Latest / Upcoming Trial of Nathan Chasing Horse April 14, 2025 / A week after sentencing & need to understand 'closure.'
Transcript
- Marina Crane: Welcome everybody, Marina Crane. ⁓ I should name my podcast, like what number it is, but it's May the 3rd and tomorrow is May the 4th be with you. So ⁓ it's been what? Gee, a whole week since the sentencing, ⁓ since the actual ⁓ like how much time Nathan was going to have in prison. So I've been debriefing and sort of settling things in terms of how things have changed for me. And not just me, but just for even the victims who took them to court. Now, for me, a huge problem is that a lot of people have been doing really nasty things, not just to me, but even to some of the survivors who actually stood up and did their victim statements. don't know, is, life is what it is. There's always going to be opposition in all things. But at the same time, too, it makes it ⁓ probably 10 times as hard for victims to come forward and to even want to stand up and face their accuser and let them know how he or she hurt them. ⁓ But before I go into any more of the nastiness that came out of the repercussions after the sentencing and just the sheer publicity, because the whole thing is like, you know, 20 years on my blog, putting the warning out. ⁓ I know it has to do with ⁓ social media and I'm just saying so many people on Facebook and social media were just posting about a sentencing and I'm going, well where were they? know, in Indian country or an indigenous country or First Nations country, call it whatever. Where were all these people? Why? Why didn't they alert the alarm or just say there were few people there were few people in the past 20 years that I would read their blogs or comments talking about the crimes of Nathan chasing horse against their family relatives. Now I mean talk about you know what kicking a dead horse it is really I shouldn't even be commenting but it is like kicking a dead horse. However, I want to read these things that I sent out in emails. And the reason for this is I want you to get an understanding of the mindset, my mindset, and get it perfectly clear to people so that nobody has any misconceptions about what my original intent was 20 years ago, or even a week ago. So I wrote, I'm writing, I'm saying this to you, my audience, because this is a general, general email out to all of cyberspace. While my memories and emotions are still vivid and raw, while my memories and emotions are still vivid and raw, I found myself reflecting on unique blessings that life offers us, often exactly when we need them most. My journey towards understanding Indigenous trauma binding was never something I intentionally set out to pursue. But witnessing the sentencing of Nathan Chasing Horse yesterday was deepened my resolve to continue educating others about the strength and assertiveness of Indigenous matriarchy. Okay, because I'm talking as a female matriarch, an elder. I was 54 when I started my blog. Most of the victims, some of the victims are in their 50s now. ⁓ Some are like in their 30s. The persistent ripple effect of lateral violence throughout the healing process reminds me of the importance of being gentle with ourselves. Having Indigenous female support systems is absolutely vital to our healing. If you don't have Indigenous sisters to lean on, seek out what resonates with you and brings you comfort. Leaving Las Vegas, I feel changed. I'm grieving over my old self while also celebrating who I am becoming. And this is part of my podcast. I prepared just putting podcasts out as much as I could before the sentencing. Just putting my narrative out there and trying to explain things and phenomena around Nathan Chasing Horse. One question had asked me, was it because he was an actor at 15 that a lot of people gravitated towards him and followed him in his cult? And I said no. It was the fact that he used Indigenous spirituality. Now, for all my young audience, young Indigenous and non-Indigenous, for decades since I was a child, There have always been colonial ways of thinking, non-Indigenous people who've come to Native Americans and Indigenous people in the Americas and in South America as well, claiming that, if you convert to Catholicism or puritism or this religion or this cult, like, will you know you'll have the answer because we know you've got in you we know this and a very famous religious organization in my opinion the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the 60s started recruiting and and taking children in the foster care system much like the Indian residential schools tried to indoctrinate and wipe away indigenous identity with thousands of indigenous children in the Americas and you know in the Americas now why am i bringing up Mormonism and Latter-day Saints. Well, you know, they have a book called the Book of Mormon. It's a revelation from Joseph Smith, also was a pardon the language pedophile, a polygamist, runs the largest cult in the world. Now understand this, when they're indoctrinating young children, Indigenous children, Native Americans, And I'm not just saying the Mormon Church, too. Let me paraphrase this. There was also another organization called Moral Re-Arnament in the 60s. They started, I think, in the middle of World War II, and they created the Oxford Group, which was the foundation of the Alcoholics Anonymous or all the anonymous support groups. Now, both of these cult-like organizations gather together. The people who were supporting the organizations were rich, millionaires, industrialists. Like within the Mormon churches, their tithing, their congregation that pays into tithing so that they can fulfill a prophecy. Now, in Moral Re-Arnament, they sent my parents to South American India. with like, there were at least 250 Americans and people from all over the world traveling into these third world countries ⁓ talking about religion and capitalism. That was in the 60s. Now also remember in the 70s too, under I think ⁓ the prophet Spencer W. Kimball, this whole effort for ⁓ Lamanite placement program. Lamanite is their name for Native Americans or Indigenous people because that's how it's described in the Book of Mormon. Now, there was also a of the Quorum of the 12th, but they call another ⁓ level. There's the Prophet and the Quorum of the 12th and the 70s. One of the members of the 70s was a Navajo ⁓ Indian, not Lamanite in my terms, we'll say Indian, because he was Navajo. And he had gone through the whole system, through foster care, through education. Understand this, Brigham Young University has graduated and more degree-holding Native Americans than any other university in United States. So you've got to understand the indoctrination of all these people under Mormonism. Now I want to say the whole reason they were supporting Elder Lee the Navajo was because they had said that in the latter days the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints will have a Lamanite prophet. Yes, a Native American prophet. Now why am I bringing this up? Understand this too, even in moral re-arnament, they kept on saying, ⁓ everybody's greedy, there's absolute honesty, absolute purity, absolute love. And they really pushed that, those absolute occult mentality of like forgiveness, much like Indian residential school did in... the priests and all these people who, you know, did horrific, unforgivable things to our children, indoctrinating them to forgive, to forgive those people who did horrific things. And when you're a fear, when you're child and you are based on fear, you're going to believe, you're going to believe it, because you don't understand consent. So why am I saying this? Well, like I said, they, You know, they asked me, do you think it was because he was ⁓ a Hollywood, like he was in Dances of Wolves? That's why people gravitated towards him. And I said, no, it was because he was performing as a medicine man. He was performing and alluring people into the shadow effect of performance art. Now, the whole structure. was to before he before when he met my family like a lot of the people have met him were around him for 35 years 25 years i only met him for a few months in between 2006 and 2007 however he my family is mormon i'm not mormon anymore but but the thing is like just the just the reality that he'd been around a lot of mormon people with this whole premise that there was going to be a Lamanite prophet or a Native American prophet and the hopes of converting him into Mormonism. See, because the reality of it is it's a convert church. And he started at that time being more open about polygamy like with teenagers in 2007. Prior to that, was very, he appeared to perform as a monogamous male. ⁓ And ⁓ at the same time, one of my relatives would collect tithing from him every month to send to him, which is a Mormon practice in the church. Now, again, these are sort of fundamental skills that I believe Nathan Chorstenkors had acquired from the many Native American people, indigenous people, who'd been indoctrinated for decades by colonial settlers. Like when they say decolonize. This is what I'm talking about. There was a colonizing process going on. And for a lot of younger people who don't understand this, this is why for me at 74, as an elder who's gone through all the stages, I mean, really, I know what I'm talking about. I lived in Utah. I have a green card. I've worked there. I've worked amongst generations of Mormon people. as well as like I've lived in the city my whole life not a city but I on the outskirts so I've I've been I'm comfortable around non-indigenous people. Okay so I go on. Years ago this is from my letter. Years ago while working with youth in northern Alberta I embraced a guiding philosophy when practicing with the vulnerable the the vulnerable seen impossible. Don't give up even if even save saving just one person is All you can do, do it. Sometimes it takes decades to witness the impact you've made, but your influence may ripple through time and lives in ways you cannot immediately see. Healing is possible, whether through the shadow effect or the ripple effect. So when I talk about the shadow effect of Nathan Chasinghorse or the ripple effect, you have to understand like the performance piece was trauma bonding. And the effect of it in the public space was that there was a process. That once you went through the process, like going into the Mormon temple, or like I'm using that as an example, that something became sacred. So that's what Nathan Chasing Horse did with his ceremonies, with weepy and sun dance. And all these non-Indigenous people who supported him were just like mansplaying other Indigenous people. know, mansplaying indigenous people who didn't grow up on their reservations or First Nations, or had been adopted or fostered or some horrible, unforgivable things happening to them. And they were searching and were most vulnerable. Okay, so I'll go back and I... reading, yesterday as victims of Nathan chasing horse gathered, I felt the presence of those who could not be there in person. I'm profoundly grateful to have been a part of their story. Acrossing various communities, Indigenous women are sharing their healing journeys in support groups and the psychological impact some will carry for the rest of their lives are immense. Yet being believed and respecting brings deep comfort and hope. So for years nobody believed me. even six, when my niece disclosed to me, it took six months. I had talked to the women ⁓ whose daughters I had, like they wanted to bond and I was the technician and I set up these six weepy ceremonies for Nathan and his followers. ⁓ And even after my niece disclosed, ⁓ she recanted. And in front of a group of people, I said to her, you cannot go down to Bear Butte and fast because you're lying. You told me he only has sex with you and now you're changing the statement, you're protecting him. And I said this in front of everybody who had just been coming, who just came out of a sweat. I challenged her and I said, when you disclose, it's between you and the creator. When you do these ceremonies, going to Sweat Lodge, Will We Peace, Sundance. What you do in your conversation with yourself is with the Creator, nobody else, not me. I said, you disclosed to me and I'm letting you know this is gonna come back. Everything we do with our conversations with Creator is gonna come back to us. That's what I explained to my niece. And all I got was like, you're betraying Nathan. I never offered that man tobacco, not once. During those six WBP ceremonies I organized for him, I didn't give him tobacco. It was the people who hosted him that offered him tobacco, not me. Now, When I started writing my blog, I didn't know ⁓ who was reading because very few people ever emailed me. Just like right now with my podcast, I don't know who's listening, but I put it out there in cyberspace with a deep trust and faith that somebody's going to be listening. And rightfully so, they did. And I did meet them on March 11th. Like I said, to have them come forward and tell me they believed me and respected. respected what I had done was a real comfort and gave me hope that what I do in my podcast and what I say and I've been doing means something. Okay, so I'm going back to this letter. Many have wondered why I chose to bear witness of Nathan Chasing Horse's sentencing. A childhood friend once told me, Marina, people believe our deceased loved ones are gone. They're not until their spirits are released. Over the decades, I've listened to stories of high risk behavior that developed amongst the victims, some trying to end their own lives and others lost to drug overdose. Now these victims can rest. There is nothing keeping their spirits here. Please let us respect their journey knowing they are finally at peace with gratitude for all those who walk this path of healing. So that's bittersweet because You talking to my childhood friend and knowing like all the work she's done with murdered and missing Indigenous women. She'd been ⁓ in the organization for the National Women's Association of Canada for decades. And just the fact that like they, ⁓ even though the deceased are gone, their loved ones are gone, their spirits are still here. And rightfully so, my niece. passed away four or five years ago. She became a high risk teenager with all the horrific things that were done to her by my brother and Nathan and other people afterwards like my niece. She later believed and understood why she had to report Nathan. But again, nobody believed her. Whatever reports were put out there, they were lost. But the fact that I was there in that courthouse, witnessing the sentence, and knowing that finally she can rest, and nobody now can say, oh. You know, do they believe her or, ⁓ this happened to her? No, she's at rest now. She died a while ago, but I helped her release her spirit. In that courtroom, I said to her, you can go now, my girl. He's, justice is being served. He's paying for what he did to you. Like my brother paid for what he did to her. Now Nathan's paying for what he's done to her. And she can rest now. See, this is what my friend and I were talking about in terms of people who die and are victims of violence. Some of them, their bodies haven't been found. Some of them will never see justice in the court system. So this is why as a matriarch, we do the work we do. It's, it's, it's, you can ask any Indigenous woman. You can, you can ask them about the battle fatigue they have in, in, in being the leaders within their family units. And I don't think non-Indigenous people understand this, because you have to be born and raised in it. So, ⁓ that's just one part of what I had written as a debriefing after the sentencing, like the very next day, like it, so that was fresh in my mind. And then ⁓ at the same time too, ⁓ I also had a ⁓ fellow who had been there all the time. Let's see. And again, I didn't expect him ⁓ to... Like he showed up on March 11th to support. And the reason too is like in his work when he reports on ⁓ victims of violence, rarely does he ever see it go to court or like a sentencing. So for him it was also closure. And even then when the sentence was delayed on March 11th, I didn't think I'd see him again. ⁓ So. We sort of just said, we'll see each other on live stream. ⁓ so that was the whole intent was just, that was it. We were going to witness the sentencing. didn't happen. We met to the victims and spent about at least 10 hours talking to them. ⁓ But anyway, I managed to find funds and I said that I was going back. because I just felt that when I first saw Sierra come out of that courthouse after the sentencing was delayed and she just broke down in her mother's arms, I just thought they need support. When the sentencing happens, like how long have they been crying, trying to seek justice? I gifted them two star blankets, the mom and daughter, because when I said to them, all these people all over who have been victims of Nathan Chasing Horse, who have ⁓ victim statements, you're representing them. I said, but you have the opportunity to tell him in the court how he hurts you. The fact is, he doesn't have the self-respect, he doesn't have the wherewithal to even comprehend that, but that's okay. I told him. It's you facing Him. Like there are fear. They're facing Him. They're safe. They're empowered. I said, you'll carry that on. you'll, each time you have a self-defeating thought, it'll get a little easier because you're starting at some point to eliminate how you feel about yourself. That whatever shame, whatever you're carrying, you're feeling it. You're feeling it in that courtroom, and that's part of healing. And I had said to this traveling companion, who's a European white male, ⁓ I said, ⁓ this gifting that I'm giving them is private. But at the same time, too, ⁓ because he's non-Indigenous and he ⁓ was holding space as challenging as I am as an individual. He took the challenge and he held space. Now he witnessed this event of justice being served. So I gifted him. And this is the story. He said, because it took a long time to trust him. I don't know how to explain it because you can have trust. But for me, I'll just use an analogy and this is what I told him. I said when I first met you, like physically met him, I had talked to him on the phone, but when I physically met him, I said there was a certain energy, like it triggered an energy that I remembered 55 years ago of a man that I trusted. And based on that memory of that man that I trusted, I felt I could trust this man. And that's what I told him. You carry this energy of somebody that I remembered. I had to revisit emotionally those memories for two years as I'm conveying my story to this non-Indigenous man who's interested in this story. Now, why am I bringing this up? Because it has to do with trust. And for Indigenous women to trust non-Indigenous men, especially when, like I said to him, I have white uncles. I have friends whose fathers are white who are racist. I have relatives whose fathers' family were so ashamed, they'd have them in a different house than them when they visit because they married an Indigenous woman. I've had Indigenous women whose fathers are white who were ashamed to be Indigenous. and right now they're going through a process of reclaiming their identity. See, for me, I've always been Indigenous. Any shame or guilt I had had nothing to do with my identity, had to do with trust. And so I tried to explain that in my podcast in early childhood development and And it's part of it if you want to listen to the previous podcast. But why I bring this trust issue up and how a memory can trigger, just like a negative memory, like a childhood trauma can trigger deep emotions. And those emotions sometimes you just don't want to feel or live. But this memory that I had 55 years ago wasn't traumatic. And I told this traveling companion of mine that it wasn't. But at the same time, too, I wanted to let him know these feelings and how I use these feelings throughout my whole process. Because my father and dad died in 1978. And the year before that, I don't know, I had a premonition. that I needed to change my life. And the year after when they died, I realized I wouldn't have anybody to protect me. And I thought if I fantasize or if I create an illusion or a delusion of a man that I could finally find in the future, because we can't read the future. that it would be a catalyst or motivate me to do something well or to do something good, like not being sexually active, drinking or doing drugs. There was this unobtainable person, well, he's passed away now. But throughout my life, I've had different ⁓ male symbols. that I would like limerence, but not in the deepest form of limerence. I gotta stress that. When people develop limerence from childhood traumas because they developed it when they didn't understand consent. See, for me, when I was sexually assaulted, I understood consent and I complied to save my life. And the reality of how bad it is out there for any woman, any woman at all, this... This whole mentality of, like right now, this past month, 60 million men downloaded video on how to drug their girlfriend or their wife and rape them while they're unconscious. This mentality for men always having to have sex. And for me as an Indigenous woman ⁓ and for me struggling with just understanding the psychology of just getting up in the morning and enjoying life. For me, I haven't been sexually active in 49 years as a way of protection for myself. Women can live without sex for a lot forever. I was talking to my sister this morning and I said, I said, do you remember so and so? And she said, no, that's before my time. I said, these were elder women when I was a child and the grace they held. as elder Indigenous women. Like just knowing they were at peace. And for me, that's when I disclose about my sexuality, that's what I believe I carry with me, this peace and this grace. Knowing that I chose not to get married and I chose not to have children. And it's a choice. But a lot of times people are raised and pressured into ⁓ marriage, or they call it infantilization, where you're not allowed to talk about things and you're forced to do things or submit or peer pressure to get married and have children. Which again, too, who is it serving? Especially when what, 70 years ago, in the 70s, ⁓ you couldn't own a credit card as a woman or own a house. ⁓ if ⁓ your husband demanded sex, you had to give them sex, they would rape you. I mean, there's a whole series of even how men treat women after they have children, after they give birth. Like the, just the violence ⁓ that men who marry their wives and what the women have to endure. Like those things, ⁓ I truly believe like for young women need to really... Women need to talk about it and women are talking about it. I know not just indigenous and black and you know, they're all types, all women all over the world are talking about it. And like I said, even you look at Iran and like in the 70s, they were doctors, lawyers, whatever, and they didn't wear burkas. And now all that freedom was taken away because of religion. So again, What Nathan Chasing Horse did was because of spirituality. Okay, now I'm trying to let you understand truth and reconciliation. Okay, because not all men would have done what this non-Indigenous European man did. And I'm not saying his name ⁓ out of respect for him and the privacy of his life. Because a lot of times, ⁓ You know, people can be really mean. Like I'm going to talk about how mean people are to me and to the victims of Nathan Chasing Horse later on in the podcast. But imagine that this individual is doing this out of his own. He's not getting paid for it. He's using his own personal money to come to Las Vegas on March 11th and on April 27th. OK, so this is what I wrote to him. ⁓ I said, I want to take a moment to share some thoughts about what it truly means to be a witness for truth and reconciliation in Canada. Embracing the role is an active and ongoing commitment, one rooted in acknowledging the deep harms caused by Indian residential school system. It requires us to move beyond simple observing and instead to engage wholeheartedly with the stories and the experience shared by the survivors. intergenerational survivors and Indigenous communities. As witnesses, listened with intent and empathy, honouring their truths without minimizing or deflecting them. And believe me, what I put him through or what we put him through on March 11th, he might not think it was impactful, but it was. just to listen to all the stories of the people who followed Nathan Chasing Horse for decades and how they, as they put it, they drank the lemonade, they didn't know. Like the one lady says, Marina, she says, I came up to Sue Tina and I saw you. He said, when I saw you, I saw an elderly woman. And I said, yes. I said, all these women who contacted me claiming that I was this chasing Nathan chasing horse trying to seduce Nathan chasing horse like I said I said until they see me they they they just believed him and the fact is even people from my community who supported Nathan and even my own relatives would not defend me so it was so it was a really blessed it was a real blessing and like that showed me respect and and and just shared their stories of of how my blog had influenced them to really look into what Nathan Chasingris was doing. ⁓ I'm just grateful that this individual, this non-Indigenous European man bore witness to ⁓ how I interacted with the victims and how I ⁓ told them about my struggles within my community with what was happening with my niece, how she became high risk and how she passed away. So this letter goes on to him. But listing is only the beginning. Our responsibility extends beyond hearing to acting. It means educating those around us, challenging colonial narratives wherever they persist and supporting Indigenous led efforts that advance the calls for action laid by the Truth and Reconciliation TRC. So that's what my podcast is about and that's what I'm going to be talking about later on the... I'm using it as education and also trying to decolonize narratives, even with people who I've known for years. This commitment reaches into our daily lives, shaping how we build relationships, influence, policies, and foster meaningful reconciliation. Being witness means accepting the responsibilities to ensure that the truths you hear are not forgotten or overlooked. By doing so, you help contribute to healing, support transformative change, and advance an ongoing journey towards reconciliation. Thank you for considering what this important role embodies and for your dedication to shaping a better future." Like I said that time and time again, like just thanking him. Because when the ⁓ Fifth Estate aired ⁓ the circle or the like the I forget what it was called about Nathan chasing wars two years ago. ⁓ This individual, ⁓ again, championed it. He fought to get this story going. was an APTN wasn't doing it. It was really difficult for the workers at CBC to even get the approval because all of a sudden this whole story of Buffy St. Marie blew up. And so there's a whole bunch of controversy about dealing with Indigenous issues. then this whole... So you've got to understand, this was a real... It was really hard for this individual. I can't imagine. But for me, I felt obligated to let him know, like, really appreciate everything and what you're doing and the struggles you've been facing. But at the same time, too... it was important that he heard from the victims and they said it. know, NBC and CBC did their own stories on Nathan chasing horse in the States, but the victims, if they heard the one of CBC in Canada and they said it was out of all of them, they were the best. And, you know, he needed to hear that. I believe he needed to hear it because it's one thing to just say, ⁓ you know, nice job and pat him on the back and out the door you go. Now this, for me, the impact of ⁓ murdered and missing Indigenous women and the exploitation of children, as well as the people who deny the intergenerational trauma of Indian residential school, is a holistic, collective approach that we as Indigenous people try to decolonize our own people as well. So the letter goes, this is, see, I gave him a gift. ⁓ See, what happened is he was talking about when he was a child, he stole a lighter, a Zippo lighter from his neighbor in Europe. And for me, being Indigenous, I'm going, what's a Zippo lighter? See, it's American. Yeah, sure, I had this allure of the United States. I did go and live in the States for 10 years. But that delusion or illusion is gone. Whatever fairy tale and Disneyland thing about the US, it's dissipated. My bubbles burst. have no, I have no, nobody can convince me any otherwise like what the United States is all about. the first 100 years of colonization, the Portuguese, Spanish, Dutch, English, and French killed five generations of our children. That's 125 million children for the first 100 years. And they're still trying to kill off our children by putting them into foster care as they're being trafficked at the age of 15. And what Nathan Chasing Horse did using spirituality to captivate his audience is no different than MRA, that's Moral Re-Arnament, or the Mormon Church, or any other organization, wherever they are in Europe, United States, any place. This whole... ⁓ Ritual abuse has been around using religion ⁓ in the form of cults to do horrific things to our children. You can even see rabbis doing that to every part of humanity. This is why when I do my podcast and I talk about cults, it's something that you have to ⁓ specialize in in a certain way. You have to have a certain... tolerance or certain open-mindedness. So anyway, he stole this lighter, this Zippo lighter, and he felt bad about it. He says, yeah, I stole this lighter like it was okay, confess to me. Like, in other words, you still want to earn my trust. So he was talking about his childhood. And again, it amazed me that he was so infatuated with the American way of living that he stole a Zippo lighter. So I bought him a Zippo lighter on March 11th, not knowing why I bought it. It was in Las Vegas and I had a Saddlebrook rider on it. And I was going to give it to him in person on the 27th in Las Vegas while I was gifting those two ladies the star blankets. And I locked it up in my safe and I couldn't find it until I locked it up with my passport. So I found it and he'd already gone off. on his own and he was coming back to the hotel so I left it at the register, the hotel registrar's office with his name and I emailed, this is what I emailed him hoping he'd pick it up and if he didn't pick it up, hey at least the gesture was there, made the effort, I planned all this, that was just what I had planned to do. because it's just part of my, we'll call it my autism, or on the spectrum, or just how obsessive I can be in trying to plan things out. So I said to him, that gift, is the spirit behind the gesture of my gift giving to you. While the gift may not be a lighter in your hands, it may be a lighter in your hands, the Zippo lighter. For me, it symbolizes your effort and your duty to carry forward and acknowledge what you have witnessed. See, because that's part of being a cohort and an ally. He witnessed the sentence of Nathan Chasinghors and he's documented everything and he's talked to the victims of Nathan Chasinghors. He's done the research. All I could offer him was a symbol, a gift. that when he sees this gift, this is part of the truth and reconciliation. Thousands of Indigenous people have tried to get forward to people in Canada, to welcome them as being cohorts and allies. So that's part of what I had been hoping to talk about in the debriefing after the sentencing of Nathan Chasinghorse. Because it's not easy. Like I I I was very limited in in things that I told him about my life Like I almost didn't make it to Las Vegas because I was coming down with the flu on top of that to the the day before my my sister's granddaughter tried to kill herself and and ⁓ On the day that I went to Las Vegas a young man hung himself ⁓ Not only that but even on ⁓ March 11th, I made sure, like I said to him, I wasn't telling anybody that I was going down to Las Vegas. And ⁓ when I came back and just the rumors and the innuendos and the things I had to deal with, ⁓ because I didn't share who I was going to Las Vegas with. Like, how dare I not share? Word got out that I traveled to Las Vegas with a male, a European. He didn't have to be European. We could just say non-Indigenous white man. OK, but how dare I not tell my closest cohorts or friends within my community? Now, understand this. It was just sort of the ripple effect of it all. And I'm going to try to be short and sweet and to the point about about lateral violence, especially lateral violence towards me, because people still perceived me as just focusing on Nathan chasing horse, when the whole premise is I'm supporting the victims, because I know what it is to be a victim, and how to heal, like the whole process of healing and holding trust in your heart. And if people don't understand it, then for me, I've got to put boundaries down. Okay, so here's the gist of it. This European came in on his own dime and ⁓ I was having tea with him and one of the ladies who knew ⁓ this acquaintance of mine, ⁓ I said, don't tell her that I'm going to Las Vegas. ⁓ We'll give her a name. We'll call her Sally. So I said, don't tell Sally, your boss, that I'm going to Las Vegas. I said, I'm not letting anybody know. And I introduced her to this ⁓ traveling companion. And that was it. The whole point was, I came back and Sally was just like, you didn't tell me you went to Las Vegas. And I went to an elders meeting and then she... ⁓ she had sent me, she took photos off of her camera and sent it to me. Now there's a story behind those five photos that she sent and ⁓ the thing is like prior to going down to Las Vegas I had attended a meeting and again I had this, I didn't understand this until I, as I said, like I attended the meeting and it was a very hostile meeting. And I did say to the people, I said, realized that when I do go to these meetings, people have to protect me because I'm an Indigenous elder. A lot of young Indigenous women who have unresolved trauma project their hate, maybe they haven't resolved issues with their grandmother, their mother, their sister, their auntie. I said, but I don't know them. I'm a stranger. But when they come into that space and I'm supposed to pray and they project their hatred onto me, I said, and people who are in the meeting see it, they need to protect me. Indigenous elder men, don't get that same. Don't get that same. And ⁓ I had talked to one of the Métis liaison people and I said, Jim, did you see what they did to me? And he said, yes, any elder would have walked out. So I conveyed this to Sally. And so after I came back from Las Vegas, she sent me a clip from this woman who had been in that meeting, who was projecting all this hate towards me. ⁓ And we'll call her, we'll call her, ⁓ what will we call her? Shelly. Okay, Sally and Shelly. Okay, so Shelly had a Facebook with 7,000 followers, which Sally took a photo of. And this is what Shelly said. And she's mentioning my brother. She said, this crane pushing his way into space, he should be banished, disgusting as F. I know what he did to Roberta. and his sixth sister Marina Crane sticks up for him. She's a child predator herself. Broke my heart, audience, broke my heart. I didn't need to see this. Just put gross colonizer behavior. See, the thing about it is like my granddaughter. We call it Stockholm syndrome because her and her mother and the brother are still following Nathan Chasing Horse. She added her comments. She says, right, it's heartbreaking. It's so disgusting seeing him showing up everywhere and no one says nothing. I don't care. I come from a reserve that I have to pay to vote me on. Or I don't know. Anyway, she just says, anyway, my granddaughter just says it's disgusting to see her uncle show up everywhere and no one says nothing. She says that she says, know how isolating it can be. But after this long, it's like, you know, she says, I appreciate you. I have nothing to lose out there. Therefore, I'll always stand for those who have been victims like Roberta. Now understand this. Do these young women even know everything that I've done? Do they even, did they even give a care? of how dangerous Roberta became because of what my brother and Nathan did to her? Do they even know how I tried to keep, to protect my brother's children? I couldn't get Roberta back into the community because she wasn't a band member. And I explained it on my podcast. But all the things that I've done, even to try and get a therapist for her to visit her brother and sister. And the reality is that she couldn't see the difference. She was a danger to her brother and sister. So if this woman, this Shelley, having this deformation towards me and my granddaughter supporting her, it was heartbreaking. Now, why am I bringing this up? My sister said, don't let them get to you. I sent this off to my traveling companion. said, this is what I witnessed afterwards. But see, I didn't tell him the whole story. The only reason he was involved was because Shelly had talked to the lady who works for her, one that I introduced my traveling companion ⁓ to. She had told her that I had been with this European guy. And that's all she knew about me going to Las Vegas. Okay? All Shelly had to do was ask me. But she didn't. She wanted to hurt me because I didn't disclose to her that, you know, all my secrets about going to Las Vegas. And rightfully so. This is my life. But did she respect it? No. Instead, she knew she was going to hurt me. Had no, like this Machiavellian, like no regard to the pain she was going to inflict on me. ⁓ Like my sister said, Marina, don't let this Shelley woman ⁓ say anything of this Sally person. I said, no, I'm no longer acquainted with her because she deliberately did this to hurt me in a time where I'm grieving over my niece Roberta because of the sentencing. I couldn't reach out to Roberta. Child and family is under provincial care. She was under provincial care in the city. My brother and my other niece had access to her. But if they had an emergency shelter and an emergency group home for her here in my community, run by our community under sovereignty, people in the community would have helped her. They would have known when my brother or my niece were interfering with her. I would have had access to her. We would have had access to her nieces and nephews. We would have helped her heal. because it takes a whole community to heal one high-risk child. This is why I do my podcast. But does this woman understand? Did she even care? I had to call the police and the tribal police. And they told me that it was up to Shelly to post it. And she wouldn't post anything about, you know, like to Facebook that what the slander that this woman was dishing out to me. So I just stopped being friends with her. Because I know, like, I don't need this. I need to put some boundaries down. I need to have someone who respects me and, you know, knows that, you know, what they're doing to me is hurting me. Now, that's just, that's just ⁓ like what I experienced on March 11th. And that's only because I was traveling with a man. See, I've been single my whole life. Part of the problem with me yelling fire, fires for six months with Nathan Chasinghors was these women, this woman who sent those pictures who I'm no longer friends with. I told her, she didn't believe me. So this Machiavellian thing to hurt other people as long as she's fine and her everything. I try to get across to Indigenous women. especially Indigenous women who are narcissistic and Machiavellian. You're more of a danger to your children and your grandchildren. Healing takes a lifetime. And for me as an elder, I don't have a lifetime to be friends with her. Now, again, my traveling companion didn't understand this. You know, didn't understand like the repercussions and the challenges that I faced in just keeping my life private. I told my sister that too. said, you know, people just think that I'm out there to go to see Nathan chasing horse. I said, I said, I'm there for victims. I said, I've been always there for, for Roberta. You know, I was there right when she told me what he did to her. Tried. Tried to get her help. And so I started writing my blog hoping, because I knew she was on social media, that she would hear me and she would listen, but she didn't. She eventually tried to press charges against Nathan, but like I said, those went nowhere. And she ended up dying from an overdose. So yes, I asked to have her soul released. I told her to go leave. Everybody who's hurt you, that started you on this self-defeated path, justice is served now. You can go into the great mystery. enjoy your life, your new life. So I come back, so while I'm in Las Vegas again, I don't tell anybody. Then I get, then I get another email, another text from another Indigenous woman. And she says to me, I hope, like I, again, I hope, you know, you're, you're listening and you're, you're, you know, not taking it too hard. what I'm saying but we'll try and do this here. says Marina I can't believe you're in Las Vegas. Well Marina what what's the verdict for that creepy loser you went to go see? I wouldn't spend a penny on someone like that creep after what he's done to my relative. Marina I wouldn't care less if this man died I don't know him but Marina seems like you enjoy this. thing you're doing, so I'll leave it there. You know where I stand regarding this person." And I said to her, you know, I met people like the survivors and they're showing me respect. Wow, you made friends, she says. I said, yes. I said, and you know, I'm there to support a friend. Wouldn't you support me? And she says, Marina, I worry about you being down there alone. It's not good to... It's good you meet people down there. Enjoy yourself. Like I said, we're getting old. Laugh out loud. So what's conclusion on this person? You're moving forward? Was Kayla one... Anyway, I won't mention. Down there too. And I just thought, I'm not going to answer her. Like, like really? You know, two people I've had to put boundaries down and all because all because I chose to witness the sentencing of Nathan Chasing Horse. Now, ⁓ in conclusion, ⁓ even one of the victims to ⁓ I hope, hope some someday I'll have her on my podcast. But but even to when after the sentencing, even to lateral violence. You know, she called me and she was talking to me about the lateral violence she was experiencing from people too. You know, it's one thing that as a victim you have courage to do something, you confront your abuser and put them in prison for life, but to have people ⁓ try to slander you. Like lateral violence within Indigenous communities, especially from other women. We have to do better women. We have to. Our children, our girls are depending on us. Like I say, I can handle all this because I've lived many lifetimes. I have the ability to do podcasts and have narratives. But what is it like for a child who has people accusing them or looking at them differently? You know, we really need to have a lot of trained people to be there present for these children who are victims. We cannot just look the other way and think that it's not affecting our child or not affecting us. But I wanted to share that. And again, I wanted to let people know that ⁓ the whole reason in my ceremony when my mother passed, did wiping away tears ceremony and releasing soul ceremony. And the whole point is the relationship I have with Creator, I will face my Creator like everyone will, and I will stand and bear witness to what I've done. because it is important. for me to do that for my late mother so she could, her soul could be released, so she can go up into the milky way into great mystery. That's what I did. My niece died four years ago. I couldn't attend her funeral, but going there witnessing and knowing Nathan Chasing Horse knew who I am, he discredited me for decades, telling his followers not to read my blog. And whatever influence I had for them to write anything so that the police could read it and arrest him. More power to them. More power to them. And for all of you out there who are struggling, find ⁓ your group of support. Talk to legal representation. Do what you can because it's important. Your life is important and healing is possible. So that being said, such is life. ⁓ I just I'm just grateful for my traveling companion and for all the invisible helping hands out there. Life's not easy. Like I live by myself. I think the we all have addictions and some people just are addicted to work. My my my addiction is gambling and also my podcast. But I do hope I've reached someone today. And again, if you know some of the, know it's triggering, but there's sources out there. 1-800-NUMBERS can call. ⁓ With that being said, tomorrow's May the 4th. At that time, may the 4th be with you. I'm doing a series of Star Wars right now. Okay, thank you. And what can I say? ⁓ I'm just processing everything. It's been, like I said, a week. A week and my life has changed. A lot of people just knew me around Nathan Chasing Horse the past 20 years. And other people who knew me before, you know, they said, well, Marina, you've always been by yourself. You've always struggled even without your family support. Nothing has changed. You know, still like the lateral violence that I've experienced with people who I was close to. You know, that's ⁓ the hard reality. And but again, to be mindful. Choose choose, you know, really ⁓ think about and every day, you know, embrace and release things that don't serve serve your purpose. I truly believe creator and the grandfather's and grandmother's will is being done. You know, we're not alone. We're never alone. I say this like I'm alone, I'm like physically, but spiritually and emotion, like everything else, no, we're never alone. Okay, said enough. We'll talk to you later. Again, it's April, it's May the third.