop at the office.
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Mhmm.
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Leadership
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really, you know, cascades into every piece of our of
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our life, really, if we allow it to.
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Oh, we will.
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But I love that.
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Were you able to with the people that you were leading,
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were you able to translate for them?
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This is not just what you're doing here at Allstate for
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the business, but you can use these concepts with your family.
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Were you able to do that Yeah.
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With the people that you were leading?
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Lance Welch: We did.
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And and that was really what led to you know, the my wife and
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I have a podcast called Beyond the Nest.
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Yes.
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There was a
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a phenomenon that I began noticing that a lot of my my agents, my
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reps that were incredibly successful, but they were entering the empty nest
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phase of life, things were beginning to break down.
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And I began to to notice, and now I've recently found a statistic that
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actually supported what I saw, is there is a forty percent spike in the
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divorce rate at empty nest.
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And so when I began to start recognizing that there was something
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happening at that phase of life, then it would I love to study.
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I I love to research, find out cause and effect, and that
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did give a lot of opportunity to start talking about, you know, how do
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you succeed at work and home that it's not either or, but
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it's both and.
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And it would Mhmm.
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Pretty easy concept to to to transition into.
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Lisa Nichols: Yeah.
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Wow.
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And you see that so much.
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Right, Lance?
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I mean, we can get with work and our careers, we can get so
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entrenched in that.
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And then, you know, there's, collateral
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sometimes, unfortunately, that's left behind.
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Lance Welch: True.
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Lisa Nichols: So and so I know that that's you know, we're gonna get into that.
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That's, like, what you are really passionate about today, both you
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and Allison.
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But, you know, I wanna talk about this.
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So you you're very open.
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There was you you've got the three boys, and and I know that they're
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all, like, entrepreneurs, and they're successful.
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You say they were strong willed.
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Lance Welch: Yes.
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Lisa Nichols: Three strong willed boys.
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You know, I want you to if you can, talk to our listeners about
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this because you talk openly about the dictator dad phase
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that you went through.
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Lance Welch: Yeah.
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My wife could probably talk about it even better, but, she was
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always the buffer, between me and them.
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And, you know, I was I grew up an athlete.
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Lettered and everything.
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My jersey's retired.
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I mean, it was it was my life.
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My drug of choice was was basketball.
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Didn't get into actual drugs, but my my drug of choice was just
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as devastating because everyone had to take
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a back seat to that.
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And in the younger days, used to
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well, it's it's it's true now.
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I can say it used to be the concept of just kill them all
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and let god sort them out.
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I'm a high d on the disc profile,
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and I only had fun if I was winning.
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And so it was it was
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it was a drug that really drove me and,
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just about cost my marriage in the early days.
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And, you know, just the grace of God that we've been now married just
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over thirty eight years.
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So there is hope for all of us.
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Yes.
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And my oldest son, he is also a very strong
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willed, type a personality.
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And in the younger days, I I can remember so many
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times I can even get pictures or envisions now, the looks on some
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of their faces.
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It's like when you say things, you can't take those words back.
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But you can see that you talked earlier, collateral damage.
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You could see what you did.
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And my wife was always the buffer between me and them.
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And it was only through growing as a leader that I was
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able to realize, you know, I could I could lead just effectively
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at home as I did at work.
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And I can remember several times my wife would say, I wish you would
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study us and how to communicate with us as much as you studied your
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agents and how to communicate with them.
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Lisa Nichols: Wow.
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Lance Welch: And that was kind of a hard wake up call.
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It's like, I did.
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I spent an enormous amount of time to become a better leader in
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the corporate world.
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Yeah.
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I didn't until later learn that, you know what, I my family deserved
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every bit, if not more, attention on how do I study them and learn
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their language patterns, how can I motivate them to to grow
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in the areas that I want instead of just being the dictator and making
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it trying to make it happen?
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Mhmm.
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That makes sense.
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Lisa Nichols: That'll preach.
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That'll preach, Lance.
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That is so good.
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What do you think I mean, you know and, obviously, your boys
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have gone on to be successful in that.
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But what what do you think your family was feeling during that time?
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What do you what do you that dictator, what do you move from?
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I think it was you, and I could be wrong on this because sometimes
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my memory fails me.
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But I feel like you may have said to me, you know, you kinda
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move from even a coach to a consultant.
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As your kids get older.
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You know?
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I think you're the one that said that to me, Lance, and I thought
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that is so good because, really, a consultant
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as they get older, you know, they're asking for your help.
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Right?
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Yeah.
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Instead of you going, let me tell you how it is.
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Let me tell you what we need to do.
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Right?
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So, you know, maybe there is a listener out there that's like, gosh.
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I feel like maybe that's me, you know, that I'm more of a dictator.
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You know, what are some of the things that you can start doing?
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But, you know, you you talked about studying your family,
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but how do you move from that dictator to more of that consultant type
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mindset with your children?
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Lance Welch: Mhmm.
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Well, I think just like anything else, there's gotta be a level of awareness
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that that something isn't quite working.
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And, you know, was it Einstein said that it's it's the definition of insanity
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to continue to do what you've always done and expect different results.
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Lisa Nichols: Right.
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Right.
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Lance Welch: And, you know, so if something isn't working, it does not make sense to
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keep doing the same thing.
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And one thing that we have learned as parents of you know, I would
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say this would be go going to parents of, mid to upper teens into
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young adults, is if we continue to dictate how to do
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things, we are literally robbing our children from being able to learn how to
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do things on their own.
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Society rewards, obedience.
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It doesn't always reward strategic thinking.
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But the the value prop comes in when you're able to think
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through solutions.
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And and our society doesn't always appreciate that.
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I know that when I used to take the boys and check them out
15:22
of school to take them to John Maxwell events, the teachers thought that I
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was ruining their education, and I saw it exactly opposite.
15:30
You know?
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So they that was counted as an unexcused absence for them,
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but they didn't appreciate that.
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And I'm and I was totally okay with that because I wanted my boys
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to be, in environments that were bigger than them, that were
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over their heads, and they didn't understand what John Maxwell was talking about or,
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any of his speakers when they were thirteen, fourteen years old.
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But all three of them will tell you that those were some very instrumental
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days for them to recognize, one, dad cared enough to
16:00
go against status quo.
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Lisa Nichols: Right.
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Lance Welch: It taught them to really how to think for themselves.
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But back to the what your really question was is, are teenagers,
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upper teens and young adults, they will grow to the
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extent that you allow them to grow.
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And what we learned the hard way is that age group,
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they don't wanna be fixed.
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Even if you, as a parent, feel like they need to be fixed, they
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don't wanna be fixed.
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Anytime we, as an adult, look to address something
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that our upper teens or or young adults don't ask us for, it is
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viewed as criticism.
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And that's that was a hard lesson for us to learn is unsolicited
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advice almost always comes across as criticism.
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Lisa Nichols: Yeah.
16:45
Oh, that's good.
16:46
That's good.
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That's gold right there.
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Well, you know, as you were talking, Lance, I just I just thought
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about this.
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And it's like that dictator dad is speaking to their head
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Lance Welch: Mhmm.
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Lisa Nichols: But you're certainly not capturing their heart.
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Lance Welch: Correct.
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That's a good word.
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Lisa Nichols: In fact in fact, you're pushing that piece away,
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I think.
17:08
Right?
17:08
So yeah.
17:10
That's so good.
17:13
Well, for you, what were some of the hardest habits
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to unlearn
17:19
moving from, you know, the dictator dad to more the consultant dad?
17:23
What were some of your habits that you had to unlearn?
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Lance Welch: The the I'd say the hardest one for all three of them was that
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I knew the only right way to do something.
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When we continue as parents or even as leaders this is something we talk
17:38
a lot with a lot of my clients.
17:40
Ask your your your subordinates what do they feel like the right
17:45
solution would be.
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Even if you know the I the right way to do it, chances
17:50
are it's not the only right way.
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And if we're gonna talk about the the child parent
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scenario is if I will ask them, I will be amazed
18:01
at what they will come up with.
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But as long as I just keep telling them what to do, I literally
18:07
I'm it's like I'm cutting them off at the knees, and I'm robbing them
18:11
of the ability to learn to think.
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So the hardest thing for me was to not always step in and, quote,
18:17
fix things.
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And it's so much easier.
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I I a phrase we use a lot with our kids, always have is
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it's you you can choose your inconvenience.
18:27
It is inconvenient for me to ask my sons, even to this
18:31
day, what do you think?
18:34
I can I can tell them what to do in
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Lisa Nichols: about five
18:37
Lance Welch: in about five seconds?
18:38
Yeah.
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Or I might take fifteen minutes to ask them, what do you think should
18:43
be done and walk through the process.
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So it's inconvenient to take that extra time to ask them the question.
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But if I refuse to be inconvenienced now, I can promise you I'll
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be more inconvenienced later.
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Lisa Nichols: Yes.
18:57
Oh, that's good.
18:58
That's good.
19:00
You know, Lance, you know and I know you have a book too, and
19:04
we'll talk about it, but the something extra book, it just reminded me of
19:08
a few things.
19:09
So I start the book with humility.
19:12
Mhmm.
19:12
And if you think that your way is the only way,
19:17
That's the opposite of humility.
19:19
Lance Welch: Right.
19:20
Right.
19:20
Lisa Nichols: Right?
19:20
That's the opposite of humility.
19:22
And then the other, you know, leadership trait,
19:26
character trait that I was thinking about, also a fruit of the spirit,
19:31
is patience.
19:33
And I know for myself, sometimes, I am not long
19:37
on patience.
19:38
I'm short on patience.
19:39
Lance Welch: Yeah.
19:40
Lisa Nichols: So what you just said, I can tell them in five seconds
19:44
Lance Welch: Yeah.
19:45
Lisa Nichols: Where it might take me fifteen minutes to explain, but
19:49
the inconvenience now is going to save you in the
19:53
long run.
19:54
And I just think that's gold.
19:57
That is gold.
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Lance Welch: And your willingness to be inconvenienced now, it is literally,
20:02
in my opinion, setting them up for success later, which obviously reduces
20:07
my inconvenience later.
20:09
None of my boys are on my payroll anymore.
20:11
They've all moved out.
20:12
They're they're they're spending on their own two feet.
20:14
I I've got two amazing grandchildren that we get to just spoil.
20:18
So, yeah, it's a matter of, choose your inconvenience.
20:21
Steve Harvey had a talk a while back.
20:23
He was he called it choose your hard.
20:26
Same basic framework.
20:27
You know, choose your inconvenience.
20:29
You you can choose it.
20:29
You can be inconvenienced now or greater later.
20:33
It's your choice.
20:34
Lisa Nichols: Yeah.
20:34
That's so good.
20:35
That is so good.
20:37
Well, I wanna ask you one more question, and then we need to take
20:40
a quick break.
20:41
But you and Allison have a podcast called Beyond the Nest.
20:45
I would really, really, really highly recommend our
20:49
listeners go get that podcast.
20:51
Do you guys, does a new one drop every week?
20:54
What's the cadence for you guys' clients?
20:57
Lance Welch: Yeah.
20:57
Usually, it comes out every Tuesday morning.
21:00
Lisa Nichols: Every Tuesday morning.
21:01
Okay.
21:02
Well, we'll put it in the show notes, you know, how people can listen.
21:06
But
21:08
what do you think you know, because somebody might be sitting there
21:12
right now and going, oh, you know, yeah.
21:15
I'm a little lost.
21:16
I'm a little lost right now because we're in this empty nest or that
21:19
empty nest is coming.
21:21
Mhmm.
21:21
You know, What are some of the things that couples can do now,
21:28
you know, lenient to keep from and and, you know, you gave the one
21:31
statistic, which is a staggering statistic, forty percent.
21:34
Yeah.
21:35
Going through divorce in that empty nest.
21:37
Lance Welch: Well, it's actually it's actually worse than that.
21:39
It's a forty percent spike
21:42
Lisa Nichols: A forty percent spike.
21:44
Lance Welch: In the empty nest.
21:44
Yeah.
21:45
So which way it's going to be there, it's bad as we know.
21:48
Lisa Nichols: Bad as it is, but it's goes it goes up in that case.
21:53
Give us some practical things that a couple can do now to prepare
21:57
for that.
21:58
Lance Welch: Oh, man.
21:59
First thing is don't do it alone.
22:01
You know, there's such value in in community, either your own local community,
22:06
you know, your close circle of friends, is a huge, huge benefit.
22:11
Resources today, Lisa, there's so there's so many more resources
22:15
today.
22:17
Internet opened up the world to that.
22:19
YouTube, the podcast, books.
22:22
What we note, there's not a lot of books, though, with this
22:26
this segment, empty nest phase.
22:28
There's a ton of books on what to do when you're expect you know,
22:30
the toddlers and the the younger age, but there's not a lot of resources
22:35
out there.
22:35
But the number one thing is don't do it alone.
22:38
Don't believe the lie that no one else knows what you're going through, has
22:41
ever they've never experienced this, depression.
22:46
I was visiting with with someone we're gonna do some collaborative work, with
22:51
here pretty soon, and him he and his wife have a business together.
22:54
He's an event planner.
22:55
She's a travel planner.
22:57
And then when they asked you know, we got through the business side of
22:59
what we're looking to do with them.
23:01
They asked what I did, and I end up telling them about the Beyond
23:04
the Nest.
23:05
The call went a totally different direction.
23:08
They are getting ready to be in an empty nest phase, and the mom
23:11
has been dreading it for for two or three years already.
23:14
She's beside herself.
23:16
And if she wants to have a conversation with with Allison just because
23:20
she is scared to death of Yeah.
23:22
What's gonna happen.
23:24
So the number one thing is get in community.
23:27
You know?
23:28
Find resources
23:29
Lisa Nichols: Good.
23:30
Lance Welch: And don't do life alone.
23:32
The other is to recognize that our job is to equip our kids to
23:35
launch.
23:36
Right?
23:37
We don't It's
23:37
Lisa Nichols: a natural order.
23:40
Good.
23:40
Right, Lance?
23:41
Lance Welch: There was a a early book.
23:43
I've always been a massive reader, but, there was an author.
23:46
He's passed away now.
23:47
He's a guy named Steve Farrar.
23:49
Wrote many, many good good books on you know, if there's any dads that
23:53
are looking for parenting or dad type books, the number one thing I would
23:57
do from Steve is one called The Point Man.
24:00
Fantastic book.
24:01
But in one of his books, he tells that his dad told him when
24:04
he graduated high school, he said, play the man.
24:08
Shook his hand, not a hug, but shook his hand and walked away.
24:12
And he said the rest of the drive to school, he's trying to figure
24:16
out his words.
24:17
He said, what the hell does that mean?
24:20
We had no idea what did it mean to play the man.
24:24
And that always stuck with me.
24:26
It's like, my boys are not gonna have to ask that question.
24:29
You know?
24:29
So a lot of it, we get to learn either by our own trial
24:33
and errors or ideally, we get to learn from someone else's.
24:36
But sometimes we're just stubborn headed, and we're gonna learn it our own hard
24:40
way.
24:41
But the number one thing for me is learn from others.
24:44
Lisa Nichols: Yeah.
24:44
That's good.
24:45
That is so good.
24:46
Well, Lance, we need to take a quick break, and we'll be right back
24:50
on the Something Extra podcast with Lance Welch.
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25:23
Lisa Nichols: Welcome back, everyone, to the something extra podcast with my friend, Lance.
25:27
Well so, Lance, I read a blog that you wrote in twenty twenty
25:32
three about the butterfly effect.
25:35
And, you know, you talked about well, I don't wanna
25:39
I don't wanna steal your thunder here, but it was kinda something about the
25:42
Nobel Prize and that sort of thing.
25:44
Can you explain what is the butterfly effect?
25:47
Lance Welch: Everything you do will create a ripple effect in your life.
25:52
And when we think of it as patriarchs and matriarchs, we get
25:56
to have generational impact in everything we do.
25:59
And and one of the concepts that is really kind of the foundational phrase
26:03
of of the book is everyone leaves a legacy.
26:07
It's either a default version or an intentional one.
26:11
But for us to think we don't have impact on future generations
26:15
is is naive.
26:17
So the butterfly effect in its shortest form is everything you do matters,
26:21
and it has a ripple effect that goes on forever.
26:25
Lisa Nichols: That's so good.
26:26
That is so good.
26:28
Well, let's talk about your book.
26:30
K.
26:31
Because you released a book early twenty twenty four, I think it
26:35
Yeah.
26:35
Was.
26:36
Got it on Audible, called the legacy navigator.
26:40
Tell me why you wrote the book.
26:42
Tell me a a little bit about the book.
26:45
How was that experience?
26:47
Because, you know, I just wrote my own book, and it is an experience.
26:51
Lance Welch: It is indeed.
26:52
And and I laugh because,
26:55
I just turned sixty this year.
26:56
My wife and I both turned sixty.
26:58
We had our thirty eighth anniversary.
27:00
We had just an amazing family trip.
27:02
But we, when
27:06
it's like, it doesn't matter how old you get.
27:08
You still have moments of, did I really say that?
27:12
And and I it started with me asking my oldest son who
27:16
who's got a really successful podcast of his own, millions of
27:20
downloads a month.
27:21
He's got a very successful business.
27:23
But I asked him.
27:23
I said, hey.
27:24
Why don't you give dad some referrals for my coaching business?
27:28
And he said, well, why don't you create some content so I can say,
27:31
hey.
27:32
Check out his content instead of, hey.
27:33
Work with my dad.
27:35
Right.
27:35
And I'm like, like, what?
27:37
And he said, write a book.
27:39
All the boys, my wife, they they said I should have written a book
27:42
a long time ago, and I just did not ever see myself as an
27:45
author.
27:45
And, you know, our identity is such a powerful thing.
27:48
Lisa Nichols: Yes.
27:49
Lance Welch: It it took probably a year into the book after the book launched before
27:52
I was even comfortable saying, yeah.
27:54
I'm an author.
27:55
I don't know why I had to hang up on it, but I did.
27:58
But, anyway, so I'm thinking, alright.
28:00
I'm gonna write it on sales.
28:01
I've been in sales since college.
28:03
The first sales job I had was selling water
28:06
Lisa Nichols: know.
28:07
Water
28:07
Lance Welch: and cookware door to door.
28:09
Talk about rejection.
28:10
So Yeah.
28:11
I got about a thousand words in, and it was, like, such a roadblock.
28:15
It was so painful.
28:16
I didn't even enjoy it.
28:17
So I was like, I'm gonna write something else.
28:18
I'm gonna write on leadership.
28:20
John I've read so many books of John Maxwell's.
28:23
I'm like, I could recite most of them.
28:25
This will be easy.
28:26
Again, I got it about a thousand words in, and it was just painful.
28:30
I just did I wasn't enjoying the the experience at all.
28:33
Mhmm.
28:34
And I have an exercise that that I call give giving the pen.
28:37
I'm talking about giving God the pen, and and I just sit and I
28:40
listen, and I'm I'm just writing down thing whatever thoughts hit my head,
28:45
I'm just writing them down.
28:46
And this particular day, I felt like the question is, well, what are you
28:49
really passionate about?
28:51
And the first word that hit my head was a legacy.
28:55
And it's like, oh, well, what if I were to write about a legacy
28:59
and do a study?
29:00
What does legacy actually mean?
29:02
Because most people when they hear leave a legacy, they automatically think of finances.
29:07
Lisa Nichols: Financial.
29:08
Right.
29:08
Lance Welch: It's not even that's not it at all.
29:10
But so once I got on the topic of legacy,
29:15
I never stopped writing.
29:17
I mean, I was done then in about four months of writing the rough
29:21
draft.
29:22
And it's it's not a long book.
29:23
It's a three hour listen on Audible, you know, a hundred Right.
29:27
A hundred and forty pages.
29:28
But I didn't have a problem ever sitting down and writing
29:32
two fifty to a thousand words.
29:34
But it was like once I figured out what god wanted me to write
29:38
about instead of what Lance wanted to do, all of the
29:42
information just began to flow.
29:44
It was not hard to write.
29:46
I mean, this sounds I don't want to sound arrogant, but it's like, I'm
29:49
now pulling from thirty years worth of working with high net worth families in
29:53
the different sectors of what I got to do.
29:56
And it's it's got a lot of life examples in there, a lot of
29:59
true life examples, a lot of application questions.
30:02
It I didn't want the book to just be read as a piece of
30:06
entertainment.
30:07
I wanted it to be generational impact.
30:10
I wanted there to be exercises in there that if people were serious about
30:14
it, they weren't not gonna have to reinvent the wheel.
30:17
They just have to follow through on the, yeah, on the chapter implementation
30:21
sections.
30:22
Lisa Nichols: Mhmm.
30:23
Yeah.
30:23
I I love that.
30:25
I think that's so important because I did the same thing with my book.
30:28
I'm like, I don't want people just blowing through.
30:31
I want reflection questions and exercises that they can sit with.
30:37
You know, you walk through a legacy table, and
30:42
you say that there's four legs.
30:44
Most tables do have four legs.
30:46
Yeah.
30:46
Stool sometimes have three.
30:48
Right?
30:49
The tables have four legs.
30:51
Speaker 2: Yeah.
30:51
Lisa Nichols: So what are the four legs, and why do all four legs matter?
30:55
And to your point, a lot of times, I do think, Lance, people, when
30:59
they think about legacy, they think about the financial inheritance that they're gonna leave.
31:03
But it is that is, like, a minute part
31:08
Yeah.
31:08
Truly
31:09
Lance Welch: Yeah.
31:09
Lisa Nichols: Of the whole
31:10
Lance Welch: And and the legacy table, I give credit to Allison on this.
31:14
Again, she used to tell the boys when they were younger, boys, you will
31:18
always have a seat at our table.
31:20
You may not want it, but the seat is always there for you.
31:23
And so that framework, it was like no matter what the boys did, which
31:27
they did plenty of bonehead things.
31:28
They still do.
31:30
They're a Welch.
31:31
They will always always They're a Welch.
31:34
Have a seat at our table.
31:35
That it's a non that's a given.
31:37
So it was from that framework that's like us began to build around.
31:40
What does the table do?
31:41
We know what the power of family meals and all this is.
31:45
No argument there, but I use that as a framework of if we were
31:48
to assign a value mechanism to each one of the legs, what does it
31:52
mean?
31:52
So leg one, it was vision.
31:55
Leg two is value.
31:57
Leg three is knowledge, and then leg four is the wealth.
32:01
And each each one of those legs, we walk through how do you transfer
32:05
your values to the next generation?
32:07
Well, it is incumbent that you know what your values are first.
32:11
Lisa Nichols: Yes.
32:11
Lance Welch: Right?
32:12
And then there's an exercise in the back of the book that helps people
32:15
walk through what are your core five values as a family.
32:20
I would say ninety plus percent of America has everyone operates from a value
32:24
base.
32:25
I I'm not saying they don't have values, but I mean
32:28
Lisa Nichols: haven't defined it.
32:29
Lance Welch: They haven't defined it.
32:30
Lisa Nichols: They yeah.
32:31
They haven't written it down.
32:33
Lance Welch: No.
32:33
And this exercise allows a husband and a wife, if if it's a couple,
32:37
if it's a single parent,
32:39
god love you.
32:40
Do the exercise because what it does is it helps you ground every decision
32:44
you may now make based upon a proven method of these are
32:48
my values.
32:49
I went through the exercise, and this is what it means.
32:52
Mhmm.
32:52
And then you know, so each one of the legs, there's exercises in the
32:55
book to get to it.
32:56
But to your point, the the wealth leg, which is the fourth leg,
33:00
the reason it's the fourth one is if I've done leg one, two, and
33:03
three well, there's an entire industry set aside that makes leg
33:08
four incredibly simple.
33:11
Mhmm.
33:12
Mhmm.
33:13
Lisa Nichols: Yeah.
33:13
That is so good.
33:15
I just I love it so much.
33:17
I would encourage our listeners because I do know people.
33:22
You know, I've got a friend, Matthew Porter, that was a tech exec,
33:27
entrepreneur, CEO, then tech exec.
33:30
Lance Welch: Yes, ma'am.
33:31
Lisa Nichols: He does that with his family.
33:33
He's got a vision.
33:34
He's got a value statement.
33:35
Rick Lytle, who is another Rick and Jeannie Lytle, he's the CEO for
33:39
CEO Forum, has done that with his girls from the time
33:43
they were little.
33:44
You know, they do,
33:46
you know, vision boarding and, you know, they've got a mission statement as
33:50
a family.
33:51
And I just I think goodness gracious.
33:53
We spend so much time, Lance, with our businesses
33:57
Lance Welch: Yeah.
33:58
Lisa Nichols: Coming up with our core values and our mission and our vision.
34:01
Why aren't we doing that with our families?
34:03
Lance Welch: Right?
34:03
One of the number one questions I was asking thirty years ago.
34:07
Yeah.
34:07
Lisa Nichols: Yeah.
34:08
I agree.
34:08
I agree.
34:09
Well, I wanna ask you this.
34:11
You you know, and some people may think this is morbid.
34:14
I don't think it's morbid.
34:15
I think it's a good exercise, but you talk about a powerful story about
34:18
reading your own obituary.
34:21
Yeah.
34:22
And it's a very transformative exercise.
34:24
So it's kind of like I think about Covey.
34:27
You know, start with end in mind.
34:28
What do you want people when you're gone at your funeral, what
34:33
do you want people to say about you?
34:34
And you then you work backwards.
34:36
Right?
34:36
Lance Welch: Correct.
34:37
Lisa Nichols: Can you talk about that story and why that it's so powerful?
34:41
And people might feel weird about that, but you know?
34:44
Lance Welch: Yeah.
34:45
No.
34:45
I love the story, and and most people don't don't know about it,
34:49
but, and I'm I'm sure assuming you're talking about the two brothers
34:53
from,
34:55
the the diminutions expert.
34:56
Is that the one you're talking about in the book?
34:58
Lisa Nichols: Yes.
34:59
Yes.
34:59
Uh-huh.
35:00
Lance Welch: So there were two brothers in the late seventeen hundreds.
35:04
Alfred and Ludwig.
35:06
They were brothers and both incredibly successful businessmen,
35:11
but Ludwig passed away.
35:13
And in error, the journalist that was writing the obituary wrote it
35:17
about Alfred, the younger brother.
35:20
And so when Alfred opened up the the paper and was beginning to read
35:23
thought he was gonna read his brother's obituary, he was actually reading his
35:27
own.
35:28
And this was written by a third party that was labeling
35:32
him as,
35:35
the the king
35:37
of death, the munitions expert,
35:41
just obliterated him.
35:43
And he was reading this thinking, this is how I'm viewed and immediately
35:48
decided that this would not be my legacy.
35:51
And he was worth hundreds of millions of dollars even back then.
35:54
And he made the determination then that he was going to set up a
35:58
foundation to reward those who worked in the peace
36:02
efforts that brought peace to to the all the communities and societies.
36:07
What's interesting, and I didn't even put this in the book, when he made
36:11
that decision, he only lived another five years.
36:13
So it wasn't like he had decades and decades to build on what
36:17
he started.
36:18
Yeah.
36:19
But most people had recognized that even though he made a determination
36:24
and only to to change the way he was gonna be viewed and only
36:28
lived another five years to make it actually happen.
36:32
His legacy has now made worldwide impact
36:36
ever since.
36:37
You know?
36:37
So Alfred Nobel was his name, and we now know it as the Nobel
36:42
Peace Prize.
36:43
Lisa Nichols: Right.
36:44
Lance Welch: Reading his own obituary
36:47
was allowed him to have an awareness.
36:49
Now we say you cannot address what you're not aware of.
36:52
Mhmm.
36:52
But once he became aware of it, he decided now is the time to
36:56
change.
36:57
And so I believe, honestly, that's where this exercise came comes from.
37:01
You hear a lot of coaches and consultancies that will say, hey.
37:04
Write your own obituary the way it is now.
37:07
Write it the way you want it to be.
37:09
What is the gap?
37:10
And now how do you address it?
37:11
I really believe it probably came from this Alfred Nobel Peace Prize story.
37:16
Lisa Nichols: Yeah.
37:16
I absolutely love that story.
37:18
That'll be a story that sticks with me.
37:20
Right?
37:21
And so what I take away from that what I take away from that,
37:24
do the exercise, first of all.
37:26
Lance Welch: Yeah.
37:27
Lisa Nichols: Figure out what the gap is.
37:29
But, Lance, it's not too late.
37:31
Lance Welch: Never.
37:32
Lisa Nichols: You can change that.
37:33
Right?
37:34
You can change how you're gonna be viewed.
37:36
And so, yeah, that's so so beautiful.
37:40
I love it.
37:40
Well, let me ask you this.
37:42
What, you know, what's the role that faith has played in your journey?
37:47
Lance Welch: Oh, man.
37:47
Everything.
37:48
Everything.
37:49
The
37:51
just the the acknowledgment that, well, one, I'm not alone.
37:55
I am not a creator.
37:56
I'm not God.
37:57
There is God, but and I am not him.
38:00
I honestly believe that I would not be married at this point.
38:05
Our first couple of years so, you know, the first year was wonderful.
38:07
Years two, three, I wouldn't wish on anybody.
38:11
And we, you know, we talk about that in in one of the podcasts.
38:15
You know, we had a a newborn,
38:18
and she went home.
38:19
She left.
38:19
And her daddy sent her back.
38:21
And That
38:22
Lisa Nichols: was good for him.
38:23
Lance Welch: It was.
38:24
And it was a really good lesson for her, but also for me, but
38:27
it was it was one of those wake up calls.
38:30
And there was a a young I say young man.
38:34
He's about two years older than me, still one of my closest friends.
38:37
We don't we're not in the same states anymore.
38:39
But, Lisa, when I talk about community, when I mentioned that earlier,
38:44
there was a young man.
38:45
He was probably two years older than me.
38:47
He was an amazing tennis player, and mine was basketball, but he was teaching
38:50
me how to play tennis.
38:52
And I had carefully constructed these walls around me
38:57
that you only saw what I allowed you to see.
39:00
Mhmm.
39:01
You know, we might have a fight, Allison and I, on the on the
39:03
way to church, but when we got out of the vehicle, we're smiling.
39:06
Everything's great.
39:07
Lisa Nichols: Right.
39:08
Lance Welch: We pulled into the driveway one day after playing tennis, and he goes, hey,
39:11
buddy.
39:11
Can I tell you something?
39:13
I'm thinking he's gonna tell me something about tennis.
39:15
And I'm like, yeah.
39:16
Sure.
39:17
He paused for a second, and he looks at me.
39:19
He goes, you're being an ass to your wife.
39:24
Caught me completely off guard, and it made me so mad
39:28
Because I'm like, who who gave you permission?
39:30
Are you.
39:30
Yeah.
39:31
Who are you?
39:31
And so we had a little bit back and forth, and it ended with,
39:34
hey.
39:34
He goes, I'm sorry I offended you, but he I just want you to
39:37
know you ever need me.
39:38
I don't care what time.
39:39
It could be two AM.
39:40
You call me.
39:41
I will be there.
39:42
And I told him, don't hold your breath.
39:44
I was so mad.
39:46
Unfortunately, within the week, we had had an a a spat
39:50
over something probably stupid, and I ended up punching a hole
39:55
in the sheetrock.
39:56
And then I looked down at the clock, and it was one fifty eight
39:59
AM.
40:01
And his voice came back, and I'm like, I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna
40:05
call.
40:05
I'm gonna see what happens.
40:06
Lisa Nichols: Type him up on this.
40:08
Lance Welch: He was there in about ten minutes.
40:11
I had never
40:12
Lisa Nichols: allowed to your house?
40:13
Lance Welch: He came to my house.
40:15
Wow.
40:16
I had never once allowed anyone inside this these parameters.
40:21
Yeah.
40:21
And once I did, I'm really like, there's some freedom in this.
40:26
I started to go into he led a men's group at our church, and
40:29
I started learning that other men actually had a fight with their wife on
40:33
occasion too.
40:34
I realized that I had been doing it the hard way and doing it
40:37
along, alone all that time.
40:40
So from a faith perspective, it was such a wake up call to have
40:44
someone be so brutally honest.
40:45
They cared about me enough and my marriage enough to be brutally honest.
40:49
Yes.
40:50
That is priceless.
40:52
It is priceless.
40:53
Amazing.
40:54
Lisa Nichols: It reminds me of my guest that was on last week, Lance,
40:58
and,
41:00
he talks about having a corner man.
41:03
And he's like, you gotta have a corner man or a corner woman.
41:06
You gotta have that one person,
41:15
accountable, women holding one another accountable.
41:19
And I know for me, I've had people like that.
41:22
You know?
41:22
I've had I've had one lady, and I'm telling you, you
41:26
know, I mean, she she got a hard conversation with me one time and
41:30
said, Lisa, you are not honoring your husband right now.
41:34
And kinda to your point, you know, at first, you're like, what?
41:39
What are you talking about?
41:40
No.
41:41
She was older.
41:42
You know?
41:42
She's probably about ten years, older than me, but I respected
41:46
her.
41:47
And I knew that she loved me, and she, you know, she was
41:51
and I'm telling you, it was a pivotal point for me in how I
41:56
how I viewed that.
41:57
So Yeah.
41:58
Yeah.
41:59
I mean but it's hard.
42:00
I'm not gonna lie to you listeners.
42:03
If you're out there and you're feeling like you're on an island, get off
42:06
the island.
42:07
Get off the island and get get in community with somebody.
42:12
So, yeah, so important.
42:14
Well, let me ask you this, and and maybe this would tie into it.
42:18
If someone's listening today, Lance, and they realize they're really off
42:22
track they're off track.
42:24
They're not in alignment in their life.
42:26
What is one step one step that they can take today
42:30
to change their legacy?
42:33
Lance Welch: Oh, wow.
42:33
There's so many things.
42:38
For me, from just a faith based perspective, is
42:43
slow down and,
42:47
lean into the quiet.
42:48
And for me, ask God, where do I go from here?
42:52
Lisa Nichols: Oh, that's good.
42:54
That's good.
42:55
That's good.
42:56
And he promises that when we call on him, he will answer and show
43:00
us things that we do not know.
43:01
Yeah.
43:01
So that's a beautiful world world.
43:04
Lance Welch: Oftentimes, it's it's the quiet whisper that he's
43:08
leaning into for us.
43:10
And that's why I'd like get into a quiet place, embrace the stillness, the
43:14
quietness.
43:16
We are addicted to busy as a culture, and to busy, it's usually
43:20
chaotic.
43:20
It's noisy.
43:21
It makes it really hard.
43:22
Doesn't mean that God can't get our attention.
43:25
But if if I can acknowledge I am off track and
43:29
I wanna fix it, I'm believing that there's enough discipline
43:33
and willpower to to slow down, lean into the quietness,
43:37
and just ask the question.
43:39
Where do I go from here?
43:40
Lisa Nichols: That's beautiful.
43:41
Well, let me ask you this because I ask every guest this question.
43:45
What is the something extra that you believe every leader needs?
43:50
Lance Welch: Oh, man.
43:50
I think you nailed it to begin with humility.
43:53
Yeah.
43:53
Humility is it goes so far, at work,
43:57
at home.
43:58
It is incredibly hard to argue with my wife when
44:02
she's leaning into humility or vice versa.
44:05
Right?
44:05
It just kinda nips it in the bud.
44:07
Same with dealing with your your teenagers or your adult children.
44:11
Humility will will stop most arguments.
44:14
Lisa Nichols: Yeah.
44:15
That's good.
44:15
That's a good word.
44:17
Lance, I knew this was gonna be good.
44:19
I knew it was, and you, this did not disappoint.
44:23
Thank you so much for being willing to share your wisdom, and,
44:27
I just pray that it helps people.
44:29
Lance Welch: Amen.
44:29
Lisa Nichols: I know that it will.
44:31
I know that it will.
44:32
So thank you, my friend, and I hope to see you in Nashville face
44:35
to face.
44:36
Lance Welch: I look forward to that.
44:37
We'll make it happen.
44:39
Lisa Nichols: Yes.
44:39
Absolutely.
44:41
Announcer: Something extra with Lisa Nichols is a Technology Partners production.
44:45
Copyright Technology Partners Inc, twenty nineteen.
44:48
To learn more about this week's guest, check out the show notes at tpi
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