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Signs You Need To Set Stronger Boundaries · Healing with Purpose

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Healing with Purpose Podcast, a place where we discuss how healing ourselves helps us find our purpose.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Kenya Marie.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get into it.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to another episode of Healing with Purpose.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: I am your host, Kenya.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: So excited for today because we are continuing this boundaries conversation.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: In the last episode, I talked about some boundaries that I set with myself that have really allowed me to step into my highest self and to really live a life of alignment and truth and a life that feels so much better.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I wouldn't have been able to set that boundaries if I wasn't aware of some of the signs that were telling me, hey, we need to set a boundary here.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: So today I want to, you know, give you five signs that might be happening in your life right now that are really, really telling you that you need to start setting some stronger boundaries.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: So before we get into today's episode, I just want to say thank you so much to all of the love and support that we got with the Healing with Purpose course.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: We have an incredible cohort in there now, and they are learning.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: They are loving the information and hearing the feedback has been so amazing.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, it really is a one-stop shop to healing.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: It really is a course that you have access to from the comfort of your own home.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's a retreat that comes to you through your computer screen and the most educational retreat that really is designed to help you actually work through the process of healing, not just knowing these things on a conscious level, but truly, you know, adopting it into your mind and into your body and in and doing the work to really heal the body and you know, manage our mindset and you know get back in tune with our emotions and start really understanding that we all have this inner child that requires so much healing and so much love.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: And um, you know, when we are able to get rid of these distractions, that is when we're able to welcome in this enlightened information.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: This enlightened information could look like so many things, but at the minimum, it'll remind you of your power, whatever your powerful gifts are.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're listening, if you're listening to this, you need to know that you do have these powers.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: You do have these gifts, and you are meant to do so much in the world.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: And if you aren't feeling like you are right now and your life feels anything, you know, less than absolutely amazing and inspiring, then you probably haven't really tapped into that power.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: And so I want you to know that like this process of healing the body is so powerful because getting this the space to you know allow us to remember who we are and what we're here for is really unlike anything else.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: So um, so thank you to all of you that are in the healing of purpose course.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to um join, definitely get on the wait list and you know, subscribe to the emails we will be sending out when the next little batch will start.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: It will be in January.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so just look out for that.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: But today, let's talk about the signs that you need to set some stronger boundaries.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: The first sign that you need uh to set some boundaries in your life is when you take on more than you can realistically handle.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: So, how many of you are constantly saying yes?
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: You are saying yes to everything.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: You're saying yes to that party, you're saying yes to that um work assignment, you're saying yes to that meetup that you don't really want to go to, or that vacation, or you know, that responsibility, right?
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: You're saying yes to everything and you're just taking on way more than you can handle.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: That is a sign you need to set some stronger boundaries, okay?
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: You have to understand if you are constantly pouring from your cup without ever refilling that cup, you're going to run out of water.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: And the same thing goes to the same message applies to mothers, to bosses, to fathers, to those responsible for other people.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you are constantly giving, and I know it's in your heart to give, right?
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: Moms, right?
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's in your heart to give.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: You think, well, no, I always need to say yes.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: I always need to take on everything.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm mom, right?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: No, because you are human.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Before you are mom, you are human.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: And you need to have a full cup if you're gonna be pouring into other people.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: And so what that looks like is sometimes not saying yes to everything.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes that looks like really, you know, letting letting others help you, right?
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you have a sister or, you know, a neighbor who's constantly, you know, um offering to babysit, to give you some respite, you and your your man some respite, or you fuck it, you some respite, right?
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: But you're constantly saying no, because maybe you feel bad, or maybe you just like, oh, I can't be away from the kids, or I just don't have the time, or no, you know, like, are you that person and you're just taking on everything because you feel like you need to?
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: If so, you know, this is a sign that you need to set some stronger boundaries with yourself and recognize that you need to have your cup filled if you're gonna be pouring into other people all the time.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: So however that looks for you, whatever filling your cup up looks like to you, like you need to be doing it for me.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: I fill my cup when I have at least one Sunday of the month where I literally don't see anyone.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: I ask my husband to go hang out with his friends.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: I say no to all plans that are made, and I have a genuine day by myself.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it's not even by myself.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's, you know, maybe my husband is with me or my best friend, and it's just a day of just being on the beach, zoning out, meditating, taking shrooms if I need to, like just really just being by myself with myself and like it's the best thing ever.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: And that is a really a good way for me to like fill up my cup when it comes to like a monthly sense, but it's not just a monthly, like I have things that fill my cup every week, right?
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: So staying active, exercising that fills my cup, that gives me energy to show up for other people because I'm showing up for myself.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: So exercising and moving my body.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: So think about what it is that will help you fill your cup, and that's what you need to do.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the next sign that you need to set some stronger boundaries in your life is when you remain passive when someone disrespects you, or when you remain passive when someone undermines your value.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: If that is you, sis, you need to set some stronger boundaries.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: You should not allow anybody, and I know some guys listen to this, so I'm talking to you guys too, but all of us, we cannot allow someone to speak to us in a passive, aggressive way that disrespects us or undermines your value.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's so detrimental to your health, right?
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's so detrimental to your health.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: I know that there's a lot of us who really struggle with speaking our mind when it comes to the relationships that we have with someone in our life.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: I understand that.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I I don't really consider myself a passive person at all, but there are definitely times when I have kept my mouth shut and, you know, kind of was just passive about a comment that was made that actually was really hurtful.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I end up getting, you know, this buildup of frustration.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how many of you can relate to this with like friends?
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you've had a friend in your life who has said some things that are just like kind of rude, and like you, like it's kind of like a dig, but you don't ever really say anything.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: And then it continues to happen.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: And sort of like small, like they're not really big enough for you to like say something in the moment you think.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: So you just don't say anything at all.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: But over time, you're like, now you have like a list of all the things that they do and say that just irritates the shit out of you.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: And then now you grow like a bunch of you know, frustration uh, you know, towards that friend or something.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like I've seen this happen, like and and I'm sure you've experienced it.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, oh my gosh, that happened.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: It got to that point because we remained passive when someone said something that either disrespected us or or undermined us.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: And so, really, if that's you, we need to set some stronger boundaries and really, you know, let people know when something said doesn't sit well with you, or if something, you know, maybe this is a boss, maybe this is a friend, maybe this is a partner, like whomever.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: But if something doesn't sit well with you and you need to sit well with this person in order to continue in whatever relationship you have, then you can't allow someone, you you can't stay passive when someone really just disrespects or undermines your value.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: You have to say something and you have to set some stronger boundaries with yourself.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: The next the next sign that you probably need to set some stronger boundaries is when you struggle to communicate your needs or your expectations.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: When you struggle to communicate your needs or expectations, this is something that I still am working on.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's really, really hard to sometimes express what I need because I'm just so used to just doing everything for myself, by myself.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I had a lot of pride in doing all these things for myself and by myself.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's really challenging for me to express what I need.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, definitely, I think this shows up the most in like my relationship.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm, you know, I'm not great at sharing what I need.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: And that, you know, that could be problematic because none of us are mind readers, right?
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: So like if you are in a relationship, let's say, let's go with this example, like, and you have needs of the relationship.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe there are um, maybe they're not speaking your love language, right?
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you have, you know, maybe you're a words of affirmation type of person, but your partner is a, you know, um a physical touch type of person, right?
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: And they show you physical touch because that's their love language, but they're not giving you your words of affirmation and not saying anything, like struggling to actually say, like, hey, I need this, I need this, is only going to make you feel worse.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's only going to make the relationship, you know, be at a standstill or just not progressing forward.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: And so we really need to, you know, get comfortable with expressing our needs.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: And again, I'm saying this as I'm giving myself this advice because it's a really challenging thing to do.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: But when we are able to communicate our needs or our expectations, that opens up a space for clarity.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: And if when there's clarity, like that's when problems can get solved.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: Or that's when problems don't get solved.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then that gives you your answers as well, right?
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you're able to effectively communicate your needs or expectations, and there's that clarity of like, yep, this is what I need, this is what I expect out of like this relationship or this friendship or this whatever, like whatever it might be, then it's out there and it's clear and there's no guesswork involved.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: And so then it's up to, you know, your partner or your friend or whomever to show up and and provide those needs if that's a relationship that they want moving forward.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: And if they don't, then that gives you, you know, then then you can do with that information what you will.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: But we really, if we are struggling with communicating our needs or our expectations, then that is a sign that we need to set some stronger boundaries with ourselves and we need to develop the skills to uh really recognize that our needs matter, especially like in a romantic relationship, like your needs matter.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's really important that we are able to express that.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: But that can even go beyond just romantic relationships.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: Really, um, if you're struggling to communicate your expectations of your boss or your employees, right, then that's a sign that we need to set some stronger boundaries.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: So that um is my, you know, really, really big, big piece of advice for setting, um setting boundaries with those around you.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: But there's actually one more.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: There's one more that just kind of came up to came to me.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: And a sign that we need to set some stronger boundaries is when we overextend our support to others to the point when we are feeling completely drained.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, how many of us overextend our support or our love or our finances to other people to a point where you get completely drained?
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: I see this happening.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, I see this happening.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: I have a client who's a perfect example of this, and she um helps out her her parent.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: She helps out one of her parents financially, and she is sending like a large portion of her money to her parents, and she's doing it because she loves them, she wants to give back.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: They're struggling financially, neither of her parents are working.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: So she's sending this money to them, and you know, she's telling herself she's doing it for the from the goodness of her heart.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: But what's actually happening is she and her family are now in a much worse financial position because they are not able to save anything for themselves or, you know, do anything for themselves.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: So their mental health or emotional connection to one another is lacking because they're not able to do these things, like, you know, that they would like to be doing for their family because they're constantly giving.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: So that is an example of when you are overextending you, your support, whatever that might look like, financial support, uh, time, maybe it's your time, overextending your energy, um, energetic energy to someone else to the point where you're feeling completely drained.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's not healthy, it's not beneficial.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: And again, it's one of those cases of like glass full, you know, full and pouring out of your cup.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's another way of saying, like, you're pouring so much of yourself, giving so much of yourself that you're actually empty.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're not well, then like you're not gonna be able to continue to give.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: So you really need to make sure that you stop overextending yourself.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because we all, you know, you're a good person.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: You want to be there for your friends, you wanna be there for your family, you want to give your time, you wanna give your money, you want to give your resources, whatever it might look like for you.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: But when you overextend, you are actually making it worse off for yourself.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: And you are putting yourself further away from being in uh, you know, true alignment.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: And so that is a definite little bonus sign.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you start noticing that you're just completely overextending yourself, then that's a sign that you need to set some stronger boundaries.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: So we talked all about, you know, boundaries that we need to set with ourselves, but these are some signs to start looking out for.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: So if you notice that you are taking on more than you can handle, you're noticing that you are saying yes to everything and everyone, you know, you you start to realize that you're pretty passive when someone, you know, disrespects you, you don't really say anything, then that's a sign that you need to set some stronger boundaries and make a change, right?
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: If you are struggling to communicate your needs to the people in your life, then that's a sign you need to set some stronger boundaries.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: And definitely if you are overextending yourself to the point where you're feeling completely drained, then that is a sign that you need to set some stronger boundaries within yourself.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I hope you got some value from today's episode.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: Again, if you are in a position of really wanting to heal your body and manage your mind and you're ready to take that next step in your health and wellness journey, then go to our website, beyond the physical.club, or you can follow me on Instagram, I am Kenya Marie underscore, and look at our Beyond the Physical Fitness programs.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: We have an amazing staff of holistic wellness coaches who are here to help you develop a healthy relationship with yourself and develop a healthy relationship with food and with your body and really help you get healthy.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: And so if you are ready to really embark on that health and wellness journey, then definitely send in your application.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: You can find it in the link in my bio on Instagram.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: I am Kenya Marie underscore.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, thank you for choosing health and taking an active role in your own healing.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'll chat with you soon.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: To continue your healing journey, join me in my 10-week course, Healing with Purpose.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: This all-encompassing course is comprised of teachers, healers, and holistic practitioners who teach you how to find your purpose in life by walking you through the stages of healing.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: By the end of the 10 weeks, you will have a deeper understanding of who you are and what your purpose is and the tools and resources to heal your body and manage your mind.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: To apply for our course, click the link in my bio.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: I am Kenya Marie underscore, and we'll see you in there.