Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / 5 things you can do to help you stay NO CONTACT

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5 things you can do to help you stay NO CONTACT · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, Beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be talking about things that can help you
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  stay. No contact with a narcissist,
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  like with things that can help you when you want to reach out
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  to them, when your hands are just shaking and wobbly and you
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  want to reach out to them to help you not do that if you're
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  new. Here.
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  My name is Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and welcome to another episode of The
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  Narcissist Code. So boom, welcome back, welcome
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  back. Welcome back.
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  Y'all. So this right here is literally
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  a straight request for my support group.
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  Literally. Lee, can you what?
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  What are some things that we can do to help us stay?
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  No contact. Literally from the from my
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  support group, that's the first thing I'm going to talk about.
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  One of the things that can help you stay, no contact, y'all
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  literally is to get around people.
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  To find a Group, A Group, A support Group, A community of
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  people that can help hold you accountable, that can help you
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  check in, They can help you know, reel you in when you are,
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  you know, feeling the need to reach out to this person, when
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  you are feeling down in yourself, when you're feeling
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  less worthy, when you somehow, when you peek at their social
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  media and you see that they're in a new relationship and
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  they're happy with the new person, they when they have a
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  new supply, you're peeking in at it, which you shouldn't be.
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  That's why I tell people, turn off the narcissist TV, right?
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  I tell you to turn the TV off, to take that little narcissist
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  TV and click it off so you're not watching it.
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  So you're not watching this stuff being perpetuated in front
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  of your face so you're not hurting your feelings, you know,
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  So you're not wanting to reach out to them and just say, hey,
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  nice to see that you're happy and giving the new person
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  everything that I wanted. So you're not doing that because
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  when you do that you give up all of your power.
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  You first of all you you break no contacts it, it makes you
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  feel bad about breaking no contacts.
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  So you feel like you have to start all over again and you
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  feel ashamed that you break no you broke no contact you feel in
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  a certain type of way and then it's like I said the process
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  literally starts all over again. It just it just does this again.
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  So getting in a support group or community can help, can help you
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  maintain your no contact can like when you want to reach out
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  to them, you can reach out to someone else, right?
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  When you want to send a message to them, you can send it to
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  someone else. You can put it in the groups,
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  you can put it in the community, you can e-mail it to somebody,
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  like say you can do it in the WhatsApp group.
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  Whatever type of group that you're a part of, you can do
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  that. You know what I mean?
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  Like I said, yes, I do have a support group.
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  It's called the mental healers. Like I said, that's what people
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  do. They literally write messages in
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  there that they would that they would send to their exes their
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  the person that they have no, no contact with their parent, their
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  friend, whoever it is. They put it in the group and
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  people just like, hey, good job, they celebrate it, they
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  celebrate the wins, hey good job, good job not sending it to
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  them. It wouldn't have helped you
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  anyway. Good, good job.
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  It helps to get it out of your system.
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  It helps to be reassured by other people that have been no
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  contact, that are going, that are still no contact, you know.
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  So yes, my, my support group, the link is in the description
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  of every video and podcast I do. It's called the mental Healers.
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  Like literally check it out, join it.
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  That's all we do. We help each other out, and I'm
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  in there. Just make sure you stay.
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  No contact. But the next thing you can do,
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  just stay no contact, is to create a list of things that you
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  did. A list of reasons why you
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  shouldn't reach out to this person.
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  A list of reasons why that you that that that is pointless to
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  talk to this person. A list of reasons why you damn
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  sure should not talk to this person.
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  Again, a list of reasons why there's no reason.
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  Like, like I said, there's there's no point.
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  A list of read a list of things that they've done to you.
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  A list of things that they've put you through.
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  A list of things that they they just could not help themselves
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  but to do right, a list of things that they a list of all
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  the hurts, the bad stuff that they did to you so you so that
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  you can check in. Like it helps for you to check
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  in, right? It helps for you to check in.
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  It helps for you. Just like I want to reach out to
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  this person. Like I said, you, you got that.
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  Damn, you're shaky hands. You're anxious.
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  You want to, you want to break no contact.
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  You want to hit send. You can pull out that list that
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  listens on your phone. You can go to your list on your
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  phone. But like, oh, this is exactly
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  why I shouldn't reach out. Oh, I forgot about this.
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  I forgot they did this because a lot of times if it's out of
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  sight, it's out of mind. And that includes the bad things
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  that they have done. Out of sight, out of mind
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  applies to the bad thing, to the trauma that they put you
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  through. So if you have a list of things
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  that they've done to you, a list of things they did to you, you
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  understand that right there, right?
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  You understand you. You get it.
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  You understand the mindset. You understand what you've been
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  through and how you've experienced it as well.
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  So you absolutely understand. Like it.
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  It helps you to see why. Why shouldn't I reach out to
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  this person? Oh, they cheated on me with my
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  best friend. They cheated on me with my
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  brother. They cheated on me with my
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  sister, They cheated on me with whoever, right?
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  They cheated on me. They beat me up.
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  They hospitalized me. They threatened to unallow me.
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  They they've abused me through my kids.
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  They turned everybody against me.
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  They cost me my job. They cost me my career.
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  You said that that helps to have that list of things in front of
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  you to see, to help you check back in with yourself.
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  And yes, right, let me be real with you writing this list down,
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  the bad things, it's going to suck.
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  It might actually. It's going to.
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  It's going to hurt because sometimes you forget some of the
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  things that you've done they that they have done to you.
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  Like the human mind is there to protect you.
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  It's crazy isn't it? So it blocks out some of the
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  stuff that you went through. So you might actually start
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  having memories and getting triggered and things like that
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  that people you know in these situations that people like this
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  this this list might re conjure up.
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  So you have to be prepared for that as well.
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  I'm not telling you that to make it as oh I don't want to write
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  that list down Lee. No, I'm telling you telling you
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  that. So if it does happen, you
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  expected, Lee said this will happen, right?
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  Lee mentioned that this will happen about when I start
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  writing down this list of bad things, this list of traumatic
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  experiences that I might remember, some stuff that I
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  forgot about, like. And it's not not just remember
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  stuff that you forgot about. You might look when you write
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  into this list. Now, one of the main things that
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  can happen is you start to see things for what they really are
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  and how things really happened. Like in a situation that they
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  successfully gaslighted you on, right?
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  You might have. You might finally breakthrough
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  the gaslighting in this situation and see the situation
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  for what really happened. They said this.
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  They couldn't have been true. You're going to start
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  remembering things from a different angle.
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  You're going to start seeing things for the truth when you
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  start writing this list down, and they can help reassure you
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  or reaffirm no contact, right? They can absolutely happen.
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  So writing down a list of the things that you went through
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  that they put you through can absolutely help you as well.
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  And I would just say speaking on the writing thing, another thing
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  that can help you is writing. Writing your story, writing down
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  your story, writing it down like an it's like an autobiography of
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  your relationship, Not every, not of your whole life.
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  You can do your whole life if you want to, but like write down
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  the autobiography of this relationship.
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  You know, write down, write it down.
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  Like I said, just write it down from your perspective.
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  Because once you actually get to see, because you're going to
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  write stuff down in this situation, you're going to write
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  down the manipulations from the beginning.
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  You're going to write down the red flag that you missed.
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  You're going to write down, you know, you're going to write down
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  some good stuff that might that might happen, but you're going
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  to look at it in a different you could possibly look at it in a
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  different light as well. You can look at it in a way like
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  damn, did I even. Was any of this real?
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  Because if they were faking from the beginning, if they were
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  being manipulative from the beginning, if they were lying
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  and being deceptive from the beginning, was any of the happy?
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  If were any of the happy times real anyway?
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  Were any of the good times? Were they really good times?
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  If they were based on the foundation of falseness, of
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  falsities, of half truths, of deceptions, were they really
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  good times? If that's what it's based on,
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  that's one thing that you can consider as well, right?
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  That's one thing. Like I said, writing your
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  autobiography down, like I said it's going to you might write
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  down some good stuff, but when you write down the truth, you'll
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  start seeing the good stuff in a different light.
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  You start seeing the good stuff for how it's supposed to be
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  viewed, right? You absolutely can.
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  You can you start seeing the good stuff for the manipulation
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  that it is. It really, it really can help
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  you in this space right here because these things I've went
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  over so far can help you maintain the no contact.
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  But again, in the at the end of the day, it's up to you because
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  one of the main things that you absolutely need to have to go no
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  contact is to have discipline. Discipline to say no to wanting
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  to reach out to this person. I I just read a book called the
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  The Magic of self-discipline or The Miracle of self-discipline.
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  And it's a powerful, powerful book.
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  It's about being disciplined. The Miracle of the Miracle of
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  self-discipline by Brian Tracy. I just read.
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  I just finished it today and it's a book about being
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  disciplined enough to make decisions that benefit you, not
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  this decision that detracts you. So one thing that can absolutely
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  help you is reading more books, educating yourself on
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  narcissistic abuse, on toxic relationship dynamics,
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  understanding and seeing this person for who they really are,
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  Telling yourself the truth. You know, being disciplined
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  enough to read these books. Tell yourself the truth about
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  who this person actually is. Slash was can help you out so
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  unbelievably much. It really can y'all tell
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  yourself the truth about who they are.
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  That's the point of writing down the bad stuff.
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  That's the point of writing down the autobiography of your
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  relationship. Tell yourself the truth of who
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  they are. It really can.
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  Yeah, it's it can be so such a cathartic experience, such a
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  good release to tell yourself the truth of who they are.
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  It's going to suck. Y'all.
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  A lot of this stuff is going to suck.
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  There'll be some sucky parts, but you got to suck to get to
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  the good stuff. Sometimes.
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  Some of the, the the front part has to suck in order to get to
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  the bad. What?
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  Sometimes you're going to suck in the beginning to get to the
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  good times in the end. I'll say that right there, you
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  know? And the last thing I would just
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  say y'all in this space right here about no contact is to
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  learn to, you know, it's five. What?
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  It's five. Yeah, that's why 5 is to learn
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  how to love yourself again. You know because a lot of times
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  in these spaces when you you, when you're lacking the self
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  love and the self worth because of coming out of these types of
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  relationships you you got to. You have to learn to love
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  yourself again. Because a lot of times you were
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  getting the validation. You were seeking so much
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  validation from them. Did you understand that you
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  don't need it anymore. You self validate.
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  You self love. You self empower, You self
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  impact, you self forgive. Because these are the things
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  that you need in order to be able to move forward with your
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  life. You need to have this, you know
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  be selfless or and somebody was like were you being selfish?
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  No, you're not being selfish. You're being selfish.
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  You have to be selfish with your healing.
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  You know, understand that. It's like ain't going no
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  contact. Telling yourself the truth and
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  accepting it is for what it is helps you.
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  It really does help you at the end of the day to be able to
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  kind of circle back and just be like damn, this is who this is
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  who I am. I I love me.
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  I really do love me. I love me.
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  I cherish me. Giving yourself that self love
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  and that rebuild. Rebuilding that self worth helps
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  you stay no contact because you you get to the point where you
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  understand that that person doesn't deserve you and didn't
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  deserve you. They don't deserve you have you
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  in their life. Even if they broke up with you,
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  even if they left you, they don't deserve to have you part
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  of their life anymore. You deserve the best.
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  Tell yourself what you deserve. Like I said, writing down the
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  list of what you deserve helps you out as well.
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  You don't have to write down all the bad stuff.
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  Write down all the bad stuff about.
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  Write down all the bad stuff about them.
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  Write down the good stuff about you.
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  Write down the stuff that you deserve.
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  Write down the stuff that benefits you, the stuff that
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  empowers you, the stuff that impacts you the most.
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  Write down that type of stuff, because at the end of the day,
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  that's what's needed. At the end of the day that
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  that's that's what empowers at the end of the day.
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  That helps you heal and helps you grow.
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  Because no contact is the is one of the most effective ways of
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  helping you heal and grow. You know, it's just like, say,
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  accepting, accepting them for who they actually are.
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  They just realized that they will never ever change.
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  And not blaming yourself for how.
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  Not blaming yourself for when a relationship went wrong or when
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  it went sour, That helps you as well, like, be OK with not
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  knowing the answers to some questions.
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  Because a lot of times people want to break no contact.
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  They get an answer to a question.
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  Be OK with not with not knowing. Be OK with OK.
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  Damn it. Yeah, I might not ever get an
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  answer to this question. Be OK with thinking that insane
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  and acknowledging that as well. Y'all be with Y'all.
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  I hope you all enjoyed this video.
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  Like I said, check out my support group The Mental
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  Healers. The link is in the description
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  of every single video I do. It says courses and groups in
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  the description. I'm super thankful of y'all.
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  Check out The root with him. This is that.
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  Please thank you so much for making it to the end of my
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  video. I am extremely grateful for you
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  have no idea. If you haven't already, make
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  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel helps.
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  Reach more people and click on the screen to watch another
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  video or to browse through another playlist.
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  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
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  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
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  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.