Latest / STOPTIME: Live in the Moment. / Hanako Greensmith: Igniting Her Creative Fire (Recorded July 2023)

Transcript

Hanako Greensmith: Igniting Her Creative Fire (Recorded July 2023) · STOPTIME: Live in the Moment.

• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Hey there.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: If you're enjoying this podcast, please take a moment to leave a review and to follow or subscribe.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Don't forget to share with anybody that you think might be interested.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Your support is greatly appreciated.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Word of mouth is incredibly powerful, and it's the best way for us to reach more people and grow this wonderful community.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks again for listening.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: This is the Stop Time Podcast.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Lisa Hopkins, and I'm here to engage you in thought-provoking motivational conversations around practicing the art of living in the moment.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a certified life coach, and I'm excited to dig deep and offer insights into embracing who we are and where we are at.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: So my next guest is currently most well known for her series' regular role as Violet on NBC's Chicago Fire.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: But I know her as the dedicated and passionate performing artist that she is, and have had the great pleasure of working with her in the dance studio as her teacher while she was pursuing her BFA in musical theater from PACE.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: It has been so much fun watching her trajectory, and I am grateful to have been part of her journey, which at just 26 years old is only, only just beginning.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: Truly.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: So excited for this conversation and the opportunity to sit down today with the one and only Hanukkah Greensmith.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: Hi, I'm so excited to be here.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: This is so surreal.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome, welcome.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's so great.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Really, thanks so much for taking the time.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, yeah, I know it took us a while to find the time.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: I know, no, no, no, but I'm so grateful that we found it.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: All in divine timing, I say.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: I loved your questions on the questionnaire.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: As I was reading them and I was like, oh wow, this is gonna be a really fascinating and wonderful conversation.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: I love that you're asking these questions because they're not so much to do with the objective success, whatever that means for performers.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's really about what do you do in the interim and what does success really feel like or mean to you when you've achieved something that you might have thought you wouldn't have.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm with you on that.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like I told you, I'm not attached to like I didn't even know you were on Chicago Fire, actually.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: I mean I know now, obviously.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: But when I asked you, I I wasn't thinking of that.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: I was just thinking of interesting people and I knew that you were working.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I knew you were busy and stuff like that.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: And then I looked up and I was like, Oh, that's cool, you know.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: Wait, that makes me so happy because I had no idea.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: I love that we also we've seemed to have both connected in some way in your class.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, totally.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's super cool.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's super cool.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: So, first of all, where where are you right now?
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: Are you in New York?
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: I am actually in LA.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um, my parents are away uh doing some work overseas, and so they were like, Will you do us a favor and water the plants?
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm on hiatus from work and there's a writer's strike.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: So I said, I love a place to stay in LA for free.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: I will absolutely water your plants.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's why I'm that's so cool.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I was under the impression that your parents lived in New York, but no.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I grew up wow, good memory because I grew up in New York, but um my dad ended up getting a job in LA, so he moved here actually right after I graduated high school.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: So I went to I went to Pace and was commuting to LA for the holidays.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: I got it.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: So that's cool.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: So you're on hiatus and there's a strike, that's always fun.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: Having the time of my life.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: So how long have you called LA like home?
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Do you call that home now?
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it was you said after your senior year in high school you moved here?
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, I mean, I would say that New York is probably still my home.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: I think going to high school there and then going to Pace and staying in those years after that.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: I also just felt very close to New York.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: I can't it was a very love-hate relationship, and that's how I know I can call a place home when I feel like I know so much about it.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: I know what makes me feel safe and makes me feel loved, but also know all the things that make it really frustrating and at times unlivable.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: So I definitely still find New York a home of mine.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: I live in Chicago now for work.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and that's slowly becoming my own version of home there too.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but LA is still kind of a foreign beast.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: I love visiting her, but it's definitely it comes with its own kind of curiosities that I'm still learning to figure out that make sense for me, I guess.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, for sure.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: I love that you didn't like go to LA like a lot of actors do.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm not hearing that at all.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, I'm going to LA because that's what you're supposed to do.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not hearing that at all.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, no, I got a, I got an apartment to hang it.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: I got some time.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna go there.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's awesome.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: Totally.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I might end up here one day in a couple of years, I don't know, but it's kind of nice to kind of experience what it's like to be here without a schedule, just to experience what it's like to be an actor, kind of figuring out the interim time that is most of our time and see how that energetically feels for me and if that's something I could do in the future.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Totally.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I love how you said energetically feels.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you're talking my language, right?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like literally, like I say, you know, when I talk to my guests, I and my clients, it's like I check in with how they are doing energetically, because that's that's where we operate from.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Energy is the way we lead, right?
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, yeah.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: So, how are you feeling energetically?
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: That's a good question.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: I was just thinking about that as you said that.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I haven't asked myself that in a while.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: I think I'm feeling a mixed bag.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: I think I'm feeling a little disappointed in myself, which is feeling a little harsh, just because I have this strange, unique blessing of knowing I have work on the other side of the strike because I know I have another season of work coming up.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and yet I feel like I'm not taking advantage of this freedom enough, even though what I'm doing can be perfectly enough.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and I feel like I'm constantly trying to find the best case scenario of what I'm doing with my time.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: And when it doesn't feel like I'm doing the best thing I can be doing, I get really hard on myself.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: So I think I'm feeling energetically like a little depleted.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm asking too much of myself and I'm not enjoying what I have in front of me at the moment.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for sharing that.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: That makes a lot of sense.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: No, but it's it's perfectly natural, first of all, right?
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you're a high, you're a high achiever just by nature.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, right.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you want to do you want to be the best you can be and do what you do.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: And and and I, you know, knowing you the I don't know you that well, but uh, but I I can even just tell, even though I didn't know you that it's not about just the one thing you're doing.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like it's all aspects of your life that you're you set the bar for yourself, right?
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: 100%.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:45
  unknown: Yeah.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: No, that makes sense.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: The only thing that you define as your occupation.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's like in your life too.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: And and for me, like my home, like my home must feel like my sanctuary.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's something I invest a lot of time and energy into as well.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: There are a lot of facets of your life that uh make up your life.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love that.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Is that a a common, you know, you you shared with me that um you kind of beat yourself up a little bit when you're not I don't want to paraphrase finish that phrase.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: I just thank you.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I think I beat myself up when I don't feel like I'm doing enough.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I've noticed that unless I'm like stretched thin or I'm at like my total capacity, I don't feel like I'm working hard enough to deserve the things that I have or to get more of what it is that I want.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like New York was kind of a terrible, uh terrible addiction because you can really, really push yourself to a point where you feel like you can breathe.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: And that's kind of where everyone exists energetically in New York.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: And it's addictive because as someone who wants to be an overachiever and doesn't necessarily feel like they're achieving enough, you can push like a hamster on a wheel until you absolutely burn out.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: And that you can live at that state for years at a time.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's not healthy, but a lot of us do it.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: No, you're right.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: You're you're bang on.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's unsustainable for sure.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's interesting because you know, the stretching yourself thin like and full capacity, like those that that sounds like a massive limiting belief right there, right?
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: That that in order to to function at my full capacity, I need to be stretching myself thin, is what I kind of heard underneath what you were saying.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: Which is interesting because I mean, and you're not alone.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I think it's thank you for sharing that because I'm sure that the listeners will kind of go, yeah, yeah.
• 8:27
  unknown: Yeah.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: But unfortunately, I hope so.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the th and the thing is, you know, and this is where we kind of call it out, is sort of say, where does it come from?
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: You you did share that it comes from New York, but but besides from an environment, for you, where does it come from?
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: Where does that message come that when you're at your full capacity A, that you're best?
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: What's its history?
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think for me in particular, I come from a family of musicians, and my father like has a very similar attitude of just doing as much as you humanly physically can at all times.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember like I was locked down with my parents at one point, and you know, I'm an only child, and so I also happen to kind of like, you know, I get the most exposure to my parents.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's not me and my sibling, it's me and my parents.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think during lockdown it was hard because I was in between jobs.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: I had no idea what I was doing.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: I was even just thinking, I don't think I have the mental stamina to be an actor.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think I can withstand this.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I know so many incredible talented actors who are like, I love acting, I don't love the lifestyle.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I wondered if that was going to be me too.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think being exposed to watching my dad my whole life, but especially during the pandemic, find ways to continue just pounding into himself as much as he can and doing as much as possible given the limitations of COVID.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: I kind of I feel like that is a lot of why I also feel like I'm constantly underachieving.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: I have to do as much as he's doing, or I have to do, I have to be striving to absolute, full, unsustainable, stretched thin in order for me to feel like I'm actually accomplishing enough to define myself as an artist.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: Which isn't true.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I could call, I could say someone who does pottery on Saturday is also an artist.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like you can do the least amount of art and still be an artist.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: As long as you're just partaking in it and you view yourself as one, that's all you have to do.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I mean, you are an artist.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's so funny.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's it you're an artist sitting here.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: We are artists sitting here, you know, and it and uh it's so interesting, right?
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's so interesting and so reg, it's so understandable that that this happens.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: And and yeah, that makes sense that it was modeled a little bit, right?
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so obviously, you know, you love your parents and of course, yeah, and you know, it and it probably brought you, you know, got you into some good schools and got you some good training.
• 10:47
  unknown: Yeah.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: So you know, when we have these, when we when we sort of model these things, have them modeled, and then also follow along, and we get good things, it's difficult to ever, ever sort of think about it as, well, maybe that's not working anymore because that's what got me here.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: But what got you here is not what's gonna get you where you want to go.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: It just isn't.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: You're absolutely right.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's a toxic thing when it works.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: Then it's like I used to overprepare like crazy for everything to a point where it would kind of limit me in the moment.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: And then it the problem is though, like I wouldn't forget my lines, I wouldn't forget my lyrics, I wouldn't forget the steps.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: So it then kind of became a practice that I couldn't let go of because I knew it was the one thing I could trust.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: But then it's taken a lot of time to trust myself and to know that even if I haven't pounded it into myself, it's there.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: I can trust my capabilities to show up when I need them to.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: You nailed it.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's funny.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: I work a lot with my clients about um recognizing that their strengths are sometimes their weaknesses because we default to them.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's how I always am, that's what got me here.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: I got this, let's do it, right?
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: And what you don't realize when you do that all the time is that there's other options, there are other shades of you that can actually, you know, you can operate from that are more effective, actually, in different scenarios.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: 100%.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know, yeah, the nuance, and even as an actor, right?
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, the nuance that you can add to that.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, if you played the character all one way, yeah, like it'd be a very shallow character, right?
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, exactly.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: Every person for better or for worse has very many colors.
• 12:21
  unknown: Yeah.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: You're the character, yeah.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: Your story, yeah, follow that.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: What you know, what you do for your characters that you're playing, you're not even relating that those things to yourself.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: What do I need?
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: What do I want?
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's a really good point.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: We're so conditioned to ignore those elements of ourselves, our basic fundamental desires and needs.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: And we're trained to think that that wanting, a lot of us feel like saying you want something is greedy or narcissistic or this or that.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not what want means.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, I agree.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: You know, um, so it's so it's so interesting.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, so a lot of times it's just like, what do you want?
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like if I said to you, what do you want?
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: What would how would you answer me?
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, right now, what I want, I know it.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: I want to be in nature so badly.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: I've been in cities for so long, and I just want to wake up to birds, not punks from cars.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: That's all I want right now.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_01: That's actually all I want.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's amazing.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: So tell me, tell me a bit about um why that's important to you, especially right now.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: I think I've been in needing, I've been in need of an emotional reset.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like it's really hard for me to focus on my needs and wants when I'm so distracted by so much happening around me.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I noticed during lockdown, although it was emotionally and mentally such a challenging time for me and for everyone I knew around me, I found that by being, you know, at one point I was with my last partner's family for a while, and just being in Massachusetts in the summer was huge for me.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_01: Just being able to go on a walk and take it like a little meditation by a like by a creek was so huge for my mental stability.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: And not having access to that for so long and after so much work this year of just not like again being stretched so thin, I start to find that the only thing that brings me nourishment or brings me back to myself is just being with trees, with grass, with water, with birds, with animals, all of it.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's so simple, but so much, so many of us live without it day to day.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: And there's a reason why, you know, we were born from the earth.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like we should be around it more than we often than we often are.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: And do you think that if you had that regularly, that you would be it would be easier for you to show up to your full capacity?
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: I do.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: I think it would be also easier for me to show up to my artistic capacity.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: I feel very separate from it when I'm in a city.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_01: There's just too much to take me away from it.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: So when you have this time that you that you referred to right now, where you're telling yourself you're not working hard enough, you're not stretching yourself thin or whatever.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: But actually, what it is is this gift of time, the strike and then the knowing.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, what and what with what you just told me, can you make the connection of I want to work to my fullest capacity, which is what your voice is saying?
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: You can say, Yes, I want that too.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for that message.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: And what I just told Lisa is that yeah, what will help me be, you know, be at my best capacity is nature.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I have time for that right now, therefore.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: Right, can you make that connection?
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: Does that does your brain go, oh no, that's wasting time.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: You're in LA.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: Go out and audition.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: What does it say?
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: Well, what I think my mind then says is how?
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_01: How are you gonna make that happen?
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, here are all the obstacles that are in front of you to make that happen.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I have to be in LA, I have plans to see people, I do want to be in the city to experiment living here.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: I might want to see my partner at the end of the month.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_01: I also then want to see my friend in the Adirondacks, maybe next month.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: That interferes with black.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_01: I find a way to like put a speed bump to every way I could execute what it is that I want to need.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: Totally, totally.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: You're not gonna call you out.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's the victim mentality.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: That's totally, totally acting like I can't.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's I can't do that because all these external things that I, you know, if we're working together, I'd call bullshit.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Please call bullshit.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: You're in California, like one of the most beautiful states in the world.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you know, I mean, even LA, there are places to go.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I've lived there, I know there are.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, I'm gonna not have funny.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, you're right.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, and that's that's where you know, I'll even Google, like, you know, getaways, you know, solo trip getaways, and and somehow I'll find a reason to not allow myself to go.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: I wish I could say it was like because I have reproductive, but it's literally the victim mentality of just, oh, but I can't because of blah.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm making it not happen for myself.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, those are those are lies.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: And without going into an actual coaching session, yeah, sure.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we can happen another time, you know.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: I mean totally, it's so interesting though.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: So listen, I read somewhere, maybe this it probably does link in because things do.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: I read somewhere that when you got the role of Violet, that you audition once for the role without a callback.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and and it says, as for the quick audition process, you said maybe it's because they needed someone pretty last minute.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: I I don't even know.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: Did you say that?
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for doing such loving research.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I did say that.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_01: Why did you say that?
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_01: What did you mean by that?
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: I I mean, I have all my own theories of what you know, you never really know what's going on behind the scenes.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, um, I guess I just figured because in all of the smaller roles that I had had, especially with this casting office, I had assumed like someone must have dropped out for it to be such like an expedited process.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_01: And and I remember coming into the audition room and they they already had so many notes before I even started.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: So it felt like maybe you've seen a lot of people misinterpret these lines.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_01: And you just want to see before we waste time on me misinterpreting it, if I get it right the first time.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, I love you're right.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: As you said that I I feel like it might have been a subtle call out.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: Tell me if I'm incorrect, but of like assuming that I couldn't have just been right for the role, assuming that I must have just been saving the situation and been someone's backup as opposed to their first choice.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because you hadn't spread yourself too thin yet, which is your familiar place.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: You hadn't killed yourself to get the job.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_01: And therefore I didn't feel like I must have deserved it.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: Damn, Lisa.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: Call me out.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: It makes sense, right?
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's yeah, but but what's cool is when you recognize that that's pattern recognition.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: And that means you recognize that you break that pattern, you start to break it.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's not gonna break just like that, but you but you but you'll become more aware and aware of this, and then you'll then you'll start to disprove these justification lies that your brain has.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, which is too, yeah, and it's there to keep you safe.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's what I always say.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: These aren't we we always spend so much time saying, I don't want to have these thoughts, and we spend a lot of energy trying to get rid of them.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: But you know, in my work, we talk about no, no, no, we want to repurpose the energy.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: We need the we want energy.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so we get we get to know these thoughts and sort of call them out in a way, but not in a way like, you know, screw you, get the hell out of here.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: But rather, where did this come up from?
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: That makes sense.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: It did help me then, right?
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a big girl now, I don't need that anymore.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so this is what I like, you know, I call it rescripting, let rescripting your your rewrite, you know, the gremlin.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: Just say, look, I don't need you to play that role in my life anymore.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but what I could do is I could really use you for this, like to help me when I go to audition to not stay up too late trying to make it perfect, or do 25, you know, self-tapes instead of you know six.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, totally.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: Do you know what I mean?
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so, and then and then you get the buy-in literally from your own energy, your own self.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, right.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then you you start repurposing it so it serves you rather than you know.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, right, right.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: Rather than you feeling feeling like you have to rate a version of yourself or punish a version of yourself.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's just actually all love.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_01: It's just repurposing.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, hey, Gremlin, you're really good at that.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_01: I think I have you in the wrong occupation, but you're really good at this kind of thing.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_01: So let's put you here and then you can go here.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_01: Because I actually think if you guys switched, it would be more helpful to me.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's right.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: You know, the whole thing, the whole scene looks a little better when you space it out this way, or you know, when you're playing it, you've out, you know, you've outgrown the role.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yes.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: I hope so.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, they they yes, that's pretty cool.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: What would you say?
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: What would you say is the biggest challenge?
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: That you face right now.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: You've kind of shared a little bit of it with me, which is kind of giving yourself grace, it sounds like a little bit.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, is there anything else?
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like if I were to say to you and actually maybe challenge is a word that I this also strikes me is that you are very tell me if I'm wrong.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: You can totally tell me if I'm wrong.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't want to, I don't want to project, but but I I get the sense that you know you're you're okay with being a work in progress, that you're not about the last credit, the next credit, that you are like even the fact that when I said some of your bio, you sent me like I mean it was basically no, but it's totally fine.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: See, but I love that you didn't go and she worked with us and she did that and she did this and she was do you know what I mean?
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I and I love that says something about you though, that you don't, you're not resting on your laurels, you're not saying what's coming up, you're not anything.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm just curious, like when I see when I even say challenge, is that even a thing for you?
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you like challenge?
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: Do you thrive?
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: So when I say what's the biggest challenge, do you go, I don't know.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: What do you think?
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it's funny that you say that.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like my bio is actually short.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe not because um I don't prioritize, you know, what it is that I've accomplished or I don't feature it as a part of myself.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: I genuinely am like, I don't have so much to share.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like there's yeah, I feel like since graduating, like my trajectory has been very linear.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's just been kind of like two small things and then one big thing.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I've just stuck with the big thing for a while.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I've loved every second of it.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_01: It's had its own challenges, but I've I genuinely deeply love it.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I would say actually, one of my biggest challenges is I I do feel like I'm an actor that I validate myself based off of accomplishments outside of myself, not things that I've accomplished within myself as a person, but things that I can use as armor, being like, yes, but I've done this.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_01: So therefore I'm validated.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_01: You can still think I'm an actor because I'm working on a show right now.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think that is a challenge for me, is finding worth outside of my occupation.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_01: Finding worth in the progress or in the work and process, like work in progress that I am.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: And still, and still feeling okay with that.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like I yeah, I constantly struggle with it.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_01: I think that was I noticed actually when I got Chicago Fire as a more permanent gig, that was the thing I relished the most was after the pandemic and people have been like, being an actor must be hard, right?
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_01: Because you can't work that much and you've got to be broke all the time.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, that's true a lot of the time.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: But for the first time in my life, I was able to say, no, here's my armor.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: I have something to show you.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: I can prove to you that I am worthy of being an actor and I'm worthy of being for some reason, therefore also a person, which is problematic.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm working on that.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't like that part of myself right now.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: Fair enough.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: No, thank you.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for sharing that with me.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: What do you think might have been different had you had had you not gotten a long, a long-standing gig?
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: Now I think about it.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_01: I I wonder, would I have actually left the industry?
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: Would I have said, yeah, I've my mental health really, really struggled right before this job.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um, this job almost didn't happen.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: And there's a really long story behind it that we honestly not worth getting into.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_01: But um, it tested me and my mental um stability within the industry in a way that I hadn't experienced yet.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_01: You know, when you're in school, it's four years of training and you can kind of just enjoy that there's another year of school, there's another year of school, and then senior year heads, and you're looking at life dead in the eyes.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_01: And so I yeah, I I wonder where I would have gone and how I would have stayed maybe with or not with the industry had this job not come into fruition.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_01: You know, looking into the future, I won't be with this show forever.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_01: And to see how I will show up for myself when that moment arrives.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: Because I won't be, I won't be 20, 21, 22.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_01: I'll probably be end of my 20s or maybe my 30s.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: No, that's that's so valid.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it's really interesting because you're right.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's you know, it's it's a gig and it's great.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: But it's really no different than a nine to five person in another industry getting a great job and then sticking with it.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_01: 100%.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: And there's no difference between between that, but but as artists, you don't know, right?
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's so ambiguous.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: We don't know what might be next.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, absolutely.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, it's true.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_01: And there's a reason why I think actors are inclined to not be the nine to fives.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I mean, some people love their nine to fives, like I've got good health insurance, I want two kids, and I want to live in this suburb.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_01: And that job gives them everything they need.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_01: But for actors, that's not often what they're looking for.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_01: And if it is, normally they don't stay because you won't you won't find that in acting most of the time.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, for sure.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: So what do you think now?
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: Where are you at now?
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because you've had some time kind of on both sides, right?
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you you described the time when you you felt like you didn't even know if you could handle it, right?
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_00: And and then this this thing came along and you're like, okay.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: So you're sort of riding the wave, and so it ticks a lot of boxes, right?
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, yeah, are you still feeling like you want to keep doing this?
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, obviously you're gonna do it, well, maybe not, obviously.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_01: I know, I think it's gonna be really interesting for me to see how the work that I've done shows up, like the internal work that I've done shows up or doesn't show up after this gig comes to an end.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and to see how I weather the storm.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_01: But I think a lot of what this job did for me is it proved that like I look back on it and I'm like, I almost left this industry, this job, this love of mine.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I had barely been out of school.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_01: I barely gave myself grace or patience to just stick with me and believe that maybe I had enough to get me somewhere.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that was a valuable experience to now look on back, look back on that timeline and see how much I've been lucky enough to experience in this particular job.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_01: That proved to me a couple of times over that there's still so much, not only that I'm able or capable of doing, but how much I love, how much like maybe the waiting is worth it because that flicker of joy that you get to experience when you really get to do what you love for a short period of time makes it all worth it.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'm really hoping that that lesson sticks with me and all of the uncertainty that comes after.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_01: And hopefully I can have patience and grace with myself after to enjoy other outlets while I wait or like while I work towards the next little flicker that I get to experience and just kind of lily pad until I feel this is still serving me or not serving me anymore.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm so curious, like with your gig now, I get the sense that there's kind of a a more normal nine to five kind of feeling about it.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, it is um, it is the corporate job of the acting industry.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like in a kind of in a beautiful way, because you still get to do what you love, but you have the luxuries of stability that you don't often get.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like we're lucky enough that we're even on a show that we can trust usually at the end of a season, we'll get another one.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um it's been around for so long.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's a well-oiled machine.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like even a day on set, we all know where everything's gonna be, how long it's gonna take, more or less, where we're gonna shoot it, what the atmosphere will be like.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_01: So there's something really familiar about it and therefore very steady.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that makes sense, right?
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: So that's so in that comfort, do you find that you're you're able to start to grow and build some of those inner resources, you know, so that not because there's gonna be a storm, but just so that so that you can take your time to evolve in it.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_01: I definitely I think it challenges me in a bunch of separate ways that I hope prepares me for the future.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_01: But, you know, one of them being I'm learning, I'm learning how to come to set a little less incredibly prepared.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like I had a really big emotional story arc at the beginning of last season, and I was incredibly intimidated by it.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_01: It was like truly Hanukko's greatest fear of having to execute something of that nature on a camera.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_01: And having actually had to do it and realizing when I came to the when the moment came, I realized I'd actually already done all the work.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I'd I'd been with this character for a while.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_01: I know her needs, I know her wants, I know her whys.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_01: And so when I came to set, being able to trust that it will show up for me was a huge learning lesson.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_01: And that's just one of the lessons that I feel like I have been able to take away from this, from this gig, from this work.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna ask you to put humility aside.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, okay for a minute.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_00: I know that's hard to do, I know.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_00: And and just really, I just want you to tell me, you know, what would you say is are your unique gifts?
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's funny.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_01: I think the thing that I used to be kind of critiqued for almost when I was little was for being very sensitive.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like I was the kid, I like I would always get a call home, like Hanukkah was crying in class again today.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I would have to go home and be like, please stop crying in school.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I, as I grew up, I realized, you know, that was a thing I I was really embarrassed by.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_01: I really, I really struggled with not being able to like put my emotions away.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, especially ones of you know, grief or fear.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I think over time I have learned how to sympathize with others and characters in a way because I have had no choice but to be so connected to this like overflowing emotional well that I feel like is such a part of me.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's maybe maybe to put it simply, empathy.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_01: Empathy is one thing that I feel like is one unique gift of mind that I have interacted with for a lot of my life.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um, that's the first thing that comes to mind.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_01: What else comes to mind?
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_01: What are you holding back?
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_01: Come on.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to think.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, what else do I feel that I can well okay?
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_01: I think um I really love to connect to other people.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_01: I love feeling a part of a community.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's huge for my just overall health to feel like I have a community.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_01: I think like coming into a project and feeling like I can really make family out of who I'm with makes for such better work, but also in your life, to make other people feel wanted, to make other people feel desired, to make them feel like there's a reason for other people to be curious about them.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_01: I love being in, I love, you know, questioning other people and and getting to know other people.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's one other um gift of mine.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I think I think it seems very it can be very broad, but I think even as a as a kid, I felt creativity is such a a huge part of the world around me.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_01: I do feel at this moment of my life I'm not expressing myself as creatively as I want to.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_01: But at the same time, I do feel like I see creativity everywhere I go in other people and the things they wear and the and the food we eat, like in the air we breathe, there's so much beautiful art everywhere.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_01: If you really just take a second to sit with it.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um I think that's like one unique gift of perspective that I have found in myself in the past few years.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love that.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's really beautiful.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_00: Uh it makes me want to ask you, what would you what would you want to do creatively that you're not doing right now?
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_01: I think like I have so many friends who are so good at just, and I don't think you have to make anything to be creative, but who are just they have like that creative fire in them.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it's like, I'm gonna do, I'm gonna paint today, I'm gonna crochet today, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go compose a song, I'm gonna learn the guitar.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like there's so many ways that you can participate in creativity that don't have to be that.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_01: But that's I think one way in which again, like I wish I could express like I feel like when I was younger, I was so good at expressing myself through that.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_01: And as you get older, society kind of beats it out of you.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_01: I remember like in math class, I would get in trouble because I'd be doodling instead of paying attention.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm realizing that's when I stopped drawing.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's when the world told me there's no space for that.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_01: There are more important things.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so getting back to that element of just this childlike curiosity for creativity and this need for artistry, I miss that.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's like how Picasso, as problematic as he was, Picasso trying to, he spent so much of his life trying to draw like a child.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there's a reason why it becomes very difficult as you get older.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's so interesting.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_00: There's a there's a hunger there that's not being fed.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it's interesting because the because the emptiness, right?
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_00: The hunger, I feel like, and again, this is conjecture, so you can totally jump back at me and say, no, that's not it, but at least it'll um, which is which is being filled with again, all these uh, you know, again, calling you kind of excuses.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because when I asked you, I gave you the opportunity to say what you want to do to be creative.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_00: You said you started telling me about all the other people.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_00: You started really what you were talking about was I wish I could have my on-ramp creativity was easier.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_00: You but you weren't even thinking about the thing, right?
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I asked you about I asked you about the thing, which is interesting, so I just want to point that out.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: There's no definition.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for pointing it out.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_00: And you're absolutely right.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_00: Do you know?
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_00: And then the other is like that sort of again, massive limiting belief about well, you know, it's just they, you know, they beat it out of you.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_00: That you like it's come on.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_00: I I don't believe you.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_00: And um I because I know how multi-talented you are, and it's not about talent, but nevertheless, if you got it, you got it, and you do.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um but but you know what I mean?
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I I mean, I know that you're and I can do this with you because I know you, but um, you know, you're you're extraordinarily creative.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I know that.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_00: And and there's probably masses of areas of that you where you could put that that aren't so specific to what people expect.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, you're probably expecting me to go, oh yeah, you mean singing and dancing and all the things I'm trained for and all well, yeah, sure.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_00: But may maybe it's something else.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's maybe it's you know, living your life creatively.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, totally.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, even as you said it, I realized like I I moved into a new home this year, and I spent so much time being hard on myself for spending so much time making my home beautiful.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_01: And now I'm like, well, that was a form of creative.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I got to choose for the first time ever, I got to choose the colors that I wanted to be surrounded by and all the artwork that I wanted to see when I woke up in the day and the texture that I wanted to feel, like all of that.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_01: You're right, that's creativity too.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_00: 100%.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_00: 100%.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love that.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for calling me up.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_01: I appreciate it.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_01: You're always welcome to do that.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, it's my pleasure, it's what I do.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it is funny.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_00: If you take if you take the word create um creativity and you move the C, or vice versa, I prefer to do it the other way, but um, it becomes reactivity.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, love, yeah, yes, absolutely.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_00: So whatever you're feeling reactive, man, just move that C to the front.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, okay.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_00: What is your what is your definition of living in the moment?
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_01: I think living in the moment is like we said earlier, I think it's giving yourself grace.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's experiencing all of the creativity around you in that present moment.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's sitting with what is happening within you and being okay with what is happening within you.
• 35:37
  unknown: Yeah.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_01: I think I I struggle with that for sure.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'm constantly being reminded by my friends and family, well, mainly my friends, that I'm I'm perpetually anxious about the future and nostalgic for the past, even when I'm sitting in a perfectly lovely moment.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_01: Do you feel like you're in the moment right now?
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I feel like having this conversation with you is putting me back in center, putting me back into place.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's very cool.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's very, very cool.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, what's the what's the hardest thing you've ever you've ever done?
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, oh man, so many things come to mind.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_01: I think one of the hardest things I've ever done was probably I was in a six-year relationship with a very lovely person.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_01: We're still close.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but the hardest thing I've ever done was prioritizing myself and sitting with what was true and lovingly detaching from something that I held so much identity with.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_01: That was, I think in recent memory, that's one of the hardest things I've done.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_01: Other times I have too, but I think that also kind of embodies that time that I think was very difficult.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_00: So, what was it about you that was able to do that?
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_01: I think it was recognizing my needs and wants.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_01: And recognizing also my partner's needs and wants at that time, and knowing that they were not synced, and knowing that we weren't allowing space for growth for each other to know what it was that we truly wanted to be.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think coming to terms with that was very difficult.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_01: But having the capacity to finally do it and separate myself, so I felt independent, I felt like my own person gave me the space to come to those recognitions.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_00: And you just used the word capacity, which is kind of which is kind of what I was getting at, because you you talk about how that's important to you for whatever reason to to really, and so you were so you were not living in your full capacity connected to say your values in this case, perhaps, right?
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't even matter what it is, but but it's something that was not something was not you weren't living to your full fullest capacity, not like again, necessarily with the person or whatever, but with your truth, with your truth.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah, I think that's absolutely right.
• 37:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's awesome.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_00: And it's good to remember that because that's where we mine our strengths.
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_00: We remember things that were really hard and you know, difficult and all of that.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_00: But but the fact that you're here telling me a story or telling yourself the story that you know, you you can remember, you can sit and remember and reflect on the nostalgia of good and bad in the past, or you can also like take things from that and bring them to the present and apply them to now, right?
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_00: So it becomes a bit of a sieve.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_00: So you can sort of say, what was it about me that was able to do that?
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like that was a strength, not like holy shit, I got through it, and then it's just another story, and and there was drama and there was there was fire, and that you know, because we're stories, you know what I mean?
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_00: But but it's like, yeah, like but if you can focus it back on on like um yeah, figuring out what's in you and reminding your brain that no, that that was in my toolkit.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you're gonna find your values there and you're gonna find your tools and your strengths.
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for that reminder.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_01: Thinking about, yeah, it's a nice reminder to remember I'm capable of this.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_01: I've I've done it before and I can do it again.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_00: Hell yeah.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_00: Hell yeah.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_00: No, 100%.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, what big audacious goal or dream do you have that maybe you haven't even put out in the universe?
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh, okay.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_01: One goal I have for myself.
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it's kind of materialistic, this first one.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_01: I've always, always, always wanted to be able to like purchase my own like cabin in a forest by a body of water.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_01: Going back to like my corny homestead, like nature dreams, but that's even corny.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_02: It's not corny.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_02: It's funny.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_01: I just remember I was so jealous of the kids who had that growing up, and all I've ever wanted was just to have my own like escape.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to have to Airbnb or rent, like I want to go somewhere familiar and beautiful and also unfamiliar because nature is forever changing and be able to call that mine.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_00: What do you know will stay true about you no matter what happens?
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh.
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_01: See, first things that come to mind are all negative things.
• 39:57
  unknown: Oh wow.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_01: The first thing that will stay true to me, my my first instinct is like, I will always have to kind of like manage my own particular mania.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like I will always kind of have to be sheriffing my own intensity when it comes to my own um cyclical thoughts, I guess.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but I wanna I wanna find it positive.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_01: I think the thing that will remain true is that I will always.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_01: I think I will always be yearning to cultivate a community.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's true.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_01: I've noticed that in my life, the saddest parts of my life are the moments where I felt totally community-less, where I didn't feel like I had people to call a tribe or people to go to.
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so I think for forever in my life, I will wanna I will want to prioritize being able to be independent on my own, but also know that it's gonna be really important for me to have people that I call close around me in some capacity.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's it's really beautiful.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_00: So so can you finish this phrase?
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_00: Most people think Hanukkah Greensmith is, but the truth is.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's oh this is I feel like this isn't doing justice to the question, but I think my go-to answer is I think people assume that I'm very outgoing because I like to interact with the people, I'm friendly community, whatever.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um but the truth is I'm I think I'm very introspective and therefore actually like to spend it's kind of a strange dichotomy, but I like to spend time on my own.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's really important that I spend time on my own, actually, as difficult as I find it to be sometimes.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_01: That's like my first level answer, I guess.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, that's fair.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_00: How do you want to be remembered?
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_01: Oh how do I want to be remembered?
• 41:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_01: I want to be remembered to the people, I mean, I don't know.
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_01: This is the first thing that came to my head.
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_01: I want to be remembered as someone who loved you.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_01: To the people that I care about.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_00: Of course.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_01: I hope I hope they know that.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_01: That's how I want to be remembered.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's really beautiful.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_00: That was amazing.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_00: Even just the way you answered the question was you you just jumped into this is what first came to there was no rehearsal.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_00: There was no wearing yourself that you you just tapped in.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_00: You were just like, and then when you said it, it was as if you were saying it to me, like it was so real.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'm glad.
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's yeah, I'm realizing in this conversation, it showed me that I don't actually usually listen to my first instinct.
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_01: I first question it and then have to kind of belittle it somehow before then executing it.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I could talk to you all day long, but I guess I gotta do okay.
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_00: So um I'm gonna say what makes you.
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then you're just gonna say what what comes to mind.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna say a word.
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_00: Here's a for example, I'm gonna say, what makes you hungry?
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh, oh, food.
• 43:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think what makes me hungry is uh can I give you you want long answers or short answers?
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_01: Do whatever you want.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, yeah.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I I love food.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_01: Food makes me so happy.
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_01: Connecting with people over a good meal, making food for people, having food made for you, experiencing a candlelit dinner, experiencing brunch, uh, and getting boozy and enjoying each other in that capacity.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that makes me hungry.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, that was beautiful.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_00: That was visceral.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_00: I felt that.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_00: That was me.
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_01: What makes you sad?
• 43:34
  SPEAKER_01: Disappointment in both myself and others.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um, hurting, like grief, I think.
• 43:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um, nostalgia, missing things that have already passed and will come back again.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_00: Hmm.
• 43:47
  unknown: Yeah.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's interesting.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but I'm gonna refrain from jumping in there.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's really cool though.
• 43:55
  SPEAKER_00: What inspires you?
• 43:59
  SPEAKER_01: Power, bravery, courage, risks, jumping into the unknown.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, I think all of those things.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_00: And when you feel inspired, what do you do?
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_00: How do you how does that shift your energy?
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I feel it like right, like right here.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_01: I feel it in my chest, like this really bright light that starts to glow, this like yellow, all-encompassing power.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_01: To feel inspired, yeah, to feel motivated, to feel connected to something outside of yourself.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, to feel invigorated in what it is that you love.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_01: How often do you feel that?
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh, it's kind of rare nowadays, but sometimes like when I watch, like at one, like if I see a a piece of theater that I think really clicks into something that makes me feel a part of what that is that they're saying.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_01: That makes me feel so inspired just to be invested in the piece and and also just fall back in love with what I originally fell in love with in acting.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 45:00
  unknown: Yeah.
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_00: Do you think you'll go back to to musical theater and I don't know.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_01: I it would take, I think, something special.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_01: I think I think I became very disillusioned by musical theater in the past couple years.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_01: I just felt like there there was so much I was inspired by.
• 45:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like when I was a teenager, just thinking, could I ever do this?
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_01: I want to try it.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_01: And then I I think the industry kind of shifted a little bit and I just didn't see a version of myself anywhere.
• 45:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I just didn't feel like fighting for it anymore.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_01: I just didn't, yeah.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't feel like that was serving me.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_01: It didn't inspire me to have to fight to be seen in spaces that I didn't feel made sense for me.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_01: So finding other places that did feels better for right now.
• 45:42
  SPEAKER_01: But if if that door opened again, I would not close it, nor would I walk by it.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_01: I would hopefully walk into it.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_00: So it's a possibility.
• 45:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 45:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_00: What frustrates you?
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, my first answer is myself.
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like I like I like you said earlier, I feel like I victimize or I victimize myself a lot and I put myself in the way a lot.
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_01: So I think that's the first thing that frustrates me.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_01: I won't often be frustrated with someone else in the situation.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_01: I sure could be.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_01: But most of the time I'm frustrated with how I'm reacting to it as opposed to what it is that they might have done.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that makes sense.
• 46:17
  unknown: Yeah.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_00: Cool.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_00: What makes you laugh?
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, what makes me laugh?
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_01: Oh man, I just anything kind of I've always found slapstick humor really funny.
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I think sharing moments with someone where you're kind of at the same level of understanding what it is that's so funny, that is the thing that'll keep me rolling and rolling and rolling into laughter.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's like each wave will come and kind of take you over.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_01: That kind of keeps me, keeps me laughing for a while.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's such a great feeling, right?
• 46:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like so.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_01: We're struggling to breathe because you're having so much fun is yeah.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm with you on that.
• 46:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's amazing.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_00: What makes you angry?
• 46:59
  SPEAKER_01: Again, myself.
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_01: I think the frustration and the anger kind of go hand in hand.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_01: But I also think I think feeling belittled is another thing that makes me feel really angry.
• 47:12
  SPEAKER_01: I think seeing people that I love being belittled or not being respected or not being given the rights that they so deserve just by being a human being on this planet.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_01: That makes me angry.
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_01: It makes me want to protect them.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_01: And when I know that I there's so little I can really do to protect them, that makes me more angry, but in a way that makes me feel like sorrowful and angry.
• 47:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 47:33
  unknown: Yeah.
• 47:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_00: And finally, um, what makes you grateful?
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_01: That makes me grateful.
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_01: All of the all of the wonderful people in my life, all of the incredible luck that I have experienced.
• 47:48
  SPEAKER_01: I would be a fool to not know that so much of what I have is because I just got lucky in this life.
• 47:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm really, really grateful.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm grateful that I have enough perspective to know to be grateful.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 48:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 48:01
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's beautiful.
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_00: What are the what are the top three things that happened so far today?
• 48:10
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh.
• 48:11
  SPEAKER_01: I would say, ooh, I talked to a friend.
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um, she's in a time of need.
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_01: That made me really happy.
• 48:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um not for her, but to be able to be someone that is helpful to her.
• 48:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um talking to my mom, and she's kind of she's a violinist, but she's uh she hasn't really worked in a long time, but she's working right now in Italy.
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm really happy for her, and that made me really happy to hear my mom be busy.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_01: And um the third thing is I my family is a really nice coffee maker, and I made myself a really good Americano.
• 48:48
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_00: Let's be real, right?
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I had a great cup of coffee before I got here.
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's amazing.
• 48:54
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 48:55
  SPEAKER_00: And what's something you're looking forward to, both um in like today and then also in the future?
• 49:02
  SPEAKER_01: Today I'm looking forward to being okay with the fact that I am tired today.
• 49:07
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm going to do little errands that make me feel productive, but don't deplete me.
• 49:12
  SPEAKER_01: Not getting in a car.
• 49:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um and I think more long term, just for I think the summer.
• 49:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'm looking forward to getting past this speed bump and putting myself in a situation that I alone desperately want and need, which is to just get out of a city and to be one with my mind and to experience just being with a being with nature in a way that I haven't been in a really long time.
• 49:36
  SPEAKER_01: After this conversation, I'm gonna prioritize it.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 49:40
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 49:41
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for inspiring me.
• 49:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, listen, I can't thank you enough for joining me and taking the time to do this.
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_01: This was an absolute joy, and I'm not surprised in any way, but I'm just I am really grateful that you invited me to be here with you.
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_01: I loved every second.
• 49:56
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, so do so did I.
• 49:58
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, I've been speaking today with Hanukko Greensmith.
• 50:01
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening.
• 50:02
  SPEAKER_00: Stay safe and healthy, everyone, and remember to live in the moment.
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_00: In music, stop time is that beautiful moment where the band is suspended in rhythmic unison, supporting the soloists to express their individuality.
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_00: In the moment, I encourage you to take that time and create your own rhythm.
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, I'm Lisa Hopkins.
• 50:26
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_00: If you enjoyed this episode, I invite you to dive deeper into cultivating a life of creative possibilities with my new book, The Places Where There Are Spaces.
• 50:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's filled with personal stories and insights to help you embrace living in the moment.
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_00: You can grab your copy by following the link in the show notes or wherever books are sold.
• 50:52
  SPEAKER_00: Let's keep the conversation going and growing.